http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:addictiontocuteness&section=today deviantART RSS for by:addictiontocuteness en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 05 Dec 2009 12:24:30 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9898141/ http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9898141/ Tue, 29 Aug 2006 15:57:52 PDT
Aria of Sorrow and Harmony of Dissonance are finally here <3 <3 <3 homework? Yeah, RIIIGHT. Like that's gonna get done.

things to keep in mind while at school
++ don't keep my bag on the chair next to me. because when a giant sized person walks in late they're gonna plop their fat ass in front of me which of course would render me incapable of seeing the board. i'd prefer it if they sat NEXT to me.
++ stop sitting in the back. we all realize you're antisocial and a complete loser. but you're blind as hell jen. so why the HELL do you think you can read from the back of the room?
++ econ teacher has the cutest fucking dress in the world.
++ punch the redhead chick in your english class if she doesn't learn to stop opening her mouth. nothing she says is useful.
++ learn to become a big enough loser to think your poli sci's teacher's jokes are funny. the nerd next to you laughed.
++ don't skip chem on your first day of school.

HW:

++ econ shit: find three articles about microecon. write shit.
++ poli sci: read 100 pages of that book. take notes. possible open note quiz? ]]> ~addictiontocuteness http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9866505/ http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9866505/ Sat, 26 Aug 2006 20:41:30 PDT
Just watch, I'm gonna go crawling back to him in no time at all and I'll be in a shitload of trouble because my "slut ass" decided to talk to Chad. And I'm not allowed to talk to any of his friends.

new band ----> d'espairs ray

New for me, although probably not for everyone else.

REALLY want to grow my hair long so I can do lots of random crap to it. I love clothes. I've become obsessed. Which is like a good thing, cuz that always motivates me to eat less and exercise more. Like, I bought a pair of really cute pants that were too small but I wanted to wear them soo much that I lost the weight in like a month. Yeah I know, dumb reasons to lose weight. But hey, it works for me.

Anyway, I love loligoth.

I'm gonna make all the cutest fucking things in the entire world and everyone will be jealous ^.^

But first, I hafta make a card for Jon cuz he's the shit. And a card for Chad cuz he's pretty cool. And probably one for Mar cuz he thinks spending moneys dumb and making pretty cards is super easy. ]]> ~addictiontocuteness http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9843786/ http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9843786/ Thu, 24 Aug 2006 20:11:08 PDT
it's like fucking heaven

[link]


The most beautiful thing I've ever seen and haven't been able to afford.


[link]

[link]


I mean, I suppose I could attempt to create something that even slightly resembles it, but it won't be the same. And that makes me sad.

It's on sale right now for $120. Shipping is like 40 bucks.

I wish I was anorexically skinny so that nothing could ever make me look fat. And if I ever bought that dress I'd become anorexic just so I could look totally hawt wearing that.

Shit. I think I'm gonna orgasm from looking at the stuff on that site. ]]> ~addictiontocuteness http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9840323/ http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9840323/ Thu, 24 Aug 2006 14:41:43 PDT I feel so completely...
I cried.
It's strange.
I didn't cry cuz I was sad.
But because everything seems right.
Because this is the way it's supposed to be.
I'm not supposed to hurt.
I'm not supposed to be the reason that others hurt.

I thank Jon for that.
I thank Chad for that.
And I thank Mar for being there for me all those times in the past. Even though it's been ages since we've talked... even though I'm feeling thankful years too late...

And even though people think that me and Ryan are all wrong. He's still done so much for me. He still means so much to me. Chaddums thinks that I'm in denial when I say Ryan still cares... but it's hard to let go.

Honestly? I'd gone back to feeling how I used to. Yesterday was horrible for me. Everything's just kind of sucked.

But I've never felt so thankful for people. For Jon, for Chad... even for Phil. I guess I just need the constant reassurance that I have friends. Friends who care, who don't mind taking time out of their day to be there for me. To talk to me, to listen to me, even just to sit with me in silence.

I don't know what I'd do without them.



------------------------------------------------------
hehe, this is what makes me
feel like im more
than just words on a screen
and likewise, when i read your words,
they arent just words
they're you

you dont want to live life like your
walking on egg shells, never taking
full steps for yourself. always worried
about everyone and everything's feelings

<3 jon <3 ]]> ~addictiontocuteness http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9763983/ http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9763983/ Thu, 17 Aug 2006 19:07:18 PDT
He's so obviously not interested. And it hurts. I didn't think it'd be this hard. And the worst part is that I know I've hurt him worse than I feel now. I've hurt someone else worse than I hurt now. I wish I could fix all of it. All the times I made Mister upset. But I can't do anything now. I'm trying! But nothing works. And it fucking sucks.

Mister's hurting me and he doesn't even care.

And the thing is though, Mister would see it as betrayal that I've been thinking about mbbh... But it's not like that. I think I'm finally starting to understand a little bit of what it was like when I hurt everyone else. I think that's partially why I've been thinking about mbbh. Because he's one of the people I hurt most. And I hate it so much.

It just sucks.
I'm not used to Mister not caring.
I'm not used to Mister hating me.

But as Chaplin would say,
"Tomorrow the birds will sing."
So chin up Jen.
And stop being a fucking faggot.



-------------------------------------------------------------------
You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved ]]> ~addictiontocuteness http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9693877/ http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9693877/ Fri, 11 Aug 2006 17:49:18 PDT (a) I'm falling out of love with Mister.
(b) I'm in love with a video game character to the
extent that it's weird rather than kind of funny.
(c) I can't stop thinking about someone that
considers me dead.

It's not completely my fault that Mister no longer interests me; because he does interest me. Unfortunately, I'm unable to learn anything about him; I find it impossible to take any part in his life whatsoever. He just won't take time out of his day to talk to me. I wish he would just tell me he no longer wants anything to do with me. But instead, he continues to give me hope that our relationship, or what used to be a relationship, still has a chance. I keep being pushed away. Our conversations end either in a matter of minutes with him telling me he's busy once again, or I hang up angry and upset after somewhere between 10-20 minutes of arguing.

I think I'm depressed.

It's as if I almost want it all to end. For the past however many years, Mister's been my life. I left so many people, fought with so many friends, because of my need to be with him. And now? I'm starting to feel as though it was the wrong decision.

I was with Charles today. I asked him what makes him tick, he just kind of laughed. We were talking about college, about everyone leaving never to see one another again. Well, not for another three months when winter break starts. Bnd I don't know, I don't have any friends anymore. At least, no close friends. Mister's all I have. Mister's all I had. I never gave anyone a chance to get close, because Mister was enough. And the few people who were close, I pushed away because I had Mister.

But now, there's no Mister. There's nobody.

And I can't stop thinking about the one person who was really there for me before Mister. The one person I walked all over and left behind. He was there when nobody else was. I wish I'd realized sooner how big of a difference he made in my life. I actually had a dream about him... I don't know. I just wish I could tell him how much he means to me now. And how sorry I am for not knowing how important he was sooner. If I could go back and do things different, I would. But I'm not going to try and make everything better. I'm not going to bother him and try to be the best of friends. Because I think the nicest thing I could do now is just stay away from him. No one wants a reminder of something, someone, that hurt them again and again. But if there was anything he ever wanted from me, I'd do it for him.

I hope someday he'll read this.
If Mister ever read this, he'd leave me forever.
If what mbbh wanted was for me to stay away from Mister, all he would have to do is show this to him.
I wonder if he knows what mmbh stands for.

I've become obsessed with the song Mad World, and after watching a Google video of it featuring Final Fantasy. I've become, enthralled by Cloud. I don't know how else to describe it. But I think about him more than what'd be considered normal. I told Charles. He thinks I have mental issues.

I think I like to hurt myself.
It's part of what makes me tick.
The desire to do so was pushed away because Mister hated it, and he spent so long trying to make me overcome that issue.

But self-destruction?
How long can I run from it?


My laptop is coming in five days.
I'm excited.


Did you know today's Cloud's birthday?






----------------------------------------------------------------

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very,
Mad World, Mad World
]]> ~addictiontocuteness http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9604010/ http://addictiontocuteness.deviantart.com/journal/9604010/ Sat, 05 Aug 2006 01:57:55 PDT
Anyway, I was checking out my old devart page and wow, people actually care. Haha. I was actually pleasantly surprised that I had 11,500 page views. Which is a helluva lot considering I think I have about five now. And as much as I'd like to say that it didn't matter, it did make me feel a little warm and fuzzy.

On a completely unrelated note. Went to see Scoop around midnight, on the drive home (which was about 2), it was extremely foggy. And I loved it. Gosh. Driving by fields of fog, makes me wish I could've gotten out of the car and ran around in the fields acting like a retart. I'd love to take a photograph but, alas, it's not meant to be. I've never been much of an artist/photographer/etc.

I wish life was like the movies. I kept thinking of me and mister in the field, and as cliche as it sounds, it'd be all romantic and the typical chick flick boy kisses girl music would go on. And even though it's completely expected and obvious that it would've happened from the start of the movie, I'm always left content and unusually surprised.

Going back to before, I was REALLY into devart. It's kind of strange considering the fact that I've never really considered myself a very good artist, or even one at all. But looking through my activity, comments, etc., I made a lot of friends and joined a lot of clubs. Heck, I even started one, although it died when I left.

I don't know. I guess I'm just kind of touched that people knew and of my existence and were nice enough to leave comments, favorite, etc.

But at the same time, man I was fucked up. It's strange seeing how much I've changed.

I'm also extremely disappointed that one of the artists that I admired so much has left. I'm actually kind of depressed about it. Idk.

Bah. As thrilling as this has been for me to write, I think I might go find something better to do. ]]> ~addictiontocuteness