Not very encouraging for a return journal but it's something I've been contemplating for sometime. This would've gone up much sooner but a lot of personal events have gone on in my life the past few weeks, and then with the recent passing on Michael Jackson... ....

Anyway, the reason I vanished is because I've been fighting what I suspsect is unconfirmed seasonal affective disorder. Before accusations of my Wikipedia self-diagnosis come flying, this is a condition I've been going through for over a decade. Every summer, I'm more prone to lengthy spouts of depression. This year is particularly bad, due to being unemployed for what is now over the third month running: Damn Recession. I'm not looking for sympathy here, although some will probably garner that I'm just being a melodramatic attention-seeker from reading this anyway; wouldn't be the first time...

To try and fight off such feelings, I've undertaken a long-distance games design course and I was thinking about perhaps doing some commissions, on and off. But I do not think I am able to participate on DeviantArt anymore. What was once a hobby has now become a chore. I no longer derive any pleasure from doing artwok for free, because I feel under pressure to always produce high quality stuff. Hence why it's taking me so long to draw UEIE and Infurlation. I feel under constant competition compared to everyone else... and in some cases, I've admitted to being jealous of other people (not just art-wise but lifestyle-wise, etc), aloof, arrogant, spiteful, letting my overinflated ego run away with me, although I'm very careful not to actually say all this (at least, I hope so). Very childish and immature of me, I know. Those who know my reaction to Nordguard (Blotch's next project) know very well. I get extremely selfish when I'm depressed.

I've spoken with a lot of close correspondents about this, but I don't see any other option than to just drop DA altogether. I've been avoiding the place like the plague on some really bad days, hence the lack of comments and replies and notes or anything. I'm very very sorry.

I'm still as of yet undecided as to what to do. Self-confidence and convictions in my judgement are not my strong points... and summer is really not a very good time of year for me at all. I feel guilty about confessing all of this, because who on earth would want to read yet another emo-style journal anyways?

But I can't lie anymore. I'm afraid it's looking very likely I'll be closing up shop on DA for good. No one renew my subscription please, because I don't even know if it'll be worth it in the end.

Anyway, I'll stop whinging.

My esteemed thanks to everybody who's contributed to my 60,000 page views. I really appreciate that a lot. My thoughts and regards to all, especially my closest batch of friends who've had to put up with so so much this year, especially since March.

Due to recent events, I will be taking a noticeable leave of absence from DA for a while and all artwork is on hold until further notice.

My sincerest apologies.

A poorly executed pun but I’m fresh out of ideas at the moment. That’s pretty obvious when the best tentative title I had come up with otherwise was “Round We Go Round the Month-Berry Bush.” And I’ve not got the excuse of writing the episode dub-titles for Pokémon: Galactic Battles.

Perhaps I’m out-of-sorts because I’m not June’s biggest fan. I mean, it’s named after the Roman goddess of marriage, Juno. And in England, June’s flower is the rose... then there’s Father Day and Trooping the Colour (especially poignant as it’s a D-Day anniversary thing. No disrespect to the veterans of course)... oh, whatever. We’re halfway through 2009 and that means we’re all sailing on the winds of change. Something I'm not very good at dealing with, as those who know me very well have had to recently endure.
A long-distance course in video games design, a possibility of my getting noticed by possible big-time commissioners, me about ready to start doing smaller furry commissions (NOT YET so no hounding please!), hints of a long-term job on the horizon, driving lessons almost at an end with my final test booked, plus the fact it’s now been over two years since I’ve been furry... it’s all been a bit overwhelming but I shouldn’t really look a gift horse (or horses) in the mouth. After many a roundabout discussion and a lot of emotion (yes, yes, I’m one of those men who aren’t afraid to cry), I’m glad my life is the way it is. Originally, this journal was just going to be another dreaded moan fest... but bah, there’s enough of that in the real world (politics especially). My heartfelt thanks to everyone who’s supported me and a lot more besides. I just wish I had more interesting stuff to write about but I’m rather boring at the moment.
My apologies to those patiently awaiting more artwork, including the end of UEIE and Infurlation; I’m only one man and can only work so fast. A slight bugbear of mine is how much time I have to spend on colouring, something that puts me off many a sketch. But as it’s been drilled into my head recently, it’s my hand doing the artwork so I should do whatever feels right for me, including posting up line-art and things... then again, is that being too conceited? To quote the actor Alan Rickman (plays Severus Snape in the Harry Potter movies, but was also an angel in Dogma, the only one to reveal his wings, albeit sardonically): “I've never been able to plan my life. I just lurch from indecision to indecision.” Perhaps that’s me now. Of course, at the time of writing this, I’m recovering from a sudden bout of man-flu, so maybe things’ll look sharper and clearer once my brain stops spin-cycling.

I’ll bear William Shakespeare’s advice in mind during the intermission: “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt...”

For those who ain't fallen asleep yet, take care everybody!

P.S. My most heartfelt thanks to everyone who's contributed to whatever amount of pageviews I've got nowadays over the past two years. :3

Otherwise titled: Worn Out Ramblings from a Ramshackle Fur

Most people I know tend to associate Easter with the chocolate eggs during the bank holidays. Of course, the Christian part does get acknowledged too, what with Jesus Christ being resurrected from his crucifixion. At least according to Christian belief, anyway. In an outré way of retrospective thinking, perhaps my life paralleled that circle of events… or maybe not.

Judge for yourself.

April 6th officially saw me die, in the figurative on-line sense. As some very well know, the phone-line had inadvertently muted our incoming calls (people would try to contact us but for some bizarre reason, our house phones wouldn’t ring), something I suspect may have played a part in me receiving no phone calls from prospective interviews or anything during my first fortnight of redundancy since March 20th. Only we didn’t realise this until April 4th. Regardless, the phone apparently gets fixed, I get myself a mobile, learn that Ultimate Spiderman has been postponed whilst Jeff Loeb struggles to make amends of the mess he calls Ultimatum (a big Marvel comic book event killing off poorly-selling Ultimate Marvel characters) and return home (only with a not so astounding issue of the Wolfman in tow) find our broadband is dead. Oh, and the phone won’t make outgoing calls now.

That one last tentative link holding me together, gone. Friends from my last job, friends from being a fur, knowing what’s going on in the world, etc.. And the key part to me getting a job (other than the face to face routine, something I’ve got a phobia of but I’m working on it, I swear!) Severed. Cut. Sundered.

It’s funny, really, how dependant I’ve become on electronic communication, and well And how much I over-reacted. An irresponsible part of me blames the Asperger’s since there have been past instances with me losing it. Mainly when some unforeseen event totally ruins my comfortable little habit hutch. The other part of me, which worryingly has taken on an amalgamation of my old best friend and my youngest sister’s voice, criticizes me for my immaturity. So something bad happened?, it says, Learn from it and move on, you‘re 24 this year, you‘re meant to have a girlfriend and live independently and have a baby on the way! Not still living at home with Mommy, not going out, getting your kicks out of animals and comic books. You’re not a child! Grow up already and do something!’

And you know, I’m inclined to believe what that second voice(s) says. Well, now I am, now everything’s back to normal. At the time though… well, paraphrasing a poem I once read, nothing’s more a prison than a man’s own mind. I won’t bore everyone with the details, but let’s just say I’d never felt more isolated as a plain human being than I did over the holiday. Misanthropy ran high, fights broke out, stuff got broken… savage immaturity, I know.

I guess, it was the fact that I had to be running the household and keep everything together for when Mum got back from the Far East held me together in the end. That there were people out there, human or fur, that didn’t want me doing something stupid. Still, being plain human, trapped in the house since the Jobcentre and agencies were shut for the four-day weekend and not wanting to spend what remained of my last wages… it was a tough existence, being human.
Not helped by the fact that I almost had a heart attack on the Easter Monday when all of a sudden, the news said there were riots and rife unrest in Thailand. Where my mother was at.
Thankfully, she was fine, far removed from all that. I’m prone to over exaggerating things.

The days blur by and at last, at long last… Sat 18th, 6.10pm, the phone is fixed and the broadband is back. So, why aren’t I bouncing off the walls and ceiling like a kid who’s had Christmas come early?

I’m not actually sure. Mental exhaustion? Guilt? No idea. My mind seems shot and well, I guess any spectator would wonder what the hell’s wrong with me, don’t I know what I want? … I’m rather lost as to the answer to that, right now. Maybe I’m just tired from the day (how can doing nothing exhaust someone, especially on a damn Sunday?), maybe I’m just having a tough time readapting again… or maybe I am just a self-obsessed navel-gazing jerk… or something. Who knows?

Anyway… I hope all that explains why I’m still not entirely 100% back in the game on the presence front, here, there and elsewhere. I probably need time to settle or something… I mean, my family is suddenly coming back altogether next week after a fortnight of being apart, and things will go back to normal again now the holiday’s over.

So I apo... ]]> ~aokamidu http://aokamidu.deviantart.com/journal/23943950/ http://aokamidu.deviantart.com/journal/23943950/ Sun, 29 Mar 2009 01:29:23 PDT

Having had an unexpected glob of free time and half-watching the UK season finale of Wolverine and the X-Men as I started writing this (yay Canadian distribution rights!), now’s a time as any to update my journal.

So what’s been happening with me? Well, as expected, I was officially made redundant on 20 March; a week later than planned because my manager generously let me stay an extra week. The whole ‘temp-worker extinction’ thing unfortunately was a decision from upstairs, who wanted to keep the head count down during the Recession; even some permanent staff are being let go. Heh, a more sardonic me would think it was compensation for the big city boys having to cut back on their bonuses (in light of the row over Sir Fred Goodwin’s Royal Bank of Scotland £700,000 pension; indeed, Sir Tom Mckillop of the same bank is being begged to return part of his £16.9 million back into the economy) but the truth is, everyone’s suffering due to the global downturn (UK sportswear retailer, JJB, is the next casualty) and funnily enough, it’s only now in times of fiscal vigilance and penny-pinching that fraudsters are being found out. I don’t envy President Obama at all, with the weight of the world on his shoulders to try and get things back to normal (I’m of the opinion that the mortgage crisis in America has a part to play in the Recession; over there, you can move out of your house and the bank will repossess your home and not chase you for the missing money-- over here in the UK, a mortgage is a fancy way of saying financial prison. You WILL pay it back, no matter how long you’re alive. No wonder more people are renting these days.)
Needless to say, I’m already looking for work (not helpful is the fact that the big Jobcentre in town is now an empty vacant lot) but I can already foresee big financial repercussions coming. Oh well. Such is the way of the world. I’ll just have to take each day as it comes.

I was very grateful for the send-off I got at Barclays… Easter had come early with chocolate and heh, thanks to one of my old bosses, I’ve heavily gotten into the whole Twilight thing (not because of the movie) and now have all four books (I’m on the third, Eclipse. Thank god there are werewolves to balance out the pro-vampirism!). And, AND I unexpectedly got a signed copy of the first Viz (no, not the vulgar UK mag) Pikachu movie signed none other than the late Maddie (then Adam) ‘Meowth’ Blaustien and Eric ‘Brock’ Stuart! That’s sitting safely in our safe deposit box; I never dreamed I’d have such a thing in my hands, you know? But enough boasting, my heartfelt thanks go to everyone as human and fur, for keeping my spirits up at what would’ve otherwise been a very depressing time. I appreciate all the support and messages and stuff; it’s been an invaluable source of comfort for me and has prevented me from having another episode (I always seem to get them towards the Spring; last year getting fired, the year before being a manic depressive, blah blah blah).

Anyway, I’ve been in a bit of a continuing art block. Maybe I’m just getting lazy from lack of routine or commitment (although I’ve been out of work for just over a week now), maybe lack of inspiration enough to instigate me. OK, s I’m a little doubtful on that last part. I’ve finally caught up on the second US season of Spectacular Spider-Man, whose writing has definitely matured overtime (the season finale was directed almost like a live-action film I felt, something I’ve not seen since the 90s), Robin Hood (the BBC TV series that killed off Maid Marian), Windy Tales (a Japan-only fan subbed OAV from 2005), the Art of Bolt (that proves Disney know when to focus on developing the story and characters than do a Dreamworks and shove in every soon-to-be-outdated pop culture reference) and… a lot of stuff, OK.

Where was I? So yeah, I’ve had a bit of an ongoing art block but I’m hoping to overcome that soon enough to take advantage of the free time I’ve got whilst job hunting. --- I’ve certainly been paying close attention to monsters lately (yes, even succumbing to the level of ITV’S Primeval and Yu Gi Oh GX and 5D and the not-quite-made-it-to-British-shores Huntik and Chaotix). I don’t expect to be back in work within a month like last time. Heh, maybe I’ll even start doing commissions to pass the time? But don’t take that as a yes, I‘m going ahead with it, I still haven’t decided! Opening a Paypal sounds daunting… -_-;

Anyway, I’ve blathered on enough. Here’s looking forward to Easter (the once-only decent part of April, which has always been a crap month for me) and whatever may ensue.

To quote many an American beauty pageant contestant: ‘thank you, and God Bless’ (even though I’m agnost... ]]> ~aokamidu http://aokamidu.deviantart.com/journal/23658939/ http://aokamidu.deviantart.com/journal/23658939/ Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:35:11 PDT

Something probably more suited to my now extinct Livejournal (and for more wise-to-the-world watchers now I come to think of it), but I feel I owe an explanation as to the melodramatic nature of my end-note ramblings yesterday, which contrasted strongly against my employment extension.

It could be unfortunate coincidence or something more than that, I can't say for certain. But hasn't there been a lot of gun violence on the news recently? Well in British news anyway.

The recent spate of victims this week ranging from Northern Ireland, to Alabama in the US, to Germany... it kind of struck a chord too close to home. I grieve for the surviving victims of the barbarousness of those particular weapon-wielders. Not an attack on all those who like or own firearms. I personally don't like the idea of privately owned firearms but that's just my opinion (most definitely biased with what has gone on recently); there are pro's and cons with that whole deal, as there are with everything else with in this world.

Picking my words very carefully here and remaining as neutral as possible, because of such events (and a particular BBC documentary I watched on a particular Evangelical 13-year-old girl's opinion of those who don't follow Christianity) I've begun to question a lot of things, almost in a philosophical nature in some roundabout twisted way. What it means to be human, whether there really is... erm... a greater force out there (albeit God, Allah, Shiva, whoever or whatever), or if it's all pomp and circumstance, pure fate and stuff... yeah, that kind of deal. It's certainly put me off doing a couple of pieces of artwork I had planned to do, including, unfortunate as it is with the Gonne and everything, a re-versioned Feet of Clay homage (a Terry Pratchett Discworld novel I kind of alluded to once; not generally known in the US since it's my opinion fantasy novels over there have to be quite heavy and serious/romantic/sci-fi-ish to be noticed, But that's just my own take on it).

However, thanks to some very wonderful people, both on-line and in real life, both recent and past, I've come to realise that atrocities are always going to happen in the world, be they as large scale as the global recession and its implications (not least the financier Bernard Madoff now being convicted of 11 counts of fraud which some estimate at being over £35 or $50 billion) or as slight as... I dunno, getting yelled at for accidentally bumping into a toddler running round... OK, that was weak (or in my case, my childish twinges of disappointment regarding certain things, at the moment, UK users of Youtube being blocked from certain US music videos -- how pathetic of me, I know). But yeah, as tiresome as the message is, it's best just to get on with life the best you can. And enjoy the good things that balance out the bad in some respects (I wonder if this is why Full Metal Alchemist is seen as depressing?). 'Que sera' and all that. Difficult to adhere to but something I'm increasingly adopting a doctrine, underneath all the emotions and crap. Gods, I can be a right drama king sometimes.

Anyway, I hope that'll explain about the continuing trickle of artwork, especially on the comics front. I know a lot have been wondering about the ending of UEIE, which I have started drafting on and off I'm pleased to report. But with things as they are at the moment, especially with redundancy now coming Friday 20th, I'm finding it difficult to get into the drawing mood for anything other than rapid inaccurate Hellboy-style scribbles, especially when I'm only beginning my 'how to better my artwork' crusade which has kind of ground to a halt. .

Oh well. Inspiration or instigation will get me back in the game, whatever, wherever or whenever it strikes. My most gracious thanks to all who have put up with me thus far!

Here's hoping for a better tomorrow (well, not Friday 13th, no doubt something'll go wrong... gah; and I'm not fond of St Patrick's Day either, although the UK will be first to see this year's Simpsons St Patrick's episode, apparently. Hmm, not much to shout about after all.... oh well).

P.S. My most gracious thanks to those who particularly put up with my sour nature recently.

P.P.S. And that's extended to the glut of new watchers and commenters and note-leavers and new artworks I've been influenced or inspired or wowed by. I really appreciate having a lot of eye-candy to sample on recently.

A dreary Wednesday night drags on relentlessly so I thought I'd do a short update.

As it turns out, they've given me an extra week at work, so my redundancy doesn't fall on unlucky Friday 13th, but instead on Friday 20th. Needless to say, I'm relieved I get an extra week's pay before I end up looking for work again. I'm extremely grateful, especially considering how harrowing this week has been so far otherwise...

I won't go into that or say any more at the moment publicly. This ain't the time or the place. But many thanks to everyone who's left kind notes and words of support and encouragement, I really do appreciate everything.

Be well and kind regards.

Friday 14 March 2008: Was promptly told my temp contract was terminated and I must collect my belongings, hand in my pass and be escorted off the premises.

Friday 13 March 2009: Will be told to collect my belongings, hand in my pass, locker key and time card and be escorted off the premises. Company policy. Nothing personal.

Yeah, I'm going to lose my job again, the only difference between this year and last is that I'm not being dismissed, but being made redundant. Oh, and I got a week's notice ahead of time, instead of the very afternoon I'm supposed to leave an empty desk behind me.

I'm not surprised to be honest. There have been tell-tale signs of big changes for ages and let's not forget the current financial climate. America's unemployment rates have soared to a 25-year high, and redundancies levels in the UK have shot up over 148,000 over the last three months, the highest figure since the National Statistics records began in 1997. There are already worrying predictions about Easter, as UK companies trim themselves down as the new fiscal (financial) year begins in April. Blah, blah, blah...

I'm thankful for the fact I've survived the turnover as long as I have done; it just so happens that during my very last week of work, several teams from the floor above are moving down to where I used to sit (I've worked on two different teams the past almost-year); the whole building is getting squeezed to save money it seems. The lugubrious feelings will probably sink in sooner than expected, but at the moment, I'm just accepting everything for what it is. I liked this job and the people in it much better than the one I had this time last year.

Needless to say, it's going to be much harder finding a new job this time around, but we'll see what happens. At least after next Friday (which just happens to be Friday 13th -- ARGH -- and Comic Relief -- a UK-only BBC children's charity pledge drive; I'm not against the charity, I just don't care to see anything stupid like comedian Billy Connolly run round Trafalgar Square naked again, which ruined my grandmother's view of British television when we video-recorded it for her years back) I'll get more time to develop my artwork whilst I'm on the dole.

Oh well. Although I absolutely hate the song, "Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be..." seems rather appropriate right now. The world may be going to hell but there's no point just moaning about it and not really do anything else, donchaknow.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who's put up with my constant work-related moaning and whining and everything the past couple of months. You know who you are! I've had my head bitten off (rightly so on a many an occasion) and stuff, and although at the time I may bat it off and put on my melancholic mask, it's all good character building in the long run. I guess I've never appreciated all that until now, when the midden really hits the windmill.

And now I'll shut up with the self-pity. There are bigger things to worry and be wowed by, donchaknow?

Bad Kami.

The title is a British phrase which refers to the "boxing" matches hares perform during the breeding season. How appropriate the violence is, considering the month of March is adapted from the Old French "Martius" which means "the month of Mars", not just a planet, but the Roman God of war.

Bur rather than get worked up, I'm feeling pretty wretched these days. The most prominent thing on my mind is that people left, right and centre at work are dropping like flies as they either move departments, go on holiday or in the case of four people on Thursday and Friday, are made redundant. The scariest thing is that one of them only got told their last day was on Friday, on late Thursday afternoon. I wished her well but I feel guilty for not getting as emotional as I was last November when Becky left... but blah blah blah, I'm not going to bore the majority with details. What I will say is that I'm taking another short break. It's really difficult getting into the drawing mood these days, which is why I've become a hit-and-miss homage city all of a sudden.

It's just a lot of things are starting to get to me, ya know? Things of the furry (apologies to those involved), things of humanity (those old enough to know what the world is really like will know more or less of what I'm talking about)... life in general. So like I said (sort of), rather than say or do something stupid, I'll remain in the shadows for a while, picking at what smirk-worthy scraps. As I write this, it's Daria. Yeah, it's tragic I'm watching a now-extinct MTV show (do they even bother playing decent music, if any, these days?) but the misanthropic remarks make me feel good. Another couple of good things include the Art of Hellboy (the Mike Mignola comic that is, not the Guermiello del Toro film), The Art of Bolt, this month's issues of Ultimate Spider-man and Astounding Wolf-Man and a new wolf photography anthology. Oh, and the 2nd season of Spectacular Spider-Man. So there really is gold at the end of the rainbow after all.

Oh well.

Be well everyone.

P.S. I'm back in one of those black moods again so I don't really know if I can be bothered doing any canon artwork for a while. Not unless something really wows me back into picking up a pencil again and doing something PROPERLY. Sorry.

P.P.S Many gracious thanks go to those European and Australian correspondents who've had to put up with a lot from me this last week of February. I really appreciate you lot hearing me out on domestic woes and worries that don't/won't translate to the US for whatever cacophony of reasons.

P.P.P.S And before a flock of preachers descend from the clouds, I'm just venting that's all. No doubt things'll pick up but I'm not going to kid myself right now and say things WILL get better. Like I say, expect too much and you're bound to be disappointed, expect too little and you're constantly surprised. So there.

I only say 'sham' because I feel less furry these days but not all there as a human either. Of course, it doesn't help I'm writing this on a day off work, due to fever, which my sister unhelpfully thinks I've feigned.

Anyway, February comes from the Roman festivals of purification, Februaa. Exactly what that entails I don't know. Perhaps I'm purifying my guilt at not updating my journal for nearly a month.

So, what has happened with me so far? Nothing that noteworthy and wholesome at the moment. I'm taking a refresher course in driving lessons before my practical test hopefully at the end of April. I mean, whoever heard of a non-driving soon-to-be-24 year old male? I ruddy well hope I pass my practical and finally get the coveted pink full driver's license; there's no such thing as Driver's Zed in the UK and the Government have changed the rules and made the test that much harder to retake: 50 questions instead of 30, two Hazard Perception tests and an hour's driving instead of forty-five minutes. Scoff, you high-schoolers out there, but at least at age 24 my insurance comes down slightly. Males from 18 to 25ish pay a phenomenal amount; that's what comes of having a reputation for causing the most accidents. Bah. Oh well, we'll see what happens.

Those old enough to understand the British news lately are right to be fearful. As April approaches and inflation finally slows down, the real bite of the Recession and indeed fears of Deflation will hit home hard; already there's 1.92 million out of work. And a hard-hitting documentary recently revealed how much of a struggle it is for the youth of today to get into work, presented by a politician. I'm quite worried about my own family at the moment, as I lose my job around the end of March, unfortunately the same time my mother goes to Singapore for a fortnight. My contract was supposed to run until the end of April, making it the first proper job I've held for up to a year, but what with everyone tightening their belts (I hate that phrase) during the current financial climate, sacrifices will have to be made; so bye-bye temps. I wonder if that's why I've been so depressed recently. My floor at work is getting Spring-cleaned as cupboard get cleaned out, paperwork is archived, desks go and teams move here, there and everywhere; the empty desks of colleagues I've had to wave goodbye to stand as a visual reminder that indeed, my own days are numbered. A very small childish part of me is a little resentful, even angry. But that's life, and it's best to see these things out with a smile; now if only putting that into action was as easy as saying it. Especially when I'll be back on the dole. Muh yoi. Love doesn't make the world go round: money does. As you may have very well noticed, I've neglected to mention Valentine's Day, which for me has held a lot of bad memories. Not exactly matters of the heart, but over the years, a lot of unfortunate stuff seems to happen in the Spring, my least favourite season of the year. Of course, it didn't help that Friday was the 13th and that THAT weekend happened to be Bolt's debut in the UK and also the weekend before half-term, meaning all the kids are out from school for a week. Hopefully, I'll be seeing Bolt this weekend if I feel up to it. Or maybe next weekend during my comic book run. We'll see.

Dragon Prince finished since it was a very short run. :c The Wolfman starts getting a little muddy, both in terms of artwork and plot and I'm really really hoping Ultimate Spiderman doesn't get scarred too badly by Jeff Loeb's Ultimatum. The Hulk guest-stars next month but tie-ins and cross-overs always seem to fall flat on their faces. We'll see how Bendis handles things; he did well tying in Spidey with the X-Men, Fantastic Four and Deadpool; not so good on the White Knight, Punisher, Black Cat and Iron Fist front in my opinion. I've been really getting into Hellboy lately, enough to borrow the DVD of the first movie from a friend of mine. An OK adaptation and at least I finally got a voice for Hellboy in my head now. I prefer the graphic novels myself, since Mignola has now set Hellboy on his own course of self-discovery, away from the American Bureau and almost colour-by-numbers super group. Thank the anti-god, despite the inconsistency of art direction from time to time.

In terms of the artwork front, I've been doing whatever takes my fancy lately, with my own comics at the bottom of my list. I apologise but I've been feeling rather despondent lately and have taken to looking for sources of inspiration. Blacksad, a French anthro comic following a black cat bodyguard (from what I can translate), has been one port of call, for example. Beautiful traditional artwork there. But yeah, I've been lazy... doin... ]]> ~aokamidu http://aokamidu.deviantart.com/journal/22821721/ http://aokamidu.deviantart.com/journal/22821721/ Mon, 26 Jan 2009 11:25:48 PST

Fact: January comes from Janus, the Roman god of doorways, passages and bridges, often depicted with two heads. How appropriate, considering that this month has been one where so much stuff has gone on, I feel I DO need two heads.

So, as I write this, it’s January 26th and the final week of the first month in 2009, the Year of the Ox for those who follow the Chinese calendar. Moo, my year.

It’s been quite a wild ride so far, what with the effects of the Credit Crisis now turning into a full blown Recession in the UK. And that of course means mass unemployment. I thought I was safe for a while but alas, I’m possibly due to be gone by early March at the latest, instead of April. Cutbacks are being made everywhere to keep what little finances are left: The Royal Bank of Scotland and Lloyds TSB are under Government subsidy, and Abbey National has been brought out by Spanish bank Santander (not to be confused with Santana). It’s ironic really that there’s a temporary respite in the UK banks’ economic downturn as I write this today. But rather than end up emo and whatever, I’ve come to accept that’s life. It’s funny, this time last year I was a right little twerp moaning about this, that and the other, desperate to cling onto my youthful ideals whilst outwardly sighing about ’being forced’ to give them up --- of course, my old job sucked towards the end. And as the end of last year proved, it’s better to bite the bullet and go on, looking forward to those small things that make life worth living.

I’m probably in too good a mood since I’m still basking in the afterglow of last weekend: I saw the recently released Underworld 3 which does kind of explain the backstory of the first two films… and FINALLY, the Lycans get a lot more screen time over the vampires. I won’t spoil it, but I’ll say I’m glad I saw it and the Lycans looked like less giant deformed rats this time. There was fur. But then again, I’m a big werewolf fan so heh, I’m looking through wolf-tinted spectacles (which are keeping an eye on the upcoming Guardians of Luna and the Wolf-Man movie remake). In the same vein, I’ve gotten started on the UK-only (ha!) Being Human and I’m loving it so far… it’s rather heartening seeing the supernatural struggling to cope with their conditions, especially George who yes, did transform in the buff.

And then there was X-Men. Yes, I’m now officially a nerd.

But enough of that, this ain’t Livejournal. I’ll round up by saying how… well, I can’t say ’glad’, but hmm, grimly placated that Obama has now been inaugurated. Speaking carefully now from a foreign perspective, it’s really a sign of the times that America has its first black president, especially considering the race riots of the 60s. It’s just fate he should swear in a day after Martin Luther King Jr Day. And again, like a foreigner, I don’t have the kind of… optimistic nature to sing Obama’s praises just yet. Actions speak louder than words. We’ll see how Obama copes in this crazy world, full of financial woe and poverty and now this … scuffle between Israel and Gaza, which I still don’t understand fully. Oh well.

Finally getting onto the artwork front, due to the nature of events in my life, including a lot of changes in our family’s dynamics and household lifestyle I again won’t be as fast as I used to be. Weekdays are turning into my artwork drought period now, as a lot must’ve noticed this month I tend to only post stuff up on the weekend period. I’m planning on finishing Unknown Evil in England now, along with the other comics so I can enjoy doing one-offs without feeling pressurised. I’ll be taking a hiatus from the comics since they’re so time-consuming. Although I’m tentatively penning another arc that involves the Howlers. I say tentatively because I’m not sure whether I’ll serialise it later on this year (I’m taking a long break from comics after everything’s finished; over a year of work is hard to keep up!). I’ve not really posted anything for a while, since I’m waiting to see how Ultimate Spiderman will deal with the Marvel Ultimatium arc that will kill off the Ultimate Fantastic Four and Ultimate X-Men. Bendis continues to write Ultimate Spiderman but Jeff Loeb, who tends to write fairly complicated cross-over arcs (Ultimates 3 for example) is heading Ultimatium. My monthly import comics run is due this coming weekend… I always seem to feel lost or depressed art-wise, probably because it’s just before everything comes out I start running out of inspiration. Hence why I’ve been doing a lot of Pokemon homages, although I was a little disappo... ]]> ~aokamidu http://aokamidu.deviantart.com/journal/22486246/ http://aokamidu.deviantart.com/journal/22486246/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 11:43:05 PST

Sigh.

The most hackneyed onomatopoeia in the world, but also the most truest to expression.

It's been a rather chimaerical time as of late, what with the New Year starting and all. I slept through the countdown celebration, due to family arguments going at the time. The holidays often erupt with long-hidden resentments and difficult relationship paths to negotiate. But rather than launch into a torpid torrent of navel-gazing and existentialism that would even bore the most attentive watcher, let me get to the meat of the matter.

I feel recently I've been a bit of a jerk, as Americans would put it. Forgive me if I sound as though I'm spiralling into a self-pitying stupor. I just want to admit that in recent weeks I've been a self-indulgent egotistical maniac who's been doing nothing but pouring out whatever passes his own fancy and thinks is a crowd-pleaser. Hence the ton of homages and the less than stellar artwork, most apparent in my ongoing comics. Now, before protestations arise from the usual suspects who watch me like the Dickens, heh, there's nothing so damning or as truthful as a fresh eye on my artwork.

Heh, you wouldn't believe this of a twenty-three year old, but heh, I avoided coming on-line for some time due to a few comments pointing out my flaws, most pointedly in that X-Men homage I did in a rush that Sunday. Annoyance, bitterness, the usual childish squall of self-righteous indignation rushed to my forehead as an initial reaction. But taking a step back and looking at the broader perspective, I realise that I've steadily fallen into a deluded fog of self-praise, bolstered by the kind words of curious watchers and the good friends that have blossomed from their compliments and encouragement. I wholeheartedly and earnestly thank everyone who has had a good or constructive or influential comment; even those who I unfortunately fell out of favour with or fell asunder from. I really am delighted and don't regret my days as a fur or my joining DeviantArt that May back in 2007; it's been absolutely tremendous browsing artwork and trying to emulate the best aspects of it in my own way. And having people follow and like what I do. It's been truly exhilarating and a real godsend in those times my real life gets depressing or angry or boring. It really has.

Oh gods, now I'm getting emotional. Serves me right, watching the Diary of Anne Frank as I write this. Still, despite all the praise and accolade, I'm still an amateur artist, working during his spare time. And there's only so far I can go on natural talent. I know I can do better and find my own distinctive style. I know some may argue that I already have that original take on things, but... I'm not so sure myself. I've been feeling lost and displaced, shaky in my ability to story tell and scrawl something half-decent. No wonder I hardly do any original material these days.

But I rant incessantly. As I watch the trembling Anne Frank get led out of her 2-year Annexe hiding place by the Nazi's, her prized diary and journals scattered mercilessly for the Franks and Van Daans' and Albert Dussel's valuables, I realise that although the world is a harsh and horrid place at times, it's just doing the best it can on its crooked axis.

The ever-on-going Gaza/Israel clash; the effects of the Credit Crunch costing more jobs; the fact my family is falling apart as we age and begin to live our own separate lives under the same roof... (urgh, atrocious list there in terms of comparing the global problems as to my own)

The kindness of strangers, those small inscrutable pleasures that makes it worth getting up, if only for a second, anticipation, expectation... It's enough to make one's head spin.


Still. Heh, if you're still with me at this point, thanks for reading this far. I realise I'm a bit of a drama king, but I felt it poignant to raise such a thing, to explain my absence and almost aloof behaviour in the past week, ya know? There's no way I'm quitting my artwork. So I'll still be scrawling away somewhere, sometime. Just don't be disappointed if I drastically change or veer off or something. Or in fact if I stay exactly the same, ya know? Life's unpredictable. And yet sometimes, remains as it was too. Who knows what that's about?

And so I end my slightly unstable entry. Whilst not exactly the most entertaining thing in the world, thanks for bearing with me. I would give a heartfelt message of faith or peace or some such... camaraderie, but since I'm not a beauty queen pageant entrant, I'll just loosely echo Spirit, a Christian correspondent of mine from California:

C'est le vie. For that is life; endure the ride the best you can.

It seemed to me a bit redundant to go on about Christmas when the whole thing has been over and done with in one go. Heh, I won't succumb to the whole thing and pry into how many presents everyone's got, but I hope the holidays have treated everyone well. I'm back at work and although at the moment, the gap between Christmas and New Year has seen the work rate slow to a snail's pace (several people went home early in fact; too bad I wasn't one!) heh, I'm taking a bit of a break; heh, not surprising, after about 8 pictures done in the 4 days I was off.

At any rate, first off, I've got to thank everyone who's favourited and commented on my work, old friends, newcomers, whatever. I really appreciate it all donchaknow, even as my comics take a bit of a hiatus. It's just really heartening to know people like, or at least, look at my art. I'm still an amateur and heh, I do admit, I have partied a lot more to the furry-specific fanbase, not least with the introduction of Infurlation. and a lot more (cough) fanservicing too. Heh, I guess it's obvious what kind of guy I am. Heh, I recently got in trouble over it as well, so I apologise if I offended anyone or something with it. Meh, the cost of self-amusement and discovering one's furry self. Oh well. I'll be a good boy from now on, I swear! :3. So apologies in advance if heh, some of my future works might be hinting a little above the fence for kids' eyes, if you get my meaning. Not that I've gone all the way of course; heh, I still want to post my clean artwork here ya know!

Anyway, a lot of thanks go to my early watchers, whose encouragement kept me going. It's a shame I've fallen away from some of them, but meh, these things happen. 2008 hasn't been the easiest year, what with a lot of furry drama going on the beginning of the year, and then me losing my first bank job in March, subsequently losing my best friend and starting over again late April. And then of course all the stuff outside my control, not least currently the Credit Crisis which just burst into life come the autumn and has only now started having a really detrimental effect on the street (several more UK stores are closing down as we speak)

But there've been good things too. Good friends, a holiday, a wedding... and not least flourishing further with my artwork discovering fresh talent out there, and not least Ultimate Spiderman. Thank gods you introduced that to me, A. McKenzie! I have to thanks go to those furs who still contact me despite the FurSanctuary collasping.. heh, how times change, eh? I admit, I don't always do artwork to everyone's tastes, 'specially not these days, but merghh, I do stuff for myself too.. heh, isn't that the common thing with artistic expression? Or something...? Anyway, I really gotta thank those bore with me through the rough times, especially my "oh me, oh my" rants and moans when my job security got threatened for the 2nd time. I've been ruddy pig-headed and childish at times, I admit that. Yoi.

Anyway, I just felt like expressing my pure heartfelt thanks, even if my hearts stings a little for not toeing the line exactly right now. My heinous bad, folks. Nevertheless, here's hoping that 2009 will be.. well, I can't say better since the Credit Crisis and world economy running badly will ensure hard times ahead.. but well, here's hoping that 2009 won't be too bad for us, ya know? Heh, speaking to furs momentarily, at least we have THAT side of us to keep us happy. Speaking to ordinary humans, here's wishing to find happiness wherever it may be.

Urgh, now I sound preachy so I'd better stop.

Happy New Year to all and sundry.

Best wishes.

P.S. Here's my thanks to all those who've inspired me over the past year too; there're too many sources to list, heh, only a 1/5th which actually lie in my Inspirational folder in my favs, but heh, it's not just artwork that keeps me going. Speaking momentarily to my circle of comrades who keep in regular contact, I honestly gotta thank you guys too for all the support, even when I'm just bawling or raging too. :3.

Just an update since as I write this, my fairly drunk mother is booming country and Western music through the walls and I've had to yell at her twice to turn the damn thing down. Yeah, it's alright for those of us who don't have work this week. Sigh.

At any rate, this is just to let everyone know my relatives arrived late Sunday evening and so my holiday hiatus begins. Nothing new from me may appear until January now (definitely in the case of UEIE, Infurlation and Epilogue) since well, I don't have much of a holiday this year. Damn downturn in the economy.

So here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. There, I said it. :3.

Due to relatives visiting next Wednesday (which nonetheless includes my niece and foster nephew, now at the precocious ages of 5 and 8), I'm rushing through the three parts of UEIE I managed to draft and ink this week (parts 30, 31 and hopefully 32) as compensation for the inevitable drought of UEIE artwork come the New Year. Unlike those still in academics, I'm stuck working right up until Christmas Eve, and then the Monday and Tuesday before New Year's Day and everything goes back to normal the Friday afterwards. It sucks working in a bank, as everyone very well knows by now.

Major apologies pour out to anyone whose heads I've bitten off this week; a good friend of mine at work quit her job before management could fire her and I've been quite miserable because of it. Needless to say, that gave me no right to snarl at anyone who I deemed was having too much of a good time. Bah, how childish of me. -__-.

At any rate, it's too late (and I'm too old at any rate) to get into Christmas now, so here's wishing everyone else Happy Holidays.

Here's looking to 2009 and whatever its arrival may bring with us, including the start of Barrack Obama's presidency. (cough) And no mention the recent shoe throwing incident.

Meh, I thought I'd better do an update since it's now a under a fortnight until Christmas.

One thing I've realised is that this year, there hardly seems to be any REAL Christmas spirit, not surprising considering the current Credit Crunch in Britain (the latest victim being long-institutionalised British store Woolworths). Sure, there are sales and all sorts at the moment but ... I'm just not feeling it. Perhaps because the realisation of being a working young adult has re-surfaced its ugly head? I mean, hellfire, I'm practically working during Christmas week and all.

I shouldn't complain really, even if my job is outsourcing further -- which is rather amusing, considering our systems went down yesterday leaving me very bored for seven hours --- there are worse things out there. One area of concern is the chorea outbreak in the derelict so-called country of Zimbabwe; the virus is now so bad that it's spilling into neighbouring South Africa and my home country of Botswana. Funny how little the big nations do when there's nothing to be gained of getting in there and sorting out that country's problems --- no oil, no weapons...

Just my two cents there.

At any rate, Zimbabwe, the attacks in Athens, the US car bail out, the horrendous case of the fake kidnapped Shannon Matthews, the pregnant man... again, the world is spiralling into madness and I feel guilty and sick with myself for ignoring that and just struggling to get through my job at the moment. Perhaps I psychologically compensated by being extra nice to two of my work colleagues.. hellfire, I subbed them the cash to see Four Weddings (just released here unfortunately) on Wednesday. And meh, I'll perhaps treat myself to a new pair of work shoes and get the Wolfman this month.. I think we're on number 10, or 11? At any rate, I'm keen to see what lengths Rebecca will go to to avenge her mother, and also find out more on Zachariah's past.

And there I go on a tangent again. Work beckons so I'll stop right here.

Despite my gloomy outlook on life, here's wishing everyone happy holidays.

P.S. I seriously doubt I'll do a Christmas piece this year again; hellfire we're halfway through December and we've not even got the decorations down from the loft yet... Oh well.

Almost the end of the month... which means Thanksgiving for Americans and the start of Christmas shopping for us Brits.

Let's face it, November has sucked badly. The financial crisis in the markets now has spilled over and has hit the common man and whilst I'm.. well, not pleased exactly, but.. I'm glad I'm not one of the 1.82 million who are currently unemployed in the lead up to Christmas, it's all been a bit trying...

OK, before this descends into a full on rant, just another heads up that I'm still ghosting DA again, and in fact won't be much of a fur either. Evening appearances are now terminated until further notice. I apologise to all my European and some American contacts but work's gotten to the point now where I kind go to sleep as soon as I get home, which now worryingly seems to get later and later. I just don't have the energy to keep up any more and before clamours of "the holidays are coming," start arising, nope, we bankers only get Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day (that's the day after Christmas) and New Year's Eve and New Year's Day off. I was hoping to try and get a holiday-themed piece up, celebrating the fact that I've now been on DA for some time and heh, seem to be getting quite a considerable amount of eyes watching -- ironically during my worst times to be a fur... ... but I really don't know.

So much uncertainty in the air these days... A possible real-life Ultimatum possibly? Who knows?

Anyway, I'm due to disappear again. So Happy Thanksgiving to my US correspondents and well, I guess Merry Christmas in advance... even if it will be a penny-pinching one. Apologies for my sour nature as of late...

Cause that's the way the world goes round... sigh. Oh well, chin up and all that blind faith and youthful optimism...

One word to erase all unemployment fears.

Extension.

Yup. It seems my contract has been extended and I start my new job on Monday. My old department will officially be no more from Friday onwards; the offshore team are taking everything off us. About time too.

Needless to say, THAT was a major weight off my mind, especially with the Christmas holidays. But before all and sundry start expecting a sudden avalanche of artwork, hold your horses. I'm still on hiatus for the moment, but hopefully the upturn in recent events will improve my mood t'get me artworking again. I mean, picking up the first anthology of the Astounding Wolfman quite by accident certainly does help. Missing issues 3 and 4 are now in the hard-copy bag. Ooh yes. I'm also quite happy I picked up the Annual edition of Ultimate Spiderman... despite Immonen not working on it, I have a feeling that David Lafuente (interior artist) may be a more than competent replacement should Immonen decide to leave. Lafuente has a signature style all of his own -- reminds me a little of anime mixed in with the 50s... maybe it's the colouring.

I could say more, but Heroes beckons.

Major major thanks to everyone who has put in a kind word here and there; I really, really appreciate the support ya know? Here's to hoping that the rest of this month and the lead up to Christmas will be better than the last month and a half...

I'm an atheist but it seems a certain fox's exit line is appropriate here... c'est le vie and God Bless everyone. :3. And to those in the US, Happy Thanksgiving.

P.S. Is anyone else worried about the sudden drought of decent movies to watch in the cinema all of a sudden?

P.P.S. Why have I not heard of Superman & Batman vs. Werewolves and Vampires before the 10 minutes I posted this?!

Everyone would've seen this coming a long time but yeah, I'm on another hiatus again. Presently, just a fortnight left on my current job (supposedly) and then I'm back to being unemployed; I'm doubtful I'll get something before Christmas, but we'll see. Apologies to those furs I've been in contact with again... especailly you I'm so so so sorry. -_-.... I tire so much more these days these days than I used to, and what with early starts and late finishes, blah blah blah.

And forgive me but I'm gunna have to decline; it's a bit of a struggle at the moment finishing the comics, never mind anything else on top of that. I'm not feeling too macro-friendly these days anyways. Bah.

So yeah, comics on hold again until further notice, and forgive the late comments and replies too. Life just sucks. Again.

Remembering the lost on Remembrance Sunday (it's a British thing),

Kami

Howlers fans rejoice because UEIE pt 27 is currently in production and should hopefully be up this coming weekend. Times at work worsen so no Infurlation for the time being. And I'm taking a break on Epilogue, which is the easiest of the three to draw, but I'm kind of hit a dead-end plateau with how to illustrate the next couple of scenes.

And so it turns out Obama won... a new age for America, or the same old under a different guise? We'll see.

Apologies to those who've been in contact recently; my router's been playing something up like the devil and I don't think God or the Fates or whatever likes me being a fur at the moment, when I get in the mood --- Tuesday night and Thursday morning... it dies. Argh! And typically, it comes back to life just as I have to don my human work clothes and have to grin and bear it as ten bazillion complaints come in. Yup, stuff still sucks at work -- I wonder if the self-congratulatory bigwigs will shoot themselves in the foot when they realize outsourcing during the Credit Crunch wasn't the best idea in the world....

OK.. I'm done.

Meh, I'll keep it short, since I bet audible groans rise everytime I post a new journal. The financial market seems to see Britain incredibly close to a recession; petrol (gas) has fallen to under a pound for the first time since 2003, when the Iraq Invasion occured and lots of shops are having last-minute sales; I managed to pick up a lot of stuff on Saturday when shopping and going on a 'must-get-out-of-town' spree. Including the Wolfman! Hooray Halloween Special Sales!

A recent werewolf-movie marathon may just prompt me into working on UEIE again, but nothing's penned for sure. Infurlation is still on hiatus since its themes run too close to home and I don't want to draw stuff that gets me depressed. Indeed, we lose yet another staff member.

Sigh. The uncertainty of everything at the moment is really getting bothersome, ya know. And well, yeah, I'll be retreating further away... too many furs recently have had to bear the brunt of my foul moods. Comments'll be coming and stuff on things that catch my eye, but that's pretty much it from me f'the moment. M'sorry.

The real world really does suck. And t'think, it's all coming before Christmas. Sigh.

And before protests come up, meh, financial complications and commitments see me stay in this job purely because I'm the 2nd breadwinner of a single-parent family. S'just a matter of biting the bullet and bearing it through (even if it means losing out on holiday pay and the Christmas bonus this year for sticking around longer than 3 months)...

Still, here's hoping for a better tomorrow for everyone, ya know? And for Americans, this is me hoping that whoever wins the Presidential Election does something to right Bush's wrongs.

Alternatively dubbed: He Howls Before Halloween

Forgive the doom and gloom. Meh, just echoing the real world, which sees the big UK banks look quite worried as recession looms. Indeed, I've noticed that a lot of shops this end have started their Christmas sales early, and a lot of smaller outlets are selling up and moving on. I really hope my local comic book store doesn't disappear. OK, a very childish naive notion of mine, I admit, but meh, you gotta get pleasure from where you can, y'know? Which explains me homaging a lot of material lately; just doing that which makes me happy. Selfish? Yes. But meh, my job's still floating in the air again (extended for another two/three weeks due to the transition not going well)... I can so see me being jobless this Christmas. Grggh.

Oh well. Again, forgive the lack of comics continuation; it's hard getting in the mood to pick up where I left off due to lack of inspiration. Is it just me, or is every Wolfman fan I know having trouble picking up the latest issues? I lucked out with Ultimate Spiderman and picked up issue 127 days after the US release, but this 'Ultimatium' thing Bendis has planned worries me. Pwease, pwease, pwease don't let Ultimate Spiderman go the way of The Batman did (i.e. tieing it all in with the Ultimate Avengers vs. Outer Space stuff). Fingers crossed, eh?

Friendly hellos go out to those Americans readying themselves for the finale of the US election (trust me, non-stop commentary over here in the UK) and preparing for Thanksgiving. And howdy to everyone else in the world I've briefly come into contact with -- really appreciate you guys bearing with me during this less-than-pleasant spate. Still, my heart goes out to Jennifer Hudson (yes, I've got Dream Girls on DVD)... she's got it much worse at the moment. I really should be thankful for what good things I have y'know.

Oh well.

Happy Halloween!!

P.S. I'd hate to say it, but lengthy parts of Brisingr I find rather... boring. Still, we'll see...

P.P.S. Howler fans, don't dismay. We'll see if reading up on Hellboy arcs won't get the creative juices flowing again...

My most humble apologies to any who were in contact with me on Friday/Saturday night. I had a very bad manic episode... that's the price of giving up one's therapist to make ends meet. The good news though? I'm not being made redundant it seems... but due to the major outsourcing and restructuring thing at work and no real financial security, I'm not sure whether this news is a blessing or a curse.

Sigh. I should really stop being so emo and be thankful the lot I've got. Although it's hard, I still have a job and have much-needed money coming in... but that's the curse of being ... 23 (OK, OK, I've heard a lot of people moan I'm not a greyfur)... ... I'm again going to have to take a back seat on the whole fur thing until things calm down on my not-so-stable human side. M'sorry, but that's the way it's gotta be for the moment.

So to all and sundry take good care of yourselves... although who I really refer to are those I keep in regular contact with. Forgive the not-so-jolly style of my journals lately... Sigh.

Life really sucks at the moment. M'not sure what's going to happen at the moment, so don't be surprised if I suddenly stop commenting or posting artwork. And apologies to Infurlation fans; due to the nature of current events, the comic is on hiatus until further notice. Same goes for UEIE.

OK, a bit over-dramatic, but anyone who's been in contact with me recently knows how erratic I've been, both in appearances and in mood. I humbly apologise for that, s'not on the pups and dogs and bears and lasses and whoever.... meh, just tough times.

As per expected, the replacements have gone back to India and I lose my job now come November; except the transition of work from Britain to India is not going as smoothly as planned, hence a lot of complaints and last minute deicisions... aaaand, now there're only 4 of us left, except on Fridays when there are just 3. And I'm betting it's more early starts, late finishes and (sigh) half-hour lunches.... which sucks.

Gah, I'm also a bit moody because I missed out on Wolfman number 8 so I've signed up for the preorder list of Wolfman number 9.. I'm so not missing out!! Dragon Prince has gotten more interesting in Issue 2, and yeah, I've taken to backtracking Ultimate Spiderman to find out what happened for all those clones to appear. Some say that's Bendis's worst saga as he tried to reinterpret Spider-Woman and revive Carnage -- I'm in two minds; it's not as boring as the Black Cat saga with all those gangsters... or the one with Daredevil in it and the Punisher (finally found out who that was -- urgh, he has a movie coming out).

Heh, as you can tell, I've got petty much nothing interesting to say. We all know the money's gone bad, now a UK Bank Executive who messed up causing several huge banking losses still getting his pension has left a sour taste in my mouth. Job hunting continues... but due to everything being a bit much, I'm afraid those furs I chat to will have to make do with a lot of absences... I tire very quickly, hence the greyfur mark, I think now because I take sleeping tablets. Gah, I'm an insane one alright.

The comics are continuing... but meh, like I said at the beginning of this awful month, I'm ghosting again due to outside commitments.. work mainly. On a side note... who has anything new that inspires them lately... too many hour-long specials have made me bored of Naruto, Pokemon is just... feh, a passing curiosity now (in Japanese that is; I no longer watch the dub for obvious reasons) and no, I'm not getting the 10th movie dub (released here in the UK very quietly on 26th Oct I read somewhere), and well, it feels like the world is becoming a very pallid boring place to exist in. Oh well. Maybe that's just the sign of the times... me getting old and grey and very depressing. Boy does life suck.

Oh well, here's to a better tomorrow, donchaknow. Perhaps Halloween will be the one thing to look forward to, and a much better November.

P.S. Many thanks go to those who have very kindly bore with me during my very emo-sounding moments... Really really appreciate it, y'know?

Hmm, what to say without sounding emo?

... Life sucks, pretty simply. Psychologically, physically, financially... life is hell, pretty much.

So, any big requests at the moment are totally going to be abandoned -- I apologise profusely but something's gotta give for my piece of mind at moment... or whatever's left of my mind. New mental medication sucks.

Those holding out for UEIE, do not fear... part 25 has been put into production during my second day of absence from work, and it should be up before the first weekend of October is out. As for other projects... mmnherh, I'm not so sure when I'll get back into the groove -- I'm sorry, I'm honestly just drifting at the moment due to a lengthy blue spate. :c.

Those who I have come into contact recently, I'm sorry I've been a bit on-and-off... what with my job and everything else. The financial market is just as unstable as ever, with more job cuts and outsourcing and mergers and what not (only grown-ups'll get all this)... and well, the future's looking bleak. Sigh.

Highlights of this week have been Season 3 Heroes finally premièring in the UK, the continuation of Ugly Betty (although the cameos are really getting on my nerves -- Gene Simmons as Amanda's father? Nyoo... just no), my getting the Wolfman delivered now since I just missed the first run of Issue No 8 (But I snagged Ultimate Spiderman at last --- oohhh dear, strong Ultimate Avengers crossover), and my progressing at last on Okami (damn hidden cat statue) and some small financial good fortune, including finally getting someone to replace the last tenant in our second home and some sort of financial order to cope with the way things are going now. Grggh, the world doesn't run on love, it runs on money.

OK, for fear of sounding like an anti capitalist pig, I'm gunna end it here.

P.S. Thanks to the recent spate of favs and wathces and whatever... it's heartening to see so much attention on doodles I've done, even during my periods of depression. ^^.

P.P.S. Special thanks go to for... well, he knows. :3.

Say it ain't so? Unfortunately, it is.

Just like I predicted, life has gotten incredibly rough for me lately and so I'm cutting out the artwork production for a while... I really need to get my human life sorted out lest I totally end up a nervous wreck again. Meh, financial market and its repercussions, and I'm not just talking about my job here (those in regular contact with me will know what I'm on about0. At any rate, thanks to all who've commented and faved me during my 'rush' period... seems I upload something nearly every day... No clue what that is all about. Anyway, I'll be still continuing the comics, so don't fret. -_- I can't see myself finishing UEIE before the end of October though... looks like the end has been pushed back to Christmas. Epilogue and Infurlation are ongoing and never really had an end date since they don't take me as long to do. Oh well.

Take care of yourselves and make the best of it. This world, spinning on its crooked axis, certainly is.

P.P.S. Many thanks go to those furs who've done me some fan art recently, I really appreciate it y'know?

P.P.P.S. A special hello goes out to Osoi.. Oso... well, this rather large bear (or is he a dog?) I know (who is NOT a fat fur, he's just... well, big)... and from Ireland, who's certainly been keeping my mornings entertaining with his writing. Go check him out. And of course, I say hi to my usual suspects, but since I'm with you guys all the time, you know who you are. And you'd better be sleeping right now Drav, it's 12:43pm my time as I write this.

Wow, over 20,000 page views.

OK, a childish way to start, I know, but I've got to thank everyone watching and favouriting and commenting on my work to get me this far... and t'think it's nearly a year and a half since I first joined DA as well. Heh.

Many thanks go to all those early furs, not least and who were my two very first watchers. Of course, more came and went over time, especially when I first appeared on DAchats that first time in early September, all the way through to Christmas 2007. Heh, all of you guys and gals in FurrySanctuary and LuckyPuppy helped make the artwork possible those first couple of months. S'just too bad 2008 began so badly since I had to break away from all that, not least culminating in me losing my first banking job in March. But hey, with the bad comes the good, right? Seems even during the hiatus this past summer whilst I was in Botswana, I was still worth keeping an eye on. Thank you so very very very much, both fur and non-furs. Who knew homaging my favourite inspirational material would get a few thumbs-up too, y'know?

Thankee, thankee, thankee so much.

It's ironic really that it's now that my human life starts worsening. No, no, I won't go emo. Let's just say that the financial climate overall is looking rather gloomy and there may be repercussions in the future, especially that in the employment and housing sector. Still, I'm drawing; that's the one good FREE (relatively-speaking) thing I can do during bouts of depression and what not.

At any rate, I've rattled on enough. Thanks very much to all; I really appreciate all the support given over the last year and half.

Here's to another successful year and a half on DA.

Random thought: Why do the Simpsons not translate as well over here (in the UK) as they used to? (was watching Lisa attend the Sundance Film Festival with a documentary at the time of writing this).

EDIT: Major apologies and condolences go out to those who've been affected by the whole 9/11 thing... totally didn't realise what day it was until the lunchtime news. Forgive me, I'm British. :c.

A day late, but gah, I don't much care.

(yawn) Writing this on a very stormy 2nd September, the wind and rain giving me insomnia for some reason, just t'say more of the same really. We're training our replacements at work from next Tuesday, which is just dandy. Not. And as expected, September is going to be a busy month. Looking for another job is not fun, at all. Neither is doing taxes or managing finances. Nor dealing with the usual family drama that sees one member fail to turn up to college and get expelled, another two family members appear and move into our house since their old UK place has been sold off whilst they were honeymooning, another family member getting depressed and blah-blah-blah...

Needless to say, those I chat to, I'm still gunna absent this week due to work commitments and at the moment, I really really am not feeling so hot as a fur these days. I need to have a happy human mind first and foremost. I've been in a bit of an art rut too, which got allievated somewhat by an interview with Victor Ambrus in International Artist magazine. I need to learn how to have fun doing artwork again, so don't be surprised if I suddenly start posting some odd-looking material compared to what I usually do. So please dear God, no more requests for fursonas, or Howler updates or transformation scenes (yes, Dillion, I'm looking at you) or character specials (yes, Spirit!) ... cause I'm not doing any of that right now. Nope. No way. No how. And the same goes to those who've been harrying me to reappear at old haunts for a chat; I just don't have the time these days I'm afraid and even when I do, I just don't feel like it, OK? You youngsters don't know how good you've got it at the moment, doing whatever you want, when you want (barring school and afrerschool jobs). Sigh. Being a greyfur sucks. Old, old, old...

OK, sorry for the mini-rant, but meh, I got enough on my plate at the moment as it is. (yawn) And now I'd better get some shut eye.

P.S. Many thanks to those who've favourited and commented my work; there're faaar too many these days to respond to individually, but I really do appreciate the attention and time taken to see what I got. Same case with looking at artwork too and stuff -- wow, 20,000 views almost (at the time of writing). I may only watch what maybe 15% of those who watch me, but I seek inspirational material. Gone are the days of trying to please everybody. I'm turning into a jerk and pleasing myself. So keep truckin' on cause September will always suck.

Sigh. The end!

And so the end of August approaches. All change from here on out as September starts up, right? Due to the uncertainty of my employment and my recent art block, I won't be as consistent in posting up pics. I'm working on new material but meh, folks're going have to get used to more sporadic posting again. Gah, I hate being 23.

Many many many apologies to all those I literally passed out on Sunday evening/Monday morning --- I totally owe you guys for being so nice; there was supposed to be a pic up today commemorating that fact but gah, my mind's run ragged. :c.

At any rate, still, more thanks go out to the all the new watchers and favouriters and all. Heh, wow, I'm close to the 20,000 page view mark already in a year and a half? Yeesh, hope I can keep up the quality donchaknow...

Oh well. For everyone, bear with school and work... Christmas is less than half the year away now. Whooh.

P.S. Congratulations also go to the British Olympic team who actually came through and made Britain 4th in the Olympics. I'm not patriotic at all really; I only took notice because the BBC managed to get the animators behind the Gorillaz to work on the publicity introductions. Now that's an art direction I could eat up. Yum.

P.P.S Special thanks go out to those who've very recently inspired me and got me back in the saddle. You know who you guys are!

Isn't it funny how life can completely turn round and kick you in the nadgers?

Long story short? I'm being made redundant from my job come October... and it's typically during the busiest part of the month so there's not much time for dwelling on it during the day.. just when I'm developing my artwork. Sigh. At any rate, that's why there'll be a bit of a pause when it comes to new material.. 'cause I just don't feel like producing it really. But we'll see what happens when the last Bank Holiday Weekend of the year swings round. For those who've favourited and commented and added my work to their collection and whatever, thank you so so so so so much .. wish I could do it individually like the olden days but jeez, 543 messages is a hell of a lot to get through! I really appreciate all the attention and everything, y'know? Plus, some of the artwork from those keeping an eye on me... woof. Absolutely fantastic. That's what art is really..... right, right?

Anyway, fans of UEIE and Infurlation, terribly sorry.. it's gunna have to wait again until my life sorts itself out. >:c.

What a gyp.

Whooh, just in time for my birthday too.

Yes, Aokamidu is finally back online, hurriedly uploading as much stuff as I can without passing out or something. Jeez, who knew so many furs missed me, and have started watching me in my absence.

Long story short though, the wedding was rather eventful and well, I'm sorting through my snaps at the moment to see which ones to air; I've totally been dogged to show my face properly... (sigh) Be warned, I'm not pretty. At any rate, many, many thanks to all those who've faved and commented and what not. I'm only human (underneath the fur) so I'm going through everything as quickly as I can but ugh boy, would you believe I had to go back to work yesterday and quickly resume the normal humdrum life of a now 23-year-old. Eurgh. I'm so old.

I didn't get as much down as I liked to during the holiday but that's what you get when you lose your quill and travel around to see relatives and get the cows slaughtered and ... yes.

Unknown Evil in England, Epilogue and Infurlation will resume service again soon, but I'm not giving any dates because well... I frankly don't know when I'm gunna get started again. Financial repercussions after a holiday are not fun to deal with. At all. Nuh-huh.

OK, I'm going on about nothing again. Please enjoy the sudden rush of artwork being uploaded. Apologies for the quality, this was all done in a country where you can't even get a ruddy pencil or eraser without having to drive 10km. And my quill disappeared, making my linework crap. Argh.

But... well, go see for yourselves.

Special commiserations go out to those furs who appeared on Friday night and well... basically pounced me underground. Heh-heh-heh. :3.

Just a quick one. I leave Southern Africa tomorrow afternoon and spend gods-above-know how many hours stuck in Johannesburg and Abu Dhabi airports before I finally hit British soil again.

So the long wait is over. Expect a festoon of artwork to appear this weekend. And that's it.

Byebee.

Yay or Nay? It's Olympics Day.

Even down here in Southern Africa, my family have been hypnotised by the opening ceremonies in Beijing. And I'm bored. So bored, I'm counting down the days and doing nothing but doodling. My quill has dissapeared for good so don't be surprised if my linework suddenly gets crappy alluvasudden. Hmmn. Not much of an entry, huh?

Anyway, expect a lot of homages to appear on Saturday 16... or maybe Friday 15.

I may or may not go to work, depending on how exhausting the flight is and what time we finally get through our front door back on the British South Coast. And it depends if the scanner co-operates too.

Anyway, good luck go to all the teams (you've gotta be kidding if Botswana is entered into anything outside track-and-field).

And many thanks to what seem like the 100 new watchers and favouriters... jeez, 300 messages. Many apologies go to those who have posted up new work in my absence... especially though who may have referenced or referred to me in something or someway... somehow...

Agh, I need liquid.

4 days to go!

P.S. A bit hacked off, but I'm NOT remorseful. 'Kay?

P.P.S Meet Dave looks like the stupidest film I have ever seen advertised. -_-

Ya, another update from yours truly.

The second half of the wedding went by like a train wreck. It all took place where my mother was born in the village of Kanye (think Kanye West for prounonciatin people). It's amazing to see how ostrasized my part of the family is compared to our relatives... heh, all my cousins (from my grandmother's side, she was one of five children) have all got babies now! So the spotlight swings to me to be the next sire... gah, and to think I'll be 23... traditions sure do suck sometimes.

Drama aside, this is to let everyone know that from Wednesday, it'll be a week till I'm back in Britain. So don't go having heart-attacks (Dravu), or go storming all over the Sahara looking for me (Dravu... and Tahoe and Theran)... or something crazy.

I'm sort of in a fix with drafting new material since my ink and quill have dissapeared on Sunday and I can't find anything all of a sudden... well, except for my Ultimate Spiderman anthology which is now nursing paint wounds all over the inside cover thanks to my latest addition to the family, 1-year-old Sylvia, 5-year So-so (Simon is his English dubbed-name) 9-year old Tobo (Toby), 12-year old Kosi (Chief) and Pamela... and ... well, a lot of children who vaguely know what Spiderman is since they all came round our house and watched it on cable (Botswana only has 1 channel if you don't have a satellite/cable subscription.. and that only works in the evenings. Torture!).

That is what happens when you go round to a bazillion houses to see so many aunts and second cousins and two grand-uncles and three grand-aunts. One of them though ails from New Jersey surprisngly and we all watched The Amazing Race, Season 7 which actually finished in Gaborone. If only the US producers would get the name right. It's GAB-BOAR-ROAN-NEH, not Gab-a-Roam. Urgh.

Anyway, this is gone on too long. To be quick, yes I'm still drafting material but no UEIE/Howler stuff since I got moaned at for watching Cursed (2005, stars Christina Ricci) with my niece who got nightmares. And In-fur-lation is on hold since furry is almost as taboo as homosexuality here. Yep, Botswana's conservative alright... kind of like how America/Britain was in the 1950s. So people still go to church on Sundays. Sigh. I had to go too. Boring, if it's all in Tswana and God is called Modimo. Oh well.

Have fun, y'all. I'm off to the Safari tomorrow.

Byechu.

Aideu till August 15th.

P.S. the mood thing is stuck. I'm actually quite happy right now.

P.P.S EDIT. Um, make that Saturday 16th August. The 15th is a Friday and I'm straight back to work. My bad. And many many thanks go out to all those newcomers who faved and watched me and stuff in my absence.... and even commented! Really apperciate it. Keep holding out people!

Coming to you from Phakalane District, Gaborone in Botswana, Kami wishes all he replied to on his one-hour stint in an internet kiosk a very happy summer holiday break.

Yerse, I'm still drawing (just about) and yes, the first-half of wedding went marvellously. Don't bother replying because I'll be out of contact again since I'm visiting relatives doing the... you know family deal. So many... cousins.... -_-....

Keep holding tight people... August isn't that far away now. The 14th'll be swing round before you know it. Take care.

P.S. I've done some more Eragon material since that film was on South African cable last night. That and Spiderman 3.

Aideu for now, baby!

Yup, it's that time for me. I'm officially retiring for a while since at the time of writing this I've only a week left in England and then I'm totally gone from 21st July for three weeks. And to be frank, I don't want to spend my last week before wedding daze stressing over UEIE or Epilogue or any gift arts and what not.

So, sorry... 'Kami's officially not penning anything until August. So any sort of trades or requests, sorry, but I'm turning them down. The human me needs to have a life of his own too, y'know!

Many many thanks though go out to all those furs who've been there keeping an eye on me and my artwork throughout the year, and have patiently held out when I've had my down periods when nothing comes to mind at all.

More thanks go out to those furs I've been in frequent correspondence with; heh, you know who you people are... heh, you appear most often in my artwork.

At any rate, to all and sundry, have a happy summer. Adieu until August!

PS. I've submitted Infurlation, a inflation fur comic strip that was originally going to be FurAffinity only but meh, by the time that's up and running again, I'll already be in Botswana. So enjoy the bonus treat. Infurlation was all done BEFORE the hiatus began so don't start moaning! :3

With major major thanks to who came up with the whole CCS thing as another gift. (sobbing) He's so good to me!

PPS. And I've added two bonus colour pieces but that's only because it was a boring Sunday 13th and I felt like it. :3