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        <title>deviantART: by:bert13one12</title>
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        <copyright>Copyright 2009, deviantART.com</copyright>

        <pubDate>Fri, 18 Dec 2009 23:28:08 PST</pubDate>        
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                  <item>
                <title>menstruating my grievances</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/23852644/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:28:23 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ <a href="http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://heartwormyear.blogspot.com/">[link]</a><br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Devious Journal Entry</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/23789803/</link>
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                <pubDate>Thu, 19 Mar 2009 23:56:50 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ im fairly exicited about tomarrow <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/s/smile.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" title=":) (Smile)" /><br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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          <item>
                <title>MASTER TRAX ARE UP</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/23505936/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 03 Mar 2009 11:51:19 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ DEMON LUNG <br />VVVVVVVVVV<br /><a href="http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://www.myspace.com/thedemonlungoflove#">[link]</a><br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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                <title>mah band</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/22632874/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sat, 17 Jan 2009 12:15:47 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ we uploaded an unmastered track from our forthcoming album. give it a listen if you give a damn.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.myspace.com/thedemonlungoflove">[link]</a><br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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                <title>Devious Journal Entry</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/22381414/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sat, 03 Jan 2009 19:52:13 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ falling in and out of conscienceness, blacking out through shafts of bright lights and sorted misgivings and its funny how everyones is dressed down when your face down. bringing it all down to level with the worms. i can account from drinks 6 - 12 anything after that is anyones guess, but the devil usually has the right idea. because there is nothing like a sickly morning after. when recalling the night is much too labor intensive. id rather turn over vomit and drown. but it dont. instead i muster enough strength to pull myself from the floor on to the shit throne and dry heave my way back to life. enough energy to get in the car, and get to the shit job that funds these drunken nights and misadventures (punch in punch out drink in black out). red lights take their sweet time on days like these. one can say the slowday is the slack of the fast night life. as if the hangover is the universes payback for a goodtime. but worry not for the scales can be squared. because in every slowday there is a potential fast night. some so fast you wont remeber a thing but the walls closing in. like mansions ruduced to acres of wreckage. this is the life.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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                <title>city life</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/21953888/</link>
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                <pubDate>Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:03:58 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ this Tinseltown glows with the glare of the unknown and it makes you want in with an urgency and desperation. verily, its an amusement park for transgression. (your ticket to nowhere) all the rides are rigged, and they're turning tricks at every corner, here the scales sway in favor of failure. shady operatives thrive on the immaculate ability to transpose illogical thought into action. and how the smell of subversion hangs in the air. acting out against all conscience harmonious to our truest nature. call it "impaired" something like disembodied inhibition swarming with flies. molested by the city, abiding by intoxicants in perfect agony. coughing and secreting. following your wallets entrails to your next run of bad luck. making freinds with these animals passed off as human. in their hatred i feel most at home. it is mutual. all they want is theirs even if its not. thus, they want it all that much and more. with withdraw, and until now everyones looking for an out, a city grid chalkful of faceless, wide eyed in anticipation. but for what?<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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          <item>
                <title>update</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/21723810/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sat, 29 Nov 2008 00:39:56 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ still working my shitty job at gpx.<br />i got accepted to college.<br />still an alcoholic.<br />my band recorded in austin this week.<br />my transmission is fucked.<br />up to a pack a day.<br />aint much else to be said.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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                <title>ftw</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/21548366/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:13:42 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ im done counting days and failed anniversaries. done counting deadweight. in that there is no progression anymore. everything is a bad repeat. syndication. all is still born. and anticipation is a dead companion boding behind me. all has been had. unfortunatly... ive tried it all. so death can wait his turn. i already know what comes next. the mundane. drudgery. it all plays out the same. now all theres is left are the skeletons ive collected, stockpiled somewhere under the matress like blood money. you see, i burned my closet down long ago. theres nothing to be kept anyway. all there is... is a multitude of ghosts. dead air. vacant reminders of what was. verily, what will never be again. a friend or two can be kept. but thats it. everyone else is a stranger. and i stay away. keep them away. keep them in the dark. im sick of the living, im sick of the dying, sick of the dead fiending after life. they are rabid animals, white noise sounding sirens and goddamn whores. total attrocities. they want your money, your affection, and your throat. at the first sign of weakness, (compassion) there is an attempt to maim, come the end of the night there will be no limbs to sever. just center mass for the vultures to finish off. and how theyll cultivate a comfort zone to reap their malice and bad intentions. willing to drag a lake. burn a forest. cull the livestock to get what they want. i know them well. i know myself. walking down an empty hallway, locking eyes with a stranger. who will cave and look away? subtle intimidation. a death threat. is it my awkward presence that demands a second glance? a second guess? dont worry i wont be here for long. when my cancelation comes there will be no body to found. just an empty shell filled with ordinary madness. death in a vacant lot casting a smile like the everyman. and its no wonder, how we hold on to some grief, after all purpose is purpose. because atleast for once in this lifetime there was something to live for. now its all but those better days turned bad. energy is wasted, and time is procured for malfunction. early preperation no matter of what rejection there is to expect. i always expect the worst. some seek a repreeve, but really all they want is diversion. a shady lot to lounge and drink themselves to death. a distraction to the sorrow and self abhorance. so like death i'll cast a feigned smile, holding it for long and never meaning it. a human clockwork like a marvel to be had. all in all a sad sad mess. laughter turned background noise, an exact exageration to the concern we are not capable of. and a moment to realize everything gone wrong is never moment enough. not in my lifetime atleast. so ready the shot glass. and give me enough time to realize every absurdity. i'll be here an eternity.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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                <title>addiction is alive and well</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/21310450/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:00:44 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ a bad sign. headaches and wasted time. the addiction is well refined considering it has its own mind now. crash the party face first. (emphasis on the crash) natural selection and how i am weak. this is survival of the apathetic. and how the snarling dissolves to an idle chatter amongst mutually hated friends.  this is aversion at its finest. to think ive seen such perversions climbing from the pole, kissing down to the floor. and they'll say i think im in love. so take all my money, all my smokes and all of my loathe. these whores mean the world, because tonight is just one of those nights i dont want to go to bed alone. you see, addiction is alive and well, it pulls my weight. just ask the devil how it trembles my thoughts. carried away and not aware- greater trouble than im worth. boxed in limbo between a sobering moment and total oblivion. the chemicals that make me feel invincible (head wounds and all). the crosses are aligned, me looking down at me looking up, i inhale at the mirror to invite the bruxism, and an all out hatred for the doorman. ill make a spectacle of us, you see, im a sideshow attraction with bad equilibrium propped for the entertainment of sober minds. a spin doctor with a culling charm and a cigarette knit to his teeth. and the fear is all i know to live. so while your talking to the devil, if you could do me the favor of telling god that he is long lost. tell him, ive made better friends with a wealth of drugs. tell him, i want everyone to feel the wrath of how i want it all. always more and more. but with a feeling more vacant than before. faithful to addiction. in league with something as evil as me. the greatest trouble i am worth.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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                <title>blackhole new year</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/20730234/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:45:31 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ 2007, thus began my experiments in transgression and here i am to this day with said experiments becoming ritualistic. everyday life even. giving purpose to my weekends and existance all together. but i have slowed down living in the moment. theres is some moderation now. considering, i was something fierce summer of last year. i remember wanting see my insides sprawled out infront of me. i savored the flavor of smoke and bile. making sure i got my shares worth. i knew it was a goodnight if i didn't remember much of it. and that rush of revelation of waking up intact. and the tragedy that i would. careless and reckless she made me without even knowing it. (but which one?) jade. yeah, i guess it all started with jade. this red haired girl from school. she was the one that finally did me in. she was sex without feeling and heart without the heart. she got me so high, prompting my all time low. but goddammit she was beautiful. and just like that... life changed. i was left free falling upwards and down like a contorting glacier thin cobweb vacating a burning orifice. i could never find my place. adrift, yet still stagnant. slipping to nether. because when the one i truly loved wouldn't have me back me back, i was left stuck on like the stations of the cross (1st fall of many), thats what happens when you don't know you've lost you just keep going. and it was on downwards for me. and how 2 years and half dissolved in the matter of 2 weeks. i never did find love with jade. she was a fun fuck but thats all it would ever amount too. that and a lot of smog. and when the smoke did clear momentarily well there was nothing left. one month in and it was done with. she was astral projection an out of body experience. she deviated me from truth and reason but i wasn't complaining. she took the hammer to my conscience for my own heartless convenience. she gave me the confidence to destroy myself and those around me. i wanted something new, and in jade i found my undoing and botched reinvention. all in all a crash course in self discovery and all the evil i was capable of. there was the drugs and the alkohol and then my long time love who i was as good as dead too. and jade never really did matter. i promise, she is not missed. its the one i hurt the most that still lingers late at night in fantasies of my youth. how i used to try to find her in every face i'd see like a blood stain that wouldn't wash away. she was like Christmas in purgatory, how i used to taste her like the blood in my mouth. jinxed with makeshift drama. self imposed. spreading sunshine like a disease. beacon of failure (my little dropout heroine in the back burner). but i assure you these days even she is a dying frequency. she is last years headline, and her name doesn't matter. how she hated dials on odd numbers, and how crooked was her smile. she is just a stranger now, just another year shy of faint recollection. my fading ghost of a lifetime. my stranger of a past life. that is all. the bottle became her proxy. and how i'd drain her dry. the habit it became. everyday with the occasional blackout inbetween. the drives to nowhere, impaired with stoner clarity. but there is comfort in knowing that no one will ever put her to words the way i do. in my every pathetic attempt to let go. 2007 how it came and went. and how i'm still trying to walk it off.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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                <title>so yeah</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/20514098/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:59:27 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ things have picked up. i got a job at gpx. i hate it already but its decent money. a lot of heavy lifting and smoking cigarettes. all i do is day dream. theres alot of down time so it can get pretty boring. i put in 34 hours in my first week. im planning on putting in 40 this time around. ive come to like it here in edinburg, miss my lyford friends for sure though. i havent gotten drunk in so long. i started selling art out of nowhere, sold 3 20x16 glicee prints for $225 to some random guy at the print shop so i made my money back and then some. im gonna participate in the art walk/ afterwalk in the next coming month so im prepping for that. making frames getting shit printed im also gonna sell a second run of the tentacles demo with new art work by me (limited to 10 copies). im gonna be setting up shop at the ambrosia coffee place in front of the mcallen library. so if you happen to be from the valley, stop by and give me all your money.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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          <item>
                <title>update.</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/20336610/</link>
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                <pubDate>Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:53:18 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i moved to edinburg. i turn 21 on sunday. still no job. fml.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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          <item>
                <title>gutters</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/16512491/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:07:20 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ (Paul Bowles just before his death recounts his father's disgust with his life's work, and defends the artistic and philosophical preference for ugliness, negativity and failure as useful and valid subject matter)<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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          <item>
                <title>choke</title>
                <link>http://bert13one12.deviantart.com/journal/14740364/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sat, 22 Sep 2007 08:36:48 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ heres to the bloodied path soaked in our fame<br />
and for a future that burns into clouds of smog<br />
breath easy kids <br />
a new dawn is here<br />
one that greets with more of a grin than smile<br />
shortwave and mechanical, faceless like god<br />
its a morning so now redress<br />
for in each and every second there is a chance to change<br />
another clean slate to make into a mess<br />
and with more wrongs less will recipricate<br />
but breath easy,<br />
for tomorrow is a big fuck you to this present second<br />
a leeway to trangress <br />
a surplus of second chances to lay waste<br />
so waste away<br />
a new dawn is here right?<br />
breath easy and choke<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~bert13one12</author>
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