http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Xesta&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Xesta en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:58:17 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25439880/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25439880/ Sat, 20 Jun 2009 18:20:46 PDT

I was going to keep it secret from the rest of you, but whatev.

xD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25415449/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25415449/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 12:38:47 PDT
Sorry for dumping on you guys. But I think I need a good break from dA.

Especially after seeing your comments. No offense, but that wasn't what I needed right then. Dani's seemed to be the only one that effected me in a honestly good way, Dark's and Kai's being runners up.


I'm actually kind of pissed.

Because... for the most part, I am a happy person. Kind of oblivious, actually. But when I have a problem, I take it to dA, because you're all my friends, and I know you'll pull me out of it.

I wasn't expecting you all to snap at me and tell me I was a kid. That made what I was going through WORSE to be brutally honest.

I know I'm a damn kid. I'm fucking 16. I'm not even done growing yet.

But to have you say I think the world revolves around me and all that shit?

No.

I've never once thought that. I think the total opposite.

And I know it was stupid to say I'll never do art again, but just... god. Like I said, I've never been so low before. And most of those comments? Kicking me while I was down.

Thankfully I had someone talking me through it, or else I might've done something bad.


Bye, dA.

Next time I update anything, I'll more than likely be on a new account.


-Edit-

Oh, and for my contest. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cancel. No one else was entering anyway. I'll try drawing something for those who entered, if I ever get my inspiration back.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25406281/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25406281/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:17:51 PDT
Just... done.

As soon as I finish Coercion's pic, I'll never pick up a pencil again.

I'll never bother any of you again.

I'm sorry if I wasted any of your time and pity.

Thank you for being there, even if you were pretending.

Obviously I'm not meant to do anything in this world. Just be a burden to people, it seems. I can't do school. I can't do art.

I'm a failure.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25356445/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25356445/ Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:18:27 PDT
]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25340410/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25340410/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 22:35:11 PDT
Not just because I want to..

but because you wouldn't have such confusing emotions. Things would be basic, easier. Do what your instincts say.

We're too smart for our own good.. you know. I'm telling you, if I was a fox or something, I'd know what to do. Because my brain wouldn't be running through all this madness and trying to sort it out... I would just, do what was best for me.

But when you have all these thoughts running through your mind..

You think about the other person, as well. You can't just be selfish.

There's just... so many things I want to do. To say. The truth... it hurts. It hurts everyone.

Funny thing is, I'm not even the one that was really hurt.

Just... I don't know what to do, who to turn to anymore. I'm on this giant earth, with so many people..

but I'm all alone. The decision is mine.. but can I make it? Will it be the right one?

Or will I just tear his heart out again... and mine in the process?

I've cried my heart out these past two days. I can't take much more.

Would I even have room for him, or will he just.. fall in the black hole that is my heart..










Sound the bugle now..

Play it just for me.

As the seasons change.. remember .. how I used to be.

Now I can't go on.

I can't even start.

I've got nothing left... just an empty heart.



I'm a solider, wounded.. So I must give up the fight.

There's nothing more, for me.

Lead me away....


..or leave me lying here...

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25310298/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25310298/ Sun, 14 Jun 2009 13:48:07 PDT No matter what you say about love,
I keep coming back for more,
My head in the fire,
sooner or later I get what i'm asking for
No matter what you say about life,
I learn every time I bleed.
The truth is a stranger
My soul is in danger,
I gotta let my spirit be free to,
Admit that I was wrong and then change my mind.
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind.

I can't waste time so give me the moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry about everything I've done
Lived every second like it was my last one.
Don't look back got a new direction
Loved you once, needed protection.
You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo,
Just like a tatto, I'll always have you.

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking ties.
When I look in the mirror,
Didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind.
Sorry but I gotta be strong and leave you behind


I can't waste time so give me the moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry about everything I've done
Lived every second like it was my last one.
Don't look back got a new direction
Loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo, I'll always have you.

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you.
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do.

I can't waste time so give me the moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry about everything I've done
Lived every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
Loved you once, needed protection.
You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo.
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you.



]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25289906/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25289906/ Sat, 13 Jun 2009 11:33:54 PDT
But there's a great story with this too.

So, I know this log down my road that seems perfect. I go there, carrying the widow ON MY GLOVED HAND <.< Just cause I wanted to be able to say I have. xD But I wasn't wearing sleeves so it freaked me out whenever she got too close to my arm and I had to shoo her in the other direction.. Anyway.

I go to the log and release her by the base, on the side. She starts crawling up when I realize that she's on a web, slowly following it. So I'm like O: "Wonder who lives there" you know?

All of a sudden, ANOTHER BLACK WIDOW races out of the log and stops by Zimmy.

I'm just standing there like "NOT AS PLANNED O______O" This one was at least two times bigger.

So they face eachother, they wiggle their long front legs at eachother, and then they part and Zim goes up the log where I pick her up again.

My hiding place turned out so good, that it was already occupied. XD That was the biggest surprise EVER. You have no idea how like.. rare that is. I've never seen a black widow besides Zimmy my entire life.

I just ended up putting her on the opposite side of the log, it was big enough to house both of them, plus they didn't seem violent with eachother which was cool. In fact, that little confrontation was like a convo between the two of them.

Widow: GET OFF MY LAWN YOU CRAZY KIDS- Oh it's another widow. Halllloooo~
Zimmy: Heyyyyy. I'm kinda... looking for somewhere to stay.. >.>
Widow: Well gtfo this is my place.
Zimmy: Ok. Nice meeting you~ *crawls up log*


I mean seriously.

xD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25253983/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25253983/ Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:26:57 PDT
It begins with me at some mall in ... Albuquerque I'm guessing. Basically I see this guy going through some of the symptoms, and book it OUT OF THERE. Once outside the mall I'm like "why the fuck isn't anyone else running?" So I turn and look, and see some mall guards trying to contain him.. like they can.. xD And by now he's all zombie or whatever it is, and he noms the crap outta the guards and goes after everyone he can. After I see this through the windows, I'm like "FUCK" and bolt.

The majority of the dream is me running from this guy. And you know that feeling you get in dreams where you're running but you KNOW you're not running fast enough, and you want to, but you can't? That's how it was the entire dream. Dx And I always had this one stalker virus guy following me. He just wanted me dead badly.

But the main thing is, during the entire dream, this sense of like.. overwhelming fear. You know. He's behind me, and I can't... run... fast.... enough....



During the first night I managed to find a shed that was like, overly packed with survival gear and a giant bed. I slept in it, but like.. barely. xD I wake up to this guy barging in at morning. He was black, like one of those really kickass guys in all the zombie movies that has the guns and will kill you dead, you know? xD he basically didn't much care that I was there, but brought me with him as he searched around for some more supplies during the day. When it came to night, I pretty much begged to sleep with him. NOT LIKE SEX.. but like, cuddles. We did, even though he seemed pretty "wtf get away" about it. xD

Halfway through the night he wakes and tells me that there's a vehicle coming to pick up survivors at the clinic over.. wherever. But if we're going to make it we need to BOOK IT. Sometime during the night my little stalker had found our hiding place too, and scratched "Come out, kitty kitty" on the door with his nails. My dream showed this part too, creep'd the fuck outta me. xD

So we wait until it's barely morning, suit ourselves up with as much gear as possible, and RUN.

But of course, storm clouds start to gather. And you know what that does? Blocks out the sun. o_o

So while the sun is still out we start meeting up with others running as well, and get this, some random chick from my school is leading them, called Vicky. We manage to get to the stop, but just then the storm clouds roll completely over, and everything is in shadow. It starts to rain.

Basically the last part of the dream is us waiting there, flipping the fuck out because we KNOW that the zombie guys are coming, but we don't know when, and the bus is late. It's so friggen scary knowing you're sitting there like bait. xD

But then I woke. Thank god.

xD

I had another dream after that, where.. get this, , , me, and my kindergarten buddy, Tony, are hanging out at Mi-chan's house. o_o And we're outside doing.. something.. can't remember.. but these clouds start rolling in. And I instantly recognize from all my other dreams...

Tornado clouds. Fucking tornado clouds.

Of course the second I realize, twin funnels sprout a bit away and swirl around eachother all crazy friggen insane. I point this out and we all go screaming into Mi-chan's house, but of course another one forms mere yards from the house by the time we get in. We dive into Mi-chan's bathroom while the house literally rips from the earth and hurls.

After we crash land, the tornados are far away by now, but we're still watching like ;-;

Eventually they calm and the sun opens up a bit, but the majority of the cloud is still swirling like this massive doom tornado that wants to form but can't. It was really epic, I only wish I worked in like, effects for movies so I could show you how awesome it was. xD

But yeah.


I don't know why I'm always telling dA my dreams. xD Idk. I think people's dreams are really interesting, you know? It shows whats going on in your mind while you're not controlling it.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25218524/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25218524/ Tue, 09 Jun 2009 14:22:13 PDT

Anyway.

COME ON PEOPLE, I NEED ENTRIES FOR MY CONTEST!

Is it that dang hard? .-.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25194766/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25194766/ Mon, 08 Jun 2009 09:54:37 PDT

I walked into the garage this morning to get a drink, and as usual looked around the door frame and such because I've been surprised by one too many spiders hanging around it.. and guess what I find on the ceiling?

Fucking.

Black.

Widow.


Yeah. o_o Black Widows have to be the most kickass spiders on this planet. NOTHING can beat that hotness right there.

For any of you that may not know (which I will possibly shank your nostrils off for not knowing) this ---> is a black widow.

They're completely black except for a small red hourglass shape on their.. "stomach." Also, every widow you see will almost always be female, or you wont know it's a widow. Because the males are like... flea-size and not even black. xD I think so anyway, no one really pays attention to the males of the species. And they get the name Black Widow because they basically eat/kill/whatever the dad once they have their way with them.


Note to self: Ask to be reincarnated into a black widow...

They're also pretty poisonous, I'm not sure if it's deadly but everyone pretty much flips out about them like it is, and you'll need hospital treatment like.. definitely.

Anyway, back to my story.

I think Widows have to be the most awesome spider ever, right? And I've always, always loved em. And not just cause they're poisonous if that's what you're thinking xD I don't go running around looking for Brown Recluses now do I?

So what do I do? I grab a jar, throw on a long sleeved shirt, put on gloves, get a broom and a pan, and go SPIDER HUNTING.

I'm telling you now, the entire time I was trying to knock it off the ceiling, I was shaking like a leaf. This spider literally scared the holy bajeezus out of me. xD But the thing is, it didn't fly off like I expected, but ended up clinging to the broom which I was like "crap." cause.. I didn't have anything to knock it off THAT.

So I grabbed a stick I had put in the jar and got wayyy too close for comfort trying to get the spider off the broom and into it's new home. xD It ended up skuttling away on the floor, which flipped me out moar cuz I was kneeling and wearing fucking short shorts, but ended up sweeping her into the pan and into the jar after that.

I pretty much screamed "SUCCESS!"

xD

That was the most eventful moment of this summer so far. lol

I'm going to keep her, too. I've always wanted a deadly pet spider XD (even though they scare the living shit outta me)

But there's a good sturdy jar with slippery sides protecting me from her so I'm good.

ANY NAME SUGGESTIONS?

and if you say spiderman I'll kill you xD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25178263/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25178263/ Sun, 07 Jun 2009 11:44:08 PDT
It was like.. I saw something in there right? But it's milk so I couldn't tell exactly what... so I swished it around and saw legs...


*shivers* It was dead but... I don't like massive spiders in my room Dx

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25150763/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25150763/ Fri, 05 Jun 2009 20:13:30 PDT
Aka, the mother of Tsunami [link]

I don't have any pics of Brandy herself.. xD [link] But she's in that vid, the one with the tail that's completely nommed off (by Tsu of course xD)

She's already pregnant with this really beautiful white and black/chestnut appaloosa's genez. I can't wait to see another baby foal <3 If this one has blue eyes too I'll scream.


-edit- I found a picture of the stally's nose! xD [link]

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25097815/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25097815/ Tue, 02 Jun 2009 21:37:05 PDT
There's millions of reasons but I wont go into detail. Lemme say most of them revolve around the actors, especially EDWARD. D<

anyway

NEW MOON.

Ya know.. I wasn't interested. Like at all. I was DREADING it actually. But then I saw this..

[link]

...

....

....................................

Considering Edward wont be there the majority of the movie, and I'll be seeing THAT SEXY WOLFNESS

...

I might just want to watch it.

._.

They did a GREAT job on that wolf animation from what I can see there. Not to mention Jacob's color/markings are SUPER AMAZING AND EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED. You know how most movies usually fail like massively with werewolves? This is near perfect. xD


Well... idk. We'll have to see.

And btw, I prefer you not go all Twilight hater on me unless it's about the movie, because I'm a fan of the books. xD Not a rabid one, but you know. I liked them, they were fun to read.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25076639/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25076639/ Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:55:39 PDT
I really do wish I could do better backgrounds though, so I've slapped myself across the face and said "OMFG WE GON PRACTICE!" just.. you know.. not literally.. cause then I'd look slightly insane. xDD

Even more insane than a week ago when I burned chips just to see them burn.

...

MOVING ON LOL.



I think after that initial omfg depression moment, something clicked. Because my anatomy just SKY ROCKETED. I don't usually go wow at myself, but I'm gonna do it.

Wow.

xD

I have three pictures of proof waiting to be finished. One of them I'll hopefully be collabing with <3 The other is a trade, the first I've taken up in like.. years... and the other is gift art.

Oh.. and I have a question to ask you digital artists. If anyone would like to ink a reference sheet for me..? It's Cyanide's, but every time I try to I end up getting pissed off or something, and end up scrapping it.

I warn any volunteers that it has a lot of fluff and several smaller pictures along with a GIANT body shot. I mean Giant. Woo.

What else...

OH YEAH.


Night at the Museum. It's officially my favorite movie of all time right next to Pirates of the Caribbean/Horton Hears a Who/Transformers.

I suggest everyone and anyone to watch it. o-O

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25035546/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/25035546/ Sat, 30 May 2009 15:21:37 PDT
You know those speed paintings people do that look like super amazing and everything and they only took like half an hour to do?

I can't do that.

I can't even do that if I have years to work on it. Hell, I can't even PAINT digitally OR traditionally.

I can't even do a fucking background. I was trying for this one art trade I need to finish and I just eneded up using a bunch of brushes for the grass. I can't even draw GRASS people.

I suck. Massively.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24996241/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24996241/ Thu, 28 May 2009 12:01:18 PDT
It started out with me and at her cabin, and we were hunting for snakes in the river. We found a cobra but that’s not the point.. XD

The sun began to set and she said something about going home before the hunters came out. I was like “lololol hunters? Afraid we’re gonna get shot?”

“No.. This is a different kind of hunter..” But before she could say anything else, it all goes really quiet. Like, no birds, nothing. It also gets really cold and dark.. And then this guy comes galloping UPSTREAM on a friggen black horse with red eyes. He was hot too, but I can’t remember what he looked like anymore... I know he had some sort of white cloak. It was like the horse ran ontop of the water, and you could almost see through it.

Following behind him are several ghost dogs that reminded me a lot of the I am Legend diseased ones, and about two more guys but not on horses. (All on top of the water btw.) Dani screams and runs for dear life while I gawk like wtf? Cause.. Not every day you see freaking people running on water.

In my moment of hesitation the guy spots me, cheshire grins, and kicks his horse up to me. I move to duck out of the way but he jumps IN the way, and we dance like that for a little while with a lot of dodging and crap. Finally he manages to slip a collar around my neck, which as soon as it goes on I feel my limbs go weak and I collapse on the bank of the river. He calls back to the other guys with something like “We got her, she’s a good one too ” and I’m even more like wtf now because none of this makes sense.

But then, something even weirder happens. He tells me to mount the horse infront of him, and I DO. The collar is some sort of mind/body control thing, though it’s not 100% fool proof because I can wiggle and fight it a bit. Which trust me, I do. xD But as soon as I’m mounted he kicks off again, and we’re flying down the river. During that time he takes the liberty of feeling me up everywhere, ignoring my very vocal protesting lol.. “GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU FUCKING RAPIST HOBO ”

We ride well until morning and by now we’re on the Rio Grande (a big river in New Mexico) in a really wide part of it. Suddenly, this boat comes into view.. But it’s more like a house that decided to float down river. The cool part is this giant blossoming cherry tree that curls around one side of the house, it’s roots dipping off the porch and into the water. The blossoms were floating all over. The house itself was, honest to god, like someone just dug up some old white Victorian style house and planted it, yard and all, on a wooden deck. Outside there’s one or two guys, but you can’t see much else.

The guy jumps the horse onto the deck, where it literally vanishes beneath our feet and I crash to the ground while he kinda floats down all majestic-like. xD Instantly I begin to run and try and launch off the floating house thinger, but by some invisible force he trips me and slowly starts dragging me back, saying “Where are you going, my little kitten?” But he’s still standing where he was, just with his hand lifted towards me like he’s using the force or something. Which I wouldn’t be surprised if it was because how the hell do you get dragged backwards without anything touching you? Lol.
Anyway, he drags me back to him, orders me to stand up (which I do) and forces me to walk beside him into the house. Inside, I kid you not, were like... dozens of girls. All different ages but none past 40 and none younger than 14. They were all dressed in old-fashion cowboy prostitute clothing. ... Don’t know what I’m talking about? Here ya go. [link] xD (always loved her outfit)

There he tells me to socialize and walks out for a bit. This one girl comes up to me, she has like.. Dark liver color hair and it’s all curly and all over the place and she just looks amazing, but you can tell she’s around her 40's. She gives me this warm smile and I’m like insta-love. “You don’t know what’s going on, do you darling?” And I’m like NO FREAKIN DUHH ;-; So she tells me. Basically, all the girls in there are called “breeders” who are pleasure toys for the guys there, who capture them. But most of the time they’re actually just for company, since the guys can’t really go with normal humans. I ask why, and she says they either committed crimes or have special powers.. You know, random stuff. She looks at my collar and says “oooh, you got the prince. Very lucky.”

“How am I LUCKY? That guy dragged me over here against my will D:”

“Well, he’s the only good-looking... ]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24847756/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24847756/ Tue, 19 May 2009 21:18:01 PDT
Anyway, I know a couple of you are probably like "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE COMIC I'VE WAITED LIKE FIVE MILLION YEARS!!"

YeahwellIdon'tthinktherewilleverbeacomic.

*dodges flying sporks*

Sorry guys, but it's proving too difficult for me. Apparently the only comics I can attempt are half-assed humor ones. :C I just end up getting too pissed off at my drawings when I do the comic seriously, because I'm trying to make everything AMAZING like the perfectionist I am, and it just all ends up in me crunching the paper and throwing it away in a fit of anger.

I've decided that I'll be writing it out and drawing a picture with every chapter that goes with whatever happened in it. will still be coloring, if she wishes to. I'll still be throwing in all the characters that you guys volunteered if you wish, but the main characters stand as Zelly, Akeris ('s equisona that I designed for her contest a million years ago) Muge, Iah, and several others in the bachelor group.

Btw, if you revamped any of them or anything, tell me so I can change the links to their references.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24831603/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24831603/ Mon, 18 May 2009 22:29:29 PDT . It's not quite finished though.

neway

My mom's friends amuse me.

Sunday I was at a friend's house, and I stop by my house for a moment to get some clothes and stuff to sleep over. I scared the shit outta my mom by barging into the house screaming too, it was hysterical.

But anyway.

She had this one girl over, Irene? Yeah, I think that's her name.. but anyway, she had her over cuz of the horse race. It was like some sort of horse fanatic party or something, they even had Loretta there earlier. Notthepoint.

I go into my room and grab some stuff, and then that Irene chick comes in and gives me this deep, doomish glare. I'm just like. "...Ohai. You sure you wanna be in here? I mean.. after all.. my clothes are like, blocking all the foot room." and then she glares even harder and says "I emailed you twice about sending me those desk pictures."

Last time she came she had asked for me to take pictures of our desk and send it to her so she could get it made for her house. Of course I ignored the emails.. I don't like that woman lol. When I was younger she told me to stfu when I was asking my mom something and since then I've hated the woman's guts.

Anyway.

I lied, cause I'm a retard like that. "Yeah, I never got any emails from you."

".....ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT!?!?!?"

This woman is crazy, I swear. It's a friggen DESK, not someone's life or something.

Anyway, she goes on and on about it until I leave, and then the next day (today) my mom comes barging into the room in the morning and is all "BITCH CLEAN THIS MESS UP!" basically talking about the clothes on my floor. I was just like... No. ._. They'll be in the same place like, a day after I pick them up. And she KNOWS that. xD

So then she goes ranting off and screeching about it, and I haven't heard her scream like that for a long time. So then later, in the car, she's all "GOD. You should've heard Irene talking about your room, it's soooo embarassing."

THAT WHOREBAG.

I officially hate that woman. xD Cause now my mom wont get off my case about it. Seriously, she keeps yelling at me every time she comes in the room. I EVEN GOT IT ON FILM. Not joking. I was randomly taping this massive storm that rolled in and she burst in and suddenly just started ranting about it.

Anyway, random journal entry cause I felt like it. xD

SUP GUYS.
...


SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER YEAAHHHH. IN like.. 5 friggen days. 5!! That's like.. one more than 4!

-shot multiple times- I'm going to end this before you all loose brain cells.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24770238/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24770238/ Fri, 15 May 2009 13:22:21 PDT [link] and this [link] then you've more than likely noticed that I'm trying to get money.

Cause... I don't babysit during the summer. xD The person always cancels for the holidays.

And I still owe my mom a bunch of money for the xbox. But she refuses to take money from my car savings and says I need to find another way to get it.

So I'm kinda in a fix, and I could reallllllyyy use the money anyway. .-. So I'm just gonna shove my commission info in your face.

[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]

Please, guys. I'm begging here. Are my prices too much or something?

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24723920/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24723920/ Tue, 12 May 2009 16:14:15 PDT
[ ] smoked.
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex (both at the sime time *wink wink*)
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[ ] had sex (IMMA VIRGEEN)
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn (.... *coughs*)
[ ] bought porn.
[ ] tried drugs

TOTAL: 6


[x] taken painkillers.
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house (more like flung out while my mom tried to drag me back in)
[x] done something illegal (Stolen things, not from stores and stuff.)
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone (I bit the other day a little too hard xD; )
[x] wished someone to die
[ ] seen someone die

TOTAL: 9


[ ] missed curfew (don’t really have one)
[ ] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[ ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[ ] been in an accident. (Several close-calls though)
[ ] been to a club.
[x] been to a bar (with my mom.. xD Never alone)

TOTAL: 4


[ ] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[ ] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[x] sniffed anything
[x] wore black nail polish
[x] wore arm bands.
[ ] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD.

TOTAL: 4

[x] dressed gothic (I stole Jasmine’s huge-ass pants last year, we traded xD)
[x] dressed girly (When I was 5 xD )
[ ] dressed punk
[ ] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything
[ ] blacked out
[x] fainted
[ ] had a crush on a neighbor (my neighbors suck, you kidding?)

TOTAL: 4

[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert (backstreet boys when I was like 7. XD)
[x] dry-humped someone (Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................................... a.... couple times... idk... >.>
[ ] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in a car
[ ] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house (so naughty. xD Srsly wtf, I’m sure everyone has.)
[x] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush. (After you’ve vomited your guts out you kinda want to. XD)

TOTAL: 6

[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. (How is that bad... xD)
[x] seen an R-rated movie in theater.
[x] cruised the mall.
[x] skipped school. (More like classes IN school)
[ ] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[ ] gone to court.
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire
[x] lied about your age. (Used to say I was 20 in furcadia to get into the r-rated dreams)

TOTAL: 6

[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house.
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[ ] made out with someone who had a GF/BF (I rarely kiss anyone either way.. XD)
[x] got in trouble with the police.
[x] talked to a stranger
[ ] hugged a stranger
[ ] kissed a stranger.
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed.
[x] been verbally harassed.

TOTAL: 5


[ ] met face-to-face with someone you met online. (WANT)
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight (That’s the norm for me xD)
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence. (By ’s mom, as a matter of fact. What a bitch. XD)
[ ] drank and drove.
[x] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex (Fell asleep too. Mom ended up screaming at us and he flung off the couch xDD)
[ ] cheated on a test (I don’t even take em anymore XD)

TOTAL: 7

TOTAL TOAL: 51




If You Have Less Than 10.. write [I'm a Goody Goody]
If You Have More Than 10.. write [I'm still a goody goody]
If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average]
If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid]
If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence] ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24712737/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24712737/ Mon, 11 May 2009 22:43:08 PDT
GUESS WHAT I'M NEWLY OBSESSED WITH


...

Like, really obsessed with.


.....

Really, really obsessed.


.....

.....

.....

REALLY REALLY-shot-


OURAAANNNN <333


It's the second best anime ever. xDDD

Every character is so amazing, and I find myself like the girls in there, squeeing at just about every twin raep seen and every time Tamaki does something cute. xD


And I'm kinda sorta starting to pic up some japanese.. Before you know it I'll be all KAWAII DESU on you guys.

Watch out man.

xDD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24637197/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24637197/ Thu, 07 May 2009 15:08:03 PDT
But you know what? I usually only dedicate myself to one or two of them. Like Dragon Eyes is the only story I've stuck to for a couple years, other ones I begin but then they get thrown aside. Or like my horse comic, Immortal Beloved. Despite what you may think, I'm actually working on it. I got the first page done, it's simply one picture but it was more of a test than anything. is coloring it.. but it's taking a while. Where is she anyway? she like, vanished off the face of the earth.. again. xD

Anyway.

AM I SO LAZY THAT I CAN'T FINISH ANYTHING!?!? xD

The only story I've EVER fully written was like, yeaaaaarrsss ago, and it was a Inuyasha self-insertion and it was so mary sue that you'd barf and/or die from lol when reading it.

Then I started a sequel

...*snickersnort*

In which it talked about Inu and my KIDS.


*lawls* I was such a scaring child. But guess what?


_{ididn'tfinishit}

XD

Idk, it just really bothers me that I have so much awesome sauce in my mind but I can't muster up the will to put it down somewhere. xD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24572744/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24572744/ Sun, 03 May 2009 19:06:11 PDT
I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A A ITTY BITTY ARTIST HERE AND FANGIRLING OVER 5,000.



_{and now I don't care lol.}



I refuse to do a Kiribian, btw. xD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24522800/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24522800/ Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:40:47 PDT
Also, so I can find them without searching through my hundreds of favorites. xDDD Most of them are anime, just warning you now. And I didn't really click any of them, so a few could've been owned by youtube and had the songs taken off. (which pisses me off SOOO bad.)


Trust me. They're amazing.

[link] Too true.. XD

[link] Too.. kickass.. for... words..

[link] Don't know the anime, but the song and vid is amazing.

[link] Pure win.

[link] *DIES OF LOL*

[link] MORE pure win. xDD

[link] DUZ1TSN5Aqo&feature=channel_page Get rid of the spaces in the middle. xD

[link] BEST. THING. EVER.

[link] Always liked this one, even when I found it years ago.. xD

[link] People get creative with FMA stuff....

[link] Inspiration for one of my -still- favorite art works..

[link] DRAMATIC SEQUENCE

[link] EPIC!

[link] *dies of lawl*

[link] MORE EPIC!



Wooo that's all for now. There was this one AMAZING Spirit amv to Bye Bye Beautiful.. but I can't find it. .-.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24472268/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24472268/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:54:27 PDT

==================================================
1.Choose three of your own characters.
2.Make them answer the following questions.
3.Tag three people.
4.Feel free to go ahead and add some questions or change some.
=================================================

On today’s show, we have… XESTA, KUROI, AND ZELLY .D


How old are you?
Xesta: ... 16 xD
Kuroi: 18 baby ;D Oh yeah, I’m legal
Zelly: .. I don’t know.. xD

What are you?
Xesta: I’M A MOOSE.
Kuroi: Shapeshiftah >D
Zelly: Unipeg.. xD Oh yeah, best of both worlds


Do you have any bad habits?
Xesta: .......
Kuroi: ......
Zelly: ........
Whikid: COME ON, THEY’RE ALL SEX ADDICTS
All three girls: *kills whi*

Are you a virgin?
Xesta: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I have kids.... xD
Kuroi: What do you think? XDD
Zelly: I have kids too.. xD

Who's your mate?
Xesta: CYYYAANNIIIDDDEE
Kuroi: XESTA IS MY ONLY LOVEEE
Xesta: FUCK OFF
Zelly: o_O None.. At the moment..

Do you have any kids?
Xesta: Just told you.. XD
Kuroi: NOOOOOO
Zelly: Like.. Fifty xD

What's your favorite food?
Xesta: OMGWTFKITKATS
Kuroi: .... Is Xesta’s *beep* considered as food?
Xesta: O_O NO IT IS NOT
Zelly: *twitch*

Have you killed anyone?
Xesta: DANANANANANANA BATMAN
Kuroi: ... maybe.
Zelly: Yeah. xD

Do you hate anyone?
Xesta: KUROI.
Kuroi: NO MY LOVE, HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH THINGS ?
Zelly: .... xDDDDD

Have any secrets?
Xesta: A moose
Kuroi: A moose
Zelly: I get pleasure from being stabbed.. I MEAN.. A moose

Do you love anyone?
Xesta: Oh yes
Kuroi: IS IT ME ?
Xesta: No.
Kuroi: D8
Zelly: .... DO I HAVE TO BE IN THIS SURVEY ? I’M GOING INSANE


What is your job?
Xesta: *goat noise*
Kuroi: *goat noise*
Zelly: *goat noise*

Boy or Girl?
Xesta: I’m a girl but I’m questioning whether or not Kuroi was always a girl.
Kuroi: HEY, I’VE HAD A VAGINA FROM THE MOMENT I WAS CONCIEVED
Zelly: ...wow

What do you do to relax?
Xesta: Somethin... >.>
Kuroi: RELAXATION IS FOR THE WEAK
Zelly: I don’t relax often and it’s at random moments. D:


What is something that you like?
Xesta: I like mai little Zelly bear .D
Zelly: WTF MOM
Whikid and Kuroi: MOM ? ? ? ?

What's your favorite song?
Xesta: ..... xDDDDD If I said it allowed I’d probably be shunned
Kuroi: AY CHICO .DDDDDDDD ;D
Zelly: ... That song is fucking Nasty Kur, what are you on ?
Kuroi: Moose
Zelly: ... Thought so

Got milk?
Xesta: O_O *gropes self* No... I don’t think I do at the moment
Kuroi: I DON’T THINK THAT’S WHAT THE QUESTION ASKED FOR BUT KEEP GROPING
Zelly: AHHHHHHHHHH

What do you hope to achieve in life?
Xesta: NII
Kuroi: NII
Zelly: NII
Xesta: WE QUEST... FOR A SHRUBBERY
Whikid: Wtf-
Xesta: NII
Kuroi: NII
Zelly: NII NII
Whikid: OK I’LL GET YOUR SHRUBBERY JUST STOP, OH PLEASE STOP D8


If you could have one wish, what would it be?
Xesta: That wish can never come true.
Kuroi: Woa, holy crap Xesta got suddenly serious. D8
Zelly: D:


Do you like men or women?
Xesta: .... A little of both... maybe... xD
Kuroi: OMG WTF BBQ YOU ADMIT IT
Xesta: NOOOOO
Kuroi: YESSSS
Zelly: ... o_o...

Out of the other two, who would you have sex with?
Xesta: OMG NO. NO. I already do that UNWILLINGLY FREQUENTLY with one, and the other would be considered incest, SO NO
Kuroi: BUT MAI LOVE.
Zelly: WTFBBQ NO

Favorite Celebrity?
Xesta: .......... .......... .....MELLO
Kuroi: NOOOOO WHY XESTA ?
Zelly: ............ OMG MELLO YES

Favorite flower?
Xesta and Zelly: ROSES.
Kuroi: o_o Flowers... how gay xD
Xesta: WTF as if you can talk.

Do you like me?
Xesta: ...WHO ARE YOU ?
Kuroi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Zelly: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Do you think I should tag other people and share the misery?
Xesta: LOL YES TAG LIMI. DOOO IT. DO IT NOW.
Kuroi: LIMI LIMI LIMI *chants*
Zelly: NOOO TAG DARK.
Xesta and Kuroi: *collective doom stare*
Zelly: .... Ok, fine LIMIZUKI THEN.

Xesta: ;DDD Taggin http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24454633/ Sun, 26 Apr 2009 22:04:19 PDT
It's like he's not even here. xD He's quiet as hell, and I get to stay locked up in my room for hours on end. NOT TO MENTION mom and me have been having such a good time with each other that I can't even remember why I hated her in the first place at times.

AND I GET TO GO ON THE INTERNET.

*tears of joy* Mom has not once commented about it. She even came home once and said "I tried to call, but someone was on the interrrnneeett" in a PLAYFUL tone.

I think I've died and gone to heaven. Someone check my pulse.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24369282/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24369282/ Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:19:28 PDT
I GOT A MUTHA FKIN XBOX 360!!!

OHHH YEAAAHHH BEBE. FEAR MY AWESOMESAUCE

...

awesomesauce .D


anyway.

It took a lot of convincing, but I eventually got mom to get it with a simple "you're paying me back the money you don't have. >.>" and I'm just like "tap into my freaking 'car savings' btch." and she was liek no. So.. yeah. .D I owe her about a month of baby sitting money.

BUT THE XBOX ISN'T THE BEST PART.

The best part?

I had sent a email to my mom a couple days ago, after breaking down (don't ask) and crying and being all blah. I basically explained EVERYTHING about my life. How I acted, why I don't work in school, why I'm always on the internet. I EVEN TOLD HER ABOUT MY ONLINE CRUSH. Which in all honesty, I thought she was going to shank me to death when she found out.

You know what she does?

She not only talks to me and seems SORRY for anything she'd done to seem like a bitch, but pretty much told me than everything I had flipped out over was me taking things wrongly. Which, after she had explained some of the incidents I wrote in the email, made me feel like a total retard. But I was really in AWE. Because she was like "I'd never want to hurt you. I have been concerned about your depression, I really have, but when you don't talk to me it's hard to see what's wrong."

And her reaction to the whole internet boyfriend thing?

"Just be careful, you know bout those internet predators." AND THEN SHE ASKED ABOUT HIM. Like how old he is, what he does, all that.

I was liek

whut.


WHHUUUUUT.

You're not gonna kill me? Burn the computer? Shank someone!??

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MOMMA!?

But it was amazing! I was so relieved about everything, I honestly was worried about her reaction. But it turned out sooooo good in the end, I was having trouble not crying from HAPPINESS. Not only that, but she was like "I'll lighten up on the internet a bit. You can go on more at home, plus now that grandpa will be here I'm not expecting many phone calls."

I DIED

I love my mom. Seriously. How I ever could've been a jackass to her is UNFATHOMABLE to me.

I'm going to suggest this to all of you who have some issues with your parents. If you feel like I ever had.. write them an email, or sit down and talk with them. Really. If your parents have any speck of love in them they'll listen and hear you out, and work out the problem with you. There's nothing to lose, and you might just end up like I have, with a greater understanding and new found affection for yer parental unit.

*happy tear* Best day ever. Even grandpa getting here couldn't ruin the moment, you should've seen me at the airport. I was literally skipping around the terminal.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24347761/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24347761/ Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:17:22 PDT
til.. he... dies...

I'm not as pissed off about it as I was before. Especially since mom moved the satellite and tv into my room so now it's like, the top electronic room in the house. xD If I had a fridge, I'd never have to move from the room.


Anyway. xD

Saturday, me and went to Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary, a wolf wolf/dog refuge a couple hours away from my house. xD Lemme just say, it was amazing. I've never been so close to so many wolves ever in my life. They're really beautiful creatures. <3 And every 20 minutes or so they'd break into howl, all at once.. it was amazing. Plus, we got to witness the reunion of two wolves. One had been taken away from his mate because of an injury, and when he came back she was howling and jumping all excitedly... It was such a "awwww" moment.


But afterwards I ended up getting super pissed off at my mom cause she wouldn't get the Xbox she had PROMISED she'd let me buy. All because she thought the price was $120. Like HELL it'd be that cheap. And if it was, it'd probably be half broken. Then she wouldn't let me tap into my "car fund" in order to get the little bit of money we needed. It pissed me off SOOO bad. I ended up screaming at her, wuz there. xD

So now I have to wait. AGAIN. I've been waiting EVER since it came out to get one.. it just pisses me off. Once again, I wish I was rich.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24280357/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24280357/ Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:20:58 PDT dfhlsdhgkjhasd,ghsdfh
fgj

fjh
fjkhdvskh

Another problem with my grandpa- as soon as he comes, guess what? I CAN'T DRIVE MOM'S CAR ANYWHERE.

Even when I get my license. It's such BULLSHIT. This dumbass I barely know is just coming into my house and ruining my life. I bet you five bucks he's gonna start bitching about my grades too, and if he does I swear to god I'll punch something. OR SOMEONE. Most likely him.

Then mom goes on a bout me buying my own car. I'm just like "Yeah, good luck with that, I only have 300 dollars."

So she's all "I'll help you with that" and I'm like BULLSHIT again, because I overheard her talking that she barely gets by on bills and has no excess money.

Then she said I'd have to get a JOB to pay for anything and I was like WHAT?

Since when did I even say I wanted all this anyway!?!? IT IS MY GRANDPA'S FAULT THAT HE GAVE AWAY THE CAR HE HAD SET ASIDE FOR ME. AND NOW IT'S HIS FAULT THAT I HAVE TO BUY ONE. I could've used that money for gas or something for a while but NOOOOO.

*severely pissed off* Why couldn't I just have been born fucking rich? D<

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24264656/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24264656/ Wed, 15 Apr 2009 20:51:49 PDT [link]

READ IT

I SWEAR TO GOD

IT'S THE MOST AMAZING THING IN THE UNIVERSE.

(plus I might be making a comic out of it)

.D

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24240742/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24240742/ Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:01:33 PDT
I mean seriously. I would've at least had one by now. ._.

I'm thinking 'bout canceling it.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24156543/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24156543/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:21:01 PDT
This... is a bad thing.

A MASSIVELY HORRIBLE EVENT THAT I DON'T WANT TO HAPPEN EVER.

EVER.

First off, I don't wanna care for some sick guy that I barely know or like. In fact, I mostly DISLIKE him. Last time I went to florida he was a total bitch when it came to me sleeping during the day.

Oh yeah, it doesn't help that I couldn't sleep at night due to multiple factors.

Plus, he'd be all screamy screamy pissed off if I didn't get up to go with my mom to do whatever the fuck she wanted to do. WHICH IS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT because I absolutely hate going anywhere, and the few times I did go I managed to get sick because it was too hot outside.

He's moving in sometime soon, and mom has to go to florida for a few days so that's gonna leave me alone in the house. Which is awesome. But still. When he comes everything is gonna change.

First of all, I don't want smelly old people smell in either of my rooms. (I have a game room and my bedroom, both of which I don't want anyone in). Cause when this happened with grandma, she freaking just... ew. It was hard to walk in the room without wanting to vomit.

Plus he can barely walk. You know what this means? I have to fucking put him on a toilet... LIKE I HAD TO LAST TIME.

I hated it then, and I'll tell you, I'm going to hate it now. Because not only do I have to do that.. this guy is fucking heavy. I'll probably break my back trying to lift him.

I know I probably sound like a jackass, but you don't understand. I HATE this guy. Sure, he gives me money, but you can't buy love. Duh. And now I have to take care of him and PRETEND I love him. For fucking how long? TIL HE DIES.

THIS IS BULLSHIT.

I'm going to STRANGLE somebody. Any fucking volunteers? D<

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24096925/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24096925/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:04:57 PDT [link]

and here's his two accounts. and

For those of you who don't know the story, hang in there, it's gonna be a long one.



First off, me and Cody went out like.. a couple years ago. I broke up with him, (twice ..lol) and he got massively butthurt, we had an argument over god-knows-what and didn't become friends again until the next school year. And during the time we went out I just didn't really like him at the end. It was one of those crushes that just blew away. Anyway. When we made up later on he confessed his undenying love for me in several pages worth on msn. Which was awkward. At the time I was like "Ok, but I love someone else."

So then, a couple days RIGHT AFTER he blabbed how much he loved every part of me, he says he has a girlfriend. Which was odd but I was like, you know.. ok. I didn't really care.

But then this gf of his suddenly says she'll give him a car and all this stuff. A CAR. AND HE ONLY JUST STARTED GOING OUT WITH HER.

Not to mention she didn't even live in this side of the country. Yeah, that's right, they met on facebook. (dumb website anyway)

At first I was excited. You know, holy crap a car, can I drive it, all that. I even made the design for it which you might or might not remember.

But then someone brought up a point. Didn't this all seem off?

And when he said this I, you know, realized. It DID seem weird. So I waited a couple days while more things happened, she got "stabbed" and was hospitalized in which the surgery barely took any time at all, and the next day she was out and RACING CARS. You know, like Fast and Furious type racing. Plus, all her "friends" were absolutely perfect looking along with her. And then one of them tried to rape her and she ended up in the hospital AGAIN but she didn't even tell the cops who he was or anything. I'm sorry, but I would report him. He could've done it to someone else you know? Oh yeah, and he tried to kill her in the hospital as well.

AND THEN, to top it all off, he gets engaged to her. Without ever seeing her in real life, and within a week or so of going out with her. This was the last straw, I confronted him, you know, WORRIED. It all seemed like a hoax.

And you know what he does? He gets pissed off and throws a fit like a five year old. So I blocked him, and we've been arguing ever since. Oh, and when he got to his "wife" with all these promises of money and a house and crap? She died.

Yes.

She DIED.

So now he's suddenly "mature" and knows everything from the experience.

It's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever seen, and even if it was all true, I would still be pissed at him for THROWING MY CONCERN AND CARING FOR HIM BACK IN MY FACE.

So that's why we're still arguing. Mind you I was done with it, but he decided to bring it back up today. And now he's going after Limi, WHO DOES NOT FUCKING NEED IT.

So please guys, go defend her, if anything. She's completely innocent in all this, and his comments really put a damper on her mood. She doesn't need it, you know? It's rare when she's truly happy these days.


OH. Almost forgot. He's also threatened me. You know, like, freaking "Come face me and we'll fight this out" and stupid shit like that. Well duh.. I'd lose. I'm a fucking GIRL. A weak one at that. When we went out and would wrestle and crap he easily owned me.

If he does ANYTHING to me or Dani I'm calling the cops. He's 18, and legally an adult so he can go to jail.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24089583/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24089583/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 08:19:30 PDT then you should know what I'm talking about due to her recent poll. You know.. I don't like to argue, or start things, and with this journal I'm not trying to. But when I read a comment on her picture [link] and saw that it was referenced from a painting, I had to look. And I did. [link] There's the painting. Now I'm only linking hers because I don't have the time to look up another example, but is this really HER art? Sure, she put time into it, and it was a gift to a friend I can understand this. But what makes her any different from a theif? According to dA's rules, it's not. Only when it's edited or the complete original is it theft.

I'm sorry, but this is utter bull.

I wouldn't have commented if I didn't feel strongly about this. If you look.. the mane is 100% the same, and even the tail is the same if you look. The only thing she did is turn it into a unicorn tail but the hair is copied. She added a horn, changed the leg color.. but that's it. If I didn't know any better it was traced, but I'll take her word for it.

I'm not trying to slander her or anything. I think she's a wonderful artist, you have to be to get that quality of work, but do you see what I'm trying to say?

Is it really art.. your art.. if it's nothing more than a full out copied picture that SOMEONE ELSE did? Is it any better than stealing? I know that if it happened to a few other artists, you know, someone copied and slightly altered something they did, they wouldn't allow it at all.

I don't even really like directly referencing photos, because it doesn't seem massively original. Using multiple photos, studying them.. I think that's best. I try to avoid copying things directly, and if I do I usually end up hating it in the end because it isn't mine. From my mind, you know? Like my recent human picture. I already dislike it a lot. I don't know, maybe it's just me. But this is my opinion, I'd like to hear yours. Oh, and please don't go comment on her page unless you have anything nice to say, because she DID work hard on that piece, and she did what dA said was necessary.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24061011/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/24061011/ Sat, 04 Apr 2009 16:11:56 PDT 's dad did an amazing job on my computer, and lemme say I am FUCKING ECSTATIC to have my computer back. Just.. omg.

I missed all of you so much, even if it was only a couple days. You never know how much you need something until it's at someone's house xD

I LOVE YOU ALL FFTTTWWW.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23958954/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23958954/ Sun, 29 Mar 2009 20:37:16 PDT
shiiiit

Like.. I went to go click my messages, and when I did, this thing popped up. I THOUGHT IT WAS MY DOCUMENTS.

because it looked a LOT like it.

And it said omg you have viruses, download this thingy to get rid of them. So I downloaded it, then noticed that it wasn't my documents. IT WAS IN THE FIREFOX WINDOW.

So I was like HOSHIT

and I deleted the installation thingy as soon as I could. But THAT DIDN'T STOP IT NOOO.

Now this thing keeps popping up. It SAYS it's Anti-virus Number-1, but when I searched for it and crap, it wasn't there.

...

xD;

I'm a retard aren't I?

BAAHHH.

Well, I'm going to have Mi-chan check it out anyway.

BTW PEOPLE

CHECK OUT MY BEST FRIENDS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD


and


I love em, I really do. .D GO LOVE DEM UP TOO. If you like me, you'll like them. xD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23908856/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23908856/ Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:55:09 PDT Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that their goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the pain
That I keep all closed in
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love


Leona Lewis's lyrics.

Describes everything right now, in it's own way..

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23879586/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23879586/ Wed, 25 Mar 2009 09:03:58 PDT
xDD

I seriously didn't expect this amount of love for it. lol

Anyway.

I'm having a slight art block.. So I wont really be drawing much. I might try a few memes to kick myself out of it if I can. I really can't draw anything anymore. ._. So much for my art streak.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23845375/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23845375/ Mon, 23 Mar 2009 08:36:08 PDT















Lower





























looowwweerrr





















...





SUPERJAIL

I loves it. xDD

It's like.. the complete OPPOSITE of what I usually like in.. .... cartoons? ... though. .. In fact I usually don't like most of adult swim's shit besides the anime, but this is simply amazing. xDD

The opening theme rocks
The warden rocks
The jailbot rocks
THE TWINS KICK SO MUCH ASS THAT I SLIGHTLY DIE EVERYTIME THEY COME ON SCREEN

Oh yeah. Twins. xDDDD They're hysterical. PLUS. They have like, fucking rave music stalking them! What I wouldn't give to strut everywhere to that. xD

And omg all the blood and gore and scarringness... xD *dies*

Worst/best thing ever. You must watch it xDD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23838456/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23838456/ Sun, 22 Mar 2009 19:06:29 PDT
Ell oh ell. .D

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23804220/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23804220/ Fri, 20 Mar 2009 20:45:55 PDT
Like "I really need you Amy, you're my guardian angel, my daughter, blah blah blah"

I mean, it's kinda sweet but she just scars me when she says it. I don't know WHY but she does. It's just like.. idk. Then she keeps saying she's okay, you know, "reassuring" me but I think she's trying to keep herself stable more than anything.

I think whatever she went through in that surgery just fucked her up. It was a bone marrow transplant.. I mean, it just sounds scarring. xD

I know I probably sound harsh but I'm just not used to this. It's like...

I dunno. I can't describe it, and even if I could you wouldn't understand. ._. Well, I'm going there tomorrow morning to video tape the horses.. we'll see what happens.

Anyway.. IN OTHER NEWS.

This afternoon I was supposed to go with to go see a movie after school. But during the phone convo with mom she got all butthurt over me wanting to go because she had cooked dinner.. which I could've eaten later (and go figure, I got sick from it anyway)

So, on the ride towards town with Limi I ended up feeling bad, like the retard I am, and asking her to take me home

I get in there and this is our convo

Mom: .. OO: Ohshi, what're you doing here?
Me: You said you wanted me home so I came.
Mom: ... Waaaat? Nononono, go with Dani!
Me: ..... *doom stares* She's already gone.
Mom: Why'd you come? D: You didn't have to, I was over it
Me: ...*more doom stare, eye twitch* You were angry..
Mom: Nooo I was over it in like five seconds, figured you'd be better off with her than doing nothing here
Me: ................ *slams room door shut*

I can't believe it! It's like, holy crap, I do something for her for once and that happens. -.- And then I ended up getting sick from the food she cooked anyway.

Figures.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23729616/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23729616/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:26:56 PDT
Also.. I might do trades. MIGHT. It depends. In all honesty if I don't SERIOUSLY BADLY want art from you, I probably wont trade you. lol

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23725286/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23725286/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 08:16:49 PDT
Yesterday I went to Loretta's, and in all honesty it wasn't a good visit. I showed her the Logo and she began lecturing me on how appaloosas have this and that, and I was like "I know.. I was planning on doing all your horses and a full body one too" but she kept ranting off and didn't listen. So all in all.. that was horrible. It's like someone shoving your best work in your face and I didn't like it at all.

After that she got into this random and awkward speech about something.. It was so confusing I didn't even know what she was talking about. It was something about her almost dying during a surgery or something but I just couldn't tell what she was talking about because she kept going "BOOM" during random parts of it. It's you know, a sad story, I know she's scarred from it, but I didn't really know what to make of it so I stayed quiet. She had begun drinking too, then, and suddenly asked if I was doing drugs when I decided to lay down for a bit. She'd brought up it before but this time she said "you better not be effing lying to me" and all this crap. I looked her in the eye and said nothing but "I'm just shocked you think I would do something like that." and she kept going on about it and the whole time my mom looked awkward and kept saying I wouldn't do such a thing.

After a while I went to the bathroom and grabbed this purse thing.. holding my.. er.. girl things, and loretta suddenly goes "No, you give me that bag, you wont do drugs in my house!"

and I was just like

wtf.

So mom defends me you know, she goes "She needs that bag, I packed it, there's nothing in it.." but loretta just said "Give it here" so I did, expecting her to look through it but she just put it down and stared at me. I was like wtf again, said I needed it and she got all blah about it before mom finally had to shout out that I was on my goddamn period before she'd give it back.

Awkward.. and embarrassing. Especially cause Steve and Richard.. you know, heard it.

So I go, put the bag back, and head to her computer to type about it on here because about then I was having issues holding back random tears (damn pms). STEVE comes in, ruffles my hair and says "You don't need that right now, hmm?" and I can only nod cause I don't want him to hear my voice shaking and he walks out, I hear Loretta come in and she does the most scarring thing in my life, kneels down and hugs me and is all "I'm sorry" but then she suddenly goes on about her problems, then scars me even more by petting my face and kissing me all over and crap.. I'm sorry I just don't like that. At all. It's too close for comfort for ANY adult, even if it's supposed to be "motherly". Then she asks again if I'm doing drugs or, something new, if I've been touched against my will, and I'm just like "STFU LEAVE ME ALONE" Except I don't, just you know, stay quiet and shake my head, tell her nothing bad ever happened to me and I've just been this way since middle school.

Mom finally saves me and on the way back home I break down in the car and guess who comforts me?

MOM.

that's right

mother freaking MOM.

She asked me a couple times what was wrong and I said "maybe I just need to cry" when in reality I was thinking about why I'm such a lazy asshole, and she half hugs me and says "I understand. Loretta shouldn't have said those things you know? But people are just worried, they wonder why a smart girl like you doesn't do work and all that"

and after a moment of listening to her I just say "I don't know why I don't, I just... can't."

She took it the wrong way and said I could do anything I wanted to but eh, it was nice. Her way of comforting was actually.. comforting. xD I'm so shocked right now, I even said "I love you" to her. You know when the last time I did that was? lol

We got home, pampered me and all this until I fell asleep on the couch in my TV room due to being up til 5 in the morning at 's the night before.

I slept from 8 til 7 and I'm still tired. xD

But yeah.. that's my story of yesterday. Really.. odd. Shouldn't be that way. But it was nice to have my mom come in and defend me for once, you know? She told me she knows I'd never do something like that and that the idea has never even crossed her mind.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23651893/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23651893/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 21:43:09 PDT
[link]

I don't think I'm too pricey.. I mean. I always commission people who are $20 or around that area, tis affordable. ... Maybe I'm just not worth that money xD;

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23600716/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23600716/ Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:25:08 PDT
]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23555232/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23555232/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:00:44 PST
"STOP MAKING OUT IN FRONT OF THE OFFICE. I REPEAT, STOP. MAKING. OUT. IN. FRONT. OF. THE. OFFICE."


Something similar apparently happened earlier but I didn't hear that one.. I'm glad I heard this one XD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23515201/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23515201/ Tue, 03 Mar 2009 20:25:00 PST gave to me now.

There wasn't even any warning, she just took it. I went to her and asked why and she was like "what am I supposed to do, you have straight Fs except for art!"

I wonder how long it'll take her to realize that I'm a lost cause.

Yeah, I'd love to have good grades.. I mean, who wouldn't? But it's just not going to happen. I was talking with Zutto the other day and she asked if I have any goals and I just don't. I can't find anything I want to do in life. If I have nothing to strive for then how am I supposed to work for it? It's like drawing blind-folded. You'd never see what you did until it's finished.. will it be satisfactory or just a waste of paper?

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23461456/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23461456/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 00:44:30 PST
Spiders.

fkjsdhfgksdhg

I'm sorry but.. when they're here.. in my house... where they can unknowingly crawl all over me while I sleep... then it's not good.

They just FREAK ME OUT. and omg, as soon as the weather decides to get slightly above freezing the spiders take their chance to spawn like fucking rabbits and raid my room.

NO.

D8

I DON'T LIKE SPIDERS.

There's just something about those little creepy things that just make me cringe, shudder, and instantly turn the other way.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I think they're kickass... when not in my house. ._.

Just.. IT ISN'T RIGHT TO HAVE THAT MANY LEGS.

AND EYES

AND WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO GODDAMN FAST.. AND FREAKY


I know this journal is really pointless but.. I'm up at 2 in the morning because I just saw like... 4 spiders in the same minute. My bathroom, living room, NEXT TO THE DAMN BUG SPRAY, and once again in my bathroom.


why can't they just eat eachother

like.

right now.

Just go all psycho freaking ninja cannibal spider and nom their own faces off.

LIKE RIGHT FREAKING NOW.


Do you know you swallow at least 8 spiders in your sleep each year?

Yeah.

I'm sorry but no




...


I CAN'T SLEEEEEP. When I close my eyes I just feel the legs crawling over my skin..

*bangs head against wall*


When I'm scared.. I get scared. DX

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23416542/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23416542/ Thu, 26 Feb 2009 13:39:03 PST
]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23394885/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23394885/ Wed, 25 Feb 2009 08:00:31 PST
I remember something my counselor said that keeps ringing throughout my head..

You know how we all have different interests, we all do different things.. things we're good at in life. And yet we're -all- expected to do school. All of us. And if we don't it's like some great tragedy.

I think I'm not meant for school. No matter what is at stake I can never bring myself to pull my grades up. Internet, friends, whatever, I just can't do it. I really want a bearded dragon and mom said I could get it if I get my grades up, and you know what? I just kicked the idea from my mind. Because it wont happen. It never will.

I worked for what, a week.. then gave up. I don't think I'll ever graduate high school.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23358434/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23358434/ Mon, 23 Feb 2009 08:04:28 PST , and are going to the anime convention in Albuquerque as Matt, Mello, and Near. I'm not too sure Zutto is going to be near but we were talking about it.


...

I wanted to be mello BUT SINCE I DON'T HAVE BLONDE HAIR.

D<

oh well. xD No leather for me :C

BUT I GET TO PLAY GAMES ELL OH ELL .D

And yaoi Mello. Even though we're not guys but.. still xD I guess this is better because then I get to love on my favorite character. .D And I know a certain someone who will be joyous that I'm not being Mello. xDDD

I really wanna do this cosplay good, too. I'm even going to work out until I'm skinny enough.. cause holy god freaking Damn Matt is a skinny bastard.

I just don't want to be one of those super-cheep looking cosplays that suck, you know?

If you have any like, ideas or anything, do tell. xD


ALSO

I might be getting a Bearded dragon. YESSS. But I dunno.. I'm just going to research a lot about them then pop the question to my mom. I'll try and impress her then pull the line "I need to learn responsibility" or something. xD



I just realized.. we're all perfect heights for it too.

I'm slightly shorter than Dani and Mi-chan is a midget. .D xDDDDD

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23296721/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23296721/ Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:33:32 PST
Ok you know what. No.

I don't give a shit if she's lonely. Really. I don't. After all she's put me through in the past months? Year almost?

No. She can be lonely. In fact, it gives me another reason to go to Mi-chan's.

And seriously, before all my grounded-ness she was freaking happy as fuck whenever I wanted to go somewhere. Now she's suddenly "lonely"

Well you know what, fuck her. I'm making up for the years of staying at home with that woman. I bet you I've only gone over to someone's house a total of 20 times since elementary school.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23269948/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23269948/ Mon, 20 Apr 2009 08:05:19 PDT










People I owe..




]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23162724/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23162724/ Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:58:06 PST
All I really want is black background with freaking neon green borders/letters whatever xD And you know, sections for stuff.

I'll love you forever <3

... I know I'm random.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23129371/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23129371/ Tue, 10 Feb 2009 20:29:24 PST
]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23098077/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23098077/ Mon, 09 Feb 2009 08:24:00 PST
-They Bred sirens without asking/permission
-They made siren adoptables which is only allowed by me.. which is like freaking common sense
-They didn't (c) sirens design to me in multiple deviations
-Their siren offspring are not even close to what they should be which is why they should've ASKED first. They bred them with wolves, which is supposed to have three heads like a cerebus (I haven't got the ref up yet so they wouldn't have even bred them anyway)
-None of them even asked/told me about them so all this went on behind my back and I couldn't correct it earlier before all these people got out of hand like it has.

I'm still pissed off.

And no, I wont tell you who they are unless they start arguing with me, which, in that case, I will allow you to go wild on their azzzezzz. xD And if they do argue... wtf. They brought it on themselves and right now I'm not going to deal with any childish crap.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23040426/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23040426/ Fri, 06 Feb 2009 13:02:48 PST
I just found someone, who is now randomly banned... probably for stunts like this... who didn't even consult me before or AFTER making her Siren. And then she bred them in HARPG. AND She used them for adoptables, and never gave me permission except for one small link to the ref sheet in one of her devs when she drew them a load of times and NEVER, NOT ONCE, GAVE ME CREDIT FOR THE DESIGN. People were thinking SHE created them. Then the person who adopted one didn't give me credit either, they didn't even mention me.

OH GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND ANOTHER ONE.

This little group of people have PISSED ME OFF BEYOND BELIEF.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23036405/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23036405/ Fri, 06 Feb 2009 08:17:06 PST were at school, in line to get food, right? And she mentions that they have Diet Sprite and I'm like "Ew. Diet Mountain Dew and Sprite is like.. the nastiest stuff ever. Dx"

And this girl in front of us just turns and gives me this.. look. Like "haha I'm superior, you're a dumbass, and what you just said offended me" all in one glare. So.. I just kinda go like o_O then she leaves.

After we buy our stuff we walk past the girl again... and she's sitting there GOSSIPING about me talking about diet sprite.

"Oh yeah, that girl over there said that diet sprite is nasty"

and I'm just like...


...


LOL.

ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!? XD

Do girls here really have SOOOOOO much time on their hands that they have to gossip about my soda choices? They have no life. I was so amused. I was pissed off and laughing at the same time, seriously. xDD

Wtf man.

Wtffff. xD She was so preppy too. One of those "popular" girls that talk about make up and get with every guy in the school. I mean seriously. xD Wth.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23011043/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/23011043/ Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:41:57 PST
It's the depressing day for me.. xD; I've never.. ever... ever received some form of a valentine that wasn't forced by teachers or from family.

And if I did have a boyfriend or something.. they massively failed and never gave me anything when they said they would *COUGH*CODY*COUGH*

But the giving part I really don't care much about. I mean... Valentines day is like. Yay cuddle romance day.


...I can't exactly do that.


Sooo every Valentines day is like depressing day

Yay.

]]> ~Xesta http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/22973907/ http://Xesta.deviantart.com/journal/22973907/ Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:22:59 PST
And every day I spend at 's is like a refreshing jump into heaven.

So now I look even more forward to weekends than ever before. xD

I can't wait for summer.. maybe I'll just live there.

Just a little update on me... Not that anyone could really care much. (like someone I know... *snort*)

I'm beyond sick. I mean, I had a cold, but it faded, and I THOUGHT it was gone, but then it came back a couple days later and now I'm hacking up my lungs. Plus my stomach is cramping beyond belief and NO it's not that time of the month. So I dunno, maybe I have the flu. Either way, I found myself comparing my mom to Mi-chan's (zutto). I mean... The entire time I was there earlier today she was like.. worrying. And telling me I should go to the doctor.

My mom has never done that in my entire life time. I don't even think she'd care if I actually did spit out my lung.

And she's so SWEET too. I mean seriously. I can actually talk to her freely.. and I'm near to tears when I say this. I can't even talk to Loretta with such a loose tongue.

I've really grown close to Mi-chan and her family. May not seem like it, but I have. I literally beg my mom to go to hers every weekend.

And I mean... they're the only ones who actually talked about what I should do in my future without making me feel pathetic or worthless. They were nice about it, giving suggestions, you know.. "Do what you want to" type attitude.

And plus, they buy lotsa Mountain Dew for me .D

xD;

But anyway- *coughs face off* .... ANYWAY


In class the other day we had people come in and talk about us going to be seniors and how we should start thinking about our careers we want to pursue. We had to fill out this sheet and I put for all the answers "Don't know."

Because I didn't..... I really didn't.








................



Where am I going in life?

]]> ~Xesta