http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:demonicat&section=today deviantART RSS for by:demonicat en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:41:04 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/26129452/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/26129452/ Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:34:10 PDT
i finally finished posting my thirty-ish photos from my day at a garden on the mississippi. it took me days just to wade through the 322 photos, and it was even harder to pick out the best of them~ there were just too many good ones. with that, im pleased to conclude that im getting better at this whole photography thing. which is funny and sad, since im just now figuring my way through it and relying less and less on photoshop, but i already have my bachelors degree in art photography, haha. good thing i spent $17k just to finish school and THEN start learning my trade.

thats alright though, im happy with my progression. not only with my smaller, single piece photos, but also with my panoramas. i see i still havent posted my vertical panorama, i need to go find the file and do that. my last horizontal pan was 159 inches long. i personally am only 65 inches long. pretty intimidating. its currently hanging in a gallery in central minnesota.

speaking of that, my fifth showing of my work this year was an Art War, where my work and wit was pitted against my fathers. it was decided to be a truce, since the visitors didnt want to hurt anyones feelings. only a small handful of people had the spine to pick a side, haha. it was a good debate though, and hopefully sometime soon ill have a copy of the video taken of the whole thing. i should post some photos of it in my scraps here. i also have some photos of me from a talk i gave at a show memorial day 2007, i should make a place for those as well.

i think i would like to start working more with portraits. if i can work with people like i can with flowers and landscapes, i think ill be pretty much rounded out. i should go back and try to work on more book photos, too. maybe i need to take my cam into a library...

and i found out a few days ago that im no good at photography when im drunk. its a good thing to know, i think!

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/24865942/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/24865942/ Wed, 20 May 2009 22:59:43 PDT i appreciate it more than can be expressed at 1am.

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/23486106/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/23486106/ Mon, 02 Mar 2009 09:40:14 PST
Life has been stressful and repeatedly I find myself writing about someone or other getting their hearts torn out or heads chewed off. Literally, I'm writing a vampire novel and one of the main characters is currently insane and animal-like. Which I personally find humorous in it's own way. But at the same time, when I write a scene where she gets turned on by watching her mate strangle someone to death, I have to wonder if I will ever be able to publish that. Perhaps it's a bit too rough for the masses of twelve year olds who have consumed twilight (yay twilight! <3) like fire consumes dry grass.

I feel a little bitter today, it seems. I wonder why. On the upside, perhaps by the time I get published, the twilight hordes will be old enough and angsty enough to handle some serious death. Or maybe I will be the only one to read my own books. insert shrug here.

Back to my book photography. I really should post at least one photo up to show it, since it's become my new obsession. okay, there. there's the first one. I have like twenty others or something, so keep a watchful eye towards the horizon, and by horizon I mean my gallery.


God, writing again makes me sound so pompous. >_>

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/18946802/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/18946802/ Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:07:21 PDT
i started writing a novel. so far ive got about 50 paperback pages done, and thats without formatting and proper paragraphs, and its not even finished yet. any advice on publishing would be VERY appreciated.

i had a memorial day show with my dad. i entered one piece (I Miss You and Love You) and my dads work filled the rest of the art center. i even gave two speeches there about my piece, what it means, that sort of thing. then one of the board members publicly offered me a solo show! sweet!

also, ive been working on editing my wedding photographs. yes, i have to do my own editing because the studio did a job that was absolute crap. whats wrong with them? they are supposed to be professionals!

ive done a little photography work, it turns out i have an interesting relationship with death. im fascinated and incredibly terrified of it at the same time. i always expect dead things to come back to life. i think it started when i was in seventh grade, and my dad shot a rabbit. he told me to go pick it up, and i, completely unafraid, went to do so. he told me to pick it up by the back legs, and when i did, the nerves fired and it kicked. i screamed and dropped it. and i *think* thats what caused it. plus of course all those violent video games and movies and tv shows that society blames for its own shortcomings. so yeah, odd relationship with death. and i have (thus far) enjoyed taking photographs of it.

plus i finally gave in and have a print account here on deviantart. so go take a look, maybe youll be interested in buying something there. if i have anything youd like to purchase a print of (or something like that) but its not set up as a printstore item, please let me know, and i will set it up.

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/17285774/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/17285774/ Tue, 11 Mar 2008 12:29:45 PDT [link]

says:

1. Demonicat

An awesome person or someone who owns everyone at the game they play

Dude you are such a Demonicat!

tags: demonicat uber extreme awesome perfection






i thought that was pretty interesting. granted it was written by someone under the name "Demonicat" but i assure you it wasnt me. i capitalize my "C". but still. nice to see.

side note: im beginning to seriously attempt my hand at photography. and im changing my major to photography. exciting!

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/16655862/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/16655862/ Thu, 31 Jan 2008 08:53:11 PST
this in a week this sunday is my 22nd birthday. im not sure how i feel about that yet. im spending the weekend with my hubby, best friend, and her boyfriend in a cabin. im excited about that.

school is going well, too. im enjoying my classes, but still have a feeling of "what the hell am i doing?" i just dont think i belong here anymore... not like im different from everyone else here (which i am, but thats not the point) its more like i should be doing something other than majoring in art. its funny that my whole life ive been different and blamed being an artist for that. but now ive gotten to spend over a year with other artists, and i realize im not like them either.
for example, yesterday i got into a discussion about the "true" culture, and how kitsch isnt really art. thomas kincaid (sp?) was brought up. basically my side was that the "popular" culture is the real culture of a nation, because the masses are the ones participating (even if its blindly) in it. and that sometimes art can be pretty. theres such a huge negativity towards pretty/happy subject matter in art. again, for example, my final project for my drawing 2 class was a painted family portrait. so i painted a picture of my husband and i kissing from our wedding. the entire time, the teacher kept telling me it "wasnt art" and asked me "how are you going to make this art?" ARGH. i understand that life isnt always happy and perfect. god knows i understand that. but why cant some parts of it be? and why cant art based on the happy parts be considered "real" art? the girl i was discussing this with yesterday said it was because when you look at something pretty, you dont feel anything, and the only thought you get is "oh, thats pretty." whats so wrong with that? im sick of angst in my life, i want my life to be filled with happiness. am i crazy for that? am i not really an artist for the simple reason that i dont want to make art that causes people to be uncomfortable? or even for the fact that i WANT a job, so i can help put food on the table?

...i think i just need to get a job. that way, all of my art other than the photo manips can just stay a hobby, and i can focus more on having a REAL and NORMAL life, with my NORMAL husband and crazy-ass in-laws.

so, uh, if anyone sees this and thinks "hey i have some pictures that could use editing!" let me know! if not for your own sake, then for the sake of my own SANITY!

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/14487549/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/14487549/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:13:49 PDT
i have a rare chance to upload everything right now, AND I FORGOT MY USB KEY. thats got all of my work and is usually always on me, im such a nerd i usually have TWO on hand, but alas in all the crazy i have nothing.

seriously, grandpa rocky and auntie barb, i did some work to that photograph of the pot-loving biker, and its done now, and its even ready to be posted here, but like i said, i dont have my usb key on me! as soon as i get my hands on my key and an internet access, i will totally upload it for you and let you know! im pretty proud of the work i did to it, and i think youll be impressed too.

mm... what other news, i know theres been a lot. my grandma passed away just about a week ago.. i got a new cell phone.. started college again....

oh yeah, and i got married on the 19th.
(will post pics asap)

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/11223739/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/11223739/ Thu, 28 Dec 2006 14:25:37 PST
[link]

it's kindof a blurry picture, but its a pink sapphire heart, with a little diamond (real ones ) on each side. it's EXACTLY what i wanted as my engagement ring. ^___^ it's so wierd calling each other 'fiancee' instead of 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend.' and we had been talking about getting married before, but then it was like "i want to ride into the church on a unicorn, and have angels as my bridesmaids.." and now its so totally real. its amazing, i'm so excited. and the ring is sooooo beautiful!

that's the biggest news. second biggest is that im moving four hours away from where i live now to go to school. Kyle is moving with me. we are leaving on the 2nd of january. i've graduated college now, and wrapped up both of my part-time jobs. all that's left to pack is my clothes, computer, videos. that sort of thing. it all will be able to fit in my car, with room left over. i'm bringing my cat, Charlie, too.

third news: i got a new car. her name is Cherry, and she's bright red. and runs. hoo-rah! ~~


its all very wonderful and very exciting. ^_^; but since life has been so crazy fast lately, i've put off drawing and devart, and my computer (cept for homework) but i'm hoping that after i get settled into my new house i will be able to schedule in some of the things that keep me sane from day-to-day. <3

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/10071454/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/10071454/ Thu, 14 Sep 2006 14:55:25 PDT
so now im looking for a certain expression+pose of a guy here. and ive realized that there are so many guy CAMWHORES.


arg, fuck, i have to piss and its so distracting. ive got like.. two or three photomanips in progress - should be pretty good ones. look for em in the next month. or two months. i onno, school (18 credits) and kyle (youll prolly never see this, but i love you anyways) been taking up alla my time. and my free time gets eaten up by work (need the dallahs yall).

peace
~DC ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/9457015/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/9457015/ Sat, 22 Jul 2006 10:28:46 PDT

i have to cut my food up into tiny tiny pieces and drink thru a straw. and it stings. and last night kyle hit me in the face (on accident!) while i was sleeping. so then this morning my lip was swollen way fucking bad. he feels so bad about it. i told him i was fine, even tho i wanted to cry, because i knew it was an accident and i know my lip wont hurt forever. he still felt awful tho. <3

im frustrated today. i really want to work on art, but just cant seem to find anything ive really got a passion for. im super happy with Reverie, tho. very pleased.

anyway, just thought id mention i got my labret pierced. ive wanted to have a ring there almost as long as ive wanted a ring in my nose.

~DC ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/8518822/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/8518822/ Wed, 19 Apr 2006 08:38:43 PDT [link]

GO! GO NOW! and then comment. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/8241200/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/8241200/ Wed, 22 Mar 2006 21:57:35 PST fuck, i havent left on purpose. i just laid off the drawing for a while. :\ but i did draw something the other night, i just needed to churn something out. heres the result: [link]

and to be honest, i was within 1-3 hours or having the whole goddamn thing completed, when i restarted my computer before the file finished saving. now i cant open the file, so all of my work was lost, and now its midnight and im gonna be working on the damn thing until my eyes fry out of their sockets.

ive been real happy for the past month. real genuine happiness. its sweet, makes me think of nothing. my mind is filled with pudding. happy pudding. instead of the ususal beehive of thoughts, racing and buzzing. i have sticky gooey pudding, that coats the insides of my skull when i shake my head around. then it takes a long time to drip down into the bottom of my head-bowl. i never liked bees anyways.

im going to work on my art more, promise. im getting heaps of encouragement from my new boyfriend. when he got home from work this morning, he woke me up with a dozen pink roses, calling me sleeping beauty. then he made me pancakes. hes mushier than the pudding he makes inside my head. and i luff him for it. its been perhaps 20 years since ive been this happy.

on the radio there was this thing advertising some aquarium with a petting tank. the announcer said "When youre done lookin, you might want to do some touchin!" i laughed. i think its a damn funny thing to say. i dont even remember what my sig is here, heh. i need to come on more often, work on art more often. but im hardly ever home even, anymore. maybe someday that will change.

....HAHAHAHAHA. hopefully not. im happier with pudding instead of bees. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7846224/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7846224/ Thu, 09 Feb 2006 14:08:52 PST

new year, (another) new journal header, new age.

todays my birthday, i turn a whopping 20 years old. ^^ no more teenager here!

just a little bit more information:
im not sure if im going to complete my entry for the megadeth contest, id really like to, i guess i will just have to see.
its snowing, and cold. boo on february.
my top priority is schoolwork, but i think id really like to finish 'my body' ( [link] ) since im pretty close to having the shading done.. once again, i dont know for sure. ill just have to see.
oh, and i lost a little bit more weight, enough so that im really happy with how i look nekkid and also i can fit back into some of my old pants/clothes. which means watch out world, the schoolgirl skirts are coming back out this summer!

edit later on the same day: omg, i totally forgot to mention -- im getting my angel wings tattooed on my back for my birthday! im so excited!

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7816913/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7816913/ Mon, 06 Feb 2006 08:44:29 PST

as much as the subject may lead you to believe, this is NOT an exciting and peppy journal entry. well, perhaps peppy, but certainly not exciting. to anyone but me.

I GOT A JOB, I GOT A JOB!

today is my first day. ^___________^ im so excited to be able to pay for my gas again!



and im currently working on my MEGADETH OMG CONTEST ENTRY. its coming along alright, i think. o_O; its definately my most in depth and serious photomanip so far. i just hope i can finish it in time, i think i should be able to. its pretty much taking all of my free time, that i have to work on art, at least, but its okay because all my other art is able to be put aside for the next week or so. yes indeedy.

and nobody won my crappy poll contest (sorry sara and jamie, i still luff joo both ) so the old dusty poll stays old and dusty for now.

and im off!

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7685455/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7685455/ Mon, 23 Jan 2006 13:21:08 PST

i just feel like i need a new journal entry up, and looking around the nooks and crannies of my user page led me to discover my ancient and dusty poll. i need a new poll up, people. what should it be of?

COMMENTZORZ AND IF I PICK UR IDEAH U WILL B A WEENIR. i really cant promise a proper drawing, i still owe ~x2creator my 4000 pageview kiriban. x______X;; so if i promise anything more, it will NEVAR HAPPEN. but i can maybe promise a scribbly little something from my planner, dedicated to the weenir of my poll thingy that im doing with this journal, that is really just being posted because im bored at college and have ten more minutes to kill before i actually have something to do.

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7593694/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7593694/ Fri, 13 Jan 2006 15:04:55 PST

well, today is the end of my first week back at college. im so gorramn tired, its 4:30 in the afternoon, and i feel like its closer to 9pm. i have to wake up at 7am, a cruel jolt from my usually peaceful sleeping until noon. to ensure that i get up on time, i have three alarms set in my room. they are all set for 7am exactly, but they are each set a few minutes apart, so they dont go off simultaneously. i didnt set the one correctly, so it didnt go off the other morning. last night i figured out how to do it right.
when it went off this morning, i about pissed myself. it was set to 'buzz', but the buzz noise sounds like a mixture of ducks and horror-movie clowns. it starts off softly, and gradually gets louder and louder. i was afraid to get out of bed, the damn thing was so fucking scary. so i shut it off, and went into the bathroom, and while i was in there, i heard the alarm go off again. i think i may have to unplug the fucker and toss it in my basement (or maybe in the trash). when i went downstairs to get in the shower, my dad asked me if 'that noise' was my alarm. i said "yeah, its fucking scary, isnt it?" and he agreed.
ive been thinking about dying my hair again. i really liked it when it was red.. *ponders*
i think id like to burn a new cd, i have a crapload of songs just waiting to be tossed onto cds.. but i dont know if i would be able to pull together enough to make a good cd. i mean, yeah, i could randomly pick 20 or so, and throw them onto a cd, but i hate doing that. i like to plan out what songs go on the cd, based on how they sound, maybe by the tempo, how much i like listening to them, it depends. i really need to organize all the music i have on my computer, its just all thrown together in like.. four different folders. and not all of them are named correctly, i need to fix that someday. but i doubt i will, haha.
as for art.. ive really been wanting to get back into manipulating photographs. so ive been trying a little bit. i dont really have plans for them, when i want to work on them, and i think thats my downfall.
my cat charlie (bless her little heart, shes the sweetest damn thing in the world) makes these little purrt noises at me all the time. theyre the cutest ever (she has me wrapped around her little finger, and i think i like it) and everytime she makes them, her little cheeks vibrate. i never noticed it until about a day ago, when i was actually watching her purrt at me. its so fucking cute. her cheeks are smaller than the pads of my thumbs (and ive got petite hands)and they visibly vibrate. ^__________^ makes me feel like melting into a sloppy puddle of sugar.

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7528322/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/7528322/ Fri, 06 Jan 2006 16:40:56 PST

i have a new car. it rocks. but theres a few days in between getting rid of my old car and getting my new one, so currently i am rideless. it sucks. but my new car will be worth it. its an 90 lebaron, so sexy! ill post pics of me pimping that shit once it gets warmer, and once i actually get the car. hoorah!

i took a bit of a break from drawing for a while, i just had other stuff to do/work on/think about/other stuff. like the d- i got in my msdos internet course. that was a huge ouchie slap in the face, but i got that one fixed (or at least its in the process of being fixed). speaking of which, i should go check for my new grade. *checks* oh, suck. the website is down for maintenance. well, the point is, ive been drawing again.
+ more on the subject of college, the plan for the last couple months was that i was going to transfer to a college four hours away from where i live now. that was for different reasons (like running from a really shitty ex that i just _could not_ get away from). but at the last minute, i changed my mind, and am going to stay at the college i have previously been attending. turns out, it will be a whole shitload cheaper to stay where i am. and i got rid of the shitty ex for good, and shouldnt have any more contact with him, even if i stay here. it also just takes a lot of stress off of me. the move wouldnt be difficult, but i really like this area, i know a lot of people in my town, and everyone around here (that matters) loves me to pieces. i can always move after i get my AA. speaking of my AA, i should be able to graduate this next fall, if i get my ass into summer classes, which i will.

ive been doing well, lately. im very happy with my life, and where im at and where im going. ^^ but i have no oreos, it turns out. sunny d with no oreos, im sad. boo.

well, seeing as how i skipped posting a christmas/new year entry, this one'll have to do. i hope everyone had a very merry christmas (or whatever it is that you celebrate) and a happy new year. my holidays were interesting to say the least. maybe in some other journal ill talk more on that.

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6939199/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6939199/ Wed, 02 Nov 2005 19:38:08 PST

i gotta piss really bad. fuck. but at least i have a journal header picture. ^^

this journal entry isnt really that important. you can stop reading here, if you dont really care, because there is not a single thing in this journal entry that is interesting to any degree. im serious.

i got my ears pierced for the second time, blah blah.. kinda hurts, the silly girl pierced the one off, so it had to be repierced, and the girl was pulling so damn hard at my ear, trying to get the first stud out, that i nearly passed out. everything sounded veeeeerrrrrryyyy far away, and Dave (exbf - came with me to hold my hand while i got them pierced) said i looked really white.

i cut my hair off, theres no black left. everyone says it looks totally cute. i think so too. once im feeling better (ive got a sore throat, clogged with shit that ive been coughing up the past week - damn you Dave, infecting me with your virii), ill get some pics taken, and post them for you all (who? nobody reads my journal anyway) to see.

im in the mood to work on art, but none of the files ive waded thru interest me right now.. GRR. maybe ill draw something new tonight, to work on. im really happy i finally finished my halloween picture for ~Saraluna. that was a huge project for me, im just so proud that i finished. hurray.



grrrrrraaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh... *rolls herself onto the couch to watch PBS with her mom*

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6826266/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6826266/ Fri, 21 Oct 2005 09:20:06 PDT

this journal entry is pointed to a few select people, because i have certain things i want them to know.

the first is my best friend, Dani. i know i havent written you in forever, and im so sorry. i will do that today. in an effort to make it up to you, i did you a drawing. and i know you dont even know about my page here at devart, but i love you and want the world to know that i care and think about you all the time. here, the masses can see my drawing for you: [link] and while i am currently working on my halloween picture, i will also be working on coloring your picture for you, so i can send it to you when im done. i love you, and hang in there when i cant speak with you.

the second is . i have actually drawn a picture of your character, Luna for you. but she is so fantastic (imho) that i refuse to upload the sketch before the completed piece. she is my halloween picture, if you dont mind, and so i am trying to keep her a secret. i think you will be very pleased with her. i tried to mimic =kaoru-chan's style a little with it. its good, i promise.

the third is . you are a great friend. ^^ nuff said.

the fourth is . i still love you. i know we havent spoken since you left that drunken voicemail on my cellphone, and i think you deserve a reason why. you know who you told me was hosting that party, and when you said it was just you and sabrina there, i sensed some hesitation, and i believe you were lying to me. i think that the host was there as well, and i am hurt that you would care so little about my emotional welfare to invite me into such a snake pit. i understand that you never saw me when i was at my worst, and you didnt hear about my overdose until after it happened. you should love me enough to care about how i am, and you should know enough about me to know that i cannot be anyplace near the people who crippled my spirit when i was 18. im sorry, but that is why i havent called you. and to be honest, i dont even know if you will see this message, because you dont really come on devart anymore.

and the fifth and last is ~SPC452nd. does your wife know that you are trying to get back in touch with me? i dont want to hear from you or see you ever again.

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6692846/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6692846/ Thu, 06 Oct 2005 06:34:36 PDT

because told me to!

Leave a comment here and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
7. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written. (this'uns optional, peeps. i dont care what you do and dont post. )

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6484775/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6484775/ Mon, 12 Sep 2005 11:12:41 PDT

for the first real time in probably five or six years, i am 100% single. and believe me, im looking. ;D

the last break up with dave was real hairy. i still love him, but he treated me like shit. my mom flat out told me (and she stopped by his house to tell him this too) that she wont allow me to be with him anymore.

onto the better stuffs! im looking for a good man. but thats not my highest priority. my main focus is on school, work, and my art. and it feels great, not worrying about how bad my ass is gonna get chewed because i stayed a little after class to socialize with peers. im working on the side at revamping my life - im going to dye my hair again soon (dont know when or what color yet, but yar), im going to redesign my room in off-white and gold (its going to have a princess-angel theme, im so excited!), and now that my money is all mine again (fkn jobless boyfriends ) im saving it all up, and i am going to be looking for some cheap but sexy automobile (with a STEREO!!) to be getting for myself. maybe ill cut my hair, too.

my art is going great. at least, im really happy with where its going. i redid my 4000 kiriban for =x2creator, which you can see here: [link] . im to the computer-work for my Toy Soldiers piece, plus ive got a bunch of other pictures waiting in line for coloring. also, ive become incredibly interested in contests that people are holding here on DevART. ive finished and entered two, am working on a third, and am tossing around ideas in my head for the fourth.

im still 150lbs, so my dieting isnt going how i really want it to (ill lose about five or so, then gain it all back again from stress eating ) but im perfectly happy with how i look right now. i just cant fit into my old clothes, and i want to. ah well, we will see how that goes.

so lifes tough, but im alone and im okay with that.

(ps - so excited i finally made a picture to go at the top of my journal haha.)

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman




my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6355307/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/6355307/ Sun, 28 Aug 2005 22:28:53 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art.

i entered a book design contest a while back.
and i just found out the other day that I WON!

i got a check for one hundred smackaroos, and a letter from the author and everything! unfortunately, the book is running into some snags, and publishing it has been delayed (hopefully not permanently!). when it does (knock on wood?) go to be published, i get a copy. ^^ how cool is that? i was so excited to find out!

after my vacation to go to GenCon (which totally rocked! ill post pics once i get them developed) ive gotten back together with dave. no more single DC, everyone, sorry. but i dont know. i love him, but we dont get along very smoothly, and blah blah blah. blame it on the drama brought on by teenage hormones.

im opening requests up (havent they been open for a couple months now?) so if you get a crazy idea into your head that youd like me to draw something for you, toss me the gist of it, and ill see what i can do for you. no guarantees that youll actually get it (but ive got a lot of freetime so its a likely thing) unless you are paying me money for it. speaking of which, ive got a cafepress shop! go here [link] to buy some of my crap there. feel free to request something for there, too, i guess. as long as i dont have to pay money to do it, haha. im too poor for all that. minimum wage just doesnt pay what it used to!

theres some great art on the way, i promise. im in the middle of some really kickass drawings, and asap ill be posting them. honest, its true!

<3 DemoniCat


"There are no fences when you look up." ~ Ed Newman


~batwings ~mikichiron ~Koroeu *dreamangelkristi

my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5967634/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5967634/ Mon, 18 Jul 2005 11:26:06 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art.

man, its been a crazy couple weeks!

my first great news: theres hardly a night when im not having fun with someone. ^^ ive gotten back in touch with my best friend from high school, ~batwings. while i was dating dave (the most recent ex) it happened that all my friends disappeared from my life. so like, the day after the breakup, i hunted them all down and pulled them close to me again. well, actually, some of the better ones just happened upon me when i was at my worst.

second great news: i was terrified to view my grades for college. so, last night in the middle of the night i decided that if i was going to die for seeing them, last night would be the perfect time to do it. SO I CHECKED THEM. my god, i screamed at Wraith in delight. (i was on the phone with him.) he laughed at me, and im sure if we had been in person, he wouldve hugged me. Wraith is one of my closest right now.

third great news: Wraith! Wraith is an ex boyfriend of mine from.. whew, god, from something like four or five years ago. we have been talking every night for the past... *checks cell phone logs* since the 6th. before that, we spoke for about a week over the internet. he invited me to GenCon, in Indianapolis. im so excited about going, its not even funny. his birthday is the 31st of this month. i drew him a picture as a gift, and you can see the original scan of it here: [link]

fourth great news: i dyed my hair again. its fkn hawt. its 3 colors now, brown at the top, brown with a red shine in the middle, and black tips and streaks and bits.

random other great news: i started dancing again! <3 im so happy.

*miguel-tigre i still need to get an answer from you.. anything youd like me to draw for you? ^^

and to =x2creator ill be getting right on that for you!

<3 DemoniCat



~batwings ~mikichiron ~Koroeu ~Dakota15 ~dreamangelkristi

my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5849244/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5849244/ Tue, 05 Jul 2005 16:50:55 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art.

for the second time, ive had my heart broken by a careless liar. sunday morning, in the middle of the night, i walked in on my boyfriend of over a year with some other girl. he said he was done with me, and the next morning when i packed my shit and moved back in with my parents, he told me it was my choice. i couldve sworn it wasnt my voice telling me that that wasnt my home anymore. /sarcasm. the worst part about it is how i found out. this is the second time in a row. everyone has been real nice and supportive for me, and i really appreciate it. an ex of mine who cares a lot is taking me to GenCon this august, so im really looking forward to some sunshine during these stormy days. ive been in a pretty good state considering, i went back to work the day after. my coworker said that she hadnt seen me look so happy and pretty in a long long time. i cried a little, but not much because i wanted to break up anyway. i was trying to wait until he got a job, and his drivers license before i did tho, i wanted him to get back on his feet before i left him. i still love him, and i dont know if ill ever hate him. its for the best, im sure, but it still hurts. i promised my mom id stay single for a year, and it feels nice, knowing that i can go home and not be yelled at and called worthless anymore. he never really cared about my art, either.
i took my cat with me, because he would beat her when i wasnt around and she was naughty. on the way home, i hugged her tight and thru my tears i told her that everything would be alright because nobody would ever hit her again. my kitty, Charlie, is happier now than she has ever been before. she isnt terrified of anyone here, and nobody will hit or kick her. but its not alright for me. im afraid that ive been kicked around too many times, and im scared i wont ever be able to trust a man again. thats what hurts the most, the fact that my last two boyfriends have been so careless with my heart. i dont know if ill ever be able to love so selflessly again, for fear of being broken again.
on the upside, im done with finals, and i got an extension on my english paper thats due this thursday. this weekend im going to the cities to a going away party for my brothers girlfriend. i should draw her something nice as a present. that will give me something nice to concentrate on. im trying to revamp my life, change a lot of things around. im going to redesign my bedroom into a princess angel type scheme, and im going to dye my hair again. maybe ill cut it, too. i just need to get back on my feet and start to grow new blossoms from these ashes.

with all in consideration, im doing fantastic. its just a little hard sometimes, i keep dreaming about him, and wishing it wouldve worked out. for some reason my mind refuses to remember the worst times, and it only brings back the good ones (rare that they were).

im really sorry to the 4k kiriban winners, but your pictures are being paused right now. well, the one is. i havent heard back from M-T yet. ill get on those asap, but it may have to wait until i can sort myself out a little better.

<3 DemoniCat



~batwings ~mikichiron ~Koroeu ~Dakota15 ~dreamangelkristi

my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5780942/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5780942/ Tue, 28 Jun 2005 11:25:42 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art.

CONGRATULATIONS to *miguel-tigre and to =x2creator for both snagging my 4000th pageview! as soon as i get a solid "i want [insert whatever here]!" from you, ill get right on those! ^^ to you both!

and because ~mikichiron specially asked for it (kinda), im opening requests up to EVERYONE, so if you just want something because, go ahead and ask!

<3 DemoniCat



~batwings ~mikichiron ~Koroeu ~Dakota15 ~dreamangelkristi

my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5721858/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5721858/ Wed, 22 Jun 2005 09:11:44 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art.

***if you get my 4k hit, ill give you a little something-something. ***
***if you get my 4k hit, ill give you a little something-something. ***
***if you get my 4k hit, ill give you a little something-something. ***
***if you get my 4k hit, ill give you a little something-something. ***
***if you get my 4k hit, ill give you a little something-something. ***


just wanted to make sure it was emphasized enough.

<3 DemoniCat



~batwings *mikichiron ~Koroeu =Dakota15 ~dreamangelkristi

my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5569591/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5569591/ Mon, 06 Jun 2005 11:39:49 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art.

so uhh.. hmm, whats been up, self?
well, not much. im currently rounding myself about a new plan of attack. back in college now, too. makes for some long days, im in college from 10am til 5pm. whew! gets me some great drawing time tho. speaking of drawings, ive got a couple new ones up. also, dont forget to check out my scraps. le sigh, what else?

lately ive been real pensive and progressively quieter. in real life, of course. here on DA, im still as bubbly as ever. ^^ its not that im having bad days, ive never been happier in my life than i am right now. my joy levels are at 4s and 5s on a scale of 1-5. 5 being highest, of course. but as i stand (technically im sitting at the college, but you know what i mean) here before you, in a mini skirt, black high heeled boots, topped with a pink and white spaghetti strap shirt and black motorcycle vest, and also at 150+ pounds on a 5'4 frame, i am joyful, cheery, and totally pleased with myself. i look damn good today. im sure during geography (my next class) ill be doing some type of drawing including this outfit.
ive decided to take up hang-gliding. soon ill be researching the nearest place i can do it at, and how much it will cost, and all of the details. im going to fly, goddamnit. also, im going to have to work on getting that tattoo, starting that novel, making lots o money, etc etc etc. my This Is Me [link] drawing most accurately describes the past paragraph. i have a lot on my two theoretical plates, and although i dont feel overwhelmed by them at all, i am indeed torn between which i shall choose as my future. wish me luck in deciding, everyone, because its sure a doozy.

<3 DemoniCat



~batwings ~mikichiron ~Koroeu ~Dakota15 ~dreamangelkristi

my stock account: ~demonistock ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5415795/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5415795/ Fri, 20 May 2005 20:57:24 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art. Feel free to state your side of this, because hey, "forgive and forget" right?

this entry is just a notice to say:

i now have a stock account! ~~> ~ demonistock <~~ GO THER ZOMG!

a lot of my pictures are blurry, theres a reason im not a photographer. but they may be helpful for something, im sure. i am also posting all of my photoshop brushes there, as well. so if you cant find them in my gallery, thats why. i decided to create the account because i have a lot of stock i take myself (because i know exactly what i need ) and i figured id share it. it may be a while before i get it up and running fully, i have a lot of pictures to post and a few brushes to move from this account. but as of right now, i have five flower pictures up.
tomorrow im going to a festival in an art community with my dad. that should be fun. ^^!

go lookit 's and 's and 's and 's work, because THEY ALL ROCK. ^^

and to all of you!

<3 DemoniCat ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5345901/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5345901/ Fri, 13 May 2005 08:33:22 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art. Feel free to state your side of this, because hey, "forgive and forget" right?

ah, goddamnit! i just had half a journal entry done, and i lost it. the only important thing was this: [link] in any case, so not too much of a loss.

uhh lets see, life news.. my boyfriend is moving, so instead of living at home and the apartment, it will be home and the farm place. theres like three ponds, and they are all full of little baby duckies. ^_____^ so cute! and err.. its been really rainy and crappy here. im sick of it, its depressing. so like, sometimes i sit down to draw, and cant come up with anything, so i think ill open myself up to requests/commissions. i say commissions too, because i dont want to discourage anyone from sending me money. i can always use it to fix up my car.
isnt that sad looking? thats what i have to putt around in nowadays. i dont even have a nice stereo in there anymore to counter the ugly outside.
but its not so bad, it happened months ago now. egads, thats months of looking crappy when im cruising! insert more !

and i dont want to forget, but kudos and cookies to ~Dakota15 because shes drawn a picture of DC. ^^ i cant wait for her to post it! *pokes ~Koroeu* koroeu gets kudos and cookies too, because she drew me a piccie too! i havent been able to see either one, tho. ;; be sure to let me know, you two, when they are posted. ill be watching, but a note would be good, just in case i miss it.

<3 DemoniCat ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5114631/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5114631/ Sun, 17 Apr 2005 18:51:48 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art. Feel free to state your side of this, because hey, "forgive and forget" right?

keke, hugs to ~Koroeu and ~batwings! you two ROCK my you-know-what!
my newest scrap, located here: [link]
im real happy with it, its the FIRST drawing EVER to have come from a forced session. and i think im victorious. ^^ im totally pleased with her face, and her abdomen (but mostly her face) i think she came out beautiful. *noddles*
erm, and an update on all the shows and sheeyat thats been going on with me - in my second show i won THIRD PLACE. and thus, i was on the front page of the newspaper, and i even spammed my devart url and pseudoname DemoniCat in there. HARHARHAR. eat that, all of you who told me i would never amount to anything. who has gotten their slice of the pie at 19, hmm?

<3 DemoniCat ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5024547/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/5024547/ Thu, 07 Apr 2005 11:08:42 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art.

well, the teaching went fantastic. i saw all my old teachers, the ones that helped me the most during my senior year. my old english teacher said that i was always welcome into his classroom, no matter what is going on that day. he also said that he always expected great things of me, and was so proud of me that i was doing well. my graphics teacher (the one i guest taught for) was extatic that i came. the class was tiny, only six boys. but they were interested, and i loved teaching them. ezra, a great friend of mine, was actually into photoshop like i was in high school. it was so refreshing. he commisioned me to do a drawing for his band, Eyes Without April. i worked on it yesterday in college. anyway, about teaching. i had planned out what i wanted to teach them. then i thought "well, hell. what if i still have time left over?" so i planned out two more emergency time left over things. and i ended up having to teach all three, and then i still had 5-10 minutes left, so i was like '-__-;; uhh, here are some of my drawings, have fun looking at them!' so all in all, it went pretty damn well. i enjoyed it IMMENSELY. a lot of kids and teachers were so happy and surprised to hear that i wasnt just visiting for the hell of it, but actually teaching there. and to think, ive only been gone less than a year!
friday my second art show is being judged, and on monday ill find out if i won or not, at the actual show. one of the teachers at the college said that i had to be there on monday at 1pm, because thats when the newspaper will be there to take pictures. she said to me (because she was at the other show) "so you have to be there if you win some awards - which you seem to be good at!" so im pretty confident, i dont think many people entered it anyway.
have you all seen willy wonka and the chocolate factory? im 19, and i saw it for the first time two days ago. @_@ what the hell? why was i skipped over back when i was little? but anyway, i saw it finally. and I LOVED IT. i even did some willy wonka fan art! you can see the original here: [link] i tried to get a good and round summary of the movie in there.. i am pretty happy with how it came out.

god damn, my life is going great! *prances about sprinkling everyone with shards of her happiness*

<3 DemoniCat ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4996222/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4996222/ Mon, 04 Apr 2005 09:44:33 PDT SPC452nd: I know who you are, and have since March 15th, when you joined DeviantART and commented on my art.

this sunday i had an art show. it was a community one, where anybody with ten bucks could get three pieces in. i entered, why the hell not. i put [link] and [link] and [link] into the show. i didnt really expect anything too special to come of it, because in rural minnesota, anime and photomanipulations arent common, and nobody knows a thing about either one. in fact, when i went to drop the pieces off, the man who was taking the submissions couldnt even pronounce 'photomanipulation' correctly. yeah, so thats what i was getting myself into. this was my second art show, my first was last year. and it sucked so much fucking ass. my boyfriend at the time ruined my day by telling me awful news on the way there. then he brought his roommate, and they just fucked around the whole time. and i didnt win anything. but this year, i have a new and improved boyfriend, and entered new pieces, and am better at photoshop than i was last year. and do you know what? out of three pieces, TWO of them won awards! and my dad, who lives 400+ miles away from me right now, drove the whole way just for the one night so he could be there for my show! thanks daddy!
today, monday, i entered four pieces into the college art show. i am really confident about this one, too, but it will be at least a week before i find anything out about it. i entered Demoni Le Fae, and the uncolored version of the mushroom hopping fairy from it, and [link] and [link] . my mom said that she thought i would enjoy this one more, because the kids will actually understand what is going on in the drawings, instead of being like the judge at the other show (who admitted that he didnt know a thing about it). the art teacher at the sollege entered the community show, and won, but she is a professional, and so was the other winner. i dont think anyone else has ever won two awards at the same time, but i did! and hell, two out of three is pretty damn good!
not to mention, there is a book cover design contest i read about in the newspaper, and ive created a superb cover for it. sometime in the next week i should be posting that here, so watch for it! and more spectacular news for me, tomorrow (tuesday) i am going back to my high school to be a guest teacher for the graphic design class. i havent even been graduated from that school for a year yet, and i am already ging back TO TEACH. i am so excited. its very stressful. but after tuesday, i think my life will slow back down. i am looking forward to the summer time, since ive lost weight and dont mind being seen in a bikini top anymore. im just really excited about all that has happened in the past couple days, and will be happening tomorrow. its like.. life goals, being achieved at age 19. im so proud of myself, and i love it!

thank you everyone who has supported me and commented on my art. i really appreciate it all, and it makes me feel confident, and proud. and i dont think i get that feeling from anything other than my art. so thank you. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4923247/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4923247/ Sun, 27 Mar 2005 09:32:11 PST SPC452nd

I've known who you are since the first comment you left on my art on March 15th.

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4852571/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4852571/ Sun, 20 Mar 2005 15:46:32 PST i just got my wisdom teeth out! aiee!

so yeah. all four of them had to be CUT out yesterday. the left side of my cheek is HORRIBLY SWOLLEN. and the stitches are beginning to annoy me. and i cant eat anything very good. ._. buuuuuuuuu. but other than that, im doing pretty damn well, i think. ^_^ on the way home from the doctors yesterday, my mom spun out and got us stuck in the ditch. normally, id have shit my pants. but i was still feeling the effects of the sleepy-stuff they gave me, so i felt the car spinning, but wasnt bothered. she was all freaking out: "OMG ITS GOING TO BE OKAY!!!!" and i was like 'hey, its all good. ^___^' then we were stuck in the ditch, and im like 'hey, you want me to get out and push?' im feeling a little bit bit of nausea, but for the most part im doing real well.

!!UPDATE!!
everyone said 'the first three days are the worst'. well, thats all fine and such. however, last night in the middle of the night i started throwing up. there wasnt anything in my stomach (after it was tossed all over my nightgown) so the second time it was just dry heaves. which is almost worse, sometimes. but since then, ive not been able to take any food, and since i cant eat, i cant take any pain medication. ive tried taking something other than the prescribed stuff i got, but its just not powerful enough. i am still experimenting with pain killers that dont require food in your stomach, but as of right now, ive not found anything to help yet. aiee... but on the other hand, i have use of the top halves of my cheeks. so now, even tho it hurts like a mf-er, i can smile. and believe me, i have been!
on another note, ive identified this edit to my journal by writing UPDATE in all caps, and guarding it with exclamation points, making it seem all important and such. which makes me laugh, because this is probably just a one day thing, and not anything major, but i wrap it in a package that makes it seem very very important. amusing!

<3 Demoni! ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4750526/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4750526/ Tue, 08 Mar 2005 03:57:20 PST BatWings! Cheez! I-See-Dead-People!

this journal entry is dedicated to ~ batwings, ~I-See-Dead-People ^^ and my dad, Cheez. to all of you! to BW, because i finally did a pretty good drawing of her chara BatWings, and i told her i would do it like forever ago. and to i-s-d-p, i still havent gotten anything done for you. ._. i so sorry! but as soon as i get a ref sheet for Amiko, ill be able to get on that. honest, girl, its going to be my next priority! and my daddy ^^! its his birthday this week. i came up with an idea for a drawing the other day, im going to fix up part of it, and give it to my daddy for his birthday! happy bday, daddy! i love you!

and thats the news, i think.. i dont know. if i think of something else, ill add it on. YAR!


MORE NEWS THOUGHT OF LATER ON: have you ever searched for yourself on google? i do searches for 'demonicat' periodically, to keep an eye on myself. theres a lot of people out there parading around with my name. o_O; it makes me a little sad, kinda. i wish i could get it copyrighted to me like thru the government and shit. thatd be cool.

<3 Demoni! ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4636153/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4636153/ Mon, 21 Feb 2005 08:18:58 PST
Mood: annoyed but cheerful
Listening to: She Said - Brie Larson
Reading: Enchanter's End Game - David Eddings
Watching: King Arthur

just trying to work my way thru the new features of the subscription. so pardon for the stupidity, i just want to figure it all out. how do i get to view the recent visitors? and the spot over on the right somewhere that the 'friends' section goes? i cant find them. they escape me, but not for long! har har har! > i got this subscription for my 19th birthday, and im so happy about it. ^^! yay for me!

also, last night i finished a more detailed drawing, which im about to start cleaning now. but who knows how long that will take me, jesus, im so far behind. ._.;;;;;;;; aiee!

oh, and DONT FORGET TO CHECK OUT MY SCRAPS! most of the work ive done is not fit to be considered a proper deviation, so that is where most of my stuff has gone to.

footsies? ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4422238/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4422238/ Wed, 26 Jan 2005 17:12:23 PST ~I-See-Dead-People, i havent gotten your picture done yet, im sorry. my hands have been off, just as my health has. the only thing i could pump out today was some crappy self portraits. so i came here, to work on my digital art, since my real media isnt working out. im feeling pretty good about myself. ^_^ its been a rough last year, but now the sun is shining down on me, and i can almost always (day or night) see the rays dancing around me. im down to 156lbs, and still going. that is because of me being sick. thats fine, i dont care.

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4346656/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4346656/ Mon, 17 Jan 2005 20:09:18 PST ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4295288/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4295288/ Tue, 11 Jan 2005 14:54:51 PST in other news, im back in college (already said that, but meh) still working, still alive, and usually loving it. ^^ yay for me.

but sad for I-See-Dead-People, because she is sad and stuff. so i have devised a new secret plan for her. well, its actually for me, but the end result is for her. shes been real sweet and always says nice stuff on everything i post, and shes feeling down, so imma draw her a little somethin-somethin, to help her feel better. so that should be posted in the next few days, but if not, it WILL be the next thing i post. besides some scraps maybe.

HOORAH. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4127018/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/4127018/ Wed, 22 Dec 2004 14:53:06 PST [link]

so, if you look right over there: [link]

you can see my drawing of my kitty Charlie. well, about three weeks ago, my boyfriend and i got another little kitty. her name was Ashtice (he named her ) and she was maybe only a couple months old (still tightly wrapped in her baby fluff). well, about four days ago, after having her in our family for a mere two weeks, she died. she was playing in the bathroom, with Charlie, when she started to scream. David went to go check on her, i hadnt heard anything because the tv was too loud. he chased Charlie back into the bedroom, yelling at her. i giggled, thinking that she pooed on some clothes again or something. i got up to calm him down, and he said that everything would be okay. i didnt understand what was going on. he said that something was wrong with Ashtice. i thought maybe she was throwing up or something. he led me to the bathroom, where she lay twitching, with a pool of blood around her head. she died about ten minutes later. i called my mom, who came over and cleaned Ashtice up. we put Ashtice in a box, with her collar (which she was never big enough to fit into) along with a note that read: "goodbye Ashtice, we love you." then we drove to a lake, placed a large rock in her box, and sunk the box to the bottom. the first day was so hard, and the second day was even worse, when i had to shower for work in the bathroom where she died. i still dont like having the door to the bathroom open, but in time i will be perfectly okay. i am sad, tho, we dont even have any pictures of Ashtice. we may have some of her cuddling with Charlie, but they were taken indoors with an outdoor camera. so my hopes are not very high, but if i even get a faint ghost of her on film, that will be better than nothing.

i am doing well with the loss, my therapy has taught me radical acceptance, and practicing that has helped me immensely. and also, we only had Ashtice for two weeks, so you know. my mom thinks that it was natural, like an anurism, or a seizure.

le sigh. i miss her. but i still have Charlie, who on a regular basis reminds me that she loves me with tiny raspy licks and loud motorboat purrs. in fact, she loves me SO MUCH that last week she licked the end of my nose raw. XD

oh yeah, more news. very recently my boyfriend was diagnosed with a severe problem in his back. his spinal cord is pulling his brain down into his vertebrae. we have to go see a neurosurgeon right after christmas. it scared me at first, but i dont have enough information to freak out. it may be something simple and routine, i dont know yet.

so yeah, life has been real busy for me. college is going fine, so is therapy, and ive been so happy lately. Davids even been talking about getting me a ring. ^^ exciting! ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/3962187/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/3962187/ Wed, 01 Dec 2004 07:00:36 PST GO LOOK AT MY SCRAPS WHEN YOU BROWSE MY GALLERY.

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/3791661/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/3791661/ Tue, 09 Nov 2004 07:45:07 PST

Me = Winnar. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/3320973/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/3320973/ Wed, 08 Sep 2004 20:19:53 PDT in other news, i have decided to lose twenty pounds. hopefully then ill be able to fit back into those pants i bought last month.. ;¬_¬ i put make up on the other day, all by myself. ^^ a big step for me, seeing as how i am _very_ anti make up. too many silly little girls put way too much on, in an attempt to look beautiful. sure, kids, you may not look like fkn supermodels or movie stars, but that doesnt mean you arent beautiful by yourself. except a certain type of girl, the type that no matter what their body or face looks like, they are disgusting and revolting. but they are this way because of personality. a pity, really. what happened to the sweet girls? i think they are an endangered, if not already extinct, species. as of recent years, the trend is this: IM A BITCH AND IM PROUD! that is terrible, nobody wants or likes a bitch. am i the only one who sees that? ill give some examples. like the girls that act like they are better than everyone else, for whatever reason. or the girls that go out of their way to harass you. oh yes, you know who you are. and if you see no error in your ways, well my dears, you are in for a nasty surpise. only with an r embedded in there. because one day, when you have seven children and a husband that is not worth his weight in shit, and need help, there we will be, working at the welfare office. yes, we, the small girls who have morals, we, the ones you felt were not good enough, were below you, the ones you shit upon as often as you could. there we are. do you know what we will do when you come to us for help? take your children away, and refuse you help. you will be forced to sell yourself on a dirty corner in the unforgiving city, because there is no other way for you. and do you know what we will say to your pitiful pleas for help? "DIE BITCH." and there ends your sad, meaningless life.
you see, i am above you. dont mistake this for hypocricy. i am above you and realize it, but only look down at you because you looked down first. i hate you, and all others like me hate your kind. morals are to be treasured, and if you dont find that out soon, your life is headed toward the bottom of the porcelain whirlpool.

/rant.
or is it?

onto happier things, perhaps. i am better than you, you evil spawn of satan. i am beautiful, and i know it. i am blessed with the body of a model; something you shall never have. i have a future, and i love it. i am the woman in my relationship with my man, unlike your relationship with your wo(man). i despise you like nothing else, and you are the thorn in my side.
now i shall go run the mile, because i can. ^_^ dream about me tonight, and wake in a cold sweat. because if you do anything else to torment me, i shall finally rear my dragons head and retaliate with flames and smoke. i will not lay down and die, child, not me, not i. i will survive. i will end up on top of the world. perhaps i shall become president, or some high position of power, and use my power to trash your life. i could, you know. i have the ability and potential. but how terribly pitiful is that? then i would be as worthless as you.
instead, i will go on to make the world a better place for innocents like me. enjoy your masquerade, plaything, because that is all it is. someday i will forget your name, your face. you will be nothing more to me than a speck of dust, lost forever on the beach of my life. never again will i think of you, and you will know that i am better than you. pretend that you have a charming and wonderful life, because you cannot have the real thing.

in other other news, i heard that allison and her two sisters ashley and amanda died in a freak airplane crash this past week. how sad for those that loved them. my apologies to you, for losing the ones you care about really stinks.

cheers, all, if you read thru this. if you understand and took it all in, welcome to my inner ramblings. this journal entry was poured straight from my soul, it is pure honest emotion.
and now i really am going to go run the mile. XD ive gotten a bit sidetracked. teehee.

<3 dc.

/rant.
for real this time. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/3193863/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/3193863/ Mon, 23 Aug 2004 08:53:50 PDT [link]

]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2974646/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2974646/ Mon, 26 Jul 2004 18:35:42 PDT so wont you come sit and talk to me
and tell me how were gonna be together always
i hope you know that when its late at night
i hold on to my pillow tight
and think bout how you promised me forever
i never thought that anyone could make me feel this way
now that you're here boy, all i want is just a chance to say:
get out, leave, right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late, now, and i cant wait for you to be gone
cause i know about her, move,
and i wonder, why,
how i bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right
but you were just a waste of time
tell me why youre looking so confused
when im the one that didnt know the truth
how could you ever be so cold?
...
so now after all is said and done
maybe im the one to blame but
to think that you could be the one
well it didnt work out that way
...
i wanted you right here with me
but i have no choice, youve got to leave
because my heart is breaking
with every word im saying
i gave up everything i had
on something that just wouldnt last
but i refuse to cry
no tears will fall from these eyes
~Get Out, by JoJo

read it an weep, honey pie. im through with you and your bitches, i am purging you from my system. all your letters and pictures? burnt up on the patio. i still have your necklace, but im sure ill think of something to do with it.
on to happier (kinda) subjects!

my sweet sweet friend nick is feeling really low today, and as we were talking about it, i decided id draw something for him. hopefully he will like it. ^_^ you are so wonderful, nick, you deserve the best of everything! cheer up and lets chill out sometime!

and s for my new man who knows how to treat me well. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2786452/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2786452/ Fri, 02 Jul 2004 09:21:14 PDT
... disgusting, isnt it? if you dont know what im talking about, go check out some of my artwork, like [link] or even [link] . the second deviation is expressing pure support and care and love for someone, and it has been thoroughly INFECTED with the disgusting disease of vengence and obsession. also, this fiend has harassed my journal. for some reason, these people think i am trying to get my ex-boyfriend back. oh no, children, not at all. you can have him, i have no wish to keep him in my life if he is going to treat me this way and not defend me from those who seek to destroy me. example: he told me he would ask me to prom. i was his girlfriend at the time of prom. he even bought me a dress, a kimono, very beautiful, to wear to prom. do you know what he did? he said he was going solo with his best friend. he refused to dance with me, and even tried to avoid talking to me. another time, i went to army with him. he promised me the entire day. he left early in the afternoon, to go to work. he said, before he left: "if youre going to hang around here for a while.. the dishes need to be done, and uhh, my dirty clothes need to be put in the basement, and the living room and kitchen are kinda dirty..." he told me he loved me. and i was fool enough to believe him. i even created some of my best artwork for him, and because i was inspired by him. i will not take down my artwork just because it has to do with him in some way. i refuse. it is my artwork. it doesnt hurt anyone by being posted and able to be viewed by the masses. and you cannot bring legal action against me for telling the truth, telling about whats happened in my life. and you certainly cannot bring legal action against me for posting my art. what are your grounds? "omg, she posted some artwork that she did while she was going out with my 'fiance'!" so what? im not slamming you with it. im not gloating. i am simply living, but i guess that is too much for some to handle. sorry kids, but im not suicidal anymore. sorry kids, but im not going to shut up. sorry kids, but im here to stay, and you will not beat me down with your insufficient threats and harassment. i am currently bothering the admins about this wrongdoing. the harassment on my art and page must be stopped. i did not do anything to deserve any of the suffering i have been inflicted with for the past five months. i will not lay down and die, kids. i am here to stay. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2688713/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2688713/ Fri, 18 Jun 2004 08:44:36 PDT Spinning around, trying not to look down
But you did, and you fell, hard on the ground
Then you stumbled around for a good ten minutes
And I said I'd never seen anyone look so dumb before
And you laughed and said I still know how to turn you on though
You're the only one who
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
You're the only one who
Knows exactly what I mean
And I probably forgot to tell you this
Like that time I forgot to tell you about the scar
Remember how uncomfortable that made you feel?
See you're not what I expected
But you're the only one who knows how to handle me
And you're such a great kisser and I know that you'd agree
...
I hope you can forgive me for that time
When I put my hand between your legs
And said it was small
Cause its really not at all
I guess there's just a part of me that likes to bring you down
Just to keep you around
Cause the day you realize how amazing you are
You're gonna leave me
You're the only one who
Holds my hair back when I'm drunk and gets sick

~ Maria Mena "You're the Only One"


this is one of my favourite songs. it makes me want to be beautiful, and be myself. i love it, not many things make me feel inspired to just be me, and its always so wonderful when i find something that does. im still working on accepting myself, its hard. im trying, but there are some people who are working to bring me down. i am sorry for them, because what kind of pitiful people would spend so much energy on a small 18 year old girl? have they nothing better to do than send me angry and hateful emails, and ruin the wonderful things in my life? concentrate on something else, please. like knitting; why dont you take up knitting instead of harassing me? knitting is probably more fulfilling anyway.

btw~ i love you my hunnies! ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2564257/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2564257/ Wed, 02 Jun 2004 06:46:45 PDT
and as for you, the cause of my anguish. leave me alone. i have done nothing to deserve this. you have destroyed so many things that i cherish. have i not suffered enough? leave me alone already! ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2556224/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2556224/ Tue, 01 Jun 2004 07:28:29 PDT

gooodbyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee~~! ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2265884/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2265884/ Wed, 21 Apr 2004 06:24:52 PDT all i really want is to be focused on and desired. i dont know how to make that happen. i dont want to become a whore, and especially not an attention whore (god forbid!). but i want to have attention from someone who cares. thinking about it all gives me a sinking feeling in my belly, and pains in my head and chest. im just in a real bad state. i need to get my mind off all this. *sigh* ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2135535/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2135535/ Fri, 02 Apr 2004 07:31:32 PST im all inspired to do pixelart right now. ~_~ i was just looking at 's stuff, hes really good at pixelart.

ill have to think of some things that i can pixelate. wish meh luck! ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2102748/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2102748/ Sun, 28 Mar 2004 15:05:24 PST

*curls up in a ball and dies* ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2067487/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2067487/ Tue, 23 Mar 2004 06:47:16 PST ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2011367/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/2011367/ Sun, 14 Mar 2004 14:21:00 PST ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1870848/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1870848/ Thu, 19 Feb 2004 07:41:44 PST
im so fucking pissed. im being shit on by so many fuckers. why? BECAUSE IM HAPPY.

fucking get a life and leave me alone, you fucking hoe bag bitches. i hate you. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1729259/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1729259/ Fri, 23 Jan 2004 12:41:58 PST
on a brighter note, i am happy. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1700395/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1700395/ Sun, 18 Jan 2004 11:15:47 PST ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1508297/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1508297/ Mon, 08 Dec 2003 17:55:35 PST
ive been trying to find this little animation i saw the other day here on devart. it was a girl and boy; the girl signs onto the internet and looks for the boy, then when he isnt there, she cries, then he signs on and they run to eac other and hug and are all <3. ive been scanning the pixel art > animations for like an hour or something. i got to 4000+ and now i have a HUGE headache and im feeling a little sick to my stomach. i dont know if this is from staring at the screen for too long, bad turkey, hanging around with batwings (who was sick with the flu this past weekend) or something totally different. all i know is that i CANT FKN FIND THE ANIMATION and i feel ill. ~_~;; ugggghhhhhh.. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1449560/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1449560/ Tue, 25 Nov 2003 11:48:43 PST
i used to look up to the admins of this site. hell, i still do, but am severly dissapointed in them. jark, in particular.
yes, jark, you are witty. i still look up to you. i dont loathe you, im just broken by your jokes. thank you for shattering my dreams.

i try to draw beautiful things. that is my one goal in life. lately ive been having a real hard time dealing with things, and there are only a few ways i can unplug and relax and feel happy. one of those ways is drawing. i like to draw. i was voted class artist this year. great, right? yeah..
until theres a good deviation submitted that completely destroys my view of what i should be working toward. yes, you are allowed an opinion. yes, you are allowed to express it. but please, dear god, please think of how it may affect others!

what am i left to think? i am looked down on, i see now, for drawing what i draw. or trying to draw. ;_; what am i to do now?
i drew what i liked. what was pleasing to my eyes (sometimes). now i find that i am despised, insulted, and poked fun at for it. that makes me feel like crying. seriously.

this has happened to me once before. i used to like to write stories. ive liked to ever since i cant remember when. i wrote one story, in particular, that i was proud of. i showed it to someone i loved; someone whose opinion mattered to me. they told me it was shitty. i stopped writing. ive not written stories, or recreationally, or anything that i am not required to write since. i dont plan on ever starting again.

should i do the same with my drawings? should i just stop, because obviously its not good enough anyway? ;_; this breaks my heart.

yes, flame me and tell me i should not take things so personally. thats a good solution. you know what? i am still young, and i am still impressionable, and i have a soft heart, and i have no defenses. that is not my fault. would society rather i become cold and stone to all insults? then i would not be me anymore.

*sigh* this pains me more than anyone understands. -_- i dont even know if anyone cares, anymore. perhaps i am the last one to be soft in our species.

it is unfortunate that i am dying out because of such heartless jokes. do not tell me not to take it personally. i take them personally because they are genuinely hurtful.
was that your intention all along, jark? was the point of the deviation to hurt small frail children like me? after all, you even gave a link to the definition:

sar·casm (särkzm) n.
1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.
2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
3. The use of sarcasm.

intended to wound.. why would you intend to wound me? ive not done anything wrong. i do not deserve this. i thought that was what we were all striving to end here at deviantart with the new hot-topics and such. how sad that this is all detrimental to that. ]]> ~demonicat http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1416275/ http://demonicat.deviantart.com/journal/1416275/ Mon, 17 Nov 2003 20:04:30 PST
to all of you who come to my little corner of the site. i really and truly appreciate it.


i need to learn to stay on topic. but when you type from your heart, and not your head, its okay to let your feelings pour out like warmed honey, isnt it? ]]> ~demonicat