deviantART: by:alwayzdazd

deviantART: by:alwayzdazd http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:alwayzdazd&section=today deviantART RSS for by:alwayzdazd en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:00:57 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png Devious Journal Entry http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/9516054/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/9516054/ Thu, 27 Jul 2006 20:48:52 PDT
while i was gone, i did next to no writing/drawing, and now, i am finding it quite difficult to get back into it. maybe i won't let my mind wander enough. it's almost as if i have forgotten how. so how is this supposed to go again..?

- beth ]]> ~alwayzdazd i said goodbye http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/9111084/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/9111084/ Mon, 19 Jun 2006 00:45:31 PDT

R A N D O M

you told me to think about what i wanted that would make me happy. and it was not anything that you could offer, or that i had the right to ask for. so i said goodbye, and that still was not good enough for you. ask me again for something that i finally refuse to give to you, but don't you dare fucking ask why. you already know. ]]> ~alwayzdazd and the months slid by http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/8892704/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/8892704/ Sat, 27 May 2006 12:16:36 PDT
have a lot of catching up to do. ]]> ~alwayzdazd learning the trapeze http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/6362683/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/6362683/ Mon, 29 Aug 2005 18:22:52 PDT
i think i might have lost the ability to think.

take care of yourselves.

]]> ~alwayzdazd gone for a month http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/5656184/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/5656184/ Wed, 15 Jun 2005 12:53:14 PDT Mood: Confused

what!?!

^{nothing here; move along sucka}

^{first of all, thank you for all of the comments and favs that i have not been able to say thank you for. they make me smile. secondly, my kids are now here for a month, so i will not be around here much until after they leave. hopefully i will be able to comment a little bit, but not much. i am just ecstatic that my babies are with me for now, so i am concentrating on that. hope you are all well. the ones who need to get ahold of me know how.}

^{C H E C K these L I N K S}

]]> ~alwayzdazd life and death http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/5344376/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/5344376/ Fri, 13 May 2005 03:18:05 PDT Mood: Headache

i need more pills
Reading: tales of a punk rock nothing

^{i wonder if i am finally tired of running; or is it you that makes me not want to?}

_{at 2:25 am ET today, Michael Ross was pronounced dead by lethal injection at the Osborn Correctional Institution in Somers, Connecticut. he was sentenced to death for the killings of four women, and later confessed to killing four others. this was the first execution carried out in New England in over 40 years. four of the other five states in the New England region (Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Maine, and Vermont) have no death penalty, and New Hampshire's last execution was in 1939. Ross was said to have had a troubled childhood, and was mentally unstable. in 1994, Ross proclaimed that he was no longer going to appeal his case, stating that he "wanted to die."

now my question to you is, what is your opinion on the death penalty? does it make it easier to deal with, knowing that he was "insane" or not in his right mind? some people say that it "brings closure" to victims' families, others state that it is how justice is served, and still others say that it helps clear up the prison system, and stops wasting taxpayer's hard earned money. is that what the death penalty is all about? or is it just one way for us to have a legal way to commit murder, using the basis of "they deserved it" as a way to clear our conscience? everyone has it in them to want to kill someone. we have the primal instinct and desire to wish pain and misery on someone that has done wrong to us. is it right to stick by the old way of "an eye for an eye"? i am also wondering, how much could it possibly help clear up our prison systems? sure, if we had a mass killing of everyone on death row in every state that supports it, that would definitely do the trick. but we wait so long, regardless if there is proof beyond a reasonable doubt, to execute these people, that clearing up our prison systems is not a good enough reason. it's an excuse. the fact that it brings closure, is also not a viable reason. from the many articles that i have read, it doesn't seem like the majority of victims' families, feel closure. some have even gone so far as to say, " it didn't feel as good as i thought it would." so what then? what was truly accomplished by the killing of one more person? all that it has done is teach our children that, as long as that person killed someone else, it's ok to get back at them by doing the same deed to them. and yet we wonder why the world is so full of violence and hatred. if everyone used the excuse of "they did it first" , would it then be ok? or is it just ok to kill when it is in an institution where people are paid to kill others? i am playing the devil's advocate on all of this, and i won't use this as a platform for displaying my beliefs. issues such as this one, do get overlooked too often, though, and people just don't give a shit anymore. call it laziness or fake conservative assholes taking over so that we are no longer obliged to think about what's right or wrong. either way, people need to wake up and pay more attention.}

^{C H E C K these L I N K S}

]]> ~alwayzdazd lacking a subject http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/5182052/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/5182052/ Mon, 25 Apr 2005 02:22:58 PDT Mood: Screw The World

fuck you
Listening to: sky is falling - lifehouse
Reading: twelve - nick mcdonell
Watching: i heart huckabee's

_{playing hide and seek can be theraputic. now i just need to know when it's ok to make myself known.}

_{gimme something to work with people, because i am blank.

how has everyone been?}

^{C H E C K these L I N K S}

]]> ~alwayzdazd free thinking in a close minded world http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4883935/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4883935/ Tue, 22 Mar 2005 17:42:11 PST

^{- we are made to believe that free thinking is accepted, and even encouraged. yet when we state our own opinions, we are scorned for not conforming to the ways of life of the closed-minded nation that we live in.

- we are made to believe that individuality is a virtue. yet when we express ourselves, when we get comfortable in our own skin, when our thoughts are just a little left of center, we are condemned for not "being normal". we are called freaks and outcasts.

we are abstract images trying to live in a box that refuses to change shape. and they say we are the ones that are fucked up.}

^{the shooting that occurred todayin Minnesota is yet again causing fingers to be pointed at so-called hate groups, namely the Libertarian National Socialist Green Party. the boy that committed these crimes was supposedly an outcast, a loner. did that give him a right to do what he did? no. does it make it any easier to take knowing that he didn't feel that the people around him understood him and his way of thinking? no. but i want to ask you this: in a world, and especially a nation that is so close-minded to so many things, where are kids supposed to turn? they see these hate groups, these groups that have a different way of thinking as something that they can belong to. somewhere where they won't be constantly condemned and judged for what they believe in. they turn to these groups because they are the only ones willing to accept someone who is different. i do not condone any groups like this, but i do understand them. by law, we are allowed freedom of speech and freedom of expression without the interference of the government. but when we act out of first ammendment rights in any way that the government, or the people do not agree with, we are stricken down. why? because we are not conforming to the mainstream thoughts in society. the groups that form in protest to the government are shot down, and labeled as hate groups, because they do not conform. screw our rights, i guess they forgot to put the fine print in there. many groups did not start out as violent groups. they started out as groups that formed for those who thought differently, and for those that were not happy with how our system was working. they stated their beliefs. people shunned them for that. people ignored their rightful protests, claiming that they were only out to cause total anarchy and chaos. they were refused their rights given to them by the first ammendment. can you blame them for feeling hatred and anger towards people? they expressed their views, and they were ignored, they were mocked. i can easily see how hate would come into play. does that make it right? no. but how can you ignore their views? they are just as valid as any republican or democratic view. i am speaking in terms of any group out there that is not a "traditional" one, so to speak. this is a world, a nation, that is supposed to encourage free thinking. and yet they turn their back on it. can you blame kids for getting involved with groups such as these? where else are they supposed to turn, when the world looks at them through slit lenses? you can only see what you choose to see. and that to me, is an atrocity. that is what causes hate. nothing will change until we accept and guide today's youth with an open mind, and encourage acceptance. now ask yourself this, who is really to blame?}

^{C H E C K these L I N K S}

]]> ~alwayzdazd hold yourself tight; it's better that way http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4843168/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4843168/ Fri, 18 Mar 2005 05:16:26 PST Mood: Unplugged

mhm

^{Twenty-six years and seems like I've just begun

To understand my,_{my intimate is no one}

When the director sold the show, who bought its last rites?

They cut the cast, the music, and the lights

This is my line, this is eternal

How did I ever end up here?

Discarnate, preternatural

My prayers to disappear

Absent of grace, marked as infernal

Ungranted in dead time left me disowned

To this nature, so unnatural

_{I remain alone}

Twenty-six years end, still speaking in these tongues

Such revelations while understood by no one

When the new actor stole the show, who questioned his grace?

Please clear the house of ill-aquired taste

This is my line, this is eternal

How did I ever end up here?

Discarnate, preternatural

My prayers to disappear

Absent of grace, marked as infernal

Ungranted in dead time left me disowned

To this nature, so unnatural

_{I remain alone}

Give me something, give me something

Give me something, give me something

Give me something, give me something real

I lay strewn across the floor, can't solve this puzzle

Everyday another small piece can't be found

I lay strewn across the floor, pieced up in sorrow

The pieces are lost, these pieces don't fit

Pieced together incomplete and empty

This is my line, this is eternal

How did I ever end up here?

Discarnate, preternatural

My prayers to disappear

Absent of grace, marked as infernal

Ungranted in dead time left me disowned

To this nature, so unnatural

_{I remain alone}

This is my line, this is eternal

How did I end up here?

Discarnate, preternatural

My prayers to disappear

Absent of grace, marked as infernal

Ungranted in dead time left me disowned

To this nature, so unnatural

_{I remain alone}}

call me emo today...i don't give a shit...fuck it

^{C H E C K these L I N K S}

]]> ~alwayzdazd achoo.how the hell was i supposed to know http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4778608/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4778608/ Thu, 10 Mar 2005 15:29:34 PST Mood: Sick

*sneeze*
Listening to: absentimental - norma jean
Reading: lullaby - chuck palahniuk
Watching: movies are bad for you

^{tell me what you can see beyond. are your harsh thoughts more than that? will they become words that make my skin crawl or will i be able to pick them off and save them for you?}

so i was wondering why i kept getting comments and favs on a few of my pieces that were more than a year old. beth seemed to forget that she changed the preview images in them, they would re-appear in your mailboxes.

look who's not with it..ME! i appreciate all of the comments..i bet you were thinking, "holy shit, can she not stop submitting?!?!" well..maybe you did and maybe you didn't..but that comments warmed me just a little.

i need a joke..a funny joke.

*ahem* anyways...anyone interested in writing for an "online magazine/blog", let me or *xdeadpoetx know. it's still in the early stages, but we want to get the word out, and talk to some people about interest. *eyes some people in particular*

^{c h e c k t h i s}

]]> ~alwayzdazd oh oh OH http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4745488/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4745488/ Sun, 06 Mar 2005 18:11:19 PST Mood: Haphazard

weeeeeeee
Listening to: badly drawn boy - chaos theory
Reading: lullaby - chuck palahniuk
Watching: movies are bad for you

^{a piece of something more than air is all that i am after; something that won't allow my hand to completely close..i want to know that i have something to hold on to.}

soooooooo...
so i was talking to a friend about how it sucks that there are no restaurants or hang-outs open hella late, ie 4 am. me and my sister had talked about wanting to open a place such as that. ANYWAYS, when me and my friend were talking, i told him i thought a good name for it would be "the effing place" or "the effing restaurant" and so we ended up coming up with some good shit - an effing burger, an effing drink, an effing pizza...the menus would be printed up as such, so the customers would have to order it by name...and oh my god..how damn funny would it be to have someone say "yeah, i want an effing burger and an effing drink" and when a friend asked where you were going, you would say "i'm going to the effing place." brilliant, i say..pure f*cking brilliant.

and then...we would have to make t-shirts "we ate at the effing place!"

yeah..

*ahem* anyways...anyone interested in writing for an "online magazine/blog", let me or *xdeadpoetx know. it's still in the early stages, but we want to get the word out, and talk to some people about interest. *eyes some people in particular*

]]> ~alwayzdazd random revisions and even inspired? http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4698191/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4698191/ Tue, 01 Mar 2005 00:12:11 PST Mood: Nauseated

so gonna puke
Listening to: keep it clean - pitchshifter

^{take a look inside to see what is never on the outside. would you be surprised , would you disown me, or would you love every part of me?}

oh my gawd! could it be?!?! i am updating and submitting. i have been looking through my gallery and decided it was about damn time for me to do some revisions and what not. i am hoping this outs me in a lyrical mood,

since i have some songs i need to write. gawddamn, i love making more work for myself.

i will be something something later tonight hopefully ( cross your damn fingers )

for now, i am going to go puke....

]]> ~alwayzdazd found the culprit http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4647445/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4647445/ Tue, 22 Feb 2005 17:52:41 PST

you are a wonderful person.

now, i get to go to work. i will do a proper journal later.

AlWaYz

]]> ~alwayzdazd you got me to smile http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4642291/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4642291/ Tue, 22 Feb 2005 01:17:03 PST
send me a note, i would like to know who it was. until then, thank you..you got me to smile.

AlWaYz

]]> ~alwayzdazd a time to wonder and valentine ink http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4517285/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4517285/ Mon, 07 Feb 2005 02:02:51 PST r a n d o m w o r d s

walk outside and see if you can still feel the cold air. it's like a rush to the head; sweet elation to know that you can still feel the cold air against your cheek, that you can still breathe.

s o m e t h i n g of r e l e v a n c e

if you have nothing better to do on *dun dun DUN* valentine's day, and you live in or around ft. wayne, in. - come see me and ~porch as we will be out at grade a tattoos with X102 fm for a v-day inking. help support the American Heart Association, play a part in an attempt to get into the Guinness Book of World Records, and see what i get inked.

gawddamn, that was a plug... nothing like a faithful employee , huh dan?

AlWaYz

D I S C O R D L E S S ]]> ~alwayzdazd once upon a time.. http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4346707/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/4346707/ Mon, 17 Jan 2005 20:21:08 PST r a n d o m w o r d s

there was a girl. i was that girl. she sold her soul to find love. i sold love to find my soul. give it up a few more times. make some money to buy it cheap. i just have to remember..that it's not mine to keep.

s o m e t h i n g of r e l e v a n c e

since people noticed that i was in hiding, i thought an update would be good. i didn't have net access for a couple of weeks. got it back now, thanks to teh sex a.k.a ~porch he drilled a hole in my wall....sexy shit.

been working a lot, had to take a college scholarship exam, and went out of town over the holidays...but now i hope to be back and try to keep up with everyone. hopefully i will have some new stuff soon, as well. i did delete all of the old things i had in my box...sorry.

but, that means i will have time to look at new work.

have missed all of you.

AlWaYz

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!! go tell ~glowenigma happy birthday..even though it was yesterday.

C H E CK I T
D I S CO R D L E S S . C O M ]]> ~alwayzdazd hide and seek - edited http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3949747/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3949747/ Tue, 30 Nov 2004 16:03:14 PST r a n d o m w o r d s

sleep, come and find me. only then can i escape, and only then can i pretend.

s o m e t h i n g of r e l e v a n c e

been working a lot, so i have had next to no time. next few days i have off, so i am hoping to catch up on at least a little bit here. you guys are still looking at my work..which almost makes me all warm and fuzzy..almost.

AlWaYz

]]> ~alwayzdazd random what? http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3846117/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3846117/ Tue, 16 Nov 2004 00:05:36 PST r a n d o m w o r d s

you never wanted it to turn out like this. everything just faded into a memory. one that you wish you didn't have. one that you're not sure ever belonged inside your head. erase it or suffocate it. not once, but twice so that you can bleed yourself awake.

s o m e t h i n g of r e l e v a n c e

i've been shitty at commenting. i've been shitty at keeping in touch with people. i've been shitty at a lot of things, so i apologize. still

all of you.

AlWaYz

]]> ~alwayzdazd tell me when http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3511098/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3511098/ Mon, 04 Oct 2004 13:38:31 PDT

float on a tainted cloud for awhile
see where it takes you
bleed yourself raw for awhile
see what becomes of you

not really a dA thing, but i am putting it here anyways, because i can. i am in need of a new AIM screen name..and..i am wondering what you lil creative asses can come up with. i know a few of you that know me really well will have more than a few suggestions..dirty and not so. give em to me..i need em want em..and maybe i give ya something if i pick one i like. Oo..you know you want to.

a d o p t e e s

~xiooua ~residesinflames

AlWaYz

]]> ~alwayzdazd ..and when http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3328783/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3328783/ Thu, 09 Sep 2004 22:12:06 PDT

..and when you say goodnight, it's all over then. because people change..hearts collapse..and emotion never lasts forever. all i wanted was a goodnight...that one good night to make me feel again. and i know that when i wake up..it will never be real again.

yeah..i've gotten behind again. i will catch up. and ya know what? hell will freeze over. damn..that would be nice. seriously, i will catch up. i promise.

ok..i was informed that hell will indeed freeze over. but then i gotta ask..what is hell? is there a hell? do i give a fuck if there is a hell or not? my answer - not really. so it remains to be seen what lil miss AlWaYz can do about the "getting caught up" situation. bets are up and running.

a d o p t e e s

~xiooua ~residesinflames

AlWaYz

]]> ~alwayzdazd it never existed http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3243147/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/3243147/ Sun, 29 Aug 2004 21:48:10 PDT

take me to a place where nothing dies. where i can swim in a stream of subconscious illusion and not drown. i remember when i thought that place existed. but looking back, it never did. everything dies. yet everything stays with you, leaving a permanent scar deep inside. reality seals it with a heavy layer of laquered pain. no matter how deep you cut, no matter how hard you scratch, it's always there. and the place i long to be, never existed.

yeah..i've gotten behind again. i will catch up. and ya know what? hell will freeze over. damn..that would be nice. seriously, i will catch up. i promise.

a d o p t e e s

*xiooua ~residesinflames

AlWaYz

]]> ~alwayzdazd nothing more than this http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/2984365/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/2984365/ Tue, 27 Jul 2004 23:23:05 PDT

AlWaYz

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~* ~ * ~ * ~

MY ADOPTEES:

~xiooua and ~residesinflames ]]> ~alwayzdazd it's a matter of wondering http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/2968437/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/2968437/ Sun, 25 Jul 2004 23:08:39 PDT That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.
All the little pieces fallen, shattered.
Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together,
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me,
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
It causes me to wonder,
Which of us do you love.
So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no...
Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe,
I breathe-
I breathe no more.

something i am wondering right now. even if i knew the answer, i doubt i would believe it.

AlWaYz

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~* ~ * ~ * ~

MY ADOPTEES:

~xiooua and ~residesinflames ]]> ~alwayzdazd what can i say? http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/2910758/ http://alwayzdazd.deviantart.com/journal/2910758/ Sun, 18 Jul 2004 11:43:15 PDT

AlWaYz

]]> ~alwayzdazd