http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Yusei&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Yusei en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 17 Dec 2009 12:22:31 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/10619995/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/10619995/ Sun, 05 Nov 2006 00:37:56 PST Really sorry for the sudden departure..had alot on my mind then. I realised that running away was not a very viable option. ^_^

For those who are interested, my new add is at: [link]

Many thanks again to old friends.

]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1971278/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1971278/ Sun, 07 Mar 2004 22:22:09 PST I'm leaving soon, and a person's last words are the most important things he will ever say. I want to thanks those who watched me, those who watched me when I started out and also those who only recently watched me. The suppport you all gave me will always be appreciated.

Some of you may ask...Why am I leaving? I am simply given an offer for something else to commit my life to fight for. Something greater than what I was trying to acheive, something greater than me spending long hours to acheive a certain art technique. And those who know me well as well as what I seek in life will have no doubt I took that offer.
What that offer is, its simply an invitation to know the person that gave me the gift and the inspiration to draw.

So now, I'll be on my way.....For those with a bible at home, you all can turn to Matthew 16:25


"If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life. " ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1654933/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1654933/ Fri, 09 Jan 2004 19:34:14 PST
Really sorry for the recent inactivity....there has been alot on my mind as well as many changes in my life right now. For the past few days, I have been very deep in thought....and there are really certain stuff that is like a splinter in my mind..For those of ya who do not want a depressing start to a new year, please do not read on~~

It has been almost 4 years since I've been drawing....I'm almost 20 years old and my studies in anime school is 2/3 over. in about a couple more years, I will be going out into the world to make a living...Somehow, I feel I'm not prepared.....my previous journals make me look like an optimistic and determined dreamer, and the truth is, I'm still optimistic about my goals in life, yet as the days draw nearer, I feel a sort of insecurity that nibbles away at my heart....guess that means I'm still human..

As human beings, we all share 1 common destiny (we die someday). They only unique part of us is our thoughts and the way our life is carried out. Our character is molded out of the people around us, and our reaction to it. When I grew up, I was surrounded by many cynical and pessimistic people, and my decision was to be different....not because I wanted to be positive, but rather I just wanted to be special so I could get attention.

Somehow, after junior high school, I was given a choice for further education. I did quite well and was eligible for a decent Senior high school. However, I took the road less taken and went to design/animation school. When I went to anime school, the lecturers asked us all why we made our choice. We all gave politically correct answers, but each students' true answer came from their attitude for the next few semesters.

There were those who went in not knowing what they wanted, but yet emerging as a great student, there are those who knew exactly what they wanted, but yet were not able to make the mark. My reply to my lecturer was that, "I was interested in learning traditional 2-D animation" I wasn't lying when I said that, but It was not my true intention. I was really hoping I could improve my anime drawing in there.

I have spent 2 years in there, and I'm not even halfway to what I hoped I can become. I still have one year left....and I do not know how I can turn things around. For those who watch Naruto, I identify with Rock Lee very well, like him, I can only do 1 thing well, and in the field of art and design it is ANIME alone....I can't paint scenery, or do life drawings well. I guess I gotta stick to the deck I was dealt. Hopefully, before this year ends, by some miracle, I can get something out of myself~

Well, enough ramblings~~ Champions are not people who never lose, they are people who NEVER QUIT.
]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1531882/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1531882/ Sun, 14 Dec 2003 02:25:13 PST Really sorry I've been missing in action for the past few days!
Its Christmas right now and I'm REALLY a little tied up with lots of stuff, so please forgive me if I have missed out replying any threads, I really read em one by one and I appreciate all the comments very much! ^__^

Thanks to all new and old watchers, you all are the inspiration that keeps me goin~~
I'll probably be back on the 27th of Dec, till then, cya all and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1436303/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1436303/ Sat, 22 Nov 2003 11:13:26 PST Another day at church~Somehow, after church, I always get profound thoughts and ideas in my mind. As I was on the way home. I asked myself a question. Do we look for destiny?? Or does destiny look for us?

When I looked up the word "destiny" in the dictionary, it was described as " Things that will happen in the future, ESPECIALLY those that cannot be CHANGED or CONTROLLED.."Somehow I came to think of another word, which was "purpose" (Lol.....goin matrix again~) In the dictionary, it has many meanings, the one that caught my attention described " purpose" as "...what something is SUPPOSED to do"...

Right now, I'm sure enough to declare I'm an artist. I'm sure many who are here can also declare to be an artist. An artist is someone who influences physical substance for the sake of expression. A ballet dancer is no different from a hip-hop breakdancer as both use their body movement for expression. So let there be no mental boundaries on what looks "nice" or what does not look "nice", style impresses, beauty EXPRESSES~

Somehow, there is a question I can't answer and that is, "Why do I draw?" Once I told myself that I draw to make myself happy. I was lying to myself, drawing to me is like a fight, a war against my limitations and I certainly find no peace of heart in that struggle.

Following that, I told myself that I was drawing in order to fufill a dream, a goal, to acheive something, to win a fight, to keep it as a momento, but it is clear that by itself is another illusion. What does a person gain by being the best? As I said 2 journals ago, average man in its most basic form is equal mentally, so oppurtunity is equal. When you become number one, you simply REALISED and TRAINED faster than all. It won't be long before someone else capitalise on your success and overtake you. (I'm climbing on the art form of the Japanese myself)

After a while, I thought, maybe I'm doing this because I wanna make people happy. Yes, I wanna make others smile because of my art. While it is true that some will be touched and encouraged by my art, there will some who are not at my level who will be demoralised or discouraged by my work. It is inevitable, where there is life, there is death, similarly, my work is like a double-edged sword, uplifting some, killing some.

At the next stage, i was getting philosophical, I thought, "Its a journey, a journey that would lead to the next....don't focus on finishing, but ENJOY the process..." It sounds realistic, almost like "Enjoy today and do not worry about tomorrow" No matter how optimistic it sounds, we are governed by the laws of existance whether we like it or not.

No matter how much one may choose not to believe in the law of gravity, when he falls off a building, it doesn't matter...he will be SUBJECT to the law of gravity. The oracle says it best, everything that has a beginning has an end. I would only know my PURPOSE if I understand my DESTINY....and I can only fufill my DESTINY if I carry out my PURPOSE.

Right now, I'm still searching for the purpose of my art. I would need it to fufill my existance as an artist. Am I to serve as an example to others? Or maybe I am to become a victim and save others from my mistake? Or my existance may be to make preparation for one who will precede me? Someone once said, "If we do not know what we are willing to die for, we are not fit to live" In the bible, it says that without a vision, people perish. It may sound like a handful, but its definately worth some thought.

But life ain't cruel, we all have SKILLS. In the dictionary, it is "The ability to do something well, especially becaused you learned and practiced it" If all average humans are born the same, our differences may be the only clue to out destinys and our skills may be the clue to our purposes. Right now, as an artist, I am still on the way, but to all aspiring artists who have ART as an ability, here are some advice on how to handle the ability:

~Use it, but do not worship it~
~Enjoy it, but do not live for it~

Remember, art is a means of finding the way, but its not the objective, nor is it the destination of our existance. ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1426354/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1426354/ Thu, 20 Nov 2003 03:19:40 PST
C:\>Login: Yusei
C:\>Password: ********
C:\>Initialising.............done
C:\>Welcome back_

Yea~~
Finally back from my 1 and a half day vacation~~
Recently, I am very interested in a game that was released recently. Its actually Max Payne 2. I especially love the depressing sounding theme song. You can get it from here:[link]

I don't know why, but the song is just SOOO cool. Its like a person who is free to acheive his purpose because other than his own life, he has nothing to lose. Sometimes I wonder if that is necessary in order to help us acheive our goals in life.

Well, glad to be back! Thanks again to all my friends in DA! ^_^
Feels good to be back for more art and mental challenges for the rest of this year. ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1417219/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1417219/ Tue, 18 Nov 2003 01:19:44 PST Finally got my 1st thousand pageviews~~ ^_^
Its a rainy day.....and I'm slowly tidying up my messy bedroom..Life is good!!

I'll be starting my Matrix comic very soon now. With luck, I should finish it before next year.
Thanks again to all those who are watching me, I wanna let you all know I really appreciate everything, comments and stuff. And It is
my greatest honour to know you all. ^__^

I may be offline for the next few days, If I don't reply to posts, please forgive me~ >.< That also means any form of collab work will have to wait till I come back.

Well, I'll be leavin now~ ^_^
Ciao!
*turns off computer*
-Logged Off......
C:/>_ ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1404048/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1404048/ Sat, 15 Nov 2003 09:55:24 PST Its been kinda long since I've joined DA. Its been a real blast, and I'm still enjoying myself very much!! Many thanks to everyone! ^_^

Recently, I was into Matrix mania, I copied down every good or mind-boggling philosophy down and was meditating on them during my free time. The concept behind the Matrix is one of those good ideas that come once every blue moon and is simply too good to be ignored.

As you can see from the title, this phrase came from my favourite character in the whole series. Yea, its the chinese guy~~ The phrase he said really struck a chord, so I spent some time researching and I found out what he said is very true. In fact, It is one of the fundamental laws or human survival on the mental scale.

According to the dictionary, "fight" can mean "the work of TRYING to ACHEIVE something, CHANGE something or PREVENT something". Even more interesting, a " fighter" is "someone who KEEPS TRYING to acheive something in DIFFICULT situations"

If you noticed, "fighting" is part of our nature. From Mike Tyson to Mahatma Ghandi, everyone of us fight battles in out lives. If I were to put Seraph's words into another form, I would say " You do not truly know someone/something until you TRY to ACHEIVE something amidst DIFFICULTY caused by that someone/something"

Lets get honest here. As an artist, we are affected by better artists around us. We get panicky/demoralised/challenged when we encounter people better than us. Frogs behave this way, Gorillas do, and hell, humans are no different. Honesty might feel awkward, but self-denial feels lousy. Better to cringe than to binge.

Its true we can find out a person's true nature by looking at his/her reaction towards a superior dominant force. Why is that so? When you are confronted by an inferior, you have 100 ways to kill it off, so not much can be seen from one's reaction, as there are 100 different possibilities.

However when faced with a Superior threat, the threat itself has 100 ways to kill YOU. So a person faced with this scenario has NO CHOICE but to bring out EVERYTHING he/she got. If he/she does not give his/her best, the risk of failure/losing/death is imminent. In other words, its do or die.

Somebody asked,"What if you met an EQUAL?" the things is, there are no equals in life. Its black or white, no gray. With the exception of football, there is only win or lose. No draws. Similarly, in a fight, there is only win or lose. No draws. To deal with this, we must understand the theory behind winning and losing. Lets take a art competition as an example:

Person A and person B are both human, both have 2 hands and 10 fingers. Person A is good at drawing lineart, while person B is good at colouring lineart. If person A is awed by person B's colouring skill, and he tries very hard to colour, he is likely to lose because he did not capitalise on his strength. The opposite is true if person B focuses so much on getting his lineart to be as good as person A that he neglects the colouring part.

The only way a true "draw" can occur is if each person capitalise on his strenghts, that us, if person A does a solid sketch, while person B does an array of colours. But sadly, due to the imperfection of human nature, such a result is impossible. In a fight, one person's mind will always be intimidated by the other. So a fight at its very core is 2 minds reacting differently to a SIMILAR set of emotions.

Person A would probably think," I gotta draw more lines here......i gotta thicken this line.....I'll make a gap betwen these lines...." Person B would think,"I gotta colour this part......I gotta add more tones here......I gotta reduce opacity of this are....." Person B's brain has the resouces to do the kind of beautiful lineart that person A can do, similarly, Person A's brain can coordinate the hands to colour professionally like person B. So why is it when we see our favourite artist, we seem to automatically associate their level as "unattainable"? Be it wheter its a conscious or unconscious association.

Here's where human fear comes in. Fear is a necessary emotion. It prevents us from jumping off buildings, or to stick our fingers into a live socket. Fear is a limiting emotion, however, too much of it, and we limit potential as well. Artist spend effort overcoming their fears unconsciously. Each time they learn how to do a technique, fear of failure in that area vanishes.

Thats why art schools always asks you to try EVERYTHING. The more art techniques you do not fear, the more confidence your approach to art would become. Confidence is the opposite of fear, it is not a l... ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1388995/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1388995/ Tue, 11 Nov 2003 20:56:50 PST Recently, I've heard news about something very rampant in the art world. Just this morning, through surfing the pages of people I am watching, I came across 3 ART THIEVES. I am not one who use offensive words, but some of those thieves are real morons for using pictures that are so famous, and they are hoping that the DA community won't know.....They obviously picked the wrong placed to stay. Hell, a robber robs a bank, no robber goes robbing a law enforcement building.

Laughing it off, I logged off DA and went to a very memorable place which is the anime/manga forum of my home country (I mentioned it in my previous post) (www.sganime.com). I've not been back there for a couple of months since i came to DA. The feeling was like a son going back to his family after years in the wilderness.

It is at this moment God shows his divine sense of humour, I found out the art forum that I grew up in has been clamped and locked down because an ART THIEF has been rampaging in there. The owner shut down all picture posting and now the whole place is in a state of " limbo"
What made it worse was that the thief in this case was unrepentant and litarally got whacked.

At this stage, i was already a little psyched out, I talked to all my friends, and found out what happened. And as I logged on to DA again, I found out one of the artists I just had a Fav+ MIGHT happen to be another art thief....O__O Talk about coincidence.

Which is why I am dedicating this journal entry to ART THIEVES everywhere. I've seen enough, and I really gotta give my 2 cents about those guys.....

If you thought I'm gonna flame em like everyone else, actually I'm not. A wise man once wrote, "The ways of a man are RIGHT in his OWN eyes...." I'm sure no art thief started out thinking, "Yes! I'm gonna post stolen work and get caught!" Same for all, no one starts out with the aim to screw themselves, I'm sure in the beginning ATs(Art Thieves) had some sort of goal/plan. Maybe its attention, maybe they wanna "Rise the standard" of a community by putting some good posts to motivate/scare/demoralise everyone else.

I could identfy with that. In the beginning, I was a newbie artist who just got admitted into my 1st art forum. I was enthusiatic, I wanted to be-friend all the great artists and I'll always beg em to comment my work. Before someone calls me a boot-licker, there is nothing wrong with wanting attention from someone you admire! I mean, whats the point of pretending to be cool and distant when actually your heart is screaming for the attention of your role-model? If feedback is needed, we gotta ask, seek, and then find it.

Anyway, we have a bunch of guys who want to become established, some would do it the hard way, (draw, post, feedback etc). Maybe an AT chose the EASY way. But at the very heart of the AT lies a soul that desires something. A thief steals for 2 reasons, either they need something DESPERATELY, or they are just plain LAZY. I've always wondered how different things could turn out if the AT was reproached with friendship and love instead of flames and accusation.

If the AT posts stuff to "Raise the standard"........I don't know, that is definetly not needed in DA.....neither was it needed in most forums...Gah..probably no one would do this~

Another thingy I always wondered about are the victims of ATs. Recently, a friend of mine had her work stolen, and she was depressed and angry big time. I told her to look on the bright side, the thief stole her work because it was GOOD! ^__^ She then began to tell me off, and suddenly I became depressed because I realised no one would steal my work (*hint hint ) because its not worth stealing. O_O I guess I would go buy a lottery ticket the day I find out someone stole from me.

But I always believe in 2nd chances for everyone. So I would salute all ATs and all AT wanna-bes in DA. Here is a man who supports your ambition (but hell, i'll never support your actions) to make a presence in DA.

~Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger, but if he is caught, he must restore sevenfold what he has stolen....." ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1380699/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1380699/ Mon, 10 Nov 2003 06:51:26 PST My exams and tests are over~~
Right now is when I begin my favourite part of the year, and the title says it well....I'm gonna declare war on mediocracy for the next 2 months of my holiday~

Now there are probably some out there who think I'm a little weird...declaring war on something I can't see....but its the truth, your greatest enemy lives in your bathroom. Don't believe me? Go to your bathroom right now and look in a mirror, and you will see the face of that fearsome foe.

This fight of mine had quite a history. I started it 3 years ago in a little anime/manga forum in Singapore (www.sganime.com). It was sparked off when I would gather with a bunch of new members and look at the artwork of some of the senior members. We would then lament over our lack of skill.....or our lack of talent...or the fact we got shaky hands etc.

It was then the truth dawned on me....Talent is innate skill, Skill is aquired ability, Ability is trained habits and Habits are.......habits.
So a TALENTED artist is one with the SKILL to aquire ABILITY through HABIT.

The first war was a habitual one, I drew at least 1 picture a day without fail. In the toilet, on the train, in the movies, I was drawing like Romeo writes love letters. It was terrible!!! My girls all looked like guys, my guys looked like gays, and they were so FLAT. The anatomy was bad enough to bring Michaengelo back from the grave to kick my ass. By the time half my war was up, I was so demoralised I wrote 300 word poems about how sucky my art was just to vent the dissapointment.

Thankfully another wise guy said this " No Pain, No Gain" PAIN = GAIN
So since I was feeling pain, It was a good sign! By the end of year 1 of the war. I managed to get this: [link]

The year after, the warring season came again, my morale was high because I had the pink-haired bishojo on my army. But if you were to look at my recent favourites pic, you would know the pink-haired girl of mine wouldn't match up. So It was down to the same grueling task, this time, I added photoshop into my list of opponents because I realised traditional media is like melee weapons, while photoshop and CG were like firearms. If you wanna kill a gunman with a sword.....you'd better be DAMN good. So the same goes, 1 CGed pic a day at least..and after much sleepless nights and visits to asylums, I managed to end warring season 2 with this:
[link]

By war 3, the confidence had come back, even though my bishojos were still nothin compared to my current favourite piccy, at least they gave me the same warm fuzzy feeling I'd get when I see cute things. The 3rd warring season was the hardest, because I dealt with styles and methods. Nothing is harder to change then one's way of doing things. By the end of the 2rd war, I was TIRED. After almost 3 years of my war against my old self, I've managed to get this: [link]
(And someone remarked my old work was better..O___O;;;;

Right now, is war number 4!!! I've left the battlegrounds of my past wars and fate has brought me to this place to continue my quest.....Just as the power of "The One" extends beyond the matrix...the war has gone beyond the borders of my country. I hope that when my warring season ends, i'll be able to bring back a good report!

I urge all right now who are free or having holidays to really be SERIOUS and start a fight to go up the next level! I put pictures as my "favourites" for 1 reason, because they contain parts that I do not understand how to do, and also stuff that I wanna acheive for myself. I'll always remember this saying, " There is no TRY, there is only WANT TO or DO NOT WANT TO" Suc... ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1368408/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1368408/ Fri, 07 Nov 2003 08:47:21 PST
Before I go on, really sorry to my pals for not being able to comment on their work, its really hard on me for the past few days. Don't worry however~~I'm free now, so all collabs, trades etc will be resumed! ^__^

As I was saying, I'm happily depressed.....or should I say depressingly happy... Its just me..I'm the kind of person that would always say "Life is GOOD!" amidst a majority who would always say "Life SUCKS!" I would get lousy grades for my art and design and yet smile and be happy because I am doin what I like and not what the education system forces me to do.

Today, got blasted by my teachers again for drawing too much manga stuff.....in an art institution, manga/anime is highly taboo and it takes alot of sacrifice to go against the norm. Usually, I would just take what my teacher throws at me and laugh it off. After all, many people like to say, " Oh...Manga style is so EASY...anyone can do that..why don't you try to get your own style?..." But the truth is that, most people who say that can't do that~~ (no offence to anyone ^_^)

Anyway...back to my blastin teachers...It was nerve-wracking, you have 3 stern eyes looking at you and you gotta maintain a smile to prevent the mind from breaking....anyway, for some reason, I felt really depressed after the session..havn't been depressed for 1 year already and today was a rare moment I actually broke down and cried.

Anyway, I'm still me...so I shall look on the bright side of life now. My anime is complete~ and I don't care if people call me a copycat or a wannabe~ (so what if I am?? ) I'm proud of my work. I feel thats important for all artists, to be proud of their work. I'm still looking for a 70mb host..-___-

Right now, I'm gonna work a little more on drawing...I figured out the only way to stop my inner child from chewing my brains is to wage war on pragmatic people that go against my dreams and philosophies of life.

I got no problems against pragmatism, I'm a very realistic person myself, but what I can't stand are those who tell people they can't make it just because they have a 90% chance of failing. They should realise that there is a 10% chance of success......and those who play FF tactics or Super Robot Wars would know if you tried 10 times, you would succeed 1 time.

I have spent the early years of my life lying to myself. Armed with crappy artwork that looked like a roadkill, I would join art competitions and lie to myself saying, "I'm good...I'm gonna beat em all....I'm gonna be No. 1...." while people snigger and laugh, I'd hand up my work and wonder why I did not win.

The truth is, I'm still lying to myself, I'm still joining competitions, I'm still not winning, but my lying to myself is becoming more and more convincing~~

sigh...i sound real happy right now, but I'm still teary...-___- I'll probably be goin for an early bedtime...I'll leave a quote from a wise man I know...

"You can dream without succeeding, but you can never succeed without dreaming"

Good Night~ ^__^ ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1348297/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1348297/ Sun, 02 Nov 2003 00:20:24 PST I came back after 3 days of absence and I get a whole load of posts~~ O_O;;;;;

In 19 years of my life, my fight is finally coming to an end.....I am finally making an anime with my own two hands....and in 3 days time, it will herald a new beginning in my quest to become professional.

Currently I am looking for webspace to store my cartoon. It would take approximately 50mb. If anyone has any solutions, please let me know! ^_^

I'd like to thank again those whose path I have crossed in my stay in DA. Without the words you all have given, I would not have found the courage to start my animation project. Kudos to all my friends and page viewers!!! ^_^

I'll be gone again for 3 days. Hopefully I can post my next picture together with a link to my anime! ^_^

Cya guys!! ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1336577/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1336577/ Wed, 29 Oct 2003 06:44:10 PST Another say at animation school. Its getting tougher by the day.....its very interesting to see all the different kinds of animation they do. Some do serious stuff, majority of em do funny stuff, and some(like me) would rather do cool-looking stuff than anything else.

Nothing much to write today, I've gathered some inspirational stuff from books to share with everyone though~ ^_^

"All things are possible to him who believes"

"The greatness of a dream is in how many dream it holds"

"If there's no fun in it, somethings wrong with what you are doing"

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but we can still dance"

"The greatest enemy to tomorrow's success is today's acheivements"

"Success belongs to those who dare to believe that something inside them is superior to all obstacles"

"Making life worth living is hell, heaven is having a life worth living" ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1336574/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1336574/ Wed, 29 Oct 2003 06:43:58 PST Another say at animation school. Its getting tougher by the day.....its very interesting to see all the different kinds of animation they do. Some do serious stuff, majority of em do funny stuff, and some(like me) would rather do cool-looking stuff than anything else.

Nothing much to write today, I've gathered some inspirational stuff from books to share with everyone though~ ^_^

"All things are possible to him who believes"

"The greatness of a dream is in how many dream it holds"

"If there's no fun in it, somethings wrong with what you are doing"

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but we can still dance"

"The greatest enemy to tomorrow's success is today's acheivements"

"Success belongs to those who dare to believe that something inside them is superior to all obstacles"

"Making life worth living is hell, heaven is having a life worth living" ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1328197/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1328197/ Mon, 27 Oct 2003 08:10:59 PST
Today was a very nostalgic day for me. As I left school early and went home, I stumbled upon some documents of mine I wrote almost 10 years ago. They were ideas for video games I wanted to make. I don't know why but suddenly the concept behind Chrono Cross flowed to my mind.

Suppose there was a split in a life-changing decision, we could all end up being very very different. When I was a kid, I was into Science and tech heavily because there was a classmate I really looked up to and he liked science. I began to excel in science and started buying science books and mini-experiment sets and microscopes etc.

During entry into junior high school, my 1st crossroad came, I had an oppurtunity to take a science scholarship along with that friend whom I looked up to. It was the perfect arrangement. Yet much to my friend's and parents' s shock, I declined the offer. It was a big shock to my parents especially because I was SO into science studies.

Little did they know that months before the scholarship, another friend I was not so close with showed me something which offered me a choice.....he lent me the original Sonic The Hedgehog Game......I declined the scholarship because I wanted to spend my holidays playing video games....

During High school, I was already a gamer, I had abandoned all the science stuff as 'kid stuff'. To make matters worse, the kids at high school did not really like me and I had to face bullys and tormentors for about 4 years.....it made me extremely anti-social and drove me deeper into gaming as a way to find meaning in existance.

I was thinking of pursuing a diploma in programming, so that I could 'make games' when i grew up. All was planned, i read up on programming and gaming industry stuff extensively and i was ready to claim my future.

However, during the course of my 4 years, in the 2nd year, another friend passed me an item which would change my life.......He passed me book one of Ranma 1/2. Being the anti-social who was avoided by the girls in class for being..'weird', I found Solace in reading Ranma 1/2. Even though my terrible chinese hindered my reading, I read book after book after book. With each comic series I read, it left traces in my life.

To make matters worse, the friend who lent me the comic was an artist himself! He was sort of like myself, an outcast in a way, but his art won him recognition, friends and popularity from the class. I wanted that too, and so for the 1st time in my life, despite my art teacher saying that i have no 'aptitude for art' I picked up my pencil and tried to draw....

Like a lame man running with crutches, I was a sucker...i had no confidence, which was vital for all artists, and my friend was not very encouraging also. The search for purpose and reconition turned to anger and I realised that all my life, I was never good at anything, sure I KNEW alot, but i never got GOOD at anything i do.

I began to draw like a raving lunatic. My artist friends in Singapore would know I draw almost 24 hours a day, so much so I was caught drawing while shitting. Forrest Gump started running like the wind when Jenny encouraged him. Similarly, I started 'running' after I met an encouraging teacher who taught me 80% of my current skills. (Visit her devpage here: [link])
I guess when you are born with many lacks, God is bound to have given you something that far surpasses them all.

Anyway, when it came to choosing my choice for diploma studies, I was caught between the game programming one and the animation one. Those who knew me superficially all thought that I would pick the former. Even my parents did. Once more I suprised them all by choosing the latter~ ^_^

There was hell to pay, my family thought I was nuts and my friends thought I was a show off. Only my close friends understood my decision. The animation course i picked was a toughie. It had the HIGHEST dropout rate in the whole campus. I was afraid I would not make it. (Not to mention drawing cute girls for assignments is a NO-NO) But thank God, I made it..............

Right now, as I look back at the relics of my past ambitions, i realised i never ever had a real personal dream. All my "ambitions" are an expression of lack and need in my life. I studied science to "become" like my role model. I wanted to go into games deeply because they offered "solace and comfor... ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1324539/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1324539/ Sun, 26 Oct 2003 09:22:13 PST
I was meditating on this comment. There are some artists i've met who have potential, but they'd always be very pessimistic about their art and would constantly tell me they are not good, or that they can't improve etc.

If I wanted to be cruel, i'd say that its survival of the fittest. To those who have the courage and tenacity to rise above their mediocracy, they will inherit the art and standard they desire.....To those who always fear or keep thinking they are not good, they will get what they want.....mediocracy forever.

Then again, I'm reminded of my own art history. I was not a really good art student in my youth. In fact, during high school, my art was so bad my teacher would single me out and make a public example of me. In fact, I grew up more of a gamer and computer nerd than an artist, I never wanted to draw at all.

However, in a span of 2 short years, I met great artists who challenged and taught me to where I am currently, and my parents nicknamed me an 'Artificial-Made Artist"

However, that is no longer important for me now i guess, the question now is whether I can get my work to a professional standard before I finish animation school. I guess at the end of it, I haven't really found out if I was chosen or made....... ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1318911/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1318911/ Fri, 24 Oct 2003 19:54:21 PDT
Sigh....an entire weekend is passing by and I haven't ready gotten down to do work. Sometime, just sitting still and thinking of my assignments drive me nuts. I could say ignorance really is bliss..

I don't know if everyone feels this way, i mean we as artists post for the sake of expression, not popularity, but each time i see the counter "1 new message", I would actually feel HAPPY, EXCITED etc. And on bad days, I'd hang around waiting for the comment bar to fill up.

Its ironic that our ideals and our desires do not really go hand in hand sometimes...So a wise person once said, " The truth will set you free.." So I guess a little encouragement from everyone out there would really make my day. Grr.....gotta renew my mind.....
Cya all later~ ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1316080/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1316080/ Fri, 24 Oct 2003 02:43:35 PDT Right now, I'm workin on a project, its actually an animation I gotta do, and I have no idea if i can finish it on time...

Sometimes I wonder if knowing too much stuff really benefits a person. My uncle once said a fool was probably the happiest person in life, yet without knowledge, we can never fufill our purpose of existance........

Sigh~~even as i'm typing this, I cant or i should say, i DARE NOT write out what I really wanna write...i guess i'll overcome it with time. ]]> ~Yusei http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1316011/ http://Yusei.deviantart.com/journal/1316011/ Fri, 24 Oct 2003 01:49:47 PDT ~Yusei