http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:darksazzo&section=today deviantART RSS for by:darksazzo en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 29 Dec 2009 10:41:12 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/19098040/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/19098040/ Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:08:47 PDT
I'm feeling so sick, my sugar levels are darting from highs to lows too much. I had 2 hypos today which don't even have an reason for happening in the first place, I got so upset with that that I burst into tears.

Hypo's aren't fun. I had the worst one only last week, my sugars sky rcketed high and I took more insulin to lower it asap as you do. It worked, then I took my baseline injection which keeps the levels at the same so there aren't any highs or lows, I just take my other insulin to counteract the carbohydrates I eat in return so effectively its a fake pancreas.
Some time later, my sugar levels were dropping rapidly ...this being 3am....I was in bed....trying to sleep. I monitored it for starters nd it stuck at 0.1......normal healthy levels are between 4-7
in the minus range (-1) you go comatose, I was not far.....but my baseline injection kept it at level for 5 hours........no sugar I ate brought it back up

The thing about 0level hypo's:-

Constant shaking
Cold sweat
Light headedness
Loss of balance
The world moves around you
Throat feels like its swelling
Can't breathe
Woozy
Dizzy
Heart pounding
Feel the heart pounding in the head
Can't do anything like sleep it off when it gets that bad
You look like you're acting drunk
Can't administer a sugar injection to oneself
Can't ring for help
Flat was empty
Couldn't even cry

5 hours of that and more, I thought I was going to go into a coma - which when you do leaves you not long to be found and saved......I wrote a note on my white board saying I couldn't move out of place - it didn't even read that.

I'm not sure how much more to take, other than that, I'm being stalked out of work on fridays.....I get easily paranoid, I've started seeing and hearing things and it's driving me insane - so many panic attacks now...

I can't wait to move out on tuesday - heaven sent - until Saturday but we'll see how that goes I guess.

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/17952735/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/17952735/ Mon, 21 Apr 2008 02:10:28 PDT


...Shit.


I'll do it like, but I'll miss sleeping lol.

I've been moved onto a different kind of insulin regime. The old one was 2 injections a day at set times of Humalin Isophane, a long acting insulin which generally did not cover my carb and sugar intake for most the day and was often the cause for me feeling very sick.

This new regime is better despite how horrid it sounds, 4 injections or more a day on 2 different insulins. One of Lantus everyday at 6pm....a long actin insulin but keeps the sugars going steady, then everytime I eat Apidra fast acting insulin which is 1 unit per 10g of carbs. It's not so bad so far, though I had a few side effects this weekend, one including where I counted the calories and not the carbs and made my sugars low.

Why have I suddenly changed insulin?
Because the specialists in Leeds know more about Diabetes than at home and also cause I've volunteered to be a test subject into blood control and controlling the blood clot. ...so every check up I have they're going to be taking 40ml of blood...which be a tenth of what people donate.

Other than that I am completely knackered


x

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/17769136/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/17769136/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 18:26:05 PDT
Its what you want
Its what you crave
The opinion you haunt
The bitterness you save

Never loved to hate
Never yearned for pain
Overgrown and vain.
It’s the fate you create

You’re twisted, so vile
You pain me just to think
The days I spent over you
Are wasted, gone, spent

So selfish with every word you meant
I’m better than you, I vent
Without intent to hurt your “heart”
Forever sorry, forever bent.

So vile so vulgar
So lost inside your head
Leave it all behind, be free
Go get your fucking wish

I’d rather see you heaped on the floor
Scattered, stained, begging no more
Paint my walls scarlet, filthy whore
You ain’t worth it honey, there’s the door.

This is for he, the monk, the celibate,
The fool who tried to be.

I failed he lost.
I gain he’s vain
May he be washed in the sea

Taint him
Maul him
Don’t let him out of sight

Drain him
Pain him
Teach him what I meant.

A lover’s curse
Pure with pride
Impaled with fury
And painted Red
-----------------------------------------------------------

Chance is unlikely that he will read it, but I have something he doesn't and that is hope.

Eitherway, people can look me up and read it themselves. I don't expect the knob to even realise what he's caused, let alone caused in pain and suffering.
But here is evidence that I'm one step closer to the good side than he is.

This is something quite dark for the stuff that I have written as of late, but it was either this or taking it out on myself, which frankly isn't worth the bother considering that he's made me feel so glum this last month.

Who needs enemies when you have friends. If only that was true, he'd be let off but no, he's a useless idiot who thinks himself better than everyone else.

I'm going to quit ranting now. This is the last cause in all honestly I'm better than that


Peace out x

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/17422045/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/17422045/ Thu, 20 Mar 2008 07:21:53 PDT
]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/15869880/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/15869880/ Sun, 09 Dec 2007 21:50:33 PST
I haven't been on here for an absolute age have I?
I guess it's uni worl or lack of. Well I've uploaded some writing and photo's I've worked on whilst being in Leeds...lucky lucky you!

Uni atm is great !!!! Out of the specialisms I'm studying (Sound, Camera + Lighting, Editing and Directing) I'm aiming for Editing and Camera + Lighting!

They rock..a Lot...

Finished working on a little project in editing where me and my friend Amy transformed our tutors film footage into a little advert for Oust consisting of 2 people about to get it on in a lift.....yes lol

Was also in hospital couple of weeks ago, Diabetic Ketoacidosis, but for those of you who understand that babble...I am on the mend.....back on insulin....and look it up on wikipedia if it makes no sense, it is not nice

But Leeds is still rocking


talk to youall soon

xxx

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/14522202/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/14522202/ Thu, 06 Sep 2007 19:31:02 PDT

I thought I'd post on here after I received such a lovely note the otherday..(to that person, thank you very much again!).

Well I hope that whoever received results did well and the next step is where they want to be .

As for me, I'm moving all the way up to Leeds on the 22nd of this month!! so hoping that I won't forget to pack the kitchen sink. Going off to study Film and TV Production FDA, and already met some lovely peeps on the course...as well as staying in my halls which are jolly spiffing!!

Note to JULIA
don't you DARE be a stranger....I still remember (just) where abouts you live and just so you know I fixed my bike all by myself !!!!!!

Don't hesitate to keep in touch

xXx

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/12896232/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/12896232/ Wed, 09 May 2007 06:07:26 PDT
Julia just crashed in the seminar room

Haha Julia - You Drunk!
So ooh I haven't said owt since march...that feels like a long time ago now. Well, unfortunately had an accident on sunday my mum was drunk whilst driving (Just up the road) and I was in the car when she smashed the back of it into a car and a house basically which has resulted in my mum being fine and dandy! but I got a cut/ slice from the seatbelt, whiplash and slight concussion so I shouldn't really be looking at acomputer screen. Meh what can you do....Julia drunk in school! Absurd!

Exams are now in the procession....yikes but good luck to everyone....and Julia...lay off the juice !

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/12372713/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/12372713/ Thu, 29 Mar 2007 08:00:29 PDT so they are my form choice and Bristol UWE are my insurance. Sat in media, currently lacking teacher for the 2 hours eek! Tomorrow's the last day before easter holidays and there is a meal out on monday then porge's eighteenth with themed 50s/60s dress up! I'm going in 50s style hopefully...haha.

My nan unfortunately had an accident last week, wednesday at like 4.30 AM so that was a horrid day cause I thought it may result in yet another stroke but thankfully it did not! Following day has a biopsy on my right shoulder which if I hear nothing by next thursday I'm out in the clear, grand.

Well apart from that enjoy easter

xxx

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/12114940/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/12114940/ Fri, 09 Mar 2007 06:48:43 PST
Got my results back from the January retakes.....

D - 2 marks off a C for ICT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....I was heartbroken but then remembered that the exam was made up of all the topics I hardly ran over so I guess it's a lucky result.

C For ENGLISH!!!! yay....beats the E I got before hand WOOT!!!!

B for MED1 - consists of examining a media text which in this case was an ad for Jamie Oliver.......Next Time I see him I owe him a hug.

And.......


107/120 = A!!!!!!!!!! on my media trailer like I was 17 marks off 100% I'm so so so happy with my results and so was my media teacher....next lesson we're having a party to celebrate hehe.

So Last week I went for my interview at Leeds Metropolitan Uni, and I have to say I was vastly impressed by...Everything. The course seems a lot better than the one at Bristol....and it's only £2000 tuition fee!
But I'm still awaiting for their response which they said would be made halfway during this week in UCAS which quite apparently HAS NOT!!!!!!!! it's not fair as I had 2 more offers come through this week and Leeds is my last empty slot. I hope they liked me, Leeds was a really nice area and the uni was incredibley easy to find AND my mum changed her prejudices against it once we got there.

Other piece of news is my mum made me go to the doctors about a random mole on my back (as well as others) which started to have a life of its own. She's quite paranoid mainly because my family has a history of skin cancer but anywho at some point Dr Stawarz is going to remove it and send it for tests.....whoopdey doo...I guess....I quite like my back how it is however.

One last thing....hehe school is holding a talent contest so I'm going to enter with me and my guitar got to decide whether to play some of my songs or Little by little - oasis...or all of them hehe...get to apply on the 27th

Anyway I want to go home now and have my lie in on Monday morning as well ..... God bless academic review day!

tata x

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/11877355/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/11877355/ Mon, 19 Feb 2007 05:47:42 PST
an offer from Bristol UWE - DD FUCKING DANCER!!!!!!!! well brilliant. My interview there went absolutely fantastic, had a tour and they have brilliant facalities. My actual interview was at first daunting mainly because I was asked in what way can I compare Eastenders to zombie films.....and etc. But apparently I'm very well capable in articulating theories and analyses on media pieces as well as my own work and have an upbeat and fresh enthusiasm for the subject. They said I passed all the hurdles and would love to give me an offer but it depends on if I could further myself on their course specifically.....as they asked me where I see myself in 6 years..."Hopefully directing/ producing maybe my own work".....and in about 10 years time....."Starting up my own production company"

They liked me so wahey....great pokerface. However, after the trivial matter of that interview got a letter the day after from Leeds saying I have another on the 2nd March.....don't really like the sounds of it at all and then I receive a letter from TVU saying one of my courses has been stopped at Ealing so have to choose another....I'm going for the new one;

Film: Video production and Film studies.

Other than that, not been feeling so well for half term and can't mind most of what I got up to....which is kind of worrying but meh...could have been worse.

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/11560324/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/11560324/ Thu, 25 Jan 2007 02:39:59 PST
Sat in Spanish but Ms Muirie was feeling ill so we're left in the ICT room to our own devices.....and learning the directions. Finished all my exams about a week ago now.....and I can say that english was a little better on the drama however I lacked twice or more in the poetry department so I don't really think that grade will shift...
ICT module 2....I have yet to even bring myself to the harsh reality of that day...I revised so hard...I revised the whole book from AS and the questions that were on the paper were topics NEVER placed on previous AQA papers.... one I had 6 marks for designing a relational database ON PAPER!!!! I actually wanted to cry....but I didn't.
Last but not least, dear old media studies. Up until the night before the exam our whole class was under the impression we would be studying a televisual advertisement/feature. However, morning of the exam it was CHANGED to a poster....I think those few hours spent praying for an advertisement were well spent cause we got to study and analyse Jamie Oliver so thank god.....hope that grade highers slightly.

For some reason I am feeling so so tired, must be the weather. And hearing myself type in this room....I can say I must be a loud typer!!!

Anyways I might be putting up some new work of the artful kind...got an interview on the 9th at Bristol....WHOO...I guess

bells about to go so tata
xx

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/11358476/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/11358476/ Mon, 08 Jan 2007 05:26:29 PST
The 6th Form Block is flooded and smelly lol....but we were allowed in today so I could check my first class for what was nothing right now...gah! Any who......very grand news for today...I had my Trailer from AS remarked and I now have a SOLID A GRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which is fabaroo if it's the area I'd like to work in. Hurrrah! I'm all jolly like.

Yet, Thursday will be a highlight once it is other......Drama & poetry exam : Translations.......I am truly stuck on the dumb end as I'm not sure whether I need to focus on the play or the poetry...but eitherway I am strongly out of practice. Same with the ICT exam I have next Monday.....very out of practice for that!!!!
Last exam is on the 17th.....Reading the media.

Argh, so tired...again but nyada mind as I'm going home in a while. Update on the car incident.......insurance company don't believe the car was actually on fire so now trying to gather statements.


I got a gorilla for christmas

random note...

must revise by

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/11058761/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/11058761/ Thu, 14 Dec 2006 05:54:44 PST
Got an offer from Kingston Uni where I had my interview last week but they want 220 points which I might not obtain due to my being crap at english Working on our Great Gatsby coursework essay mine is about the enigmatic figure of Gatsby and the portrayal of the quintessential American dreamer.......I have 1,574 words so far.....about 974 words to go.....god help....cause strannie is leaving after xmas so I have to work uber fast as well as hand in my evaluation for AS coursework on trailer before January. Argh

I just looked up that 2nd of JANUARY I have to go back to the hospital for my diabetes check up
Not happy about it mainly because I've been naughty and not done as I'm told

Now Monday, that was a strange day....left about 1.30 for my home study and I get to the car park to see my mum at the car with smoke coming out of it...she opens the bonnet and poof

Car is on fire....so I frantically ran back into the science department for a fire extinguisher.....except the teachers had a mild discussion on which should be used before handing me the CO2 extinguisher to run out to the car whilst she got her coat and put her lunch away lol.
Then we stood outside looking at the engine burning lol til the fire brigade turned up to shove a hosepipe in it to stop the fire as well as completely wrecking the poor saxo.

Anywho, after 2 days of the burnt out engine in the car sat in my schools car park it got towed away.....we had a phone call from the garage to say that the electrical fault was caused because someone cut a wire to the battery.
But eitherway....mum won;t be driving for xmas and everone has an IOU cause I can't get shopping

grrr

I'm off because my head hurts but good riddance to 2006....a horrid horrid year

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10979160/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10979160/ Thu, 07 Dec 2006 01:56:05 PST
I can't wait for the holidays....sleep although it does mean a ton of revision. Argh. Gr. Been quite a stressful week so far, but slightly rewarding non the less. Last Friday I had to rush my coursework for english and ended up going into a fit of backspace and only gave in 298 words instead of over 2000....luckily Ms stranaghan let me off the hook and I only went back to working on it tuesday and wednesday morning and reached 1,113 words and she was still not happy...but hehe I wrangled out of a judgement phase by sitting and annotating my mistakes so she wouldn't bother going through it all with me....haha magical me.

I had my interview at Kingston uni on Tuesday and I have to say bar the lunacy of my mother it went pretty grand. My mum basically dressed up really smart (smarter than me) to try and not show me up and to waltz into where she works to say "I'm not a scruffy person" cause apparently thats what her boss thinks, so do I actually.

Anyway we left about 11am for Kingston as it may be close but its difficult to locate as we proved. We got to the Knights park campus to find a Jaguar had stolen the last parking spot and knowing how stressed my mum gets with parking....I wanted to wreck the car as much as she did. Spending even longer trying to find a Car park we eventually found one where it cost about £1.20 and hour....cue angry mother. It wasn't supposed to be a long walk to the campus from the car park but then again my mum decided to go her own route and drag me along until I was suddenly blamed for getting us lost (even though it was me who knew which road to take to get to the place we wanted to go).

We eventually got to Knights Park reception and directed to a canteen for lunch which even then my mum managed to make an exhibition of herself by complaining that we'll probably get kicked out for eating our own food in the canteen....I persuaded her otherwise like within 7 minutes. Then we went to wait with all the other applicants which included the brat and his father who stole the car parking space. after 20 mins the interviewers took us to the tv design studios - thats the short explanation....I followed them whilst my mum ran after me screaming my name and so I had to keep losing track of where I was meant to be to make sure she wouldn't get lost.....then she had a go at me for not asking when this will all finish....she heard a guy saying he thought it would take 5 hours - we only paid and displayed for 2 hours at the car park.

So my mum made a very "nice" impression of me already. In the interview the brat in the jaguar introduced himself as "I'm Jonathon but everyone calls me Jack....I brought my own portable DVD player incase yours doesn't play my DVD"...he was from Oxford ... go figure. There was also this guy that constantly smiled.....freaky. As a group we watched some of the others work....my DVDS didn't work . In my individual interview they seemed incredibley impressed with my portfolio (WHOO!) especially my new drawn AND coloured version of Pandora...my grim reeper and especially the CD ROM of photography, manipulations and self made logos....oh and my GCSE graphics presentation folders.....so I think they liked me and might consider me I hope so...unless my mum had anything to do with a refusal

Oh and to finish we got to the car about 1 minute after the display ticket was overdue and we got out scot free....so unlike my mum to act like she did.....as well as also crashing the car about 5 times in London

I have to get going - Mrs Alcorn has booked every computer in the library.....slut

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10897922/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10897922/ Thu, 30 Nov 2006 05:03:00 PST
(Interesting fact highy just pointed out to me....put your ear to the table of a row of computers and it sounds weird).

but no I am currently having a break from my AS coursework which is about ZOMBIES..... I lose hope in knowing that as soon as I make some changes Mrs Hill is either not going to check and improve it or shes going to kill it and say its all crap.....grr....I mean just for 4 more measly marks to get an A GAH.

Its amazing the amount of crap I have to include though....stereotyping a zombie to the likes of the classic Romero Zombie (its true kids there's a stereotype). Or "Best methods to portray an escape route from a crowd of zombies" this combines with my actual portrayal which unfortunately has the continuity of a construction digger in the background which loses the reality ....grrr.

However I have to continue now by explaining how as a horror it should include darkness as a generic convention but in fact no zombie movie except for night of the living dead uses the darkness in excess as a convention to which the viewer accounts that it is indeed a horror!!!!!

Fuck Zombies!

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10864173/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10864173/ Mon, 27 Nov 2006 04:34:55 PST I have to take a portfolio which I started building up when I got the letter. Bristol have sent me this form to apply for some special grant with my diabetes....maybe it'll apply. And I got a postcard from Lincoln saying they got my application so you know I thought oh ok great, I got those letters like about Thursday last week. Get into school today and I find that I got an offer from Lincoln already, pity that I don't really want to go there though, as well.

I had my flu jab last week so been feeling pretty rough and spent thurs and fri at home and still feeling like crap but what can ye do.
Brought myself the foofighters new live cd AND hyde park DVD....ah reliving fond memories and also watching the great intro to the live set dvd...AWESOME.

It would seem that already I have a clash of coursework deadlines so I really should go and get to work on whats non existent but should be almost complete. Whoops!

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10675825/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10675825/ Fri, 10 Nov 2006 04:16:40 PST
Anywho, getting to the entrance to the wreck and this massive transit van comes out of nowhere and I just missed having a severe accident, I think I must have been just inches away from the front of it and so just swirving I missed the drop kerb and toppled onto the kerb and fell off my bike. Really hurt my neck but cycled the rest of the way just in shock, and I think I still am in a bit of shock.

4 hours and I'm still shaky, hurt my wrist, the whole of my left side and my neck is in agony as well as my hip moved a little out of place....was really scary so now I'm just waiting to go home and fall asleep

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10644399/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10644399/ Tue, 07 Nov 2006 05:11:10 PST Just finished my like 5 draft of my personal statement...feeling pretty groovy for some reason....got some new stuff fitted into my room and got a new sim chip free from orange harhar and finally I have written a song....first one in about 3 months I think, anywho hopefully my writers block is shifting away.
I've got my 6 choices of uni...but only based really on the fact that not many unis are offering low entry requirements for media production related courses....I hope Leeds Met or at least TVU let me in....it would be such a pleasure hehe. Lord only knows where that phrase popped up from.

Finally finished reading the Great Gatsby.....good book and got up to the Duchess' death in Duchess of Malfi....had to play the role of one of the madman before reading up to that point, dancing and singing a silly song.....Trust the Shrimp!

My good pal Stephanina had her bday last week and finally got her birthday book which we've all been putting bits in for the last 9 months.....on my 2 pages I drew a carrot, elephant and a shrimp dancing on a slice of toast with a bowler hat.....wish I scanned the drawing in cause it took hours of accuracy that was all truly rewarded by stephs cute and funny laugh lol.

Must get a move on...going home YAY

toodles

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10451790/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10451790/ Fri, 20 Oct 2006 02:46:43 PDT
The course I'm aiming for is Media Production......so far got Leeds Met, Lincoln, West Herts College and Ealing TVU on my list

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From an early age I’ve been interested in all aspects of the media industry, how programmes are transmitted into thousands of homes over the UK, what processes were involved in making films and how artists could perfect the sound of their music whilst recording an album. These are some topics that I would love to study in more depth. In the past I’ve enjoyed getting involved in acting and putting together productions from designing to creating the set for the stage with my local drama group.
Throughout my A level media studies course I have taken on all kinds of roles especially whilst making the film trailer for A/S coursework. This involved writing a script, directing the production and editing the footage together making the final piece. I find the practical side of this course most enjoyable as it drives me to do better each time. One of my new roles which I have taken on in school is in the PR and Marketing team for Sixth Form Prefects; this involves organizing a newsletter for the upper school, reporting issues such as what’s going on in and outside of school.

I developed a taste for media whilst growing up and taking part in activities that have become a second nature to me. Before the age of ten I use to write articles for a Dr Who magazine covering events and mishaps from the latest conventions held in Coventry. In my spare time I like to indulge my lifetime passion of music, I write and perform many of my own songs on guitar as well as singing and have in the past helped musicians to promote their music via the internet as well as out in public. I like to make use of some of the software on my computer such as Windows Movie Maker, I found it to be very useful for practice when putting together individual film footage to a music track making a beginners attempt of a music video, but I also spend a lot of time writing songs, poems and occasionally attempt to write the odd chapter for a story I’ve been writing for the past 2 years. In 2005 I played a part in the chorus of the Royal Borough’s Youth Opera production “Oklahoma”, singing and dancing in front of a big audience helped to boost my confidence as well as meeting new people that were also involved.

I enjoy using the internet to its full extent; researching topics I find appealing, communicating with people from different areas of the world to creating my own websites which has developed skills I believe to be necessary in the oncoming age of technology. In the first year of Sixth Form, I filmed the schools annual gym and dance show which I plan to help edit together the footage to make a DVD for the students who took part.

I’ve gained skills from helping people with all kinds of problems; I was awarded a Diana Princess of Wales Memorial Award after working with a group of girls who had dyslexia and one who had autism who struggled to learn certain concepts. After my first year of Sixth Form I was made a prefect and also awarded with a prize for Media. In my current job I deal with customer service and satisfaction as well as work in a team to ensure we complete the task we are given, I feel that teamwork is one of my key skills and I enjoy working and getting to know new people.
It is my sole ambition to be part of something big like the media industry, the work and effort that goes into things that we have today like entertaining and informing the nation is very appealing. The use of technology so far is exciting and limitless and teaches us something new everyday and I would love to be a part of it.

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10344316/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/10344316/ Tue, 10 Oct 2006 05:52:39 PDT .....truly amazed as such. Well today has been so crap, tired and behind on work for english already.....had to write an essay sunday for Duchess of Malfi and I did but ended up that we didn't have the lesson!!!! and last night I helped out (not voluntarily) with the schools open evening.....giving tours and I only got my group round the science, maths, art and languages area.....they kept getting lost GRRRRRR. But my trailer was constantly being played in the media section I walked in at the end of it at one point and Mrs Hill just said "And here I believe is the director of the production you just saw" And I got an applause !!!!!!!....finally.....and whilst delivering images of johnny depp how gorgeous!

UCAS is ultimately pissing me off (as many things are for the moment) but I'm halfway through my personal statement yay!
Starting to look at unis/colleges to study media production...so far have got Leeds Met, Kingston, TVU in Ealing and possibley Tyneside....dunno just looking for all the lowest entry requirements as possible. Got 4 exams I'm resitting in January paid £80 last week for that, bet I'll fail...but at least they'll take my best marks (I hope).

I wanna go home but I'm thinking that when I eventually do start to cycle it will rain all over me.....it has done for every friday too....last friday was the worst as I went in jeans and decided to cycle past the Medina Dairy where all those petrolbombings have been going on all over the news if you've heard.

I had an accident on my bike though last week....this random thorny branch lashed at my eye and blinded me for the whole night.....optrex couldn't get the nasty bugger out.....it did though during the night but I was blind for the day after and couldn't go to school.
Anyways I have to go as I have Stranaghan english next - presenting a chapter from Great Gatsby on my todd too.

byes ( shouldn't be long til I have the net back hopefully)

]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9355634/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9355634/ Wed, 12 Jul 2006 15:04:04 PDT I spent most of this morning thinking why the fuck can't I log into my msn account....until I find that its been hacked!! so a day of looking for all my old contacts and adding them into a new email account was ahead!!!!! only retrieving 79 addresses of the 137 contacts its been a long day but wait oh no to find that after 2 hours of hacking back into my own account its all deemed a worthless trifle

what a waste of energy!!!!

I am back into my good ole dark_sazzo@hotmail.com
but I also have darksazzo@hotmail.com for emergencies if ever arisen okay?

on the brightside currently fasting for a bood test tmoz to determine if i have liver problems or hyperthyroidism which is making mmy sleep patterns irregular

Oh and looks like one day I may have to give up playing guitar thanks to carpal tunnel syndrome. But the day I give up guitar is when it is pryed from my dead and weakened hands I promise you that

And finally 2 years since my last trip to the dentist and muahahahaha I need NO fillings!!!! just a change to a medium oral b toothbrush...unfortunately my mum now has gingervitis :S

off to bed so that the fasting makes no change in how i feel nite xx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9309775/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9309775/ Sat, 08 Jul 2006 08:07:48 PDT and it will then come back sometime in september so if that does happen then I'm basically buggered for a few months this also accounts to all our phones in the house too mind....oh well, won't be forever (thats the bright side) ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9179327/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9179327/ Sun, 25 Jun 2006 13:53:21 PDT

To explain it better, the last week or two he's been getting slightly paranoid with me and my mobile....he read through my text messages and deleted certain texts that to me and other peeps are completely harmless!!!! Well, I did see a few from proctor that are actually quite disturbing come to think about it but its argument after argument about stupid little things. Causing nasty headaches as well, so yesterday not exactly feeling too happy because of other factors, he started arguing and that was it "If you can't have the fucking decency to leave me alone for more than a few days you can fuck off, in fact I don't want anything more to do with you"

I can't help but think, that was a mistake cause the last one I made was only 2/3 weeks since we started going out and I thoughtlessly said he was kinda clingy....then he took a week to forgive me and 3 weeks on .. kaboom.

maybe I should apologize, I don't know. After him leaving I just started to feel really down and sluggish and empty, starting to miss him

I might try and ring him later...I don't know. I feel really bad cause he's a real nice guy ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9043069/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9043069/ Mon, 12 Jun 2006 03:29:29 PDT
so my last proper proper journal has been a while One is learning to retain herself I guess. But JESUS it is so hott!! I spent most the weekend up in london..Wembley so saw the development of the stadium on Olympic way haha, looks well kool.

Anyways, I was in London in the filming For

..

....Ant and Dec's


....New Gameshow


....POKERFACE

It was pretty damn good...currently trying to get into prolly one more recording and the live final. one point that HAS to be made

ANT AND DEC ARE SO ADORABLE

Dec is only a little bit taller than me ...oh yes but they are so adorable. but enough of praise Poker face will be aired sometime at the start of july WATCH IT if not just to watch me on tv in the audience

Well, I finished my exams last Thursday...as well as reading the Da Vinci code. Not feeling too well at the moment due to the heat its sort of made me really ill today because yesterday I forgot to eat and was stood in the heat at points like 2 hours a go, little bit burnt as well....but not too badly either.

So, this is a week off then its UCAS week next week...then back to lessons til july 18th...Pooey! Ah well, plans for this week, write, celebrate wednesday...possibley, and hopefully sleep over Dimons tonight cause we've now resolved our little "argument"
ABOUT BLOODY TIME TOO!

so...adios

xXx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9019440/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/9019440/ Fri, 09 Jun 2006 14:14:47 PDT "much had to be in a child of heart"

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what are you touching?
A duvet

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Dr Who

4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
just after 10pm

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
22.09

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Grant mitchell

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
after eastenders...wrote a tune

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
my mum...being a pratt

9. What are you wearing?
very bad raggidy jeans and a nice breezy shirt thing

10. Did you dream last night?
actually yes and woke up thinking how fucking awful it was

11. When did you last laugh?
I don't know

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
coat hangers

13. Seen anything weird lately?
my cat shook her head at my dancing

14. What do you think of this quiz?
......waste of time or annoyance to my awaiting mother

15. What is the last film you saw?
errrrrrrrBoy eats girl...gees long

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
a guitar....and spare strings and white hot chocolate

17. Tell me something about yourself that I don't know:
hmmmm,,,, I'm really a twin

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd change circumstances in some situations

19. Do you like to dance?
-hell yes

20. George Bush:
-you forgot the wanker bit

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
-Newt


22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
VINCE

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
well maybe up in Sheffield as I was asked

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
what the fuck ... you don't belong here

25. 6 people who must also do this in THEIR journal:
hmm

:: :: :: and 3 random peeps that read this ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8999764/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8999764/ Wed, 07 Jun 2006 14:01:21 PDT [link]

Please could you go to that link and vote on the rigth hand side for SYRUS

Its a competition for the band that wins to open on stag at reading festival

Also check out their my space

[link]

love you all especially for helping

xXx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8901795/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8901795/ Sun, 28 May 2006 12:23:33 PDT .

I got a random £55 digitech effects box off guitar bitz the other day and my goodness makes my guitar more sexifull....if possible.

since I got til 8th June till my final 2 subjects I'm going to start writing my piece of fan fiction for Dr who

Well, very confused about a few certain things that caused me about 3 hypos during last night but sure they're nothing

xXx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8841983/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8841983/ Mon, 22 May 2006 07:16:01 PDT Well, actually back on track I am quite sure after slowly developing fatigue from like 7/10 months ago and I do apologize for all the journals and explosion of god knows what moods....from now on its going to be kept in my head instead.

anyways, recap...first exam is thursday...psychology...all 3 units...not looking forward to failing it so bit stressy. ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8776132/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8776132/ Mon, 15 May 2006 08:14:21 PDT
argh...so tired and feel drained and wasted and just so many things are running through my head in one go and currently listening to californication. its like in about less than a week about a month since diagnosed with diabetes and I'm still managing with that, although I am Sick and Tired of the people "looking after" me and talking to me like they now exactly what I have and that they know exactly how it feels to wake up one morning thinking life was simple and then 6 hours later being told everythings going to change and things are going to get harder, having to sit around and seeing some people taunt me with things I can't have and things that I hate.

And just sitting in a class as normal until suddenly you start shaking uncontrollaby, headaches kick in with cold faintness and the need to have sugar before going comatose......its very stressful. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother trying to survive them.

And Tomorrow ( 16th ) its going to be 5 years since my first ever gig...WHOO ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8617835/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8617835/ Sat, 29 Apr 2006 04:13:31 PDT
when I last posted a journal about going to hospital...I did expect to come back the same day but no I was in over the weekend came home Monday. they found out exactly what was wrong with me and it turns out I am a type 1 diabetic, my GP is facing a load of criticism because when I first came to him with my so called reflux which was actually hyperglycaemia he never sent me off to get tested at wexham park or heatherwoods. And when I went to my other doctor he sent me straight away..and just in time so if it was to have been left I would apparently have started to die this week...so near death experience 5.

But now I am insulin dependent, have to take regular blood tests and inject myself about twice a day and stay away from a variety of nasty foods. But it's not all bad because I am now fully back to normal...I was out of it from about the start of december...it started developing sometime last year and the fatigue struck by december but the real heavy start of everything was after my bands gig. Talking of the band, we're starting back up into order again because my strength has fully returned and we'll hopefully be gigging in maybe a week or two.

Going back to school on tuesday and I have to teach everyone how to treat me in this and that and also
JAY WE'RE GOING TO A GIG NEXT SUNDAY
just so I remember to talk to you about it otherwise I'll end up going to london sunday thinking did I leave you behind haha
Anyways not gonna bore everyone now, I'm starting to write again and i'm getting itchy arms lol

byes xx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8537366/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8537366/ Fri, 21 Apr 2006 03:28:33 PDT ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8506211/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8506211/ Tue, 18 Apr 2006 01:37:05 PDT
When I walked in this morning, the block was empty and then people filled it like, and I have everyone that I talk to saying I look very different....do I? I'm a lot weaker I know that...and so does everyone else....I have the feeling that I forgot my locker key...*checks*...thank god no I haven't. Got psychology next..then break then IT..hopefully theres no test and then psychology lunch and a free

in an hour...I shall be on way to getting jelly babies and gummy bears..oh yes muahahaha I have planned this for ages. Can't wait to start band practice again, and Serra's just returned my media coursework hehe so now that'll go to Mrs Hill sometime later today....I gots icky cup -a - soup for lunch...its so watery might buy a pot noodle instead.

I'm just gonna check my comments answer then go to psych early me thinks ....feeling light headed so byes xxx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8444508/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8444508/ Wed, 12 Apr 2006 02:13:12 PDT , I am still not in good health having a few more problems...just tried to eat breakfast which my stomach was like practically begging for...I get something and its gone up into heartburn, but I think I figured a way to force it down....drinking something cold. But even though its burnt and roughed out my tongue I'm not happy.

I had ketchup for the first time in 3 weeks last night, it actuallly burned it was so so sore and I couldn't even eat chips but it was still a big meal had like a burger and 2 chips. Not sure when I'm going to get better now so I'm starting to get use to it.

Its struck me....I have less than a week now to do an english essay haha gonna fail that, build an ICT system...help and my media brief, evaluation and storyboard....I just canny concentrate...guess I better get started ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8404361/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8404361/ Sat, 08 Apr 2006 03:15:40 PDT
Sunday I thought great I feel loads better and went to Windsor. Monday I got sent home for a couple of hours sleep from band practice, Tuesday I forced myself to practice due to new bassist made myself even sicker. It gets to Thursday before I'm taken to the doctors and Dr Blackmore tells me I have reflux and gives a prescription then checks my hip from the knock off my bike incident...got a minorly bad hip just I think nothing of it...I get my tablets....so strong can only take one before breakfast every morning, end of. Friday, thought I was feeling better until afternoonish where I started falling asleep everywhere and the old sick feeling came back.

This morning, Saturday, talked to my mother who pulled out the medics dictionary...I found out what Reflux is, also that I'm too young to even have it. Its a life long illnes/disease.....a fault with the diaphragm where it will stop food from getting o the stomach like. We're hoping I'm wrongly diagnosed but if not means I'm one of the youngest people to get it and possible due to the beatings from my father. ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8349626/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8349626/ Mon, 03 Apr 2006 02:55:13 PDT [link] listen to the guitar on the first song "first blood live" I mean how the fuck...he never played guitar when I knew him how did he get so brilliant in 4 years...git....ah but he's lovely really

Anywho, I think I'm on the mend, been feeling pretty icky since thursday - got sent straight home in just 1st lesson friday went to school and handed in 2 pieces of coutrsework yays and got my final trailer and collected my bike...however managed to faint in assembley and the school refused me cycling home so dragged my uncle from burnham to pick me up bless him. then saturday lost my voice yesterday cycled in rough weather with a punctured tyre to Stoner's house.

..very tired, worn out and my head is just whirling grrr... I wanna go have band practice to like sort out my 2 new songs and try sort some others...still buzzing after tuesdays gig and looking forward to our next one be it with or with out a bassist .....neither Callum or Rich have replyed to me....I am very annoyed with both of them so when I see them who knows what I'll do.

My mums getting annoying - shes lost her car keys so naturally everyone but her is to blame. and my nana was in a random hate everything mood this morn and just blamed for everything on site

I think coffee is bad for me....I hada cup now I'm drwsy with a headache...will stop drinking it I think. ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8295518/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8295518/ Tue, 28 Mar 2006 14:07:44 PST
and we have videos all thanks to my gay lover

[link]

[link]

WATCH THEM

WE SO FUCKING ROCKED and I am just so hyper and happy im on a buzz...or is it the caffeine

ok so here we go with the tale
We got to WBS at about 4.30 just before the rain muahaha....and we waited 2 hours for our soundcheck.....I had to have Matt from the otherside readjust my mike then people showed up I got attacked mostly by Callum and Ben and Chris...typically.

We were originally like 3rd to last for playing which is like...but its just our first gig...you're putting us AFTER the Otherside :S....so we were second on...and well we got introduced as "This is a new band so you have to treat them nicely...The Dimension Theory" hehe got on...couldn't find the amp lead...then introduced ourselves and got the crowd shouting we changed Back again to playing blind...so i had to start singing on my own...scary at first but I did it then everyone was just omg clapping and whooping us then we played lost on the fall.....it was amazing and I fucked up on the last chorus but covered it up very quickly...no one noticed WHOO....and then we try to exit and I just got bombarded with thousands of "OMFG You were BETTER than I thought" and Chris who introduced us saud "Well I think you'll agree that for a first performance that was amazing!" and then I was even more bombarded...they wouldn't let me put the grohl away...dear oh dear.

Get out and my god more people it was just wow oh and Ben "You make me proud bob" lmfao so then we get off....I needed a drink got loads more peeps congratulating me and then I met Kurtis on way to drinky thing...he picked me up and swang me round for like 2 minutes .....dear me....and then watched Ben B's last performance....he sings randomly...and Callums drum kit fell apart...then when they came off I stole his sticks ...we had to go then..but we came back....unfortunatly I missed Mr Tom's band,,,but he wasn't happy seeings as he was borrowing a guitar after breaking his AGAIN

anyways bedd

night night ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8289736/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8289736/ Mon, 27 Mar 2006 22:21:08 PST We're playing at the Windsor Boys School Soiree...performance centre in the sixth form area if you can come along £3......we should be playing alongside bands like The Azure (my mate Chris' band), The Otherside and loads more

anyway in other news...I got made a prefect thursday :S...very weird ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8241966/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8241966/ Thu, 23 Mar 2006 00:33:46 PST
Plus I'm having a load on my mind at the moment which I seriously need to start thinking out and getting sorted cause it's really getting me stressed out and confused, so it needs sorting.

However, on the brighter side.....waiting to hear from Emily Tapping (deputy head girl) about the wbs soiree....I sort of offered The Dimension Theory to perform even if it is like next tuesday hehe.

Well must register
xXx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8165479/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8165479/ Wed, 15 Mar 2006 05:04:07 PST
Plus sat in private study atm....incredibly boring and haven't attempted any work. Stayed round Heck Tate's house last night har har well fun until I was woken up by leo the cat who dribbled into my eye and blinded me for half the morning. I need to go to the shop and buy lunch....I have a fiver....hmmm egg mayo sandwich...yummy...then check my first class account again muahaha and tonight,,,I get to wash my new hair hehe oh and do delightful psychology homework....oh yays.....signing out byes ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8147305/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8147305/ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 08:41:18 PST So set up to finish the trailer...didn't happen....then we tried to do some filming for Ben...battrey died haha then we tried some filming for Sukkiran...it turned into a water fight where I avenged my hair on callum.....until he grabbed me by the legs and I have no idea what he did..apparently it looked incredibley wrong :S.....So I kept taunting him muahahahaha....and he tortured me back....*shakes head* then we started walking around again then lazed in the common room.....and then I had form with Ben lmao.....and then sat in the common room playing on Ben B's guitar talking about being in bands and writing was soooo kool

Anyways....today was quite randomly kool!!!! hehe

It has seriously seriously cheered me up ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8117185/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8117185/ Thu, 09 Mar 2006 23:18:55 PST HOWEVER, we have to redo a few things.....the radio broadcast at the beginning is an American speaker so we rerecorded it.....today we have to reshoot Dodd's stair scene...with a torch, and we have to add to Heck's finding a weapon.
So.....another day at WBS....and thats mondy..hopefully it will all be over soon anyways.....started writing my brief including tons of research.

Dear God, I put a dream catcher in my room last night and I had a really weird nightmare, about......zombies.......in my house and the scariest thing was opening the living room curtains and they all had their faces against the window...fucking scary shit, that only comes from drugs I swear!!!

And of course this week, has been hell, worrying over editting and english essays and my nan, AND what Dodd said in ICT I am NEVER going to forgive her,
We were having our usual silly banter about her and Dr Dickhead in Ms Sandhu's quiz and then it got to the point where she shouted at me "You're horney!!!!" it wouldn't have been so bad IF the class hadn't paused and actually heard that...oh and MS SANDHU......her face oh dear me...embarrasing. My only return was calling her Seldom Bin Layed.....and wlaking out she said "it's not Seldom, IT'S NEVER BIN LAYED" Just as Dr Dickhead was walking past ........he had a few questions for her that geography lesson...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
But now, people in my form...12S have accused me of being a dominatrix...even my mum, nan, uncle, cousins, IT teacher and etc think I am
Guess what...I'M NOT!!!!!!!!
Now Does Anyone still think I'm wrong???.....better not

Anyways, should be off to cycle in the puddles and get covered in mud haha! and maybe have to buy a weird usb storage key

toodles xXx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8065840/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/8065840/ Sat, 04 Mar 2006 14:06:44 PST
we finally finished filming our trailer and we started to edit at WBS on Friday but looks like we have to spend some more time there over the next week, I have loads of schoolwork to do...and I just don't want to do it....3 english essays.....not being mean but I'm praying Ms Shrimpton stays home for another week to recover from tonsilitis...son't want her bringing it to school afterall.
I am just so low at the moment not sure why....proly bounce back again soon enough...I hope. well I'm off to bed and try and catch the episode of the IT crowd that I missed...try...I might just fall asleep again ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7986446/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7986446/ Fri, 24 Feb 2006 02:18:32 PST
Was sent home from school on wednesday but back in school today....to find the one day I wear trainers is the day Parnham is searching the whole year group for non uniform items pour le detention.......hides feet behind bag
Must remember 86!!!! Anyways, still not feeling to well, my head is very dizzy and hazy and eurgh.....I would like to be healthy some day lol. Signed up to do like 2 hours volunteer work for academic review day and almost renamed Sarah Evans by the tellytubby known only as Mrs Enga. The next two weeks I aim to be finishing the filming of my media trailer...which is a few zombie scenes...jamie and porge's scene.....the group scenes and then it's onto editting....god help us.
Must do another english essay :< but for Shrimpton eurgh!. Tired enough as it is. But other than that.....I'm bored in the library - 2nd period then its break and then...IT then free lesson then english gah. but we're watching a film just.

I want easter to arrive early, just so I can play our gigs I'm just very eager to do them lol. Even though I'd prolly be nervous at first....I feel really sick ick. Was quite amusing...wednesday asking to go home bang on window "what's the matter?" Me: "Siiick :S" lmao

I want my computer back I miss it lol
I'm pathetic
I'm going
Byes
xXxXx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7948548/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7948548/ Mon, 20 Feb 2006 00:28:12 PST , but like the story starts with half term.....I went to Porge's for Friday and Saturday I bought my
TICKETS FOR THE FOOFIGHTERS HYDE PARK GIG 3 DAYS AFTER MY BIRTHDAY ahem* WITH MOTORHEAD AND QOTSA + MORE right that's out of my system!!!

Any ways so I bought the tickets 9.04am haha and then I had sunday.....the computer wouldn't turn on, major bummer for me but I had band practice mind so nay bother...until my mum bought the new power unit that actuall didn't work either, then she tried re working the power cable and being serious, the computer actually blew up a little bit there were sparks!!!! So we had no computer and we still don't, my mums ordered a new one (80gb hard drive ) and the old machine my cousin is going to try nd fix and hopefully it will become MY computer for MY bedroom oh yes sooo all of this builds up to a happy little ending for me...in a few months though.

But I've spent my whole half term, bored, isolated and going insane, friends....were in Poland or Broadstairs and I spent half my week down at Beck's with band practice....its going good...as well as it can minus the bassist, but we might have 2 gigs to play now . Also been writing looooadds!!! so that'll be up soon (but I'm on school comps AGAIN!!!)

Dunno why I've been waiting to whinge lol, I got sick to death of my nan (playing crocodile tears) we got the whole house locked up proper, OHHHH and I went to a gig saturday , my mate Rich's band Naked in Black hehe got in for free as an "Official Photographer" wow...just as bad as doing the Gym and Dance show which may I say....I GOT AN HELIUM BALOON FOR!!!

Anyways, I was meant to type up my english essay but poo to that...
check ya laters
xXx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7842565/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7842565/ Wed, 08 Feb 2006 23:40:30 PST
I got to bed last night at like 11pm.....this is a ridiculous time when you think wake up at 6am need at least 6 hours sleep and 2 for getting into deep sleep. So the first night of filming the gym and dance show, TIRED, it was bloody brilliant of course. but assistant camera woman, Sharondeep from my media class......arrives 20 mins before the show starts and so there's plenty of people there already. I had to set up the cameras by myself, one beeing on a dodgy tripod! One camera had little charge and the other had to stay of charge whilst filming!!!!!.........Sharondeep decided to work the tripod I set for myself (It was in the corner of the hall and I could actuall fit behind it! But noooo I was on the other side with the useless tripod.. of course....then at break she asked to swap...and you know why.....she loosened the top of the tripod and I found this in the middle of recording!!!!! grrrr....then she broke the handle on the other tripod. Anyways, enough of the technical details, I have to try and finish an essay draft today...no chance.....do a presentation which has pissed me off enough already.....peacefully watch a video in psychology...I hope...and double media....but then 4.20 can go and whizz in tech B or summit then wait to start the filming process allll over again...

I must dash, need to get ready in like 5 mins haha

byes xxx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7766850/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7766850/ Wed, 01 Feb 2006 00:23:49 PST seeings as I'm buying the filthy bugger!!!!

Started cycling to school, and right nowam sat in sem3 (form room) on computer (duh) freezing....but with an incredibley red face grrr......I was really tired out yesterday when I got home....its like 40 mins each way and I was so tired I went to bed at 8.30 last night.....I was the 4th person in school this morn.....it's weird and empty like!!!!!!! Been here for only 20 mins and Dodd's only just come in and she's always early...that says a lot lol.......gah freezing.....well not inspired to mention anything else so byesbyes ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7709736/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7709736/ Thu, 26 Jan 2006 01:13:57 PST
You'll have to excuse that I haven't been on for ages, my mum yet again hasn't paid for our internet bill and so it's yet again been cut off.

Got my new guitar!!! The Grohl .....it's an Epiphone Dot semi-acoustic guitar and sounds so beautiful, it's really heavy and looks weird but kool on me shall try post up a pic of it sometime. Also been offered a gig to play in April so hopefully can get The Dimension Theory back together....
Dodd just called me a genius....now only hypothetically speaking lol.

We started filimg shots for our trailer, very fun. Georgina says "ICT is crap and hello...computer says hello from mr printer" shes being random lol. but we're in IT if no one guessed.

Nothing else to say byes xxx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7560265/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7560265/ Tue, 10 Jan 2006 01:16:58 PST Parents!

And mind you, when I got home from the doctors....my mum had ramsacked my room AGAIN, and indeed AGAIN the victim was my metal frame which my telly sits on!!!! And she stole some ofmy vodka which I luckily retrieved this morning....because as a matter of fact....its not mine to drink...not even hers....it's in fact Ben's!!!! So it's now hidden. She got seriously pissed last night, went into my nans room whilst I had a shower and made a mess. We're considering that she might be back on drugs. Oh and other than that.....I went in my room to find my diary open....so she might have read out of it...who knows.....don't care anymore she probably wouldn't have liked what she read anyway.

Well, to everyone doing exams at the mo, good luck, I'm signing off to start on the ICT coursework
Byesxxxx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7513808/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7513808/ Thu, 05 Jan 2006 01:45:29 PST
It's going okish so far ...you know 5 days in...I think. So haven't been on here recently as had Ciaran around. Well, eventually after having his flight delayed by like 7/8 hours and staying over in the airport. Dear me. So, I've written a few new songs too and put up a couple on here.

I had a plan to go and buy a moped but now I'm gonna just sack that and save up for my guitar that I want. As I can't buy a good moped along with insurance and tax if it's only gonna be slower then my nan. So anyways, I'm in school and really tired...just want to sleep and working is just slow....I have a mystery cut on my wrist and is seriuosly itching and annoying.

I've got to go to ICT in about erm.........2 minutes I think...how boring I forgot most of my project initiatives and my back really hurts anyways must be off byes xxxx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7427895/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7427895/ Tue, 27 Dec 2005 02:08:23 PST lol !!! But Jay THANK YOU!!!!!!!

ok and lets see, how was everyone's christmas day? I hope you all had a good one!!! Mine was bog standard, waited til 8pm for mum to finish work, then we opened our pressies and had a drink. But I have to say that the most amazing present I got was from my Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary......so I was given a bag with a long box in it and I think oh great more chocolates, then I open and all these £2 coins dropped out after counting and recounting....and recounting again....they've given me £234 in £2 coins so I'm just in shock and unfortunately my mum burst that bubble "Are you not gonna open any more presents, In fact are MINE not even GOOD enough!?!?!?!"..........what's she like.
So the next day all I got was a load of grief about how she could use it better and how I'd just waste it away. My nan reckons they're trying to make up for what my dad stole though...who knows but I owe them a massive thank you and not sure just yet how to do that...maybe some flowers! Actually thats not a bad idea!!!!!!!!

Mind you, at some point I do have to go to a doctor as I'm having problems with my arms....I slept last night only just in fact but on the pain of my right shoulder and elbow and hand. Right now I have this weird pain again in my index finger, shoulder and left wrist and elbow. I've been getting these sort of extra painful constant cramps and it's now starting to affect my guitar playing, so might go get it checked out sometime.

But anyways lets see, today is really gotta be a working day I guess. And on Friday, of course have Mr Dunn visiting muahaha so yays.

Quote...Desiree DeVere:

Bye Bye Babyes NYAHahaha Nyahaha Nyahaha Nyahaha


...NYAH ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7314949/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7314949/ Thu, 15 Dec 2005 01:43:14 PST anyways hello!!!!......well lets see, update.......

My computer is crap....it won't let me on any internet browsers with ease and so leaving me only to go on deviant like at school or wait for hours on end on my computer...which isn't my fave option I guess. Guess I've kinda been busy all week......psychology teachers been ill, English teacher was ill and another was in berlin, media was pointless and It wel I'm in IT now online lol so there you go, we break up next Tuesday...yeehaaarr!!! SLEEPP!!!!!!!

Oh yeah and on my way in to school this morning.....I witnessed a crash between a bike and 2 idiots on a bike. Basically, they were cycling (one guy sitting basically on the handle bars) and they swirved in the road a bit and a car smashed into them, dude on teh crossbars smashed right into the windscreen and fell to the pavement.....look pretty nasty for an injury and well reported it to the school already now, so there.

Might like add more on...but not sure when, oh and if I don't get to get on here at a later time Happy birthday to Mr Dunn for Saturday ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7237186/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7237186/ Tue, 06 Dec 2005 10:34:22 PST .Right well, up - to -date.....was face to Dodd muahaha...yesterday she asked why I was stroppy with her.....I was quite nasty in reply just telling her what I thought really, but kinda brief and then today she was babbling at me when I was playing Less Than Jake and shes talking to me in IT now...even though she never waited for me to walk up there, OH YEAH!!!!!

Well, last night my mum got pissed on vodka and wine...IN THE SAME GLASS....and instead of chicken fed me fish for dinner....I hate fish, it's disgusting as.

Did feck all in school today as well, first lesson was private study but meh...then psychology where miss just gave up and left us alone...then IT was just chattign and m insulting the likes of Dr Dickhead. and then Psychology again....me and hannah nicked a tv and watched titanictil end of lunch and 5th I sat listening to music chatting with Cate and Kaitlin etc

Ah well, til later....buhbye ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7212321/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7212321/ Sat, 03 Dec 2005 13:27:39 PST Right now, I'm feeling kind of sick again :S I think that the tomato soup nan made me eat didn't do a great job. I was planning on going to the cinema with Jay, but because of nan's great hearing at night she just said sounds as if you have bronchitis you're staying home and apparently rang Jay's house. I can't stop coughing and my voice like goes from normal to husky to gone and so on. I'll admit that it's a chest infection..that isn't like ones I've had before but she had to go drastic with oh its bronchitis.

Second agenda, Dodd, she's a fucking bitch. Now to some people...you may hear me complain about how she has a lack of respect for possibley humouring other people in the delight of instant messaging, classic example would be Friday's
Me "Hey there.....only just home now! Bloody Buses"
Dodd "Right"
Me " Can you believe Jay tried so hard to flag down and stop the fucking driver and he just ignored her!!!"
Dodd "That's nice"
Me "Thanks for being so talkative, bye"
*blocks*

Now please do direct me in my actions.....was she sarcastic, humourless and to be frank a bitch? I do hence blockage.
But no, it isn't left at that is it.....4 hours later I get this text
"What was up with you earlier? You were well bitchy"

Is this role reversal or what? have I lost a plot in there somewhere?????
Well besides that, last night I went to my mums work xmas party at Stafferton Lodge which was a bit posher then your average hungry horse tbh . And well, let us see....it was a kool do, apart from lack of Wayne's presence was still quite jolly, I mean in a posh place where I had a food fight with Steve and Andy and Fran, quite entertaining...OH and the whole bet of Cam downing cranberry stuff....caught it one camera as I do. And then of course what would it be without my mum and her "best mate" Ana having a bitch fight. But nah had a good time....

Mind you, as in my current status have asked to actually work there in Cox Green and hopefully mum has remembered to get me an application form lol. This will add to savings as the aim for 2006 is to have....a moped for getting around self reliant, that lovely £360 guitar and possibley a computer to do my work on, where I can actually play with my broken bday pressy (mini disk player)...but we shall see.

Well in English, HCF (Cross-Fancy) we started Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing, which so far I think is quite funny as. In MSN (Shrimpton) we unfortunately started Emma, I have yet still to read it but I watched the film, and it seems okish with the idea of how nice Mr Knightley actually sounds after a visual presntaion. In IT, I got an E on Mr parnham's test, not sure why but may be due to technique of answer writing, but the fact is that everyon got As and Bs when me and Oriana were the only ones with below does get me slightly down. Still catching up on the psychology work I missed as well as starting a new topic. And in Media we really have to kick our asses into gear over the camera business and more paperwork.

Current mood, still slightly down unfortunately, this whole tesco dial up set up is getting me down...I feel slightly taken away with the lack of online usage I now have, and as I type it keeps fucking disconnecting left right and centre. Maybe I'm just having a lack of sleep problem...I find it hard at night to sleep early...if I just turn out the lights I just lie there thinking how I hate my dad and how my mum pisses me off, etc. Sometimes I just wonder how the fuck I'm still here, my upright family meaning just mum and dad is quite crap...Nan well I'd be lost without her...even with the constant bickering, cousins down in Devon well they're usually there like my Aunt Jean but I really do think that if it wasn't for Jay and my friends I'd be really lost, I would, I only just thought that through this time last year I was so lost in myself and my friends brought me back up again and thanks to them all for that.

God I could just type on forever, it's amazing what happens to people living far away from civilisation, it really is, I just hope I can get some money to raise for a moped .

Oh well before I bore you well, good night x ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7201662/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7201662/ Fri, 02 Dec 2005 08:35:35 PST
We've started Emma in English and I watched the film...got the plot just need to read the book now in some hope that I might like it now knowing about the lovely Mr Knightley.

Oh yeah, I finished writing my trailer for media studies and that I shall post on here for urgent criticism on content and visuals as I like to improve on all areas, but this won't be until I'm on the school comps. I'm still tired after the whole Shezam business and lacking most sleep....but anyways shall have a better whinge later as I'm of for a night out
tata xXx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7147254/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7147254/ Sat, 26 Nov 2005 07:54:36 PST
Wednesday, mum insistantly gave me a lift to school, and in the end my media lesson was cancelled...long tale in that too, so mum gave me a lift home well...after breaking down at school and my media class giving the car a jump start....quite funny to think of it.

Next status, I've just been feeling crap as we now only have tesco net LIMITED internet access, not broadband. And my mum keeps asking me to buy her stuff which she doesn't usually need and it's just really annoying cuz I want to save my own money and save up for things I really want or need.

Now a jump to Friday, last night I went to a party...and I'm not going to be naming names. I had the feeling early on that it wouldn't go very well...in fact I don't even know why I said I'd go.....I was in a mood to start off with and now it's worsened....let me tell you why...

Abig gathering it was, and I just drank about 7 kronenbergs and 4 fosters and 2 stella artois (prefer kronenberg...its actually nice beer) then a few shots and some neat vodka. I didn't know anyone about 80% of the time....and I'll admit I was NOT my normal chatty self. Considering about a few hours before had to accompany the hostesses to the sex clinic which was very boring. There were faces that I had seen around Windsor....the Hostess introduced me as "This is Bob, the greatest person you'll ever know"...first up I am no one that is so fantastic I am just me and cannot live up to what people think I am!!!

More people kept arriving and in fact....CHAVS.....majorally scary ones. I sat on the stairs when some people I actually knew came up and asked what was wrong with me, I guess I wasn't so invisible. One person that was there kept pissing me off but then she always has. I then proceeded to just stand in the hall near the doorframes whilst texting Jay, just so I didn't look like a complete prat left all alone. In the end I sat watching tv.....or rather crap hip hop music with the chavs.....where no one would be able to find me and I was comfortable at the same time.

So next thing on agenda, the hostess loses her phone....she really got upset about it I tried to help find it when I saw a very old face. This would happen to be a person I was seriously obsessed with for 4 years and stalked and never got over. He kept giving me glances all night and I was just looking for the mobile until the other hostess starts to run around screaming she lost her phone too, news broke out it was theft so I ran after my bags to keep the purse safe in my pocket. Eventually found the forst lost mobile in the hostess' bedroom she was so much happier but for the rest of the night I was spent looking after and calming down the second hostess, she was on and off tears and it was all just a nightmare.....and who happened to be sat with us except the guy I use to obsess over, more glances came my way.

We talked more altogether, in fact if I remember at one point I was going to be attacked by a dog rail and he caught it saying "Saved your life". Anyways eventually everybody left one by one, except the last 4 chavs.....in the end....I didn't have a room which I thought I would...I slept downsrtairs on a sofa with Darran's coat and a dog on top of me.

I am mentally scarred, all night long, both the hostesses and a chav each were shagging for a very long fucking time....each time coming to an end screaming "SHEEEEZAMMM!!!!!"......then starting off all over fucking again....I thought the ceiling was gonna cave in at one point. But around 8am.....went and walked home....then I fell asleep.....but no

In my head, all I can fucking hear is "SHEEEEZAAAAM!!!!!!"
So fucking crap ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7081388/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7081388/ Fri, 18 Nov 2005 14:35:04 PST ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7060214/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7060214/ Wed, 16 Nov 2005 02:24:10 PST
I've lost all respect for her since what she did to me Friday, drinking AND taking serious medication...screaming at me from different levels of the house telling me how I'm a bitch and that she wished they never cut me out of her....how her life would have been better without me, how she should got me adopted like she was originally gonna do and it goes on. She disconnected the house phone, she reported my mobile as stolen and she still hasn't got it unbarred and then I went to put the bin out...she locked me out of the house in the freezing cold, I was waiting for my nan to come home from bingo for like an hour and a bit.

I'll admit as soon as I got her inside and settled....I broke down into tears. She put me to bed, but that didn't stop me there oh no.....somehow or other I just flipped and went back into some old habits which I'm now ashamed of.
Next morning all achey red eyed and worn out and icky, cut etc. She acts like nothing happened.

We're still not proper talking to each other cause as far as I'm concerned...she's dead to me until I get an apology for all the trouble she's EVER caused me, and as cruel as this is to say but when my nana dies there's nothing that will make me want to stay with her...she can be alone and cope by her self, Dunno where I'd go but anywhere is better then with her. ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7024868/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/7024868/ Sat, 12 Nov 2005 07:26:40 PST Is there ever a reason why I'm still here?
I don't think so.....I live in this household with no choice. I want to leave even more so now. But I have nowhere to go so should flee on that hope. I've let myself get into an old state which has crept on me suddenly....for once there was nothing to shelter my feelings at that one moment in time. I can't put reason to what I did and I never will. But I know it ends there....I hope.
I can tell you now, I am just so pathetic right now, even though one person so far has been giving me words of wisdom and I thank him... ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/6968019/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/6968019/ Sun, 06 Nov 2005 02:42:03 PST of course. but anyways....I'd like to take this oppotunity to remember that 3 journals ago I meant to post up a link to 2 of my written songs I've posted online.

So check out [link]

or [link]

they should work....I think...anyways have a listen to both tracks and comment I will always love you lol.

Now next point, head actually still hurts. Managed to make a CD rack in my room, lol withing 24 hours it moved once!!!!....its still there though.
Went to Thorpe Park yesterday...hehe so kool as always then went and saw fireworks....after the Lemon Chicken ordeal bless.

Also found I got my EMA already lol...so tried to get soem tickets to the Foos in decemeber they had JUST sold out. but oh well.....at least I saw them at reading...and got to hear them play DOA live .

Got my ART coursework home lol....it hurt, I walked to town from school just so I gots my blink greatest hits album cheaper but ended up not and went for a special edition. oh well lol shall learn not to do that in the future!

In quite a delightful mood at the moment, and hopefully should be seeing Alice Cooper tonight if we get the car sorted...apparently tyres got slashed or summit when my mum was over in Cookham...(Home of father) but Meh. My mum has dreadfully bad luck in all things so it's no suprise.

Anyways, off now...might get some caffeine or just tea lol
byes xxxx ]]> ~darksazzo http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/6943027/ http://darksazzo.deviantart.com/journal/6943027/ Thu, 03 Nov 2005 09:04:28 PST
FUCK my head is tough, I just have a major headache, many bumps, 3 small cuts and really confused about it.....he was there hitting me saying something at the same time..I have seriously bare memory.."You selfish slut, you don't deserve anything..." I cannot honestly remember. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO IN THE FIRST PLACE the bastard needs to get to grips with what happened between us....but he can't.

So break in school...rang his boyfriend...who told me he's actually been missing for a few days...I have no idea what the fuck is going on......but it hurt but hey on the bright side.....hasn't depressed me....just made me angrier towards him and in pain ]]> ~darksazzo