http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:chazzyluvergurl&section=today deviantART RSS for by:chazzyluvergurl en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 09:43:27 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28907276/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28907276/ Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:18:53 PST What's up? I'm happy Cuz I finished my semester this week and I got all A's!! I got a 95 in Web Markup and Scripting, a 96 in Survey of Operating Systems, a 97 in Web Tech Orientation, a 100 in Internet/Web Fundamentals, and a 100 in my Photoshop class :3333 So I'm super happy That's another 4.0 8DDD YAY PRESIDENT'S LIST AGAIN Pfffff but I don't wanna hear anything like "Lucky you, I bet those classes were easy" cuz they WEREN'T. I had to do a lot of work for them, and Survey of Operating Systems was especially painful. DDX But you know, it wasn't as bad as LAST semester. O___o Certainly not! And I consider myself rather lucky next semester, b/c I'm only taking four classes, and only one of them is in person (and it's only 50 minutes lol).

I'm still looking for a job, but I'm thinking maybe I can do a temporary fill in thing...My dad says I should ask around to see if anyone will let me do some small web design or interior design work...I'm going to try to be like an assistant or something like that...cuz I DON'T wanna work at the grocery. D: That would suck. If I have to take it, I will, cuz I need the money!!!

Anyway, last night was the start of Hanukkah. :3 YAY! I'm semi-celebrating it this year; I'm going over to my friend Wendy's house Monday and we're going to exchange Hanukkah gifts. I'm sooo stoked about it My parents don't mind me doing that either They just don't want me doing Christmas Oh well it's all good

But yeah...I have some plans for this coming up week...gonna look for work (or small jobs, really), gonna try to hang out with Wendy, Brittaney, and another Brittany (she wants to go clubbing), gonna talk to my lovely lady , gonna work on writing some stuff (tho idk if it'll be for GX or not lolz), etc etc. Gonna be a kinda busy week but I'm happy :33

And I'm just kinda wondering....does anyone want commissions? I'll reopen them...and even lower prices a little bit...I NEED MONEY SO BAD ;A; I need to save up about $700--$1000 by this summer, .

Oh! And I think I fixed my laptop, thank God!!! DDD8 It was going UBER slow so I was like DAMMIT I'M SICK OF THIS So I installed a bunch of updates, installed Malwarebytes and ran three scans with Windows Defender and Malwarebytes, I ran disk cleanup to get rid of the temporary internet files, and then disk defragmenter cuz it NEEDED IT >< Geez it took an hour to defragment the hard drive, and like three hours in total to perform all the necessary system maintenance and cleanup. And I noticed last night that our connection was going wacko, so I had to run some ipconfig, ping, and nslookup commands to see if everything was working right (which it wasn't) and then our router kicked the bucket today, so we had to get a new one and it was just... blaahhhh So we finally got internet back tonight, and I was sooo glad ;A;





So yeah that's what I've been up to lately http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28764213/ Sat, 05 Dec 2009 10:54:27 PST I'm just....eeehhh bored. =/ Wanna to get some BLABBERINGS out 8DDD It would seem as though I have screwed myself over C: <--wtf smile? I'm pretty mellow about it...not being sarcastic hurrr-- I've been a slacker D< And I got weeks behind on my hw and just recently kinda caught up....and uhhh I turned in some things kinda LATE...and I didn't realize there was a due date on them *cough* But I hope I'll still get credit anyway...since I did in the other classes...and I'm doing ALL the extra credit. =____= the bad news is that I have three tests this weekend :C *SOB* I studied a bit last night but then there's another problem... >:C

I'm like so burned out...I keep falling asleep at like 7 PM and sleeping til like 9 or 10 PM :C Then being too lazy to do anything cuz I'm too tired And then last night, I wanted to make myself do my Photoshop final, but I got distracted, and next thing I know..uhhh....

My game addiction is being rekindled :C OH NOES. OH WHY. NO PLEASE NOT BEFORE EXAMS. ;A; Srsly, I am HORRIBLE when it comes to this. This is why I shouldn't EVER be allowed to play games, cuz I get all OBSESSIVE over them and aikjdsiofaiogagjda. OK NO SO THIS IS THE SAD PART. It's not even anything really epic or cool like ummm ummmm like Final Fantasy or or Super Smash Brawl Brothers or Kingdom Hearts or whatever else y'all like to play (Believe me, if I hadn't been broken of my addiction earlier, I would have played them too ). But I mean it's games like....on Facebook......and.....Myspace......... Like Dog World and Green Spot..... BUT HOMG THEY'RE TAKING DOG WORLD DOWN SAAAAADDDDD *SOB* ;A; And they don't transfer my doggie or my $200,000 to Green Spot :C BAH. So I sat up til like 4:30 AM...umm....compulsively clicking a button cuz HOMG IT FELT SO GOOD ITWASSOMUCHFUN *twitch**twitch*

....Someone needs to shoot me. :C I really do NOT be needing this again..... I have been broken of it TWICE....I do not need this again.... *picks nervously at shirt* D8

I need to have moar self control but I've exercised it in so many things earlier that I just... CRASH BOOM. It was liek....guuhhhh. MUST. HAVE....FUN. D;


Well, I have been going out and hanging with people irl so....hahahahahaha that's good 8D I did go hang out with Wendy Monday night before I realized "oh shi-- exams are like this week and next week ;^; " And so that put an end to my escapades hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

And and and so now I'm going to have to stop wasting time and get back to SRS BZNS things >8| Like...umm...showering for one thing. ;^; DO NOT WANT. LOL. OH. And eating. Ok yeah I have PROBLEMS 8D

Ohgod I slept in til like 1 PM today and I was SOOOO ashamed of myself. :C BAD CHAZZI BAD ;A; I need to be beaten with a stick. =[[[[

_{Hurrrhurrr also...I'm planning on trashing the rents' bathroom and I hope I get away with it SHHHH. DONT TELL. >8D It's for a SEKRET project of mine. C: And I'll clean it up before they come home...hopefully....}

ANYWAYS. I need to make a LIST of the things I need to do this weekend cuz I WILL FORGET 8D

--Photoshop Final Exam ;^;
--Finish reading information on Mac and read the PPT slides (bound to be at least 100 =___= )
--Complete the question sheet on Mac
--NOS 110 Test 4 :C (SRS these are the HARDESTTESTSEVER. I always am BAWWWing BUTTHURT to as I take them.... D; And ask for halp 8< )
--WEB 110 Quizzes Chapter 8, 9, 10 (HOLY SHI-- I just counted...120 questions each. BRB KILLING MYSELF)
--CMSimple on my domain (LOL that sounds FUNNY 8DDD )
--Final Prototype site
--Aaaannnnddd I should probably do Test 4 for WEB 115 >>

And get started on extra credit CUZ CHAZZI GONNA NEED IT ;A;

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28652545/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28652545/ Sun, 29 Nov 2009 13:54:20 PST HYPERHYPERHYPER. OK. OK. So first we'll do meme (which has a lot of similar questions to other memes but I ADORE IT) then I have shizz to say 8DDD

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Chazzi
Birth Date: September 17
Hair Color: brown
Righty/Lefty: Right handed 83

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: YOUR MUM. 8D JK I fear ghosts D; And my friends going bai bai DDD; NYUUUUU ;A; *weeps*
Your dream of the perfect date: Anyplace with Cola Cola would be perfect _________
Goal you'd like to achieve: MY HW >:C No fo srs

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: OMGICANTWAITTOTALKTOMYLOVELYNICOLA~
Your best physical feature: Eyes, betch 8D
Your bed time: NEVER 8DDDDDD I usually go between 3AM-4AM C:
Your most missed memory: ....high school friendy tiemz every day in Housing and Interiors class ;^; JEEENNNNIHOAR. BRITTANYYYYY. TISA FOOOOOD. AMANDAAAAA. CHAZZI MISS ;A;

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke, dammit!! It makes me go CRAZY 8D
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King. Cuz the salad is OMNOMNOM
Single or Group Dates: Single dates MOAR cozier C: And I like talking one-on-one w/o outside interference so I can be as gushy as I please...GRRRRR =w=
Adidas or Nike: NEITHER. CONVERSE FTW BITCH 8D

Chocolate or Vanilla: CHOCOLATE!!! 8DD BEST CRACK IN THE WORLD :3
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee...for I has never partaken of Cappuccino 8DDD

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Curse: FUCK YAH 8D every other word, bitch!
Take showers: INDEED I DO. Except in summer 8DD THEN I GO DURTAY >D I'm jk XD
Have a crush: OOOHHHOO~????!!!! 8333 <---HAVE I NOT MADE IT CLEAR??? Nicola = LAVVV PLZ
Like(d) school: HERR NO. D8 WHY WOULD YOU? THE ONLY THING I LIKED WAS THE FRIENDY TIEMZ 8< MISS PLZ
Believe in yourself: Notooototototottotott rly >>;;
Believe what goes around comes around: YUP! I'm really FRIGHTENED for this DDDD; OH SAVE ME NOW! I HAVE DONE HORRID THINGS ;A; 8< *clings and trembles*
Think you're a health freak: yes Quite a bit =___________=

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: Yesh C: To pick up gifts for and
Been on stage: No, not this month...but prior to this year, plenty of tiemz 83 Your frien' be an EPIC ATTENTION HOAR ;A;
Eaten sushi: NO WAI MAN. GROSSY! D;
Been hurt: ....hmmmmmmm LET ME THINK OF THIS. Yes, yes I do believe I have >>
Dyed your hair: no :C Unfortunately....IT NEEDS A DOIN' D<

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: No... D:
Got beaten up: Fffff roughed up, more like it
Changed who you were to fit in: ....yes...only cuz my parents told me to >:C

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you're hoping to be married by: NO >:C Not anytime soon.....and....guys.....just.... ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28491678/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28491678/ Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:43:10 PST


-----------• × • A L L A B O U T | M E • × •--------------

Name: ....Chazzi 8D You shall know nothing more... >w>
Single or taken: Taken :3333
Gender: female
Birthday: September 17
Sign: Virgo
Hair color: brown
Eye color: blue
Height: 5'2" :C
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: ....PANSEXUAL DAMMIT D<

-----------• × • F A S H I O N | S T U F F • × •--------------

Where is your favorite place to shop for clothes?: Oooh 8D Hot Topic, Wet Seal, Internet...lol
Favorite designer?: I don't give a fuck
What is your sexiest outfit?: Hmm proly a corset and mini-skirt...
What is your most comfortable outfit?: sweatpants and men's T-shirt
What do you usually wear?: Man clothes >>;;;;

--------------• × • S P E C I F I C S • × • -------------------

What kind of shampoo do you use?: Head and Shoulders
What are you listening to right now: Blue--The Birthday Massacre
Who is the last person that called you?
How many buddies are online right now? on dA: 6 >>

-------------• × • F A V O R I T E S • × •-----------------

Foods: Pasta, pizza, SALAD, potatoes :3
Girls names: Nicola... >D *bricked*
Boys names: ehhhh idk Chazz, really
Subjects in school: I hate school >D But it used to be Spanish and Housing and Interiors >>

----------------• × • H A V E | Y O U | E V E R • × •-------------

Given anyone a bath?: No O___o
Smoked?: Nope. My friends wanted me to but I didn't
Bungee jumped?: No
Made yourself throw up?: yes When I was rly rly sick and just wanted the PAIN TO STOP DX
Skinny dipped?: Ehhhh half-way
Ever been in love?: yes =/
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: umm well it wasn't on purpose...too much...
Actually seen your crush naked?: no.... O__o
Cried when someone died?: Yes T______T
Lied: Yes >> More than I'd like...sometimes it's on accident D:
Fallen for your best friend?: Yes....3 times....
Rejected someone?: Yes...more times than I can count
Used someone?: ...............umm............yeah........
Done something you regret? YES DDDD: A lot of things. Like the above

------------• × • C U R R E N T • × •---------------

Clothes: purple long sleeved shirt and black sweatpants
Music: Right now? none
Smell: Fries
Desktop picture: something that came with the curse called Vista
Cd in player: AFI--Crash Love
DVD in player: none

----------------• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •----------------------

You touched:
Hugged:
You IMed:
You yelled at: ....uhhh....one of my family...
You kissed: Wendy

---------------• × • A R E | Y O U • × •---------------------

Understanding: yeah sure
Open-minded: yeah
Arrogant: yeah -____-;; A little
Insecure: Yup.
Random: Yes...sometimes
Hungry: yeah that's why I'm eating fucktard
Smart: ....I guess... >>;;
Moody: A LOT XDDD
Hard worki... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28447895/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28447895/ Thu, 19 Nov 2009 10:00:51 PST
I told my mum.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was too sick. I couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. I was dying.

She was Ok with it.

I cried.

So hard.

I'm still reeling.

She knows everything.....EVERYTHING. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

She still loves me.

OH THANK YOU, GOD.

Excuse me while I crawl off somewhere to BAWWW in relief. I don't hafta keep it a secret anymore D: It's over...the torture...is finally over.

----------------------------------------------

My lovely:



My fuzzies :



My bitch :



Friendz :

http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28355224/ Sat, 14 Nov 2009 14:09:23 PST I don't have much to say....guuhhh. *stares at the wall* I guess I'll just say the major points. Ummm so I registered this week for classes next semester...I'm taking 3 online and one in person cuz my parents wanted me to. The class in person is only 50 mins around noon...so I can keep my atrocious schedule XD And it's only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Hmmm what else...Yeah it took me 2 hours to register cuz everyone was overloading the system and that sucked but...at least it's done. Umm I...*thinks* I had Wendy come over on Thursday and we did nothing but lie around and talk. She was gonna take me to get my lip pierced, but my parents threw such a bitching fit that I ended up not doing it, cuz they told me they wouldn't support me and they didn't care what happened, they weren't going to take care of me if a complication arose. Oh well I'll wait til later. Next week I'm planning on trying to find a job. =/ Cuz I have plans to travel a LOT this summer/coming up fall. And next week I hafta do invoicing for my lovely father (who also talked shit about me again this morning "she'll never find a decent guy blah blah blah she won't get a job blah blah blah you gotta conform to the norm" wtf XDD Well, uh, maybe he's right about one thing. Maybe I won't find a nice guy but I don't need one cuz I have a nice GIRL >D ). At any rate, I'm gonna try to ask him if I can help renovate the house we're renting out to people...cuz the last tenants destroyed it. =//

Hmm what else...uhhh I have a lot of hw this week but that's not gonna stop me from talking. I have plans for tomorrow, dammit! D8< I'm gonna spend my day talking to Cola and nothin (not even my darn tests) are gonna stop me. *is horrid* 8DDD The next few weeks are gonna be kinda busy...but that's fine with me. I just hope that I can get things in order, but I think I will. I've been SOOOOO happier though. And more optimistic. I'm not depressed at ALL anymore so...YAY

Damn, I'm tired. My health has gotten even worse and I can't sleep at night...but after talking to about it last night, I think I may have figured out what all is wrong so...meh. =/ I'll fix it. My mum wanted to drag me to a doctor but NOT YET I SAY D< First I'll see if it really is just stress/anxiety/a deficiency. Too bad that they can't know about HALF of my problem >> But I've been rly thirsty and tired, and coughing, and my stomach won't stop HURTING and I lost 5 more lbs. =____= Oh well. I looked it up and it appears as though it is anxiety (cuz I've been nothing but anxious lately so....) But if it's not, and meditation doesn't get this under control, I'll go to a doctor.

And now...I wish I could find a meme to RAEP. :C ...Nm I found some 8D Idr if I did these before...hahaha

LOL :

Dear Nicola,

I don't know how to say this, but I'm joining a monastery. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me in London, and I saw you carve your name in my aloe vera plant. I'm sure you're frost-bitten enough to understand that the garbage man turns me on. I'm sending back the pillows, but I'm keeping your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should know that I will inform The Swedish Tax Agency [of] our friendship.

Say goodbye to your creepy family from me,

Chazzi


HOW TO:
Dear -your partners name- (if you're single, type Mark)

I don't know how to say this, but __1__.
I think I realized it __2__ __3__, and I saw you _... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28197013/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28197013/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 11:41:37 PST You know me when I find a meme I liek..... ooooh~ I can't help it. They're too fun!!

YOUR BOY SIDE:

[x] you love hoodies
[x] you love jeans
[x] dogs are better than cats
[x] it's hilarious when people get hurt and fall
[x] you've played with/against boys on a team
[x] shopping is torture
[x] sad movies suck
[ ] you own a XBOX,
[x] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
[] at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
[x] you owned a DS PS2 or Sega (PSP count?? O.o)
[ ] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
[ ] you watch sports on TV
[ ] gory movies are cool
[x] you used to go to your dad for advice
[ ] you have at least 1 trophy of a sport
[x] You used to play Yu-Gi-Oh
[x] baggy sweat pants are nice to wear
[x] it's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
[x] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
[x] you love to go crazy and not care what other people think
[x] sports are fun
[x] you sometimes talk with food in your mouth
[x] you sleep at night with your socks on
[ ] you have fished at least once

TOTAL= 18 -___- ROFL

YOUR GIRL SIDE

[ ] you like to shop
[xx] you wear eyeliner
[x] you wear the color pink
[x] you go to your mom for advice
[x] you consider cheerleading a sport
[ ] you hate wearing all black
[/] you like going to the mall (if with friends just for goofing off)
[ ] you like getting manicures and/or pedicures (never had one)
[x] you like wearing jewelery
[ ] you cried watching The Notebook
[/] skirts are a big parts of your wardrobe (umm well Idk, tbh, I have a lot but I don't often wear em)
[ ] shopping is one of your favorite hobbies
[ ] you don't like the movie Star Wars (I LOVE STAR WARS DDDD: )
[ ] you are/were in gymnastics
[/] it takes you around one hour to shower and get dressed (sometimes)
[ ] you smile a lot more than you should (HECK NO)
[ ] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes (pfftt Idk I never bothered to frickin count)
[x] you care about what you look like majority of the time
[ ] you like wearing dresses
[ ] you like wearing body spray/deoderant
[ ] you like high heel shoes (I HATE THEM)
[ ] you used to play with dolls as a kid (no...I played with stuffed animals and dirt )
[ ] you like putting make up on others(if they are girls)
[ ] you like being the star of almost everything

TOTAL=7.5

AND ANOTHER 8DDDD Plz be honest with this one; I won't punch you I know I'm just Asking For It ^TM But I'm bored D:

WOULD YOU...

[_] Come to my house to do nothing at all but chill?
[_] Fight me?
[_] F*ck me? (=____= oh god...lol)
[_] Kiss me?
[_] Let me kiss you?
[_] Watch a movie with me?
[_] Go out to dinner with me?
[_] Let me drive you somewhere?
[_] Take a shower with me? (once again...oh god XDD )
[_] Drink with me?
[_] Take me home for the night?
[_] Let me sleep in your bed?
[_] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[_] Re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[_] Hold my hand?
[_] Let me make you breakfast?
[_] Help me with homework?
[_] Tickle me?
[_] Let me tickle you?
[_] Instant message me?
[_] Greet me in public?
[_] Hang out with me?
[_] Bring me around your friends?
[_] Be down with me no matter what?
[_] Go to prom with me?


DO YOU...

[_] Think I'm cute?
[_] Think I'm serious?
[_] Think I'm a good person
[_] Think I'm conceited?
[_] Want to kiss me?
[_] Want to cuddle with me?
[_] Want to hook up with me?
[_] Want to "do" me?
[_] Think I would do you?
[_] Love me?


AM I ...

[_] Smart?
[_] Cute?
[_] Funny?
[_] Sexy?
[_] Cool?
[_] Romantic?
[_] A "freak"?
[_] Gangsta?
[_] Lovable?
[_] Adorable?
[_] Trustworthy
[_] Compassionate?
[_] Great to be with?<... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28068594/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28068594/ Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:39:42 PDT
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Running through the house like a tard and banging my head on the side of the doorway =__= BLOOD EVERYWHAR D8

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
A HIM poster...VILLE IS FUZZY And an islands calendar 8D

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Nyeh I'm not for certain, tbh...I've sleptwalked before and I think I've grinded my teeth during particularly bad dreams. Oh, and apparently I beat the people I sleep next to up =_____=

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
>8D My fav question!! Um, industrial, electro-industrial, industrial-dance, industrial metal, EBM, emo, hardcore punk, pop-punk, horror punk, post-hardcore, goth rock, goth metal, death/black metal, progressive metal, trance, electronica, hardcore (dance), dream pop, teen pop, some R&B, classical crossover...yeah.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
7:11 PM

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
8<

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?


8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
My AFI and Skuppy CDs =w= And my dead CD player ;A; Well when it wasn't dead....And and and the jewelery my mum gave me on my graduation.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5 foot 2 inches at most

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Ummm only if I'm afraid I'll get stuck...like if it's in a cave or somethin'

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Well..sometimes ;^; Ok, I lied. Often. A lot. Everyday. I can't turn the lights off. I love the dark though! Idk what's wrong w/ me

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
=_____= Adam

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
A lot of things...my friends getting hurt or dying, losing my hearing, being separated from Cola ;^;

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Well since we're talking guys, I like black hair and brown eyes. =__=

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
I'm...not planning on such O_____o

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee durrrr. Energy drinks are BAD for you.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS?
Black olives, green peppers, hot peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes...damn now I'm hungry

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Umm either white pizza or a three-cheese and spinach calzone =w=

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Black

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
...no...who HAS?? Other than maybe Anthony R. DX

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
Umm...*thinks* anything my friends have given me, really. I love it when they draw me a picture and surprise me with it =3

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Yes http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/28021049/ Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:58:22 PDT OK OK OK SO SO SO this was unexpected. Ok lemme just tell the damn story cuz it's amazzzinggg

Ok so today I log onto myspace and see that my friend Wendy was like "KMFDM tonight. Yay?" And I was like "KMFDM WHERRE??!!!!" Cuz KMFDM IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BANDS 8DDDD OH LORD

SO so so she called me up and was all like "Hey you wanna go?" And I was like "how much is it?" And she was like "Oh, I have an extra ticket. You wanna come?" And I was like "....gimme a moment...I am speechless...." So I took a deep breath to calm myself and I was like "Yeah!!!!!! Just lemme ask my mum!!" So I did and she asked all these nosy mum questions. Well finally she was like Ok you can go...So I was like YES. So then I started spazzing and all and ahsidaoidghadgia MAN YARR

Ok so I had to rush to get ready cuz I didn't have too much time, right? I kept fucking up my makeup and I got it in my hair and I was like FUCK like every five seconds lolz. Cuz then she texted me and was like "I'm coming in 20-30 mins" And I was like AHAHHHHAHAHA I'm not ready!! But then I hurried more and ran into my room and told my mum. And she was like WAIT your dad doesn't know! You're not going anywhere til you ask him! I was like FUCK mum I'm 19!!! But then I called him and asked and he was cool with it. But my mum wouldn't believe me!! She called him and had to check. UGH so annoying

Anyway I had trouble choosing what to wear 8< But helped me. Thanks, sweetie~ I felt better having your approval of it.

Anyway so I had to stuff a fucking piece of bread down my throat cuz I hadn't eaten and then pretty much so run out the door. But it was great cuz when she came and my parents answered...they were like WHOA. Cuz she has like...so many ear piercings and she had other piercings but took em out. And she was wearing Tripp pants and a fishnet shirt and had more eyeliner than me. And so I came running out in my blue corset and Tripps and we were like HAAAAAAY I haven't seen you in two years!! *CLING* And then my rents were staring like O_____o And she told them OFF man. She was like "Hay, I may dress like this, but I'm in med school!!" Cuz she KNOWS Ive been having problems with them. GOD I love her!! She's amazing!

Anyway, Wendy was taking along her bf and her friend. And so like we got in the car and had the windows all rolled down and playing really loud metal. And then like...we went to her house to hang out while waiting on her friend to get the tickets. We watched Scooby and played with her pets (her parrots and her cat) and I felt like I was gonna pass out cuz I hadn't eaten much taht day but she gave me cheese and Pepsi and I lay down for an hour and was Ok. Anyway, then her friend texted her and was like "come pick the tickets up at my place." And her friend actually turned out to be Chris Rozak (sp?) and he's like....a DJ here and so like she's tight with him and she can be like calling him up and be like "hook me up with tickets" and he'll do it! Damn we went to his house and she got the tickets and asked him for some money too, and he gave it to her.

Ok so then we were driving around and Wendy was trying to find the place by like....using her GPS and we got on the BAD side of town. ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27938329/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27938329/ Sat, 24 Oct 2009 09:57:27 PDT
Ummm things are better as far as the parentals are concerned and everything. I'm just....anxious...right now. VERY ANXIOUS. Over so much... I have a buttload of hw due tomorrow for one thing lol. But, eh, there's other things bothering me too.

I hardly slept at ALL last night. I stayed up til like 5:30 AM cuz I knew I couldn't sleep...only went back cuz I was passing out...collapsed and rolled around in emotional turmoil for a bit, got up half an hour later to pop a painkiller I didn't even need, went back to bed for like 2 hours in nervous anxiety. TOSS TURN TOSS TURN OH GOD. Finally got a little bit of sleep but the dreams, oh, the dreams...Can't even escape there! Some of them made it worse some made it better...My poor mind was trying to cope with the stress. X____-- Maybe a walk would do me a lot of good if it wasn't raining.

WELL. I am to fix some of these problems right away...or really, as soon as I am able. These issues aren't things that can't be fixed; it just might take a bit of time and effort. Which I do plan on doing. I'm just like akjsdigjaigughasghsjdfawinenvagbgura right now. Hahahahahahahahahaha *nervous laughter* *twitch*

Sleep deprivation is an odd thing.

Well, I also wanted to say something that I have told to some of my friends already (and you guys probably knew somehow anyway and I already said it on LJ but...) Yeah. I'm just...not even gonna suppress it anymore...

I'm NOT straight.

I really think perhaps the best way to describe me is pansexual =/

If you have a fucking problem with this, then let the door hit you on the ass as you leave, figuratively speaking of course. Because I CANNOT help how I feel. I've been suppressing it for YEARS. Been in denial for a long time until recently. Then I decided ya know, this is stupid. I can't change it. I was trying not to be "wrong" or whatever but....I'm not even going to go there, I'm not even going to explain, just...whatever. *waves it off*

Just freaking forget about it if it bothers you that much. But if it does, then whatever. I'm not gonna care anymore.

Anyway, that didn't make me feel too much better but I suppose it's a bit of relief to not hafta pretend anymore. I really shouldn't have hidden it or suppressed it. It caused me a LOT of grief and pain, and I really thought I deserved to die for awhile there. But that was years ago and I've grown since then. =/

At any rate, my stomach is still all bleeeehhhhhhhh. Like I seriously thought I was gonna be sick earlier. I was almost sick earlier X_____x Some of you know why. But if you don't know, then I'm not gonna bother explaining to you, cuz I don't want EVERYONE to know. PRIVATE PLZ

Nyeh, well, ummmm idk what more to say. A part of me wants to keep typing just cuz I'm so AKjsDIHUhdfauiAHSDGHNgnANSDngahag but I don't really have much to say, I guess.

Other than things are getting better...so far...But I'm just gonna enjoy not being completely miserable. Though I will admit I'm pretty miserable atm but it can be fixed relatively easily, so no worries. >> I can't fix everything at this very moment but I can get started hahahaha. Which is what I'm doing right now, really.

Wheeewww Well....come next week or the week after, things will probably go to hell again, cuz I'm about to sneak off to get my lip pierced and after I do, I shall probably get a good verbal scourging from the parents X___x But I want it SO BAD. There's many reasons why I'm doing it anyway, actually. And some are really really dumb. =/

ummmmm not too much else other than...I will get around to my messages later, and I'ma go find your file to send you later, kk?

Well, cya

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27875114/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27875114/ Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:14:08 PDT
Well maybe you guys saw it coming but...I guess it's about time.

*sigh* I actually have been rejecting this for a long time but finally decided to do it.

My mum is gonna make arrangements and...

I'm finally gonna go to counseling. :<

She called me many demeaning terms today but I guess it was necessary. I knew already that I was "low class'" and "trash" and "slutty" and "cruel" and "selfish" and "shallow" and "immature" and "lazy" and "obsessive" and all.

But she says I'm going crazy too and I really am so...

Away I go *groan* Before I wind up in a mental hospital anyway.

Just as well for I have been self destructive and hurting myself literally.

And because I'm about to kill myself and am getting agoraphobic beyond recognition and repair...

Time for my ass to go. I've got a lot to work on and I'm gonna change a lot of things. :< I'm just really afraid they'll put me on meds.

For those of you who are religious, will you please pray for me? I don't wanna be like this anymore. I don't wanna be crazy anymore. I'm scared.... =[[[[

Like I know I hafta do this but I'm really getting scared. Cuz she dunno how bad it's been cuz I've been hiding it from her. And I been trying to hide it from everyone but I just snapped. Like I've kept hurting myself and crying like every night and being all sick... And then like I keep getting close to killing myself so...

I really hope that I don't end up in the hospital somehow. :< I'm really scared they're gonna throw me in there. =[[[

*cling*

I have so much to work on and change...I really couldn't have done it myself cuz I'm so lost and confused and dunno how things should be. I've been lied to and abused and hurt so many times (not by my family) Idk how people are supposed to treat each other. I just hope you guys can forgive me for being so negative and sometimes mean and selfish and hurtful. =[ I'm really really sorry I let you guys down. I let myself down too. And I need to change it. I'm trying so hard...you don't even know. I have to stop a lot of bad habits. I've already started...I don't watch porn really anymore and I guess I shouldn't read it either but I can't stop that yet. :< And I really should focus on nicer subjects and themes. I have a problem with sexual allures and I need to just...not pay it any attention anymore. I never done it with someone but you know what I mean. That's the first thing I need to dump. And I really don't wanna...At least I've stopped the porn thing for the most part. Please don't send me nasty pictures. I can't look at them anymore. I'm not stopping rping it with my best friends or reading it but I don't wanna discuss it if we're not close.

I need to be nicer and cleaner and "more decent." And I need to work on everything from my diction to my thoughts to my dress to my body language to my attitude.

Anyway I g2g. I gotta do some hw. :<

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27780624/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27780624/ Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:25:35 PDT
And the worst part? That was only the beginning of why I broke up with him. =_______= So please don't mention him again. Cuz I'm really embarrassed about this whole fucking thing and for believing that shit again. Damn, that's really all I'm good for. Being used and just as an additional side dish. =// I'm fucking sick of that and fucking sick of guys treating me like a piece of meat. I wanna rip my face off cuz I'm tired of it.

Anyway...I will talk about my trip later. I'm too lazy right now.

Also: Don't be expecting art from me. Or stories. I am too lazy and it's too much work. I wanna do something that'll make me happy. Cuz like drawing and writing stresses me out and frustrates me and I've come to hate it.

So maybe later I'll pick it up again. I just feel like I need to start over as far as everything is concerned.

Cuz I really do need to start over at this rate. Everything's gone wrong for me but now that I've slept on it, I feel a certain sense of relief. Maybe starting over will be good for me. I'm trying to find new friends since like, ya know, I've kinda changed a lot since last year...And like me and a lot of people have drifted apart.

Well I'm gonna be Ok I guess. Later.

***EDIT*** I'm sorry guys. I deleted everyone's messages and journals and deviations. Cuz I need to start over. Please forgive me. =[[

----------------------------------------------

My fuzzies :



My bitch :



My hoar:



Friendz :

http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27429863/ Sat, 26 Sep 2009 13:51:31 PDT
I need some time.

Some very bad things happened yesterday and I don't wanna get into detail. A couple of you know. But this is just...personal and I don't wanna burden anyone and I really honestly don't wanna start crying again. Because I need to be somewhere tonight and I can't be all upset again.

But...you know those sorts of things that I always complain about and cry over? Well this...is truly 10,000x worse. Like yesterday was, without a doubt, the worst day of my life. No. No hyperbole. No exaggeration in the least. It really, honestly was.

You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you anyway. It's just too...INSANE. Like I can hardly even believe it. B/c it started out as ONE bad thing which was TERRIBLE enough but it just got worse and worse and so many bad things happened and it was just like...a soap opera almost.

But at any rate...

Yyyeaaah I don't see things getting updated. =[ I'm sorry guys if I'm letting you down. I really do love you all and shall try to give you a different gift for your bdays. I know that buying things doesn't mean as much but I can't put my heart into something like this when it gives me pain.

So yeah I just don't feel like trying or working really hard on something when I just need it to give me relief and not more stress. So I'm definitely taking a break now.

I'm going on a trip next week to Arizona anyway. So I won't be around. Sorry. I guess it's best that I do, anyway. I need a break from the internet. I don't wanna end up emobawwing in a moment of weakness when I have all this going on.

I'm very very sorry I have not commented on journals, answered messages, or commented on deviations. These past few weeks have been living hell and it's been getting worse and worse and worse. Like this is just unreal. It's almost as if God is angry with me.

I know I'm not a good person but I'm trying to better myself. =[

Well there is some good news. Today I am going to go to a friend's house. So that will make me feel better. ^^ I do feel a bit better today it was last night that was the worst time for me. I didn't sleep til 7:30. And honestly I would have gone to see my friend earlier but I needed some time to compose myself.

I'm really not Ok but I will be. I am still stunned and reeling and taking the information in.

There is some other good news though. I finally told the guy I liked that I liked him. And he feels the same for me too. So...we'll see what happens there. We're talking right now. And I'm so happy...He's so kind to me. ^.^

Well with every bad thing there is a good thing. And I am lucky to have all my friends to talk to and to distract me and for my guy. Thanks guys for everything.

I honestly love you all and I just wanted you to know. Cuz I don't wanna leave that unsaid anymore.

I should probably go get ready in a bit. I'm very tired and weak and dizzy but I need to leave anyway. I love you!

****EDIT**** I HAVE A BOYFRIEND YAY


-------------------------------------------------
My fuzzies :

http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27308190/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:42:45 PDT First of all, THANK YOU SOOOO much for the bday greetings and everything! Thanks for the pics, too. C: And the texts. That was like the BEST birthday ever. Hands down. You guys were SOOO kind to me! And you really made me happy. ^^ So here's how it went.

I woke up around 11:40 and found two cards from my parents and on the table. C: I got some money (not too much but I was happy cuz I can save it up! YAY) and a pic from Angel. It made me SOOO happy!! And then I sat and talked to for awhile before I had to get ready. I fixed up really nice lol. I wore foundation and everything like srsly. So much makeup. @___@ And then I drove down to the gas station to pick Brittany up. She gave me a card too. 8D I was SOOO happy to see her! Like srsly. We made it to the mall all right and then we just kinda walked around for awhile. We made fun of the clothes (cuz we really didn't have the money to shop neither did we care). And then I got my ears pierced a third time. ^^ It hurt lolz. B/c it's right near where the cartilage starts. But it looks awesome. Anyway it's still soooorreeee. :C Oh well lol. Anyway, then we started taking pictures and decided that we wanted to have a funny one. So we tried to find a mannequin to like...hump and grope and molest. So we went into Dillard's but there were TOO many salesladies. D8 Like every time we started to grab onto the fake tits, I couldn't get the camera out fast enough and we just had to run. So we didn't get it in the end.

Anyway, I posted the pics on Facebook cuz like...myspace was being a tard. :C I will post a couple here soon. ^^

After we did that, we just left the mall cuz it was like 6:30. I dropped her off at her house and got to see her black and tan dachshund. C: And I petted him. 8D Then I went home and my family and I went to an Italian restaurant. I got a cheese calzone. It was HUGE but SOOO good with the tomato sauce. 8D And then my stomach hurt but it was GOOD. X) So we went home and had CAEK. They couldn't make an AFI caek for copyright reasons. :C But I got a chocolate one with black and blue icing and ribbons so it was all good. And then I got to talk to on the phone and then on the IM for hours. 8D So it was great!! I'm SOOO glad I got to talk to my friends. Thanks y'all for making this the best bday ever! What would I do without you guys? C: I am SOOOO thankful to have you to talk to and exchange support and I really have enjoyed sharing the fandoms with you. You guys are great!

So yeah that was the best day this week. The rest of the week was kinda crappy thanks to school but it's Ok. I made it through! I also made it through my first week as a vegetarian. ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27171857/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27171857/ Sat, 12 Sep 2009 14:19:09 PDT I srsly keep forgetting to order my things for my bday. *dies* Oh well. I hope I won't forget to order a caek though. C: I wish I could share it with you guys. D: Anyway...I think that my best friend Brittany and I are going to the mall on my bday. Like I said...gonna get my ears pierced again. C: I can't wait to see her. ^^ So yeah I'm planning on talking to you guys on my bday cuz that's all I want in the end. 8D

Also also also...I changed my phone BG to Davey~ And my avatar too. Thank yew for giving me this lurvely avatar of Daveh's sexah body 8D *brickedplz* Ily srsly. C< Like you don't even know how AMAZING you've been! I feel so bad cuz it's like...I feel like I haven't really given anything back...but I'm gonna buy one of your plushies. C: And I'm going to draw you a picture and it's going to be epic. =] NIKI FM FTW. I will try to make it speshul fer yew. C< B/c you've been sooooo nice to me and I can't ever repay that.

I know I've been drawing a lot of things for ppl lately but like...I'm doing it cuz I want to, not cuz I've been asked. =/ My Davey bunny pic is coming along nicely. I just haven't been able to work on it cuz of school. D: But next week I hope to get back to it. I just hafta do a LOT of work this weekend. And I g2g to a family reunion cuz it might be the last time I see my grandparents. And I wouldn't miss that for the world. I hate reunions but I'd be kicking myself. No matter how annoying it can be, I still them. 8< But I'll have my phone so yeah...hit me up.

I also realized with a huge facepalm that I'm going to end up looking Davey-ish when I thought about what all I was gonna do to myself. But I hope it won't look too much like him. Hurrr. Although, , you should dress up as Jade and I should as Davey and it'd be awesome. 8D

Hrrrm what else? Oh, yeah, thank you all for being SOOO amazing~ You guys are awesome to me and always put up with my journal bitching. But I'm gonna try to change that. I can't help it on LJ, I just kinda...nkjdkahgaguha but here I'm trying to change it. I started a prayer diary and I'm taking it out on that so...yeah. I've been going through a HORRID time right now and for once, I HONESTLY don't wanna get into the details. But , , , and know/will be told. Let's just say that people recently haven't been the best to me and each time I pick myself up, I just get knocked down again. I'm trying to be strong and optimistic. But if it wasn't for you guys, I couldn't do it. ^^

I honestly have broken down 4 times in the past 3 days though. For hours at a time. Last night was the worst because it had to do with some GUY (of which I will not go into detail) and I didn't fall asleep til... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27117099/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27117099/ Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:48:15 PDT
So yeah...hit me up. Bored and doing schoolwork. Lol. If you want my number then let me know. And depending on how long I've known you, I'll think about it. Not trying to be rude; I just wanna be safe. 8D But you can ask lol.

Ummm let's see what else...

Yeah so this weekend was great. 8D On Saturday I stayed home and talked to my friend Brittany on the phone. I didn't feel that good and I nearly fainted but it was Ok. We're gonna go to the mall to chill for my bday and I'm getting my ears pierced again while we're there, most likely. I haven't ordered DVDs or CDs or whatever I decide to get yet, but I should already. Anyway, so I just kinda sat around on Saturday.

Sunday, my mom busted me up at like...11:40 AM and I got ready. I ate breakfast for the first time in 2 weeks! And so then we went to see my dad's friend. =] We drove to South Carolina (took about an hour to get to his house) and the whole way my sis and I listened to my mp3. When we got there we got to see the alpacas. They were so cute~ There was a baby one, too, and she was adorable! She was so sweet. C: And we got to feed them and pet them. They were very gentle yet skittish. One small move and they ran! Poor things! D: Anyway, we saw his chickens too and petted them as well. And then we went inside and food was cooked out and then my sis and I listened to my mp3 again while taking crazy pics cuz we were bored. I have them on myspace if you want to see. Anyway, after that, we got in the car and went and got ice cream then listened to my AFI CDs and bothered my parents with it. They were NOT amused. I don't think my dad liked it. D:

Monday, I got up at 11 AM and was kinda sick to my stomach cuz I knew the food the other day would hurt me but I ate it to be polite. Well I was gonna go to Matthews Alive anyway. So I got dressed all cute and then we went. It was really crowded!! There were so many people, like you wouldn't even believe. And it was awesome cuz the main road had places where food was sold. So you walk down the street and it smelled like hot dogs, burgers, popcorn, funnel cakes, turkey, etc. And the streets that branched off of the main street had tents set up where they sold things like jewelry, knick-knacks, things for you pets, wood carvings, art, etc. We had a lot of fun walking through and looking at the things. I got a cell phone holder that had a bell and an orange bunny thing on it. And Angel and I also got some ribbons and a bow. C: Then afterwards we went to go out to eat at McDonald's and went to look at the phones.

All in all, it was a really really good weekend. I'm still happy from it. ^^ And yday I talked to my friends on myspace for like EVER. Me and one of my friends stayed up til 1 AM talking lol. I was glad I had his company cuz I was doing schoolwork. Lol.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. I'm in a pleasant mood recently. C: And I managed to write 6 pages of Mirrors this weekend so yay me.

I g2g work on school now. Ttyl!

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27036356/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/27036356/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 13:48:12 PDT
First let's talk about what emo IS NOT. Emo is NOT Simple Plan, AFI, Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu, etc. My Chemical Romance has emo elements (although they also have punk revival and post hardcore influences) but Gerard Way claims that they aren't emo and has scorned the subgenre. Ok, first off: Simple Plan. A lot of people call this emo because of the lyrics. =_____= YES the lyrics for some songs are all "Oh my life sucks blah blah blah." BUT. It is NOT filled with such RAW emotion that it rips your heart out into little pieces. The music itself is too pop-y for that and the singing isn't filled with the same heart-wrenching passion. These are all weaker points so I will elaborate what I mean by punk pop.

We'll start with the definition. Punk pop is "a post-grunge strand of alternative rock that combines power-pop melodies and chord changes with speedy punk tempos and loud guitars."

....

Sounds like it to me. =/ Punk-pop bands are like Simple Plan and Blink-182.

EMO, on the other hand: "leans toward the progressive side, full of complex guitar work, unorthodox song structures, arty noise, and extreme dynamic shifts; some emo is much closer to punk-pop, though it's a bit more intricate. Emo lyrics are deeply personal, usually either free-associative poetry or intimate confessionals. Though it's far less macho, emo is a direct descendant of hardcore's preoccupations with authenticity and anti-commercialism; it grew out of the conviction that commercially oriented music was too artificial and calculated to express any genuine emotion. Because the emo ideal is authentic, deeply felt emotion that defies rational analysis, the style can be prone to excess in its quest for ever-bigger peaks and releases. But at its best, emo has a sweeping power that manages to be visceral, challenging, and intimate all at once."

It was also said that emo "was used to describe hardcore bands who favored expressive vocals over the typical barking rants" (rants as can be heard in punk vs. passionate, EMOTIONAL vocals). Some singers even got so caught up in the songs and the feelings they expressed, they would cry onstage, thereby giving the term the stigma it has today.

Furthermore, to clear up another misconception, emo developed as an underground movement in the 80's (bands such as Rites of Spring and Embrace). It started to go mainstream in the 90's (IT DID NOT DIE OUT) with bands like Sunny Day Real Estate.

Maybe examples would help.

Punk Pop

Good Charlotte: Predictable [link]
Simple Plan: I'm Just A Kid [link]


Emo

Thursday: Paris in Flames [link]
Sunny Day Real Estate: In Circles [link]
Funeral For a Friend: Roses For the Dead [link]

Do you see the difference now? I hope so. =/ Anyway...there are other styles in these songs such as post-hardcore and punk revival and emo-pop but I'm talking about the main subgenre and influence here. Also... When referring to punk "ranting" vs. emo's "expressive vocals" (Now in the following examples, I am focusing on VOCALS and not the MUSIC. You need to know what they mean by those terms).

Rants: (And this is NOT pop-punk here; it's Horror Punk, Punk Revival, and Hardcore)

AFI: Exsanguination [link]
AFI: High School Football Hero [link]

Expressive Vocals:

Thursday: I Am the Killer [link]
Taking Back Sunday: A Decade Under The Influence [link] (and yes I know it says pop punk in the sidebar there =____= This band has elements of that as well...I'm looking mostly at vocals, as I said before).

Now I think I've gotten out what I wanted to say; I'm really really REALLY sick of people BAWing in the YT comments "THIS ISN'T EMO RAWR RAWR R... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26898112/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26898112/ Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:04:08 PDT I just...was bored. Ok, so...there's this scar on my leg that I got this summer cuz a nail went into it...I thought it would go away but it hasn't...it's kinda cool. Heh. C< It makes me think of Nine Inch Nails cuz that was about how long the nail was (though not all of it went in...durrrrr. Just a little bit dug up in there. Cuz it was sticking out of the chair.)

Anyway, MOAR important things...

I got off the phone with one of my best friends just now. I'd recently found her on myspace. We'd been out of touch for like 2 years cuz shit happens. We've known each other since I was like 2 and she was 1. I'm happy now. C: We're gonna hang out on my b-day. At least, I'm pretty sure so. I'm so happy! She's so funny.

I'm escited...I'm gonna be 19 soon. (Well, Sept 17th anyway) 8D WOOOOO~ I'm gonna get CAEK. 8D That's what I want. CAEK. _{or maybe Davey but since I can't has him, I can has caek} C: *sigh* Davey is so cool though~ He's my idol. No srsly -____- I wish I could have something Davey related for my bday. :< Or something GX related. 8D But as long as I get to talk to my best friends , , and Brittany, then that's all I really want. I see Angel a lot but I don't get to talk to her as much. :< Nor do I get to talk to those others a lot, either. *sigh* I just wanna talk to them. And get chocolate. That'd make my day good. C: _{though it would be nice to have the dvd box 7 of GX and a new AFI CD...or DVD lol}

Anyway, things are a little better. ^^ We probably couldn't have afforded it but...my dad did put Photoshop CS4 on his credit card so I got it. *whew* I was SCRAED but I got a lot of my work done. C: I still gotta do some for this week, but it's designing web pages and that's fun. ^^

Hrrrm so...I want to draw things but can't really think of anything to draw. I have some pictures that need coloring, but I need to draw. :/ Does anyone have any ideas? It's not requests. Just throw out a few suggestions. I might be inspired lol. I am gonna draw a pic of Davey and Chazz 8D YAY CROSSOVERS. I'm working on a new style but idk about it. >> can I send you a pic I did awhile ago? It's not really realism, but I'm trying to throw a tad of that in with manga-stye. :/ I'd like some halp. 8D Cuz Idk if it's what I want. >>

Man, I'm very uninteresting. I thought I had something I wanted to say, but idr. D:

So just have this meme I found instead.


-=-Outcast-=-
[ ] You don't have very many friends.
[ ] Often times, teachers forget your name.
[ ] You were always picked last for kickball.
[ ] You don't like to talk a lot.
[x] You tend to avoid mass social activities
[x] You don't participate in any extracurricular activities.
[ ] All you wish for is to move away or get a fresh start.
[x] Your friends have blown you off before.
[x] You sit alone in most of your classes.
[ ] You have a feeling that once you leave high school or college, nobody is going to remember you.
[ ] You hold interest in activities that other people find strange.
[ ] You have a large sexual background.
[ ] People don't find you friendly.
[ ] You hold extreme hate towards another high school stereotype.
[ ] You eat alone at lunch.
Total = 4

-=-Party Girl/Boy-=-
[ ] Lets face it: you like to party.
[ ] You party every other weekend.
[ ] or every weekend?
[ ] You've been going to frat hou... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26836346/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26836346/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 12:44:19 PDT
Well...I'm going to do the meme now before I say something more...something that won't be so negative. =____=

◆Your name?
Chazzi...you won't know my real name b/c it sucks. :[ And for those of you who know my real name, don't blab it here, por favor! D8

◆If possible, your age?
18...about to turn 19. =__=

◆When did you start drawing?
This should be pretty obvious: 2 years ago. I never really drew that much. :/ I mostly wrote. I've just been drawing more since I can't write atm. XP I might write today though, so, meh.

◆Which hand do you use for drawing?
right handed

◆Which is easier to draw - male or female?
*sigh* I used to not be able to draw guys but I find those easier now, I guess...

◆Which is easier to draw - long hair or short hair?
long hair...Idk it's just easier.

◆Is it easier to draw the head facing towards the right or the left?
Left...Idk why that is, either.

◆Is it easier to draw the side view of the face or the front view?
The front view!!! Deff DX I fail at profile.

◆What do you have problems in drawing?
everything. =___________________= mostly legs, hands, arms, feet, bodies....ugh, let's just say the only thing I might be able to do right are eyes....maybe.

◆What do you like to draw?
Stupid things. :< And anime-ish style...Haou, Juudai, Johan, Manjoume; Selfshipping. Mind-puke.

◆Are you a traditional artist or a digital artist?
....artist? Fffff I draw traditionally then I color it on photoshop

◆Where do you start drawing from?
face...then...um, hair. Then eyes. Then nose. Then mouth. Then neck and shoulders, then body, then arms. Etc.

◆What is your drawing habit that you are aware of?
All the faces are usually in the same direction...I draw hands as knobs cuz I'm lazy...I draw stubby chibis too much...I make the chins too pointy...I make it look like their heads are gonna fall off...I draw legs all weird and without a butt to attach...ummm too angular. And I'm messy. =___= I have a lot, actually. Oh, and, my lines are curly.

◆Any tips for coloring/shading?
No. =[ not really. I guess...whatever comes naturally. Just...don't do what I do...try to keep the light source...constant? Idk...and I learned from to use a large, soft brush on a separate layer. It's faster. *sigh*

◆How long does it take to finish a piece of art?
anywhere from 5 hours to months. Sad, isn't it? Oh, well. Same thing goes for writing. Which I should do more of now. =/

◆What music do you listen to while you draw?
I know you'd thought you'd never hear this from me but...none. It distracts me too much.

◆How long does it take you to come up with an idea?
ugh. =______= This is one of my weakest points (other than the drawing itself). It takes me AGES. And then I end up not finishing it. Or I just copy a bunch of my old drawings just so I'll have something to do. I don't post over half of what I draw. =/

◆Your favorite drawing utensils?
Sketchbook, pencils, tablet, photoshop

◆Your favorite color/the color that you use a lot?
Black, blue, blue-green

◆Your favorite style(s)?
Idc. I like drawing in anime style (b/c I can't do anything else) and I like looking at it, I guess. But I like, uhhhh, photography and surrealism and abstract things. I guess. Idk what they're called. I didn't take an art class. =/

◆What kind of artist are you aiming for?
...*sigh* I wish I could draw like , , http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26756484/ Sat, 22 Aug 2009 14:38:00 PDT It only looks like one course is gonna give me trouble and that's because they scatter the information all over the site, don't explain it when you ask them a question (at least not in a clear, logical, linear manner), and they yelled at us that we'd better GET TO WORK AND WORK A WEEK AHEAD. Nice people. =_____= Oh, and they speak geek and this is the INTRODUCTORY COURSE. I could figure it out (cuz I had studied) but I did NOT appreciate it when they threw me a curve ball on the test by referring to a certain jack as a "female DB-25" or whatever the hell it was. I was like WTFFFF??!!! I mean I knew what they meant b/c I'd studied a lot but it still made me go =________= since they had hardly referred to it as that and didn't explain what they meant. Srsly, for people who CAN'T figure things out, I feel sorry for them.

Anyway, point is...so far, so good.

Ok, I need to address some other things. I guess. >> Not that anyone really cares but... hmmm. :/

Fandom-wise....As far as GX is concerned...I don't think I can get back into spiritshipping. =____________= This means that I am not really able to write Fragments of Heaven or Crystal Tears right now. *sigh* Not like anyone other than my friends were gonna read those, anyway. :/ There is a chance that if I have someone to share it with (spiritshipping, I mean) I might be able to get back into it. But that doesn't mean talking about it. I'm gonna need some serious rp before I can get back into it. I haven't been able to write AT ALL because I've been so distracted and scatterbrained. I would like if I could find someone to rp with on a more timely basis...and not on forums, please. I mean through IM. And it would be nice if it was in narrative (instead of script format). Because I simply CANNOT focus on one thing at a time. I have to multi-task or I just CAN'T do anything. I was trying to write today and my brain just...died. Ugh.

But basically, I'd like if someone could rp spiritshipping with me (anything from crack to AU to PWP to drama to emo to OOC; I don't fucking care. I'm flexible about the ways things are rped AS LONG as it's NOT fucking mpreg *fucking EW* or having Juudai act like an itty, bitty baby who needs his strong Jo-kun to save him. There is ONE exception to these exceptions *lolz* and that's if it's crack. XDD I can do genderbending. I would prefer that Johan was the girl but I can do whatever. XD lol). Other shippings I would GLADLY rp would be selfshipping *durrrr XDD that's my fav!!!*, northshipping (Manjoume x Johan for those who don't know), rivalshipping, valentineshipping, dark spiritshipping, possesshiping, blah blah blah. Basically anything except for the ones listed below.

What I will not rp is soulshipping (b/c I really cannot stand it at all), greenshipping (Manjoume x Misawa), crystalshipping (Johan x Sho), angelshipping (I just can't seem to do it), anikishipping, anything involving Hikari no Kessha, Manjoume x Rei, charmershipping (or whatever it's called; Juudai x Rei), etc. I cannot think of some at the moment but I think that fairly covers it. Basically, I'd prefer yaoi (or genderbent yaoi, thereby, yuri). I'd pretty much so take anything that isn't the above, though. Idk.

I'd also like if someone would rp AFI with me. :< Mainly Javey. I can do Jadam but I'd rather not.

Ummm I hope I don't sound mean or anything. :< I just want some good rp. I can't seem to get it anywhere, and there's only one person other than my sister willing to rp with me (consistently). And it's basically everything I don't like to do. I'm not talking about people like or who I've rped with before...I mean someone else but I won't say who. :/ It'd just be nice if there was someone who was willing to have a LOT of drama and a bunch of shit happening in quick succession. I have a short attention span and, quite frankly, I need a lot going on to keep me from getting bored. I'm sorry. ;_____; I just thought I'd like to address that.

Though, lately, I've begun to wonder...do I suck at rping?? Is that why no one wants to rp with me? I generally don't complain about what we rp but if it's something that does n... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26610075/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26610075/ Sat, 15 Aug 2009 13:41:53 PDT I mean, I hardly updated my stories...I still haven't updated Fragments of Heaven! I started the next chapter but then I started getting bored. So I'm going to just time skip. Idk who all I've told already, but I'm not as into spiritshipping as I used to be, so...that contributes majorly to it. Atm, I hardly like anyone other than Juudai/Haou. >> I mean, as characters. Idk really how to explain this. It's probably only temporary. But it's just very hard for me to write anything. T____T Especially when I end up either daydreaming about AFI or my OCs... *groans* I used to daydream about spiritshipping a lot but now my mind is ALL OVER THE PLACE. And all I can think about is sex anyway. I think I need to get help one of these days... >>

Also...I've been very very very bad b/c I set my alarm for 12:45 and I ended up rolling out of bed at 3 PM. I kid you not. I hate it when I do that! I just wasted my day. But you see, last night I got caught up reading this really HOT story on AFIslash and I just couldn't stop!!! It was AMAZING. @_______@ God, I love stories like that...where it's like....porn every chapter and--

*coughs* Ok, I DO really need help before I keep imagining Davey as a stripper. Or a porn star. Or a prostitute. Or a street thug. ;______; Same goes for Johan or Juudai. I'm such a sick, sick, twisted individual. I find that SO hot but it should be so disgusting. D: B/c like...most people don't think that's very, er, wholesome or healthy. And those REALLY aren't healthy professions. And yet there I go, reading those stories and fantasizing about it and watching The Girls Next Door...

But, God, it's so INTERESTING!! I'm gonna go to hell, srsly. *bricked*

Ya know, I proly am one day gonna give this up. Srsly. I realized I can't possibly give up shonen-ai (why would I want to, anyway? Nothing wrong with that. XDD ) But I need to tone down the sex. It is...a bad habit and an addiction for me. @____@

...But today is not that day. *goes off to read/view pr0nz*

Ummmmm anyway....school....rrrrriiiiiggghhttt

I start Monday. 8< Save me!!!!!!!! Ok so I have 5 online classes. BOOO.

They are:

Web Technologies Programming Orientation
Web Markup And Scripting
Intro to Web Graphics
Internet/Web Fundamentals
Operating System Concepts

Fffffftttt Easy stuff! At least...I hope so. =_______________=

But yeah, hope I'm not too busy! I want time to write. And talk with friends or something. My dad is also gonna try to get me this assistance/internship with an Interior Designer who works with high end people and projects (he has connections hur). But....I really doubt I will be able to do anything. Still, I'm hoping. :/ I will do it for no money cuz I need to experience. Cuz I can't get a job b/c I have no experience. So...if that does... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26404223/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26404223/ Wed, 05 Aug 2009 14:21:54 PDT
Now, secondly, things are not looking so good for me as far as finding a job is. I am still trying and still trying to be optimistic, but it may be awhile. And for this reason, I seriously need to think of something to do in the time I'm working on finding a steady job. I think for now I need to pick up some more commissions. I will be making some new things and designs in a bit to show you guys, and if you're interested, let me know. If I need to improve my sewing and you think that's the reason I've not gotten much interest, or I need to showcase more variety, then let me know. I will be trying out more variety of things. If you can think of any ideas for something you'd like to see, let me know and I will at least consider drafting out the design for it and rendering it for you to see...I need to come up with some new ideas and I'm open to anything you guys might wanna throw out there. I'm brainstorming right now. This is going to have to do as my main source of income at the moment, and I could really use the money. I'm trying to save up to move out.

Also...school is starting the 17th. This will not be a problem as far as commissions or doing something I owe you is concerned. All my classes are online so I will be home all day and working on my own schedule. Commissions will stay open at least until second semester. We will see how things turn out and I will keep putting in applications to places looking for a job. It's just difficult because of the economy. And I am barely the minimum age requirement for most jobs. Plus I have no prior experience. And I am competing with people older than me with more education and experience. My silly high school diploma is doing me no good. Neither is my first year in college. :/ At any rate, screw that. I'm NOT giving up. BUT. I am employing myself. Ha. At least for now. *snicker* I have some options for the time being, and I am going to use them. >> I might end up working commissions and for the family business while I try to figure out how to start my own business.

So, if it's not too much to ask, if you happen to come across someone who is interested in plushies or whatever, could you mention me? You don't have to I'm just having a bit of trouble, at the moment. Umm...I know you guys don't have much money and neither do I...I'll see what all I can do. I'm still working on smaller designs and keychains and stuff. XP I might do some rough sketches tonight and work on the commission I have...

Well that's about all. Except for, commission info here: [link]



]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26162249/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26162249/ Sat, 25 Jul 2009 00:16:31 PDT right now for that journal...and for my opinion on lots of different things. Idk why but lately I've felt like on just about everything that pops into my head: whether it be an opinion, a memory, a conversation with a friend...I feel rather stupid for several things and am just waiting for it to bite me...Oh well. I will get over it if I focus on these hot fries instead.

At any rate....

Whoever knew Cinnamon Bun yogurt would taste freaking EXACTLY like a Cinnamon Bun? O____o It's the weirdest thing ever. Delishious yogert. Yew Must Eat.

So tomorrow I MIGHT be able to talk to a friend on the phone. I am not expecting it, exactly, because things have tended to fall through as of recently. But I am going to TRY to be positive. Although, oddly, every time I have been optimistic lately, life has found it funny to make the OPPOSITE of my expectations happen. : / Of course it does. Oh well.

Anyway, so...I gotta order my special CDs online. Cuz get this...I looked for 5 different CDs and Best Buy and Target did not have. I was like...WTFFF??!!! Cuz I got DecemberUnderground from Target and yet now they don't have a section for AFI. And I expected one or both to have Evanescence's The Open Door cuz that was like TEH RAEGZ!!21!!! a few years ago but nope. Guess it was too old. Feh. All they had was the crud they play on the radio. I doez not liek. D8 If I wanna hear those songs I turn on radio. DUR. D8 I ain't paying the money I don't have for THAT, ya know? I wish that they played a bigger variety of music on the radio and people would stop eating up the same songs that grew old like EIGHT MONTHS AGO.Haha at least I don't hafta listen to it anymore. 8D I has mp3 yay! And I can't find some of Blaqk Audio's songs (that were on the special editions of the CDs) anywhere. I can only find them on Youtube. And keepvid is NOT working. I'd rather not use keepvid anyway because I wanna pay those secksy men. If I download for free, do you think there's any way to send them money somehow? Cuz srsly I was looking at lots of places for the mp3 to buy and it cannot be found .__.

Anyway...Tomorrow...I think I might try to finish photoshopping a selfshipping pic I was working on. I...I think I may have improved a little bit. That is, until I messed up the heart-shaped box. XDDD The depth on it...is wrong. >> I mean...the perspective is kinda fucked up. I will do my best to fix it but I was srsly half asleep when I drew it so I didn't think of it. And it's already 95% of the way day in coloring too. I didn't notice it until I was almost done. >> Sad, huh? Anyway if I can't fix it then I have learned a lesson (tho I have made that same mistake in another pic I was working on prior to this.) It's just whenever I'm sketching I don't rly THINK. XD Ya know? And then...by the time I think about it I go It's cuz I focus too much on the characters. Oh well. Please don't be too mad at me for it. >> I will do my best to fix it. If it would take another 3 hours to redo, though, it's not worth it at this point. I'll just make up for it later.

I also drew a retarded pic of Davey...ummm I guess I'll post it since wanted me too...It's very silly. He's riding a giant rabbit. >> *groans* Needless to say, I didn't try TOO hard on it since it was supposed to be a joke, anyway. But I DID put a little effort into it. *is embarrassed*

I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much as usual. I've suddenly lost all confidence in my works. I've been terribly embarrassed about everything I produce. Like srsly this feeling of SHAME just encompasses my entire being whenever I look at what I have done. Odd, isn't it? Ah, well, it must be forgotten about. I shall simply move on from it and keep trying. My fics have not been going so well because I've been so vegetative lately. I managed to get part of the next chapter of Knocked Up done. No... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26094052/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/26094052/ Tue, 21 Jul 2009 18:51:20 PDT
So the beach was really great. >> We didn't do much on that Sunday but walk around and act like idiots. *dies* And Monday we went to the aquarium (which was fucking amazing, btw. I was like a little kid in there lulz) and then we went for a ride on the ferry and there were hot guys and my mom wanted me to talk to them but I said no (fffff of course I wasn't gonna talk to ANYONE) and then we went to visit a battleship and my sis and I almost passed out from it being so hot in there and b/c we were so hungry. Then we went to the Cotton Exchange and looked around the shops that were open. It was cool cuz it was a building that was turned into a shopping center and was built in the 1800's. And then we got ice cream. 8D And then on Tuesday we went to see an old house and went on a house tour and it was awesome and cool and shit. And then we went to the boardwalk/amusement park and looked at stupid things. >> And Wednesday my sis and I went to the beach and went swimming. She tried to bury me in the sand but then she started digging like a dog and the sand went FFOOOOSSSH up in the air and went in a dramatic arc and landed in my eye. So she had to lead me on the beach by the hand and I was stumbling and pulling her arm off and ppl saw us and I looked stupid. XD; So yeah...then on Thursday before we left we went into some beach places and I bought fake piercings and put one on my lip and my mom didn't see it at first. But then when she saw it she just stared and went red in the face and turned back to cleaning and screamed "YOU'RE AN IDGIT" until she saw it was fake. Then we lol'd.

Also, I'm sorry I haven't been on so much. I've been busy. And depressed. And I didn't feel like talking to much of anyone. Cuz no one fucking cares. And I don't either. :/

Furthermore...I don't know how much more I wanna participate in the GX fandom thanks to certain people. :/ I can hardly write it...I'm not really into anime. :/ I'm more into music. *sigh* I love GX but I'm sick of certain things. And I just can't seem to get a good story out. XP And I was photoshopping a GX pic but then Photoshop froze and then closed and I lost everything. :/ I knew I should have saved it soon but I didn't want it to get fuzzy. >> And I tried to draw some other things but it was shit. So I'm gonna try to draw again tonight. *sigh* I like the last two drawings I did but whatever. I'm gonna try to draw Davey Havok from AFI...Idk if I'll show anyone though. Cuz my drawings are stupid and I'm embarrassed of them.

Hmmm what else? I'm looking for a job. So I'll have less time for the computer. I don't care. There's not much for me here anymore. ;______; I've just been really unhappy. Cuz nothing has been turning out even the littlest bit like I want it. Like...I was gonna go to Vans Warped Tour but then the tickets were more expensive than we thought and I can't afford it. I can't find an opening in any of the jobs I want, my next school semester is gonna be shit, my friends and I never seem to be able to get on at the same time (not to mention we're changing and growing apart), I'm just...a mess.

I'm sorry to you guys that I haven't been online as much but that's cuz I'm trying to drown the pain out. :/ Don't even say you're worried and don't even try to say you could maybe do something. Cuz you can't. I'm just this way and I can't seem to get out of my unlucky loop. I'm not just talking about one or two things going wrong. I'm talking about my whole life going down the toilet. Fuck it. I don't care ya know? I'm sorry if I sound like a brat or if you think I'm turning my back on you. I'm sorry if you think I'm just spewing shit out. I'm sorry if you think I'm ungrateful cuz I have food to eat and a roof over my head.

Well guess what.

I'm fucking hungry all the time even if there is food. I'm fucking tired all the time. I have no reason to stay here and I just get more and more distant from everyone.

I'm staying around, I guess, but I don't really know for what or why. :/ I really don't wanna hear "Oh I'm so sorry." Sorry if that's insensitive. I just don't give a fuck anymore.

I think I'm going to go eat something and shower. >> I don't really have anything important to say other than...life fucked me again and if nothing else, music will always be there for me.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/25735346/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/25735346/ Sat, 04 Jul 2009 12:52:48 PDT Srsly. XD So I proly won't be on for a few days. I could use the break anyway. XP Lately I have been outside with the family more than on the computer anyway. Hah.

Anyway, I hope that I will get to have lots of fun. :33 I hope to swim (if THAT monthly curse doesn't happen DX ) and I hope to take long walks on the beach. I shall take pics. :3 I have some pics of the plushies I made recently to post. I am still working on those that I've promised, so don't worry.

As for commissions, they're still open (DUH) and the information is here if you need it again: [link]

In other news, I will be updating Crystal Tears today, as I finally got the last two pages of the chapter written. =_________= It took long enough thanks to all the sewing I've been doing. XDD I also hope to be posting more art soon, but maybe after I come back from my trip. I hope to draw on the way there. XP I might draw the selfshipping pic inspired by "Heart-Shaped Box" and MAYBE I will draw the next page of Do Not Want. But most likely I will be drawing some short comics based on rps and of OCs and AFI. >> Idk if I will post them though. XP

I will proly be writing some drabbles while I'm gone too. =________________= Would it bother you guys if I posted some of and my OCs? I don't wanna annoy you. XDD And there will be plenty of GX coming. I just don't generally post GX fics here... >> I won't be posting my new fandom, ahem, bandom , fics here either. I will be posting them on AFIslash. >> If I get around to writing any. XDD I'm being very careful with it and trying to observe and blah blah blah. I don't wanna write something shitty. >> I'm afraid to draw it tho. XP My drawings look 'tarded enough already.

But yeah...I'm off to try to proofread my chapter before getting some other shit done. =___= I'm srsly very sorry I haven't gotten around to commenting on all your journals and deviations. I am a lazy, busy beeyotch and I feel the need to leave kinda longish comments that don't turn out very long cuz I run out of things to say. XDD

----------------------------------------------------------
Write the trade fic for
STATUS--DONE
Write the duel for
STATUS--In progress. My writer's block may be going away; I'll just hafta keep sharp during my trip w/ drabbles.
Make the new pattern and make a plushie for
STATUS--DONE.
Draw her b-day pic and send... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/25397979/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/25397979/ Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:25:28 PDT > )
Ok I know I took forever but I FINALLY got some things out of the way and am now officially opening commissions. It is on a FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE basis. So note me with addresses and information if you want one.

So here are the prices. (Please read it all because there is important information regarding shipping and delivery near the end of the list).

Pocket Kitties

$14.95 each (American dollars)

Regular Plushies

$24.95 each (American dollars)

Custom Plushies ("Custom" refers to any sort of item that requires me to draft a new pattern, including [but not limited to] different clothing than the characters would normally wear, an altered character design (such as Sho in a trash can), etc. This does NOT include the kitty ears/tail combo.)

$34.95-$39.95 (Depending on complexity of the drafted pattern).

Payment should be made through money order . You can get a money order by going down to your local post office and requesting one. The fee for it is small enough, and it is easy and safe. By my knowledge, you do NOT need a credit card or banking account to do this. (But I'm not 100% certain about the banking account part.)

EDIT: You can also pay through paypal (though it will take 2-3 days to set it up. >> ) Once it's set up I'll let you know.

You will also need to pay shipping but that won't be too much.

Domestic Shipping (in the U.S.): $2
International Shipping: $5 (American dollars)

The shipping rates are based on what a weight of 0 lbs, 5 ozs would cost to be shipped First class by the US Postal Service. It is an estimate, and could be more if the weight ends up being more.

I have also gotten several requests for pictures and I just can't manage the time to draw/color requests so I decided that I will offer commissions in pictures as well. Since I am no expert or anything special, the rates will be low compared to what other people typically offer.

(Note: I only offer commissions for a fully colored picture.)

Photoshopped Picture
1-2 characters: $7.95
3+ characters: $11.95

I'm only offering picture commissions because several people have shown interests in requests in the past and I've had to turn them down due to time constraints and the such. It's here if you want it. I would e-mail you the finished piece as well as posting it here on dA.

Well, I think that just about covers it. Let me know if you have questions or if I've left a piece of information out.

----------------------------------------------------------
Write the trade fic for
STATUS--In progress. I have only written 2 pages thanks to writer's block but I think I can write more now. :3
Write the duel for http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/25334841/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:44:23 PDT
Ok maybe I don't quit but...

I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. I have just fucked up for the millioneth time and I HATE myself for it cuz now I gotta start over on it again and it takes too RADAMN FUCKING SHITTY LONG. I am going to fucking kill someone I SWEAR. I am about to staple this fucking shitty ass thing and just scream. I have already thrown it against the door, I have fucking paint all over the place, my room is a fucking mess, I have no room to work, everything is TURNING OUT LIKE SHIT. I just can't seem to do FUCKING ANYTHING RIGHT. I fucked up the drawing I was working on. I fucked up the fucking stupid plushies. I fucked up my stories. I fucked up everything. I AM SOOOO DONE.

I think I have fucking bit off more than I can fucking chew. I am so AKJHGHDSGUIHSA ARGH. I am like...in tears of pure RAGE right now b/c I've been working on this FOREVER and then....ARGGHHHHH THIS.

FUCK FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FABRIC GLUE. IT DOES NOT FUCKING WORK. FUCK FABRIC PAINT TOO. FUCK IT ALL WITH SOMETHING HARD AND VERY SANDPAPERY.



;_____;

I think I'm done ranting now...

*crawls in a hole and tears everything to shreds*

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/25162524/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/25162524/ Sat, 06 Jun 2009 13:42:10 PDT > And I guess I wanted to say stuff. XDDDD Hrrrrmmmmm I was actually being good today and yesterday and all this week cuz I was working on the stuff I owe you. XD; I got a lot of sewing done and the plushies I owe ppl should be done soon enough...I think I'll open commissions some time next week. And I was drawing the pics I owed last night and I was working on them today but my hand won't stop shaking very badly...Idk what's wrong with it. But it was giving me FITS b/c like...I rly wanna work on this so badly and idk if I will get the chance any other day of the week. Umm but yeah...I've gotten a lot done on 's bday pic. I was so proud of myself. ;____; Until I colored it and then tried to do line art over it and...whoops. Mental note: do not ever do it in that order again. XP I'm so scatterbrained today. >> But yea...I'll just try to redo it. I like the sketch better right now...I'll just try to clean it up. XP I'll proly just upload the sketch to scraps or something cuz it's better than what I have now. DDDD: Bah. But yea...I'm all wooooo today cuz I stayed up late again. AND it is that time of the month plus I had a neckache so I'm like...high on ibuprofen or something. @____@

And I swear Captain Crunch is like crack. Cuz I had some last night and WOOO BOY. I was going CRAZY. >> I was like laughing at everything and drawing weird pictures and stuff. And saying the craziest things too. Haha. I'm sorry to the friends that had to suffer through that episode. XD; At least I didn't jump all over the house and roll on the floor like I do sometimes when I've had too much chocolate. >>

So anyyywaaaay yeah just taking a break from shit...blah. XDDD Ummm oh yeah! I THINK I might be able to write again. Not sure. But I was high last night on Kaptain Krack so I started writing Knocked Up and I wrote 4 pages. XDD Maybe I just need to get hyper moar often. o.o I've been kinda down a bit so...yeah that might be it. But I feel better now that I got some crazy out of my system...I just kinda...sorta feel like I'm going to literally die. XDD Woooooooo. Oh well nothing a little chocolate can't fix. 8D OM NOM NOM.

Shit guyz. I'm gonna srsly get fat if I am not careful ahahaha! Well, maybe not. Seeing as how I usually LOSE weight in the summer...b/c I eat fucking one meal a day and swim and walk and act like a beast outside. I only eat one meal cuz I'm too damn busy. XDDDD And lazy. :/ Hahaha! But ya...The pool is set up but...I CAN'T SWIM IN IT NOW BAW DD8 Not fair guyz, not fair. But at least we have ice cream. X9 I've been obsessed with it lately and idk why. I mean we went to Chik-Fil-A last night and I went HAY ICE CREAM and I was like LICK LICK LICK LICK OM NOM NOM like a beast while watching the cute little sparrows eat french fries! DAWWWWW CUTE!!!! I LOVE BIRDIES

Um but anyway...BAW I ate chicken. ;____; I love the way it tastes but then I thought about the poor little birdies aksdhghaghda I love chickens! I like to pet them. DDDD: I am an animal murderer but I can't stop cuz meat is soooo good DDDDDDD8 And have u guys ever seen the Bojangles commercial with the dancing chicken? X3 SO CUTE.

Ummm odaghghadahashkga off topic. XDDD I rly am all over the place. Blah. I forgot what was important...WAIT NO I REMEMBER NOW. 8D

Ok, first...I got an mp3 player! YAY So far I have mostly electronica on it. 8DDD And I'm always looking for new music so...do you guys have any good electronica or dance you know of? A few of you already showed me some stuff and I added that to my mp3 but...Yeah. My fav kind of electronica is trance...mostly with a nocturnal sound, know what I mean? But don't say anything about artists like Cascada or Tiesto or that stuff cuz I already know about them. XDDDD And have their stuff. Lol.

OH another thing...I was thinking I need to take a pic for my ID. :/ But idk what to wear...(don't say lingerie b/c I will tear your heads off unless you are certain ppl then I will just go HRRHRHRHRRHRHRH 8D You ppl know who you are ) Anyway, I was thinking of eith... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24945101/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24945101/ Mon, 25 May 2009 14:54:51 PDT but that's not the point. The point is...for the past few months, I haven't rly been able to write shit. :/ And lately, it's gotten worse. >> The thing is...I have been trying for a long time and I've done everything I can...I've talked it over with friends, I've brainstormed, I've written lists and outlines, I've re-read several times, I've thought, I've taken a break, I've attempted to write, I've deleted and rewritten...And it just...No. It's just NOT working. I mean, I have the ideas. I just...can't write. It WON'T come. And it rly sucks b/c I've never rly had this problem before...I mean so bad...

I guess maybe I should just try to wait...and several of you guys already know and have even said they'd help. Which I appreciate greatly and might even take you up on your offers. But Idk...I'm still trying but...it's not just a matter of old fics...it's a matter of new ones too. I can't even write a new story for crying out loud. It makes me mad *pout* Cuz I now have the time to update but. ARGH. @___@

Also...I'm sry I haven't been talking to you guys so much...I've been kinda down and trying to think about my life, ya know? It's rly depressing. ;______; I think that's part of the reason I can't write...B/c I'm so...blah. :/

And even now...usually I'd be able to rant for like ever but I can't even think of anything to say in this journal other than...I'm phailing at writing and I'm depressed b/c I can't think of anything I want w/ ma life and I guess it would be better if I just didn't use the internet so I'd go get a job but I can't stop.

Mm I think I'm going to go try to write some moar even tho I'm like...blah. I'm trying rly hard to be moar positive but it's terribly difficult. ;___; Especially when I'm SOOOO jealous of some of my friends and sometimes feel abandoned even though I'm the one abandoning you guys...I'm wondering if maybe I should see a counselor so I could try to straighten this shit out since I'm having too much trouble on ma own, ya know? Ma teachers have said I should anyway...so maybe it would help.

I'm sorry to be burdening y'all again...I just felt kinda...meh. And needed to say SOMETHING. I'm feeling a little better as of now...but I rly don't wanna waste ma summer being emo b/c it's ma last summer...ever... >> It's just that I've been kinda confused...and sometimes Idk what I like anymore. XD Ever had that happen? It's hard to explain and I don't rly want to explain what I mean...some of you guys already know what I'm talking about but...meh. It kinda applies to most everything going on right now but especially to certain things...I'm just like...wait what? What do I want? Ya know? I'm just kinda lonely and dunno if I can drift like a tumbleweed forever. Haha. I'm trying to think up some sort of goals for myself...so I guess I'll be doing that today so I won't feel like life is so hopelessly pointless. :/

Anyway...I guess I should update you on how things are going project wise.

Write the trade fic for
STATUS--In progress. I haven't gotten any moar work done on it...
Write the duel for
STATUS--In progress. I need to work on that again too...
Make the new pattern and make a plushie for
STATUS--I have finished the hea... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24829877/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24829877/ Mon, 18 May 2009 20:07:06 PDT
Write the trade fic for
STATUS--In progress. Yup! I started it! YAY!
Write the duel for
STATUS--In progress. XD I need to work on it some moar and hopefully do that tonight after I work some moar on Kirby's fic.
Make the new pattern and make a plushie for
STATUS--*EDIT* I have finished the head and need to make sketches for the body.
Draw her b-day pic and send her a surprise. C:
STATUS--In developmental stages. I tried to start it Saturday but I got so iasjgiahdaha stuck.
Finish coloring 's version of slut! Johan 8D
STATUS--Almost done! I just got frustrated and had to stop. DX
I'm not sure if she still wants me to do it but I think that wanted me to color the picture she sent me...
STATUS--In progress. It will be a bit...
It's not rly a huge concrete request but wanted me to write a sequel to one of the fics I had written so...I'm going to TRY to do it.
STATUS--In early developmental stages @___@

And of course I still have beta-reading duties for both and and probably a few other friends I always beta for too if they decide to send me something. ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24752223/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24752223/ Thu, 14 May 2009 11:16:58 PDT
HAY GUYZ I FINISHED SCHOOL! OMG I JUST GOT MY GRADES!!!! OMG I GOT ALL A'S!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!! I started screaming and jumping up and down...cuz I rly didn't think I would do it. XDDD HELL JEAH! A 4.0 AGAIN! All that hard work paid off! OMFG!!!!!!!!! *crying tears of joy* OMG OMG OMG!!! I can't stop freaking the hell out! THIS IS GREAT! I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED AND BAWWW!!!! ;___; <--that's what I look like right now. XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HOLY SHIZZZZZZZZZZ I AM ON PRESIDENT'S LIST AGAIN! YES! I have done it again! In the face of adversity! I thought I wouldn't do it! BUT I DID! Cuz I wanted it SOOOO bad! OMG THIS IS GREAT! I'ma celebrate!!! YAY!

Lookie! Proof!: (copypasta!)

ACA-111-80


College Student Success

A


1.00


2

ARC-111-05


Intro to Arch Technology

A


3.00


3

PSY-150-13


General Psychology

A


3.00


4

ENG-113-53


Literature-Based Research


A


3.00


5

DES-125-05


Graphic Presentation I

A


2.00

And now I have time for other things too! Anything you'd like to see me get to first? (in way of fics I'm writing or pairings to draw or plushies or something like that.) Not requests, I'm just saying...what should I tackle first?

And I'm not opening commissions quite yet cuz I'm so tired and have favors to complete first. Like beta reading (sorry WLD I was so tired yday and I got sick again so I wasn't able to get to it but I can once I clean my room ) and writing that duel (omg I'm SOOOOO sorry I haven't been able to finish it! I got stuck! DDD: ) and making plushies for the ppl I owe and doing the bday present for whoompah and and and yah! OMG I'm so excited. I'm also going shopping for new clothes and stuff for my room this weekend, and proly gonna get my ears pierced again.

Also...I'm not certain yet but I think I'ma get my lip pierced. Like...for real. Idk tho. This is like...one of your last chances to convince me otherwise. Get out your gory stories. I've wanted this for FIVE years tho. 8D But ya...I'ma be logical about this and not do it just b/c I want it. I wanna be safe too.

Ok, OMG I'm going to go clean my room now! I will answer your messages by this weekend or this Saturday hopefully. But now I gotta clean the house for my mom. I love y'all! ^^

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24670143/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24670143/ Sat, 09 May 2009 14:05:41 PDT
Um a couple of things...Just two more days of school. I have to stay home this weekend to work on projects and essays, so I don't get to chill with the family mother's day...They weren't too happy about that. And I am not able to go to a BBQ either which I kinda wanted to go to cuz I was bored and wanted interaction with other human beings but...I hafta work tonight and I feel sick anyway so...yeah. >> It's Ok tho...I got my Architecture project done, and I'm DONE with that class forever! HECKY JEAH! And I'm done with my psychology project. I just hafta study for the exam. I need someone to look over my essays, though. D; I don't think any of you would want to do that. I just wanna make sure they're ok. >> Like I'll get them finished soon enough for anyone to look at. I procrastinate, ne?

Ok...a big question:

Would you guys be annoyed if I submitted art that wasn't fanart? I want to experiment and...I was hoping no one would say WTF IS THIS SHIT?! and baleet me from their friends' list. I'm not gonna stop drawing GX...I LOVE IT SO MUCH OMG @__@ It's my life...but...Is it ok if I experiment with nature and stuff? And OCs? That aren't rly significant it's just been in my head. And I wanna see if I can draw things better than anime...cuz I'm so ashamed of it. >> I was hoping I could work on my style a little and do better with fuzzier forms...in pastels and watercolor. :/ Cuz sharp line art is where it really kills. I was just hoping to try it...meh. And I was also thinking of working on Danny Phantom fanart cuz I'm getting back into that...

But...no I will NEVER stop drawing GX. I'll be submitting lots of that this summer too. I have this funny comic I just need to photoshop...

Also...I have a doujin started (it's genderbending but there's a reason for that) that's spiritshipping and it's rly sad and angsty...like...Juudai wants to be loved for who he is but he's forced into a role he's not cut out for...Like not rly forced but...he wants Johan so bad he does it for him. It's kinda...it's kinda based on how I feel concerning certain rules in religion that have rly been upsetting me lately. Idk...do you wanna see it? ;____; I have it mostly finished...the first page, I mean. I was gonna post it but then realized I needed to darken the shading a bit and then I felt bad cuz like...I saw a fanfic kinda talking about those rules too and then ppl got upset about that. So I didn't submit it cuz I didn't want to be wrong. >> But if enough of you are interested, I will, and come what may. :/

And the deal for this fall...I will be going back to school...of course. I have 5 online classes, and they're all major related. I won't be going to campus anymore. I need it flexible so I can work. >> And one of those classes is a photoshop class that counts as my "required technical elective." WTF? Lol. Well, I don't know everything about photoshop, far from it, but perhaps I'll have a bit of a heads up on it since I've messed with it. :/ I hope it'll be easy enough...

Meh, I'm rly excited about next semester tho. Very excited. I can't wait b/c this time...I really think I'll enjoy this. Plus, my family is taking a trip to Arizona and I'm like akngdjahga YAY. And this summer I might be going to the beach too.

I'm also sad, though, cuz one of my really close friends got sick. D: And I'm scared for her...I mean, she's gonna be Ok, but I just worry too much. ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24567104/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24567104/ Sun, 03 May 2009 13:42:10 PDT You hate me, don't you? Well don't. B/c I will comment on everything once I finish my projects. It just takes me a long time to get through everything and leave everyone comments that are (hopefully) long enough...that are unappreciated. >> I'm sorry. But srsly, school...is...ehhh...I've gotten further on my projects but it's gonna take the next week and a half to finish it. :/ I am not kidding. I even have to stay home on Mother's Day to work...I'm just taking a break right now cuz I got frustrated and started screaming at my drawing. >>

Also terribly sorry I haven't kept up with fics with reading and reviewing. Sorry I haven't updated either. I haven't written ANYTHING in weeks. It feels terrible. >> Esp since I have SO many ideas right now. It's...exploding. D;

Ok, now...about summer school...

It didn't work. I was going to go w/ option #3 but...then the morning I was gonna register my dad looked over the classes I would have to take. He had wanted me to finish in three semesters but...frankly, that would have been too hard. I mean, especially with classes that are as demanding as this...and I would be working at the same time. I told him I wanted to finish in 4 b/c I wanted to work too so I could start paying for my own stuff and save up for my own place. And he said, well, ok. And we started to configure my classes and...

In the end, if I had taken summer classes, I would have taken filler classes the next semester and ended up having to do more work. So It was pointless...Especially since it wouldn't go for my degree. :/ So instead, I'm going to work on commissions for plushies (not for art. OMG have you SEEN my art? I wouldn't charge $0.25 for it! .__. ) And I'm going to go places while I can. I might get a job halfway through the summer but I'm going to take a little time off to rest and catch up on shit before I get a job. After all, some of my plans for the summer fell through so...I can go ahead and work. :/

I'm hoping to get a job at Target down the road...but economic times are tough. Or maybe Plato's Closet. Could you guys keep your fingers crossed for me? I'll really need it. Thanks.

Um, anyway...how many of you would be interested in plushies? I have a few to make already but I'd like to know...for certain how many of you might be willing to, ya know, chuck out $13-25 for 'em. :/ I mean, the lower price range being the pocket kitties and the $25 ones for the full out ones with clothes and everything. B/c I'm altering the pattern to make it easier for me to make the clothes on them and stuff...and I'll also be offering some other patterns and styles...I'm even working on some funkier stuff (like Haou and Juudai salt and pepper shaker plushies) and smaller plushies that would fit in your hand (I call them Starfish plushies. Don't steal. >> ) The Starfish plushies would be cheaper than the others...I still haven't come up with an exact price.

I also might be offering couple packages...NO NOT LIKE THAT. I mean your choice of a pairing (like spiritshipping, selfshipping, fianceshipping, valentineshipping, etc Whatever...ya know?). I still haven't figured that stuff out but I'll get some pricings configured and perhaps even a website running. >>

Well, I g2g back to my drawings. >:[ Ttyl and I you all! I will answer your messages as soon as I can!

***EDIT*** I just found this:

IF A PERSON CALLED SIMON ASHTON ( SIMON25@HOTMAIL.CO.UK ) CONTACTS YOU THROUGH EMAIL DON'T OPEN THE MESSAGE. DELETE IT BECAUSE HE IS A HACKER!!

TELL EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST BECAUSE IF SOMEBODY ON YOUR LIST ADDS HIM THEN YOU WILL GET HIM ON YOUR LIST. HE WILL FIGURE OUT YOUR ID COMPUTER ADDRESS, SO COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE EVEN IF YOU DONT CARE FOR THEM AND FAST BECAUSE IF HE HACKS THEIR EMAIL HE HACKS YOUR MAIL TOO!!!!!...

Anyone using Internet mail such as Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL and so on. This information arrived this morning, Direct from both Microsoft and Norton. Please send it to everybody you know who has access to the Internet. You may receive an apparently harmless e-mail... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24405757/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24405757/ Fri, 24 Apr 2009 05:48:39 PDT
You see, my dear people, I am changing my major. Like I said before. I went from Interior Design to Web Technologies/Design. Well, first of all let me say that that meeting to the counselor was very annoying. Not only did I have to turn in ANOTHER sealed envelope from the College Board containing my AP scores to get credit for ENG 111, which would have kept me from graduating, but I also had to go switch the records concerning my major. Apparently, the people at one of the branch campuses I attend did NOT put me down for ANY major or program at all. And so they tried to start me ALL OVER AGAIN. Thank God they found the proper records. At any rate, they gave me this flowchart thingy with the recommended order of classes, and therein lies the problem.

It starts you off with your major-related classes (WEB, CIS, NET, and NOS classes which are all computer related) the FIRST SEMESTER, along with some general education classes. Guys...I'm about to go into my THIRD SEMESTER. And I have now completed all the general education requirements. :/ So there's nothing but the Web Technologies classes left to take. And most of them are online but...apparently, they involve a lot of work (as major-related courses do) and I need to be a full-time student. Which means that I need at least 12 credit hours. And right now following the schedule with the necessary prerequisites, it would only be 8. Well, I can't take the classes listed under second semester b/c those RELY on passing the ones for first semester.

Ya follow so far?

Ok, anyway, there's several things I could do. And here is where things get ugly.

1) I could take the 8 credit hours and 4+ credit hours in an elective that wouldn't go towards the program, thus leaving me more behind
2) Take the 8 credit hours and 4+ credit hours of a technical elective that's required for the program (which would seem like the proper thing to do but idk if it requires those prerequisites to take one of the technical electives, meaning that I would have to put that off til another semester)
3) Take one class this summer and then take another class next summer
4) Take two classes this summer and be "caught up"

You guys KNOW that I just put my foot down to summer classes. My dad chose this time to start again about it. And although I understand where he's coming from, I think he's going a bit far by saying what he did: "Would you rather be miserable for one summer or screw up the rest of your life?"

...

Honestly, I don't see how staying in school longer is gonna screw my "whole life up." Set me back, ya, but...I think he's being a bit overdramatic by saying that I'll regret it severely, blah blah. Idk how I'll feel. B/c although it would seem like the proper thing to do, and although it makes sense and everything...there is another itty bitty issue...

I am freaking worn down. The thought of doing more work over the summer semester (which is 9 weeks instead of 18, meaning you CRAM moar hours into a shorter period of time, meaning lower scores and not so much learning going on)...it just kills me. I started crying last night b/c I don't know WHAT I'm going to do. And he says "Oh I'm not pressuring you blah blah it's your decision" but it's CLEAR what he's pushing me towards. And he kept going at it. And even going so far as to tell the program chair that I WAS going to take summer classes and he was all "I look forward to seeing you this summer" and it made me...so sick. Like it makes me sick. And he even said "it's like having a full time job taking these classes in the summer." WHAT. I was recommended NOT to take classes in the summer b/c of the aforementioned reasoning but...apparently it's not getting through my dad's thick head. I've been working my ass off and he's just CONVINCED it'll be a piece of cake for me and won't take any time at all. >> For more clarification, when that guy said full time job, he then went back and said "It'll be 8 hours a week for each class plus another 8 hours of hw" =___= He said I could do like 4 hours Mon and Wed and be done or 1 hour each day about...which made not too much sense.

At any rate, even though these are "introductory" courses and don't sound too hard (with names like web fundamentals and stuff like that...) Idk if I can handle doing it...I'm like dying as it is and I literally break down every time I think about doing this. It makes me insane b/c my dad is trying to cram my YEAR BEHIND SCHEDULE to gett... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24328902/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24328902/ Sun, 19 Apr 2009 15:50:27 PDT >;; *dies* I srsly can't work on this shit unless I rp. Even if it is only via text msg. O___o I have problems. XD ).

Anyway...some random stuff...first of all...layers, where have you been all my life? O___o Unfortunately, I didn't start using separate layers soon enough. D: And now I might hafta TOTALLY redo a pic I was working on for weeks b/c...it needs some touching up (ok, a lot.) B/c it's a pic that drew and I don't wanna ruin it. D; Which means I gotta go back over stuff. >< UGH. I wish I had known better. XD;;

I also want to mention I'm working on a SPESHUL selfshipping picture. But it's not what you think...and you might brick me violently for it and tell me to gtfo >> << B/c...you might not think it was hot. In fact, you might think it was gross! D:

Also...idk if I'll be able to submit anything to either FF or here in the next 3 weeks cuz...these projects...are horrid. I rly gotta hustle to get it done. O___o I'm SCRAED!!!!!!! DDDDDDDDDDDDD: B/c it's so much and I'm like...stuck. XDD;; I'm also SCRAED about my major change...b/c I think...I THINK...I might be changing to Web Design. O.o Woooooooooo. My hands are just too messy for Interior Design. XDD Y'all know I really tried to stick with it but...I just...couldn't keep my drawings neat. ;___; you already know I'm a messy artist...if I can even be called that. At least I can write? 8o Sorta?

Fffffffff I also have been thinking of getting more into sewing once the school year is up. I mean...not just doing a bunch of plushies (tho I will be doing that) but I wanna try to do other stuff too. :/ And I was thinking of doing some...cosplay eventually...and I'll try to make it actually good. =____= yeah right. I'm lazy. You guys already know that I wasn't going to do that well with it when I told you what I was gonna do. But I decided to go a little farther than that. >> I was thinking that maybe I could do some diff stuff...and maybe even make the chara wear diff stuff than the usual outfits. Maybe some sexy stuff? 80 No, not pr0nz. I won't pose for that. =____= And you don't wanna see me like that anyway.

On semi-related note, said I was kinda like Johan sometimes. O.o I thought...Idk...I was more like...Manjoume? XD;; Maybe not. Idk >> But then...thinking back on it...what she said started to make MOAR and MOAR sense to the point is was SCRAY. D: On smaller things, mostly, I mean. On stupid, insignificant things. And then we went all b/c we realized she was like Juudai. A lot like him. O.o And then we was all liek "so that's y we get along so well 8D " =____= And since then we've been finding moar stuff about ourselves that are like those charas. Lol. We hafta relate everything to GX, srsly. XDDDDD I love us We can be so...crackish. >>;

On a non-related note, it's deff spring here! It got up to like 78 the other day and was bursting forth with happyfulness and joy and color over here. I took a LONG walk and was all YAY and stuff. XD I haven't been outside for awhile. ;__; Cuz all I do is lie in bed all day. But hopefully I'll get out more now that school is winding down. I mean, once I'm out of school. DX IT'S TAKING FOREVER *screams* SOMEONE BUST ME OUTTA THAT PLACE!!! DDDDDDDDD: At least I don't hafta go to psych class tomorrow. And I put my foot down and said NO SUMMER SCHOOL. And my rents were all LECTURE LECTURE LECTURE but I said NOOOO... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24164491/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24164491/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:16:48 PDT
Remember when I said I would regret it? I did. XDDD I'm kicking myself already. >> Ummmmmm I was really pissed off early this morning (moar like 2 AM haha) and I was upset about something that happened...not to me. And...now I'm upset all over again b/c...someone else's words came out of my mouth and I applied them for myself. And it's like...I knew it was stupid to do but I made myself believe it was a mature way to handle the situation even though I knew it wasn't deep inside. I know if I have problems with ppl I should just go to them about it but...truthfully, I was so afraid to say anything to their faces. And then...it just came out wrong b/c I don't know what I believe and I'm very confused.

It was brought to my attention (and I really should have KNOWN this but I didn't cuz...ummm well... You know HAOU I can be sometimes. So oblivious DUR 8D ) that...I was all I don't want con crit I only say that blah blah blah. Ummm I need to elaborate on that and why I said it. :/

I first started saying it b/c I wanted to improve and I wanted to not be immature. >> I was afraid of being a fanbrat but I know that that fear came true so there's nothing else to fear, amirite? Thank God. 8D It's always good when the thing you fear happens cuz you don't hafta fear it anymoar. You just gotta work to fix it I guess. o.o

Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent AGAIN b/c I CAN'T stay focused on something long enough to explain it. D;

Um ok...so I started off saying that thing about con crit...What happened there was that...I know this is ridiculous. Think it might be an excuse if you will. But this really did happen (mmmm I'm smelling that ED page already >> I swear if that happens I can't face teh internetz again D; ). You see, I have this thing where I kinda morph into the attitude/opinion/mindset of others...especially if it was backed with strong emotion or w/e. And I had just talked to someone...and they were upset...and then I got upset and wanted to fix it so I ended up saying something that didn't apply to me as though it applied to me b/c I couldn't say it was them. And then I turned around and was like "this person's con crit is all right" b/c that was an edit put in later that I didn't really think about and shit. And what I was trying to say was that I don't mind con crit that's trying to be helpful. @___@ Because I know I want to improve. It's just there's also a "shadow" of myself, if you will, that wants to be I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know wat dat means? Ummmm no I guess not.

I just feel really bad now and just wanna cry for being immature all over again and saying things I didn't mean and saying MOAR things I didn't mean and b/c I didn't help anyone at all I only made things worse for pplz I was trying to help and myself too and...and...I guess I'll never be mature even though I'm trying really hard and I'm just frustrated right now that I can't fix things. I guess I shouldn't try to fix things for other people.

I just...I just...don't have a set opinion for a long duration of time? I tend to go back and forth b/c of those two different sides of me competing.

But...the thing is...I do want con crit it's just I don't at the same time b/c it sucks but it's good and I...ummmm...wat? Fuck it. Just...forget I ever said that in my last journal cuz it wasn't my words anyway...and just...give me all the crit you want. D; It may crush me for awhile but I guess in the end, I just wanna do the best I can. Even if I'm not very good at art. 8<

Never mind. I don't know what I'm talking about. O_____o All I know is...since last night...this weekend has felt awful. Idk what I want or what to do thanks to the crazy stupid impulses. This journal is an impulse. I will proly regret this too. =______=

Oh my God. Srsly. What would you have done? If you just...got so upset that you had to say something and wanted to fix it but couldn't? And then only made yourself look like shit? And said stuff you didn't really mean cuz you felt for some odd reason it would make things better? Uuuuuggghhhhhhhhhhhh. I guess I'm just a kid after all. :/ I'm sorry I said all that stuff. I'm the one that really needs a reality check and an attitude change. And I'm really sorry I tried to be all high and mighty. I proly shouldn't be telling ppl what to do b/c...I'm worse .__. That's why I never said anything about it before...b/c I thought that I knew nothing already but...I just got so upset and wanted to stand up for someone...but it... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24156721/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/24156721/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:41:24 PDT
Let's see...I suppose I should start off on a positive note, because I don't want to be...a pain. Well. Today was pretty good. I was really cranky at first because I didn't wanna go to church (lol who does?) but then I got over it when I got to spazz with my friend Brittaney. And we drew funny doodles which I shall be shamelessly posting in my scraps soon. B/c...I'm just going to be funloving like that. And I got to eat out. The food wasn't omgyayzamazing but I was glad to get it cuz we don't even have cereal at home right now and crazy shit went down. XD So...yeah. That was good.

Also, I had a four day weekend thanks to me going to church today so I was happy. And I might get to talk to my friends this weekend so that's moar good. I just wish they weren't so busy and I didn't have to go to my grandparents' house but I guess I can work on my stories or something. It's not like I hafta be bored. :/ And my mom's bringing some food so we'll have something to eat this time lol.

Now...I want to end on a positive note too, b/c these next few lines......mmm things get pretty heavy. I'm not going to emo-bitch-whinge about it. I'm going to TRY to be as mature and methodical as possible about such a TOUCHY ass subject.

Let's see...hmmm where to begin. Well...I don't usually do this...I'm not...trying to pick any fights or single anyone out. I don't want to ruffle feathers or anything. But...it needs to be said. I might regret it but...I can't hold back any longer.

First of all. Under no circumstances should you EVER and I mean EVER try to talk about a mutual friend with me behind his/her back. And I mean saying bad things about stuff they do. I am done with this. I REFUSE to take any part in "catting" or going behind someone's back. I will not mention any incidents, but I have noticed a trend and a problem here. I should refrain from talking behind anyone's back at all. But this...is getting ridiculous. If you KNOW that I don't have a problem with this person, then do NOT come to me about it. I am not angry at anyone in anyway, I'm just saying. It makes me INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. And there is MORE to a person than just their actions. So what? They did something you disagree with/disapprove of? There are different opinions in this world. Feel free to disagree, but do not try to turn others against them. And I am not singling anyone out here. It's just...recent events have showed this happening more and more with several of my friends (some more than others) and you guys need to know that I'm NOT going to be a backstabber if I can help it. I've made mistakes in the past but...if you don't like it, deal with it.

Secondly. Well. How to say this. I have noticed a certain amount of immaturity regarding critiques. And once again, I am NOT singling out a certain person. I have noticed this in several frequent offenders (and not for me, per se, this applies to others. And no, it's not just happening to people who are my friends. It's happening to everyone and I very much so disagree with the way it was handled.) There are several people who...are using critiques as an excuse to cut others down (and I'm not talking this site mainly but it happens here too. It happens mostly on FF). It is NOT a bad thing to try to help someone. BUT. If you use critique (and word it so it can't be used as a flame or anything but say it TOO bluntly and sarcastically [in other words, cutting or biting critique with the intent of injury and not for improvement, which is satirical language get it right]) to hurt others and to elevate yourself and glorify yourself, then...you are being incredibly immature. And I will not support this in any shape, way or form. Instead of sounding knowledgeable, you are only setting yourself up to be ignored and disrespected. A critique should NOT be rude UNLESS the person was really asking for it. And I mean...if they were REALLY asking for it. I do not believe in leaving such reviews or comments anymore. It's VERY hurtful and degrading and only serves to make yourself look good. And it also sets the bar too high for you. What am I talking about? Double standards. I mean you and your group have immunity from such critique because you ARE the only ones doing this. And if anyone says anything, they're just an annoying fanbrat and should be ignore. Hypocritical much? Lol look at t... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23986005/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23986005/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:26:49 PDT
Anyway, the story is that it receives orders from the internet, on somewhat randomly picked websites, and there are so many of them that they can't all be shut down. No one's sure what it might do, but it could be either just annoying (like sending spam) or really deadly (stealing passwords and secure information.) At any rate, it gets past your security defenses so you'd better be careful.

There are things you can do though. To make sure you don't have it, go to the Windows Update website or a few other websites that I will link at the end of the journal (that comes in my source for this info) (also if you are a Mac user you're probably fine). You may want to download some of these and try it just in case. Also, BE SURE TO BACK UP ALL YOUR INFORMATION BEFORE MIDNIGHT. I am not kidding. I learned to do that the hard way. And I'm not trying to be funny here, so I hope you guys take me seriously. You might want to warn your friends too, just in case they don't know or keep up with the news.

Anyway, here's the link to the article I read. Even if it is a hoax, remember: Always better safe than sorry.

[link]

**EDIT** Sorry I sent it like five times guys. D; It was an accident cuz I thought it hadn't sent cuz it acted like it hadn't and I'm impatient. 8< I just spammed your inboxes without meaning to. DDDX SORRY!

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23911754/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23911754/ Fri, 27 Mar 2009 05:28:05 PDT

In other news...I stupidly decided to sing at the arts festival when I knew I didn't have time to commit to anything else and now I'm kicking myself. I had NO idea my teacher wanted us to learn FIVE songs!! Now I'm liek...oh god...And I hafta stay an extra hour today to pick up the music. God knows when I'll get home.

Also, I was an idiot and stayed up til 4:30 AM. I was gonna get up at 7:30 but then my mom busted in meh room and was like "It's 7 o' clock want me to fix u breakfast?" And I was like "Yeahhhh *drrooooooollll* " And retardedly forgot to tell her I was gonna sleep an extra 30 minutes. Wooo, I'm on a roll today.

Yeah...I'm just a LITTLE bit cranky.

...

Ok, maybe a WHOLE LOT. But I stayed up to talk to b/c liek...I don't get to talk to her any other time and my life is PHAIL except when I get to talk to my friends. And we had teh most interesting rp in teh worldz going on and I didn't wanna stop cuz my friends + GX fandom = my only joy in life.

Well, I'm going to shut up now cuz I might be updating this shit tomorrow too. Sorry for filling up yer inboxes and not commenting on your journals and art yet. >> I just...didn't feel like it. *is cranky*

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23739316/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23739316/ Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:34:49 PDT In the past...I don't even know how many hours...I have only gotten two hours of sleep...Oh god I'm seeing strangely colored dots and insects that don't exist...I'm all hot and feel all vertigo wooooo. I feel sick. DX God I feel so drunk... @____@

And it's all cuz I was a slacker during spring break and decided to have some fun. D; Now I'm rushing my ass off to finish my projects. Omg...this week is not fun...everything's due this week and we're ALREADY starting final projects even though it's only halfway through the semester.

I still have to finish penciling in a drawing before I think I will try to sleep. My anxiety/sickness/flashing pink lights and aliens might keep me awake again. >> No I'm not high. Well, except off sleep deprivation. D;

And my hands are getting all scratched up from drafting so much. They're gray, too, for the pencil dust.

Excuse me while I am sick. D;

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23626278/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23626278/ Tue, 10 Mar 2009 13:12:06 PDT
I should be answering my messages and doing hw. But...I cannot concentrate. At all. I'm...like...crying.

Why, you ask?

It's a rather odd reason to cry. One in which most people would rejoice over. One in which most preteens would think to be their rite of passage into adulthood. But to me...I...didn't want.

Well.

Where to begin...

My news earlier was going to be that I thought I had a boyfriend (for those of you that are confused.) I did not particularly want one (still don't) I was just curious and thought...ya know...I kinda like him...he's cute...why not. Ya know? I was like...not wanting to think "what if" forever. Wanted to satisfy my curiosity. Thought it would be no big deal. Well.

1) I don't think I have a boyfriend.

BUT

2) I did lose something.

I know what you're thinking right now. OH FUCK SHE DIDN'T O___o Don't worry. I didn't have sex. DX Still a virgin. Hopefully, that WON'T happen. EVER. O_____________o I srsly don't want to. I'm just saying I hope no one rapes me, ya know?

Um...off topic...

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. I feel so stupid. And...it's so dumb of me but...I did cry. I did. A little. And I feel pretty...ill, actually. Because I was not planning on this, I did not want to do this now, I wanted to save it for someone special...omg...



Well, I was going out with him today. And I was driving him to the mall. And he's just...touchy in general. I didn't mind him holding my hand or hugging me or kissing me on the face. But...I was already shaken up as it was that he was in the car...and I was driving horribly. And then...he said something like if we made it there alive he would kiss me. And I was like I don't want you to b/c I never been kissed before. And he was like lol wut. And I was like I just gone so long w/o it that it scares me...I don't want to. Honestly, the first time I held someone's hand I almost threw up I was so upset that I had done that.

Well...

We were about to turn into the mall. He grabbed my face...and he did kiss me...and he tried to use tongue too.

And

I

hated

it.

A lot. B/c I didn't want him to. And he was like aw you didn't kiss me back (though I did later when I was telling him goodbye cuz I was curious and that made me feel even worse. I wouldn't let him french me tho). I didn't know what to say. I guess he didn't understand how upsetting it was to me b/c ppl just...don't think about those things and he's a sweet guy in general. I mean, he drove like...45 minutes to come see me. It's just...

Idk if...I want to be with him cuz Idk when some things he says are jokes (cuz I'm bad at sensing that) and I just...don't want a bf...I guess...and I rly don't wanna get physically involved, ya know?

It scares me.

A lot.

I don't think I should do it. I'm probably not going to go out with him now, especially after that. I just...

can't believe I lost my first kiss...

to him...

I mean, it's not that he's a bad guy or not good enough.

It's just too soon.

Idk what to say...

or what to do...

or how to feel..

other than sick and wrong and like I want to die.

Idk what's wrong with me.

:<

Well, that's it...

bai bai. DD:

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23556783/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23556783/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:56:47 PST
No I really am in tears...I did the stupidest thing ever...I HATE myself so much I just wish I could die so I won't have to face the shame...

On my online course I was taking the final exam just a few mins ago. I didn't save each question b/c my computer teacher had told us not to do that b/c it screws things up. And guess what I did?

Well, I had several tabs pulled up and thought I was in a different tab and I clicked the BACK BUTTON.

AND THE TEST CAN ONLY BE TAKEN ONCE. AND I COULDN'T GO BACK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

There goes my chance at a decent GPA.

I emailed the teacher but idk if she'll believe me.

I want to die a thousand bajillion times....

I worked so hard and angsted over it so much...and this is what I get...

I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.

****EDIT**** NEVER MIND. I'm such a drama queen. >>; It's been fixed...don't bother commenting...just delete the journal.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23453856/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23453856/ Sat, 28 Feb 2009 15:39:02 PST I'm sorry y'all but...I don't think I can do it anymore. What do I mean? I mean that I can't be getting on and talking on the IM til 2 AM anymore. I'm just too tired and I have too much school work. :<

As for summer...I will be taking at least one class during summer b/c my parents pressured me into it. They breathed down my neck and made me feel bad until I caved and agreed to work through the summer. I'm sorry...;___; The good news is that I think it will only be online classes...And I hope that it won't be too bad. D: But I'm going to be stuck doing school for awhile now, since I decided to TRY to get my PhD in English. ;______;

On a moar positive note, I'm feeling better. And I'm not like freaking out or anything. I'm just kinda disappointed.

Um well, idk what else to say except for I'm doing all right with all my resolutions and all...And this week was...kinda a blur. I wasn't rly aware of anything.

OH! Also...I recounted how many days til spring break. Turns out I miscounted before. I actually only have 7 moar days til spring break. Thank GOD. But the bad news is I have a huge ass project to do that's due after break is over. Sooooo Idk how much I'll be able to do. I hope to work on my art during that time too. I have a selfshipping piccy in the works as well as a pic of the twins from Knocked Up. When they're older of course. >>; You can just pretend that they're Haou and Juudai if you'd rather...they DO look like that after all. But idk if you will think I drew it cuz I kinda changed my style a little. C: I really LOVE the way it turned out in sketch form. ____ And right now I'm playing with it on photoshop and it's turning out beautifully so far. I am so happy with it! But we'll see how it turns out with in the end.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23348549/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23348549/ Sun, 22 Feb 2009 17:08:03 PST
and another thing!

a PDF file is spreading around thats an hack! it allows hackers to take complete control of your computer. Thanks.

And for another thing...I'm still sick as hell. =_= I might not be able to go to school tomorrow. BAW. D; Usually that'd be a good thing but if I miss a day in the design program, I am risking getting a point taken off my final grade. :<

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23328523/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23328523/ Sat, 21 Feb 2009 17:05:13 PST I got sick just in time for the weekend. >< I was like...throwing up all nite...lol. >>;; And oddly, all I can eat is cheese. O.o Isn't that weird? Well, I guess it was coming b/c I WAS very stressed...and like...I had to go see a counselor about my classes and crap. >>; Oh well, I don't feel like relating THAT story. It's too long and not nearly interesting enough.

Um but ya...y'all might've noticed I'm moar active here now. Why? Well...I gotta practice drawing. >> Like...it's all I do these days so...yeah. I've found it's gotten easier so why not? No, I am not falling MOAR in love with drawing. Writing will always be my #1 passion. I have been writing this week too it just takes a long time to finish stuff.

Now...random memes:

25 Random Things About Me

Rules:

1) You must post this on your journal along with these rules
2) You must come up with 25 random things about you
3) You must tag someone else
4) HAVE FUN

1) I love cheese...any kind of cheese
2) I drink olive juice.
3) I hate TV DX
4) I love the outdoors and exercising. C:
5) My stomach hurts often. D:
6) I like Levine campus but I hate Central. O.o
7) I don't want to have a boyfriend ever.
8) The thought of having a boyfriend scares me and disgusts me. DX
9) I only like romance in anime/manga
10) I like het, yaoi, AND yuri
11) I love love triangles. XD
12) I like to be different and make it look cool.
13) I hate people that are purposely oppositional. DX
14) I'm really sociable but I'm introverted too. XD
15) Sometimes I talk to myself like I'm a different person and don't realize it. O.o
16) Sometimes I have three way conversations with myself
17) I still want to dress goth even tho I feel like I'm too old. >>;
18) Puedo hablar espan~ol porque tuve cuatro an~os de espan~ol. (I can speak spanish because I had four years of spanish)
19) I want to travel the world but I'm too much of a hermit. XD
20) I don't wanna grow up. ;___;
21) I love every animal in existence. XDDD
22) I hate shopping .___.
23) The color red irrates my eyes. DX (or any warm color for that matter)
24) My room has to be blue for the above reason and because I need to be kept calm.
25) I have trouble expressing myself irl...I seem cold...and for that reason I have taken up the habit of saying "lol" when I'm amused but can't laugh.

Damn...I could come up with a lot moar.

Ok...now...another one.

What is on your bed right now?
Blankets, pillows, GX plushies, and stuffed animals lol


When was the last time you threw up?
Oh GOD...last night. =_= Around 2:30 AM. DDX I remember cuz it was very painful .___.


What's your favourite word or phrase?
Ummm "Chazz it up!" And "OH SHIZZ!" And "EPIC PHAIL."


Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Um idk if I have smiled today .__. If I have then only my sister made me smile. =_=


What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Idk...I think I was writhing in bed trying to sleep >>


What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Working on my comic and wishing my hand wouldn't fall off. DX


What is your favourite holiday?
Uhhh idk. Probably one that our church has called the Feast of Tabernacles where you go to someplace vacation-like (like Florida) for eight days and get lots of good food and presents and stuff. But idk if I can go next year cuz of school ;____;


Have you ev... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23207622/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/23207622/ Sun, 15 Feb 2009 01:35:18 PST [link] And I wondered why I wasn't getting comments. DX

Ok, I guess I have no REAL reason to update this thing. >>; But...ehhhhh I just wanted to tell y'all about my week. Wasn't the best week...AT ALL. But....I AM STILL ALIVE!! 8D It amazes me...but I am...and it's like....I made it through that week and I'm not breaking down and crying and panicking. I mean, I'm just fine and it's like...pretty damn awesome actually. C: B/c even tho Sunday I'm going to have my work cut out for me with all the shit I hafta accomplish as far as school drawings are concerned, I know that a day can only last 24 hours. 8D And I've already wasted 3 hours and 17 minutes of that day so...yeah...haha...The less time I hafta spend drawing.

I'm actually really beginning to like art now that I'm constantly around it. XD I do not like having such awful classes but I'm going to PWN them and they are going to like it! D:< RAWR RAWR RAWR! *HARUMPH!*

Well, so anyway, this is HAOU this week went down. XD Very shitty week. I, stupidly of course, spent my free time (that being at night) awake instead of asleep. XD Some nights, I would only sleep 2 1/2 hours. And I know that will affect my schoolwork but damn...haha I'm trying not to do that. >> It's just having to be in school so many hours and having some days to do hw from the moment I get up until I go to bed...it's just very taxing and I'd like some ME time. That's why I don't go to church anymoar. B/c I need some time to relax and chill and be alone. XD But ya...and then, like...Angel was grounded so I didn't get to talk to her so I was MOAR bored. And honestly, if it hadn't been for then I woulda like...lost it. XDD I woulda died. X_____x But she's rly helped me out a lot by just talking. And that keeps me sane and gives me something positive to think of. She's kinda helping me not think so negatively too. Maybe not quite in a direct sense but...ya...she's epic win. :3 So a big thank you to her for being a great friend!

Oh, and, like...our house almost flooded. XD Like, ok, maybe not quite like that. But...our hot water heater was like...dying and rusting and I was like...omg no! And then they found a hole in it and said it wouldn't have lasted over the weekend. And like...they only came before Monday b/c of a cancellation. They said the bottom woulda fallen out. 8D So we got it replaced and it's all good. C:

Hmmm, well, I'll be posting MOAR art now. In case you haven't noticed...haha. I really do like my recent works and hope to get better. C: I can see a bazillion mistakes and wish that it wasn't so messy and wish I had done things different but I like em all the same. Idk if the rest of you like it tho. Idk I just feel...unaccomplished.

Now, progress time!

--Have a MOAR positive outlook: This week was a bit of a setback since it was so stressful, but I think I did very well considering. I didn't cry but once and that was only for a few seconds after a really intense class. I'm going to live. 4 out of 10

--Try not to be so angry and oppositional...be moar open to change: Meh...I did all right. This week was like...not good. http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/22922589/ Sat, 31 Jan 2009 12:07:50 PST Um, so I wasn't sure which kind of extensions to get: sew on, glue on, or clip on. I was thinking about clip on but I kinda wanted it to be moar permanent than that b/c I wanted an excuse to shock ppl without being able to take it out so my rents can't force me to do that. But I guess I might wanna do clip ons. :/ Here's the color I'm thinking of:

[link]

It's the blue one DUH. But ya...something along the lines of cobalt blue/royal blue. And I'd keep my dark brown hair. I just want the blending to be smooth and not obviously extensions or anything. I want it to look NICE. So I'ma get it professionally done if I got with sew on or glue on. :/

If anyone's had extensions done before, I'd like to know from a primary source instead of a secondary one.

Also...I'm almost done with my GX meme. ^^ My art has improved during the course of it, I think, and just recently I did some sketches afterward and it's gotten even better since the meme. Srsly, I was like...did I draw that? I will upload the sketch later...though it's kinda hard to see cuz I sketched it within like five minutes using a 3H lead.

Oh, and I got the rough sketch/outline done for yer bday comic. C: And I started on the secondary sketch and am on the second panel. I just gotta clean things up a bit and use a darker lead pencil (like maybe an HB or 2B cuz I think I used an H and 3H for the sketches). It'll take me proly about a week moar but I'm getting somewhere. And so far it looks good, I think.

Now, progress time!

--Have a MOAR positive outlook: Doing MUCH better. This week I frigging rocked at that. 5 out of 10

--Try not to be so angry and oppositional...be moar open to change: Hahaha! I did better with this too! 4 out of 10. ^^

--Try not to worry or be anxious so much. Try not to think that everyone's gonna think everything I say is a lie. Also, try not to remember things wrong: Did good again...got like a 5 out of 10.

--Try not to be so sensitive and not take things as a joke. Also, try not to please everyone and try not to be right and sacrifice what I enjoy: Hm, I've relaxed quite a bit. ^^ I'd say about a 5 out of 10 here too.

Halfway I say!

Also, my friend Brittaney and I are proly going to go CLUBBING next weekend. 8D It's gonna be a blast if she can sneak out past the parental units. We'll see HAOU that goes.

Ok, bai bai now. C:

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/22857277/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/22857277/ Wed, 28 Jan 2009 05:17:23 PST
I'm going to go now b/c I'm very tired.... >> Sorry for spamming your inboxes but I thought it was important. Plz pass it on.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/22792855/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/22792855/ Sat, 24 Jan 2009 22:58:50 PST > But only cuz of my classes. XD I still like writing moar. A lot maor cuz it's my passion and all. But I like drawing a lot moar now. I used to HATE it. But I like it now. XD It's fun. Idk HAOU that happened.

Um in other news...I might be submitting some fanfics on here if they're particularly...idk. Inappropriate for FF.net thanks to certain ppl. Tho I might put them up there too b/c...ugh...sheesh. We been over this three times. Tired of it. Gonna do it. Fuck them. 8D Having fun is sometimes moar important than "being right." Srsly. No, not trying to be a "fanbrat." Just trying to enjoy my fandom.

Also...

uhhh I like chickens. 8D I'm gonna have chickens when I'm older. And maybe llamas. XDD And doggies. I lurve doggies. Did you KNOW that I'm addicted to dog world on myspace? It's kinda sad. I want a farm! I like teh country! Lol! B/c I like animals moar than ppl. And my friend Brittany has a lot of animals and it's kinda like a farm and she has soooo many chickens and they so cute! I always lurved chickens. And lobsters! I lurve lobsters! B/c they're cute! And I like cuttlefish. And kitties. And did you know that PETA wants to call fish "sea kittens?" Well, idk if that's really true but I heard it on TV and I thought it was the CUTEST thing ever! Cuz I love fishies! SWIM FISHIES SWIM! And I lurve nekos too. I just wanna BIIIIIIG thing of animals. Or at least live nearby a place that has a big thing of animals. I LIKE AQUARIUMS! yes, I could spend all day in one. XDD I like petting the sea animals. XDD

Now, progress time!

--Have a MOAR positive outlook: Weeeeelllll I'm not doing GREAT. But I'm doing better. Even if a little. It's a start! Wheeee! I'd say about a 3 out of 10. It used to be like... -5 or somethin like that.

--Try not to be so angry and oppositional...be moar open to change: Hahaha! Well, once again, not much progress but a LITTLE bit. Maybe about 2.5 out of 10. >>; But I'm still trying! So that's good.

--Try not to worry or be anxious so much. Try not to think that everyone's gonna think everything I say is a lie. Also, try not to remember things wrong: Um, well, I think I'm just NOT going to think about it. I think I got a...um...um...2 out of 10. >> Still, better than before.

--Try not to be so sensitive and not take things as a joke. Also, try not to please everyone and try not to be right and sacrifice what I enjoy: It's hard to tell when someone's joking. Idk why. Ummm 4 out of 10. B/c I made my first step in breaking free. I wrote that crackfic explaining my feelings. Ya I'm so sick of ppl being so mean and strict about fanfic. Like I said before, I understand OOCness. But I realized that I was always looking for bad things about ppl's fics and not enjoying them so...fuck it. I'm going to develop it on my own and that's the most beautiful part about it. Fuck nitpicking. If it's a huge flaw...ya. Ok, so my sis had to make the first step in this one. I need to be able to break free moar easily.

Well, I'm gonna try to be myself again. And I started kinda by lurving animals again. I lost interest in them for who knows what reason. But I luv them so much now! YAYZ

Um, also, I need to get out moar. But Idk where to go. Any suggestions to places I could go? I don't like movies and they too expensive. I'm kinda a nature person. And an animal person. Um um um I wish I lived near a beach. Lol. I just wish I knew how to get there. And I wish I wasn't so lazy that I didn't wanna get dressed or ready. http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/22631082/ Sat, 17 Jan 2009 10:31:56 PST
Ok, well, the first two days of school were HORRIBLE. I srsly thought I was going to DIE. Every time I had 10 minutes to myself I almost cried in joy. Yes, I am that fucktarded. It's cuz I'm such an overachiever and I just HAVE to study every spare second I get. I gotta make REALLY good grades and keep my 4.0 average and title on President's List, after all. Ya, I need to chillax. But it's just too hard and I feel somewhat accomplished and gleeful about tormenting myself. O.o Don't ask. I don't know either. =_=

Um, my day classes are cool. I got all good teachers and I like them for the most part. I don't like Psychology but then again, I hate science, lol. Because it bores me to tears. I'm good at science I just hate it lol. I'd rather do math, tbh. :/ I like math. But I fulfilled all the math requirements. SHIZZ, man. I wanna take trig! D: Anywayz, I like my English and it's SO damn easy cuz I've already had this stuff and everythang. And it makes me feel smart. =_= At least I'm not the only one my age in there. In most of my classes I'm the youngest. XP But anyway, I'm thinking of double majoring in Interior Design and English. I'll put English off til later, but I'ma take some extra credits and all in English. Right now I gotta focus on my art and drawing. >> Cuz I'm taking Architectural Technology and Light Construction (aka drafting. Technical drawing. Shizz like that. Ino, I'm not the best at neatness but I'm working on it! lol) I'm trying really really hard. Cuz I wanna be good at it. Cuz I wanna be like a high-class designer and do couture for interior design and shiz like that. I'ma be working for like the rich and celebrities...I hope. Cuz I like doing really out-of-the-box designs. I already have some of my portfolio made up cuz of my high school design classes. B/c of that, I already kinda know how to do my college classes and it's so easy...my hs drafting just didn't transfer cuz we used a different, and outdated, version of CADD so...go figure. Also, I need to learn how to photoshop. Apparently. For my classes. GWAH. I prefer doing hand drafting and coloring so...maybe I'll mostly stick to that but I wanna do epic stuff too. So...we'll see. Right now my Arc class is really boring and long. 3 1/2 hours at night. GWAH again. I tried to make it better by pretending that I was a student in the Night Class at Cross Academy but it didn't rly help that much. =_= Cuz it's so boring! We spent THREE hours drawing straight LINES. I was like...Omg shoot me now. Lol. It doesn't help that I'm srsly the youngest person. Everyone else is like getting old and stuff and in the middle of their careers. Or between 25-30 if they're younger. =_= I'm like...ARGH. Plus, I got catted on by some chick who was making a big deal about my age. Pulease. She was being the immature one. Too bad I gotta sit next to her. ><

Ya, so...I've been doing a lot of studying and hw lately...Because I really really wanna do well. And school and knowing stuff is VERY important to me. It's moar important than ANYTHING almost. Sad, ino. But this is my CAREER, man. It's like...my dream. Like I FINALLY have a dream. And I want it SO bad. Even if it means I have to draw my butt off. And I don't like doing technical drawings AT ALL. It's so boring. But I do like making floorplans. I really like doing that. It's just a pain to go through the basics...AGAIN. For like...the FOURTH AND FIFTH TIMES. I'm so bored lol. I don't mean to sound like egotistic or anything, but I'm kinda ahead of all my classes. =_= My hs was really tough. So...I just wish we could hurry it up cuz I'm ready to LEARN something and START my career. And get better a drawing too. That's the good thing. I'ma get better at it! I'm also maybe gonna take an art course next semester. B/c I'm like...ya know...I don't hafta suck or be mediocre. I'm gonna learn HAOU to draw better so I can be epic and a great designer and shizz. And I'ma learn to photoshop if I can. And I'm not gonna fall behind on writing either. So, hullo MOAR English and creative writing classes. lol.

Um, but...on another note...because I've been so obsessed with school and sleeping, my social life... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/22434076/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/22434076/ Tue, 06 Jan 2009 13:26:34 PST >; It's kinda important? Idk.

Um, first of all...fanfic. Well, the thing is...next semester my schedule is really weird so as I said before, I probably won't update much. I meant to update moar often this break, but I really didn't do much of anything. And when I did, it wasn't much b/c I was afraid I was going to not get so many hits. I'm afraid that I'm getting less popular cuz I had to go drag my stories out like that. But I was having fun. D: People were probably just impatient? Or am I just paranoid? At any rate, I'm just really like...omg about it b/c Idk if I can update a story that only has like 43 hits on a chapter and I know it'll get worse. I'm really trying but I feel like I'm losing my touch and I'm afraid ppl are only saying they like it cuz they're my friends.

Next up...art. I have a bunch of shit in the works now. Some of it is about ready to be put up. But I haven't put any of it up. Why? Because I'm afraid ppl won't like it and it'll suck and I won't get much response on it. =_= I know that I shouldn't be so concerned with that and selfish about it but...I guess it's karma since I've been slacking on reviews and comments. I really do want to review and comment but it takes me SO LONG. It takes 20-30 mins to comment on a deviation and it takes like 40 minutes for me to read a chapter and review it. >>; Sometimes longer. That's why I don't do it much. I'm sorry. :<

Er...I don't really know what else to say other than Idk if I can stand to update any longer when my brain just seems to be dry and the words just won't come out and I don't have any motivation b/c I've gotten so low on myself. Even when I do have over 100 hits I still worry that this next chapter will be the one that I fuck up the entire thing.

Please tell me I'm being ridiculous and slap me with a fish. I've just been doing too much thinking, and trying to better myself is very very taxing. I'm trying very hard to be optimistic, but that is completely against my nature, and bad habits are hard to break.

Encouragement, plz? D: I know I haven't been doing a good job keeping up w/ messages and journals but I'll keep trying. ><

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21944719/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21944719/ Fri, 12 Dec 2008 09:47:03 PST
I don't want anyone to try to wish me a Merry Christmas or offer to give me anything b/c I can't accept it and I can't give anything back. :< It would make me feel rly rly bad b/c I can't give something in return. I'll gladly do nice things for ppl at a later date (b/c I wanted to make some special ppl things anyway...you know who you are) but it wouldn't be for x-mas.

Wry you ask?

I celebrate the Jewish Holy days. But don't say Happy Hanukkah b/c I'm not genetically Jewish so I don't do that.



Point is...I'm sorry but I don't do Christmas and I don't want to make anyone feel left out/uncomfortable. But don't feel like I'm left out cuz I'm really not. I'm fine not doing it. Believe me, I get mine in spades at another time of the year.

At any rate, I lurve you all and do wish you the best. I hope y'all have fun and eat lotsa chocolate. And you can tell me about it b/c I don't mind. I actually wanna hear what you got. B/c I don't get jealous. I'm happy if my friends are happy. ^^ And it's no big deal to me to hear about it; I just don't celebrate it.

So, I hope everyone has fun with their break and gets to spend time with their families and have nice meals. I will be going to see my family but the meal will probably not be so good. But as long as we have MASHED POTATOES...that'll make up for EVERYTHANG. 8D *worships the mashed potatoes*

BTW I'm on break now so be expecting moar of me. And the Sartorius request will be up sometime during the break.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21748348/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21748348/ Sun, 30 Nov 2008 12:32:27 PST
Soooooo

First thing this morning I did my homework. And I started working on assignments ahead of time again. ^^ And I answered all my messages on Friday night. I just need to look at moar deviations. I figure if I take a little at a time, I'll be just fine. I just can't do it all at once cuz that would stress me out too much.

What gave me this blatantly obvious wakeup call?

An emotional intelligence test that said that I was immature and below average.



Yes, stupid but I DO want to reach my full potential, amirite? So I'm going to just TAKE IT.

Yup, that's right.

I'm going to plunge into this "hell semester" and I'm going to succeed. And I WILL make time for my hobbies because I'll just spend less time on each thing. I don't have to kill myself studying. I found that just by taking good notes in class that I don't need to study as much. Really, it helps to pay STRICT attention. I used to study from 2:30 PM til 10 PM or later when I was in high school. But I can do better than that now. ^^

Yeah I feel a lot better. I just needed to put things in a list and type it out so I could organize my thoughts and think about it. Y'all don't have to reply to this just know that I think I'm gonna be just fine. I mean, how bad could it get? I have a nice home, food to eat, a place to sleep, an awesome sister, great parents, and the best friends ever. I can get through this if I just put my mind to it. And if I don't think about how stressed I am.

Thanks for your suggestions, y'all! I feel great today and idk why.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21714698/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21714698/ Fri, 28 Nov 2008 13:21:29 PST
listening to: Floorfiller by A*Teens in meh head @.@

Mmm ok...I have a BIG problem. A BIG problem. That a lot of you probably already know about. But it's getting serious...

*deep breath*

I have time management issues. BIG time.

It's gotten to the point that my messages have piled up to being currently 124 here on dA. And I have 39 deviations to look at an comment on. And I have some stories that I have to read and review. And I have emails unanswered and myspace...hell I haven't gone on there since like last week. And I haven't answered all my messages on there either. Facebook? Never on. AOL email? Can't even sign in for some reason. And for IMing? Not a chance that's going to happen. Wanna know why? Because this is my fucked up schedule:

6 AM-- Get up, get dressed, eat.
7:20 AM--Leave 4 skool.
7:34 AM--Get to school.
7:40-8 AM Mon-Thursday--Study and text in classroom.
7:40-9:20 AM Fri--Get on comp and stare at the screen doing nothing important (usually write a little)
8-9:15 AM Mon-Thursday--Sit in class and die
9:15-9:30 AM Mon, Wed--Go to class and talk with friend
9:15-10:20 AM Tues, Thurs--Go to the library and study and do hw
9:30-10:20 Mon, Wed, Fri--Sit in class and die
10:30-11:20 AM Mon-Thursday--Go to class and die
11:25 AM--In car driving home
11:40 AM--Get home, go make lunch
12 noon--Eat lunch
12:30 PM--Go to bed
12:30-3:45 PM--Sleep
3:45-4:40 PM--Drag my sorry ass out of bed and go study/do hw
4:40-5 PM--watch GX
5-6 PM--do hw/write/try to answer some messages/talk to sister
6-6:40 PM--eat dinner
6:40-8 PM--talk to sis
8:30/40-10:30 PM--talk to sis
10:30PM--take a bath
10:50-1 AM--Do hw/sit and die
1 AM-Finally go to bed
1:30/40 AM--Go to sleep
6 AM--Get up again.

On weekends:

Fri night: Stay up til 3 am. Proceed to die the next day when I have to get up at 10.

Sat:

10-10:20AM--Eat breakfast and read paper
10:20-11:15AM--Sit in chair and talk to sis
11:15-12 noon--get ready for church
12-12:30 PM--Get on comp for a little bit
12:30--leave for church
1:00-6:00PM--At church. =_= By then, I'm exhausted again.
6:30 PM--get home
6:30PM-3 AM--Sit in chair in front of TV not really watching it but sorta of vegetating and dying of exhaustion but not willing to go to bed.

Sun:

12 noon--Get up and eat
12:30--bedtime: Waste time doing things that I won't remember the next day.

...

I am fucked.

Seriously.

Especially when next semester THIS is how my schedule looks:

Psychology: Monday, Wednesday, Friday: 9:30-10:45 AM
English (Literature Based Research): Tuesday, Thursday 8-9:15 AM
ACA 111 (No clue what this is. It's a filler class that's one credit hour and it's some orientation mumbo jumbo): online (couldn't fit it in)
Architectural Technology: Monday, Wednesday 6-9:20 PM (FUCK)
Graphic Presentation I (or something like that): 6-8:50 PM Tuesday, Thursday (DOUBLE FUCK. It only counts for two credit hours WHAT THE HELL?!! And a 50 min class counts for 3?! UNH UH! )

Even worse, I heard that these classes (other than ACA) were like SERIOUS work.

Bottom line:

I won't be writing anymore.

...

And who knows if I can get on the comp at all...

unless...

someone can tell me how to better manage my time? Though...I think if I went to bed earlier...idk. I'm just very...er Idk. I just don't like being pushed around to do things...and I'm afraid I'ma have to delete a lot of your journals...so I don't think it's fair to ask you to comment on this one...

I should just hide. DX I have problems that I'm not willing to fix cuz I'm too lazy. I just hate having to get things in on such a structured schedule. The problem is...I have two conflicting ideas of how things should be. I don't like structure but I have an OCD about time and when things should be done. O_____o

Maybe I'm not really asking for help. Maybe I'm just letting you guys know that I might not be able to keep my hobbies. T____T

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21354165/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21354165/ Thu, 06 Nov 2008 08:59:46 PST

I am very upset. No one cares but I am VERY upset. I have an OCD about not updating my fics until I see that each chapter has at least 100 hits. But when I finally get around to checking them (for the first time since they changed this shit) I see that all I can find is the FUCKING SHITTY reader traffic instead of the hits in general! And that only goes back for like what, four months? I AM VERY PISSED. FUCK YOU FANFICTION TURN MY DAMN STATS BACK TO NORMAL OTHERWISE I CANNOT UPDATE BECAUSE I AM TOO DAMN UPSET ABOUT THIS FUCKING STAT THING. D: And I hate the new system in general because it's messier and harder to navigate and they limit reviews and PMs and it's SHIT. I HATE it. GWAH I'm going to go complain. DDDDD:

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21154448/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/21154448/ Sat, 25 Oct 2008 11:36:57 PDT
Listening to: Genkai Battle in my head. @.@

PLZ DO NOT READ THIS b/c Angel wants to tell you, ok? :< Sorry if that sounds rude but…she rly wants to tell you herself.

Anyway….

So, I’m back from Oregon…I have a lot to tell you guys, so…yeah. It’s gonna be tl;dr. But if you wanna know, here it is.
On Sunday (two weeks ago, lol), we drove down to the airport. I was all freaking out because I’d never flown before, and I was frickin scared. I was begging them to turn the car around, b/c I just “knew” we were gonna die, lolz. The night before, and I had been talking about words not to say at the airport. We made a list compiled of “bomb,” “terrorist attack,” “gun,” and “weapons.” There were various other words that sounded bad…like “lip balm” (sounds like BOMB OMG) and never saying hi to anyone named Jack. Pretty obvious, if you ask me. :3 And we had to keep catching ourselves b/c we are in the habit of saying things that Haou-sama would do…And we kept saying the night before that Haou-sama would hijack the plane and blah blah blah. So as we were driving there, we had to keep reminding each other “NO TALK ABOUT HAOU-SAMA ON THE PLANE!!”

When we got to the airport, dad got out at the drop off and told us to “stay there.” So we sat there as he began to unload the luggage. Then, all of the sudden, he yelled “WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!!! GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!!” all mean-like. He sounded so EBIL. I got all pissed and almost started yelling back. I started to mumble under my breath but he didn’t hear me. We all sulkily got out of the car and Angel and I called him a “kisama.” (yeah, we kind of adjusted the use of that word if you know what I mean) LOL Anyway…then we sat outside and waited by the luggage, choking to death on the fumes of cigarette smoke. Angel and I started talking really loudly about how gross and sick it was to smoke (and hell it really is.) Mom told us to cut it out, but we complained that it was making our throats sore (which it really was.) That was when the Kisama (aka Dad) came back and shoved us all inside. We were like. @.@ We went through security and the metal detector went off when Angel walked through, and we were all like b/c there was a BIG SCARY guard there. And it just turned out to be her jewelry. It was frightening though. And then…it was difficult getting all our stuff. OMG the backpack I was carrying hurt so much. It made me break out into a hideous sweat cuz I swear to Ra it must’ve been like frickin 50 lbs combined with my giant purse which HAD to weigh about 20 lbs. And srsly, I’m not in too bad of shape, but that…that was too much. Plus it was SO bulky. But that is NOTHING compared to what happened later…
Anyway, y’all are gonna die when you hear this: We got there about 1:30 pm. Our flight left at 4:50 pm. =_= When I found out…I almost killed my dad. Anyway, we sat and waited for our friends…we saw some old friends of ours from our old church. AND OMG THEY WERE GOING TO SCOTLAND! I so wanted to be stown away in their luggage cuz DAYUM I wanted to go to Scotland too! But nooooooo. So that was when our other friends came up…And that was when the adventure began…sorta. We sat and did nothing but look at each other and take cheesy pictures for the remainder of the time. THEN WE HAD TO BOARD OMG. I was like, totally flipping out. And so was Brittaney (my friend) and Angel. But we got on. And the plane was SO frickin small. Like, it was a small plane, as in not a 757 or anything like that. It was TINY. And it was SO HOT. And we were delayed because we had some engine troubles or something like that and Angel and I were like OMG WE GONNA DIE. But then we took m... ]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/20917261/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/20917261/ Fri, 10 Oct 2008 08:03:46 PDT , anxious


Ok peeps so...today's probably the LAST day I'm going to be on for a LONG time. From October 13-23 I have to be in Oregon. >< And then after that I'll have to make shit up for school. So I might not get on til November. So be patient. I'm NOT dead but I WILL come back.

Um and...about my requests:

Sorry I've not gotten them quite done yet. I got frustrated with my art since it wasn't epic and photoshopped (I prefer traditional) and it wasn't beautiful and stuff and I felt crappy about it and just wanted to quit. But then I realized that as long as I like what I draw then what does it matter if it's photoshopped or very high quality or not? I don't need any comments or anything...And I DID try to upload something today but guess what? It won't let me! Because I waited FORTY minutes trying to upload a pic for Angel's bday and it just WOULD NOT FINISH. So I gave up. Idk how I'm going to get your requests up then...I'm halfway done with 's request but...idk if I can get it up. We'll see...

EDIT: I got the stupid thing to work. It's about time! TOOK ME A RADAMN HOUR.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/20821382/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/20821382/ Sat, 04 Oct 2008 08:16:31 PDT
Umm I have a lot of stuff to do so I just wanted to give you guys a heads up:

Sunday and next week I might not have time to get on. Not saying I won't at all. I just don't know how much time I'll have. So plz don't get agitated at me for not commenting on journals/deviations/replies. :/

So, this following list is more for me than you. I'm not trying to whinge about how much I have to do. I just can't remember it all so I'm listing it here to remind myself. @.@

1) Study for midterms next week
2) Watch my speech vid and give self-analysis
3) Do math quiz
4) Copy art history notes from classmate
5) Get started on art history formal paper
6) Yom Kippur (October 9th. I'll have to do a make up exam. Shit)
7) Get ready for trip to Oregon (October 13-23)
8) Show teachers TEH NOTE OF D00M and make arrangements to do work whilst in Oregon
9) Start planning what I have to bring
10) Leave messages all over teh internets about my absence so pplz won't think I died
11) Update "Knocked Up" one last time before I leave (probably when I'm stressed over midterms)
12) Get around to reading the last chapter of "Ekou's Song" and review.
13) TRY to clear all my messages before I leave.

Meh, I think I just might just have to delete without looking at some things. I'm sorry peeps.

Um, and Valkyy, I'm so sorry. >< I tried to comment on your latest journal but...I had just finished this big ass comment and then the computer ate it. DDDD: And I was too busy headdesking to re-do it. I'll try to try again later. DDDX

And now this thing though I already know who of you are real friends and who aren't...
Fake Friends Repost

No offense, but ... People are getting too fake on me . They only want posts, comments, or to see how many friends they can get. So let's see who will actually repost this. This is a test to see who's paying attention. This is a test to see how many people in my friends list actually pay attention to me. Copy and repost in your own bulletin. Lets see who the true friends are and I think I know who you are... Repost this if you are a friend...just copy and paste this in a new bulletin as "Fake Friends'

True friends will read and repost this. Fake friends will just ignore it.

That's all for now.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/20559775/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/20559775/ Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:19:58 PDT

...

I've been gone so long that now I'm afraid you guys will have decided to give up on me. Maybe you decided to forget about me because I "forgot about you." I feel so bad...I know, I've been writing but...if I don't, I go crazy. No excuse, I know. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation talking...I'm really sorry though. I've had some lapses of judgment recently...I've been way to critical and unforgiving, and sometimes I just want to give a GOOD comment and forget about anything else. Sometimes I just want to be nice for a change. I'm so tired of being a jerk. I'm so tired of feeling hated even though it's just my paranoia. I'm so tired of ignoring and being ignored. I never meant it that way it just happened. Please forgive me. Please come back...I'm so scared I've lost you...It's nearly got me in tears as stupid as that sounds. Because I see how dumb and immature I've been and I'm so lonely...I want to talk but then I get overwhelmed and hide for awhile. But I'm just being a selfish ass. And a hypocrite among other things...

Maybe I'll edit this tomorrow to include more. But I don't want it to be tl;dr. If you guys are still there..I don't blame you if you're not. I wouldn't...well, actually I would but...nevermind. I'm a terrible person and a wretched friend and I would dump me too. Just know I'm really sorry and I'm going to try really hard never to do that again...Never to leave you guys for so long. I'll try not to complain about too many messages again...now I miss them...Please just don't abandon me...please just don't go...I promise to be a better friend. I'll try harder. T____T Just please don't ever go...

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/20557762/ http://chazzyluvergurl.deviantart.com/journal/20557762/ Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:05:47 PDT
Listening to: nothing
Reading: the screen

OMG ppl I'm so sorry for making you wait...no wonder I have been ignored recently hahaha. But, I have finished answering my messages!!

Yes, message away, I think I've learned my lesson. NEVER let it get piled up that deeply AGAIN.

Oh and btw I'm 18 now! Now I can get piercings! I CAN DO WHUT I WANT!! 8D Well, not entirely. But I like teh freedom.

Anyway, sorry for abandoning y'all. I'm a horrid friend.

]]> ~chazzyluvergurl