http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:differentxdreamz&section=today deviantART RSS for by:differentxdreamz en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 30 Nov 2009 06:02:02 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/27947889/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/27947889/ Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:35:23 PDT
Updates for new brush sets and image packs will be POSTPONED. Not my fault I'm sick. D=<

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/27156913/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/27156913/ Wed, 14 Oct 2009 09:42:30 PDT A.d.v.a.n.c.e.d P.h.o.t.o.S.h.o.p M.a.g.a.z.i.n.e F.e.a.t.u.r.e
Apparently, my brushes have been featured in the Advanced PhotoShop Magazine, issue #61. If anyone usually orders than magazine, and wouldn't mind scanning the papers featuring my brushes, I'll appreicate it... but make sure we're not voliating any copyright rules first. xD

I.m.a.g.e P.a.c.k U.p.l.o.a.d.s
I'm planning on reuploading ALL my brush sets, into a couple of huge zipped folders, containing image packs for those who do not own PhotoShop or own an older version. The file sizes of these downloads will be HUGE since I offer high resolution brushes, and .png files are naturally large. If I don't get around to uploading these within a week, someone please threaten to kill me. I haven't updated in forever... and I feel so bad. =[

U.p.d.a.t.e.s
New brush sets should be available within the next two weeks... depending on when inspiration comes. I tried opening PhotoShop to make new brushes, BUT I couldn't come up with anything original. I don't want to just upload brushes so similar to my previous brush sets that there is no point in even downloading them. Future brush sets will either come with .png files or I will gather all the .png files up and upload them separately. It just depends on the file size of the brush set I am uploading.

And for those who are wondering, YES I'm typing this in class... -shifty eyes- If I get caught, I blame this on the... cookie monster! Nah, the teacher-on-call won't say anything... will she? o_O

Y.o.u.r C.o.m.m.e.n.t.s
First of all, I would like to thank everyone for all the comments I've received, good and bad. Due to the lack of time on my hands, I have not been able to reply to every comment for a few months now. Know that I do read each and every one, even if I don't reply.

Secondly, I've received some not so good comments, and no, I'm not going to complain about them. Everyone has their opinion, and everyone is allowed to voice their views and their opinions out loud. I will NOT block or hide any comments people have posted, because I believe that viewers should be able to see different perspectives.

Y.o.u.r N.o.t.e.s
I read Notes first when I check my DA, because in my opinion, people send notes because they're confidential (other viewers can't see), and they're confidential because they're important. if you're sending me a link to your work, please leave a comment as opposed to a Note.

C.o.m.m.e.r.i.c.a.l U.s.e.s
If you want to use my brush sets commercially, the cost is $5.00CAN, which you pay ONCE to use a particular brush set. If you're interested, please send me a Note. I accept payments through Paypal only.

B.r.u.s.h I.d.e.a.s
Want a brush set similar to my style...? Tell me... cause right now... I'm CLUELESS. I don't know what brushes to make... I don't know what people want and what they need. =[

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/26739890/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/26739890/ Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:00:12 PDT linker123 has SOME NERVE.

Yes, I know I often complain about people stealing my brushes... but to steal my brushes... and POST THEM ON DA! Now, if that's not stupidity... I don't know what is. To make things worse... he used the same preview picture.

I don't know who else might be a victim, but some of the deviations looked quite familiar. I suggest NOT downloading anything from ~linker123 because I'm not sure anything he uploaded belongs to him.

Apparently, his main Deviant account is ~luanbest. I suggest not supporting this account either... stupid. idiotic. jerk.

My original deviation can be found [link] on my DAWN brushes. His deviation can be found [link] Anyone helping to post requests to have those brushes removed, or reporting him would be most appreciated.

I am BEYOND MAD at how stupid someone can be.

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/26276161/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/26276161/ Thu, 30 Jul 2009 12:33:14 PDT
-- stolen from Inkshadow. [link] (too lazy to do it properly)

P E R S O N A L:
► Real Name: Something you will never, in a million years, guess correctly. =]
► Nickname: Differentxdreamz, Dreamz, xxDreamz, Lime, Lemon, Bunny rabbit, Bunny, Man-ly, Rini, Smartass, Hey, Yo... and the list goes on and on. Basically anything anyone can think of, regardless of the fact that I HATE most of my nicknames... I mean... 'Manly' D=< -glares at a certain someone-
► DA name: Differentxdreamz
► Country: Someone in the northern hemisphere, above the country of Obama. To those of you who are too lazy to think, or who have never heard the name Obama before--that's quite impossible--it's CANADA. C.A.N.A.D.A
► Gender: Female. Therefore I hate the nickname 'Manly' -- I don't even look slightly male. =[

F A V O R I T E S:
► Food: Watermelon, Honeydew, Nectarines, Strawberries, Kiwi, Cantaloupe.. and no, not every fruit. Apparently I'm allergic to mango. And those who know me know that I am a very picky eater.
► Drinks: Fruit juice (no vegies please...), and in this weather, an ice cold Slurpie, or and cold/frozen drinks.
► The moment (one only): I'll tell you when I have one worth remembering. -cries- My past is so... normal.
► Song at the moment: You Belong With Me -- Taylor Swift
► TV Program (one only): Umm... err... let's see... umm...
► TV Channel (one only): Channel 402. AKA, the channel with a black screen and only music. No pictures! LOL (Yes, it does exist)
► Book: You're kidding right? I love, love, love reading... =/ Therefore, I love books! I might hurt their feelings if I choose just one--assuming that I can just choose one... (And yes, books have feelings!)

V E R S U S:
► What do you like most?: The fact that I'm alive? Or the fact that I don't want to be alive? Hmm... hard choice...
► Sweet or Spicy?: Depends on what I'm eating. I prefer sweet though~ ...except when you can smell the sugar in the food a meter away. Then... no...
► White chocolate or dark chocolate?: What happened to milk chocolate? And besides, I don't like chocolate for some strange reason...
► Desktop Computer or Laptop?: Desktop computers. I'm the type of person who would drop a laptop if I was holding one. (Note to self... insure my laptop when I get one for Post-secondary)
► Ice cream or cake?: Ice cream cake! (Which is basically ice cream with a layer of chocolate or fruit in between) So in that case... ice cream?
► Anime or cartoons: Depends. My friend -coughs coughs- Roxy has made me scared of Anime. (With her yaoi, yuri... eww... just gross... things)
► PSP or PS2: I don't game...
► Sony or Panasonic?: Sony. It's easier to type, and I'm the person who can't spell. =]
► RnB or Pop?: Pop. Duh. RnB = what the heck are they trying to say...?

D E V I A N T A R T:
► What is your most favorite deviation in your gallery? That would involve me going to my actual gallery page, and surfing through my deviations. Dude. Summer = laziness = don't want to do anything. (Except this meme for some strange reason...) o.o
► Who is your first watcher? Hellboy4ever. No fair, why are my friends second and third? =[
► How many watchers do you have right now? 85. -hugs- -tackles the random people who I don't know- Thank you! =]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
► How many deviations do you have? 38. Aww... Must add MORE! >=]
► Whom of your watchers do you talk the most with? Winterxstarz & Inkshadow -is too lazy to link their names, because I never remember the html coding for it-
► Are you a subscriber? Let's see. I'm a teenager, and I'm poor. Do the math.
► When did you start using Deviantart? Umm... after my friends made their accounts? LOL. I am a copycat-er~ =]

T E N . A R E . Y O U S:
► Are you single? Does my shadow count?
► Are you happy? Umm... define happiness
► Are you bored? Gee, why else would I do this meme?
► Are you sad? Define sadness.
► Are you Italian? Nope. 100% made in China.
► Are you German? I'm MADE IN CHINA.
► Are you Asian? let's see... I'm made in C.H.I.N.A. What do you think?
► Are you angry? If the whole point of th above questions was to make me angry, then no, you did not succeed.
► Are you Irish? 100% made in ______. (fill in the blanks)
► Are your parents still married? Yes. o_O

T E N . F A C T S:
► Birth Place? Let's see... still 100% made in CHINA.
► Hair Color? 100% made in China. So guess... and no, it's not purple or blue.
► Hair Style? It's hair. It's long and layered and iunno... styled? @_@ -confused-
â... ]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/26096102/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/26096102/ Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:44:28 PDT
1) She won't let me take summer school (to get ahead a grade) and said I needed a job.

2) She later complained that I didn't sign up for summer school because I was lazy and good for nothing.

3) Told me to get a job.

4) Complained that I couldn't get a job because of the recession.

5) When I finally got a job working for 2 weeks at Playland, she refused to sign the papers for me to open a bank account. AKA, I now have no job because refused to open me a bank account for the past month and a half.

6) I volunteer at my secondary school installing the brand new Dell computers, and she complains that I work to long there.

7) She is now currently complaining about me NOT showing up today and tomorrow because it's freaking HOT and I do NOT want to move/install computers. After all, I don't HAVE to, I'm only supposed to show up IF I feel like it.

8) She complains that I read too many ebooks on the computer.

9) She starts complaining how I started to game on the computer. She says that I should read more.

10) She yells at me for talking on MSN. She says that my friends talk too much. Just because I have the window open doesn't mean that we're talking EVERY SINGLE SECOND.

11) She looks at the library books on my desk and goes: "You aren't fooling anyone. We both know you aren't reading, so don't even pretend."

12) I start studying for my Learners (driver's license) and she goes: "You're too young to drive." (She's been nagging me to learn how to drive four years ago...)

13) SHE'S DRIVING ME FREAKIN' INSANE!

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/25900696/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/25900696/ Sun, 12 Jul 2009 14:11:26 PDT
How? I have no idea... >.> I was clearing up my desktop... deleted all the .zip files for some strange reason... and then I emptied my recycling bin. Volia, they're gone... and I didn't even notice until three days later. -facepalms-

Now... I have to redo those three brush sets... so it might take a while. =/ This sucks cause I really liked those brush sets... >.<

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/25458347/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/25458347/ Sun, 21 Jun 2009 17:37:35 PDT
... ALL that, and science provincial exam tomorrow... -dies- x______________X

Well, at least I've updated my DA... but I haven't been getting a lot of favourites lately. Maybe people can tell that I was coughing and throwing up like crazy while making those brushes. >.<

-fails-

Job interview at Playland on Wednesday... probably won't go because I REALLY DON'T want to be a sweeper... also, I'll probably die on the hour-long bus ride it takes to get there--if that fails, I doubt I'll get hired if I get the interviewers sick. =[

Being. Sick. SUCKS.

... no really now? -rolls eyes-

Yes... this is basically a journal entry about nothing. If you're still reading right now, I admire your patience, and at the same time, wonder why you don't have better things to do.

Aww... now I'm going to drive all my friends away. =/

-TACKLES INKSHADOW- =]]]] I know you love me... =]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
winterxstar = o_O "Ehh..." -leaves my DA page- =]

FINALLY, thanks again for all the support I've been getting lately... For those who have downloaded my brush sets and didn't bother favouriting--you should be ashamed! I slaved to make those brush sets... for all of 15 minutes?

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/25223958/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/25223958/ Tue, 09 Jun 2009 19:24:25 PDT
Please wait patiently for updates.

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/24946853/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/24946853/ Mon, 25 May 2009 16:34:16 PDT
Anyone have an idea?

Anyone want a certain type of brush? =/

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/24590411/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/24590411/ Mon, 04 May 2009 18:49:40 PDT
People... you can do WAY better. It's really easy for me to SELL these brushes using paypal instead of offering them for free. But because these brushes are FREE for PERSONAL USED ONLY, I expect my terms of use to be taken seriously.




Terms of Use:

Do NOT redistribute.
No commercial use without permission.
Credit and link back if used.
Comment and/or favourite before/after downloading. It doesn't take long, and it's nice to know my work is being appreciated.
Download ONLY from deviantART.com. Do NOT download my brushes from other websites which have uploaded my brushes without my knowledge or permission.




I'm extra shocked at which the speed you brushstealers move. I mean, uploading my brushes within THREE days of me uploading it?!

Websites uploading my NEW brushes, after I told people to STOP stealing my brushes:

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

WOWOW... I'm ashamed of human nature... >.>

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/24150778/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/24150778/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:48:16 PDT
Yeah.. I've already ranted about this already to Inkshadow... sorry about that my friend. =]

And the saddest part? I was just google-ing my username (which I use for various website) becuase I forgot what I used to do. But seeing my brushes there... D=<

In the first 5 pages of google, and in less than 10 minutes, I've found 12 different sites offering my brushes as free downloads. Some list 'differentxdreamz' as the author, others claim my work as their own. =.=

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

[link]

I have THREE brush sets awaiting upload. Saddest thing? I'm not sure I even want to upload them anymore. =.=

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/23561103/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/23561103/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:19:29 PST .< Then again, if I WAS coldblooded, then I wouldn't feel cold. But, alas, I do...

WOW. I've read WAY too many Shakespeare. -rolls eyes- The saddest part? I HATE Shakespeare. Apparently, he invented the word "anchovy." I have no idea why he invented that. Of all the words he could have chosen. He also invented "puke". o_O Maybe he was puking after eating his anchovies? Eh, who knows? (He also invented the phrase "love is blind"... o_O Who know he was romantic?)

So... why am I typing this again? Urgh. >.> My brain has NOT been working recently. I mean, I think I have short term memory lost. And I'm 15... which is kind of SAD.

Like my friends would say: -epic fail-

Oh yeah, I remember! Shameless advertising! So... wait for it...

NEW BRUSHES!

NEW BRUSHES!

NEW BRUSHES!

And after only... 10 months? LOL. I know, I suck. =.= (Tell me something I don't know)

Again, ONE more time...

NEW BRUSHES!

NEW BRUSHES!

NEW BRUSHES!

Hey, at least I gave you some warning!

Now, to those who have not already closed this window, (because I'm THAT annoying) it's almost Spring Break! You know what that means...

EBOOKING! =]

Yes, I am mo lui... =.=

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/22166010/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/22166010/ Wed, 24 Dec 2008 12:28:09 PST
I officially hate the snow. Well, actually, not really. Snow is beautiful to look at, and in more than one occasion, I regretted not taking pictures it, but enough is enough! =.=

Snow is NOT nice, nor is it beautiful when you have to tread through it. It can also be quite difficult to start your car in the morning--or any time of the day for that matter. It's no long funny watching kids push their parents car so the car could start. It is also no longer funny falling in the snow, because jeans + ice = COLD!

Now, for winter vacation. Homework--haven't even started yet. Books--read over 15 novels from the library and 50 ebooks on the computer. Origami--made another swan... took 250 pieces to complete!... only to wake up the next day wondering where the head went, because somebody (coughs) dropped it. >.<

What I got for Christmas... one word: PINK. Well, at least it's not neon pink!

Oh, and word of advice, do NOT wear pink sunglasses and stare at the sun.... It's BLINDING.

That's all for now, 'cause my hands are cold. -suddenly remembers Rosuto's msn chat... no thumbs... URGH!-

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/20131005/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/20131005/ Sun, 24 Aug 2008 13:23:38 PDT
YOUR BOY SIDE:
[x] you love hoodies (if I could convince my mom to buy them... >< )
[x] you love jeans
[] dogs are better than cats (I'm terrified of both =.= )
[] its hilarious when people get hurt.
[x] you've played with/against boys on a team (it's called P.E.)
[] sometimes shopping is torture (does grocery shopping count?)
[] sad movies suck (I happen to like sad movies. They're way better than horror or action... all that blood and fighting)
[] you own an XBOX (don't game)
[x] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid. (only cause I was afraid of barbie)
[] at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
[] you own/owned a DS, PS2, or Sega
[] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
[] sometimes you watch sports on TV
[] gorey movies are cool
[] you go to your dad for advice
[] you own like a trillion baseball hats
[] you used to/do collect football collector cards
[] baggy sweatpants are cool to wear
[] its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
[] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors (I like white, but it's not actually a colour o_O )
[] you love to go crazy and not care what other people think
[] sports are fun
[x] sometimes you talk with food in your mouth (Well, you can't help yourself sometimes when you eat with Rosuto, Akina and Takara... >< )
[] sometimes you sleep at night with your socks on (EWW...)
[] you have fished at least once

TOTAL = 5

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
[x] you love to shop
[] you wear eyeliner (sorry, I'm afraid I might poke my eyes out with that thing)
[] sometimes you go to your mom for advice
[] you consider cheer leading a sport
[] you hate wearing the color black (I love the colour black, but my mom refuses to let me wear it... >< )
[] you like going to the mall
[] you like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[x] you like wearing jewelry (depends on the type)
[] you cried watching The Notebook
[] skirts are a big part of your wardrobe (stares at them)
[] shopping is one of your hobbies
[x] you don't like the movie Star Wars (Luke I am your father. Who the heck cares?!)
[] you are/were in gymnastics
[] it takes you around one hour to shower
[x] you smile a lot more than you should (Hey, smile when it hurts)
[] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes
[] you care about what you look like
[] you like wearing dresses when you can
[] you wear body spray/perfume
[] you like high heel shoes
[x] you used to play with dolls as a kid (I liked throwing them around and noticing how flexible they are. xD)
[] you like putting makeup on others (My friends would probably kill me for getting a meter within them with mascara)
[] you like being the star of almost everything
[] pink is one of your favorite colors (No, I just happen to own a lot of pink stuff)

Total = 5

Yep, told Rosuto that I would end up as a tie... xD

So I'm officially an IT!

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/19699954/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/19699954/ Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:50:06 PDT
I really should be doing my homework right now... I have another chapter test tomorrow and ten pages of homework to do. I heard Angela stays up until midnight doing math... but I never finish it... I mean, I spend 5 hours on it, and give up. =.=

Iunno if I'm even going to pass math. I mean, I don't regret taking the completion course, but... it's really stressful. I dropped 9% in ONE WEEK!... Like... am I even going to pass?

Whether or not I pass isn't a big deal, I mean, the reason I chose to take this course was so I wouldn't need to take it next year, thus fore, getting a year ahead of the rest of my peers. So if I do fail, I can take the course again in September, but then it would be a summer wasted!

Urgh... I really, really, REALLY, must kill the person who invented homework--even though he's probably six-foot under right now. But seriously... I have a life!

And Rosuto and Akina are probably going to be like: "That's why you shouldn't take math over the summer." But I want to, it's just that... there are many things I want to do, but I shouldn't do. -sighs- Maybe this is one of them?

Yep... I should really be doing my homework now... -nods head- Then again, a lot of things in life I should do, but do I do it? Nope... ><

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18998441/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18998441/ Mon, 23 Jun 2008 09:42:19 PDT < Urgh... what am I going to do the whole summer?

Oh right...

Darn... =.=

Anyways, got addicted to Fairytale... by... uh, actually, I'm not sure who the English version is by. Well, the Mandrian version has better lyrics, but I'm not fluent in that language. ><



Forgot how long it's been
Since I last heard you
Telling me 'bout your fav'rite story.
Thought for a long time,
Began to worry,
Is it me who did something wrong?

You cried and said to me
That fairytales are all just lies.
I couldn't be your fairytale prince.
But you don't understand
Since you gave me your hands
Stars in my sky began to shine.

I'm willing to change into
The angel in those fairytales
Just turn my arms into wings and hold you near.
You must believe, believe that we will be like a fairytale,
Ending with happiness and love.

You cried and said to me
That fairytales are all just lies
I couldn't be your fairytale prince.
But you don't understand
Since you gave me your hands
Stars in my sky began to shine.

I want to be your fantasy
The angel that you used to love.
Just turn my arms into wings and hold you near.
You must believe, believe that we will be like a fairytale,
Ending with happiness and love.

I want to be your fantasy
The angel that you used to love.
Just turn my arms into wings and hold you near.
You must believe, believe that we will be like a fairytale,
Ending with happiness and love.



Yeah... the lyrics are kind of naive and all, but I still like the song. It reminds me of little children, all young and innocent, still dreaming abut their perfect Prince Charming before they realize what a corrupt world it is.

In a way, this song is sad because it brings back memories. Most people, as children, had idealistic views of the world, and we all ended up disappointed, because the world isn't what it seems.

In reality, there isn't happily-ever-after, and there never will be.

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18686583/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18686583/ Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:51:34 PDT
It hurts to know that when I need someone the most, they are never there. It hurts to know that I can never confide to someone because they just don't understand... because they think that I'm some sort of Drama Queen.

It hurts to know that I'm so misunderstood, it hurts to know how my life really hurts.

My parent's have just had another argument, not with each other, rather, with me. Even my father, who always sided against my mother agreed with her.

But it wasn't my fault... it really wasn't.

Around seven in the evening, my brother received a phone call from DT. There was a problem with the registration process, and he seemed to have accidentally signed up for Band instead of Fine Arts.

But there was nothing to do about it. He can't get his course changed until September. Well, my mom found out and of course, all the blame went on me.

It wasn't my fault though... it really wasn't...

But no one ever listens to me. No one ever hears my plees. I tried to tell her that it might have been the computer's mistake... tried to tell her that maybe it was a fluke, but she wouldn't listen. I mean, why would anyone ever listen to me?

It hurts to know that no matter how hard I try, I'll never be good enough to her.

Her words sting... they're like a stab in my heart.

It's ironic though, how I spent most of my life trying to please them. But it's never enough... it's always never enough.

So, after a long lecture, and after I've argued my voice out defending my innocence, she just leaves me there... in the middle of the living room... with tears streaming down my face.

She doesn't care... she never did...

She's mad now... mad at me for not admitting my mistake... a mistake I did not make. I never filled out that form... so how was it possible that there was a mistake to make?

Was it because I was born a girl?

Was it because I'm ugly, I'm fat?

Or is it simply because I'm not good enough... and I never will be.

I tried... I really, really tried... but what good does that do?

She calls me crazy, calls me stupid, calls me any rotten name you can think of. She swears at me in Chinese, she swears at me in English. She tells me I'm stubborn, tells me I'm stupid, and tells me that I have anger problems. But guess where my genes come from?

She yells at me, and I scream my words out, hoping they would be heard, but no luck. I defended myself, and all I got in return was a threat that she would disown me, that she would leave me to the dead.

It hurts...

It hurts...

It really hurts...

It hurts to know I'll never be loved.

It hurts to know that I'm not wanted...

It hurts to know that I'm worth nothing at all.

I guess all my A's weren't good enough. I guess nothing about me was good enough.

I tell her, I seriously told her, that whenever there was a problem, the blame was always placed on me, whether it made sense or not. It told her that the only time she ever speaks to me was to tell me how wrong I was, or to tell me that I'm a shame to her family.

I could never fit in...

I could never be accepted as who I am...

But I can't help but wonder... what is it about me that's so bad that they couldn't even pretend to love me?

Is it my looks? My smarts? My personality? My gender? My age? My height? What? What is it about me that they hate so much?

I want to scream. I want to shout out in fury. Life isn't fair... it never was to me. I was always so close to reaching my goals, and never succeeded in completing them.

Maybe I'm a failure after all.

Maybe you think I'm spazzing.

But the tears are still streaming down my face... even though I thought I was all cried out, more tears flowed.

My birthday comes in less than a week, but do you know what I want the most? I want to get away from here... I want to just give up...

It hurts... it freakin' hurts.

Do you know how much it hurts?

Do you know how hard it is being me?

Just because I'm smiling on the outside, doesn't mean that I'm not breaking on the inside.

As the clock ticks to my birthday, I type endlessly on my keyboard, wishing I could just fade away...

My fingers tap the keys, while I slowly fall apart.

I seriously don't know how long I can last...

I really want to give up...

But I can't. I won't allow myself to. So I guess I'll await my next argument with my parents. I know that'll happened very... ]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18422948/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18422948/ Tue, 20 May 2008 21:13:41 PDT < Well, to my standards anyways. xD

Well... I still have no ideas for Photoshop brushes and trying really hard to finish my story... I finished Chapter 10!

-jumps in glee-

But then again... I'm still not half way done the story... but chapter 10 was longish though... o_O Over 3000 words, then again, all my chapters are over 2000 words long.

Yeah...

You totally care about my stories... right... yep... totally... I mean, why wouldn't you? Just because you have a life doesn't mean that you shouldn't care about my work... a story you have never heard about!

Yep... I make total sense.

Also, I really like dot dot dots... xD See all the dots? Let's count them, shall we?

Nah... I don't really want to... I have a life too, you know?

xD

yep... a life away from the computer... kind of hard to imagine... xD

Now... I shall start climbing homework mountain now because I want to get some sleep tonight...

Urgh... still haven't figured out how to do italics in DeviantART without using html though...

-sad-

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18420983/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18420983/ Tue, 20 May 2008 18:53:11 PDT <

Also, when I uploaded it on notepad, like my friend told me too, it got rid of all my italics... (No duh it's notepad after all...)

So techincally, it took twice as long to figure out how to upload the story than to actually write it. Now that's what I call sad...

Well, like they say, there's a first time for everything, but still, I like Fanfiction more... at least I can use italics and bolding etc., even if they occasionally take out my page breaks...

So... seeing how there's no italics and bolding, I'm wondering if I should upload my fanfic on here... o_O And a better question, would anyone actually read it...? After all, it's a fanfic and people don't usually read fanfics unless they're a fan of they series... whether it be anime or books.

Another question... Can we actually upload fanfics here, because I saw quite a few Twilight ones... and I'm wondering if it's legal...

Finally, read Reflections?

I'll probably upload Tainted Innocence after I figure out the whole italics thing... using html coding is just to confusing when you're typing out an entire story/chapter/paragraph/whatever...

Oh, an any ideas on Photoshop brushes?



]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18355759/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18355759/ Fri, 16 May 2008 17:54:44 PDT
But the truth of the matter is that there are many regrets in life... many 'if onlys'... Still, does knowing the truth make it any easier? When knowing that you were so close--you could almost feel it within your grasp--and to have to watch everything with your own eyes, filled with shocked as the perfect world you imagined yourself to be in shattered, leaving you nothing but painful memories;stealing everything, including your innocence.

How often had you strive to be perfect, to be the best of the best, to want everything and settling for nothing less. How often had to wish to be perfect, dreamed it every night when you slept, only to wake up the next day disappointed, a little glimmer of hope withering away each morning?

How often had you tried to be everything you are and more? And what for? To prove to yourself, and to others, that you're worth it. To let them know that you're not worthless, that you aren't dirt and that you deserve their respect.

And why do I strive to be prefect? Why do I strive to be everything I am not?

I want to be heard. I want to be known. I want to be the one who is the best. I want to be everything I can possibly be because anything less to me is failure. I want everything, but I know I will never achieve it. I want to be successful, to go far, and I will... if only I try hard enough.

And as I wake up in the morning, I shall see the little silver of hope dwindle away, leaving nothing left in it's wake except painful memories and forgotten tears.

Maybe... just maybe... next year, it'll be me standing up there, maybe... if only...

If Only...

--- differentxdreamz ---

A thousand regrets... shall never be spoken...

]]> ~differentxdreamz http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18136776/ http://differentxdreamz.deviantart.com/journal/18136776/ Fri, 02 May 2008 17:02:47 PDT
WOW. I finally figured out how to make a brush set on Photoshop. Now... to figure out everything else there... that'll take... the rest of my life? (Gee, I wonder how long that'll be... wonders...)

That's a lot of dot dot dots... o.O Great, I'm doing it again.

-being totally random- Actually, not really.

Point to this journal entry: to advertise my brush set. (Am I doing a good job?) xD I don't think so...

ANYWAYS, back to reality... wow, I miss dreamland already. -.-

-sighs-

And no, I am not mentally disabled. I am perfectly normal... (right...) Seriously, I am! I also happen to be perfectly sane. Just your average 14 year old girl with nothing else to do that bug poor little whoever decided to read this.

-glares-

So... uhh...

-speechless- (Wow. that's a first...)

Finally... bye~

-takes a deep breath-

]]> ~differentxdreamz