http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:aivazovsky&section=today deviantART RSS for by:aivazovsky en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:09:26 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/25785366/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/25785366/ Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:33:30 PDT
and i know my other selves better.

how your prejudice concludes who i am

is how i am otherwise in the other wiser worlds.

not here for sure.

this spot is a whirlpool and i am no swimmer.

a glider, maybe.

i mirror any human’s weaknesses.

for being that common, i am not easy to relish.

ordinary is not arbitrary.

it was a choice,

for my life quest is to understand how the human brain works

and it’s stupendous ability to twist,

mess up,

and handle regret.

how many of these brains dare

to tame themselves.

because mine is all over the place and cannot

function without the dictates of outer elements.

i am annoying.

nice, when i want to be, and annoying at it.

pessimism is my mother tongue,

juvenile is my hometown.

i rush at the gate to leave,

i forget i am in chains.

i cannot be aivan if i would not sound fine one minute

and idealist, the next.

i wouldn’t be her if i don’t magnify the negative

and spend my spirits on looking for remedy

because visual artists are prone to fixing,

or say, altering.

even the ones without void.

these eyes wouldn’t be mine if i weren’t seeing glitches.

the smallest of them.

on moments i don’t see the ugly or the catch

are the times when someone shuts my eyes for me,

or at least cover them.

when someone dares to kiss me before i even get to talk.

when i am halted by the touch of gentle hands that mean to care.

that mean to not condemn but to pacify the anxiety in me,

and knows that it is an utterly no rocket science to hug.

i don’t need arms to carry.

i just need to feel them around me.

i am hard to love because i am not a girl next door

or that super independent woman that can feed

a man’s bottomless pit.

my spirituality is the only thing that makes me sane

and now i look foolish for the same reason.

it is taken against me, that i have this faith

that chooses to see beyond but sticks to the basics.

people, friends, family and lovers have turned their back on me

because i am not being someone they expect.

i speak of reform and God while i do not walk the talk.

i know i have so much room for change

but no one would ever dare share that room with me.

i do not claim to be that needy

but there will be random hours in a day

where i will miss or want the same person who made me feel loved.

i will try to live on, that i can promise, to anyone who bothers

to be accountable for my well-being.

knowing myself better,

i am loved by a God

who, though i deny at times

always will save me if ever i fall again

or if i drown in too much happiness.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/16439477/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/16439477/ Wed, 16 Jan 2008 22:17:32 PST Took all until this frailty seceded.
As I frolicked in the beauty of rest and life awakened
A prayer slowly drawn me to bend.
I hoped this is the start of forever
Where
gratefulness would suffice,
Where
I am more than ready to face my own demise,
finally turning deaf ears on bitter lies
apropos my atrocity
and everything that was about me.

No, I don't (just) long for a better life.
I long for a better soul.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/16274273/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/16274273/ Sat, 05 Jan 2008 17:34:22 PST i shall face you today like a new acquaintance,
like i've never seen anything like you before.
as though i have not learned from yesterday,
as though i was not drained from last night's pain.

good morning heartache.
i still have a few more drops here
it'll keep us deep into each other
for the day.

i can't wait for tomorrow...
when i shall see you the first time again.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/13624856/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/13624856/ Thu, 05 Jul 2007 18:27:05 PDT
Please e-mail your resume to monster@arkeofilms. com. For inquiries, call 887-0906 and look for Mildred.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/12214091/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/12214091/ Sat, 17 Mar 2007 01:38:06 PDT Banned Movies Pilipinas has once again proven itself as the home of indie artists when it served as the venue for the premiere of John Torres’ Gabi Noong Nalaman Kong Ang Aking Ama ay May Anak sa Labas last January 20 and Raya Martin’s Long Live Philippine Cinema! last February 17. Come March 24, 2007, Banned Movies Pilipinas will chalk up another milestone when it premieres Khavn dela Cruz’ newest digital film, Literature based on Joel Toledo’s 2004 2nd prize winning Palanca for Poetry. A recent recipient of the Grand Jury Prize in the recently concluded Digital Lokal competition of Cinemanila, Khavn dela Cruz is an award winning filmmaker who has made 16 features and more than 60 short films. He is also one of the movers behind the Independent Filmmakers Cooperative (IFC) and Filmless Films. Khavn is jack of all trades: a teacher, a Palanca winning writer, and a musician. Considered as indie cinema’s enfant terrible (Giovanni Spagnoletti, Festival Director, Pesaro Film Festival), he will also screen his other groundbreaking digital films namely, Institusyon ng Makata (which stars Marvin Agustin), Amen, and I’m Not Batman (with the Radioactive Sago Project).

Complementing the night’s out there theme are bands with an avant garde edge: Taggu nDios, Linch 12, Khavn’s own band, The Brockas and the most avant garde of them all, the Andy Warhol’s of rock n roll, Kiko Machine and many more.

So free up your schedule on March 24 and come down to Center for Arts in Timog, Quezon City at 7PM and experience what living on the edge feels like.

The event is made possible through ClicktheCity. com, Transit, Red Leaf Printing press, Anthem magazine and NU 107.

For inquiries email us at banned_movies@ yahoo.com or text 0917-3705454.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/12022320/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/12022320/ Fri, 02 Mar 2007 04:48:42 PST
i would say the time at Red Cross was fun. learning really practical stuff and knowing new people, perfect. i shall put this on priority to my list of monthly goals. i try to be organized and goal oriented, ok. i mean, i know age is demanding me of it and being the ever so flexible me, i am just going with life's flowy flow.

i am looking forward to my volunteer work for an orphanage at the Camp Aguinaldo. that's next week and i am preparing to be touched deeply by other's needs. ohgawd help. i suspect my wild dreams of saving the world will again attack me at the sight of the orphans. here comes the issue of me making helluva money. how in the world am i going to help with a penny in my pocket? i was supposed to say there, "pennies in my pocket" but uh, good thing backspace button was invented. it didn't sound right.

what could be wrong than overstaying here at the internet shop instead of sketching my dood-doll designs for prints on sneakers and shirts? oh yeah, to let myself starve is even more wrong.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/11806466/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/11806466/ Tue, 13 Feb 2007 23:01:53 PST
i am taking Basic Life Support training this week at the Red Cross. Next week will be First Aid Training. it should be my easiest access to anything hands-on on literal life saving. yeah, i would like to save some lives in my lifetime. i was dreamy and hopeful about learning at this field for about two weeks now. come tuesday, i was bombarded by all fresh and intimidating terminologies. everyone in the class is a nurse, except me and a masscom grad who instantly stood close with me on the friggin 3rd and last day only. i had my social skills to rely on so i made good use of it. made few nurse friends so i no longer get nosebleeds whenever i hear serious medical stuff. they've lessen my burden by taking gracious time to explain to me the counts and ratios and how they are related to the human anatomy. i just draw anatomy. i don't put them back to functioning when they mess up. the only thing i rebooted was the computer. the only toubleshooting i practice is with my life's problems.

i have not lost interest in the medical world. i am just not used to answering test papers that ask me to comply in very technical and scientific terms. i miss my love for science. it was in grade school and far too much for me to refresh. not unless i let myself get stuck in the medical scene and books for two months more.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/11536665/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/11536665/ Tue, 23 Jan 2007 01:35:31 PST
but this one moment, i was about to lose it.

i was hired to make an AVP for an online services company. i assumed they were prepared to accommodate me and my needs for the prod. when i started listing down my demands, they looked at me as if i wasn't dead serious. no, make it mental. i looked like a mental case babbling on random stuff in front of them. i wasn't given a budget, not even for mobilization. no matter how much i point out the need no one digs it. i mean, i thought i was talking to business people. what slow comprehension they have! then i figured, they tasked someone in their group to do all the project managing. they're waiting on her to also make the call. this person happens to know nothing better than they. oh crap, i was dealing with total newbies. so i tried to give them an outline of the entire process that they might have an idea where to start. no, it did not help. i taught the so called project manager the steps but she chose not to apply what she learned. no progress whatsoever. why? because they can't make the prod as important as their sales and meetings. the further catch is, they want a presentation in 4 friggin days. AVP
IN 4 DAMNED UNFUNDED SHOOT AND POST PROD! i was cursing in my head. but hey, i thought, this isn't my company. i will work as a freelancer helping out in my own lil ways and with whatever i am provided for...which was a miniDV cam and a half full tape (wtf cheap, i know), and a bunch of guys to supposedly assist me who i cannot boss around even for the sake of getting extra hands with the lighting and stuff because they are the company bosses themselves. the project manager is nowhere to be found to help me out on anything.

i was at my wits end when i received a text on a WEEKEND for a shoot, without them even coordinating with me and checking my plans that was based on an elaborate shotlist. what am i, an on-call schmuck videographer with no life?! i could feel my head nerves swell in fury. good thing i was not in the mood to text anyone back that day. i would've spilled hurftul stuff there. and since i have wasted time and prepaid credit calling and texting for pointless meetings with them, i can never get myself to communicate with them again...not until they show me a final script, definite shooting schedule and enough prod budget.

there is apparently not much grace in how i deal with this yet another blooper in team work. i should still talk to them i know. but thank God for the blessing of being at another place at really wrong times. i could avoid head-on collisions.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/11197731/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/11197731/ Tue, 26 Dec 2006 07:34:48 PST
no camera...it's effing bad. like bad to the exponential level. bad as in bad like hell of unproductivity and intense irrelevance to society and mother earth. no, i'm exaggerating. but yes, i feel terrible without the necessary tool for my small time income generating hobby.

what's worse is that even if i am a very visual person, i cannot rely on it entirely if i want to remember a picture perfect moment. i'm so bad with names and worse with visual details. i don't really understand why some people still consider me an artist. this is my most recent detected defect. i think it has something to do with my major surgical operation in my larynx seven months ago. i think the anaesthesiologist was drunk when he inserted that needle in my spine. and i could be diagnosed as a psychosomatic or paranoid if i'd be mentally evaluated. but uh, it's the memory loss that's actually the problem.

so moving on, i need a high grade professional digital slr. i would never again settle for anything less. that would be 4 months of my untouched $140 weekly allowance in my exchange student program in the US. *crosses fingers*

i need prayers. lotsa prayers. thanks. i am assuming you, the one who took gracious time to read my nonesensical ramblings, is already much compelled to pray for me.

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10986030/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10986030/ Thu, 07 Dec 2006 16:30:55 PST video launch on dec 8
Message: inihahandog ng ARREST GLORIA
sa pakikipagtulungan ng KARAPATAN-
SOUTHERN TAGALOG

ARREST THE KILLINGS!

isang gabi ng musika at sining para sa
pagtatanggol sa
karapatang pantao

with performances by:
dongabay
cynthia aLexander
jess santiago
km64 poetry group
anino shadowplay collective
blazing bul alakaw
radioactive sago project

dirty shoes collective
the wuds

tag-ani
artist inc.
anak ni aling juana

badjao roots
datu's tribe

also in the event: premiere screening
of dongabay's WWIII music video
(produced by arrest gloria and
southern tagalog exposure)

december 8, 2006 / 7pm
freedom bar, anonas, quezon city
donation: 60php

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10952837/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10952837/ Mon, 04 Dec 2006 19:09:40 PST 9:00AM - 6:00PM
CARLOS ALBERT SESSION HALL
QUEZON CITY HALL

BRIEF DESCRIPTION:

The first part of the activity is a video exhibition which showcases
some of the works or videos made by student filmmakers form different
schools. There will be also free lecture-seminar topics on film making
using digital technology.

Next part is an assembly of young film makers to exchange views
regarding the current trend of motion picture in the advent of
technological development and its impact on film/video productions in
the Philippine context. Event in schools and film/video festival could
be a topics to talk about.

There will be a presentation of the City Ordinance No. 1690, S-2006
which creates the Quezon City Film Development Commission and its role
on the development of film industry and its implication to amateur
film maker. Comments and suggestions from participants will be
encouraged so that recommendations could be made for study and
considerations by the commission or agency involved.

Workshop will be conducted to formulate projects and program
concerning the welfare and needs of young film makers.

OBJECTIVES:

To discuss the Quezon City Ordinance No. 1690 S-2006, which creates
the Quezon City Film Development Commission and its implication to the
young film makers.

To formulate a program for young film makers based in Quezon City and
forge partnership between this sector and different institutions under
Quezon City Government.

CONFERENCE PROGRAMME:

I FIRST PART - LECTURE AND VIDEO EXHIBITIONS
A. Opening Ceremony
B. Lecture-seminar
C. Video Exhibition

II SECOND PART - YOUNG FILM MAKERS ASSEMBLY
A. Keynote Speaker
B. Guest Speaker
C. Resource Speakers
D. Workshop
E. Workshop-output Presentation
F. Announcement future activities
G. Closing Remarks

for other info just visit this site:
[link] s.com/young_ filmconference/

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10670625/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10670625/ Thu, 09 Nov 2006 16:05:23 PST
Hi peeps!
Don't forget to watch the Young Cinema Night Shorts on Exhibition on November 12, Sunday at 7pm at the Ayala Greenbelt1 Cinemas right after Lino Brocka's "Tinimbang Ka Nunit Kulang".

The shorts on exhibition will be the Philippine Premiere of my latest animated shorts: "The Jerk" and "Dok", the only two local animated films on exhibition for this year's Cinemanila!

Be one of the first to see it, among other great works by young filmmakers!

Before anyone has any violent reactions on this shameless self promotion, Hey if I don't promote my own work, no one else will.

See you there! Watch watch watch!!!

-by ramon del prado

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10656386/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10656386/ Wed, 08 Nov 2006 08:25:36 PST
suggestions, anyone?

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10463881/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10463881/ Sat, 21 Oct 2006 08:53:17 PDT descriptions for UP Film Institute’s current screenings.
Please spread as well the news on the UP Film Institute’s rare expanded run
for Jeffrey Jeturian’s “Kubrador.” It could be hailed not only as the
best Filipino film of the year but also the Asian film to catch worldwide!

SEMBREAK 2006


Oct 23 Mon-Oct 27 Fri 2, 5 & 7 p.m.
Kubrador
An MLR Films Production
Graded A for Excellence by the Cinema Evaluation Board
An aging bet collector clings to the job she has known for more than 20 years
despite the crackdown on the country’s illegal numbers game called jueteng.
Winner of FIPRESCI International Critics Prize; Official Selection for Golden
St. George—2006 Moscow IFF; Best Picture, Best Actress for Gina Pareño,
FIPRESCI International Critics Prize—2006 Osian’s Cinefan Festival of Asian
Cinema in New Delhi, India among more awards and distinctions
Direction: Jeffrey Jeturian. Screenplay: Ralston G. Jover. Cast: Gina Pareño.
2006 105 minutes 35mm color

Oct 28 Sat 2 p.m.
Jan Dara
A Solar Entertainment Release
Touted as a story of sex, guilt and retribution. Hailed as Asia’s erotic phenomenon.
In Thailand of the 1930s, a boy grows up amidst hatred, betrayal and a memory
of his father’s sexual bouts to become the man he dreads the most.
Official Selection—2001 Toronto IFF/2001 Vancouver IFF/2001 London IFF plus
more such as Rotterdam, San Francisco, Festroia, Brisbane, Sao Paolo
and Denmark’s NatFilm Festival
Direction: Nonzee Nimibutr. Screenplay from Utsana Phleungtham’s novel:
Nonzee Nimibutr, Sirapak Paoboonkerd. Cast: Suwinit Panjamawat, Santisuk
Promsiri, Christy Chung, Eakarat Sarsukh.
2001 120 minutes 35mm color
For mature viewing

Oct 28 Sat 5 p.m.
Red Shoe Diaries (Wild Orchid 3)
A Golden Films Release
Trapped by a burning secret. Torn by a blazing desire.
After the death of his beloved wife, a man reads her diary and finds out that
she was having an affair.
Direction: Zalman King. Screenplay: Zalman King, Patricia Louisianna Knop.
Cast: David Duchovny, Brigitte Bako, Billy Wirth.
1992 103 minutes 35mm color
For mature viewing

Next attractions pertain to UP Film Institute’s opening salvo for the second
semester of the current school year in November.
To get the schedule ahead, join the UP Film Institute’s egroup
via email filminstitute@up.edu.ph

University of the Philippines Film Institute
(Member, CILECT/International Association of Film and Television Schools)
Plaridel Hall, Ylanan Road, UP Diliman, Quezon City
Tel: 9818500 (UP Trunkline) local 2669, 2670; 9206863 (Telefax)
Cine Adarna, Magsaysay and Osmeña Avenues, UP Diliman, Quezon City
Tel: 9818500 (UP Trunkline) local 4286, 4289; 9262722 (Telefax)
[link]
filminstitute@up.edu.ph
upfilminstitute@hotmail.com

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10437575/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10437575/ Wed, 18 Oct 2006 18:20:08 PDT Whether you’re in a BAND or not, would you like to learn…
WRITING KILLER LYRICS for KILLER ALBUMS under CABRING CABRERA
(freelance writer, English professor; vocalist & lyricist of DATU’S TRIBE)
Arm yourselves with practical and effective writing skills and strategies for composing meaningful and catchy lyrics; integrate powerful concepts with eye-catching packaging design and execution to create critical and creative theme-based album projects!
GUITAR SOUNDCRAFT under KAKOY LEGASPI
(former guitarist of RIVERMAYA, BARBIE’S CRADLE; now lead guitarist of Indie Prog-rock band SALINDIWA)
Learn skills, strategies, and techniques that will give you the confidence to manipulate different kinds of amplifiers (tube, solid-state, simulators) or analog/digital guitar effects (stompboxes, digital fx processors) to get the unique guitar sound you’ve always wanted for studio recordings & live performances!

FRETBOARD MAGIC under DELVIS VISPERAS
(guitar instructor; lead guitarist of DATU’S TRIBE)
Increase & refine your knowledge of different guitar scales and modes as well as playing techniques; make your original compositions stand out against run-of-the-mill, formulaic “original” songs flooding the market these days!

STUDIO RECORDING ENGINEERING 101 under ANGEE ROZUL
(multi-awarded Master Recording Engineer of TRACKS Studio; recorded/mixed/ mastered many of the mega-selling albums of acts such as THE ERASERHEADS, RIVERMAYA, BAMBOO, SLAPSHOCK , WOLFGANG, SOUTH BORDER, HALE, 6CYCLEMIND, atbp!)
Utilize different recording, mixing, & mastering principles & techniques for either analog or digital studio recordings; give your demos, EPs, & full-length albums that all-important professional studio sound quality needed to impress both music listeners & record label executives alike!

PROFESSIONAL ARTIST MANAGEMENT under ANN ANGALA
(former manager extraordinaire of THE ERASERHEADS, BARBIE’S CRADLE, P.O.T., and KAPATID; current manager of rising artist MANOMANO; ex-Circulation and Events Manager of PULP Magazine)
Know what to look for in a good manager; package & promote your music, produce your own shows, network your contacts & resources in the industry, and finally, get those record deals to firmly establish your name in the local music scene!

MAKING MUSIC VIDEOS under SIG SANCHEZ
(Awarded Indie film director & writer; directed music videos for SUGARFREE, HALE, PAROKYA ni EDGAR, KYLA, SHAMROCK, atbp!)
Capture a wider audience! You won’t have to spend a fortune as long as you know how to effectively conceptualize, finance, shoot, produce, edit, & market your own music videos!

If you’re a SERIOUS MUSICIAN and you want YOUR MUSIC to MAKE A DIFFERENCE, you’ve got to be part of…
TAGA-TUNE!
TAGA-JAM!©
The FIRST PINOY BANDS & MUSICIANS’ CAREER OPPORTUNITIES WORKSHOP
for both young and aspiring or seasoned professional musicians who need to know what it takes to survive and succeed in the local music industry from THE BEST in the local music industry!!
Workshops will begin on the last weekend of October 2006 and will be held at
MINDLINKS®
Academic Advancement & Review Center
Valley Fair Town Center, Km.23
Ortigas Ave. Ext., TAYTAY, Rizal
(only 29-34 minutes away from
UP Diliman or Tiendesitas! )
Only a limited number of classes will be opened to a limited number of participants, so get early slots!

WE CAN ALSO BRING THE WORKSHOP TO YOU!
We are open to holding on-campus sessions for High Schools, Colleges, & Universities!
For reservations, fees, payment options, & discount incentives, contact
Manolo at 0927.487.7799 or
MINDLINKS (Shey/Eric) at 658-1729
You DON’T have to be
JUST ANOTHER PLAYER in
JUST ANOTHER BAND.
BE THERE!

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10178292/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10178292/ Mon, 25 Sep 2006 01:20:34 PDT End: Sep 27, '06 8:00p
Location: Cine Adarna (UP Film Center)
CAM SHORT FILMS :: 1:00PM to 3:00pm (first
screening)
“Maalinsangan ang Gabi :: Cesar Hernando
“Tubero” :: Jopay Guillermo
“Biyaheng Barya” :: Dan Matutina
“Kahon” :: Rommel Joson
“Short Film” :: Jeremy Manalang
“Takipsilim” :: Jopay Guillermo
“Anino” :: Raymond Red
“Batang Trapo” :: Mes de Guzman
“Kagat ng Dilim” :: Cesar Hernando (Starring Piolo
Pascual)

2006 INYORAI BIDYO FESTIVAL WINNERS ::
3:30PM to 5:30PM
“Revolt of the Hymen” :: Preciouse Tayag
“It Feels Good to be Alive” :: Antoinette Jadaone
“Bad Reception” :: Val Jayson Dimayuga
“Kahon” :: Heidi Sarno
“Pirouette” :: Maria Alina Co
“Lunes ng Hapis” :: Nick Joseph Olanka
“Laman-Loob” :: Liarnie Ostani
“Makinista” :: Jake Carreon Salvador
“Istikman” :: Stephen Leñihan

CAM SHORT FILMS :: 6:00PM to 8:00PM (second
screening)

]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10076524/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/10076524/ Fri, 15 Sep 2006 01:54:58 PDT a post from the CINEMANILA egroups. i gotta check this soon. who wants to come with me? beer and food. yeyness.

We're opening a pLace where you can find vintage super8 cameras,
projectors, and SLRs, coLLectibLe toys and hard to find DVDs at
reasonabLe prices.

Beer at P25.
And great food.

Located at MaLakas St. Brgy. Central DiLiman, Quezon City.
(in front of FersaL HoteL) ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/9866322/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/9866322/ Sat, 26 Aug 2006 20:20:41 PDT 2. kimchi in fried fish
3. "nothings gonna stop us now" by starship
4. new ink for my old pen brush
5. high res digicams
6. cuban beats
7. salted kim/nori seaweeds
8. an instant message from an "instant" someone in my life
9. reunions
10.blooper stories
11.blooper friends
12.squid
13.new words
13.new film/video concept
14.rustic anythings
15."vasoline" by stone temple pilots
16.aviator shades
17.dance
18.flight
19.parchment paper
20.par38s ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/9757236/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/9757236/ Thu, 17 Aug 2006 07:45:45 PDT ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/9359844/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/9359844/ Wed, 12 Jul 2006 23:44:58 PDT ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/8659190/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/8659190/ Wed, 03 May 2006 06:13:10 PDT From my mental physical spiritual and emotional body
Cause I know that spirit guides me
And love lives inside me
That's why I today,
I take life as it comes. ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/8507459/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/8507459/ Tue, 18 Apr 2006 17:52:48 PDT
he's not yet sure if it's cancerous or not so we'll need to pay extra for someone to check if it is so. oohh..i had a big tensed sigh back there. puuhrobblems!!! and yes, i have to get operated on as soon as possible. the doc instantly gave me a sched, a month after today, just enough time for me to save up...i hope.

so guys, if you have any possible raket there for me, please refer me. thanks. i really need your help on this. i tried to get employed this summer but i can't carry on because the doc said i can't use my voice too much. i had desperate needs before this physical issue i'm having now so i opted for call center this summer...but then again...darn these obstacles! i only pray that in the soonest time i'd be able to pay back the people who are always ready to help and my parents who are already tired working double time for my endless needs.

please do contact me right away if you find one. ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/8105753/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/8105753/ Wed, 08 Mar 2006 17:43:32 PST I don't cringe when you stare at women, it's just a thing called guy
I don't notice your side ways glances or where your loyalty lies
I'm secure and out of me, it's hard to get a rise

I'm not jealous
I don't get moved my much
I'm not enraged
Not insecure as such
Not going insane
Rational stays in touch
Doth I protest too much?

I'm not tortured by how oft your busy, Cause I've got things to do
I'm not disappointed about how you don't miss you me, cause I don't need you to

I'm not needy
I don't get clingy much
I'm not scared
I'm not afraid as such
I'm not dependent
Rock solid, stays in touch
And Doth I protest too much?

So much energy to prove to you
Who I can't possibly be
So much energy to prove to you
I'm not who you hate for me to be

I'm not saddened
And I don't miss you
Cause I have moved on too
I'm not concerned about your new lover
Cause I have a new lover too

I'm not depressed
I don't get down that much
I'm not despondent
I am not dark as such
I'm never sad
Keep Chin Up, Stays in touch
And Doth I protest too much?

I'm not jealous
I don't get moved my much
I'm not enraged
Not insecure as such
Not going insane
Rational stays in touch
And Doth I protest too much? ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/7744729/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/7744729/ Sun, 29 Jan 2006 18:43:42 PST ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/4782078/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/4782078/ Thu, 10 Mar 2005 23:13:24 PST
thought i'd give it a try one time, when things were just blatantly boring on a thursday morning. i just clenched my fist and gathered enough strength to pull off a hard punch (duh) and hit it right onto my face. then i remembered "fight club", one of the films that i really liked. hah...

self-inflicted pain is so much easier to take. i was expecting that punch would bring me to my senses, somehow. but no, it just made the moment all the more superficial. an embicilic joke. maybe if i were hit by somebody else, if that pain was caused by another creature, i'd really hurt big time..i'll be going berserk if ever. that's why it's easier to hate other people, it's always harder to hate yourself. when you have somebody else to blame, about how and why you're such a mess...life is rather at its most real phase. as in ouch.

i was just desperate for any form of diversity that morning. never thought i'd come up with any insight after that.
pfft.

i don't even know if i actually made sense there.
well, uh. surprise. ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3653579/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3653579/ Sat, 23 Oct 2004 05:16:43 PDT
1) won't enrol next sem dahil sa kakulangan ng moolah and i need to extend my time in college.
2) i'll miss FA and manong nestor's siomai.
3) can't go home to bicol for sembreak
4) no beach adventures for me 'til december
5) di ako makaattend ng gigs ng banda
6) magpapahinga na muna ang banda
7) anubah....

dahilan para sumaya:

1) kinaya ko ang mahigit na isang buwan na kami lang ng nanay ko, nagbabangasan at nagkakasundo all at the same time! whoa! ewan.
2) ang ganda ng tunog ng speakers ko
3) rakets keep rushing in.. at excited ako
4) i'll be having photo sessions of German Shepherd dogs next week
5) i'm back in the Production business..
6) may gana na uli akong kumain
7) may interes na rin uli sakin ang lamok...(salamat sa tulog at pahinga) ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3523841/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3523841/ Wed, 06 Oct 2004 02:23:53 PDT
but i'm learning the art of letting go...in a very hard spanking way.

too bad, so sad, dear dad.... ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3314804/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3314804/ Wed, 08 Sep 2004 09:14:13 PDT
> We are inviting independent filmmakers to submit
> proposals for our CINEMA
> ONE ORIGINALS project.
> Accepted proposal will be funded by CPI for
> production. Production fund
> will be P600,000.00.
> Here's my letter of invitation and guidelines for
> the project:
>
>
>
>
> Dear Mr/Ms.______________________,
>
> Cinema One, the premiere Filipino movie
> channel has always
> believed in the unique vision and innate gift of the
> Filipino filmmaker.
> As a leading proponent of Filipino films we are
> aware that there is a
> wealth of talent out there just looking for the
> perfect break, opportunity
> or venue to showcase their craft.
> In light of this, Cinema One is launching an
> exciting new project
> that will give Filipino filmmakers the funding and
> impetus to create
> original full-length features in digital video
> format. The chosen
> commissioned works will then be aired both locally
> and internationally
> under the Cinema One Originals banner. To this end,
> we would like to
> invite you to submit your proposal, including all
> information specified in
> guidelines to the following address:
>
> Office of the Programming Director
> Creative Programs, Inc. (CPI)
> 10th Floor, ELJ Communications Center
> Building
> Eugenio Lopez Drive, 1103, Quezon City
>
> or you can submit thru email with all the
> requirement indicated in
> the attached guidelines to
> Ronald_Arguelles@a...
>
> With your participation and support, we see
> “Cinema One Originalsâ€& #65533;
> as an on-going, long running series that will not
> only put much needed
> focus on Filipino films and filmmakers but will also
> expose, inform and
> educate our Cinema One audiences to the wide and
> wonderful spectrum of
> Philippine movies, available for their viewing
> pleasure.
>
> Respectfully yours,
>
> Ronald Arguelles
> Director of Programming
>
>
>
> Noted by:
>
>
> Olivia Finina de Jesus
> Managing Director
>
>
>
>
> Cinema One Originals Guidelines
>
> 1. All filmmakers are eligible to join Cinema One
> Originals - the
> commercial or the non-commercial, the young or the
> seasoned.
>
> 2. Interested parties must be able to accomplish
> and/or submit the
> following on or before Oct. 15, 2004, Friday, 5pm,
> to the Cinema One Original Secretariat, CPI
> Programming office, 10th
> floor, ELJ Communications Center Bldg.,
> Eugenio Lopez Drive, Quezon City:
>
> a. a duly accomplished application form
> b. a synopsis in either English or Filipino
> c. a brief resume
> d. two (2) recent 2X2 photos of the filmmaker/s
> e. samples of previous work dubbed in VHS, CD, or
> DVD
>
> 3. The Cinema One Original Secretariat will choose
> eight (8) qualifying
> proposals by Oct 18, 2004. Formal announcement of
> accepted proposals will
> be made on October 20, 2004.
>
> 4.The final produced digital films must be
> submitted in DVD format on or
> before January 12, 2005, 5pm, to the
> Cinema One Originals Secretariat (see the address
> above.) The submissions
> should be labeled properly with the following
> information:
>
> a. title of the film
> b. production company address
> c. contact numbers of the filmmaker/s
> d. full name of the director
> e. running time
>
> 5. The preferred running time of the digital
> production should be anywhere
> from a minimum of ninety (90) minutes to a maximum
> of one hundred-twenty
> (120) minutes.
>
> 6. Narrative features, as well as full-length
> documentaries, will be
> acceptedâ€"so long as they fall into the
inclusive
> time restriction.
>
> 7. A total of eight (8) finalists will be selected.
> Creative Programs,
> Inc. (CPI) will award to the chosen fillmakers a
> total production grant of
> six hundred thousand pesos (P600,000.00) per
> project.
>
> 8. All eight (8) finalists will be required to
> attend a one-day briefing
> with the project organizers, the date of which shall
> be announced
> accordingly.
>
> 9. Fifteen (15) days after the announcement of the
> finalists, the
> filmmakers should submit the following to the Cinema<... ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3137212/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3137212/ Mon, 16 Aug 2004 07:39:04 PDT it stinks, to think that numerous mud covered palms
of greed and envy have had a second or two moments of personal touch with it...
as if precious than a lover
come to think of it,
just a piece of paper,
just a massive production of copyright and signatures of people who claim to be
all worth of nationalistic applause and patriotism,

just another surface with a tinge of color and lifeless portraits...
does money really make the world go round?
one thing goes wrong in your finanacial world and you go berserk.
i hate to believe it but it's in my face, i see the world and almost everybody around me
tremble in great fear whenever the "significant material" goes fleeting from their
sweaty stenchy hands. ]]> ~aivazovsky http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3060613/ http://aivazovsky.deviantart.com/journal/3060613/ Fri, 06 Aug 2004 19:59:22 PDT not about suicide because honestly that's not dramatic enough.
Most of us love the stage and suicide is definitely your last performance and being addicted to the stage,
suicide was never an option- plus people get to look you over and stare at your fatty bits and you can't cross
your legs to give that flattering thigh angle and that's depressing." -Tori Amos

Well it's not just about the sad thing of being unable to show off my thigh or something.
i shame the idea of suicide because it is just plainly stupid to hurt yourself.
You can go on and be stupid in managing your heart issues but don't spurt and gut yourself out and leave
unpleasing mess that is made of your blatant weakness.

Some friend thought of taking her life this morning,
i caught her on the verge of doing it, I rang her phone for some strong feeling that came over me. Queer.

I once had this thoughts of sleeping my way out of this friggin' life. I actually took in valumes hoping i'd get overdosed
and just spill on to infinite flight in blank space of the so called other life not caring if it'll cause me to burn in hell or what.
But that was when i was in highschool and my hormones were way too high, immature and bored.
Yes i was inimitably bored and stuck in a primitive life back in the province,
helpless from the martial rules that my mom herself authored before us, not a speck of
chance was ever offered by the very environment i was in. School was fun though, or at least i made it so. I had to
be superficially excited about going to class and with my classmates to chit chat with them, those self-proclaimed mentor/
teachers who never really taught me anything that i can remember now...
I somehow got to laugh at times though, but those were just
chuckles, mere sounds with a tinge of expression of joy in my ever so morose face. It was a great deal of effort to make my everyday
of my whole fifteen years of existing in such a backward town a bit interesting. Taking risk was (and i think forever will be) my
strongest point as a human and it's all i ever had. I dared to live up to my parents' standards, i dared to face the challenges of
academic excellence for a while, i dared to share my life with others. Then i understood life better.
I lived on. But there were more times when oppressions came, afflictions from which i cannot defense myself from. I endured still and
now i struggle to push on. I grew to love the slow pacing of thriving and duely succeeding time and again. I grew to enjoy
small pleasures in this demented life. It's not all the time stable, yes, but there are good old memories that remind me to hold on.

"Padayon bay...", ika nga sa bisaya. ]]> ~aivazovsky