http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:cameralikeagun&section=today deviantART RSS for by:cameralikeagun en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:58:32 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/28480406/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/28480406/ Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:26:36 PST To have the money to attend a workshop with Perry Gallagher.
That or the day (if there ever is the day) that I meet Lithium Picnic.

I'm pretty sure either of those things would allow me to die happy.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/26839443/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/26839443/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:24:10 PDT Also the sensor in my Sony has become quite dirty so it needs cleaned. I fear doing it myself, but there isn't anyone closer than 3 hours away that can do it properly that I would trust.
I will not be moving to Athens for school because of lack of funds, so I am remaining here to work on a BA for the time being.


Just an update.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/25320490/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/25320490/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 01:19:33 PDT As you can see there is a little bit of new work up, I'm doing my best to get back up to speed again.
Spring Quarter is over and now I have a lot more free time on my hands. I almost have no idea what to do with myself now. I think the real remedy for this is art.
Moving in September to finish my Bachelor's in Photo at Ohio University, then after that will hopefully come a Master's though I'm not sure I will complete that in Athens as well. I am excited for the move and to be in a more populated area again and meet new people and learn new things.


I'm thinking next... something with water?

We'll see.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/23612794/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/23612794/ Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:11:32 PDT I've done some work, but it was private work and the person did not wish it to be used online.
School is stressing me out majorly. I'm counting down the days until this quarter is over and I can see how bad I fucked it up.
Too much stress, really.

I'm still taking pictures and all, just nothing too serious. I am awaiting warmer weather...

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/22046310/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/22046310/ Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:32:08 PST I'm going through a lot of weird moments and a lot of changes in my life right now
plus
it's the Holiday season and I work retail so... you can imagine.
I lost habit of taking my camera everywhere I go but I'm going to try and pick that back up again.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/21705378/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/21705378/ Thu, 27 Nov 2008 19:28:18 PST I ate too much Tofurkey today. My stomach is killing me.
Tomorrow is "Black Friday" and I have to be at work at 10am. I hate working retail. It's terrible this time of year..
but..
whatever buys my books for school and pays my bills.
I cannot wait for the day that I can finally move onto a career that is enjoyable.
I'm so sleepy, and sick, and... bah.
So much I want to do but never the right moments or enough time.
I listed some photo projects last night before I went to sleep - I hope that I can get myself together enough to make room for them.
I feel as if I'm losing touch with my artwork.
I feel so busy all the time and I should never be 'too busy' to make art.
Ever.

Well
I should sleep, though I'm sure I'll read instead.

Goodnight.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/21348524/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/21348524/ Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:19:39 PST and
I'm for sure never eating again.
I mean, it was freakin' delicious and all, I just think I ate too much Vegan Green Bean Cassarole<3.

I should be studying for a Bio exam I have in the morning. Looking at my notes makes my head hurt.

I really haven't had to opportunity to shoot anything worth while. I did a little bit of concert photography and such, but nothing I find to be worth noting or posting. I've been doing a lot of it lately, actually - shooting every Thursday for a bar named Sharkey's open mic night each week. Unfortunately that gets rather old, shooting in the same enviroment, and most often the same people.
This cold weather always gets me down, though I know I should take the opportunity to just get out and shoot all the things that are dying around us this time of year.
I have dozens of projects stirring in my mind but I have no time to mess with any of them.
The quarter will be over soon though, and that will provide me with a little more free time.

I have plans for paintings, books, photographs, drawings... anything and everything.

I just need to find the time.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/20669186/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/20669186/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:44:40 PDT Not really, at least.

School is keeping me busy.
I'm actually sitting in an Elementary Algebra class as I write this.

I've been noticing, as it moves further into fall, the shadows creeping under trees and the light poking through branches.
I think it's beautiful.
I think I'll photograph it very soon.

__________________________________

I think there comes a moment
actually
I think there's a reoccuring moment
in every artist's life when they're looking through all their work and they think, "God, I'm so horrible..."
I just had one of those moments while browsing through my own gallery here on DA.
Ugh.
I hate those moments.
Deep down, from experience, I know that I'm just being hard on myself and, as every says, "my own worst critic".
But that's not the point.
The point is, I hate when that fucking happens.
Because if you ask anyone else they'll tell you I'm freakin' fantastic. hahaha.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/20080767/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/20080767/ Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:31:36 PDT So
yeah.
That's pretty hilarious.

I've had some ideas lately, but a fellow artist and good friend is borrowing my camera right now so...

just wait for it.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/20069923/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/20069923/ Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:05:17 PDT

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19940944/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19940944/ Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:25:01 PDT
That's awesome.

It's good to know at least 100 people enjoy my work.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19827610/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19827610/ Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:00:37 PDT You can't just forget about all the other beautiful, meticulous elements of photography and it's own fine art. You can't forget about the way light can change the way you feel. How movement, position, the way you choose to portray your subject can make someone think that something so incredibly taboo or unthought of could be so beautiful.
You aren't an artist or a fetish photographer because you take poloroids of your genitals or angeled shots of yourself in your underwear wearing a mask.
You're an artist
you're a fetish photographer
because people look at that photo
and people say
wow
I am not ashamed.
That photo says
don't be ashamed.
It's okay because this is okay and there's nothing wrong with liking what you like and there's nothing wrong with what people do behind closed doors because it makes them feel good
and feeling good
can't be bad.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19816996/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19816996/ Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:24:40 PDT

Thanks, everyone.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19741754/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19741754/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 19:53:17 PDT Working on wedding photos. I estimate this will take me at least three hours.
And then I will move on to preparing the new work.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19297367/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/19297367/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 18:01:23 PDT Well
okay
sort of busy.
I returned from Florida from shooting a wedding about a week ago, and I've been trying to get all that edited and sent back to the bride. Also have been at the lab, naturally, working.
And then there's been some room for time spent with friends.

So

something should come eventually.

Lots of stress around here. I was robbed at a party last week, too - set me back a good amount.
Just too much shit happening, really.

But something will come about.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18829383/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18829383/ Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:14:40 PDT
I freaking love being an artist.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18764122/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18764122/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:16:19 PDT
Thanks guys. That is freakin' awesome.

Hope the new work is enjoyed, I'm bittersweet about it, but people seem to dig it.

Been spending a lot of time outdoors, actually. It stormed last night.
Managed to get this shot:

icture.jpg"

I could have waited to get something clearer or at least in color (I didn't realize the black and white setting was on until it was too late) - but it was kind of crazy out there and then it started raining really hard and blowing up onto my front porch.

Off to make the best of my one day off work.
It will probably consist of random photographs, music, and friends.
The best thing.

<3

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18495971/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18495971/ Sun, 25 May 2008 14:07:10 PDT it is an absolutely gorgeous day outside.
And inside.
If that's possible.
I bought this really rad Champ Fedora from Goodwill the other day for two dollars. Pretty awesome.
Today would probably be a good day to do some shooting, but we've decided to stay home for now and grill Asparagus and Veggie Dogs (yay for Vegans).
I am ashing my cigarette in an empty film canister. Nice.
Will be in Florida for five days at the end of next month to shoot a wedding. Never been to Florida, so I'm pretty pumped about that. I actually think I'm more pumped about all the photographs I'm going to be taking, and that's not including the wedding.
I actually have a few very interesting concepts for some new work, but they will take planning and the recruiting of volunteers to be in the photographs.
Been thinking even more about school and have actually considered highly just staying here until I get my BFA then going for an MFA. Then a teaching degree. That would be ideal.

Mm.

That is all. Sorry for the lack of new work lately.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18233312/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18233312/ Thu, 08 May 2008 19:59:43 PDT I am currently working with them to return to Pittsburgh and the Art Institute.
Not much word to give yet. I've redone my FAFSA and spoken with someone from the school. I should be touching base with them again very soon.

No new work, lately. I did some senior photos for a friend a while back that I considered posting. I might do that tonight. I'm not sure.

I'm lacking in models, presently. Lacking enough to consider trying out some self-portraiture, but I must say I'm not confident at all to shoot that type of photography of myself.
It sort of brings me back to an instructor I had last year, comparing your camera to a gun.
If you can't point it at yourself, how can you point it at other people?
Ha.
This is why you're seeing a lot of different photography that I don't normally do. I suppose it could be a good thing, though.

This is really all that needed to be said.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18029588/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/18029588/ Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:50:11 PDT Still playing with it. I've only had it since yesterday.

I walked around in the park today, took my camera. I've gotten into the habit of taking my camera everywhere. I'm dry of inspiration, so I've been shooting randomly.

Juggling between the choice to attend Marshall University in the fall or go to Columbus. I have not made a decision.

I've actually been aching to start painting again lately, and it hasn't happened. I'm terrible. I want to. There's a splattered Canvas sitting on the easel in my bedroom and it remains untouched. To be honest I feel incredible tired and stressed out lately. I'm attempting to get things in order, whatever those "things" are.
I'm trying.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17860045/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17860045/ Tue, 15 Apr 2008 06:10:00 PDT So
I'm on my sister's laptop, trying to fix my own.

Lame.

Anyway, I have more concert photography (I know, you're just bursting with excitement).
I promise to get other things under way soon.
Seems like everything is a bit of a mess right now.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17789141/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17789141/ Fri, 11 Apr 2008 01:24:44 PDT Thanks, guys.

I apologize for the lack of new work lately, things are slightly chaotic around here. I'm trying to move out (word on that in a few days, hopefully), and I've been working and such. I have some new concert photography that is going to be posted shortly. I've been shooting a lot of local bands, friends of mine, which is fine.
The weather is getting nicer, so I hope to be getting out and shooting more.
I put film in my old Nikon yesterday. True black and white. Tri-X. I haven't shot a damn thing with it, but I promise to soon.

For now, enjoy the concert photography.


Chels.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17508341/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17508341/ Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:53:18 PDT so
lately I had been feeling pretty terrible about my own artwork. I felt uninspired, and just plain like I was losing my own talent.
Which
I guess is pretty silly, but I think all artists feel that way at some point in their lives.

Anyway - today it's so beautiful outside. And so I played around with my camera outside and even inside and I think I'm feeling much better about things.

There's a few new pieces up. I can't wait to do some outdoor work, though.

<3

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17177939/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17177939/ Tue, 04 Mar 2008 10:23:54 PST I'm sick. Which sucks. My whole body hurts, but mostly my head.

But
if I somehow gain the strength or rather if I somehow talk myself into going through the trouble, I dug up a lot of old work that I've never posted that I really can't believe I passed up. Sometimes I guess it takes time to realize something isn't awful. All of it is on an external hard drive though, and my laptop is currently having issues.... so... I'm stuck on this stupid desktop which makes it more work to use my external hard drive.

Okay.
Okay.
It's not THAT much work... but I'm ill! haha.

Ugh.


The other day I asked Perry Gallagher, one of my favorite photographers of all time, a question about lighting, and he responded by telling me that if I ever had any questions to call him and gave me his number.
I thought that was pretty much the coolest things that had happened to me in a long, long time.
And can you believe
I'm afraid?
Hahaha.
Yeah. Nervous, is more like it.
But I mean, I shouldn't pass up the opportunity, huh.

I think I might need to lay down.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17124874/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17124874/ Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:28:41 PST I have no free time except for late at night.

Spring break is coming up though, so maybe I will have some time to shoot?

We'll see.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17073705/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/17073705/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 13:14:00 PST deviantart is making me submit a model release form for "You Get What You See" because they find the age of the model "questionable".

I mean
it is like
ONE OF THE SAME FUCKING MODELS I'VE BEEN USING FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS.
Who is nineteen.
But I mean
there's like
six thousand (not literally, I'm exaggerating of course) other nude or partially nude photos of her in my gallery and only now, probably just because in this photo she wasn't wearing makeup and had a silly smile on her face (guess they didn't notice her huge boobs, lol) made them think otherwise.

Oi.

Oh well.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/16907405/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/16907405/ Sat, 16 Feb 2008 00:09:55 PST And no
there isn't any new work to submit, really.
School and work have managed to get in the way.
As have my bad habits of going out at night when I get home from one of those two places.
So you can imagine my sleeping schedule is totally off, which makes me rather tired each day.

I had some medical problems, as well. About two months ago I stepped on a piece of glass and must have failed to get it all out of my heel.
So
a month and a half later the spot on my foot started turning colors and I got to the point where I couldn't walk on it all because it hurt so bad. This hindered me from wanting to go out and move around, and when I'm shooting I do a lot of moving and a lot of bending into crazy positions, so
yeah.
That sucked.
I went to the hospital.
They sent me to a podiatrist.
Who sent me back to my regular doctor.
Needless to say I still have a piece of glass hanging out in my foot and haven't made my final appointment to get it removed.
So I'm left with a bunch of pain pills and an occasional limp.
Lame.

Attending an Art History class and a Descriptive drawing class this quarter.
As well as an English comp.
Five more weeks until the quarter is over and then spring quarter will start.
I've decided to apply to the Columbus College of Art and Design after a recent trip there to visit a friend.
I'm shooting for the fall if I follow through with my plans.

I've had some ideas and inspiration come to me lately but haven't done any shooting. I'm hoping to soon, though.

Until then, hang in there.


Oh
and I'm up to 68 watchers.
Thanks guys.
That's awesome.

I'm also supposed to have an article written about my work on thegazz.com, which is a zine/blog based out of Charleston, WV. Stay tuned for that, hopefully.

Until later.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/16257370/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/16257370/ Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:25:55 PST this year will be a good one.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15784447/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15784447/ Mon, 03 Dec 2007 19:00:09 PST
That pretty much sums it up.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15701392/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15701392/ Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:30:49 PST
I'm battling some fierce feelings right now.

I really wish I knew the answer to this.

It'd be a lot simpler.

Do I forget about you?

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15495830/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15495830/ Tue, 13 Nov 2007 16:06:03 PST
I hate when every person I call doesn't answer or can't stay on the phone longer than 2 minutes. I hate when I don't know where anyone is. I hate when it's just one of those ridiculously lonely evenings.


I'm thinking about shooting something I don't normally shoot.
That's all I'm saying.
But
I don't know.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15399799/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15399799/ Tue, 06 Nov 2007 23:53:20 PST Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.

My sleep schedule has been the most fucked it has ever been in my life these past few weeks.
I don't really care.

I'm waiting for something.
I'm not sure what it is, but I am.
I'm constantly waiting for a phone call but I don't even know who the fuck it is I'm waiting for.
I spend hours at night driving, waiting for someone to find me, but I don't even know who it is I'm waiting to run into at all.
But
I always fucking feel that way.
I've been thinking about that a lot tonight.
I think I'm going to go try and lay down, I do have to work at 11am.

I'm not sure why I'm even writing this journal entry because there really isn't anything of that much importance to say...
other than I have bronchitis.
I can't sleep right.
And I have all these stupid crazy ideas for photos that involve horrific contraptions and restraints, but I haven't acted upon it at all.

the end.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15177650/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15177650/ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 17:51:25 PDT Maybe it's all the fall colors
or maybe it's a dear friend urging me to do something I hate.
Both, probably.
Step outside the comfort zone. I guess.

I'm having serious financial issues (some of it my own fault, unfortunately) - which were actually, if you believe in that typie of thing or not, predicted through a tarot card reading.
And I mean
as a nerd and hippie and whatever else at heart
I do believe in that stuff.
I sold my second print a few days ago, a 16x20 for $70 - which has been a blessing and I'm hoping that I will continue to sell work, but who knows.

I'm actually sitting in my Non-Western history class right now, I need to continue taking notes, I only have an hour left of this damn four hour class.

Broken heart still cracked.
I hate men.
My trust is totally destroyed for any potential companion.
Every time I try to think about being with someone now all I come up with is a flaw that prevents me from doing so. Something I don't like that won't let it work.
Oi.

Halloween is approaching, though.
And that makes me happy.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15008200/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/15008200/ Wed, 10 Oct 2007 21:59:17 PDT It keeps coming and going, coming and going.

But I'm not going to let him have the pleasure of seeing me in pain. It's going to be okay.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14971406/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14971406/ Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:39:39 PDT a nice reaction of horror/disgust/admiration out of the new work.
Interesting.

I have class tonight.
Oh
yay.
Four hours of lecture - exciting, right?

If you are of the local area then visit the Java Joint in Huntington, WV to see some of my work that's on display.

And I have to say, that even after you graduate high school, Monday's never stop being lame.
I woke up this morning to find the brand new pack of cigarettes I had stupidly left on my couch mysteriously missing. So, it was 7am, I was half asleep and knowing I had to go open the lab, and without my morning cigarette.
I'm thinking, man, today is going to be stupid.
I get to work, walk into the lab - and of course, because I knew something inevitiable was coming, the entire back portion of the lab is flooded in water from the leaking sink that the mo' fuckers won't fix. Placed neatly in the middle of this is a wet floor sign.
Gee
thanks for the warning.
You might as well have posted a swimming hole sign. Luckily, because she's amazing, Amanda in electronics helped me somehow manage to mop up the entire mess which set me back by an hour.
And trust me
people don't like to wait on their photographs.
Did I mention that the control strip got jammed in the printer six times before I got it to run?
Yay!
But I mean
after all that bullshit, things were smooth sailing. So I'm really just bitching to be bitching.



]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14833916/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14833916/ Fri, 28 Sep 2007 22:07:31 PDT I hate kids.
I don't ever want to be a mother.
But when it comes to other people, especially people I care about - I just want to help them. I want to make them happy and be there for them.
I want to
take care of them.


Work is good.
Got my one year evaluation and got a bit of a raise.
School is good.
Making it through just fine so far.

Back together with a boy I've never seemed to get out of my head and it's nice.
All the things I've missed, especially feeling safe and waking up to someone - I have again.

I have a new idea for a more conceptual set of photos and am pretty excited about it.
Just need to find the time to do it, which hopefully will be soon.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14638298/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14638298/ Sat, 15 Sep 2007 00:11:09 PDT I've got a beautiful boy around keeping me company.
School is going well.
Work.. well... it's lame as usual, but I'm making it.

Really, I don't have a lot to complain about. I wish I'd just realize that all the time.
All I need to do is find a doctor again...

I should be sleeping right now.

Someone told me today that I reminded them of Kat Von D - and I thought that was the most wonderful compliment, ever.
Cause
well
she's fucking hot.
haha.

<3!

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14478842/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14478842/ Mon, 03 Sep 2007 20:49:30 PDT And
that's okay.
Because I'm totally ready to go back to school.

I feel pretty good right now.
And yes, I am sober.
Someone totally accused me of being an alcoholic today.
I mean
jeez.
Definitely not. For sure.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I like my wine and I like my brandy but - I don't need it.

My sister is trying to convince me to go ahead up to Athens after this quarter with her, and I'm debating it.
I mean
I'm ready to book it the fuck out of here again - but I might just go ahead and tough it out until next fall.

I miss
my Pittsburgh kids.
Mostly my twin and Tiffany.
And Ashley W.

I've been looking at a lot of artwork lately and I'm think I'm going to put some film in the Nikon FG I borrowed and take it out somewhere.
Terrible thing about it is, either I'm dumb when it comes to this older Nikon, or the shutter dial is completely stuck on auto.
Which auto does not fly with me at all.
Going to figure that shit out.

I'm
rambling.

Erm.

I finished "Rant: An Oral Biography of Buster Casey" a couple days ago. (Chuck Palahniuk's new book)
It was certainly surprising.
Mostly because I didn't expect Chuck to explore the ground he did. I mean, if you've read Lullaby then you know he's capable of exploring some sort of science fiction but...
time travel?
It was still a decent read, though I must say not my favorite of his.

Okay
so

shower.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14401093/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14401093/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 19:34:25 PDT I uploaded my latest work onto my computer.
And I looked through it.
And I actually
hate every bit of it.
So it won't be making an appearance unless I dramatically change my mind.

Can't expect everything you do to be good.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14391059/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14391059/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 05:56:46 PDT I think this week is complete.

I have new work... that remains on the Sony because I haven't gotten around to uploading it.
But
look for that later on.

Going back to film soon, I hope.
I'm not abandoning digital work, just wanting to get back into the feel of shooting an actual roll of film again. It's been around three months.

I think it would be a good idea if I passed out right now.


Oh and
I hit 45 watches this morning.
I think that's cool.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14267431/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14267431/ Tue, 21 Aug 2007 05:52:30 PDT
]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14226227/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14226227/ Sat, 18 Aug 2007 13:05:37 PDT
I've finally realized how incredibly scared I am of getting back into a relationship.
The more I think about it's progress, the more freaked out I get.

It's best to stay alone.
Even if that means pain, too.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14125513/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/14125513/ Sat, 11 Aug 2007 21:34:52 PDT
And until I do I think I'm going to disappear for a while.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13963562/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13963562/ Tue, 31 Jul 2007 22:25:37 PDT I really did.

Like
how I really would love to get out of this place.


Bah.
This entry is dedicated to Mr. Jeremy Holtzapfel.
Because I know how much he hates my continuous journal posting.

But
check out his work, too.
[link]

You know, thought I'd be supportive since I'm also going to be an asshole.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13815435/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13815435/ Fri, 20 Jul 2007 23:44:34 PDT
You wouldn't know what decent art or talent was if it were a ten foot pole shoved up your ass.

And you
stop sending me messages. If you feel so fucking bad then you wouldn't have done all the things you've already done.

You
well
say you've never felt that way so fast. Break my heart six months later.
fuck me. Tell me you don't want to hurt me and disappear. Fuck me again. Disappear. I don't really have to say anything else about you.

And you
well
have a nice life.
I don't even care about you anymore.
Period.

You
are a hypocrite.
Small towns are breeding small minds and it's somehow worked it's way into yours.



This has seriously been a terrible, terrible week.
Wow.
I'm just ready to unleash it all on everyone and everything.
Really
I need a vacation from everything and almost everyone.
I miss the city.
I really loved it there.

Thought I really loved it here but I think the only thing I missed was the few good people I left behind.
Wish I could take all of you with me.

There's nothing here for an artist like me.
And really there's nothing here for a person like me.

It's the end of the week though.
It got a little better tonight, at least for someone. Not exactly me, but for one of my friends.
He needed it.

I hate that feeling where I just feel like I'm going nowhere.
I'm not depressed, just anxious and perturbed.
Fo' sho.

I have to work in about nine and a half hours.
Then a well needed day off.
I want to be in a coma.



Oh yeah
and I'm up to 33 watchers.
That's cool.
Thanks guys.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13787299/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13787299/ Wed, 18 Jul 2007 20:50:32 PDT
And you
stop sending me messages. If you feel so fucking bad then you wouldn't have done all the things you've already done.

You
well
say you've never felt that way so fast. Break my heart six months later.
fuck me. Tell me you don't want to hurt me and disappear. Fuck me again. Disappear. I don't really have to say anything else about you.

And you


Shit
I've got things to do.

This will be completed later.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13688909/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13688909/ Tue, 10 Jul 2007 22:33:44 PDT
I would have treated you right.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13678727/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13678727/ Tue, 10 Jul 2007 00:45:59 PDT Fo' sho.
It's late.
I don't work tomorrow, so... that's okay.

I had a revelation the other day.

And things couldn't be easier.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13651840/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13651840/ Sat, 07 Jul 2007 21:29:41 PDT Really awesome band members who take the time to talk to you (Daaaana).
Iced Cappuccino mixes.
Putting stupid fucking asshole boys out of my life.
My girls.
My boys.
Having weekends off.
Knowing I don't have to wake up to an alarm all the time.
My new puppy - even though she pretty much destroyed my television cable for my camera.
Hugs.
Compliments.
A cigarette when I really need one.
Working with Roger in the lab, 'cause he gets me.
Finally being able to open the lab on my own.
Age of Empires II.
My Sony A100.
It's WB settings, ISO settings, and color settings.
The video my Fuji can manage to take.
Tea and wheat thins.
Meeting new people.
New friends period.


And
all that stuff is pretty fuckin' awesome as of right now.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13627554/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13627554/ Thu, 05 Jul 2007 22:53:56 PDT All of them.
All of you.

I'm so sick of it.

It's not fair.

What's the point?

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13481237/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13481237/ Mon, 25 Jun 2007 06:01:40 PDT
]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13383827/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13383827/ Sun, 17 Jun 2007 17:31:20 PDT Funny thing is - I don't really feel much. Or rather, I don't really know how I feel at all.
I do want to see you. I mean, a year?
Of course I want to see you.
I'm not even sure why I'm directing this at a reader when "you" won't even be reading this.
It's just working out that way.

Obviously I don't really know how I feel about anyone at all considering my past and present situations.
I've closed a lot of doors.
I've been stepped on way too much.
It's getting harder and harder to want to let anyone in.
And easier and easier for me to forget quickly and feel nothing.

So as of right now I'm just edging along and going with the flow. Nothing more I can do.


____

Opened the photo lab for the first time today. I've always closed, so now it's time to learn how to open.
I am not fond of being awake so early.
However
it will be okay.

Hm.

Went to a drag show last night.
Loved every minute of it.
And I wish I would have had my camera.
It will be with me next time.

This is starting to get random.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13344253/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13344253/ Thu, 14 Jun 2007 15:00:48 PDT
Life is good.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13258577/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13258577/ Thu, 07 Jun 2007 22:12:25 PDT My first time shooting nudes and I recieved beautiful feedback. Thank you so much to everyone that favorited a photo or left a comment for my most recent work with Olivia.
And of course a special thanks to her for letting me work with her.
There will hopefully be more work to come. I have more photos from that set that I will be uploading as soon as I get around to it.

I'll make this quick.
School is out, not sure when I'll return, I have to work out a loan to pay for this past quarter. Blah.
I just got home from Cincinnati - what a trip. Nothing better than being crammed into a car with four other women for hours on end, but it was fun. I haven't showered in four days and it's a terrible feeling. I swear I am going to do so after this.
I know
pretty disgusting.

Work is fine. It's been busy what with it being the beginning of the month. It can get pretty hectic especially when it comes down to vacations and digital imaging.

I'm exhausted
but I'm sure I'll end up tinkering around on the computer for another hour or so before doing anything else (after I take that well overdue shower of course, haha).

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13192711/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13192711/ Sat, 02 Jun 2007 17:59:50 PDT
Sony DSLR A100.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13094176/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13094176/ Fri, 25 May 2007 21:40:53 PDT really
can't get you out of my head at all.

And I don't really know why...

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13031096/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/13031096/ Sun, 20 May 2007 20:53:16 PDT It's been quite a weekend.

Still blocked.
Huge fucking wall.

I have a lot of other things on my mind and I wish I'd quit thinking about them and quit reliving them in my thoughts.
It makes me feel alone.

I really wish I knew how everything was going to turn out.

Everything.


There are a few things I'd like to have right now and they are out of my hands completely.


Mm.

I have to work tomorrow - no big deal. I enjoy working more than I used to.

I'm about to pass out in the chair.
I haven't had much sleep for the past three days.
No sleep until 7am on Friday.
No sleep until 8am on Saturday.
No sleep until 6am this morning.

It used to be on nights like this, nights where I just stayed awake, I'd have such intense creativity...

But
I know that that is normal for the who I am.
It comes and goes.

There hasn't been very much new work lately because of this, and I also blame school because I am constantly trying to do things for my photo class and it's causing me to become stuck.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/12917115/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/12917115/ Thu, 10 May 2007 23:07:15 PDT there hasn't been anything interesting, in my opinion.
Just workin'.
School.

Hanging out.

Yep.
Ladeeda.

Nah, I'm probably going to give in and write something random out if I'm still awake an hour from now.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/12832182/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/12832182/ Thu, 03 May 2007 19:10:24 PDT
I need a hug.

]]> ~cameralikeagun http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/12796724/ http://cameralikeagun.deviantart.com/journal/12796724/ Mon, 30 Apr 2007 21:53:55 PDT I haven't taken my medication in weeks. Or I've only taken one or two pills.
I have no idea when my next doctor's appointment is and I've probably already missed a few.
This is terrible. I know better. I don't know why I'm being this way. I got on the one track and I've kept going. I missed a few pills and I just kept missing them. I missed an appointment and I just kept missing them.
Maybe I've been too wrapped up in what else seems to be going on in my life.
And all I need to to do wake up in the morning, take my medication and call the doctor. I told myself to do that a week ago and I still haven't done it.
Fucking stupid.
And I know it.
And since I am recognizing the fact I should probably shut the fuck up and try harder to remember to get back on my feet when it comes to this... thing.
I don't like to talk about my problems. I don't flaunt my "illness" like some people do.
Oh I forgot to take my medicine listen to me whine.
Oh my God. I need to take my medicine.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
I hate poeple like that. The world doesn't need to know and them knowing has nothing to do with me maintaining my health.
Yes, I am writing about it here - now. Which could make me sound hypocritical... but maybe I was just trying to get a point across. If anyone out there understands what I mean at all.
That said.
I need to get my shit together.

As far as me being wrapped up in "other aspects of life". It's all school and having a new position at work. I love my new job. It's very repetitive and you wouldn't believe how stupid people can be when it comes to picking up a camera... (I think that's just the photographer in me talking though)... but I still like it. I like looking at photos all day long and handling negatives and rolls of film.
School
well
it's school. I'm doing just fine... at least as far as I can tell. I know it sounds silly, but I can't wait until the quarter is over just to KNOW I finished a quarter.
Probably because I didn't get to finish my first quarter at AiP.
I unfortunately still feel stress and guilt over that entire fiasco. I often feel like it haunts me. Today I developed photos for someone who had traveled to Pittsburgh for a Steelers game. I didn't even have to see the prints, I knew from the negatives that that's what it was and when I finally picked the prints up from the machine I wanted to throw them. I'd give anything to go back and redo everything last summer. Anything at all.
But
now is now.
And I'm back in school with the same goals just in a different setting.

Anyway
if you're expecting for me to touch up on my 'love life'
since that seems to be the one thing I haven't mentioned...
you're in for a pretty big 'bout of silence. I don't have a love life and really I'm so fed up with the entire opposite sex thing I don't really feel as if I want nor need one.
Either that or it's just never going to happen again.
I seem to only be a game to any man I become interested in.
Unless I'm missing something completely.
And I'm not doing this to myself - at least not to my knowledge.
So
fuck all that.
At least I wish I could say that and feel that way totally and completely.
I went to the gay bar last night just for the Hell of it and met two totally sweet gay men who were just wonderful people all around.
I then decided gay men were worlds better than straight men.
Period.
I'm a nerd. I know this.

Okay.
It's almost 1am.
Sleep?
Yes?
No?

Maybe.

]]> ~cameralikeagun