http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:aeranth&section=today deviantART RSS for by:aeranth en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 23 Dec 2009 08:12:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/24886583/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/24886583/ Fri, 22 May 2009 07:40:29 PDT
How on earth can I bring you up to speed? Do you even care? Let's see-- we'll just hit the highlights.

- I'm still in the great state of Texas, working on my Master of Divinity degree at SWBTS
- I suffered heartbreak August 2008 (as evidenced by some morose poetry)
- I have a sweet gig as a nanny for a wealthy family
- I'm an auntie now. Emma Rose was born in October 2008.
- I'm a Resident Assistant in the dorm, but will soon move into my first HOUSE!

I suppose those are the most important events of the past months. Now you're up to speed. The real reason I'm writing is just to announce that I'm going to start back writing the Sam and Kate series, just to get back into the hang of fiction writing. Eventually I'd like to write a novel, so this is good practice. I hope to post one new entry a day. That's my goal. Hold me to it, will ya?

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/14747215/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/14747215/ Sat, 22 Sep 2007 17:35:01 PDT
Update on my employment issue-- I have a job. Woohoo and all that jazz. Seriously, though, it's an answer to many prayers. I am America's newest blue-collared college graduate. I am joining the feudal system of upper education: I owe the school money for living and learning here, so I work for the school at just a hair over minimum wage in order to pay off my my ever-increasing debt. So I started this past Tuesday working on the Culture Care Crew, which is a special name for the weeding/trimming/planting division of the landscaping department. It's not just plants, either. I get to clean out the fish pond filters, pick up trash on seminary property, nice things like that. There are two other girls in the landscaping department: one does all the office work, and the other maintains all the indoor plants. Lucky for me, in this modern day and age, men no longer discriminate between genders. I got put on a crew of guys, and I'll be expected to pull a man's share of work. I enjoy physical labor, I like the outdoors, and I get to hang out with Koreans. What more could I ask for in a job?

In addition to my landscaping job, I've managed to schedule four hours of tutoring a week-- for Korean kids. The pay is good, the work is enjoyable, and did I mention that the pay is good? So with two jobs, a careful budget, and lots of prayer, I have within $20 of what I need to survive every month. Isn't God amazing?

If you feel bad for me, please realize that my sarcastic complaining is really just that--sarcastic. I'm not really all that poor, I'm not starving, and I'm not at my rope's end. I'm just not as comfortable as most people like to be, and it's amusing to me in a strange way. What'll put it in perspective is this:

[link]

This is just the men's side of a night shelter here in Ft. Worth. I talked to two ladies who've lived here for over five years. Sleeping on a mat on the ground amidst hundreds of strange people, having just the belonging you can carry with you, eating only the food that strangers serve you--- for five years. Puts in in perspective, doesn't it? I mean, I haven't done a whole lot to deserve the comfort and security I've enjoyed my whole life. In fact, I've probably done more to lose it than to keep it. It doesn't make sense to me that some people have these things and others don't. I'm still figuring out what to do about it, how to reconcile these things in my mind and in my world. I'm thinking about writing (here we go again) a book about homeless people--- not facts and statistics, but their lives, their stories, their hopes, dreams, fears, and woes. I think that it'd be a cool project. I'll get back to you on it.

Eat up, drink up, and have fun at work, 'cuz that's about all there is, yo.
-Solomon, Tina translation

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/14588305/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/14588305/ Tue, 11 Sep 2007 11:02:09 PDT Welcome to existence.
Everyone's here.
Everybody's watching you now.
Everybody waits for you now.
What happens next?"

That was the song that played as we filed out of high school graduation. Of course, back then, I figured that my life would be pretty extraordinary. It has been to some extent so far, but it's extraordinary in a very different way than I imagined.

I thought that I was doing the right thing by going to college. That was a step forward in the right direction. So now is the time, I suppose, to take the proverbial two steps back. I've been trying to find a part time job since the middle of August. I applied for a church secretary position and it looked hopeful; two weeks later, I had to squeeze it out of them that they'd hired someone with more experience. My apparent lack of experience in the professional world is like the mark of Cain when it comes to finding a job. It's not like I've never worked in my life. I've had part time work since I was fifteen, but for some reason, it doesn't seem to pan out. I never had the right kind of jobs, I haven't acquired the right kinds of skills, I don't have the right kind of experience. I've been in a small company, doing everything from inventory, to cashier, to food prep, to displays, to packing gift baskets, to cleaning the toilets. I've worked in a summer camp (which in my opinion should count as military training), and I've worked in a children's home (which could count as running a school and a bed and breakfast simultaneously). I worked for minimum wage at an on-campus job where I helped edit hundreds of essays (but that doesn't count as editorial experience for some reason). I've volunteered with hurricane relief, doing construction work like roofing, drywalling, carpentry, plumbing, and painting (but that doesn't count as professional experience). So even though I've been employed for seven years, I basically have no job experience that will interest anyone. My application makes an interesting read, but it quickly finds its way to the shredder without so much as a phone call.

I'd like to address a few things to employers. First of all, freakin' call people back. It takes like five minutes. You should call everyone that turns in an application just because it's the professional thing to do. You shouldn't accept applications if you have no intention of hiring anyone. That's just mean. Do you know how long it takes to fill out those stupid applications? Secondly, your applications suck. Do something about it. How on earth is anyone supposed to write the name of a college, it's address, and phone number on a 10 pt. font line three inches long? Even if I could write that small, would you even be able to read it? Make the spaces dad-gum bigger. Retards.

What I hate about job applications (other than their futility) is that they want to you brag yourself up so big, yet beg pitifully for employment simultaneously. I mean, if I really had all this going for me, would I be competing with highschoolers for part-time employment at the mall? Why do I want to work for your company? Do you really want to know? I don't freakin' want to work in a mall, dammit. No one does. It's a last resort, the sewers of the employment world. It's insulting to my dignity. I have a bachelor's degree. I have seven years work experience. I'm not mentally or physically disabled, I have a relatively friendly attitude and good work ethic. I have a reasonable schedule and I'm flexible. Why on earth do socially-inept highschool dropouts with poor hygiene have jobs and not me? *shakes fist at heaven* I guess I'm just too educated, too white, too competent, too morally/socially responsible to be employed in the general workforce.

Whatever. A job will come. I can trust God to provide for that. In the meantime, I like to rant. Just know that I'm not giving up hope--I'm just railing against the system because it sucks. Its looking more and more that my lifelong dream of starting a t-shirt company might actually be the most viable option, which is freaky. I'll start taking orders today. My advice to you, dear reader, is if you're still in college or haven't gotten there yet, bail NOW. Get a job at Walgreens or McDonalds. That'll get you further than a degree anyway, and it's a lot less money and work.

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/13870500/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/13870500/ Wed, 25 Jul 2007 07:25:40 PDT
I have a BA in English with a Creative Writing concentration= I should be making $$ for writing.

How? I have no earthly idea. I decided that I won't learn this stuff by osmosis, so I forced myself to stumble out into the harsh world of internet publishing. I found a wonderful thing called craigslist that posts writing jobs just about every day. I e-mail them with queries (I also found out how to write queries online... egad, I'm such a loser!), and rumor is that they might write back. They will probably tell me to get lost. On the off-chance, they might give me money to write things for them. What a novel idea. What an article/column idea, too.

So I'll let you know if it works. For someone who makes a C-note a week and will be out of a job in one week exactly, even ten or fifteen bucks here and there would be like manna from God. I'm trusting Him to provide for me, but I think He's giving me a kick in the pants to put my hand to the plow. Hand to the pen, whatever.

The likelihood of my getting published in anything reputable right off is pretty slim. So be prepared to see my name attached to cheesy articles in some pretty tacky e-zines. It's not like a have a reputation to protect--or standards to adhere to. My wallet is fixing to be hungry. What's a writer to do?

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/12341385/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/12341385/ Mon, 26 Mar 2007 19:10:04 PDT
I saw this going around and thought I'd give it a go, since we could all use a little exercise now and then. I've heard that it's good for you.

1. Introduction [link]
2. Love [link]
3. Light [link]
4. Dark [link]
5. Seeking Solace [link]
6. Break Away [link]
7. Heaven [link]
8. Innocence [link]
9. Drive [link]
10. Breathe Again [link]
11. Memory[link]
12. Insanity [link]
13. Misfortune[link]
14. Smile [link]
15. Silence [link]
16. Questioning [link]
17. Blood [link]
18. Rainbow [link]
19. Gray [link]
20. Fortitude [link]
21. Vacation [link]
22. Mother Nature [link]
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tales
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/12324316/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/12324316/ Sun, 25 Mar 2007 14:22:35 PDT
While up on a roof in Moss Point, MS, with the Gulf sun beating down and the sand flies eating holes in my arms, my butt and calf muscles spasming from tense overuse, another volunteer swiped the sweat from her eyes and exclaimed, "Roofing would be a good thing to keep kids in school." I laughed, "No, my friend dropped out of college to come up here and do relief work. And every time I come, it makes me wish I had never gone to school."

All the air-powered nail guns were in use, so I followed instructions to hammer on shingles by hand. I did. It was slow. I smashed my thumb so hard that a big fat blood blister popped up next to my thumbnail. My hands are in terrible condition now, after having completed two roofs, which took our team three full days. I have scrapes, cuts, blisters, bruises, bug bites, and sore muscles. I've never felt better. I didn't want to leave.

I like physical labor. I enjoy straining myself for a purpose. I don't mind having rough, dirty hands if what I'm doing is making a difference for the better. I love to be sweaty and exhausted right next to some of the best people I've ever had the pleasure of working with. One guy on our team had been a roofer before. He was about 24, rough sounding, chain-smoking, and well tatooed. At the end of the week during our farewell meeting, he broke down with sobs, convinced that he'd wasted his life trying to find a good time with the wrong people. He'd never met people like us. "Ya'll are good people," he cried. And he meant it.

Can you blame me much for being depressed now that I'm back at my cushy job in a beautiful place with only trivial problems? Send me back to the front. I can't take the life of a civilian anymore.

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/12044141/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/12044141/ Sat, 03 Mar 2007 18:30:57 PST
And lucky. I'm obviously oh-so-not-ready for marriage, for love, for engagement rings that costs so much that my finger shrivels up and rots off because it feels so unworthy. I'm not quite over my romantic idealism enough to marry a guy that I'm not emotionally attached to, even if he does have family moo-lah. Someday, maybe, but not yet. I can say I'm happy for him, for her, for myself. Life is good.

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/11759833/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/11759833/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 12:07:36 PST
It occurred to me today that today would be the last real day that I spent here, not just passing through. Actually, there might not have ever been any of those days. I always seem to just be passing through. Terrible, isn't it? I mean, I couldn't wait to get out of Ft. Pierce to go to college. I couldn't wait to graduate from college to get married. That fell through. Then I couldn't wait to go to seminary so I could go on the mission field. I'm still waiting for that, but I know that even if I had gone to seminary this semester, I'd just be itching to graduate already so I could get on to mission work. What would lie beyond mission work? Was that really the final destination I had in mind for myself? It's a little hard to tell. I don't want anything. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I don't know what I want. I want to make God happy, but I could do that in any number of ways. What is God's will? Who knows? I'm tired of trying to figure it out, tired of being shoved through some doors and having my toes smashed at other doors as they slam in my face. When I finally get to an open door that stays open without someone or something shoving me through it, I can't decide if I want to go through. I hesitate and look around for someone, something, to tell me what they want, what I should do. Do I want it or don't I? I don't know.

Some old friends (and a few new ones) have told me that I need to chill out and not take myself so seriously… that I need to live my life for myself sometimes, that I need to figure out what's going to make me happy, then go for it. They tell me that I don't have any responsibility to anyone other than myself. And this might be good advice if I had grown up believing that way. But I grew up very rarely basing a decision on myself alone. And now that I am alone, all by myself, I can't make a freakin' decision about my future to save my life. It's pitiful. I wish I could take their advice, but I know that I'd feel selfish… I'd feel like I was squandering my life, my time, my talent. I don't deserve to live like I'm the only person in the world. I don't deserve to look out for just myself, to be comfortable and complacent. And what's the point of having everything you ever wanted, everything that you know would make you happy, and feeling guilty for having it? If I followed their advice, I would be miserable.

A friend I met up here had Jenny and me over for dinner, and it was hard for me to say goodbye at the end of the night. In a really bizarre way, I'm attached to him. I hate that about moving around a lot. I don't get attached to people very often anymore. I mean, I like quite a few people, and I genuinely enjoy every minute I spend with them, but only a few people make it to the rank of being missed. If you're not one of those people, it's not because there's anything wrong with you. If anything, there's something wrong with me, but I'll leave that up to my therapist. Haha.

Isn't it amazing how a person can live for twenty years and know just barely enough about herself to hate herself? I guess tonight's entry tags yet another slump into depression… I'm sure you're keeping track. Yes, I probably should be taking meds for this kind of stuff, but (1) I can't afford them, and (2) I'd rather live my entire life including the slumps, not just skid across the tops of each medication-achieved high. You gotta live. If I was living life for myself, I probably would have cashed in my chips a while ago. But thanks to you, one of the other people I'm here for--- I'm still here. Thanks for reading.

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/11485344/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/11485344/ Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:33:20 PST
It's funny to me how I list my friends. Most of them, especially my closest, don't even live in the same state as me. I haven't seen some in more than a year. I haven't spoken to most in over a month, even though they're just a phone call away. Some of them, I don't even think I'd make it on their proverbial "top 8", even though I think of them on a day to day basis.

Some people just strike me as worthwhile human beings. I'd like to have a copy of them, just to bring with me to bounce ideas off them, or to ask them deep, meaningful questions, or just to watch crazy cartoons with them and laugh at the world. If I could be different, I'd like to take a little bit from each one and make myself into a whole new person. Maybe then I'd like myself. What's funny, too, about my friends, is that a lot of them wouldn't get along with each other. They wouldn't approve of each other. They would feel uncomfortable around each other. Really about all they have in common is putting up with me for short periods of time.

So, yes, I have friends. More aquaintances than true, hug-me-when-I'm-feeling-down friends, but I like to consider them as friends. I'd die for them, even if I have to remind them who I am first. "Remember me? That one girl who... Yeah. Nevermind. Just go on and live and be worthwhile. That's why I liked you anyway."

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/11286769/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/11286769/ Tue, 02 Jan 2007 10:38:25 PST
Aside from the traditionally made but rarely kept resolutions like... losing weight, working out, reading more, finishing that ever-elusive best-seller novel... I've decided to go ahead and do what God wants me to. I was thinking while driving five hours in the car alone--- that if I do it and fall flat on my face and end up penniless and homeless, is that really very different from how I already am? In other words, I am gambling with very, very little. So why not go ahead and bet all my chips at once?

So, we'll see where the new year brings me. I'm pretty sure that it will be way cool. I'm pretty psyched about it.

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/11006682/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/11006682/ Sat, 09 Dec 2006 13:57:35 PST
- make a llama-shaped sugar cookie and decorate it with orange, blue, and yellow sprinkle-stripes

-run outside in socks and let the snow catch on your eyelashes

-go Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart and threaten out loud to wack someone upside the head with your shopping basket

-play football while it's snowing

-go to a tea party in 20 degree weather wearing a knee length skirt and sandals

- teach four teengage boys about consonance, assonance, alliteration, simile, metaphor, and personification, and, of course, how to write limericks.

It's been a good week, and if that had been my list, it'd be checked all the way down.

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/10866876/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/10866876/ Mon, 27 Nov 2006 10:46:32 PST With that definition, I've written very little poetry in my lifetime. But I suppose we'd have to make the definition of pleasure a little more concrete. Granted, most of my poems don't give the warm-fuzzies, but getting an idea on paper that's been gnawing away at the inside of my brain... that's pleasurable to a certain extent. Does picking ticks off a dog give it pleasure?
I suppose that even apart from sadists, nearly everyone can derive some kind of pleasure from pain. Take my Thanksgiving for example. My brother-in-law decided to schedule a game of paintball, which pretty much consisted of shooting the tar out of each other till we ran out of ammo. As much as getting nailed with a rubber-capsuled glob of paint hurts, it's still fun. And even though I've still got a pretty nasty bruise on my right kneecap, my right shoulder blade, and my left buttocks, I'd play again in a heartbeat. You just can't beat the adrenaline rush you get from inflicting pain on your little sister's boyfriend. Ergo, it was pleasurable pain.
What I want to know from you: If you were a fourteen-year-old boy, what would you want to know about poetry?

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/10624514/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/10624514/ Sun, 05 Nov 2006 11:47:41 PST
On a different note, does anyone want a pet mouse? I was informed after I got here that no pets are allowed inside. So, Brain must go. I have temporary permission to keep him in the garage, but that expires after Thanksgiving break. Besides, there's no heat in the garage and poor Brain might freeze. I feel kinda bad for the little guy. I mean, I didn't mean for having him to be such a hassle. He's a mouse, for gosh sakes. But, I dunno, I feel like I've shown him a quality of life (like the kind that doesn't get you eaten by large, hungry reptiles) that I can no longer support. I can't just let a white, semi-blind, captivity-raised mouse go into the wild. I doubt he'd last long. And I can't give him back to a pet store because he'd meet the inevitable mealtime. He's probably already lived longer than most "feeder mice," but I can't help but feel guilty for showing him a bigger and more comfortable life and now not being able to continue it. And I'll miss him regardless. He's my little buddy. Anyhow, if you've got advice on how to fix this little problem, Brain and I would be happy to hear it. Till next time. Peace out.

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/10492019/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/10492019/ Mon, 23 Oct 2006 20:43:31 PDT
For some reason, the volunteers think that it is their mission in life to marry me off. It's like, "Hey, you're young. You're not hideous or stupid. You're not talentless or a heathen. You're perfect for me/my son/my friend." Not so. Seriously. I had a guy tell me yesterday: "I have two sons." My immediate reaction: "Goody! May I marry them both?" Good thing my immediate reaction very rarely makes it out of my mouth. A polite smile surfaced. Sigh. They won't be happy till I'm married and miserable.

I trusted someone I shouldn't have. Again. Not that anything bad came of it. In fact, by the time the proverbial crap hit the fan, he was gone and could do no more damage than lose my trust and respect. He hadn't earned those things from me. He didn't deserve them. But I did trust and respect him, giving him the benefit of a doubt. I thought that heck, maybe he wants a new start and a clean slate, and I offered it to him with a smile and a firm handshake. I met him as my equal, and today he slinked away without even saying goodbye. I feel awkwardly betrayed and guilty, and for no reason. I listened to him and tried to understand where he was coming from, I believed that he wanted to do good, and I was disappointed. Just more proof that I'm a terrible judge of character.

I got the job. They called today and said I could start on Nov. 1st. So hurray for pulling up newly-sprouted roots and planting in a new place with new faces. Hurray for packing all my belongings in my car and hitting the lonesome road again. Hurray for being alone and able to do whatever the flip I feel like I should. Hurray for being recognized as qualified. Hurray for a so-so day.

]]> ~aeranth http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/10439156/ http://aeranth.deviantart.com/journal/10439156/ Wed, 18 Oct 2006 20:46:54 PDT
I do have a handful of quality friends spread out over the country. I have a prospect of a job that might give me a place to sleep and eat and even give me money too. I have a loving family that calls me almost every day just to check in on me. I have experience in drywalling, roofing, carpentry, plumbing, and painting. I've learned to catch and clean fish. I have a mighty comfy air matress that I've been sleeping on just about two months. I have loved more deeply than most people my age, and I have felt more loss than I think most people can stand. I have a pet mouse and a ukelele. I have pizza and Sonic ice cream in my stomach. I have a car and a laptop. I have a highschool diploma, an associates degree, and a bachelor's degree. I have my talent. I have my faith, God's blessing on my life, and His plan for me. I think I have a lot more than most people my age. I have enough, and I am content. That's more than most people can say in their lifetime.

]]> ~aeranth