http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:apollo2003&section=today deviantART RSS for by:apollo2003 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 08 Dec 2009 23:17:31 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/5278125/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/5278125/ Thu, 05 May 2005 18:39:03 PDT
I'm moving to a new account, so please go there if you're interested in keeping up with my stuff.

[link]

Besides the obvious reason for changing my name (that 2003 is like an expiration date), there's also the fact that I'm so much farther than where I once was in life when I began this account.

Perhaps I'll keep this one going though, to include my more personal works. the new one is for my attempts at professionalism.

Okay, this is cutting out of my eating time.

please visit my new account.

thank you.



]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/4362219/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/4362219/ Wed, 19 Jan 2005 16:51:28 PST
Last week, I took the Dupont Circle Metro stop in Washington DC. I watched the DC premiere of Bad Education, the new film by Almodovar. Then, I snuck into Kinsey. Afterwards, I lost my chenille gloves. Damn Karma.

Bad Education was good. I think I may have been too hyped up before watching it, and afterwards, I only left satisfied, not mystified... The colors in this movie, compared to Almodovar's previous work, are a lot more subdued, but nevertheless, he captures some amazing amazing shots. Among my favorite moments: the opening credits! awesome montage, with awesome music; the young Ignacio singing "Moon River;" Gael Garcia Bernal's character ("Ignacio"/Julio) jumping into the pool, in slow mo, over Fele Martinez' character (Enrique); Javier Camara (previously in Almodovar's Talk to Her) as Zahara's fellow drag queen confidante.

Kinsey was also a fun film to watch. I never knew there was so much to know about sex. The earlier scenes when Dr. Kinsey would talk to couples about their "sex problems" were hilarious. Peter Sarsgaard was also especially fun to watch. His affair with both the Kinseys really solidifies Dr. Kinsey's research findings.

Before the New Year, I went into a Kung Fu store having a "going out of business" sale, and bought the Hong Kong-released DVD of House of Flying Daggers, which was an amazing film. The colors are so vivid, and the love story, though quite common, was well done, and well-acted. The word and body play between Jin and Mei escalated into one of the best love scenes I've ever seen. I don't mean that it shows a lot of skin (in fact it shows very little), but the way the situations and the music build up to that moment was very very well done.

I also watched:
- the Spanish (i think?) film Nico and Dani - boring, typical teen sex and coming-of-age movie, only this time with one gay teen....
- the Canadian, and Almodovar-produced My Life Without Me (a beautiful beautiful film! Everyone should watch it. The music is so gorgeous, the characters very well-acted, the scenes shot beautifully, especially the opening sequence in the rain, and the musical scene in the supermarket. Ah, beautiful beautiful...).
- Bertolucci's The Dreamers - at first very promising, but as it goes on, becomes rather tedious. the relationship between the central three characters is not as button-pushing as it was intended to be, the characters themselves quite unlikeable. i only liked the film history aspect of it (Jean Pierre Leaud, better known as Antoine Doinel, makes a cameo as himself today and in the past... interesting idea)
- Miyazaki's Spirited Away - very cute and magical. original film full of fantastical creatures and ideas.
- Maria Full of Grace - wonderful film, very well-acted. Catalina Sandina Moreno does a great job as Maria, who is forced by her circumstances to work as a drug mule. The film really grips the viewer, and puts you in her shoes. This is best captured in the airport interrogation scene. The viewer feels as apprehensive as the character. I don't think I would have looked as calm though.
- Original Sin - Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas. the movie was mostly just eye candy. The writing was TERRIBLE. the actors could only do so much with such a crappy screenplay. When their looks and their skills took over though, it was pretty good. HOT Sex scenes, with lots and lots of skin...

Those are some of the films to come to my memory that I've watched recently.... Today, Donnie Darko and Swimming Pool arrived in my mailbox from Netflix.

Okay, I've gotta go now. I hope someone's at least reading this. Watch these movies and tell me what you think. Give me suggestions on what movies I should watch. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/4084449/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/4084449/ Thu, 16 Dec 2004 22:02:10 PST
however, i do need to find myself something to do.

i was looking through an old journal today, the one i kept before I left for Boot Camp. i think i'll go back and revise some of those old poems that i never finished. i also wrote some new poems while on the plane, on my way home. i'm still working on those.

wish me productivity!

oh, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS, whoever is reading this! ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3994329/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3994329/ Sun, 05 Dec 2004 11:06:33 PST
In it, they discuss the nature of depressed people, how some people like to be depressed, and being happy disrupts their imbalance. Sometimes I feel as if I'm like this, that I NEED to be depressed, or if not depressed, at least in conflict.

Which may be part of the reason that I LOVE drama films, films that tug on me, pull my heart apart, show the untruthfulness, and emptiness of the world, often hidden behind flashy pictures.

In the movie, Natalie Portman's character, Alice, discusses the bitter beauty of portraits. "They're just a bunch of sad people photographed beautifully," she says. And observers think of the pictures as beautiful, despite the sadness of the subjects, who may view the world as ugly. And in so seeing these pictures as beautiful, these observers are simply lying to themselves.

Sometimes I feel as if I try too hard to make life meaningful. I photograph people (myself included) in ways that make them seem so pensive, so full of conflict, and hidden desires, and repressed potential.

I live my life as if I'm in a movie. I pretend that verything I see through my eyes is filtered through a camera's lens. The rushing landscape as I ride on the train, the way I walk, my wardrobe (which means so little - people often compliment me on my taste of clothing, but how selfish, shallow, and insubstatial is that?) And my mind edits these reels of memory film, cutting and pasting, creating a stream of flashes of memories, little bits and pieces, throwing out sometimes huge, sometimes miniscule chunks earlier etched into my memory film.

I think too much, I speak too little. I try to portray myself as a pensive artist, hoping for someone to find me interesting, to spike someone's curiosity, make them long to find out more about me.

little did I realize how little other people care.

however, this is no fault of my own. simply, it is because they are directing their own films inside their minds. like me, they are cooped up in their dark editing rooms, cutting and pasting together scraps of their memory, selecting which pieces to keep, which pieces to dispose. which pieces of memories, collectively, show the beauty, the drama, the complexity of their lives? they have no time to speak to me about my movie, because they are too busy with theirs.

and in the end, what will we have to show for ourselves? when we die, how do these films present themselves to other people - those people in whose films we ourselves have made cameos - how will these films appear to us? will I be satisfied with this movie i've spent my whole life creating? what will the critics, what will the audiences think of it? will my movie even be released at all, or will it simply collect dust on the top shelf of some cluttered cabinet?

who really truly gives a f*** about one's life except one's self?

sorry if I depressed you. I hope your film is a comedy. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3954138/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3954138/ Tue, 30 Nov 2004 07:43:12 PST
Getting out of Corps School where I had myself a time
labs and homework everyday, students yielding to temptation!
Going home to Cali, gonna see if I can't unwind
seeing my family again, and my doggie who misses me
Going to Bethesda gonna leave my woes behind
(muffled noises)
I'm going to Bethesda and meet a friend of mine.

I got my orders today!
it's been a hell of a time waiting and waiting and waiting. i've almost lost hope, and believed myself an unfortunate Grad-holdee, but i got them today.

i'm going over to "The Big House," the HUGE Bethesda hospital in Maryland.

Right now, i'm in clinicals, checking people in and checking vital signs.

gotta go. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3872308/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3872308/ Fri, 19 Nov 2004 15:40:25 PST
This has been a year of many many changes for me. there's the obvious, with me being in the US Navy and all... so, here's my list of things that i'm thankful for:

+ my loving, supportive, crazy family
+ special friends who know no boundaries, whom i can reach out to despite the distance: annie, gandalf, lily...
+ friends who make my days a little bit brighter...
+ the frailty of the human heart. although weakness is not really something to be thankful for, i'm still glad i actually HAVE a heart.
+ the power and transcendence of art. because of this, i still aspire to find beauty amidst the concrete, robotic, chauvinistic and monarchical society in which i live.
+ the things the Navy has afforded for me, though mostly material... there's also:
+ budding knowledge of the medical field
+ new friends
+ new thoughts
+ new experiences
+ a chance to explore CHICAGO

most of all, i'm thanful for:
+ just being able to breathe, think, eat, love, and live. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3775623/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3775623/ Sun, 07 Nov 2004 11:02:49 PST
new poem, however.
hope you like it.

i cannot wait to graduate from Corps School. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3702068/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3702068/ Fri, 29 Oct 2004 14:15:23 PDT this week has been the worst.

Gandalf, here's the next part of my ER story...

the distance between our fingertips, for one night, became nonexistent. our prints aligned. the shafts of our fingers interlocked, and our tongues lapped like waves in the hidden caverns we explored.

...but afterwards, as the sun rose, the child with the dreamwater blue eyes - now so chilled and hostile, cut off the balloon's string, sending it spiraling away, up to the endless sky, alone. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3422839/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3422839/ Wed, 22 Sep 2004 16:07:45 PDT - Frou Frou

Hello there, I'm still here in Great Lakes Naval Training Center in Chicago.

This past Saturday (Sep 18), I went SKYDIVING!

It was such an amazing experience. We got up to 15,000 feet up. The only scary part was right before we jumped (It was a tandem jump; i had an instructor strapped to my back). We were free-falling until we reached about 6,000 feet, and from there, we pulled the cord and floated down. From up there, I could see so far, all green fields and endless sky, and many small lakes that looked like puddles. It was breathtaking.

I had just turned 20, and so I thought I should do something really fun, and I did. It was an amazing experience I relive over and over in my head. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3291400/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/3291400/ Sun, 05 Sep 2004 09:55:37 PDT
To anyone who actually still cares, I'm back...

I'm in Great Lakes, Illinois, learning how to be a Medical Corpsman in the US Navy.

I'm doing great, having a lot of freedom. In fact, just yesterday, I spent the day in Chicago (what a beautiful city! I feel right at home with myself there...).

My 20th birthday is next weekend (Sep 10), but I have "duty" the whole weekend, which means I (and my whole class) are confined to our barracks.

The next weekend (Sep 18), I'm planning on going skydiving, which should be an experience to say the very least. I'M TURNING TWENTY YEARS OLD! TWO DECADES OF LIFE! I have to do something big and crazy.

My time online is limited, because it costs a lot, but I'll be sure to come back as soon and as often as I can and my meager budget can allow.

CIAO!

-kimmarcelojunio ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2600648/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2600648/ Sun, 06 Jun 2004 22:22:08 PDT
tomorrow I go to San Diego to really swear myself into the US NAVY for five years.

It's here...

But I had a great time these last few days.
I've gotten everything I wanted:
My friends at my house, helping me cook
A candlelight dinner outside under the stars
My own Poetry Reading in my backyard
A kiss to remember for a lifetime

so much so much more...

I'm uploading a few last pieces, and I'm out for about three months or so...

See you guys in August!

- Kim Marcelo Junio ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2538732/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2538732/ Sat, 29 May 2004 21:18:47 PDT
I got my portrait done for $6 by a street artist. He made me look like a 10-year old androgyne... Is that a good thing? Hmmm.... We're staying at a very beautiful hotel. It has a nautical theme... Lots of those steering wheel thingies hung around the place... And MY GOD, this is a beautiful computer. A Sony VAIO Widescreen... NICE...

Tommorow, I hope to see more of San Francisco. Maybe find a really cool used clothes store, or something. Or a bookstore. Things here aren't too expensive. I thought it would be ridiculous, but it's pretty reasonable.

Anyway, I'm boring you already, and my little sister wants to use the computer, so I'll be off...

this has been a fun week by the way... Tuesday, went to Balboa Park and Hillcrest with Alex. Thursday, did another photo shoot with Annie and Nataly, and got some molta bella photos. I'll post them up soon.

take care people... i promise to post again before Boot Camp starts.

- Kim Marcelo Junio ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2458928/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2458928/ Tue, 18 May 2004 20:41:30 PDT Bravura, the Palomar College Literary Journal. Just think... for 40 years, the school has published this... 40 years of history... that includes, what? The Beatles, Vietnam, Hippies, Bellbottoms, the return of bellbottoms, 80's makeup, 80's hair, 80's music... so much has happened in 40 years.

I feel very proud to be a part of Bravura. I have done a lot to help make it the best it is, and yes, people are telling our staff that this is the best Bravura we've ever printed. And it's great to know that I helped in almost every aspect of the journal: choosing the poetry, the fonts printed, the art, designing the flyers, designing the program, choosing the retrospective pieces...

This is something I feel very passionate about - the creation and compilation of art - timeless, transcendent art. A group of 4 of us staff members got together at my school's library and looked through the past issues of Bravura to look for pieces that stood out and related with one another, and fit the transcendent themes of love, travel, loneliness, war, sex, generation gap... And it was amazing to see that the mindset doesn't seem to change over the decades, the writing doesn't really change, BUT, in many ways they also do... One piece from the 90's talked about women's liberation, about being able to take charge of your sex life; one related picking off bugs to shooting innocent Vietnamese villagers from a plane... the world has changed so much, but art has stayed, and i hope will continue to be, a very important part of the human experience. It's a shame about budget cuts. The arts are always the first to go. it's just unfair, and highly stupid. Look back at history - the major changes in the world came with movements in the arts - the Greeks, the Romans, the Renaissance, the Industrial Revolution (which corellated with, what is it? expressionism? realism? i'm not an art history major... sorry)... BUT point still made. ART IS IMPORTANT.

Well, I know I have no need to convince you people of this, but I was just venting...

Please visit the Bravura 2004 website here: [link]

My friend Alex and I spent long hours creating this baby, and we're proud of it. Since you guys can't have a copy of the real thing, this is close enough, I hope...

Read my story, "Secret Warriors." A lot of my beliefs are embedded in it. I hope you read it and take something away with you. And let me know what you think.

THANK YOU to the people who continue to support me. To those who are concerned about me going into the Navy. I'm gonna be gone in exactly 3 weeks. In three weeks, I will already be in Great Lakes, probably getting ready for bed, being depressed, I don't know.

but there are still happy days ahead. don't worry. I have a lot planned.

Thank you once again. Especially to Rosiel, Doriano, Y2Jenn, Eunoia... if I forgot you, I'm sorry... but here's a

- Kim Marcelo Junio ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2302290/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2302290/ Mon, 26 Apr 2004 12:07:11 PDT
I'll be off of DevArt for a while. i need a break.

I'll probably post a few last minute things in the next few days, but otherwise, i'm gonna try to take a break from here. i need the practice.

thank you to everyone who's supported me through everything I've let you people known to. you've all helped me through in some small way. people walk in and out of your lives all the time. it's good to acknowledge that they've made an impact somehow. you are a room, and people will walk in, put their footprints on the ground, move a table, perhaps, or leave a fingerprint on the window...

I've never seen any (or most) of you... and you come from all over the world - Germany, England, the Philippines... it's good to know that communication isn't totally dead. it's just reached a different level.

spread the love.

and by the way, in case you didn't already know, i'm bisexual. yeah, i just thought i'd share that. here's my philosophy that i want to leave with you...

We are all our own beings. We are able to decide, and feel how we feel towards others. The voice of 'culture' or - the word my friend Alex hates - "Society" should not be able to tell us how to feel and who to feel for. I allow myself to be open, fully open to any relationship, any attraction for anyone. I'm not going to say that the feelings i've felt, or the attraction i've felt towards males or females are wrong or improper. however, i'm also not going to limit myself to just males or just females. i'm taking life, and people, as they come to me.

Give it a thought. maybe you'd like to join the club too, or start thinking differently. Either way, good luck.

to you all.

thank you.

always, kim marcelo junio. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2282940/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2282940/ Fri, 23 Apr 2004 15:09:44 PDT
my dad is a Navy recruiter. both my parents have been looking forward to this, not, i don't think, because it'll get me out of the house, but for genuinely good parental reasons - seeing me succeed, take steps in becoming an adult, taking on adult responsibilities... but more and more and more every day, everytime i dwell on it, i realize, i can achieve these things in other ways. other ways in which a 5-year contract is not involved. other ways that will make me happy, and help me build a future.

If I stay home instead, and tried to find a job (and God knows, i need and want a job to help around the house), and kept going to school as I do now, in about a year, I will already have an Associate's Degree in English. And along with that, I could take advertising classes, and try to get a job in the field. I already know a few people in the field willing to give me a little push. And Sarah, who has been in the industry for 40 years, calls me a "triple threat" - I can write, I'm good at art, and the computer. i can go far. so i CAN get a job, i can make money, i can help out with the house expenses. if i stay home. And I want to help. i want to be a mature and responsible adult. I want my parents to see that.

They'll probably bring up the fact that this was supposed to be my year to do that - to get a job, and test out the waters before going into the Navy. But with school, and knowing that I'm gonna go into the Navy anyway, I was not inspired to really find a job. I always thought, "Well, I'm leaving soon anyway, no need to follow up on my applications..." And I wasn't motivated to go for financial aid either, for the same reasons. But if i stay, I know I can work much harder.

God, who am I talking to? I should be saying this to my parents, but i'm scared. I don't know where to even begin... But this is really something I feel strongly about.

Joining the Navy, I would be putting in 5 years of my life into a side-step. It's like I'm joining the Navy for the wrong reasons - to get college money and make money, and make my own decisions. Well, the thing is, I don't get college money in a lump sum. I'm gonna have to pay for my own schooling, and they just reimburse it. which is like money you don't miss... (this is what I'm told by a friend in the Navy doing the exact same program i'll be doing...). And, really, all I want is an English degree. and work in advertising and communications, and art. And I'm already on my way. Going into the Navy now would just sidetrack me...

But the thing is, i don't know how to present this to my parents. I don't know how I'm supposed to say all this. How i can make them listen to me as an adult, trying to make a mature decision. I know that the Navy is not for me.

God, I don't know what to do... And this entry is really damn personal. i don't think I should really be posting it.

ah, fuck. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2188788/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2188788/ Fri, 09 Apr 2004 21:37:56 PDT
during the first poetry meeting, and we discussed what it means to write poetry, I was feeling a bit... off. I thought back to all my old works, and couldn't think of one that shows that I can see the world in "creative new ways." i felt like I've just been recycling other poems, or views of the world that I've read before... i felt like i wasn't filtering any of my poems through a poet's perspective...

our first assignment was to write a poem with only 15 words or less. at first i was going to submit this:

In the cluttered living room of my mind
You're swinging on the ceiling fan

Then, I thought how i've heard SO many poems like that before, and I knew I had to be original. and when you try try try to write a poem, when you force yourself to, you don't get much. so i waited instead, and when my dad was driving me to school, i just absentmindedly took out my journal and began writing.

I ended up with "Mud Pies," my newest submission. It took me 30 minutes to write that poem, to get it to look and feel and sound the way it does. It went through at least 10 different drafts.

And I thought, this is poetry. this is the experience of writing a poem. filling every single word with importance. every word must be doing work, and the versing and rhythm and format is crucial. the words must flow together, they must sound the way you want it to, convey the feeling you want to convey. writing poetry, I realized, takes a lot of work, but for me, is a very passionate work, a labor of love, and the end result is more than exhilirating.

Now I feel a little bit more reasurred of my ability. i'm far from being a great poet, but at least I'm happy and comfortable with where I am.

---by the way, does anyone know how to do italics and bold on here? please let me know.
---ooop! nevermind! Thanks to lordnougat... YAY. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2144939/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2144939/ Sat, 03 Apr 2004 15:09:45 PST
It seems to me that today, most people don't even have a personal self anymore. that they simply use what's handed to them by the media, or their peers, and fills this role. Of course there are vaiations - some people are more quiet, more outgoing, etc, than others, but i'm wonderinf if even these variations are self-prescribed. how much control do we have over our selves, and how we show them? when we go to a job interview, we are expected to act in one way. when we are with our friends, another, and with our parents, yet another way. do we just follow these expected behaviors or do we shape our own personalities?

Taking it another step further, do we control what we like, or do we simply like what people expect us to like? I believe, like everything, it's all relative, it's a spectrum of a little bit of control to a lot of control. Ask yourself, where do you fall into in this spectrum. Do you follow your own intuition more, or are you driven more by rational decisions to fit yourself into the framework of the world?

I seem to fluctuate between both, but I do try to stay in control of myself. i try to go against what people expect me to do, and perhaps that's one of the reasons why I'm joining the Navy. Because artists and freethinkers don't generally join into an institution that hinders their individuality. But I'm thinking when I do go in, and when I do survive living with a bunch of chavinistic conservative, Bush-supporting, narrow-minded people, how much more of a rounded person I will be, to not exactly be influenced by them (i have a strong mind and strong will. i know i will not easily bend to others' will. but i can keep quiet.), but see their perspective a bit. perhaps i'll come out having a more expansive view of the world, of humanity. and think of all the material i could write about, or drive me to new artistic heights.

perhaps i'm thinking too irrationally, but really, I think not. I think i'm doing the right thing, for me. though others may not think so. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2110524/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2110524/ Mon, 29 Mar 2004 17:23:11 PST
yesterday, my oldest sister went back to San Luis Obispo.
last night my youngest sister went to spend the week at Anaheim.
today, my middle sister went to Mini Boot Camp for a week.

I'm alone for 5 days.

But I've got a lot to do, so I hope not to go crazy. I just realized that I spend way too much time online, specifically on Deviantart. I'm going to try to spend less time from now on. I have a speech to do next week about MADD, and how we can help prevent drunk driving accidents. I have a bunch of other homework to do. I should not be wasting so much time surfing around the net. I feel like such a lazy bum.

HOWEVER... I'm still very happy right now. I got a ride home with my friend and we dropped by a sushi restaurant, Sushi Camp, near my house. We had some really good sush and only spent $26.00 between the two of us (though he paid for most of it... I'm kinda poor. ) But anyhoo, the egg was good as usual. We had some mackarel, some other fish (I think halibut), and a long plate of i-forgot-what, which was basically a California roll wrapped in fresh salmon. Sushi is one of the healthiest foods you can eat. Too bad it costs so damn much. But that was good. mmmm... and the wasabi wasn't too spicy, so i had a lot. damn that was good.

I miss cheaper Japanese sushi, but I must admit, they're a lot more creative here. You get all kinds of varieties in the sushi restaurants here than you do in Japan.

I miss Japan. Someday, I'll go back, just for the food. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2063669/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2063669/ Mon, 22 Mar 2004 16:03:56 PST
So I did that today, I set my timer for 10 minutes and stood near the door, just looking out, watching people pass. It was difficult at first, and I felt uncomfortable, but as time passed, I felt more at ease.
Here are my discoveries:

- people who are alone tend to either just look out, pretend to look for someone, talk on the cell phone, or be absorbed in their laptop or books.

- people who are with other people seem the happiest. they smile a lot and basically feel at ease. I think this shows just how much humans need each other to function in society. I saw a girl surrounded by three guys, and she looked so happy and enjoyed their attention. i think she's using these guys as mirrors, seeing herself projected through their eyes. she hears their voices and knows that they are talking to her, acknowledging her existence. and this is what most of us want.

- people walk around and look for a familiar face. this is what we all do in life. we wander until we see someone we know. we feel comfortable with pattern and recognition. we don't want to really "meet" new people, we just want to reinforce the relationships we have, or have been forced into (ex. you talk to people you meet in class, or have worked with, etc.). conversations with strangers are awkward, if one feels out of place. back to the same girl with the two guys. she briefly left the table to say hi to someone else, and the two guys left behind did not talk to each other. they simply looked around and waited for the girl to come back.

- everyone looks around, but when you connect eyes with someone you don't know, you immediately turn away. this kind of contrasts the previous statement, which is that we search for belonging and feel most at ease with ourselves when we are with others. why, if we long so much to be accepted, do we turn away when others look at us? is it pride? fear? vanity? i think it's perhaps a mix of these 3 and more.

- i realized that in that room, in and of itself, is life itself, or a generalization of it. we go in and out of life. we briefly look around, look for a familiar face and move on. if we see others, we congregate, form communities, bounce ideas back and forth and enrich ourselves, make ourselves happy. if we're alone, we fill our time with distractions - books, computer, imagining or reminscing - something to take us away from that environment, away from that present. we focus all our attention into that one task, to prevent ourselves from looking at the big picture - the room, the life.

mind you, i did not think all of this while i was observing. i came to these realizations afterwards. and thinking about it really got me emotional. i was thinking, "THIS is life? Just wandering about, hoping to find a connection with someone?" i found that so depressing, because so many people were alone, so afraid to look someone in the eye and make friends. and we're all guilty of this. i know i am.

so what should we do? I say, be nicer. start smiling at people, even strangers. stop being so damn scared, or proud, or vain, whatever the case may be. as humans, we are most happy when we are with other people, because that's when we feel most enriched, most human, most alive. so why not do that more? form communities, discuss your interests. live. damn it, you only have this one life. make the best of it. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2005965/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/2005965/ Sat, 13 Mar 2004 17:27:40 PST
I don't understand the rationale behind the opposition to gay marriage. All the reasons are religion-based, but the church should not interfere with the state. and some people don't even get married for religion. they just want to spend the rest of their life with someone they love. how does that hurt the institution of marriage? Haven't heterosexuals done enough damage to marriage? Half of marriages end in divorce. Some people get married AS A JOKE. Take Britney Spears, for example. That's a lot more damaging to the institution, because it belittles it, makes it insignificant, fleeting... Gays and lesbians just want to take part in something that's denied to them for no good reason. NO GOOD REASON.

There's so much hate. I don't know much, I don't claim to be politically-savvy, or whatever. But I know that homosexuality is not wrong. Witholding rights from citizens is wrong. Denying someone of the opportunity to love is wrong. Taking away someone's right to happiness is wrong.

have a good day, Mr. President. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1986326/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1986326/ Wed, 10 Mar 2004 10:54:15 PST
Persephone is back with Demeter. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1950190/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1950190/ Thu, 04 Mar 2004 09:58:06 PST
I started reading East of Eden last night.
My god. what an amazing book. I already know this will be another one of my favorites. Already, I learned what I'm gonna have to go through in the Navy when I go off this June...

"They'll first strip off your clothes, but they'll go deeper than that. They'll shuck off any little dignity you have - you'll lose what you think of as your decent right to live and to be let alone to live. They'll make you live and eat and sleep and shit close to other men. And when they dress you up again you'll not be able to tell yourself from the others. You can't even wear a scrap or pin a note on you breast to say 'This is me - separate from the rest..." (Steinbeck 25).

Now those who truly know me know how I value my individuality. This is what i'm going to have to put myself through. I'll lose my individuality. That's the price I'll have to pay to get out of my house, make my own money, and (my main motivation) to travel around the world. Is that a fair trade-off? I really can't say right now. All I know is that I never wanted to go into the Navy but I'm going to anyway. It's really the only way to get what I want. Am I making a big mistake? Perhaps. But I know I can learn from it. If it ends up not being a mistake after all, then I guess I'm lucky. But either way, I know that when I'm 25, and out of the military, I'll be a different person. I'll have money, but that's not important. I'll have knowledge, wisdom, experience. I will already be tested, and will have prevailed. I will be stronger, and more fearless. And maybe then I can get my independence back.

- kimmarcelojunio. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1921553/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1921553/ Sat, 28 Feb 2004 13:46:39 PST busy with school stuff.
almost done with my short story.
watched Talk To Her (Hable Con Ella) in CINE 100... loved it. very disturbing. i love art movies and i wanna see more. any suggestions? ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1871472/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1871472/ Thu, 19 Feb 2004 10:34:17 PST
also... if you wanna see some awesome photos, go here: [link]
and click the "portfolio" button. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1822694/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1822694/ Tue, 10 Feb 2004 10:26:44 PST
YES. i love life. i'm just not sure if i love mine. i guess i like it though. but i'm not passionate about it. it would be great if i were taller, or if i drove, if i had more freedom, if this, if that. but then, if life were perfect, or close to it, it wouldn't mean as much. dissappointment is part of life, and it's sad, but we must accept it. at least i love life itself. i think it's amazing that we can breathe, communicate with each other, and feel emotions. we are very lucky. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1797598/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1797598/ Thu, 05 Feb 2004 09:50:01 PST writing my very first short story, titled "Poetry Reading." It's turning out to be kinda long... and i don't even feel halfway done yet. we'll see what happens. here are my characters, just for the heck of it:

- Sandy -
inspired by Shandi from America's Next Top Model. Sandy is a shy, secret lesbian, infatuated with her roommate, Amy.
- Amy -
a promiscuous business major who loves boys and Cosmopolitan. Her newest conquest is Oscar.
- Oscar -
a gay/bi english major who recently broke up with his boyfriend of 6 months, Gabriel
- Cameron -
Gabriel's best friend.

that's it so far. i still haven't introduced Gabriel yet, but I think I'll do so soon.

take care everyone. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1746275/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1746275/ Mon, 26 Jan 2004 17:35:20 PST
Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Angels in America

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television - Meryl Streep as a Rabbi, a Mormon mother, and Ethel Rosenberg

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television - Al Pacino as Roy Cohn

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Mary Louise Parker as Harper Pitt

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Jeffrey Wright as Belize and Mr. Lies

Also nominated for Best Supporting Actor, alongside Jeffrey Wright, are Ben Shenkman as Louis and Patrick Wilson as Joe Pitt... The AMAZING Justin Kirk was unfortunately, and rather unfairly, snubbed of a nomination for his role as Prior Walter. Nevertheless, the whole project did extremely well. I can't wait for it to come out on DVD. I'm gonna strap everyone down to watch it with me.

So, Congratulations to Angels in America! I'm gonna continue talking about it, and no one can stop me.

In other news, school is going great. Second week started today. I think I'll stay in CINE 100, although it's gonna be a lot of work. I'm very interested in learning how to watch movies in a different way. At my Speech class, we did our first speeches, talking about ourselves, and I did okay, I think. I wasn't too nervous, and I had practiced and prepared. Theatre Arts is bound to be a fun class as well. We toured the stage today. I'm learning so much. It's wonderful. I love learning. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1746272/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1746272/ Mon, 26 Jan 2004 17:34:27 PST
Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Angels in America

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television - Meryl Streep as a Rabbi, a Mormon mother, and Ethel Rosenberg

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television - Al Pacino as Roy Cohn

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Mary Louise Parker as Harper Pitt

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - Jeffrey Wright as Belize and Mr. Lies

Also nominated for Best Supporting Actor, alongside Jeffrey Wright, are Ben Shenkman as Louis and Patrick Wilson as Joe Pitt... The AMAZING Justin Kirk was unfortunately, and rather unfairly, snubbed of a nomination for his role as Prior Walter. Nevertheless, the whole project did extremely well. I can't wait for it to come out on DVD. I'm gonna strap everyone down to watch it with me.

So, Congratulations to Angels in America! I'm gonna continue talking about it, and no one can stop me.

In other news, school is going great. Second week started today. I think I'll stay in CINE 100, although it's gonna be a lot of work. I'm very interested in learning how to watch movies in a different way. At my Speech class, we did our first speeches, talking about ourselves, and I did okay, I think. I wasn't too nervous, and I had practiced and prepared. Theatre Arts is bound to be a fun class as well. We toured the stage today. I'm learning so much. It's wonderful. I love learning. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1724485/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1724485/ Thu, 22 Jan 2004 14:57:18 PST - Hannah (Meryl Streep)

"The white cracker who wrote the national anthem knew what he was doing when he put the word 'free' so high up, nobody can reach it."
- Belize (Jeffrey Wright)

"Oh, fuck. It's Ethel..."
- Roy Cohn (Al Pacino)

"Failing in love is not the same as not loving. It doesn't lay you off the hook. It doesn't mean you're free to not love."
- Louis (Ben Shenkman)


check out this link for a review and synopsis of the whole play.

[link] ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1718733/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1718733/ Wed, 21 Jan 2004 14:56:37 PST
So here's my schedule:
---------------------------------------- -----
Mondays/Wednesdays

8-930am: TA100: Intro to Theatre Arts
- fun class, nice instructor. we did a name game today. I now know everyone's name. Neat, huh?

930-11am: CINE 100: Art of the Cinema
- this one's gonna be tough. the instructor is very very precise with what he wants. he's intimidating, but i'm sticking it out. we've got some awesome movies planned, like Y Tu Mama Tambien, and Punch-Drunk Love. Some guy today was complaining that all the movies are romantic. If he doesn't like it, GET OUT!

11-1230pm: SPCH 100: Oral Communication
- bound to be a tough class as well. Lots and lots and lots of research and preparation ahead. But the instructor is HILARIOUS! I'm definitely staying... I might drop CINE 100 if lack of study time is an issue.

Online class: PYSC 120: Social Psychology
- my first online class. starting off pretty slow, which is GREAT. There's gonna be a lot of reading too, though...
---------------------------------------- ------
Tuesdays/Thursdays
8-930am: ENG 245: Survey of Biblical Literature
-NOT a religious class, by any means. We study the history and literary techniques used in the bible.

11-1pm: Creative Writing!
Those who know me, know I love Creative Writing. This class is a big one, though, and it's a bit intimidating, but I think it will be okay in the end.

1-3pm: Literary Magazine
Bound to be a fun class as well. A lot of work will go into the production of the magazine, but we will also have writing workshops. It will be like an extension of Creative Writing. Neato!

Well, anyway. that's my schedule. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1686143/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1686143/ Thu, 15 Jan 2004 17:00:56 PST
While reading Virginia Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway, I kept on saying to myself, " When is this over?" It was just way too heavy for me. Too many characters, very little actual "plot," so much thought, thought, thought. I liked the book, and Woolf's originality, but it was just not my type of literature. However, reading it was not in vain, at all. I understand its importance in the history of literature, and more importantly, it enriched my understanding of The Hours, which I read immediately afterwards.

Micheal Cunningham's The Hours is the story of three women:
1. Virginia Woolf, as she's writing Mrs. Dalloway, and mulling over thoughts of life and death, while longing for the business of London, and abhoring the provincial town of Richmond where she lives.
2. Laura Brown, a 1950's housewife living the "American Dream," but finds herself suffocating in suburban blah-ness, and her only way to escape her too-perfect life is by reading Mrs. Dalloway, and finding parallels between her life and Woolf's.
3. Clarissa Vaughan, a modern-day version of Woolf's heroine, nicknamed " Mrs. Dalloway" by her AIDS-stricken former lover, Richard. The characters in Clarissa's story very closely resemble the characters in Mrs. Dalloway, and seeing them unfold and reveal themselves as the representations of Woolf's characters made this story my favorite of the three women's.

The Hours, which won Cunningham a coveted Pulitzer Prize, is a tender, as well as harrowing, look at human life, and the hours that compose it. Cunningham, in using Woolf's style of writing in "stream of consciousness," actually improves it. Or perhaps I feel that way because his colloquial language is closer to mine, than Woolf's. Also, in reimagining Woolf's characters (many as gays and lesbians), and putting them in a New York setting, he proves the true transcendence of Woolf's writing.

To finish off my entry, I want to share with you a few quotes...

From Mrs. Dalloway:

"The secret signal which one generation passes, under disguise, to the next is loathing, hatred, despair" (88 ).

"One cannot bring children in a world like this. One cannot perpetuate suffering, or increase the breed of these lustful animals, who have no lasting emotions, but only whims and vanities, eddying them now this way, now that... Human beings have neither kindness, nor faith, nor charity beyond what serves to increase the pleasure of the moment" (89).

From The Hours:

"Clarissa wants, suddenly, to show her whole life to Louis. She wants to tumble it out onto the floor at Louis' s feet, all the vivid, pointless moments that can't be told as stories. She wants to sit with Louis and sift through it" (132).

"She is glad to know (for somehow, suddenly, she knows) that it is possible to stop living... She imagines Virginia Woolf, virginal, unbalanced, defeated by the impossible demads of life and art; she imagines her stepping into a river with a stone in her pocket. Laura keeps stroking her belly. It would be as simple, she thinks, as checking into a hotel. It would be as simple as that."

"'You don't have to go to the party. You don't have to go to the ceremony. You don't have to do anything at all.'
'But there are still the hours, aren't there? One and then another, and you get through that one and then, my god, there's another. I'm so sick'" (198 ).

...Okay, that seemed depressing. But it's a good book, really. Very, very good. Please read it. And to understand it better, you might want to read Mrs. Dalloway first. It's difficult, but it truly enriches The Hours much more.

The movie adaptation of The Hours was wonderful as well. I highly applaud the lead actresses - Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore and Nicole Kidman (who won an Oscar for her role as Virginia Woolf), as well as the supporting actors - John C. Reily and...that guy who played Richard... Ed Harris. that's him.

Anyway. Have a beautiful day. Cherish every hour. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1621497/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1621497/ Fri, 02 Jan 2004 22:00:18 PST
2003. i was finally able to look at myself objectively, and question my past beliefs, and where i'm going with my life.

2003. i finished high school. closed that chapter in my life. i now realize how brief a time we spend in high school, yet how it impacts the rest of our lives.

2003. really pared down my friends, breaking them down to the essentials. keeping in touch only with the people i truly care about.

2003. i found out that the people I didn't care enough about deserve a second chance, and really have something to offer, something to say about life.

2003. i realized my own beliefs in society. realized what's good and bad about the world, and finding my place in it.

2003. started college, and opened myself to a whole new world. i find that teachers are everywhere. you can learn so much from so many different places. never disregard anyone. you may be surprised to find what they've got to say.

2003. i'm the poet of December for livingpoetsociety ([link]), the biggest honor ever bestowed upon me in my quest for art and advancement. THANK YOU so much.

2003. truly found myself, my confidence, my voice, my opinion, my talents.

2003. realized that there's still much more to uncover, more grounds to break, and a long, long journey ahead to help me become a better writer, artist, and person.

....i hope that 2004 will be just as challenging and rewarding. for me, and also for you. good luck.

always. kimmarcelojunio. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1566444/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1566444/ Sun, 21 Dec 2003 23:40:32 PST singing christmas songs to neighbors
collecting change
splitting with the group at 10 pm
walking to the soup stand by the church
sitting around
sipping soup
talking

two straight weeks.

christmas.

yesterday, party at a friend's house
sit down in front of everyone.
grab the mic.
sing "O Holy Night."

christmas spirit again.

]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1485809/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1485809/ Wed, 03 Dec 2003 15:25:51 PST
hmmm... where does it go? ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1485741/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1485741/ Wed, 03 Dec 2003 15:15:00 PST stuck in school till whenever.
can't wait for spring semester
bored.
the world is chaos

breathe. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1485734/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1485734/ Wed, 03 Dec 2003 15:13:52 PST *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1475647/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1475647/ Mon, 01 Dec 2003 12:10:13 PST
i have a new poem. please check it out. it's called "Funny how things change..."

my stomach feels weird from drinking coffee. coffee's not good for me.

i hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving break.

i ate turkey and played hide and seek.

have a great day.

always.kimmarcelojunio.

]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1427340/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1427340/ Thu, 20 Nov 2003 10:16:53 PST
new deviations coming soon. i hope.

maroon5 concert on the 25th. WOOHOOO! i can't wait.

member of
]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1417841/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1417841/ Tue, 18 Nov 2003 10:33:04 PST
i've got so many pieces i could work on...

did a shoot last night. will make interesting additions to my gallery.

i promise I'll put them up soon.

not that anyone cares.

i'm talking to myself.

coffee makes me jittery.

have a nice day.

always.kim.marcelo.junio. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1413895/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1413895/ Mon, 17 Nov 2003 12:10:12 PST
oh well.

got a new poem, my last journal entry...

i'm hungry. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1392669/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1392669/ Mon, 17 Nov 2003 11:52:39 PST and.I[watch]:
-Asthe .Sun.
lies___
down
earlierthan:
................Before.andthe
WhiteWalls.ofthe.Library
arepainted:
-ORangE.andthe
Skyblue-Sky.andthe

((CottonWHite(-Clouds)) ) )

are< *tickledp!nK*
andthe.drooo
oooping.trees.
are_ _walking.
asthey...sleep...
whilethe:World.is
hushhhhhh...'t
and.my.smokybreathhhh
^rises^

[haaaaaaah]like.Coffeevapor.
I.smellsoil
andTouch.myCold. . .
(cheeks)
and-close-my
.ti
red.
eyes^^ ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1338149/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1338149/ Wed, 29 Oct 2003 15:13:50 PST
anyyway. on the news side. Southern California is literally on fire. and it's getting ridiculous. fires everywhere, a new one everyday. seriously, people are just starting some of them on purpose. how stupid is that? man. but on the serious side, there are a lot of people who've had to move out, and their houses burnt down. i just keep thinking how that must feel, to have all your memories and posessions stripped away. and then people offer "insurance." what good is that? how will it help you regain the life you've lost? i guess it can't. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1304816/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1304816/ Tue, 21 Oct 2003 10:22:04 PDT
byepeople.always.kimmarcelojunio. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1281950/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1281950/ Wed, 15 Oct 2003 18:23:10 PDT
here's a link to silly pics of me and my treasures.

[link]

---------------------------------------- -----------------

and are awesome.

---------------------------------------- -----------------
shoutout to

---------------------------------------- -------------



CHECK OUT MAROON 5! you won't regret it!
official website: [link]
the live music site: [link] <- definitely check this out. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1275832/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1275832/ Tue, 14 Oct 2003 11:31:21 PDT added a couple of new deviations.

new pics in my stock gallery


check out my favorite band, Maroon 5.
official site - [link]
live music - [link]

they kick ass. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1242341/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1242341/ Mon, 06 Oct 2003 12:21:58 PDT personal
persona
per son
peer. sun.
peering at the sun.
the sun comes up and goes down
everyday.
it seems the cycle never ends.
always the same sunrise.
always the same sunset.
but if you pay attention, each day is different.
the sun sets at a different location each day.
moving towards the east.
or west.
i forget.
and each day
the sun is a different color.
sometimes orange
sometimes yellow
sometimes pink.
and in my dreams
it's blue.
blue like my veins.
vain.
person.
me?
a son.
peers?
none.
alone.
the sun. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1220127/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1220127/ Tue, 30 Sep 2003 10:59:52 PDT All day yesterday, i've been thinking about the band, and making my own maroon5 shirt, and i read that they'd be on the radio that night, so i knew i had to listen... then, my sister asked if i was gonna talk to them, so I thought I'd try.

I called the station while they were being interviewed (they were HILARIOUS!), and the station put me on hold after I told them i wanted to speak to the band. Then, the short interview finished, and I thought I missed my chance, but i stayed on hold, and THEY PICKED UP! I was so psyched! " Is the band still there? Are they still there?" and Jojo says "YEAH, they're standing right in front of you!" And I just freaked and started babbling about how long I've been a fan of the band (since July 2002 when I randomly listened to their album in Tower Records, and instantly fell in love), and how I'm an aspiring singer/songwriter, who was itching to hear a blend of rock and r&b, and when I heard them, i said THIS IS IT! and I thanked them for doing the music that they do, and told them that I saw them live on January 2003, and it was one of the best moments of my life.

They thanked me for my enthusiasm and love for the band, and said I floored them with my energy! and then I wished them luck on their show that night, and they thanked me, and they had to go.

Afterwards, the station kept me on hold again, and i sang while waiting, and finally they picked up, and said that they were gonna send me stuff! so I gave them my address and phone number. One of the DJs there said that I'd get an autograph... I don't know what autographed thing it is yet... AAAAH. i'm so excited about it though.

So then, I call my friend, who also loves Maroon 5 because of me... and she said that she HAD FLOOR TICKETS TO THE SOLD OUT SHOW THAT NIGHT, but she just got them at 630 that day, and couldn't go, or take me! We were both really bummed about that missed opportunity to see our favorite band FOR FREE. But at least I have the conversation with them to console me. And my friend said she'd send me the tickets (she lives 40 mins. away...), so I can keep them and pretend we went to the concert anyway. So it's all good. I'm still happy. still psyched. still very much in love with the band, even more so than ever.

so that's my story. what a night i've had....

If you haven't heard about the band, visit this link NOW! [link]
or this link, for their unplugged music: [link]

They are the greatest band I know. I love these guys, the music, the lyrics, everything. MAROON 5 ROCKS!

---------------------------------------- ------
My Stock Gallery


Clubs


KickAss People
*apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1216585/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1216585/ Mon, 29 Sep 2003 12:29:44 PDT
i like to run, but it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. i just return to the same new house, and same mom who never thinks she did anything wrong. same silence, same distance between us. same self wanting to increase that distance, wanting to keep running and running. but one day, I'm not going to come back.

And I'll be free from her scrutiny, from her derrogatory jeers. I'll be free to run free to be myself. free. away. run. cantwait.

my friend and I are gonna write a book. it'll be a memoir, about the relationship between Asian parents and teens. It'll be in a format like The Joy Luck Club, and The House on Mango Street.

---------------------------------------- ------
My Stock Gallery


Clubs


KickAss People
]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1200359/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1200359/ Wed, 24 Sep 2003 19:01:41 PDT
plus, i framed all my best works, so now they look nice and snazzy. yesss... snazzy. check out my gallery again.

HEY! I got a cool thingy... forgive the chainmail-like thing, but it's kinda cool. check this out, and see what you come up with:

***********************
Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are.
It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing. To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date together like in the example until there there is only one digit...

Example:
March 20, 1950:
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973 then,
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20 then,
2 + 0 = 2

#2 is the Birth Number.

A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.
Once you have discovered your Birth Number, look below for who you are:

#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER

See below for explanation:
#1 - THE ORIGINATOR - 1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural.
Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn:
Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, and Raquel Welch.

#2 - THE PEACEMAKER - 2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off...
Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopi Goldberg, Thomas Edison, and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

#3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY - 3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, and Jodi Foster.

#4 - THE CONSERVATIVE - 4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they
are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, and Oprah Winfrey.

#5 - THE NONCONFORMIST - 5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world istheir school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hamil.

#6 - THE ROMANTIC - 6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their emotions Influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like
art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, and Goldie Hawn.

#7 - THE INTELLECTUAL - 7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept t... ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1191926/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1191926/ Wed, 24 Sep 2003 15:46:53 PDT
talked to my best friend/lady interest a couple of nights ago for like 4 hours. discussed a lot about my future, her future, her classes, my old teachers, and all that. i really do love this girl. she's amazing. but i doubt we'll be any more than friends, which is fine with me.

my sister is at her college now. she starts classes today. she left me a birthday present, a 72 set of Prismacolor Pencils, which I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED. so i was really happy with that, and it was sort of bittersweet too, because they were hers, and she gave them to me, because she felt I "deserved them more" awwww.

so life goes on for me... living day by day by day by day... waiting waiting.... blah. sorry for my lack of enthusiasm.

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My Stock Gallery


Clubs


KickAss People
]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1168265/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1168265/ Thu, 18 Sep 2003 18:03:33 PDT

Life is full of letting-go's
And see-you-laters that never fulfill themselves.
Smiling lips that fade
Genuine nice-to-see-you's that float away
Hugs that lose warmth
We'll-always-be-together's that sever

And people who will change forever
Who return but are not the same
That smile may get bigger or turn upside down
And the days lived amount to new pages of life

You think of the could-have-been's
and should-have-done's
You look at what-it-is
And know that at one point
You could have climbed a different tree
Or ripped out a page before gettin to the end
And the what-it-is would not be the same
So you say god-damn-it
Or perhaps thank-goodness

You just never know.


But it's all good, i guess. i mean this way, we're all growing, no one's stuck. but when you've been stuck almost your whole life... it's hard to let go. aaah, it's not like I'll never see her again. she'll be coming down probably every month or so. i don't know... it's just when she comes back, she's not the same anymore. she would have gained new experiences, seen new people, made new friends, lived a little more. I'm a bit envious that she gets to go away from home before I do. And she's the one who doesn't really want to go. I could have gone too. I was accepted in that college. But i chose to do something else with my life instead.

ah. i hope that didn't depress you people so much.

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My Stock Gallery


Clubs


KickAss People
]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1164584/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1164584/ Mon, 15 Sep 2003 12:54:53 PDT
uuuuggghhh... had a test today in ENG205. I think i did very well. yes, smack me for my confidence. blah blah blah.

let's see... GOOD NEWS!
submitted some new deviations. a lot of Buffy related stuff, so all the fans, check it out! i drew these by hand. and colored one by computer, which took a while. ha. check them out!

and no one's yet commented on my "Crumble" poem, which is probably the one poem I worked the hardest on. please check it out. i want feedback. thanks again.

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I NOW HAVE A STOCK PHOTO ACCOUNT!
check it out here:


Living Poets Society


Buffy Fan Club


KickAss People
]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1150693/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1150693/ Thu, 11 Sep 2003 11:36:46 PDT
I had a great birthday day yesterday. Began by waking up late (8:15 is very late for me, since I'm in college...) and going to only one class, ENG 205, which is a lot of fun, because we discuss interesting things like pop culture and mass media, along with literature. Class gets out early. I go with my sister to my dad's work, and WE EAT SUSHI! Oh, man, that was some goooooood sushi. Last time I ate sushi, I wasn't very satisfied. But this time, we got 4 plates for the three of us. We got California Roll, Tuna, Eel, and Scallop, and all of them were TASTY. We were all so full afterwards. We were talking about how different the sushi is here and in Japan. In Japan, they're a lot more traditional, and keep the seaweed outside. Here in the States, there's a lot of experimentation with the flavors, mixing different fish with vegetables, and stuff... and a lot of it has the seaweed inside the roll...

Anyway, after that, my sister and I went home and later took my little sister (the "little goth girl" of my gallery) and my other sister (I have 3), and we went to Cold Stone to get some Ice Cream. That was good too. Then, we went to Best Buy, and I bought the Buffy Once More With Feeling Soundtrack and Rooney (FINALLY!), and I was pretty happy with that. Then, we went to WalMart to get a bunch of crap. Then, we went home, and later at night, my little sister and her friend put on this show that they've been planning for months. They danced to " Crazy In Love," their favorite song, and dedicated it to me! Then, my little sister read her list of reasons why she loves me. and gave me the best birthday card I've ever gotten in my life. She drew a picture of me and her hugging, with her standing on top of a chair, and hearts everywhere. Now ain't that cute? That was the best part of my birthday. I got a lot of money too, but that just falls to the back... I love my little sister, as you can probably see if you look through my gallery...

Anyway, that's how I spent my 19th birthday. I don't feel any different, in a physical sense, but I do feel a lot happier...

Oh, and of course, i didn't forget....
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO GREETED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. YOU GUYS ROCK!
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New photos coming soon. I got some good ones rosiel ([link]) might like.

My poem, "Crumble" is up for review at the LivingPoetSociety ([link])

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i submitted a bunch of photos today... open to comments. i should open a stock photo gallery, and put my actual work here... hmm...

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OH! I am now a member of livingpoetsociety! woohoo! [link]

and Buffy Fan Club. YES. i'm a dork.
[link] ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1127418/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1127418/ Thu, 04 Sep 2003 10:11:53 PDT [link]
click on the "listening party" link.
Shes' been one of my closest friends since i was in 5th grade, and her talent has really grown. If you're curious about my band's song, "The Fall," it sounds sorta like Marielle's songs - simple song, guitar, with some contemporary vocal techniques, though hers far exceed mine...

Anyway. check out her songs. I'm sure you'll be happy. I was very. She's awesome.

I especially like "Save the Day," oh, hell, I like them all! She's great! MARROCKS! ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1124613/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1124613/ Wed, 03 Sep 2003 13:01:13 PDT
Anyway... i submitted a bunch of new deviations today. WooHOO!!! I got a bunch of comments. YESSS! and I updated my website (
[link] ) and added new photos and stuff.

Today, I went to my first ENG 205 class, and we had a discussion about how males and females view beauty differently... Like, women, generally, feel the need to be beautiful, and read magazines, and confirm by these objective standards on how to be beautiful. It was brought up, however, that more mature women can be comfortable about themselves, regardless of what they see in the media. Men on the other hand, do not " obsess" about beauty, but rather notice masculinity, and are more guarded in their discussing of this. For example, if you hear a guy verbally acknowledge that another man is good looking, he is almost immediately thought to be gay. Women, on the other hand can freely call each other "beautiful" or "sexy." Is that a double standard there?

I've been reading, and hearing about some artists and writers, such as Edith Wharton, and Virginia Woolf, and I think Truman Capote, who had free relationships with people of different sexes, regardless of their sexual orientation... They were trying to break down these standards set in time, and they believed that men and women are just the same, and do not need to live by rules like "women must be pretty" and "men must be macho." It's interesting to say the least.

This really gets me thinking... I watched this VH1 thing about how the media is now portraying gay people in a more friendly light, and people are opening up to the idea of gay and lesbian people... Like that show, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy... I've never watched it, but I can see that it's quickly becoming a media phenomenon. And yet, there are still these people who are strongly homophobic...

That's the issue I decided to paint when my Drawing and Painting class was asigned to paint about a controversial issue... check out my results here: [link]
So anyway, why am I talking about this? Oh, yeah. I saw The Rules of Attraction this weekend, and it's now one of my favorite movies... I love how it begins, with these stories intertwining... it's awesome. I had an idea like that for a movie too, but this one took it a step further, doing the whole rewind thing. i think it's awesome... And the stories are just sad. "You'll never know me" - damn, that's depressing.

...Tommorow should be another fun day. woohoo... i just don't like my first class, Physical Science... The instructor's hard to understand. He keeps going back and forth and mistaking words and blah blah blah ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1121805/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1121805/ Tue, 02 Sep 2003 14:48:57 PDT [link] The artist there's got some good stock. I might come back and use her stuff again.
Today, I made preview images for my poetry and prose pieces. I had fun, to say the least. I'm happy with the preview for my untitled poem, the one with four haikus...

This weekend, we went to SanDiego Wild Animal Park, and saw a bunch of animals. that was fun. But i didn't see any lions or tigers, which sucks...

I also caught up on watching movies I've wanted to watch for a long time, but never got the chance to... I watched The Good Girl, Monster's Ball, Moulin Rougue (sp?), and The Rules of Attraction. I really liked The Good Girl and The Rules of Attraction...

aaah, gotta get to class... I'll come back and add to this later... ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1101662/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1101662/ Tue, 26 Aug 2003 17:52:13 PDT ... ENG 203: Composition and Critical Thinking Through Literature... Boy, this is gonna be one of my harder classes... We have to write three 3-5page essays, and one 12-page research paper by the end of the semester... and she wants us to have our books by Thursday... oh dear...
...ART 104: Design and Composition looks like it's gonna be a FUN class. I'm excited about this one... we're gonna start on our first project on Thursday already, which is all about lines... this is gonna be great... I'm excited... and i get to buy new art supplies. I'm not too happy about the books I have to buy for the other classes though... this is gonna cost me a lot...
... looks like I still have only one class on Wednesdays... uh oh. not good... but it would be a waste to drop that class, cuz then i'll only have one class on mondays! so that makes no sense... I wish I could still go in the beginning swimming class on MW, but I think it's all full. DAMN! Aaaaah, I should go cheer myself up with another Irish Creme Soda. YES. That's a great idea. Goodbye. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1098509/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1098509/ Mon, 25 Aug 2003 17:58:25 PDT
College has started. here i am. nothing special about this... just like high school but with less friends... right now i'm counting 0. Oh well... it's just the first day, right?

Good news though... the Irish Cream Soda here is DAMN GOOD. ]]> *apollo2003 http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1095321/ http://apollo2003.deviantart.com/journal/1095321/ Sun, 24 Aug 2003 17:21:28 PDT
I don't miss high school... not really looking back, except at this one girl...

feel a little anxious right now... aaah... i'm gone. ]]> *apollo2003