http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:ahmose&section=today deviantART RSS for by:ahmose en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 16 Dec 2009 10:18:52 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/25583962/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/25583962/ Sat, 27 Jun 2009 09:36:59 PDT
I realized it's been a while so I figured I'd update this.


Graduation was a blast. Most of my close family came out and my closest friends came as well to see me walk the stage at UNT. It was a really great experience (though long as hell). Felt bad for everyone because I was lucky enough to be the first up and then they (and me) had to sit through the rest of the ceremony with nothing to look forward to. Oh well, it was still cool. We went back to my house and had a big party and then my friends took me out that night and proceeded to get me drunk. Good times

Still working at the hotel but I was recently accepted into a teacher certification program which I start in August. I'm looking forward to it and hopefully when thats done I won't have too hard of a time finding a job. As soon as that happens I'll be able to hopefully do a lot of things: get a new car, move out, have a life, be independent, etc.

I'm going to visit my sister whom I've not seen since I was 9 in Sacramento towards the end of July so that should be interesting. Hopefully it will go well but i'm trying not to get my hopes up to high.

Also gonna see if Robert and I can't take a day sometime in the next couple of weeks and drive up to OK City to see Jessy and boytoy *cough* I mean boyfriend Can't wait to threaten *cough* I mean MEET him.

Not much else happening. I have no idea what we're doing for the fourth, probably just the usual BBQ. Other than hangin with the girls, hangin at home, or working, i'm usually sleeping or reading these days. It's nice and relaxing I must say.

Take nothing and no one for granted ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/24434345/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/24434345/ Sat, 25 Apr 2009 19:58:23 PDT
So I found out today that my brother Robbie is coming to my graduation. I'm...shocked. I never for a second thought he would actually come. He's a busy guy. I think i've seen him maybe four times in the past 5 years. But he's actually coming..I think i'm still waiting for the call saying "nevermind, can't make it".

Kinda makes me wish everything with Mike had never happened, that he had his life together and that he could come too. That he was still the brother I remember who used to take me to the park when I was five and play Sega with me at Grams. I wish that carrie could afford to make it and Tammy too. I know most if not all of them resent me in some way and that sucks, but what the hell am I gonna do about it. I can't help that I got to be raised by dad and they didn't.

Eh. I'm ranting and I didn't even start this journal out with that intention for once. Oh well.

I'm glad he's coming...

Take nothing and no one for granted ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/24357820/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/24357820/ Tue, 21 Apr 2009 09:57:53 PDT
So I got to work yesterday at about 3:30. I parked my car on the side of the building like I always do and went in and started my day. At around 10 a guy comes in and says that someone busted into a car on the side of the building, a gray focus no less. I of course run outside and sure enough: it's mine. Front passenger side window, glass everywhere. Well shit. After I calmed myself down (which took a minute believe me. I felt/feel extremely violated) I went back inside and called my boss and then the police. Police officer comes out and we inspect the car. Nothing was missing (all I had in the car was a couple jackets and a sci fi magazine). He says the hole "looks wierd". The shape and size of the hole doesn't match what are normal break ins. He thinks it was either an accident or criminal mischief and likely criminial mischief of the two. An accident just doesn't seem likely because of how and where I was parked. There was no way for someone to back into me and if someone pulled into the parking space too close and hit me with their mirror then the hole wouldn't have been shaped like it was (think rhombus). Plus the tinting of the window was hanging on the OUTSIDE of the car, so its as if someone shoved something through and then pulled it right back out.

Anyway, boss came out, filed an incident report and I drove home, all the while the wind is expanding the hole and I have glass flying into my seat. Fun.

Called the insurance company today and my deductible is $500. HAHAHAH. Fuck that. Got some quotes from some glass repair/replacement shops and the cheapest I found was for %140 bucks. Not bad at all.

Still though, this just really sucks. I didn't freaking need this right now with everything going on. And if it is indeed "criminal mischief" and not some random accident (and I think it is), then WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?!! And of course we have nothing on camera.

*sigh*

I would however like to say just how much I love my Katie. I love her bunches and bunches because not only is she going to loan me some money to help me pay for the window but she's also going to drive me to class tonight. Katie.Freaking.ROCKS!

And yeah. That was fun my fun fun night.

Take nothing and no one for granted ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/24014392/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/24014392/ Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:08:03 PDT
So you guys already know this but I figured I'd give some more information on whats going on. We've been thinking for a while that my dad was going to get laid off because they've been layin people off left and right at his company every quarter. Sure enough it happened today (fun day to get laid off right? haha. >.< ) Anyway, he got 3 months severence pay and now we're going to be trying harder than ever to sell the house and property because that will be key. I'm going to be helping him whenever I can to get things done like rebuilding the fence, painting it, painting the garage, the house, and barn etc. Basically just helping to make the place pristine. Also my parents need to get our from under my car payment as quickly as possible so we're going to do is they're going to take $2000 from the severence pay and put it towards a down payment on a new car for me. I would only agree to doing this if I was allowed to pay them back on this and they agreed. So we're going to set up a payment plan for that and within the next couple of weeks we're gonna go car shoppin. My mom still has her job with the company and it's fairly secure so we're good there. We're likely going to sell two of the horses but that may not happen for a while.

Some more things this means for me directly:
I no longer have medical insurance because that was through my dad. That kinda sucks. I have dental still cuz that's through my mom so yay there. Moving out this year is no longer a hope and prayer but a NEED. I'm going to a teacher fair on Friday to hopefully either get a job or make connections to get a job. Wish me luck there. If that doesn't pan out then i'll look at t-mobile or a larger hotel that would hopefully pay more (and hopefully one that offers health insurance). The goal is just be able to get out as soon as possible to relieve some of the burden. We'll see how well that goes.

Things are not desperate or horrible. They're just a bit harder. I'm not going to have much money for a while so for those with birthdays comin up, or for those wanting to go out and do stuff, its gonna be cheap. :/

Honestly the week just hasn't been among the best. My mom is stressed, my dad is...dealin the way he always does, movin on and doing what he can. I've got six and half weeks of school left so obviously I was a bit stressed already. Things are gonna be tough for a while but we're gonna be good. Thanks for everyones well wishes, it's most appreciated.

Take nothing and no one for granted ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/23880877/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/23880877/ Wed, 25 Mar 2009 11:00:02 PDT BOYS!!!!.

UGH.

I am seriously starting to think that the extremely rare species of MAN is no longer just rare but slowly becoming extinct seeing as how I've met so few. Boys are rampant however. Figures.


Is it really too much to ask for someone to be attracted to me who DOESN'T act like a fucking BOY?! I mean really?

Examples of BOYS:
1. Someone whose goal in life to spend as much time as possible doing nothing but playing video games and smoking weed.

2. Someone completely lacking in ANY kind of ambition because it means they may have to actually do more than the above.

3. Someone whose idea of showing interest in you is by telling you they masturbated to your picture that day. And no. I'm not joking. In a way I suppose its flattering...in a odd, creepy sort of way...

4. Someone who asks you if you want a threesome the moment they find out you're bisexual because ofcourse that's what that really means *insert sarcastic angry tone here*

5. Someone who makes it clear they really want to be with you for years on end and when you finally get together breaks up with you after a month because you got upset about him still missing his ex-girlfriend. Again, I am not kidding.

6. Someone who is nearly 30 and is not actively trying to move out of his parents home (and by trying I mean attempting to get a better job so they can afford to do so) and instead sits around all day doing nothing but playing video games and smoking weed.

7. Someone who actually sends you a text stating "So I guess you're one of those good girls huh? Sex only in a relationship and all that". Again...I AM NOT KIDDING!!!!

8. Someone with complete ADD when it comes to the idea of romance. Example 'Oh man her birthday is coming up I should probably get her someth-ooohlookshinyTVohmygodmusthaveit!!!!' <----not an actual quote, just a theory.

9. Someone so insecure with his potential mate that he feels compelled to ask about the mates previous partners (if any) and constantly asks if he is better or worse than them. He may also freak out and constantly hound you if you do not give him every exact detail about each of those people.

10. Some members of the boy species also happen to have the ability to camoflauge (sp?) themselves as the similar although completely different animal, Man. It is not known how they accomplish this though it rarely lasts for very long. Usually within a few months at the most does the camoflauge cease to continue holding up and their true colors are shown. Sadly some members of the girl species do not always recognize the signs and continue dating the boy, oblivious to his not being a Man. Usually it takes a Woman to point out the mistake, for she has had her own fair share of problems with boys but has learned from them.

What is a Man you ask?

Simple:

1. A Man actually sets goals in his life and works towards achieving them. He is able
to balance his recreational activities with his responsibilities. He actually knows what the word responsibility means. He does not smoke weed (this could be argued but we're going with MY definitions mmmmmk?)

2. A Man has ambition and is not obnoxious about it. He knows what he wants and he goes for it. He has confidence.

3. He shows interest in you by smiling at you and politely introducing himself. If he already knows you, then he takes you by the hand and tells you outright. He is not afraid of holding your hand in front of his friends. He does not share his masturbation habits with you.

4. He never asks you if you are interested in a threesome and he knows what the defintion of bisexual means and what it does not.

5. Does not express the idea he misses an ex while in a relationship with you. Listens to you when you need to talk (and you listen back). You actually hold a conversation not based entirely or at all on sex.

6. A Man, if still living at home, does so against his will because of an emergency or monetary need. But actively tries to get out or back out on his own.

7. A Man sends you a text asking you how your day is going just because.

8. A Mans idea of romance is to actually remember and acknowledge the things important to the person he is with. He does not have to get gifts and he knows this. If he does, its because he wanted to, not out of obligation.

9. A Man never asks you about the details of your sex with previous partners. He knows that if you feel you need to share that information you will. He doesn't keep pressing you if you refuse divulge a detail. He is confident in his abilities.

10. A Man does not bother to camoflauge himself as anything but what he is. He doesn't drown himself in cologne (a pinch is fine), or try to com... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/23755102/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/23755102/ Tue, 17 Mar 2009 21:25:42 PDT
I'm graduating from college in just over 8 weeks. Holy shit. o.o

And then....what?

Gawd I don't even know. Survival first and foremost cuz you know eating is good. Making money and moving out are going to be key. After that? I don't know. Maybe graduate school at some point, if I can even get in. If not then I really don't know. There are some who I think I'm so lucky to know what I want to do with my life. What a fucking crock. I have ideas sure and maybe that puts me one step ahead but its not much. Right now i'm thinking at the very least I'd just like to not screw up. That would be cool. Although with my track record (especially lately) i'm not holding out much hope. Try my best I guess.

Travel writing?

Ethnographer?

Backpacking hippy?

hmmm. Decisions decisions.

Any ideas?

Hell any ideas to jumpstart my muse? It's working but not in a way I want it to right now. I need to point it in a different direction instead of retrekking the same old fucking paths. Something fucking NEW!!!! Any ideas would be appreciated.


Love this song by the way, maybe i'll do something with it:
Darkness by Darren Hayes
Been spending so much time underground,
I guess my eyes adjusted,
to the lack of light,
I got covered in darkness,
covered in darkness.
Hibernating, always waiting for something new,
happiness always ending in the blink of an eye.
There was no one attending, no one attending.

It doesn't really matter where it all began.
All I know,
I got covered in darkness,
covered in darkness.

Ever wonder why I never really truely connect?
Although my eyes are open,
I can hold your gaze,
but I am never connected,
never connected.
I am famous for my generousity.
They say I am the kindest.
It is easier to give than receive love,
give than receive love.

It doesn't really matter where it all began.
All I know,
I was covered in darkness,
covered in darkness.

Turning pages over,
run away to no where.
And its hard to take control
when your enemy's old and afraid of you.
You discover that the monster
you were running from is the monster in you.
Better to hold on to love.
Better to hold on to love.
Change will come.

It doesn't really matter where it all began.
All I know,
I was covered in darkness,
covered in darkness.

It doesn't really matter where it all began.
Cuz all I know,
I was lost, I was lost.
.

Take nothing and no one for granted ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/22780608/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/22780608/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 11:36:09 PST
WHAT I SAY AND WHAT I THINK: PART 2

I now work in a hotel and these are actual statements/questions made to me in the last few months, my responses and what I actually wanted to say:

1. Guest: I'm traveling alone so of course I'd like a secure room if you don't mind.
What I say: Of course ma'am, all of the rooms are very secure.
What I think: If a lock on your window and a card lock on your door aren't secure enough I could give you a machete, salt and holy water too for those 'just in case' moments. o.O

2. Guest: Make sure you give me the rate I was promised because I'm a world traveler and even if you don't give it to me I won't dispute it because I don't like confrontation and prefer things to go smoothly, I'll still tell everyone I know about this place and since i'm a world traveler that would be very bad for your hotel. (this is nearly VERBATUM)
What I say: Not a problem sir, you have the rate that you signed for yesterday.
What I think: If you're a world traveler what the fuck are you doing in Plano?! And even better:...I.DON'T.CARE

3. Guest: I accidentally left the Do Not Disturb sign on my door so house keeping didn't clean my room. Is there anyway they can come clean it now?
What I say: I'm sorry sir but house keeping has already left for the day.
Their reply: What?! It's only 7 o'clock in the evening?! Who's going to clean my room?!
What I say: I'm sorry sir but when they finish they go home. I'll make sure your room is cleaned tomorrow and if you need fresh towels I can bring those to you.
What I think: Maybe i'll also bring you a trashbag and some gloves to clean up your own damn filth you idiot.

4. Guest: Ma'am! Ma'am! You're out of SYRUP!! Could you PLEEEEEEEEEASE(What I say: Sure no problem Ma'am
What I think: Can I hold you down and pour the syrup down your throat? Me thinks you will rethink your future breakfast choices and manners.

5. Guest: I can't believe you charged me a $1.62 for that damn safe in my room when I stayed there four months ago! I didn't even use the damn thing!
What I say: Did you sign the form informing you that if you do not use the safe all you need to do is let us know when you checkout and we'll take it off for you?
Their reply: Well yeah but-
What I say: Then I'm sorry sir but unless you told us to take it off at checkout there's nothing I can do.
What I think: IT'S A DOLLAR-SIXTY TWO!!! You cheap bastard! The economy is not THAT bad!

6. Guest: Can you guarantee me two connecting rooms?
What I say: I"m sorry sir I can't guarantee it but I can make a note of it and we will do all we can to ensure that you get connecting rooms. In the end it will depend on our occupancy. At the very least we should be able to give you two rooms next to eachother.
Their reply: Well that's just not good enough!
What I think: Lazy.Asshole.

7. Guest: Why the hell should I have to have a credit card to get a room?! I don't need one at the Motel 6!
What I say: I'm sorry sir but its company policy. We have to have a card on file for insurance purposes.
What I think: What's the matter? Motel 6 kick you out? Poor wittle baby....

8. Guest: I can smoke here right?
What I say: I'm sorry sir but this is a non-smoking hotel
Their reply: Can't I just get a smoking room?
What I think: ...wow...

9. Guest: I can't get my wifi connection to work.
What I say: I'm sorry ma'am I have no way of fixing that, did you call the techsupport number on the card in your room?
Their reply: Of course not! That won't help anything!
What I think: Perhaps we need to define the words tech and support and what happens when you put them together!

10.Guest: Ma'am! This waffle iron just keeps on beeping real loud at me, I think it's broken!
What I say: No sir it's just ready to be turned over so you can cook the other side.
What I think: The cow says: mooooo! The goat says: baaaaaaa!! The waffle iron says: BEEP BEEP BEEP!! Sarah says: DUMB ASS DUMB ASS DUMB ASS!



So yeah. Now don't get me wrong, I've done and said my fair share of stupid things. Who the hell hasn't?! But then there's that level of stupidity that is either genetic or an affect of global warming on human brains.

Still though, I love my job.

Take... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/22780607/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/22780607/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 11:36:08 PST
WHAT I SAY AND WHAT I THINK: PART 2

I now work in a hotel and these are actual statements/questions made to me in the last few months, my responses and what I actually wanted to say:

1. Guest: I'm traveling alone so of course I'd like a secure room if you don't mind.
What I say: Of course ma'am, all of the rooms are very secure.
What I think: If a lock on your window and a card lock on your door aren't secure enough I could give you a machete, salt and holy water too for those 'just in case' moments. o.O

2. Guest: Make sure you give me the rate I was promised because I'm a world traveler and even if you don't give it to me I won't dispute it because I don't like confrontation and prefer things to go smoothly, I'll still tell everyone I know about this place and since i'm a world traveler that would be very bad for your hotel. (this is nearly VERBATUM)
What I say: Not a problem sir, you have the rate that you signed for yesterday.
What I think: If you're a world traveler what the fuck are you doing in Plano?! And even better:...I.DON'T.CARE

3. Guest: I accidentally left the Do Not Disturb sign on my door so house keeping didn't clean my room. Is there anyway they can come clean it now?
What I say: I'm sorry sir but house keeping has already left for the day.
Their reply: What?! It's only 7 o'clock in the evening?! Who's going to clean my room?!
What I say: I'm sorry sir but when they finish they go home. I'll make sure your room is cleaned tomorrow and if you need fresh towels I can bring those to you.
What I think: Maybe i'll also bring you a trashbag and some gloves to clean up your own damn filth you idiot.

4. Guest: Ma'am! Ma'am! You're out of SYRUP!! Could you PLEEEEEEEEEASE(What I say: Sure no problem Ma'am
What I think: Can I hold you down and pour the syrup down your throat? Me thinks you will rethink your future breakfast choices and manners.

5. Guest: I can't believe you charged me a $1.62 for that damn safe in my room when I stayed there four months ago! I didn't even use the damn thing!
What I say: Did you sign the form informing you that if you do not use the safe all you need to do is let us know when you checkout and we'll take it off for you?
Their reply: Well yeah but-
What I say: Then I'm sorry sir but unless you told us to take it off at checkout there's nothing I can do.
What I think: IT'S A DOLLAR-SIXTY TWO!!! You cheap bastard! The economy is not THAT bad!

6. Guest: Can you guarantee me two connecting rooms?
What I say: I"m sorry sir I can't guarantee it but I can make a note of it and we will do all we can to ensure that you get connecting rooms. In the end it will depend on our occupancy. At the very least we should be able to give you two rooms next to eachother.
Their reply: Well that's just not good enough!
What I think: Lazy.Asshole.

7. Guest: Why the hell should I have to have a credit card to get a room?! I don't need one at the Motel 6!
What I say: I'm sorry sir but its company policy. We have to have a card on file for insurance purposes.
What I think: What's the matter? Motel 6 kick you out? Poor wittle baby....

8. Guest: I can smoke here right?
What I say: I'm sorry sir but this is a non-smoking hotel
Their reply: Can't I just get a smoking room?
What I think: ...wow...

9. Guest: I can't get my wifi connection to work.
What I say: I'm sorry ma'am I have no way of fixing that, did you call the techsupport number on the card in your room?
Their reply: Of course not! That won't help anything!
What I think: Perhaps we need to define the words tech and support and what happens when you put them together!

10.Guest: Ma'am! This waffle iron just keeps on beeping real loud at me, I think it's broken!
What I say: No sir it's just ready to be turned over so you can cook the other side.
What I think: The cow says: mooooo! The goat says: baaaaaaa!! The waffle iron says: BEEP BEEP BEEP!! Sarah says: DUMB ASS DUMB ASS DUMB ASS!



So yeah. Now don't get me wrong, I've done and said my fair share of stupid things. Who the hell hasn't?! But then there's that level of stupidity that is either genetic or an affect of global warming on human brains.

Still though, I love my job.

Take... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/22317538/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/22317538/ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 21:51:51 PST

The crappy thing is having a freaking HOTEL ROOM all to myself on New Years Eve and no one to share it with. No significant other and it would be pointless to have friends come over and party like it's to be 2009 (yes...i did just do that) since again I have to work at 7. Blah. Lack o fun.

It's wierd to think that in the coming year I'm going to graduate from college, turn 23, HOPEFULLY move out of my parents house, perhaps start teaching, and basically start an entirely new chapter of my life. Should be interesting...

Welp, to everyone reading this: May the coming year be as good and or better than 2008.

Take nothing and no one for granted ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/22056666/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/22056666/ Thu, 18 Dec 2008 20:23:47 PST
What do you do when you realize you're losing faith in people and no matter what you do you can't seem to get it back? I mean, seriously, between being lied to about a house to possibly rent (a house that wasn't even owned by that person as it turned out, of course that's not exactly important now is it?!) and typical drama I'm about ready to rip my hair out. Not that I will because it's still pretty and red again but still! The urge is there and its symbolic dammit!

...



I hate people.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/21821809/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/21821809/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 19:23:23 PST
Anyway I thought...what the hell? So I volunteered along with about 20 other people. Got my little dixie cup and about two tablespoons of the stuff that looked like milk. He told us to wait till he said 'salude' so I waited. Went back to my seat and took a whif.

Oh. Holy. God.

It smelled like spoiled baby formula . So now i'm regretting volunteering. However, of the small group I sit with (including the really really cute guy who sits next to me), I'm the only who volunteered and they're all staring at me. Can't back out now.

The teacher shouts Salude, I hold my breath and throw it back like a shot.

...

...

...

...

OHHHHHHHHHH......MY....GOOOOOOOOOOD......


It tasted like carbonated, spoiled milk mixed with baking soda. It was the single most disgusting thing i've ever tasted and I've tasted some nasty stuff.

Why oh why did I have to be brave? But hey on the bright side, NO ONE can ever claim I don't try things ever again

Now if you'll excuse me i'm going to go drink some pickle juice to get rid of this awful taste in my mouth.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/21541056/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/21541056/ Mon, 17 Nov 2008 20:36:46 PST

**EDIT**
I THINK I may have finally got it working...

...maybe.

***

Seriously though, stupid thing is acting up. I ended up having to delete it because it wouldn't stay logged on. So I go to download the newest version and OF COURSE...it refuses to do so. Either it's 'corrupted' or it just stops trying. The one time I DID get it to download it wouldn't log in at all. *sigh* Basically, if you are or have been trying to message me on there and I haven't been answering...that is why. I'll get it fixed eventually.

In other news I'm shopping for a laptop. I've found a couple I like but not a financing plan that I like or that likes me yet So we'll see how that goes.

Semester is almost over. So close....so.freaking.close!!!!

and yeah, that's about it.

SILENCE!!! I KEEEL YOUUU!!!! ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/20399509/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/20399509/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 21:48:08 PDT
Wow. Where to start?

My uncle died last month. It's still kind of wierd because on the weekends there are still moments I expect to look outside and see my dad and him arguing while they work out by the barn. Frick and Frack we called them. It was always amusing and I realized how much I miss it. My uncle and I weren't exactly close but....he was my only real uncle ya know? How many of those do you really get?

Had a lot of monetary issues with school. I'm there and doing the whole learning thing but except for a few interesting moments so far i'm hating it. Not the actual learning part but the being in school. I'm tired of school. I'm tired of being stressed out about classes, tests, quizzes, papers, midterms, books, and most of all money. I'm just tired of it. I need a break. Not a semester but a real break. As soon as I finish this year which is my last as an undergrad I'm going to take that break. I'm going to try and teach history for a bit and hopefully figure some things out, particularly about myself. I definately will go to grad school at some point. I just don't know when. I do know I can't jump right into it. I'm losing my mind there right now. I walk around school and I feel like a ghost. The thought: "why the hell am i still here?" keeps popping in my head. I want to experience life outside of school for a bit with no set time frames. We'll just have to see how that goes.

I owe my mother $800 for school. Gotta work on that. My dentist wants a little over $400 to fill the two recently discovered cavities and do a specific kind of cleaning on my teeth to help get rid of the 'early stages of gum disease' i'm showing. woo fun. I'm gonna need a new job and so far no one is biting. My current job just isn't giving me enough hours. I'm probably going to be looking at walmart this week. Maybe they'll actually be interested. Can't be "overqualified" there I would think.

My boyfriend and I broke up last night. It was mostly mutual. Still friends and all that good stuff. At first I was angry, then hurt, then sad, then heartbroken, and all those expected emotions. This morning when I woke up and remembered it...I didn't care. I really...truly...didn't care. When the dentist told me all the stuff above: I didn't care. I'm starting to care about things less and less and that sucks I guess but...I don't care?

I'm tired of things not making sense. Family drama has reached an all time high. Stressed out with school, stressed out about money. But then I look around and realize that some of the things going on with me personally that I should care about I don't and I can't explain it. With everyone else's issues I care...I'm there...I'm real...I'm me, or atleast that what's I try to be. But when it comes to everything else I almost feel like a machine getting up in the morning and going about the routine of the day. Worry here, worry there. Blah blah blah. I don't want to live like that. I'm a better person than that. I keep trying to solve the money issues but they just seem to get worse. I keep trying to focus harder on school but I keep zoning out. I have to fix this, I have to fix ME. But i'm still trying to figure out how.

My muse is back. I have so many different ideas bouncing around in my head it's insane. The urge to write is like an itch that I can't scratch. I sit down with a pen or at my computer and try to organize it all in my head enough to get it down and it just...floats away. It's there but it's not. Or I just don't have the time to sit and write or the energy. Guess that's one other thing to miss about high school: there was always time to sit and write, even if it was a bit angsty >.>

I think one of the most frustrating things (and this is probably the root of a lot of the things mentioned above) is that I feel like i'm missing something. I don't know what it is! It's just not here, with me. It's like i'm missing a part of myself and I don't know if it was there before or if i've just come to realize it wasn't there. I don't know. I don't know if its a thing, a person or a purpose. Maybe its all of those things. It's so frustrating to feel so I dunno...broken up into different pieces. Like I'm capable of being whole but I don't know how to put the pieces together or if I even have them all to start with.

Damn...I need to stop. I'm starting to sound a little too angsty and the making of sense just aint' happening. Atleast the aleve is finally kicking in...a little. >.< I'll try to make the next journal a bit less depressing. Promise.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/19371751/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/19371751/ Sun, 13 Jul 2008 12:30:07 PDT
I was laid off in May from the company I was working for. They no longer needed my position so of course bye bye I go. Find out days later that the daughter of one of my 'friends' from that job was hired in the very position I was laid off from because it was no longer needed. Beautiful.

So my first month of my summer vacation was spent job hunting which of course is always fun. I was lucky though to stumble upon the job I now have. I work for a weight management center as a receptionist. I like it so far. It's easy, the girls there are nice, my boss is cool, and the clients I see every week are mostly pretty cool as well. It's laid back, not stressful and I can do it. The money is fairly good too so no complaints there.

My dad and I took my car to a dealership last weekend with the intention of either getting a new car right then or getting a plan set up to get a new one. It ended up being the latter. My car was appraised and is only worth about $2250, yet I still owe $7200 on it. Yeah...a little upsidedown there...heh. I was really looking at the new ford focuses but my dad convinced me to look elsewhere because even though they're nice the resell value on the focus line just isn't great. I actually ended up falling in love with the Ford Escape. An suv of all things BUT an Suv with surprisingly good gas mileage. We set up a plan as well. I'm going to keep my current car until march to bring down what I owe to $5000 and then sell it. Also from now until march i'm going to save up a down payment to add to my rebate. So all was good. We had a plan and I was happy. Two days later my car is barely getting me to work. OF COURSE. It ended up being the tranmission and needed a minor overhaul. Ended up being $605. Woo. Better than the initial $800 they were saying it was going to be but still. It killed me.

Originally I wasn't going to get any financial aid this year according to FAFSA because my parents technically made $50,000 more in income. That was actually my dad pulling out of his 401k to help pay to build the barn but it still counted against me. Then I get a letter in the mail from my school saying I AM getting my loan. Go figure. Don't know yet if i'll have to pay the full amount and will get reimbursed or if i'll just have to pay the difference. I'll find out on the 29th I guess. Then I get to make my credit card payment 6 days later. I hate money...

**WARNING: DEPRESSING MATERIAL AHEAD***

I also hate people. Yet another cat was dumped out on our property. She's a siamese/ragdoll mix with no tail. Originally we thought her tail had been torn/bitten off because she looked injured. Took her to the vet and it turns out she was born without a tail. That injury? Yeah...that was her rectum sticking out. Poor thing, her rectum was swollen and it was actually coming out of her. Our vet gave us a cream to put on it but it didn't work so he said the next step was surgery. We took her to another vet for a second opinion and he turned out to be a lot better. He sutchered (sp?) her up and she looks a lot better. We're just waiting to see if it stays in on its own. He also thinks she has a neurological problem and that's why she walks funny. He doesn't think she'll live as long as most cats because of it. My mom has decided that for however how long she DOES live she's going to have a good life, so we're keeping her. I agree. Thus, Sammy has been welcomed into the household permanently.

About a week after we find Sammy ANOTHER cat, this time a torty (black and orange) finds her way to our house. She's dehydrated, emaciated, hungry, and best of all PREGNANT. We immediately took her in and within about three days she had the kittens. They were all stillborn. They were premature in ways I won't describe and I didn't even see them. Thank god for that because I already had nightmares that night about it. I haven't cried from anger either in a long time. That day I did. I haven't been that angry in a long time but that day I was hot. If only I could catch the person who dumped her...if only a lot of things I guess. The spca picked her up two days later to make sure she didn't nee medical attention after the ordeal. They assured us they weren't going to put her down but would nurse her back to health, spay her so she would never have to go through that again (the poor thing is only about 8 months old...she's just a baby herself) and then they would find her a home. She's a gorgeous cat and very loving so I have no doubt she'll find a good home.

***HAPPIER MATERIAL AHEAD***
Between my car, the cats, stress about money, and trying to figure my life out I had had a rough week. I realized due to my now lack of $$$ I wouldn't be able to see my favorite band Disturbed... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/17738164/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/17738164/ Mon, 07 Apr 2008 19:31:06 PDT

So today I leave my first class and as I'm walking by the 'free speech area' of the school I realize that I had forgotten today was the anti-war protest at the school. The protest consisted of people walking out of class, standing huddled together on a large patch of grass holding up a banner saying "no war in Iraq/n" and many of them having painted their hands red. Brilliance. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of the war in Iraq but I don't particularly think walking out of class is going to solve anything. I can imagine Bush now:
"Oh my god! About 60 kids at the University of North Texas skipped their classes today! We should bring our troops home now! Make it so!"

Please.


*kudos to those who noticed the star trek reference. you get a prezzie later...*



The entire walkout idea is stupid anyway. The school has nothing to do with the war so how does it really make any difference? Now there are walkouts that DO make sense. For example, in 1968 the largest walkout in the nations history took place in los angeles. Over 20,000 mexican-american high school kids from five different high schools in the area walked out of class each day for a few days and even had to face police brutality (yes, beatings). Why were they walking out? They were protesting the substandard education and treatment they were receiving due to their race. That was admirable. That had something to do directly with the school. THAT.MADE.SENSE. Now today apparantly they were also protesting military recruitment on campus. That's a bunch of bullshit. It's a free country and if Joe Blow thinks the army is for him, go Joe! I have the utmost respect for our men and women in the military and no one is going to tell them they can't come to my campus and say what they have to say.

I"m also annoyed because some dipshit took some chalk and drew a peace sign on either side of this statue we have of a giant eagle in flight. It's a beautiful statue and I happen to love walking by it everyday. Now I'm extremely irate that someone did that. Yeah, chalk washes off. But that's not the point. If you have an opinion to express that's fine. But do you really need to deface someone elses artwork to make yourself heard? That's just wrong. Gah...i'm so annoyed about this. But oh well. The whole thing could have been worse. One of the protesters could have been a 30 year old hippie who was once arrested for attempted murder and was telling everyone that there was a secret underground society in Wyoming that has existed for 2000 years and has been controlling the human genome. Oh wait. There was. NOT KIDDING.

Lemme see....oh...I was walking to fencing and out of no where I hear and feel a 'lop' and look over and see some nasty shit on my backpack strap. Thankfully none of it got on me. Now I couldn't really tell what it was. It was slightly white but with lots of red and there may have been bug remains. I'm not sure. So I have two theories:

1. A suicidal bug that didn't have the guts to go for a car decided I was an easy enough target and WHAM!!! bye bye Jiminy.

2. A very small bird with a urinary tract infection got the runs right above me and because I may have killed a priest in a past life I got to see the wonderful sight. Joy!

Disgusted yet? yeah...so was i.

And that concludes my day.

.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/17620533/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/17620533/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:33:25 PDT
Started off the day like usual and took a shower. Everything was going as normal, shampoo->condition->wash->shave...wait...Where's my razor? It wasn't in the shower hanging on the wall like it always is. Then I realized my mom had cleaned the bathroom recently and I thought...'ooook....but where did she put it?' I couldn't find it so I just used an extra disposable. When I got out she was watching tv with my aunt marilyn and I asked: "mom? what did you do with my razor?" she sighed and said "sarah, it's up with the shampoo on the left! You can't miss it!" So I went back and I look, and I see a dark blue disposable razor that I had always assumed was hers. I walk back out and say "the dark blue disposable?" "yeah." "that's not mine mom. mine was the one that was hanging on the wall, the venus, remember?" Looking extremely confused she goes: "i thought that was amandas! it's been in there for months and i thought she just left it so I threw it away!" and with the straightest face I could said "no mom. you threw away MY $8 razor." and then proceeded to laugh my ass off with marilyn. My mom felt bad but it was funny and yes this little story does have a point...

...Later on in the morning after I got dressed and was almost ready to leave I decided to double check my history syllabus to see what today was going to be about especially since I had only recently found the damn thing. I missed last wednesdays class cuz i slept late and I skipped friday to study for a quiz in another class. I look at the syllabus and I see the words: 2nd Midterm exam: March 24th-March 28th (we have a week to take exams in the help center). This of course implies that I have missed an exam. OH SHIT. Me being me I start to have a mild panic attack because I really can't afford to fail another class and if I did miss that test I probably would. I was confused because I was sure the test was this week...So after going through a bunch of different scenarios in my head and calming myself down considerably, I finally realized I would need help. So I did one of the bravest things I feel I have ever done. I took a deep breath, grabbed my syllabus, walked into the kitchen and said "mom...I might have a little problem". I told her about the test, about missing the classes and about how I would need to make it up if I did miss it but the only way to do that would be to have a viable excuse for being gone that the University would except. She didn't yell, she wasn't angry, just told me I needed to be more careful and only slightly annoyed she agreed to write the note for me saying that I had been absent last week due to the tragic family loss we had suffered. >.>
I still can't believe she did that...Marilyn then looks at me and goes "well now you two are even for the razor" and we all laughed (ahhh the razor story has a point now!!!).Of course I get to class and ask someone and they tell me that he postponed the test until NEXT WEEK because he's missed so many days. I was safe and didn't need the note. But still...my mom actually wrote that for me. That was cool.

Rest of the day went normally until fencing where I won my first bout as some of you know. 5-1 I finally got to fence someone of my skill level and my HEIGHT. Sweeeeeeet.

Then came stress reduction through movement. The teacher had us take off our shoes and socks and walk outside for an hour to 'get in touch with ourselves and nature...etc. etc.' No I'm not kidding. So for an hour I walked around the fountain area, dangled my feet in the water, texted some friends and talked to another friend dealing with tornado sirens. The hour went fast.

We come back into class and then the REAL reason were walk barefoot for an hour came to light. She had us get with a partner who was a completely different body type and then we had to proceed to teach eachother our own personal walk. Yes. I had to teach someone how to walk like ME. Meg, Jessy and Katie are all sniggering as they read this. I ended up with two partners due to an odd number and I walked for them and they mimicked (sp?). One of them asked: "do you always walk with your head down?" I guess so "ok". I told her no no she was moving her hips too much, the other girl was taking too wide of steps and finally once again that day I looked at them both with the straightest face I could and said, "No no, look DEFEATED!!" lmao. It worked. I even got their walks down and all was good. Till I found out that we would have to walk as a group in front of the class doing each of the walks together and the class would have to guess who... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/17436792/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/17436792/ Fri, 21 Mar 2008 04:13:58 PDT sense....there must be something wrong...

o.o

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/16830994/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/16830994/ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 10:58:28 PST PeabodyGirl85

1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person should post 8 facts of themselves.
3. Tagged people should write a journal\blog about these facts.
4. In the end tag and name 8 people.



1- I have 3 Tattoos
2- I LOVE cheesy pasta
3- I've been having nightmares about vampires and now ghosts for some strange reason
4- I plan to one day travel as much of the world as possible
5- I have a terrible fear of spiders
6- I have a terrible fear that I'll one day do something that results in my losing the people I care about most
7- I wish I had the ability to sing
8- I love playing playstation rpgs

If you read this consider yourself tagged. Yeah, i'm lazy that way.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/16611463/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/16611463/ Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:33:24 PST
*Working, which is getting really stressful but i'll handle it. The company is merging with another and I might/most likely be working in the Frisco office which would rock because then I'd save money on gas and I'd get more sleep. very cool.

*School is ok. Kinda boring. I like fencing and stress reduction through movement, even though fencing is hard i'm doing well. to you katie.

*Things could be better at my house, but i'm starting to get used to the almost 24/7 tension. It's making me stronger as a person...really. >.<

*Haven't had a creative urge in a while except I have one now just barely nudging around in the back of my mind but I have a feeling I know what it will be so therefore i'm choosing to ignore it. So, creativity right now is nill.

*Jaw is better but still really crackly. I need to make an appointment with my dentist anyway.

*Tired.

*Lonely.

*Random spurts of happiness throughout the day are a godsend.

*ummmm.....so there was this bird and this coconut right...>.>

yeah. i'm killing time.

time for fencing and pain. see yaz later.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/15922970/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/15922970/ Thu, 13 Dec 2007 19:49:27 PST

Now for the interesting news of the week. Are you ready?


Sure?




Ok...












I SPRAINED MY.....JAW.

yea. you heard that right.


Few days ago I barely opened my mouth and heard a giant popping sound. All my joints pop, including the ones in my jaw so i didn't think anything of it. But then not long after it started to get sore, by yesterday I couldnt clamp my teeth together or have my mouth fully closed without pain, i couldn't move my jaw a certain way without pain, and there was a constant dull ache on the left side that was starting to spread throughout my head. My boss and a friend at work also said i was slightly swollen on that side and they thought I was getting a sinus infection. So I go to the doctor yesterday and tell him everything and after examining me he said I didn't have a sinus infection but he thought i might have some how dislocated my jaw briefly before it realligned itself on its own, but that it left lingering soreness. I got xrayed and after looking at those he thinks instead I just sprained my TMJ joint (a major joint in the jaw). Go figure, right? Only me. So he gave me a prescription for some 800mg Ibuprofen to take for the next few days and if it doesn't go away or gets worse I have to go back. I also have to make a dentist appointment as a kind of follow up. Fun. The stuff is working and the pain is gone, but everytime i move my jaw slightly i hear *creak* *squeak* *pop*....it's a little odd.


Anyway, that slight oddity out of the way, lets move on to business. Now with my exams out of the way and school done and gone for the next month, I have some time to be creative. And I definately feel the need to be. So if anyone has any kindof project/series they would like to see in: poetry, prose, photography, or photo manipulation let me know. I need some inspiration.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/15859465/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/15859465/ Sun, 09 Dec 2007 08:31:21 PST
Finals are this week and I"m so ready for them to be over. For all of you also doing finals this week, good luck to you my comrades. *salute*

Oh, also check this out by *kris-wilson, it's bloody amazing... [link]
and yeah thats it....

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/15696140/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/15696140/ Tue, 27 Nov 2007 16:13:48 PST HORRIBLY. Katie, I. SING. BETTER.THAN .HE. DOES. It's ok to cringe, really, it's ok. I do. Left him and went to the lab, Jessy called which always improves my day ^_^, went to class and I got a 70 on my paper BUT she's allowing revisions and she's going to help me with it. YESSSS!!!!!!! Rest of school went good, I got home and what do i find?

FOUR PUPPIES IN MY GARAGE.

My dad found them dumped on the side of the road. They're actually about a month old, so they're too young to be away from the mama but they're making it. They're australian shephard/heeler mixes and they're adorable. But because someone didn't want to pay to get their dog fixed, they got puppies and dumped them. It would have been too much trouble to drive down to the SPCA and drop them off, no questions asked. It would have been too much trouble to dump them at the kennel DOWN THE STREET. Oh no, instead it was a better idea to dump them on the side of the dirt road in 40 degree weather, a few hours before sundown in an area full of bobcats, coyotes, hawks, owls, and more. So, basically: I HATE PEOPLE. I'm a major animal lover and if I EVER happen to catch someone dumping an animal like they keep doing out where I live I swear by all that is holy in this universe they will regret the day they were born.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/15499078/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/15499078/ Tue, 13 Nov 2007 19:50:24 PST
This year has truly sucked. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of good things, but they just don't seem to outweigh the bad. Now i've gotta get some stuff off my chest.

Some of you reading this already know about my current family issues. For those who don't, here's a quick recap:
My sister Carrie came to stay with us for a few days about a month go now. My mom paid for her and her little boy to come out and we were all really excited. The morning before she arrived my dad was bit by a spider on his head while he was outside working. His face swelled up horribly and he went to the doctor where they proceeded to stick him with god knows how many needles. The next day he was even more swollen, could barely see, and was running a fever. He'd had an allergic reaction to one of the shots they'd given him. By the last day my sister was here he was doing better but he still felt like shit. Despite how he felt however, he still had to go outside and work with the horses and do the things that simply just can't be dropped. He spent as much as time with my sister as he could and the rest he spent outside working or inside resting. After she left he sent her an email apologizing for being so sick and not getting to spend as much time with her as he could. She replied and told him it was fine and she had a good time. Of course this wasnt' what she told my brothers Mike and Robbie.

About a week after she left, my dad gets a letter in the mail from Mike. A four page long letter detailing (with very poor grammar skills I might add, seriously, fifth grade material) just why Mike felt my dad was a lousy father. He wrote that my dad is a piece of shit, a nothing. He said a bunch of lies, etc. etc. Even brought me and my sister Jennifer into it (jennifer being my moms daughter), basically saying he could be good to us, but not to Mike, Robbie and Carrie. My dad and I were obviously stunned. And hurt.

Mike had called me a few days before then all bright and happy and asking for our address. We talked a bit, he asked me how my life was, he actually seemed genuinely interested. I was so excited that Mike had called me. I thought maybe we really could make a real relationship work between us. And then that letter arrived. He used me. He didn't really care about anything he asked me about, he just wanted an excuse to get our address so he could send my dad that filth. That hurt more than being abandoned by Mike for 9 years...

I got into with Carrie online. I asked her what exactly she expected to happen while she was here, why she told Mike and Rob that she was 'neglected' while she was here. She said because dad hardly spent any time with her or her son, and spent most of his time with the horses or in his room. HE WAS FUCKING SICK!!!!!!! And yeah, he worked outside. We live on a farm you fucking moronic bitch. He can't just drop everything to tend to your every whim.

My dad finally sent out an email to all three of them saying basically that he was done apologizing for the past, especially for things he didn't even do. He told them that he had tried to explain the past to them before but they didnt' want to listen. He didnt' want to rehash or reexplain the past. Either they let it go and moved on or they didn't and he would no longer try to be a part of their lives. It was a good email. Fair, not angry or anything.

Mike's reply began with "Dipshit,.."

My dad stopped reading at that point. I won't even go into the things my brother said except this, "the only thing worse than a dead beat father is a child molester...". So basically, I want nothing to do with Mike any longer. I am done with him. I love him and always will. He will never stop being my brother. But I want nothing to do with him. So there's one brother i've lost.

I tried to reach out to his wife, Heather. I've always loved heather, she's alway treated me like a sister. When my mom and I replied to mike's email she replied back saying she'd deleted them before he could read them and will not be trying to contact us every again. She ignored my email to her saying I was not angry with her, had always loved her, always respected her, and would love to see pics of the girls growing up. So there's a sister in law i've lost.

Robbie responded to dad's email and he agreed with dad. Said they'd both been lazy and needed to try harder to have a relationship. So atleast there's that. Although Robbie and I have never exactly been strong in a relationship, atleast I haven't really lost him.

Carrie has not responded, and probably won't. The relationship her and I had built the last few years has been shattered. It will never be the same. You can't just stab my father in teh back and exp... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/14883513/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/14883513/ Tue, 02 Oct 2007 10:52:47 PDT
So I started my new job yesterday.


IT. WAS. WONDERFUL.

I now work for Spherion, which is basically a temp/recruiting agency. I"m a temp there myself and my supposed ending date is December 31st. However, my boss, who got me the job there, said that a few full time positions should open there before that time, and if not, they (being a temp agency) can find me a job.

Yesterday I got the tour, then was set about my tasks. Mainly, i'm everyones bitch. I have to condense and merge the two stockrooms and organize them (i LOVE organizing) and do other projects needed by anyone in the office that they can't get to. Also, i was hired to take over the reception desk for the main person there during her lunch hour on the days I work. So for an hour I sat at a desk, transferred calls, and read a book. Sweet. Then I was trained to find, print, and put together invoices and time sheets (more organizing, i loved it! ). I also have my own little cubicle which I love cuz i have my own SPACE to work. The office itself is very laid back, no stress, NO CUSTOMERS. Everyone was really nice and offered to help if i have any questions. It was great. The only drawback is that i had to get up at 5:30 in the morning, to leave at 6:30, to get there at 8 cuz it's so far away. But I don't mind too much. I definately wouldn't do this as a career, but it's great for while i'm in school.

So in the end, i am SO GLAD I GOT FIRED. HAHAHAHA. Still wish I knew the real reason why, but at this point, who cares? My only real regret is that I wish I knew why Mary seems to hate me now. But I guess I won't ever know. Oh well.



Btw, help me out by checking this out :
[link]

***There are many things in life that will catch your eye but only a few will catch your heart, pursue those.*** ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/14752408/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/14752408/ Sun, 23 Sep 2007 04:46:41 PDT
Its 6:40 in the morning and i'm awake because at 5:45 I was woken out of a dead sleep. How? BECAUSE THERE'S A @#$%ING SKUNK UNDERNEATH THE HOUSE. One of the worst smells ever created and it has permeated our house. Imagine the smell of rotten onions, smelly feet, and something I can't possibly describe TIMES 1000.


oh god...i wish i didn't have to breathe....o.o

***There are many things in life that will catch your eye but only a few will catch your heart, pursue those.*** ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/14580544/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/14580544/ Mon, 10 Sep 2007 19:03:07 PDT
On August 15th I left my sales associate Kim, whom at that point had been with the company for close to a year alone for TWO MINUTES to go down to the small store 100 FEET away to grab a drink and i think a candy bar or something to get my sugar level up (hypoglycemia sucks btw). Now apparantly while I was gone my manager called the store and asked for me. After just speaking with my associate that I left there here's what happened. She asked where I was and Kim thought I went into the back to get my cash so she told Mary I was there, checked and saw i already left and came back and said 'actually she just left to get some food but she'll be right back'.

One month later Mary and Sabrina, the DM sit me down in the backroom and ask me if i know the policy for leaving associates alone in the store and I say yes I do..and Sabrina asks me if I left Kim alone on that day and I say yes but it was only for a minute to get something to drink. "That doesn't matter Sarah, you still broke the policy. You've been here for 3 years and you knew better. I'm sorry but this is a terminable offence, we're going to have to let you go."


WHAT!?!



Of all the things that people tend to do in their jobs that I don't, I get fired for this one little thing? What the holy fuck? Not to mention that I'm certainly not the only person in that store who breaks that policy by far. Mary and I walked out the door and she told me she was sorry it's out of her hands. She hugged me and at this point it's starting to set in and i'm starting to cry. I ask if I can still use her as a reference and she says of course.

I go out to my car and call katie and start screaming and crying and venting (sorry i yelled at you katie, i was still in shock). Then did the same with meg, and after calming down a bit I walked back into the store and asked Sabrina if I could speak with her. I asked why it was that I was being automatically fired instead of just getting a writeup. "Well, after emailing homeoffice on the issue they feel that since you've been here as long as you have you should have known the policy and therefore that makes this offence terminable"

bullshit.

"That's fine sabrina, let me just explain something to you. I left kim for two minutes to get food fifty feet away because I needed the sugar. You know how sick I get if I don't have sugar, YOU'VE SEEN ME. But you know what, that's fine. I don't want to work here any longer anyway because this is just another example of this company showing me just how much it doesn't care about its employees so thanks a lot and have a nice life."

Got to my car and called jessy and ranted to some more and that that was that.

My parents and i have come to decision that this was actually a long time coming. Sabrina has never liked me and honestly, I see this as being an excuse to get me out. Funny how not too long ago Sabrina specifically told the manager of Icing NOT to allow Katie and I to work overtime in that store anymore because of the fact that she and I are the highest paid assitant managers in the district. Now ain't that funny.

So i'm looking for a new job. Yay. Always fun.

dammit I hate retail.

***There are many things in life that will catch your eye but only a few will catch your heart, pursue those.*** ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/14522615/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/14522615/ Thu, 06 Sep 2007 20:04:06 PDT
God I hate headaches. Sometimes they pound right into your skull with no warning at all and suddenly you're looking for the license plate of the bus that just HAD to have hit you. Other times they're sneaky little bastards that ever so slowly creep up on you and when you finally realize it's there you need about 3 excedrin.

I've known a few people here and there who got some pretty bad headaches that are certainly worse than my own. You couldn't even touch them because their skin felt like it was on fire and somehow it just made them feel worse. But those weren't really headaches...oh no. Those were migraines, the god damn king of headaches. Though never quite as bad, I got a few of those back when I was a kid. Let me tell you it gets rather old getting up every morning at about 2 or 3 and going for the medicine cabinet in search of the advil, especially when you're ten. Not so much fun. My Parents used to worry something was wrong with me so I did the whole doctor bit. MRIs, physical, etc. Nothin. Final ruling? Stress. It figures.

I should have seen this one coming to be honest. It is in fact one of my stress headaches cuz it's right in the back of my skull and right behind my eyes (light is so not my friend right now let me tell you). Only got six hours of sleep, dead tired, missed a quiz, and did some really depressing research on a career. Again I should have known better. What is the best way to send yourself into a ball of stress and depression Sarah? Why, I dunno Sarah! How about we try to plan out the rest of our lives and actually decide on a career! We can stare blankly at all the different job prospects for my major that just don't fit and then try not to curl and cry! It'll be a blast!!!

Bless the makers of aspirin and the inventor of sarcasm.

Some things do help though when it comes to trying to get rid of the little elves with jackhammers in your skull. Listening to either really soft music or really hard music but that doesn't have a real strong beat. 'Dr. Feelgood' is actually pretty good i'm finding out at the moment ironically. Writing helps to and actually prompted this quick little healing session.

Perhaps headaches exist to remind us that no matter how much fun we have, we can't forget whatever we 'set aside for later'. Or maybe they're just an all out crapfest invented to make sure we don't forget what pain is. Yeah, I'll go with that one.

I get really sarcastic when i'm in pain apparantly, although I think some would argue that i'm ALWAYS sarcastic.

Sidenote: lifehouse is NOT a good remedy for headaches...but "One" from U2 is.

So why are you reading this? Headache? Curiosity? Morbid fascination? Doesn't matter really I suppose. But I"m gonna try to get some sleep and try to push this bad boy out of my mind (literally....mind...head....get it? dear god that was bad). Though I probably won't sleep for a while yet so if you're bored enough and reading this between 10 and 1 feel free to call me...least it'll be a distraction.

One more day....just gotta get through one more day and then its the weekend...

***There are many things in life that will catch your eye but only a few will catch your heart, pursue those.*** ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/13755196/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/13755196/ Mon, 16 Jul 2007 09:51:10 PDT
I'M 21 TODAY BABY. OH YEAH.

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. ~Indira Ghandi ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/13569888/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/13569888/ Sun, 01 Jul 2007 21:35:33 PDT
Not much new going on here, unless you count the President naming the county I live in (along with a few others) a natural disaster area due to the flooding we've had here. Fun times. The good thing about that though is that we may be able to get some aid to help fix up the property once mother nature decides to stop kicking us in the ass.

I'm house sitting for Katie this week so I get to have a house all to my lonesome for a whole week, which i tend to enjoy. Thank you again for the 'scettios and cheezits Katie!!

My birthday is in a couple of weeks and i CAN'T WAIT. We're having a huge party at my house on the sixteenth, and i'm using that day as family day. It's gonna be just family and there will be ALOT OF THEM, least that's what i'm told. Then I"m using the seventeenth which i also requested off as friend day. Whoever is here, I don't care what we do, I just wanna see you guys. We can go to dinner, see a movie, or hell just find a nice spot and hang. If you can't make it though, no worries!! There's all kinds of time to celebrate

Other than that just workin, hangin, playin and sleepin i'm just livin.

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. ~Indira Ghandi ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/13234216/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/13234216/ Tue, 05 Jun 2007 22:36:56 PDT
So today I had my review at the company i work for. I've been working there for 2 and half years and it will be 3 in October. I'm assistant manager there and I feel I do a good job. My boss agrees and gave me all fours on the review. The highest you can get is a five and she doesn't believe in perfection so four is really the highest you can get technically. So i was siked. She said that our district manager is going to give me and katie the maximum raise, and i thought 'YESS!! Double digits here i come!' Cuz i currently make only $9.30. That's when my manager drops the bomb. The maximum is 25 cents.

A QUARTER

Now some of you may be thinking, well that's not bad, about average I would think.

No.

Considering I got 80 cents last year, and we only get ONE raise and review a year, 25 cents is a spit in the face. It's not a raise its a punishment. I tell my manager this and she goes in the back and talks to the district manager about the fact that i received 80 cents last year. The DM shows her on the computer that EVERYONE's raises are shit this year.

I told my boss straight to her face, that that is not worth staying with this company for. And she agreed with me. I told her i'm looking for another job and she said she didn't blame me, she's as angry as i am.

Its honestly rediculous that any company would think so little of their employees, but i'm aware that this isn't a singular thing. It happens all across the retail world, and you know what? It's absolute BULLSHIT. When you have an employee that is been with the company for nearly 3 years, who had never had a write up, never had a bad secret shop, never had a bad review, never had a major complaint, the manager loves them, the dm loves them, the rm loves them, and the dm actually said they are the only asst. manager in the district she could trust at a manager meeting, receives an almost perfect score on their latest review, AND is even requested by name by customers for ear piercings from time to time, you would THINK that LOGICALLY that person deserved a bit more than a quarter!!!!!

*deep soothing breaths*

Now please don't anyone say that I should be thankful for what I have because to a degree I am. I'm aware that i make more money than many others my age who work retail. But that doesn't change the fact that for the work I and those I work with do, this isn't worth it

Katie and have been looking forward to our reviews for months and I get a quarter basically thrown at my face. Woo. That's maybe an extra ten bucks a week and with taxes in the end it's basically nothing. So i'm in the market for a new job. Mimi's Maternity has shown some interest, and i'm feeling out a few other places. But the chances of finding a place that will work with my school schedule as well as my current job are slim, making the whole thing even more nerve wracking. And whats better is that this company was just currently bought by another, more elite company. So our new 'bosses' could have afforded to give everyone their fair pay.

So here's my plan:
I"m going to find a new job, and as soon as I leave my old one I'm going to write a long letter to the company. And included with the letter will be: a quarter. Fuck you company i work for whose name I won't say because I know it will come back to bite me in the ass!!!!!



Now if only I could make my stomach pains and nausea go away. But that requires less stress which isn't going to happen anytime soon the next couple weeks me thinks. ugh...

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. ~Indira Ghandi ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12916750/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12916750/ Thu, 10 May 2007 22:12:13 PDT The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm heading out to El Paso in the morning to go to a family reunion. Should be fairly...interesting. Dramatic as well but we shall see. There are some things I need to say and do while I'm there and hopefully i'll come back a bit lighter than I am now. Perhaps I'll even be a better person.And when I come back there are some things I need to say and do here as well. I'm taking this weekend as a breather so to speak (though it may not be much of one) to think a few things through about some things that occured this week and cool down before I act. I'm not in a very good place mentally at the moment but hopefully that can be helped within the week.



Here we go.

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. ~Indira Ghandi ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12902314/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12902314/ Wed, 09 May 2007 16:50:38 PDT
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

Chorus:
Cause I'm losin my sight
Losin my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losin my sight
Losin my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
To live was too late, and I was empty within
Hungry
Feedin off chaos and livin in sin
Downward spiral
Where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching
To find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

Chorus

Nothing's all right
Nothing is fine
I'm runnin and I'm cryin
I'm cryin, I'm cryin, I'm cryin, I'm cryin

I can't go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

Chorus

Nothing's all right
Nothing is fine
I'm runnin and I'm cryin

I CAN'T GO ON LIVING THIS WAY!!!!

Can't go on living this way
Nothing's all..........RIGHT!

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12869779/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12869779/ Sun, 06 May 2007 22:38:20 PDT .>

Recent things in my life:

Paid the ticket I got as of the last update and will be taking defensive driving soon as part of it. I'm also on three month probation that ends July 26th so you can bet i'm watching my speed limit.

Nic and I are still dating and have been now for a bit more than two months which officially makes it my longest relationship ever. o.o Seriously everyday is a new record...kinda sad huh?

This is officially my last week of school before the summer. I just e-mailed one of my teachers my final essay for her class, I have a final on tuesday, and another essay due on thursday and i'm done. Thank. God. I need a break

Going to a reunion at the end of the week. Not going to go into detail but you can bet i'll be posting another update after that fun weekend.

Leila is moving to Kansas at the end of the week...not looking forward to that either but atleast I'll be able to see her on her bday this year.

My allergies are killing me. So bad that i actually just took a benedryl and you guys know i hate taking those cuz they make me pass out (which is going to happen in about 15 minutes)

I can't afford allergy medication at the moment because aside from the $250 i just spend on my speeding ticket i also spent another $325 to fix my car. So yeah, i have very little $$$ until friday when i get paid. Until then, lots o'sneezin.

Hopefully I can find a better job over the summer to help me pay off all my debt. Hopefully.


k...its happening sooner than I thought...must...go...to...bed...o.-

nite...

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12167086/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12167086/ Tue, 13 Mar 2007 09:47:14 PDT
So, Sunday was one of the most interesting days of my life. My mom got me up at 4 in the morning, we got ready, and then drove up to Oklahoma (choctaw to be exact). Why? Because even though i'm only 20, I can gamble there. It's legal and oh was it fun. I walked in and immediately turned to my mom and went, "I missed that smell!" The smell I grew up with living in Las Vegas of cheep cigerettes and cigars, felt tables and carpets, and of dealers who have been forced to wear their uniform all night and smell like every single person who has come to their table. *sigh*...i missed it. It's not a great smell, but it's not bad either. It's just a mixture of so many things and when you grow up around that smell constantly you begin to actually like it. It's wierd I know. Then there was the sounds. I haven't heard a room full of slot and poker machines all going at once since I was 12. That was wonderfully nostalgic too. But the best part of it all was that I actually got to sit down and play them! And parents weren't going to get fined for letting me do so! I started off with a $100 ( i had it to spend so it was no biggie), and starting at 6:30 that morning until 9:30 I went from poker machines to slots, to the blackjack table back to the slots. My mom and I played Wheel of Fortune Slots and it was HELLA FUN. We were actually doing pretty well on that for a while until we decided to hit the black jack table. I played that with her and she taught me alot about how to play at a table, what to do and what not to do, etc. Basically the etiquette of gambling. I did ok there but by close to ten my $100 was gone. But I was ok with that because I knew I wasn't going to win big anyway. You can't go into those places expecting to do well, you go to have fun even ifyou're going to lose. That's the point, and anyone who says otherwise has either never gambled or has a serious problem with it.

After I ran out of money my mom graciously gave me another twenty but I soon lost that as well. Dad was gracious too and gave me another twenty, which I finally got a good streak on and turned that into thirty. The bad part was the machine I was doing so well on decided to tilt just as I was doing well (how convenient...). For those who don't know, when a slot machine 'tilts' it means that the roll got off to a bad start or didn't stop correctly and it's off its timing or won't catch, so basically it just keeps rolling at a slow pace. Tip: *If you're on a machine and you're doing well or not and it tilts, call for help get it fixed get your money and leave that machine. It will most likely tilt again.

So after technically going in with $140, I left with $30. I could have done a lot worse and most people do. My parents decided to go on to winstar but I knew to stop so they took me home and went on their way. That's where my trouble began....

After taking a much needed nap I decided I needed to go to the store and get a couple of things. Got there, got my stuff no problem and left. On the way back I started to get a stomach ache and felt the need to hurry home. Now, i live out in the middle of nowhere, so I tend to speed anyway, however I was speeding a bit more than normal because I was really in a hurry. When I saw the cop on the side of the road however and looked down at my spedometer, I realized I had been going 83 in a 55. OOOPS. Got pulled over and told him i was feeling sick that's why i was going so fast, but I still got a ticket. And because I was going more than 25 miles over the speed limit I cannot do defensive driving I found out from the clerk. So now I have to go plead guilty, pay the ticket, and ask the judge for 90 day prohbation to keep it off my insurance record. Wooooo fun.

So of course after that little incident my day went from really fun to really crappy. However it got better when my boyfriend (yes...i said boyfriend) came over and met my parents and we hung out. He saw Corpse Bride for the first time and loved it, and my cat loved him. A lot. Like possibly more than me >.> Basically...it was a great night, and completley made up for the middle of the day being absolutely horrible.

Now today I found out that in the fall of this year UNT will have a new policy. Every undergraduate will pay one flat rate for tuition. Sounds kinda nice right? No. It's not. Because the man who implemented it believes that 12 hours of course work is slacking off and that the students doing so are basically taking a vacation (to that man who's name i can't remember: Fuck you. You work 35-40 hours a week and do a 12 hour course load for two weeks and then tell me I'm on 'vacation'!) He probably went to a big name school... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12099387/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/12099387/ Wed, 07 Mar 2007 21:33:45 PST

and


GAH.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11828552/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11828552/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 11:31:49 PST
Now if you're wondering just how bad I procrastinated, let me put it into perspective. The paper which I finished no less than 15 minutes ago at 1:08 p.m central standard time is due at 2 o'clock this afternoon. No I am not kidding. And the best part? I started reading Beowulf yesterday. So it is with great displeasure that I stand up and say to the world and all of you wonderful readers (like four of you?):

"My name is Sarah, and I have a problem. I am a procrastinator."

And with that I must say goodbye for this procrastinator is in dire need of food to sustain her tired mind and body.

adieu.


*** Warning: The above journal was written in similar structure and style to the essays I commonly write. If you became bored in anyway while reading, that is not the fault of me, the author and therefore I take no responsibilty for what you may have done during said boredome.***

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11708457/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11708457/ Tue, 06 Feb 2007 10:29:07 PST
Current events as of February 6th, 12:18 p.m.:
* I am currently listening to my iPod shuffle which is currently playing 'Praise You' by Fatboy Slim

*I am also currently drinking an Odwalla Citrus C Monster (my new favorite drink) and digesting a banana.

*I'm currently keeping the information of what gnosticism is, who wrote the bible, and why the roman empire was both strong and weak at the forefront of my brain so that I may write essays on 2 of these 3 topics in one hour and fourty-two minutes.

*I am currently updating my deviantArt journal which only about 4 people will read. maybe.

*I am currently thinking about staying for only half of my origins of civilization class because I am learning more from the book than the teacher who believes lectures are more interesting than actual notes which is not the way I can learn and even though i've thought about buying a tape recorder I have currently decided that wouldn't really make a difference to my brain therefore I have saved money that can be added onto paying for my overly high credit card bill which is such a pain in the ass let me tell you.

*I am currently wondering what Katie will say about the overly long and punctuation challenged sentence above.

*I am now currently listening to "Tell me" from Dropping Daylight. Good song.

*I am currently wondering when the lights in the library will flicker on and off again.

*I am currently wondering how much time I should waste typing what I am currently doing just so I don't have to walk a quarter of a mile to the building my next class is in so that i may study for my essay test.

*I am currently only slightly stressed because I know that I am excellent at essay tests.

* I am also currently still slightly hungry since I forgot to grab a spoon at the snack shop and therefore cannot eat my raisinbran crunch.

* I have also currently wondered just how many things I am actually doing right now and why I am not sleeping in my nice, warm, cozy bed.

*I am currently going to end this journal update before I drive myself and all of you insane, if you're even still reading that is.

adieu.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11523611/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11523611/ Sun, 21 Jan 2007 21:27:27 PST
I painted a picture
Of a day gone past
An ancient scripture
And a house of glass
People looking through the window
Never knowing what they'd find
When they couldn't see me
I locked the door and left them behind

The sky will tell me
I'm not the only one
And the sky will tell me
I must believe the sun

I shut my eyes
To not go blind
Things I can't see
I see in my mind
Now the passing clouds of rain
Have surely passed us by
Poor is the man
That believes his own lie

And the sky will tell me
I'm not the only one
And the sky will tell me
I must believe the sun
And the sky will tell me
Long may you run
And the sky will tell me
I must believe the sun

Yeah...

If I was wrong
Judge me by name
I simplify
One and the same

And the sky will tell me
I'm not the only one
And the sky will tell me
I must believe the sun
And the sky will tell me
Long may you run
And the sky will tell me
I must believe the sun

Yeah...

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11480283/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11480283/ Thu, 18 Jan 2007 09:43:11 PST When text book shopping at the beginning of every semester, it is my strong recommendation to stay away from the university bookstore. Assuming of course you have other options. My reason for this is simple. Generally text books you will find there are over priced and yes that includes even the 'used' copies. You will find yourself paying anywhere from $35 to $175 for ONE book that you will use for ONE semester that you most likely will not be able to sell back to the bookstore because the teachers for that class will no longer be using it after that semester, rendering the book useless other than coffee table weight. In my experience it is wiser to shop around. Many campuses have surrounding stores minorly affiliated with the college that sell text books at often low prices. Or you could look online and find used copies there. Amazon.com is a great resource where I myself managed to buy 4 books for $50, which is usually the price of half a regular text book at the university. Trust me on this one, be a bargain shopper when it comes to your books.

to be continued

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11216378/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/11216378/ Wed, 27 Dec 2006 21:27:37 PST
I am tired of looking in the mirror and feeling sorry for myself about the things I don't have, the things that don't go right, the things I screw up or don't understand, and the things that are simply out of my control. I'm simply fed up. I've had a few epiphanies the last few months, some of them confusing, some of them depressing, and some that made me feel a kind of rage I didn't know existed in me. I think i'm finally over a few things I should have gotten over a long time ago. I think i'm finally ready to find a new path in my life that before I was too afraid to even see.

So here is a preview of the things that are going to happen in 2007:

1. By December I will weigh between 140 and 130 lbs. be in good shape, and be healthy. And not for anyone but myself.

2. I will not let the past control my present or affect my future.

3. I will have romance. I will date. I will find someone that cares about me for me. NOT someone who is just interested in the idea of a quick lay and when they don't get it runs off. If I am not fortunate enough to find someone however, then I will simply not give up and I will not chalk it up to something that is wrong with me. I will keep looking.

4. I will learn to dance. Maybe not as well as some of the people that I know, but dammit I will be able to go to clubs and not hug the wall.

5. I will read aloud more so that I may practice my speech and learn to not talk so fast. I want everyone to understand me, no more guessing. I think reading Shakespeare will help this.

6. I will have read everything that Shakespeare has written, and I will be able to hold my own in a Jessy Quiz.

7. I will take more pride in myself and my appearance.

8. I will not worry about what anyone thinks about my appearance. I will be comfortable, I will be happy, and I will look damn good.

9. I will learn to stop, breathe, and think. I will not let my mouth get ahead of my brain. I will learn not to let my feelings overwhelm my logic.

10. I will learn to listen without lecturing and mothering, unless it is wanted and I will learn the wisdom of knowing when it is.

11. I will find a better job.

12. I will pay off atleast half my debt.

13. I will keep that wall in my mind stronger for both her and myself.

14. I will read and study the bible so that I may better understand the Christian religion and hopefully argue my point of a non-religious society better. Next year I plan to read the Quran.

15. I will strengthen my own spirituality and see what I can discover within my soul.

16. I will do everything in my power to conquer my jealousy.

17. I will better my relationship with my father, because I know he still has so much to teach me still.

18. I will accept the vices of both my parents. I will gain the wisdom of knowing when it is right to stand against them, and when I must stay silent and smile. Because there simply isn't time enough on this earth to fight or be angry over the most trivial of things.

19. I will also learn to recognize when I am wrong and learn to accept it and acknowledge it.

20. I will not hold back what needs to be said to the people I've needed to talk to for a while.

21. I will try to have more faith in everything and everyone, and do my best not to judge.

22. I will not be afraid of new things, change, or crowds.

23. I will be stronger.

24. I will smile more.

25. I will learn to love myself. All the good, and all the bad. Even if I don't accomplish anything else on this list.

It is entirely possible that I will accomplish nothing on this list and at the end of the year look back on this journal and laugh at myself for being naive. But I'll be damned if I'm not going to try.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/10912099/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/10912099/ Fri, 01 Dec 2006 10:53:51 PST

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/10827958/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/10827958/ Thu, 23 Nov 2006 20:53:47 PST
And don't get me wrong, i love spending time with my family because i love them. I do and nothing will change that....BUT.

Today was officially my favorite thanksgiving ever.

I woke up, got dressed, hopped on the back of my dad's motorcycle and we drove to breakfast (food cooked for you and you don't have to clean it up...perfect). Then we went and saw a friend of his, then rented some movies, then came home. I cleaned up and did stuff i've been meaning to do for weeks. Around dinner time dad gave me money and i went on a hunt for dinner. Thank god for dollar stores and there being open on Thanksgiving day. So I came home and dad and I sat back with my mini microwave pizzas and watched the DaVinci Code. A movie which inspired our nearly 3 hour conversation on life, religion, morals and ourselves. It was WONDERFUL.

Only thing that would make it better is NOT having black friday tomorrow. But still.

Wonderful.

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/9780371/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/9780371/ Sat, 19 Aug 2006 08:35:47 PDT
Still working at Claire's but I'm hoping to change that soon. The job is driving me crazy and making me hate people more and more everyday. You know that guy who told you that "there is no such thing as a stupid question" ? He was an idiot. Hopefully i'll find something that is'n't retail but that may be the only thing i'm qualified for at the moment.

Other than that, i'm just hanging out with friends, going to concerts, and living as much and as well as I can. Haven't really had much time to do any writing, or photo manips, but again, hopefully that will change soon. Who knows.

Anyway yeah, that's really that's going on now. As i said, life goes on.


R.I.P. Puffy ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/9357560/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/9357560/ Wed, 12 Jul 2006 18:49:30 PDT ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8944078/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8944078/ Thu, 01 Jun 2006 19:33:29 PDT
(Good bye!!!)

Well guys, i'm off. I'll be back mid july, and remember if you have any deviations/journals/etc you want me to see when I do come back, send me a note.

Kia ora!!

I'm off to see the kiwis...! ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8802475/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8802475/ Wed, 17 May 2006 21:03:19 PDT
and I finished it with 3 B's, and an A. Sweetness!!!

I'm off to see the kiwis...! ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8738724/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8738724/ Thu, 11 May 2006 10:21:35 PDT
For those of you who don't know, on June 3rd i'm leaving with my family to California for a 'mini-vacation' before I go to New Zealand on the eight for an entire month. The reason for this being conservation work and well fun. I will have access to the internet but to be honest, I won't be checking DA at all while I'm gone. For the first two weeks i'm there it will cost me two bucks for a half hour of internet time and I plan on spending that half hour writing e-mails to people here at home. SO, right before I go, I will be taking deviations and journals off of my watchlist, but NOT the actual people, so don't worry you guys will still all be on my friends list. When I come back, if there was a particular deviation you'd like to me see, send me a note, otherwise I won't. But yeah, that's basically it. Just wanted to give you guys forewarning. I'll officially be back home around the 12th, and turn everything back on then most likely.

I'm off to see the kiwis...! ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8360616/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8360616/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 05:23:37 PDT
So, I demand that you all go visit my good friend *Silentshadows
Why? Because he is one of the kindest and most generous deviants on here and during a time when everyone is losing faith in one of their favorite sites, we should be paying attention to the people out there who really go out of there way for others. *Silentshadows and I have been friends on here for about a year and half now I think and he's always been there to lend an ear and/or to offer good advice. So go check him out, he does have some beautiful work!

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8345973/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8345973/ Sun, 02 Apr 2006 17:28:38 PDT
So who bought me a subscription?


and thank you to whoever you are

]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8211370/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/8211370/ Sun, 19 Mar 2006 20:57:27 PST DO NOT wait until the night before the seven page paper of your life is due to do it. Why? because my friend, it will kick. your. ass. Your cat will look at you strangely, mainly because he's trying to tell you you're an idiot for waiting until the last night of spring break to do it. Now you know it's bad if your CAT thinks you're stupid.

So again, I warn you.



DON'T PROCRASTINATE. IT'S HAZARDOUS TO YOUR SANITY. ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7978871/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7978871/ Thu, 23 Feb 2006 08:24:48 PST
Last night I had a dream that me, leila, dosh and blake were riding in a big truck down a gravel road. They were in the back, and I rode up front with the driver. The driver was Burt Reynolds. o.o

Anyway. We're riding along on a gravel road, and I tell burt to take it slow cuz these gravel roads can be treacherous, i should know, i live on one i tell him.

We make a pitstop on the way to the concert we're apparantly heading to. The 'stop' is a store full of nothing but 'raver toys' as dosh calls them as he jumps out of the back. The four of us (burt stays in the truck) start running around like little kids in a toy store at all the raver rings, staffs, poi, etc. I find one staff that's blue but makes me look like darth maul from Star wars..

then i hear leila say hey sarah check this out! and i wake up.


that was one of the wierdest dreams i've ever had.

burt reynolds?.... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7904232/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7904232/ Wed, 15 Feb 2006 07:56:45 PST
Actually, one of our horses gave birth yesterday. His name is Cupid. I was the first one to see him, and i got to watch him stand and take his first step. It was freaking awesome!

Went to the dentist yesterday as well for an initial (for those who have never been to a dentist, and if that's the case what is wrong with you?, an initial is where you're a new patient at that office and they x-ray your teeth for records and check for cavities/abnormalities). Normally after you have your initial, they schedule you for a cleaning for a few months later. I got lucky because someone had canceled their 1:00 appointment that day, so they just had me come back at 1. It was pretty cool, if you ignore the fact that I couldn't chew food for most of hte rest of the day due to a very thorough cleaning and my teeth hurting.

Got a couple new posters for my room (Gwen Stafani ) and took advantage of the Sam Goody going out of business in the Golden Triangle Mall (discounts are wonderful).

All in all it was a fairly good day. Hard to believe it was also valentines day... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7826282/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7826282/ Tue, 07 Feb 2006 08:10:03 PST

I get to the vet, grab the carrier and pull him out of the car. I get TWO FEET, and the freaking cat carrier BREAKS. The bottom half on the right side is no longer fully attached, and then of course the door to the cat carrier falls out. So picture me sitting on the ground holding the door in place while i try to fix it enough to ATLEAST get him in there. Finally, it's semi fixed and i have to carry it from the bottom to keep it together.

Two minutes and 36 seconds later i'm in the door and have officially gained an ounce of muscle just from carrying him in the door. They look at me and i simply say: "this is not a happy cat'.

Poor puffy, he's having such a traumatic day. ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7720501/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7720501/ Fri, 27 Jan 2006 06:59:27 PST
*You walk by the university union to see a table set up with a sign that has a picture of a giant vagina on it, the point being to showcase the need for women to get their yearly checkups (got mine! )

*Five minutes before class you see your professor standing outside the building smoking a ciggerette

*You see your professor the next day smoking a ciggerette with some of the students from your class

*Your school has it's very own police, not extensions of the main city

*hacky sack is not a hobby, it's a law. If you're a guy, and you don't play, then there MUST be something wrong with you

*everyone and their dog walks around campus with headphones on

*their is a mini coffee stand with pastries 20ft from your first class room (thank goodness)

*you have to take a bus from class to class

*carter bloodcare gives free hiv testing on thursdays

*there are giant greek symbols standing painted obnoxiously on the main lawn

*nobody cares if you have a backpack or wear a trenchcoat

*instead of 'what's your sign?" the popular pick up line is "what's your major?"

*your teacher from your first class is sitting right next to you in your last class of the day ( didn't happen to me personally, but i know of it happening)

*your school gives out free condoms on valentines day (i've heard A&M is fond of this)

*the planned parenthood down the street from your school gives student discounts

*your class sizes can range from 15 to 450

*your teacher is five years older than you

*the 'cafeteria' serves everything from taco bell, chick fil' a, to sushi

*if you're bored, go to the game room, play some pool

*the teacher doesn't care if you skip a class, it's your grade

*carrying your books around one day you realize you're carrying $400 dollars worth of merchandise and you suddenly become paranoid >.> <.<

*it's ok if some guy reads (quite loudly) passages from the bible every tuesday to anyone who wants to hear him

*you cannot ride your bike on campus between 7a.m. and 7p.m. and yet there are still bike racks in front of every major building....o.o

*school spirit is taken to a whole new level

*the person you're sitting next to in your statistics class is not a student but instead the 9 year old daughter of one of the students(who is sitting next to her)

*your professors daughter is hiding behind the desk coloring because she's not suposed to be there but your professor couldn't find a sitter....

*you go to the student store to buy the essentials: pencils, scantrons (because sometimes you have to supply your own) backpacks, $100 calculators, shaving cream, tampons, deodorant, food, ciggerettes (not me personally, but they are sold)

*if you're caught cheating it's not a call home to mommy, it's expulsion

*a 500 word essay is a reward compared to the 10 page paper

*you have classes such as human sexuality and pagan/wiccan beliefs: an anthropological view

*there are 'call boxes' located all over campuse where if you are in trouble you simple push the button and the national guard practically comes running (not really, just the police), but it's still a nice thing to have just in case

*sleep is a foreign thing

*speed reading isn't a talent, it's a survival tool

*depending on the class, there may not be any homework any at all, just the midterm and the exam (and no, thi s is NOT a good thing people)

*an 89 is a B+, it does not magically become a 90 if you made a lot of effort and the teacher wants to be nice

*half the people in your class are on their laptops

*sleeping in your car right before class can be helpful and relaxing

*nobody cares if they see you sleeping in your car(i'm a commuter, ok?)

feel free to add! ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7631229/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7631229/ Tue, 17 Jan 2006 15:16:55 PST new survey *grumbles*


1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
The Alicanto is a strange bird like creature that likes to eat gold and silver...." from the encyclopedia of magical creatures (thank you leila!)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
ok...why?

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
Living Single

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
5:07

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
5:08

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
my niece listening to her radio next door

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
letting the dogs inside an hour ago

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
amazon.com

9. What are you wearing?
laundry day: old blue jeans and black t-shirt

10. Did you dream last night?
yep, something about chester bennington and rob thomas giving me their autographs o.O

11. When did you last laugh?
i dunno

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
posters, yin yangs up the yinyang, mona lisa, calander...

13. Seen anything weird lately?
my dreams

14. What do you think of this quiz?
quit tagging me

15. What is the last film you saw?
HOSTEL

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
pay off college first, pay off car, then pay for me and ALL my friends to go to NZ

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
i love reading survival stories, gary paulsen books are my favorite

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
i'd find a way to make everyone more tolerant

19. Do you like to dance?
in the shower >.>

20. George W. Bush:
not a horrible president persay, but i just dont' agree with his politics

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Julianna

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Lucas or Kyle

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? :
YES

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Considering i don't agree with the idea of a corporeal god, this is hard to answer. But to make it easy, we'll say HYPOTHETICALLY, i would want 'god' to say "you did well and thank you for not taking your humanity for granted."


25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
whoever so chooses ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7629395/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7629395/ Tue, 17 Jan 2006 11:53:10 PST

In other good news, I will be getting a new car soon. Now, i know a couple of you in particular *cough*katie*cough* are thinking "another one?! you've only had your focus a year!" yeah yeah. There is logic to this madness! We're going to trade in my focus for another focus (like i could drive anything else now...) only this one will be brand spanking new AND it will be completely 100% in my name. Therefore, the payments will be based off of MY credit which is exemplary i might add, and the payment can be lowered enough to where i can take care of it myself. We just need to find the car first.

All for now, i'll probably update later... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7581460/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7581460/ Thu, 12 Jan 2006 09:05:22 PST

* One of my bestfriends is now engaged to a great guy

* I found one of my oldest friends after 10 years and we're back in touch

* My Cousin and his wife had their baby Merrick this morning, 7lbs 4ounces

* I am for sure going to New Zealand this summer cuz my mom is going to pay for it

*One of my favorite teachers from High School is also engaged

*I'm starting the new semester next week and that means my anthropology courses and i'm really excited

*My sister hasn't had her baby yet, the doctor postponed the c section for another week or so, so sometime within this next week she should have her little boy

And at the moment, that's it lol. ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7533944/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7533944/ Sat, 07 Jan 2006 09:04:39 PST most are white, some white with blue

2. What book are you reading now?
house of leaves, slowly but surely

3. What is on your mouse pad?
it's a gateway mousepad

4. Favorite board game
chess

5. Least favorite smells?
weed, meat, seafood, MUSK

6. What is the first thing you think of in the morning?
i want to dream some more...

7. Favorite color?
Black/blue/green/silver

8. Least favorite color?
pink, orange, yellow

9. How many rings until you answer the phone?
until i get there

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME:
if a girl: julianna if a boy:not sure

11. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla

12. Do you like to drive fast?
if i'm in the mood

13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
nah, they'd just end up across the room, i usually cuddle with my blanket or my cat (my real one meg)

14. Do you like thunderstorms?
i love them

15. What was your first car?
honda passport

16. What is your sign?
cancer

17. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
i hate broccoli

18. If you could have any job what would it be?
i'd like to paid to travel the world and write about different cultures and mythologies

19. If you could have any color hair what would it be? red, that's why i dye it


20. Is the glass half full or half empty?
depends on the day

21. What is your favorite movie?
too many to list

22. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
usually

23. What’s under your bed?
carpet and cat hair

24. What is your favorite number?
16 and 27

25. Favorite sports to watch?
I don't watch sports on TV

26. Your single biggest intense pain?
kidney stone

27. Person most likely to respond?
jacob

28. Person least likely to respond?
i dunno

29. Ketchup or mustard?
ketchup

31. Hamburger or hot dog?
hot dog

32. Favorite season?
Autumn

22. The best place you have ever been?
can't say

34. What is your screen saver?
currently an applegeeks comic, changes every couple of days

35. What is your favorite fast food place?
sonic

36. What is your favorite breed of Dog?
husky

37. Your nicknames?
Ira

38. Have you ever been kissed by the opposite gender?
yes

39. What annoys you the most?
ignorance, hate, when people dont' see me

40. What’s your crushes name?
doesn't matter

41. What’s your best friend’s name?
jeskatmeg, also known as jessy meg and katie

42. Which celebrity annoys you the most?
way too many to list

43. What type of music do you dislike the most?
"bubbly" pop, country, and a lot of rap

45. What is currently on your wrist?
nothing

46. Okay, If you and one other person could be alone on the entire planet, who would you choose?
couldn't

47. What would you do if you had 24 hours to live?
write my will, spend some time with my family, ride around with meg in her car one last time, watch firefly with katie, watch a movie with jessy, and tell that one person how much i loved them and kiss them one last time

48. If you were a character in the View Askewniverse, who would you be?
huh?

49. If you could be any kind of nut, what would you be?
i'm already a nut

50. Who would you vote for TOTAL DICTATORSHIP?
jessy, cuz i'd be part of the whole in charge thing

..:: Now add a question to this quiz, and the people you tag have to answer that question and add one of their own ::..

(Fifi doesn't quite get this bit, so oh well. Just answer the whole thing. Then answer the question at the end that I made and didn't answer, then add a question of your own.)

51. Do you want Adult Swim to bring Case Closed back?
don't care

52. Do you think that the "pink is pimp" is just a fad?
eh?

53. If you could have some sort of super-natural power, what would it be?
i'd fly

54. Have you ever read/written a webcomic?
read

55. What's your favorite art-related computer program?
photoshop

56. If you could be a bug, what bug would you be?
butterfly

57. About schoolwork...are you the last minute kind of person, working right up till 4am to get an assignment done, or are you the good little student who starts it the day you ge... ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7494332/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7494332/ Tue, 03 Jan 2006 00:06:20 PST
*My sister is having her baby tomorrow by c-section so Dylan Cole will finally join the world

*By the end of this year my brother Michael and his wife will have their second child. This will make 14 nieces and nephews of mine

*Had a rockin new years eve, a few bumps but it rocked and i loved it

*Going back to school week after next and taking some anthropology courses, i'm really excited

*Watched Alexander for the first time....holy shit they screwed that movie up

*got a lot of new cds (thank you matt!!!!)

finally getting tired now....sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep ]]> *ahmose http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7417760/ http://ahmose.deviantart.com/journal/7417760/ Sun, 25 Dec 2005 20:59:05 PST Inspired my muse quite a bit it did I LOVE DISTURBED Hope everyone else had a good holiday. Tomorrow i go to my doom though. My doom also known as the day after christmas... ]]> *ahmose