deviantART: by:denlm

Aaaaaargh!

*denlm — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 08:29:49 PST

Well, after all my hard work it looks like I'm going to have to swtich to Lulu. Blurb's software program is a major pain. It turns out that the program itself adds two blank pages between every chapter -- which is one reason the page count is running over. Plus, when you finally edit out those blank pages, it won't let you add the rest of your novel in at the end. Worse: it won't let you indent paragraphs. You must use line breaks -- which ads even more pages to your book. If you do try to indent using the tab, it indents the line 15 characters in! And you can't change the tab size. If you try to manually indent, say 3 spaces, it doesn't wrap the sentence into the next line. It forces it over the margin where it is cut off and lost in limbo somewhere. All in all, a mess -- with crappy customer service as well. They never have an answer for any of these questions, except to say "there is no workaround at this time."

Lulu forces me to charge more per book, but at least it gives me plenty of pages to work with and has the know-how to provide relevant information to authors, such as the mandatory requirements for national and global distribution.

Ahhh, but all those days of work getting the manuscript ready for Blurb -- all lost. Console me. Tell me it's okay. Shit. Where's the scotch!?

Features

Shoot me. Shoot me now.

*denlm — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:46:57 PST

Facebook l Gallery l dA Portfolio l Watch Me l Note Me

jon.com cover: check. (Thank you, Heather.)
Back cover copy: check.
Dedication: check.
An entire weekend to simply upload the whole thing to the publisher's software: Double check.

Eight hours later -- no break for dinner or lunch (God bless Christmas cookies) -- I get the dreaded error message for the 10th time! The damn thing is still too long! By my count, I'm at 411 pages -- 29 pages under the limit. By their count, who knows? It doesn't say. So I keep cutting and crying with no end in sight.

I read it yesterday at work from start to finish (slow day, the bosses are all starting their holiday vacations early) and I loved it! That's hard for me to say because I'm my worst critic. How do I fix this without gutting the stuff I am now committed to heart and soul?

Shoot me.

CSS made by =BloodPromiser
Texture by `Princess-of-Shadows

Sorry, Jules. Please don't send Peter after me.

*denlm — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 17:41:52 PST

I did it. I got jon.com whittled down to under 440 pages. Whew. Unfortunately, the tattooist's wife, named for Spidey Geek, had to be sacrificed to the publishing gods. I hope you don't hate me too much, Jules. Forgive me, Peter. (Or not. Just please don't leave marks. They'll look at me funny at work.)

Next project: Writing the teaser copy for the back cover, and the dedication. I also need to revamp the cover slightly. I want to replace my current "blood splatter" dot in jon dot com with the very cool drip used in her t-shirt design. That will be a killer. I know squat about design software. Anyone want to volunteer? Pretty please?

Otherwise, all is progressing smoothly. Should be able to take orders very soon -- or forward you to the publisher's website to make your purchase. Thanks to all of my dA friends for their patience.

I am so excited! Wait till you read all the unexpected changes!

Ready or not...just became NOT!

*denlm — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:21:45 PST

...who wants hard cover and who wants paperback?

Postscript:
You can take your time deciding, because I've just discovered that despite all my careful editing jon.com is still 40 pages too long for the publishers softward program. :sigh: So I have to finish formating the pages to accommodate their program -- and then start looking for scenes to ax. If you remember the story and recall scenes you hated, let me know. They could become candidates (assuming I haven't sliced and diced then out already). Patience, gang. I'm in the home stretch.

She's a Week Old

*denlm — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:29:35 PDT

Sorry I've been MIA on DA. Parents still needing help with house and health. Job demanding more of my time. Freelance work starting to come in again (my checkbook says "thank you"!). And... I became a grandmother again. Ariel Louise was born last Friday, making her debut at 7 lbs. 6 ozs and 20 1/2 inches long. She has dark brown hair and blue-black eyes. Sweet as candy corn but much kinder to the waistline. I'll try to be better about checking in here more often. I have 92 deviations to wade through and 99 messages to answer! Cover me... I'm going in.

BTW, my mood is NOT questionable. The emoticon won't change.

Dare I Ask?

*denlm — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 17:21:49 PDT

I had a nutsy idea last night (one that may have a certain Ozian friend of mine raising his eyebrow). Since jon.com has been undergoing a major rewrite, should I try out the rest of the novel piece by piece on dA for feedback?

Yes, I know. I could be jeopardizing book sales if I do that. But I also will benefit from some intelligent critiquing and some often-needed cheerleading. I miss not posting work on dA -- and I have no time to add to Fellowship Lost right now.

Is this a bad idea or a good one? Try to think in my shoes if you can, and not with the evil thought Ahhh, this is my chance to read the rest of the book! Fat chance, I know, but I had to at least try.

design & coding by =an3czka
floral brushes by *ro-stock
photo of lily by lusi

To Note or Not to Note... Part 2!

*denlm — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 19:03:03 PDT

Thanks to everyone who remined me Firefox is superior to IE. About an hour after I posted this journal, the problem went away. Are we having fun yet???

Is anyone else having trouble accessing the notes function on dA? I've been trying for over an hour and keep getting an error message: "Internet Explorer cannot access deviantart.notes."

Is it me, or is it a glitch in the dA system? Help!

Black Water

*denlm — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 11:50:29 PDT

My.. Gallery | Cosplay | Tutorials | Stock || BeAnime.com | Taeliac.Etsy.com

From to put a little zip in my Friday. Post one of your own, friends. Curious minds are -- well -- bored!

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
No Cheating.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Bye Bye Love - The Everly Brothers [Who weren't really brothers, you know.]

WHAT'S YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE?
In My Room - Beach Boys [Ahh, to be there now instead of at work.]

WHAT DOES YOUR FAMILY THINK OF YOU?
We Will Rock You - Queen [They're doing a good job of it lately, what with all the crises in our family!]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
You Can't Do That! - The Beatles [Oh yeah? Just watch me.]

WHAT DO STRANGERS THINK OF YOU?
Brain Damage - Pink Floyd ['nuff said.]

WHAT DO YOUR EXES THINK OF YOU?
I'll Never Fall in Love Again - Tom Jones [No kidding! That's what came up on the mp3.]

HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
Wasted Youth - Meatloaf [LOL! I'm on a roll here.]

HOW WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE IN THE FUTURE?
Somebody to Love - Queen [I have waaaay too much Freddy Mercury on here.]

WILL YOU GET MARRIED?
If You Wanna Be Happy - Jimmy Soul [Hey, I was happy the first time I was married so...]

WILL YOU HAVE KIDS?
Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf [OMG!! Where's a condom when you need one.]

ARE YOU GOOD AT SCHOOL?
You're Mother Should Know - The Beatles [Considering my age and yours, I probably went to school with your mother, so yes, she SHOULD know.]

WILL YOU BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE?
Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy - Bette Middler [That sounds promising, as long as he's not playing Taps.]

WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Manhunt - from Flashdance [And play it loudly.]

WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Walking on the Moon - The Police [Better there than in some other after-death places I know.]

THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE:
Rocket Man - Elton John [Hmmm. Going up. Fast. ]

YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND ARE:
Blinded by the Light - Manfred Mann [Or by the Captain Morgan, one of the two.]

HAPPY TIMES:
Maniac - from Flashdance [Get out of the 80s, woman! Sheesh.]

SAD TIMES:
People Are Strange - The Doors [Sigh. So true.]

EVERY DAY:
Masquerade - from Phantom of the Opera [Really? And I try so hard to be transparent.]

FOR TOMORROW:
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do - Neil Sadaka [Guess I won't do it then.]

FOR YOU:
I'm Looking through You - The Beatles ['natch! I'm a Black, don't you know. (See Fellowship of the Psys)]

WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME?
Free Falling - Tom Petty [What happened to Rocket Man?]

WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS TOO HARD?
Another One Bites the Dust - Queen [Lol! Oh, Freddy, you do know me well.]

WHAT DO I THINK WHEN I GET UP IN THE MORNING?
Walk the Dinosaur - Was Not Was [Well, seeing as how I don't own a dog...]

WHAT SONG WILL I DANCE TO AT MY WEDDING?
Bad to the Bone - George Thurogood [The kind of song that makes you want to snuggle up to a loved one.]

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER?
I'm Gonna Getcha - Blondie [That multi-million-dollar publishing deal? Oh yeah.]

YOUR FAVOURITE SAYING?
Bennie and the Jets - Elton John [Wha...?]

FAVOURITE PLACE?
Invisible - Clay Aiken [Yeah, I've got Aiken on my player. Whatcha gonna do about it?]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Peggy Sue - Buddy Holly [For the record, their names are NOT Peggy or Buddy. They're Leonard and Esther.]

DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting - Elton John [Did I mention the Captain Morgan earlier? That explains it.]

WHAT DO I LIKE DOING MOST?
Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede [Any feeling. Give me one. I'll make the most of it.]

SONG THAT D...

Well, it was a tough fight, but...

*denlm — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 06:42:42 PDT

...someone had to win it. Contratulations to Bubby-Bobble for nailing the 22,222 Kiriban. Watch for this deviant's name in the dedication of jon.com, which I swear, will be available for purchase soon.

My condolences to ZomaS-M and LunaticStar (and anyone else who was lurking) for just missing it. You know I love you guys, and if you read between the lines of the dedication, you'll find yourselves there too, if only in spirit.

To everyone else: Happy Fourth of July... even if you're not from the States, I include you in the celebration. After all, there's a fourth day of July everywhere.

CSS by: ^Thiefoworld Texture by: ~SheisprettyStock

Quick Update & Kiriban

*denlm — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:59:41 PDT

When did I pass 20,000 pageviews? Why didn't I see it? Why didn't anyone mention it? Sheesh.

BTW, for those who were wondering, my dad was scheduled for back surgery last Saturday, which the neurologist hoped would return some of the strength in his legs. His cardiolgist canceled it Friday, insisting on a stress test first. Then the neurologist postponed the rescheduled surgery planned for tomorrow, insisting in return that the cardiologist send his clearance in writing by today. Bottomline, dad is finally going under the knife this Thursday at 4:00. Prayers, good vibes, leftover karma, crossed digits... all are welcome.

As for that missed pageview, I think I know how to make it up to my faithful readers. For the person who catches a screen image of my 22,222 pageview, your name will be added to the dedication of jon.com.

So keep your eyes sharpened. Someone has to be better at watching my homepage than I am. I mean really!

Life in Chaos

*denlm — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 15:24:09 PDT

I have to take time to apologize to everyone who is waiting for jon.com in paper form. I am so close to being done with the edit, but life has gotten in the way.

- Work has been insane the last three weeks. I am juggling 10 projects at once, including a major advertising campaign for the paper.

- My father has also taken a turn for the worse. He has Parkinson's and two weeks ago he began falling down several times a day. He also couldn't eat without throwing it all back up. Last Thursday morning he tried to get out of bed and found he couldn't walk. He is currently in the hospital undergoing dozens of tests and MRIs.

- My mother is nearly deaf, is a severe asthmatic, and can't get around well much herself. Oh, and did I mention, her vision is poor?

Bottomline: I have been bouncing back and forth between work, the hospital and mom, talking to doctors and preparing meals. (Mom will skip meals if we don't make food for her.)

In short, my life is in chaos, so please remain patient. I am determined to get jon.com up for sale. I am behind schedule, but hoping to catch up. Wish me luck!

Extreme Reading

*denlm — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 13:50:08 PDT

A SMALL LITTLE FEATURE

The days are longer now and we have more time to relax with a good book. How about one of our own deviants? There is something on dA for every taste, from hot and sweaty to warm and comfy. Wander through my favorites to see who tickles my fancy. Or sample some of these wordsmiths...

Ooo la la. If you like your fantasy sexy and thought-provoking, take a peek between the sheets of A Moment in Time. But be warned. The "Estonian Witch", as her friends fondly call her, pulls no punches. This is graphic! An immortal and a firewolf fall into each other's clutches. Is it love? Is it opposites attracting? Is it HOT? Oh yeah. Be over 18 and have a strong appetite for plot and characterization with your erotica.

Into the Moonlight is the extreme opposite: a fantasy so cuddly you'll be happy to curl up in a hammock with it. The details of married life between this werewolf (with piercings) and his spunky vampire are so realistic, you'll forget you're reading -- well, about a werewolf and vampire. Think Twilight meets Desperate Housewives meets Little House on the Prairie. If you don't fall in love with Simon, you should check your pulse.

Forget sexy. Forget cuddly. Gargoyle is a vampire tale, too, but as far from Transylvania as you can get and still have pointy teeth and a craving for Type AB. Here, vampirism is a disease spread from human to human. And an egotistical CEO has built a modern-day corporation around it. Enter a teenage girl with a "disease" of her own: the ability to become a gargoyle and topple his empire. Plenty of action and great characters. One word: Bade. I love him. You will too.

If you like a drop of Matrix in your fantasy brew, check out Techno, a complex story of epic proportions. Can a lizard girl put down her weapons long enough to find love with a raconid? Can a data expert find fulfillment inside the mind of a machine? Will The One return and save this world? Who is that scientist dude? Will Lillith lose her ill-gotten eternal youth? Honestly, I cannot explain this one in seven lines... and I can't put it down. You won't either.

Going Pollyanna

*denlm — Tue, 26 May 2009 07:45:33 PDT

posted a Happiness List a few days ago, and I thought, "What the hell, why not?" If it was good enough for Haley Mills, it's good enough for me. (If you don't know who Haley Mills is, you don't watch enough Disney Channel.)

Here goes:

1) I love living in Luna Pier. The lake shows so many different faces, it is a constant surprise. There are birds everywhere. I saw a gold finch, a blue jay (Yay! I thought they'd deserted me), a cardinal and a wood pecker in one afternoon. Life here is good.

2) I adore being a grandmother. My grandson makes me smile; he's such a busy, clever little man. I can hardly wait for his baby sister to arrive on the scene. (Yes, they found out last week: It's a girl!)

3) My kids make me proud. They are beautiful, caring, funny and smart. I know in my heart I had nothing to do with this. Good genes are good genes, and I only contributed half of them. Still. They are wonderful adults to be around.

4) I am pleased that I feel so young at heart. At my age, feeling young isn't always easy. I have tried to stay connected to other folks with the same outlook. They have kept me vibrant longer than many oldsters I went to high school with. They have also kept me up-to-date on new jargon, lifestyles, music and more. Thank you to the many deviants who are on my young and young-at-heart friends list.

5) I have a job. So many former coworkers no longer do. It is a job that I enjoy and earns me respect. It doesn't pay enough, natch -- but will there ever be enough? I suspect not. Bills multiply in direct ratio to income, imo. Lol. And on top of having a paying job, I have dreams and aspirations that give me immense satisfaction. I write novels I am proud of, and have readers who enjoy them. What more is there, really?

Okay, peeps. Your turn. "Pollyaaaaaaaanna! Pollyaaaaaanna! Can you come out and play?"

A Silent Salute

*denlm — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:46:31 PDT

Thank you, soldiers and veterans.

PS: Visit the Article at [link] for Magical Muse Contest details.

Sooo darn lazy + BIG CONTEST + Clearing the Air

*denlm — Sun, 17 May 2009 09:17:01 PDT

Za-zen did this as a deviation. I love the idea of adding it to my journal. I may even make it a monthly thing. It feels so cathartic to clear the air without having to really hurt anyone's feelings. Here are the rules:
- List 11 things you want to say to 11 different people.
- Don't say who they pertain to.
- Feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.
- Never discuss it again.

1) I miss you everyday. Still and for always.
2) Get married already. You are waaaay old enough. Even Peter Pan grew up eventually.
3) If you move away I will miss you horribly. But I will never tell you.
4) I want to roll out leftover pie dough like we used to, and sprinkly it with sugar and cinnamin.
5) Pool wine and summer sunburns were the best of our days together. What happened to them?
6) I never knew a nervous breakdown could happen so quickly. I miss the old you.
7) Was it all a con?
8) I miss the money; I miss you; I don't miss the stress.
9) You are God's way of making me stick around long after I could have checked out. Thank you.
10) Do you know you have no balls and an equal amount of brains?
11) I wonder if we are as much alike as in person as we are on paper.

*************
Okay, folks, pay attention. Here's a contest that ought to get us all motivated again. And I'm judging, so pull out all the stops. I'm dying to read your best stuff. Visit the News Article at [link] for details.

****************

I am embarrassed by the age of my last journal. Middle-aged at best; possibly ready to apply for Social Security benefits. I have no excuse. I've just been lazy lately. Spring fever? Maybe. My first serious bout of writer's block? Hope not, but could be. Depression? Yikes, let's not go THERE! (Although the state of my finances and job jitters would explain THAT possibility.)

I am trying to get back in the saddle and will appreciate any cheerleading you can send my way. Here's my TODO list for anyone who cares:

- Get final revision of jon.com tidied up and send the manuscript off to a film editor I know. She's going to give it a once-over to make sure Jon and Company haven't done anything technically impossible.

- Catch up on all the deviations in my in box. I've read a bunch of them, but not left comments. No time or energy. If you don't hear from me it just means I had a grand lark reading and saw nothing too heavy to critique.

- Write the next part of Fellowship Lost... unless none of you are following it.

- Clean up Christmas Carol and poke my friend in Oz about photography. Want to have that one ready for sale by October. (hint, hint, hint, BE)

Finally, I want to thank whatever angel or angles nominated me for Best Fiction Writer in the Deviant Awards. I am flattered and honored. I've told dozens of people, blushing all the way. You rock, whoever you are!

What's with the message center changes?

*denlm — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:35:00 PDT

Okay, I'm confused -- and worried. Does the new change mean that all the comments given on my deviations have to be moved to some sort of folder or I will lose tham all? I've read everything the admins said to read, but I'm not sure if they are referring only to new messages left unread in my in box or everything accumulated over the last three years! This could get nasty.

Help for a dA Friend

*denlm — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 10:34:34 PDT

My good and long-time dA friend, Mystery of Sorrow, needs some quick help from all you creative types for a college project. Please take a moment and answer the following questions for him. You can note him, visit his journal at or leave your answers here. Thanks everyone. You are the best!

I'm taking a psychology class and doing a research project and need as many responses as I can get! This shouldn't take anyone too long, any ages and skill levels are strongly encouraged to respond! Just two questions:

1) As an artist (illustrator, photographer, writer, musician, or any other creative type person), do you feel that "burn-out" is a bigger factor for you to overcome than for most other people. Why?

2) What are some (if any) of your coping strategies for overcoming a period of burn-out?

That's it! That's all I need! Thanks so much in advance!

If anyone wanted to pimp this in their journal so I could get a mega-response, that'd earn you some big-time karma, I'm sure!

The New Critique AND A QUESTION

*denlm — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:53:07 PDT

Didn't there used to be a RANDOM button that let devaints view deviations from around the site? Am I blind? I can't find it anymore.

Is anyone else intimidated by the "Critique Requested" message when it appears under a deviation? I have answered a few of them now, but I find myself shying away from leaving ANY comment at all if I don't click on the "Critique" button.

I have always enjoyed leaving lengthy comments on pieces I enjoy or that I feel have potential if only the writer tweaked a few things. But suddenly it feels like homework -- a dreaded assignment. Will I pass? Will I say something helpful? Will I hurt someone's feelings? Will I be too easy on them?

I know they want an in-depth review and those great little stars, but when I see that button I start to have doubts. What do I really know about poetry? Or digital art? Or photography?

Most of all: Will I piss off this deviant by leaving just an ordinary comment? Would it be BETTER if I just read it and move on, saying nothing at all, since I am not comfortable leaving that long analyses?

Is it me, folks? Should I just get over it and leave whichever comment I want?

Owwww!

*denlm — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:33:06 PDT

I was tired of that journal entry, but couldn't figure out what to replace it with. Then at lunch I felt something crunch in my pasta. "Hmm, pasta doesn't crunch," I murmured.

I bit down and intense pain rocketed through my jaw.

A big nasty filling had fallen out of a molar! Now I am chewing up the inside of my mouth with a jagged open raw-edged half-a-tooth!

Call me back, dear dentist! Please.

Homework?? Didn't I outgrow that?

*denlm — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 13:34:17 PDT

had an assignment for *Writers-Workshop -- and it spilled over to her watchers. According to her, she needed to research where she stood in the writing universe. Or something like that. It's free for all to do, and so of course she "encouraged" me to complete the assignment, too.

For you, girlfriend:

What reason(s) do you write for?

A better question might have been "Can you stop?" For I cannot. It started when I was in elementary school as a way to satisfy a lonely existence. There were no other children in our neighborhood, so I made up imaginary friends and wrote down their stories. Over time, I discovered I loved being a creator. Now the voices and ideas pile up in my head daily, begging to be sorted out and put on paper. Marketing copywriting is what I do to make a living. Novel writing is what I do for enjoyment.

Do you take your writing seriously?

Yes. It's the agents and publishers who do not -- at least not yet. I'm working on that. I know I said that writing is what I do for enjoyment. Getting published is the "work" side of the equation: researching agents, writing query letters, pitching synopses, and editing and refining until I'm thoroughly sick of my own novels! A person doesn't get any more serious than that.

If so, when did you start taking writing seriously?

Shortly after my husband died. I realized one day that if he had lived he would have said, "Why aren't you trying to get your stories published?" Then when my daughter grew up and discovered my first novel unfinished in a file drawer, she said something similar: "If you die before you finish this, you will go straight to hell you know." I couldn't argue with BOTH of them, could I?

Where do you feel you stand as a writer?

I straddle a line between "I've got what it takes" and "Maybe I'm delusional".

What do you feel you do well? (ie, characterisation, dialogue, imagery, etc.)

Dialogue is my strong suit, IMO. I see and hear the characters chatting in my head -- I think it's my background in video and commercial production. I just take dictation.

What do you feel you struggle with?

Being too wordy. "Less is more," I keep repeating to myself. (See. Even here, the answer is 8 words longer than it needs to be... Make that 24 words... now it's 28...)

What do you most want to improve on?

Cleaning up the first 50 pages of my novels so they become irresistable to agents and make them beg for the full manuscript.

Do you have any questions to ask your readers?

- If you are a novelist trying to break through the publishing door, how do you keep your spirits up rejection after rejection?

- Which of my stories do you think I should focus on as my break-through novel: Fellowship of Psys, jon.com or A Christmas Carol?

And to , here are my answers to your questions:
- Do you agree with what I think are my strengths and weaknesses?
Not completely. I think your battle and action scenes are marvelous.

- Do I ever have a hope in hell of making money on this stupid hobby?
Only if you are ready to bleed everytime you get a rejection. And you don't mind rewriting everything three damn times or more! The talent is there. That I am sure of. But, of course, you have to finish something before I can tell you anything more. (hehehe)

- If you saw me on a playground, playing Ahrens-and-Sigs alone in the sand, would you beat the crap out of me?
Nope. I'd ask you to move over so I could join you. Then we would both get the crap beat out of us.

- Will YOU do this meme/assignment too
No.

Jon-no-H Fan Art!

*denlm — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 08:48:20 PDT

Oh my gawd. Wait till you see this wonderfully rendered visual conception of my hero from jon.com! Created by , it is simply luscious. Thank you, friend.

Those of you who've been following the novel from its inception may recall that did a great fan pic some time back. If you look closely at ma013a' drawing, you'll spot Lunatic's tattoo on this new version. Ah, gotta love collaboration!

Whoooooo are youuuuuuuu? (Everybody sing!)

*denlm — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:58:28 PDT

My bad. Emily was from the UK and has come forward with the correct address. Kelsey is from ASU, but is still a question mark. Whoooooooo are youuuuuuuuu, girl?!

I just sent out the remaining chapters of jon.com to new readers who provided their email addresses to me via note or on the jonsmythe.com website.

Two bounced back!

[Cue the theme music from CSI]

These wonderful ladies provided their vital statistics on the website, which does not ask for dA names. So I'm stumped as to who you are. If your name is Emily and you attend ASU, or Kelsey and you live in the UK, please send me a note ASAP with your email addresses. I don't want to leave you out of the action.

One more note to all those dA friends who have asked for video of me appearing as Clairee in Steel Magnolias, my daughter took some blackmail shots at Sunday's performance. I am going to review them and if they don't make me cringe too much, they will be posted on my Face Book page. Stay tuned for further details.

And stop rubbing your hands together with glee. You are meanies, all of you.

Thank You's All Around

*denlm — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 09:00:58 PST

Well, after three days of trying to just stay even, I have finally whittled the numbers down to 143 comments, 2 responses, 3 notes and (gulp) 21 deviations to go. I'll get to all of you. I promise.

In the meantime, this may let you know where my head is. Just skip down to the headings that apply to YOU!

PEOPLE WHO SENT CONDOLENCES
You are the best friend ever. Your words were a great solace. Glenn's funeral is Friday. We are healing, thanks to you.

PEOPLE WHO FAVED jon.com (AND THE LATER CHAPTERS TOO)
You rcck and roll in glitter platforms! If you didn't find the rest of the sections posted on dA, go to my gallery and click on the folder titled jon .com. If you didn't know there was a website where you can sign up to get the rest of the finished novel, go to [link] and click on the "monitor" showing stacks of books. While you are on the site, click on anything you please. Some of those gizmos will take you inside Jon's world. Have fun. Play a little. Life is short.

PEOPLE WHO FAVED THE LATEST INSTALLMENT OF FELLOWSHIP LOST
Your comment did not get buried under the mountain of responses to my Daily Deviation. I saw it and will send hugs soonest. You rock and roll in mink! (Or if you are anti-fur, the lux synthetic material of your choice.)

PEOPLE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE OF MINE TO READ
Branch out, jon.com lover. Try Fellowship of Psys in the folder in my gallery. Fellowship fan, take a walk on the wild side. Jon is winking at you from the other folder. For the die-hard romantic who doesn't mind that they are two months late, sample the novella Christmas Carol. But bring a hanky.

TO ALL OF YOU
Love you, peeps! I was speechless Sunday at the DD, but more so at the outpouring of responses and congratulations. Over 500 by EOD!! And they kept increasing daily. What would I do without such incredible support. Probably write in the dark and weep. Thank you!

Celebrate your art and life

*denlm — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 07:05:41 PST

Life reminded me this weekend how variable it can be. The highs are breathtaking; the lows are devastating. From the excitement of receiving my first DD yesterday, I was shocked back to earth by my boss's announcement this morning that one of the five coworkers in my department was killed yesterday by a drunk driver.

Glenn was my age, a big, enthusiastic man who I laughed with, griped to, and gossiped with daily. When I left work Friday, his was the last face I saw.

I wish I had known then that it was the last time. Unfortunately, life isn't like the movies. There is no haunting music to warn us of danger ahead. There is no slow closeup on a waving hand. No freeze frame capturing the final good-bye.

I want to thank all of my old and new friends here on dA for their support of my writing. I also want to ask you all to slow down today, to look around, to cherish what you have and the people who make it possible. Enjoy your life, share your art, dance when you can, sing when you shouldn't, say hello with joy and good-bye with a heartfelt wish to see each other again the next day. It may be the last chance for all of it.

My daughter & son-in-law are doing it again!

*denlm — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 06:30:33 PST

Bet that subject line grabbed your attention, eh? Those crazy kids. It seems like yesterday Rachel and Matt made me a grandmother for the first time. Actually, it was a year and a half ago. Anyway, they're going to do it again. This time they are hoping for a girl. Me? As long as this one is as cute and funny and loving as Noel, I will be content.

On other fronts:
* Steel Magnolias opens next weekend. I have my lines memorized. My costumes put together. My hairdos planned (I get a wash and style nightly. It's part of the show!) And I even have some great gestures and nuances developing. All is right in my onstage world. Wish you could all be there. I think you would be surprised. Jon and I have a lot of things in common, one of which is our ability to act. One exception: I keep my clothes on.

* Jon.com is in its final edit. I am so sorry those of you I owe hard copies to don't have the novel in your hot little hands yet. I was too ambitious thinking it would be ready by the end of January. I am liking the improvements but I fret I will never find this novel perfect enough for print. Hang in there. It is coming. Promise.

* Fellowship Lost is moving along, too, though slowly. No time, what with rehearsals and work. I am extremely happy with a rewrite of that opening section freaturing Lorin's near-death dance with the Mississippi River. Should I post it here? Would any of you want to reread it?

* That reminds me. Fellowship of Psys has also undergone some changes since my daughter first posted it here over two years ago. A few readers are just discovering it. Should I post the revised version? Anyone interested in THAT?

* Finally, I have to apologize big time for the delay in getting jon.com t-shirts completed and sent to the winners of the design contest. The cost is killing me! I shouldn't have promised four shirts each. But to be honest, I didn't imagine EVERY ONE of the winners would choose the shirts as their prize. The total to print all of these 4-shirt sets would set me back $320 -- before shipping. If you were a winner in the contest, what you would prefer: one shirt of your choice now, or a prolonged wait to receive the full set? (Which in this economy could take me YEARS!)

Well, that should catch you all up on my crazy life. I sure do miss the steady stream of give and take I enjoy so much here on dA. Give me a couple of weeks to finish Steel Magnolias. Then I'll be back with a vengeance and a new piece of writing for you to pick apart. Will you still be here for me when I do?

Love you all! Think of me Friday night around 7:30pm EST. I'll be waltzing on stage with a cheery "Knock, knock" on my lips, ready to dazzle an unsuspecting audience. May I not fall on my old face!

A Meme from Lorin

*denlm — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 11:10:56 PST

I saw this meme on Za-zen's dA page and thought it might be fun to do it from my newest character, Lorin Karson, daughter of Dina and... a father yet to be revealed. (You didn't think I'd give that little secret away yet, did you?) If you enjoy this, try it with one of your newest characters too!

How many relationships have you been in?
None, truth be told. I discovered around the same time that I discovered boys that I was dangerous to the men who want to do more than neck. Just call me "Sparky" I guess. Mom tried to reassure me that the right man is out there somewhere, but I'm convinced I will be celibate the rest of my life.

Do you know someone who doesn't use iTunes for music?
I don't. I just tap into a music source and drain off a few hits. I can replay them in my auditory nerve center anytime, just like the original. Gee, it's good to be Black.

Does anyone in your family drive a red car?
Mom won't allow it. Says bright colored vehicles draw undo attention. My secret dream is to own a ruby red Harley. I mean if you're going to be daring, go allllll the way.

Have you ever had to go to a laundromat to do your laundry?
Yes. We slept in one a few times, too, when I was four or five. Mom was hiding out from a Searcher, and she told me later it's the last place they expect to find a deserter. Not too bright, The Guild. I mean everyone has to do laundry sometime, right?

When was the last time you used a type of public transportation to get anywhere?
A better question would be, what public transportation HAVEN'T we used? Bus, train, subway, taxi, plane. Even a rickshaw in Toronto once. After my freelance photography business took off six months ago, I switched to a car. Not red, though. Mother knows best.

The last time you went to the mall, who did you go with?
Mom. We don't make long-lasting friendships. Too dangerous.

What's the funniest thing you heard today?
"Did you get any photos of it?" I mean, really!

Last guy other than family you had a conversation with?
If you promise not to tell, I'll confess. There was this incredible hunk-a-hunk-a outside the grocery store. He had -- uh, I don't know -- something special. Moody. Sultry. It's a weakness of mine. Couldn't resist smiling and saying hi. He asked me the time, then snubbed me. Not much of a conversation, eh? Still, for me, that's a fillibuster.

Have you ever dressed provocatively on purpose?
If a red car draws too much notice, can you imagine what a bustier and leather lowriders would do? Answer: No.

What's the last thing you heated in the microwave?
My socks. It's cold in St. Paul in the winter.

Last thing you cooked?
Leftover Chinese.

Who was the last person that apologized to you? For what?
Maybe I should just copy and paste this answer: Mom. She apologizes for everything, from getting us into this mess, to the amount of snow on the ground in the morning. Poor thing.

If you ever had to, do you know how to change a flat tire?
They go flat? Wow. Problem. I haven't owned a car long enough to even figure out the flashers yet.

If you have full battery life on your cell phone, how many bars show?
Don't have a cell. Don't need it. I just think "Mom" and she hears me. Freaky deaky coverage, hmm?

Is there something you own that you constantly lose? If so, what?
My patience. Mom says I take after my grandfather.

How much were your sunglasses when you bought them?
$99 -- good ones to help hide the distinctive color of my eyes.

Do you have your driver's license?
Don't need one. When I get stopped for speeding -- which is a lot, I'm afraid -- I just wipe the cop's memory of me and drive away. Did I mention how good it is being Black?

What was the first ever car you've owned?
A Firebird. My baby!

If you lived in a busy city like New York City or San Francisco, would you still try to get your license or just rely on public transportation?
I'd probably put the Bird in storage somewhere for when we moved on. We don't stay in one spot very long.

Did you attend pre-school?
No. Always wanted to. Couldn't. I would watch those little kids wearing their colorful backpacks and try not to cry. I hated making my mom sad.

What's the last song you played on repeat?
Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Have you ever had a multi-layered cake for your birthday? If so, how many layers was it?
Five! Mom made it herself, with candy sprinkles and trick candles that wouldn't blow out. It's one of my fondest memories. It took us weeks to eat it all between us.

What do you think you'll be doing tomorrow?
Negotiating the price for these photos of the bridge collapse. I'll be online most of the morning to a few sources in the...

What a thespian I am

*denlm — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 09:52:50 PST

Well, it seems that after writing about an actor lo these many months, my psyche wanted to BE an actor again. So I tried out for a part in a play being presented by a local community theater.

And got it. (Silly director must have been drinking during my audition.)

I haven't been on a stage in over 20 years, yet here I am, about to start rehearsals for Steel Magnolias which will open in the Toledo area in early March. Anyone close enough to want to drive here and have a few laughs (some of them intentional), let me know. I'll give you the details. Otherwise, just be aware that I might be slow to answer dA mail for a while.

Oh, what part did I get? Cairlee! The Olympia Dukakis role in the movie. I get to say the play's defining line: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger". Plus a lot of great laugh lines like "You know what they say: If you can't say anything nice about someone, sit next to me."

Now, about my not-so-southern accent. I'm going into training immediately, y-all!

Wish me luck.

Come on in, the MEME is fine!

*denlm — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 09:11:43 PST

Za-zen started this, Pageburner continued it, Nepthis did it too... In less than 24 hours, the doggone thing was EVERYWHERE. So okay, I'm jumping in. Join me, please. You can never know too much about your friends.

[09 things about myself]
1. I was born on Thanksgiving Day during a blizzard.
2. I never said a swear word until I was 13 -- and then it was only "darn". I sure have come a long way, eh?
3. I wrote my first short story that year too. I wonder if there is any relationship between the two events?
4. I was a virgin until I was 19. He was 25. He didn't know how young I was for many months, and he freaked when he found out.
5. My first job was as an usher and concessions stand operator at a small neighborhood movie theater. (Yes, they had them waaaaaay back then.) I suspect there IS a relationship between my novel writing and THAT.
6. I talk too much and too loudly.
7. I have a hard time (make that impossible time) forgiving people once they've disillusioned me.
8. Loyalty and honesty are paramount to me in relationships. See #8 above.
9. I sing very well, am an even better actress (have done community theater and the like), and directed stage shows for many years. I sort of miss it.

[08 ways to win my heart]
1. To be honest.
2. To be sensitive.
3. To be funny and/or witty. I won't mind sarcasm as long as it's not mean-spirited.
4. Like to cuddle on a sofa and read together.
5. Ask me lots of questions to show you are interested in my likes and dislikes.
6. Be creative in bed.
7. Be an old-world gentleman.
8. Be confident in who you are.

[07 Things that cross my mind alot]
1. I need to earn more money.
2. I need to finish editing jon.com and Fellowship of Psys.
3. I need to pay more damn bills! Will they ever stop?
4. I need to research agents for jon.com
5. I need to write a query letter for jon.com -- Lord, help me, not again! I hate writing queries.
6. When will the world start treating hard workers with respect and not like patsies?
7. I wish I could back my body up 28 years. I'll keep my mind and experience the same, thank you very much.

[06 Things i do before i go to sleep]
1. Turn off the downstairs lights and TV.
2. Turn back the bed.
3. Find a couple of things worth watching on the upstairs TV.
4. Set the alarm and the sleep function on the TV.
5. Shower.
6. Check my email one last time.

[05 People who mean alot]
1. My daughter Rachel.
2. My son Jim.
3. My grandson Noel.
4. My late husband Jim
5. Me.

[04 Things you're wearing right now]
1. An mp3 player.
2. Light forest green pants.
3. A pale yellow mock turtleneck.
4. A green striped v-necked overshirt.

[03 Songs you listen to often]
1. Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy
2. Like a Prayer
3. The Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress

[02 Things i want to do before i die]
1. Be published.
2. Have someone say to me, "You're too skinny."

[01 Confession]
1. Though I loved him intensely and miss him daily, I would NOT give up everything I have today to bring my husband back. And I know he would understand why not.

And now the REAL drum roll!

*denlm — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 05:13:11 PST

As artists and writers, you know creativity is subjective. One person's passion is another person's prunes. This contest proved two things: that statement about subjectivity is oh-so-true; and dA has some incredibly talented members!

There were 19 entries in the contest, and each had something that made it special... so special that the five judges picked five different winners! Our compliments were many, and our scores were all over the place! We all gravitated toward the same set of great shirts -- about 10 in all -- but what I needed were the top three! In the end, I threw out the high and the low for each shirt and tallied the rest to get a more balanced decision.

We did run into one problem. I had not specified in the rules that the shirt had to be economical to produce. I should have, but frankly it never occurred to me that the entries would be so complex. It took us no time at all to realize that the winning designs would need fine tuning to make them suitable for production. So the shirts offered for sale on jon.com will not be exactly as you saw them here, but, hey, I figured no one would buy a shirt -- no matter how cool it was -- if it had to retail at $100 US!

One more thing I would like to say before I reveal the winners. The judges did a fabulous job. It took lots of time and care. I am grateful to them beyond knowing. They each had expertise in different relevant professions, from graphic design to photography to web design to marketing -- and all had an intimate knowledge of the novel. Each made their decision independently of the others.

And what was their decision? (insert drum roll here):

First Place to ThundersSilence for

Second Place to Young-Hoon for

And Third Place to LunaticStar for

In the People's Choice poll the winner was:
LunaticStar for

Do you know what I found so frustrating and sad about this whole event? Adding up the scores and thinking over and over "Wow! That shirt is amazing and deserves to win", followed quickly by "Gee, that other shirt is amazing too but it won't win."

To the entrants: My undying thanks. Your shirts blew me away. To the winners: I'll be sending you notes soon about your prizes and what we would like to do to adjust your designs for production. And to everyone: I'll let you know when the shirts are available for sale. To paraphrase Arlo Guthrie from Alice's Restaurant, "If one of us buys a shirt and wears it, folks will think we're crazy and leave us alone. If two of us buys a shirt and wears it, they'll think we're both gay and leave us alone. But if ALL of us buys a shirt and wears it they'll think it's a movement! The jon.com movement... and, baby, they'll be right!"

The People's Choice

*denlm — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:19:34 PST

See the new Poll here on Denlm and vote for your favorite of all the entries in the jon.com t-shirt design contest. A surprise prize to the People's Choice winner.

The results of the poll and the judges scores will be revealed Monday. Here are the fabulous entries one last time.

Judges will be examining them with magnifying glasses in the days ahead, but for now, they are all winners in my eyes! Thanks to those of you who took the time and energy to enter. Each design was wonderful!

CAGED BIRD

COMMODITY

NAKED EYES

GIRL LOOKING

HUNTER STREET EYES

BOXED JON

HANGING JON

NO FEEDING

GRAPHIC NOVEL

LYDIA CHAINED

STRIPED SHIRT

MONITOR JON

PREVIEW CLIP

WELTS

KILL ME

BOUND

Things you may not know about me...

*denlm — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 09:01:13 PDT

Za-zen started this (or at least that is where I saw it first), and I liked it enough to spread the meme love.

[09 things about yourself]
1. I will be 58 on my next birthday. I don't think I look that old, and I surely do not feel it. But dates do not lie.
2. My next birthday is November 23. Gifts are not required.
3. I do not like to wear jewelry; it gets in my way. When I dress up to go out however, I prefer rings, earrings and super long large-bead necklaces.
4. I came of age during the Sixties and am still a hippie at heart -- thus the jewelry preferences listed above.
5. I still miss my husband after 25 years -- and still talk to him now and then when I am frustrated about something.
6. I have a thing for McDonald's sausage burritos.
7. I am afraid of shots. The needle kind, not the Scotch kind.
8. I enjoy being alone.
9. When I was a kid I believed I was a super hero who could fly.

[08 ways to win your heart]
1. Make me laugh. (What woman doesn't love that?)
2. Don't get angry when I interrupt. I try not to, but I get excited by a good conversation and forget.
3. Take charge.
4. Be smart, but don't keep trying to prove it.
5. Be unaware of your attractiveness.
6. Be confident with who you are.
7. Love to cuddle.
8. Tell me things about myself that I knew, but thought others did not.

[07 things that cross your mind a lot]
1. I HAVE to pay that bill.
2. What needs to get done today and by what time?
3. Will I ever finish this damn book?
4. Which story idea should I start next?
5. Why was that person so mean?
6. How much gas is left in the tank?
7. I hope something cool and unexpected happens today.

[06 things you do before you fall asleep]
1. Check my emails.
2. Take a shower.
3. Set the alarm.
4. Watch TV in bed or, if I don't have a friend-with-benefits staying over, *****.
5. Lie on my stomach and gaze out the window at the trees and the pond behind my condo.
6. Roleplay a new scene for the novel in my head.

[05 people who mean a lot]
1. My daughter
2. My son
3. My son-in-law
4. My grandson
5. Me

[04 things you're wearing right now:]
1. Gray leggings
2. A baggy hunter-green sweater
3. A beige suede headband
4. A smile

[03 songs that you listen to often:]
1. Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy
2. The Devil Went Down to Georgia
3. Side two of Abbey Road (it is too a song -- one loooooong song)

[02 things you want to do before you die:]
1. Get published.
2. Have the money to stop working for other people, and only work for myself.

[01 confession:]
1. I have a crush on the new Manager of the Classifieds department.

Free Jewelry!

*denlm — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 10:25:53 PDT

I spend so much time on dA reading and talking about the incredible writers on this site that I often forget the other talented artists I watch.

ThundersSilence was one of the first deviants to take notice of me, and my return visit knocked my socks off. This gal is one wonderful jewelry designer! Check her out soon.

Better yet, go back and go back and go back again and again. She is hosting a kiriban and will give away a sterling-silver hand-crafted custom ring to the person who captures her 7777 pageview. She's at around 7050 right now, so you are all in the running.

Go, go, go! But be warned: I am HOT to win this and will be haunting her page from now 'til that last 7 falls!

Good luck, all.

Name That Tune - 2 Questions Only

*denlm — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:54:21 PDT

Added the lyrics to my picks, in case you are interested.

Brooke is writing more Gargoyle, and I am as excited as a kid the night before her birthday. I cannot wait to unwrap that next section!

If you read her latest journal at [link], you know it was a song that inspired her latest writing spree. It occured to me that lyrics are my greatest inspiration too.

Sooo... here is a two question meme for all you fiction writers out there:

1) What song best expresses the personality of one of your fictional heroes?

For me, Dina Karson in Fellowship of Psys is the "Long Cool Woman in the Black Dress".

A pair of 45's made me open my eyes
My temperature started to rise
She was a long cool woman in a black dress
Just a 5-9 beautiful tall
With just one look I was a bad mess
'Cause that long cool woman had it all

In jon.com, Jon's song is one suggested by my mentor and friend, Beau: "The Beast in Me."

The beast in me
Is caged by frail and fragile bars Restless by day
And by night rants and rages at the stars
God help the beast in me

The beast in me has had to learn to live with pain
And how to shelter from the rain
And in the twinkling of an eye
Might have to be restrained
God help the beast in me

Sometimes it tries to kid me that it's just a teddy bear
And even somehow manage to vanish in the air
And that is when I must beware of the beast in me
That everybody knows
They've seen him out dressed in my clothes
Patently unclear
If it's New York or New Year
God help the beast in me
The beast in me

2) What song is playing in your head when one of your bad guys takes control of the keyboard?

Again, from Fellowship of Psys, whenever I wrote about Zach Karson I heard this playing in my head: "The Old Man Is Down the Road."

He take the thunder from the mountain, he take the lightning from the sky,
He bring the strong man to his begging knee, he make the young girl's mama cry.

You got to hidey-hide, you got to jump and run;
You got to hidey-hidey-hide, the old man is down the road.

He got the voices speak in riddles, he got the eye as black as coal,
He got a suitcase covered with rattlesnake hide, and he stands right in the road.

You got to hidey-hide, you got to jump up run away;
You got to hidey-hidey-hide, the old man is down the road.

Aaah!

He make the river call your lover, he make the barking of the hound,
Put a shadow cross the window, when the old man comes around.

You got to hidey-hide, you got to jump and run again;
You got to hidey-hidey-hide, the old man is down the road.
The old man is down the road.

Aaah!
You got ta, you got ta, you got ta, hidey-hidey-hide!

Ironically, Marcus Raines of jon.com shares Jon's theme song revealed above. When I've finished the novel, you will hopefully know why.

Now it's your turn to Name That Tune! Pull out those Ipods and start scrolling.

Shirts R Us... & a Great Photo

*denlm — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 16:28:57 PDT

Quick update. I just saw this photo on the DD list for today, and thought immediately of you-know-who. Do you agree? Hey, Beau, do you think we should add it to the website? Maybe as a link from monitor 8?

As jon.com nears its climax (so to speak), my friend and mentor, Beau, surprised me with these great black t-shirts sporting the novel's logo and the slogan: "Looking for Jon". I was so pleased with them, we discussed possibly creating more shirts with other slogans and offering them for sale on the jonsmythe website or here on dA.

I would love to know who among Jon's readers would be interesting in buying a jon.com shirt, and at what price. Let me know below, and please be honest.

Also, please see my poll for possible slogans and cast your vote -- even if you would rather go naked in Fargo during a blizzard than be caught dead wearing a walking billboard. Have fun anyway. I won't hate you.

Marcus might, but not me.

A Letter from Marcus to Zach

*denlm — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 08:13:14 PDT

Ah, a challenge from LadyWolfHeart. No, I didn't forget, hon. Just been crazy busy. But here it is, per your peanut butter-pumping little heart's desire: a meme letter from Marcus (of jon.com) to Zach (of Fellowship of Psys).

Dear Mr. Karson:

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I DISLIKE YOU. I think I realized it when YOU PUT CUFFS ON ME OUTSIDE OF CHICAGO and I saw you PULL THE CLOTHES OFF MY FATHER. I'm sure you're SCARRED enough to understand THAT THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO THIS. I'm returning YOUR CONTACT BOOK to you, but I'll keep YOUR SUICIDE NOTE as a memory. You should also know that I TOLD MY PSYCHIATRIST ABOUT YOUR SENILITY.

GREETINGS TO YOUR FREAKY FAMILY,
MARCUS RAINES

Whoa, that was scarily close to the mark. gotta love my bad boys, don't ya?

Okay, peeps, somebody else try this with two of their characters. I'll be watching for more fun and games.

RULES
How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear (last name of character):

I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflÃ©
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your p...

A few good words!

*denlm — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 10:20:29 PDT

I just got these in an email from another writer friend, and had to share. Some are old favorites; others are new and great fun. Can anyone add others?

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky makerÂs daughter, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ÂYou stay here, I'll go on ahead.Â

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ÂKeep off the grass.Â

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ÂNo change yet.Â

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Just missed him!

*denlm — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 12:02:59 PDT

I no sooner leave my friends in North Carolina at the end of my vacation then guess who shows up?

As his author, you'd think he'd have the courtesy to arrive while I'm still there to "entertain" him. Boys. grrrrrrrr. No gratitude.

For LunaticStar Who Finished Something

*denlm — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 18:52:04 PDT

Okay, it's like this: finished Fellowship of Psys. She bitched about Scott all the way through (not a fan of our intrepid boy Consult. Sorry, Scott fans.) and pointed out my numerous blunders from over 20 years ago. Good kid. I like her. Go figure. Anyway, she claims she never finishes anything, so I decided to reward her with a meme tribute to her favorite Fellowship character, Johnny Valhailand. The following answers are by him.

LunaticStar, please select a character from Travel Diary and do the same. I'm dying to know more about any of them. The same goes for the rest of you, too, please. Answer the following questions from the POV of one of your own characters.

If you haven't done this meme before, here are the rules:

RULES:
1) Answer the questions below
2) Take each answer and type it into dA search box
3) Take a deviation from the first page of results (may use ' popular' or 'newest' ) and post thumb (for subscribers) or link (non-subscribers)
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you

1. The age you will be on your next birthday: 21 or 22Â I donÂt know how old I am now. Zach isnÂt one to celebrate birthdays.

2. A place you'd like to travel: Back in time to stop it all from happening.

3. Your favorite place: When I was a kid it was playing in the dirt

4. Your favorite object: My guitar

5. Favorite food: A burger and a beer, though I am not too fond of stout despite whatÂs shown in this photo

6. Your favorite animal: The Golden Retriever puppy Zach made me leave behind on the Indian reservation

7. Your favorite color: Anything that isnÂt black

8. The town/state/etc in which you live: We were gypsies; we lived everywhere.

9. Name of past pet: I had no pets. And the pup had no name.

10. A dream come true: Seeing Sunday again.

11. Your nickname/screenname: Johnny or Jaybird

Now here's how I view Leonie too. She picked Katharine Hepburn for me. (I wish.) And Azrael chose Meryl Streep. (Much closer.)

This one is for you Penfury! An easy pick: strong, determined, striking, tall, dark and dazzling. But would you believe I could find no photos or drawings of a mature Cher on dA? Had to settle for this doll, which at least had the attitude right.

For Taintedbliss (or Shirin for anyone who read my Christmas Carol), I wanted to find a photo of the character of Susie from the 1960s movie The World of Susie Wong. I failed, but on the way found an anime I liked almost as well. Here she is:

And for Beau, an obvious choice:

Azreal sees me as Meryl in Mama Mia. Facially, I can buy that. Sure wish I had her body though. I would be the BEFORE shot, folks. Leonie's pick for me is the magnificent Kate. :sigh: I wish!

Addendum: Penfury tags me as Glenn Close. I found this photo of the dangerous woman. I adored this movie, so I figured I could handle being seen as a French harlot for a few days anyway.

Now I'd love it if the rest of you would play too. Here are the rules as posted on Azrael's page:

"I think its inevitable that as we read each other's journals we create a mental pictures of each other. Even if we see each other occasionally, you tend to have a mental image of me that may or may not jibe with how i really look. If we've never met face to face, then the image in your head might be rather interesting indeed. Take a moment to figure out what celebrity I remind you of and hunt for an image online, then post it in my journal. Post this on your own journal to find out who your friends see when they read about your life."

Two Rules:

1) The person must be in the movies or on TV (but doesn't have to be an actor/actress). The person can be specific to a role (e.g. Jennifer Elhe's Elizabeth Bennet) or just the person. Paintings/cartoons/whatever will work just fine. Any image you can come up with basically.

2) Post a picture or a link.

And obviously, everyone here is tagged."

Can't wait to see what you clever peeps come up with. I will happily return the favor.

Pay It Forward Before Monday!

*denlm — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 14:46:03 PDT

You know what sucks? When someone says something wonderful about you and you aren't allowed to say thank you back. For example, let's say LeonieSainteVire wrote a fabulous piece about me in a recent journal. And let's say she said to pass on the favor to other deserving deviants, but not to comment back. Well naturally I'd want to holler, "Leonie, my Sister in Ink, you are the best." Of course, that's if she did that. And that's if I was allowed to let my gratitude gush all over the screen. If.

Instead, I'll be a good and grateful girl and pass the honor on to the following folks. Same rules, my friends: Do not -- repeat, DO NOT -- comment back to me. You've been tagged, and there are no tag-backs. Instead, please go through your OWN watch list and find people to say something nice about. Don't hold back, and don't expect anything in return. Pay it forward. Just give, no strings attached.

Let's see how far we can spread the goodwill by Monday, August 11.

Azrael1984: Age is not a requirement for great writing. Azrael is proof. Her story about Danny, a gay folk singer discovering his first true love, impressed me in so many ways -- but none more so than her gift for storytelling. And her second novel, Jean, is as sophisticated as it gets, chock full of historic details. She'd be perfect if not for one thing: typos, Ginie! Personally, I think she lets little mistakes happen on purpose so I have something to complain about. Everything else is so damn good!

Katarthis: Do you love science fiction and fantasy? For me, the answer is yes and yes. How about furry characters? Good lord, no. Except in the hands of an expert. Katarthis hooked my attention my very first week on dA almost 3 years ago. The humanity of his lizard girl and her racoon suitor in his novel Techno made me forget what they were and become entranced with who they were. And wow, the complexity of the world they live and fight in! Quick, go lose yourself.

Penfury: Oh my friend, what can I say that people will believe? That you are generous of spirit? That you volunteer to do research for others that will net you nothing in return? That you figure out plotlines waaaay ahead of the pack? How about that your novel Bronc may just become another Thorn Birds? This heartbreaking tale set in the fading American West tells the fate of two rodeo friends and the woman they both loved. The question is, did they both lose her too? Finish it, Tam. Please. I adore it!

ZomaS-M: Here's another bundle of talent in a young package! Have you started Gargoyle yet? Two paragraphs into it, I forgot this was on dA. It was every bit as polished and intricate as anything in its genre on a Barnes & Noble bookshelf. If Brooke doesn't get published some day, there is no common sense left in the industry. Alex, Bade, and Jonathan grab me by the throat everytime she posts another chapter. And Zoma doesn't even have a license yet! Except the license to drive readers wild!

Za-Zen: There are some pieces of erotica on dA that make steam rise off the monitor. Za-Zen tops them all. Her short stories aren't sex for sex's sake. They feature people you can relate to; people who have insecurities; who speak in words you've probably used yourself. They make mistakes, take risks, sometimes win, occasionally lose. But each time, you wish there was more. You crave another installment and a chance to reconnect with these likeable couples. I have just one word for you, Za: Ants! More of him please.

Well, there are my five. I have others I wanted to feature, but was afraid I'd leave no one for the rest of our circle to spotlight. But, hey, if you all don't pass forward to Lunatic Star, Orphicfiddler, Pageburner, Twilight-apple and Mystery-of-Sorrow, I will be back with a vengeance!

To BeauEromantica, you should know by now how eternally grateful I am for your creativity, generousity and support -- even without my posting a paragraph in this journal. It wouldn't be nearly enough anyway.

To Leonie, I can only say "if"...

Look up!

*denlm — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 12:59:27 PDT

This is probably not important to the vast majority of you, but my patron/manager and web developer extraordinaire is flying overhead as I type this. He and his wild and wonderful wife, Gisela, are flying into New York, ready to start a working vacation and mini world tour.

His home is in Australia, so that puts Beau and I in the same time zone for the first time since meeting here on dA four months ago. Hell, we often weren't even IMing each other on the same day!

We'll be getting together IN PERSON (hard to imagine) at the end of this month in High Point, NC (Gisela's hometown) to discuss the next steps in the jon.com marketing plan. And of course drink and kick back in the sun a little.

If you haven't seen the web site yet, please do. What he created is nothing short of amazing. And he was so much fun to brainstorm with. The results are there for all to enjoy.

Okay, the shameless brown-nosing is over. Now quick! Look up and wave.

What's your thinking style?

*denlm — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 14:54:58 PDT

LeonieSainteVire just shared the description of her "Dominant" thinking style in her latest journal. I had to agree that was her to T. Then of course it made me curious. What is my modus operandi? I took the short quiz at [link] and it said my style is:

Visioning

You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights.
You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details.

An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path.
You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

How about you? There have got to be a wide variety of personality types on my watch list. Show me who you are. (As if I didn't know how some of you think already!)

A Song Title Meme

*denlm — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:31:04 PDT

Tar-Vanimelde has this great song title meme on her latest journal. I thought I'd give it a try. The object of the excercise is to pick one singer or band and use song titles from their work to answer these questions. I'm lazy, so I took the Beatles. I know their stuff by heart and won't have to go grab an album cover. (Yes, youngsters, once upon a time albums were on plastic disks and had pretty cardboard covers.)

1. Are you male or female?
She's a Woman

2. Describe yourself.
Long Tall Sally

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
Act Naturally

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
All My Loving

5. Describe your current relationship.
All the Lonely People

6. Where would you want to be now?
Ticket to Ride

7. How do you feel about love?
Can't Buy Me Love

8. What's your life like?
A Hard Day's Night

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Give Me Money

10. Say something wise.
We Can Work It Out

Okay, everyone, your turn!

BTW, with 24 hours to go, there are NO winners of a free copy of jon.com. Take a shot at winning the contest online at jonsmythe.com. (Here's a tip: This month's word was Lydia.) A new word must be found after midnight tomorrow.

You Guys Rock

*denlm — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:46:50 PDT

Well, it has been a week and 36 hours since the website launched and my deviant friends, family and visitors from the great unknown have made it a rock-and-roll success.

Over 2250 hits on the Editing Suite alone! Even if you spend hours there playing around (and I have it on good authority some of you have), that's a minimum of 100 visitors. Considering we've done no advertising yet, I am thrilled.

Thank you, friends.

PS - Remember the entry period to win an autographed copy of the novel is midnight July 31, U.S. EST. A whole new word will be in play on August 1.

Set Your Alarm Clocks

*denlm — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 08:01:24 PDT

No more futsing around. Starting midnight tonight (Sunday, July 13/Monday, July 14) U.S. Eastern Standard Time, you are cordially invited to the launch of jonsmythe.com.

Sorry it isn't jon.com, but would you believe that url is already owned?! A website development firm has it. I contacted them to buy it and was told it was up for auction. The starting bid: $2 million. Although a tempting deal, I passed. So far they have no takers. May they choke on it.

jonsmythe.com was my second choice. That is the pen name I have adopted for this and any future "adult themed" novels. So don't let the mention of "he/him/his" on the author bio page throw you. I am not undergoing a sex change operation anytime soon.

I hope you have fun. That is one of the site's prime objectives. Drop me an email from the contacts page and let me know what you think. And please tell your friends.

For all you beta testers who thought you would have a leg-up in winning the contest featured on the site, ha! Beau changed the codes. Sorry. You will have to start on an even footing with everyone else. Good luck to you all.

One last note: If any of you feel inclined to help spread the word, I can give you a link to the site to feature at the bottom of your email template. Penfury suggested this ages ago, and as are so many of her ideas, I thought it was golden. Just note me and I'll let you know how to set it up.

Thanks to everyone who helped on this project. It far exceeds my original expectations. I hope it does yours too.

PS - Use Explorer for the best experience. If you don't, you'll miss out on Marcus!

Took No Time at All!

*denlm — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:29:46 PDT

Within an hour of posting my last journal and kiriban, my page topped 10,000! And two folks shoved their way to the front of the pack simultaneously: ZomaS-M and Mystery-of-Sorrow. Both sent me screen captures with the golden number in clear view, and both will receive autographed first-edition copies of jon.com -- as soon as I get my lazy butt in gear and finish it.

So close, so close.

The website is on schedule to launch this coming Monday, but don't hold me to that. You know how bugs can be. If cockroaches will out-survive a nuclear war, then computer glitches will stomp those little crawly suckers into the pavement!

Watch for my invite to make sure you have the correct url. Beta testers, your old url will be obsolete. And there will be plenty of new goodies to keep you early viewers surprised and pleased.

Congrats to everyone who played "10,000 Pageviews", and my heartfelt gratitude for your friendship.

10,000? How Time Flies.

*denlm — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 10:30:22 PDT

I wonder if I dare do this? There may be bloodshed if I do. What the heck. At least Marcus will enjoy it -- all the gore and backstabbing and all.

Denlm.deviantart is quickly approaching 10000 visitors. A major landmark if I say so myself. I am flattered. I am amazed. I am... offering a free autographed copy of jon.com to the person who captures the moment it happens!

Okay, I'll step out of the way now. You're on your own. And, Beth! No pushing.

Love you all, guys. I couldn't be more grateful for your loyalty. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

PS - Glad I've been thrilled for so long now. Mood Emoticons are still not working for me.

Bottomless Thanks

*denlm — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:41:24 PDT

Beta testing on the jon.com website has completed, and I just want to say thanks to all the wonderful deviants who served as testers! If you were one of our Firefox user, would you mind taking another peak? We've corrected some compatiblity issues and want to make sure you can enjoy the site glitch-free in the future. Let me know if you still have problems.

Sadly, if you use Firefox, the sound problem cannot be corrected. The audio suite playlist and sound effects won't work for you. If you wish to enjoy the music and SFX, we humbly suggest you visit using Explorer. Sorry. Who said this is the age of highspeed communications? It's more like a battle royale between browsers and software manufacturers for world domination!

One more thing. The following generous deviants allowed us to share their photos, music, artwork and expertise in the development of the jonsmythe.com website. Please visit their pages and thank them for me. They are part of the reason the site is getting rave reviews! Share the love.

Quickreaver
Mystery of Sorrow
Mithgariel
Sausabe
Luisvk
CaosSpain
Cyborsuzystock
Aleuranthropy
Smurfetteinred
Penfury
Coffeesong
Duophonix
CarlsonC
Chloe-goes-bang
BeauEromantica

For those of you who are keeping tabs on the launch date, watch for an invitation on or around July 14!

It's Time... for a NEW Stamp!

*denlm — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:08:31 PDT

Just a quick update. Look what my awesome web guru created:

Anyone who has a dA subscription who would like to display this is more than welcome to have it. I also have a version that can be added to your personal website, if you want. It will link your site to jonsmythe.com, and we will be happy to provide a link back to your site as well. If you are selling artwork, novels, comic books and the like, we can share visitors. I love the smell of sales in the morning! How about you?

* * * *

The website is complete! ...all but tweaks to the sound effects and a few "toys" still to be added. We are ready for a test run!

Eleven of you volunteered to serve as Beta testers. Unfortunately, one of us -- me -- lost the original list in an untimely system crash. I think I remember who you are, but please drop me a reminder so I don't accidentally leave someone off.

This is also a good time for any procrastinators to slip through the crack in the door. If you didn't volunteer before, now is your chance.

The work is easy -- and quite enjoyable according to the two initial testers who have been playing on the site for a few months now. All I am asking is that you visit the site one or more times and keep track of what you liked and what you didn't. More importantly, if something didn't work properly or gave your computer a raging headache, I want to know ASAP so we can fix it before the official launch.

Leave me your name below, and I will send you the link. If I don't have your email address yet (most of you gave that to me months ago so you could receive updates of jon.com) then please send it to me in a note.

I am so excited about the site, I feel like I am hovering a foot above the chair! It is very out-of-the-box -- more like a video game than a website -- but one that should entice readers to purchase the novel when it is finished... which is the whole goal of the thing to begin with!

Oh, and for the very clever, there is a contest built into the site that gives visitors a chance to win a free copy of the novel every month. If that isn't an incentive to be among the early Beta testers, I don't know what is!

Fanart! See me smile.

*denlm — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:47:07 PDT

As part of a challenge, LunaticStar took on the task of creating fanart of Jon from jon.com. She went one step further, creating his trademark tattoo as well. Check them out here, and give her her props. She deserves them big time!

[link]

[link]

Me? I'm dancing in my seat with pride.

BTW, do any of you create dA stamps? Drop me a note if you do. I have a commission for you, but I want to keep it secret.

Thanks.

I Dare You #1

*denlm — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 05:16:39 PDT

The memes are piling up around me. Time to clear them off my TODO list. This is round #1. ZomaS-M challenged me to leave a comment in her journal. In return, she would share six things about our - erm - dA relationship. Now, I dare you to do the same.

Leave a comment here and I will:

a) Tell you why I watched you
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc...
c) Tell you something I like about you
d) Tell you a memory I have of you
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
f) In return, you must post this in your journal

FYI, she associated me with PORN! The little minx.

Okay. Your turn. Go to it, Peeps!

Jon's Meme

*denlm — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:48:51 PDT

Razordeck is back, requesting another meme, this time from Jon. He calls him "hollow" and Mithgariel says she's is disappointed in him for becoming a player. For those of you following the novel, do you agree? See tomorrow's poll to express your opinion.

Who was your first childhood friend?: Dizzy Donzie, one of the boys I shared a dorm room with at St. Anthony's Villa. He showed me where the bathroom was my first day there, and I was eternally grateful.

Are you still friends?: Unlike me, Donzie's parents hadn't abandoned him. His dad was in rehab and his mom in county doing 3 years for shoplifting. She sprang him hours after legal aid got her out for good behavior. I never saw him again.

How many times have you moved in your life?: At least one time that I don't remember, once to St. A's, 18 times bouncing from foster home to foster home, once to go live with Bella, three times in NY, and the final stop at 416 Hunter Street on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

Have you ever been in love?: Yes. But not the way you think.

At what age would you say you stopped being a kid?: Three. Being dumped on the street will do that to a kid.

Enjoy gloomy/rainy days?: As long as I have a roof over my head, I don't notice them.

Have any good-luck charms?: A business card I left behind in a cigar box in Toledo.

Have any snow dances/superstitions for getting a day off of school?: LOL. I took snow days when I needed them -- which was the better part of every semester, no matter what the season.

When you were five years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?: Adopted.

And now?: Secure.

Can you read music?: Sorry, no. I don't have the patience for learning an instrument. And my voice sucks.

Speak another language?: Besides profanity? Nope.

What's your favorite cereal?: Oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon. Bella made it anytime the temps dipped below 10 degrees F.

Your opinion of the 80s?: They sucked. But so would the 90s or the 70s if I had been spending them the way I did the 80s -- as a ward of the state.

Believe in magic?: I believe in me. Is that magic? Perhaps. We'll see.

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?: Out on the front stoop of 416 Hunter Street.

Who would you want to be stranded on an island with?: I'll pass on the island altogether, thanks. Been stranded once already. There's no piece of ass alive that would make me want to go through it again.

Did you read a lot when you were a kid?: Not really. I'm a piss-poor reader. Paulie got me to read Moby Dick once. That was cool, but the habit didn't stick.

And now?: I read people. I have to.

Have you ever watched cheesy sci-fi shows?: Star Man! What a riot. A four-hour marathon on late night cable that strung together the never-ending episodes of a badly dubbed Japanese serial. Wonder if I can find it and buy it someday?

Do you like broadway musicals?: Would have auditioned for a few when I first came to NY, but like I said, I can't carry a tune.

Like instrumental movie soundtracks?: As background for a good piece of film, oh yeah.

What superhero did you always pretend to be as a kid? The Incredible Hulk

Favorite Disney movie?: Toby Tyler. I loved that little kid's moxey. Sort of a role model, I guess.

Don't you miss the Angry Beavers and old All That?: Aw, come on, dude.

Did you have any mortal enemies in elementary school?: Actually, no. Cutups and screw offs like I was generally are well liked.

When, would you say, was the best time of your life?: The ten years I lived with Bella. But I'm hoping there are better times yet to come.

What are you looking forward to most at the moment: Getting this bullshit over with.

How do you express yourself?: Facial expressions, mostly. Safer than words most of the time.

Do you watch anime?: Not really.

If you could have one superpower: Mind reading.

If you could be any animal: A cat with nine lives.

What movie made you want your 7 bucks and 2 hours back?: The Lady's Choice -- and if I had paid for it, it would have cost me $55.

What movie scared the crap out of you?: The Audition, Marcus's version of The Lady's Choice.

Made you cry (even if you won't admit it)?: Dumbo -- when they took him away from his mother.

What movie do you love even though you know it's stupid?: It's a Wonderful Life, but Jesus don't tell anyone. I'll never live it down.

Favorite toy when you were a kid: Sail Racoons. Know what they are? In Toledo, they're the dead racoons at the side of the road that are so dried up you can pick them up and sail them through the air like Frisbees.

Still have it?: No racoons in...

Lydia's meme

*denlm — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 13:09:37 PDT

Per Razordeck's request, Lydia has graciously agreed to answer a meme. She seldom reveals anything about herself, so this should be a treat for everyone -- including me.

Who was your first childhood friend?: :closes her eyes to better savor the memory: Donny Hatkowski. We were six and lived next door to each other in Hamtramack. He gave me two dollars for showing him my slit. I bought a box of chocolate-covered cherries -- and kept them all to myself.

Are you still friends?: Afraid not, my sweet. He was killed in his own driveway. His father accidentally left the car in neutral and it rolled into him, knocking him down and crushing his head.

How many times have you moved in your life?: Twelve times. That was the first. My parents moved us to Fort Wayne to protect me from the rumors.

Have you ever been in love?: The better question would be, When have I not been in love? I have impossible high hopes for every relationship.

At what age would you say you stopped being a kid?: Six, right after Donny's big brother held me down and pulled off my panties without paying.

Enjoy gloomy/rainy days?: Lord no. It's too nasty to shop in comfort.

Have any good-luck charms?: If I count to three and nothing bad happens, I take it as a sign to act on whatever is tempting me.

Have any snow dances/superstitions for getting a day off of school?: Hmmm, I've never needed them. I could generally persuade papa to let me stay home curled up on his lap whenever I wanted.

When you were five years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?: Rich.

And now?: Richer.

Can you read music?: Never felt the need to learn. Most musicians are starving artists.

Speak another language?: :slides her tongue across her teeth and smiles: French.

What's your favorite cereal?: Never touch it. So pedestrian.

Your opinion of the 80s?: They cost me a lot of money. Cocaine nearly wiped out my bank account. Then I wised up.

Believe in magic?: Absolutely. I'm just not always very good at spotting true magic from illusion.

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?: To a talented plastic surgeon.

Who would you want to be stranded on an island with?: Jon, this month. Next month, who knows?

Did you read a lot when you were a kid?: :laughs softly: I have no desire to read. But show me the profit in it, and I'll join the Book of the Month Club tomorrow.

And now?: :flicks her fingers in disdain: I tire of these literary questions. Price tags, all right? I read price tags.

Have you ever watched cheesy sci-fi shows?: No. I did star in Bare Wars once. Another production house, of course. L&M would never do anything so crude.

Do you like broadway musicals?: Interestingly enough, no. And the Great White Way is just blocks away, too

Like instrumental movie soundtracks?: I leave production details to the M's in my life.

What superhero did you always pretend to be as a kid? Norma Jean Baker

Favorite Disney movie?: Toby Tyler. Surprised? Yes, I watched some Disney movies when I was growing up. Pollyanna was a fool, but Toby made himself into a superstar in the circus. I laughed 'til I cried when his bastard of an uncle came fawning in the end.

Don't you miss the Angry Beavers and old All That?: Not a whit.

Did you have any mortal enemies in elementary school?: Not for long. We often moved before it became an issue.

When, would you say, was the best time of your life?: It hasn't come yet, but thanks to Jon it's close now.

What are you looking forward to most at the moment: Making a decision.

How do you express yourself?: I act.

Do you watch anime?: I prefer reality.

If you could have one superpower: Immortality.

If you could be any animal: A lioness.

What movie made you want your 7 bucks and 2 hours back?: I don't pay to see movies. I make other people pay to see mine.

What movie scared the crap out of you?: I Want to Live starring Susan Hayward.

Made you cry (even if you won't admit it)?: I do not cry.

What movie do you love even though you know it's stupid?: The Lady's Choice... I mean really. Men auditioning to be in a pornographic movie? Who would believe that?

Favorite toy when you were a kid: Little boys.

Still have it?: Yes, dozens.

Do you like cows?: What a ridiculous question. Make mine medium rare.

Hate public speaking?: Do not laugh, but while I have no problem disrobing in front of a camera, I refuse to speak lines. Marcus will tell you we don't record dialogue because it is easier to edit without it. The truth is I get stage fright when I have to speak.

Hate numbers?: :issues a light high ripple of...

Calling all music composers

*denlm — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 06:46:07 PDT

As the website nears completion, we have decided to add a "radio" to one of the pages. I already have permission from Mystery-of-Sorrow to feature one of his compositions as the theme music for jon.com. (Hey, David, if you have something else you think will be good, please let me know.) Does anyone else have a music clip they would like to include?

We would like to keep these short and appropriate to the erotic/thriller nature of the story line. If you have something you'd like me to listen to, please send me a link to your music. If we use your piece, we will give you a credit and a link on the website.

Hmm, maybe you are not a composer yourself, but know someone who is... Send them my way too please. We would love to listen and perhaps feature them.

I am sooooo sorry.

*denlm — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:11:18 PDT

Damn, just miss a visit to dA ONE day and you end up with 18 deviations and 24 messages in your "in" box. Okay, so it was two days...maybe three. I do have a good excuse though. I've been proofing the web site, recording SFX for it, and selling a house! I also took some time off to cheer for my Red Wings -- including one night of triple overtimes that kept me glued to the TV until 1 a.m.

Thank you for your patience. I hope to get caught up by this weekend. I miss all of your incredible artwork and stories. Forgive me?

Another MEME, Another Journal

*denlm — Fri, 30 May 2008 07:54:34 PDT

I was sooooo tired of looking at my old journal that I stole this rather interesting meme from SpideyGeek and Leonie to wallpaper over the tattered old words.

Who was your first childhood friend?: My sister, Daria. We were the only kids in our neighborhood at the time and being only 13 months apart in age, it was like having a twin.

Are you still friends?: Yep. Better than most sisters, or so I have noted.

How many times have you moved in your life?: Nine times, counting the first time when I was a toddler that I do not remember.

Have you ever been in love?: Numerous times that I thought were love. Only once that was the real thing.

At what age would you say you stopped being a kid?: Tough one. In some ways I've never grown up -- a good thing, if you are a writer or artist of any kind. But as far as feeling confident and in control of my destiny, probably age 30.

Enjoy gloomy/rainy days?: Only when they are isolated and atmospheric, not when they pile up one on top of the other like dirty laundry.

Have any good-luck charms?: The number 17 on anything.

Have any snow dances/superstitions for getting a day off of school?: Oh, I tried them all, but none ever worked. I gave up dancing, praying and chanting long ago.

When you were five years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?: An actress.

And now?: A full-time novelist...although the actress still calls to me softly now and again. Can we say, "community theater"?

Can you read music?: Sort of. I had a music teacher in high school who tried hard to teach me, and some of it stuck.

Speak another language?: About three words each of Polish, Spanish and French. Maybe a dozen remembered words from four years of Latin. Ego amo te.

What's your favorite cereal?: Grape Nuts -- especially with blueberries.

Your opinion of the 80s?: They went by in a blur. My children were babies and my husband died during that decade. I am trying to relive it now on classic rock stations.

Believe in magic?: I believe in making my own magic

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?: Hawaii. I have a thing for volcanoes.

Who would you want to be stranded on an island with?: Johnny Depp -- duh. I wouldn't throw Sean Connery off either.

Did you read a lot when you were a kid?: They had to let me move into the adult sections of the library when I was eight. I'd checked out everything in the children's and juniors' sections by then.

And now?: As much as I can afford. When I run out of money and novels, I borrow or reread.

Have you ever watched cheesy sci-fi shows?: I grew up on Flash Gordon and Rocky Jones. I live for cheese.

Do you like broadway musicals?: Absolutely. I've been in a few too -- community theater of course, not the bright lights of B-way. I stole the show as the Widow Corney in Oliver once. It was my revenge for them not giving me the part of the broken-hearted abused hooker.

Like instrumental movie soundtracks?: Not much. Without the visuals that went with them, they leave me cold.

What superhero did you always pretend to be as a kid? A combination of Wonder Woman, Super Girl and Peter Pan -- Mary Martin was my hero!

Favorite Disney movie?: Hunchback of Notre Dame and Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey.

Don't you miss the Angry Beavers and old All That?: My age is showing. Who??

Did you have any mortal enemies in elementary school?: There was a snotty girl named Rita who liked to call me names. Mortal enemy? Nah, just a stuckup bitch.

When, would you say, was the best time of your life?: The four years of my married life before Jim died. There have been lots of good times overall, but nothing has come close to that blissful contentment.

What are you looking forward to most at the moment: Getting my website online. It is so hot and fun. Not at all what I dreamed it would be.

How do you express yourself?: I write, I scowl, I pout and I cry. Oh, yeah, the rest of the time I crack jokes and laugh a lot. What a contrast, eh?

Do you watch anime?: No, sorry.

If you could have one superpower: I would fly.

If you could be any animal: A pampered Domestic British Shorthair. That's a cat for you less informed dog lovers.

What movie made you want your 7 bucks and 2 hours back?: I only go to the movies now when I have a free preview pass from work. Too much money and too much risk. So many movies are disappointments the last few years. If I had paid for Elizabeth the Golden Age, I would have demanded my money back in triplicate to compensate for my pain and suffering.

What movie scared the crap out of you?: The Haunting of Hill House. I showed it to my kids a few years ago and they laughed. It still...

Flash, anyone?

*denlm — Wed, 14 May 2008 06:55:38 PDT

Mostly, I'm just tired of looking at this journal, so let's change the subject, shall we.

Is there anyone out there who knows flash and would be interested in converting some website page designs for me? Or tell me how to do it? I'm looking for someone with more techie expertise than yours truly.

Do they make "Websites for Dummies"? If not, they should. I'd buy the 10-book set!

Thanks!

PS - Has anyone noticed I am closing in on 10,000 page views? Is anyone interested in a Kiriban? We've done so many of them the last few months, you may be tired of them, but I'm game if you are. Just suggest a prize or two.

Wanna Play? Better Hurry!

*denlm — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:46:37 PDT

Name that Tune wasn't a timed game, if I remember. (But who knows, that was a half century ago!) But you wouldn't have known it by how quickly people ran through my ten tunes.

There's only one left -- the first one. Any last guesses? Wood you need a clue, Mac? Let me know, But you better be fleet of foot. Someone is going to put it all together soon.

TITLE AND GROUP PLEASE FOR: "Lovin' you ain't the right thing to do."

"It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll." Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Stand up and dance Katarthis. Or are you a "virgin"? (For those of you who understand that comment, maybe I saw you there.)

"I'm looking through you. Where did you go? I thought I knew you. What did I know?" by the Beatles from the song of the same name. Katarthis knows his Rubber Soul too. Good taste, K.

"Now on the day I was born, the nurses all gathered around. Gazed in wide wonder at the joy they had found." Bad to the Bone by George Thoroghgood. Tagged correctly by Mystery-of-Sorrow.

"Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you never come around." Total Eclipse of the Heart... my favorite version by Bonnie Tyler & Meatloaf. Leonie nails her second one.

"Well I walked into the room passing out hundred dollar bills." Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy by Big and Rich. Kira 73 gets it.

"Maybe you got nothin to do tonight, I'll take you on a moonlit ride." You Don't Know How It Feels by Tom Petty. Go, Leonie!

"Bring it. Uh uh uh uh. Uh-huh. What? What? What?" Gettin' Jiggy with It by Will Smith. Okay, K, I wish could see your CD library: Rocky Horror, Rubber Soul AND Will Smith???!!!

"Look at that yo-yo, that's the way to do it!" Money for Nothin' by Dire Straits. Kira 73 again!

"I've been driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel." Radar Love by Golden Earring. Leonie once more!

Is Your Character YOU?

*denlm — Sat, 03 May 2008 07:50:40 PDT

Kira73 had the greatest test in her most recent journal. It is called the Mary-Sue test and it lets you determine how much of yourself you have put into your main character. I took the test for Jon from jon.com and got the following results:

"Jon is only a little like you. He may be popular, or he may not, but no matter what he's impossible to ignore; he stands out... just the way you always wanted to. There's never been anything special about him that he could see; boy, is he in for a surprise. He's come in for his share of hurt, but gotten off with minor damage. And you've been sparing with the free handouts: whatever he gains, he's worked for.

In general, you care deeply about Jon, but you're smart enough to let him stand on his own, without burdening him with your personal fantasies or propping him up with idealization and over-dramatization. Jon is a healthy character with a promising career ahead of him."

Like a proud momma, I beamed. Bella would be smiling too. Want to take the test yourself? Go to [link]

I'm going to take it again for Dina, but I suspect she will be much more heavily me than Jon was. Results coming soon. Please share yours in return. I'm dying to know how Anthony, Charlotte, Peter, Danny, Rivian, Jaded, Leonie, Erin and Sicari fare. Did I miss anyone? You're tagged too. Would you rather spotlight a different main character? Feel free. I love them all!

Go. Now. Take a big bite out of your hidden psyche. It doesn't hurt. Much.

Update on Dina and the Mary-Sue Test

Well, it was as I suspected. Dina and I are borderline sisters. However, I disagree with part of the analysis. Decide for yourself:

"Dina is suspiciously similar to you as you'd like to be. She isn't really very cool: she blends into crowds, she hangs out on the fringes at parties, and wearing shades after dark makes her run into things. She may have sometimes thought that she was special, or destined for greater things, but probably dismissed the idea as a fantasy. She's had more than her fair share of hard knocks, and probably spends more time than she ought moaning about it. And she's gotten no slack from you.

You may have let yourself get a little too close to Dina. Maybe she's you as you wish you were, or maybe you're just afraid no one will like her and are trying to give her a free ride. Have some confidence in your writing! Dina is a good character. Give her room to be herself before you stifle her."