http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:XJapanRoX&section=today deviantART RSS for by:XJapanRoX en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 16 Dec 2009 11:02:43 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/28020090/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/28020090/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:37:27 PDT
Tonight, I'm making a promise to you all: I will be an official Star Wars artist. Be it for Star Wars comics at Dark Horse, for magazine illustrations for the Star Wars Insider, or maybe even the online comics at StarWars.com!

How am I so sure it's going to happen? Because I'm not going to quit until it happens. So either I'll make it happen or die trying. And I'm dead serious on my conviction. I'll take every step that I have to, and I won't give up.

This is the reason I pursued art school in the first place. I've come too far to give up and settle on something else. We don't have a lot of time in our lives, and you need to endure until you achieve your dreams. This is no exception.

If you find it to be a worthy journey to follow, feel free to check out this journal I'll be keeping on my progress. I plan on writing weekly on any progress I've made towards this goal. That includes preparation, conventions, exchanges with editors, progress on my Star Wars art, and generally anything contributing to the rough journey ahead of me. I feel like if I record it, it'll keep me focused on pushing forward and maybe even help other artists who wish to achieve the same dream. This blog can be found here.

[link]

I'd ask for you all to wish me luck, but to quote a wise man, "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck."

May the force be with you!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/26398236/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/26398236/ Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:54:25 PDT
UPDATE: September 7th. All 10 trades of mine are finished! Some of you only had to do one and yet... I kid, I kid. No rush. I know how life can be!

Status:
Shibamura-Prime's: [link]
Mine:[link]

Hewylewis': [link]
Mine:[link]

vibog-3's: [link]
Mine: [link]

ImmortalSilver's: [link]
Mine: [link]

Nemonus': [link]
Mine: [link]

BLaKcatINK & I (collab): [link]

fridayivy's: [link]
Mine: [link]

SandalCrusader's: Not here yet!
Mine: [link]

Sakiko-Art's: [link]
Mine: [link]

Chan's: [link]
Mine: [link]



]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/25269110/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/25269110/ Fri, 12 Jun 2009 08:32:51 PDT So I'm looking to see if any budding artists would like to do an art trade. Looking to stretch my wings and get some extra practice. Here's how it'll work:
-You give me what you want to see. Please nothing too complicated! Time is not my friend.
-I give you something I'd like to see. I'll try to make it something that would be fun for you.
-We trade!

Commissions:
Nothing official yet but I'm just looking to test the waters and see if anyone would be interested. I'm not exactly expecting a high demand for this, but I thought I'd test the waters with the idea.

EDIT!

Status:
Shibamura-Prime: DONE!
Hewylewis: DONE!
vibog-3: On Deck
ImmortalSilver: Pending
Nemonus: Pending
BLaKcatINK: DONE!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19865305/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19865305/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 16:17:51 PDT
So, submissions are welcome until Saturday, August 16th.

Submitted so far:
Glitched9700 [link]
Boognish420 [link]
BLaKcatINK [link]

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19718536/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19718536/ Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:43:22 PDT
"well I've given it a lot of thought

and I would like to see peeps fav movie, posters/scenes what ever, but not your fav movie of all time I'd like to see like your 4th or 5th fav .Everyones got a list and I'm curious to see what people like "

Why do I have the feeling that "your 4th or 5th favorite" comment was aimed at me so I wouldn't do Star Wars?

But, there you have it, guys. Steve wants to see something from a favorite movie of yours, but not your number 1.

Again, feel free to use any medium. Feel free to submit starting Saturday, August 2nd. Submissions for voting ends Saturday, August 9th.

Good luck, and hope to see you all on board again!

People in so far:
BLaKcatInk
XJapanRoX
Glitched9700
JediKaputski
kawaiidchan
crimsondespot
boognish420

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19713718/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19713718/ Fri, 01 Aug 2008 07:21:41 PDT
The results this week were actually a tie! BLaKcatInk and boognish420 both brought in 5 votes each, and since boognish420 won last week, he can't pick the next week's theme again. So, if there's no objection, BLaKcatINK's in the position to pick a theme!

As soon as you contact me about what theme you'll like to do Steve, I'll make the Week 3 journal live.

Congrats on all the hard work so far, guys! Keep it up!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19654866/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19654866/ Tue, 29 Jul 2008 05:23:54 PDT
Feel free to pass the poll along to anyone who's willing to vote for you, we don't want it to be completely biased! Voting ends this Thursday at Midnight (Eastern Time).

Only 6 submissions this week, but VERY strong ones. I'm very impressed. Hopefully we can get more next week! Here's a link to the collections:

[link]

Again, I'm sorry for the long extension on this one, life threw a couple of curveballs my way and I had to prioritize. Things seem a bit tamer now. I'll also be submitting a late piece for display sometime in the near future, probably after I finish my Week 3 piece.

So good luck to everyone, and get to voting!

[link]

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19601983/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19601983/ Sat, 26 Jul 2008 05:35:40 PDT
Life threw a few curves at me the past week, and it was a little bit bumpy as a result. Since most of the submissions came in after last week's deadline, I'm gonna let this week's run until Monday night at midnight. Hope everyone's cool with that. I'm going away for the weekend and I'll organize everyting for the vote starting late night Mon when I get back on Sunday night.

Take care in the meantime, and great submissions so far, guys.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19361097/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19361097/ Sat, 12 Jul 2008 19:58:26 PDT
Again, the same rules apply, try to keep it tasteful. Any medium is fair game.

Submissions can be sent in starting Monday, July 14th. You then have until July 23rd to submit for voting, but all the time in the world if you're going to submit something for past jams. I hope to see all the people from the last jam AND some new names onboard! Please leave a comment if you're interested!

Artists so far for this week:
Boognish420
XJapanRoX
crimsondespot
kawaiidchan
BLaKcatINK
Glitched9700
ryfusd
Firefury299

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19353760/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19353760/ Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:56:07 PDT
First place: XJapanRoX
Second place: Boognish420
Third place: ryfusd

Anyway, as stated in the last entry, you can't pick the theme two weeks in a row. Therfore, I'm handing it down to the person with the next amount of votes: BOOGNISH420! It was only a matter of time before you won, Shamus. I'm pretty positive he would've won if there wasn't some kind of biased outcome. We'll try to work it out for next week.

I wanna thank everyone who participated. Ryfusd put up a really good fight (Hell, she got MY vote!), as did BLaKcatINK and crimsondespot! As for Glitched9700, coloson, and JediKaputski, I genuinely hope you guys aren't discouraged with the results. Everyone who entered submitted a piece I'm proud to display my own work alongside, and the votes don't mean a damn thing. I hope to see you participate in many more rounds to come!

BLAKcatINK had the idea to post the poll in the forums, and WOW, he was met with a lot of pettiness, immaturity, and hatred (then again, it's a forum, what else can we expect?).

Anyway, that's it for now. As soon as I get in touch with Shamus for his Week 2 idea, I'll post the next Jam thread!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19300178/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19300178/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:00:37 PDT
Submission deadline has passed, and it's now time to vote. Now, below we have the list of everyone who submitted a piece. Even if you DID NOT submit anything, I ENCOURAGE YOU to still vote! The more people that vote, the better chance we have of getting a winner. This is a quality turn-out! While I was hoping for more people to submit, the work that WAS submitted really took me by surprise. I'm honored you guys would produce quality work for this, so let's keep it up in the coming weeks! Here's the official list!

JediKaputski [link]
BLaKcatINK [link]
Boognish420 [link]
XJapanRoX [link]
ryfusd [link]
coloson [link]
crimsondespot [link]
Glitched9700 [link]

To make your decision easier, you can go here to see them all together (and what a great collection it is, folks!)
[link]

Here's how voting will work. Hit the poll on the right of this post, and the winner gets to pick the next week's theme! Yes, you can vote for yourself, but if everyone votes for themselves, it's going to be one hell of a lame tie-breaker if we all have one vote each. So be honest! Vote for your favorite one! The poll will be open for 48 hours, so midnight (EST) Friday night, we'll hopefully have a clear-cut winner! If not, I'll leave it open an extra day or so.


Also, a note for future voting, I'd really like everyone to get a turn to pick a theme. So, to hopefully sway it fairly, if you win two weeks in a row, you can't pick the theme the second time, but you can hand it off to someone who can. Sound fair? Also, when you pick your theme, please try to make it something that can be interpreted in different ways, or something that will appeal to people as a whole. Getting too specific might make people shy away from the jam (remember, you don't have to participate in any weeks you choose not to). So the more interesting your choice is, the more people will jump in on it!

Please have the idea for your theme idea ready to go so we can announce it shortly after the poll's over.

Now, unless there's any objections, I'd be happy to handle all of the following polls and journal entries concerning the following weeks. I think it's best that way since everyone (for the most part) on the list has already devwatched me, and can see any updates by default. This is my first time organizing something like this, so if you have any comments of criticisms, by all means! I want to make this a pleasant and stimulating experience for everyone involved!

I have to once again thank everyone for submitting, and may the force be with you all while the polls are open!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19154001/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19154001/ Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:04:48 PDT

The theme for Week 1 is "Star Wars Zombies." It's up to you to come up with a piece that interprets that general theme however you like! Again, it can be as simple or detailed as you like.


MEDIUM:
This stays the same every single week of the Art Jam. You can use ANY MEDIUM YOU LIKE for any submitting you do. Whether it's a simple pencil sketch, to a digital painting. Photo manipulation is fine, too. Lotta cartoonists in this group, so if you're going to do a comic page, keep it narrowed down to 1 page for voting reasons. But feel free to submit as many stand-alone pages as you like!


SUBMITTING:
Submission deadline for this week is Wednesday night, July 9th at midnight (so technically July 10th) Eastern Time. For those of you not in that time zone, please figure out what time that is for you. This deadline is only for the submissions we're voting on, feel free to submit any extra submissions to be displayed with the others whenever you like.

One way or another, it has to be submitted digitally so we can all see it. Easily enough, you can just upload it to DA and provide your submission IN THIS JOURNAL ENTRY by leaving it in a comment. I'll then take all links and put them in this entry for all to see once the submission ends and voting starts.

Again, you can submit as many as you like, but only YOUR FAVORITE ONE will make it to the vote. We wanna keep it fair for those who don't have much time to work on this.


RULES:
I realize that with zombies comes gore, but let's try to keep it tasteful. No mutilated genitals, please. There's no reason to be too strict, but just keep in mind that if we get enough good pieces, each week, I'd like to put these on display somehow. I think we'd make a good collection out of something like this.



List of participants (not too late to get in!)
XJapanRoX
JediKaputski
coloson
Fallon Phoenix
BLaKcatINK
ryfusd
st4ludicrous
kawaiidchan
crimsondespot
Glitched9700
deaddonjon
boognish420
gwingangel

And the people who might not get in on this round but are interested:
Meeq
Brinstar
cairnidays


GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE AND ENJOY!


Who's submitted so far:
JediKaputski [link]
BLaKcatINK [link]
Boognish420 [link]
XJapanRoX [link]
ryfusd [link]
coloson [link]
crimsondespot [link]
Glitched9700 [link]

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19127144/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/19127144/ Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:15:16 PDT
A lot of people seem to have some downtime now that it's the summer, and we're going to do something about that right now. I propose to you all: An art jam.

Here's how it works.

A theme is proposed. Everyone in the jam then has one week to submit something. When the week is over, all of them are posted together, and we all spend 2 days voting (to make sure everyone gets a chance to vote). The winner of the vote gets to pick the next theme and we start again!

Now, to be fair, you can only submit one piece per jam for voting, but I'll gladly put it on display with all the rest of the submissions if you submit more! You can use ANY medium you like, and you submission can be as detailed or as simple as you like, but just remember...the more thought you put into it, the better your chances are for winning!

Also, you can choose to jump in or out of whatever week you like. If you're not a fan of the theme of the week, you can by all means choose to sit out and then jump back in the following week!

As far as the voting goes, you're allowed to vote for your own, but just remember that we can't pick a winner if everyone votes for their own! So be honest with who you think won. We probably won't do it via poll style, we'll tally votes via comments. I don't know how many choices you can have in the polls, but I don't think it's more than 5!

So here's how it's going to go down. This Wednesday, I'm going to post a journal entry. Submit anything you like by linking it in a comment in that journal entry! I'll then edit the journal with each link so everyone can see the submissions for voting all in one place. You then have one week from this wednesday to submit your piece!

The theme for this first week (that I'm choosing, since I'm starting it!) is going to be "STAR WARS ZOMBIES." Now, interpret that however you like! It can be star wars characters AS zombies, fighting zombies, whatever you take is on the theme!

Please let me know if you're participating before the submission deadline next wednesday. EVERYONE IS WELCOME! So far, we've got a few confirmed artists:

XJapanRoX
JediKaputski
panda-attack
Fallon Phoenix
BLaKcatINK
ryfusd
st4ludicrous
kawaiidchan
crimsondespot
Glitched9700
deaddonjon

And the people who might not get in on this round but are interested:
Meeq
Brinstar
cairnidays

Alright, good group we have so far!!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/18024033/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/18024033/ Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:33:05 PDT
Thanks again!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/15166554/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/15166554/ Sun, 21 Oct 2007 23:53:44 PDT
Well, maybe I shouldn't be taking his advice, he's kinda dead. But whatever. Sleep's been on the meh side lately, probably because of the level of stress I've been under. School workload's been really heavy, and stuff's been going on at home, things with my friends are getting a little weird (and I can't tell if it's me or them), and I just haven't been able to relax as a result, and when I do fall asleep, its business as usual when I'm stressed. I won't stay asleep long.

Training has really been taking a backseat to my workload. I can already feel myself slipping into old habits because of my lack of time and energy when I do get a breather. However, I stick with the pull-up bar because it's so damn exhilerating when I do them right.

Halloween is a bit lame this year again. I'm going to Tom and Jess' party again, but this is their last year doing it, and it's the weekend before Halloween. Halloween itself is on a Wed, and I have late class that day. So basically even if anything was going on, I wouldn't be able to go. I guess I shouldn't complain too much, as I don't have anything to do anyway. Well, either way, I'm going to the party as Mirai no Hiro (Future Hiro Nakamura, for you non-hardcore "Heroes" fans). Got the costume and I attached a strap to carry one of my display katanas on my back. I just need the fake ponytail and I'm done.

Errr what else. I'll be submitting my Clone Wars comic when it's finished. It's coming out alright, although the coloring is taking a really long time and I'm just generally unhappy with it so far. The inks are looking okay though.

Oh wow, and things are being rectified with Jerry. Really should've happened sooner, but he made the first move, and I'm glad he did. We talked things out and we're doin dinner on Tues. I'm looking forward to catching up. I'll end with another quote, I wish I knew who said it:

"Be kind, be easy, find love."

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/14442900/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/14442900/ Sat, 01 Sep 2007 14:48:47 PDT
I got a pull-up bar yesterday and I'm in absolute muscle agony/bliss. It's such an amazing feeling because you know you did it right, and when you aren't sore anymore, your muscles are going to be a little bit stronger. And it encourages you to keep going.

I've been having a few dreams about being back in karate again, as I guess I really do miss it like hell. Being away from the school for so long, and neglecting training, right now it feels like I'm back in those days. I feel my self-confidence returning and it's enstilling the nostalgic feeling I had when I used to train.

Since I started training again, I'm more energetic, more patient, and I feel like the best thing of all is my restored confidence. You cut yourself off from your training, and it's only a matter of time before you stray from your code of conduct. Since I stopped training, my self-discipline in my artwork's suffered, my self-confidence faltered left and right, and my temper's been ablaze constantly. It's good to feel in control of myself again.

I'm starting to feel the extra power in my kicks now. I did some brushing up and some research about how to get extra power out of them, and feel really good about them. Practice makes perfect, once I get them stamped into my brain, they'll be instinctive, just like the rest of the training.

We had a close call a week ago. Went to a keg party, and someone brought a guest. Which, of course, we're fine with. We like to make everybody feel welcome. But this guy was there with the wrong intentions, and wasn't taking no for an answer from a friend of mine. Before anybody knew what was going on, he bailed and left. He said he was coming back that night to return a lighter that another mutual friend let him borrow (an expensive one at that), and so the panic began. Some people were worried about a fight breaking out, others about him coming back with a weapon, and the rest of them were preparing to go to war on this kid. He never did actually show up, but the whole wait seemed forever. Best feeling though, was taking command of the situation. It was strange. I was ready for him to come and break up the fight that'd start, and I was ready to step in myself if he tried to go near the girl we both knew again. The whole time, I was so calm. No jokes, just readiness. My breathing was steady, my body was ready for action and my thoughts were calm. Not to say I would've definitely come out victorious, but...I had the warrior spirit I haven't felt in the longest time. The readiness to do what I had to do, whatever damage I'd receive as a result in the process. No fear.

I wouldn't have had that feeling if I didn't start training again. I talked the most belligerant person down to earth, and it was someone I know very well. He saw me in this zone and knew I wasn't screwing around. The people psyching themselves up for a fight didn't realize the time for that came and went. If they jumped this guy now, it wasn't self-defense, it was attack. I felt like a martial artist again. That words came first. And the body was ready to defend the words. Defense, not offense. I knew all of the people getting ready to fight, and they're all aware of my history in martial arts, and almost all of them immediately calmed down after I took control. I'm not a big guy, or intimidating in the least bit. But I was something that night that controlled their behavior. They finally all agreed not to make a move unless I made one first. We then waited, and I spoke only when necessary. I felt like Sempai Hogan again.

I'm keeping up this training during the semester if it kills me. No matter how much work I have to deal with, being a martial artist means the world to me. It's a part of me. And I'm just....not the same person without it. I started it for a reason. I don't want to be the same person I was before I took karate back in the day. To be the one people walked all over. I became Sempai Hogan, a student people respected and (I swear, no ego) revered. I learned, I helped learn, and I taught. I became a leader and an example. People looked up to me, relied on me. When I had to leave.....I lost a lot of that. I lost a lot of confidence in myself. I'm even told..I don't carry myself the way I did in those days. But I put the gi on for the first time in years the other day. My accomplishments represented all over my uniform, and the accomplishments in my memories, I felt it all at once. My sense of pride in my achievements. I did what a lot of people couldn't do. And here I was, wearing Sempai Hogan's uniform, when I wasn't Sempai Hogan anymore. Not because I didn't train in a school anymore. It's because I didn't have Sempai Hogan's attitude, tenacity, self-confidence, or self-discipline. Time to change that.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/14233729/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/14233729/ Sun, 19 Aug 2007 00:13:21 PDT
:\ tourette's guy died. or at least, that's what they're saying, i think its just a marketing scheme to sell the DVD.....i'll buy it.


So! Updates in the exciting world of me. Back to my old self as it were, and I did miss it. I just haven't felt like myself in a long time, and it's a relief to be me again. I have the Green Ranger digital painting to thank for that, I spent the whole time zenning out while I worked and dealing with my demons. Since I finished, I've been working on a few other things, and I'm actually making some good work! I'm excited to share it, so I'll be uploading each as it's finished. One more Green Ranger thing, a few little comic pages, and somethin else I'm not really sure of yet, but I feel good about it. I probably wouldn't have even been this productive if this summer didn't happen the way it did, so maybe it was a blessing in disguise. We'll see!

Greg's party next weekend, which really is gonna be bitter sweet. It's gonna be my first hammering since my b-day (which isn't something I require, just enjoy), so that'll be a lot of fun. But it's also signalling the semester and saying goodbye to all those who dorm. Luckily though, Joe's turning 21 in September, so we're all going to Scranton to party till we don't remember what year it is. So social events, very much looking forward to them.

All still well with Dad. And although my sleep pattern is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off, I'm actually...you know...sleeping. Road test next week. Not sure how i'll do, but as most things, we'll see. I'm in no rush, as I'll have no car anyway, but it's something I needed to do for myself. Another thing I needed to do was shave the gotee :\ I liked it for a little while (and no, I didn't do it because you all told me too), but realized why I wanted it in the first place. Now that I'm back to my senses and happy with being me again, adios facial hair. Not like it was more than 3 hairs anyway. Now if I can drag my lazy ass to get a haircut, I might start looking human again.

Training is going very well. My regiment's doubled from when I started, my endurance is building again, and I'm a lot more flexible! I dunno if my strikes are any stronger, but I follow through a lot more with each kick now that i'm feeling stronger again. With this gorgeous weather, I think I'm gonna go out and do some katas in the fresh air. As tiring as they can be, it really is relaxing being outside. I did a little bo/katana training the other day, and my form's gotten a little sloppy without practice too. :\ I'll do what i can to clean those up, although they aren't priorities. Right now just being back in shape is.

It also just hit me how many bitchin games are around the corner. Bioshock this week (paid in full already), Blacksite in 2 weeks, and Halo 3 (also paid off) end of September. Heroes season 2 also starts the day before Halo comes out. Yeah, I'm not going to class that week.

Also last, but certainly not least, I'm like....50% sure I saw Kate this week. Went to Best Buy with Tom the other day and I saw this girl that looked a LOT like her. Like, I was pretty positive it was her. Same build, face, hair was different (I mean, girls change their hairstyles every 10 minutes, I wouldn't expect it to be the same in 4 years), but really looked like her. We made split second eye contact but she didn't double take like she recognized me or anything. I almost went up to her but A) didn't wanna freak her out if she didn't wanna see me and bring back bad memories and B) didn't wanna look like an ass if I was wrong. Oh well, though. At least I can tell myself she's alright. That's kind of all I really wanted to know.

Is that it? I think? So yeah, eventful end of the summer. Unfortunately, "end of the summer" though. Well, in the words of my good friend Ankit:

sRicks21: hahaha
sRicks21: we going to the wrong places
sRicks21: in fking idaho
sRicks21: we would be PIMPS

How can you argue with that reasoning? So have a good remainder of the summer, I'm goin to Idaho with a few friends.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/14064976/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/14064976/ Tue, 07 Aug 2007 19:10:35 PDT
Here's a little preview, but it's only the initial pencils:
[link]

I decided to do this once "Courage Under Fire" [link] reached 100 favorites. A million thanks to all of you who faved and checked it out. People who come to my profile to see that piece are the vast majority of my pageviews, and I appreciate your support very much!

This new piece is in fact going to be a digital painting, and as of this moment it's about 3/4 finished. I can honestly say, with no ego intended, it is my finest work to date. It's also convincing me that my digital work is far surpassing any of my traditional art, and that I'd probably have a better career pursuing digital art.

Again, thank you for the 100+ favorites on "Courage," and I hope all of you enjoy the new addition! I promise to have it uploaded Friday the latest. Working on it day and night!

And it's good to be back.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13816717/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13816717/ Sat, 21 Jul 2007 04:13:31 PDT
and then you get the call from your mom at the hospital. your father is dead.



and maybe, you know how it feels to not want to go back to sleep again.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13715062/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13715062/ Fri, 13 Jul 2007 00:53:02 PDT
I'm not gonna sit down and document the past two weeks day for day, because minus deaths in the family and huge tragedies like 9-11, they have been the worst two weeks of my entire life. Every single day has just been fucking horrendous. Everyday was just a fucking day where my patience and emotional/physical stability have been pushed to their absolute limitations. And I cannot get any fucking sleep on top of it. I need to catch a mother fucking break.

I don't know where to even start with the fucking mess, so I'm not even going to bother here. I've told everyone who's business it is what's going on, and I'm tired of telling it. Frankly, the amount of detail of how much assrape actually occurred is so fucking ironic. Nobody I've told even knows the FULL story. I don't do that. I complain a lot, but I can't burden everybody with every single detail. Their brains would explode. It's just...really fucking bad right now. And bitching about it here makes me feel a little bit better.

Maybe it's karma. Maybe I did something (or didn't do something) that I deserved this retardedly extreme kick in the ass. Maybe it's just a collective of things I had coming all smushed into one. Either way, I feel like these disgusting piece of shit 2 weeks happened for a reason. Whether or not I deserved them I don't know. But they happened with purpose. At least the stuff with Dad isn't as severely serious as it was looking to be a little while ago. That really is the best thing I could've hoped for. If I had a choice of what I could change in this whole situation of shit, thats what I would've chosen.

I kind of felt bad telling Bea I wouldn't go to her party though. At the same time, I don't. I'd be there if I could, but I can't. I have enough to deal with right now, and if she wants to be friends in the longrun, I need to fucking sort my feelings out and put them aside if I'm going to do that. I can't do that by her birthday. Otherwise, I can't fucking do it at all. I've always been bad with the being friends thing after I dated someone. It's fucking hard, man. If I wanted to be friends, I would have been friends to begin with. You agree to be friends because otherwise you don't get to know the person you cared about at all. So if I'm being asked to do that, to put my feelings for her aside, I need fucking time and space to do it. Which means a birthday party in a week and change is out of the fucking question. I think I'm just trying to convince myself not to feel bad now. Great job, I'm doing.

I can't look at things the same way exactly...I had to make a few changes, for myself I guess. Had to feel like I needed to grow up a little since I've been carrying on so much. Minor physical ones, but nothing's different on the inside. Maybe because I don't really wanna be the same person at the moment. I had a worse episode with that but talked it out with a friend, and didn't end up doing anything stupid.

I miss my friends. For reasons beyond my control, I've just been going through this entire thing alone. Aside from a few internet pep talks with a few (all of which I appreciate more than they can imagine, a lot check up on me to see how i'm doing which means the fucking world to me), it's just...been lonely. Really fucking lonely. Doing this and just sitting here by myself in my room. I can't take my mind off things anymore. I've been in my house for two weeks, I'm like getting cabin fever. Mono will do that. Physically tired all the time because of it and I just wanna leave my house, see my friends. Take my head off of things. Salvage what's left of my summer. I can finally leave my house tomorrow, and all my friends are busy. I practically rose from the dead and they're seeing that stupid fucking harry potter movie. I am so goddamn close to just crashing and burning. Cuz how I'm coping now just isn't working.

Right now I'm just....tired. Emotionally and physically. And I'm at my wit's end. Mad at the world, really. My emotions are all over the fucking place, and I'm really irritable. And I just wanna shut the fuck up, move on, and grow up. I've felt every negative human emotion this week and I'm just really tired of them all. At least you know you're alive though, when you have to face this kind of stuff. Makes you realize you felt the exact opposite extreme of happiness, because otherwise you wouldn't feel so negative when these things happen. Yeah. Reminder you're alive. I guess that's a silver lining.

I don't really wanna go back to school. This whole experience had me thinking about a lot of stuff. This college experience....isn't the one most people get to have. This college experience is just....lonely. Commute alone there. Sit in a class with mostly anti-social kid... ]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13552680/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13552680/ Sat, 30 Jun 2007 14:16:10 PDT

Upstate NY '07 is finally a day away. I'm just about finished packing with a few minor exceptions. The biggest thing left right now to pack is Wii since I have to unplug all the cables and mess up my setup to get it out. We're bringing Wii and 360, and I'm in charge of bringing Wii/accessories/games. Steve's bringing his 360 + controllers and games, while Joe Sorbera's got the extra controllers/games covered. Seems like we got everything under control.

Before I can unpack Wii, I wanna download a few virtual console games first. I got a LATE b-day present last night from Tom, Jess, and Greg: 4000 Wii Points and 4000 Microsoft Points. Definitely have to download some stuff like Sonic 2.

Activities are up in the air this year since a large portion of the trip is gonna be in thunderstorms. I'm sure we'll figure something out.

I dunno. I guess with all that's going on lately, I dunno how much fun I'll have this year. Thing about this trip is, there's no privacy whatsoever (unless you're using the bathroom or in the shower). Everything we do, we do together. All things considered though..I really am gonna want some alone time. I dunno how I'll handle things, but let's hope I can maintain some self-control and don't turn irritable/lone wolf.

I think I'm still sick. I've been getting REALLY warm during the night and woke up today with the wickedest sore throat. It's killing me all day, the muscles in my throat feel really swollen and it's just really annoying and painful everytime you try to even talk. I'll take a fuckload of tylenol and hope it doesn't last the whole trip.

Anyway, I return the 8th. Everybody have a safe 4th of July week.

And if you read this Bea, I'll call you as soon as I'm home.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13466460/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13466460/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 00:18:05 PDT
Went to Mocca with Bea and Joe S today which was really awesome. Met and spoke with a few really cool artists and saw a lot of friends from school, it was pretty awesome.

I couldn't fall asleep at all last night, so I ended up going on no sleep really. Bad idea #1 for today!

Although I knew I was getting way too sore way too easily from carrying Bea's messenger bag around for the day. It wasn't that heavy, but my muscles were apparently throwing warning signs my way (my left shoulder continuously feels like something's impaled in it). Bea spent the night after hanging out with my gang of friends and so I told her I'd carry the bag around in the city otherwise we'd end up leaving it at my place, then going back to Staten Island to get it, then drive her home. So we brought it instead of that and I carried it for the day. She kept telling me to let her carry it, but I didn't mind it. In retrospect tho, I probably should've if I was getting so sore, but I didn't realize it was because of an approaching fever.

So I got home and napped for about an hour and woke up IN AGONY. To the point where I was so sore that I could barely move. Man, it sucked. I was hot as hell but I figured it was just the comforter or something. I didn't cool down within a few hours, and finally took my own temperature. Alas! Fever dead ahead. I also somehow managed to get a splitting headache cuz everytime I get up my head feels like its breaking open. And as I write this, I now experience chills! Huzzah.

Okay. Gonna go rest (I'm exhausted again, which might be good for my sleep) and hopefully shake this off by tomorrow. I have a week to get my ass better otherwise I'm out for dinner with Pedulla and the Upstate trip. NOT AN OPTION.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13324341/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13324341/ Wed, 13 Jun 2007 02:02:56 PDT

Tenchu Z comes out tomorrow (today). Looking forward to finally getting it. The new gameplay videos popping up really do look a lot better than the demo, in terms of variety and graphics. Gameplay looks about the same, but thats no complaint of mine. I enjoy the gameplay a lot. I'm thinking about saving up for ShadowRun and Blacksite: Area 51. I played both demos on the 360 recently and they're both a lot of fun.


What else...art in the works. Started doing thumbnails on a project I'll reveal soon. If you're a fan of my Green Ranger digital painting, I'm sure you won't be disappointed. That deviant has 99 favorites by the way, more than any other deviant in my gallery. So huge thanks to everyone who faved it, hopefully it'll boost to 100 soon.


I didn't do very much today except watch the thunderstorm and play video games. I don't mind the free time much, but I guess there's other things I'd rather be doing now but can't.


Hope Kate's doing okay.


Seeing Bea on friday. We're seeing Fantastic Four early-ish with her friends, then going to a club in Manhattan for her sister's birthday. Hopefully she teaches this caucasian how to dance, cuz my ass certainly doesn't already know. Club's aren't my scene at all, it's a self-conscious thing I think. I can deal with just about any atmosphere, but I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb at clubs. Oh well, to be honest I really only want to go because Bea invited me. Well, alright. A big part is also I hate the idea of her going to a club looking all sexy with other guys trying to flirt with her. It's not like I would give her shit if she went without me or anything, she has the right to do whatever she wants...I just. Ugh. I hate that. That kinda stuff makes me feel a little inadequite. But she invited me to go, which means she wants me there with her. I hope it isn't because she figured I'd be at home worrying if she didn't. We still don't see each other much this summer, so when she brings somethin up, I jump on it. Things are going well with her. We had kind of a weird/awkward conversation a few days ago but it was for the best. I feel better that we did rather than pretending nothing was up. Wonder what we're gonna end up doing in the multiple-hour gap between the movie and the club? I might end up spending the night there if it gets too late. If its a burden, I'll probably just make my way home from the city or something. We'll see what happens.


Gonna hopefully duel with Joe later today. Duel's becoming very second-nature and we're really happy with the choreography as of now. Looks like we shouldn't have much trouble getting it filmed by early August, as originally scheduled. Joe and I are also going to the gang's usual diner tomorrow night at 10 when he gets out of his LSAT class. What's LSAT stand for? No idea. Something to do with law school. Sounds like the name of a Star Wars vehicle to me. LS-AT.


Hmm. Lately I keep catching myself wondering where I'd be if I did things differently. I dwell on the past too much, that's my problem with a lot of things. I guess its because history has a way of repeating itself. I'm kind of waiting in disdain for my next real fight. Waiting for it and going looking for one are two different things. If you know me well enough to have read up until this paragraph, you already know that isn't how I roll. I dunno. I have a gut instinct something is going to happen. And once again, I'll be thrust into a situation I don't want to be in, but'll have no choice if I wanna do the right thing. Really do feel like Peter Parker sometimes. Doing my little good deeds without anybody really knowing (but those I'm closest with know the big ones). And it's not like I'm spilling the beans now, either. I won't say what I'm talking about, nor do they matter. I don't need the pat on the back. Point is, I kinda bend over backwards to get things done and help people out...only to kind of struggle my way along. Trying to get by. Meh. I'm no Spider-Man to begin with.


I think I'm just rambling cuz I'm tired again. Think I'm gonna skip the beer tonight and try to go back to sleep. If I can't pull that off and/or wake up again, maybe I'll raid the fridge. Sweet dreams to the rest of you.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13203979/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13203979/ Sun, 03 Jun 2007 15:32:35 PDT
[link]



Otherwise shit is pretty much up in the air. Some personal stuff is going on that I really can't/don't want to talk about, but it's really getting to me as of late. I'm really short-tempered and just not myself. I'm irritated a lot more than normal, and just about everything in the day is turning into a struggle. There is a possibility that this'll all blow over, so hopefully it will. It's a big "if" though.


Sleep is no different. Still barely sleeping. Still the same reasons. Wish my psych teacher would get back to me.


Hope Kate's doing well.


I kinda feel uninspired to work on stuff. I know I want to, I even know what I wanna make. I just don't know where to get started. I'm in one of those moods where you're dissatisfied with your work and just stop almost immediately because its nothing like what you want it to be.


Things with Bea are still going okay. I saw her a few times this week but the past two times were just really complicated by my friends and myself (I got sick the other night). We all saw "Knocked Up," and it was just really nice to sit with just her (we got there late and ended up all splitting up to find seats). We don't go on dates too often lately because of conflicting schedules and money issues but it was nice, reminded me of when we first started dating. I wish she was over here more often, I could just use a hug a lot lately, and there isn't anyone else I'd rather get it from. However, I'm taking care of this "barely see her" bullshit myself right now. Doin my best. Oh, and it's 4 months on Tuesday. Here's hoping for at least 4 more. I look forward to our next date around then, since she's working Tues.


Strangely enough, the punching bag hasn't been helping me lately. Maybe it's too much stress to get out through anger and physical violence. Usually I feel better after I take a few spinning kicks and boxing routines at the heavy bag. Now I just feel tired and still pissed off. I've been doing slow katas in the yard though, with some heavy/slow breathing. Doesn't make me any less irritated, but it at least relaxes me. It's SOME form of peace at the very least, so I'll take it.


I could really use a drink, but I'm afraid to, honestly. I've been pretty good so far obeying my limit with alcohol, and have had 99% good experiences with it, but I don't wanna do it while depressed. Escape would be nice, but A) that isn't a good way to deal with your problems, and B) once you start, mixed with vulnerability, alcohol will only make it harder to stop. I don't need a hangover on top of things.


Fuckin lame, man.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13095127/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/13095127/ Fri, 25 May 2007 23:41:48 PDT
First off, I'll just acknowledge the fact that I know my girlfriend will probably be the only one to read it, and it's nothing she doesn't already know. If there is anything then she'll be all caught up, and if she doesn't read it, she knows it all anyway! I'm posting it here cuz I just wanna share. I am content.


I like Bea. Lots.

She gets me. Nobody gets me. Not girls, anyway (I don't care if that sounded gay, I got a best friend who's my fuckin brother/clone). But she somehow does.

It's big things and little things really. Little things add up, and of course big things go without saying. Big things like her always being available if i need her to listen, or advice, or just a distraction. To, I guess, essentially feel like I'm...happy? I don't wanna sound cliche and say I'M COMPLETE or WHOLE, but like...I dunno. I feel...good. I feel good with her. It makes sense to me. That's a really huge thing to me. To feel like I'm not wasting her time and she's not wasting mine, that we benefit each other with an emotional attachment...its not like a business deal. I'm not looking to benefit me, I wanna benefit her. And I feel like she's on that same page. Of course we both have NEEDS, but like...they kind of fall into place. As far as I know, anyway!

Little things too. Shit that shows she cares. They're nice. Coming with me to the stupid family Sweet 16. Checking in on me when I'm stressed out or not sleeping well. Sitting on swings for the sake of being together and alone. Walking for the hell of being with the other. Spending a day with my ass friends just to see me. Driving aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way to pick my temporarily immobile ass up. My stupid sense of humor that she somehow finds amusing. Going to a Thesis show I know she doesn't want to be at. Sitting in silence on a stoop just enjoying the others' presence. It's....new. I didn't expect them of her, they just kind of showed up. We were kind of shy for a while, but now we're just...duh, getting closer to one another. And it isn't based off of anything physical! I mean of COURSE I'm physically attracted to her (who isn't? she's a fox) and the distance is a pain in the ass and privacy is so few and far between, and all these big and little things are happening regardless. It's just....nice. I'm happy. With the way things are going. How they are now. Just...yeah. I want her to stick around. I mean it's still really early, too early to tell whats gonna come of this.

I try, you know? And its not even cuz I feel like I should. I WANT to. I want her to know she's special, that I'm lucky it's my arm she's attached to, so I feel inclined to show it however I can. Do I sound whipped? Well FUCK YOU if you say yes. XD No. It isn't like that. I like making her feel special, cuz I dunno if she knows what she does to my ego by being attached to a nerd like me. It's really empowering.

I see myself as the stereotypical overly-protective boyfriend. I back off when she's with her friends, cuz I know they're the ones she chooses to be around. I get pretty jealous though kind of easily, and I'm not proud of it. But I gotta bite my tongue and roll with it. I know she isn't the unfaithful type, that goes without saying for me. It's the OTHER guys I don't trust, at all. Call me crazy, or call it testosterone, but I do not fuck around when it comes to people understanding who my woman is. Okay. Easy there.

So yeah. Things are going well. I miss her a lot during the week. Lately when we get together, a lof of things go wrong early in the day but somehow manage to rectify themselves. Maybe it's cuz she cooled off cuz her friends were around. Or maybe I had something to do with it. Maybe both.

Fuck you, flat tire. I knew what to do with you and your fuckin tight-ass lugnuts made me look like a jackass. Oh well. I took charge of that situation as best as I could. Maybe I'm not as much of a push-over as I thought I was turning into the past few years. Although it coulda just been because the only thoughts in my head at the time were "Okay, let's do this and get Bea outta here. She doesn't wanna be here."

Yes. Rambling. Happy. Good. Bea. You suck. I hate you. Come here, I miss you.

BTW, thanks Nintendo, for inventing the Wii. That's what got us talking all over again in the first place.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12768452/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12768452/ Sat, 28 Apr 2007 15:54:10 PDT
My house is driving me fuckin nuts. Actually, a lot of things are driving me fuckin nuts right now, but the main thing driving me fuckin right now is my family.

I walk in the door (after already being in kind of a shitty mood from earlier in the day) only to meet immediately with opposition. Blah blah I'm such a terrible brother for not wanting to see my sister's new apartment. Take a number if you wanna get in the "you're a terrible ________" line right now. I can think of at least five nouns you could put in there.

Then my mom. Tomorrow family is coming over to celebrate my birthday. Normally, we go out to eat, but I don't wanna fuckin do that. If its my "birthday", i just wanna fuckin stay home and chill out. Yet she still sees the need to invite everyone and their mother to fuckin come here. Gimme a break. I don't want a damn big deal to begin with, and THEN i get a lot of heat because I don't wanna help set up and clean all this shit. I DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING BIG IN THE FIRST PLACE, AND YOU'RE GONNA GUILT TRIP ME BECAUSE I STILL DON'T?! Reason I wanted to stay home was so nobody had to do shit. Eat a regular dinner, do the present and cake thing and thats it. But no, that isn't allowed. What do I think this is, my birthday or something? Oh, wait. I would've been fine with just the immediate family, the girlfriend, and my aunt and uncle. Fine. Short and sweet. Nope. Getting the immediate family and all these distant cousins and shit that i don't feel like entertaining, not to mention the fact that i'll have work to do for monday.

I cannot sleep for the life of me. The last decent night's sleep I got had to be well before the thesis started. Thesis over. Good sleep still isn't back. I'm getting cranky. And pissed.

I say again, more work due monday. I just want to NOT DO ANYTHING. Fuckin joke.

Something's up with the woman. She says nothing is, but she's doing all the normal things she does whenever there IS something up. Whatever, she doesn't wanna talk about it, then I won't talk about it.

Let's hope things level out before Saturday. If I deal with one more shit birthday again, I'm just gonna legally drink myself to death. Problem solved.

End of bitch rant.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12685759/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12685759/ Sun, 22 Apr 2007 01:03:58 PDT
To watch something like this, during a time you're feeling overwhelmed, it's stupid. You feel selfish for feeling horrible, and like you have no right to feel guilt. We're supposed to forgive our enemies. To be stronger than they, to not lower ourselves to the level of someone who would take an innocent life. How do you right the wrong of something so evil? Everyone has a story about that day. Millions of people still ache, but move on. But...the hate. The horror.

It's more than indecency and selfishness. It's the deluded idea that it is alright to involve the harming of innocent people to accomplish actions of which we have no right to order. Everytime I watch something like this, I can't forgive those responsible for an idea that's so..evil. There is no other word for it. Evil. It makes it so much harder to do the right thing. It blackens the heart and creates a thirst and a NEED for revenge. But what is the correct justice? Is there one?

The shooting in Virginia Tech. What? How is something like this even possible? How can people be driven to so coldly and indifferently take the life of someone else. In such high numbers, even.

I'm questioning everything at this very moment. What really sticks in my mind are the (few) horrible events in my life that don't even come close to these kinds of tragedies...but that were driven by the same kind of evil people. Cowards. Rapists. Selfish people. There's a million different forms of evil, and it's around us every fucking day. We don't even know it. Man is capable of the worst possible scenarios, and it could be the dude passing you as you walk down the street this very moment. What can you do?

I gave up trying to sleep tonight. I already woke up twice from nightmares. I think I found a way to get some work done today without complaining about the workload.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12680570/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12680570/ Sat, 21 Apr 2007 13:03:56 PDT
All your curiosity/support/watches/favorites are greatly appreciated.

I'll be updating with a lot more work soon, as the summer means my own work and plenty of commissions! Till then!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12463915/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12463915/ Wed, 04 Apr 2007 23:15:34 PDT
2 months today, technically (it's 1:45 am). Things seem to be going pretty well. Big chink in the chain though is that we barely get any alone time. Agghhhh that's frustrating but at the same time makes alone time uber awesome.

We had a really great day today (although it started a little sad by getting drenched in the rain, but I got to do the boyfriend thing and hold the umbrella over her). Some light Halo with Tom (and pictures of her WITH MY FX LIGHTSABERS ZOMG HAWT), and then onto Jess' house briefly where we raped her poor mom's painting for it's crappy use of perspective. That made us feel big hahaha. Then dinner and movie (both were great), and then dropped her off (reluctantly). I look forward to more days like that, especially when it's just us two as well.

The one part of the day that pissed me off was the asshole in the table next to us this morning in the diner in the city. I noticed he kept staring at Bea. Sue me, cuz I wanted to go over and ask if he had a problem with his eyes. Must be the inner Staten Islander in me. I thought I was being paranoid at first, the jealous boyfriend, but he KEPT doing it. And he'd lock eyes with me and see my "Imma kill you, bitch" look I don't often get, and not look at her again for a while. But sure as shit, I kept him doing it like 6 or 7 times. Ass. Bea thinks its adorable that I get jealous. I don't know how I feel about that.

I like her. I feel...I dunno. I seldom have trouble wording things, especially when it comes to how I feel. Like a mixture of content, but still hungry? Not hungry for other chicks obviously, or hungry for anything that's too early to get into. More like..hungry to keep pursuing her? Like...I dunno. Not settling for the mundane. I look at people in long relationships, and they're almost like drones. The hand-holding, random kisses for no reason...I barely see it in them. I wanna keep things alive as to make her, I guess, still want those things? Keep things interesting, I guess is a good way of saying it. SPRING is finally coming, and I'll get to be a bit more creative with plans (I have quite a few new ideas, one already in the works. I won't be revealing them here cuz she might in fact glance over this entry).

The fact that we have little rituals already, which don't get me wrong, I love em, but they were a red flag that said to me "whoa, don't let things get boring now just cuz ya bagged her." Plus...who wants a repetitive relationship? It's just...more fun to keep thinking up shit. I like surprising her. Every once in a while she'll look at me with a "Hey, he's paying attention" or "He gives a damn" look, and that's a well-deserved self-pat on the back in my book. Dinner and a movie are exciting only so many times in a row (still a big fan of the combo though, its easy on the wallet).

Obviously, there's more to it than the things you do together. Also important, the things you DON'T do together. I can very confidently report that I really have zero reason to not trust her with anything (although that doesn't mean I trust anyone else WITH her...), so my big necessities, loyalty and honesty, aren't in any jeapordy whatsoever. Bitchin.

Okay, I'm fuckin tired and on a high from my awesome day. Time to sleep and not go to class tomorrow cuz...I need sleep and to not go to class tomorrow. Later, dawgs.

Oh, sidenote, my Thesis made the art show for Junior illustrators/cartoonists. Pretty cool shit, and yet, I'm not as excited as I should be. Maybe it'll kick in later. Anyway, be sure to check it out, I'm uploading all 16 pages over the next few days. Do enjoy, and have a good one.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12034532/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/12034532/ Sat, 03 Mar 2007 01:26:53 PST
I've been having weird dreams lately, tonight was the first nightmare I've had in about a week or so. They've just been really strange the past few days, very vivid. I don't really wanna go back to sleep yet. I mean I napped during the day for a few hours and I just got some sleep just now anyway. Although I should try to get some rest as I have to ink a full page today if I wanna be on schedule for my thesis. There's always something.

I notice a lot of my dreams have violence in them. Even the ones that don't disturb me. I'm always fighting off somebody for whatever reason, and I'm usually on the defense. Rarely am I the aggressor. Maybe that means something. But I digress.

Maybe I'll play a little Vegas to get my eyes nice and heavy and try to go back to sleep. Ugh. I need to get that page done today if I wanna have any social days later during the break.

Fuck you too, thesis. I don't give half a rat's ass if I'm in the stupid show. I found out that only SVA students can even go to it anyway. Who fuckin cares about that? Wow, the best are picked to be in a show that....only the best and the worst can see. No one from Dark Horse would be able to walk in and say "hey thats a cool star wars comic you got here, heres some money so come work for us." I guess it's just an achievement thing for some people. Whatever, do not give a fuck. Just wanna get it done and get it done right.

I want wed and possibly thurs. I miss Bea, and thats the next time(s) I'll see her. Argh.

I hung out with Joe today, which was cool. It was kinda later than I was expecting it, though. I'm always happy to see him but I was really out of it since I woke up from the nap I took earlier (I was a zombie before that), and I wanted to talk to Bea when she got home but Joe was still there and I didn't wanna shaft him. We rarely get to hang out. Mostly because he dorms away from home, and also one of us is usually busy. Either I'm swamped with work or he's off with his girlfriend doing all these things. We rarely get video game killing-things time. Meh. I'm sure I'll talk to Bea tomorrow. And the next day.....And the next.

300 soon. Cannot freakin wait. THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!1!1!61539^!!!32 Ninja Turtles as well. Damn, I'm in need of these movies.

Arite gonna go attempt things to attempt sleep.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11979785/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11979785/ Mon, 26 Feb 2007 19:43:37 PST
First off, I just got 50 bucks from my tax return! Ahahaha up yours, IRS! Plus I get paid on Wed or Thurs! Now I can afford the double date with the lady and friends next week.

Spring Break is coming soon too. Three more classes and I'm off for 10 days! I plan on working on the thesis for most of it, aiming for at the least, 8 pages inked. I'm really motivated to work as its finally looking really cool to me. I really like where its going, although I still have a lot of work to put into it. But I feel good about it.

Heroes is friggin crazy. This show keeps blowing my face off every week. No way will I last waiting for the next season in the fall. Joe needs it NOW!

DINNER WITH PEDULLA SOON. March 16th. Vir Fidelis rises once more.

Things with the girlfriend are going well. We have a bunch of things planned over the break. She's gonna come here for dinner and whatnot one day, and like I mentioned earlier, a double date with Tom and Jess, most likely in the city. We're also trying to get a kareoke day going, but we'll see how that goes. Everyone's busy lately, and Bea and I are the only ones on break this week. So who knows about that for now.

I'm not really sure where things are going with her, but I really hope they turn out well. I like being around her, and I like doing little stupid things with her that I normally don't like doing with anybody else. Either way, I'm having fun right now, and attempting to not really worry about the later but enjoy the now. If she's reading, hi n00b.

So I should probably get started on the paper I know nothing about. It's due in uh. Like 12 hours. Wakka Wakka Wakka, bitches! Till next time.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11967508/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11967508/ Sun, 25 Feb 2007 21:24:48 PST
I miss karate a lot. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not doing anything much to do with it lately. I really wanna go outside and nail some backflips and aerials but its just too cold. I wanna bag train as much as I did last summer but I don't have the time (or energy). My stances are sloppy when I do my katas and my endurance is completely shot. In the sense of being a weapon, I'm going to waste. May 1st, I train the way I was supposed to.

I guess karate has always been a bitter sweet thing with me. I started it because, well, the obvious reason. I was the little guy, who liked Star Wars and didn't want to take risks challenging authority in school. Naturally, that made me a target. When I joined, word spread pretty quickly that I did, and I got an overnight reputation without ever having to raise a single fist. Until High School anyway. But that's not particularly important. Karate was just....the source of most of the pain and pleasure in my life. I have to admit though, I don't want to think of what my life would be if it wasn't such a huge factor.

I hate fighting, but I love being able to. I don't really understand it. It's a confidence booster in a lot of ways. It makes you feel safe and important, and as long as you don't abuse it, it makes you feel worthy of it too. If you can choose your battles wisely, you earn the right to fight them at all. Any battle you walk into wanting to fight is probably a wrong one. Any battle you approach but don't want to is probably a right one (although there are always exceptions to both). Sometimes the battles you have to fight in force upon you consequences you aren't prepared for, but are responsible to deal with. Fact of life, whether it's the battlefield, a career, a relationship, or simply an act of courtesy.

The test for Black Belt and all numbered ranks above that are held in large sporting centers where the candidates from all 40+ schools in the organization can be observed by all the Senseis. They're held every 2 or so months. All candidates who test, besides the physical testing, had to write a speech and submit it to the highest Senseis for approval as to what having a black belt meant. Not just kids, adults had to as well. The best (not to gloat) are read by the candidates at the test once passing the physical tests before the ceremony. I was picked to read mine in front of the entire place. I think the public speaking was more terrifying than the test itself.

When I earned my First Degree Black Belt, I began assisting teaching the beginner level classes, where I met two students who'd change my life for the better. The first became my best friend for almost a decade now. The other was a little guy named Danny. Little guy, like I was at his age. Had really long wavy hair. He was like all of my guys. Trained under me until either they lost interest and left to play sports/money ran out, or till they ranked up high enough to move to an intermediate level class. So the day came when Danny told me he was considering leaving. He must've been 10 at the time? I asked him why, and I told me he was having a hard time with a few routines, so I offered to stay after class on one of the days (as there was an hour of free mat time between classes that day) and worked with him till he got things right. He was hesitant at first, but I told him something REALLY cliche and cheesy (I was 14 or something at the time) that the only things worth obtaining required hard work and a non-quitting spirit. He agreed, and stayed and ranked up to intermediate classes, and I didn't see him for a few years. Honestly I don't even remember that conversation so much, but Danny remembered it.

Training for Second Degree was a nightmare. I failed my first test (July of 01), and training after that was endlessly frustrating. For that time period, doing karate was nothing but depressing. For whatever reason, I did what I didn't want to in hopes of ridding myself of the depression, which got me nowhere.

Then 9/11 happened. The September test was cancelled in respect of the horrible event, and I stopped training out of class for a time. I don't know. A lot of things went through my head then. Everybody has a 9/11 story. I don't know how I should feel about this, but 9/11 kind of....gave me confidence in myself, eventually. A lot of people took fear from it, but for some reason it gave me the mentality that shit only happens to you when you let it. I was in a rut with the damn test because I was allowing myself to be. I was my own fucking crutch. Training resumed. Second test came around. Passe... ]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11637413/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11637413/ Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:56:31 PST
Sleep is still elusive, and nightmares are still an issue, but the reoccuring one hasn't shown its face in a good month or so. I'm also getting enough rest to get by without being overly exhausted, which is always a blessing.

Thesis is going....okay. Not great, not bad. It's getting there. Slowly. It's not killing me, so that in itself is good news.

My sister's moving out of the house soon and is finally letting me teach her self-defense. She's pretty damn tiny so I feel a lot better about her being on her own now, because if anything, she'll know how to handle herself in a dangerous situation. At least know how to escape, I've shown her a few takedowns and how to break holds, and a few vital target areas to strike. Gotta fight dirty when you're little. Way of the world, I'm afraid. I'm protective of her, sue me.

And of course, the best thing going for me right now. I have a lady in my life once again, making the mundane repetitive week much more pleasant. We actually dated before but rushed into things too quickly the first time, so this time around we got to know each other before anything even happened. Sparks kind of went off slowly, and then bang, there we were kind of admitting still having feelings for each other. We've gone on one "official" date already but are spending a lot of time with each other and talking via the phone/instant messaging. In short, things are going very well. We have a few upcoming days planned to see each other during our busy scheduled weeks, one including Valentine's day. I'm also really looking forward to the day after my friend's birthday party (which she's also attending), we're going to Jersey Gardens, which'll definitely be a blast. I don't care how gay it sounds, I like shopping with her. I feel like I can talk to her really easily about personal things without being so much of a burden. We relate to a lot of things, so its of course comforting to be able to identify with someone who comes from the same place you are. Plus the fact that she's cute as hell and reminds me I'm a male when we kiss doesn't hurt either.

Only thing that sucks is that she lives in Edison (Jersey) so we end up meeting in Manhattan all the time (We're gonna start meeting closer to the others' homes soon). It sucks, especially not having a car, but i'll have on for my birthday. Hopefully if things continue going smoothly, it'll be easier that way, as I wouldn't mind making the drive out to see her. Either way though...I feel good about things. Like, really good. She's opening up to me as I am to her. I actually wanted to touch on a private issue of my own today, but we didn't have much privacy when we hung out, so I'll probably bring it up next time I see her. Anyway, let's hope that normal thing that happens when I feel good about starting a relationship happens. Like, you know, it ending. o_O Whoo! No bad thoughts though, I really do feel confident about it. So STFU if you feel otherwise.

I think thats all i have to report? Sweet. Till next time, when I find something to bitch about!

Joe WTF Hogan, out.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11496233/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11496233/ Fri, 19 Jan 2007 16:40:58 PST
It's a big deal for me, so thanks again! Hope you like what you see, and come back again sometime!

-Joe

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11369400/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11369400/ Mon, 08 Jan 2007 23:31:29 PST
So I don't really care if anybody comments on this, it isn't so personal. Go nuts if you read and feel the need to. And no, I'm not exaggerating, just frustrated, so I'm probably gonna take on a reeeeeeeally annoyed tone.

As the title may have suggested, today was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. I'm gonna complain like a little bitch! Why here? Cuz I'm not sticking it in anybody's face, I'd rather vent here when its up to someone else if they want to feel burdened by my shit! So yeah. Spring '07 semester began with a bang.

MONDAY:

First off, we had 3 thesis penciled comic pages due. Except we didn't. I couldn't sleep last night either, so I stayed up and got about 3 hours of sleep after finishing the last page (I was gonna go in with it incomplete, he wouldn't have cared, but since I was up, I stayed up longer to finish it). I go to sleep and wake up this morning and--forget to pack all 3 new thesis pages! Wonderfully bright of me.

It isn't raining when I leave my house for the bus, and I'm not one to carry an umbrella anyway, light rain doesn't bother me. So I arrive in the city and of course it's like downpouring when I get off the bus. My hair ends up looking fantastic. By fantastic, I mean terrible. A few blocks later it lightens up, a cab runs a light, swerves to miss another car, and spins right up and slides in the direction of myself and maybe 10 other people standing at the crosswalk. Stopped about a foot away from me, facing straight in my direction. If my pants weren't wet already, I definitely would've pissed them. No joke, I was ready to shove the poor girl next to me really hard if that guy didn't slow down to his stop the minute he did. The girl would've gotten launched by me and I would've jumped and rolled onto the engine. HEY WELCOME BACK TO MANHATTAN.

The next block over, as I'm crossing the street my jacket sleeve gets caught on the umbrella of a guy passing me. We both get jolted a little bit because neither of us realized and kept walking. I turn around to laugh and apologize, and he freaked the FUCK out. He accused me of trying to steal the damn umbrella!! He got up in my face, at which point I was scared as fuck. It was my word against his, and I tried to stay calm and tell the guy "Listen, it was an accident, I'm leaving now." He caused a big scene, cursing me out as I walked away.

I get 20 feet away and some lady bashes me in the face with her open umbrella, and scraped my face with the little metal part and just kept walking. I would've apologized if A) I ducked to get out of her way when I passed her in the first place and B) she even turned around to acknowledge me. WHATEVER. At this point I was seriously ready to turn around and go home. But I stayed because I just wanted to see somebody I'd see later on in the day, so I kind of collected myself and went to the first new class.

Science and War was the first class, and it was pretty cool. Seems like it's going to be interested, and there's a bit of reading. I'll probably like it. We got out 2 hours early since it was one of those admin days where they just say "ok my name is whatever, come in next class ready to rock." So I went and put my head down in my next class for the two hours and just couldn't fall asleep, at which case I was getting really aggitated, but I lived. Class started finally and I found out those pages weren't really DUE today. He said "I couldn't morally give you work to do over the break." Then why did you? Whatever.

After class I walked a friend of mine I'm starting to date to where she catches her train, and I'm not sure she wanted the company or not. I didn't get to talk to her much during class so I figured maybe it would've been nice. The both of us were running on zero sleep so she wasn't that talkative and I was gradually turning into an asshole (a bigger one than I normally am when I'm tired). Her train came, we departed, and I found the bus stop in that area. But seeing her did lighten the crappiness of the day.

It was one of those "OK, I had a shit day and I just wanna go home and forget it" kind of things, so naturally(!) the bus was a half hour wait, crowded as hell, and I had forgotten to charge my ipod. I got home, went online for a few, and passed out in my comp chair and literally woke up about 20 minutes ago. I had about 90 im's when I woke, but everybody had signed off.

So yeah. Now I can't fall back to sleep (I didn't want to lie down cuz I didn't wanna go to sleep so early, now its 2 am). GO ME. I'm gonna stay up until about 10 pm tonight so I'll be well-rested for wednesday, when I take that friend of mine out on our "first date" (we've dated prior to this but kind of starting back at square one) so I'm definitely looking forward to that. Something that'll definitely cancel out some of the suck... ]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11296571/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/11296571/ Wed, 03 Jan 2007 03:44:26 PST
First and foremost, I'm sleeping better. I have no doubt a large factor in my trouble sleeping were problems brought on by the school semester. Break is almost over and I'll probably end up having more sleeping issues since the thesis projects are officially off the ground, but I can report that the glass is half full at the moment, and I'm sleeping better as of late. The only reason I'm up now is because I screwed up my sleeping pattern really well. That's my own fault.

My nightmares, although fewer, haven't changed much in theme. Nuclear warheads exploding in the sky, destroying the earth beneath it, and being swept by a tsunami on a beach are among the few i've had recently (in one night, no less). Mostly a sense of helplessness against forces greater than myself, and I could give you a list of things this could represent, but there's really no need to. I addressed them all in the last entry.

I'm kind of in a sense of limbo when it comes to loneliness. I stated last time that I felt less lonely when I help people out, when I do something meaningful for another human being. I did something on Christmas day that made me feel really great, and greater that I didn't do it to make myself feel that way! I won't say what it is, because it would kind of defeat the purpose of the deed in itself if you go around blabbing about it, but I really feel like I grew up a little. Good day to do it.

Back to the limbo feeling. About a month ago, I made up my mind that I was going to ask out a girl I've had a thing for since the day I met her about a year and a half ago. So, for about a week, I did everything I could to prepare myself to do it. For some reason, I was more intimidated about doing it than ever doing anything else. Sounds like an exaggeration, I know. But anyone I spoke to about it can attest to just how out there I was while I was waiting for the day I'd see her to roll around. It came, and the day itself was a disaster, but I can say I did it. I got a yes out of her, which threw me onto cloud nine, and once a week passed, I got the message that the yes was just a way of her getting out of it without hurting my feelings. Please. I actually would've been fine with the straight no. Seriously. If you don't like me, I can deal with that, because it's a fact that I know and can adapt to. I can't adapt to something I don't know. She never got back to me (I initiated one online conversation since then, with one word answers as the response, and got the bum's rush.), and so, I'm just at the point where I just do not care anymore. I give and I do what I can for people, and I'm not looking for anything in return, but maybe just catch a break once in a while. I'm getting tired of the "nice guys finish last" song. Hell, I've been tired of it forever. I'm thinking either girls aren't at the age where a nice guy is attractive yet, or that I'm just not showing enough of it. At the same time, I feel like you shouldn't be going around parading your good deeds as if they were trophies just to impress people. I guess that makes me a closet-nice guy? Maybe I should just clean up the public obnoxiousness. I've become significantly more extroverted in the past few years, it could be that since my attitude is stereotypically speaking associated with selfish assholes that could be my problem. So again, whatever happens happens. If anything good happens, I'll be happy. If not, I won't be a victim. Anything would just be a pleasant surprise.

I'll only slightly banter about chivalry, cuz I've done it plenty in the past. Is it really becoming extinct? I had a conversation with a friend's girlfriend recently, and we got to talking about chivalry. She said she thought it was cheesy when a guy walked ahead of her to hold the door open for her, or pulled her chair out for her and helped her with her coat. The minute I found out it was good etiquette to escort a woman down the street with yourself on the street side of the sidewalk so as to protect her from possibly being splashed, I started putting that into effect IMMEDIATELY (which has gone unnoticed...which I kind of like), and now I find out its taboo to do things that are considered bare minimum politeness? You take a lady out, she becomes your guest. It's your job to make sure she has a good time and know you appreciate her being there with you. Not kiss the ground she walks on, but how often does anybody make you feel special in everyday life? Is it really corney to want to do that for somebody? If so, then I was born in the wrong time period. I should've been a knight.

Another random note I'm kind of annoyed about. The overall GPA you need for an internship is 3.25, and my last grade came in today. My GPA is 3.247! Such luck. Looks like 4Kids Entertainment will be waiting... ]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10695394/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10695394/ Sat, 11 Nov 2006 22:58:12 PST
If the link doesn't work, I'll figure something out. You can always go to youtube and find my profile (XJapanRoX, same as here) and check it out.

Thanks for all your support!

[link]

Enjoy, all!

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10613082/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10613082/ Sat, 04 Nov 2006 11:22:36 PST
One of the realizations I came to through this is that growing up, I had a large amount of anxiety. I've always been very blessed, a comfortable middle class family that loves me very much, and never hesitated to provide me with the necessities to survive and then some. But for some reason, affection wasn't ever really one of those things. My mom has always been impossible to please, and I feel like my dad, although always supportive and understanding, was always kind of afraid to get personal with me cuz that's "not what guys do." I have a hard time expressing affection to my parents because of this, it just feels forced and weird. I love them, but telling them feels...strange. My older sister and only sibling didn't particularly want me around her the older she got. Having a little brother was like having the plague if she was ever on the phone with a friend, especially in middle and high school. So I kind of just grew up on my own. My sister gives me a hard time why I never really want to do anything with her now. They wonder why I've become the way I am. Maybe it's because I've grown up this way and it feels weird not to. To compensate for the loneliness and anxiety, I had a security blanket for three quarters of my life. Obviously, the anxiety was too great for me to get rid of it at a healthier age in my life. This signifies a fear of abandonment. I simply didn't want to be alone.

I was also the shortest kid, and again, the loner in school. I'd made friends and whatnot, but I was still kind of picked on by that "cool click" of kids who everybody loved. At this point, I decided to join martial arts to learn how to protect myself. This would lead to further anxiety later on in life, but for the most part, it was still probably the most fulfilling and beneficial experience of my life. I ascended the ranks and learned things that are now instinct rather than memories, things that have literally saved lives. I can honestly remember being in karate that I had the feeling, "Yeah, this feels right. Protecting people feels right." I didn't feel that alone.

I didn't even start going out with friends, let alone talk to girls until later than most people. Senior year of high school is when I actually bothered going out and socializing, before then I just kind of wanted to be alone when I wasn't busy. I had to give up karate for several reasons, but would eventually return to it a few years later. However at the end of senior year, an event occurred that rocked the foundations of everything I was, and changed me. For better or worse, I couldn't tell you, but I'm a different person as a result. A life was saved, and once again, I felt a relief of the anxiety I normally felt. I was physically alone against all I've come to hate, but because I was protecting someone, the anxiety wasn't there. I had a purpose and a need to fulfill it. I've been with huge groups of close friends before, and none of it compares to the relief of loneliness in that moment. Horrifying as it was, and as much anxiety as it has caused me since, the need to protect people has replaced my loneliness at times. I've had nightmares ever since that day, failing to protect people I love. Sitting this all through and carefully thinking, another conclusion I have come to is that the lonelier I feel, the more I feel like I have to protect people. From what, I don't know. Logically, maybe I feel like I have to protect people from the same kind of loneliness I feel? My nightmares are as metaphoric as they come, and looking back, it really is apparent how related my loneliness and fear of failing to protect innocent people/people I love are.

Getting this out of the way now, I'm not afraid of talking to girls I'm interested in romantically. On the contrary, I WANT to talk to them, but immediately feel like I'm bothering them. I guess I have my sister to thank for that in my younger years? If it burned into my development that talking to girls meant I was being annoying or uninteresting, then that's probably what caused my feelings of inferiority towards them. Now, friends who really know me have seen what a downright full-of-mys... ]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10401948/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10401948/ Sun, 15 Oct 2006 14:04:27 PDT
Friday morning at 7 am I awoke after hearing the day before that all Gamestops and EB Games would be taking pre-orders for the Nintendo Wii. Since my buddy from SVA Ivan works at the EB Games in our mall, and he gave me all the info I needed to be at the head of the line, I went to the one he worked at. My friend Steve went with me for the ride, and I was 3rd in line thanks to Ivan's tipoff. I put my down my payment of 50 bucks and the Wii is officially mine! Even if there's a shortage on launch, as long as they have 3 consoles (they do it in number order!), I'm guaranteed one.

So I had decided to trade in my PS2 and all the accessories and games I had for it, since A) I haven't played it in about a year, B) the only game I'd want to play is FFXII, and even that doesn't look that great to me, and C) It's wasted money sitting here when I'd rather have a Wii instead. So, from another critical tipoff from Ivan when to go in, I got an extra hundred bucks for all my trade-ins! My trade in total was 250, which allowed me to not only pay for my Wii in full, but reserve an extra full controller!

Don't tell my monday's class teacher, but on Monday November 20th, I will totally not be in class.

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10338404/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10338404/ Mon, 09 Oct 2006 15:33:19 PDT
He was a cool guy and a decent human being, but obviously had some problems if he could be stupid enough to drive while being trashed. He was doing 70 when he crashed, and died an hour later at the hospital.

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family, and my pleas out to anyone who thinks we're invincible because we're so young. We aren't. Brett learned the hard way.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10298666/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10298666/ Thu, 05 Oct 2006 21:47:02 PDT
remove the two spaces to get the full link (sorry i had to add spaces, otherwise the link would come up in smiley faces and a dead link):


h ttp://youtube.com/watch?v= pf7SbtKtZsw

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10191248/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10191248/ Tue, 26 Sep 2006 10:16:24 PDT
First up, since I'm a nacisistic bastard, here are some of my favorite videos I've made and uploaded myself:
Halo Promo 2 [link]
Advent Children [link]
Power Rangers! [link]
And of course, Star Wars [link]
----------------------------------------------------------------
Now the absolute hilarious:
Mitch Hedberg R.I.P. [link]
Pokemon WTF? [link]
Crazy Japanese [link]
PS3 TEH GHEY! [link]
Halo HILARITY [link]
Ask a Ninja! [link]
Japanese Power Ranger Parody [link]
Sam Jackson is the man [link]
ZOMG GIANT PIGEON [link]
80s pirate...? [link]
---------------------------------------------------------------
The insanely awesome:
Canon by Funtwo [link]
One Winged Angel live! [link]
E3 showing of the Twilight Princess for the first time...crowd goes CRAZY! [link]
Amazing Super Mario skit [link]
Pee-Wee! [link]
LIGHTSABERS BITCH [link]
----------------------------------------------------------------
The downright disturbing:
New Tickle Me Elmo [link]
NINTENDO 64!!!!!!!1!!1!!!seven [link]
Mario on ice? WTF! [link]
The governator in Japan [link]
A white rapper?!?!!!! [link]
Mr. Rogers is creepy [link]
----------------------------------------------------------------
Women I want to Bear my Children:
This chick can kick my ass! [link]
Shakira :: [link]
Alizee [link]
Vanessa Mae [link]
----------------------------------------------------------------
Reason my username has X Japan in it:
Kurenai [link]
Blue Blood!!!! [link]

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10188330/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/10188330/ Tue, 26 Sep 2006 01:15:52 PDT

So yeah, I had my only drawing class today (i think the 4th week or something?) and Tom Hart had some cool stuff to say about my work. Which SHOCKED me. I'm so used to getting like overlooked or whatever cuz i haven't been inking since i was in the womb like most others. Jason also gave me a SICK confidence boost when he told me one of his friends called him cuz he saw he had favorited my Green Ranger digital painting and loved it. Holy crap! Somebody liked my stuff enough to make a phone call?! WTF, that's never happened to me before. Either way, I won't let it go to my head.

You know you're misbehaving when you pre-meditate cutting class. Anyway, I'm gonna go to my first class, but then head home and get some sleep. I had already missed the first class, so I don't want to miss another so early in the semester. Also, I have no reason to miss the two classes I will tomorrow in the future. Besides, I just won't last through a 9 hour day. I'm gonna have to make up a bullshit excuse why I'm home so early (which I loathe doing), cuz the rents just don't understand taking a mental health day or whatever. It's all SCHOOL SCHOOL WORK WORK RAR all the time with them. Such is life.

But there are silver linings! We're doing our monthly Halo system link party early, this saturday. Well, not monthly. Every 3 or 4 weeks we get one going, either at my place or Tom's. It's Tom's turn to host the 8+ people since I did last about a week and a half ago when we were having a block party. It's sad when the best part of a block party is playing Halo inside your house. Insanely close and violent/loud Halo....and yet still technically outdoors! We set up one tv/xbox outside in my screenhouse for steve, since he's allergic to my ankle-biter we call a dog, and one inside. i admit, the outside setup is way cooler. pitch black at night and the air is gorgeous. steve and i have a little surprise for everyone playing this weekend...BWAHAHAHAHA.

my brothers (no, i don't have biological brothers) are also taking me out a specific day next week to kind of forget the significance of the date. i really appreciate them being there for me, it means a lot they'd go out of their way just to make my life a little bit easier. kudos to you guys, and vode an. for those of you not geek-enough to speak madalorian (no, not madarin), vode an translates to "brothers all." i'm gonna go get 2 hours sleep now.

But first, the most amazing cosplay costume I have ever seen:
[link]

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/9997222/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/9997222/ Thu, 07 Sep 2006 10:17:09 PDT Mood: freaking OUT
Listening to: "Feelin Me" - Kim Sozzi

HOLY CRAP!

I got the internship at 4Kids Entertainment. I AM FREAKING OUT! These guys are responsible for all the cartoons on Fox like Sonic, Kirby, the new Ninja Turtles, and dubbing stuff like Yu-Gi-Oh, One Piece, Shaman King, and Pokemon. I'm gonna be doing production work on a new series called "Chaos." HOLY CRAP!!!!!

I was ready to do ANYTHING and I'm doing production work. I don't care how much or little glamor is involved, I'm IN! My foot is finally in the door, and my career is finally starting to lift off.

I'm overwhelmed, to say the least.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/9950608/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/9950608/ Sun, 03 Sep 2006 11:20:46 PDT Listening to: "L-Train"

School's starting, and i have ONE art class and 4 humanities classes. LAME, but still, now i can concentrate on that one art class. however! there is still good news.

i'm commissioned to do something thats very much going to be COMMERCIAL. i'm not allowed to say what it is, but the piece i do will be on advertisements and whatnot. ZING! sick publicity for me, kids!

and thus, i am in a good mood now.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/9778185/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/9778185/ Sat, 19 Aug 2006 01:35:24 PDT Mood: unsure
Listening to: "Mary Mona Lisa" - Violet UK

Wow. I can't believe how quickly I've hit and passed 500 more hits since May. I'm honored that so many people came to look at my work, and of course, appreciative. Thanks so much to all who added to it. Its reassuring that I'm finally starting to do things right. My work is ameteur at best right now, and has been for a long time, but you guys are starting to make me feel like maybe I can achieve more than just ameteur status as an artist. And I want it more than anything (well maybe not anything, I want a Nintendo Wii more than I want my next breath...), so hopefully I won't let anybody down. Thanks to all who visited again, and as always, thanks to everyone who's dev-watched me.

The last journal I wrote (and most of them, upon review) back on the first day of a 4 month summer vacation ended on kind of a terrible note. I wish I could say anything nice right now, but it seems I never really sit down to write a journal entry unless I'm distressed. I take comfort in the fact that its been a good few months since I've felt stressed out enough to write. Besides, I stared at that entry since May, my front page needed a change of scenery. Lord knows I've been updating the images asap, so a new journal couldn't hurt either.

Well I've been thinking more about the same person I was upset with in the last entry, and it just got me really riled up. I was really tired, decided to go to sleep, and just kind of laid there thinking about things, and now I'm awake. It's hard being on the receiving end of an "I don't want to be with you anymore" punch in the face. I guess I kind of deserved it, as I did it to somebody first (reluctantly, but I couldn't lie to her), but its also another thing when the phrase "because I want to be with this person instead of you" is attached to it. Come out and say it. Somebody else is better than me.

Now it just so happens that I don't give a damn if any of the (zero) people reading this feel like I'm bitching or I'm "emo" or I should just "get over it." It's life. I get it. I'll move on when my emotions shaped by collective experiences throughout my life allow me to do so. I'm not perfect, and I don't get the opportunity to deal with women romantically often, so when things hit me, they hit me hard. Yeah, "boo hoo I can't get laid," right? If thats what you thought, then pat yourself on the back for reading the journal of somebody you know nothing about. If you didn't think that, then congratulations, you know me well enough that I would consider you a friend.

I don't know why I had that sudden impulse to defend myself from an argument that didn't happen. Maybe I'm worried about losing face value, but then again, if that was a concern for a journal, I wouldn't be writing my frustrations entry after entry. Also I think about 5-6 people who dev watch know me in the outside world, so its not like I'm worried about losing face value to people I don't know. Whatever, on with the rant.

I look back on what I've become in the past 2 years, since that whole thing happened. I'm not sure I like me. I've become irresponsible, cynical and lazy. I don't want to be this way. Geeze, 2 years already. And I don't feel any better. It seems to be a trend for me, letting shit get to me for long periods of time. Yeah, I know. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Somethings are easier than other to do so. I don't give second thoughts to MOST things. It's the few (luckily only few, I live a very blessed and tragedy-free life for the most part) yeally hard emotionally impacting ones that never seem to let me move on. A death in the family, a day walking home, an uncertain career in art, and this.

Fortunately, the uncertainty of my career seems to be less of a threat lately. A lot of people have been coming to me for commission work, which is an honor in itself. So far I've had only happy results from them, and it's really flattering that they'd even consider me to begin with. Everyone has been really supportive of me, and for that, I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I feel a little bit better now, so I'm gonna try to sleep. Maybe I can kick this insomnia thing before school starts.

On a side note, "Snakes on a Plane" has changed my life. That is all.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/8647000/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/8647000/ Mon, 01 May 2006 22:24:06 PDT Mood: pissed off
Listening to: "I Never Told You What I Do For A Living" - MCR

So I really wanted to do a nice journal thanking everyone who brought me up to 1,000 hits. It's been almost a year since I came on here, and I feel like I've made a lot of improvements through the school year. Thanks again to everyone who contributed, and especially to everyone who's watched me.


On the other hand, I was a little bit distracted by some really stupid news to deliver such a cheerful and upbeat post without ruining that mood. The following is theraputic writing, so discard it if you aren't in the mood for bitching. She knows who she is, and she isn't a member of DeviantArt, so I'm not pointing fingers at anyone on here, but holy shit, you fucking whore.

So, you're the school whore? The village bicycle, as it were? Congratulations, you fucking hypocrite. You preached and you preached, and you gave excuses and "compassion", but it was all face-value, wasn't it. You turned your back on us, on your friends, your family, and yourself. You claimed to be so righteous, meanwhile you're whoring yourself out to everything that moves. I was almost another name on your Goddamn list of assholes you've fucked for the sake of fucking. You've exploited everyone's sympathy and vulnerability towards you, and you won't waste another minute of my time.

My only consolation is that since you ripped my heart out, I've improved as an artist and a human being. Thanks to you and your self-righteous hypocritical personality, I've become a less-trusting individual. You're proof that I can't take the word of any girls my age on Staten Island. Cuz if the most innocent and sweet girl can turn into what you've turned into, then I'm never going to find anybody who doesn't know the meaning of honesty and loyalty. Good luck getting anywhere in life without those two things. If you ever get a chance to quit fucking other people, take the time out to go fuck yourself. Thanks.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/8002765/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/8002765/ Sat, 25 Feb 2006 20:00:18 PST
Mood: wee wee
Listening to: "Tetris" Rock Cover

OK, so I'm goin outta my freaking mind, work is being stupid, arts short-changed, doing a lot of art I don't wanna do for school, not doing art I WANNA do because of the lack of time, I need to get outside and start doing some backflips and aerials, I want more excercise, and I just spent days secluded in my room from a wicked stomach virus. Now, there can only be two possible outcomes of all of this:



I'm emo and i'm deep and sad about life and my soul is crying.

OR

I'm just stressed out.



Hey! Sounds to me like the second one's a winner! Luckily for me, Spring Break is around the corner, which should solve all these problems. I already plan on making the most of it, I'm gonna write down a schedule of crap I have to do each day to really live it up. Just 4 days to endure until I can sit back and get some REAL stuff done, and 3 of them are class days. Tomorrow's a fun day at the Dollar Trizzle, which is basically just a waste of time for not nearly enough money. Whatever though, money is money.

Ahhhh this Spring Break is gonna consist of some acrobatics, some COOL art, SOME homework (workload isn't looking to be that bad!), very little Dollar Tree visits, plenty of sleep, some stretching, and a BUTTLOAD OF WRITING on that Alien project I started forever ago. Yeah, I sound greedy with all this time, don't I? Well I mean, 10 days off, I think I can afford to be. Even if I devote one full day to everything I wanna do, thats still more than I can do now, and I'd love it. Anyway, heres hoping I survive the next few loooong days.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/7780888/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/7780888/ Thu, 02 Feb 2006 15:47:37 PST
So I'm finally getting my project off the ground a little bit. My solo one, not something for school. I began writing notes and doing a few thumbnails and character designs and whatnot. I actually cut school two days ago to sit in my regular diner for 4 hours and just work on it. My (crappy) pictures drew a lot of attention surprisingly, but I guess people who aren't more technically skilled than I am would naturally think my stuff is decent. I lack a lot of perspective, I'm trying to do something about that. So anyway, the receptionist (I think?) asked me to design a tattoo for her. WTF, I go from no artistic attention whatsoever to all of a sudden getting requests. I'm really happy about it, plus who could say no to a cute girl? Unless, you know, the question is "LOL LETS HVAE TEH SECKS?", but I won't get into that.

I took one of the preliminary sketches from the other day and I'm photoshopping the hell out of it. It already has more time put into it than any other digital image I've done, and its not even like 30% finished. This is going to take me about another week to finish, especially with the shitload of homework I still have to tackle. It's looking to be the best thing in the gallery so far once it's finished. I don't know if I'm going to approach every picture I do like this, but it was definitely something to try and to experiment. A little info on it, its a group shot of my 7 characters for the project currently in progress. The picture (and entire project really) is being seriously inspired by a Within Temptation song, but I won't say which one (its not "Aquarius" either) until the picture is finished.

Anyway, here's hoping I catch up on all my work and chill the fuck out. I'm kind of out of it lately, in a funk or something. Then again, since I only write journal entries when I AM in a funk, it probably seems like I always am. Oh well, I guess thats the only time I feel the need to address it. Either way, rock out with your cock out, and let the painful road to catching up begin.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/7653474/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/7653474/ Thu, 19 Jan 2006 23:37:30 PST



GENERAL STUFF ABOUT ME
1) Name: Joe H
2) Nickname: Asshole by some, Sempai by less, Sexy by none
3) IM Names: SuperSempaiDBZ
4) Age: 19
5) Birthday: Cinco De Mayo, wtf, I'm Mexican much?
6) Sex: male
7) Where do you live: SI, NY....yay.
8) Eyes: dark-brown
9) Straight/Gay/Bi: straight, for NOW
10) Shoe Size: 8-9, not even sure.
11) Are You Short or Tall: 5' 6, you decide.
12) Parents' Names: Dennis and Judy
13) Siblings: Sister Patti
14) Pets: Pookie the pook-monster, she's a puppy.
15) Friends Online: Yeah I'm not naming all of them.
16) Who is your best friend in the world that you would do anything for? Several people. Joe, Melissa, Tom, Jess, Jerry, Jen, Shayna, Steve, Fallon, Paul, Jay, Mike, the list goes on.
17.) Do you find yourself attractive? LOL Not after my track record.
18.) Do you find yourself ugly? Maybe not an eyesore, but see above question.
19.) Do others find you attractive? Yeah, our regular waitress at our regular diner, Mike's place. Doesn't help me much.
20.) Do you get along with your parents? sure
21.) Do you get along with your siblings? we're ok
22.) Do you all live together? yeah

FAVORITES
Sport to play: power sitting, speed sleeping, and extreme walking
Color: blue, especially when paired with black
Favorite Subject: Lunch
Brand: Master Replicas
Shoe Brand:
Music Artists: A little of everything, but X Japan and My Chemical Romance win by a landslide.
Singers: No one comes to mind, really.
Actors: Bruce Willis, Natalie Portman, Ewan McGregor, Kate Beckinsale, Sam Jackson, Christian Bale, Uma Therman, David Carradine.
Ice Cream: Cookies n' Cream
Drink: RED GATORADE
TV Shows: FAMILY GUY!!! Samurai Jack, Simpsons, Malcome in the Middle, Robot Chicken, Ghostbusters.
Holiday: Halloween
Month: MAY!!!
Season: Spring
Day of the year: First day of summer vacation.
Day of the week: Thursday. First day off of my weekly 4-day weekends.
Flowers: Dahlia, cuz its an X Japan song. It fits.
Quote: Yeah check facebook for those, I have too many.
Food: Eggs/Bacon, Fillet Mignon, Pizza, and cheez-its.
Number: 8, because it looks like two vertical boobs.
Scent: spring grass, actually.

RANDOM
Do you have a certain fashion that you follow? Kind of. Usually a T-shirt, accompanied by a hoodie in the winter, and my wristband on my right arm. Blue somewhat baggy jeans.
What makes you happy? Not too much lately. But a job well done and lending a hand or an ear usually do the trick.
What religion/denomination are you? Roman Catholic. Representin' yo.
What's the best advice ever given to you? "Hey! Listen!", and then whatever Navi told me after that.
What's your favorite memory? Earning Second Degree.
Do you drink? Only Gatorade, I do get drunk off it sometimes.
What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? WTF.
what are your dreams usually like? The nightmares are prophetic sometimes, but a lot of them are just weird.
Who do you dream about? Scary things.
Who do you tell your dreams to? Only people close to me cuz I'd need to vent.
Do you like scary or happy movies better? A good mix of both, but Star Wars is TEH MOOVY of my life.
What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Aliens.
What was the last thing that made you laugh? Steve said something stupid, and I can't freakin remember what it was.
Best bed sheets you had as a child? Ghostbusters.
Others describe your ass as? Non-existent.
what kind of phone do you own? Verizon
what's one of the strangest things you ever chewed on? gum.
if your skin could be any color of the rainbow, what would you choose? ..........
where did you go to pre-school? I remember not
strangest drug experience? that night in Thailand
favorite weather? the crazy wind right before a thunderstorm in late spirng/early summer. the sky gradient is wicked awesome.
describe your fingernails? bitten off.
how do you like your chocolate? um, chocolatey.
best vacation? Maine. most likely going to be this summer, Disney '06 with Joe and Melissa. Otherwise all the upstate trips to Tom's with Tom, Jerry, and Jess.
what languages can you speak? English and bad english. A little Huttese.
favorite house? Mine.
favorite mode of transportation? Tom's car, cuz I drive much.
favorite place to swim? The Bathtub
last porno you saw? They have TITLES?!
favorite kitchen utensil? chainsaw
favorite driving songs? Will be "Blue Blood"
what will you be doing tomorrow? Work and Homework, dinner at Mike's as usual.


AR... ]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/7505033/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/7505033/ Wed, 04 Jan 2006 03:52:36 PST
I really can't believe how many issues I still have with the bus stop incident. I'm borderline-convinced I should see a psychiatrist about this. I really think it's because I never had a sense of closure about it. When I went with Greg and Steve for breakfast on New Years day, I told Greg the story of what happened....and I was just so overwhealmed. To the point where I started to tear up. I can't even explain it. So many emotions race to mind everytime I think of it. Anger, disgust, fear...I don't have to "what if" the situation because what happened happened, and that's that. But I never did find out if Kate got home alright....I never saw her again. She was a complete stranger in trouble...and I don't know. I did everything I could at the time...but now I feel like I could have done more. I could have called the cops. I could've had that son of a bitch arrested instead of leaving him there on the pavement...sure, he wasn't fucking going anywhere anytime soon...but still. I could've called my parents, asked to bring her home myself. Called HER parents, had them pick her up. Its almost 2 years already....it still feels like yesterday. God....I want nothing from her...as fucking awkward as I am with courting girls, I wouldn't even attempt to chase after her like that...I'd never want her to feel like she owed me anything. She doesn't. I was in the right place at the right time. It was my responsibility to intervene. I didn't do anything outside of my obligation as a human being. So why do I feel like this?

I had a nightmare about it last night. I didn't get there in time, and she was raped right in front of me. No matter how hard I tried to run faster, I was just out of reach from ripping him off her. She screamed at me. I never woke up so depressed in my life.

I did something pretty unorthodox tonight. I searched through facebook of her highschool, hoping she'd be on there. I found a picture of someone who really did look like her. I messaged her kind of pleading my case to her, but her name was different. She probably thinks I'm nuts, or just chasing skirts with some elaborate story. But if it's her...maybe she gave me a fake name that day? Maybe she didn't want to be found after that. Maybe if forgetting that day meant she'd have to forget about me too, she had to lie to me. Who knows. I fucking don't, that's for sure. If she lied to me, it wasn't to blow me off....I saved her life for God's sake. I wasn't looking for a reward or even a thank you, just to get her the fuck out of that situation. But as quiet as she was, she was grateful...she hugged me when the bus came and whispered a "thank you" that was so genuine, no one could ever convince me she was uncomfortable with me.

I feel like this will never be resolved until I find her. What I wouldn't give to just talk to her one more time...and to tell her I'm sorry for not doing more. I've lost so much sleep over this horrible memory. All it did was tell me that I can handle myself in a life or death situation...that the decade of martial arts training wasn't a waste. Of course, that's comforting...but that was no way to learn. Pit someone against me, that's fine...but not with a girl in danger if I lose. That was the worst part of the entire fight. It was not knowing what would happen to her if I lost.

Why didn't she run away when I got him off her? She just stood there. I should have told her to run. I was too busy shutting up my own insecurities about losing, forcing myself to focus on how to fight smart instead of fighting with blind rage. But she just stood there, and watched. Scared as fuck, but her legs didn't move. She was trembling when I approached her afterwards...God. I hate him. I fucking hate the bastard. Who did he think he was, who gave him the right. Everything...EVERYTHING was all his fault.

I can't let this go...God, please let me find her just once.

]]> *XJapanRoX http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/6887195/ http://XJapanRoX.deviantart.com/journal/6887195/ Thu, 27 Oct 2005 23:49:17 PDT
I think I saw Kate yesterday! I was actually really relieved to see her, and to know she's doing alright. I was on the express bus to Manhattan, looked out my window, and saw her arriving at the same bus stop I had originally met her, when that fight broke out between me and her attacker. Since this is my first journal here, nobody probably knows who she is, but it isn't important since I don't like bragging about this much. I've worried about her ever since 2 years ago, because I haven't seen her since. If it was her, I wish I could have said hello, but I was already really late. At least I can rest easy knowing she's still up and about, going about ordinary life. Well, two years have passed, there's no reason not to...except, Staten Island is getting really bad lately. I find myself more on guard than relaxed, and I have to keep stepping up to the plate and be ready to defend people.

I'm not going to dedicate an entry to how hard it is feeling like the only good guy willing to stand up to the real scumbags of society. I'm sure if you're reading this post, chances are you know me pretty well, and already know how I feel, and have dealt with, that in the past. But onto other news.

Dinner with (Father) John Pedulla tomorrow! That's gonna rock. Too bad like half the people are pulling out. Look's like its us regular gang of 5 (whoo, I'm always that wonderful 5th wheel), Steve, Greg, and hopefully Sam accompanying John to dinner, at Cafe Milano. It's gonna rock pretty hard, as it usually does. He's one of the few teachers in general and priests (well, ex-priest now) that I ever connected to, felt I was on the same page with, you know? He was, and still is, a guy I can go to when I feel like I need some guidance. I always went straight for him for confession, always shot the breeze whenever I saw him, and I'm glad to say I'm keeping in contact now that high school is but a memory.

School is going alright. Having a difficult time keeping up with the work, but that's expected, as I was in the same boat last year. Somehow I manage. I enjoy the classes and the kids that aren't liberal fanatics are cool too. So, as opposed to last year, school is actually a very pleasant place to be. It's nice to like school for a change.

I just finished a music video I'm going to post on theforce.net after Thanksgiving. I know, really early, but I'm going to be cramming and rushing to get all my end of the semester work done, I won't have a chance to do it then. It's a "Christmas" video (the only thing remotely Christmas about it is the song) to "Carol of the Bells", a rock ballad by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, with clips from Episode III. If you care, I really do recommend it. It's one of my better videos as of late (I always say that, but I really do usually mean it). My music video count is now somewhere in the 70s. I need to really sit down and count each one, I documented up to 50 something...gotta record all the video's I've done since number 50.

Still stringing away at the guitar. Still suck, but still having fun. Learning the solos of "Endless Rain," "Kurenai" and "Rose of Pain" by X-Japan. Trying to tweak my "Blue Blood" too. We'll see how that goes, as always.

Anyway, I guess that's about it. I'm gonna hit the bathroom, then go to sleep. Night.

\/ This side up. ]]> *XJapanRoX