http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:crimsondemise&section=today deviantART RSS for by:crimsondemise en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:50:03 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/21270155/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/21270155/ Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:06:50 PDT
i believe i will begin selling them for $1-$1.50.
unfortunately, they will only be sold to people i can get to in person.
i shall post pictures of them soon.

my first practice batch seems to have worked out really well.
the next ones (or ones people want) will come with a keyring for easy placement on whatever the owner wishes.

so far, i've made a ghost, a piece of toast, a sunny side up egg, an orange, a circle with a paw print, an circle with a heart, a pancake, a drop of blood, a flame, and.. im sure something else... but i cant remember. ahaha.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/21069763/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/21069763/ Sun, 19 Oct 2008 19:26:13 PDT paper on dumpster diving going really well.
first draft is due tomorrow. yay me.

in other news, i am seriously bored. seriously. its always the same. new people everywhere. i think itll be different but no, it repeats. events always repeat. is that what we're doomed to do? and to be? just a big loop of the same things no matter who we are? I don't want to be apart of that. It's absolutely disgusting to me.

I thought things would be a little different at least, what with me being in a new situation, and new location. supposedly a new chapter in my life. it's just looping. it makes me think hey crimsy is falling back into one of those depression ruts. i don't think it's just messed up neurotransmitters anymore. I think it's my surroundings and how i can't take the same thing over and over. the different meds change things a little bit. but then situations end up the same and i go relapsing. what the helll.

so i think my friends may see scarce of me this next week. i need some alone time from.. people. nothing personal i suppose. just.. people in general. i've had enough.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/20823654/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/20823654/ Sat, 04 Oct 2008 10:56:27 PDT i should fit my vamp fangs onto my teeth and prepare to bite--i mean.. show them off. yes. hahaha. i bought a decorative skull thing at walgreens the other day. it's pretty close to actual size. i've named him Yorick. Shakespeare fans should be laughing. bwaha, yes im a dork. what's more is that I'm a nerdy dork. brilliant i know.

-dance dance-
im kind of hyper right now. i'm going to attribute it to lack of sleep last night.

also, DAMN the insurance company. they need all this proof that i'm a registered full time student here at the uni, and the deadline is the end of this month. it's not one piece of evidence. it's like three. really? now i gotta figure that out and hope that the USPS doesn't fuck me over timeline wise. rawr.

the QSU meeting on thursday was pretty cool. it was a community mixer, which meant that it wasn't just the campus group people-it actually included people from a bunch of organizations like the Human Rights Campaign, Reno Out mag, La Bussola art place thing here, and ... a lot of others which i cant rememeber now. Oh, there was also the people from the local high school's GSA. it was nice. although i was reminded of how shoddy my mingling skills are. haha.

bleargghh. my philosophy of arts exam yesterday went kind of iffy. i hope my essay made sense, cause it was slightly more disorganized than how i would have liked it to end up. in any case, eeeeeee. yep yep.

til next time :]

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/20751735/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/20751735/ Mon, 29 Sep 2008 23:00:42 PDT yeah.

Deutschkursssss. german class is fun. i can still hardly believe that there was no russian course offered this semester, but i'm dealing pretty well. i must say, it will be really cool to be able to speak 4 languages. .. if i retain my spanish that is. my last class for spanish was.. 2-3 years ago. que lastima. anyways. .. i dunno how to put accented letters in here without copy + pasting. damn. i WILL add russian. making that 5 languages. muahaha.

my roommate is over there -points- doing her paper. its all quiet in here. .. well, i have my ipod on and my headphones in, so im not sure about the sound levels in the room specifically, but its relaxed. i had a mild panic attack this morning after philosophy class, and just about an hour or so ago i had to suddenly ditch my friends and run back to my room (running was prolly a bad idea) to get my inhaler cause i was starting to have shoddy breathing ability.

in other newsssss. STOCK MARKET. ahah.. down 777? well. hope daddy didnt lose everything.

lalala.
OH. i dumpstered a peach the other day.
I wasn't feeling well. or myself. so i decided to take a 'walk'. its all dark outside, so two of my friends decide it would also be fun to join me. im wandering around, taking random paths, climbing school buildings.. and looking in trashcans/dumpsters. i start to become skeptical that i'd find anything that night. there was another guy wandering around the trashcans, and the custodians had cleared a lot of them. when i came upon this random can, and i poke at stuff. THERE WAS A PEACH! a perfectly good, ripe peach just chillin. so that was sort of my dinner. i rinsed it off with some random sprinkler water and tore it in half, ate it. didnt eat the skin though. haha. got one friend to eat some. she was enjoying it. but my other friend was like. EEEE. and yeah. that totally cheered me up. hopefully they'll think twice about the 'trash' around them. Usually i don't tell my friends that i dive or take random food/steal random food, but im like what the hell. they can deal with it. wooot.

mhmm. so .. i think i might go lay down now because im not feeling too good upstairs. dunno if anything was triggery but im a little off. again.

-wave-

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/20692816/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/20692816/ Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:48:33 PDT again.

i really need to get on here regularly.

things to get out of the way:
i'm here, i'm queer, and.. i'm at university of reno?
something like that. so yeah, i'm a month or so into my first college semester or fun. Majoring in, you guessed it. Psychology. so really, why do i have to take calculus. again? AHGKAHKA. yeah. not my favorite class. i am enjoying abnormal psych 441. it makes me absolutely giddy. im also quite fond of my english class. i am writing my big paper thing on dumpster diving/freeganism, and the whole corporate system, and hyperconsumerism. .. im not sure if that last one is a word. maybe its overconsumption. .. whatever. im writing on it, and im happy about it.

im a part of the queer student union here at UNR. some awesome people are in it, and im looking forward to getting more involved.

there's also a new club apparently, Reno Revolutionaries. for really really left wing people. and i think i should fit right in. we just need more ppl to get it to start up.

my dorm room is small, but comfy. the beds are hella high. and i have a community bathroom. oh the joys of college life.

aside from that, im still totally on medication, and i found out a few weeks ago that my meds are also used to treat ocd in some people. that would explain why i get more nervous about my ocd when i stop taking it. which i do often. yeah, i dunno.

yep yep. its wonderful weather here, away from las vegas. cant wait for the snow to begin and the visible breaths to blow.

perhaps ill minor in sociology. or some art form. or even english.

ponder ponder ponder.

life is boring me. and i need to find more things to do.
everyone is so materialistic. ive been bred to be materialistic. to commemorate my life and experiences on flimsy papers with color-what people call photos. why? im here, im out to experience life like it is meant to be. and ill be the one to document it inside. because in the end, im all i have, and im all that really matters.

good night, friends.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/19085703/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/19085703/ Sat, 28 Jun 2008 00:46:12 PDT some things since last.

-totally failed calc.
-still graduated, honors and all.
-moving to reno for college.
-got a bass guitar.
-attended 2 more tegan and sara shows.
-turned 18
-finally got my license.
-will be seeing a psychiatrist and my therapist.
-cat ran away. or got taken away. or .. iunno.



yeaaaaah.

so. the damn mood thing for this journal wont pop up, so i guess im stuck at distracted. ha.



]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/17429168/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/17429168/ Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:04:31 PDT
yeah, i have money now. cause i have a job. at pizza hut. mm mm.

also, life got a lot suckier, things went spiraling down, hit some things as well, and i finally went to the doc. so i got me some antidepressy meds. and a psych/therapist person. i dont actually know what she is.. first session is on wednesday. oh boy.

new new new.

i have a 60.25% in calculus. so that didnt get better.
i told you things slipped.

just got back a few days ago from orlando, florida. not too shabby for a band trip. there was some drama, and i did spend some alone time at the theme parks but all in all, i cant much complain.

so in 45 min, i leave for work again.

just thought id update, and share on here. perhaps ill start putting up more deviations. ive been doing a lot more musicy stuffs, and concentrated more on youtube for a while. lets see what happens.

to all those who 'd things from me, thank you. i cant possibly go through and thank each of you.. there are too many.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/15305287/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/15305287/ Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:40:33 PDT back again.
Monday night, Tegan and Sara at the LA Orpheum. it was magickal. i seriously cant believe i got to go. all the way to LA, to see them. it was fun and dandy and i was like.. . brain joy overloading the whole time. my one regret is that i didnt stay after the show to meet them. oh well. theres always next time.

i have pictures n vids on my camera and my phone. new merch. oh joy. i cant even put into words how happy i am for being able to go.
-gushes happy feelings-

ehem.

friday. i get to go to arizona for Bands of America. i hope we make finals. and place higher than last years finals. thatd make my senior year of band that much cooler.

also, i seem to be asthmatic. or at least.. i have some lung issues. because nearly keeling over after one lap around the track. .. well .. it never happened before and i was wheezing for a good hour after that.. i need a doc appointment...
-----------------

less joyful matters:

this wont leave me.

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return."

i seem to be reeling in the mental state category. people are dumb.. yet .. why do i care for those certain few who can make me beyond miserable? .. whatever. im just fed up with myself for liking people i guess. yeah. thats it.... . .

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/14370090/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/14370090/ Mon, 27 Aug 2007 18:48:46 PDT
first day of mah senior year today.
i'm overall pretty happy with what i've got myself into so far.
only complaint is that i REALLY would have liked to be in calc ap and u.s. gov't ap, but the damned schedule conflict.. would have me dropping band to do that. which i will absolut NOT do. (haha. absolut. get it? mm.) yes im that dorky. anyways. so.. i think ill talk to my gov teacher and ..she says she'll give me "supplementary material" so i can still take the ap exam without having taken the ap class. so yay for that. calc.. eh. imma hold off on the ap for that one, lol.

lalala. i dont have any classes with one of my best buddies. so that kind of sucks. but first day stuff. not bad. i took a nap earlier. no real homework. which is.. miraculous. ahah.

tomorrow. get to school at 5.40. move band equipment to the field. JOY. only not. and then 5-8 rehearsal after school

good thing i have an open sixth hour hey? suuure.

well. i shall update art..when..im.. not dead. ha

<3 crims.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/14023312/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/14023312/ Sun, 05 Aug 2007 02:17:23 PDT
band camp. next week. percussion camp = first part of day.
section leader camp = latter half of day.

looks like my days are set.

next thing.

YAY TEGAN AND SARA DVD.

soooo happy.

im going to see them in LA at the Orpheum theatre in October. long wait, but its totally going to be worth it. cannot wait. but i need a buddy. because as of now, im going alone and all that good stuff. oh well.

next thing.

i have my own room now.

my desktop pc does not turn on. -weep-

i miss sacramento. and my stay there. i came back. and now i remember how much i hate it here........

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13640935/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13640935/ Fri, 06 Jul 2007 23:44:53 PDT
i got to sleep at about 5.30am, got up at 7.00am and was at school by 7.50 for a section leader/drum major band room cleanup. joy. lots of moving heavy things, lots of trash and cleaning closets and floors. also, a few trips to the dumpster in the back of the school, with lots of heavy things, in the 115 degree heat. eek. after that at around 12 ish, my co-leader and i went for lunch.. then to his house. played some ps2, watched dukes of hazzard, and then family guy. went to dinner, went to see 1408. pretty nice for a pg-13 movie. came home.

our power/electricity bill is nuts. for may, it was in the $50 range. WE WERENT AT HOME IN JUNE, the bill was $110 ish. WTF? .. now we're back. july is looking bad.

got a call from my cousin. grandma was in the hospital. apparently passed out while walking outside. they've hit around 100 or so in reno. paramedics and all. she hit her head.. she's okay now.. we think. hmm...

eeek. i missed my senior pictures appointment while i was away. gotta reschedule that. got my class list for next year. open sixth hour woot. hmm. sat scores came back. 650 reading, 660 math, 580 writing. slight grr.... crazy amounts of money needed for UCLA, and Berkeley. looks like i'll have to fall back on UNR...

very f-ing tired, but still slightly on hong kong schedule, which means i wont get to bed til way later. gotta go to my dads house tomorrow... no sleeping in. good news.. ish.. TEGAN AND SARA. july 24th. ever so close. -squee- cant..wait..for...dvd. -twitch-

ehem. more later.

crimsy.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13469356/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13469356/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 08:31:16 PDT
i'm in japan.

just got back to hong kong from three days in mainland china. jun'on? i dont even know. then, next morning, after a net of 2 hrs of sleep, i get on a plane for 3hrs45mins to get to tokyo. jesus. im tired. mi mum n i have been arguing constantly. i dont know why. my sister, because we never see each other every second for more than half a day at most, has been getting on my nerves and i on hers. eek. right?

ha. mosquitoes. last we checked, i had no bites. well. they've ganged up on me. well, actually one or two did but still. i think it's something to do with the soap we're using cuz once i used it, i got bitten. and really, of the parts of me that are visible and accessible, which consist of my face and my hands, that one damned bug had to bite me three times on my left hand. WTF. i watched it too but i missed at swatting it several times. grr. see now i've just wasted a whole paragraph ranting about a bug. -sulk-

my laptop is dying slowing. half battery. my plug doesnt fit into the outlets of the hotel because it's got three prongs, while the walls only have two holes. they arent even japanese outlets are they? i dont know. i have a converter attachment thinger to make my plug fit into that weird three holed triangle looking... thing. GRR.

oh, and i can hardly change the money amts in my head from USA dollars to HK, let alone HK to whatever is used here. yen?.. i think.. guhhhh. shoooot me.

will update later. attempting to make batteries last.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13366287/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13366287/ Sat, 16 Jun 2007 08:27:47 PDT
yay. i made a video that shows the house im in.

[link]

maybe i'll put a new song or something up when i get back to a place that has a working guitar... i broke a string on the one here today, and havent replaced it yet. (it is also a nylon clear string thing... and .. its not the right type, so im gunna have to just.. make do with it. haha. the strings are so mismatched.)

Tomorrow i will be going to my aunt renita's place... i totally forgot my uncles english name... uh. anyways.. i should have internet there too.

and then in a week or so, we're off to japan. for 6ish days. jeez.

hahaha. mosquitoes. ewy. my sister, literally has about 15 bites altogether on her arms, legs, and face. number of bites on me: 0. i win. my mother has some as well, and the bites have gotten red n puffy. i feel... untouchable. it's funny.

today: i got really sick of my sister. tension was in the air. you know, normally i don't see her for most of my waking day, due to school and stuff. spending the last freaking week, seeing her 24 hrs a day, really started getting to both of us. haha. badness. anyhoo. maybe i'll make some more random tour-y vids. for now, i'm off to play games. again.

<3 crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13323918/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13323918/ Wed, 13 Jun 2007 00:47:47 PDT Bush loses his watch.
oh no he di'int . -shock face-
in other news....

im in hong kong. its sticky and humid and rainy. quite interesting. the 13.5 hr plane ride wasn't tooo bad, the seat were kind of uncomfortable. this flight was also the first on which i've had instant cup noodle served to me. haha.

i haven't had internet in a few days. i finally got out of the hotel to a relative's house, and attempted to connect with my laptop, but somethings awry and it won't connect. so i'm leeching off a cousin's computer.

big excitement for tegan and sara's new dvd. but bummed that it is released in july. poo to that. i was so giddy this morning, after three ish days with no net, i log in and theres a snippet from their new dvd online just waiting for me to press play. overjoyed. haha.

hopefully i'll get the internet to work, so i can upload a new dev ID. because it's been sitting on my computer for too long. haha.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13104463/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13104463/ Sat, 26 May 2007 18:29:14 PDT
so the car should be repaired and all that, after about 4000 dollars. -.-
not totaled.

bought a franz ferdinand album today. liking it.

that's about it.

i think i'll update my ID sometime this weekend. yay three day weekend...

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13025344/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/13025344/ Sun, 20 May 2007 12:09:21 PDT
this all happened at around 6.50 in the morning. nobody decided to tell me until about 2.00 in the afternoon. so that wasnt too nice.

the car might be totaled. we dunno.

that sucked.

eh. well at least me mums in one piece, a little bruised here and there. but fine nonetheless.

maybe ill submit a pic or two of the car into scraps. or maybe i wont.

good news: ap testing is totally over. .. and thats about it.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12783271/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12783271/ Sun, 29 Apr 2007 20:34:06 PDT
[link] plug. hah.

i've been busy.. kind of. with school, my mind, and just life in general. the computer's been acting like an ass as well so i've not done much in the art category. i've focused a little more on music. but no worries. once i re-stablize this damned computer i hope i will have photoshop cs up and working. -yay-

AP exams coming soon. and i signed up on the last day for those lovely SATs. haha.. about time, hey? now i wonder when the ACT deadline is... hmm.

o and my aunt bought me the lily allen cd last week. i'm playing it over and over. it's absolutely wonderful.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12638656/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12638656/ Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:50:29 PDT
little flyer cards all ready.

[link]

let's see what happens.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12435040/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12435040/ Mon, 02 Apr 2007 18:16:51 PDT
okay, so i found out earlier that the Tegan and Sara DC shoe that has been coming out for years now, is finally out. and available on the DC site.

[link]

arent they pretty.

this totally refreshed my excitement for their new album, the Con, coming out july 24th. crazy crazy.

now i am going to ponder ways to beg for the shoes. them being a whopping 75 dollars. -.-

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12343859/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12343859/ Mon, 26 Mar 2007 23:19:41 PDT
--> [link]

id love to have any of you there as friends too.


I've no school tomorrow, cuz it's proficiency testing day and I'm proficient. yay me.... but I still need to go back around 9 for an AP mock exam. joyousness.......ness...ness.

i wanna make my own t-shirt dammit. with nifty stencils and paints and all that glory but me mum says no. poo. must convince her that the price is better than making an actual tshirt purchase in the long run. right? right?

good movie: the incredibly true adventure of two girls in love. good stuff. and a dykey version of laurel holloman. joy.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12290647/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12290647/ Thu, 22 Mar 2007 22:37:09 PDT And I'm ready to take the fall
Cause we pay for the stupid things we've done

Can you sit through this or is it going to be too deep
Will you ever use common sense it comes pretty cheap
So if I speak more clearly if I make more sense
Will you just shut your mouth you won't come across quite so dense"

^ Clever Meals - Tegan and Sara

I'm feeling.. very..guilty. and.. scared. overall. Don't know why. This week has also been pretty bad. No sleep. School suffering.. People are so cruel. really. I don't really know what to do anymore... im just not sure of what... is what anymore.

then i thought too hard.. about memories and stuff. its pretty much the only thing we humans have that isnt tangible or removable, seen..touched or taken. our thoughts and memories are .. nothing. they arent even in the brain.. part of it.. its just.. inbetween the spaces. so .. why .. who are we to put so much value in our memories and thoughts?

doesnt that just mean.. we make everything out of nothing? all that we have, all that we are, is.. nothing? .. goes back to brittys little chemical thing. all emotions are virtually chemicals. so.. whats all this stuff about them?..

i dunno. im getting more depressed this week. ive been way more irritable. i cant tell if its from the lack of sleep or from the depression. but im drowning myself in books and such .....

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12226541/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12226541/ Sun, 18 Mar 2007 00:06:49 PDT
gotta love slasher films.

drove on the freeway for the 1st time today. while my father was yelling. i really think he makes too big a deal of everything that i should NOT be paying attention to. like cars passing me. I wasnt even thinking about them and my father is screamin at me the whole time "dont panic, let them pass. let them pass! its okay. dont worry! let them pass. youre fine!." me: wtf?

anyways..so i'm highly excited right now. prancing about, bouncing off walls. i think i might go shower now....... and then watch high tension again. i gets to watch the deathnote movie tomorrow!. yay!. (even if it is in japanese with no subtitles).

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12190150/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12190150/ Thu, 15 Mar 2007 06:25:06 PDT
theres supposedly going to be an evacuation drill today. looking forward to wasting an hour.

gotta leave fer school now..

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12124844/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12124844/ Fri, 09 Mar 2007 23:06:02 PST
how was i supposed to know that other people didn't hear voices in their heads, didn't see thing, didnt fear things....that i did? i hate this. that, when i tell my mother about these things, she looks at me and treats the matter as if it's some special mystical power. dont' get me wrong, im not saying there arent people with gifts and talents to communicate with those that have died... my mother is heavy into that stuff and she believes every word that comes out of people like sylvia brown and john edwards's mouths. (i think those are their names).. i dont mind, she can have her own beliefs.. but.. really. how much longer until she realizes that my issues are not cool, not hip, not..whatever it is in her embellished mind? its not a benefit. its completely a burden.. and its dragging me into a ditch.

i have my mood set to shame because thats exactly what im feeling now. i feel unworthy again.. of what?.. i dont even think im worthy of that being asked of me. im sure itll pass. but.. this just sucks.

im scared that my motivation is so low right now. normally i would never let my schoolwork slip..its been lasered onto my brain that school and work and responsibilities come first.. but.. now that im letting myself slip, its frightening to me. where have i gone? i feel like nothing is right, ever, nothing lines up anymore, life is just a shell again.

sure i can pretend, be happy for friends, be happy in front of my sister, but its killing me that i feel the way i do inside, with each of the voices telling me something else is wrong. they just..arent nice. and my mother, well tonite she pressed that matter a bit. and now everything is loud and theyre yelling at me, the people inside.. yelling.

there're a few new red lines on my thigh. im not proud that i couldnt fight that off.. but i am proud that i am still here to be able to say all this. i mean, its progress right? im still here, not too badly mangled up. how many years has it been?........ i just really hope that these arent my last few years.. therere just .. some things i need to stick around to do....... some people..a person.. that i need to stick around to see... to meet. just cause. perhaps that will be my motivation tonight. . . lets hope. i bet shes in a living room right now, watching a movie with some people. i hope shes well. and i hope she stays well. im ranting. dont read this. too late. already spewed.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12057969/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12057969/ Sun, 04 Mar 2007 17:57:35 PST
im totally failing at life right now, im just going to set a goal to keep alive, because i honestly dont think i can deal with this. better get the bandages eh?. whatever. i dont even know if thats appealing to me anymore right now. and to all of you who dont know what the fook im talking about, good on you. i wanna curl up with something more numbing than my thoughts and this sharp object, and just sit. and think.. about why. thatll probably make it worse but its something to do right? yeah. no. wahtever. i dont know. this is one huge rant.. im so angry right now, half the things i wanna say arent coming out, and i cant be sure theyrea even coherent at all if they do manage to get into this pathetic little journal.

my walls are gone and im desparately trying to fix them up , to save me from. waht i dont even know. i really dont want to drop like i did last time....... i dont. there may not be anyone around to save me this time. and im fine with that and it scares me .... every single piece of me. which doesnt happen often.

i hate this.. i hate all of it. does that mean im in hate with it? theres love. and then IN love. so if i hate this enough i must be IN hate eh?. sure. i wish my sister would leave the room. but then again what id be doing if she werent hear scares me. so i dont know anymore.. am i making sense? no. prolly not. oh well. i just need to vent . perhaps it will help. ive heard it helps. or something. people suck. the world sucks, why cant it just completely fucking disappear or self destruct or something? even come to a compromise with itself? ... ugh. FUCK.

i cant think. i want, but i dont, im here but im not. who else is? what are we? just.. what? why? FUCK all these things inmy head. all of them too. each and everyone, why does one want to save me but another wants to kill me? make me miserable? i dont know. i cant even get along with them.. them being myself. why am i telling the world this? because i can and because nothing can happen. nothing will happen and thats just it. nothing. why? nothing. what? nothing. so fucked up. just. ahgakhdakfh.

if any of you actually read this whole thing, let me know, you'll get a cookie for outstanding patience.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12029712/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/12029712/ Fri, 02 Mar 2007 16:59:35 PST
Our anatomy/physiology class had a few field trips these past few weeks.. Last week we went to the BODIES Exhibit here... It was fooking awesome. (for those of you who don't know, it's a bunch of human cadavers that have been preserved through a polymer preservation process--it basically replaces all water in the body with a rubbery-substance).. There were a bunch of fun facts and different rooms for the different body systems.. There was also a fetal display, with embryos and fetuses and... such. that was interesting. My favourite had to be the Circulatory system room. It was filled with displays of just arteries and veins..no flesh + skin + bone.. random leg-shaped vessel masses in a glass case..the best was the full body display..it was a human shaped mass of veins/arteries... freakishly awesome. you can check out a flash website here--> [link] . Go now.

-breathes- okay. our band had a pre-fesitval concert with three of the middle schools here that feed into our high school on tuesday. chaos. many small kiddies running about all flustered-looking. a few of us percussionists stuffed ourselves in the back room and played cards..

I am dead tired. Early bird is not fun. Missing class for field trips is not fun when you come back. :/ on the brighter side, i now have either a high B or low A in precalc. joy.

garrrr. so my computer finally died on me. And it really died this time. So it has been reformatted. I lost all my lovely movies and music and shit... that's partially why i havent been on dA so much. I need to get photoshop back. -.-

if i remember any more stuffs to say, ill prolly update. til then.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11836063/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11836063/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 21:58:28 PST
alalalal.... elective choice day was today. ive chosen AP Bio II, Crime and Justice, and Band again. i think i get AP US Gov, and some random AP English class. I am seriously debating whether i should take a full 6 classes, it being my senior year and such... That last class would also be AP Calculus..... which. i dread as my stomach knots with the thought. im either going to guilt myself into taking it, or not take it and kick myself later.. jeez... -headache-

hm. yes. i think i will now go listen to the latest installment of the Planetcast by KC and Elka. --> the Planetcast, a podcast for L Word fans!.. yes that was my attempted advertisement. go now.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11805652/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11805652/ Tue, 13 Feb 2007 21:31:44 PST
That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."

-Stephen King, .

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11789294/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11789294/ Mon, 12 Feb 2007 17:40:21 PST

holy shizz. --"Monkeys have become so addicted [to cocaine] that they will press a lever more than 12000 times to gain each injection."--
poor monkeys. this is the weird stuff i get from reading my psych textbook. hmm.

oh yeah, and before i forget, homophobia is gay dammit, gay!!. lol. people suck.

well i had better get to cleaning and packing.

-crimsy.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11767015/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11767015/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 23:56:38 PST
today. i played sims 2 university/nightlife for about 5 or 6 hours; vampire the masquerade bloodlines for about 1 hour; and then just wasted time. All at my father's house. Why I still go there I do not know. And then my mind tells me I'm going to have to drive my sister and I to his house every weekend once I get my license. Great.

On the upside, I went to the movies with my friend Dana yesterday. We went and saw the Messengers... which was as full of scary as a PG-13 movie can be... so. that was okay. At least I had the hot lead character girl to make the movie semi-interesting, right? lol.

There were old people there. Not that it's not right, but.. it seemed out of place. A few small frail, blue-haired old people. Near the front of the theatre. Hmm.

It's 23.54 now, so I'm going to shower and then do my homework, and then read. and then. attempt to get some shut eye. Oh yeah, the psych teacher assigned a sleep journal to us. We're supposed to be aiming for a total of 9 hours a night.. The end result next week should be about 54 hours. Guess I blew that, huh?

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11690505/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11690505/ Sun, 04 Feb 2007 21:45:51 PST
and .. if i find my SD card reader, i might have more dissection pics up. dont really know who will be looking forward to that...lol

we may also be moving soon. maybe march? i dont know. its just a ways down the main street. but i'll have to do the majority of the moving by myself with my truck that i can hopefully drive without my father in it. ill be doing that while my mother n sister are on the other side of the world. again. at least ill have alone time.

well. homeworks done.

sleep time.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11653591/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11653591/ Thu, 01 Feb 2007 21:59:29 PST
[link]

[link]

things are... okay....ish.

i guess. at least im getting more than 2 hrs of sleep right? hah.

this girl i know, who's more or less one of the most important people to me.. well, she told me the other day that she's quitting her job, getting rid of her lil apartment, and going back to school to make something of her life. it made me happy to know.... because.. i spend a lot of time worrying about her. heh.... . yeah.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11535909/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11535909/ Mon, 22 Jan 2007 21:52:35 PST i'm scared to go to sleep
And when i do, i wake up feeling scared

My girlfriend cuddles me and holds me
when i cry I tell her that i'm scared,
ask if she thinks i'll die
She tells me i'm OK,
I don't believe her
but it makes me feel better anyway

Can't get myself to eat,
trick myself and watch TV Even
when it works, I end up puking scared

My girlfriend cuddles me and holds me
when i cry I tell her that i'm scared,
she says that i won't die
She tells me i'm OK
but i don't believe her,
but it makes me feel better anyways.


that brought up some not so fun feelings from my past.. i was walking home and suddenly realized that i was trudging along at a snails pace when hearing it. also made me realize that i really shouldnt be missing the something/someone i miss so badly for some reason..i thought i was out of that horrid rut of sadness, but its here to stay i guess.

results of precalc semester 1 final: 50.0%... at least my C stayed the same. -.-

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11523582/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11523582/ Sun, 21 Jan 2007 21:24:59 PST
school tomorrow again. my dad asked about my finals grades. couldnt reply to him. but i did get another argument-free hour of driving into today. at least that was good.

at least that was good right? cuz i totally went on a rampage on myself just a bit ago. that.. was the not so good part.

side note: my converse feel like they got bigger because they dont seem to fit right on my feet. at least i dont think so. weird huh? haha.

lighter note: finished watching mulholland drive .. that.. has got to be one of the better movies ive seen. it was spifftacular.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11500154/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11500154/ Fri, 19 Jan 2007 22:52:07 PST
I checked.. I got a 93 in my anatomy/physiology class.
I've made wind symphony--the top band class--think i'm third chair..
I'm confident in Psychology--high 90's.
I'm not worried about US History.
Lang + Comp seems fine-- 8/9 on my first essay.

So why is it that all I can think about is my precalc grade? Because it's not normal for me to get a C... if ive a C, then what did I get on that final? the one that i didnt even really have enough time to finish?! Everyone says its not a big deal, that I'm doing fine..

Maybe it's just my mental state right now thats making it worse, but this constant headache makes me want to go thru a wall. and im getting all.. depressed again. the kind where i lie down and just.. dont get up. I dont get online or go out or talk on the phone. i can see im totally pushing my gf away.. gah... -.-

........thanks for reading the rant, i guess..

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11450810/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11450810/ Mon, 15 Jan 2007 17:16:13 PST
Finals are this Wed Thurs and Fri, and I THINK IM GUNNA FAIL PRECALC. Right. YEs. -panic-

It's also, freaking cold. And it's strange. I wish it'd snow, and actually stick for once.

Argh. And I have been sucked into the vortex that is Skype. So if you ever feel like skyping me or whatnot, im crimsondemise. lol.

back to studying and paper-writing.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11292881/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11292881/ Tue, 02 Jan 2007 18:57:16 PST
on the upside.. well. not really up.. but.. on a .. neutral side, im not feeling sick anymore at nite, and i can actually.. get more than an hour of sleep at a time. -dance-

also, games are fun. games waste time. homework is not fun. playing games instead of doing hmwk is fun--for a while. lol

<3 crimsy.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11199987/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/11199987/ Tue, 26 Dec 2006 11:43:39 PST
what i did: sat at home bored, on the computer, trying to play my sims 2 university without the start disc. (it worked eventually thanks to daemon tools)

joy.

i am newly obsessed with lumines II though. addictive little bugger.

side note: INSOMNI-FREAKING-A. i cannot sleep.... i constantly feel sick to my stomach and my concentration is shit. i cant even read... its insane. so its fair to say i dont get sleep. but i do manage to get some around 5 or 6am. soo... yah. tiredness.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10927700/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10927700/ Sat, 02 Dec 2006 17:23:45 PST
dance event at school. went with dana. was rather interesting.. yay.

I HAVE A 77 IN PRECALCULUS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!! -panic attack-.. that was my friday morning. freaking out about potentially failing this class this year. i cannot do that. ... its chiseled in my head that that is completely past unacceptable and i shall panic more. -sigh- well.. yah..

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10851454/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10851454/ Sun, 26 Nov 2006 00:33:57 PST
we (father n i) went to the dmv today. again. i told him it was closed but he wanted to see for himself... so i shut up. and we drove on.. like always.. ><

im bored.. and..depressed feeling again. i just hope its gone by monday. woo.

im addicted to south of nowhere. awesome show. im thinkin of showin it to my mom.. hmm. :/ if u dont kno it, that prolly made no sense.

well.. nice day to all..

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10738388/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10738388/ Wed, 15 Nov 2006 19:47:17 PST [ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[ ] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.
[x] fell down on my face.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Random
[x] I can sing well.(--its not bad.ha..ha. maybe i should erase that..)
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar. (sometimes 4 others, always 4 me)
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[x] I have "x"s in my screen name
[x] I love being neat
[x] I love Spam
[x] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[ ] I bake well
[x] My favourite colour is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[ ] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly. (my father hardly cooks)
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (hardly a clue)

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10714149/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10714149/ Mon, 13 Nov 2006 16:22:30 PST
hmm. i think i shall try for my learners permit on saturday. it will be about time i tried. hah. hmm. i have a feeling i should be more thrilled.

but on a semi-lighter note, i only need 4 classes next yr. technically, i need only 2, but the school requires that i take 4 bloody classes. grr. oh well. guess thats something i wont be escaping.

side note: im not high, i swear. i jus like the rainbow pill smiley.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10695937/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10695937/ Sun, 12 Nov 2006 00:39:11 PST
so i guess thanks to everyone here, who continued to look at my stuffs.. i prolly wouldnt still be using this site if there werent people keeping me attached. right .. well.. wooo. -dance-

tonite...was our last show for marching season. 3rd in prelims and 4th in finals. we think the scoring is rigged. it was fun though.. a good year musically, but a lot of drama. -reflects- oh well. congrats to etiwanda for taking first.

dreams...ive had a lot of dreams this past month or so. they make me really...cruddy feeling. because in them, im happy. and everytime i wake up, im reminded of how useless and trashy i feel. i dont wanna go to sleep anymore. the good dreams could so very much be my reality... but they wont be. not for a long while. and i dont know if i can take that.. ive resorted to random tactics of staying awake .. which is bad cuz then im running on no rest...and... just... grrr.

... my dreams... i cant even think about them , i get so.. helpless and...hopeless feeling.. i should stop now.. im starting to want to bash my head into a wall.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10627878/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10627878/ Sun, 05 Nov 2006 17:12:42 PST
for all the joy that the short lived sugar high gave me, i sure as hell wish it wouldve stayed. but like everything else, no. hah.

at my fathers right now. wishing i werent.

in pain. in...most every way possible. its a great bonus really.

why do i have to come here? .. they all know i hate it. they all know its not good for me. they all know it. .. . but i guess thats life eh? heh.......

i hate this..

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10619728/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10619728/ Sat, 04 Nov 2006 23:47:16 PST
LVI!!! ... 86 for 3rd place in prelims and an 85 for 4th place in finals. goooood overall. me ish filled with sugary goodies and im hyper. yes. yes. -bounce-

yes yes.. going to go play games now.. cuz theres no one online. -sniffle- tralala.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10551996/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10551996/ Sun, 29 Oct 2006 18:40:34 PST
been 'sleeping' in the living room for a while now. mum asked me why i wouldnt go back into my room. i just said i didnt want to. she gets supicious and prods me about why.. whats in the room.. whats wrong with it.. shes convinced i see spirits of the other world. im not as convinced.

schools exhausting.. hell, this weekend was exhausting. i have otitis media or some such. middle ear infection. my right ear is more or less muted to noise. funny feeling, it is. to top it off, im coughing a lung or two out. its lovely.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10405299/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10405299/ Sun, 15 Oct 2006 19:20:25 PDT
tired. no sleep.

listening to bouncy things.. playing with glo sticks. fun. poking at bruises. speaking in short lines. bored.

-crimsy

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10264243/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10264243/ Mon, 02 Oct 2006 19:30:58 PDT
im tired, bruised, bloody, exhausted, and just.....dead overall.

id really like a break. soon. but i kno its impossible. ill just wait for another implosion episode... at my fathers...... -sigh-

see u around.....

-crimsy.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10156213/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10156213/ Fri, 22 Sep 2006 20:42:04 PDT listening to: confession by cold.

im feeling pretty out of it right now.. this week.. im...i have been sorta.. apart.

so.....i hope ill be okay sooner than usual.... because i really dont have time for my own shit. any of it, whether its good or bad.. so thats not so cool.....

and..... im bruised. part of my left arm, my legs, and my whole right arm. heh. it was actually a tad poofed up n swollen the other morning..... then it was numb for about half the day.... heh. heh.......

on a semi-not-so-much-fantastical note, i watched 50 first-dates today. thinkin of watchin Boys Dont Cry later tonite.. and then possibly some other things... may take my mind off social/mind shit.

then off to my fathers tomorrow...... and then... sunday shall be homework day.........

mums yelling at me now... dont be surprised if none of you see me on much for a lil while. i try.

-waves-

-crimsy.

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10074929/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/10074929/ Thu, 14 Sep 2006 20:39:18 PDT
hmm....so school has started and the world of chaos has returned to being ordered chaos.

yes its very very busy and my lacking of the sleep is bad.. minus the insomnia.

theres never time for anything but school, sleep, and hmwk. this is the first year so far that it has gotten to me having virtually NO free time. its interesting. i always wondered when that would come to be. and now that its here, im wondering WHY in the world i still have the TIME to think about this so much. because my thoughts drive me insane-er. u know. more insane... lalala.

psych is fun so far (shoe-polish man is just peculiarly funny)... cant wait til we get books and officially start it all.. til then, i have my anatomy joys to sort through.. hehe... -rolls on floor-.. i think.. that.. my facade has faded.. and had been fading for a while. but now that a lot more things are out in the open for people to see, they turn their heads.

why?? .. theres a mask and everyones dying to see under it, poking and prodding. suddenly, its gone and people turn a blind eye.... oh the world. ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9856823/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9856823/ Fri, 25 Aug 2006 23:49:57 PDT listening to: 69 Tea by Seether

yay bruised knuckles. and this time, its actually from something other than punching solid objects.. its frum crash cymbals! yay healthy injuries!.. -bounce-

im tired. tired. tired.. wake up pounce from christina. woot. i felt sick today. crazy temperature fluctuations that i have are coming back. i froze to death earlier, in full marching uniform, while in the bleachers at 90--sumthin degrees......

fascinating.

dont feel good. at all. -rests- hopefully i wont feel like shit when school rolls around. 4 days to go.

-crimsy ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9821304/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9821304/ Tue, 22 Aug 2006 21:45:07 PDT suddenly i see by KT Tunstall

argh! band camp.

-bounce-. im bored. yes.. but severely exhausted frum BAND CAMP. and bored.. and not wanting school to start..

I may be left home for a good part of next summer alone though. that might be fun.. keyword might.

need. to. get. permit. yes.

lalala... life sucks. a lot. and then it gets worse. i think ive just hit the 'it gets worse' part. jolly good then. invisible shields up!. i think ill hole myself up and block off people again. yes..i think its about time to start up defenses again... -sigh-

ill rant a bit later.

-crimsy ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9485811/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9485811/ Tue, 25 Jul 2006 02:40:53 PDT listening to: Are You Sad - Our Lady Peace

well. its 2.35am and im wide awake. for no apparent reason. everyone else is in bed, the dog is near snoring. and im just here. like i usually am.

im near exhaustion, with all thats been going on with me, but whats the use complaining? hah.. everythings eventual.

..a stupor of thoughts in a clamber over one another. its great..really. ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9428006/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9428006/ Wed, 19 Jul 2006 15:00:48 PDT listening to: Suicide Trees - Otep

i spent a little time last nite.. learning to pick a combinations lock. and to make shims....i think i can do it now. yay me.

stumbling thru the anarchy cookbook once more, i have found some interesting things to know about. not to do, mind you, to know about..

bored now...................

1 + 1/2 weeks til reno. -countdown mode-

-crimsy ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9394010/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9394010/ Sun, 16 Jul 2006 11:19:00 PDT listening to: the special two by Missy Higgins

at my fathers again. i have nothing to do because there is no graphics program or anything in this house that is usable. grrrr. i can only sketch. but thats fun too.......

i may be taking a trip up to reno soon, for my grandmothers birthday. itll be nice to see the entire family again. for a...happy event. ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9062845/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/9062845/ Wed, 14 Jun 2006 03:53:22 PDT listening to: beautiful by tapping the vein

hooooray for insomnia... its almost 4am. i think thisll be a nonsleep night... another one... well at least i kno wuts going on this time. hah.. ha.....

i feel as if i should be deviating or something but i havent any graphics program on my bloody laptop.... grrr..

maybe ill go take a shower now....wake the contents of this household.

WOW i spent about 4 or 5 hours playing sims 2 today. fascinating. which leads me to ask: shouldnt someone do better in a simulated life game than in their real life? cuz i seem to totally suck at simming.. haha

themed my ipod with linkin park/evanescence graphics.. then decided to turn it into a smoke theme.. -huggles ipod- NO STEALING IT CHRISTINA.. murrr.. -.-

ill just keep ranting...shall we wander into the world that is summer vacation? IM BORED OUTTA MY MIND SUMONE SAVE ME.. ehem. its been...5 days and im dead bored. -runs treadmill- i can only amuse myself for so long.. MUAHAHA<-- random Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines reference. -huggles game- yay.

i think ill go write sum... havent done so in a while.. -trots off-

-tips hat- gday.

-crimsy. ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/8905306/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/8905306/ Sun, 28 May 2006 19:45:18 PDT listening to: The Perfect Fit - The Dresden Dolls

well......so one of my....aunts?...or wut is she?...an obscure relative who really has no relation to me other than the fact that i call her aunt? sure. grace, if u kno, then tell me wut relation aunt margaret has to me.

apparently, shes been hit by cancer. yes, the dreaded 'c' word... i feel really sympathetic towards her i think..and hope that she gets better soon. uncle roy was an interesting man while he was around too....so were their dogs... :/ well.

i have to pay mums bills while shes away on vacation in the summer. woo for filling out checks. innit fun? i have the feeling ill be taking midnight strolls while she and my sister are away...if my father doesnt like..stalk me, that is.... schools over in.....wut? 8 days?... summin like that.

-dances- i get my permit soon. scratch soon. i get it. finally. well sort of. my mums determined to make me get it soon.

CRAP i forgot to do my english essay.......well.......dammit. >.<
-prepares for assignments due tuesday-

i have uncovered the wonderful music that is da rude. and also nightcore and more razed in black. -bounces-

-sigh- life..goes on.

-crimsy ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/8761412/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/8761412/ Sat, 13 May 2006 17:48:49 PDT
had a nice update frum britty last nite. glad to see shes surviving well.....bein out on the streets and all..

things are sooooo confusing in here right now, words dont even work. voices are flyin about and im losing it again, but you know....i think it might be worth it eventually.

if theyre going to start the mental game, ill play. and ill win.

sticks and stone can break my bones but words will never hurt me. fuck that. words are all that have been hurting me since...that..... i know this but cant work it well...



-crimsy ]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/8427015/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/8427015/ Mon, 10 Apr 2006 11:44:51 PDT
well it appears that ive been bitten by something.....and the lil bite mark thingy is getting worse. haha id like to see how this plays out. so far, itchy, painful, red, and swollen. and my throat feels funny. last night it felt all close-y-uppy. -goes thru my pills- eheh..

.....christina is on the other side of the country, grace is at school... -sniffle- ... -alone- this is sad. heh.. -huggles bracelet and waits for wednesday-..

sooo...yah.

-crimson

]]> ~crimsondemise http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/8400753/ http://crimsondemise.deviantart.com/journal/8400753/ Fri, 07 Apr 2006 18:07:58 PDT listening to: Time Is Running Out by Muse

its great.. just great.. falling back to my old habits.. but more so than before. it isnt the greatest. not just habits, but i feel like im repeating whats already happened.

the things i hear arent just in the house anymore. it used to be everywhere but then it limited itself to my home, of which i was glad. and now it starting again. hearing it outside. smelling it outside, seeing it even. as long as it doesnt get all the way to touch, then i suppose ill be fine. ill just have to practice not reacting again.

a thing i entirely hate about trying to not react is that i cant ever remember if ive reacted or not. ill go back and withdraw yet again. it hurts to much to try and dig up my memories and thoughts, but i think i need to....

-Crimson ]]> ~crimsondemise