http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:bingoaname&section=today deviantART RSS for by:bingoaname en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:40:24 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/27250540/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/27250540/ Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:06:26 PDT
I'm having a blood test in about 9 hours time which im scared of because me + no food = dizzy weak mess. Add the absense of blood into that and im not going to be able to get far.

He also asked if I had been depressed. I mentioned I had briefly but not too bad like i have been in the past. He was very quick to throw anti dpressants my way. Like all dr's really. Didn't tell me what type,how much they would be,side effects or anything.Git.

So me being the paranoid person i am read up on them. Effexor XL 75 mg.... Apparently an intresting drug. You will be fine on it...Until you try to stop. Then it's apparently the same withdrawl symptons as someone coming off drugs. Shaking,nausea,brain zaps the works. Do I really want to take something like that? Apparently it will help with anxiety too..Will being calm be worth it,if I am calm yet sick?

Not too sure.Going to have my blood test in the morning and make sure it's not something physical thats making me this way. Why take drugs for one thing when you can fix the entire cause at once? If there is nothing wrong with me by monday I'll try them. At least for a few days.

I thought you were supposed to trust dr's....I'm beginning not to.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/26822529/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/26822529/ Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:06:56 PDT
Thinking of doing something creative - not sure what but I want to make something. Not really that good at art and if i write a story it will be a depressing piece of shite.
Didnt get alot of sleep last night.Booked the cat in for the vets at 9.30 - went to bed at 6. yeah not my smartest of plans. So woke up...just...and took him in. Then came back home and passed out in bed. I'm so exhausted.
Overtime is horrible to because instead of my lovely 3 day weekend i get 2. And because jon is working we can not go shopping for food or i can not get back into the flat.
Started my kendo by the way. It's good fun. I'm always so nervous before it though. Not sure why.
Havent really done alot recently. My family came over in the end which was...intresting....got pretty homesick after they left too.
Dumdidum. Not really too sure what to do with myself. Guess thats why I'm posting this crap.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/26103396/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/26103396/ Wed, 22 Jul 2009 08:06:03 PDT
I got married and everything is going fine. Money is tight at the moment because the landlord is fucking us about.Rang us for a gas bill of 1900 euros. That got sorted to actually be 330.So I was thinking phew. He said to pay it to him and he will sort it.
I did and then 2 days later I get a bill from the gas people saying the total bill was 240...But he paid that right? I've been emailing him and he just has not answered.
Getting a little pissed off.
Thing is I'm not even the one meant to be paying it.My room mate is! - We aggreed when we moved in I would sort the electricity and her the gas. She had been paying nothing for 6 months and I'm paying out 100 euros...like um...hello you owe me money!
But anyways...work is going ok.The shift is killing me. I never get to see daylight and on the weekends I dont even want to leave my room.Some of the people I work with are just twats. Typical elitest gamers who think that in real life people will still listen to them.
I' just tired at the moment. Tired of having people complain for other peoples mistakes and then someone will say it's my fault or I'll ask a stupid question and then figure out the answer...I'm trying so hard really I am.
But then again no-one wants to hear all this. And thats the problem.Yet again I'm stuck in my own head. FFS how do people be so fucking happy all the fucking time! I have everything right now,got my husband and my dream job.My family are visiting soon and yet for some unknown reason I'm just not happy. Just erg! I'm angry at myself for having no reason to be like this.Just fucking stupid.
I spent the other night hyper active. My friend was like wtf - it was 1am and the end of the week. Everyone else could barely move and yet im bouncing off the walls. Talking general shit to players and just being wierd. my mind was running 100 miles a minute and it was fucked. Baring in mind the day before I came home crying from work because I was so fed up. Like geez not normal.
And yet if I hint to jon that my mind is not working properly,that I know something just isnt right there he says "no you're fine"...I just dont believe that, I dont think someone can be so depressed one day that they cant even leave their room and yet the next they can be so happy they could take on the world and more.
I dunno.Hypochondriac arnt I....
But anyways....Jon will be home soon. Time to act normal again

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/23501454/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/23501454/ Tue, 03 Mar 2009 04:16:17 PST It was good to see everyone again and we even got the webcam to work so loads of people were watching online.

Also ive settled into ireland very well. The job is just uber and love going there.
Anyways off to get tattooed now. Might update in the next week or so

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/22775051/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/22775051/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 05:45:11 PST I'm finally working on gear for my mage. Getting groups though is proving to be silly though and my guild are always offline or not geared for anything decent so im a bit stumpted really. Might go guild hunting. I'll ask askula if i can join theres. Shes geared like a brick shit house.
As for my job. It's fun. Like ive spent all week watching presentations which of course was a yawn but next week i finally get to start doing stuff. So yay.
My wedding is nearing and ive left it all in jons hands.Hopefully it'll all go okles.
Anyways need a fag to strech my legs.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/22043890/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/22043890/ Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:18:44 PST
need sleep

4 itchy tasty

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/21876206/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/21876206/ Mon, 08 Dec 2008 04:31:39 PST
Tried my dress fitting. Looks really nice. Gotta go back in jan to collect which will be cool.
Sent out the invites,well most of them. the ones not gone are fgor jons mates and he's finding whatever excuse not to send them. *sigh*
Also the big news. Ages ago i applied for a job as a GM for WoW - now id forgot about this and given up hope of getting a reply. like loads of people aplly, what chance would i have.
Well last week im playing fable and the phone goes.I'm thinking great jons mum. I answer and its this irish guy from blizzard. OMFG! So he's goes through some questions asking why i wanna be a gm,have i had any experince with customers,time keeping etc....and then says well come to ireland for a live interview. OMFG!!!! - im so excited about it that i dont think about flights im just like yeah sure coolio. Didnt even tell jon ive applied so he's shocked when i get this call too. like if i get the job it means moving contry.Which im not sure if jon wants to do or anything. But im just so shocked i got this far. I'm going all out for this job.
Um so yeah been on a high about that. Have also learnt to cook and tidy this weekend and proper house wifish so getting there ready for married life. lol

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/21073860/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/21073860/ Mon, 20 Oct 2008 03:54:53 PDT Squee and ive bought my invites so ill have them in the next couple of weeks.
Sorting out my favor boxes as well - little companion cubes that i found on here so i can put cake in them and no-one will get it cept me and few people but others will be like aw love hearts
Wow has since had its update. Love the calender and the agro warning system. Shame about the lag and the fact theyve nerfed the raids. Was hoping to do a hard raid with my decent gear but ogh well if i keep going the way i have been ill be hardcore for woltk end game. Gotta a void wow for a while though- my laptop just cant handle the lag atm. Loving the acheivment systems as well. I'm going for the explorer ones more than anything. Just completed all of outland
Oh and i got lego batman - already up to 86% completion. Its one of the only games i will try to unlock every little thing on. I've already got 100% on the star wars and indiana jones games - my sad little life lol.
Um what else...went out the other night for the first time in forever. Was actually pretty nervous about it because jon wasn't coming with me but it all went well. After a few drinks id relaxed and was talking my usual bollocks about being a naked zombie....if it had been friends they wouldve got this but instead it was work collegues who are more like wtf have we hired. But i thought it was cool. Got back to find the jons radio thing had been finished and the one guy Agro had been really decent about me and said some really nice stuff. I'd been a bit blunt and my usual self on the forums and had stirred up alot of shit but he had the seen what i was trying to and was really cool about it. Dan thankfully stayed quiet.
And then me and jon spoke about getting married. As most people know getting married though the thing i really want to do and to jon and i would never back out scares the shit out of me. It feels like im losing my individuality - like it will always be jon and claudia and its really wierd and i dunno. Guess im just scared, focussing on all the silly things hoping that im not going to turn into my parents and taking it out on jon. Like i've got to the poibnt i just want things sorted and he is being him. Usually this wouldnt bother me im driving myself a little doolally with it all and then worrying about the future etc...Yeah i need to relax.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/20870461/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/20870461/ Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:54:04 PDT
on other game fronts i have yet again had the stress of the tf2 clans being nonces. I cant comment though its jons clan. But yeah theyre nonces.
Work has perked up. I know what im doing and im alot more willing to come in. part the reason coz i know i can do fuck all for a while. that and i need the money. thankgod for overtime lol.
sorted my photographer, dress is nearly paid off,flowers we've decided on silk so gotta sort that....
um what else....gunna play wow tonight...gotta get 1700g for my spellstrike pants. then im sorted! muhahahahahaha

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/20517555/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/20517555/ Tue, 16 Sep 2008 07:29:27 PDT My wedding plans have been on hold for a while. This is due to moving house. I kow only moved a year ago but i thought what the hell.I'm now living across from my mother and little sisters, which is great
I'm ill with cold (thanks hannah) and am tryign to recover despite also trying to sort a house out.
Have seen a honeymoon im tempted in. 2 weeks in tunisia. same price roughly as disney land and more preferred by jon. I can go to disneyland later i guess.
My photographer is looking a bit pricy for the wedding. so im gunna have to find a new one.Deep joy...

Apart from all that, im still alive and well....just

Oh on a less me topic - Wrath of the lich king is being released on the 13th nov..I'm off to pre order my copy tonight

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/19838184/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/19838184/ Fri, 08 Aug 2008 01:56:59 PDT
As for life itsself. Its going ok. Sorted alot of my wedding out including the photographer, how we want the flowers etc so thats 1 less worry. But 6 months away. Geez its getting closer.
On the wow front ive started doing dungeons. Like i hated them i really did. Last night i did one. It was an easier one but still fun. Made a bit of gold. Got a key...um just had a laugh really. So this weekend ill try and sort for mgt. Which'll be good

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/19015366/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/19015366/ Tue, 24 Jun 2008 07:30:40 PDT
1: I reached lvl 70!!!!massive cheers to me and my grinding - im now doing daileys and pvp and even though ive finished the lvling part i still love playing - its so much fun!!!!
2: my mum moved out - not as cheerful but hopefully shes coping ok.I'll pop round tonight and see her.
3:we had fun and games this morning when we found the car had been broken into. didnt nick anything just cost jon £150 to get repaired. I'm cook him a nice tea tonight to cheer him up.
4:Cant remember if i mentioned this - I got my new job and ill be moving in a few weeks. Ireally look forward to it coz i'll be away from this hell hole.

Um thats all thats really happened- Seen my new tattoo lol. Just a matter of time.

On subnotes - what has happened to the screen.its so bright - And my mood bar isnt working. Im actually quite ok atm.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/18655744/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/18655744/ Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:18:28 PDT

I'm so bored with my job atm. got the other one i went for. I'm that damn good but they cant give me a start date. Which sucks balls. It's coz of all this damn sickness that people have. Fucking noobs. Stress and depression are not sicknesses. You can cope from day to day like normal people if you try and if you cant why the fuck arnt you dead yet. There are so many people who get by ok so why cant these noobs. Like they work in a fucking call centre. Jeez...

Anyways enough of that rant. Sarahs doing fuck all atm. Lurking arounf soph like a dog. Like geez her bloke left. she'll get over it. She doesnt need some fucking gossip mounger lurking over her all the time. Like do some fucking work...Geez im winding myself up now.Better get back to work myself....

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/18521493/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/18521493/ Tue, 27 May 2008 04:13:24 PDT I've got a half day today which is nice. Dr's appointment for my lovely pills. I so need them right now. I'm tired and its cold. lol
Um back to wow. With all my grinding and excess gold i might give one of them leveling tutorials ago. My poor like blood elf is getting lonely seen as shes been dead for ages. She'll have so much rested xp ill reach lvl 15 before the days out . Shame i cant transfer gold between factions. Damn you blizzard!!! lol
Might have tojust carry on with my lvl 62. gotta reach lvl 70 before the expansion comes out. I'm living a sad life but at least im avoiding the panics of my wedding. Only 8 months left!!! AHHHHHHH

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/18409924/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/18409924/ Tue, 20 May 2008 05:04:47 PDT Ive had a total image change,new shoes,hair cut jacket...um... took out all my piercings bar 1 and its really cool. i look proper smart and quite scary...work wise that uis.
On the wedding front ive sorted my shoes,wedding rings um...hotel stuff. We got moved to a nicer room coz of the amount of people at the ceremony but it just looks so much more perfect. I havent sorted my dj yet! Damn me and my laziness...still trying to think about jackets and stuff but im having really trouble. Need to sort out the dress. might involve a trip to b'ham.
Um what else have i been up to in my busy life...um been playing tf2...watching lots of tv. Especially gladiators and ninja warrior. Its just funny to watch more than anything.
So yeah not alot really. Battling the lag of my pc atm. Typing at 1 letter a minute. Sucky pc's.
Jons been cool recently. He got a new job which is decent hours and a better pay which is really nice coz i get to spend more time with him and at my flat. Only problem is theres times when i like him to be at work so that i can fuck around the flat and make cakes and stuff and watch hannah raid the cupboard. Like he's cool with all this totally but i dunno. just need my own space at times i guess. Anyways should be doing some wor...As usual.. lol

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17743757/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17743757/ Tue, 08 Apr 2008 07:17:20 PDT
Sound this awsome book called John dies at the end - excellent book.Very wierd but at the same time totally captivating. So yeah really good.

Um what else. Sorting my wedding. Got the registrar sorted. Then its the dj and some shoes.I'm getting there slowely but surely. God i feel rotten atm. My back kills and i cant even sit still coz its jitting so much.I'm walking like a granny lol

Might be going for another job.Same company just a bit more varience.I'm not too bothered about where it is or who i put up with.Cant be as shit as this job. God its raining out. Anyways yeah. ummm... my back hurts...cant walk with it. I havent really done alot else. Recovered from my tattoos and want to plan my next one but ive told jon i wont get anymore till we've got married. So thats only 300 and something days left.AHHH It's getting so close!!!!

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17559204/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17559204/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:58:17 PDT Nopes im all growded up

2. What's your favorite salad dressing?
Mayo,mayo nase! - i like anything you can sing

3. Do you like salads with fruit in them?
its not a sald then.its a pudding

4. If you could only use one make-up product, which would it be?
mascara

5. Are you afraid of needles?
nah i aint no childish girly girl

6. Have you gotten your flu shot?
No thats an old people thing.I get man flu and deal with it

7. Is there any activity you did as a child that you wish you still did? What?
um... went to school. adult work sucks. no breaks and you work longer hours

8. Opinions on sex before marriage?
Well how else are you going to know what theyre like

9. Do you keep a journal or diary of some sort?
duh im writing on it now

10. Describe your last kiss.
breif. i was late for work

11. Do you know how to ski?
yeah stand on two sticks and let gravity take place

12. Describe the piece of artwork you're most proud of creating.
my shout it out. took me ages but i liked it

13. Hottest Disney princess?
anastacia. always gotta love red heads...and ariel was a fish

14. Classical music: Love or hate?
nice when you feel lik being evil

15. Best artist to blast and sing your little heart out to?
um...i always do this to rhapsody or something

16. What's the most rebellious thing you've ever done?
loads. mainly at school. i hated the place lol

17. Wide or college-ruled paper?
its paper...

18. How much time do you spend online a day?
well 8 hours at work then i come home...so um alot

19. What's your favorite flavor of suckers?
a what?

20. What color is your iPod?
black

21. Do you wish your life was a musical?
yeah thatd be cool. at least we'd all be a bit more open with eachother

22. Opinions on little kids?
ooooo so excited for when im older

23. Does God or some higher power affect how you live your life?
no...luck and stupid idiots do

24. What time of day are you at your best?
afternoon. when im about to go home and my boss has fucked off home

25. Favorite month and why?
december. my birthday

26. Can you taste the difference between butter or I Can't Believe?
no and name confuses me

27. Do you know how to appropriately site a quote from a book?
with little umlout things "'s

28. What size shoe do you wear?
8-9

29. Is it hard for you to pick out presents for people?
no. just by stuff i want with there name on it. simple

30. Name an artist/song that was way cooler before they/it was all over the radio.
um...rammstein. then the emos came. fucking kids

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17519928/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17519928/ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 03:51:54 PDT Im still stuck in this dead end rut of a job and im just so miserable. it gets to a point where you're dreaming about the job and in your dreams you're miserable.
I just hate it.I've explained to jon how i feel and all he recommends is i talk to people at work but he doesnt get that im stuck here and im slowely but surely driving myself into the ground.I know i cant cope much longer and even the Ad's im on arnt working. I'm s/hing more that ever and i cant turn to anyone. And i know i sound totally emo but i just cant keep working here and feeling this way. its ok im not going to off myself or anything. Got too many people to think of but ive gotta get a way from my life for a little while

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17389969/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17389969/ Tue, 18 Mar 2008 04:43:30 PDT
So yeah the wedding show. I'm in a world of my own. so many dresses,tiaras,honeymoons. Oh it was just amazing. But then fate hit me. I see a girl in a red and white dress. It's obviously too big for her as it's been pinned all the way round. She looks silly really. I skult around.Like i love this dress shes wearing. I've seen it before in magazines but never inperson. Could this be the dress i want. Oh i so hope its in my size to try on. We skulk some more. I finall grab it off the shelf. I can try it on!! Booyah!!!
So i get corsetted into it and even though my face is bright pink from the heat of the lights and the scars on my arms are glowing like fire i still go ahead with it. I stand on this little box and see myself in the mirror. Wholely shit i look so beautiful. I have to have this one. This is the dress. OMG!!! first one i try and its the one. I was so happy.
Later we do some shopping round the nerd shops. Yay for priest and gizmo. not to mention little chibi nooj i bought the hang from my phone lol. We then head back to seen Wales pwn france at the rugby thus winning them the grandslam. like go us we totally pwn!!!
Sunday i spent my day playing tf2. Reached 1000 kills.not bad for only a weeks playing. lol
The yesterday im getting tattooed. My wings. shouldnt hurt much....yeah right! The agony. The one wing soar but not so bad.The other side my god im nearly crying.3 1/2 hours of pain.It was worth it but im never going though that again. Oh why i didn that to myself ill never know. but it looks so good.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17265731/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17265731/ Mon, 10 Mar 2008 03:41:14 PDT Jon and his clan thought id be a bit of a joke. Some easy points to mow down but they were shocked. When i got to the point of easily dominating someone i got the responce "I'M BEING DOMINATED BY A GIRL!" - a birst of laughter there after and i was told i had to calm down coz i was a scary ass pyro. Just wait till they see me on the creek with my scout. Straffing (something which ive never been able to do before). Yeah im pretty good. I still get pwned easily by some people but ive never been good at gaming. Unless its an rpg or something thats level base. So i'm quite proud of myself. Especially to shock myself and jon with how ive improved in only a short amount of days.
I wont mention the fact i played it for so long yesterday that i was dreaming about it and then came into work where i decided the top of the stairs would be a great place for a sentry gun.

I really need to stop thinking lol.

Anyways jons booking the registrar today so then thats the legal side sorted of our wedding. Then i gotta sort out the dj and stuff. But my god im worrying about the money side. Like i havent saved anything and im thinking maybe a loan is the best way to sort things. I'm not sure if in want the debt or not though. We'll have to hunt around.Then we can give ourselves some leway on things. Wish my parents would help out as well but they got so many money issues themselves. Um what else has happened in my life. Not alot really. Wales are on for the grandslam with the rugby which totally kicks ass and England lost the rugby to Scotland of all teams lol. Boring match though. Yeah thats all thats happened with me. Getting ym tattoo on monday. My lovely wings. I will get round to upping pictures of them lol

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17203814/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17203814/ Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:53:08 PST
Just god I hate thid i really do. And its crap and I'm not happy. Byut do i get a legit put off thing. No i have to be here to suffer and get made worse. The AD's would help if i didnt have to come back here everyday. I just really cant be bothered anymore.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17111631/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17111631/ Fri, 29 Feb 2008 02:10:37 PST it totally pwns. I also bought a second account for wow so that i can play with jon legally. This will be my honest account :angel:

um what else. got to see alex get her first tattoo which she seems really happy about even though she was shitting herself before hand lol. Hopefully we have another addict in the making.

Im also on a 4.30 finish today so i can get out and play wow when i get home. Gunna do the deadmines and its gunna be great. Gunna also buy my stormwind mount

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17069384/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/17069384/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 07:03:57 PST
My wow account was suspended for 72hours and a final warning put on it...oops....not because i called my character negar,or shouted fag a few thousand times in the AH either.No its because i paid to get power lvled to lvl 60. what 14 lvl's i couldnt be bothered to do it myself.

so yeah wont be doing that again on the game... just gotta hope my lvl 60 is still in tact. Blizzard would be nicer as well if they gave you a time limit on it as well.
Ive just had to ring to ask when it'll come off... 4am on friday. So thats the 2 nights of gaming i wanted with jon not happening because i couldnt be bothered to grind anymore. oh well not like i affected anyone else in game was it.

but yeah anyways my own fault but 72 hours isnt that long....



im gunna die arnt i? AHHHHHHH!!!!?!??!!!!

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16938496/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16938496/ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 00:38:21 PST Also today i cant be bothered to be here. Woke up with the feeling of impending dread lurking around my head and i cant seem to shake it. Might be because of my parents,could be because of this unsatisfying job...could be just because im me and im not meant to fit in anywhere.
I also got the letter from the cbt place. they'll want me to take time off work. can i afford to do that though. Can i do it without explaining why im having to go off. Too much stuff on my mind atm and they expect me to be here. geez i hate it

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16892245/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16892245/ Fri, 15 Feb 2008 00:39:22 PST
]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16873468/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16873468/ Thu, 14 Feb 2008 01:03:16 PST
anyways so yeah the appraisel. ive asked if i can do some trainging courses,basicaly anything that might give me a boost into some over jobs so im not trapped here for ages. she seemed very reluctant to let me do anything. and its not like i can hassle her boss. firstly he doesnt even know my name.Secondly he's on holiday till the 18th.not that hes in the office at all anyways. fucking useless twat.

Right so apart from that she gets ill yesterday afternoon. I say to her "if you're not going to be in can i cover your early (basically means i can go at 4.30 instead of 5)" - she says yeah sure ill txt you to let you know. So this morning comes round. No txt message- i assume shes going to be in. I walk in and no shes off and this fucking crippled twat has covered the early instead. Yeah i know crippled,feel sorry for him. But this man is worse than half the back stabbing women in the office. Hes evil and manipulative and uses his disability so he can get away with everything. Fucking evil. So anyways hes there. He's been offered the early because he does it more often. Uh hello - I offered to do it. dont give it to him coz hes been here longer. Fucking seniority. Like just its fucked. Sorry about the language but thats the mood im in. I'm trying to resist mentioning names of people and the company coz one guy got sacked last week for doing that. Well it was his own fault really. Look i gotta go. Got other peopls work to do. Bet i wont get noticed for it.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16857343/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16857343/ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:44:54 PST
so anyways. deciding on my new tattoo. thinking of some vines up my ankle. should be nice. wish my internet would stop playing up. its being gay. keeps askign me for my password.

So yeah um what else. Had my 21st and that was cool. Didnt do alot. Got loads of booze. Which is ok....but can i drink it???? NO!!! Fucking meds. geez like they're slowely making me feel ok. But im more miserbale at tyhe fact i cant have a drink and enjoy myself with my mates. Anyways my 21st. I was all bubnged up with cold which sucked so i spenty most of it either asleep or sniffling. I best be getting back to work now. Getting bored.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16750660/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16750660/ Wed, 06 Feb 2008 07:50:19 PST
So yeah what else....um...no news on the wedding front. Cant really sort anything out until the end of the month. I need a really big piggy bank lol. Then i can fill it with money. Gad im tired right now.

It's horrible im so tired i could sleep anywhere but when i go to sleep im then jolted awake and my brain is so active and i cant shut down. I can just lie there in a droan type fashion. Ugh its nasty. Cant think of anything else to write seen as im so tired. All i can think of is the sofa in the front room with the quilt. Hmmm sofa and chocolate minstrals.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16688650/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16688650/ Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:33:14 PST
wales 29 - england 19


hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16562708/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16562708/ Fri, 25 Jan 2008 07:54:48 PST so yeah its got the point where im taking random days off. like i just dont want to be there. i spent today looking for jobs just to find im under qualified,unable to get there or its just that shit a job i would never even try it. maybe im picky. i dunno. i just feel like im screwed atm.
im gunna be on the call centre forever.mind numbed.ill one day be one of the slow,old aged bags who shit stirs but gets away with it. one of those people that has no life whatsoever and takes it easy. i hate it. i need to do something. like at least to mentally intrest me while im there. like i need higher pay for my wedding and everything. will i get that. no coz theres no chance i will ever be promoted with my attitude towards everything. should i change my attitude.no coz then i wont be happy with me.i should be proffesional but whats the point coz no-one ever notices. my boss doesnt even know my name.im just the girl with the lip bar.does he realise im the hardest working person there. the one asking for more work coz what shes got is so simple it can be completed in 2mins... i do so much and have no regonition for it. yet i do something wrong and i get blamed and hassled. like what about all those fucking idiots there. the ones that start fights and go on not ready all the time and just take the piss coz theyve been there 8 years and know that they can do what they like. i hate the place. but can i leave...no coz im me. And i screwed it all up years ago.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16453952/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16453952/ Fri, 18 Jan 2008 00:45:12 PST
ah well. i can stick to doing my ipod pics. theyre easy and can be done on paint

yeah so with the update - i paid my deposit on my wedding. gotta sort out my bills now. really need to do it before loads of stuff comes out. my fucking bank screwed up again. saying id be able to transfer online. well typically im not. theyre shit they really are. ah well...

and its friday!woot. just gotta get home now. theyve blocked off the roads where i live due to flooding so im not to sure if the buses will be going anywhere near them. Im gunna get home no matter what lol. Just as soon as ive had my bacon butty. Also my diet/cutting down on crap food has began. Need to look at least ghealthy for my wedding. Not some blob thing.

Jeez its warm inthis office atm. I've even taken my coat off and im like waaaarrrrmmmm. but yeah best get ready to do some work. coz im great and theyll need me muhahhahahahaha

oh yeah i watched die hard 4 last night - its way too grand and not as gritty as the other 3. but still ok. you just dont care about any one apart from justin long. hes so inoccent.

on the wow front ive reached lvl 45 and its becoming a grind. maybe im in the wrong place to lvl or something.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16323919/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16323919/ Wed, 09 Jan 2008 00:49:53 PST
So yeah after adding everything up its gunna cost a shit load and i cant afford to do anything other than the wedding. thats taking into account my bonus and savings i already have. and its all adding up. and ahhh need to keep my feet on the ground. I cant wait!!!

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16250518/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16250518/ Fri, 04 Jan 2008 05:35:43 PST
Today im in a great mood. Im seraching for wedding dresses online and some are so beautiful and im like eeeeee!!!!!1111¬!!!! yeah
me and jon are looking at a hotel tomorrow. hoping it will be so beautiful then we can set a day. And im like yay. Getting really ecited today. Ive had a great few days with him. Starting monday - no details needed
then yesterday he picks me up from work. big bunch of flowers and a bag full of munch with makes up to make a great meal. which he cooks
we then spent the evening watching house on dvd sitting on the sofa snuggled under the quilt. great night. Then today we bookthe viewing for the hotel. like im uber excited and happy (envy of all my friends muhahahhha)

um what else chloe gave me my dvds back. ones i thought i had lost too. Instead id leant them too her and forgot oops

oh yeah well im hoping this year will be good. im booking my infest tickets as soon as they appear on the site and ill be dieting until im stick thin. yay for misery lol like im hoping everything goes pretty well.

well best be off. dinner time

EDIT : here is how i want my wedding dress. its just so nice. ah ahhhhh---> [link]


EDIT 2 : or maybe this : [link]

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16233649/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16233649/ Thu, 03 Jan 2008 01:40:44 PST
Um sop yeah im like a little out of it today. Still thinking about my great day yesterday. Looking forward to going home at 5pm today and climbing back into bed. Gotta get my body back in rythem for working a fulkl week. and when we go shopping etc...also need to start my dreaded diet of rabbit/gerbil food. Deep joy. Well hopefully it'll be ok.

Um christmas was really good. it was nice being cut off from the world for 2 weeks. Get my head in shape what with all of work and stuff. Got to spend some time by myself. Jon got me season 3 of house which i was sos chuffed about. Now i just need the time to watch it all.

Cant really think of much to update with. I'll come up with some stuff.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16219802/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16219802/ Wed, 02 Jan 2008 07:32:59 PST

well i did the r:e quiz as well.it was an intresting outcome

Which Resident Evil Character Are You??
You scored as a Billy Cohen
Arrested on circumstantial evedence this ex-marine was sentenced to death for the murder of 23 people. On the way to his execution, the transport he was riding in crashed and he escaped. While on the run he bumps into rebecca... Although naturally defensive, Billy can be quite sensitive to those he becomes attached to.
Billy Cohen
100%
Albert Wesker
83%
Claire Redfield
75%
Jill Valentine
50%
Leon Scott Kennedy
42%
Carlos Olivera
42%
Ada Wong
33%
Barry Burton
33%
Chris Redfield
25%
Rebecca Chambers
17%
HUNK
0%

see im nothing like hunk!

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16068631/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16068631/ Mon, 24 Dec 2007 02:33:07 PST
anyways i feel like shit. im off to the doctors in a bit and im dredding him sticking wooden boards in my mouht and making me gag. Like my glands have swollen up. i'm not sick. It better not be glandular fever. like its xmas and i want to enjoy it this year.so yeah. going in 30mins. god i hate the doctors.

xmas really isnt as exciting as every other year. im dredding not waking up with my family and not having the present be given out like every other year. childish i know but still. anyways better go. will try and update later.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16008608/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/16008608/ Thu, 20 Dec 2007 00:55:33 PST I put them in for a bit longer. Still loads of water. "Fine then you've been in there 10mins you've got to be edible." I eat a few then decide that they are vile and I never want to eat them again. I do my ironing then climb into bed and sleep the night away.

7am daylight - The noodles have overtaken my stomach.... Somehow, I'm still alive.

Thats right I wake up with my stomach in a knot making very loud rumbling noises. I quite rightly run to the loo and die there.(kinda like jurrasic park). After believing that its all over I think I'll put my work cloths on and get ready. 2 days off work is too much for me. besides its xmas and the place will be dead. So I pick up my cloths and then keel over....great im dying again....See #when i climbed out of bed for more reference.

I think sod this "I'm not running round work dying." I ring in. Great it's Andy's birthday. And I'm going to miss it. Sucky. Plus I'll get a call off my dad saying "why arnt you in work?" - geez im not 10 years old you can not decide when i have time off work and when i dont.

So yes at the end of my tale you find me here. Updating in the little time i have left between bed and death. Its a hard life. Remember though my death is not in vain. with this i can pass on the message - beware the super noodles that do not absord the water.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15970129/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15970129/ Mon, 17 Dec 2007 08:12:37 PST
i woke up this morning with a very soar throat.my nose was bunged up. not so bad i could put up with that. 2 hours into the day my head started throbbing....its now 16.05 and my head is even worse. i drunk wine at dinner(xmas party) to stop it hurting. it made it worse. I can focus my eyes and i dont dare move my head....just damn you!!!!!

so my night of cooking,drinking and playing wow is now reduced to nurafen,bed and sleep....deep joy... only 50 minutes to go...the one thing that getting me is how cold i am. like its usually boiling inhere and im freezing...ow my eyes.....

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15872777/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15872777/ Mon, 10 Dec 2007 06:17:44 PST
On the artisitc front though im gunna do my own shout it out page. just look at my favourites for examples on these. So yeah might do one of them tonight. Should be fun. As for now im tired and worn out.I've taken my belly bar out coz its got infected and its wearing me down even more trying to fight an infection. Its trying to get my ears as well. So ill just wait for now until im totally ship shape before i get anything else done.

Um what else is there. I got phoenix wright 3. Hasnt even been advertised in the uk yet and im playing it.muhahahahaha

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15774304/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15774304/ Mon, 03 Dec 2007 04:31:58 PST
In other non wow related news heores is on on wednesday. The last episode.Cant wait. God my life is sad that im excited about a tv show.

Um yeah what else has happened. I've discovered what my favourite food of all time is. Thai food. We went out the other nigth and wow it was great.My taste buds suck ass so spicy food is a must have for me and this was it. Sod curry & chinese food. this is just the best!

I cant think of alot else to put on here.21 days till xmas and i have a shit load of stuff to buy. Oh yeah thats it! I bought re:uc -Really great game. I have difficulty playing the others coz of the bad camera angles and illogical puzzle playing. I just dont have to patience to find the red stone to place in the green box to see the tranvestite cry thus to get the key that will let me into the laboratory. See its kind of arduous. but this is fun. Its like time crisis/house of the dead. Where you get dragged around and only have your guns and accuracy to get far. Its fun. Really fun.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15675803/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15675803/ Mon, 26 Nov 2007 07:57:08 PST
Um what eslse did i do? I had chinese the other day thus putting my weight up some more. i ahve to fit into my xmas dress even if it kills me! Well death doesnt seem so nice but ive gotta do something to fit into it. Less chinese and beer would do more alot of good. But no chinese and no beer make claudia go something something.

In other news heroes is on on wednesday and im so helping nathan doesnt get hurt. I love nathan petrelli. Hes so the man. He could play batman. He hasd the chin to play batman and thats all it comes down to.
Anyways back to work with me for another hour. I just want to get home for now ive had enough.
Oh on the wow front as well i reached lvl 23 and am high mage of our guild! Thats right im getting there!I just need to get my engineering up and do some serious grinding then i should be ok. Damn im getting obsessed with tht game.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15586208/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15586208/ Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:45:39 PST I wont mention the fact that im bioling hot,feeling slightly sick after the vile "ham & cheese" sandwich i just had out of the machine. The one that actually had mustard on ,which tasted vile beyond all comprehension. I also wont mention the fact that ive got to stay here till 6 coz jons finishing work late and my dad is interviewing.Deep joy. So not only am i here early but im leaving later. Will anyone notice. I doubt it. Ew the manky taste of mustard is still in my mouth. Really gross...
So yeah where can i get a job...Umm...anywhere but here would be nice. oh great another call.
So yeah 10mins later. Another job...Or might set my wedding. That might get me more enthusiatic about things. Im fed up. Need a change. A big change. Something that will get me excited about beign here everyday....*yawn*

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15570739/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15570739/ Mon, 19 Nov 2007 00:51:29 PST
]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15472263/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15472263/ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 00:13:56 PST I then spent my morning on wow....not the worst part. in fact doing quite well on it
I go to do the washing up.whats there? The tray from in the grill. Nicely burnt to a crisp by jons burgers that he couldnt have put on a tray.No he had to have them on the wire mesh in the grill.So thats why the fire alarm kept going off when i was using the oven. Has it been washed.Fuck no it hasn't...in fact the grease has burnt its self in the corners and turns my sink water a greyish black colour...I told jon next time he uses it he can wash it himself...the reply i get "but it was 100x worse before.i had just left it to soak"...What for 3 days!?!Great job....
Anyways yeah like i said im just tired. I had to get up at 7 this morn to be into work coz jon starts at 8...Why he can't get set hours ill never know...So yeah im up at 7...he gets out at 2... 8-2....while im working 8.30 -5... not to mention the fact im here at 7.40!!!! arg!!!! he better do something while im here. He'll probably hover..Then say the hover is broke when hes gove to far out of the hallway...ARG!!!!! Right need to breath...I just needed this rant thats all...God im so tired....

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15326328/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15326328/ Fri, 02 Nov 2007 04:21:29 PDT My wrists keep hurting from too mucyh work. Might be how im typing. Ah well not my fault. Its works for making me use my wrist rest and a slant so that i can see my keys. The light its so bright it glares off the buttons. Thus my terrible spelling.
Um what else has happened. Um im still not advanced in #trivia. its taking me forever. If only i could get online at work when all the yanks are asleep. then id rule the chat!!!muhahahahahahahaha
yeah im feeling prettyevil today. Ive been watching heros with sylers battling eyebrows. You know amv hell 3 with the hick brows. its like that. God im bored now.... trying to fill up space but my life is pretty boring atm. I get out of work early though and then its off to home with me to finish my updates and shout at noobs over teamspeak. I so got pwned on halo 3 last night.... its nice knowing that at least when im done gaming i can go to bed and have sex with my other half...not have to keep gaming in order to prove how cool i am.... god life is good when you think of it that way.
in other news dispite my online escapades. i bought portal...its fun except for the camera angles that get my head all fuzzy. i still havent go my cake on it either. I also bought tmnt on dvd. Good film but the hyped up that kevin smith was in it so much and then he barely was...like who does that. john dimaggio was in it but did anyone care? No! even though he was main turtle character!!
anyways i best be getting back to work. might read a book,play solitaire or something....yeah we're well busy....

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15210505/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15210505/ Thu, 25 Oct 2007 02:46:49 PDT
You tend to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if you write tiny all of the time, you will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. You will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. You might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When you are busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and your ability to focus is incredible. When you say "I didn't hear you", you really mean, "I didn't hear you."

You demand respect and expect others to treat you with honor and dignity. You believe in your ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. You have a lot of pride.

You will be candid and direct when expressing your opinion. You tell them what you think if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want your opinion, don't ask for it!

You have an over-awareness of self. You often feel self-conscious. You fear ridicule, therefore you are careful not to place yourself in a position to receive any ridicule. You wonder what people will think if you act in a certain manner. When encountering a new group of people, you may stay on the sidelines until you have the people categorized, or you may behave in a "positive attention getting" manner to assure people think good thoughts about you from the start. In the sales profession, this self-consciousness is called "call reluctance". They take the word "no" as a personal criticism. Therefore, there is an internal struggle when performing this type of work. Although you may be a great salesperson, ypu still feel insecurity. You perform better if someone else is with you because the fear of ridicule from your peers is far greater than the fear of ridicule from your clients. Many times this type of person becomes a sales trainer, because when you are training, you don't have to put yourself in a position of being told "no" as often as the salesmen do.

In reference to your mental abilities, you have a very investigating and creating mind. You investigate projects rapidly because you are curious about many things. You get involved in many projects that seem good in the beginning, but you soon must slow down and look at all the angles. You probably get too many things going at once. When you slow down, you become more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, you must slow down to do it. You then decide what projects you have time to finish. Thus you finish at a slower pace than when you started the project. You have the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Your mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. You can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. You can then switch into your low gear. When you are in the slower mode, you can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. You are more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

You have very high goals. You have many big dreams that will be difficult to make happen. One way for you to make these dreams become reality is to surround yourself with people that do not have as much "vision", but have the ability to see these projects through. Sometimes you have a new and better dream every day, thus forg... ]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15166987/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15166987/ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 01:14:22 PDT
In every game i play i have a fault. The style,thecharacters,the story whatever. I dont have any with this game. If i die i repeat the same action of "fuck this game" not this game. I mearly switched the console off and said ill come back to this later. Its just that my character are not properly leveled coz i dont play them much. Yeah even jon thought i was ill. But yeah its a great game. I've tried playing blue dragon but lost interest very quickly so this is doing great. The characters are just great especially viola who is built like a brick shit house. And we wont mention the interludes of chopins music and a history of his life. Like im learning while playing and its great!
It does get a bit repetative but it doesnt matter coz the story just keeps me going. Like the spy in the adantino group. It wasn't who i thought it was going to be and it was just cool how they pointed out who it was. Just really cool.

Oh yeah and im watching heroes. Hannah the episode you missed was so cool coz it was all focussed on the cop. He had to take on niki!Thats right shes out of jail and shes pissed!!! Oh but nathan. Hmmmm his wold lady friend who makes fire. shes a cow. Bur yeah no spoilers!

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15095540/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15095540/ Tue, 16 Oct 2007 23:56:13 PDT Um ori is doing well. Finally letting us hold her though she does try to climb up my sholders ohand defeated that stupid boss on blue dragon!!! grinding ftw!!! stipid white mage kept dying though like why have a white mage with such low health. It has never seemed logical!!!
And i reached arch mage on oblivion. Now all the guilds are mine!!! muhahahahahahah

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15025973/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/15025973/ Fri, 12 Oct 2007 08:00:17 PDT


In other news. Ive got a list of things to do and a long trip home. Prob will take me about an hour or so especially if i miss my bus. I hope i dont :s

Ive gotta ring my bank as well and npower to sort oput all the money going out and stuff. I get paid monday so its like yay money oh wait where are you going lol... Gotta sort out the standing order as well for my rent to go out. God ive been un-organised. Im thinking of leaving college coz now has been totally the wrong time to start. With moving house and doing more hours than alot of people there im shettered all the time and im just not as interested as i really should be. Yeah its cost me some money but yeah its only money. I'll sleep on it this weekend. That is if i get chance.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14964416/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14964416/ Mon, 08 Oct 2007 01:18:44 PDT Oh yeah we blew up some of my pics i took at infest. They look really nice and we're going to frame them. They'll look so nice next to my consoles.
Oh i used the washing machine for the first time ever last night! ever ever in my life. they all washed and dried ok, but shame i dont have an ironing board Ah well. I'm gunna have a big clean tonight. clean the hamster,all the rubbish. get rid of a load of the boxes. Gunna be good.

Then at 10.30 i can go to tescos buy and ironing board and a load of shopping and then go to sleep in a big tired mess. its gunna be fun...dumdidum.

In other news college is going ok. English is a horrible topic and ive been given an assignment that i dread writing because i have no idea where to start let alone to mention my ability to write in clear english. See i dont even think that made sense.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14893173/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14893173/ Wed, 03 Oct 2007 00:12:00 PDT

But jeez am i tired. Takes me forever to fall asleep coz its just not what im used to and then when i do fall asleep im rolling over all night and dreaming about the alarm going off on my phone. It really does blow. I know how to keep the flat clean as well. John keeps leavibng cups and plates lying about and im just like *humph* - theres a sock in the bathroom. like wtf. its not mine so why's it there!?! ah well hopefully if i keep moaning about it it'll stop happeneing. lol I really need alot of sleep though.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14825818/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14825818/ Fri, 28 Sep 2007 11:03:00 PDT
Before you make that cut, don’t lie to yourself; don’t tell yourself that you will only cut your arms or your thighs. Once you run out of skin the cuts will spread, multiply; so fast that your skin will look naked without red criss-cross wounds along it. Wait for the few cuts, to turn to thousands.

Before you press down on that blade be ready to become a cutter, even when nobody knows that that is what you are. Be prepared for your knife to define you, and to live for the times you are one with it. For soon thinking about cutting, cutting and hiding your cuts will be the centre of your universe. Be ready to be a liar, if you are an honest person, be ready to change. Practice the excuses you will make to avoid swimming, sunbathing, wearing t-shirts, skirts, shorts and sandals.
Understand that you will pull away from the touch of your friends as if they have hands covered in salt to pour in your open wounds. Know that when they link your arm pure fire will run through your nerves, and that you will never hug anybody again without feeling like a cold, tense shell.

Before you break your flawless skin know that this will leave you alone. Know that you will spend hours searching, searching the skin of others for scarring, for someone like you, and know too that you will never find them. See that your heart will fall a hundred storeys every time a sleeve is drawn back to reveal smooth skin, with the anguish of shame and the hollowness- of being alone.

When you make that first tiny cut just know, that there will be a time that you cut too deep. One time you will cut deeper than all the times before, just searching for that point of release that becomes buried deeper and deeper, every time you cut into your arm. Believe me, you will panic when you can’t stop the bleeding, you will be too afraid to cry out of help, and so you will sit alone, cursing, praying and swearing to never take it this far again. But you will.

Remember that I warned you that after that first cut, at sometime you will be somewhere, and you will be searching for something, anything you can get your hands on, just to cut yourself open. Know that you will sit, locked in a cubicle and tease open gaping scars with safety pins or scissors, your house key or the nib of a pen. Know that this will make you desperate.

Realize that blood stains will plague you where ever you go, your clothes, your bathroom floor and the sheets of your bed. You will hate your knife more than hate itself and love it, as your only friend.
Know that the moment you first spill your own blood will be held forever in your mind as a beginning but also an end to life. And never let it be said, once these words have been spoken, that you didn’t know what was coming, after that first, little, cut.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14794456/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14794456/ Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:52:54 PDT So now you put your head in your hands, oh no!
I said "Far out, - What a day, a year, a laugh it is!"
You know, - Well you know you had it comin' to you,
Now there's not a lot I can do.

Im in a bit of a blogging mood atm so thought id add some usefull stuff. Um im moving into my flat at the weekend. We've sorted out all money issues and moving and work and its all coming ogether now. Gunna sort out the electricity and such on friday. OMG its wednesday now!!!
Oh yeah watch zero puntuation. You cant get it on youtube but its easy to find on yahoo or google. Hes this guy who mocks great games such as fable. but when you watch them you know youve done everything he has. lol its funny

um in other news im still in work bored out of my mind. I had a good nights sleep though so im alot more lively than i would usually be. Got moby in charge for the week so its a bit shitty. Shes just walking round the office wasting time. Ah well nothing i can do about.
I'm tryiong to avoid the subject of my family atm. My parents are still frying my head especially my dad whos been trying to make evreything as difficult as he possibly can this week. Selfish twat. But yeah stay off that subject.
I went online last felt like a moan. My first time on msn in the evening in weeks. I say hi to mike, within seconds hes moaning about some girl in the ukraine hes in love with. Im like shes in the ukraine. you havent met her. Shes an online love which means absolute shit coz people are different online that they are in real life. Personality and looks! And then hes moaning about hias hours being cut at work. Well jeez when you work in a fucking little shop in town that pays piss all anyways you should maybe think about doing something with your life and not moaning about fucking stupid things like that. Maybe thats why they cut the hours. Coz you're a moaning fag at times!!!
Im moaning about other people to save myself moaning. Ive got some worries about the flat like me and jon killing eachother after 2 days. Money going out and when thats happeneing. My dad being a stupid twat and spening more time at my flat than at home where he's supoosed to be. Trying to get a doctors appointment when im not sure if im properly registered. Yeah just a few worries. Seems silly when i list them like that but ah well. Now for a song

The power of love


I'll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door
Ayayayay
Feels like fire
I'm so in love with you
Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay-bad at bay
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away-yeah
I'm so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

*The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
Flame on burnt desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

I'll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door
When the chips are down I'll be around
With my undying, death-defying
Love for you
Envy will hurt itself
Let yourself be beautiful
Sparkling love, flowers
And pearls and pretty girls
Love is like an energy
Rushin' rushin' inside of me

*(Repeat)

This time we go sublime
Lovers entwine-divine divine
Love is danger, love is pleasure
Love is pure-the only treasure
I'm so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal
The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
The power of love
A force from above
A sky-scraping dove
Flame on burnt desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal
I'll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14723343/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14723343/ Fri, 21 Sep 2007 03:07:06 PDT I've got this feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle with you
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you

And I don't know what it is I should do
It's so hard to keep this smile off my face
Losing control all over the place

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle with you

Well you started off with nothing
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling
And slap you on the back and say please, please, yeah

Well I'm trying to make some sense of it all
But I can see it makes no sense at all
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor
I don't think that I can take anymore

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle with you

Well you started off with nothing
And you're proud that you are a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling
And slap you on the back and say please, please, yeah

Well I don't know why I came here tonight
Got this feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs

Well there're clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle with you
Yes there're clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle with you
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you
Well I'm stuck in the middle with you

Yeah I'm stuck in the middle with you
Yeah, stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
Well I'm stuck in the middle with you
Well I'm stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14683595/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14683595/ Tue, 18 Sep 2007 06:08:56 PDT
Now my ownly worry is my bank robbing money from me due to my WoW subcribption i might not have enough money in my account. Ah well. It'll be worth it. I hope.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14583568/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14583568/ Tue, 11 Sep 2007 00:38:40 PDT

Oh and it doesnt smell of wet dog Oh to add to how amazing it is its above a sweet shop on one side and a wine shop on the other. And across the road is a chippie. Like convenience to the max

So yeah I'll get some pics once i move in and ill prob end up having my sisters stay over anyways. It's just so nice. I'm only worried about getting the bed/fridge,washing machine etc.. up the stairs lol. Top floor flat. Not too many stairs but theyre winding making it a bit difficult. Oh and im worried about bugs coz we're so close to the river. lol how many people can say that

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14570292/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14570292/ Mon, 10 Sep 2007 03:14:40 PDT

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14526967/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14526967/ Fri, 07 Sep 2007 07:03:42 PDT Shame im gunna be working off my ass next week. ah well its all gunna be worth it.
Reet ill update a bit more when i get home from work

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14440765/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14440765/ Sat, 01 Sep 2007 12:04:11 PDT God im tired right now. Still recovering from infest lol. Oh yeah i found a game to play. Tales of pirates. I havent discovered the plot yet but im of lvl 25 and armed with a really big bow! its quite mind numbng which is good coz its filling the void between now and the 15th when i buy gw:en... i would watch john play bioshock but his graphics card is fegged. ah well. hes always got the soundtrack lol

I know it's hard to tell how mixed up you feel
Hoping what you need is behind every door
Each time you get hurt, I don't want you to change
Because everyone has hopes, you're human after all
The feeling sometimes, wishing you were someone else
Feeling as though you never belong
This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy
I truly understand. Please, don't cry now

Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you

Being like you are
Well this is something else, who would comprehend?
But some that do, lay claim that
Divine purpose blesses them
That's not what I believe, it doesn't matter anyway
A part of your soul ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last, but I'm still not sure
But what I do know is, to us the world is different
As we are to the world but I guess you would know that

Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, oh please don't leave here
I don't want you to change for all the hurt that you feel
This world is just illusion always trying to change you

Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, oh please don't leave here
I don't want you to change for all the hurt that you feel
This world is just illusion always trying to change you

Just a song i love atm. I heard it at infest and it just stuck with me. Such an amazing song with such meaningful lyrics. Just wow. In fact just their whole album is amazing. I'm off to see them play again live in december so seeing them again will be great. Ah i love being me at times.

]]> ~bingoaname http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14389428/ http://bingoaname.deviantart.com/journal/14389428/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 01:50:21 PDT
A. Post these rules

1) Each person tagged must post 8 random (hopefully interesting)
facts about themselves.

2) Tagged deviants should write a journal of these facts.

3) I havent got any friends to tag. Besides my cat keeps walking on my keyboard

4) Go to their page and leave a comment telling them that they're
tagged.



B. Eight Random Facts about Me.

1) I love b rate movies movies. Like who doesn't? I in fact was watching timecop last night. one of the best movies ever. Just the beginning was awsome it looks likes this totally A grade movie then jean claude shows up and its like wtf!?! wheres the gradient gone!

2) I suck at 90% of the things i do. I',m on of these people who thinks i can do it first time and be a pro but then i'll suck ast it and it'll take me some time to pick up. I can be a very bad loser if someone who's as new as me keeps beating me and then gloats about it. The worst is when they try to do bad to make me feel better. Like geez im not 2 years old!

3) I have a secret liking for 5ive. One of my childish boy bands. Now i love my industrial and metal but 5ive will always be there.

4) I try to avoid going out for fear of getting drunk. I have a huge fear of vomit where i will read sell buy dates and go buy them even for frozen foods. I dont drink too much for fear of being sick and even avoid travelling to avoid travelk sickness (ive never even had it). I get extremely scared while travelling though which makes me feel sick. I'll avoid long journeys with pitaful excuses and will hold the same drink for about an hour to make people think ive had loads.

5) If i ever commit suicide i want "vnv nation - illusion" playing. Probably one of the saddest songs imaginal. But the lyrics just screem save me. Nonone knows this but if i failed my as's the 2nd time i was going to kill myself. I had it planned and everything. Wierd isnt it.

6) Anyways a happier fact. I have a red birthmark on the back of my head. My parenmt asways take the mick coz they were gunna call me damien if i was a boy and then im born with that makr,

7) reet facts are getting difficult im not that intresting.... i always wanted to be a micro biologist when i was little. Still do really. But its a very high up job and you just have to be amzing to do it.

8) Im panicking about my tcat thing today. They'll ask me why i want to be a teacher. Well coz i just do. I like kids. Im patient. I want to help them coz i know we live in a nation of parents not caring.

]]> ~bingoaname