http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:ascelin&section=today deviantART RSS for by:ascelin en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 03 Dec 2009 20:50:51 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/25725329/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/25725329/ Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:31:56 PDT Here was my response

Imagination is creation
Its the ability to see the world in three dimensions
and a fourth
And a fifth
And the Nth
It's the ability to turn a coin over and over until you see its third side smiling and winking at you.
It's hearing the crow and realizing it's not cawing
Its singing and talking to its mate
It's waking up and knowing the colour of the sky will be different every day
It's being able to see outside the four walls, yes, but also being able to manipulate those four walls into whatever you wish.
It's being able to look at something, someone, and see a myriad representations of who they are at once...Being able to stare at a pillar and seeing it turn into a roman column or deteriorated into a slab.
It's being able to live and see and picture a world that is both a dream and reality.
It's walking both at once. Being in the worlds but not part of either.
Imagination is life.
It's the key to growth
It's the cornerstone to inventions
It's the dark matter of the universe that binds and holds those willing to seize it and ride the ride. Mold the world to their visions and risk being outcast and alone but never lonely because there are other dreamers. Others who choose life and imagination over the dull, tedious doldrums.
It doesn't just pertain to writing,music,or art.
It goes into our daily lives.
How we dress. How we prepare food. How we view ourselves. Everything.
Imagination isn't just the thing of dreams. It's the very fabric of life that keeps the human race from delving into suicidal boredom.
Imagination is life.
To imagine the impossible is the first step in living.
Without imagination, without dreams there is no life. No growth. Nothing but the caustic void of cynicism and vapid half truths.
Without imagination we stagnate and wilt. Blow away in the dust and ether forever to disappear.

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/25705115/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/25705115/ Thu, 02 Jul 2009 21:58:16 PDT Well. No luck. I started writing a dear friend that has graced me with her presence and, when I looked up, it was laaate.
Soo
In the A.M.
I suck. I know

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/25042368/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/25042368/ Sat, 30 May 2009 23:28:47 PDT
It just hit me this evening as to how long. A lot's happened in that time. I've hardened myself against people, been softened by the love of good women.

My family has drawn closer and fallen apart, my other brother grew to hate women then fell in love with a wonderful one.

I wonder if my youngest brother would be happy with everyone. He never met my children or my brother's. I'm curious to know what he'd think of his nieces and nephews.

I've often said that I wanted to be more like him. To love and be kinder to those around me. I don't know if I have. Wonder if he would think I've failed miserably.

15 years ago also triggered the darkness that I have drawn from to write. The black inkwell that has sustained my writing for so long.

I have been aware of the peace and love that has been growing since my wife and I split in December. But it wasn't until today that I realized that I no longer had access to that hate, that darkness I owed so much of my talent to.

I can't summon the demons like I once did. I can't delve into that black pool to retrieve the darkened shards of life that I wrote about.

Too much has changed for the better in the last few months. Too much to want to go back to that quasi cancerous way of thinking.

For those that enjoy the darkness I've put forth over the last few years, I will cycle through stories and things I have that will never see publication. I will uphold that end.

As for newer postings, though. I doubt you'll see anything dark or horrific pouring forth from my soul anytime in the near future.

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/24881161/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/24881161/ Thu, 21 May 2009 20:27:27 PDT
I'm also on facebook if you search my email. Mlovelljr@gmail.com

One stipulation. If you visit my page, drop me a line.

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/24642479/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/24642479/ Thu, 07 May 2009 20:23:03 PDT Yay for relaxation and fun!

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/24574848/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/24574848/ Sun, 03 May 2009 21:33:09 PDT
Sometimes just knowing the person in front of you or on the phone cares enough to continue to listen to your drivel is enough to make you feel better about the situation and your feeling of helplessness.

Sometimes, though, you can't yell loudly enough or make enough noise to get anyone to pay attention to what you need to get off your chest. Sometimes, even those you love and respect, can't help ease that burden.

Sometimes you're left screaming into the dark. Asking questions only to hear your own echo and nothing more.

Sometimes that's all you get. That and you're ever growing frustration and anger. Your continually growing feeling of uselessness over the situation and alienation for someone you love.

Sometimes it is better to stay silent and fester in your own darkness hoping a hand will come from without and volunteer to relieve the torment. Or, at the very lest, lend a shoulder for it.

Sometimes, though, it doesn't come.

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/23641898/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/23641898/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 11:56:22 PDT
Picked it up, set it up and got it running. Sweet. I decided to submit some work today.
Stupid me forgot to transfer files! ACK! Now I ave to pull the other one out and but a stinkin' USB cord to transfer the data. I'd just slave my old drive but it's not compatible with the designs of the newer towers.

Yup, I am not the sharpest spoon in the drawer.

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/23498524/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/23498524/ Mon, 02 Mar 2009 21:11:54 PST
It was nice to be around people I felt comfortable being with. More often than not I tend to feel like a square peg in a round hole at worst. At best I feel as though I'm an octagonal peg in a round hole. Just similar enough to almost pass off as one of "them" but not quite.

I have felt comfortable with very few people in my life and the friends I spent time with two weekends ago are some of them.

Some neat things came of that weekend. I may be participating in the highland games at scarborough faire this year. For anyone who doesn't know what either of these are, google it and read up.

I worked the Texas Renaissance Festival this past year and really enjoyed it. Some of the people I worked with at TRF will be at Scarby so that will be neat.

Anyway, two friends of mine have been trying to get me into the Highland Games circuit for several years. With my size and propensity for learning certain sports and being able to catch on quickly(as well as bulk up or slim down as needed) they felt I would do well. Well, they wrangled me in and are trying to pull some strings to get me into the novice rung of the ladder out there.

Tommy(one of the fellows) and I have already made implements to practice with and are starting now since the competition is 6 weeks away. It's cool because I am a competitive person but haven't allowed that side of me to show in a few years. I'm itching to get out and see how well I do against my friends, yes, but mainly against my own expectations.

Also, because I worked TRF, the owner of the shop I worked in asked me if I'd work the NTIF(North Texas Irish Festival) this weekend. Two days of selling pointy objects(that's swords to you civilians) to people who may or MAY not really need them. Two days of dressing in period garb and speaking with a bad accent and relaxing in the evening with good friends. ( I may have pics after the weekend)

On top of that I sign my divorce papers on Wednesday so the end is almost in sight on that debacle. To think I gave up a perfectly good relationship and tons of friends to go back to ... nah. Not going to vent about that. We both did our part to kill the marriage.

Anyway, I'll have new stuff up shortly. Take care all.

M

Edited to add this address for those who've asked about highland games.

[link]

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/22630083/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/22630083/ Sat, 17 Jan 2009 09:28:36 PST
The original title of the piece I put up last night was "One last call." then it was "the call".

Neither seemed to convey what I was looking for in a title so, as I was re-editing the thing, it occurred to me that it was really about missed chances. Thus the name.

That got me thinking.

I don't know about the average person but I tend to look back from time to time on missed opportunities. I've done a lot of that in the last few months.

Mind you I don't do the "what might have been" scenario. I use that as a chance for learning and growth so that the next time something presents itself I may take the chance I need and ,for better or worse, evolve as a person and better myself.

A good example.

I worked at TRF this year. For those not in Texas that stands for Texas Renaissance Festival. If I can ever get a friend of mine to get me some pictures, I'll post one or two here. Frightening.

It was a great time. I had the chance to reconnect with old friends and enjoy being down there. I wasn't on cast so I worked in a booth and it was long, hard, hot days from dawn until dark. By the end of the day we were all tired, fatigued and ready for food and sleep. It always ended up food, bonding and sleep. Good times and I hope to do it again this year.

But, I digress.

To get to where TRF is held I had to drive down 59 south to Cleveland and then through Conroe. A friend of mine rode with me most of the time and we'd chit chat or have deep discussions. Most of the time, though, he'd read and I drove.

One Friday we stopped in Cleveland for a bite at the Taco Bell. Usually we didn't stop for food until almost to Plantersville but he was hungry. Anyway, I'm getting away from the point.

We went inside, ordered and sat down. He made a few calls and checked on our other friends that were headed down from Dallas. After getting off the phone with them he looked at me and asked what was wrong.

I told him I didn't quite know what he meant. He said I looked like I was pensive, contemplative. I realized I had been. So, I told him the story of a woman I knew that had family in Cleveland. I told him about how we had gone out for a bit and been good friends.

I told him about how she was smart and funny and accepting and understanding of my quirks. About how she told me once that, if I had been "normal" I wouldn't be nearly as interesting.

I talked about her for a few minutes and the conversation died off. He said."Asce, if she was so good, where is she?"

Half heatedly I said "Ori,where do you think?"

He's known me for many years so he finished his taco and leaned back in his chair, shook his head and says" yeah,you ran the other direction. didn't you?"

"Yup."

We finished our dinner in relative silence.

The following weekend I drove down by myself. Driving three hours in a car with a bum stereo means one thing; Time to think.

And think I did. I came up with so many things that brought me down, things that I had done wrong and needed to learn from, that i was really depressed with myself by the time I got to the Cauldron(Shop where I was working).

The weekend was a quiet, thoughtful one.

Fast forward to December and my first apartment by myself in years. I go to the cheapest place in town so I can save money.

The manager says she only has one open so she shows me and I take it. Well, it's just down the hallway from the apartment of the woman I knew from Cleveland. She's no longer there. She's moved out and moved on to better things.

I'm closer to the other stairs than the ones that go by her old apartment but I still pass it form time to time. No "what if's" linger. No "what might have beens" persist in my mind.

Just a reminder of missed opportunities and a lesson to not let life and joy pass me by.

Yeah, didn't mean to wax philosophical here. Just kind of happened.

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/22497071/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/22497071/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:36:03 PST
The most devastating thing I have ever experienced was the death of my youngest brother when he was 16.

As hard as it hit me as the oldest brother, it almost utterly destroyed my parents. A parent should never have to bury their child. Especially not their youngest, their baby.\

I tried to put myself(and the character) in that position.

Also, you'll notice again that I use a red head as the female protagonist. I'm partial to red heads for their beauty, yes, but also because of their range. I have lots of red heads(men and women) in my family and their personalities are more varied volatile than anyone of any other hair colour. Fiercely loyal, deeply feeling and hell if angered.

I guess red heads encompass everything I look for in a character for my work. Hence the reason I use them. Plus, the perceived softness and gentleness of a woman with red hair, pale skin and deep eyes can hide the cunning and fury that lies underneath. But, I digress and give away too much of my inspiration.

Enjoy.

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/22310802/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/22310802/ Wed, 31 Dec 2008 17:20:06 PST
"The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year.  It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. " ~G.K. Chesterton

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/22110636/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/22110636/ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 20:39:29 PST
The birthing pangs that accompany said restart. It's the dark tunnel of uncertainty and pain that's the hardest part.

Regardless of the best laid plans that will come to fruition; it's the self-doubt that constantly nags at the base of your consciousness like a drug addiction you want to kick but seems to be kicking you instead.

I know where I want to be by the end of next year. I know I can and will get there. What I don't know is the span between now and then. It's this uncertainty that unsettles me. Anyone who knows me well enough knows how much I hate surprises. The unknown is there to be discovered, yes, but sometimes what we find isn't what we'd planned. For good or ill.

I'm ending a year quite the opposite of the way I began. I'm living by myself, working at a job I do enjoy in an odd sort of way and planning my future. It's all positive.

Yet...

There's still that nagging doubt. That nagging "what if" of a situation. I had a short lapse into that this weekend. I had to force myself to pull my emotions out of the downward spiral they were in and back on track.

No room for doubt, Michael. None. And no room for weakness and depressed thoughts. At least...that's what I tell myself.

I'm...I'm rambling to a group of people I haven't spoken with in almost 3 years. One of which won't talk to me(and I understand that perfectly.) I just need to let go a bit.

But, just a bit. I'll abbreviate myself this time.

]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/21983605/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/21983605/ Sun, 14 Dec 2008 15:48:00 PST
]]> ~ascelin http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/9116014/ http://ascelin.deviantart.com/journal/9116014/ Mon, 19 Jun 2006 13:05:49 PDT It is, however, available on the publisher’s site right now.
Here's the link.

[link] ]]> ~ascelin