http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:badfinger&section=today deviantART RSS for by:badfinger en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:06:54 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/19857236/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/19857236/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 05:30:58 PDT
it's not marcel nebeling (aka badfinger) himself who is writing this to you. it's me, michael, his brother. today, i'm writing you for my brother. i'm very sad to let you know that he died on june 24 this year. he was 30.

some of you may not know that he got a heart transplant in december 1998 after having fought for his life for 21 years. he has experienced much better quality of living since then, probably with his best times from 2003 to 2006. with the new heart he was able to finish his studies, find work, and live on his own in his own appartment in augsburg.

now in the year 2008 he was in the 10th year with his new heart. nobody has ever thought that he would ever make it that long. except for he himself, me his brother, and our mother. there are not many people in this world who manage to live that long with the complications he has had.

looking back at his life and everything he has achieved, all the nice things he has put up here and on various other blogs, the way he smiled, the way he lived, the way he expressed feelings and the way he went into discussions, all this makes us feel the big loss. but all this also makes us proud of him.

one of marcel's quotes is "Dream your life 'til it comes true...". i'm here to say he has lived his life until it came true. there are so many things i have learned from marcel and the way he lived his life. but the most important lesson to me still is how to enjoy your life given that you only have another 10 years.

it was very important to me and my mother that we say good bye to all his friends on deviantart. he has had a very good time posting stuff on here and was happy about all the positive feedback that he has received. my mother and i, we have created a website in his name: we will collect all of his work and post it on [link].

thanks to you all!

all the best,
michael and karin

p.s. we would be happy if this account was not cancelled by deviantart due to inactivity.

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/17304608/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/17304608/ Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:37:15 PDT


When the world fades to gray,
When the time seems to stay
Endless and full of ache
When you call me a loser
When you become the totally refuser
Don't you see what's happening?
What's done so far?

Didn't I say that I stay at your side?
Didn't I do what I promised you,
But you are just flying away like a bird,
And don't you see you make my heart hurt?

So you call me a Loser?
See what you've done to me,
But I'm not the loser,
I'm just losing you,
And its sad... but true.

But the game one plays always in two ways,
If you leave you lose always.
It isn't done yet,
So if you reconsider baby,
If you understand what you are about to do,
You can save us from breaking up
Giving everything away,
So I ask you... Don't you wanna stay?

If not so you say good bye,
Leave it behind, like everything you do,
If its over, its over for me too...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/17233479/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/17233479/ Sat, 08 Mar 2008 01:18:11 PST
]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/17060562/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/17060562/ Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:04:18 PST
In 2007 I led a life that was like the typical "go down with hellfire" kinda way. It was like AC/DC's Highway to hell and it was that I coudln't see the difference anymore. I know it may seem trivial, because people have done things much more threatening to their lives, but I guess for mine it was enough.

I have drunken too much and I have partied too much, I had to tell lies to cover my actions, I got angry at the false persons, I lost my family nearly even if I really love them dearly. This all had so many effects, that now in 2008 it is still hard to walk on, but the hope for change pushes me on. I can now tell you, that I found my way back. Sure the ice is still thin, but I'm in the right fighting mood and I have the feeling, that I do the right decisssions again.

I know I'm the kinda guy, that needs to feel the dirt between the teeth to get back to normal. There were so many times of silent tears, especially as I discovered my family was right what I did was not good for me. But I hadn't the guts to tell them streight that they were right and so it took for so long.

But now I fight my way back. Yesterday evening, until deep in the night, I browsed through my over 340 pieces of GFXArt and found, that I had something special. There are some pieces I'm really proud of and I see, even if I should have to leave this world tomorow there would be something that I leave, that is good. Like my short stories, but the most important things we leave behind is the scars we leave on people. I have done my share of those and I know that the time will come, when I will feel how those scars hurt.

Right now nothing is really ok. I fear that my trial time for the new job will not be successfull, even as I now push on more then I did ever before. For two weeks now I had around 60 to 70 hours a week of work. And I have to press on!

Also even as this should kinda get me down, make me weak, burn me out, it makes me stronger because I believe I can do what I have to do and that I'm stronger than before. Ok, I admit drinking alcohol had its fun times, and there are several evenings I really treasure. But the downside of all this was, that it really took me down ... totally. I know it may not be wise to tell here what happened, but now it is nearly a year later that I woke up in the emergency station and got told that I had over 3 promile... That was the time, when I discovered, that I wasn't any much better then my always drunk dad, who beat me as a child and who I hate more than anything on this world... except mabye myself for the foolish things I did.

I know this is kinda hard here to tell the truth and I even have to tell you, that I feel the tears right around the corner. But those are not the salty tears of a guy who has given up, but those belong to a young man who got strong and is happy that he found his way back. I have to express my deepest appologies foremost to my mother, who got hurt so much. Even as I know that not every argument was right from her side, even so I know that I did say things that should have been left unspoken, I want to tell the world, that I love her still and that I have now understood what I did wrong. I have only the way of showing that I can do better to get back her trust.

So this is my truth and it is a dirty one. But I will show that even if I got a little sidetracked, I have found my way back. This guy here is learning the hard way, but that is somehow the only way you really get it in your head stuck.

So next time if you see something from me, you may remember this post. That is ok with me, especially as now I have the guts to stay to my mistakes and I admit that I have the faith and power to get back to where I was before... even better, I will change to the one I want to be, a more skillfull, more smarter guy... To the good things (sure there were changes that were good ones in 2007) I want to hold on, want to express them more...

Thank you for your time! This had to be told...

Best regards,
Marcel

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/16166896/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/16166896/ Sun, 30 Dec 2007 13:05:23 PST
I am really looking forward to see me brother again, when he comes from Australia back to Germany. I have made some plans and have goals for the new year. I wish that everything becomes the way it needs to be. I really hope to get back on the road, get back onto what I really want to be. I know it needs time and that this is going on for a bunch of months now... But I have the faith in me, that this 2008 will be the change of everything!

So let there be 2008 and let there be ROCK n ROLL

Best,
Marcel






AND HERE ARE MY GALLERY STATS:



badfinger has 11,755 pageviews total and his 358 deviations were viewed 40,513 times. He watches 73 people, while 57 people watch him.

Overall, his deviations received 1,927 comments and were added to deviants' favourites 390 times, while he commented 3,157 times, making about 1.5 comments per day since he joined DA. This means that he gave 16 comments for every 10 that he received.

His deviation with the most comments is Ice Rose with 28 comments, while his most favourited one is Sadness, with 30 favourites. His most viewed deviation is Sadness with 2,165 views.

2 favourites were given for every 10 comments.

Every 5.8 days he uploads a new deviation, and it's usually on a Saturday, with 68 (19%) of his deviations.

His busiest month was March 2004 with 19 (5%) of his deviations.

The majority of his deviations are uploaded to the Digital Art gallery (182), while his favourite category was Wallpaper > Abstract with 65 deviations.

Comments per deviation: 5.38
Favourites per deviation: 1.08
Views per deviation: 113.16
Comments per day: 0.91
Favourites per day: 0.18
Views per day: 19.33
Pageviews per day: 5.61

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/15858135/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/15858135/ Sun, 09 Dec 2007 06:05:57 PST
THANKS

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/15390621/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/15390621/ Tue, 06 Nov 2007 11:32:03 PST
Into the darkness, out of the light
Keeping safe what is not safe
Running into rage
Falling down the edge

Blood is thicker than water,
Rage is fire, peace is something we dont know about
Anymore
Its the age of CRIMSON RISING
Also known as the Time of Dying

There is no hope when darkness swallows
E V E R Y T H I N G
There is no freedom when everything belongs to THEM
CRIMSON RISING
Flesh torn apart, 'cause the world is dying
And that's just the start

You can fight, you can scream
But forget about your DREAM
The world is painted in CRIMSON now
Weapons are shining in the moon of the dying world
Crimson streets, seas and earth
There is no coming back, no return,
CRIMSON RISING
The time of dying
THE END
.

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/14626739/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/14626739/ Fri, 14 Sep 2007 05:58:03 PDT
On the 12th of September I attended the concert and it was really one of a kind... I mean we were first row, right front and it was fucking unbelieveable. She seemed to have so much fun, and well, she stood right beside me, and gave me a blink of the eyes. I really like her music from the No Doubt days but the new stuff is cool too. And she was just happy to be there it seemed.

This was just a perfect day for me!

Great show, great day and a moment in my life I will remember and care for forever

Best,
Marcel

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/14190299/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/14190299/ Thu, 16 Aug 2007 03:48:16 PDT R.I.P. ELVIS

Power from the shaking pelvis,
A voice like a hurican and totally free
Unbroken, but still he died.

But without him there would be no rock,
Ther would be no roll,
Cause Elvis Presley was and is the King of rock n roll.

And Rock n Roll will never die!

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/14148599/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/14148599/ Mon, 13 Aug 2007 12:05:35 PDT
I still have to do enough to get me back on the road. I'm still on the search for a new job, since my contract expires at the end of September. There are many things right now that bother me, and are even a little scary. But I will fight on and try to make the best out of everything. At least I will bite like I should, like a lonely wolf left alone and ready to get back on his turf.

I also want to change my ideas about myself, want to change to someone better. So I have decided to start a journal about my days. But since I do not really like to write about the daily things, I have caught on an idea... Somewhere I read about a daily journal with just one sentence... But since I want to talk more I have had the idea of: 5 sentences a day ... I guess 5 sentences to cover the day is a good meassure to make something between mystic words, lyrics and poems and still I can stick to the idea of a dairy.

I would be delighted if you comment here:

[link]

Please remember I just started. But since it is fun (at least for me) I thought I would let you all know what I'm doing

Also let me know if you have a dairy of yourself online (except here on DA) which you wanted to discuss or get commented. Would be a pleasure...

Best regards and happy reading & writing, painting, 3dmodelling,gfxing and you got what I mean... lol...

Your's truely Marcel

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/13498668/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/13498668/ Tue, 26 Jun 2007 12:44:18 PDT Wishing old times back
Remembering the power you gave me
But somehow we lost our track
How cold can it get
When nobody seems really to need you
How cold can it get
When nothing is there to warm you,
How cold can it get
When the memories start to fade away
How cold can it get
When there is only regret and tears to stay
I hope that you awake
That you treat me like the friend I am
I hope that you understand
That there is nothing wrong with me
I hope that you will come aware of what you might miss
I hope but hope is not helping anymore
How cold can it get?
What do I mean to you?
Nothing, just something of your past?
How cold can it get?
Until everything breaks and loses its meaning?
Don't push me away like you do
Don't treat me bad like you start to do again
Cause I know in the end you might find yourself
Standing alone in the rain
Cause when I'm gone who will be there to help like I did?
So please tell me,
How cold can it get?
If everything we had is gone, just gone...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/13064783/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/13064783/ Wed, 23 May 2007 15:17:05 PDT
I just realized, this is my fith year here on devArt and I somehow think, that I should talk a little about what this place here means for me and what art is for me. Well, at least I think I should, but I don't want to bore you to the bones... Let's just say, that when I look at my gallery, I see every phase of my live since when I started here in 2002. I see how I became what I'm now and how I changed and how my works changed.

At first there was just the shy guy, who tried to show off, if he got something he thought, that might be good. I had support from my homies, the friends I had and most of all my family. I remember sitting at my pc for hours, just trying things out on photoshop. I remember nights, sitting there in the darkness, the headphones put into my ears, and the music loud like hell.

I have to say when I think back at that time, I relaize, that I really have gotten older. I know how this might sound, when you think about that I'm just turning thirty. I have to admit, that it scares me on one way and on the other hand, I'm damn proud of it. There where so many people in this world who never really believed I would live another day...

Art is for me just a way to relax and to be honest, from all those gfx I did, there are mabye only five works or so, that I think of as art. And it makes me proud that the best and most favoured work, Sadness, is the one, I did as a memory to a great girl, who died on cancer, after getting all this far, fighting for her life... having gotten a new lung...

There was really a time when I saw my works as a way to develop myself, but somewhere on the road it seems... I've lost interest in it. I had my job, and everything was going well. And then I blew it... and it turns out, that I get again more interested in writing and in doing gfx works.

I know, there are several works, that where intended only for one person... Kira... and I really do love her and I know that she is still the best person I have met in my life so far. But I did change, and when I now see in the mirror, and see a person, that has changed... good changes and bad ones... There were quite often moments when I did think, that I have become more crazy, more self confident but in the end it is not the case. I mean, being cool... and thinking you are is not the same...

Five years full of passion, a half decade, a piece of my life and I really say, I hope there will be more and that I will have the power to hold on to the essence of what I want to be... In the old days I did not care for fancy clothes... but that changed and its not bad. In the old days I did not drink and that changed too, but in a bad way... And I realize, that these days I just burn down everything I have created, that I just shutdown everything that was special...

So now is the time to stand up... At least I have understood what is happening... I have to especially thank Joeglaine for all his wise, kind and pushing words! It's kinda crazy, we never met each other, I'm not as much as him in sci fi, but I do value his words and read them often. So here this is for you:


Joe, you're a fighter
Fighting the world and showing other yours
Joe, you're an artist
Giving always your best, and you never forget about the rest
Joe, you're just a cool guy
AND IF ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS TO YOU... I will cry!
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!


Since this seems to be my most honest text so far I dont want to quit on the chance to thank my MOTHER AND MY BROTHER for being what they are, for staying with me, even if I'm at some points a great egoist, a guy who likes to fight long arguments, and who is bad sometimes just to the people who love me...

Also I want to thank KIRA, for being there, when I needed you, for having such a great time with you! I want to appologize for all the mistakes, but I'm just a man, and a stupid one when it comes to women... But anyway I still do care for you, I still miss you and I just want to say... I change what I have to change and I will hold on to what is best to hold on... YOU ARE ONE OF THE ONES THAT I WANT TO HOLD ON!


So ... Well... Ok I wanted to talk about art, but since I'm not so good at it, just showing what is in me and trying to show you myself, the hidden one... I can't tell you how to make this what I do, especially I have to say that about my stories. And I'm really proud to be here at devART, to belong here and so I THANK ALL OUT THERE FOR COMMENTING, FAVING AND IN GENERAL FOR YOUR KIND SUPPORT!

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/12850094/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/12850094/ Sat, 05 May 2007 09:12:13 PDT
But when I think about you, everything becomes so dreamy, so full of tears and I just want to sit there and cry. Darkness is all around us, but the people that we love make it go away. Loving people is not easy especially when you are complicated like me.

But still I sit there in the darkness, sitting there and again I think, not about me and you, but just about you. And when I can't think of you anymore...?? Then there will be only darkness and me...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11607281/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11607281/ Mon, 29 Jan 2007 04:24:23 PST
The style and prose is very Gibson and I like it. The story itself is somehow... well I got the feeling he was just writing it for his style, just relaxing and never really pushing it forward. But still I enjoyed it. It's a silent book and the action gets never really hot. But ok, that's normal for Gibson.

I liked Laney and I like the idea of the nodal points but for me the Idoru itself somehow played not really into it. It's strange, because it's the center of the book.

Well maybe you have to read it in the whole... I mean the trillogy in one run...

But still it's a good book and you can learn alot for writing...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11374360/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11374360/ Tue, 09 Jan 2007 12:30:20 PST

The shine in my eyes when I just see you there,
The rumble of my heart when I watch you silently,
All is nothing, nothing for you anyway.

I can just stay there and think I love you,
But you just dont care, my hope is useless,
It doesn't matter to you anyway.

All those kind words for you,
All those thoughts and worries about you,
You still don't care,
Cause it doesn't matter
And I fear to understand
It never will.

But still the hope dies in the end,
And I can't fight forever,
I'm here to lose this game,
It's just a shame...

But it doesn't matter to you anyway,
No word of mine is good enough for you,
I'm not your type and I don't have a right,
You say, I'm just a good friend.

But honey, the friends are who matter
And people who love you every moment you live
And if you just turn your back on me
I will cry I know, but any rain has its end.

And than it may matter to you...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11248607/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11248607/ Sat, 30 Dec 2006 18:10:01 PST
Anyway I'm proud of this one, and I think it's the first real step in the right direction. I don't know, I read William Gibson and than I wrote this story, which isn't near to his genre or so. But somehow I think he awoke my prose again.

Anyway I wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11229862/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11229862/ Fri, 29 Dec 2006 03:01:23 PST I tried to run away
Tried everything
What should I say?

I stop to breath
At least I try
But than I just cry
What should be there to reach?

Pain inside my heart
Ache every moment I think
About you, always just you
And I'm just falling apart

Why can't we start again
And have a certain chance
That we find us again
And stay together
But there is only rain

The heart I have is nothing worth,
If it can't beat for you, every time,
I know it's not fair
I can't explain everything I did
But we all have our reasons
And you give me some to cry

I just lay there in the silence
Forgotten and empty
Just with pain filled inside
Why do you can't see me die?

Is it that hard to understand
That I would be a friend and a good one
If I just had the chance to start again
To show you that I really love you
Even if you know it
It isn't the same

I'll still cry in the night
Will still try to find a way
Where everything is falling apart,
But it seems there is no way for another start...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11113755/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/11113755/ Tue, 19 Dec 2006 07:29:39 PST
Sometimes all you do is wrong and still you try to make everything right, you try to be a real friend to the people you really love. And then when you understand that you only hurt them, it is somehow too late! The recent days and even weeks this exactly happened. Now the year is closing and you begin to think about what you could do better next year.

I wish me this Christmas, the celebration of love, nothing more than that they forgive all my mistakes and that somehow they may still love me. I know this sounds desperate and to some people even funny, but that isn't the case here...

For the New Year I want to become the exact person I was before, who was loved by many. I'm just me and if that is not enough, then be it so... I guess, I have hurt exactly the persons who love me, my family, my friends (and especially the girl with the diamond eyes). I hurt them and I have disappointed them. I dont even know why this happened and mabye it's true, that these times I only see myself...

But I can't face myself in the mirror anymore.

This is not a hidden apology, it's the truth and it hurts...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/10267376/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/10267376/ Tue, 03 Oct 2006 04:10:14 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Well I don't really know why I wanna write here such an entry and I don't really know what I want to say either. What I know is that time is always changing you and when you start to think about, you always begin to ask, in which direction. I had several troubled days but I also had many good days. Lately I seem to search for something and when I stand still, just for a moment I discover I do not need to seek something or so. The way I am, I'm ok, not the most humblest guy, but no bad boy either and the people who like me, like me the way I am.

But still I have changed. But I also guess the core will not change, the soul in yourself keeps your desires and dreams awake and your character may change, but not in such a way that you lose yourself. If that happens, something goes damn wrong!

Sometimes I think I was hiding somewhere for a long time, or maybe I just needed to discover other sides of myself. Since I started here in April 2002 I have changed and my art changed also. It seems that art is just like a mirror, or a place, where you can hide your fears, your pleasure and so on. Everyone may see it, but they may not understand what it means and also when they look at it, they see a part of themself, because when they start to think about, they discover another part of themself, of their ideas of life, the meanings they can understand and so on.

Today was just the right day to come back. I mean I wanted to do a picture, I did it and it hit the bulls eye. It's a great feeling when you see, people like what you do and they also find something, you have given them, even as you just did it for yourself.

Maybe I do not make sense, but that's ok.

I just want to say, changes may hurt, but do not change, just for changes...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/10149728/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/10149728/ Fri, 22 Sep 2006 06:14:35 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: Johnny Cash - Devil's Right Hand
Reading: 802.11X - Wireless Networks

STILL ALIVE & WELL

Hello there people, even as nothing is coming from me, I mean not a new piece and so on, I just wanna say, I'm fine so don't worry. But it seems that these days I don't need much art, I do not really write (only poems from time to time) and no graphics. I guess the time is coming back soon.

Anyway, Im allright.

Wish you all the same, have fun and stay alive!

~ Badfinger ~

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/9446027/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/9446027/ Fri, 21 Jul 2006 08:37:37 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: Nickelback - Someone that your with
Reading: Dark Water by Koji Suzuki

10.000 VIEWS!

Hello to all out there! I want to thank you all for the support and interest in my works. Sure, it was somehow a long way, but for me the 10K mean alot. I have done more than 350 pic/wallpapers and so on and now I've reached this mark, I feel that it means something, that my work reaches out to people around the world. And this feeling is great!


Thank you for that!

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/9343483/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/9343483/ Tue, 11 Jul 2006 12:58:50 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: *please dont ask...*
Listening to: John C. Mellencamp - End of the world
Reading: Dark Water by Koji Suzuki

On 5th of July I hit the 1000th view on Sadness ... Thank you all for that. To remember this picture was done for someone, a young girl that lives no more and because I had to cope with her death. I still feel proud that I had the chance to know her and that she fought as best as she could. Cancer came and took her, but we have not to forget that the docs at the heart transplantation center in Munich did not help her! If they had acted soon enough, she may still be alive and that makes me sad.

Lately I have cried a little here and there. Love hurts and its a truth that to discover is always taking your breath away. But even as this is my time of Sadness these days, I guess I have to stand up and fight again.

Anyway thank you all for the VIEWS and FAVS on any of my works and on Sadness in particular!

Your friend,
Badfinger

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/9228418/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/9228418/ Fri, 30 Jun 2006 05:18:52 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: *please dont ask...*
Listening to: Johnny Cash - Solitary Man

Well I dont know if it is the right way to write here about my feelings, but anyway I'll do it. I can't talk really, because its just hurting me so deep. I can't tell the ones that love me, what is happening, because they would try to help me and I guess this is just my own problem. But love was never easy and I was never good in coping with loss or such things, when it was related to love.

The problem is, everything I do and I did seems not to matter anymore. I guess at least not in the way I think. I can't understand and believe it. She never lied to me and always said, that she really likes me, but does not love me. But I know there is something more, something that is not just friendship and now I fear it will die. I did everything I can, to show her, that I love her. Pictures, Words, Flowers, a Letter and so many talks. But it seems not to work.

The problem is she met someone and she is interested in him. How deep I can't say. She kissed him and I felt that she seems to like him und to say the truth, I can't understand why she's taking him (if she is), because he can't reach my style, my love, what I am. I thought that counts, but it does not. Sure, it could be, that this is just an episode, but what should I do?

She said nothing will change our relationship and she does not want me to change it. But how can she say that?

Where do I stay now? Alone? Or am I just a guy who cant cope with such things? Do I expect too much? We know each other now for 3 months and she said she is no one who falls in love easily. I believe it. And to say the truth I hope that she finds out,l that Im the right one, the one who will not fail her... never...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/9005475/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/9005475/ Thu, 08 Jun 2006 04:28:58 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: John Cougar Mellencamp- The Kinda Fella I am
Reading: Koji Suzuki: Dark Water (Short story Collection)
Watching: Dance (Take the lead)

Blogging now...

Well I started today with two blogs. Ok,you may ask, why two? Well the first one is about all my thoughts concerning reading, writing and other creativity aspects and thoughts of my life. The idea is that I write about books I read. I did that sometimes on my own website, but no one really seemed to care about. I dont expect that this changes with a blog, but I guess its a better way. Since my website is more or less my showcase for my stories and other writings.

The other one is writing. I had the idea, that showing off the projects as they happen, would be cool. Also I can write then from whereever I like. Just an experiment. I will post what I write as I write it. Somehow I like the idea. We will see how it works out.




Look here, if ya like:

Scattered Thoughts([link]) [english]
Badfinger's Words in Progress: ([link]) [german]

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8918837/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8918837/ Tue, 30 May 2006 09:19:38 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: Patrick Swayze: She's like the Wind
Reading: Richard Morgan: Altered Carbon
Watching: Final Destination 3 (was ok)

Yeah! I just ordered me an Olympus µ-Digital 700 !

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8898376/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8898376/ Sun, 28 May 2006 02:57:53 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: Patrick Swayze: She's like the Wind
Reading: Richard Morgan: Altered Carbon
Watching: Final Destination 3 (was ok)

Well here I sit happy like never before, like someone who was drowning in the oceans and couldnt find the way and then I had this moment. I cant describe it and its a shame. I wrote that I was in love with a girl, ok I only said I had a crash on her. But I wasn't sure if she would feel the same. I know she's special, but being a Solitary Man, like the song by Johnny Cash, I thought I would take the other girl to forget her.

It was so stupid and sure, Stephanie is a very nice person, a nice girl, but I do not love her. I didn't want to play with her, but I did something wrong with her and I'm not happy with me. But I had to make it an end and I know, it was not really fair. But on the other hand she had played with my emotions before and now she wanted me, but I could not be blinded by love and so I decided to push her away. For all the girls out there, if you think I'm just a bad guy, I say to you: It was not that way. I had told her that I was in love with someone and the only bad thing I did was to try to forget her.


I want Kira, as a friend and as a lover. Nonone can change it. And I will not hide it anymore, I can't. This is something special and I know she has special feelings for me. So do not wonder and I think I'm bad or so. I'm always honest and I was always honest, to both girls. Love is not easy and you can't get away from it. I was trying to fool myself, but feelings find their way and feelings will neverlet go, if they are that strong like it is now.

What I only want to say: I have made a mistake and I'm unhappy about that, but even as I did hurt someone I was not fooling her.

And to my watchers I can only say, my art is me and me is my art and I do not want to play games with anyone. I'm just human and love is a game that is not easy to play. But somehow I have the strong feeling, that I have become stronger and found back to that part in my heart and my soul, that is me. And I really need all this. I need you, your comments and favs. But not because I think I'm good with art or someone who is special. I'm just a guy who goes his way in this world. But I dont want to be empty and I was it. And I found out that being myself may not always be easy. But I do not want someone else. I have reached so many goals in my life. I haven't told you that I got another contract and I can stay at Siemens till the end of September 2007. I always thinks its just going on to be good until some moment when all will be lost.

Maybe this entry here is confusing, or just a rambling. I dont care if you understand all, but I have to write what I think. It makes it more real...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8859663/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8859663/ Wed, 24 May 2006 00:58:50 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Relaxed & Confident
Listening to: Frou Frou- Holding out for a Hero
Reading: Richard Morgan: Altered Carbon
Watching: Final Destination 3 (was ok)

Games of Love

Sometimes times and feelings change fast. My latest artwork was dedicated to a nice girl, Kira. I had a crash on her, but you know sometimes everything goes not like you would think. This was the case here. I got those messages from a girl I met sometime ago, until she broke up the contact. Kira is a very nice girl, she understands me and I felt really something for her. But I also became aware of her feelings towards me. Which was real friendsshipbut nothing more. To cut a complicated story short,I'm in love with someone else and it really goes well so far. And I hope it will stay this way. I feel like home with her and thats really good.



Games of Words

Lately I had my problems my problems with writing. I could not find a way to let my inspiration take me away. But now this seems to be history. There is a new story building. After reading William Gibson and now Richard Morgan, I try my way with Cyberpunk again. Weaving old ideas with new one and borrowing themes from a Manga (NOISE) I feel its becoming an interesting work. Hope the passion and ideas hold on.



GOTTHARD LIVE

I'm really looking forward to the upcoming concert of the band Gotthard ([link]). They will give a concert here in Augsburg on 11th of June and I ordered two tickets for me and my brother. I never saw them live, but I like their music.



Thanks

I'm suprised and wanna thanks to all the latest attention I got. I thought when I do not publish anything here the interest would subside. But still I found some of my works faved and that's a pleasure! THANKS!

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8689188/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8689188/ Sat, 06 May 2006 08:10:23 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Relaxed & Confident
Listening to: Dorwning Pool - Reminded
Reading: Richard Morgan: Altered Carbon
Watching: Basic Instinct 2

I guess I'm down low, gone and still I try to fight it. These days Im empty, I cant write and cant photoshop. There is no need in me. Ok, maybe it's too much World of Warcraft, but I also read alot. After Virtual Light by William Gibson I delved right now in Altered Carbon. Than I guess I will read Idoru (started it but then decided to get into Altered Carbon). I hope and somehow deep in me I now there will be a way bac to my creativity, but right now it seems I dont need it.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8319806/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8319806/ Fri, 31 Mar 2006 02:31:23 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Relaxed & Confident
Listening to: Bob Seger - Lucifer
Reading: M. Z. Danielewskie: House of Leaves
Watching: Underworld 2 (very good movie!)

Well I have finsihed the book lately and I have to say its a good book, but surely not one of his best. If it would be a book by some newcomer it would be awesome and very well done. But its by Stephen King and I have to say he has somehow lost his touch. It's a good story and he suprises you from time to time, but still it is not as best as his other works.

The writing is crisp and clean, the story somehow too short for me. The end I did not like the least, because it was somehow to happy, and I had wished a more bleak one. In the course of the plot a character you will come to like really much is been killed and it happens so fast, like you may think he did not want him/her anymore... Or maybe he did not know how he/her would react in his final show down... Actually there is not a real breathtaking show down. It just is a plain end, I would say.

This does harm the story. The begin is faboulus and the charcters are well done, but not as detailed as he normally does. All in all it's a good book for some nice reading in the evening. But not more...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8120658/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/8120658/ Fri, 10 Mar 2006 11:03:21 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Relaxed & Confident
Listening to: Dokken: PROZAC NATION
Reading: S.K.: CELL
Watching: WALK THE LINE (AWESOME!!)

My latest work, "Thoughts as cold as Ice", was meant to be a try on an abstract work again. But when I had finished (the first version), it just look ok and had no real meaning. I was thinking about to scrap it, but than the idea of thoughts and shapes came to me. I mixed it with another work of mine to break the solid slowness of the original work. And than came the line "Thoughts as cold as ice". So in the end I have a new work and I find with a meaning. What I wanted to express are all those cold thoughts that exist in our world. Im not a pessimist and I know there is much love out there too, but the thoughts that cut, are the cold ones and the one that heal are the lovely ones.

Lately I have find great happyness in reading my works and than I had the idea to read this little poem too The quality is not the best, but for the idea it is enough I think.

Any comments and ideas are welcome.

Best regards,
Marcel aka Badfinger

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7923667/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7923667/ Fri, 17 Feb 2006 08:24:29 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Relaxed & Confident
Listening to: Alice Cooper: Rund down the devil
Reading: S.K.: CELL
Watching: WALK THE LINE (AWESOME!!)

Notes on Demonic Gazer

When I started this latest of mine, I wanted to do a pic, to the lines of "Mark of the Raven". The problem was the raven, yeah funny me... Anyway I experimented at first with backgrounds, tried to let it look somehow tribal. Than I found that i couldn't find a picture of a raven to use, that fitted my idea. So I tried of dragons and finally I had a face... I worked it over, until it llok more gargoylish. So this is how it ends. But as I finished with colour adjusting and such things I found, it was DEMONIC and I liked it. And somehow I found, this could be a beast for a short story. The poem like lines I wrote to this, seem not really to work, they are too short, and not what I wanted. But it burned the fire for a new idea...

I have a short story experiment, or maybe its a fragment, till it has not a real good end and now as I made this pic, I mabye have an idea how to end it and how to change the story, so that it isn't just a nice flow of words, with no real meaning. We will see how it goes.

In the end I think this is the first real work for 2006, the other ones were recycling ideas and just to be in shape... so to speak.

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7845307/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7845307/ Thu, 09 Feb 2006 09:57:16 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: Moonspell: Heartshaped abyss
Reading: S.K.: CELL

C E L L - First Impression

I really got excited when the amazon package came, with those two books, Colorado Kid and CELL and I really ripped it open right away. First I wondered, because I expected CELL to be as huge as THE STAND, but anyway it is not really compareable to THE STAND. Sure it has this apocalyptic feeling, but it's just not the same. The book is dedicated to George A Romeo and his Zombies... so to speak. The first chapter goes on awesome. We get introduced to the main character, get glimpses of his little world, problems and then hell breaks lose. Here King excels in describing the gruesome details on how people begin to grab at each other, to bite and all this bloody gore. But it feels not stupid, like most zombie related stories or movies. What he does very well is making it believeale. It's not really shocking and yeah, you dont really fear the damn beasts, buts till it is gruesome. I can't really say why, but despite all the not so good critic he got, I really like it. It's not an awesome book, but a good one and it shows, that his style in writing is just unstopable and very good. Makes me write again, I knew it...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7684937/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7684937/ Mon, 23 Jan 2006 12:23:35 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: The Beatles: REVOLUTION
Reading: S.K.: Gerald's Game

Stephen King - Just ordered again

Sometimes they come back is one of his stories and it's the thought I had, as I read about "The Cell" by King, his new upcoming novel. I had abandoned him, his works, because Dreamcatcher somehow couldn't hold me anymore. I loved the style, the writing and still it somehow was not good! The good boys died to early and this seemed not to be my book.

I discovered Haruki Murakami, a japanese author and I was falling in love with him. I read what I needed, and I gave up with honouring just some authors, but now I go back to him, because I feel, it#s one of my roots and I have here some books written by him, which I got from Ebay, which I hand't read in the original voice yet. Now I think I will read Geralds Game and I just ordered at Amazaon The Cell and The Colorado Kid. I have learned so many little 'tricks' for my writings and in the beginnings I wanted to write like him, but now as I have my own voice and know what I can do and what not, I'm back again in his world, I would say.

Here are one of my ultimate Stephen King favs:

THE STAND
THE DEAD ZONE
DESPERATION
CHRISTINE
BLACK HOUSE
IT
SALEM'S LOT
THE LONG ROAD
and more


So if you like, tell me what authors you read these days and why I'm always interested in new stuff!

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7674318/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7674318/ Sun, 22 Jan 2006 09:28:48 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: Bob Seger - Still the same
Reading: Rising Sun by Chrighton

Into the blue and gone

Water is cold, water runs everywhere,
It touches the body, it's pressing you down.
But still you breath, still you're above the wave.
There is hope and all seems to work out.

Until the first shout,
Of pain deep inside,
Down in the water death awaits,
It comes silent, but you scream,
Sometimes it's in your dream.

Still you are on the sea,
Swimming and running away,
Into the depth, out in the blue.

They follow you, with the harpune,
You can't get away,
They have all this tec,
But you're just on your own.

They make you drowsy with all the roar
Of the motors in the water,
They'll get you sooner as later.

But you swim still for hope,
Into the deep blue,
Away from them this time,
And when you come on the surface,
They'll find you again.

You never had a chance,
And it's always the same race,
Die and go away,
They seem not to need you,
They just want to make you into something else,
Into soap, to wash their bodies and maybe the bloody from their hands...

They'll cut you with the knife, as you breath your last,
They have no fear, they know you aren't too fast,
You will die, and it's just fine for them.

But tonigh tthis little wale just died,
And nobody really seems to think about it,
Our world becomes so crowded, so satisfied,
And when we see this little thing die,
Maybe someone will cry.

This time maybe,
But all the other times, media is not aware,
Killing wales than is just fair,
It's business and business is war,
Blood and gore,
We dont care anymore.

So we make you die,
Everyday, when the water turns red,
We don't see it anymore,
Because all we know is,
It happens...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7665838/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7665838/ Sat, 21 Jan 2006 10:55:28 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Listening to: Yani - Standing in Motion
Reading: Rising Sun by Chrighton

I realize, there will be no deviation soon from me... I don't know I just have no idea to do something. This bothers me a little. But I guess thats normal. There are good times and there are bad ones. Maybe I take a step in colouring pictures. But don't know... We will see Well, if you stay interested in my work, that is...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7496160/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7496160/ Tue, 03 Jan 2006 06:32:49 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Hello, I wanted to buy a calendar from devart... and than as I saw, that the shipment cost as much as the piece I wanted to buy, I said NO NONO! I'm sorry for the artists, because with these rates they will not sell much, I guess...


]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7346895/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7346895/ Sun, 18 Dec 2005 15:38:34 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Everthing's fine! ;)
Listening to: Prince - Purple Rain

My graphics of 2005

Since I allready told you about my writing and life, I think it may also be interesting how I see my development of this year regarding my GFX Art. In my folder for 2005 are over 85 psd's which is alot, taking the time I had in consideration. I guess 2003 and 2004 it could have been more, and 2002 was the best, at least in numbers.

So what do I think about my works of this year? Which are my favourites, which I don't like?

When I browse trough the gallery, I see that my works became more defined, getting more attention as normally. This means I worked harder on them. I guess this has its reason in the fact that I don't do photoshopping only to relax anymore, I really see it now as trying to make something really good, to develop into an unknown land, to try something new. Also the themes became lighter. Still I like it melodramatic but it doesn't show up in most works of mine, as it did in the years before. This may be the reason, because I'm really happy and proud of my life.

So which works do I dislike? Work's like eletronic velvet
because it's nothing really special, it is just a time filler. Still it's not really bad, but for the next year I will try to avoid any fillers

My favourites of the year? Portrait of love is for me the best work I did this year, because it's really something new out of my house. Also I'm very proud of Portrait of Ghost ... Even as the story hasn't developed any further yet, I like this work, because it comes so near at what I wanted to produce. I really like the haunted feeling. Also my new step at portraits of girls bringing a message, is a way I liked to do and hope to step up again to new ideas around this theme. Behind the window is the most sadening work I did this year, I would say. Also my take on landscapes was not bad. It made alot of fun, trying to put atmosphere in them. Here's my favourite of this section:

Okay that's enough of selfadvertisment


My personal Highlights of 2005:

... ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7262572/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7262572/ Fri, 09 Dec 2005 07:10:50 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Everthing's fine! ;)
Listening to: Audioslave - I'm the Highway
Reading: Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami

Normally winter is the time when you begin to feel cold, freezing and start sneezing. And also, as the year draws to its end you begin to think about the past months and what happened to you. Well on my side, I can only declare that I'm happy how all went and still waiting for the downfall of things. Since I moved to Augsburg, starting my education everything was always improving. I lead a life now, that I really wished for and my job is really what makes me happy. I mean it's not all, and also not the total center of my life, but it's making me happy none the less.

What I realize is, that my writing "career" is just stumbling. But also I have to say that I'll got another story published in an interesting project. Sometimes though, I guess my time as a writer is over. Still I feel, when I write that it's one of the things I really can do and that make me happy. So I will never let down. But the truth is, there won't come a novel from me in the next years. Anyway, I'm okay with that.

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7105013/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7105013/ Mon, 21 Nov 2005 12:21:04 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Everthing's fine! ;)
Listening to: Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventen (School of Rock)
Reading: Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami

Suggestions for a calendar

The following thumbs are pictures I would like to feature in a calendar. I will not post them here in order for the months. That I'll decide later

Here are my suggestions:

(Dreams are inspirations) -- This was one of my greatest pics I did and I think it would be great to feature it in a calendar for one of the summer months or mabye autumn, when it get's rainy...

(The Grove of Whisperings) -- This is also a nature related picture. Maybe for autumn too Remember, I'll will overhaul all chose pictures tu suit the calendar I have in mind.


(Silence in eye and mind) -- What should I say... It's one of my latest works and I simply like the cold and somehow sad feeling to eat. Featuring it would be cool... No pun intended so...

(Out on the Sea) -- Dreamy, lost and still it could be true. I really think about this scene often, maybe doing someday a littel story around the idea... But for now, I suggest it for the calnedar

(Queen of Pain) -- It's a mean, a strong, a creepy and bloody picture, but I judge it as very good and I would suggest it for the calendar, because it deserves the honour

(Lost World) -- Even as it is an "outtake" from one of my other works, I still like it somehow more than the original one. And also the theme of being lost, of a world somewhere, where all we go, when we dream and when we are sad, is a main topic of my works, I would say it deserves to be featured.

(The Parfume of Love) -- It's a romantic one. It's soft, it's colourful, like love. This was a try to do something different, a mix of styles and it turned out as not that bad

(If flowers fade, where will the love go?) -- It's also romantic, melodramtic and I like the rainy effect on it. Ok,... ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7076746/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/7076746/ Fri, 18 Nov 2005 00:33:22 PST BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Rock n roll Baby!
Listening to: Bryan Adams - The only thing that I want
Reading: Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
Watching: Cinema: Flightplan

THE WORLD IS FULL OF MUSIC

Well I did it, I got me an ipod nano! Right now I'm listening to it and it sounds great. I decided for it, just because I really wanted an mp3 player, because lately I have to do shifts in the work, where I monitor systems and it's mostly a boring work, because it doesn't happen much. Anyway I just can say, that I'm pleased with my new gadjet, despite of all teh negative pubilicity and rumours out there.

But, I called this entry "The World is full of music" not just because I can now listen to my mp3's. I really feel good and everything is cool. I visited my brother in Ulm, we had a cool time and before that I had some parties. Also I have met a girl and she seems to be very interesting. But still, I talk with the waitress and there seems to be a chance for me So all is in harmony these days.

Ok, there is one letdown. It concerns my writings. I can't really get on with my latest story, because I'm not sure how to implement the turning point. But this could be also just a matter of time and feeling. Maybe I should just try it out what I have in mind for the story and if it doesn't work I can change it later.

I guess you know, I'm an avid reader. The latest book, Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami is just great. I read a review on the web which seemed not to be in favour for the story. But I love it, it will become one of my all favourite books. Ok, there is just one flaw in the book. It just keeps on going and all the problems solve easy, but besides that it's an awesome read. You never find any boring passaging, the words are sharp and the atmosphere is mystic and adventerous. If you are interested check it out. I don't like to tell much about the story. Discover for yourself. If you're not hooked after the first three pages, it's not for you, I guess.

I'm thinking about creating a calendar and for that I will chose 24 pics for you to pick the ones, you would like to see on a calendar. Last year I did one but this time I really want to get a print account and put it out there

Best wishes & love to you all!

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6869551/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6869551/ Wed, 26 Oct 2005 00:43:32 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Rock n roll Baby!
Listening to: Bon Jovi - Have a nice day
Reading: QUICKSILVER by Neal Stephenson

Yesterday night I got again a SMS from my ex-girlfriend, where she told me that there is a website with pics of the little boy she now has. Well at first it somehow dug into me, and I really was somehow angry and started to think about the old times and you know the feeling, that you lost something. But this is not true. She can't break my heart again.

Now I took a look on the pics. Ok, a little baby. There were pics of her too, but instead as expected it didn't hurt me anymore. I don't want her back, but I want her out of my life.

But 'nough said, I guess this rambling over girlfriends is somehow a typical problem of many people. I mean it was a good time, but somehow I still miss her or better I miss someone who really loves me (except my family). I need someone who loves my art and myself for what I am. She wasn't the one.

Someday there might be a new girl and I hope it's the right one.

Well actually I'm in love with a girl. I mean it really got me. She's a waitress in the disco, where I'm often these days. She's like a dream, and she's not one of the easy girls, who use makeup, tight clothes and so on to express herself. I really I am fallen for her. I tried to talk with her, and little bits I know. But I'm not strong enough to aks her out for a coffee. You know I fear a girl like her has allready a boyfriend or would be maybe insulted if I ask her ... She is studying here in Augsburg (Communications). I'm there every firday just because she's there every friday. Well ... we will see ...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6852104/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6852104/ Mon, 24 Oct 2005 05:53:41 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Rock n roll Baby!
Reading: QUICKSILVER by Neal Stephenson

I have beed tagged by ... So I have to tell you some facts about me you maybe don't wanna know anyway... To tell the truth I'm not really sure what to tell you...

01: I never was on board on a plane...
02: I never learnt to ski and don't care for such wintersports...
03: I was pretty good with russian, but lost interest...
04: Since childhood I was and I am a great Presley - fan, even imitated (performance) him
05: I always wanted to learn guitar but I don't have the time.

06: I liked roleplaying games like Shadowrun or AD&D but our group splitted...
07: I had a dog, fishes, a cat and a rabbit.
08: I was, even as I had health problems (having a heart failure), the third fastet on a 1000 meters run.
09: I have glasses, but I use them only at work, not when going out.
10: One of my favourite countries is California, wanna be there someday...

11: Before working with photoshop I loved Corel Draw / Photopaint.
12: Even as I liked horror stories and novels, I never wrote real scary or typical horror (read gross)stuff.
13: I made a featured "map of the week" for CnC Generals.
14: I made two lyrics albums and would liek to hear them as music
15: I can't eat grapefruit, because it is decreasing the level of my medicaments.

16: I never got anything broken (I mean on myself...)
17: I always wanted to act in a real theater play...
18: Even as I a person with humour, I don't like comedy movies that much...
19: I don't have a driving license.
20: I would like to get to Tokyo for a month or so...


I apologize if that is just the most uninteresting you read. I don't really know what to tell you.

So now I have to tag 6 persons:

I tag:



]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6799882/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6799882/ Tue, 18 Oct 2005 10:24:43 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Rock n roll Baby!
Listening to: Megadeth - Vortex (remastered)
Reading: QUICKSILVER by Neal Stephenson

380th Submission! -|- Cleaning up the mess

Well you all know it, because you are inspired and live with art, as the way I do too. Now I have done more than 350 pictures and still, I know, there's no end. But I know I want to clean up my gallery. Some works from 2002 are so old and dusty, they are often to noobish and I think they don't belong here anymore. I will browse my gallery and decide what goes and what stays...


Sometimes it seems I have a curse on me...

I'm not sure what to think about this. My ex-girlfriend, she still types up sms and tries to get into me, it seems. But why? I try to live my life, and my life is good, even without her, which it seems, she can't believe. I know we had a great time, in the beginnings and if she hadn't made it such a mess at the end, this recent sms would hit me in the groin... I guess... She told me, that her boy was born. So now tell me how to cope with it? It's not my boy, but she was my love, someday. Now I read the sms and think, what I have to do now? Visit her in the hospital? I don't want to, because I know, she get get deeper into me and all would come back, like a bad dream. On the other side, I still worried about her, about her pregnacy and so on, because you know she has epilepsy. Anyway... All this is complicated and I'm not sure what would be the best to do... Sometimes the world is such a confusing place... I don't know either why it bothers me that much...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6791086/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6791086/ Mon, 17 Oct 2005 11:04:40 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Satisfied ;)
Listening to: Moby - Raining again
Reading: QUICKSILVER by Neal Stephenson

WATCHERS OF DESTINY - Badfinger's FIRST PRINT

Oki doke... people... I just have submitted my first print. That's the basic version, where I just get some cent, so I don't get rich, but I don't think someone is buying my works, anyway. The piece itself was done someday in September I guess and, as so often it is the case with my works, was an accident, a side product. Yesterday night I stumbled over it and said, well this has to be finshed. So here it is, take it or leave it, as the phrase goes...

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6763512/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6763512/ Fri, 14 Oct 2005 04:45:32 PDT BADFINGER'S WORDS FROM NOWHERE

Mood: Happy & Proud
Listening to: Moby - Lift me up
Reading: QUICKSILVER by Neal Stephenson

Yeah people, I did it! I'm now a subscriber and I'm proud of. After serving the community with more than 370 deviations it had to be done! Next will be my Prints-Account.


Best regards,
Marcel

]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6727109/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6727109/ Mon, 10 Oct 2005 05:17:01 PDT PRINTS!!

Hello there, I have now decided to get a print account. But before I pay, I wanna know which works would you like to see as a print?

Here are my suggestions:

1) Silence in eye and mind - [link]

2) As the world crashed down - [link]

3) Leave forbbiden words unspoken - [link]

4) The Amazon - [link]

5) Coast life - [link]

6) The Grove of Whisperings - [link]

7) Black Widow - [link]

8) Behind the window - [link]

9) Princess of Dreams - [link]

10) Queen of Pain - [link]

11) The parfume of love - [link]

12) industrial philosophy - [link]

13) The scent of old memories - [link]

14) Electronic mind - [link]

15) Window to Unreality - [link]

16) The Sea of Loss - [link]

17) broken - [link]

18) When the world falls down - [link]

19) Days of the End - [link]

20) When worlds colide - [link] ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6701872/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6701872/ Fri, 07 Oct 2005 07:17:29 PDT


A R C H E N E M Y
The first thing to do, is that I wanna inform you all, that I'm now a member of the ~arch-enemy-fans ([link]), they will (if I got them right) feature my Arch Enemy related works. I might admit that I didn't like the old works, with the sanger before. But Angela Gossow rocks, and I love the guitarwork in the songs.



t H o u G t s

Well you mabye know, I like to gamble with my ideas and mind. My thoughts these days are all govered by words like posibilities, like freedom, like being what I am and being just that I mean, I realize that have reached a dream of mine, being a computer geek somehow, doing interestings things on the job, having money to spend now, and such things. Ok, maybe I lack a girlfriend, but these days I think, wll I don't really lack one. I have a girl on my mind, and in my heart, but it's not the typical girlfriend story, the one with kisses and sex, hugs and so on, but the one, with words, sharing thoughts, ideas, adoring her and well... anyway it's more platonical The new goal will be staying in the job (that's obvious), getting really (fucking, unbelieveable) good and having a great time. I also wanna work on my writings, the old ones, the abandoned ones and so on. But my english is not good enough to present them all in english. But I promise, I will try to write some little ones in english again, I guess I owe this some of you ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6552202/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6552202/ Tue, 20 Sep 2005 05:45:31 PDT And the world is perfect...

... at least on my side of life. Well I had still some trouble and stress, working hard for my project and documentation and so on. But now I'm finished and I'm free. I have finished my education, the school is over now.

It was a hard time. No time for other projects, like writing on my Rainbow City Series or working on gfx projects, which I have gotten into. But I had to force myself to concentrate on my project. Now it's over


All is great. I will work for Siemens, at least for a year, I have finished my school with a 1, .. degree and this was all done, against the ideas of those officials from the city who said I would have to be in a school for people who are disabled , who are ill and so on.

I'm the winer, they are the loser.

Seems my life can only get better with every breath I do!

YIPPIE ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6330476/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6330476/ Fri, 26 Aug 2005 02:33:53 PDT

Here's an update


Sister Golden Hair





When rain comes knocking at your window, you know something will happen. Something bad, sad and dreadful. That was yesterday and today the rain still has not stopped. Still, drop for drop, whispers on my window, a sad story to tell. It was a Monday in Rainbow City. The name is totally stupid, a bad joke, if you know that the sun is now black, lost and just a memory, so there will be never anything like a rainbow. Time changes the world, and people tend to think, that they are in charge of time and history. But the truth looks just the other way around.

So the window was wet of drops, rain falling down, endless, like the world was turned upside down and the oceans where falling to the ground, or up into heaven, depending on the perspective you favour. In my little office came the sound of sadness from the old record player, ringing the Blues, the colour of my life and mood, enriched by the rain everywhere.

I sat at my desk in the middle of a room I called an office, which was nothing more, than a cube, with walls void of any personality or story. There were no pictures, no posters. There were books, old paperbacks; there was a coffee machine and stuff. It was a mess, but organized into the shades of a colourless life. There was no sense of work in this room and that was the sad truth, for several weeks now. No job, no money, no luck. Same shit, different day. Void of any mark, anything to remember. Just living, sleeping and awakening, waiting for something to happen. An investigator without any crime to stuck your nose into. That was me, Lenard Cortan.

Then came this knock at the door where a female shadow loomed behind. Since I wasn’t saying anything, that offered her to come in, she knocked again. So I stood up, walked to the door, turned the knob and thought of nothing, as I looked into the face of an angel. She wasn’t from Rainbow City, couldn’t! All those colours in her eyes, on the lips and her skin not faded into grey, like mine. She didn’t work, not here. She wasn’t abused by the loneliness of being cast away on the beach of unhappiness, in a world full of walls, of shouts and blame, of people hating you, enflamed by the will to kill just for a moment of pleasure, money or simple luck.

‘Are you the private eye? Corton?’

‘Cor--tan.’ I corrected her.

She nodded and strode in, like a twister, rushing through my mind. She was sex, and pleasure, a card of desire, dealt with thunder and no remorse. She was a royal flash, but not dirty. She could be the feather in your mind, the sense of love and something special. But still, I knew, she was bad news at the front door to my eventless life. But I hailed her in my mind, loved her with my heart. She took a seat in front of my desk, waiting for me to let the door fall back. She opened her purse, getting out a Zippo and a cigarette. For one second there was a flash of fire, colour inside the catacomb of grey, which was my office.

So I became her investigator.



☼ ☼ ☼



Her name was something like a flower. Rose I would say, but it doesn’t matter anyway. I lost my mind, right in front of her. It was so easy, and there was no sign, that she was scared of me. I’m not the typical guy a woman would look for. I’m no sunny boy, like those detectives or investigators you read about in old fashioned mystery novels by authors long forgotten. Every story so similar to each other, that one author could have written them all.

I have scars, and people in bars tend to avoid my eyes. When I ask for a whiskey, I will get the worst, since they hope; I’ll fade with time to grey, like memories happen to do these days. But I won’t, and never will, as long as I can breathe and walk, I will do my work, when someone’s paying the bills. This rainy evening it was her, offering the job. I listened to her voice and let the words passing by into the past. I watched her strawberry lips, and in my mind there was this motion picture, a scene of kissing and love.

For how long I sat there? How many hours she told me about this guy, I should find? He was lost, she said; and she needed him back, by any means.

I nodded wisely, but hey, in this city and this life, everyone looks, like he or she knows the game, but we are all walking around, clueless and lost. So I took no advice, when this little voice... ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6314298/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6314298/ Wed, 24 Aug 2005 10:03:57 PDT Strawberry Woman





When rain comes knocking at your window, you know something will happen. Something bad, sad and dreadful. That was yesterday and today the rain still has not stopped. Still, drop for drop, whispers on my window, a sad story to tell. It was a Monday in Rainbow City. The name is totally stupid, a bad joke, if you know that the sun is now black, lost and just a memory, so there will be never anything like a rainbow. Time changes the world, and people tend to think, that they are in charge of time and history. But the truth looks just the other way around.

So the window was wet of drops, rain falling down, endless, like the world was turned upside down and the oceans where falling to the ground, or up into heaven, depending on the perspective you favour. In my little office came the sound of sadness from the old record player, ringing the Blues, the colour of my life and mood, enriched by the rain everywhere.

I sat at my desk in the middle of a room I called an office, which was nothing more, than a cube, with walls void of any personality or story. There were no pictures, no posters. There were books, old paperbacks; there was a coffee machine and stuff. It was a mess, but organized into the shades of a colourless life. There was no sense of work in this room and that was the sad truth, for several weeks now. No job, no money, no luck. Same shit, different day. Void of any mark, anything to remember. Just living, sleeping and awakening, waiting for something to happen. An investigator without any crime to stuck your nose into. That was me, Lenard Cortan.

Then came this knock at the door where a female shadow loomed behind. Since I wasn’t saying anything, that offered her to come in, she knocked again. So I stood up, walked to the door, turned the knob and thought of nothing, as I looked into the face of an angel. She wasn’t from Rainbow City, couldn’t! All those colours in her eyes, on the lips and her skin not faded into grey, like mine. She didn’t work, not here. She wasn’t abused by the loneliness of being cast away on the beach of unhappiness, in a world full of walls, of shouts and blame, of people hating you, enflamed by the will to kill just for a moment of pleasure, money or simple luck.

‘Are you the private eye? Corton?’

‘Cor--tan.’ I corrected her.

She nodded and strode in, like a twister, rushing through my mind. She was sex, and pleasure, a card of desire, dealt with thunder and no remorse. She was a royal flash, but not dirty. She could be the feather in your mind, the sense of love and something special. But still, I knew, she was bad news at the front door to my eventless life. But I hailed her in my mind, loved her with my heart. She took a seat in front of my desk, waiting for me to let the door fall back. She opened her purse, getting out a Zippo and a cigarette. For one second there was a flash of fire, colour inside the catacomb of grey, which was my office.

So I became her investigator.



☼ ☼ ☼



Her name was something like a flower. Rose I would say, but it doesn’t matter anyway. I lost my mind, right in front of her. It was so easy, and there was no sign, that she was scared of me. I’m not the typical guy a woman would look for. I’m no sunny boy, like those detectives or investigators you read about in old fashioned mystery novels by authors long forgotten. Every story so similar to each other, that one author could have written them all.

I have scars, and people in bars tend to avoid my eyes. When I ask for a whiskey, I will get the worst, since they hope; I’ll fade with time to grey, like memories happen to do these days. But I won’t, and never will, as long as I can breathe and walk, I will do my work, when someone’s paying the bills. This rainy evening it was her, offering the job. I listened to her voice and let the words passing by into the past. I watched her strawberry lips, and in my mind there was this motion picture, a scene of kissing and love.

For how long I sat there? How many hours she told me about this guy, I should find? He was lost, she said; and she needed him back, by any means.

I nodded wisely, but hey, in this city and this life, everyone looks, like he or she knows the game, but we are all walking around, clueless and lost. So I took no advice, when this little voice in my head screamed danger, as she put the money on the table. It was enough for two months and it was crisp and clean, given birth from the ATM, just some minutes ago. It stank to the heavens! She was a lie, a trap. But I fell for her. That’s the truth and there ain’t any more.




☼ ☼ ☼



When she was gone, my room swallowed me again. All the colours and life that breathed for these l... ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6303383/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6303383/ Tue, 23 Aug 2005 04:03:25 PDT My life lately...& Rainbow City

As you might have benn aware of, I wasn't really active the last few weeks. This was because I had to work for my project I do foir my diploma. Well now it seems done, just some minor adjustments. The topic of the diploma project was a jump start server and automatic installtions. So far I'm quite satisfied with the outcome and now I want to get back in business with writing.

One night I actually began something new, called "Strawberry Woman", which will be a SciFi. noir short story. It's set in a semi-futuristic city called Rainbow City. It was a litlle inspired by Sin City, a really great movie. It will be a detective story and I got the idea that I could join in with my littel Contest. Because the theme of the story will be related to Sacrifices & Dreams of tomorow. So if you draw something or do a photomanipulation and so on for the contest, I could, if you win , make an episode out of this for the Rainbow City series

We will see. Hope soon I can show you, what this is all about! ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6187018/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6187018/ Wed, 10 Aug 2005 10:28:33 PDT Sacrifice the world for the dreams of tomorrow

Well as I did that piece I wanted for to make a new lyrics album, relating to that theme. But these days my time for art is rare, since I have to work for school and job. So I think, what would be your sacrifices and dreams? I'm really interested in this theme & question.

So here I start my first CONTEST. Ok, it will be a free one and no real prices will be avaible, since I'm not that rich ... BUT, I offer for the my THREE favourites of the entries to create a little short story relating to the drawing, picture or poem, if you like.

So let's see your sacrifices & dreams...

The Contest will be open from now on until the September of 24th, my birthday

Any questions, ideas are appreciated. I will take care of it, asap...


Best wishes,
Marcel ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6045108/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/6045108/ Wed, 27 Jul 2005 01:34:24 PDT E a r t h s h a k e r 2005

For a long, long time I wanted to visit a festival, or concert and this year I made my dream come true. The first one I attended was Southside which was a full success and awesome. The second strike, so to speak, was EARTHSHAKER. So let me tell you about it.

First, it was shadowed by the fact, that rain was coming. But anyway we all were in good mood and on Thursday we hopped into the VW Bus (very cool car) and one VW Golf (ancient, but it drives on and on) and started our journey. We let the music play and talked and so on. Sun was shining, but you could feel rain was coming. Or better, it was too cold for a summerday, at least for my likes.

Than as we reached the little town/villiage we were stopped by the police. I found it funny someone asking me if I would have any weapons, drugs or something else. They checked our IDs and looked what we had in the cars. This was my first time ever. Well, on Southside this was not the case. Maybe we looked like bad guys, but hey we are not looking like the everyday-die-hard-metal-geeks. One of the guys had to give up his spike-wristlet. Well at least he learned a lesson, not to put it one before you are actually on the site!

Than we drove onto the camping site. We thought we could camp right beside of our VW Bus, but this wasn't happening. The security guys say a big NO and than we read this dreaded sign that told us not to use our barbecue. This was just bad! The day before in the shop I told myself, no I don't need a steak, because I'll barbecue the whole weekend. So much for that.

Than we raised our tents, the pavillion and thought about getting the tickets and how to get mineral water, something to eat and so on. But we had to find out that in this little town most of the shops were closed and well there wasn't much. Getting the tickets was easy and so we had to face the truth: This wouldn't be just a chillout weekend with cool music and fun. There was only MacDonalds and Burger King and the TruckStop, where you could buy stuff.

Well now I'll talk about the gigs. I can just say, Nightwish was awesome. You have to hear her, Tarja's voice is so clear and you can't really press it on CD without loosing something. They put on an awesome show. The solo and guitar parts were really cool. I was in the sixth row and it was just cool The best gig I have seen on this festival and, yeah I have to admit, the best one, I have experienced so far. It was just an awesome feeling

Also Primal Fear was real cool. I loved their albums and on stage they rocked. Ok, only for 45 minutes, which sucked, but it was a cool show and they played without a halt. Song on song on song Metal is Forever, their classic metal song, was really cool, but for my taste it still lacked the echo.

The other bands were good, I guess, but the sound wasn't good. Except Manowar, but I'll come to that later. For instance Children of Bodom, they gave quite a good show, but their sound was too much bass. Those high tones of the keybord weren't like they are on the CDs. Don't get me wrong, I like bass, but it should not swallow important ingrediences of the song.

Now let me tell you about Manowar. I don't know what I had to expect. To be frank, some of their songs are cool, but the most sound somehow the same to me. So I wasn't too eager to see and hear them. As they announced that they would play for 3 hours, we were suprised and thought, we wouldn't last that long. I mean, standing 3 hours in the crowd is not that cool.

Than they started. Well the sound was terrefic. And yeah, they are the loudest band I know, so far. The guitar sounded really hard, and without compromise, but not as clear, as todays metalbands, which was very cool and I loved it. But than they stopped in the middle of a song, because the amplifier wasn't tuned right. Hey what the fuck! They had a soundcheck for two days! People payed for this and the fan convention 50 Euro and came from all over the world, it seemed. And than on the stage such bad behavior... I mean, yeah rock stars can say fuck and that's not the point. But they let you know, that they are the fucking greatest, heaviest metal band ever and so on. AC/DC wouldn't have stopped in the middle of a song, doing a soundcheck, just because one snare was louder than the other, Megadeth wouldn't and the list goes on. Than there was such a show, how great the guys were to them and so o... ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5948310/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5948310/ Sat, 16 Jul 2005 05:08:38 PDT ABOUT SHIZO & OTHER THINGS

Well somehow I thought that I would get some interesting critiques on my work called "Shizo", which is a short story, or at least a prose about the shadows in ourself, about life that we wasted. I'm not sure, maybe here on devart you have to have a towering name to get the interests of others. I'm proud of the people who wtach me and are constant comment givers and stay in touch in me. But after more than 360 works, I still never got really noticed. But when I look at the works that are featured, I have to say, there are only two types. Those who really deserve it, because it's awesome how the do their art, how they make those pictures and so on. But the others are often just a little to weak for my taste, just get lucky so to speak. But this is not the point. I know that my works are not that awesome, because it's just a hobby, a piece of my life, which I need to breath, but which is not the center of my life. Anyway, what I hoped, was that I get earnest critique from the Literature party here on devart, because it is an honest work. Also there seems to be a new period in my creativity, concerning my writing works. I guess I will write more in english, real little short stories. So I have to build up a name here

Well this is just rambling. So don't care about it. But if you have the time, take a look on SHIZO and tell me what you think

So far, so good,
Badfinger ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5884505/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5884505/ Sat, 09 Jul 2005 09:26:55 PDT Thoughts and whisperings...

First of all, I want to say I'm sorry for all people out there, who were hurt in any way by the 7/7 terror act. This is a shock, and I can only say, that it mackes me mad, that those fuckers keep on doing this. I just want to express, that it makes me sad, to live in a world, where such thinsg will never stop. But we have to live with this hard truth and as we try to accept it, we will counter it. If it helps, I just can say, anyone who discards life like this, who gives a shit about dreams, thoughts and all what it makes out to be human , doesn't deserve any light to see on this face of the planet!

Lately I feel very happy with my life, and it's a nice feeling, let me tell you that. I'm over my bad periods of self loathing and my self confidence is back. My boss at Siemens told me that they want me and that all of my teammates at work are behind me and they think I'm a good man. This helps alot. I mean, I stand up now for who I am. Who can say, like me, that he has done alls uch things, even when people always told you, that you are gonna die and lose everything? Since my heart transplantation I became stronger and stronger. I never let myself totally down and now I get the fruits of my work, it seems. But the cool thing is, it's just easy, because I just live the way I like it

Ok, there was a minus point, as I broke up with my girlfriend, but still it was the right decession. At these days I girl told me, I should give up to always think about her, which I still did. But this is over and I have to hold my life in my hands and shape it. I mean, I have so many nice things. I have my art, the way I like to write and people tell me, that it touches them. This is important to me. Or rocking in the disco, because the music really is what I love, too. Ok, so I'm still a single, and still much too shy, but hey, it is getting better.

Well right now I just can say, I'm the one I want to be and I hope that this will not be changed by anyone. Sure, we change everyday, just a little bit. But not that we hate ourselves. I don't havy anything to say that makes me unhappy.

I wish you the same! Thank you all out there for hcecking out my stuff, commenting it and also, when I have bad times, telling me that you understand me and all those comforts makes me happy. Art and Comminity is strong and it keeps you to hold the line. I'm with you, I like you all and if I can do anything for you, just drop me a line. I will do my best!


Best wishes,
badfinger ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5800414/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5800414/ Thu, 30 Jun 2005 10:14:10 PDT 7000 VISITS!!!

AWESOME GUYS AND GIRLS! It's real cool, to see that I'm an accepted member of this community, that you care for me and care for my art! This makes me proud and grateful!

T H A N K Y O U A L L!! ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5677962/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5677962/ Fri, 17 Jun 2005 15:25:08 PDT SOUTHSIDE 2005

Oh it's over, but it was great. Last weekend was my first time ever to go to a festival and it was awesome. A friend of mine, my brother and me, out on the street, destination SOUTHSIDE 2005. There we wanted to rock, have a great time and hear them. Bands like AUDIOSLAVE, QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE, NINE INCH NAILS, RAMMSTEIN, DIE ÄRZTE, OASIS, WIR SIND HELDEN, SYSTEM OF A DOWN.

It was an awesome experience. We were camping there. As we reached the old airfield, we left the car and searched for a place for our tents. This was a little hard, because there were allready so many people. But as we found a nice place, near the stages, we had to carry all our stuff. And this was a hard task, because we had brought enough, so we had to go three times. Rising the tents needed two hours. Than we drove to the next little town, getting money and food and beer (for my friend) and anti-alc

The weather we had these three days was not exactly what you wish for, not a real summer, but at least no rain was pouring down. In the night we had to carry enough colthes, not to shiver. It all went fine. We always chose the right time to bye things, to carry our stuff, the right place to park the car and so on. It was great, we had so much fun. Our grill was not bad, but the cole was shitty. Ok, we purchased it for only 99 cent, but this will not happen again.

There were more then 40 bands these three days. On my list to see, the following: Beatsteaks, Audioslave (which I knew nothing much about) and System of a Down for the first evening.

Audioslave was awesome. It made me a fan, really. I didn't know much about them, just that the guitarslingers were from RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE and the singer from SOUNDGARDEN, but now I'm blown away. Awesome sound, cool guy, who connects to the audience and it was a really cool concert. Beatsteaks were not bad either, but the guitar guys lacked the power of their frontman. System of a Down, is at first not my likes of music and also they just played their playlist down. Sure, they're skilled, but it wasn't cool or so. The frontman just sang, the guitarists just played. The masses were raging, and you had to fight to stay alive. I left the concert with my brother. We all agreed, this was not our style.

On the next day we were hoping for OASIS, were happy about to see DIE ÄRZTE. I knew about QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE and wanted to see them. WIR SIND HELDEN would be cool too, we thought. To say it straight, WIR SIND HELDEN had a big problem. Somehow the sound was shitty and not loud enough. It was a pitty, because they were in party mood. OASIS played on the same stage, still not louder. Also they seemed to just play their stuff. DIE ÄRZTE were cool, but they made the mistake to leave in the set time for their concert, a little break and they came back, after the crowd hailed for an ankor. Still they were cool and it was a nice party. QOTSA were really cool. I loved to hear them and see them. Their music sounded like on the albums and this was amazing too me.

Last day, we were eager to see RAMMSTEIN. I also wanted to see NINE INCH NAILS and let me say that, they put on a good show, but like my brother said, as long as the sun was up, they lost somehow their power. Anyway cool concert. And RAMMSTEIN was a great show. It was like theater. All the fire, all the shows. They rocked. Sure, many of their texts are somehow without a great idea, but they rocked.

So here is my ranking list:

AUDIOSLAVE (best perfomance, best atmosphere, all in all awesome!!)
RAMMSTEIN (great, but somehow they lacked the connection to the crownd, somehow to much like a music video, woithout much interaction with the crowd)
DIE ÄRZTE (cool party, but the mistake with leaving the stage and that they played not so many classic songs, put them on the 3d place)
NIN (awesome show, great music, cool guys)
QUEENS (nice gig)

It was an awesome weekend and experience. I really want to join the masses next year, when it's time for SOUTHSIDE ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5585666/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5585666/ Wed, 08 Jun 2005 03:14:30 PDT PROJECT / CONTEST: ~ H I G H W A Y L E G E N D S ~

Well I'm not an awesome artist like the guys and girls here on Deviantart. I may be a average skilled writer, but still I think it's time for me to speak up for a project of mine. It's called HIGHWAY LEGENDS and it's a project for writers and gfx artists alike. So if you are interested, read on

The Project

The highway, road to nowhere, roads full of stories, full of connections, full of emotions and danger. You may know such roadmovies, like HITCHER or THE DUELL . I'm fascinated by the idea what could happen on the highway. And so may you...

If this is triggering any ideas, I would love to read and see it. We are talking about a short story collection. Everyone can enter it, as long as you follow some rules. Which you will find further below. The other thing is, that I want your paintings, illustrations, photomanipulations to the theme HIGHWAY LEGENDS. If you send me one, please tell me, if I can use it for the creation of the pdf - Ebook. You will credited, you can also advertise ONE project of yours and your website. Maybe a little description of yourself too


The Rules

Talkin' about the rules, I want to tell you straight, there will not be a prize to win, except, that you are part of the project! I'm juts a guy, I don't earn much money and I don't have any giveaways. I'm sorry, if you wanted to enter to win a prize, look somewhere else. If you are that type of guy or girl, that loves free, open projects, read on

ENTRYDATE: From now on till 24th September 2005

All short stories, novellas, which are centered around the theme HIGHWAY LEGENDS are legal to enter the project. Also all drawings, paintings, photomanipulations, illustrations which are concerned with the Project idea, are allowed and wanted. You can enter just one story (German or English) and / or one graphic. Please provide. Short stories should be emailed to me at: contest_badfinger@web.de; also pictures. The short story can be accessable on your website, but is not allowed to enter any further contests and should not be presented anywhere else (except your webprecense.) GFX entries can be posted on deviantart and linked, so I can view it, or emailed to contest_badfinger@web.de.


Any further questions? Hit me, and I'll answer asap


Best wishes,
badfinger ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5474887/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5474887/ Fri, 27 May 2005 08:01:32 PDT 27th May 2005 - Just me... again...

Dear dairy, I like to write, don't I? Anyway I like to think and I do what I like. This is my credo, this was it before and still I look for something that I'm not. But why, just why, tell me?

We all walk our way, and we all pass those stations, were sadness drags us down. I had this time lately, now I'm back on the road, to whereever it goes.

In a way I'm really happy to be who I am. I have survived so many bad things in my life and sometimes, when I remember it, I feel proud. People don't see in us, what we would like that they see. This is a truth, heart felt and experienced.

So here I am, world. I can't change, not like so many do, I'm who I am. Take me or leave. I will not give up. I will go on. And the best about it, I feel strong.

Yes, there isn't much to fight. Just my own thoughts about myself. Sometimes you can't be satisfied with what you got. But now I see, I have more done, as some people, I have more sensivity in me, as so many, I can cry, so many don't. Live is like a rollercoaster. And hey, this means fun, being scared of what lies around the next corner. Anyway, I'm who I am.

Just me...

Again...

I'm just ... me...

Maybe it was the right idea, to ask the girl for a date again. It gave me confidence. Sure, I know, I can't make her my love, not like I would like it. But something is there. I don't know what it is. I mean, when I'm with her, I feel myself again. I know that she likes me, because the way I am. And that counts. So if we are just friends, and just do these "cultural" dates, going to the movies, being at Picasso, going to the theatre and son on, it's the best, since ... forever. The value is in our hearts. Anyway I'm happy again.

Hope it will last. ]]> ~badfinger http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5389502/ http://badfinger.deviantart.com/journal/5389502/ Wed, 18 May 2005 06:19:41 PDT Conflicts with myself...

I know, life is not just a stream of energy, it has all those up and downs and sometimes, the valey seems so deep. These days I have again conflicts with my feelings and dreams. I feel so lonely and it doesn't help, that my ex-girlfriend tries every way to get to me. Emails and SMS, phonecalls in the night... She just want to make me feel sorry for my lonely life I live.

I was and I am in love with a girl, but she says despite all my loveliness, I'm too short. She's an awesome woman and human. I mean I really feel so at home, when I'm with her.

But when I go to disco, dance and chat with other girls, I always realize that they lack something. I can't say what it is. Still I hate being alone.

Also I see, that my art is a search for something new. I also fear that I'm in a mood, when I'm not satisfied with anything I do. It deepends, but still it makes life hard for me.

On the other hand, I have friends, have a job, good education, books,music and all what I like. But I fear I'm not special enough, or maybe I'm just to complicated for others. I hate that I think so much about just some little details, that I interpret too much and so on. In short, these days I hate what I am. Or at least I would like to be someone better, someone else.

Hope those complicated feelings will fade... and I will become myself again... or at least someone, who is content with his feelings... ]]> ~badfinger