http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:baroogz&section=today deviantART RSS for by:baroogz en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 09:23:06 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/19908496/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/19908496/ Tue, 12 Aug 2008 01:51:05 PDT
]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/19477833/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/19477833/ Sat, 19 Jul 2008 06:48:52 PDT
I'm really wondering right now. Wow, you really drew me in. But hey, i'm beggining to regain my steady pulse. Moving along the coastline of alternative discoveries. We are like a magical anorexia trapped in unrelated words. Just thrashing along the superhighway that is my system. I see things bouncing off the walls and see my own reflection to the vaguely silvery metallic lamp. The music reverberates inside my veins while a black ant dances on my left hand. Everything's trying to gesture with its presence but reality would not permit it to begin its motion. What's up with you right now. I want to call you just to know what your doing. But wait, I forgot, you're no longer my girlfriend. But hey, like I said, you really drew me in.

Life is starting to appear like it's always trying to draw inwards. Like every circumstance I stand now seems like a reflection of another circumstance. Our needs are unsatisfied and we draw to each other along intervals, simulating our freedoms when we are in a crowded bin. Some of us want to get stoned so that sleeping is no problem. Now I understand. And all this time I was a fucking insomniac. We belonged to that same group who hated the night when our room closes in on us. You hated that isolation when we were together. I guess that's an integral part of you. That constant fear from being alone. I would have wanted things to be better. But I just couldn't trust you anymore. You wouldn't understand completely. But it happens whenever you say something, you wouldn't have the ability to stand by it. Everything becomes the movement of the whim. I was a whim to you. I don't know if you've noticed. I felt like I was just playing a part. Playing a part in your life. This is my life. This is my show, too, you know? I became a being that revolved around you. I just enjoyed the ride. But when I want to pursue my own desires, I felt constrained. Like things become complicated.

I hated class again. I felt like I was ready when I entered the room. But I wasn't. My fucking heart skipped when the professor said that we would be taking up something else! What a bum-shot. I hate it.

I tried all day to resist the impulse to communicate with you.

I broke it though, when I felt the impulse to call you..

]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/19474158/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/19474158/ Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:53:56 PDT
I wonder why you have to be so angry at the World. You feel as if, somehow, a wrong is being done to you in every moment. Somehow I would begin to feel that way sometime.

At some point I began to wonder why I stayed with you. And I began to form concrete reasons. I realize that, at some point in time, you stopped trying to do that. Funny, that's what you said. You said you stayed with me because I was funny. Obviously, you don't know me. I can't imagine a sadder statement than that.

I may not be able to gather enough courage to actually let you read this post. There came a point when you made it clear to me that I can't be completely honest with you. Just as I made it clear at some point that you can't be completely honest with me.

The closer we became, the more friction we experienced from each other. I don't know, sometimes I would ignite myself, sometimes you would act like a brat. I have never felt an extensive negative feeling of anger, resentment, insecurity, but with you.

I would have to thank you for those emotional volatilities, though. With you, I have reached the height of passion. We were often heated, and our fires have led us to our own destruction. IT's funny, remember that panda cartoon we watched? It said, Love will tear us apart. It really did.

I also thought about how we constantly influenced each other. At some point, it was as if we had switched personalities. That was some peculiar phenomenon. But we both began to notice it when i would regularly shave, cut my hair, and take showers more than the usual. That switching scared the both of us. Particularly you. Because for the most part, i thought it was cute.

I often think to myself : had we not been too close, had we not been to familiar, we would have been still together. Or maybe not. I think it would be pointless to speculate some thing we could have done before.

Have I told you that I disposed of all our notes? Those little insignificant things that grew too old for you?

You also knew how to throw around painful words. You said you were bored. You said you deserved better. You said I make you feel dispensable. You said I don't pay attention. You said I was funny.

You knew how to do it with artful cruelty.

I can't really say that I suffered to an extreme extent. But the whirlwind of emotions that I feel now when you tell me that you love me, it's just staggering. Why do you have to say that? You broke up with me and yet you continually try to wrap your chains around my humanity. You are just around. You are just too much a part of my life now.

The truth of it also is that it was my doing.

Now I don't care much about things anymore.

When you first broke up with me, I already told you that whatever I gave to you, it was something I reserved for ONE person only. I meant that.

Now you have it.

That thing, whatever it is, I don't recognize it anymore. In fact, after our relationship, I don't recognize myself anymore.

I can't say I really understand what's going on. But when I search my surroundings for some kind of answer to whatever it is that befuddles me right now, I end up being more confused.

You, you were an addiction like many of my many addictions. I took you in large doses and now I am in dire need of some kind of rehabliitation.

And yet you say you love me. I constantly ask myself what you mean when you say that. And I wanna ask you this question, what do you want from me? And further questions like, what do you get, etc. Because, as far as I remember, we have clearly established that with you, love is definitely not enough.

Oh Well, fuck the answers.

And besides, I'm back to my normal self again.

Once in a while, a devil in my ear would whisper and would lead me knocking on your door. I hope that devil goes away. Because honestly, I fel like I'm possessed when I do that.

I want to be free. I really want to be free. But I feel a dark stab of thorns to my side. I want to be free. Now I understand what drove Icarus to flight.

For the countless realizations you have empowered me to think. I thank you. For the precious lines of poetry that I have spun, I thank you as well.

As far as we all know, we only know that love is real when there is pain involved. Our twisted humanity lays down such requirements. Our body rquires external stimuli of varying pain to assure us that we are alive.... ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/19165371/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/19165371/ Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:36:24 PDT
Law School and Work and my ex-Girlfriend occupied me.

Now I am back.

With the criss-crossing of my normally aimless thoughts, I am again a fkn deviant. And that rocks. I stored all my writings in a box of old chocolates, maybe it's time to post again. Or something like that. Too bad i wasn't able to catch up with a lot of my fellow deviants.

Oh well. Art rocks. It's in every corner, road sign and book. It's out there. And we all ingest art now. Some of us, of course, mindlessly do.

I've fallen in love with cognitive dissonance but I am now spurning out of my system. I know my desk still looks like a den for mad minds, but that's the perfect setting for artful disaster.

My thoughts have reached some kind of brink. The border of insanity is unpredictable. But like rubber balls we bounce back. Ready to be hurled back again.

That's it.

I'm back.

]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/8514494/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/8514494/ Tue, 18 Apr 2006 19:28:57 PDT
I'm semi-automatic with this one.

I'm still writing though, my first love will always be my one true love.

or whatever.

ei, i have a blog, too. - [link] ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/7033268/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/7033268/ Sun, 13 Nov 2005 06:50:59 PST Yes. I've had eleven hours of sleep. But... Caffein addiction is just too overwhelming to overcome.

So, the formula for disaster involves three cups of vendo-quality coffee:
2 cups of cappucino with sugar and 1 cup of regular coffee with sugar and cream.

And suddenly my mind is going oh-so haywire. Allow me demonstrate.

I am now asking fundamentally transcendental metaphysical hypothetical questions such as : "Sire, can you imagine and imaginary manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?" or : "What is the decibel value of a CPU beep/ding?" or "Why does Tim Burton make utterly dark movies and why does Quentin Tarantino make gorish films so fascinatingly sweet to the eye?" .

And I feel compelled to say Antidisestablashmentarianism , simply because it's a word. Can I actually say Supercalifragelistic, because I can spell it.

Or I can leap office chairs with my athletic feet, and with my hyped up mind.

Or say, banana cream puffs on giraffe flavored cream cheese french bread with strawberry flavored sauce on macaroni with a side serving of flamingo salad. Or have a drink of bubble-gum flavored worchester sauce liquor.

Okay, let's move on to more sensible matters. I'm having class again later. good. First class: Special Questions in Theodicy. GRR. topic? FIVE ways of proving the existence of God by St. Thomas Aquinas. perfect. How am I suppose to think about that if my mind cannot run on a straight line and all it does is to the hokey pokey and shake it all around (that's what it's all about!)

Then this sudden upshoot of thoughts about love. Now that's something. In this mood is so hard to be romantic. All I wanna do is go crazy. Thinking about past romantic encounters fills me with an ironic sense of reality, narrator now moves on to snicker about how that life is so cyclical with me and how I repeat everything I have ever done. EVERYTHING.

okay. that's my entry. SENSELESS. but wonderfully catharthic. if there's such a word. Writing pads are the new therapy of the literary mind. No matter how talent-less and sense-less a writer is. Oh, fate, if I could only write with my mind! please give me that.

Scratch the walls of my mouth with toothpicks made of plastic drawn from a multi-tooled swiss army knife. Ever seen one of those things? Guess not. It comes with tweezers, scissors, a magnifying lens, a screw driver, and yes, a mini-saw.

COFFEE.
oh coffee. caffeine, coffee, coffee coffee plus coffee on a plastic mug dripping into my digestive system dissolving into the bloodstream pumping into my mind accelerating my heart rate and disgruntling my already disgruntled nervous system. there would also be momentary moments of flatulence that I would rather hide.

my final word is GIRAFFE. because they like leaves on trees. And because they don't fit in anywhere inside this entry and so it must therefore be mentioned.

FK. *weep.* I'm a worthless soul in a pool of also worthless minds. ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6810410/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6810410/ Wed, 19 Oct 2005 14:39:48 PDT
The world that I live in finds shame in revealing our inner core because it signifies a fundamental weakness. We are not allowed to strip down our armor for beneath it we are mere mortals with soft flesh. There is always something on the prowl ready to render us shattered and fallen.

But then, it is only in mortality that we will discover our humanity. We can only vividly feel our existence in the experience of bleeding and hurting. We can only discover our courage in experiencing fear.

I have shunned my humanity to seek a false pretense of strength, joyful in the deception of myself. Drowning myself in this sick illusion of seemingly profound but fleeting wisdom. I have indulged in a wasteful self-glorification that bred fiendish imps that took control of my spirit.

NOw I am picking up where my shreds of humanity have fallen, shoving buzzards feasting on my decaying carcass. I am naked once again. I will not deny myself any longer.

And yet, I will be forever cursed to conceal, I know no other way of survival. ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6736992/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6736992/ Tue, 11 Oct 2005 07:10:16 PDT ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6482992/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6482992/ Mon, 12 Sep 2005 05:56:33 PDT
My resolve to quit my current job and enroll next semester is turning into a reality. Once my uncle buys our car I'm submitting my resignation letter and enter freedom once more. Sweet freedom. I just want to go WEEE. like that fifth little piggy.

And I'm here at my desk once again, getting ready for another night of answering calls. Oh, if i would want to end this but the paycheck is still king right now. ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6179031/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6179031/ Tue, 09 Aug 2005 13:37:54 PDT
But it's still just a wallet. Perhaps it may simply be a jolt of reality, shaking me from the mundane cycle that i have been going through for several weeks now.

*I just met a girl. She's amazing. We talk on the phone for several hours. But somehow i feel so detached and indifferent, as if a switch down in my groin has been turned off. Hell. This is bad. I'm not turning homo though. so don't even think that.

*Work's been hell. MOre hellish than it has been before.

*I'm so inspired right now. I don't know why. When I'm commuting, I think up these amazing ideasand words. but it's odd because when take out my pen nothing comes up, just a few blabbers and random words. I still put them together but they seldom contribute a single thought or emotion worth showing anybody. ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6086349/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/6086349/ Sun, 31 Jul 2005 08:26:14 PDT yellow. my whole desktop is now yellow. the guy right beside likes the it looks. ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/5819516/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/5819516/ Sat, 02 Jul 2005 10:01:30 PDT
i also wonder, what it is about blood? ofr the past week, i always dream about blood?

am i becoming violent?

hell. im going crazy again.

im glad.

]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/5723268/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/5723268/ Wed, 22 Jun 2005 12:05:46 PDT ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/5711812/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/5711812/ Tue, 21 Jun 2005 07:55:36 PDT ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/5244463/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/5244463/ Mon, 02 May 2005 06:17:47 PDT ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3956524/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3956524/ Tue, 30 Nov 2004 14:03:46 PST ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3909537/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3909537/ Wed, 24 Nov 2004 14:04:57 PST ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3891472/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3891472/ Mon, 22 Nov 2004 08:48:02 PST and last night i was a bit wasted., well, that's not really "a bit"
now i'm just half wasted. well, i can still smell liquor on myself.
man.
i think that's enough booze for now.
this hangover's really buggin' me.

well...

back to work! ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3874114/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3874114/ Fri, 19 Nov 2004 20:03:06 PST
on my way home from work, i grabbed a box of pizza(from Chef d' Angelos), got some beer, and watched DVD's(cold mountain, Man on Fire) the whole afternoon.then that same night my i had some 'inihaw na liempo' and some cake! (sans rival) And the nex morning i ate more of the cake, and then i had a power breakfast(hotdogs, eggs, pancakes, rice of course, and some breakfast cereal.). since it was my day off from work, i stayed home and watched some TV. hell, i got bored. so i ate some more of the cake. Lunch was pork chops, mashed potatoes and some peas, (and rice of course!!!)
so i ate about 4 slabs of pork and i ate some more of the cake for dessert. and there was no more of that cake.

damn.

At this point. I am soooo nauseated.

so i took a nap.

i got tired of eating. i picked up michael crichton's "Prey"
good book. it's not only sci-fi, it somewhat philosophical, too.
or somethin.

so i gained weight.

nothing else. ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3826699/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3826699/ Sat, 13 Nov 2004 15:58:34 PST
I think i better stop smoking, im starting to feel a sting in my lungs.

And my mother thinks im going insane. I started picking the cam and started shooting at whatever crap i could think of. I was even thinking of shooting real crap, u know manure. lol. But i think that won't be worth anything. And she was wondering what i was doing in the bathroom shooting photos of myself.

Oh, BTW, thanks to all the people in DA who commented on my works, it means a lot,, *sniff*,

Well, I think DA is good for my mental and emotional, (physical? hmmmm.nahh.) health. I don't get bored anymore, hell, i've been bored for 2 months. And now i'm addicted to something again! Yay! ]]> ~baroogz http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3774650/ http://baroogz.deviantart.com/journal/3774650/ Sun, 07 Nov 2004 08:47:21 PST hope they don't block deviant-art here at work. ]]> ~baroogz