http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:WolfHige&section=today deviantART RSS for by:WolfHige en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 08 Dec 2009 04:07:19 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/28386803/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/28386803/ Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:28:11 PST My depression has come back and I'm finding i miss Caitlin more then ever...she's amazing, everything she does, says, doesn't say, it blows me away. Last night she got really upset at something that some people said to her and went off at me about it, I understood though, when you're angry at someone, and they're not around for you to yell at them you yell at the closest person at the time, and at the time, i was talking to her on msn. I said for her not to get hurt, she she answered with something like this
"GET HURT I WON'T GET FUCKING HURT WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GET HURT, YOU KNOW NOTHING !"
Usually if someone said this to me id go right off at them, but the reason why i didn't with Caitlin is because she never ever has said something like that to me. i said back to her
"babe calm down. i said dont get hurt cause you're everything to me."
She then said
"NO I WON'T CALM DOWN FFS ! TO BAD THAT WON'T LAST LONG"
I asked her "what won't last?" what she said next....i dont think she knew how much it tore me....she said
“YOU THINKING IM YOUR EVERYTHING, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER YOU KNOE ?!”
The line “nothing lasts forever”, I’ve heard it too much, but to hear it from the person you love most, it crushes me. As I said, she said she was sorry but I donno, it still hurts, I know she probably didn’t mean anything she said, she never goes of at me, like never, and I never go off at her no matter what, but everyone has bad moment yes?
Apart from that, 2 weeks ago I sent off her month late birthday present I made her, it was a book full of photos of me and her on webcam, and things I have made her in it. It got to her last week on Wednesday, she said she really loves it so I was happy bout that.
And yeah…I just don’t really know what to do at the moment with Caitlin, she likes me still, and im…well in love with her….its just the whole “She lives there I live here” thing…it tears me apart, I haven’t gotten any sleep for weeks because I’ve been sobbing about it so much…it really does hurt, and I now know what heartbreak is…cause I can feel it breaking every second I am here, In Victoria…when shes in South Australia…it kills me, it really does.
Home is where the heart is, clearly, I’m not home.





]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/27237590/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/27237590/ Tue, 15 Sep 2009 22:53:47 PDT Soo i haven't talked much for a while..again! ahaha
Soo uhmm i broke it off with my Boyfriend(now ex) Zach because i found that i didnt really have any feelings for him...and i am in love with Caitlin. And last week Caitlin asked me out and i said yesss Then we talked about it all and we're sorta in an open relationship until we see each other again, but we're together so yeah.
Uhmmm okay so there has been one big thing thats gone on
I'm no longer talking to jen, theres a few reasons why, one of them being shes really controlive, shes also gets too jealous, and she also just .... is too hard to get along with now. she talks shit about caitlin all the time, then caitlin says ONE thing about her and she goes off. I've blocked and deleted her off msn and myspace, i just can't be fucked with her anymore. I haven't cried one tear through all of this, but im not sure if it shows im getting stronger...or more heartless...i mean im upset about it im just blocking it out, and its the first time iv been able to do so. I just don't see a point in me and her being friends anymore, if we're just gonna keep comming back o square one then whats the point...i used to see a point...but not anymore.
Okay so off that subject.
Errm..OH YEAH uhm after this im getting on Sims and making another music video its gonna be sorta based on me and Caitlin but with the Boy, Girl sorta love story thing, I'm think im gonna use the song Far Away - Nickelback. So yeah, look out for it on youtube.
Annd mum thinks she got Swine flu and now i think I've got it :\ but idk yet, it might just be the normal Flu but it isnt as bad so yeah, tis weird.
Oh annnnd YAYYYY HOLIDAYS IN 2 DAYS! haha. And i might be going to Adelaide in the 2 weeks i have, so im happy ,cause it means i get to see Caitlin ^__^
So yess, thats about itt.
I shall talk to ya'll laters.

xoox

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/26882938/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/26882938/ Fri, 28 Aug 2009 19:38:34 PDT Okay well theres alot to update on.

Number one.

I have got a boyfriend, and his name is Zach. Yeah. Me and Caitlin talked about it, and we both agree that its the best thing for now, since we're not living near each other and such. But we both made it clear that we still love each other, alot.
I'm beginning to love Zach but last night i was over Jen's and she was talking about her and her sorta boyfriend Damon who lives in Sydney, and how when she looks up at the sky she thinks of him and how he could be looking at the exact same sky at that very moment...and i always think the same thing with Caitlin, and she was just talking about love in general, and the only person in my mind was Caitlin the whole time. I still do really love her, but Zach is a great guy and i like him alot, so we'll just see what goes on.

Number two

Jen subject. No i do not "like her" in that way anymore but i don't know what shes thinking with me ?
Shes been very loving and shit, and you know the song Always Attract? By YouMeAtSix...well we've been dancing to it, like, slow hugging close dancing...together. Then last night she said she was learning a song for me on guitar, and it was that song, i asked her if it was our song, and she said she didn't know, me and Paris both recon that by saying that she meant she doesn't know about me...and yeah, but its just a guess. But Paris, Tom and a lot of other people recon she's liked me for a while :\ its weird.

So yeah, that sums it up just about, and i knoooow i keep promising artwork but gahh i shall try harder xDDD
Talk soon.
-Jazzii

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/26161797/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/26161797/ Fri, 24 Jul 2009 23:29:28 PDT lol
Well really theres nothing to update on
Me and caitlin are going good i guess, i might be goin to SA in september or shes comming here, we're not sure yet...
Although something made me sad just before
Okay so when caitlin came to melb in March i only spent one day with her and i said i spend the next day but jen made me no go -.- and i've regreted it SO MUCH lately...and this only made me regret it more:


- Caitliin korpse! says:
0.0
lol
im wearing the top i got in melb
the day u didnt come see me -.-
-    jazzi       TRASH    ™     ;;        RAWWRR!!     (U) says:
dnt remind me
- Caitliin korpse! says:
lol nah its kay
-    jazzi       TRASH    ™     ;;        RAWWRR!!     (U) says:
(:
in my whole life thats the only day i regret

- Caitliin korpse! says:
i was gonna tell you something that day
rather important
and i still remember what i was gonna say
-    jazzi       TRASH    ™     ;;        RAWWRR!!     (U) says:
what were u gonna say ?
- Caitliin korpse! says:
you have to wait till nex time


And i think i can guess what she was gonna sayyyy.
And yeah, sorta made me upset...

Uhmm things with me and jen are k, she went back to her dads place to stay but she might be comeing back to live with me lol idk.



Otayy wells ill be off now. some new art should be up soon, i hope.
And yeahh
Bye bye

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/25362994/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/25362994/ Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:38:44 PDT I found her actually
She was at the park, where i thought she would be, but its weird cause she was only gonna be there for a little while...i like just got her and she didnt even know i knew she was missing.
Well anyways, id tell u the whole story but its sorta...long.
Lng story short, she doesn't wanna go back with her rents, so shes living with me ^__^
We don;t know how long, but tops, 2 months, at least until shes 16 or sorts things out with her family. Me and her have been having like talks in bed, about our feeling and shit and helping each other out, i think its bringing us closer, i see her like a sister now.
Anyways im sorta happy to be by myself atm though, just because iv always been an only child and i get privecy alot, but since jens been here iv hardly had any time to myself, but its okayy =] im just happyi get this time for me .
So yeah, thats my little update, less work might be put up cause jens taken over the comp >.< but maybe some might be put up, we'll see.
Cyaz
xoox

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/25285195/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/25285195/ Sat, 13 Jun 2009 04:34:42 PDT Has been missing since yesterday
And i am panicking, shes now classed Missing person to the police, and no one knows where she is.
I just feel like total shit, she called me at 2:00pm yesterday afternoon and asked me to goto the city, i said no. Then at about 9:00-10:00pm her dad called me asking if she was with me and if i knew where she was, i didn't, and i didn't panic much cause i just gathered that she'll ring them and tell them where she is. This morning i got a call from her very worried sister, Bec. Me, Bec and Paris were trying to hack into her myspace and i was on her msn trying to figure out as much as possible. I've been crying for the last hour cause she's still not found.
Although one of mine and Jen's friend's Sister saw Jen today in the city in someone's car, that is the latest news i have received.
People have been calling me all day, iv been calling people all day, running around looking for her, im a mess, more then i have ever been, everyone agrees that if she was to go somewhere she'd tell me, but no news from her yet, even my mums txted her. It's like my worst nightmare.
Tomorrow I'm going to the city to look for her, i know where she hangs out and goes, im her best friend, if anyone should know where she is it should be me, we spend about 24 hours together every day pretty much.
Anyways yeh, im pretty upset....but if she doesn't show up by 2moz morning, im gonna do everything to find her, im not giving up.

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/25010264/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/25010264/ Fri, 29 May 2009 06:36:09 PDT Well she unblocked me and said sorry and shit....weird
I like started crying, i don't know why, i hate her, don't get me wrong but yeah, it was like talking to a ghost, i know that its probably all a trick but, yeah...idk.
I'm got a plan, im gonna tell her everything, me and her can't be friends again, after all the hurt, she can't just say sorry then we go back to normal, it doesn't work like that. I'm gonna meet up with her in privet, see what she has to say, tell her what i think, and yeah, if she hits me or shit, well, I'll just hit her back, but i don't think she'd have the guts.
And yeah, thats all that iv really got to update on, idk sorta a rant.
Bye guys.

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24865557/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24865557/ Wed, 20 May 2009 22:16:18 PDT Yehh i had this really bad cough for like the whole week. It's been keeping up in the night, and its getting worse >.<
My dog Minnie is so cute though, shes been my "nurse" everytime i cough at night she jumps up and licks me on the face and sleeps with her paws on my chest. Cute huh ?
Uhmm Caitlin updates. =]
I'm missing her even more. and she sent me this song called Breaking this fall - The Blaqk Year and no, the "q" isn't a typo.
She said its her song to me, listen to it ITS SO CUTE.
I really wanna goto Adelaide like RIGHT NOW but i can't ): i love her so much. Even jens helping me out, she said in a txt this morning:
Just wait babe, distance makes the heart grow fonder i thought that was so cute, and hopefully true.
Uhmm mummy got the phone bill lol. and im not aloud to call Caitlin again =[=[ sucks eh ? If anyone knows another way of calling her, please PLEASE tell me.
And yeahh, atm im watching Greyfriars Bobby, such a cute movie YOU NEED TO WATCH IT !!
And yeahh, i best be off, might update more laterz.
Baiii =]

PS In the next jornal it's gonna be like hella deap and emotional so yeahh.
byee

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24661637/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24661637/ Sat, 09 May 2009 01:09:45 PDT How are we all ?
Thats good...or bad or whatever.
Anyways there's not much to update on but im just bored ^__^
Oh oh apparently on friday BMTH is signing autographs in melb in the city, but its in school time...ill try get outta it xD
Me and Caitlin are goin good, she broke up with her boyfriend...i haven't asked her about it yet but yeh. So now shes all open xD
But apparently she's gotten banned from talking to me cause we talk too long on the phone, and my mummy hasn't got the phone bill yet xD Can't wait to see her face lmao NOT!
Oh hang on my chicken schnitzels ready....






Okay im back, WITH FOOD !lol
oh shit i need to get salt
brb again...



Okay back again xD
Oh Heres something i have recently noticed...

I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR JEN ANYMORE

zomg ? lol well except that she has such a good body (if you know what i mean) and i still want make out with her but i have NO love related feelings....i no longer wanna be with her...which i find really weird but yeh, i guess sits a good thing, and i think shes noticed...so im not much of her bitch anymore lmao....But she still means the world to me...I would still do anything for her, but shes just my best friend so yeh.
I have feelings for Caitlin still though...and she still has feelings for me as well.
Oh and i wrote this to her the other day and sent it to her yesterday...

Cities apart, I scream your name in the darkness of night.
I see your face whilst I sleep, wishing you were next to me.
They can judge but they won’t choose the verdict.
They can yell but we’ll have the last word.
Who are they to say its wrong, who are they to know what we feel.
They wonder why we love but we love because we’re aloud,
They make us feel like we’re not but we know the truth.
I know I cannot go on without you.
I’ll run to you from a far, hold you and never let go.
You are my everything.
Sit silently and listen to you breathe,
Our voices can be heard but our faces not seen.
I love you.

She said she loves it and its really sweet. It's not my best work but i still like it.
The end part "Sit silently and listen to you breath. Our voices can be heard but our faces not seen" is about us talking the phone, cause like I said, sometimes we just sit in silence for like 10 minutes, but we don't care.

And yehh, i don't know what else to update on. Oh, im not really enjoying being single without Caitlin lol...idk thats random.

I'll be off now
Baibaiii


xoxoxo

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24525123/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24525123/ Fri, 01 May 2009 04:40:53 PDT Anyways
Caitlin news.
We have been talking on the phone A LOT
A lot meaning about 2-3 hours a day. First time about 4 hours.
We talk about really random things and how we miss each other, sometimes we're even just in plain silence, i love every second of it...And thanks for helping me find out how to call her xD
Idk if i told you think but i got her a heart necklace for her birthday, which is in October...i know long time away but thats also when she comes to Melbourne next, but if she comes earlier ill give it too her anyways...I'm just hoping she likes it. And i heard she likes gloomy bear/domo-kun things so i might get her a little something like that to go with it. Even though the necklace costed a fortune xD ah well.
Me and jen are good =]
Oh and it was my bday yesterday =] i got new pj's, which i actually really wanted cause it is freezing cold in Melb atm, and i also got a little heater LOL. oh and this really cute penguin thing and 50 bucks from my gran which i am going to get 2 band shirts with, one Escape the fate one and idk what the other one should be...im thinking Alesana, A day to remember, Bring me the Horizon, Jamie's Elsewhere or something like that, ahh so many choices, lol, im sure retro star or off ya tree will have something i like when i go city...
so yeahh, imma bored XD
idk when ill be uploading some proper artwork, might be a few music related stuff, idk.
Anyways, best be off.

Baii
-jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24436589/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24436589/ Sat, 25 Apr 2009 22:45:05 PDT
this is what she wrote.
fuck im gonna hate myself for this but, jazzi theres so much shit going on in my life atm and i think we should just be friends untill i see you again coz its gonna releise presure and im really sorry i just cant keep going like this
I balled my eyes out so much...but as soon as she comes down to melb again im going to spend every second with her, and everyday in gonna tell her i love her cause i do.
I bought her a necklace today, its a heart with diamonds in it.
I never thought this could be true, but...I have lost those feelings for Jen...i love Caitlin more then anyone or anything...
I called her today and it was quite funny actually, we kept laughing at nothing then i go "This is really awkward..." she goes "I was just about to say the same thing" lol...anyways we didnt talk for long and im gonna call her again at around 4 or 5 is she doesnt call me...then im gonna ask for her house phone and call that...i dont care about the cost. At all.
I love her sooo muchhh. Aghh
And anyways...just thought i share...might update later when i have had a proper convo with her...

byebye


PS i wrote this for her

Dear Caitlin.
I want you to know that I get what you mean, I get it completely, I had that problem once too and had to let go of someone because of it, but he turned out to be a complete jerk so I guess it was okay…He was a long distant relationship too.
I also want you to know that I really, truly do love you, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you; I will wait for you until the end of time if I have to. All I know is when you come back to Melbourne, I’m gonna hang out with you the whole time, no matter what people want me to do, those days that you are down here will be preserved for you, I only hope the time comes quick, so I can see your beautiful face again.
You’re everything I’ll ever need.
[-Fading from falling this time. am I in the back of your mind? If I hurt, would you be so kind, to tell me that you are still mine?-]
Love from Jazzi.

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24417795/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24417795/ Fri, 24 Apr 2009 20:36:55 PDT
Anyways, nearly a week and im still with Caitlin and I've have found that i have fallen in love with her...
Me and Jen got in a huge fight, she deleted my msn and my myspace off of her friends...I was sad but happy cause i was with Caitlin....ll my mates recon jens jealous but idk...seems a bit extreme.
Although she said she hated me on thursday we were not talking at the start then at the end of the day she was nice to me...sorta....then yesterday, it was like nothing happened...i was making her laugh so much she was choking, and i hugged her, at first shes like "get off me" in a joking way, then shes like "nar joking" then she wanted me to come to the station with her but i couldn't...iv invited her to come to the shops with me next weekend for my birthday (which is on this coming thursday, sweet 15!) still waiting for a reply on the text...my theory on why she was mad is not really cause she wasnt mad just scared...cause nearly all the time we have known each other, i have liked her, and maybe her thinking that if iv got a girlfriend...well it might stop us from being friends...so she over reacted...i think saying she's jealous is a bit over the top, although she might think i might spend more time with Caitlin, even though she in Adelaide.
Anyways, hopfully she forgives me for w.e i have done and yeah.
Oh and i am sooo inlove with Caitlin, I've finnally got that feeling that makes me feel whole, btw look at my video i did at 1:00 last night XD
[link]
Oh and if you wanna see a pic of my girl go ahead :
[link]
And i made her on sims 2 XD IT LOOKS ALOT LIKE HER in my opinion
[link]
Btw she actually has a first to last top EXACTLY like that in real life XD i made that one in the sims XD im smart

So yeh, thats news Mostly good news i guess

Byebye

-Jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24320747/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24320747/ Sun, 19 Apr 2009 07:13:48 PDT But no not by Jen, by this other gorgeous girl called Caitlin (:
She's from SA and yeah. i met her about 1-2 months ago and i asked her out today and she said yeh (:
Jen was cool with it at first but as i expected...she got a bit...weird.
She's not mad at me because she recons im a "word thrower" and i don't know what love is and that girl + girl relationships never work cause too many people judge, plus she recons i don't love Caitin...when i fair do...so yeah, we're in a fight atm but you know, tomorrows a brand new day and yeah, plus its school -___-
Oh and don't think i told you guys, on the last day of term i got in a cat fight with this chick who slapped Paris, so you know...i atttacked
So now i am probably gonna get shit at school for
1. Hitting one of the "popular" girls at school and apparently loosing he fight when all my mates said i won
2. For going out with a chick and i shall be called a lezo
3. Theres gonna be a third i just know it but idk what...they'll make up something.

Oh and if you're wondering....yes i still do have amazingly STRONG feelings for Jen but you know...i had to find somebody else someday...just hopefully it doesn't brake mine and Jens friendship, cause i really like Caitlin...alot.

And yeah, i guess thats all, im off to bed now

talk laterzzz


-jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24320742/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/24320742/ Sun, 19 Apr 2009 07:13:29 PDT But no not by Jen, by this other gorgeous girl called Caitlin (:
She's from SA and yeah. i met her about 1-2 months ago and i asked her out today and she said yeh (:
Jen was cool with it at first but as i expected...she got a bit...weird.
She's not mad at me because she recons im a "word thrower" and i don't know what love is and that girl + girl relationships never work cause too many people judge, plus she recons i don't love Caitin...when i fair do...so yeah, we're in a fight atm but you know, tomorrows a brand new day and yeah, plus its school -___-
Oh and don't think i told you guys, on the last day of term i got in a cat fight with this chick who slapped Paris, so you know...i atttacked
So now i am probably gonna get shit at school for
1. Hitting one of the "popular" girls at school and apparently loosing he fight when all my mates said i won
2. For going out with a chick and i shall be called a lezo
3.<,u> Theres gonna be a third i just know it but idk what...they'll make up something.

Oh and if you're wondering....yes i still do have amazingly STRONG feelings for Jen but you know...i had to find somebody else someday...just hopefully it doesn't brake mine and Jens friendship, cause i really like Caitlin...alot.

And yeah, i guess thats all, im off to bed now

talk laterzzz


-jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23875885/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23875885/ Tue, 24 Mar 2009 23:33:11 PDT Well yesterday and today i was at home because i have been suffering from Migraines, im supposing its from the stress.
While i was off, i start playing my Sims 2.
And while i was playing Sims 2, i made a video to get my mind off of things.
I have uploaded the Poster sorta thingy for it.
And yeahh if you wanna go look at it its here [link]
It's my first sim video since 07 so yeah, ill deffs be making more.
I'm hoping to get good like JayDee ([link]) go have a look at her movies, especially Helena shes a legend.
So yeah, go have a look at my move (: comments and ratings much appreciated
oh and if you have any questions about it im pleased to answer them (:

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23842534/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23842534/ Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:49:21 PDT I got caught for stealing the other day ... mums disappointed
Since then lifes just been how do i put it ?

------\.........../
-------\......../
--------\me/

Yeah, thats pretty much how you explain it, theres a ditch and i fell in it, now im down the bottom and no one can hear me screaming.
Me and mum have been in constant fights, me and jen have been in 2 fights in 3 days, I left home and slept at the park for a night, i broke down at school today, yep, my life...
SUCKS
at the moment...
Jens just constantly putting pressure on me when she meant to be my best friend, i know i never bad mouth her but seriously, AGHH!!
The only person that really understands is Luzi atm, i kno, its weird, but she understands ALOT, and said shes always there if i wanna talk to her about stuff, at the start of today i just wanted to collapse in Jens arms, but now I wanna collapse in Luzi's...
BTW i don't have a crush on luzi...LOL if you thought that, shes just really nice and everything, i love her, AS A FRIEND.

So yeah thats whats in my...

OFFICAL
LIFE
SHIT
DITCH

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23704991/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23704991/ Sun, 15 Mar 2009 02:56:08 PDT
I found out that at next year shes gonna run away to queensland, but its not a surprise, i knew one day she'd run away and I'd never see her again.
Also last night she was talking to her ex, Tom, we all remember him don't we? lol.
She was saying how to love someone, you've got to see something in them that no one else can see, something that makes you love them, or else it isn't really love.
She went on to say that you've got to surprise someone you love, she said about her sister told her that her ex made spent all day makin her a beef soup and her sister is vegetarian lol. I thought what i could do for her, and I remembered, about 2 weeks ago we were at Flinders Station in the city waiting for someone, and right in front of us was a flower shop, she said
"How come you've never got me flowers?"
I asked what her favorite Flower was she went on to say, obviously, roes, then it was like she remembered, she said
"Oh and lilies, oriental lilies"
Ever since that day i remember "roses and oriental lilies"
I have always told you guys that I'll get her flowers, but if shes being serious about going next year, then im being serious about this, I've always had the hope that me and Jen will be together one day, and if she leaves, and I still have those hopes well, it will make me insane, i need to atleast have one chance, i dont care if its just for a week, or a day, just one chance. So, im gonna surprise her with flowers
lol
Im so gay
Anywayssss
Might be puttin up some work soon
Which will be good

I best be off
Toodles

xoox <33

-jazzii

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23669038/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23669038/ Thu, 12 Mar 2009 23:11:18 PDT I GOTS NEW COMPUTER SCREEN

Lolll

It an LCD tho, which im not too fond of..but ah well, i gotz my computer back...it didn't blow up, just the screen did.
So anyways.
Yeah...thats all i wanted to say...

I shall update later, when i have something to update about...

BYYYYYYEEEE

xxx

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23459434/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23459434/ Sat, 28 Feb 2009 21:26:22 PST First off, my computer blew up today lol, so im on my mothers computer
Second of all me and jen are in a fight, have been since friday, hopefully it will blow over, i reacted pretty bad to the situation, meaning i pretty much broke down and started crying, which i haven't done in ages, and she said i should get out of her life until I've changed.
But theres a good thing thats happened too.
Some of you might remember my story about me ex best friend Alice, and there was a girl called Luzi, and Luzi was also my friend and such but she went along with Alice.
Well i see her nearly everyday at the bus stop getting on her bus lately she had been smiling and of coarse i had been smiling and waving back.
Last monday i had just got back from the toilet (lol) and i look on the screen and she has said hello to me on msn i say hi back and we start talking, she was saying that she likes my photo editing and stuff and asked if i could send her the link to paintDOTnet so i did.
I was weery though, i wasnt completely sure if it was all a joke to hurt me or not, keep in mind shes like best friends with alice, i assumed alice knew all about us talking
yesterday she come on msn i say hi and i ask what she doing today (since i was yesterday that this takes place) she says "probs going to see alice, why?" i said that i wanted to catch up at the city or something but its okay since shes got something planned, then she said the thing that i had been expecting "Yeah, about that, alice doesn't want me talking to you anymore, sorry" i say "thats okay luz i understand, shes your best friend, i saw it coming" i was crying, it was better then what i thought it was, a trick to hurt me but, it still hurt...alot.
We were still talking for about half an hour, and we were saying how much we miss each other and how i understood, Luzi told me that a girl that goes on her bus saw me and Luz talkin to each other on friday and told alice, since she knows her, luzi told me that she had told alice she was talkin to me, but she didn't, luz lied to her best friend to talk to me, i made me feel at least wanted. Alot of i miss yous and stuff went on, and i told her how i don't blame her for what happened. Apparently Alice doesnt want luz talkin to me cause shes scared im gonna "steal" her away from her, wtf? i first thought lol, i told luz im not that kinda person, and that i wouldnt do what alice did to me, she said she knows i wouldn't and she trusts me. So me and luz are still gonna talk, just not tell alice, and someday soon we're gonna try and hang out without anyone seeing us, like a secret friendship...
Ill keep you updated on all this, its something that means alot to me.
Talk soon guys
-jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23315656/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23315656/ Fri, 20 Feb 2009 22:59:29 PST For those of you that don't know what it is, look it up on google.
Im really worried, iv already told jen, and paris and jen said i should go see a doctor or tell mum but i don't want to admit i have it really, i just think i have it, i just don't wwant to admit it, i found it hard to admit to jen, let alone paris. Apparently bipolar can wreck ur life if you don't get medicated, all the symptoms are what i have done, but im gonna ask jen about them, she knows me best, shes seen me on my best and worse times...unfortunately
so yeah, thats the only thing thats on my mind lately, when i get jen alone ill need to ask her about it...cause today she was with a friend.
Anyways if you have any advice or anything don't be afraid to share

byee xox
-Jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23094541/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/23094541/ Mon, 09 Feb 2009 00:58:33 PST I'm crying right now cause of watching all of it constantly on the news, its horrible.
I'm going to be making a video about it too, might sound weird but i ts gonna be for the people who have lost their lives, family members, who have been injured or involved in any way, this is gonna make history, but not in the good books.
It's horrible to think some people are so fucked in the head that they would start these fires, I'd kill them on site if i ever saw one doing it.
So yeah, more updates on the video will come soon.
Bye everyone.

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22836992/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22836992/ Tue, 27 Jan 2009 04:56:08 PST

Happiness
Me and Jen have been going great and we keep on like getting so close to kissing BUTTT i can't kiss her causeeeee...
I FOUND HER A BOYFRIEND!!!
I know...its weird, i like her, and yeah but after the Matt thing (aka made up guy) i feel that i need to offer her happiness after that... and she really likes this guy, and i recon hes really nice too, jens so happy and i feel really good inside, although i am a tad jealous but you know, thats normal, and im not showing it at all really.

Sadness
I've been feeling a bit like a failure, my mum says that im a selfish bitch and that its all her fault so that makes me feel bad. Some things i dont do for jen make me feel like a bit of a failure, and i feel like crying but iv been doing a better job at holding it in which is good.

HAPPINESSS AGAINNN
Lol yupp more happiness
Back to the kissing thing, the weird thing is when its like the perfect moment, jen knows it is, how do i know this? because about 3-4 times she has gone "don't kiss me" or "are you gonna kiss me?" but like in a joking sorta way, shes starting to know what im thinking...maybe shes been reading my journals on here
Anyways yeah, buttt, i feel me and her are sorta more...close, like we hug alot more, our faces touch more, she stares at me more, and the other day we even read things from both of our diary's to each other It's like we've found the trust again, im just hoping we don't loose it...
Oh and we've been exercising together (even though im trying to put on weight...) and i love it, because it just means me and her, she jogs while i ride my bike, its really fun cause i can spend an hour or two just watching her, and looking at her without anyone interrupting my thoughts.
Next friday to sunday me, jen, jens dad, jens dads girlfriend, jens dads girlfriends daughter, and jens days girlfriends daughters boyfriend are going to Apollo Bay, jen chose me to come over all her friends lol and when she asked me shes like "We can pretend to be a couple" it was really funny And i think me and jen are sharing a room...or tent? i don't know which one, but jen will want me and her together, i know what shes like and i like what shes like LOLL her mum couldnt even stop us from sleeping in the same bed, we squashed on jens single bed, i ended up falling off but yeah, we like cuddling in bed, we're inseparable

And yeah, i think thats it?

Oh oh thats right, im looking for something for jen for Valentines day im thinking of getting her like a necklace or something along those lines...if you guys see anything please tell me
Anyways best be off, tired as anything
Take care everyone
-Jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22753877/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22753877/ Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:02:24 PST

Rules:
Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions.
Post the first definition it gives you.
Tag 3 people.


1.) Your name?

Jazmin

the purest and finest of things mostly related to a female
yo look at jazmin son, she for sure lives up to the name



2.) Your age?

14

The age of sexual consent in CANADA. When you turn 14 you can be fucked.
ME: Now that you're 14 we can FUCK!
HER: *SLAP*

(ZOMGGG)



3.) One of your friends?

Gorgeous, amazing, perfect everything. The girl who has always been my best friend, the girl who I should've been chasing this whole time. I love her. <333

Jen was always my friend, then best friend, then lover, now my love.

(woooowww )



4.) What should you be doing?

To masturbate furiously in your room while praying that your grandma doesn't come in.
GET OUT GRANDMA! I was sleeping.
Those were sleeping noises grandma.

(LOL i didn't mean that)


5.) Favorite color?


1.Darkness, a dark colour, the colour of this text is black.

2.A race - The black race can range from African american to polynesian.
1. I own a black car.

2. A black person stole my car.

(im sorry for the racism :S lol)



6.) Birthplace?

Melbourne

Melbourne; home, epicentre, ground-zero and dead-end of Australia's 'national' sport, Australian Rules "Football" for twenty odd weeks of the year. (nb. Aussie rules is actually quite popular in Adelaide, Australia's second-largest underground town, and also in Perth, where the only alternative is professional drink-driving.)

Fortunately, Melbourne also has the highest-grade quality heroin available in the free world, rendering even the most soul-sucking, mind numbing AFL season relatively ease to cope with.

Melbourne's heroin quality is second only to the quality of it's water.
Scag-rat 1: "Mate, the footy's back here in Melbourne."

Scag-rat 2: "I know, but it's alright, I just stole this VCR. Let's go see Skinny."

(LOL)



7.) Month of your birth?

April

derived from a month, used by parents who lacked creativity at the time of their daughters arrival
'gee, i just gave birth, what month is it again?... April you say..'

(LMAO)



8.) Last person you talked to?

Mum

A word americans don't know how to spell

Also townies use the phrase 'your mum' as an insult
me: fuck off
Townie: your mum

(BAHAHA, no offense to americans )



9.) One of your nicknames?

Jazzi

bitchy man hater who has fun
jazzi and mackenzie are whores.

(i have fun and i hate some men...but not all loll, who the fuck is mackenzie???)

I taggggg:


]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22661006/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22661006/ Sun, 18 Jan 2009 19:54:56 PST Well for once this journal isn't really about my life
It about a site I've created
[link]
^^^^
It's called This Struggle
And its for teenagers with depression and stuff like that
It has forums
And you can submit ur own art
It is apart of a big project that i want to succeed, i want teenagers to interact with other kids that have the same thoughts/problems as them.
It's sorta like a youth site cause you can talk about music and pretty much anything you want, but its mostly for depression/suicide/self-harm
I've put music on there too
It would be much appreciated if you could check it out and even sign up and also tell as MANY people as you can cause i really want this to work out i feel strongly on it.
Thank you guys, it means alot

xoox
-Jazzzziii

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22607526/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22607526/ Fri, 16 Jan 2009 02:39:31 PST 2. I'm a girl
3. I love music
4. I love my best friend xD
5. I used to be OBSESSED with Avril Lavigne, now i hardly EVER listen to her
6. I get called emo alot, but never slut ...weird huh? Most girls get called SLUT all the time
7. I have been asked by a random if i was a guy once...jen said i was xD
8. I used to be the most SHYEST kid ever, now i love attention


RULES -

|1|.Post these rules
|2|.Each tagged person must post 8 things about theirselves on their journal.
|3|.At the end you have to choose 8 people to tag, and post their icons on the same journal.
|4|.Go to their page and send a message saying you tagged them.
|5|.NO tag-backs.


I TAG:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22482110/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22482110/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 05:08:55 PST Soo
I got my haircut
YEP YEP
and i guess i like it ?
Im gonna get it cut shorter tho
=]
Uhmm
Things with me and jen are going okay i guess
Lol
This is a really boring journal ai ?
ahh well
hmmmmm
theres nothing to update on, my life is getting boring
I guess il update when something good and interesting happens ? hopefully good

-jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22414913/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22414913/ Mon, 05 Jan 2009 13:33:07 PST ahhh well
Random journal
I LOVE YOU
=]

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22405044/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22405044/ Sun, 04 Jan 2009 22:54:45 PST

Anyways
Well there isnt much to update on except for the fact jens okay and is commin ova here 2moz...WE'RE HAVING CAKE ^-^
Im bored and still working on all the suicide artwork and shit
Oh i made a pic for the poem i made but it won't show up good on my scanner cause the lines are too faint.
Uhmmm
Nothin to update on really...just felt like writing a journal ^-^
Hmmm
Thats when we, thats when we, thats when we ride on these bitches...
LMAO
hehehe
Im in random mood atm
Well anyways i best be going
baii
-jazzzzzzzzzehhh

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22342369/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22342369/ Thu, 01 Jan 2009 20:59:42 PST Well..
Last night was worrying...for me and about 3 others...
But first let me just say how bad the firt of 2009 was...
So number one...my mum thinks im a failer...
She said how i had changed and im not a good kid anymore, this is who i am she should deal with it...
Then last night...bone shivering night...
Jen was gonna break up with tom...then she goes "call him and ask him out for me" out of now where on msn...then she goes "his gonna kill himself" as some of you know, i hate tom atm but then just goes "if he dies, ill slit my wrists and kill myself" and came to my attention and i was continually calling him for about half an hour, i finally got onto him and we talked, i think hes a bit scared of me atm but who knows...jen was still sad, i went to be worrying about both of them, Marci was also calling tom and shit so me and marci were the most worried ones for the both of them.
I awoke to my phone ringing this morning it was tom, he asked if jen was at my place and i said no, then he goes "shit shes not picking up her phone im really worried i need to talk to her about something." then i say she is in the docklands and that thats probs why shes not picking up, acting all calm...when really i was worried shitless...i jump out of bed and call jen on my mobile (i lost about 100 buck credit last night...agrr) no answer...and iv been calling since then...still no answer, iv left her a text sayin to contact me cause im worried and that i love her, i really am worried, if i dnt hear from her untill 2moz idk what ill do, i might need to call her sister or something...
On top of everything i feel like im gonna throw up
So what i good year this has turned out to be so far...i know i didnt want it to be 2009 yet...
I miss Jen, i want to hug her so bad and say its alright, and for her to hug me back, i have no idea where she is though...if i did id run there right now.
I just want thing to be safe and sound...

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22145587/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22145587/ Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:01:10 PST
I have to go hunting for pokemon cards -_- by myself atm but Paris might come with me with some hope...

And yea, not too jolly lmao but i guess things with me and jen are going GREAT the best they have gone is a long while, like we're not talking as much as we usually do but when we do its like we both feel the same feeling we did in our friendship like a year ago...its great, and last night we were planning to goto the Fall out boy concert, im pretty sure i wanna go, cause its just gonna be me and her =]
So yea alls well...its must be christmas oh and did i tell you that i gave jen her gloomy? and she gave me a Bullet for my valentine shirt and a wallet with skulls on it ? (we exchanged presents early) i really love both of them, in the wallet i put a pic of her in it =] so every time i open it i can see her beautiful eyes stareng back at me =] i feel like then...im safe.


Annnnd yea soooo thats my update, and i shall make a picture for christmas 2nyt =]=]=]


Toodles and merry christmas to you all =]=]=]


xoxoox

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22094364/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22094364/ Sat, 20 Dec 2008 23:42:30 PST ...What ? Its catchy

Answer ? A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood
ahahhaa

So anywayyysss

Me and Jen are still going good...if you have noticed from the hilariously random title/intro

Well i told Jen about the Tom this cause apparently they were already fighting so i just came out with it...she got mad at him but the night went good, as you can tell she's outta hospital, annnd i think she's still fighting with Tom ?
And well last night i found out something else, ill just copy and paste what Paris told me while we were talking about the matter...


[c=47]Paar.is[/c][u] cruz (L) PLC [c=20] kellee(LL)[/c] andrew (L) says:
in art he was showing everyone what was in his wallet and it was a condom

[c=47]Paar.is[/c][u] cruz (L) PLC [c=20] kellee(LL)[/c] andrew (L) says:
and im lyk um

[c=47]Paar.is[/c][u] cruz (L) PLC [c=20] kellee(LL)[/c] andrew (L) says:
i go why do you have it and lyk um he goes well me and mellisa were gonig to but ppl kept interupting but when noone did we had no condom and hes lyk this holidays we r gunna try agen and i got the condom just in case
and when i heard this my heart just droped

[•[‹‹ Feel for her, become her heart, hurt when she hurts ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen Parissss (yn) says:
when i read that my heart is now gone, hes deffinatly outta my friend list lol


And yea the basecely it

I told jen and he didn't confess to anything...

In my opinion Tom has gone to far, either he wants jen or he doesn't Jen should give him one more chance then just let him go, and im not just saying this because i like jen im saying it because i LOVE HER and i don't want her heartbroken again and again.
So yea
Apart from all that im quite jumpy hyper and HAPPY
Anyways, im bored =] .... WOODCHUCK

4 more sleeps till christmas
Oh and i got Jen her gloomy bear =]=] and she knows i got it lol but shes not aloud to open him until christmas, shes really excited =]=]=]



TOOODDDDDLLEEESSS im off

xoxoox


]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22022374/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/22022374/ Tue, 16 Dec 2008 19:43:46 PST SCHOOLS OUT
And im trying my best to not fight with jen, she came ova the other day and everytime she would ask me to do something i would be about to complain but i just did it, it was like something clicked in my head, and if she would piss me off, i would feel like hitting her *like i usually do ) but instead i would hug her and say "you're so mean" in a cute/flirty sort of way...i think she liked it better ?
Anyways shes sick atm...in hospital sick, they think its appendicitis hopfully thats all it is.
But she seemed okay on the phone last night and she called me her best friend =] which she wasnt said in a long time =]=] I might be goin to visit her today =]=]=]
Oh and 2moz is the city =] because technically school is ova but the school holds these like activity things, today was the adventure park but apparently its boring so i stayed home..almost everyone did
So when i goto the city im gonna try go get jen a gloomy bear, she already knows im getting her one so yea, but i want one too so im gonna get hers first then mine =]=]=] gloomy is so cute is he not ?

Believe it or not there is some bad news that has got me worrying and mad and annoying and just AHH!
Okay so u know Tom ? Jens "sorta" boy friend yea ? well about 3-4 months ago he gave head to this chick called Melissa who lives on Philip island, soz for the detail but you need to kno how bad this really is, well when he did that he was still with jen, which made me and jen both mad.
Yesterday i was looking at his myspace and saw some comments from Melissa, jen had recently added her and was nice to her =] i was proud of that lolz!
So anyways i was reading the comments she had left, then i read the last one, this is the exact comment:


MellisaFuxingMannequin
12 Dec 2008 12:56 AM
LolZ!
I Guess That MEans That This Time I See You It Wont Be The..Er Same
LOL!
She Seems Like A Good Chick.
Im Happy For You.
Three Weeks Thats Like 21 Days!
LOLZ!

Xx

By "the same" it is obvious she means, feeling each other the fuck up.

I was expecting Toms answer to be along the lines of "yea..oh well" and shit like that but instead his answer was THIS!:

16 Dec 2008 2:52 PM
nah it will b the same if u want it to b but i dont want to b with her cuz i put up with so much of her shit n shez got other guys that she dosnt tell me about
but i cant wait to come down cuz miss u so much
xoxo

As you can guess my face was like
HE PRACTICALLY CALLED JEN A SLUT! I couldn't believe my eyes when i saw this like srsly.
I haven't told jen yet since she is in hospital...i don't want to make her angry/sad while she sick, ill tell her when she seems better...
And also he said that things can be "the same" he says jen has other guys WHICH SHE FUCKING DOESN'T and hes saying to this Melissa chick that things can be "the same"

So yeah, im angry lol
Feel free to have ur comment on this issue.
So yea, apart from all that im okay i guess =]=]=]=]
I'll talk laters

xoxo
~Jazzziiii

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21760129/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21760129/ Mon, 01 Dec 2008 03:53:37 PST Yeppp and you will get...
A drawing of a Wolf off of me! Or i can make a wallpaper with combining images if you like
Just take a screen shot of it and the first person to post it in a comment will win!

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21708468/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21708468/ Fri, 28 Nov 2008 00:09:49 PST Well yea i was grounded...

Causeee mum found the scars on my wrists...and now...shes sending me to a "head" docter....

Butttttt thats little compared to the good news

Me and Jen arent fighting anymore we are actually pretty close now it's weird...BUT GOOD
We've both been sharing deep thoughts more, like she was sayin what they do at the therapists and shit and said that she'd come if i wanted her to, then yesterday she was in a fight with tom and i comforted her alot. And i think it was the day before we walked together hugging, like literally hugging, and we weren't talking at all, her head was on my shoulder and i was on hers, felt good to have her in my arms once again, i missed it...alot.

So yea every things pretty much goin good in my eyes even though about the cuts but MEH i got jen back im happy

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21593159/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21593159/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 06:43:04 PST Jen called me over while i was at the canteen, then said to me
"Can you not send me myspace messages cause if you do i will delete you" and they way she said it was like...she was never my friend...like she was someone who hated me.
That was when i gave her the letter.
As i was trying to talk to her i raised my hand to make her face me, but it was like i knew what the reaction would be, but as I raised my hand, then lowered it she goes "No don't touch me" It was like she knew what to do as well, but things changed because i had learnt from the past not to touch her....

She took the letter but she said she wouldn't read it, then she walked away, i practicly broke down inside, and Mel and my friend Jemma...could tell.
Everyone has been telling me not to chase after her but its one thing i know won't work, because in the past...when i chase her we become friends again.
About an hour ago, she came on msn, and it was weird cause i just started talking to her sister, Em, who is in china atm, this is how the convo with me and Em went:


x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
hey jazzi
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
Hey em
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
how r u?
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
im alright, how r you ?
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
gooood thanks
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
hows jen?
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
jens alright
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
is she with u?
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
nope not atm
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
hmm r u guys okay?
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
...not really...
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
what happened?
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
well she recons no one cares about her, and shes got all mad at me for some reason and i got all her friends to write on a piece of paper how much they care about her, i gave it to her today but she didnt bother even looking at it, so i dont completely know whats wrong with her...
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
shes just being jen
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
yea true
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
thats what im telling everyone but then everyone dissagrees
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
she thinks im with them when im actually trying to make them think different
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
pffft dont worry about her. shell come around.
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
hope so, iv moved right down in her friends on myspace...
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
lol
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
ill talk to her on tuesday...give her time to think about things
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... says:
HA im like down to, dont take it too personally
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
lol i wont
[•[‹‹ Now i can't breath, i can't sleep, im barely hanging on ››]•] Jazzi 'z Jen ...Its not over... says:
don't tell her iv mentioned anything though...she might get a bit..well you know how she is lol
x -[ MΣMΦriΣS -] x. babe i wont forgive, ill just forget you lived... s... ]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21574438/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21574438/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 22:36:24 PST
Yesterday at school i saw her and talked to her but she didnt pay attention, she was fine with me the night before, which i told u in my last journal, then i tried to make her laugh and she said "go away" or "i don't wanna talk to you" iv forgotten which one.

Then on msn i was just acting normal and i could tell she was sad/angry so i tried to cheer her up, then i ask what is wrong and she tells me to go away, then all this huge conversation started, it went on for about an hour, i was furious cause she was sayin i don't care and nobody loves her, when obviously they do, she was sayin how she wants to "walk away" from everything neer the end of the convo this is what happened...


Me: [•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me

Jen: I wish you could call me I feel so alone.... [۰ WĦΣŊ ΥΦυ §ĦΦWΣδ МΣ МУ§ΣĺF, ї ВΣÇΛМΣ §ΦМΣΦŊΣ Σĺ§Σ ۰]-


I wish you could call me I feel so alone.... [۰ WĦΣŊ ΥΦυ §ĦΦWΣδ МΣ МУ§ΣĺF, ї ВΣÇΛМΣ §ΦМΣΦŊΣ Σĺ§Σ ۰]- Says: just let go

[•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me Says: cant let go of something that your attatched to

[•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me Says: full stop

[•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me Says: bet u have a come back for that aswell ?

[•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me Says: have u talk to tom all about this ?

I wish you could call me I feel so alone.... [۰ WĦΣŊ ΥΦυ §ĦΦWΣδ МΣ МУ§ΣĺF, ї ВΣÇΛМΣ §ΦМΣΦŊΣ Σĺ§Σ ۰]- Says: ill talk to who ever i fuck i want

I wish you could call me I feel so alone.... [۰ WĦΣŊ ΥΦυ §ĦΦWΣδ МΣ МУ§ΣĺF, ї ВΣÇΛМΣ §ΦМΣΦŊΣ Σĺ§Σ ۰]- Says: i might call him

I wish you could call me I feel so alone.... [۰ WĦΣŊ ΥΦυ §ĦΦWΣδ МΣ МУ§ΣĺF, ї ВΣÇΛМΣ §ΦМΣΦŊΣ Σĺ§Σ ۰]- Says: since maybe his the only one that cares

[•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me Says: OMG are you seriouse

[•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me Says: u dnt think i fuckin care ?

[•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me Says: shows how much uv been payin attention this what ? past hour ?

[•[‹‹ Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you ››]•] Jazzi (L)'z Jen (yn) You don't love me, you can't save me Says: see not fuckn talkin now


And then, she blocked me.

When she blocked me i was partly mad at her and feeling sorry for her, i felt like there was more to be said, so i sent her a myspace message, this is what i wrote...(Warning it is very long)

Dear Jen.

I don't know what is going through your mind right now i seriously don't!
I never thought u would have the fucking guts to say that i don't care! That's like saying i don't love you when you fucking know i do, that's whats annoying me, you are saying things that you already know the answer to and its obviouse so don't say you don't.
I AM NOT having a go at you so don't even bother saying i am.
You know why im being so gruff? because it seems like every other time i have just broken down in tears and we go through this fucking same thing again, maybe you just need someone who can tell you things straight out with breaking the fucking crocodile tears! I have learnt from all our fights that crying helps nothing.
There is such thing as forever, but theres no such thing as perfect, i can't be perfect you cant be perfect ITS JUST THE WAY IT IS. life cant be perfect! so just live life as it comes don't try and "walk" away as you call it cause you can't "walk" away from life, even when u die, amazingly life will still follow you.
I was hanging out with mel and shit 2day because it didnt seem like you wanted me around, example:

"Hey jen i got pink on my ass"
"Go away"

SEE!? where else was i meant to go, be a loner like the start of last year? would you have rathered that ?
And so much for the smoking comment you had there, YOU SMOKE TOO! Hello ? are... ]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21544735/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21544735/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 02:38:25 PST
Well I'm sorta feeling like that now.

Today me and Jen had a like sorta...fight...it was weird, it started off yesterday when Jen was bagging me nose (it got sunburnt and it was red) and yea, it bothered me a little but not too much.
My friend Mel and a few others have been worrying about Jen hurting me, but really as best friends do they hurt each other for fun, you know? Fun?
Anyways people think that shes like abusing me when really she isn't.
Today this all sorta come up in a conversation, and everyone got involved, well not everyone but Mel and Pip, those 2 seem to care about me the most, and i love them alot, but they were getting me a bit mad about how they were saying about Jen hurting me, then Jen kept replying with "So you're taking her side huh?" and i would just yell straight back "THERE ARE NO SIDES!!! WE ARE NOT EVEN FIGHTING!" I had to yell cause i felt like every time i spoke no one would listen. Jen brought up about how i cry every time we have a fight, and seriously she has no idea why I cry, i cry cause i am dead scared that shes gonna leave me, and my insides break down, i kno it sounds "dramatic" but its true. After a while Pip and Mel walked off and i followed, leaving Jen and Tom by there selves (Tom wasn't included in the fight).
When we were walking they started telling me how i shouldn't let her bully me, when she doesn't, then they started saying how I am making myself think that, i just said that she isn't bullying me and that i love her too much to let her go, cause they were saying that i should stay away from her.
Then i started thinking that maybe i should have a break from Jen, I have always disagreed on the idea before but now, it might just save our friendship, but I'm scared she'll take it the wrong way, like she pretty much always does.
I relise i have been judging Jen alot in this journal and i hate doing it but its what i am thinking AT THE MOMENT.
Then after school she seemed all fine and had forgot all about it, which she has been doing alot lately when we have a fight, she forgets about it, like shes afraid or something. I even went to her house afterward.

I have got another problem too...lately I have been having thoughts, when ever im depressed or just stressed...i want alcohol...i want to get drunk, i want to even go to school trashed, i have heard about a girl who did this, she did it just to get away from everything, and escape, but to me that had always been a silly idea, but...now...i don't know what to think. After school 2day i even smoke to cigarettes, and i have only just started smoking, and pip and mel when asking "Are you doing this for Jen? Do you think if you smoke jen will like you more?" I said no but the truth is i don't know why im doing it, maybe i a doing it for jen maybe i do want her to like me more and maybe im thinking smoking might be the answer, but truth is i don't know anything anymore, everything is just like a big blob in my head and it makes no sense, at all.

Yesterday and a few days ago i started crying because of this thing i found that jen wrote on her myspace about me once
"I'll open your close, I'll follow were you go....

I take to many things for garanted.
I love you so much.
But you have to relize I'm never gunna be her.
I can only be me, and I hope that you can one day love me more then you love her.
I cant change.
'I dont mind were you come from as long as you come to me.... I'll take you for who you are, If you take me for everything..'
Being you bestfriend means the world to me...
Even if we are retards.
Or even If we do mean shit to each other, thats just what friends do.
Like how i signed you up for some hobo shit, and how you pull the chair out from under me....... (THAT FUCKING HURT HEAPS)
I love and cherish every moment we have together."

If only people could see that! and see that she isnt ABUSING ME she is just...well idk what you call it but its just what we do!

I seriously miss the old times...i want them back so bad, i miss me, i miss me being me i miss everything in general, every things changed and me along with it...

Any opinions on this is welcome if u disagree that is fine i wont go off at you at all because you guys usually know the best thing to do, i would love some feedback on what to do...

Thanks guys

~Jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21489262/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21489262/ Sat, 15 Nov 2008 01:11:51 PST How do i kno ? wellll i got an email today sayin that someone tried to change my password, im just ignoring it and im happy no one actually hacked it but still im mad...who wouldnt be ?
Now the question is...who ? if the person who TRIED to hack my account is reading this i would recommended telling me and not trying to do it again, cause i will find out who you are.



Anyways, slept ova jens place last night with another of our friends called Marci, shes really nice

Okay so, right now, i am watching the movie "The perfect man" with Hilary Duff in it...its like my recent fucked up event with me pretending to be a guy to make jen happy put in a movie, its exactly the same, anyone who has seen it well maybe you would get more of what my point was of making up Matt for Jen...well this movie its about a 16 year old daughter of a single mum trying to make her mum happy with one man...the perfect man...because her mum has been so heart broken and well...sad, the girl, Holly, makes up this man, but really this man is her...it starts of as just making her mum happy, and hoping her mum will forget about it...but soon enough, its gets too much and goes to far, theres been lies told, and as most lies, they carry onto more lies, then more and more...
This is exactly what happened with me and Jen, with a few changes of the story line obviously but, I've been watching this film and iv been crying, i havn't seen the end, this might help me out a little... we'll just have to see, i will update this later when i have finished watchin the movie.

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21380564/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21380564/ Fri, 07 Nov 2008 22:28:41 PST Since i am a girl i guess i find it easier to do high scream so with that i am learning some brokencyde songs, cause they have high screams.
Im leaning True Love and FreaXXX and soon maybe Get Crunk and I'm sorry, I am.
I have no idea why im doing this i just find it really fun to day, i can usually do it in a whisper but im trying to just do it with a normal pitched voice or louder.
So yea this is really random ey? lolll
Anywayssss toodles

~Jazzi

x

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21332141/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21332141/ Wed, 05 Nov 2008 01:13:46 PST Last night i couldn't get to sleep, and i had an awful night because of it, but everytime i went back to sleep, the dream i was having before i woke up continued, which is...really weird...don't ya think?
What the dream was about...well it had Jen in it, and me, and, you know it was like a normal school day or day it was weird but like all of the dream was good, nothing went bad, but idk, it liked it but i didn't like it, and if ur wondering yes most of it was kinky but it was like...i didn't enjoy it, in the dream yea i did but when i woke up, it was like it was just an average dream, idk it was weird, and being that i slept on the pillow that jen slept on the night before it smelled like her (thats why i slept on it ^^)
So tonight im hoping i get a better sleep and yea, cause today i felt like i was falling to sleep, and 2moz i have rubbish duty at school so i get to wear free dress yayyy

Anywayssss toodles all

xox
~Jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21242534/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21242534/ Fri, 31 Oct 2008 04:16:04 PDT

In about 20 mins Jen will be here
Oh annnnnd 4 DAY WEEKENDDDDD
I'll let Jen choose something scary for me to draw, cause that wolf i draw..well i don't think its scary.
Me and Jen are goin aight.
I made this Video for her about well, that guy...that was me...that made me feel like dying? yea that, I'll post up the link when It's finished uploading.
She watched it about 2 times, I don't know if she liked it, or just made her hate me more...but me and her haven't had a fight since.
I put my heart and soul into the video, but i guess so video is gonna make her forgive me.

Annnyways im not in a depressing mood so lets MOOOOVE on

Hmmmmms
Ohhh yea, as most of you have noticed i have this weird thing with roses atm, i picked one for Jen the other day for no apparent reason, I've picked about 5 for myself, and OMG I saw this rose bush the other day and...and THEY WERE BLACK!!! too bad the owner was outside at the time so i didn't get to steal any i so want a black rose!!!

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21039605/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21039605/ Fri, 17 Oct 2008 22:35:20 PDT I made you cry, and for that, I wanna die
- Jazmin.

That's the truth, i feel like throwing up my own heart, and just dieing, what am i to say anyone will miss me? If people knew what i have done they would throw me off a cliff ,and this time, i wouldn't have the small bit of thread keeping me hanging, I'd just, drop.
What i have done is something that makes me think i belong in the "bitch" groups, or "jerk" or "idiot" groups all of them are true about me, why not?
I JUST WANNA DIE.
With these scars on my arm i want them to stay, i never want them to disappear cause this pain will never disappear of what i did. Whats the point anymore? Whats the point of going on when iv lost everything i ever had? I wanna try make this right
"Guilt doesn't disappear until you fix what you made."
I'm constantly feeling dizzy and i just wanna give up, im tired cause i didn't get any sleep last night, i just wanted to run to Jen's house, or just run away. I wanna give up but something inside me is telling me to keep trying, but whats the point in trying when I've already lost everything? I just yell back at that something "SHUT THE FUCK UP" but it wont shut up and it won't go away.
I just wanna be alone, but I want to be next to Jen? What the fuck? that makes no sense.
You probably read the comment from Jen on my "If only" picture, please, don't get involved in it, It's between me and Jen, don't stick up for me if she yells at me, cause i don't care, i deserve it. You can still comment it, just don't back me up or anything, i don't need it, because I'm not trying to win anything.
I guess that's all, my depressing rant.
I'm so sorry about this i don't mean for me to make anyone feel bad or sad for me, I just thought, a few of you would probs want to kno whats goin on, and its annoying when people ask whats goin on and i have to repeate the whole story.

Thanks
~Jazzi



]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21011542/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/21011542/ Thu, 16 Oct 2008 04:14:44 PDT

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20980315/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20980315/ Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:45:56 PDT wasting time
i try to hold it all inside
but just for tonight
the top of the world
sitting here wishing
the things I've become
that something is missing
maybe I...
but what do I know

And now it seems that i have found
nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
slow it down
without it all
I'm choking on nothing
it's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something
knowing nothing is better than knowing at all

On my own - The Used



I'm in an emotional mood right now, Jens sick, really sick, and she saying it might be the end, i hate it when she says shit like that i never cry but now i am, i just wanna hold her cause what if it is.
IT CAN'T BE! it just cant, it will be fine. Because i can't go on with the guilt in my heart from what iv done.
Pray for her, please! I can't live without her, its not the end, it can't be. But i find myself breaking down, I've even stopped crying but im burning inside and its like a thousand knifes are going into me, she fell in love with a guy thats me! i feel so bad what am i gonna do she can't die not knowing, SHE CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Help please someone i need help iv gone crazy if she dies ill carve her name into my arm again and make it never stop bleeding

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20900123/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20900123/ Thu, 09 Oct 2008 03:34:09 PDT All i can say im doing somthing i didnt think about and now i feel so bad BUT im still doing it. if you wanna know the whole story note me or if u have me on msn, msn me

In good news, me and jen have been...well alright i guess. Even though every time i have been to her place we've had a fight, (except for today which i will talk about.) And its usually about really small things. Thats why i haven't posted anything in a while cause I've been caught up in it all.
Anyway, today i went over her place, and we had NO FIGHTS lmao i guess its cause we washed her dogs at a hydrobath P it was fun, her dogs came out so fluffy.
When we got back she was talking to tom on the phone. I don't know if i told you guys any of this, but i practicly told her EVERYTHING tom ever told me about jen, everthing he thinks of her and yea, cause it was really the only way to save mine and jens friendship. It was tearing us apart. So her and tom have been having little quarrels from time to time.
When she was on the phone toms like "i have to go" and im like "if you go jens gonna kill herself" joking of course but she really did cut herself, just playing around but they were like proper cuts, but they weren't serious.
When she got off the phone im like "shit let me have a look" she showed them and i got up and hugged her lmao, then i lifted her up and fell on the couch with her on top of me. I was talking cause well i couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, it was like she couldn't keep her eyes off of me. Then in the middle of when i was talking she put her "kissing face" on and was leaning forward to me, and wouldn't stop, in the awkwardness im like "dont dont dont dont" lmao i was pretty nervouse, cause i figured she was probs joking but then she was like about _ << P and she acts kinky to me too but its just play, but today was like serious, like i wanted something then and there, idk if shes noticed or just thinks im playin like usual. then when i was leave her place, which was like half an hour ago? (she wanted me to sleep ova but i couldn't and conidering how iv been acting...) i was hugging her and tried to give her a hickey...which i NEVER do, i just sorta bit her a little and she goes "damn i shouldnt have done that kissing thing before" and then goes "hug meee" so i did and tried to pick her up, but i felt really weak, i was gonna take her to the couch again but since i felt weak...maybe she wanted me to do that, but idk. then i left and kissed her better
To really know my really thoughts and feelings about all this, you would need to kno the thing i mentioned at the start of this soo yea.
Anyways i guess things are going good now?

Byesss
~Jazzi

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20698144/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20698144/ Sat, 27 Sep 2008 03:01:53 PDT "If you don't like me talkin to her ill delete every way of contacting her"
Jen didn't really reply, and i forgot all about it.
Then i talked to shani about one time since then and jen found out and got REALLY mad, one of the things she said on msn was.
" “ I wont talk to shani again, if you get cut, I promess “ Personaly im over all your bullshit, so just STOP. I gave you numberless 2nd chances. 2 means 2nd. I don’t wanna talk to you anymore. I just seems like everything you say isn’t the truth. And Im so over all this shit. You have no idea what I gave up for you TOM ! being on of then things. And you do nothing for me Thanks jasmine."

And yea this was all on friday. the fight went on for ages, i practicly had a heart attack no joke, because mum wanted me to have a shower at the time and i go to tell her ill have it in the morning and she saw me crying and asked wat was wrong and i started crying in her arms then just fell to the floor, i seriously was scared half to death.
I called her later that night but she had to get off the phone so she called me back in the morning, right as i got out the shower, nice way to start the conversation yea? lol
Anyway i explained things to her and i asked if she was pissed at me and she said no.
She thought i wanted her and Tom to break up, when personally (like all of you know) i didn't mind the pain it caused me from them being together just so long as Jen was happy, and she was.
But anyways, i guess things are sorta better...SORTA
Well idk, idk if i have a best friend anymore, i feel sick like im half alive and everytime she looks at me i can't look in her eyes, its like im scared, and also, i feel like every second from the msn convo im about to pass out, i feel dizy all the time and its fucking annoying.
Anyway, Shani is no longer in my friends on myspace, no long in my contacts on MSN and no long on my tagged AND no long in my phone, every possible way of contacting her is gone.
I love Jen, and if i muck this very last...well half chance im dead...seriously, cause that means I'll loose her and well *bang* im dead.
Anyways, last night me and jen had diner out and then she had work, thennnn she rang me later that night and asked if i wanted her to sleep ova and i said yea, she slept ova and the night ended well, then today we hung at her place for a bit and yea.
I'm really worried though, idk what she wants or how to make this better, time might be the answer but what if in that time i fuck it up more?
All i want is to have jen forever, that seems impossible i know, but i love her with my whole heart, if she left id feel like that small thread will break and i would fall to my death.
I know sometimes when me and Jen have fights i say "i wish this is the last fight we ever have" but now i don't wish that cause that means we wont be friends and iv lost her, so i want now to keep having fights with jen BUT still stay her friend.
I don't see how she can keep forgiving me like this, i seriously don't all the things iv fucked up, all the lies iv told, how can she still love me after all that?!?! How can she still have hope for our friendship, and how can i? Maybe something is waiting for us in the future, something big, something that only us to can do or have and reality is pulling us together and handcuffing out friendship together so we stay strong until that time in the future, or maybe its just that we know that we need each other to keep standing, well i know that i need her for that, but i guess if i left her it wouldn't change her life, she'd move on cause shes stronger than me, and she can take a bullet over and over again without falling, it amazes me.
All i can say is that I love her, full stop, its the only way to explain it.
A thing i find weird is she still has hopes that me and her are gonna live together...maybe thats the thing waiting for us.


In other news, as most of you have probably seen IV GOT A SKATEBOARD
My mum has no idea iv got it lolll cause she doesn't want me having one but aw well
I've really improved i think having my own board makes me more confident lol idkkk
And its good cause its getting to the warm weather and soon me and Jen and my next door neighbors (aka pretty much my last life long frien... ]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20626402/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20626402/ Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:38:37 PDT I slept over jens house on sunday.
It was goin good
Until i said how i was GOING TO see shanii today.
She pretty much got a bit mad and said
"Oh but i told you it was just gonna be you and me..."
When she did like about 3 months ago, untill on friday she was goin with one of her other friends.
I was gonna ask her that night if she could come.
Then in the end i just said
"Ill go with you and i WON'T take shanii at all"
Then the whole argumant cam up about "No no take her ill just run off with larain"
It all started from there.
It moved onto other things, like that I've changed, she said,
"You changed...listen to yourself, this isn't jazmin, maybe you can't see it but you have"
Then i would try and come back with an explanation but it just came out on my insulting her and having a go back, then her saying
"See there you go, having a go back again"
Then it started with the "You have a good life" and the "if i wasn't in your life you would be able to live" i disagreed with the second one, the first one, i don't have a perfect life, but its better than others, but every life has pain in it, i was feeling that pain right now, and halfway through i started crying, and she started laughing and saying "don't cry, don't cry" and "im laughing cause this is so ridiculous" and then, the highlight of the fight, the words that made me crack just the way she said i would, this is the conversation, that will be stuck in my mind forever:

Jen: "You practically give up on everything"
Me: "You think so?"
Jen: "Yea i do
Me: "So you can't name one thing i haven't given up on?"
Jen: "Well there probably is something"
Me: "Well then, name one"
Jen: *thinks* "Well actually, WHAT HAVEN'T YOU GIVEN UP ON?"


Do you all know what i was thinking at this moment? That one thing that i wanted her t say, to hope that she had noticed? Read on.


Me: "Do you think I've given up on you?"
Jen: "Well yea, i think you have"


That was when i cracked, and i broke down right in front of her, she thought i gave up on her, after everything I had done. Read on.


Me: "You're the one thing i haven't given up on Jen, THE ONE THING! And you don't notice it, do you know how much that hurts me"
*Jen takes a while to reply*
Jen: "Well lately it seems like you have given up on me"
Me: "Lately I've been wondering if you've been noticing, and thinking whats the point in loving someone if they don't see it, the problem is, you can't let go of that person"


Later, she sits on the ground about a meter away from me, and i have no idea why.
I can't really remember much of this part but i guess i can try. Read on.


Me: "I just can't believe you can't see how much I have given up for you, everyday i try and get you attention and make you happy, to be better than everyone else, you for once you can turn around and see me, I thought maybe you noticed, but you have no idea how hard it is to hear those words come out of your mouth"
Jen: "Okay, i do notice, maybe you haven't given up okay? But it seems you've given up on everything else"
Me: "I've given up everything else for you, so i can put all my strength in you. Do you know how hard it is to love your best friend who is a girl! No you have no idea, you might no everything else but you don't know that, it hurts me everyday and no one knows that!"


At this moment when i was yelling her sister, Bec knocks on the door, and says "Can i come in" Jen, leaning on the door says "No you can't" her sister replies "Do you think i could help you guys figure this out" once again Jen replies with a firm "No" and her sister walks away.
In a way, her sister did help a bit, because the rooms feeling changed from a Sad, frustrated, painful, unfriendly enviroment to a funny moment, embarrassing enviroment. Read on.


Jen: "See now you stop crying"
Me: "Oh yea, cause you're sister heard us"
*we both laugh*
Me: "I hope she didn't hear much"
Jen: "Mmm"


Then she tried to put makeup on me and Yea lol.
But that whole night, when i was hugging her everything she said ran through my head, I've changed? And she's been suffering from it, i have no idea how I've changed. The fight may of been over, but what we were fighting about hadn't been fixed.

Yesterday i was with Paris and Jen, and it was like 5:00 and mum rings me, i had earlier texted her asking if i could sleep ova paris's for the night...even though my mum hates paris.
I pick up the phone and mum goes
"Where are you?? You didn't come home to put the dogs out, and why would you even ask to sleep over that BITCHES house!? Get your ass back here right now!"
I told Pa... ]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20580881/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20580881/ Sat, 20 Sep 2008 07:47:21 PDT
You ask me how I feel, but I no that I can only say what you wanna hear. Whats the point in explaining things to you over and over again, you just will never see the truth. You tell me to tell you the truth, and when i do you tell me I lie, so you make me lie just so you feel like you win. You can tell me all these things, but will they ever do jusist. You always seem to take control of me. You used me as a wepon against myself. I just dont no if its you I love, or the person you could have been. I disspoint you because I cant be anything more. Maybe everything has just been a lie, a form of a fucked up fairytail. But all I no is i wont hang around and play this role anymore, deep down I no this wont be a happy ending....

I'll take you for who you are, If you take me for everything....
Who would you first think it was about?
The end.

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20563615/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20563615/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:43:50 PDT Scared, confused, hurt, shocked, hyped up, amazed, sad.
And more feelings, this feeling all of them put together + more i can't explain it. I can't explain it AT ALL.
Why you may be thinking...oh I'll tell you why.
You see, you know my EX best friend ALICE who i haven't spoken to for like nearly a YEAR now?
Yea her!
Well i added her myspace about 3 weeks back when me and jen were fighting, when i thought i lost Jen i added her cause i thought "I've lost my one and only best friend, i don't care what i do anymore"
She accepted and I havnt said ANYTHING at all to her, and i only look profile a few times a week, not like all the time.
When we were friends, EVERYTHING we did was the same, everything that happened to us was the same, it was like we were long lost twins or something.
Today I looked on her myspace, and i was left SPEECHLESS
I never really looked at her profile or pic captions properly, i was kinda scared to but today i did.
And i found that WE ARE STILL THE SAME!
It's like a curse or some shit, People bag her for being a lesbian when shes not, people think her and her best friend (Luzi) are goin out, Luzi is one year older than her, she has a million pics of her and her best friend on her myspace and lots more and god knows what else!!!!!!!!
I'm seriously freaked out by it, im scared, im speechless I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM IM JUST AHHH!!!!
I started crying before because i feel like now everywhere i go Alice is still inside me and she is like another side of me, a dark side i can't separate from me.
I don't know weather to tell Jen about this or not, i feel like what i have seen and realized isn't true and I'm going insane but it is true!
I have no idea what to do, there is nothing to do! Im panicing and i have no idea why!

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20499101/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20499101/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 01:19:14 PDT Guess
Okay Ill give you some time to think


-
-
-
-
-
-
----

-
-
-
-
-
-


Guessed? Okay ill tell you the answer




Jens got a dA account!!! D
Lol i kno not much of a big deal yea?
WRONG
It is a big deal...in a way
I wont give ya the link yet cause theres nothing on her account yet and it looks like a pedo or dead account P
I've watched her and I'm gonna help her set it up and shit, even if she doesn't want me to, i want to
I found out about it when i was ova her house like half an hour ago, i went to log in on here on her comp and someone was already logged in she told me once that her sis had an account but then she finally came out with "its funny...cause that's my account" lol.
So yea bitta news there ey?
As soon as I fix up her account ill give ya the link, shes really good at making poems and drawing
So if she just seems to read this...say HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
D

Toodles
~Jazzi
xxo

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20464630/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20464630/ Sun, 14 Sep 2008 03:11:18 PDT Update at the bottom


Well yea Jealousy...
Jen slept over my place last night, and a few days ago i met this girl on the internet, he name is Shanii, and shes really and i mean REALLY pretty.
I was talking to Jen and Paris about her yesterday after school and when i spoke about her I noticed Jen didn't really talk.
Me and Shanii have been talking and yea she seems like a real nice girl, but shes been through so much shit, like i dnt mean just heart break but like really bad shit.
Shes sorta emo i guess, but she is so nice.
Later at night me and Jen were playing Truth, its like truth or dare but with only Truth, we always play it when we lay in bed.
One of the questions she asked me was "If Shanii asked you out, what would you say?" My answer was Yes.
My question for her was "If i wanted to go meet Shanii would you come with me" She answered with "Yes...unfortunately" She told me after that that she was jealous and that if i went out with shanii she'd try to get back at me.
Later on she just stopped talking and i kept on asking what was wrong, finally about after half an hour she goes "You know why" and i go "I don't" and she goes "What do u think im upset about?" i go "Shanii?" and she just mumbled.
After about fifteen minutes of trying to get her to talk to me i stopped and turned the other way i i said quietly, but loud enough for her to hear me "i don't see how you can be jealous of her when you don't have feelings for me..." Then about a minute later she started talking and trying to get my attention, which i thought was because of what i said.
Truth is, I don't love Shanii as much as I love Jen, i don't even love Shanii, i like her but not love. But what i don't get, why the fuck would Jen get Jealous if she doesn't have feelings for me? I've just been looking for more people because...well idk i guess I've just thought that i cnt just keep waiting, but the prob is, i cnt love anyone as much as i love her, shes always gonna be there in my heart, and she takes it all up, i just wish she did love me like i love her...
Oh yea and i dumped Dylan, he has changed so much, and he was so mean to Jen on msn, so i just wrote on a comment on tagged
"DYLAN!!! :@ How dare you talk to my best friend like that!!! We're through...I never loved you and im smart enough to know you never loved me, jen was right all along your nothing but a fucked up pot head! Chicks before dicks faggot! Ur a wannabe emo from paris Your a wannabe emo GO KILL YOURSELF Go on waste away your life on dope and alchole. P.S can you even get a girl in real life!? the answer? NO! This is my last letter from a lost lover"
I know its a bit mean but the things he said to Jen AGRR it just made me feel so mad, NO ONE talks to my best friend like that NO FUCKING ONE!
So anyways...
Talk laters
xx


Edit \/
This is getting worse.
Jen is getting really upset about it and i have no idea why
Today i went to franksten for the day and i was bored so i started texting jen then she brought up Shanii i said that i like shanii and think shes pretty but i dnt love her and think shes beautiful like Jen. And then being funni i said "You like that Nattie chick, she answered with
"So....i dont like 2 chicks at once And i like sum1 else atm, because i no she'll never like me back"
I'm pretty much in the same situation with Shanii and Jen, im liking other people because i know Jen will never like me back.
Unless she does like me now and is tyring to give me the hint
AHH im just so confused and frustrated over all of it, i can't wait around and be single forever, ill always have feelings for Jen and i know that but i can't just be single my whole life or until we go out or some shit, iv tried that fr a year and its got me no where and this is getting me somewhere but its getting me to a bad somewhere.
She hated Dylan but wasn't Jealous of him but is that because hes a boy? I love Jen so mucn and I've tried everything to show that, it seems nothing can show her my love for her ITS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!
"Almost giving up on trying , And now my mind is screaming out, I've gotta keep on fighting..."
Those lyrics explain how i am feeling RIGHT now!!! I feel like just giving up but somthing inside me has always been there to ell me to keep on fighting.
Maybe i should start just trying my best in front of ANYONE to show jen how much i love her maybe that might prove it to her and if she doesn't see then, well i guess I'll just need to...i dont know, i dont know anything, i made plans before and they backfired so badly now im just taking things as they come and it was goin good at the start now its just fucked up!
Jen wants me to ring her back after she had her dinner so ill try and talk to her then, or, im goin over her house after school 2moz (she invited me its weird i kno) i might ta... ]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20385536/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20385536/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 03:08:46 PDT Edit down bottom

Well yea, on friday me and Jen had a fight.
She said that i was ignoring her and taking my anger out on her and that Me and Tom are the same because we think just because we like her we can be "mean" to her and "hate" her
I know but it makes not sence to me either.
On Saturday i thought i had lost her, and i did something i regret... i cut her name...in my skin.
I didn't want ANYONE to find out, because yesterday we were back to normal. But i just thought that people would judge me, and it isn't a thing to be proud of.
Today my 2 other best friends Mel and Pip found out about it, and comforted me about it.
Then after school me and Jen were just sitting on the footpath listening to music and then...she saw it. I tried to brush it off on hide it but it was too late she had an idea off what i had did and had to see it, eventually after forcing my arm so she could see it, she saw it.
She took it better then i though, i knew she didn't like that stuff because one of her ex bfs did it and she hated it. But she spoke to me about it and said that its not my fault and that shes done the same sorta thing once and showed me some of her scars, of course i had already seen them before. She said most people go through it and you've just gotta learn to overpower it. I told her i was scared that i had lost her and it was my fault, which i was.
This cut is worse then all the others i have ever done, it bled alot when i did it, and today it wouldn't stop hurting.
I do not recremend this for anyone, believe me it doesn't help it just makes things worse, i felt so bad after doing it, because i promised so many people that i wouldn't do it and promised myself, i lied to those people and myself, one of those people were Jen, and i have let her down so much lately.

Anyways, i wrote her a note...5 pages long lol, it just explains everything.
The reason why i have been letting her down and not trying to impress her is because last week i guess i just stopped trying, but it occurred to not work, because Jen is so used to me being all "I love you, ill buy that for you, ill do this for you" that it appears to her that thats just me, but really its cause im trying to let her see how much i love her.
But anyway in other news, im back with Dylan, yes my online Boyfriend, he asked me out about an hour ago and Jen was the first to Know
So yeaaaa pretty good ey?

Also im learning to do screamo for Jen cause she really Likes the band Parkway Drive and i don't mind them either
Im trying to learn the song Carrion by Parkway cause iv always known shes liked that song.
Im pretty good already cause i naturally have a very wet and croaky throte, but i know theres more to it then that.
I never used to be a fan of screamo but i don't mind it now, plus some of the guys who do screamo are pretty hot lol.

SO yeaaaaa
Don't know what else to say....meh lol

Talk laters
~Jazzi



The edit \/

Well she replied to my 5 page letter, hers is only like a page and a half long, but it means so much, here it is...

Your letter cut my heart like 1000 blades. Knowing that i disappoint you hurts me more then words can explain. I still have no idea how you see beauty in me, in this nothing/
My inside burns and rots, I know deep down i have nothing left.
My words cut away at us both.
Smiling as we bleed. Maybe we think it will take my pain away, help forget our fucking emptyness. We do it to feel alive, but i know im already fucking dead. Maybe I need it. Hold this words and never let them go...
"At the end of a darkness theres always light."
Hold my hand it's too late for me now, I won't let you fall apart.
I WISH YOU THE WORLD...
All my love
Jen xxxx [mofo]

[-So let me tie you to my shoe, make you feel unpritty too-]

^
...They mean so much more when you understand...

Pretty deep hey? It made me sad, the letter i gave her, it wasn't meant to seem like she disappoints me, if i could remember the whole 5 pages i would write it out on here but i can't.
The last part of her letter, the saying, im not quite sure what it means, dose it mean that someone uses you and makes you feel unloved and not beautiful? I'm not quite sure. I'll look it up on the internet. But anyone who has an idea on what it means please tell me.
When it says, she wishes me the world...she is my world, maybe she dosen't get that, i want her, i want the world, shes my fu... ]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20263465/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20263465/ Mon, 01 Sep 2008 01:44:12 PDT I have no idea why, and no, its not PMS.
Yesterday me and Jen went to see "The strangers" lol it was an alright movie i guess...
After wards we went to her place, and on my phone i wrote this thing and saved it about a month ago, Jen found it and wouldn't stop reading it. I got mad at her for that and yelled at her saying
"You just don't get it!!!"
And truth is i don't know if she gets it or not.
The thing on my phone says


Sometimes i wish i was a guy, so i could be with you with no hastel.
If u loved me you would know wat it feels like to not care wat people would say if we were together.
I think of you every morning i wake up and every night i fall to sleep
I can't go out with anyone because in the back of my mind your the one i truly love and want to be with
I can't help but think one day we will be together.


The night ended okay though, i said sorry for yelling at her and yea.

Then today at school at lunch time things were going okay until, well idk, i just felt really mad about everyone and everything, even Jen, then one of my friends, Kelly, pushed my packet of chips out of my hand, usual i would start pissin myself laughing at something like that, but i just ran off and got all pissed and i have no idea why.
When i got back to our normal hang out spot my other friend Mel was there, so i talked to her, and i sorta complained about Jen not caring about me and us fighting constantly, when really she dose care about me and I start the fights.
Then i saw Jen and Kelly come round the corner, i just glanced away, Kelly said sorry and asked if i was mad at her, i said i wasn't i was just a bit moody, Kelly had the packet of chips with her and asked if i wanted them, i snapped back saying
"No! i fucking don't want the chips!"
And you have no idea how bad i felt, then Jen buts in saying
"Fine whatever Jaz, if your gonna be pissed at us we'll just leave you alone"
I tried to tell her i wasn't pissed at her but she just brushed me off, and thats when i yelled, it was like that was the thing that set off the bomb, i have no idea what i was feeling or thinking, but i knew i probebly looked like a greedy little child in a toy store who didn't' get what they wanted, i felt so silly.
I ran to the toilets and sat in there for a while, well...for nearly the rest of the lunch.
Then i saw Pip and Mel, they were separated from the group, Pip and Mel are the nicest and most mature friends you could ever have, they came over and told me to come join them, i did, and they asked me why I was angry, i said i didn't know, at all because i don't, i have no idea why I'm angry,and i hate people who get angry at little things...or nothing for that matter, and Im turning into one of those people, and i hate every second of it.
We were talking about things we hate, then Pip goes
"I hate it when you like someone, but you don't want to like them because you know they'll never like you back the same way, but still you can't get over them"
And she looked straight at me when she said that, i just replied with
"I know that feeling"
So idk if Pip knows something, or if i should tell her, or what, I've practically lost all my trust in anyone, but i don't think Pip would tell anyone. Then we started talking about how we hate it when people judge and criticize others, it was like they were trying to get something out of me.
So yea...that was my day, i still feel really angry at something but idk what it is, if i keep on goin on like this, i don't think Jen will be able to put up with it.

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20141986/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20141986/ Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:16:56 PDT Today at school she looked outrageously happy to see me...it was a bit weird actually She ran up to me and Jumped on me...then we fell to the ground
Then all day today she just hung round me.
Then she wouldn't stop asking to see if i could sleep ova her place tonight and i told her to invite someone else cause i probs won't be aloud but she said "But i want youuu"
Then today i found out Dylan has got a new gf already
Ahaha and when i said Ill get back with him when i figure things out, aha fuck him.
Anyways when i told Jen she goes
"Ask him back, i want you to be with him "
One thought keeps goin through my head, what if she found out when she found out i had a bf that she dose like me and shes jealous? ha probs not i always think things like that, then it turns out that isn't the case
Anyways, i guess its good news hey? Mmmm yep lol.

Toodles

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20033971/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/20033971/ Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:34:24 PDT Edit down bottom

The situation has gotten worse
Well from my perspective
I feel like I've lost Jen.
And i feel like being upset about it is making this illness of mine worse.
I've broken up with that guy and just before he was coming down here to see me i feel really bed, but i feel worse about wat i did to Jen.
I thought for a while, who do i love more Jen, or Dylan, it was an easy question, and anyone could guess who i picked, even someone with half a brain could.
Shes delete that thing about me on myspace.
I added a pic of us on myspace today, its a really old one from like last year, i look like a pedo in it.
She copied it and put it in her pics and put on it
"My star, My life, My love"
I feel like I've still lost her though.
I called her before and she said "Oh hey Jazzi, can you hold on a sec" then she hung up.
I called again and a guy picked up, i just hung up.
I feel heartbroken and I want my life to end.
She says she loves me and I love her but i feel like I've lost her...forever.

Didn't you want to hear
the sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear
the expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold hard road when you wake up
and I don't think that I
Have the strength to let you go

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered
and I'm here to sing
about the things that mattered
about the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
about the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong

I'm still wearing the ring she gave me, I've been going to sleep with it in my hand every night this week, it somehow feels when hold onto it she's here holding me.
She was my air, now i feel like my air has been lost...and now i can't breath





EDIT
Well...things have gotten better I guess.
Jen is talking to me on msn again
And i told her I broke up with Dylan
And she said if we get back together she'll come with me to see him if he comes down to Melbourne.
So i guess thats good ey?

]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19964195/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19964195/ Fri, 15 Aug 2008 04:54:27 PDT It was a really good night, i had lots of fun, me and her sisters got along really good, and iv been invited to one of their bdays next week and then the others Jen said it takes alot to get her sisters to like her friends, they even gave me a hug and kiss goodbye. I've met them i few times before but this night brought us together .
I didn't plan to sleep over but i did
When me and Jen were laying down, Jen got out a book, it was purple and A4 sized.
She opened it and said
"I've got alot of stuff about Tom in here"
I thought "Aww" and "Greatttttt" lol narr thats mean
Anyway
When she was trying to find something she stopped on a page, and skimmed over it.
Then she says
"This is about you"
I just thought "wow she writes about me in her diary?" lol
Anyway, what she wrote was nice but, idk it just got me down a little, this is what she wrote:


Jazzi
You are so beautiful
You are so strong

You're my star in my sky when there is only darkness

But I'm never gonna be enough for you
My words are like razorblades
And thats how they cut me

I will always love you
Just not in the way you wish i would


The last bit made me nearly cry
All of it was so touching, but that last bit, the words...they were like razorblades, but they cut through my heart
I took pictures of the poem this morning when she was in the shower...I know that sounds rude, but i need to remember the words she said to me.
When i was looking for the page, i also came across this one, its obviously for me, because it was like a page afterwards, but i find it weird she didn't read it out to me.


My heart can't be yours
Too many people would judge
They wouldn't understand

I'll always love you but not just in the way you want me to


I felt that that one was more...personal.
But why would she write these things and not tell me, these two were the only ones in there about me, but what i find funny, the only people in that book is me and Tom and one was about Corey.
Dose this mean that when she thinks about Tom...she thinks about me? And what I'm feeling?
I don't want to interfere with her love life...at all, i don't want her to think of me and what i will feel, if im sad or crushed that im not hers, and don't want her to feel my pain, its not her pain to feel, she doesn't deserve it.
The day she loves me in the way i wish she would will be the day she won't care about the judging and how people wouldn't understand. When you truly love someone, you don't care about what others think, your just happy if your with them, the day I confess to everyone at school that i love Jen is the day me and Jen are going out, the will be the best day of my life.
You have no idea how hard it is to love someone, and keep having that voice in your head saying
"Maybe todays the day she will see I'm the one"
That goes on in my head everyday, i can't let go, i still have hope, and with that hope i can't be with anyone else, because if i was with someone, i wouldn't truly love them, because in the back of my head and in my heart Jen will be there.
People say to move on from things you can't change, I can't seem to do that, i can't just let it go and let it in that Jen will never love me, i don't want to know it, I don't know if its because inside she dose love me, or its because im just trying to keep myself happy.
It's like if i let go of my love for her, our friendship will break in half, i would become a different person to her, everyday in try to impress her, try to make her love me a little more, and if i didn't like her then what would Jen think? our friendship would fall apart.

Yesterday after school she gave me a ring, it was one she had been wearing alot lately, when she gave it to me she said
"This is so you know I'll always love you"
And as she was putting it on my necklace she started singing "our" song Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit.
On the way when we were walking i started crying, she is so sweet, and she makes me feel special, more special than anyone dose, I just hope that i make her feel special, and make her feel beautiful, pretty and just all that, because she is, every time i look at her, i look at her, i don't just glance, i look at her beautiful face, she thinks she isn't... ]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19926909/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19926909/ Wed, 13 Aug 2008 01:52:06 PDT Neither did jen so me and her hung out all day
One thing i noticed all day, was that she kept saying things like
"When we live together..." and "Can you imagine when we live together..."
Not very weird but in my opinion in was cute.
Also, her sister was home, shes a very nice girl lol, shes about 18 i think, anywayz, Jen goes
"Hey, look how cute me and Jazzi are" and she pulled me really close to her and put our lips really close to hers, our lips were actually touching in a way loll.
Then i walked her to the tram stop because she had work, when the tram come she said goodbye and also when we were at her place she asked me if i wanted to come to her family diner 2moz since its her bday 2moz, she said because im her bestfriend in a very sweet way when i said "im not family" in a joking tone. So anyway she reminded me about that, then we were just staring at each other for like 3 seconds, then i just lent over and kissed her on the cheek, she still likes Tom, and shes sorta with him, but idk, i think she starting to notice everything i do.
Then when she was on the tram and it was moving she blew a kiss to me, and i blew one back.
Atm i feel like my life in a movie, seriously, all the times me and Jen have together, it feels like its from a script for a romantic movie about 2 people who are confused about what to do, and if they should be together, seriously.

So yea, thats my update...things are going good aren't they?

Byeeeee
~Jazzehhh


]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19855514/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19855514/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 01:18:19 PDT We were originally going to the movies but when we got there we weren’t aloud in because it was MA and we needed ID, (Jen’s turning 15 next week) the lady at the desk was quite rude to us as well.
Anywayz, so instead we brought a shit load of food and had a “icnic” as Jen called it (Even though it was inside) .
We got to Jens place and went to her room, first we danced around for a while then sat down.
Jen got a candle and lit it then turned off the lights, so we were eating and listening to music.
While we were sitting I say,
‘So what do ya wanna do?’
Jen replies
‘Wanna talk?’
‘About what?’
I reply,
“Anything”
Jen says.
We sit there for a while just mucking around then Jen all of a sudden says,
“I’ve been sad lately…”
It was very random for her to say something like that, it was like she wanted to talk about it.
‘Why?’
I say
‘I was looking on your myspace…’
That got me thinking… what was so upsetting on my myspace?
‘And I saw all the things about Alice and stuff, it made me realize, I’m never gonna be her, and you’re never gonna love me as much…’
As most of you know, Alice was my best friend who all of a sudden just dumped me last year, I got very depressed over it, and I’ve been feeling it a lot lately.
‘But Jen you’re not Alice, and I don’t whan’t you to be Alice, Alice was never a good friend, yes I did love her, but I loved who I thought she was, I love you form who you are, and you know that.’
It was true, I loved Alice, but the truth is I loved who I thought she was, she dosen’t come close to as much as a good friend as Jen is.
‘Yea I know, but I know I’ll never replace her, I know every time you think of me and love me she’s still gonna be there, in your mind.’
I didn’t comment this because it was true, I knew when I lost Alice would never be replaced; you can never replace anyone who walks outta your life.
‘And I know that our friendship is probably not gonna last forever, next year I’m leaving and I don’t know if I’m coming back…we probably won’t be able to talk to each other or keep in touch, and I know you say you would come with me…’
‘I would, I’d follow you, nothing could stop me’
I quickly butted in, because I would, I would follow her.
‘But it would mean leaving everything, your mum, your pets’
‘I don’t care about that’
‘So you’re saying you’d leave everything just to be with me?’
‘Yes’
I don’t know what she meant by be with me…but it was all true, and all the way through it I felt like I was gonna cry, I don’t know if I was happy or sad, so I just answered with short answers.
‘Well, alright you can come with me, and I know that you’d be alright because I would take care of you but if something happened to me…what would you do?’
‘I don’t know, just gotta wait and see, im sick of planning my life and what im gonna do, because it never come true in the end, I guess I’ve just learnt to take life as it comes’
‘I know, but leaving isn’t a plan, it isn’t even an option, its just something you do.’
There was a silence, I was trying to hold in my tears and trying not to look at Jen, but she was staring at me, and I knew it, she knew what I was thinking.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Yea I’m fine’
‘Aww, are you crying???’
‘Narrr’
Well I wasn’t but I felt like crying…
‘Come here’
I moved over next to her and she hugged me, this moment was the most emotional moment in our friendship, probably even lives, it was like a scene from a movie.

That night when we were lying in bed, she randomly says to me
‘What’s something you like that I own?’
I took that she was gonna give something to me but I don’t know.
‘I don’t know, why?’
‘Just wondering, just anything you like, tell me’
‘I don’t really know, I don’t know a lot of the things you own’
‘What about that cross necklace that you see me wearing? Do you like that?’
‘Yea, its okay I guess’
‘Cool’
I seriously don’t really know anything she owns, lol well that I like.

So yea that was the night, I got back her at about 3:30pm.
It was a good night, very emotional though.
There were more things that she said, but you know; hard to put it all in, this is already 2 pages lollll.
I do really love her a lot, and when I told her, I would run away with her, I meant it, her not being in my life would be like having no air, I would die without her.
Till next time
~Jazzi
http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19821204/ Thu, 07 Aug 2008 05:21:40 PDT





THIS IS REALLY SCARY SO PLEASE READ AND POST UP IN YOUR JOURNAL TO NOTIFY OTHERS.
:iconkaysellebell: 's Journal from A FEW DAYS AGO-

"I am begging you to read this, it will explain the last journal and also warn so this won't happen to YOU.

Jere1234 IS
Caeruleum IS
Kyakuchuu.

This man is most likely a serial killer or sexual predator of some sort. Deviant art staff is handling this for me right now. The man originally added me as Jere1234 and then he notified me that he would be switching to Caeruleum. He asked that I add him. Thinking he was just some nice man who liked my artwork I said "Sure, why not?" On this account he began writing some poems about and TO my girlfriend Kayla, and I. I began to find this odd but being an overly naive and trusting person I was polite about it, commented the poems, thanked him, so on. He wrote a poem about a lifestyle choice that I thought he spent alot of time critisizing for being different than his own and I believe I posted a comment as simple as "Gosh, what have you got against that, anyhow?" The man literally flipped out. He not only wrote two journal entries condemning me and calling me things between immature and evil, but he also sent me notes telling me how "disappointed" he was with me. A man that I don't know in real life, have only talked to online for a few days, is "disappointed with me." He blocked me, and I blocked him back.

Not long after I began to get several favorites and then a watch from the account Kyakuchuu. I noticed the similar style of poetry and similar interests but I hate people who make assumptions and I'd rather not be one of them, so I just figured it was another poet with similar interests. "Kyakuchuu" soon after began calling Kayla and I "muses" and writing poems about us as well. 2KL he called them-- and informed me that this meant "To Kayla and Ellie" There is a numerous list of them in his gallery. He favorited absolutely every work of mine with Kayla in it along side of me and also any of my pictures that showed my feet. (foot fetishist, obsessive personality: bad sign) He wrote me notes telling of his extensive admiration for Kayla and I, his plans for other poems about us, thanking me for being his "inspiration". All of this seemed very creepy, but I was always thinking, what if this is really just some eccentric old man minding his own business, and he just hasn't got anything better to do. I would hate to just hurt some innocent old man by lashing out at him for no reason. HOWEVER upon talking to Kayla about this, she has taken criminal justice classes. She said that many of these traits sounded like BAD traits and BAD signs. She told me about a type of serial killer called "collecters" Who will collect information, pictures, anything about their subjects, and obsess over them, for a long time before they make any move. She told me that alot of the time these men will be too smart for their own good and seem kind of innocent but mostly very mysterious. I have never let on in this site where I live as far as I know, all of my friends sites that are nearbye me say they live in different places (luxembourg, Canada, UK, anywhere...) and I was afraid that the longer I spoke to him and tried to be polite because I wasn't sure, the longer I had to slip up somehow and for him to figure out where I live if this was truly his intent.

Well hopefully DA will do something about this, no more little girls need to be preyed upon from the comfort of their own homes. I am not a stupid girl, just too niave. Now that I started investigating it further I have found that this is DEFINITELY the same man, seeing as his first site has some of the same poems that are placed on the second site, and the second site has NUMEROUS poems that are placed on the site he is using now, Kyakuchuu. Some under a different name, but nonetheless, the same poems. That in itself should be grounds enough for being banned from the website. That's more than harrassment, that's online stalking.

IF THIS MAN CONTACTS YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO HIM
please I am begging you, complain to DA so they will do something about this. I don't want anybody else to get hurt over the internet.

EDITED TO SAY:
Regardless of what was or wasn't said or how nice I was to this man as he claims, I was under the impression that he was a different man from the original man, so I had no reason to be unkind to him until I knew. Secondly, I blocked his second acount and he created a third in order to continue speaking to me without informing me of who he was, which is textbook HARASSMENT. I blocked him, he created another account. That is harrassment. period the end, and what I filed it under was: Harrassment. So there you go. Not to mention he call... ]]> ~WolfHige http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19742129/ http://WolfHige.deviantart.com/journal/19742129/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 20:17:58 PDT I'll open your close, I'll follow were you go....

I take to many things for garanted.
I love you so much.
But you have to relize I'm never gunna be her.
I can only be me, and I hope that you can one day love me more then you love her.
I cant change.
'I dont mind were you come from as long as you come to me.... I'll take you for who you are, If you take me for everything..'
Being you bestfriend means the world to me...
Even if we are retards.
Or even If we do mean shit to each other, thats just what friends do.
Like how i signed you up for some hobo shit, and how you pull the chair out from under me....... (THAT FUCKING HURT HEAPS)
I love and cherish every moment we have together.


Jen also wrote that for me on her myspace
Could u imagine me when i saw it

Anyways, last night i went to my mate Pip's house.
Jen and my other friend Mel was there
When i got there Jen wasn't that...happy.
I kept asking her what was wrong when we were alone, but she said nothing was wrong, but i knew there was.
When we all went to the video shop she cheered up a little more and was laughing a bit more, because when we were at Pip's house i was trying to make her laugh but she only laughed about 2 times, which is very un usual for her.
The rest of the night went pretty well, when we were watching Edward scissor hands (such a sweet movie) half way through Mel and Pip went somewhere so it was just me and Jen, Jen sits up then says "Jazzi snoogle me" lollll and i go "whats snoogling?" and she goes "when you cuddle me" lol, probs the sweetest part of the night actually.
Unfortunately i couldn't sleep ova because i had to goto the market really early this morning, but Jen fell asleep while i was there and i took photos of her LOL i know its a bit mean, but she was so cute, just laying there
Anyways i guess thats a bit of an update? lol
Bye byeeeeee


]]> ~WolfHige