http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:artistnexia&section=today deviantART RSS for by:artistnexia en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:18:32 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/28234958/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/28234958/ Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:03:25 PST
It was after that point that Kidna and I took our honeymoon to what had once been New York City. We had just been to a show on Broadway, and were walking back to our hotel when we happened to come across an office building with the lights on in the lobby. Now, it was fairly late at night, which is why this building stood out, and the rest of the buildings on the street were dark. It looked like the floors above the lobby had been turned into apartments, or it had once been an apartment building and the first floor had been gutted to be a business. In either case we were curious about this building that was apparently open so late at night.

We should have realized how fishy that was considering the circumstances, but being young, in love, and rather stupid, we ignored all of the classic horror movie clues. So, we entered the building. Upon entering the first thing we noticed was an elevator. There were no buttons on the wall near it so I assumed it ran from the inside and the default setting was to sit open on the first floor. I figured that was how the people who lived in the apartments above got up there, but upon inspecting the inside of the elevator we found no buttons there either, not even a place for a key like some business elevators are set up. Also, there were no people, not even a doorman to welcome customers.

Just as I was beginning to think that someone had simply been careless, and left the light on and the door open, the doors of the elevator shut behind us and started to go down. My first thought, of course, was 'oh someone on the lower level called the thing and we'll just ride it back up when it lands'. Boy, was I wrong. When the doors opened the scene was that of an old fashioned warehouse, with a set of double doors opening onto a loading bay probably. It was fairly empty but for a few tables that seemed to be made of carved tree trunks. It appeared that the business was a wholesaler of rustic or antique looking furniture.

What caught my attention, and doomed us both was a strange looking lamp. From across the room it looked like a bare bulb on a green ornamental post, but as I got closer to it I realized that no, it was a flower that glowed! The bulb was made up of tiny three-petaled flowers that grew in a sphere shape, sprouting out of a tall sturdy stem, well shaft really, with large bi-color leaves. The tops of the leaves were so dark a green as to almost be black, and the bottoms were so light as to almost be white, and they were iridescent, reflecting back most of the spectrum of colors.

Kidna came up behind me to see and we heard the elevator door shut. We turned around and it was as though it was gone, all that remained was a slit in the wall to mark where the doors were. As soon as it was gone there was a male voice calling out and footsteps running towards us.

"NO, No no no!" He shouted and came to a stop directly in front of us. Seeing our confused faces he sighed, "Well, you're stuck here now, might as well show you around." He went on in spite of us being even more confused. "This is the dining hall. As long as you pull your own weight you'll get more than enough to eat."

We were compelled to follow as he walked away still talking. He showed us a grain silo, built out of the trunk of a tree that had to have been over 500 years old attached to the corner of the kitchen, which was furnished with primative looking stoves and cooking utensils. Most things were made of wood, but a few things were made of iron, like pots and the stove itself.

Then he took us toward the double doors. I had begun to get an idea that we weren't in any business's basement, but I had no idea what... ]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/27605592/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/27605592/ Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:23:25 PDT
I don't normally beg for money, but without some help to get the bills caught up this month my daughter will not have a Christmas this year. I don't even know if she can have a Halloween, as i don't have the money to buy her a costume or the materials to make one. Let alone buy candy to hand out to the neighborhood kids, though fortunately food stamps will cover that.

Please, even if all you can spare is a buck or two, it all adds up. If you can't even spare that much, help me get the word out? The more people that know, the more chance that somebody will be able to spare a few pennies.

In any case, thank you in advance, and Goddess bless.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/27408176/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/27408176/ Fri, 25 Sep 2009 11:44:06 PDT
Rent - $276
Electric - $59
Heat - $65
Phone - $65
Water - $51 (avg, currently behind $110)

There are a few other bills we pay, credit cards and the like but those are not necessary for our survival. Therefore, I do not feel comfortable asking for money to cover them.

Please, please, please, if you have a few pennies to spare we'll gladly return you a piece of artwork for it. The more you can give the bigger and more detailed the piece will be.

We're open for just about anything as far as topics go. Just no cub porn or scat.

Our paypal address is nexiahatch[at]yahoo.com

Note me here with what you'd like in your picture, and mark your payment as a family gift, or whatever the option says. That way there are no fees from paypal, 100% of your money goes into receiving your commission.

Thank you for your help.

(For those who can't personally contribute money, could you please help us spread the word??)

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/26595179/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/26595179/ Fri, 14 Aug 2009 18:00:16 PDT
The second thing is, are you a canine? Are you willing to let us borrow your character for a little project we're working on? If so, reply back with your reference sheet and your "ok" for us to draw you! ^_^

Also, I'm not dead!!

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/23725512/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/23725512/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 08:39:57 PDT
It began somewhere in high school, around Jr/Sr year, and I was going on a road trip with two of my friends. I didn't recognize the girls in my dream but the whole thing had a very Avatar feel, and yet not quite, because there was technology and cars and such things.

We left in their car to go to a cabin somewhere near the beach, but it reminded me of the cottage that Azula, Zuko, May and Ty Lee went to on Ember Island in Book 3 of the Avatar. While we were there bonding as girls do, we found a small puppy and a kitten with a hurt paw. We brought them both back with us and somehow it was my responsibility to take them home and convince my parents to keep them.

We spent all summer at the cabin, and when we returned home it was time for school to start up again. I brought the two small fuzzy things home and at that point I was awakened by my daughter and Todd running around being crazy.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/22785209/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/22785209/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 15:29:35 PST
Some of you may be wondering where the money is going, and to fill you in with the cliff notes version, my mate and I are trying to move and get married. (I know, we're insane.) The bottom line is we can't stay where we are, and we're either going to be kicked out or we'll leave on our own, and we'd much rather leave on our own, but we can't do it alone. Also, we're trying to get married, not a big ceremony, only the civil service because that will let us apply for mortages and loans as a couple, rather than as two single people. Trust me we'll be having the big ceremony later, once we've got a solid roof over my daughter's head, and at that point I'll post pictures, of course, but for now, we need $1000 to accomplish all of this.

Thanks for listening and please...tell your friends!!! ^_^

I'm almost always available on yahoo at nyght_of_shadows and my email is nexiahatch@yahoo.com Thanks so much!!

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/22235231/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/22235231/ Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:58:53 PST
It'll be $5 for the first character and a basic abstract background
+ $2 for each additional character
+ $5 for a detailed background (i.e. drawn and inked as opposed to just photoshop shades and colors)

My mate will be doing the sketching and inking and I will be coloring in photoshop cs3.

At current moment there is no limit on the number of commissions we'll be taking but we'll keep you posted.

Edit: As I've had two commissioners, who'll remain nameless, ask me to keep them and their pieces undercover, I'm allowing anyone who feels the need to hide themselves from the general public to request it. Ask and I'll simply put you down as "Secret" so that it's obvious you're getting a commission, and you can check on the status of said commission, but no one can tell who you are. ^_^

Edit:
1. Draven Blackpaw on Furcadia - waiting on payment
2. - [link] Finished!
3. - [link] and [link] Finished!
4. - [link] Finished!
5. Secret - waiting on payment
6. Secret - waiting on payment
7. open
8. open
9. open
10. open

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21678476/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21678476/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 10:20:08 PST
]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21662684/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21662684/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 11:48:43 PST
Needless to say I'm not a very happy camper lately, and the stress of having to bounce back and forth between families really doesn't help. However, if we don't show up and at least put on a show everyone's going to think something's up and we aren't telling anybody yet that Kidna heard a heartbeat in my belly....oops! Guess I really shouldn't have said that...oh well. :3 The secret's out now. Hold your congrats until after next week when I'll post a follow-up on this, because we are trying to keep everything in perspective here. Even though we've got all kinds of signs, we've been hoping and praying for this so until we have proof that 'yes medical science does indeed agree with our suspicions' we aren't making a big announcement yet.

In fact the only reason I'm mentioning anything right now is because I feel it's necessary to help support my revelation today.

Anyway, the point of this journal comes from the movie I just got finished watching. A few days ago, Kidna and I were talking about life, and family, and careers, because he and I had gotten into a small spat about the fact that every time he sits down to draw seriously family life gets in the way, and that it annoys him to no end and then he takes his frustration out on me with his attitudes and manners.

So, we were talking and I explained that in this world of capitalism and businesses there are two types of people. Type A, who strive their very hardest to be the strongest, best, most professional they can be in their chosen field, and type B, who are like my family, friends and me, who chose to focus on their families first and take the promotions or jobs as they come across them so long as those choices directly support their families. The other thing I mentioned when speaking with him is how the type A people are divided into groups: the businessmen, the pencil-pushers, and the dreamers.

The businessmen, be they male or female, strive to be the very best they can be, taking all the right promotions, placing themselves in the right places to be noticed and speak to the people they need to speak to in order to get ahead, and make it to the CEO level of business.

The pencil-pushers focus on doing what they need to do to keep the boss happy, but never really attempt to become the boss. Oh sure, they may gripe and complain that they could do their bosses' jobs better than they do, but when it comes right down to it, no they couldn't, or they would be doing their bosses' jobs and their bosses would be doing something else.

This brings us to the dreamers. These starry-eyed cloud-heads seem to honestly believe that if they focus on one of the two types of people they can actually achieve the other type of people later in life. This is the only place where types A and B cross over. Dreamers exist in both types and continuously get left in the dust crying and disappointed with their lives. They think that if they focus on work, they can get a family when they are 'stable' enough to do so, and if they focus on family they seemed to think that after they've become 'balanced' they can then concentrate on work.

It is to this group specifically that I direct this journal, and I know there are some of you out there who think that you can do both in this life. However, I'm standing here and letting you know, that you can't. When you become an adult you make a choice, to be successful professionally, or personally. It stems from your school years, you could either get good marks in school or you could be popular with the general student body. In adulthood it's a little more complicated but the choice is still there.

Bottom line, everybody needs to work to survive, you simply can't make it if you don't have money of some sort, but how you work and where is what you need to think about. Not what company, or what field, but what kind of worker are you going to be, what is more important to you, your job? Or your family?

I could continue running in circles with this but I think I made my point fairly clear, in life you have to choose between work and family. Even though today was incredibly stressful, and nerve-wracking and shows the promise of becoming even more stres... ]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21473263/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21473263/ Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:04:03 PST
Why is it people are so open about some things but so close-minded about others? You'd think people who are intelligent enough to understand loving more than one person would be intelligent enough to understand that there are always two sides to every relationship issue.

My actions a while back cause unintentional hurt to someone, but I honestly don't know how. Though I knew he cared for me, he had always seemed distant about the seriousness of the relationship.

Even so, it seems that the repercussions of that time have reached even further into the circles of my life than I knew.

I wonder if anyone even cares besides my mate any more. v.v

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21200055/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21200055/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 10:48:14 PDT
Wayne asked her, "So did you remember to grab it?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes in a defeated stanced, and said, "No, I forgot again. Damnit!"

So I piped up with, "It's alright we'll grab it on our way back from Sheetz."

"Alright." Nina said, "Let me text Mom and let her know you're coming."

Then we started for the door when I heard Bob's voice. He was sitting in the next room over chatting with a couple guys that I didn't really recognize and Wayne's uncles, or some of them anyway. I asked where Lizzy was and he said absently that she was with Skye. Well, I accepted it but something didn't feel quite right, something nagged at the back of my head, but it didn't occur to me until we started piling into the car.

I was to sit up front, as usual, and Faclo and Wayne were going to sit in the back. When out of nowhere Lizzy comes walking down the street. She was perfectly fine but I freaked out.

I yelled, "What happened to you?!"

And she said, "Grampa Bob left me alone. So, I walked down here."

I was horrified, and insisted that she come with us to Sheetz. So now, I sandwiched her in between Wayne and I in the back seat because Bob had the car seat, and we made our way to Sheetz with all four of us in the back somehow.

I had every intention of chewing out Bob when I got back but I woke up at that point and noticed it was 1:30! >_<

And after getting up and moving around for a while I have a headache...again!

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21170480/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21170480/ Sun, 26 Oct 2008 11:50:45 PDT
]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21119611/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/21119611/ Thu, 23 Oct 2008 01:23:34 PDT
Allow me to explain further and perhaps you'll understand...

Ever since my daughter was born, well before actually, I've had a form of nerve pain called Sciatica, at least I think that's spelled right. It is in essence too much pressure, caused by too much weight on top of the nerve that runs down the back of my leg, the Sciatic Nerve. I've never really thought much of it, and have simply dealt with the pain whenever it occured.

Over the last year or so, however, I've come to begin experiencing back and shoulder pain along with the Sciatica. Now, I know what you're thinking, just drop the f-ing weight. Trust me I'm trying, and so far I've lost about 15 lbs or so. I haven't actually been weighed in a few months.

The back and shoulder pain I merely attributed to being on my feet for long periods of time without breaks, and it appeared to be mangeable.

Well, now I'm having sleeping issues. I'll be ready for sleep while sitting on the couch waiting on my mate to be ready for bed, but since about July I haven't been able to be truly comfortable in bed. So, I wind up either staying up until god-awful in the morning, like tonight, or well....tossing and turning until god-awful in the morning. In either case I wind up getting less sleep than I should (like none) or sleeping until early afternoon.

Now, I went through a phase like this when I was just graduated from high school, but I could always reset myself by staying up all night and day and catching sleeping early evening into the next morning. This has been impossible for me to do, and my issues in sleeping have expanded to mean anywhere I lay down.

Very recently however, things have made a remarkable downward turn...beginning yesterday I came down with what I was originally thinking of as a cold, but a things have progressed I am beginning to believe that this is merely the latest indication of an underlying problem.

Last night I spent most of the night on the computer, trying to ignore my feverish feelings and stiff joints and muscles. This afternoon when I awoke, I found that I was not only more stiff than I had been but now it was accompanied by severe dull pain. The aching kind that goes away when held still, in most cases, and gets intensely worse when moved.

It is akin to the feeling of having hard rubber balls strapped to certain areas of my body. Specifically the lower portions of my bicep muscles, directly above my elbows, the corners of my trapezius muscle, where it connects with my collar bone in the back, under my shoulder blades at about the 3rd rib near my spine, above my sciatic nerve on each hip, and above the back of my knees. Now one or other side I could write off as being yiffed too hard and not realizing it, or sleeping the wrong way, but it's paralleled or at least mirrored all the way down my body.

And it is accompanied by the type that disappears after sitting still for a while, which has traveled all the way down my spine and each side of my abdominal muscles, along with pressure points in my face, though I believe I can attribute them to my sinuses behaving badly.

In either case, it is in the least discomforting and quite depressing to be unable to carry your small one up to bed.

Wish me luck, and I will keep you updated after I've sought medical attention.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20615663/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20615663/ Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:05:00 PDT
Well, the laundry finished in the dryer and Nina was carrying the basket as we went upstairs to put it away. It was a mish-mash of everybody's clothes so I don't know whose house we were in. However, as we went upstairs and entered the master bedroom, where there were three double beds lined up against the wall, the noises of thumping and running around moved upstairs again, as if into the attic. Nina sighed and said something but it's at that point that Liz basically tossed Todd onto the bed.

v.v I love 3-yr-olds.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20598537/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20598537/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 09:09:32 PDT
Then the dream jumped to me being in the house. I knew where Jigsaw was going to be, but I also knew that the machine gun puzzle would still be occupied by the dead body of the guy that had tried to kill Jigsaw. So, I sauntered into the room, avoiding the blood and gore, and approaching Jigsaw sexily. To begin with it was an act but somehow in interacting with him the feeling became real. At that moment, he had somehow become incredibly fat, probably because he’d been unable to really move while his wounds were healing.

I said a lot of cheesy love story dialogue, like “Oh, John, you’re so sexy.” And things of that nature, but I don’t remember everything I said that got him to release the puzzle and take me to his home. Some time passed and we lived together, and somehow his puzzles never bothered me, and the public didn’t care that he was still around doing things. Or maybe he’d stopped killing people, I don’t know. All I know is that he treated me like I was his goddess, and gave me everything I could ever ask for. And the sex was outrageous, in places I’d never thought about having with Kidna, and in positions I didn’t think possible.

Well, after having sex in a bathroom stall, and wandering through a mall type area we were being taunted by these high school football types and I was getting pretty upset. John on the other hand was cool calm and collected about it, as usual. He lead us through a double door into a high school type gymnasium with a basketball court three times across the thing, the full sized one with two half sized across it the way all high school’s are set up with the fold-away bleachers.

The high school idiots followed up and were immediately swarmed with security and press. The were ushered out of the doors and I turned to John, “This is all for me?” He smiled and I squealed like a little girl.

Then the press came over to us asking all kinds of questions like, ‘where’d you get the money for all this’, and ‘are you two going to get married’, and ‘will there be children’ and ‘have you given up the serial killer life’ and such. John explained that he’d come into a good deal of money recently, and that he was planning on marrying me as soon as possible, but wasn’t going to force me into it. I said I would love to have children, and said that maybe six would be good, three girls and three boys. He smiled at me and I grinned back.

One of the reporters asked, “So, what do you want first?”

I answered, “I hope you don’t mind a girl first.” And I put my hand over my tummy and smiled that special kind of smile.

He took me in his arms and held me close for a while, and then I woke up.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20533822/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20533822/ Wed, 17 Sep 2008 08:16:35 PDT
Well obviously time passed and I was able to take the baby home. Kidna was devoted but somehow the outside of the hospital was outside of Wal-mart, and Kidna couldn't drive. I think that's wy we were in the hospital in the first place, Kidna had something wrong with him. So, my mom came and picked us up in this van that I'd never seen before, and there was only just enough room in the van for us and the baby.

No, I remember now, Kidna couldn't drive because the only car seat we have is one for a toddler, whereas Mom's car seat is reversible. So, I sat between the car seat and Falco, and let him hold the baby, who had somehow become a stuffed toy. He held the toy as such and I freaked out on him, because that's not how you hold a baby. He looked at me rather confused but corrected his positioning. Now, at some point it became evident that the baby, who was now a yarn created red stuffed something, was Falco's offspring.

So, when Mom let us out of the car it was Falco and I that got out. I'm not sure if it was the same day or if it was a couple days later but we were getting ready to go see his parents and he said, "Now you know my mother will have something rude to say about all this."

So, my response was, while right up close to his chest and straightening the collar of his shirt before fastening the buttons, "Let her, I'll knock her on her a$$."

At that point the weed whacker outside actually did wake me up.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20249266/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20249266/ Sun, 31 Aug 2008 08:45:48 PDT
]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20181321/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20181321/ Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:23:01 PDT
In one I remember a scene where I was outside and it was snowing and winter and cold. I think it was someplace I'd been before but I was wrapped in the arms of one of my high school crushes, and I kissed him, but I hold none of those type of feelings for that particular guy anymore.

The next one was the night before last and as with all of them I meant to write it down the morning after I woke up but with each one til now I have had something distract me from doing so. In any case, this one was around the holidays so I suppose it would also have been cold and winter. I was in Wayne's living room but somehow it was my mother's house and playing with a baby that I don't know. ?He was adorable though, nad was wearing a little blue sleeper with an elephant over his heart and he had black peach fuzz hair just like liz, but his eyes were green. He was almost walking, kind of like Alandra is now, pulling and holding on but not really striking out on his own. I heard someone call my name and looked up and mom was beckoning me into the dining room. She, my aunt, Kidna, my brother and my oldest nephew Aaron, who was only about a year or so older than he is now, were all working on getting the table ready.

My brother asked why the seats were setup the way they were and my mom pointed out that we needed to have me and Kidna on either side of Liz. Then my nephews sat next to Kidna between him and my brother, my dad sat at the end and my mom and aunt sat between me and him, with Mom next to Dad. It seemed to be Thanksgiving or Christmas, or something but it seemed odd to me that they would all be there and the rest of the family wouldn't. My sister-in-law, neice and the extended family weren't there. Granted Wayne and company don't usually attend the big family dinners with my family, but somehow I had expected them to be at this one, along with Kidna's family. And somehow, the infant boy was magically put to bed and sleeping by the time we all actually sat down and had food, which was turkey and traditional winter holiday food.

The final dream was today, and it started in this hospital/office building type place that had a helipad on the roof. Again it was cold and snowing and wintery, so I suppose that's my common theme then, but I had run away from home because my dad refused to allow me to do something, which is lost to me now. I came to this place and beseeched the owner to let me work for him, which he did with a smile, and didn't look down on me like the other places I'd looked for a job in. I worked with the computers for a while right next to a room that was filled with terminally ill patients, the type that are going to die no matter what the professionals do. And the point of our office was to make sure these people were comfortable and happy before they died.

One day while going through the room of patients I noticed poloroid pictures of previous patients on the headboards of the patient's beds. Each one had the name of the person who took the picture on it, and several of them had DVP written in the white part. I questioned my supervisor about it and she said that yes he had worked there for some time before I'd gotten there. This surprised me because I hadn't realized that my father had ever been desperate enough to take a job like mine. (I feel I should break the naration here to mention that in this dream Wayne was my father somehow.)

After that shock I was going through the "mourning room" which was where friends and family of the patients could see there loved ones either in person or through a one-way window so they could deal with the grieving process without having their loved ones see them in pain. There was a slim african-american woman in dark pink capri pants and a lighter pink baby tee that had a gold and tan flower/paisley design on it. Her shoes were dark reddish/pink converse's and she wore white socks. Her hair was pulled back in a cornrowed ponytail, and she had a mulberry colored cell phone, similar to the blackjack. She was calling someone, and the phone kept interfering with both everyone else's phones and the machines helping to keep the patients comfortable. So I informed my boss, who was the owner at the time, and he and one of the nurses helped me take her outside explaining the whole time about how she was hurting her loved one.

Somehow through this whole thing Todd was with me, either following at my heels or being carried, and when we reached the helipad he was sucked out through the door. I remember I screamed for him, and somehow he was sucked into an adjacent room, that looked like a c... ]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20098151/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20098151/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:06:42 PDT
He's spent all day with her talking and laughing and every time I try to cuddle or be with him he's either upset and pulls away. He's happy..... I should be happy for him...... v.v

I know as soon as he reads these words he'll be upset about it, but I have to wonder.....does he really care? He's so focused on her these days that....well.....is he just putting up with me because of what he promised me?

I'm so lonely....Even sex feels forced these days.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20000637/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/20000637/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 08:27:13 PDT and my good friend, Kitten has finally come in from WA state. Her bus trip was horrible, but she got here in one piece, with all of her luggage.

Also, we got to bring our puppy home!! ^_^ He's a holy terror and a half but we love him dearly, and he's a little puffball so I'll have to upload pics once I get some lol.

On the not so good side.... well, I think that the doctor thinks there's something wrong with me. I mean I know what she thinks but it's kind of embarrassing and not for public knowledge but it concerns me so I'm writing about it. It started as a whack to the face with my computer that caused me to bite my lip, and it hasn't gone away.

Now, I'm afraid that it's something more serious and that there's nothing I can do to cure it.

Of everything that could happen to me, this is the one that I was most afraid of, because it's contagious and you can't do most of the things I enoy doing with my mate. *sigh* I suppose I'll bring it out in more detail later.

Here's hoping that the doc only prescribed meds as preventative measures and not because she actually thinks that's what's wrong.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19787068/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19787068/ Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:31:48 PDT ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19391516/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19391516/ Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:38:09 PDT
]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19388726/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19388726/ Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:57:42 PDT
His house is a disaster, and not even the kind that you normally see. I mean garbage and trash and moulding food and *shudders* ew! I mean we're talking health hazard type stuff. I worry about the kids over there full time. I really do. I worry about him and his wife's safety as well. And above all else I hate sending my daughter over there.

Not so much because of the way they treat her, you couldn't ask for a better father, but the house. It's just so...... *shudders* and bugs....and *shudders* ugh! I have nightmares just thinking about the place.

Now, my house isn't spotless, and we have ants in the garbage can, and dishes in the sink and I desperately NEED to vaccuum, but...... at least when my daughter sits on the floor I don't worry that she's sitting in trash.

I'm not perfect, and I get lazy sometimes, but...... dear Goddess..... help them please?! Somebody help them? Don't make me have to send my daughter over there again! Please?!

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19211583/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19211583/ Sat, 05 Jul 2008 00:17:09 PDT
In other news I would very much like it if we could all bow our heads in a moment of silence for a dear friend of mine. While granted I didn't know her all that well, the short time I got to know her let me share a little bit of west coast sunshine, and lots of rainbows. Join me now in a moment of silence for who died this past weekend
................................................
................................................
................................................
................................................
................................................
................................................
................................................
................................................
................................................
................................................
thank you very much. RIP Panda, you will be sorely missed.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19198547/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19198547/ Fri, 04 Jul 2008 08:41:32 PDT .< I wish I didn't have to go today. I wish that I didn't have to face him and the rest of his family, but I know that if I don't go, he'll just call me a coward or some shit like that. So, wish me luck, and again thanks for listening. Ranting about this stuff sometimes makes it easier for me to deal with.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19192235/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/19192235/ Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:37:01 PDT
Secondly, damn insensitive people and their inability to recognize the need for emotion. I try to talk to someone I normally think of as my best friend and he flips out about it, because we cancelled plans with him because of a recent tragedy in my mate's life. So yes I made the mistake of inviting them over for D&D on Saturday, my mate tells me today that he's not ready for that kind of interaction yet, and that he wants to have a day that is just me, my daughter and him. You know, family time, but apparently this is too much to ask of the person.

But, you know what, it doesn't even matter now....I'm apparently a horrible person to be around. v.v I don't know what I've done lately but if I've done anything to you in the past several days, I'm sorry. Sincerely and completely sorry. I know it probably won't matter much to most people, and those knowing the full story might even think that I'm in the wrong for saying that, but I'm sorry for that too.

Simply put I'm out of energy at the moment. Not that I'm physically tired, though right this second I am because of running around doing things in the house. It's more an emotional tired. I want to feel happy again, for more than a few seconds. I'm tired of worrying, and being afraid. I'm tired of having to guard my every thought, feeling, and emotion from people.

This is who I am. Why can't peope be ok with that? Am I that horrible of a person that nobody can stand to be around me?

I odn't know what else to say. Anybody who read this, thanks for listening. Sometimes you just need to vent a little.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/18147578/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/18147578/ Sat, 03 May 2008 11:11:26 PDT
Original Journal post here: [link]

Read and be warned.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17787323/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17787323/ Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:16:10 PDT
Just this evening my mate and I were talking about the winter holidays when the spring ones haven't even fully completed themselves yet. And I can't help but wonder am I truly doing something that pisses off the fates?? or the Goddess???

I try to be a good Wiccan, abiding the law of three, and minding that I harm none, as the Rede demands. Am I perfect? No. Of course not, if I was I'd be the Goddess, and obviously, I'm not.

I don't celebrate in high ceremony they way some do, but do Christians get sent to Hell for not performing high mass every Sunday?? *sigh*

I don't know. It just bogs me down, and steals my smile. I look over at my much loved, and yet somewhat abused Mother Stone and my heart longs for the Farm. To bask in the glory of the Mother Stone and feel that fullness that can only come with communing with others that share your faith. It has been too long for me to be away from the Land, I think.

Though it still begs to reason, why should three people who have no contact normally come up with such a similarly themed warning??? If not for a sign from the Goddess that something isn't right? The forth, my mentor in things like this, unfortunately is absent until the middle of next week, but he too has sensed a change in me.

Am I truly turning as dark as they say I am?? And this is why things haven't been working out the way I want them to?? I don't know, and when I close my eyes, I see nothing. Which tells me that this is something I need to figiure out on my own. The Goddess won't be providing any clear answers this time.

So, as usual, I throw myself at the mercy of my Goddess, and pray that She direct my life in a positive way.

As always, peace and safe journies - Nexy

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17763243/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17763243/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:25:33 PDT
Yes, I’m aware that we’ve only been trying for about a month and a half, and that I’m being impatient, but it’s just disappointing. Last night we took our first pregnancy test, and it came up negative, in spite of me having been sick for almost two weeks beforehand.

Now I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m just trying too hard, wanting it too much, and mentally tricking myself. I don’t know. I mean I know that I should just relax and let things happen, but I dunno there’s this rush to do it feeling that makes me just worry about it too much.

It probably has a lot to do with my dad. His health just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. We found out that the vascular study done on his legs showed that even if they do the bypass that would allow him to regain some measure of circulation, because all he can really do is sit around all day, it’ll just deteriorate the way his natural veins have. Meaning that eventually he’s just going to lose all circulation in his feet completely, and then they’ll have to amputate them.

Plus, he caught some sort of virus bug thing the last week or so, with vomiting and diarhea and all that fun jazz, but Mom’s thinking it’s not a virus. See, he’s been heavily diabetic for years, becoming insulin dependant in the last year and a half, and with diabetic people, when they get older the sphincter at the base of the stomach begins to wear down and not work right. That means that food in the stomach just sits there, and after a while the stomach just kind of says, ’well if it’s not gonna go down, we need to get rid of it some way.’ and up it comes again. Which in turn means that what little food that does get down into the lower digestive tract is so useless to the body that it just kind of expells itself without really being processed.

Bottom line my dad is dying, there’s nothing we can do about it, and I am constantly sitting here wondering what the hell!? It’s only been 14 years since my grandmothers passed on. I’m not ready to lose my dad.

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17386124/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17386124/ Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:44:29 PDT
But in any case, if you have read my journal and feel that something I've said is offensive, by all means see yourself out of my life and don't let the door hit you in the bum on the way out. I hope you have good luck with your travels and a peaceful long life filled with happiness and joy, because let's face it, if the world is pissing at you, the best way to get even is to smile and say "have a great day!"

On another note, to the kitty I mentioned in the previous journal, Please do not think that because I was pissy there that I dislike you or disapprove of your friendship with my mate. I know that you and he have a long history and frankly, I respect that you two have been friends for so long. Though you can get on my nerves at times, (who doesn't to somebody at some point?) I do think that you are a nice person and you're just trying to look out for someone who means a great deal to you. Also, please pardon me if at any time I come off sounding like I know it all, trust me, I don't! I've been around the block a few times more than you and sometimes my experience makes me forget that wide-eyed innocence that comes with ignorance. Just flick my ear or bop my nose with a R.U.N. (Rolled-Up-Newspaper, for you non-canines) and it'll bring me back down to reality. In all honesty, I'm just worried about you and your girl. I wish you both the best of luck and happiness and hope that things turn out the right way ASAP! *hugs all around*

Peace - Nexy

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17315054/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17315054/ Thu, 13 Mar 2008 12:04:26 PDT
So bottomline...you don't like what's written here, go away! In fact anybody who's disagreed with either this journal or the last one, go the fuck away and leave me alone, that's all I ask.

I want peace and happiness, is that so much to ask????

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17310084/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17310084/ Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:33:03 PDT
A simple message: "Back the fuck OFF!! You told him to move on and he did, get over it! The "sudden family" that's be "thrust" on him? He chose us! He WANTS to be with me and he LOVES MY DAUGHTER!!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR FLUFFY OVER-OBESSESSED HEAD!!!!!!!!! You have your own girlfriend, go be with her and stop trying to steal all of my mate's attention!!!!"

Now to the blink dog who seems to have permanently flipped to displacer beast: "No, i'm not exactly thrilled with what you did, or the way you did it, and you already know that if I'd known that things were gonna go down the way they did it would have been done differently!! I seriously don't need any more drama and constant reminders of how much of a bitch I am only make the pain that you're gone that much worse. So I think after this I'm probably gonna unwatch you. I'm happy, why can't you be happy for me?!"

And finally to the fox-turned-skunk boy: "You encouraged him to break ties with me?!?! WTF!!!!! I'm only just barely getting over the shit your unconscious dredged up that night and now I find out that you encouraged the one person I felt I still had a solid relationship with to break all ties with me!??! Fuck man!!! That ain't cool!"

To you both: "I never told Skyler he couldn't get on the net. The only times I've yelled at him it was little shit having to do with the house and shit!! I know he was spying and yeah that pisses me off a bit but I also know that he wasn't deliberately trying to cause shit. He was merely trying to do what I've been desperately trying to do for the past month.....be happy!? If y'all can't get it through your thick heads then I guess we never really had much in common anyways."

And finally, after dealing with what I had to deal with last month I'm beginning to think that I should drop this account altogether....I'm trying very desperately to feel better about everything and the one thing that could fix everything needs peace, serenity, and relaxation in order to happen....so all this added stress is really putting a damper on things!!!

Not the least of which is that if I already am the added stress could cause me to miscarry...AGAIN!!!!! Not an experience I want to go through twice in a row!!!

So everybody just back the fuck off and leave me alone!!!!! I really only want to deal with my mate right now......as he seems to be the only other fur in the fandom that GIVES A DAMN!!!!! So FUCK OFF!!!!!

]]> ~artistnexia http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17147258/ http://artistnexia.deviantart.com/journal/17147258/ Sun, 02 Mar 2008 10:53:43 PST
]]> ~artistnexia