http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:coujerro&section=today deviantART RSS for by:coujerro en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 13:04:29 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/28168807/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/28168807/ Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:55:37 PST Facebook l Myspace l Gallery l Music l Watch Me l Note Me

just got photoshop cs3. excited to start masking some graphics and all that good stuff. i've been using elements till now so my capabilities have been rather limited when it comes to photoshop. anyways i'm almost done with my first semester of college. i'll be taking a class on adobe flash and a class on pc operating systems, hopefully i can afford the web design class as well. next year when i can hopefully qualify for the pell grant i'll be going to school full time. it's not much for now but it's sure as hell better than nothing. anyways just letting everyone know i'm not dead. come by and say hi every now and then. i'm probably as deathly bored as you are. take care

-Greg

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Brushes by ~SummerAIR ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/27964341/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/27964341/ Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:53:32 PDT Facebook l Myspace l Gallery l Music l Watch Me l Note Me

ya know i'm honestly not excited for halloween this year like i used to be. maybe it's because i spent last halloween in jail or something. i dunno. i guess it's just not as fun when you're pretty much antisocial and in a town wher no one cares to know your name. oh well. anyway you should check out my new music profile on myspace if you have the time, which i know you do because you're reading this

[link]

-Greg

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Brushes by ~SummerAIR ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/26803419/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/26803419/ Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:39:20 PDT Facebook l Myspace l Gallery l Music l Watch Me l Note Me

you should probably expect me to be doing some sorts of photomanipulations and such and so forth more often now that i'm currently enrolled in an adobe photoshop class at a community college here at martinsburg. i'm also taking a pc repair class which is a little bit more mind boggling but i don't think you'll visually feel or see the effect of that class on my digital art work as much as the ladder. two classes is really all i could afford for now but hopefully next semester i'll be able to take more andmaybe apply for some loans or grants or something and do a little more. i would so much rather be going to school than working but the way it is right now i might hgave to suffer doing both full time if i want to make anything of my self. i guess it'll be worth it in the end. anyways i'm going to shut up. wish i had a drink right about now and i miss all you fuckers that never say hi. take care
-Greg

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I was born with a short fuse in my head. sometimes it gets wet and sometimes i don't even know it's lit. i guess there's a lot of things that can set me off, even the most trivial of things. it takes me so long to recognize the fact that i've lost it sometimes though. i feel like there's nothing i can do about it when i have the most control i breathe in and breathe out and suddenly everything has changed and it's never in the fashion that i hope for.

god is a fucking lie. for how ever many times i've looked up at the sky and said please just for me this one time obviously there's no response from a whittled little soul like mine growing dimmer and fading faster than the oceans mist. everyday a little bit more gets drained away and i feel like no matter how hard i try everything i reach for just gets further and further away. i'm just a smile away from another frown and a twig away from another catostrophic failure. i don't know even when i think 've got the most inspiration to concauck a devious scheme of release it all just falls apart before my very eyes.

maybe i'm just too fucking pessimistic for my own good. i fake my way through the day with plastic smiles and offhand remedies to ressurect what little glee i have left in my system. most people just think i'm crazy but i gotta do something to keep me from having another break down even if it's turning misery into humility for just a second.

hope is one hell of a drug. try and stay away from the synthetic stuff.

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]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/24950556/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/24950556/ Mon, 25 May 2009 19:59:32 PDT
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Waging: Peace

[link]
[link]
my comic book, give it some love, or hate, either one works.
~Waging-Peace ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/24467821/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/24467821/ Mon, 27 Apr 2009 17:24:39 PDT
nothing turns out the way you plan , it's just a pitty i never really planned anything at all... i should find a way to fix that i guess...

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Waging: Peace

[link]
[link]
my comic book, give it some love, or hate, either one works.
~Waging-Peace ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/23331345/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/23331345/ Sat, 21 Feb 2009 20:00:22 PST
I haven't really updated my journal in a while. but for the most part there's not been much to talk about. Life's been pretty tame and mundane as opf late, i'm just waiting out the storm so to say for a while as i get my shit back together. i'm slowly recovering from my whole atlanta fiasco and i guess it's gunna take a while to get over the fact that i fucked up. yeah i fucked up real bad but i guess it's good to figure that in a way i had no control over some of the things i was doing due to my mental "illness." at least i would like to blame it on that because i have no fucking cluye how i get myself into some of the things i do. I guess it's what builds charactor though, after all if i never faced hardship i'd be a pretty fucking boring musician and an absolutely lame artist so i guess it's good that i've experienced the things that i have, and in a way i don't regret a single bit of it because i guess i know now that i can use my past behavior and attitude as a council to guide myself in the right direction next time i set off on another venture, and hopefully it will get me a lot further than it did these last times. who knows what is out there and what'll become of everything and all this dedication... if it will oay off in the end or if maybe it'll still take another life time of trial and error i honestly don't care if i ever get it right, i'm having a great time doing it and i guess that's all that counts. but unfortunately it's all the other bullshit that comes in front of you that seems to be the rock in my eye... or drum set in my eye for that matter.

I still like to look back at some of my old poetry and songs and artwork and i just amaze myself, not because i think that i'm any good or anything, which i don't (and no i'm not fishing for compliments) but i'm just amazed that i've been telling myself all these things and giving myself goals all along, screaming for help and telling myself what i really need to do. but at the time none of it made any fucking sense to me even though i was the one that wrote it or drew it so i just passed it off as another product of my rotten mind. And i guess it still kinda hurts to feel the way i've felt before but now i can use those exact same tremmors and use them as a tool instead of a poison. it's taken me a long time to really understand what i want and why i want it. every second of being lost and weary and scared so stiff i could have swore i got bedsores standing up. I can't say that it will never happen again but at least i know how i'm going to approach it now and know that i need to quit being such a fucking coward and just do what i need to do and get done with it.

likewise there's nothing much really going on in my day to day life. i've obtained a job at the local mcdonalds and i hate every second of it. but those kind of jobs are just another brick to build the road forward. i figure i might be job hopping pretty soon because i know a person like me needs to be doing everything i can to experience new things every day instead of living the same mundane life day to day like a fucking robot. i don't plan on staying in west virginia longer than i need to. i know that before i've kinda lingered and made some rash decisions but i like to think on my feet and if i'm standing still i can't think much. but i dunno. at least i have a general plan for the future now. and it's a bit more realistic than my past plans and it's good to have something to look forward to, one step at a time and before i know it i'll be right where i belong.

so i guess i can say i need to break these chains because i'm hauling a big fucking boulder around and it's not easy doing it either. maybe i'm exagerating a lot. but who gives a fuck that's what i do. if i didn't exagerate no one would want to listen to me anyways. but the funny part is, it's the things i don't exagerate i am called a liar for. i guess reality is crazier than what we can really beleive. who knew...

-Greg

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Waging: Peace

[link]
[link]
my comic book, give it some love, or hate, either one works.
~Waging-Peace ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/22213382/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/22213382/ Fri, 26 Dec 2008 16:55:18 PST
i dunno what to say really. got photoshop installed on my offline computer and got my scanner/printer back. so expect some more art from me as i don't have to use a digital camera and lots of contrast to input pix now. glory glory. or something. amen.

-Greg://wire

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Waging: Peace

[link]
[link]
my comic book, give it some love, or hate, either one works.
~Waging-Peace ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/22005736/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/22005736/ Mon, 15 Dec 2008 20:37:07 PST
so in case no one has figured this out by now, i no longer live in atlanta georgia. (i'm assuming no one really gives a shit anyways) but there's multiple reasons behind my exodus from the land of coke and peaches (the coca cola is way too expensive there, and there's no peaches btw)

I got fired from my job at the strip club i was cooking at in early october, due to a foot injury that i self repaired in the girl's dressing room by snapping it back in to place and building a caste out of paper towels and electric tape. and the person that fired me was my brother of all people, a nic little suprise from the asshole owners of that shithole. anyways after i got fired i got somewhat thrown on the streets of atlanta because my brother was pissed at me and didn't really want me in the apartment anymore until i got a job... so i was living on and out of the streets of atlanta for a good month before i exhausted almost all my resources there. it totally sucked ass because atlanta is the only city in america where a white man can go and be called nigger. yes, i said nigger, and no i'm pertaining to myself being called this derogatory term, not a black american. there's a disputed difference, because i'm white. which i have no fucking clue how that gets put together like that. oh well, i guess i'll never understand.

anyways i lost a lot of money in atlanta, lost a lot of friend when i moved to atlanta, didn't make that many friends when i lived there, and the ones i did i could barely call friends, they all fucked me over in some form or the other if they didn't stab me in the back. after all the things i did for those fucking assholes i didn't get one ounce of thanks. not one fucking fraction of an ounce. it pisses me off because i try so hard to be a good person and help as many people out as i can, and most people lkook at that and see it as a weakness and try and take advantage of me. yeah, i'm young and i'm sometimes cocky and overly generous. but jesus fucking christ why the fuck do people think that just because i'm a nice guy that they can walk all over me? i'm so fucking sick of these plastic ass fucking pricks that i meet everywhere i go no matter what i do there's going to be some asshole or some fucking whore looking to take advantage of me in some fashion or form. why can't people be human for once in their mother fucking lives and then maybe, just maybe they wouldn't have to worry about getting the short end of the stick all the fucking time.

i don't know. i used to think it was because i was in the "industry" or maybe it's just the strippers, or maybe it's because they are porn stars and models, or maybe it's because they are self centered artists and musicians, maybe it's because they are jaelous that i'm not using their services, what ever the fuck it is the whole fucking world needs to chill the fuck out and suck a cock or lick a pussy because i'm so fucking sick of everyone asking for my help and then ggiving me nothing in return. i'm seriouisly sick of this fucking bull shit. the last band i was playing for in atlanta was this old fucking geezer who thought he was the greatest fucking thing since sliced bread, and on my last practice session i trip over a fucking cable that was in a rats nest in the corner by my bass amp and i poke myt fucking eye out with a tuning peg on the bass drum, and regarless of the gallon of blood pouring down the front side of my face, he still kicks me out of the band cuz i'm not being serious about it. you know what fuck you, you fucking peice of cock cheese. i don't care who the fuck you know or how big you are in the industry, it's all filled with sharks in wolves clothing, and i'm a fucking viper the size of a god damn dragon, so suck my fucking scales you fucking flounder flopping on a fat mans ass.

anyways i made a split second decision (like is so popular of me to do) to move up here to west virginia and chill with my parents while i get my shit together, and seeing how i was blind in one eye for two weeks there wasn't really much i could have done in atlanta anyways but waste my time spitting venom at the assholes that try and walk all over me. i met a girl that i want to think i love but she probably already forgot about me. it's so fucking typical of my shitty ass fucking luck with life. oh well i guess another one bites the dust. loves lost to lust's allure as i'm always pleased to say, girl after girl who breaks off a little bit more of my heart as they cook it in wine and olive oil and eat it in front of my cold sober face. i'm sick of these stupid fucking girls playing games with me, i can't wait until i meet an intelligent girl who actually is intelligent and doesn't fucking play games with my heart like it's a fucking basket ball and she's trying to play baseball with a morning star mace. whatever... i'm not done yet.

anyways i... ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/21789890/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/21789890/ Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:24:00 PST
[link]
[link]

:devwaging-peace

well, i've been working on this comic book series for the better part of 8 years now. and i'm still inking in concept from 7 years ago, so you can imagine the amount of work i have ahead of me. while i appriciate staying busy it gets a little over bearing for me to draw the concepts, line work, ink, color, finish, cell, story boards, text, write, manage and everything else that comes with this crap. i need some help to progress this and attain some different style of art, but thus far i've had no luck finding artists willing to help me. it's like the story of chicken little i keep referring to, no one wants to help me till the feilds, plant the seed, water the crop, cut the wheat, and mill the grain and cook the bread, but every one sure as hell wants to hewlp me eat the bread! lol



anyways i'm currently only really in need of a concept designer and an ink artist (no, not tracers, ink artists). at least so i can concentrate more on the story boards and promoting the series. i have a very underground fan base and i'm just now beginning to re collect my lost fans and i have two fully drawn issues floating around my sketch books in one of either three states. i'm afraid to ink my line work because i have a very shaky hand and i need to find someone with a steady and smoth inking style, tattoo artists would be most preferrable since that's the target audience, at least the majority of it

for more imformation contact me here, no application is necassary i just need your trust and maybe an example of your art, thanks for your support and god speed brave soldiers!

-Greg_wire

[link] ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/21560735/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/21560735/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:19:20 PST
anyways i'm just boored updating my profile for no reason. check out my myspace pages if you wanna chat.

[link]
[link]
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enjoy!

also, check out my comic book's concept account and my stock account



]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/21457658/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/21457658/ Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:49:18 PST
living in west virginia for now untill my eye heals up and i get my bills paid and my shit straightened out. oh well i gues. i was getting sick of atlanta anyways, the biggest little city in the fucking world. meh, what can you do, there's assholes and whores everywhere, i guess you just can't escape it...

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/21205158/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/21205158/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 16:24:29 PDT
The Unorganized American Militia has been called to arm in every part of the nation, even in the outlying territories, over sea bases, hell, even alaska and hawaii.

you have the right to bear arms
you have a right to free speach
you have a right to form a militia
you have the right to represent you country for all the colors it stands and even sometimes falls for.

present your arms before the law, before your lord and before your state, you are constitutionally required to over see the transaction of a power change in the head of state, rioting and looting will not be tolerated. Acting over the law but before the constitution will ensure the destruction of all america stands for. mark your words and do not show your colors in public.

with your help the continental army can be once more. we must show this corrupted state that we are the people.

not the slaves of a bygone era of ill repute, scandal, bigotry and seedy politics, do not vote for the puppet and do not vote for the fool, your cards do deceive you as the tarot may say. Vote for the scholar, the Squier and the King of the constitution.

-Greg Wire

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/20994636/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/20994636/ Tue, 14 Oct 2008 22:52:01 PDT <aram name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/yNm7HGd6CIo&hl=en&fs=1"><aram name="allowFullScreen" value="true">

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/20580310/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/20580310/ Sat, 20 Sep 2008 06:55:09 PDT for this tired broken pilgram,
i've been trodden by the hooves
of ill repute...

on these long restless nights
i'm an astronaught in heaven
fallings from the moon
to greet my friends in hell

when the sun shows his face
i'll be staring with compassion
as my eyes begin to bleed
while they explode...

my arms will turn to ashes
as i burn down to cinders
spreading cross the sea
from here to bangladesh

there's been talk of of bloody murder
on the scene aware of tensions
while the hands who're red
will blind us all....

anytime i find the answers
there will be a skipping record
playing out that old remorse
for those to hear

and it's gone.
gone like the air

...as i breathe the bitter smoke
into your stare.

"The Silver Rustic"
Sept. 2008 Greg Courtney
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anyways got some new pictures up, i have more coming from the same "shoot" i guess... but i won't put em up to save some space... lemme know what you think?

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/20192942/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/20192942/ Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:48:49 PDT
It was only may before i really was able to grasp some of those more life devistating realizations. I suppose you could call them more like quintet life crisis's. You look at your surroundings and realize just whrere your eyes have laid themselves upon. You've been blind drunk for months and the world makes no sense.

This alien world soon consumes your senses in a blur of bliss and dispair all packed in one rib snapping, wrist breaking compound blow to the head. all of a sudden an entire reality comes crashing upon your limp body crushing any resistance you may have previously had with the same amount of neglect. It looks like a man choking his self with a strand of thread.

The gasses that soon began to suround me would eventually consumate my existance. It's like eating needles when you just need some good ol fashioned scrap metal to chew on. My engine is running but i'm almost out of gas. I hate talking about this road but i'm at a road block for this point in time, and i need to start driving somewhere.

Anyways, I understood that the life i imagine behind my eyes is a world i should keep inside my skull. It gives me hope to lean towards a better reality, but not to a better existance. it's that wierdly skewed line between a goal and an aspiration. a goal means the end, and aspiration continues until the mind diverts. when those diversions become road blocks and the goals become unreachable... a compromise is admissiable.

So you have to compromise your sanity, or your values, most times... it's both. I submitted my value as a person to define my humanity and weakening grasp thereof. I'll let go, but i never want to keep something that important to me out of reach. no matter how crippled my hands or how shattered my spirit, i am the pheonix to your apocolypse. i am the shade to your sun, i am the start of what's begun.

the army national guard sounds like a good waste of time and a better way to pay for college, i know they don't give a fuck about tattoos, but i'd hate to have myself on call incase a national disaster happens or a war breaks out again... that would suck... pride is a mother fucker, i'd rather have served and been kicked out than to have not served at all. i guess alot of people in military families like mine feel this same stress about joining up and serving just for the sake of the name and rank, but it's also a truition between certain ideals and morals pertaining politics. but i guess if i'm not affected by the politics as much as the conditions i'd be rather fine knowing i'm doing something usefull at some point in time, at least when jackasses like me are needed to ensure the survival of every other wanker and duechbag and fuck twat out there that have no way of defending theirselves in those outrageous disaster cituations... maybe i'm not that guy, maybe i am, but i'd like to at least find out.

-K

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/19746096/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/19746096/ Sun, 03 Aug 2008 02:45:57 PDT
Well it's been a while since i've really said much at all. There was a point in time when i had the entire universe to tell to the world but i have since spoke a grain of sand to the ocean.

This whole last year has been a strange place for me. more complacant than rewarding i finally realize alot of things i've been so ignorant towards. People in general amaze me in their inexibitable force of selfishness. whiole i don't have much to say for that matter it still enlightens me to know that the only thing or only person you can count on in the end is yourself, because no matter what the hidden agendas or thoughtworthy opposition to much of anything, everyone has a different mind.

I honestly sometimes let myself be token of a placid resistance, and i can't help it, i'm a naturally timid guy. If there's something on my mind it's probably going to stay inside for a long time, festering into terrible thoughts and rancid hallucinations of what's really happening, and in my case, what was really happening was a disgusting display of everything i loathe and dispise.

so i've since shunned the glorious life that i once desired, being a rock star seems so glorious to so many, but in all reality that's not who i really want to be. i don't want to be that arogant asshole who controls the world though the messages may not be quite understood. I still want to lie and call myself an artist of anysorts, whether it be any sort of media or not, my artistic aura hasn't been glowing as of late. but i'm starting to get a little shine back in my boots... even though i'm wearing shoes.

but thankfully i haven't lost my mind and or killed myself like i've been so awestruck in beleive would happen, maybe i'd become to beleive that life was so much shorter and incomplex as i though, but there's so many things that i now realise that i've been neglecting and that i still don't understand, now's not the time, maybe i'll have enough time to understand what i really was talking about all this time, but maybe i need to look past my shoulders and beyond the asphault, i think there's still more to be understood....

because i'm a very understanding type of guy... ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/17502702/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/17502702/ Tue, 25 Mar 2008 02:01:08 PDT
-End

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/16638006/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/16638006/ Wed, 30 Jan 2008 02:43:52 PST
the term "starving artist" is used way too wrecklessly. I occasionally hear countless numbers of people groaning at the apple bees meals they must suffice on their artistic voyages as the bout of stardom grasps their tits and pulls them from the nipple into the womb of suffering. Slowly they degrade the tastes once aquired by fine dining and expensive entrees reduced to mear side orders and deserts, oh tisk tisk.

When i broke my wrist last month i really had no idea it was going to struggle so much just to do my every day things. I never really realized what i was capable of until i wasn't able to do it anymore. I hope everyone comes to this point of realization. I was bitching about not being able to really play guitar (not that it stopped me) or anything with my broken wrist, and one of the guys from the studio asked me "You're an artist right?" I replied "Yeah..." He instantaneously responded "Then suffer." I felt like luke sky walker talking to the emporer for a second. As my darkened perception of reality eased away i felt more comfort in the statement than agony.

I can't bitch about chosing the life that i did. I knew full on what i was in for and i know it's only going to get worse. Unfortunately I feel better knowing that i'm prepared for what ever god wants to shit on me because there's nothing that's going to stop me now. I didn't waste almost 8 years of my life now just to give up. so many people give up hope and it bleeds my heart to know that anyone out there didn't give it their fullest. I might not be giving it my everything either but i don't have much to give in the first place.

When i first began on this journey of artistic voyage i was but a mere idiot. I remember drawing my first tank in 1st grade, i sold it to some kid for a dollar and suddenly everyone wanted me to draw them something. of course being 5 year olds everyone drew their attention else where but i look at that like destiny. When i got my first version of fruity loops i made a few horribly composed songs to test out the software and burnt them on to a cd. naturally i showed the cd to everyone i knew and somehow they liked it. I thought it was all a pile of shit and a disgrace to music, but people thought i'd be welcomed for my innovations... or something, i still can't listen to those songs for more than 10 seconds.

anyways, the point is, we all learn something through the experiences we have. in every cituation we aquire some new peice of knowledge that will guide us through life. My accounts haven't really tought me much more than whatever gets shoved in my face, i better be prepared to eat it. On the contrary i've been tought to never give up untill the job is finished. I wasn't raised to take breaks and half ass something to where it will never get done. I feel sorry for those who were.

Even though my frigde is empty, my roomate doesn't have enough money to feed himself and decides to get a dog to not be able to afford to feed either, i'm going no where with my music or my art, and i'm stuck in some shithole club where i'm treated like a pile of cat shit, despite the fact i can barely afford rent, and i barely have any friends here in georgia, i say fuckit. I've made it this far, no point stopping this machine now.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/16167074/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/16167074/ Sun, 30 Dec 2007 13:17:02 PST
no i'm not leaving, but i just started a new deviant art account for my series "Waging Peace" i just started the account last night so there's not much up, but go ahead and show it some love. there's more to come once i gather all the concepts and story lines and such. i'm also still looking for artists interested in helping me out with the story.

~Waging-Peace

i've been pretty busy lately with work and music to say the least why i haven't been too active on here. i can't sell a fucking painting to save my life but i guess there's no harm in still trying. M1 Garand should be gaining a few new members in the coming months. we should have a 13-14 song set done in the next month or so, maybe we'll be able to start playing shows any time now. definately keep your eyes open. anyways hope everyone has a happy new year and i'll see you all on the other end of time.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/16088587/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/16088587/ Tue, 25 Dec 2007 05:14:32 PST
what a pile of shit reasn to celebrate. some dead guys brithday and everyone gets presents except this poor fuck. i'm hungry and hung over and somehow i can't remember driving home last night. hmm.. i probably shouldn't have been driving if i don't even remember it. oh well. i guess i'm going to try and hawk some paintings for rent money after i go check out these baby pit bulls josh and i might be taking home. anyways merry xmas to those who actually enjoy this miserable holiday, i'll see you on the flip side...

-the

santa's an asshole... i guess i wasn't nice enough this year... ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15998783/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15998783/ Wed, 19 Dec 2007 10:34:36 PST
journal entry:

I didn't ever plan on most of anything that i'm doing. plans are for the hopeful. and diligent, i am neither. it seems every day i open some new door that i've never entered and strangely i like the fact that i have noi clue wha's happening next. i'm only alive once for all i know, so why not step in and take a look around?

i keep having these odd reoccurances that i can just walk down the street and i'll be strolling down thye snow cover streets ofmy old home, drudging through the frozen mess just to go down the block. the cold winter air down here barely pinches me as i walk outside in a t shirt and boxers. it's nary the bit satisfying knowing that it would take me that much longer to freeze to death if i fell asleep where i stood.

i try to base what i do off of how i feel. i don't want anyone poking inside of my head. there's nothing more that pisses me off than someone trying to figure me out. give up because you'll never get it. i'm done with letting girls play with my heart and guys betraying my trust. i have a hard time calling any one friends down here, because it seems like everyone has two sets of hands, one that presentsitself to greet, and the other wringing menacinlgy a devious plan of convulsion. i guess no one knows who i am any more. i'm somewhat ok with that.

like wise i'm done making a mess with words. good day.

-Greg

black metal industrial ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15820752/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15820752/ Thu, 06 Dec 2007 12:33:49 PST


for more details don't be afraid to ask, we only bite

black metal industrial ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15695425/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15695425/ Tue, 27 Nov 2007 15:26:35 PST
m1 garand [link]

black metal industrial ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15457676/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15457676/ Sun, 11 Nov 2007 02:37:35 PST
I've been working. working alot. i feel bad when i think about alot of other people in the world, and they think their job is hard and they work the skin off their fingers, i can completely simpathize with them, but working over time at an office is not hard worl whatso ever. if i could sit there and bitch about having to work overtime and mot getting paid extra for my leave, yeah i think i'd have it pretty good. unfortunately i don't have those problems.

anyways at the moment i'm working two jobs, and i honestly have no idea how many bands and rappers i'm working for right now. i can't even remember half of the names that i'm despirately associated with. somehow again, i know less people that know me. i'm not looking for reputation or fame, i'm just looking to leave atltanta, but i'm not going to leave atlanta before i can stand on top of the ruins that i helped create. this town has been nothing but alien to me, and i can't even really see the end result of my hard work. it comes around i guess. but i'd rather want to know that i'm doing something right instead of being in the black about everything around me.

either way i dunno, i'm not going to give up for any obstacles that throw theirselves my way. anything can be the rock to your skate board, but you still have the power to get back on that sand paper and ruin some concrete. i skated through the studio last week. my fucking god i felt like i was borne again.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15356235/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15356235/ Sun, 04 Nov 2007 04:57:23 PST [link]

Josh is on drums, I'm on bass ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15067497/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15067497/ Mon, 15 Oct 2007 02:05:08 PDT rubbing herself ever so sentually
as the image of a bolt cuts through
turning into a cameras shutter

giant beds like chocolate bars
the better it looks to me
hand me down dirty socks
and two boxes full of nails
there's no pennies to fill it up
no thread to keep holes closed

metal meets fabrics
where skin ought to be

i'll fill my feet
with the end of my toes
i'll solve my days
when i take off my shoes

it's a song about filling a sock full of nails and hitting someone with it, it's a very traditional family oriented subject matter ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15038431/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/15038431/ Sat, 13 Oct 2007 03:27:39 PDT staring down an empty sink, all covered in ink
buford hiway is so much longer on foot
four wheels and a motor
two eyes and a brain
said stopping the earth
is a step in the other direction
the shore line's twilight
in the concrete forest
matted mud on asphalt roads
like bodies piled flat
in summer's wane
if the tickers turn red
the clouds are but dust
thick as the light
that sets me on fire.

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14729224/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14729224/ Fri, 21 Sep 2007 13:52:53 PDT
I bought a mandobird the other day at guitar center. It's an electric mandolin that look like a gibson thunderbird. My drummer says there is no musical quality to the instrument and it's purely novelty. But if i paid 200 fucking dollars for it i'm going to find some way to make music with it, even if it annoys the fuck out of everyone.

there's so many cynical people in this world, and not even really cynical people, just judgmental, uncreative, and impatient. But i guess that those all equal up to cynical in the end, unbeleivers. Of course i have no idea how to play half the instruments I own. That's what i love about getting into new and largely un popular things, or instruments in my case. I can barely play the guitar to begin with. There's so many possibilities with so many different modes of transporting the sound from instrument to ear. too bad that the guitar has been strung up on a noose and battered to death so much that now they have guitars that will essentially play the music for you. music is dead.

but i'm done rambling for now. enjoy the rest of your night.

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14504666/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14504666/ Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:39:12 PDT
anyways i put up a whole bunch of scraps in my gallery because i just got a new printer scanner and i don't have to use my digital camera anymore, so go take a look, anyways i dunno what the next year will hold for me but hopefully i'll be holding the year instead. have fun everyone and don't forget to say hi

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14419045/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14419045/ Fri, 31 Aug 2007 00:56:49 PDT lamb of god
beer
christain protestors
metal
non skinhead posers at the bar
a bartender that wouldn't serve me because of a mistaken wristband
moshpit
crowd surfing
lamb of god
more drinking
marta
back home
family
sister
drama
drinking
mexican food
junkman's daughter
more drinking
lap dance
failure to get phone numbers
end

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14250104/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14250104/ Mon, 20 Aug 2007 04:01:01 PDT
sometimes, every once in a while, someone out of the blue tells me that maybe i need to stop dreaming and follow my heart, and it stimulates abrain cell maybe even a cluster of nerves so much that i may react in some obtuse way, but i don't. sometimes i question weather following my dreams might not be the only peice of advice that i need to cling on to. every time someone drops in and says follow your hgeart i start going two different ways and i'll end up in somewhere like atlanta, where i don't even like rap... but i know so much more about than i really need to.

i want to say i know where i'm going, but i don't know what i'm following, my heart or my dreams, and neither of them really seem to know where they want to go, i guess if i followed my balls i might get laid every now and then, but that's a different journal entry. my life anymore is a spectator event. i like to sit back and watch everything that is going on around me, with out actually being majorly involved in it.

I've never really had the liberty of being able to choose who i want to hang out with for say the next year and a half. it just kinda happens i'm stuck with the current people i'm stuck with. if i could pick a roomate i probably would have given it a little bit more time than 5 minutes and an expensive liquor supply. when the realism of lifes decisions really come in, it's never in the prosper of your's wildest fantasies, or your true hearts desire, it's a yes and no question, and there's probably more numbers involved in the answer than actual answers.

so i guess what i'm trying to say is that i want to fuck a bank robber. as i think i could write so many movie scripts about something like this, just being a part of such a fucked up idea makes me wonder, what the fuck am i thinking anymore? i'm literally just thinking on a keyboard, and anyone in the world could read this, but only about 3 people will get to the second paragraph and type something like "cool" or "just follow your dreams man."

I'd love to go to college, but i don't want to have to go through any more prep classes. i realize they are trying to get me prepared, but in all reality, getting prepared to me means masturbating and taking a shower, i don't need some decrepid man telling me how i need to be prepared in life so i can prepare to be prepared to go into the real world. but outside of anyt of those institutes is just another set of rules and guidelines that dictate the rules and guidelines of therules and guidelines...

it's really just saying hi after you've thought of so many different ways to say it.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14174026/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14174026/ Wed, 15 Aug 2007 02:03:21 PDT
]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14127552/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14127552/ Sun, 12 Aug 2007 01:36:43 PDT
there's definately alot more to life than just talking though. i sometimes wonder really, what is there to do? i've never been a very talkative person. i've been known to rant a few times but other than that i'm, barely capable of holding on to normal conversations with other human beings in person. i've been on this forsaken device known as the internet since i can absolutely remember. so naturally this is my comfort zone for human communication. i mean, i didn't even kiss a girl until i was about 17, let alone get laid until i was 19, then i wonder why and i remember, it's because i've been talking to a peice of glass and silicone this entire time.

When i first started actually "getting out" in the world, it was a cold shock. I thought that everyone out there was going to be friendly and outgoing and happy to see another smile, but everyone is all just as timbre and fecicious as i previously imagined. there's really no center point of communication for man kind anymore. With so many different ways of interacting with my fellow earthmates i sometimes forget that there's just things you don't do or don't say when communicating through certain media. god knows i'd get my ass kicked if i actually said "lol" out loud in person, as well as doing important things like breaking up with a girl friend over a phone, which i am guity of, and probably should have done it in person because i may have gotten laid instead... but that's really besides the point. now a days, i just feel so disconnected with the rest of the world.

I like to ride the metro when i go down town. In atlanta it's called the "marta" ("metro atlanta rapid transit authority", or "moving africans rapidly through atlanta"). I don't necassarily like to ride it for the environment, i like to ride it because of the humkan contact i get while in transit, i've seen some crazy ass shit on those trains but the fact remains that every other person has some sort of ipod or newspaper in their face, like they are afraid of being afraid of someone so much they completely ignore everything that goes on around them. i like to be able to hear everything that goes on around me, maybe not while i sleep, but i just ignore everything anyways when i sleep. i understand that music and media are an essential part of every one's life in a 1st world country, but for all i care, i don't need it all the time. there needs to be quiet times, and there needs to be times where what i say can be hear by the people who want to listen.

point of the story really is, i like riding the marta because i don't have to drive, there's no music, there's just so many people and so many different fashions of lifestyles cramped into this one little speed rail, and everyone has something in common, they are all going the same direction. Expessially if i want to go see a show and get shitfaced, publuc transportation is the way to go, sadly it ends at midnight so some shows require taxi's, but in the lime light i really don't give a fuck. some people don't realize there's so many services put right in front of their faces and they ignore them for the sake of their social class. I'll definately ditch my car if i know i can pay less for a ticket than i do in gas and parking. it's all a matter of knowing what's best for yourself, and what's best for the world.

anywho i completely lost point of what i'm trying to get at. something i guess. i just wish there was people onl;ine at 5am like there used to be, but i guess they all have day jobs now and i'd have to wait till 9am just to say hi and bye in the same receding sentence on any given messenger program.... hi... bye

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14084113/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14084113/ Thu, 09 Aug 2007 02:16:46 PDT
mainly what i guess i'm proud of, is that usually by the time i get half way through a sketch book it's missing a shit ton of pages, the binding is half falling off, there's usually those 4-5 page streaks where a certain pen marker i used managed to bleed entirely through the proceeding pages and this making it really hard to use those pages for anything more than fire paper. nothing more than a half filled book of doodles and alot of blank pages and a few poems on the last ten pages. But i guess that finally means i can go back to trying to draw figures and shit again.

It's hard to say that i aught to be trying to make a living off of my art instead of off my music. I see myself as almost an equal in both categories but one without the other is just a lame sheep walking to the wolf's house. That's what my problem is sometimes, i can't focus. I can surely express myself by playing a guitar, but sometime i have so much of an easier, and a more successfull way of getting the same feeling out on a canvas, but there's just some things you willnever be able to put on paper and mean the same thing. I like to kid myself in my aspirations though. It makes it a little harder when you're trying to be so many people at once.

What i'm really looking at is an entire mountain range i want to climb up, not just one mountain with some old guy on top. If that's my acheiving demand in life is to look at something and walk towards it, then i don't think those counseling book they made us do in 5th grade really tought me how to do that. It's a pretty petty foundation when a pebble crumbles it. So like with the advent of not having 6 arms. i bet if human beings had that many appendanges to control, the internet would really be something else. It's also hard to think of the amount of struggle a 2 armed human being would have to put forth to compete against them. that's what i feel like sometimes though...

i'm always trying to fight the elephant as a mouse. but the elephant has fangs the size of a lawnmowers blades and jagged calluses of feet and massive claws shimmering with reptilian scales and ovine croppings, not only does it's nose have the strength of twenty boa's, it's hairs are that of a porcupine. And mice piss it off. instead of scaring it. I hate thinking of it like that sometimes, but that's usually what it feels like. it's not allways someone who's holding you down and keeping you from ataining your dreams, it's usually something you can't describe in one solid word. one solid feeling. one solid awareness of conscienseness amidst a clammering chatter of noises and visions blocking you from the entrance. at least that's a much better way of putting it than, "because taking a chance is too risky.

anyways i wish i could just upload the entire sketch book on to deviant art, but there's just alot of things that won't look right if i did. most aren't even recognizable shapes oor objects, i think i may want to paint alot of them, but i don't have that much of an attention span to do the little grid stuff and my eyeing skills suck ass... and that's where i pick up my guitar.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14031484/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14031484/ Sun, 05 Aug 2007 16:33:03 PDT
I spend most of my time by myself anymore. I don't really have many friends in atlanta. my roomate and a few co-workers, but i think i can more consider them the consequence of being a nice guy and letting people take advantage of my generosity. There's alot of thinking time when you're allways by yourself. my mind has been sifting through millions of different things i could do with myself. I've often caught myself thinking i want to maybe become a fire fighter, or build custom guitars, maybe even do something crazy like work for the mythbusters or something. i don't know. it's hard making up your mind when you're the only influence really.

building instruments sounds like a nice thing to do, traveling around learning all the different methods of creating these great devices of art. build guitars in america, construct violins in italy, learn how to make a piano in england, and then take it from there. it's a nice thought but a far fetch from some of those original dreams i may have had. I don't really know if i want to be a rock star anymore, it hurts to think of that after how much time, hard work and money that i've spent chasing such an illustrious dream.. and just suddenly gop off on a tangent, but i guess that's what alot of people do anyways. change is something we'e all looking for, but how much we want to change it is the real picture.

or something...

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14001758/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/14001758/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 13:03:55 PDT
Anyways i saw marylin manson with slayer this last saturday at the hifi buys amphitheatre in south Atlanta. Of course we all got trashed before and while we were there. The covered seat tickets really didn't mean anything to us, we still climbed through the seats into the pit area and tore it up like a paper check to the pope. Josh and I were the only two people out of a few thousand people that went crowd surfing. The asshole here are such pussies, they dropped me twice and the guards were doing a shitty job, holding onto my feet while i was trying to surf through the people, what kind of asshole does that?

At anyrate i got my ass kicked in the pit. It was actually the longest pit i'd been in. By the time Manson came on we were fucking destroyed. We had to sit down. Manson's set, although it was great, it wasn't as good as i hoped it could have been. but who knows. maybe I was just expecting alot more than i should have.

My 21st birthday is coming up on the 29th of this month. This is really the first birthday I'm actually excited for and not wishing I could just ignore it. It's always been at a bad time of year full of disappointments. I remember two years ago I played a show on my birthday and no one even knew, i think even after telling everyone. but 19 isn't really a special number or anything. Supposedly all my brothers are coming down for my birthday, where we are going to see lamb of god on that same day. it's hard to say i'm not anticipating alot. I'm just now starting to gain some footholds in this pile of shit moldy peach they call atlanta. even so i'm hoping to have nothing but a good time, i don't have too many of those anymore.

With that said, and now that my apartment is finnally clean, i think i'm going to go get a hair cut. I don't really need one too bad, however. it's just something to do i guess...

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/13962768/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/13962768/ Tue, 31 Jul 2007 21:12:04 PDT
getting lost on unknown roads isa hobby of mine. i was trying to find a music store (which i previously made a mission to find this place but was too lazy to actually go there, it sucked btw, they didn't have shit for anything.) i purposely took the wrong road and kept driving. i was somewhere in north georgia bordering south carolina somewhere when i turned around realizing that i have no fucking clue where i was at. i really just wanted to keep driving untill i started seeing snow. but that would have been tommorrow night sometime, and i kinda want to keep my job long enough to leave it. that sounds as ironic as i think i can sound. i'm just writing words by now, not really even talking about anything, just typing.

so type away. it doesn't exist.

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/13191345/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/13191345/ Sat, 02 Jun 2007 15:48:38 PDT
good evening, morning, afternoon and whatever other part of the day i may be greeting whom ever the induvidual or party may be. I haven't been up to really anything lately, and i'm proud to say it feels almost good to stop forcing myself to create and always needing to have something to do, because i look arouind at everyone speeding down the freeway like they have a baby to deliver, and i realize, there's no freedom in life when you're always looking at the clock looking for something to do. i don't know what that means but in other words i have a stock account set up for people to look at pretty picture of the nature shit around town like thing i live in...

~CoujerroStock

enjoy!

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/12738825/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/12738825/ Thu, 26 Apr 2007 05:12:21 PDT
]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/12532589/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/12532589/ Mon, 09 Apr 2007 22:53:26 PDT
I heard noises from the bathroom window. It sounded like a child with grocery bags for socks, and the insistant gnawing was as irritating as that very pittance ridden kinder. It was the biggest rat i'd seen in my life. Some kind of wry and coldtwitchbeckoned my eyes as i call in joy to my brother, for the first contestant of an air rifle target practice has landed itself on out concrete patio.

The insurection was sweet as silent, the metal pellet drilling through the rear end of the digusting tree rodent of the night, almost proppels the creature as if a it tail turned into an obscure rocket engine twisting is fat pale almost skinless body through a shallow rail post and vanishes like a ghost in the black of night.

So we shot a possum tonight, big deal really, it was eating my trash and i couldn't welcome such an event to the very porch i use as a smoking room. it easy for a man to feel invaded by such a strange creature even as enlioghtening the presense of wild life is to any person like me who comes from a very rural background.

I spent this weekend breathing cold air off a frozen lake. The air was too cold for a georgia spring, it seemed aslmost as if i took a trip back home for a vacation i didn't fell excited to be on, ever how pleasant the view was. even for a kodak moment, pretty pictures can't always please the eyes. but it was nice to get out and be isolated, with a roaming cell phone you can't help but feel like detached from this false web of communication that every one is asimilated into being covered by.

oh well. i can't always brood on forgetful moments, but the sun does feel nice on my back. ..

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/12227131/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/12227131/ Sun, 18 Mar 2007 02:00:54 PDT
-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11942664/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11942664/ Sat, 24 Feb 2007 03:15:41 PST but it was just, a satelite
i almost crashed my car,
trying... to see that star.

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11730653/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11730653/ Thu, 08 Feb 2007 03:51:19 PST
there also comes the question, is your back supposed to hurt this bad when you're only 20? maybe i'm not relaxed enough or some shit. Every thingh i do either hurts my back or hurts my head, and i fucking hate having head aches, so guess what i usualy choose instead? i kinda want to see a massage theapist or something for my back, there's nothing really wrong with it, it's just so fucking sore all the time and somehow after all the endless hours of slave labor i endure, i don't ever seem to get any stronger, physically. because it just seems like i don't honestly anything to really compare to, or any real want to compare it in the first place.

who gives a fuck really? sometimes i could honestly give a fuck less what happens to any one around me . i just stare off into the emptiness of the ceiling tiles and back to the cigarette smoke coming to kiss it. Sometimes i completely forget i'm the only white guy within 20 miles, and if you can't mantain social skills in an unfamiliar environment, then use your anti social skills. scare them in to liking you. everyone is afraid of something, but you can't figure it out all too easily. they are just scared of theirself, and i'm afraid of myself too.

When you wake up and realize the last time you can remember waking up was a few months ago. The boundries of day and night have melded into some sort of gross animosity; horned, hooved, scaled, and armed with too many things it could use to kill you. In decemberi think i counted 2 days that i saw the sun, for less than a 30 minute period, both occasions. Is a human supposed to somehow endure seeing the sun set twice with out ever seeing the head golden god in the first place?

shitty weather has allweays put me in a horrible mood. but there's something about this weather, it doesn't suck ass like you would expect, i could barely call this early fall in montana. is there really some sort of cycle your body has to go through with weather change? I don't know how much i wish that for one day i could see this city through the lens of a countless trillion flakes of snow. There's something about seeing every thing, beautiful and ugly shed in nature's most beautiful disaster. i'm sure the entire world and it's cabinet, would shut down on that day, almost begotting their responsibilities due to a lack of better cautionin any extreme cituation. rather than learning how to survive in any sort of unfavorable ambience or taking measurable steps to prevent further accidents in these conditions, people tend to panic and make hasty and unthought out decisions, thus creation a larger problem than there really was, if there was anything to even worry about. who knows.

but at least i'm sort of finding a way to get back on the stage. it's taking alot longer than i thought, but i guess my past experiences we were just lucky, or we had killer fucking timing. some how i'm always on time but i have the shittiest timing for everything. like, if i would have stopped fucking off and actually practiced the entire time i didn't have my practice studio, i could have been pretty killer at that ax right now, but i guess everyone has to learn that beinglazy doesn't do anything for you, just sinks you further and further into that pillow, until one day you lay down, and your head will dissappear into the bed, never to be seen again, outside of comfort. I've been trying pretty fucking hard though. considering i just really starter to play the guitar only a month and a half ago, if that. it seems like it's been an assload of time, but i guess that's why i love being a musician, because you can capture a point and place in your life and play the movie infront of your mind everytime you hear the counting notes to the opening riff.

I hate guitars. my hands don't ever seem to want to fit any of the ones i own. it's not that i have small hands, just bad posture and positioning. it seems like the more i grind my finger tips into a bed of metal and wood, the more they want to go faster, do more and just see.. but sometimes i kind of think too many steps ahead of my current skills. it's aspiring, but also cliche`, i just want to write good fucking songs, not a 51 minute long solo. i mean, listen to bethothan or some shit like that, some of the melodies are actually really really simple, but the way everything was put together made it a healthy peice of real estate. there's no, one greatest musician. there's definately no one greatest guitarists, not a single champion drummer, and the best bassist doesn't really exist, you want to know why? because any one could be the best, it's just which one is everyone goin... ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11577608/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11577608/ Fri, 26 Jan 2007 15:17:52 PST
it's all so easy for me to feel completely overwhelmed by the higher talents that some peopple possess, whether it's their intriquate playing styles or their impressive song writing or this killer voice that they've had since birth, what makes me so special? is it really how hard you work at it or how good you are? is it the fact that your music is good or is it just someone telling you what's good and what isn't? i don't even know why i give a fuck sometimes.

am i wasting my time? because what the fuck is the point of working so hard at something when you know that it's all bullshit to begin with? i dunno, maybe i'm, just having doubts about myself and my ability to entertain. but there's so muich out there and there's so much to compoete with that i feel almost belittled by it. I play in a practice studio with at least 40 other bands in separate rooms and just walking down the hall to my room i hear some impressive sounds, do you fight it or do you embrace it? are we trying to be better than them or just better than outselves? i just don't know sometimes. i just want to hear myself with someone else's ears sometimes. i realize i'm not that good at playing or songwriting, i'm a piss poor guitarist and a dead lowsy stage man. i barely think i got what it takes to get back up there sometimes, i guess i'm afraid of rejection or something. i just don't want to be that fuck ass rock star if i do make it. i'm still a person just like everyone in the crowd. nothing makes anyone special, not the big wads of 20's in their pockets, not the les paul around their neck or the microphone in their face, they are no better than i am, and i'm no better than they are, we all just fuckheads with an outplayed dream. making it big.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11496572/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11496572/ Fri, 19 Jan 2007 17:13:06 PST
-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11362161/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11362161/ Mon, 08 Jan 2007 12:43:14 PST
i dunno. just thought i'd say that.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11145551/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/11145551/ Fri, 22 Dec 2006 01:48:28 PST
I honestly can say that as i'm typing out this very entry about 7 million thoughts are ging through my mind trying to grip my fingers from oine key to the next to change comprehensable words into a mess of letters and symbols only the blind can read in silence. I just feel like the empty shell of a man right now, and that life it finally starting to hit me in the face and telling me to wake the fuck up.

a few years ago when i was at my brother garrison's wedding in seattle i had a very lengthy talk with one of the executive producers for E! anyways, she was a real nice lady and what stuck with me the most, was that she was the first person who told me to never give up, to never let them take it away from me. and i promised her i'd never let them take it, even if it killed me... it's been my motto ever since. and they've figured out a way to make me lose it instead...

The other night i think i hit rock bottom, and i honestly don't know what the fuck i'm doing, maybe i'm trying to keep this pathetic little depressed mood going long enough for me to bleed the inspiration out of me but i have nothing to be sad for, nothing to hate and nothing to be sorry for, the only person i've been letting down is myself and if there was any way that i could just say fuck it and start over with a better plan, i'd do it. but i can't.

The future comes so fucking fast you don't even realize it. only 6 years ago i was just sitting there wishing so badly to be 18 and live on my own just to have the taste of freedom, the liberty to do what ever you want. but now i'm 20 and i still feel as teathered to my whimbs as i was in those days. I certainly don't feel 20 if that's the question to my answer... i feel like i'm 55 going on 21.... doing the same thing every day for the last 20 years. stuck in a fucking vomit filled mud pit of the mind...

i dunno. i guess i just want to sit here for ever figuring out what it is making me feel the way i'm feeling... i want to make excuses but i'm a shitty ass liar. no one knows who the fuck i am anymore. i don't even know who the fuck i am any more.. my eyes are as empty as my thoughts and i am slowly just slipping into a crevice i don't want to have to climb out of. I'm not asking for help or anything... after all this is a journal... if every one was able to allways read everyone's journal there'd be way too many emotions floating around for me to handle... but i just would rather put it up as a public view... even though i'm probably the shyest guy any of you will ever meet...

but i guess i lost track of what exactly i was getting at... nothing really... so thanks for wasting your time reading this with me as i did writing this. happy holidays everyone.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10973397/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10973397/ Wed, 06 Dec 2006 14:49:20 PST
but what i'm saying sorry about? i don't know. i'm just sorry that i haven't really payed that much attention to anyone lately, i try and stay in contact with people but it gets hard, expessially just trying to get ahold of people at decent hours or whatever, even though i could just send messages....?

Gremany was great btw, the tool concert was even better, drank some good german beer, rode the train system for free and um... i dunno what else we really did... most of it was kind of a blur, due to tiredness and or lack of sobriety but honestly i don't really know why i'm even writing this journal entry, maybe i just want to say i actually think i found a nice girl that i could make things work with? i don't get to say that too often, hell i barely ever get to say anything of those lines, but it makes me happy i just gotta try and not fuck up and choke like i allways do. oh well. i got some words out of my head, i guess i can shut up now that no one is reading this. good night

-Greg

"it can't rain forever" ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10746072/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10746072/ Thu, 16 Nov 2006 14:36:14 PST
I'm flying out to Munich, Germany tommorrow for a few days, most notably i'll be going with my brother and our good friend eddy to see Mastadon open up for Tool, it'll be a fucking sweet show... but i'll post again and tell everyone all about it, see ya

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10557934/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10557934/ Mon, 30 Oct 2006 10:10:57 PST
how many times can i sit here and do the same thing, over and over again? you got to have some sort of purpose in life, something to drive you. it's difficult when the only thing that gets you up in the morning is the thought of going back to sleep. I don't see people any more, i just see faces and hear the names that go with them, i'm not too sure when that happened but everything just seems so fucking blurry

so i made an ass of myself last night at a show and cock blocked my brother by dropping my beer on the floor, it wasn't intentional or anything, i was just drunk, but i feel bad for doing it. i'm still a little hung over and i just don't feel like doing anything, mostly because all i can really do is clean. fuck that i get sick of doing that shot all the time just so i can turn around and do it again tommorrow.

i suppose ui'm just getting lonely, i'm around people all the time but i'm not really there, they don't know me and i don't know them so i'm stuck in this constant state of awquardness. it is wierd how i go through some days with out ever seeing anyone i know but i guess i just need to quit bitching and get used tyo it. i don't even know why the fuck i'm writing this bullshit down, no one wants to listen to it, hell i don't even want to listen to it i sound like a little whiney bitch... fuckit

whatever. see ya
-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10538521/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10538521/ Sat, 28 Oct 2006 14:15:20 PDT
and it tastes so good

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10386915/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10386915/ Sat, 14 Oct 2006 04:10:14 PDT
why is it that there is so much drama happening to everyone around me? can't ya'll just chill out and shit? maybe it's just making me feel emotionless... but whatever... stuff... i'm bored... and trashed.... jhfg


fdtjkygc


-Gerogry

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10119011/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/10119011/ Tue, 19 Sep 2006 05:58:06 PDT
Mood: drunk and awake
Listening to: pig face - we like to fuck

so none of you knew i was gone even, but i'm back. my bro and i got out internet computer (which was actually someone else's) taken away, so we had to go out and buy annother compy, but yeah.

i was wearing my deviantart shirt the other day when i went to junkman's daughter in little five points down here in atlanta (for those of you who have never been little five points is the greatest fucking place in the world, haha. i got these sweet far eastern instruments there as well as some monkey skulls) anywho these hot goth chick wearing kitty ears said "boo deviantart" and that's all she ever said to me. i think i should have worked it. but i'm one of those guys that thinks, "wait a minute i allready have a girl, so just embarass her and walk away.... and i did. but still... i mean, boo deviantart? what's so bad about it, she's probably just pissed that she doesn't have a membership account, or maybe it's the fact that deviantart is eating up the internet art world? kinda like how myspace is eating up the internet chatting/messageboard world. i dunno. anywho, if you're name is tambra and you're reading this i hope you know i love you, and if your name is you, to me i hope you have a great day.

as for this... i have a long ass fucking dayahead of me so i think i need to finish my sleeping cycle... see ya
-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9972324/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9972324/ Tue, 05 Sep 2006 02:23:31 PDT
Mood: drunk and awake
Watching: resevoir dogs

i don't know what the fuck i've been thinking lately. my life or the past few months has been a giant card came, and i keep getting fucked in the ass in terms of my next move. i might as well just strap myself full of chains and jump off a bridge and try my luck, and if i can swim out of it i guess i would be worthy of living. fuck if i know. i'm not l i'm just looking ahead. the path to destruction is a short one but you never know when you step on to it and by the time you realize it you're too far ahead to turn back.

i hate seeing so many of my friends and family just deteriorate in front of me, where i can't really do anything to prevent it. it just happens i guess, some people chose poorly in their options. i dunno. you can just be a shut out and not do anything though, that's definately not an option, that's the fastest way to destruction.

all i know is i mut be the micest guy in the fucking world. there's been so many times i just let people take advantage of me and i don' even give a fuck, i've helped so many people out for no reason at all, just to help them out and because i trusted them, with almost no reward, even though at the same time some have don the same for me but not as just a dire cituation. i'm almost failing to realize why i even give a fuck. nothing makes sense anymore, expessially myself. i don't know what the fuck i've been thinking. i guess that's adulhood or some bullshit like that. you go though lonlieness, drama excitment fun love hate bullshit boredom and whatever else on a daily cycle and it all just seems like a drive to the waffle house on your day off.

maybe i'm just tired of being ignored and underappriciated. i might think differently, because no one knows how many people look at them, no one knows who gives a fuck about them, who mighh be thinking of them, or even who might appriciate what they may have done weeks ago. i honestly have no idea how many people appriciate what i do for them, what i do to entertain them, to help them out, to comfort them, etc. whatever, and i definately have no idea how many people even know my name as one that migt pop in their head randomly triggered by some daily vocabulary word. who knows, the same goes for anyone, no one really knows, and to really truely know would make you a god. or a liar. but that's not what i'm getting at. what i'm getting at is the fact that obviously only a few people display that. maybe that's a simple less friendlier, non sexual version of love.

so i think i'm going to end this journal off by lighting up a cigarette. i gotta go in to work early for one of the other barbacks tommorow. his last day is in a week, he just put in his two week, i know for a fact that he is never going to pay me back by working over for me for being late or something, usually the only reason i'm late isbecause i rely on someone else who makes me late, pretty much same story for every job i've had. or schootechnically i could have been a dick and said go fuckyorself, but i'm too nice and i said alright, at least if he throws me 20 bucks i'll call it even, obviously he don't give a fuck about money because he's throwing away a good paying job. so i dunno. that might sum up my entry for tonight. i doubt any one has even read this far due to the large amount of typographical errors caused by some sort of irremovable keyloger, spywre program or trojan virus, but oh well. i got my point across, what ever. maybe you'll understand, maybe you won't. good night

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9914361/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9914361/ Thu, 31 Aug 2006 02:27:25 PDT
Mood: tired and sober
Listening to: modest mouse



so i just turned 20 yesterday. it was a pretty sweet day. i had to work on monday night which sucked ass, the owners were at the club, it was slow as hell and i didn't make shit for money... boo. but yesterday i got to go to the zoo for the first time in my life, we got there kind of late so alot of the exibits were closed, but we still got to see the reptile room, and the monkeys and elephants and these olympic style swimming otters... it was sweet. then after words my brother, courtney and i went and ate some mongolian grill downtown and afterwards i went and got my right arm tattoo'ed up. yes the mystery of the arm circles is being filled in anywho afterwards i went and bought some cds, modest mouse, portugal the man, um... radiohead... that's actually a small selection compared to the amount of cd's i usually get when i go out...

we tapped off the night with excessive beer drinking and i can't really remember much of what went on. a big blur, there was tacos and southpark season 8 somewhere in the mix... dunno where though. too bad josh and/or tambra couldn't have been there, that would have made it much better. i guess. anyways i'll have pix of my tats up soon i guess. and please enjoy the new images i've uploaded. i'm gunna go drink a beer and go to sleep. laterz all and everyone

-Greg

i just bought the rc20 loopstation from boss, oh god. that thing is fucking majical! ]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9873151/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9873151/ Sun, 27 Aug 2006 12:49:36 PDT
i just thought i'd say, yes i am still doing art, i have three sketch books filled with drawings, tattoo designs and all around general psychodelia and disturbing images... but i don't have an input device. so ... um... yeah i'll have some up sometime...

-Greg

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9789697/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9789697/ Sun, 20 Aug 2006 05:48:40 PDT
so yeah. i think i need to get back in to the music. yes. the time for making has arrived. so basicly after i go to guitar center tommorrow no one is going to see me for a while. haha. bye ya'll

]]> *coujerro http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9709510/ http://coujerro.deviantart.com/journal/9709510/ Sun, 13 Aug 2006 04:51:24 PDT
it's been so long. but i guess i can't be complaining. all i know is that i can do this and i can do my best. thank you every one.

-Greg

]]> *coujerro