deviantART: by:bigcitydreams

commitment problems

=bigcitydreams — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 02:53:51 PDT

Model Mayhem | Twitter | Flickr

sooooo. i may possibly be the worst person you're watching.

on a brighter note, i have made a facebook page: [link]

which i MAY be updating more regularly.
but you know how i am with keeping promises.

but i miss all my regulars (you know who you are)
& i wish school didn't keep me so busy all the time.
(we all know how FUN exams are...)

question time, anyone?
i'll try to answer as best as i can.

... promise!

LOVE, JYSLA KAY X

i haven't disappeared, i'm hibernating.

=bigcitydreams — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 02:15:37 PDT

Model Mayhem | Twitter | Flickr

no, really. i'm still here.

my inbox is overflowing. terribly sorry guys.
p.s. i update my flickr much more often than dA.

in other news.. goody-goody, there's a contest happening: [link]
check it out or you might miss out big time

follow me on twitter to hear my empty, nothing-ness rambling that makes no sense.
[link]

i've had so many photoshoots lately, i wish i could tell you guys all about it.
it's super fun though working with aspiring models/mua/hair/stylists.

don't give up on your dreams, lovelies!

EDIT: - makes my heart flutter.

a quickie-for-the-small-minded like thyself:

=bigcitydreams — Thu, 28 May 2009 01:28:26 PDT

Model Mayhem | Twitter | Flickr

i wish my mum never named me something so
degradingly common.

-sigh-

p.s. hope everything works out,
seems almost too good to be true.

fingers crossed, for me!

[the weather doesn't mean a thing
in a warmth like this]

p.p.s. i should really get my learner's.
i'm about 6 months behind, gr.

weaving words around priorities

=bigcitydreams — Thu, 21 May 2009 03:37:43 PDT

flickr

first of all, a whole-hearted thank you thank you to *BabyMoxy
for her constant love and support and her generous gifts.

thanks to all my watchers, also
to those that are always there, thank you
to those that haven't given up.

thank you.

& especially to those who still have faith,
i have some pending photoshoots that are coming up very soon.
hopefully, they'll turn out the way i imagined.

<3

inhaling the heart-wrenching scents, of you

=bigcitydreams — Sun, 10 May 2009 04:14:32 PDT

flickr

i'm happy.
i'm happy happy happy.

i. am. truly happy.

i'm soaring through the clouds,
and touching every star.

the doubts are there,
but
nothing can hold me down now.

the grass is greener on MY side
the sky is bluer
the air is cleaner
and everything is better, better.

don't give up on me now.

and if it's a dream,
don't wake me up.
ever!

time only loosely stitches wounds shut

=bigcitydreams — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 19:10:38 PDT

flickr | blog

she doesn't heal it.
it's still there (constantly.)
nagging
always under the skin.

everytime new, the stitches
are ripped open and again i'm
pouring out words and thoughts, that don't
mean anything

(later)

but mean the whole world
and galaxy with dying stars

(then)

maybe it's possible
to care for everyone, or everything
but my heart won't be able to
hold all this love.

pushing treasured memories from
the back of my mind,
which i swore i would never, ever forget,
to make room for newcomers
(turns out, it's not even worth the pain)

and each time:
i'm pushed one step behind
failing,notlearning.

and i'm beginning to think
i'm ranting (big surprise)
and this journal is getting too long.

so i'll just get to the pretty features for today.
(pictures have a thousand words, they say)

all i can say is
sorry for disappearing.
(but i'm secretly glad that i'm too busy
to drown in my own thoughts)

she won't let me take my time
back.

i miss you #904758437597

REMINDER: [link] ends on the 26th of April. get in quick, open up to the world.

wrapped in sugar-coated dreams

=bigcitydreams — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 00:57:54 PDT

flickr | blog

so here's the question,
a big journal occasionally with lots and lots of features,
or the small, more updated journal with less but just as pretty features?

you decide
and i'll do it.

--
p.s. i love you, and i miss you
every second of every day.

but who am i to say it's love?

tomorrow is today

=bigcitydreams — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 21:15:23 PDT

flickr | blog

and indeed,
i'm learning to fly.
i want to reach out and touch -
to feel - to know

but the higher i fly,
the further i'll fall
and once in a while
it's too hard to pick myself up.
(i just want to feel safe)

"i'm only good at being young"
because nobody questions you then.

it's at the tips of your fingers
but a world away.

and healing is loving
is forgiving is befriending
is asking for it, again.

though i may not make sense
it means the world to

me.

but i'm not selfish (anymore)
and i don't matter.
--

need some inspiration?
be inspired by words in this contest: HEREHEREHERE
i'm one of the judges, so i'll be looking forward to your interpretations <3
go ahead and check it out.

oh and,
ever heard of the Easter Show? [link]
it's held in Sydney, Australia (in April this year)
once a year,
and i'll be working there
if you should happen to live in Australia
and drop by.
(:

(features, next journal!)

hollow bones are pretty

=bigcitydreams — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 17:03:31 PDT

read it,
without a second thought.
you won't regret it.

[link]

_{p.s. im cleaning out my message centre.
im unwatching and rewatching people,
decluttering. you could call it.
sorry if im late, or neglectful.
starting fresh.}

edit: i have a boring blog, which you probably forgot about: [link] and flickr account (yes, again) [link]

<33

the skies ran away with our dreams

=bigcitydreams — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 02:13:44 PST

it's complicated and exhausting and
selfish and insignificant in a world like thi-
it's a neverendingratrace
of fulfilling a bottomless hole of emptiness.

there's things you shouldn't know,
and other stuff that the whole world
should hear,
(but i like to keep secrets too.)

--
heartbreak can happen in a second
but take a lifetime to mend.

this is not some philosophical journal
of crushed sorrow and
horrible disappointment.
_{^{(although it might as well be)}}

tell me your dreams,
i want to know your treasured dreams.
because i dream of being better,
making a change in the world.

--
there's just so much you don't know
about me.

EDIT: eye candy, anyone?

=bigcitydreams — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:39:28 PST

=SRJB was a sweetheart and bought me a 3 month subscription! thank you thank you <3

take a look at his gallery:

and here are the lovely features,
as promised:

hacked!

=bigcitydreams — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 19:02:58 PST

myspace | humble voice | blog

important, read here: [link]
if you clicked on it, change your password!

asldfdjfh!! DAILY DEVIATION.

=bigcitydreams — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 21:45:58 PST

myspace | humble voice | blog

THANKYOUSOMUCHFORTHEDD!
omg, this was such an amazing surprise.
you're all wonderful people honestly <3
i wish i could thank each and every one of you
but i'd be sitting there for hours, literally.
(and dial-up doesn't do much to help either)
but honestly,
`karemelancholia and ^FaMz (I LOVE YOU)
and to everyone else
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.
(i thought it would've taken at least a couple of years
before i had pictures even half decent for a DD)
but you guys are just so super generous and kind.
(:

i promise i'll try and make it up to you, somehow.
just throw some suggestions at me
and i'll see what i can do haha.

--
as for more exciting news (for me),
I BOUGHT A REMOTE FOR MY CAMERA. OMG THANK GOD.
AUD$12.90 off Ebay, i don't know why i didn't buy it earlier.
i can't wait til it arrives.

oh, right. that special technique?
well it sounds stupid now and most of you probably already do it but, when i take self-portraits on self timer, one of the biggest challenges for me is the focusing. i mean, how can i focus if i'm not there? and i would usually use something to replace me and then i'd run and chuck that thing somewhere before posing. and it only just occurred to me (stupid, i know) that i could place something there to begin with so i can focus. then i can place my camera in manual focus and that way i don't have to keep refocusing it because it'll just take pictures at the set focus.
and now that's pretty pointless knowledge because i have a remote.
HAHA.

sorry that was long and messy and unstructured and long.
(sorry to disappoint)

i'll have lots and lots of pretty features soon. <3
in the meantime, check =juliadavis's tutorial: [link]
she's amazing and i love her pictures like crazy.
and she's so modest even though her photos are just ..

i love you all. amazing people.

Oh my!

=bigcitydreams — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:13:37 PST

Sorry for so many journals, but I had to share with you this amazing picture. It only has one favourite and it is absolutely stunning.

Please show it the love it deserves!

gah.

=bigcitydreams — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 19:05:20 PST

made a blog [link]
what the heck should i do with it?

<33

Kalea.

=bigcitydreams — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:26:15 PST

Despite her name, Kalea does not create illusions.
She shows us the beautiful truth, and she's also beautiful herself.
A kind heart who really makes me feel good about myself.
Beautiful, inside and out, Kalea Kalea Kalea.
So please do me a favour and visit her page =create-illusions. Give her a warm hug and greeting. Or tell her how much she is loved and how beautiful she is. Or both!
Not everyone has the best of days so open your heart to others because I'm sure you'd want others to do the same to you.

Tagged!

=bigcitydreams — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 20:01:06 PST

Here's a boring little journal without features.
Sorry, I'm just really tired at the moment and I don't have time to do them now. I'm using this time to look at all your pretty pictures and informative journals haha.

Oh! Thanks for over 1,000 favourites and 9,000 views on my newest photo. It's amazing how one negative comment can outweigh fifty extremely nice ones but I'm trying my hardest to remain positive. You are all amazing, beyond words.
On the same topic, thanks for more than 1,000 watchers!

Sorry to destroy the good news but ..
Don't you all hate back stabbers? People that are nice to your face and then just bitch all over you behind your back? Sure, they can talk about me all they want as long as they aren't pretending to be my friend. Ugh. JUST GET OFF MY DEVIANTART PAGE. Stop showing my pictures to everyone and talking shit about it. STOP READING EVERY SINGLE COMMENT ON EACH PHOTO. STOP PRINTING IT OUT TO SHOW PEOPLE. WTF. Seriously, what kind of messed up stalker are you? STOP COMPLIMENTING THINGS ABOUT ME WHEN YOU TELL PEOPLE LATER YOU HATE IT. I'm sensible enough to not confront you and bully the crap out of you even though you deserve it. Who knows, hopefully you'll read this and leave me alone. I tried to be nice but you just completely disregarded my attempts.

You disgust me.

Tagged by the lovely, .

_{Â Post these rules.
Â Each tagged person must post 8 things about their self on their journal.
Â At the end, you have to choose and tag 8 people and post their icons on the same journal.
Â Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
Â No tag-backs.}

1. I'm extremely sensitive. Emotionally, that is.

2. I have strong views on manners. I hate rude, insulting people on dA and in real life. How hard is it to smile or to say thank you and please when someone holds the door open for you or when you're buying something? How the hell did you get a job if you refuse to be nice to your customers? It's ridiculous.

3. I hate sleeping. That's most probably why I have such common insomniac nights.

4. Just to clarify what I said before, I do have a hard time accepting myself. But not exactly physically. I'm never fully satisfied with my looks or personality (most of the time, ha) but it's an emotional thing. My mind drives me crazy, instilling thoughts of doubt and disgust when I know that I should be glad to even be alive with a loving Mum and a home. It's selfish of me to despise even a fraction of my life when there are so many people suffering. But I guess it's human nature to want something that we don't have so badly. So so badly.

5. I wish I could draw.

6. None of my friends call me Jessica or any variations of it.

7. I'm going to be a software engineer. Photography is only a hobby and I am, by no means, professional enough to pursue it as a career.

8. I have a second deviantART account. Which you will not know about, ever. Haha. It's not for my photos and it's such a wonderful feeling not meeting any expectations. It's hard to explain but it keeps me sane (:

9. Can I add a 9th fact? Too late .
I'm ridiculously opinionated but I think you would've worked that out by now. I'm not afraid to voice an opinion as long as it doesn't get me into too much trouble. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a horrible person but I like having my own opinions. On everything, lol. So I guess you could say I'm terribly stubborn too.

I tag whoever is bored enough to do it.

2009.

=bigcitydreams — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 02:59:00 PST

NEWS

Hope you all had a great new year.
And I especially hope that you're not sick like me!

~Metroline-Magazine has chosen me to be on the cover of their first edition! It is a newly established online PDF magazine that 'features deviants and their art (each in different categories) with a story and art for each one.' Check out the account for more details. I'm excited to even be considered in anything like that so that's my good news for the day haha!

Remember to check the new Featured Deviant on the right !

Here are the answers to some of the questions you asked here:

_{asked 'nsw, wa, sa, tas, qld or nt?'
These are states and territories in Australia for those who are confused. I live in NSW.

asked 'since when do you take photos?'
I've been taking proper photos (not just crazy photos with friends) since roughly September 2007. A little more than a year now.

asked 'what music do you like?'
All sorts of music except hardcore metal and such haha. I love rnb, rock, acoustic, techno/house, pop and alternative. I even like music from The Phantom Of The Opera and Camp Rock because I'm cool like that

asked 'What got you into photography?'
Since I joined dA when my friend told me about it. Looking at all the art on here opened my eyes to another world, it was the most amazing feeling. I don't know where I'd be if I had never heard of deviantART.

asked 'What person inspired you most growing up?'
My mum! She's been through so much and she raised me and my sister all on her own since I was 6 years old. She's always been patient and caring, teaching me to be a better person. I'm forever grateful to her.

asked 'What's the one thing YOU have to achieve/do before you die?'
Find true love. Easier said than done!

asked 'What do you do for fun, besides photography?'
I love singing. Bet you didn't know that

asked 'What sense of humour do you have?'
Witty humour, I think. I'm not funny but I love laughing at other people haha.

asked 'do you want to have children, if so, how many?'
Nope, don't want kids. Don't get me wrong I think they're adorable and all.. but not really my 'thing'. Who knows, I might change my mind later on.

NEWS}

Have a look at my new 'Featured Deviant' section on the right. I'll update it every month with an artist who I feel deserves more acknowledgement.
(:

FEATURES

NEWS

OMG. My birthday was the best day ever <3
It was the same day as my year 10 formal (like, a junior prom, whatever you crazy Americans call it xD) so I danced like crazy and partied twice as hard. I wore contacts for the first time ever and everything was a white blur, just like fog. But everything was worth it, from my blistered toes to my endless yawns.

^{(Me and my sister)}

Summer holidays for 7 weeks

FEATURES

NEWS

Firstly, my apologies to everyone who found my newest photo offensive.
I'm just really tired of being called emo, among many other things
so this is the last time I'll talk about it.
I'm so grateful to those who supported me though. You'll never understand how much I appreciate it. It made me feel so much better to know that it was equally loved and hated.
I was amazed to log on to deviantART to find I had over 1,500 messages. I stared at the screen for ages before it sank in because I usually only get around 100-200 messages when I have just uploaded a photo.
So thank you thank you for almost 14,000 views and just over 1,000 favourites on my newest photo. I got over 5,000 pageviews on the day I uploaded it haha.
I have almost 20k pageviews and 600 watchers!

Anyway, on a lighter note I had a fun photoshoot with today and the weather was absolutely killer. I almost drowned in my own sweat.
(It's summer here in Australia). God, I'm so sunburnt D:

Here's a little snippet of unedited stuff ups and rejects:

I just love the last one <3
She didn't know I was taking it, she was just fixing her hair

SQUARE-ISH FEATURES

so, so kindly bought me one!
Thank you sooo much!

Sorry for so many journals today, I'm excited haha

_{I HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION!!!!
I think I'm going to cry
Who bought it for me?
I want to know so I can shower you with a trillion billion million hugs and kisses.
Omgggg, I can't believe it.
I've wanted this for so long! *crazy laugh*

*faints*

Now, all I need is a CSS thing. Haha anyone?

Now I'll be on deviantART, like, EVERYDAY haha.
Lucky you
I'll be featuring lots and lots and lots of pictures in my journals now.

Will update later with features!!

P.S. I have no idea how to use this O.o}

21 days.

=bigcitydreams — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 02:29:50 PST

Until my birthday, sweet 16.
I'm not sure if I'm excited or a little anxious D:

Do me a big, big favour.
Go and show some love to my friend and take a look at a collab we did called Paper Scissors Stone.

Anyway, I haven't really talked to you guys in a while. How have you all been? Any birthdays or anything else exciting happen recently?

You might have noticed that my photos have slightly changed a little. Right now, I'm not sure whether it's for the better or worse. I want to try and develop my own unique style but I can't see anything that specifically distinguishes me from others. So be patient while I experiment

A random question:
What is the most disgusting, revolting food you have ever tasted?

This isn't intended to offend anybody, I'm just curious haha. For me, all I can think of right now is those raw bean sprouts. I don't really mind the cooked ones because you can't taste them then. But OH, I almost vomit when I eat them. They taste HORRIBLE!!
But my mum loves them.

Thanks for all your support. Sleepless Thoughts is my first picture over 300 favourites. I am foreveeeeer grateful, thanks to all who watch me

Love,
Jessica.

Woahhhh, somebody pinch me.

=bigcitydreams — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 22:32:46 PDT

I think I'm dreaming!
*create-illusions featured me in her journal [link]
This is the nicest thing ever and she's so unbelievably sweet
I am so ever deeply grateful

Also, a couple of weeks ago *iNeedChemicalX featured 'Ignorant Affection' in her journal: [link]
Which is totally freakin' AWESOME.

If you haven't already, go and check them both out. They're amazing. Not only because they're talented, but they're such genuine, kind people. Extremely modest too!

And they're my inspiration.

But I'm sure you're already watching them both

_{Did you know that I lie awake at night,
Staring at the ceiling.
Wishing you were here next to me?
I would picture us together.
Hinting smiles, soft whispers,
Sharing a cup of tea. Like civilised people.
I imagine us in all sorts of places,
Never forgetting to include the little things
That make you, you.
And what makes me love:
You.}

From Midnight Teatime.
No idea where the words came from, I just needed to put my feelings into words.

Cyber cookies for all !

=bigcitydreams — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 23:13:20 PDT

You guys are so super freakin' duper awesome!
Seriously, to my watchers that actually talk to me and support my work:

I LOVE YOU.

When I joined deviantART, I never expected to meet such nice, generous people haha. But you guys are such a fun loving bunch of crazy foreigners. You're all awesome!
(I'd give you all cookies, if I could).

Anywaaaays, you guys are entertaining so my question of the month is:

If you were a superhero, what would your name be? And what would your power be?

Clubs:

^{_{Visit my Flickr account for more photos.}}

It was about time I updated.

=bigcitydreams — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 23:43:02 PDT

It's been almost a month since my last journal entry
How is everyone? Are you liking the season change? I know I sure am! One weeks until the holidays and I'm going to take lots of photos (of other people, yay!)

Comment this journal and tell me:
a) your favourite colour
b) your gender, age and where you live
c) 3 words to describe yourself
d) things you hate
e) things you love
f) something you wish you had

Flickr

_{And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too}

Clubs:

..
_{^{_{Buy me a subscription.
^{^{You know you want too.}}}}}

29/08/08

=bigcitydreams — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:32:02 PDT

2 days until spring and I'm back. Thanks for all the love
I've finished 1 and a half assignments plus I got an extra day to do my third assignment. SCORE!

I had an interesting conversation with my friends today.. so I'll ask you (hypothetically speaking):

Would you be with someone that only has a year left to live if they were your perfect partner? You have just met them and you know that they only have a year left to live because of some disease.

I said I would, but some other people said they wouldn't! I don't understand why not. The whole experience would be life changing and if you didn't .. then you'd be left wondering what if? Anyway, tell me your answer and explain why you said yes/no. I'm really curious

_{Memories like the corners of my mind;
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind}

Clubs:

12 DAYS.

=bigcitydreams — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:07:52 PDT

UNTIL SPRING <33

I'm freakin' swamped with assignments and homework, it's been so hard.
Of course I'll upload pictures as normal because I have a long queue in waiting but I might not be able to take new pictures for a while :'(

Loving all the support you guys have for me. I appreciate it endlessly! I love talking to you guys too so just comment me whenever :]

Do you have a secret talent or passion? DO TELL!
Mine is singing. I love to sing! I'm not too good but it's the best feeling. I sang karaoke at a party last Saturday for 6 hours

Random facts:
- My feet are a size 6 and 1/2 (Australian size!)
- I love affection.
- I want to be a computer engineer (software) when I'm older.
- I'm not Catholic but I pray every night (I still believe in God).
- I used to be nice. Too many bitches, no more nice me.
- I have too many secrets.
- I love the wind, I feel calm whenever there's a cool breeze blowing through my hair.
- I wish I was vegetarian but it's hard for me to give up meat (that sounds terrible, I know).

_{What could you possibly like in me?}

Clubs:

Random Update.

=bigcitydreams — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 05:26:25 PDT

Hello. How is everyone? What's the weather like wherever you live? It's winter in Australia and I hate it. I've been sick twice in one week. Can't wait till summer.

Facts:
_{Âº Most of my photography concepts and ideas come from my insomnia.
Âº I talk to myself without knowing it.
Âº I love reading. I could read for hours on end and lose track of time.
Âº I wish I wasn't asian.
Âº I hate fakes. Full stop.
Âº I think too much. It hurts my brain.
Âº I'm allergic to mosquitoes. I thought I was allergic to kiwis but supposedly I never was.
Âº I have selective photographic memory. Or so I like to think.
Âº I really want a deviantART subscription.
Âº I wear glasses. Yup, I have really bad eyesight.}

Myspace: [link]

Clubs:

KSDJGSKLDJFSLDKJF!

=bigcitydreams — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 23:21:52 PDT

I HAVE A SLR! CANON DIGITAL REBEL XSI
OMG FINAAAAAALLY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM.
EXPECT SUPER CLEAR PICTURES WITH NO GRAIN
But it'll be a while before I start uploading pics from there. I'm still not up to date with my old pictures yet and plus I have like 20 pictures I've never uploaded taken with my old camera waiting.

BUT STILL. BE PATIENT! SLJHFSLDJHFSD!!

Oh and I forgot to feature a deviant in my August features so I'll feature someone next month I promise, SORRY! >.<

Zahh. Anyway I've been tagged by =strawberryskulls

_{Rules of the game:

- Choose a singer/band/group
- Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group

I pick Paramore.

1. Are you male or female? Here We Go Again.
2. Describe yourself. For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic.
3. What do people feel when they're around you? My Hero
4. How would you describe your previous relationship? Misery Business.
5. Describe your current relationship. Stuck On You.
6. Where would you want to be now? Franklin :\
7. How do you feel about love? Whoa.
8. What's your life like? Conspiracy
9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish? Miracle.
10. Say something wise. Sunday, Bloody Sunday.}

Okay that might not make any sense haha.

Hellooo.

=bigcitydreams — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:36:24 PDT

Thanks to everyone who's continuing to support me.
You have no idea how much I truly appreciate it.
So thank you thank you

BTW: If you're getting confused to why I'm uploading so many random pictures that you probably haven't seen before..
I'm just uploading my old pictures first before I start uploading new ones.
It might take a while so thanks for your patience :]

I'M CONTINUING THE "GREATEST FEAR" JOURNAL FROM MY OLD ACCOUNT SO FEEL FREE TO COPY AND PASTE YOUR PREVIOUS ANSWERS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE RUNNING FOR THE NEWS FEATURE!

What's your greatest fear?
It doesn't necessarily have to be a phobia.
Just a big fear.

I have a fear of getting sliced :\
Like slit throat or cutting off my limbs.
Ergh!

_{Now tell me yours, I'm curious :]}

My favourite artists at the moment:

I'll feature the deviant who has the most interesting fear in my next news monthly feature.

*DON'T MAKE IT UP, IT HAS TO BE YOUR REAL FEAR!*