http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:cadrian&section=today deviantART RSS for by:cadrian en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 06:53:51 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/21190579/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/21190579/ Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:05:47 PDT It's something I have to say.
Love you too much to leave,
Don't like you enough to stay.

My head's in a mess
And I'm stressed,
But I guess its a test
In the quest for happiness
And the rest of that mess
So I best just acquiesce
Even though I've grown tired of you

And that ain't meant to sound spiteful,
I'm just trying to be insightful.
When I write all my emotions
In the night, all the stuff I try to fight
Will just come out
And the sad fact is...
I'm so tired of you

Love, its a weird thing ain't it?
There's no way to explain it
But I swear as well as pain
There should be joy, but we sustain
The same level of mundane
And it's numbing me through

I often wonder if I'd miss you
And still have the urge to kiss you
If an issue was to hit through
To this heart that now feels disused
And said issue was too big to just ignore...
And I walked out on you

The chances are I'd fall apart
And suffer seizures of the heart
As my chest begins to smart
The very second I have to part
I'd want to go back to the start
But then again...
Maybe I'd just feel new

Maybe I'd get my life on track
And start to focus my attack
On all the things my life just lacks
And start to claw my passion back
Instead of living like a hack,
Half committed half relaxed,
Cause I'd have nothing to lose

There's a weight over me today
It's something I have to say
Love you too much to leave
Don't like you enough to stay

I guess lately I've had too much time to think
And, yeah, way too much drink
When paper meets the ink
Over-thinking is the chink in my armour
That's just what I do.

And I've always been that way --
Forever questioning each day
And every plea that's made
That maybe when i lay my busy mind
Will make me prove by finding problems and reasons,
That might not even be true.

See we got together so young,
Before our real lives had begun.
But flowers don't grow up as one.
Each finds its own way to the sun,
And that's exactly what we've done.
We've grown up separately too.

And for a few years now
It's been the problem,
And these realisations --
I wish that I could stop them
But I've realised that love
Is all we have in common
and deep down you know that's true.

But then surely that I'm still in love with you
Means there's something we can do
To get us through and to pursue
A brand new point of view
On how this gap grew...
Between me and you.

So there's a weight over me
And I'd hate to have to leave
But in fate I don't believe
And the state of you and me
Isn't great as you can see...
So I'll keep thinking this through.

There's a weight over me today
it's something I have to say
love you too much to leave
don't like you enough to stay

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/17738759/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/17738759/ Mon, 07 Apr 2008 20:11:25 PDT Riddled with regret.
Un-com-mon-ly
Comfortable
But still, I believe

That in time, I
Think I'll see
Just what's been weighing
Down on me
An unearthy void, collapsed,
Exposing what was trapped
To release this serendipitous design.

The smell of smoke;
The evening sky was bruised.
Belated conversation, saturate anticipation...
For the answers that simply won't come

But not I,
I won't ask..
Forget my place
Amongst the grass
The leaves and the trees
Remember me
And in my naievity
It might be seen
The pail has leaks
And even if
You put all your water
Into it
You'll end up with nothing
Left to drink
The well has gone dry, and I with it

Oh, someday she'll be gone...
But we'll still have a song to sing

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15970887/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15970887/ Mon, 17 Dec 2007 09:49:29 PST Before they wonder
Why the dreams have gone to hell

Wake all the children from their sleep
Down the staircase we shall creep
To the basement of this white picket home

Let's show them where the bad ones go
For all they know
For all they know
Their heroes are still untouchable
What they don't know
What they don't know

All the preachers and all the ministers
Administer those sinister looks
They teach from a liar's chair
A pulpit mounted on a child's prayer

You'll find the cross only fits
When your hands and feet are nailed to it
"Can we get a picture with the pauper
And another with the prince?"
Ma'am, he's got your daughter wrapped in his fists

To the boys and girls he's alabaster
But to his brothers, just another bastard
With a story about a girl
Enough to make you sick
And how she made him king of her gracious hips
Yeah, she's found a way to crown his fingertips

We'll see if you can find your smile, tooth by tooth

Let's show them where the bad ones go
Another case of a sheep bearing a broken nose
Let's show them where the bad ones go
Color your criminal -
Paint black lines on your bones

Wake all the children from their sleep
He's robbing pillow-cased dreams and selling cheap
What lives below he wouldn't know
So let's tell them where the bad ones go

You curse the tail between your legs
Blue-faced and black-jawed
Your innocent eyes rotted
From your bedroom in the night
A lesson from the learned
And if your skin won't fit
Don't sell your soul just yet

If the herd is the temptation
That the faithless can't evade,
"We ate all forbidden grapes
and retreated to the vineyard
To the void in which we dwell
With a tortured youth and heartaches we'll sell
I'll be the blood and body if you'll ring that bell."

Let's see if you can find your smile, tooth by tooth

Let's show them where the bad ones go
Another case of a sheep bearing a broken nose
Let's show them where the bad ones go
Color your criminal -
Paint black lines on your bones

Wake all the children from their sleep
He's robbing pillow-cased dreams and selling cheap
What lives below he wouldn't know
So let's tell them where the bad ones go

You'll go down in history
With notebooks, pens, and melodies
But you're running from all of us
You're running from all of us
You're running from all your love

Wake all the children from their sleep
He's robbing pillow-cased dreams and selling cheap
What lives below he wouldn't know
So let's tell them where the bad ones go

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15728956/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15728956/ Fri, 30 Nov 2007 00:07:00 PST Everyone that's in your life
Is only being paid off
By a T.V. studio
And every conversation
Everyone's had with you
Was scripted by the writers
Living in Los Angeles

Smile for the camera

Put on a show for the viewers back home
Hide the truth so they'll never know
You hate what you got
Can't you love what you got?
So smile for the cameras that keep rolling

What if you find out
Everything that's in your life
Was only put in front of you
By people waiting for you to fall
And every time you trip up
Is all just a game
Nothing's really mattered
Nothing was as bad as you thought it was

Smile for the camera

Put on a show for the viewers back home
Hide the truth so they'll never know
You hate what you got
Can't you love what you got?
So smile for the cameras that keep rolling

The banquet the reception, it was all for you
Affectionate obsession from the masses grew
But little do they all know
You're just scared
You're just scared of when they'll write you off your own show

Put on a show for the viewers back home
Hide the truth so they'll never know
You hate what you got
Can't you love what you got?
So smile for the cameras that keep rolling

Love what you got, can't you love what you got?

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15501325/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15501325/ Wed, 14 Nov 2007 00:24:35 PST And once again I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars beneath my feet
Remember rights that I did wrong
So here I go

Hello, hello?
There is no place I cannot go
My mind is muddy, but
My heart is heavy - does it show?
I lose the track that loses me
So here I go

And so I sent some men to fight
And one came back at dead of night
Said he'd seen my enemy
Said he looked just like me
So I set out to cut myself
And here I go

I’m not calling for a second chance
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice
Cause I'll just make the same mistake again

And maybe someday we will meet
And maybe talk but not just speak
Dont buy the promises cause
There are no promises I keep
And my reflection troubles me
So here I go

I’m not calling for a second chance
I’m screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice
Cause I'll just make the same mistake

I’m not calling for a second chance
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice
Cause I'll just make the same mistake again

So while I'm turning in my sheets

And once again I cannot sleep

Walk out the door and up the street

Look at the stars

Look at the stars falling down

And I wonder where

Did I go wrong?

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15251204/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15251204/ Sun, 28 Oct 2007 00:04:11 PDT you'd hate it there anyway
take berlin and we'll call it even

you can take all of the carry-on baggage
i'll trade the saskia jokes for the alphabet language

and if we find out that we have any children
we'll trade them off summers and alternating weekends

you call it over and i call you psycho
significant other?
just say we were lovers and we'll call it even
we'll call it even

i am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered
disgused as a hero to get past your borders
i know when i'm wanted i'll leave when you ask me to
mind my own business and speak when i'm spoken to

i am the tower around which you orbited
i am not proud i am just taking orders
i fall to the groud within moments of impact
i hit back if hit
and attack if attacked

you get route two between concord and lexington
i want mass ave from the sqaure to my apartment

and if we should meet through some misunderstanding
ill be very sweet very patient and forgiving
(now get off my side of the state)

and if we should meet one another in passing
despite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding
(there must be some kind of mistake)

we'll raise high our white flags and say hi and shake hands
declaring the land we're on unamerican
we'll call it even

i am the tower around which you orbited
i am not proud i am just taking orders
i fall to the groud within moments of impact
i hit back if hit
and attack if attacked

i am an accident waiting to happen
i'm laughing like mad while you strangle the captain
my place may be taken, but make no mistake
from a little black black box i can say without shame
that you've lost
do you know what you've lost?

so take whatever you'd like
i'll strike like the States on fire
you won't sleep very tight
no hiding
no safe covers
make your bed and now lie
just like you always do
you can fake it for the papers but i'm on to you....

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15020856/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/15020856/ Thu, 11 Oct 2007 19:53:02 PDT And I won't trust the air with secrets
I can't stop holding this treasure in my arms
For all the water in the ocean
Could never turn this swans legs from black to white

Let them say...
Let them say...
Let them say what they please.

You won't be leaving my arms ever,
I promise you that
Even if you want me to let go honey
Even if you want me to let go
You won't be leaving my arms ever,
I promise you that
Even if you want me to let go honey
Even if you say the things that make me want to miss you

We went on drinkin' and celebrating something
I looked at you and said that "I'm forever yours"
You looked at me and said
"Oh, the idea of being in love..."
The idea...
The idea of being forever yours.

You won't be leaving my arms ever
I promise you that
Even if you want me to let go honey
Even if you want me to let go
You won't be leaving my arms ever
I promise you that
Even if you want me to let go honey
Even if you say the things that make me want to miss you

Scream it from the
You said to me lonely and pleading, phantasm
We only get what we see
Gazing too desperately
Between the things that we feel
Gazing too desperately
In every dilusion we're watching segregated illusions
Between the things that we see
And the things that we feel
Oh no...

It won't make them disappear

You won't be leaving my arms ever
I promise you that
Even if you want me to let go honey
Even if you want me to let go
You won't be leaving my arms ever
I promise you that
Even if you want me to let go honey
Even if you say the things that make me want to lose you

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/14859183/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/14859183/ Sun, 30 Sep 2007 16:21:15 PDT Despite the wolves outside your door
In time you will see them all as harmless
And their idle threats easy to ignore

And if ever fate should choose to smite you
Stand your ground, never walk away
Please don't ever let the world defeat you
Don't get buried in its decay

As you drift into the gauzy realm of dreams
May you take comfort in the thought that you are safe
For it only takes a fraction of a second
For all of this to change

Return to me
When slumber's fog has lifted
Return to me
Stronger than before

As you sink beneath the soothing streams of time
May you be thankful that you had another day
For there comes a time when each of us will enter
A sleep from which we will never wake

And if ever fate should choose to smite you
Stand your ground, never walk away
Please don't ever let the world defeat you
Don't get buried in its decay

Close your eyes now, if only for a moment
For it's time you get some rest
The wolves are gone and nothing here can harm you
Let go of your fragile consciousness

Return to me
When slumber's fog has lifted
Return to me
Stronger than before

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/14133430/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/14133430/ Sun, 12 Aug 2007 12:53:04 PDT I've been disadvantaged from the start.
He constricted the veins heading straight to my head,
Rerouted the blood to my heart instead.

I am braindead,
Thinking in strictly in blues and reds.
I'm in enough trouble man...
Oh man, I'm in trouble again.
Cause everyone's ears are watching me,
But I never, ever felt that this would be
Anything more than a makeshift personal IV.

I fall three times as hard.
If it's from nothing at all
You all seem twice as tall as I will ever be.
'Cause I feel terribly small.
When my head works too hard.
When you think with your chest,
There's not a thing that you don't see.

I'm hardly capable of half the damage that I would like to do.
I could swear that I don't care,
But you know I'm too full of shit to think this through.
Look at me,
I pray to God
But swear too much to be considered true.
I'm just like me, I'm just like me.
So who the hell are you?

I'm but a boy,
Just like the rest of these thieves.
I borrow phrases, from dusty, faded, record sleeves.
The story is the same.
I've just personalized the name.
But if it's all you need,
Then I'd be more than happy to confess my shame.

Cause I fall three times as hard
If it's from nothing at all
You all seem twice as tall as I will ever be
Cause I feel terribly small
When my head works too hard
When you think with your chest
There's not a thing that you don't see

I'm hardly capable of half the damage
That I would like to do
I could swear that I don't care
But you know I'm too full of shit to think this through
So look at me
I pray to God
But curse too much to be considered true
I'm just like me, I'm just like me
So who the hell are you?

I know you think you know,
But these eyelids are windows
That shut you out from all the things
That I don't want you to know.
And I refuse to tell you one single secret I own.
'Cause you'll find I'm petrified
Of your eyes.

I'm hardly capable of half the damage that I would like to do.
I could swear that I don't care,
But you know I'm too full of shit to think this through.
I've read the book,
I prayed to God,
But cursed too much to be considered true.
I'm just like me, I'm just like me..
So who the hell are you?

The road turned into a snake
It looked at my veins and said
"It's in your blood."
That's when I tried to run
But it was way too dark
I got scared
Ran into your arms
Oh sweet chemical predicament
Can't stop, can't change the evident

Predisposed to forget the best part
The story where the hero dies without regard
Made sure that the needle is clean
When I let myself fall asleep
And all I kept was a piece of your picture
It slipped from my fingers
When I slid into my dreams

It's not as deep as it seems
And unfair as it may be
I'm just here to remind you
Remind you not to forget to remember me

I know you know how it feels
To make a clean break
My bones are your bones
My home is your home
You must be so confused
I got scared and ran away from you
Oh sweet divine predicament
I can't hide, I can't change the evident

Predisposed to trust a photograph
To portray the way you used to laugh
Do you recall the day you wed?
Such a radiant bride
You couldn't wait to see your first born
Take his very first steps
Then you smiled at him
Cause you thought he looked like me

It's not as deep as it seems
And unfair as it may be
I'm just here to remind you
Remind you not to forget to remember me

Now that I've dodged your question so much
I don't possess the strength to answer straight
And no, I'm not afraid
At least not to die
I'm afraid to live and not remember why
Sweet chemical indifference
I can't stop, can't change the evident

Predisposed to perpetual sickness
I refuse to let you all be witness
Make the sure the needle is clean
When you let me go back to sleep
And situate the piece of her picture
Underneath my fingers
It protects me in my dreams

It's not as deep as it seems
And unfair as it may be
I'm just here to remind you
Remind you not to forget to remember me

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13862700/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13862700/ Tue, 24 Jul 2007 16:23:14 PDT
Every now and then I cower
And I need to find empowerment
Empowerment is paramount
To how I can begin to mount
A plan that I can implement
To make a dent on ignorance
Instead of drunk belligerence
And the dissidence of miscreants
Especially in this instance
With the never ending persistence
To use the words in each sentence
As if they were blunt instruments
To beat a hole in the defence
Of this beauty and her innocence
Which serves to just build resistance
In spite of all my good intents.

The beat that my heart skipped
This is the beat that my heart skipped..
This is the beat that
My
Heart
Skipped

This is the beat that my heart skipped when we first met
Now that I’ve heard it, it leaves me with a kind of regret
No disrespect
But we left a lot of people upset
What we had wasn’t really what we’d come to expect

Well good god damn and other such phrases
I haven’t heard a beat like this in ages
To miss such a beat would have been outrageous
When your heart skips a beat, it's ruthless and aimless

She caught my attention in her fishnets
And then she reeled me in,
Expecting nothing more than kissed necks and quick sex
But that weren’t the case with this platinum princess
She’d attracted my interest
So I wanted to impress…
Upon her all the positive things
That come from having more than just a one night fling
But that’s something
Easier in theory than in practice
Since pick up lines are tactics
To get prey to the mattress
And this actress
Is practiced
In shunning such theatrics
When put upon daily by tactless geriatrics

All my genuine advances are met with po-faced skepticism
Throwing complements but she just straight elects to miss them
Her lips were put on this earth for dispersing wisdom
God forbid I suggest she lets me kiss them

But I really want to know what she thinks of me
Because I’m loving every idiosyncrasy

But I ain’t one to jump through hoops to make a first impression
Been there, done that -- learnt the worst of lessons
We want to be loved for who we appear to be
Instead of who we are
So our real selves take a backseat behind the pomp and the façade
And that’s as true of the rude boys, downing pints and acting hard
As of the kids shunning convention with clinical disregard

This is the beat that
My
Heart
Skipped~

This is the beat that my heart skipped when we first met
Now that I’ve heard it, it leaves me with a kind of regret
No disrespect
But we left a lot of people upset
And what we had wasn’t really what we’d come to expect

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13665380/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13665380/ Mon, 09 Jul 2007 00:02:32 PDT Hang your heart in lights above me
Is that too much to ask for?
When the night descends upon us
Take a shower, dry your hair by the furnace
I'll watch you from the corner

Telephones and old typewriters
Words of love along the wires
Let's make it work tonight
Telepgraphs and birds that fly
Through air so still you hear me sigh
Let's make it work tonight
Tonight, tonight

Then furious, you threw the picture
I, cap in hand, an awful mixture
That kind of hard love is the worst
I try to speak but you don't hear me
When you're gone you still feel near me
For awhile, for a little while

I've tried telephones and old typewriters
Words of love along the wires
But nothing is working tonight
I've tried telegraphs and birds that fly
Through air so still you hear me sigh
But nothing is working tonight
Tonight
Please let's make it work tonight
Please let's make it work tonight
Tonight

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13459273/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13459273/ Sat, 23 Jun 2007 11:52:32 PDT These peaks and valleys are beginning to take their toll
Try to convince myself that all it takes is time
But the most derisive voice I hear is mine

It opens all the scars on me
It leaves me shaken in my belief
It takes my hand just to drag me down
It makes me a stranger in the crowd

Give me isolation just for now
I feel a hard rain coming down
I promise that I will be back soon
But for now I'll return to my cocoon

There is thunder in the distance and the sky grows gray
There is lightning in the clouds in search of prey
It's not a matter of if as much as when
The clouds will break and the rainfall will begin

It opens all the scars on me
It leaves me shaken in my belief
It takes my hand just to drag me down
It makes me a stranger in the crowd

Give me isolation just for now
I feel a hard rain coming down
I promise that I will be back soon
But for now I'll return to my cocoon

Cracks in the chrysalis spread out like tiny snakes
That hiss a litany of rumors and mistakes
But I'm afraid their cause is fraught with futility
There is nothing more that they can take from me

It opens all the scars on me
It leaves me shaken in my belief
It takes my hand just to drag me down
It makes me a stranger in the crowd

Give me isolation just for now
I feel a hard rain coming down
I promise that I will be back soon
But for now I'll return to my cocoon

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13321576/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13321576/ Tue, 12 Jun 2007 20:08:38 PDT I'm calling from 30,000 feet above you
The captain's just informed us that our plane is going down
So I'm calling for one last time to say I love you

I'm not certain how much time I may have left, so I'll be brief
I'm sorry if this message only amplifies your grief
But I couldn't bear the burden of never having said goodbye
And the pain you feel, I promise you, will go away with time

I'm sorry I won't be there to see our children grow
Please tell them that I loved them more than they will ever know
Tell my family and friends how much I loved them all as well
I'm sure that we will meet again, but only time will tell

I'm sorry most of all I won't be there when you grow old
To be there by your side and keep you warm when you are cold
Forgive me, but I think my time is drawing to a close
So I've one last thing to tell you now before I have to go

I...

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13280033/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13280033/ Sat, 09 Jun 2007 15:58:14 PDT From God..
To man

H-Hey there
H-How’s it going?
Long time no..
See?
I-I know I haven’t been around much lately but
It didn’t seem like you wanted me to be.

The last time I sent down a message, you nailed it to a cross.
So I figured... I'd just leave you to it and let you be your own boss.
But I’ve been keeping an eye on you, I have. And it’s amazing how you’ve grown.
All your technological advances and the problems you’ve overthrown.

And all the beautiful art you’ve created with such grace and such finesse.
But I admit there are a few things, I’m afraid, have impressed me less.
So I’m writing to apologise for all the horrors committed in my name.
Although it was never what I intended, I feel I should take my share of the blame.

A lot of the good I tried to do was corrupted when organized religion got into full swing.
What I thought were quite clear messages were taken to unusual extremes.
My teachings taken out of context to meet the agenda of others.
Interpretations taken in many different ways and hidden meanings “discovered”.

Religion became a tool for the weak to control the strong.
With all these new morals and ethics, survival of the fittest was gone.
No longer could the biggest man simply take what ever he needed,
Because damnation was the price if certain rules were not heeded.

Some of the deeds committed in my name just make me wonder where I went wrong.
Back at the start when I “created” all of this, the foundations seemed so strong.
See all the elements were already here, long before I began.
I just kind of put them all together. I didn’t really think out a long term plan.

I made the sun an appropriate distance and laid the stars across the sky,
So you could navigate this globe or simply watch a sunrise.
I covered the earth with plants and fruits, some for sustenance and some for beauty.
And made the sun shine and clouds rain so their maintenance wasn’t your duty.

I tried to give each creature its own attributes, without making them enveloped.
I gave you all space to grow and, in your own way, space to develop.
I didn’t know that such development would cause rifts and jealousy.
Cause you to war against each other and leave marks on this planet indelibly.

You see, I wasn’t the creator, I was more the curator of nature
And I want to set things straight with homosexuals right now: I don’t hate ya.
I was a simple being that happened to be the first to yield such powers.
But I just laid the ground. It was you that built the towers.

It was you that invented bombs and the fear that comes with them.
And it was you that invented money, and corrupt economic systems.
You invented terms like “just wars” and terms like “friendly fire”,
It was you that didn’t know when to stop digging deeper and when to stop building higher.

It was you that exhausted the resources I carefully laid out on this earth,
And it was you that even saw these problems coming but accredited them little worth.
It was you that used my teachings for your own personal gain
And it was you that committed such tragedies, even if they were in my name.

So I apologise for any mistakes I made and when my words were misconstrued,
But this apology is to Mother Nature, because I created you.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13231420/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13231420/ Tue, 05 Jun 2007 18:10:11 PDT
If you're interested in getting paid for some drawings... leave a message here, or contact me on AIM. If your style is what I'm looking for, we'll discuss how many pictures, what kind, the price.. things like that.

I want a single artist that I can kinda work closely with.. which means I'll probably make you read the book to get a good idea of what you'll be drawing.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13125549/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13125549/ Mon, 28 May 2007 13:00:12 PDT I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline
When I kiss away your tears
You really had me going,
Wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you
You are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion,
You were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday
Was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why

I say good-bye...

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking,
What’s it all about?
I used to be so certain
Now I can’t figure out
What is this attraction?
I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason
And only you to blame
Will it ever change?

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway...

I’ve come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?
I rise above
Or sink below
With every time
You come and go
Please don’t come and go

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13000419/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/13000419/ Fri, 18 May 2007 12:00:08 PDT
Love is not dependance or independance, it is the knowledge that your other is always there when you need them.

Love does not depend completely on trust, but it is about not having to worry about trusting.

Love is not earned, or given as a reward. It exists without rhyme or reason and cannot be called on command.

Love is not fragile, though it can be easily forced into hiding.

Love is not calculated by a measure of time passed, but still grows stronger with every day gone.

Love is not fat free, but can be a good diet plan.

Love is not easily forgotten, but sometimes easily overlooked.

Love is not a good excuse to die, but rather enjoys being a reason to live.

Love is not always about happiness, but rather your desire to see through the hardest times together.

Love is not about having every single thing in common with your other, rather it is about loving them through your differences.

Love is never normal, nor can it be measured by any such lable. It is quixotic, ornery and down right strange sometimes.

Love is not a flame, rather a small spark that grows. Its light can lluminate darkness.

Love is not on sale at Wal-Mart, though their valentines specials are pretty good.


--
I'm not ready for this
Though I thought I would be.
I can't see the future
Though I thought I could see.

I don't want to leave you
Even though I have to.
I don't want to love you.
Oh, I still do.

Need some time to find myself.
I wanna live within.
Can I go my own way?
Can I pray my own way?

I don't want to leave you.
Oh, I need you.
Am I ready for this?
Did I think I would be?
Can I see the future?
No, I can't see.

I don't want to leave you
Even though I have to.
I don't want to love you.
Oh, I still do.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12969623/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12969623/ Tue, 15 May 2007 18:50:45 PDT Everything,
On our own.
We don't need
Anything,
Or anyone.

If I lay here,
If I just lay here...
Would you lie with me, and
Just forget the world?

Oh can't you see,
You belong to me..
How my poor heart aches,
With every step you take

If I lay here,
If I just lay here...
Would you lie with me, and
Just forget the world?

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace.
I keep cryin', baby.. baby.. please

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough.

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
with every step you take

If I lay here,
If I just lay here..
Would you lie with me, and..
Just forget the world?

I'll be watching you..
Every breath you take -- Let's waste time
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take

I’ll be watching you
Every single day -- Chasing cars
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay

I’ll be watching you
Every move you make -- I need your grace
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake

I’ll be watching you
Every single day -- To remind me
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay

If I lay here..
If I just lay here..
Would you lie with me, and..
Just forget the world?

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12902685/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12902685/ Wed, 09 May 2007 17:27:15 PDT
Divine intervention
So few and far between
Like lightning when it touches to the ground
Answer me the question
I'm ready to believe
I hold my breath before I let it out

The face we show
The one we hide
The hands we hold and leave behind
For all we lose
And all we find
Here while we live and while we die.

The wait for redemption
It gets heavy on the mind
And I burn my eyes out staring at the sun
At this intersection
We are looking for the signs
And up ahead these roads they bend to one

The ties we bind
The ones we break
The solid ground beneath us shakes
What it tears down and what it makes
And what we give is all we'll take

To ride along the horizon
When these days are gone
It's what we become
As we ride along the horizon
When theses days are gone
It's what we become.

The face we show
The one we hide
The hands we hold and leave behind
For all we lose
And all we find
Here while we live and while we die.
The ties we bind
The ones we break
The solid ground beneath us shakes
What it tears down and what it makes
And what we give is all we'll take.

Divine intervention
Hanging in the air we breathe
And I'll fill my lungs with all that they can hold
As for all the questions
We've got everything we need
To guide us now whichever way we go.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12789818/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12789818/ Mon, 30 Apr 2007 12:05:08 PDT It's a long way Is there anything
For an answer Worth looking for?
Is there any news? Worth loving for?
Is there any word? Worth lying for?
Is there trauma? Is there anything
Or a struggle? Worth waiting for?
Am I missing? Worth living for?
Or was the body found? Worth dying for?

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12632067/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12632067/ Tue, 17 Apr 2007 12:50:29 PDT Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created
You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You
Will be
The death
Of me.
Yeah, you
Will be
The death
Of me

Bury it,
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted
Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You
Will squeeze
The life
Out of me

Bury it,
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

Yeah, you
Will suck
The life
Out of me

Bury it,
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it
Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out


How did it come to this?

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12493640/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12493640/ Sun, 08 Apr 2007 11:04:28 PDT HAPPY EASTER.

The first ten people who reply to this journal get put up here, along with three of my favourite deviations by them.


You must have at least 4 deviations that I can pick my 3 favourites from.



1. 1: [link] 2: [link] 3: [link]
2: 1: [link] 2: [link] 3: [link]
3. 1: [link] 2: [link] 3: [link]
4. 1: [link] 2: [link] 3: [link]
5. 1: [link] 2: [link] 3: [link]
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12443615/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12443615/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 11:28:07 PDT This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I dont know if it’s worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to
Hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away...

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to
Hold you in my arms

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away...

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold...

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12374657/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12374657/ Thu, 29 Mar 2007 11:32:10 PDT So the placing goes slowly.
The picture's of anything
Other than it's meant to be
But the hours they creep
The patterns repeat
Don't be concerned
You know I'll be fine on my own
I never said "Don't go."
Don't go...
But I've hidden a note
It’s pressed between pages
That you've marked to find your way back
It says "Does he ever get the girl?"
But what if the pages stay pressed
The chapters unfinished
The story's too dull to unfold
Does he ever get the girl?

Well this basement's a coffin
I'm buried alive
I'll die in here just to be safe
I'll die in here just to be safe
'Cause you're gone
I get nothing
And you're off with barely a sigh
I never said "Good-bye"
Goodbye...
But I’ve hidden a note
It’s pressed between pages
That you've marked to find your way back
It says "Does he ever get the girl?"
But I’ve hidden a note
It’s pressed between pages
That you’ll read if you're so inclined
Does he ever get the girl?

But the hours they creep
The patterns repeat
Don’t be concerned,
You know I'll be fine on my own.
I never said "Don't go"
Don't go...

Does he ever get the girl?

---
Why yes, I am feeling somewhat emo today. ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12278405/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12278405/ Wed, 21 Mar 2007 23:33:51 PDT ---

So...

I've recently purchased a new camera -- CANON EOS DIGITAL REBEL XT 350D -- and a few lenses to get me started.

I kinda wanna get serious about my photography, so I've also subscribed to the print service, like I've wanted to do for so long now.

I'm adding a few of my older photos to my prints, but I will certainly be updating with newer pictures.

For those of you reading my story, though very few right now (I am really honored to the few readers I have), don't worry. I'm very dedicated to getting it finished, even if may never be great enough to be published or anything, I definately going to finish it.. and push very hard to find someone who will be willing to publish it.

My skills as a writer may not be the best, but I love telling stories. To those of you who have watched and commented on my deviations through my struggles, hopefully I'll give you something worthwile in return.

We'll see where it goes.

---
I'm waiting to panic. I'm thinking, Im thinking. I'm thinking, I'm thinking. My head's exploding like a mushroom cloud ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12253091/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12253091/ Tue, 20 Mar 2007 01:11:26 PDT I can see for miles
There’s comfort in my dark seat
And chaos in the aisles

These eyes are not your eyes
And these eyes are not the colors that
Your arid eyes might be
No, I was not around
When those eyes of yours decided so
I refuse to kneel before the sights you choose to see

When I close my eyes
I remember why I smile
Under my umbrella
I've accomplished exile

These eyes are not your eyes
And these eyes are not the color that
Your arid eyes might be
No, I was not around
When those eyes of yours decided so
I refuse to kneel before the sights you choose to see
If this is right,
I'd rather be wrong.
If this is sight,
I'd rather be blind.

These eyes are not your eyes
And these eyes are not the color that
Your arid eyes might be
No, I was not around
When those eyes of yours decided so
I refuse to kneel before the sights you choose to see
If this is right,
I'd rather be wrong.
If this is sight,
I'd rather be blind.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12223072/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12223072/ Sat, 17 Mar 2007 18:06:34 PDT Today I watched 300.. and I honestly have to wonder; what is the big deal? There was absolutely no substance to this movie whatsoever. Sure if you like gore, but Dawn of the Dead did that better. The fight scenes were OK, but nothing to marvel at. I love fighting, and I love gore and drama and action. This movie tries to do too much, and falls short all at once in most places, then in other places it's way over done.

What a load of crap.

I don't get it. Even the ending was pretty lame. Why are people pissing their pants over this movie? It's dumb and pointless. I liked Gladiator much better, or The Patriot... Braveheart?

I hate it when movies make me feel like I've wasted my time. The last one to do that was House of 1000 Corpses.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12181086/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12181086/ Wed, 14 Mar 2007 13:07:51 PDT I really appreciate it.
--
The space
Between who I am
And who I am compelled to be
Keeps filling up with sand
And I
Cross back and forth at night
It doesn't mean a thing
If I can't keep you in my sight.

The space
The hollow in my chest
Fills up with kerosene and
Empties in the dust
And you
You keep me burning up all things
If I turn myself to ashes I would
Give you everything that's left

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12115536/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12115536/ Fri, 09 Mar 2007 08:08:53 PST It's just so... fun.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12087346/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/12087346/ Tue, 06 Mar 2007 21:52:51 PST
In the end you must've wanted something that I couldn't give.
But what was it? I gave you everything I could, and even things I thought I couldn't.

I gave you my whole world, and you just walked away with it.

And yet, I still stand.

For you, I lived.
For myself, I thrive.

---

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/11992579/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/11992579/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 19:16:24 PST Where the desperate faces come to see what you sell
Life divine, feelings once mine,
Charcoal color of your soul

If I carved your heart right onto my skin
You were never in my thougts when I turned to sing
Cut the wire, wait a pointless hour,
Meaningless never should have been

So the architect wants a prettier song?
Like a dead end anthem for the kids gone wrong
Immaculate dreams, chasing beautiful scenes,
Designs for life

Hey Mr. Nameless, do I seem a bit insensitive?
I'm trying to forget what you are...
Well I'm hoping you have seen us
And it should not come between us
So how could you let it go this far?

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/11934953/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/11934953/ Fri, 23 Feb 2007 13:24:10 PST
Oh, I suppose Gaara rocks too. He makes a good Kazekage. he looks a lot more innocent and calm than he used to. I like it.

Sasuke, however... might as well put him in a dress. He's such an angsty little girl. His new clothes are ugly too. Poop.

"I hate my brother, but I am gonna grow up to become just like him!"

Always makes sense.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/11831659/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/11831659/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 15:56:59 PST I have done.
There's a place
I have gone.
There's a beast
And I let it run
Now it's running my way.

There are things
I regret
That you can't forgive
You can't forget.
There's a gift
That you sent
You sent it my way

So take this night
Wrap it around me like a sheet.
I know I'm not forgiven
But I
Need a place to sleep.
So take this night
And lay me down on the street.
I know I'm not forgiven
But I
Hope that I’ll be given some peace.

There's a game
That I played.
There are rules
I had to break.
There's mistakes
That I made
But I made them my way.

So take this night
Wrap it around me like a sheet.
I know I'm not forgiven
But I
Need a place to sleep.
So take this night
And lay me down on the street.
I know I'm not forgiven
But I
Hope that I'll be given some peace.

Some peace...
Some peace...

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/11789552/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/11789552/ Mon, 12 Feb 2007 17:57:13 PST Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
No one ever tells you
That forever feel like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel?
That is the question
But I forget
You don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul
Becomes initialized and folded up
Like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
No one ever tells you
That forever feel liks home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real?
So much to question...
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
Null and void, sad voices
Before you tell yourself it's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen.

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
And no one ever tells you
That forever feel liks home
Sitting all alone inside your head

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
And All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you
That forever feel liks home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars,
The stars --
That shine for you
It's the stars,
The stars --
That lie to you

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you
That forever feel liks home
Sitting all alone inside your head

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
And no one ever tells you
That forever feel liks home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you
It's the stars,
The stars--
That lie to you.

And it's the stars,
The stars --
That shine for you
It's the stars,
The stars --
That lie to you.

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/10954905/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/10954905/ Mon, 04 Dec 2006 23:05:37 PST
]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/10728592/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/10728592/ Tue, 14 Nov 2006 21:53:47 PST
Do you sail alone? Would you sail alone? Would you aimlessly drift until your boat runs into another, and then would you pray to whatever god you had faith in that it was not an enemy you had just found.

And if your boat sprung a leak with no one in sight, would you just drown, or would you try to swim to safety, only to find out you had been going in the wrong direction? What then, would you do? Do you take another's boat and cast them off?

We come into this world cold and alone.... I hope I don't die that way. I don't wanna die alone.

Where's this angel's savior now...

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/9533789/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/9533789/ Sat, 29 Jul 2006 13:48:34 PDT [link]

Roleplay messageboards, mixed with spiritual, religious, philisophical and otherwise random discussions.

Also a section for artwork submission and review.

Join us! ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/5181270/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/5181270/ Sun, 24 Apr 2005 22:45:58 PDT o.O;

A bit confused, but still thankful... unless I completely missed something. ^_^;

]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/4306821/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/4306821/ Wed, 12 Jan 2005 22:50:03 PST I felt it change me
I took the life, I ate it slow
Now it consumes me....

-AFI- ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/4290104/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/4290104/ Mon, 10 Jan 2005 21:10:14 PST
Overall, his deviations received 180 comments and were added to deviants' favourites 30 times, while he commented 234 times, making about 0.34 comments per day since he joined DA. This means that he gave 13 comments for every 10 that he received.

His deviation with the most comments is Reflections with 12 comments, receiving an average of 0.85 per day in the first 2 weeks, while his most favourited one is Fire in the sky, with 3 favourites, averaging 0 per day in the first 2 weeks. His most viewed deviation is Fire in the sky with 67 views.

2 favourites were given for every 10 comments.

Every 17.1 days he uploads a new deviation, and it's usually on a Saturday, with 10 (25%) of his deviations.

His busiest month was March 2004 with 12 (30%) of his deviations.

The majority of his deviations are uploaded to the Photography gallery (27), while his favourite category was Nature > Sky with 8 deviations.

Comments per deviation: 4.5
Favourites per deviation: 0.75
Views per deviation: 23.05
Comments per day: 0.26
Favourites per day: 0.04
Views per day: 1.34
Pageviews per day: 1.09 ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/4280828/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/4280828/ Sun, 09 Jan 2005 19:28:08 PST

Thanks to all of you who have me watched and have commented on my works. Your feedback means a lot. ^_^ ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/4176023/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/4176023/ Tue, 28 Dec 2004 09:37:04 PST Death is the priest
Death is the stereo
Death is TV
Death is the Tarot
Death is an angel
Death is our God
Killing us all


She puts the seeds in me
Plant this dying tree
She's a burning string
And I'm just the ashes ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/3209497/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/3209497/ Wed, 25 Aug 2004 11:05:07 PDT Terror on the intercom
Can someone save us?
Systems malfunction
Blast it, this damn machine
Over and out Captain
Something lurks, creeps on the counter top
Somewhere behind you
Parasitic cyst, I can't stand to watch
It's coming up and out of your chest

Remember when we were young...

Sit up, right on the table
A photograph of earth feeding me a way back
Frightened I tear alone
Or maybe not the the only one there.
Hello? Hello? When it rings will you answer?
There in the corner tall, short stance - it's you
Come on. Kill me.
You made a good friend to me
But while you were outnumbered and torn
They made us do good things...

Oh dear god, I don't feel alive

When you're cut short of misery
Will you pray it be the end?
Give a look surprise wide eyed to me
Then you'll know just what I am
The scar that triggers your fear
Come know me in a different light now
Come know me as God

You've made a good friend to me
But while you were outnumbered
You made us do things to know...

Run sand hourglass
It's my time, will I be worth?
Spin 'round carousel
When your horse isn't screwed in

Oh dear god, I don't feel alive
When you're cut short of misery
Will you pray it be the end?
Give a look surprise wide eyed to me
Then you'll know just what I am
The scar that triggers your fear
Come know me in a different light now
Come know me as God ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2992377/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2992377/ Wed, 28 Jul 2004 23:30:45 PDT Hands on each other's hips
Nothing else in the world but one another

The 42nd floor
On a distant shore
I wonder how we strayed so far from this

Remember when we were
Just flesh and bone. You sir,
May have forgotten how good your world could be

So, put down your hollow tips
And kiss your lovers lips
And know that fate is what you make of it

Please end this
Please end this
Before this ends us
ends us, ends..

I wanna stay inside
I wanna stay inside for good
I wanna stay inside
For good

I read the news today
And everything they say
Just makes me want to stay inside and wait

but the better part of me knows
That waiting in the throes
Is all on par with reading with my eyes closed

"What Can I do?", You say
It's just another day
In the life of Apes with ego trips

Put down your hollow tips
And kiss your lover's lips
And know that fate is what we make of it

Please end this
Before this ends us

I wanna stay inside
I wanna stay inside for good
I wanna stay inside
For good ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2959637/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2959637/ Sat, 24 Jul 2004 20:10:10 PDT
1. Spoken - Learning to Forget
2. Saves the Day - Hold
3. White Zombie - I Zombie
4. No Doubt - Ex Girlfriend
4. Limp Bizkit - Stalemate
5. A.F.I. - God Called In Sick Today
6. Marilyn Manson - In the Shadow of the Valley of Death
7. Incubus - Have You Ever
8. 8 Degrees - Closure
9. Yellowcard - Inside Out
10. Sarah Mclachlan - Fallen
11. My Chemical Romance - I never Told You What I Do For a Living
12. 3 Doors Down - Down Poison
13. Marilyn Manson - President Dead
14. Chevelle - Don't Fake This
15. Goo Goo Dolls - Trust is a Whisper
16. Slipknot - No Life
17. Rammstein - Seemann
18. Ferry Corsten - Elevate
19. Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit
20. Unwritten Law - Seeing Red
21. Incubus - Under My umbrella
22. Tabitha's Secret - Paint Me Blue.mp3
23. New Found Glory - Never Give Up
24. Oleander - Hello, I love you (doors cover)
25. Nickleback - Figured You Out
26. The Cranberries - I Still Do
27. Slipknot - Get This
28. AntiFlag - Stars And Stripes
29. Delerium - The Silence
30. Korn - Divine
31. Evanescence - Untitled_(i_must_me_dreaming)
32. Enomine - Das Abendmahl
33. Swift - Nurse
34. Staind - Home
35. Juno Reactor - Insects
36. Chevelle - Seeing Red
37. E Nomine - Vater unser
38. E Nomine - Der Prophet
39. Finger Eleven - Glimpse
40. Chevelle - Closure
41. Duncan Shiek - She Runs Away
42. Cranberries - Put Me Down
43. Jewel - Angel Standing By
44. 303 infinity - Vertigo
45. Fuel - Prove
46. Rage Against the Machine - Roll Right
47. Bush - Comedown
48. Ferry Corsten - Rock Your Body
49. Staind - Could It Be
50. Adema - Giving In
51. Iced Earth - Waterloo
52. Live - White, Discussion
53. Waiting For Wednesday - Elizabeth
54. Saliva - Musta Been Wrong
55. Deftones - Needles and Pins
56. Iced Earth - Nightmares
57. Copeland - When Finally Set Free
58. Macy Gray - Do Something
59. Sugarcult - Killing Me
60. Megadeth - Trust
61. Something Corporate - Space
62. The Pillows - One Life
63. Vanessa Carlton - In Love With You
64. My Chemical Romance - Drowning Lessons
65. Eighth Ground - Doused
66. Marilyn Manson - The Speed Of Pain
67. Orgy - Fiend
68. In Flames - Square Nothing
69. Brand New - Tautou
70. Creed - With Arms Wide Open
71. DJ Tiesto - Wings Of Love
72. Orgy - Dizzy
73. Tool - Stinkfist
74. Delerium - Euphoria
75. Guano Apes - Dodle UP
76. Matchbox 20 - Never Going Back Again (Fleetwood Mac cover)
77. Deftones - Teenager
78. Marilyn Manson - mobscene
79. Local H - Back in the Day
80. Benjamin Gate - How Long
81. Incubus - Stellar
82. Further Seems Forever - The Sound
83. ENYA - Brodicea
84. Kidney Thieves - Trickster
85. Rage Against The Machine - Wake Up
86. Ayumi Hamasaki - I am
87. Brazil - Zentropha
88. Rammstein - Feuer Frei!
89. New Found Glory - Something I Call Personality
90. Saves The DAy - Firefly
91. Dashboard Confessional - Diffuse
92. System of a Down - jet Piolit
93. Rammstein - Klavier
94. Orgy - Blue Monday (New Order Cover)
95. ERA - Divano
96. Iced Earth - It's a Long Way to the Top (ACDC Cover)
97. E nomine - Bibelworte des Allmächtigen
98. Incubus - Idiot Box
99. Ayumi hamasaki - Boys & Girls
100. Body Jar - Not the Same

Total songs on list - 3748 ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2841740/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2841740/ Fri, 09 Jul 2004 13:45:25 PDT She doesn't want to blow it.
Shaking head to toe while your left hand does the 'show me around'.
Quickens your heartbeat,
It beats me straight into the ground
You don’t recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed - completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets barely whisper,
"This is so messed up."

Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed,
He'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch.
Unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.
He keeps his hands low,
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe, and his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns, and he thinks of throwing up
But the body on the bed beckons forward, and he starts growing up.

The fever, the focus,
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathe,
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

She hits the lights,
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
He doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He is gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time", he says.
She fakes a smile, and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like.

He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast, and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for ...
So much more than he could ever give,
A life full of lies and meaningful relationships.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides,
He waits for it to end and for the aching in his gut to subside.

The fever, the focus,
The reason that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of
It used to be the reason that I breathed,
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

Up the stairs, the station where...
The act becomes the art of growing old.

The fever, the focus,
The reason that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of
It used to be the reason that I breathed,
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself. ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2580358/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2580358/ Fri, 04 Jun 2004 07:53:48 PDT I heard about the bad news today
A crowd of people around you
Telling you it's okay
And everything happens for a reason

When you lose a part of yourself
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breath that you remember;
Pictures fade away, but memory's forever

An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
But it's better where your going anyway

I'm sorry
I heard about the bad news today
It's really hard to get through
Tough times and long days
But it really just depends on the season

When you lose a part of yourself
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breathe that you remember
The pictures fade away
but memory's forever

An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
For now well say goodbye
We know its not the last time
I've lost the best part of my day
But its better where your going anyways

An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down

For now we'll say goodbye
We know it's not the last time
I've lost the best part of my day

This is the last thing
I will remember
Its better where you're going anyway ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2002443/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/2002443/ Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:41:47 PDT though rain pounds harshly against the glass
like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight

little child, be not afraid
though thunder explodes and lightning flash
illuminates your tear-stained face
I am here tonight

and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

little child, be not afraid
though storm clouds mask your beloved moon
and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight

little child, be not afraid
though wind makes creatures of our trees
and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand
and I am here tonight

and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

for you know, once even I was a
little child, and I was afraid
but a gentle someone always came
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
and to give a kiss goodnight

well now I am grown
and these years have shown
that rain's a part of how life goes
but it's dark and it's late
so I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close

and I hope that you'll know...
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

everything's fine in the morning
the rain'll be gone in the morning
but I'll still be here in the morning ]]> ~cadrian http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/1990006/ http://cadrian.deviantart.com/journal/1990006/ Wed, 10 Mar 2004 21:31:40 PST But I thought of it so like there's no other way it could've been done
Will they size my fit for a puzzle I wish not to play part in?
A heart stained in hate, a feeling I fear will play circles

But you,
You were my favorite

I severed my ties to shroud this body under the streets of this city,
And wait for the day when I am summoned to walk across the face.
Well slowly but clearer now, in visions that play and plague memories.
I love them with all, as a son should to mother and father.

But you,
You know you were my favorite

Would I walk through the door,
Shedding the light of all life?
With the rise and reform,
Would I come as before?

Pray you're not the only one.

If given mistakes would I take them back?
If erasing them could, if erasing them would.
But would they be, the words that I would say?
Your face and a door between.
I've parted three ways for you, the newo that I loved.

Did you ever really know before my face shamed to break?
Did you ever really know before my mind scared to think?
Did you ever really know before my name, sung to these?
Did you come clean in the end from the start?

Dear Ambellina, the prize wishes you to watch over me
Dear Ambellina, the prize wishes all to watch over me.

I've fought the decisions that call and lost my mark as the relevant piece in this.
I will come reformed.
In short for the murders of those I court, I bless the hour that holds your fall.
Sincerely, I will kill you all

I will call you
Out from shelter
Burn your wings
You'll know no better
I will call you
Out from shelter
Burn your wings
And learn their letters. ]]> ~cadrian