http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Yin-Yang-Completed&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Yin-Yang-Completed en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 29 Dec 2009 22:41:15 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/21650949/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/21650949/ Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:20:32 PST [x] Weezer
[x] Paramore
[x] Panic! At The Disco
[x] October Fall
[] The Academy Is...
[x] Coheed And Cambria
[x] Bayside
[x] Yellowcard
[x] Sugarcult
[] The Dresden Dolls
TOTAL SO FAR : 8

COUNTRY:
[x] Rascal Flatts
[x] Carrie Underwood
[x] Leanne Rhymes
[x] Garth Brooks
[x] Dixie Chicks
[x] Kenny Chesney
[x] Tim McGraw
[x] Faith Hill
[x] Shania Twain
[x] Johnny Cash

TOTAL SO FAR: 18

EMO:
[x] Hawthorne Heights
[] Halifax
[] Forgive Durden
[] Amber Pacific
[x] The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
[] From First to Last
[x] Senses Fail
[x] Underoath
[] Something Corporate
[] Hit the lights
[] Dear Whoever

TOTAL SO FAR: 21

INDIE:
[] The Hush Sound
[] Eisley
[x] Death Cab for Cutie
[x] Dashboard Confessional
[x] The Killers
[] Yeah Yeah Yeahs
[] Hot Hot Heat
[x] Gym Class Heroes
[x] Franz Ferdinand
[x] Modest Mouse

TOTAL SO FAR: 27

METAL:
[x] Slipknot
[x] System of a Down
[x] Disturbed
[x] Metallica
[x] Guns n' Roses
[] Lamb of God
[] Slayer
[] Hatebreed
[] Killswitch Engage
[x] Avenged Sevenfold
TOTAL SO FAR: 33

POP:
[] Teddy Geiger
[] Ashlee Simpson
[x] Kelly Clarkson
[] Jesse McCartney
[x] Avril Lavigne
[x] Pink
[] The Veronicas
[] Daniel Powter
[] James Blunt
[x] Natasha Bedingfield
[] Ryan Cabrera

TOTAL SO FAR: 37

POWERPOP/POP PUNK/PUNK:

[x] Hellogoodbye
[x] Cute is What We Aim for
[x] Cartel
[] The Click Five
[x] Fall Out boy
[] Lucky Boys Confusion
[x] Good Charlotte
[x] Bowling for Soup
[x] Relient K
[] Less Than Jake
[x] Simple Plan

TOTAL SO FAR: 45

RAP:
[] Ying Yang Twins
[] T.I.
[] Paul Wall
[] Tupac
[] Jamie Foxx
[] Ludacris
[] Lil' Jon
[x] Outkast
[] 50 Cent
[] Kanye West
[] Notorious B.I.G
[] Young Jeezy

TOTAL SO FAR: 46


SKA:
[]Reel Big Fish
[] The Specials
[] Mad Caddies
[] The Aquabats
[x] Sublime
[x] No Doubt
[] Madness
[] Operation Ivy
[x] Bob Marley

TOTAL SO FAR= 49

ROCK:
[x] Taking Back Sunday
[x] All-American Rejects
[x] Motion City Soundtrack
[x] Angels and Airwaves
[x] Evanescence
[x] My Chemical Romance
[x] Brand New
[x] Green Day
[x] Blink 182

TOTAL SO FAR: 59

CLASSIC ROCK:
[] The Beatles
[x] Led Zeppelin
[x] The Rolling Stones
[x] The Who
[] Pink Floyd
[x] The Doors
[x] Jimmi Hendrix
[x] Queen
[x] Van Halen
[x] Bob Dylan
[] Simon & Garfunkel

TOTAL SO FAR: 67

Now multiply by two
and put "I Am _% Obsessed With Music"

134%

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/21031897/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/21031897/ Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:18:15 PDT I don’t really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you. I think I realized it that night in your closet and I saw you drive out my father. I’m sure you’re ashamed enough to understand that extreme home makeover sucks. I’m returning your ring to you, but I’ll keep your photo as a memory. You should also know that I told today in my confession about the incarnation of the Eskimo.
Go burn,
Ashlee
How to do this.

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your journal):

I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister


2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes


3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife


4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out


5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk


6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed


7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks


8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service


9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college


10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Alwa... ]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/20814366/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/20814366/ Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:10:59 PDT

so im getting more and more into the entirety of Deviantart more recently.

been doing a lot of pollz.
actually reading the notices
and thinking about entering the logo design.

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy


^_^ im like hyper.

and thinking about becoming a full member on here

i'll have new stuff up soon so be expecting

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/20445885/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/20445885/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 20:03:42 PDT
ag
stop pushing me toward something i'm trying to move away from!

stop yelling at me for your problems.

stop forgetting i freaking exist.

stop trying to make me love you



and you.
you.
yes you.

STAY OUT OF MEH LIFE

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/19823241/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/19823241/ Thu, 07 Aug 2008 08:28:50 PDT

I had like 67 deviations to look through
And like 20 messages x.X


wowsers.


OKIES!

Want an update??

Still Totally and completely single!
Probably gonna be designing for the oaks fellowship soon.

And I have my mini me's following me around.

I'm serious there is like 10-15 litte kids in like jr. high and middle school who think I'm like the most amazing thing ever and follow me like EVERY WHERE!!!!

Hmmm.

Got back from Camp last friday and that was amazing sauce lolz.

hmmm...

That's about it I guess.

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/19154294/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/19154294/ Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:22:56 PDT yeah that's what it spells.
Because I know how much you hate reading backwards.


os
os
os
ti evol i

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18825567/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18825567/ Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:53:54 PDT
--

So many of you really, probably, haven't even noticed me gone. v.v I haven't been on here for a while. But I thought that it was time to get back to the good. You know?

I've been writing and drawing alot more; basically using my own body as a canvas. I have tiny drawings and hearts and saying written and scribbled all over my body. And it seems as soon as I take them all off, millions more seem to replace them. o..0

--
Somebody save me,
I'm falling even faster,
Falling into his arms tonight.

Somebody save me,
I'm afraid I'm losing myself,
To the keeper of my heart.

--
i'm at a point where i want to write a song so bad. so everything i say or type i sing.

i feel like a loser when my parents say come to dinner and i'm singing be right there



--


Mucho love

-Ash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18558336/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18558336/ Thu, 29 May 2008 10:53:34 PDT
--
So I have less than 4 hrs left of school. Then tomorrow at 11:45 my chariot will come to wisk me away to San Antonio. 6 hrs there and 6 more hours back. Plus the loud ruckus of 3 and underlings scurring about.
I think my doodle's are getting better ^_^ YAY ME!!!!!!
Will write more when I'm back.

--
Ash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18517103/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18517103/ Mon, 26 May 2008 19:28:32 PDT A person who used to be my friend is mad at me because of something with jeremy i guess.

I hate to tell her this a day and a doller short.
But everything that was between me and jeremy is gone.
Fiineeshed.

We settled apon it yesterday.

So my six months thing. Yea that's gone too.

Been thinking alot about it actually, and just think that right now, we don't need eachother. Actually couldn't even begin to handle each other.

But appearantly I'm two faced because I never got over him. And appearantly she hates him now.

I'm gonna try and find the silver lining in this, but it seems rather difficult.

All I can say is, Lord I'm praying for her, I'm praying that things will smooth over with jere. And I hope to God that she will wake up and realize, the world doesn't revolve around Jeremy. As much as one would like it to.

So my dear moogle,
If you are infact reading this.
Then i have a few things to say.

1. I don't understand how I am two faced. I never stole him from you, we never went back out.
2. Even though you say stop reading, no one ever does.
3. Yea, I know you hate me, probably have you're own reasons. Doesn't counter the fact that yea i still love the heck out of you.



any ways... the real reason i got on this account was to post this:

-
A downward spiral
A demise to us all
The blatent truth
The writing on the wall
-
-
"Good to know"
What ever happened to 'it's good to ask questions'?
-
When did growing up mean losing all say in things?
When did innocense become lost at age 13?
When did childhood become colleges and jobs?
When did suicide become an answer?
When did drugs cure any pain?
When did flesh become a form of art?
When did breathing become a job?
When did frowning become a force of habit?
When did fashion define who you are?
When did words lead to death?
When did reality become a nightmare?
When did thinking different make you crazy?
When did love become hate?
When did a kiss become sex?
When did religion become a cult?
When did adoration become intoxication?
When did lyrics become bombs?
When did families become enemies?
When did a card game become an addiction?
When did smiles become masks?
When did 10 year olds kill themselves?
When did pain become tolerable?
When did television become pornagraphy?
When did beauty become skin deep?
-

Now think to yourself;
Do you really want the answers to these questions?
-
-
Good to Know..

--------------------------------


Ash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18396741/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18396741/ Mon, 19 May 2008 10:28:11 PDT Writing something new called access denied, but I am not sure if I want to put it up yet.
I guess you will just have to find out.

--

Oh just to set the record straight with someone.
made a picture that looks almost exactly like a picture I manipulated. She "never" downloaded it. Made with her own hands, using my idea.

So

Be happy

or not.

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18248664/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18248664/ Fri, 09 May 2008 20:55:43 PDT Was it something I did? Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging, in a city so dead
Held up so high, on such a breakable thread


--

"and if you think i could forget ur name,
i couldnt even forget the sound of ur voice.

and then, so be it...again. we leave each other for separate paths.
good luck, but i have a feeling you won't need luck.
you'll find ur happy ending.."

I'm starting to think, that I should never read comments that people have left on here, or even read any of my old stuff. Because honestly, it depresses me to a point where I want to break down and cry.

Today after school, I actually started talking to Chris, and invited him to come with me somewhere. An attempt to lose anger towards him. In all actuallity I'm not going to be satisfied until I get a reason, and an apology. And I doubt I am going to get either. We started bickering about the tech bowl. Him saying how much I did or didn't memorize. Like he was inside my brain and knew my everythought. yeah. Like that would ever happen. So I sped off on my little bike to get away from argueing with him. Appearantly I haven't been in his life for a month, and last I heard he told me to shove off so I guess I really shouldn't care.

After school came home and stalled until 30 minutes till i was supposed to leave to start doing things. But then matt couldn't leave and blah. So I had to wait an extra hour and my dad took me to Sagu. I was late on seeing russ do his sermon, and I hit myself for it and tried to make up with a million apologies. And I got to see Jeremy W. In a pony tail. Which was quite unusual. at first glance I thought he cut all of his hair off o.0.

Met up with bri and brett. Hung out with them for a while. Then met up with Russ. Was walking around with russ for about 10 minutes before the stupid feelings came back to me. I tried for like 10 minutes to stifle them and make sure they didnt pop up. But I couldn't take it so I started to walk off, saying, oh well he has other people to be with. He grabbed onto my arm and stared at me. I was almost in friggin tears. Then he was like, I'm not going to lie, I still have feelings for you, Like major ones. But I can't be alone with you anymore or else I know I will do something I'd regret. (cue the waterworks) so i said im sorry and tried to leave, and then he grabbed onto me again and tried to sort things out. all the while i just kept telling him to go. he had people to be with. I don't even remember what the last thing i said to him was... all i know is he hugged me and when i tried to back up he held me there and tried to pull me closer. and i was like rawr inside my head. then he just shook his head and let me go. and I ran off crying. I didn't see him for the other hour I was there. even tho i know he was there...

was talking to jeremy for a while after his performance, talking about the old days, and wondering when the next time he'd call me from a hotel room would be. sat there and waited twenty minutes in the dark with me for my parents. rawr. he really is too sweet... I'm just wondering what makes him want to be with me... I don't deserve sweetness.

So now I am back home, talking and texting Jeremy, Jeremy, and the occasional chris n.
Appearantly the 3 hours i spent at sagu, accounts for the entire weekend, because im not allowed to do anything for the rest of the weekend. o-buck-et-o-joy...

--




--

Ash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18221997/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18221997/ Thu, 08 May 2008 05:03:31 PDT I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love's suicide.
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

--

Being with Jeremy yesterday was so awkward, after what happened the night before and all. He seemed really out of it, and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but beside me...

I saw shawn, and for the first time in a long time i actually felt for him again, *sigh* I'm going to end up screwed over if i let my emotions get the best of me. He picked me up and twirled me around and held me tight, like he did when we were dating. Made me miss him all the more. I wish he was still the same shawn that I had dated before.

Everytime I left chris, and then came back, he would pick me up too. He said it was because it gave him the chance to be really close to me. Made me blush exetremly. He is leaving in the morning and who know's when he will be back. He left his necklace with me, and I asked him why. He said to make sure that I know that he will come back to me...

I basically glomped Jeremy W. after his performance last night. And borrowed his jacket for almost the whole night. ^_^. Even though I was freezing, he touched my hand and said i was really warm. mew...

I hope me and Jeremy can patch things up. I'm not giving up on the 6 months, no matter what me and his past looks like. I know we can make it through. I just know it. <3

--

Ash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18202773/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18202773/ Tue, 06 May 2008 19:35:36 PDT That don't matter, he said,
'Cause it's all the same

Said can I take you home where we can be alone

An' next we were movin' on
He was with me, yeah me

Next we were movin' on
He was with me, yeah me, singin'

I love rock n' roll
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby
I love rock n' roll
So come an' take your time an' dance with me

--

I finally completed my version of "To write love on her arms". Took me two days, and a lot of crying to actually get it all out. If i were to ever submit it though, I would have to work on it a lot. As a rough draft alone it is the better of 3 pages long. If anyone actually wants to know about "the" (to write love on her arms) story not "mine" just google it.

I'm not sure but actually writing it, it brought back alot of memories. And I'm wondering why I even let myself fall back to Jeremy. I mean I love him; like crazy; but thinking about all this just made me so mad at him. I couldn't even bare to talk to him today for fear of saying something stupid and ruining what friendship I have with him.

So Tim is attempting to talk to me again? It's kind of odd. And I officially hate truth boxes now, because someone sent me something that said "You had something great and you lost it, Hahaha I think it's funny" what the heck??? do people get their kicks from tormenting me?

My cousins are going to be here in a little over four weeks. I have almost every day of them being here planned out. I hope they don't think I've become an obsessive control freak. well I have actually. BUT OH WELL.

Like ClockWork. Logan called today, I knew he would. He calls every Tuesday and Thursday, and most Fridays. I like talking to him now. And since I'm not solely dependant on him like I used to. I guess I can have an actual friendship with him. Which is nice. I'm actually thinking of writing a poem called Like Clockwork, about routines, and things that are so predictable.

I got my laptop taken today. My hinge on the corner broke, and to reduce further damage they took it, and gave me a loaner. I have no music, no photoshop brushes. NOTHING. I feel so.. so... empty. I am having to stream music. And I hate streaming, I can never find what I want.

Tomorrow is church. And the day I introduce Chris to... well my world.
name: Christopher Nelson
age: 18
birthday: august
grade: college freshman
major: architechture
hometown: whinney, texas
current residence: arlington, texas (dorm room)
college: university of texas in arligton (UTA)
dating: In a commited relationship, Mandi R. of PA
color: purple
intrests: drawing, anime, cyber goths, bondage

He has only ever met Raya and me.
I hate that I know so much about people... Like when having a conversation, I find out the strangest things about them.


I'm actually begining to wonder if I will ever bump into Tim again, and more over, what will happen when I do. Because the chances of me not bumping into him eventually are 0 to none. He works at sonic. He goes to the Pump. He lives in the same town. He goes to Hastings. Actually, so far fate has delt me a pretty good hand in avioding him. It seems everytime I'm going to go somewhere, then end up going somewhere else. Someone I know bumps into him at the place I was going to be originally. O.o Valle at hastings and Brad at the pump.

Still not talking to Valle, with good reason. I still can't believe he would betray me like that, then come to school on Monday thinking that we were still going to be the best of friends. Someone needs to give him a news flash; because that is not how things work. Especially not with me. Sad thing is, when I can't aviod him like Tim because I go to school with him. T_T

For some random reason I wanted to call Tim today, and actually talk things out. Or walk to his house and force him to talk to me. But I didn't I just watched the day pass away. Besides from what I've been told, I'm not really welcome there. So, yay.

Poo.

Tomorrow is going to be intersting, Chris, Rachel, and Jeremy x.X With the add of Russel and the Other Jeremy. Speaking of Jeremy's, My cousin doesn't like jeremy at all. With good reasoning.

Why does that sound familier Chris Rachel and Jeremy? HAHA Jeremy's older sister is Rachel, who is married to chris. x.X Tho only Jeremy is the Same Jeremy. CONFUSING!!!

So I am listening to the Band HIM right now. I used to be obsessed with them. I wonder what happened.

--

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together
For mister right now, not mister forever
Don't know why I ev... ]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18187751/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18187751/ Mon, 05 May 2008 20:11:46 PDT the pain,
everything i thought i had forgotten,
had come back,
with in 24 hours of reading his story.

everything that i ever felt for jeremy,
the pain the anguish, the happiness,
the anger...

anything for shawn... or my brother, or my family


collided on me....

--

i remember crying, in the corner of my bed,
waiting for a text, something, comforting,
anything.

but nothing came,
nothing but tears...


--

memories haunt me,

for 4 months i'd been clean,
rid of all thoughts like that,
and they came back...

--

trembling,
shaking,
scared,
hurt....






crying...



--
]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18153011/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18153011/ Sat, 03 May 2008 17:53:11 PDT

--



im losing them,

their dropping like flies.

they're hating me now,

i can see it in their eyes.

their words consume me,

and swallow me whole.

i've stolen too much,

and this is my toll.

--

i have gotten more than three people to stop talking to me, 2 out of three i want to hurt,
to show them what they did to me. but i'm not going to, unless they give me good reason too. the good book always says treat others how you want to be treated. if i leave them alone hopefully they will do the same.

I'm not going to be talking much, i'm really sick of hearing people complain, or just talk in general. that seems, well, selfish, but i rarely hear anyone talking of good things anymore, they complain *hehe like im doing*, they talk really pervertted, or they cuss in almost every sentance which really makes me not want to be around them.

appearantly, being in a relationship with the one i wanted to get with in about a month or two, is too serious for a girl like me at my age, says my mom. so she told me if i really want to be with him, and make it work this time, that i have to go 6 months, not dating anyone, no flirting, no dates. woo hoo. i can deal though. it's not the end of the world

i have about 27 days till the end of school, then i leave for falls city, to see my brother, and my cousins graduate. then about a week later my cousins scott and cody are going to come up here and stay with me for about a month. hopefully they can give me something to do.

other than watching what i eat, and exercising, and playing video games. i need something to do, i got invited to a party tonight, but its not really my type of party, you know the basics, drinking, and smoking, and all that stuff, so i came up with some petty excuse and turned them down politely. aint i lovely.

it was my friend logan's birthday today, he is finally 17. i guess he is like the only one who is like the opposite of me who i really talk to anymore. we have a few similairities, but more over, we "had" more way back when. he is in a band, plays base, he is also a photographer. he's ok, to me.

finally got my peuter bunny back from tim, though, i really don't want it anymore, just sits there staring at me, like a constant reminder, "haha your a screw up" well haha yes i am, but i knew that before tim came along. just reminds me everytime i look at the dang thing.

i are going to the movies tonight with bri, woot... first time me and bri have done anything on our own. and its a scary movie. and she's a girl so it doesnt break my no guy life rule...

aight... gotta get ready i guess...

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18097662/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18097662/ Wed, 30 Apr 2008 07:11:27 PDT
--
37 days…

At first, t’was a job, it was nothing more than a job. A hundred times I’ve done the job; and a hundred times I never faltered. The day came to pick my victim and claim my prize, and lovely prize at that. I swooned and cooed over the victim watching him fall for my ingenious plan. Just when my prize was in my grasp, I let out the most personal of information, thus did business, become personal. In several attempts to ride my self away from this on going collision, I became more and more caught up in the life of my victim. Thus, my work life became my love life as well. In less than a week he had me wooed to an extent to where I myself no longer wanted to work. I no longer wanted to be anything else but his.
Days passed, and I found myself windblown by his exterior appearance and inner composition. A demand for urgency caught up with us in our first hours, which scared me to death. To think, me, scared? I called out to my father and asked him whether I should stay or go. I chose above him, and stayed, denying my father that right, when I had asked him myself. Each his own, he spoke, and let me lie down. Thirty-seven days have come in passed, when my father’s words came back to me. My victim had become my maker and in turn, I the victim. We split. Oh what a prize I have now, what a lovely reminder of my disobedience. Hung around my neck, it is a constant reminder of my father’s words. Toughened, hardened, and more obedient; I bow my head in solemn prayer.


--
“This is not where you are called,
Child of mine,
Are you so blind,
As to see this gift,
That you have yet again,
Surpassed?”

--

There lies a blonde, green eyed boy, love laying in wait for the taken. And in his arms, shall lie a small brunette girl, will eyes the size of the world.

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18020591/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/18020591/ Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:24:34 PDT Please understand my reasons for not speaking today. I am
participating in the Day of Silence (DOS), a national youth
movement bringing attention to the silence faced by lesbian,
gay, bisexual and transgender people and their allies. My
deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by
anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment. This
year’s DOS is held in memory of Lawrence King, a 15 year-
old student who was killed in school because of his sexual
orientation and gender expression. I believe that ending the
silence is the first step toward building awareness and
making a commitment to address these injustices. Think
about the voices you are not hearing today."

--

I have done the DOS since before I can remember.
In the smallest school in our town,
I think we might be the most heard.
Or unheard.

Half the population of our school is dedicated to DOS

And many others from the school across town

--

I participate in the DOS,
For my friends, (i.e. Holley, Austin, and many others)
For my Family (Cousin Johnny)
And for every other person being put down by their own life choices

--

Today may be the day that I have remained quiet the longest.
And for the most purpose

--

I really wish People could understand sign language though

-.-

--

I’d give almost anything to understand what he was thinking,
Always quiet or staring off into space.
I wonder who he sings about,
And why

~A.R.

--

It is supposed to storm again today.
Dreary day,
Similar to my mood

Cold,
Harsh,
Windblown

--

If ever I never heard those words again,
It would be too soon.

--


…

--

~Ash

Underlining_Charisma*silenced*



--
THINK ABOUT THE VOICES YOU ARE NOT HEARING TODAY

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17998380/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17998380/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:14:51 PDT Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either writers or fools behind the reigns
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all way
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away
A lie to run
It would be a lie
It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling (x4)
Water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away (x3)

--
I already know Jeremy can live without me,
He has told me that,
And I believe him full heartedly.

And If I put effort into it.

Im sure I could too.

--

I don't normally put the entire song lyrics,
but this describes exactly how i feel.

even though to someone else it may seem really stupid...

--

matches the weather perfectly too..

storming,
gushing winds,
lightning


all things that make me thing

and then this song that russ gave me...

what a perfect combo..

--

i finally set the ring aside.
i took it off.

for the first time since the kirstie thing.
months...
wows..


--

i got my cuzin to go to church with me today,

made me realize how much i miss her there,
to hold me,
to hold my hand.

im not a little kid.

but shes my other side
you know?

sisters even.

<3


i've missed her so much.

--

it would be a lie to runaway.

my first instinct is to runaway
and not trust ppl

it would be a lie to runaway.


im not running this time.

--


christopher b. valle

i know you read my things.

so

i've got one thing to say.

Forgiveness.
It's who I am.
I forgive


Not saying I want to become all gushy and friendly with you
meaning
1. im not mad
2. i wont approach you unless you approach me
3. best friends is over...


i don't do any good to you

so
be happy
with

that one chix you like

=]

--

i almost had an attack today

i don't know what to call them anymore.

i used to think it was closterphobia

but i never went to get tested


basically,
its like i suddenly snap back into the reality,
and sense everything thats happened,
thats happening
voices get louder,
and the air around me gets stuffie.

and i can barely breathe.

i was talking to jeremy worsham, or attempting to,
and i was staring at him,
then everything started growing fuzzy for a moment then got louder
and louder,
i tried to stay and talk to him
because he was upset

and i still havent found out why...

but i had to leave

i left the an emptier part of the church
and sat there with tim
tapping my foot

to keep rhythem

and to help keep control

--


i heard a train pass by...
i remember the train...



choo...



choo...





-u.u-



--

i am using the ring my mother gave me in place of my promise ring,
its a reminder to me to stay pure.
so its my purity ring basically

even tho i did make the mistake a long time ago


i am choosing now to stay comitted to purity


--


i feel emptyness


...


--

I need hugs....


lots of hugs.....

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17972027/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17972027/ Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:41:31 PDT And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than all your lies



*breakdown-- seether*


--

I'm feeling better

a bit

but I'm still going to be changing my friends up a bit.


--

havent seen timothy in a long time

in a week even.


--

im writing again

barely

but i am


basing it off of my life

a bit like an autobiography.
to give my watchers a little back ground on me

i have just got a new watcher to



thanks for watching



--

for those of you who do actually know me
or think you know me


you'll find out a lot more about me

--
^_^

--

Forget paris,
I'm thinking Tokyo.

--

Badger badger badger
Mushroom
MUSHROOM

--

o.0

--
now drawing or writing for ppl

if you have any ideas give them to me and ill make them for you

also photoshoping for pplz


^_^
--

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17970928/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17970928/ Tue, 22 Apr 2008 05:36:34 PDT smooth side of love takes away
all that matters
and buries the remains
in and unmarked grave in your heart


killing lonlieness


--


Here are some facts:


1. i need new friends

2. christopher b. valle is a jerkface

3. I will not, ever!, cheat on my boyfriend

4. I'm ready to break everything in site

5. if i see him even 1 time today,
im smacking the crap out of him

--


wanna know what started this rampage?

suprisingly not christopher

he just made it worse


twas yesterday when my loverly friend
pronounced how he had feelings for me again


and i wanted to beat my head into a wall

so i told him

i want god, and i want to be happy with what i have, and despite what ppl think, what i have is pretty damn great, and im not willing to screw it up, im sorry but i like where i am too damn much to go and do something so stupid. i've come so far, and im not going back, not even for you, im sorry.


so yea


--

then it escaladed this morning


when i said one thing

and he started being a sarcastic jerkface as usual


--


YOU KNOW WHAT PPL

IM TIRED OF YOU HATING ME THEN COMING BACK



STAY MAD

STAY HATING ME


ITS BETTER THAT WAY.

and yes christopher that means you too.

--

I need new friends


ones that give advice, dont talk trash behind the others back, are not sarcastic, and love god above all.



--


I'm a christian.
I believe God has called me AWAY! from these people


the ppl who are my friends now


arent who i am now

they are who i was


and i dont need who i was

because ill go back to who i was.


--


and fyi


i dont give a flying rip

if you dont like timothy



cuz i do


and thats all that matters


--





so to all of you who
1. called me a slut
2. agreed with it
3. dont like tim
4. think i steal your men
5. think im a critizing hypocrite



get a Friggin! LIFE!



if you actually think you can call yourself my friend
heres a reality check

your not


so leave me the flip alone!

--



]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17957629/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17957629/ Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:56:54 PDT coming 4 to carry me home

--

I had a very bad image in my mind when i looked down at my hand.

Writen in red marker (bleeding out)
is


A
+T


exactly like that


staring at it i saw it carved into my hand and bleeding

>.<


*shudder*


i hope things never come to that


--

remember when i said that people have forgotten me?

i think that maybe i have forgotten them

ive been in my own little world it seems for the past few months,
actually since retreat.

i only know whats going on in jeremy and tims lives


everything
and everyone else


has basically changed


o.o


--


chris says its me...

ish it?


--




Underling_Charisma

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17954078/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17954078/ Mon, 21 Apr 2008 05:44:36 PDT
cute is what we aim for -- curse of curves

--

I didnt get to see Tim at all this weekend...




Actually I didn't get to see anyone at all.


T_T

--


Hopefully this week will look better


i think


maybe


tomorrow


i might wear bright colors




maybe




--


supposed to go to scarbrough fair with tim and his family this week.



*ish scared*

--

found shawns glove


still smells like him

thats odd

and i found his curve bottle



<333333333


idk


i like that boys scent


cept when he drinks


--

Underling_Charisma

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17935202/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17935202/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 22:00:50 PDT

dht

--


I HATE GARAGE SALES!


i spent the last 2 days focusing on this garage sale,
and didnt get to see timothy at all



omgsh


he cut his hair

x.x






i think i might die


I rearranged my room,


it took me 3 hours to clean afterwards,
but its clean


and the sad thing is

my parents havent seen it yet



x.x




--

timothy = <3

Its officially our 4 week.

--


<3333333



--


people outside my window scare me...

o.0





--


Ash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17917217/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17917217/ Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:04:26 PDT Finger on the trigger,
To my dear "Juliet",
Out from the window,
See her background Sillouette,
This blood on my hands,
Is something I cannot forget.

--

woot, for being hated

even though i know she wasn't talking about me,
bout the whole being mad at the person she'd go to for help

i kinda was hoping it was me
just not the mad part

cuz i know she is

*sigh*

--

I accidently dropped the pin on the floor,
when i picked it up i nearly burst into tears,
I could smell her,

She's not my mother!
but the thought brings me so much comfort,
until i get to the thought that I'm never going to meet her....

--

someone asked me if i was engaged today,
because of the ring i have on my finger,
the ring that was supposed to be my promise ring,
but became nothing more than a birthday gift.

--

It's his mother,
His life,
His feelings,
Why am I feeling them...?

Why do I feel as if I myself have lost my own mother,
why do I feel the need to cry everytime I'm reminded of her.

--

so for now,
take this down a notch,
crash my car,
thru your window...


--

sitting in this room...









playing russian roulette.....





]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17913912/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17913912/ Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:20:32 PDT "itsu demo anata wo shinjite iru kara"

--

Japanese Music Is the BOMB!


--

tims teacher is taking tim to court with charges trying to make saying damn a hate crime
and make him appear racist


ha


ha ha ha



Tim's not racist


not in the least

<3

--


2 days


On sunday it will be 4 weeks.


already.

time goes really fast




seems like just yesterday i was stumbling over my words and tugging on my clothes
being so nervous on that first day.



so much has changed...

in such a short time...
and its cont. to change.


friends are coming and going,
people i thought id never hang with
have become my best friends

and some of my best friends

have started hating me

(doesnt think they ever stopped hating her...


i keep having bad dreams,

whether about tim or jeremy

they are bad,

and make me cry when I wake up.








--


2 days,

thats all i have to think about and it brings a smile to my face
=]



--


<3333

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17902975/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17902975/ Thu, 17 Apr 2008 20:17:41 PDT you would have reached down,
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day,
but once again,
i say amen,
and its still raining,
and as the thunder rolls,
I barely hear your whisper in the rain,
I'm with you, and as your mercy falls,
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives,
and takes away.
I praise you in this storm,
and I will lift my hands.
For you are who you are,
no matter where I am,
and every tear I've cried,
you hold in your hand, y
ou never left my side,
and tho my heart is torn,
i will praise you in this storm


"praise you in the storm" -- casting crowns.


--

I am so happy
About how things are going with me and Tim
and it seems everyday Tim and I get closer to God.

Which is what I really want

=]


It's storming like crazy tonight,
heavy winds,
rain
sleet
hail

I feel like my bedroom window is going to crash open

0.o"

This song reminds me so much of Jeremy.
And even though I never met her
It reminds me of his mother...

I've been having dreams about her recently.
And I wish I would have had the chance to meet her.

I woke up crying one night because
I had a dream I was talking to her
and she held me really close...

idk

sounds really dumb
a woman i've never met

having dreams about her...

I think I could have loved her too
Like another mother.

*sigh*


--

RIP

TAMMY SODEN..

Passed on December 27 2006


]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17894630/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17894630/ Thu, 17 Apr 2008 11:17:25 PDT you make it hard to smile
because you make it hard to breathe
why do you do this to me?

"Why" -- Secondhand Serenade

--


So Tim got me liking secondhand serenade,
and now i cant stop listening to them
<3


i guess it makes us even because now hes in love with the afters

I am exetremly happy because I have got to spend everyday with him since tuesday,
I am seeing him tonight
and all this weekend.

=]]


Thru all the crap thats going on with family and friends
he just keeps getting sweeter


and at church last night he actually started worshiping

made my heart want to fly out of my chest.



I know nothing lasts forever

but this moment

is awesome


=]


he said we were fate


i say its God's will





No not forever


now

my now


our now


=]


despite whats happening with my family and friends


im still gonna be happy


i grew up having no friends


why should i have them now




God's enough


Tim and Jere and all my other friends are just pluses



=]]


yay for pluses



BTW

CAMERON!













miss you big bro drop me a line

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17814835/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17814835/ Sat, 12 Apr 2008 13:51:45 PDT You are loved
More than you could ever know
This is what I want to say to you
If I had one chance to tell you something
You are loved
More than you can imagine
Imagine

You are loved-- Rebecca St. James

--

i went to the doctor yesterday,
found out,
i have bronchitus

wooo

and i think i have a date

with tims mom >.>


lucky me






i stayed up talking to chris till 1:30


talked to Worsham, Colin, and Dillion till 3 or so,

Talk to tim till 6




woke up at 11




i'm like seriously about to keel over and die...


say tim today


=]


all of 20 minutes...
=[




sucks majorly because i prolly cant see him again till morrow..



=[



grr i want to cry.



my mom isnt letting me do anything..


~ash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17761223/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17761223/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 09:49:58 PDT
I hadn't gotten much sleep last night,
What with being sick an all.

And this morning started off with a confession of lies from Tim.

I've calmed down alot,
Since then.

But never the less.

A lie is a lie.

Even if I knew it all along.

Started my day off binging again,
then realizing what I was doing and throwing my food to the dog wanting to gag.

I bashed my head into a desk today,
When I had a coughing fit in first period.

My coughs are so bad now,
They are making me gag.

I bet the next stage is coughing up blood.

In 2nd period I fell asleep because I didn't sleep last night.

I can't believe how out of touch with the world I am.

Megan has started cutting again,
Frankie is exploring new things without me,
and everyone else has seemed to simply forget me.

I don't
know anyone anymore.


Maybe that's a good thing.



--

~Ash

.:Blxxdxng_Mxscxrx:.
*Alx_Nxw*
((Unheard_Whisper))
~Underlining_Charisma~
{Luce_Adrian}
xXxMisread FatexXx
//Lily of Chasity\\
~Child of The Father~

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17758611/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17758611/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 04:58:15 PDT
Forget trashy romance

Forget tomorrow

--

not that I am not already in a downward spiral.

Not that I wasn't "already" in one when he stepped in.


To think I could fall in love again.




HA



I am a complete joke.

--



Don't try to catch me,
I'm Jumping alone.



--

~Ash

.:Blxxdxng_Mxscxrx:.
*Alx_Nxw*
((Unheard_Whisper))
~Underlining_Charisma~
{Luce_Adrian}
xXxMisread FatexXx
//Lily of Chasity\\

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17744053/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17744053/ Tue, 08 Apr 2008 07:45:15 PDT He shall receive the crown of life.

--

I can honestly say that I am not worried about me and Tim's relationship.
In fact, I am at the point to believe that our relationship could last years,
Without us even putting much effort into it.

=]

Although, at the same time, I begin to wonder.
Am I going to be able to feel the way I want to feel around him?
Am I going to be able to falls asleep in his arms,
And wake up feeling the best I've felt in months?

--

~Ash

.:Blxxdxng_Mxscxrx:.
*Alx_Nxw*
((Unheard_Whisper))
~Underlining_Charisma~
{Luce_Adrian}
xXxMisread FatexXx
//Lily of Chasity\\

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17738390/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17738390/ Mon, 07 Apr 2008 19:46:37 PDT Os iusti meditabitur sapientiam
Et lingua eius loquetur iudicium
Beatus vir qui suffert tentationem
Quoniam cum probatus fuerit
Accipiet coronam vitae
Kyrie, fons bonitatis
Kyrie, Ignis Divine, Eleison
O quam sancta, quam serena
Quam benigna, quam amoena
O castitatis lilium
Kyrie, Ignis Divine, Eleison
O quam sancta, quam serena
Quam benigna, quam amoena
O castitatis lilium

English (full)
The mouth of the righteous man will consider wisdom,
And his tongue will speak judgment.
Blessed is the man who endures temptation,
For after he has been tried,
He shall receive the crown of life.
Oh Lord, fountain of goodness
Oh Lord, Fire Divine, have mercy!
Oh how sacred, how fair,
How kind, how delightful
Oh lily of chastity.
Oh Lord, Fire Divine, have mercy!
Oh how sacred, how fair,
How kind, how delightful,
Oh lily of chastity.


--

It is from an anime called Elfen Lied.

My favorite flower is the lily.
And this song basically became my theme song.

Reminds me of when I was little,
I used to hum a tune similiar to this songs tune.

And at the very end of the anime,
The characters are humming it.

--

I've been sick all day.
And got to stay home.

But it gave me a chance to think about some things.

Specially about yesterday.

I think I could classify yesterday as a fight between me and Tim.
But that would imply that harsh words were thrown,
Or that one was mad.

Which was not the case.

Just worries,

From past,
from future.

Worries In general.

I broke down yesterday,
before I tried to talk to him.

I realized yesterday.

How much I really do care for him.



The thought of losing him scared me.




I asked him what I could do,
To prove myself to him.
I told him I would get on bended knee,
If the need be.

--

I also thought of my childhood.

Growing up,

the ranches,

my family.

I miss them so much...


They don't know me anymore...


--


I want to start writing again.
But I don't know what to write about.

--

I let my mind wander today,
and it landed on my bio father.

I haven't seen nor heard from him in almost a decade

I began to wonder if he really ever missed me.

I wanted to cry,
But I consoled myself with the thought of Alex.

Though, I do seem to hate him to death.

He makes me and my mum really happy.

And he cares for us like my bio never did nor never could.

--

I compared my life of last summer to this upcoming summer.
It is going to be so different.

Last summer me and my mom basically spent on our own.
And seemed content.

This summer is aproaching so fast.
And this year,
I'm going to have Alex and Tim.

--


This song makes me want to cry,
But not in a depressive,
or isolated way.

Just makes me think

--

Lily of chasity


Sounds so beautiful...

--


For decades mankind has been fooled
with the riddles of mans lips
and the elogance of many tongues

though tonight under the stars
we realize just how small
our world is to this galaxy

like dust in the wind
or spirit flows on freely
forever

in a cycle of birth and rebirth
contempary happiness
and consent

lisps of unheard things
whipers tales of beauty
into the wind

--

i dreamt of a hill top
over looking the valleys
in which we ran as kids

the dream took me back
to the fields
that we played in

for the years that past
my mind grew ever numb
to the harshness of this world

this dream brought me back
to the daises and the sunflowers
dancing in the wind

back to a time when
our imagination ran wild
and we emersed ourselves into the world of faires

our wings emerged from our back
and we danced around the rain drops of lily petals
singing of how we longed to last in this moment forever.

--

intense rain fell from the heavens
and the lightening
shook me awake

i turned to stare back out of the window
as the raindroplets formed a heart
on the bus

i was to be taken away again
and wouldnt see my family for a while
so i dreamt again, of... ]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17696444/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17696444/ Sat, 05 Apr 2008 09:33:46 PDT I am sad too.
--------------------------

I remember crying in front of him,
And feeling helpless..

And in one move,
He pulled me close to him.

And kissed me till the tears,
Ceased to fall.

-------------------------

"This feeling that I have for you that blooms so insanley, must be love"
--Bloody Kiss

-------------------------

I became aware,
At that exact moment,
That your lips touched mine,
We were meant to be.

-------------------------


No matter what happiness,
I may feel inside.

No matter what great things,
May happen to me.

This feeling of loneliness,
Never eludes me.

There is only one,
There has only ever been one.

--------------------------

"I won't make you wait much longer"

--

"You do that with both me and him,
And It pisses him off"

"If you care for him as much as you say you do,
Change before you lose him"

"I started the 11 weeks,
Because I wanted time to grow closer to God,
And at the end of the 11 weeks I was going to look for the one who could help me grow closer to God,
I want a relationship that puts God first,
I kinda want you to be that one,
But I don't want you to say yes unless you can do this for me..."

"I am happy, only knowing that you are doing what truly makes you happy"


"I when I said I was scared of getting attatched... I meant I already was.
--



Waking up under the stars,
I've never felt more alive.

Walking the town,
I never felt more open.

Laying in your arms,
I've never felt closer.

When you said I do,
I couldn't have been happier.



--

"I sure as hell don't love you as my sister *gulp*"


*blush*
--

We died months ago,
During our confession.

Now we live on,
As empty souls.

Completely,
Utterly,
Translucent.

--

How funneh,
on that day last year,
was the day,
we were,
and this day,
this year,
we are anything but...

--


I want to be with you
If even just for a moment


--


"I think it would be lovely,
To miss a kiss,
Don't you agree?"

--

I miss you in more than one way.

--









~Ash

.:Blxxdxng_Mxscxrx:.
*Alx_Nxw*
((Unheard_Whisper))
~Underlining_Charisma~
{Luce_Adrian}
xXxMisread FatexXx

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17677785/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17677785/ Fri, 04 Apr 2008 04:24:35 PDT That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me

"In the Aeroplane over the see" - Neutral Milk Hotel

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````


Its a little past six o'clock in the morning, and the rains are pouring down on this little town from the heavens. Soon I will be whisked away off into the storm staring out that ever infamous window, with the rain pouring down with a mood of depression.

Five times, I counted yesterday that I broke down yesterday, and once in front of my friend Alex. All for the same reasons, The lacking of will to change. The realization that I haven't changed very much at all.

Controlling the tears from falling down my face like water falls seemed more difficult yesterday than any day I have had in a long time. In time I will be able to stop the flow; I hope. I just wish that the next time Isn't in front of Alex...


He introduced me to a band

Neutral Milk Hotel

So not only am I obsessed with

Jumping Circles

and Pearl

By alex

but Also Neutral Milk hotel

I finally have the ring i so long ago lost from Tim, I was quite happy with it.

^_^

Time to be whisked away...

*stares out side the window...*

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17638962/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17638962/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:36:18 PDT

Jeremy- Unlimited Hugs

Frankie- Unlimited advice

Megan- Unlimited cuddles

Phone- Unlimited Texts

Yay

lols

im going to use them all up



------------------------

What happens when unlimited is used up???

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17613343/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17613343/ Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:00:35 PDT



i want to become a therapist

knowint that I hate them




I have had 3 different people confide in me the last month



i believe that everything i've been through and everything i will go through i go through for a purpose if not benificial to me, then perhaps to others



i will be 100 percent open with anyone
who asks me any sort of question




I don't believe in love as much as i used to.

too many people in my life have said they love me one day and hate me the next
so it doesnt mean much when people say they love me


i can be very cynical when i want to be





i am going to get my heart checked out again
my mom thinks its only growing pains

i pray to god she is right




i wish tim would be a little more open with me
though i dont want to push him
hes opening up to me slowly





i dont regret my past

at all

i know who i am
what i've done
and i am not ashamed



i live to help others

though most of the time i cannot take my own advice


i cancel my own promises 9 times out of 10 and end up losing friends because of it

including bri




i dont like shrinks because

i know what they are going to say
why they are going to say it
and mainly because the same thing has passed from my lips

and i really think they are nut jobs who send alot of ppl to the phsyc ward >.<





i loathe every single scar on shawns bodie


everytime i hug him and see them
it makes me want break down and cry



i dont consider my self highly
in anything

and i tell everyone i meet
the moment i meet them

that 1 i will hurt you
and 2 i am sorry for meeting you





its just how i am






i've become my own drama queen

and i elaborate too much





i sometimes think i could become a pathological liar



okies i think i've gone on too much

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17600865/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17600865/ Mon, 31 Mar 2008 05:39:07 PDT Light ‘em up and watch them burn,
teach them what they need to learn HA!
Dirty hands aint made for shakin’,
aint a rule that aint worth breakin’
Well I’m giving up on love
cause love’s given up on me

------------------------------------------------------

I spent the first part of my weekend.
Soley with Christopher.

We went skating and he broke his blades.
Then on Saturday he came over and stayed till about three.
I had so much fun on that day.
We were playing pass the Tim that day.
(((Tim was on the phone)))

Then about 6ish we went and got Tim then went to HEB
lulz
Preston was there
Tim got really fed up with him
Really quickly
Specially since he was kinda hitting on me u.u"

But there ish only one for me ^_^

So we went and chilled at the pump
didnt help that preston was there

but he did bring batteries!

that was good for our cameras

then on sundays i was totally freaking bored
untill like 5 when someone -cough-
not mentioning who -TIM-
decided to walk to my house.

we sat around and watched movies
and ate

and he tickleds me alot

o.o"

it was all around a good night

And he can beat me in thumb war >.>

lulz

we watched poisedon
well at least half
i think
idk he was too busy tickling me for me to pay attention
loser

<333333

i stole his camera

yay
i get to see him today to give it back

YAY!

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17565020/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17565020/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:42:58 PDT Like an unheard bird
Singing its disgrace
Screaming in your face
Couldn’t see this now
Couldn’t see how
The dice fall down
Is it over now
pushed to the ground
back up, rebound
hang this noose
just cut me loose
run away
come back begging, stay
i told you why
go fucking die!

o.o?

`````````````````````````````````

So I didn't even get to see Tim like even once today.
He had to babysit his sisters.

So I was like, Alright cool, gives me chris time, and I'd see him tomorrow.
So hung out with chris all day then my babe calls to tell me he got himself grounded
what kinda messed up crap is that?

I've been having to substitute cuss words all night.
I think the only thing I said was Damnit.

So appearantly he and his mom got into a major freaking fight,
About his sisters.
They cussed yelled that good stuff.

Then Threw the phone agaisnt the wall

great
-.-

So I'm sitting there on the phone with him *using bretts phone, him using his house phone* Trying what to say. He keeps telling me don't worry dont worry I'll fix it.

Chyea
Okie

If he can fix that he's a freaking mastermind.

Not that I don't have faith in him,
Because I love that boii to death.
just eh.

Spent the entire day with chris.
Felt like a freaking tag the entire day.
Guess I'm living up to my name

Finally got out and skated today.
I can't wait for that skate park.

Chyea i just need someone to teach me.

Prolly getting some skates soon.
Being on a board is cool and all
I just dont have the shoes
and until i do
skates

chyea

I've always been the one who'd shelter people.
When shawn needed a place
we let him in

and now

its chris' turn

gonna stay with me the weekend i think

that boii better know what i'm doing for him

I made a friend today
Redoakian
His name is david
pretty cool

so chyea

I'm bored.

So appearantly shawn moved out of his gammas
moved in with logan
they kicked him out
he lived on the streets
then jester and alvin took him in

so now shawn ish in hachie

yay

i dont get him sometimes
he ignores me for a freaking month then he comes tonight and tries to play it off

I could smell the vodka on his and jesters breath
and I kept coughing at the smoke on him

*sigh*

to think I used to be in love with that sap

hes getting better with his grades tho
thats good
and hes stopped cutting

OMG

chris stole my knife today
and sliced open his pinky

DANG!

I nearly got sick.

Ever since I stop cutting.
Blood and cuts and stuff make me sick.

>.<

so i got bored tonight
and danced to rap
again

and i realized
that kiss fm
plays the same freaking songs every hour
4hrs
same music
o.o

*yawn*

So talking to chris right now

he used to be mopish cuz he thought my mom hated him

chyea
he has no idea
if she hated him

she would be helping gabe

megh

all i was thinking about earlier was
"at least my dad likes him"

just as clear as the sky
kept popping into my head

I had a train of thought behind it

but i didnt remember it

oh wells.

was talking to david today about my boii

I think im losing hope

*sigh*

I sat there for hours by myself in the pump.
i think the only ones i really talked to were david and chris
I basically told justin to shove off

I'm getting tired of his crap.
then he freaking comes up to me asking me why i was mad
as if he didnt know

what a joke

Zakk didnt even speak to me

if he did id prolly say the same thing i said to justin

I cant wait for justin to turn around and tell tim what a horrible person i am
Screw that,
I've known justin longer than tim
and Im tired of his crap.

*sigh*
nvm

Guess chrish isnt staying over

I wish people would make up their minds

I think I'm going to crash soon.
Drank full throttle and was skating all day

o.o

My mind is out of it.

But hey i got a bag of doritoes
someone left them at the pump

chyea all mine

are relationships even worth it anymore?
really

blegh

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17555983/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17555983/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 11:26:40 PDT
They are so freaking weird.
Oh well I might get a job there.
Though I left the application in chris' car.

It's just one more place that I can attempt to work at.

I'm kinda depressed now,
Tim had to cancel hanging out with me today.
Kinda wanted to cry so I told him I had to go.
At least we still have tomorrow...
I hope...

Posshibly hanging out with chrish today

thats about it

freaked out
and
depressed

sums up my day

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17551736/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17551736/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 04:10:08 PDT Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So Appearantly
I'm gonna go on a date with Tim tomorrow

And he won't tell me where.

As much as I hate people not telling me things.
I love surprises.



I'm listening to Miss Murder
I never really listened to it other than on guitar hero.

Lolz

Today Is an early release day and I'm basically going to spend the entire day with Tim after school

<333

I guess I'm spending tomorrow with him so that means Sunday I'll spend time with Chris

We've been getting along alot better.

And It is nice and scary at the same time.

And I don't really know where his house is so I might go check that out.

And Now I want to play guitar hero. -.-
I've never really played rock band
>.>

Owwie.
I was wearing Electric tape like a wrist band.
And I took it off this morning
OWWIE!

I feel like I'm going to fall asleeep on the first person that hugs me today

I found out that Tim likes older music like me

Sweetness

He went flipping when I told him of the older stuff I liked

lulz

Well guess that's all for this morning



]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17544423/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17544423/ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:09:47 PDT Every day and every night
```````````````````````````````

So Bri still hates me

And I have no idea how to make it up to her

So I'm just gonna let that be for a while.

Tomorrow is early release and hopefully I get to spend time with Tim.

I hate that people that are supposed to be his friends are starting crap.
Makes me want to punch Zakk in the nads and slit justins throat.

U.u
but im a good girl ^_^"


Appearantly people at the highschool who I don't know are talking about me

O.o???

Wowsers

Can't find a way to tell Russ that I am with Tim
There is a story behind that if ya want to know
note me

Listening to Puddle of mudd

Possibly cooking tonight

Though I have no idea
what I'd cook


I wanna find out if Tim can be romantic.

But I Think I'm too young for candle light

sigh

anywho

Prolly made julian mad

again

blegh

hi
how are you

*sips coffee*

been feeling kinda lonely

and no one really seems to listen to me

i feel like i lost one of the most important people to me
even tho he said hes not gone

my best friend wont even tell me whats on his mind

and
and
and
the stupid ppl at the job places havent called me back


and im hungry

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17520691/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17520691/ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 05:50:36 PDT If you lie
You don't deserve to have them

Newport Living - Cute is what we aim for

------------------------------------------------------

Chyea
Calling You - Blue October

Thats our song

so <3

=]]

I fell in love with Cute is what we aim for

And Nirvana

Wtheck???

Lols

I adore my boii

And he is all mine!

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17520552/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17520552/ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 05:29:48 PDT
Calling you - Blue october
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This song Is like my favorite song ever!

Me and Tim still need a song.
I'm gonna ask him about it today.
I'm thinking of four different songs right now.

Beautiful Smile - The afters

Inevitable - Anberlin

Calling you - Blue October

or

Everytime we touch - Cascada

<3333333


So I'm starting to think I need to start drawing again.
And soon.


I'm so bored and I have no idea what to draw.

HELPS!

So Chris now lives in town.
This is either a really good thing
Or a really bad thing.
I'm not sure yet

=]]


We have been getting along better
=]

So that's good.

Church is tonight.
I'm not allowed to give Chris rides anymore
=[

Much less let him into the house.

Mom holds grudges >.>

I have like an hour meeting after school then I'm going to pick up Tim and hang out with him and casey till church

YAYs

<3333

I got to see him all of 4 minutes yesterday?

Almost killed him with my hugs.
lulz

I need to calm down around him
But I'm just so happy to see him.

<3333333333333

So he up and vanished one day and hasn't been heard from since.
I hope he's at church tonight.
I told him he wasn't going to lose me.

But he never said I wasn't going to lose him
Anyways talkings to Tim about big words >.>
And trying to figure out what to do with my hair.

I hate my hair.

<3333333


=]] TIm<33

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17499830/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17499830/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 20:16:42 PDT About 4 or 5 months ago when he still lived in Missouri
Off of a website called VampireFreaks.com

I didn't know until I was talking to him today about my friends vf accounts.

He told me that he used to have one and I said I did too.

When he said Mantecha
It kind of struck odd that I had heard that somewhere before

later on in a conversation he asked me what my names where in vf

I told him I had
Alx_Nxw
and
Unheard_Whisper

He flipped because he said he had a friend on there with that name a while back

He described what he looked like in the old pictures and I started laughing.
Because
1. I didn't meet Tim at the Pump.
2. I've known him for months!

Lol

My Mom says it's kinda like Fate
That I met him the way I did.

It shocks me to look back and see how much we both have changed since we first talked on vf.

Lol

I made a vf just for the kicks of it Luce_Adrian
I doubt I'll ever get on

But It serves as a reminder.


~~~~~~~

When I found out Chris was giving the ring he gave me so many months ago to someone else It broke my heart. He pratically Proposed when I had it.

Makes me want to die knowing someone else will be wearing it.

But It's his life.

He says he's in love.

I hope to God he is.

~~~~~~~

I haven't spoken to my bro in a while
But he wants to come and move in with us again.
Just when things start settlin down

Not only did he abuse me and my mom

He made me suicidal for a while

~~~~~~~

I got scared today and Almost made a horrible decision about Tim.
I talked to Russ and even if I didn't take the path he would have liked me too he still helped me to realize what I can do.

I have God on my side.
And now I have Tim.

Somehow.
We can take this world.

<3

~~~~~~~

My angel seems to have disappeared.
No doubt in mourn.
Though in my silence I mourn as well.
I wish things could have gone better.

*sigh*

wells thats all for today.

Nights

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17496745/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17496745/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:05:43 PDT More a reality Check
And I'm going to start working harder to get towards God
and I'm going to do it with Tim by my side

And now
My mom has set me loose on chicken breasts and everything in the kitchen

o.o"

so i put it in with rice
and lots of seasoning
and broccili
when its done im adding cheese!

i hope it comes out good i have 45 minutes till i find out

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17494049/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17494049/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:32:11 PDT
I'm not happy
I won't be happy for a while

I just want people to lay off and let me fucking cry.

I miss stupido russ and his confused grin

I miss jeremy and his awesome hugs

I miss "just" talking to Tim

I miss being able to be a fucking retard with chris

I am such a tard face for putting myself here.

I've been holding back tears all day.

Took Russ to actually make me cry.

I just don't care anymore...

Fighting with Bri
AGAIN!

and that sucks

I think the only good thing that came out of today was
dork time with jena
seeing chris watson
and accidently flicking chris off which made me smile for the first time *real smile* all flipping day.

so yea

>.<
MEGH!

I want to go back.
Back to retreat.
Where I was doing more help than harm

where i was actually helping jeremy
where i could actually talk to russ and be able to just hug him

grrrr

*cries*

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17486545/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17486545/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 05:03:34 PDT
at least some people try.

BTW just incase you do read this and think hey I think she's talking about me.
And want to leave a comment about how you're not critizing just stating your opinion
Please DONT

Today is the first day of school.
Yay.
So not.

I'm so cold and I don't want to leave my bed.

o.0"

Got to love laptops.

Anyways i think there is a difference with my drama.
I keep my drama contained with the ppl it involves

And I resolve It quickly.
Instead of some people who explode at everything and everyone just because there mad at someone else.

And Yesh I am a hypocrite
Post it on freaking national news.

Wow, That'll teach me.

If you don't like how I run my life stay out.

=]]

No it's not the same as telling someone to screw off.
Because I'm still leaving the part to be my friend or not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I am happy with Tim
Not saying I am not depressed because of teh loverly Jeremy.

But oh well.

<3
=]
=[

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17481172/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17481172/ Sun, 23 Mar 2008 19:17:21 PDT I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl you're my heart

And oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you

``````````````````````````````````````````````

How is something supposed to work?
What does that mean?
This is going to work?
What's there to work?

In a relationship people say this will work.
What does that mean?
This will work?
Does that mean forever?
Does that mean longer than the last time?

What reasons do people get into relationships for?
Marriage right?

OMGsh, My mom said I was mature for dating someone agian?

Wtheck?
She was talking to my dad about Tim right.
Mom: Well, It's official
Dad: Since when?
Mom: This morning
Dad: And how long have they known each other?
Mom: Two weeks ish
Dad: What took them so long?
Mom: I don't know, I think she's growing up though. She's becoming mature.

WTHECK!

Parents confuse me?

There he goes again.
"We" are going to do fine.

What the heck does that mean?

"Can we make this work?"
>aused for moment of silent screaming what does that mean in head<
"Yea, Ofc"
"good, I do too"


I am soo lost.
I've dated before that's a given

He's the seventh guy I've dated but I still don't know what to do,
How to act.
Or what it means to work.

They don't mean it.
When they say they're happy for you.
What they really mean is.
I love you,
You're killing me inside,
And I'll never let you know.

I think I might have gotten about 5 of those today from different people.
And tomorrow I'm going to get 10 million more.

I love how people say that they are fine with everything
But really they want to run away and cry
And hide from the world.

Where what they really want is that one.
The one they really love to come and save them and say I didnt mean it
or I love you
or some other stupid trashy romantic line
or better yet
Just to hold them

Theres a verse in Psalms
saying that he'll save you from your tears.

What does that mean?

Is it even relevent????

I feel like the biggest drama queen on the face of the earth.

I've wrapped so many people into this...

And I'm hungry!
I felt like I've gained 10 pounds but I checked yesterday and I was only 1 pound heavier.
I feel like one of those weight obsessed freaks.

Even though everyone says theyd kill to be my size.
My size in what?
Certainly not my bra size
Thats too tiny.

People confuse me.

When they tell you to go to bed,
They mean shut the door,
Turn off the lights and you can stay up longer.

When women say no most of the time they are screaming yes

And God knows I confuse myself.

I told my friend kinda what was happening between me and my friend and he said at the risk of sounding heartless sometimes you've just got to brush it off.

Not exactly heartless.
More over hell he's right.

Well I've cried way too many times today.
So at the risk of crying agian I say this.

For those of you who knew about the 11 week thing I was doing
And for those of you who have questions or comments

Feel free to call, critize, comment, question, etc.

After this week.
I feel like I could take on the world.

Ash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17451501/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17451501/ Sat, 22 Mar 2008 00:12:04 PDT if your ok when im not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try to hard to make you smile
to make a smile
--------------------------------------------

i found out alot about my friend casey today
and i have to say i dont love him anyless
hes totally freaking awesome

i made my desicion
and i think it will work
at least i have faith
(what that means is im listening to the tall skinny blonde boy)

talking to logan
i hope things go well

its like 2 am
o.o

i drank like 4 monsters and im still hyped up
where is the snooze button?????

mr. timness can not get more amazing i swear it.
<3

tomorrow
or well today
is me and caseys day

we havent spent alone time together in ages

yay!

im really glad that tim is quitting
grrr makes me so happy

so yea i found out something about my friend.

she had sex not too long ago
we had to buy her a prego test

it came out -
so thats good

that makes 11 of us now.

aint that grand

any who
im happy

but i feel sick

oh wells

loves me
im out

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17434705/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17434705/ Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:32:13 PDT
Got tired of the old journal being up.

So yay you all get to stare at this one for a while!

WOOT

D:

&& <333333 Jeremy


WHAT NOW!

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17377843/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17377843/ Mon, 17 Mar 2008 11:23:22 PDT Such as Mwa!
Mr. Timness
Shawniie
Jeremy
and all the others in the world.

I am dressed in green from head to toe.
And yesh I'm Irish which makes this day even better!

Yesterday was Amazing!
I woke up early in the morning with Kaitlyn and we went to the canyon.
Had so much fun setting up camp.
Then we took off our shoes and went trudging thru the streams.

We at lunch and then headed backk to the house.
Around 2 ish we trudged in the house and took multitudes of showers to rinse ourselves of the stench.

At fourish we dropped kaitlyn off and I went over to Jeremy's!
WOOT
Got to see the budgie and my sister.
AND jeremy and Dad ofc.
We watched Jeff Dunham.

I <3333 Walter!

Then my homegroup leader, Matt, Picked me up from Jeremy's and we went to go get Tim.
I was so nervous.
*had pig tails*
When we got him I could not stop giggling and blushing I felt like a moron.

He said it was cute later.

We went to laurens and watched Dan in real life.
Kevin kept falling asleep so i thru popcorn at him to wake him up.

My homegroup picked that night of all nights to make fun of me. I got really embarresed and hid behind a pillow. But Mr. Timness found me. Eeps!

Grr I was so nervous!

Movie ended, then we were all asked to right down questions about God that we were unsure about. I really didnt have one. So I asked What about the Dinosaurs? Kinda because in the bible it doesnt say anything about dinosaurs but we have fossils.

I know I wasn't supposed to look at Tim's question but I did anyways.
What is God's divine plan for us all?

I was kinda taken back.
Not in a bad way tho.
He seemed to really open up and talk about God with my homegroup.
Just wowie..

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17354926/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17354926/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 22:24:01 PDT My family from Red Oak, My cuzin Kaitlyn, Jena bug, Russ and Most likely Tim. Hopefully I see hims tomorrow. AND AND AND my wondnerful loverly JEREMY!

I can't believe how lucky I am to be so close to him.
I've had a millions chances to fuck up by now. And I haven't.
I can't believe how bad I want this to work out.

Even though Kaitlyn does gripe me out alot. She understands. Everything. And knows everything. On monday me and her and Jena are spending an awesome night together on monday WOOT.

I finally picked up the phone and talked to Tim.
He said he was backing out of going to the party.

I was so relieved. I'm gonna try and drag him to homegroup with me tomorrow.
I really want him to start going to a church because he doesnt have one yet.

^_^

I just realized. No more stress on Wednesdays. I no longer have to take chrish to church since we're not talking. And I finally got things worked out with Russel. So yay!

Hung out with Frankie, Casey, Fred, and Kaitlyn today. Walked all over town. Twas fun.
I don't know why, but being around tall people make me feel safe. Not like just 3 in taller than me but like idk when theyre in the six foot range and theyre my friends it makes me feel good to be walking next to them.

So, We are going to the Canyon tomorrow. And I can't wait.

Supposedly I'm supposed to call Tim tomorrow at ten ish. So I guess I will. I don't knows him that well, but from what I know of him I can deal with. I know he smokes. And I know he drinks occasionally, but Idk it made me so happy when he said he wasnt going to the party on Monday.

I think on Tuesday I'm gonna go see Jeremy and the Family.
That's gonna be fun. Although I'm pretty sure I'll fall asleep over there.

His house is basically my home, I love it.

Any who thats about all folks.

Just sitting up talking to kevin while kaitlyn drinks all my milk.

Ttyls

~Peash

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17354369/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17354369/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 21:29:37 PDT My week shitter.

All week I've dealt with Chris and my mom griping at me.
Then I go away and try and spend time with Kaitlyn and I get griped at by her.

Yesterday I went to the pump, where I was hoping to have fun but ended up chasing Brett down all night because of some shit that happened. I hate to see him so upset.

Met a guy named Tim yesterday and talked to him for a while. He helped with Brett too.
Him and Tristian hit it off pretty well, and I stole his ring. Though, I'm pretty sure he's not the type of person I need to hang out with. Talked to him again tonight.

Idk whether he's lying to my face, or not. I really hope he's not because he seems so nice.

From what I "know" I use quotes because I'm not positive.
He is 16
Born in October
Full name
Tim Michael Harris
Tall
Skinny
Blonde
Blue eyes.
Tenth grade
Fave Colour Green
Wants to be a physcologist.
Lives on Penn street
Lives with mother
Lives with 2 sisters (10 and 13)
Has pretty deep conversations
Came from Jackson Missouri
And Smokes and drinks occasionally.

I got into another arguement with Chrish yesterday.
And that peeved me off. I slammed the car door in his face and went inside with out a word to him.
Pretended like things were cool until he got online today.
I can not stand him.
At all anymore.

I will not have him Insulting me every 5 minutes.

I stole Tim's ring, and his lighter. I hope he know's he is never going to see either again.

I miss Jeremy terribly and I might not see him for another day or too.
My sis and nephew are finally in town. I cant wait to see thems.

I'm waiting on Tim to call me back. But Now I'm kind of scared to answer the phone if he calls.

I don't know why either I stayed up until 2 ish talking to him yesterdays.


Chris and Bri are together "again" I hope things work out for them. Though I'm not really gonna know how that's going unless Bri talks to me. Which I doubt she will. Because mainly I'm not going to talk to chris anymore.

I'm tired of being treated like shit. I was think yesterday while still in the car with him "You treat people like shit, thats what you get shit."

I hate how people do something stupid, know its stupid. And wind up in trouble, then complain. I feel like screaming its your own damn fault asshole.

But I'm too nice.

Pretty soon, If people don't stop griping at me, they will see the bitch Ashlee once again.

I'm worrieds about Russel. He hasn't been online since I've been home. And I miss him.

I was staring at the rose pin Jeremy had given me earlier today and I wanted to start crying. It wasnt like sad tears though.

I haven't cried since Thursday. So I'm Proud.

I've kinda given up on caring anymore.

I already know who I have lost and who I still have.

I have Jeremy, and I have Kaitlyn and Jena bug and Russ.
Thats about it.

Despite what Bri says, I'll never have her for long.
Pretty soon I'll be either forgotten because of her love for Chris.
Or I'll be hated because of her love for Chris.

Frankie doesn't care anymore.

I don't get it.
Isn't home supposed to be a safe haven?
I feel like running away from it everyday.
The only place I feel at home at is a church function or over at Jeremy's house.

Grr he called back.
And my stomach is tyeing itself into knots.

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17329780/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17329780/ Fri, 14 Mar 2008 11:29:11 PDT How do you measure?
Measure a year?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a half day today at school.
Was cool up until I got in the car to go home.

Chris was all pissy again, complaining about everything.
He keeps blaming it on his lack of sleep because he was up till 2 oclock.
You know what I say?
I Saw it's your own damn fault your tired.
Deal.

My lunch consisted of a sandwhich and ramen. Yum.

Watching Rent right now.
Makes so much sense but its soooo wrong.
I love it.

So I'm still trying to figure out what to do about Russ.
I think it's getting worse. Almost like he's argueing with himself.

Everyone is ish cussing! Its like f this and f that and man i fd her up.
Damn! SHUT IT or I'll tape it shut!

I'm becoming more of a wow addict than I thought. I've resorted to WoW FanArt.
>.<

I'm such a loser.
Anyways I'm hoping to have that up soon
n.n

I am so proud of them.

Any who one more day till the family is down.

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17292312/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17292312/ Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:22:54 PDT
Not like it is a record. I cry about 2x as more on a bad day. This was just another day.

On a brighter note. I hate my health. I jumped out of a tree last weds and I hurt my foot. It is almost a week later and I am still limping. I can barely breathe because of my heart murmer. It is not enough to do major damage they say. Just enough to cause minor discomfort and pain.

If there is anyone who doesn't know what a heart murmer is. It is when the flap that closes your heart off so your blood can go to where it needs to go doesnt close all the way. So when you breathe sometimes your blood can go in reverse and cause major chest pains. Like I have.

So Bri has guitar lessons alot, one I didn't know she had a guitar. And two, who's teaching her??? o.0"??

Bri says we are closer then ever before. Yet we still fight over dumb things. Such as chris. I can't help but to wonder if I really am her twinkie. I love her to death and I hope she realizes that. I just don't want Chris to become the best thing in her life again and forget me. Again...

No matter what I seem to do, I always seem to be the one who doesn't understand. Or the dumb blonde. I hate that.

Damn it, 12 times, scratch that. But oh well, as my friend shawn always says, " Life sucks, and then you die."

I feel like stepping back entirely from him. He seems to have it all together. And I don't wanna screw that up. Nor my friendship with Bri.

I hate that everyone thinks I'm so peachy keen. Or that I am a drama queen. If I was a drama queen I'd be stating everyone hates me, or Omg I'm going to die if I don't have a certain boy in my life. I'm not like that. Anyone who really knows me should know that.

I depend on God alone. And my best friend occasionally. But thats just for a hug or something. I need hugs. Hugs are my meth. Whanna know what that guys meth is? *points to hobo* meth.

Logan called today, tried to get him to see me, but again he refused because it was church related. Sometimes I just dont get him. I'm still trying to figure out how I am supposed to talk to him. And I don't understand how he can like "love" someone he hardly ever sees. Like I haven't seen him in months.

I think my friend is trying to shrink me. I don't like being shrinked. At all. Either they understand or they don't. No point in explaining.

Every one is so happy do da. And I am left behind, sitting in a puddle. Yes a puddle thats it.

Grr! I can still smell those oranges in my hair. We are growing mold on oranges and I can smell rotten oranges in my hair. SICK.

Again, I thought we weren't going to let guys come between us. I have been thinking about that so much recently. It was so much better when guys never liked us and we never dated. Basically before puberty >.<

I miss Russ more than I thought I would. I haven't talked to him in forever. He kept me in check in a lot of ways.

He seems worried. Then again I guess I probably gave him a reason to be.

Russ: I miss you
I wish we could still be together
*Felt like an ice dagger*

Is it possible for you to die and still live?
My friend died when he was six. Technically. I mean His heart stopped beating and everything. For minutes.

I feel Like I have switched roles with everyone.
With Jeremy, I'm the one longing, and having to wait.
With Chris. I'm the one that needs help, in more ways then one.

I have no spring break. Other than pratically Live at Jeremy's. But I am sure they will kick me out sooner or later.

Written out.

--Peace

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17290188/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17290188/ Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:03:20 PDT

So heres goes...
1. Post all the rules.
2. Every person who was tagged must write 8 things about yourself.
3. You must write all these things on your journal.
4. After it, tag 8 persons/friends.
5. Finally, go to their galleries and tell them about it.

1. I hate how he bases everything he does on what I do
2. I don't want him any less knowing what happened before or after me
3. I don't know how to tell him I don't want him to wait for me because in the end I'm not going to be there
4. I hate my hair now
5. I don't listen to Atreyu but I can reconize it
6. My mom ish yelling ats me again
7. I wanna lock myself up in my room and scream
8. Sometimes I want to push him down the stairs and make real art o.o"

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17289688/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17289688/ Tue, 11 Mar 2008 16:32:44 PDT what made you hesitate
to tell me with words what you really feel
i can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
i remember so long ago, see i felt that same way
now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
insignificantly enough we both have significant others
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GRRR!

I don't get it! I can't hug Chris for a minute with out someone griping me out!
I know that freaking Bri likes him, but its not like I'm going to sit there and and make out with him. I DON"T LIKE HIM!!! I Love my Jeremy, he is the only one I want. PERIOD. So excuse me because I wanted a hug!!! It's not like I was gonna get a hug from anyone else. Chris and Jeremy are the only people I talk to now. Them and Bethany, but she wasn't there so megh!!!

Then in third period I do one thing and Chris starts yelling at me. I mean comeon. I've had one heck of a week and it is only Thursday. Appearantly it doesn't matter to people what is going on in my life because they'll yell at me reguardless of what I'm going through. GRRRR!

Over spring break I am not dealing with this. Im probably going to block almost everyone on google. And not get on myspace or myyearbook at all. I want to relax. My sister is gonna be in town and I just want to be able to see her and Seth and Jeremy.

My parents have become hostile o.0"

They start yelling at me for everything. Then yesterday, I am just sitting in the office and my mom yells at me and tells me to go to bed early. I ask why, and all she says is that she is my mother. So I guess since she is my mother she can punish me for no reason at all? Right?

Or am I over reacting?

The counceler wants me to evaluate me and Chris' relationship. <.<"
She told me to think about and answer three questions tomorrow.
1. What do I gain from our friendship?
2. What makes him a friend?
3. What makes me his friend?

Blegh blegh,
Magnets Hurt your tongue.

In Afterschool tuturing:

We were supposed to be making agar to grow bactiria in biology.
When me, Chris, and Ben went into the supply closest we found a frozen cat >.<
Then our teacher came in there moved the cat to a nother room where we found about 20 more frozen cats!!!

I Burned my hand on a hot plate and Ben was telling Chris how great he looks in orange gloves. >.<

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17266564/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17266564/ Mon, 10 Mar 2008 06:05:52 PDT My arguements havent gone away; sure there have been fewer, but that doesnt make them any less hurtful, infact they seem to have gotten bigger, and more hurtful.
When I said my friends seemed to be going away; now it seems like they are gone entirely. Without forewarning; they've all left. I am greatful for the ones that I still have. Though that does not mean I don't mourn over the friends I have lost.
My Cousin, Justin, Recently had an accident at his work. He head split open, tissue and scull. He has had to under go plastic surgery and has 400 stitches, on his face alone. I started crying when I heard.
Things seem to be a bit clearer with me and Jeremy and I am so happy. I am only scared that I will end up losing him again. Just like lastime when I thought he was mine.
Though, I have something of his. And I hope it means as much as he says it does.
Oh I love him so much.

Sure, people listen to me; but do they realy hear me at all?

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17222942/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17222942/ Fri, 07 Mar 2008 10:53:06 PST So I Cooked a breakfest for the familia.

Second it was snowing out side so I cleaned off the cars windows, took pictures, and threw snowballs at everything! Even my friend chris!

NOW I'm waiting for lunch!
Im starving!

Stoopit School and time.
Me and my friend Bethany are in my World Geo class, Waiting for lunch and singing to worship songs. (actually shes nodding off <.< *pokes her*

~~
Seems now that I can't really get along well with some of my friends.
Mom says it is because I am growing up.
And they are not growing as fast.
Me I think it has something to do with my changes.

First off half my friends are satantists, atheists, or idealists (belief in nothing) so my recent addiction to God may be effecting them <.<
Then there is my friend who I've been tight with all year. And it is all like now we can not stop hurting each other or fighting. And I hate that.

Though I have gotten closer to a couple of people. Like Bethany <.< *points*

(Who ish telling me to see the Passion of the Christ)
-.-"

I don't know. But I am very happy where I am.

And um um um the end!

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17153208/ http://Yin-Yang-Completed.deviantart.com/journal/17153208/ Sun, 02 Mar 2008 17:07:18 PST absolutely amazing.

Recap:

Friday- I spent hours outside waiting for my friends to show up. Worsham took the longest. We all loaded onto the bus were I sat next to jd and we listening to music until we got to camp. At camp we threw our stuff in our cabins (we all got cabins right next to each other (russ, kevin, shawn, and jeremy in one) (nash and worsham in c) and me in 2. Then we all explored the camp. In which jd realized that he had actually been there before back in 5th grade <.< so he knew all the short cuts. We went to service where kevin fell asleep. After service kevin went back to the cabin and fell asleep. Ofc! Then me and Russ and worsham walked to the bonfire together and russ was playing his guitar and walking slow!!!!! and we found a dead frog >< ew. stayed at the bonfire for a while and roasted pizza and smores. n.n yummy! then went back to cabins and went to bed.

Saturday- Woke up and got dressed called jeremy and we walked to the dining hall and ate breakfest. one by one my friends appeared at the table, jeremy, then kevin, then russ *hes always last to sit down and eat* then we headed off to energy! yay scavenger hunt! we ran and sweated alot and i stole shawns jacket and got really hot. then we ran back to the chapel and sang worship and then talked to homegroups and i made tim go blushy! woot! then off to lunch and then electives. which i spent down by the lake. getting burned with jeremy and jeremy twas fun. then back to the chapel for more homegroup time awesome songs were played then dinner! woooooo fish! then more electives which me kevin and jeremy and jeremy spent roaming around trying to aviod ppls ><. back to service then we had skits, plays, human videos, and dramas going on. i liked russ' human video "i aint nothing but a hound dog" then sleepy sleep times.

Sunday- woke up and went to breakfest. met kevin and then jeremy and then jeremy and then russ *hes always late as i said* then we went to service then packed and departed.

]]> ~Yin-Yang-Completed