http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:Zeiran&section=today deviantART RSS for by:Zeiran en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:10:46 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/27142881/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/27142881/ Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:58:09 PDT
It is 2:32 am and i am listening to "Siren song" by Bat for Lashes and i am feeling anxious but relaxed. which in all honesty is understandable as i smoked and have been in bed watching Mad men and a few movies and read a couple books in the past three days without leaving the house at all. uneventful? no i dont think so. consuming media is somthing i do in large quantities. more so than anyone else i know. i wish i could consume media and be paid for it! i know almost everything that is going on as i read alot of cnn.com and when i am able to stomach it ill even see different sides of subject by taking in Foxnews online as well. I go through music all day everyday and my playlist is constantly changing. i do this as i distract myself from the fact that i have not created in a few months now. i have shut down shop sorta speak and i think alot of it had to do with the fact that i was getting good at what i do. i was getting to a point that might make me succeed. might make me known. and that scares me more than anything because i dont want to stop loving my art. and where do go after u go there? what do u do without the struggle? will it be there on the other side? and then if it is is all of this really worth it?
I find myself fighting myself all the time and I'm not sure why. the only person that has ever stopped me from doing anything is me. i am too scared to run and too proud to be happy staying. so where am i? in a flux of self loathing and narcissism that could very much so astound. appall. and possibly mystify at the extent of my self involvement. relationships have become strained and i find myself needing them more as i grow older and i find myself desperate for intelligent conversation that doesn't consist of the mainstream pop culture. i would like to be around creative people again, discussing art again, discussing story and structure and style and a real depth i am so lacking in my life. i keep everyone at a constant distance because i don't want them to see how much of a freak i am. but i think I've already shown everyone that already. the cracks are there so i can see a little of the real world through them inside the glass case I've built for myself. the screens were lifted for a little while and i desperately clung to things hoping to rise to something greater than myself. it didn't work out too well. and i cant help but think that my great time has passed me by. my great contribution can no longer be made. that the person i was supposed to be, the mind i was meant to become, the blazing star in the chaos of all the shit storm we call life has blinked out of existence and all that's left is me. the shell of a once hopeful brilliance never realized. i suppose i will keep writing, keep drawing, keep imagining the worlds this one will never know. and my great contribution will be one no one will ever see. i suppose i will have to inspire myself and no one else. a universe inside of a universe.

]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/26102587/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/26102587/ Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:06:16 PDT Oh ad ive been drawing some cool shit too! so im gonna put up some scans of those too! i think i might start redrawing the comic. go slow go page for page yknow?! oh to be inspired is just a great thing!

]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/25004191/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/25004191/ Thu, 28 May 2009 19:19:57 PDT
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/23969028/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/23969028/ Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:52:31 PDT well thas it for now. much more work to come!

]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/23850808/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/23850808/ Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:53:59 PDT
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/21884702/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/21884702/ Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:54:01 PST
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/20795325/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/20795325/ Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:26:48 PDT
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/20679853/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/20679853/ Fri, 26 Sep 2008 02:17:42 PDT
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/20669419/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/20669419/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:56:26 PDT
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/18706335/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/18706335/ Fri, 06 Jun 2008 23:17:16 PDT
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/18453439/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/18453439/ Thu, 22 May 2008 19:21:02 PDT
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/10642974/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/10642974/ Mon, 06 Nov 2006 23:41:57 PST
]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/10372043/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/10372043/ Thu, 12 Oct 2006 17:31:51 PDT
oh and the story is coming along slower than ussual due to the insane work hours ive been keeping the past couple weeks but tonight is the last night of that shit and its back to a somewhat more hospitable schedule where ill be able to write more and get the profile up.

]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/9975352/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/9975352/ Tue, 05 Sep 2006 10:14:06 PDT I hate how i get the way i do. its funny cuz i get really depressed when i dotn have anything to do. and if im not workin out i jus sit doin nothing. it kinda sux. i havnt written in a few days so i am going to take all day tomorrow to get that shit done. and i am gonna try to get as much as i possibly can. there is so much more to the story and i need to get it out so that i can start editing and stuff too. i jus think its going to take me a really long time in order to finish it. it wierd because for a couple days all i did was write and it was pouring out of me. now i got another job and that is awesome but we'll just have to see how it goes. i mean i pretty much sat in my room and wasted 8 hours doing absolutely nothing. how does one do that so easily. i feel like a waste of life and its all because i get distracted by my own thoughts about things that have transpired and how i am so easily tossed aside. i miss having a boy in my life and i havnt for about 3 weeks now and it sux. ah well what can you do. i dont want to go on about this forever so im going to have to move on and get over it. blah i hate that. so im done done done. so it is time tyo move into writing mode and get that mvin again. a few days is too long and i need to buckle down. ok peace. ]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/9932595/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/9932595/ Fri, 01 Sep 2006 17:03:14 PDT takin a brief reprieve from writing and im super pumped about the stor. everything is happening right now and its hard to deal with. i am setting up the exploration of the rest of the world. i mean other lands and such. its oging to be quite remarkable. i just want the entire world to be explored yet leave some left for people to explore themselves. i dunno its going to be a wild ride and there is so much mroe to write! this story is so far from over its crazy the armies are clashing and its going to be brutal the whole thing. the universe is going to be opened up soon and its driving me crazy that i hav eto get through all of this other shit before i can make it happen! Gah! its great because im so broke and have absolutely no money! lol but its forcing me to stay home and write and draw and get all this shit finished! soooooo alas i sit and toil away at my computer and write what i can! i have drank so much coffee im peeing like every 5 inutes and it sux but ive gotten like 5 pages done in an hour and thas awesome. we'll have to see what happens cuz i have a rough estimate about the story and how it will probably be around 4-500 pages long. which is a damn long book but not the longest. i would like it to be longer seeing as how its going to be a self contained story but honestly the whole trilogy thing is so fuckin played out it kills me! also i want to translate it into Graphic novel form soooooo i figure if i can do that after i finish the novel form then fuckin Yea! itll be hot! well im done and i am to go back to the world i have created! byeeeeeeeeeee
~Matty

Oh and P.S. i will be posting alot of these little rant as i go along. ]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/9902087/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/9902087/ Tue, 29 Aug 2006 22:31:14 PDT *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/9890340/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/9890340/ Mon, 28 Aug 2006 22:06:00 PDT *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/6498916/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/6498916/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 22:07:44 PDT *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/5057354/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/5057354/ Mon, 11 Apr 2005 04:33:14 PDT *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/5016745/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/5016745/ Wed, 06 Apr 2005 13:53:50 PDT *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/4084430/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/4084430/ Thu, 16 Dec 2004 21:57:59 PST *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/4074052/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/4074052/ Wed, 15 Dec 2004 14:34:37 PST *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/4067154/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/4067154/ Tue, 14 Dec 2004 16:09:30 PST *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/3984510/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/3984510/ Sat, 04 Dec 2004 01:59:25 PST *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/3943130/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/3943130/ Sun, 28 Nov 2004 21:02:21 PST ~~ ]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/3884107/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/3884107/ Sun, 21 Nov 2004 07:25:20 PST *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/2066876/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/2066876/ Tue, 23 Mar 2004 03:16:25 PST ~~~ im such a bod boy somtimes i love it!
were moving in to an apartment soon and when that happends everything will be good in my life. itll start the next step of my independance and my way to get out into the real world. i think my website will be well recieved. i think itll be another step of great importance on my part of having a professional site where my work will be displayed as it will also be somthing that lee can display as well. i have to get to work. ]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/1984094/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/1984094/ Tue, 09 Mar 2004 22:04:40 PST maybe i put too much faith into the human condition and its ability to sustain mature relationships with another. well i guess this is somthing that i will have to come to an answer with much later in life because i like the way things are right now. the only thing is i have been extremely distracted. distrations from the main direction; the main goal is bad. i need to get back on track and surpass myself again. ]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/1761290/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/1761290/ Thu, 29 Jan 2004 10:18:29 PST
Matty ]]> *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/1624819/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/1624819/ Sat, 03 Jan 2004 16:52:44 PST *Zeiran http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/1597923/ http://Zeiran.deviantart.com/journal/1597923/ Mon, 29 Dec 2003 06:43:03 PST *Zeiran