http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:blissfllEy3&section=today deviantART RSS for by:blissfllEy3 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 19:47:58 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/23325250/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/23325250/ Sat, 21 Feb 2009 13:41:07 PST
anyways life is decent. i have friends, a job, stuff to do.
the city is what i wanted in life. but im questioning it know
as i do everything else.

Yeah, i party, yeah i drink. Yeah i meet guys and i get to say no.
woopydoo. idk i feel like stuff is missing.
probably someone to do this with.

But once again in my awesome life, i chase away or fuck up everything
wooo go nina.
i miss love
i miss friends
i miss having somewhere i can go when something goes wrong
sure i could go home. but where is home exactly?
where my heart is? fuck. no. they are mad at me
where my family is? fuck. no. they would laugh at me
where my house is? fuck no. thats where i am.
where im loved? fuck. i dont know... where that is.

im not wanting sympathy or saying im not wrong. i am no doubt
i just wanted to update you guys on whats up..

to summarize. im missing out on my life now by remembering instead of living

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/21590168/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/21590168/ Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:35:31 PST


And I'm found too fast,
called too fond of flames,
and then I'm phoning my friends,
and then I'm shouldering the blame,
while you're picking pebbles
out of the drain,
miles ago.
You're out singing songs,
and I'm down shouting names
at the flickerless screen,
going fucking insane.
Am I losing my cool,
overstating my case?
Well, baby what can I say?

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/21572377/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/21572377/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:32:33 PST
]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/21435080/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/21435080/ Tue, 11 Nov 2008 09:15:31 PST
]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/21210536/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/21210536/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:22:48 PDT
somehow. even though i beat my self up everyday.Someone has seen throught the fucked up mess i have become. and actaually enjoys my company. and i dont mean the church kids, or the family friends. I met them on my own. and he likes, me for me. not for how i look or what i say... or where i am. but me. he likes me becuase i am flawed. and how i mess up sometimes. he likes me becuase i am as hardcore as a frenchfry. He does things that i dont like. i do things that he doesnt like. but we are close. and that shows me. that mountain dew. and blue jolt. are a match made in heaven.

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/17031875/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/17031875/ Sat, 23 Feb 2008 20:21:42 PST I am who i am. And that is alright
I may not be the most amazing person on the planet. but its alright.

What is not alright is when people mess with my fucking head. I try and be straight up. I try to be honest and true to everyone i have to be around. If i hate you, you will know it. But i was about to lay my fucking HEART on the line for someone and then i find out they are a hypocrytical ASSHOLE. Seriously. People should not say they think they love me. and htey really want to be the best they can be. AND then fucking stab me in the back. I dont know what i was ever thinking. I am not meant to be happy apparently. Ever single time i think i might be able to be happy something happens.

And then on top of all this. I thought i had a handle on it all. Then i see some stuff that shouldnt bother me. But does. It bothers me more than i can say with words. The look in your eye is drilling a hole in my heart. And i cant do anything but stare back. Becuase for some unknown reason i seem to be attracted to people even after they completly tear apart my life.. awesome right?

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16984274/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16984274/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:13:39 PST Getting paid mad money to do a huge room sized mural for a kids room. its pretty intence.

BUT. their cat.. is a stupid douchebag. it steps in paint. so i pick it up (nicely)) and attempt to wipe off the paint and it LATCHED ONTO MY ARM.. lke not hey i just bit you.. it was like HEY .. BITCH .. I JUST FUCKING TORE YOUR EVERLOVING ARM OFF.

it bit me.. to.. the.. BONE. yeah.. suck ass right? so.. my whole right forearm is throbbing pain. and all bruised.. its a bitch.. i am SO charging more for getting mauled by an animal. alright im done now

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16912563/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16912563/ Sat, 16 Feb 2008 10:42:42 PST i hosted the talent which was a huge success. garrett artman won with a perfect rendition of evolution of dance. (look it up on youtube its amazing)
Then later DJ'd the dance in the slutty dress i have ever worn. The dance was awesome.. aand people finally actually noticed i was a girl. and that i wasnt 300 pounds haha. so yeah. tonight im going to battle of the bands to see gauged and a couple other bands.

FINALLY GOING EFFING SNOWBOARDING tomorrow. thank god. ive been dying to go. hopefully to sugarloaf haha. since im spoiled like that.

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16797714/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16797714/ Sat, 09 Feb 2008 09:31:35 PST I have to organize winter carnival. At 3's will be stuck with the banner (as usual) which i will be a part of. but also part of the drama, so i will have to do the skit as well. on top of all that i must get a talent show together, and be in it. and host.. god haha. then that night i wil have to DJ the dance, so i have quite the handful.

but i think doing all of this is just to kind of keep myself from thinking very much.. i have had a lot on my mind and keeping myself busy helps me forget. Bryan and i broke up...... again.. i knew it was wrong from the start.. but i just needed someone to lean on.. and hes deffinitly not that person.. hes.. the opposite really.

anyways.. i am doing better..not great.. but i will survive.

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16697481/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16697481/ Sat, 02 Feb 2008 21:05:55 PST is this just one big mistake?
am i walking in circles while the solution is right in front of me?
did i take a wrong turn?
why do i still cry?
why am i so helpless?
why do i feel so alone?
Why do i talk to this empty journal?
why do i sing?
What happened to my happiness?
When did the fake nina appear?
what happened to the old one?
will she ever return?
did i kill her?
is this fake smile tearing her apart?
why wont i let the world see my sadness?
why do i insist on being strong?
when will my strength fail me?
why do i still look to the stars... and think of love?
is there really love?
or just a series of words that make me feel good?
where did the scars on my arms come from?
what is this bottle?
why cant i remember?
what am i doing with my life?
why am i even alive?

and the answers are all.. i dont know.. I DONT FUCKING KNOW. i hate my life, becuase i cannot do what i know i can. I hate my face becuase it shows flaws and insecurity. I hate my body becuase it is the only thing that ties me to society. I hate everything.
i have no answers. becuase im not even sure if i am alive. sure. i laugh and yell and smile to my friends. give then the recognition that they exist. and that i love them. but im not alive. a clone walks the earth, a lonely, empty, PATHETIC FUCKING SHELL. i am nothing.

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16503426/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16503426/ Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:32:21 PST i thought i had everything i wanted
but.. something is off..
him i think.. hes sweet. but
a virgin.. at life.

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16041116/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16041116/ Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:59:44 PST
so i get my license. amazing. after 2 trys no doubt.. but still..I GOT IT

I get lead in the senior play. and a lead in one of the two shorts that follow it.

I made an even more amazing friend of ian F. who is amazing beyond belief.

My friends are stil the most amazing people on the planet.. i love them all so much.. they have been there for me through some really tough times.

Then a boy *bryan* a red head who i have had a crush on for a while. but i thought he didnt like me ASKS ME OUT.. so yeah... im so happy right now. I have had a retarded grin on my face for almost a week now. ... wow..

and to top it off im having a party net wednesday... and everyone will be there... wow.. i dont even kno.

I LOVE YOU GUYS..

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16041015/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16041015/ Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:50:36 PST
]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16016959/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/16016959/ Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:55:17 PST amazing day today
bryan makes me happy
...end of story

MERRY CHRISTMAS

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15975453/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15975453/ Mon, 17 Dec 2007 15:42:47 PST i love/hate christmas...
but i have a new outlook
anger nad bitterness is foolish and i hold no hard feelings for past events. becuase htey are that.. in the past
i dont need anything extra weighing me down.
o yeah.. new black hair.. the red felt kinda cursed :[
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
i love you all

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15774787/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15774787/ Mon, 03 Dec 2007 05:45:53 PST
For the messages im getting fuck you! You dont like it. Dont read it. I write wheat i feel. Im not passing judgement or any shit like that. Im a 17 year old girl. I dont think thats my place. I write what my heart feels. So go fucking cry to someone who cares. mainly not me.

And for you, who i thought was my friend. and had damn good reason too. Im fucking sick of you. Im sorry if im upset that i got blamed for something i didnt do. If i truly deep down wanted to screw some one. I WOULD HAVE. i will always try my hardest to be with the one i love. and if i dont love them. why would i be with them? So just do me a favor and stop reading my shit if you feel like im calling you a horrible person. becuase im not. You are an amazing person. I have only told you that 8658675646547 times since i met you. But you seem to dwell on the bad things that have happened. Never mind that we loved each other. No. just hink about how naive i was to think that i could dispell a problem and not have to get you tied up in it. WELL FUCKING SORRY FOR EVER TRYING TO HELP YOU. Im fucking done. fuck you

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15580687/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15580687/ Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:57:40 PST wait for it....
omg....
its amazing......
ahhhh...
(drum roll)
you will never believe this...
...
....
.....
raed it slowly..
I HAVE RED HAIR..
like fire engine red
yeah you thought it was actually a big thing didnt you??
nope.... just red hair.. but it makes me happy
well... happier..
ok... not depressed
whatever
well now im sad
good going

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15544886/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15544886/ Sat, 17 Nov 2007 08:11:35 PST this is a mind over matter thing right?
and my mind says that nate is another guy
i may love him very very much
but he is just another person
i can do this
i can be strong
ok.. i had to tell myself that
im all better now
and now.. i must go
i have to make a call to a special person
wow.. i feel better

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15539874/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15539874/ Fri, 16 Nov 2007 20:49:54 PST i am nervous
not in a hey.. i wonder-what-i'm-gonna-get-at-christmas nervous. its like im going to pee my pants nervous. I dont know whats going to happen. And i hate that.
The person i love most in the world is coming back around. I dont know when, i dont know for how long.
That doesnt bother me. What bothers me is.. hes changed. and i dont know what is going to happen. Will i cry? Will i be angry? Will i be stone set and just go through the motions? im not sure. I want more than anything, to tell him how much i miss him and to forgive him for everything that has happened.

i want to

but i dont know anymore.

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15277483/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/15277483/ Mon, 29 Oct 2007 18:24:04 PDT i am now:
a senior
single
at peace

I love my four amazing closest girlfriends: court sarah zam and cassidy (not my sister)
I have guy friends to dont worry haha. ian and ian, kumar, frank, tom and trav you guys top the list

i have come to accept that everything happens for a reason. it may suck. but thats okay, time heals all. When nate and i broke up i couldnt imagine my life without him. and i must say, its wierd getting homework done. but i am moving on, slowly but still, moving.

im running the spoons game. withh bright red spoons. pretty much amazing. Also the talent show this Feb. that should be fun. Starting up a band too. with my favorites cassidy and ian F. wow.. it will be amazing.

then.. bennington awaits. my dream college in vermont, going for my passion. photography.. so yeah.

i love my life. its tough.. and i like it that way. everyone likes a challenge right?
so yeah.. i love life.

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/11219927/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/11219927/ Thu, 28 Dec 2006 08:01:38 PST
]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/8326736/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/8326736/ Fri, 31 Mar 2006 19:14:09 PST ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7694387/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7694387/ Tue, 24 Jan 2006 11:43:01 PST That excites me... I ahte it when i see people close to me hurting and i wish i didnt have to bring the harsh words but if i didnt i wouldnt get my point across and they would be hurt more later. So i do have a reason for my actions. But in the end i have to take care of myself not anyone else. And i think that although its not the best mindset but all i have to think about is my future.. and its music..... ]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7682399/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7682399/ Mon, 23 Jan 2006 05:36:55 PST ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7617814/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7617814/ Mon, 16 Jan 2006 07:28:25 PST ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7226446/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7226446/ Mon, 05 Dec 2005 06:17:21 PST jk jk.. but yea.. i expect everyone from PCHS to join! haha yes thank you pleases ]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7197309/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7197309/ Thu, 01 Dec 2005 18:02:56 PST

1. no explicite request... im not a raunchy writer.

2. I'll give you tons of credit

3. I'll give you permission to post it on your page if you like the result....

4. and if you dont really give a shit then just gimme an idea and ill be good! haha

ps... comments will probably get you a faster result then if you sent me a note...

THANK YOU!! ]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7174467/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7174467/ Tue, 29 Nov 2005 07:17:07 PST As you drip through my veins

Mood: I LOVE KENNETH
Listening to: the transition Hawthorn

Yes. Im all good reunited with mr ken and sitting with all my friends again.. God i missed you guys. I dont know what i would do without friends. THey are my backbone in everything. And i suppose this would be a good time to tell everyone i have been given the option of dropping out of school and joining NCM East Records in New York... but im not going to until i finish school. I dont want to have to rely on fame. But i have a career there. Which is my dream. I cannot tell my parents cuz they will FLIP out but yea. I wanted all my closest friends to know that.

shine on diamond eyes! ]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7150836/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7150836/ Sat, 26 Nov 2005 16:03:19 PST i havent seen ken in like a week.. and it bites... major donkey balls!! so yea... stuf seems to be fallin apart lately... one of my favorite couples.. i wont mention names they know who they are... broke up.. and i wasw really sad cuz they were so cute... and one of them is going threw hard times... i just want her to remember that i lover her and that i will always be here for her... you have become one of my closest and most trusted friends... and i love you! so much... and dont you forget it!!!

]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7096282/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7096282/ Sun, 20 Nov 2005 11:43:33 PST im all gooood ]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7044123/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/7044123/ Mon, 14 Nov 2005 10:35:56 PST yea.. im dun now... ]]> ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/6943718/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/6943718/ Thu, 03 Nov 2005 10:40:05 PST ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/6852359/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/6852359/ Mon, 24 Oct 2005 06:41:10 PDT ~blissfllEy3 http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/6748986/ http://blissfllEy3.deviantart.com/journal/6748986/ Wed, 12 Oct 2005 14:08:15 PDT ~blissfllEy3