..| U p d a t e s |..

I am finally finished with this semester. No more Shakespeare! Now I just have to wait and see what my grades are.
I have to wa... ]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21816259/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21816259/ Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:53:15 PST

I NEED SOME LITERARY MAGAZINE SUGGESTIONS! PLEASE!
I'm desperate here!
I've already done this [link]

but I need more. I'm way past due on the getting published thing.

HELP!

I also updated a poem...and I need some feedback. PLEASE

[link]





]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21688931/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21688931/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 21:14:57 PST [link]

If you read the comments it gets pretty interesting between some of the readers. It's sad how ignorant people are. It's even sadder that people have an opportunity to learn truths and they turn the other cheek.
This is also backed by a great website [link]

[link]

Getting together with your family to eat is always great, but people need to learn and accept the truth about this celebrated American holiday. If you tell people "happy thanksgiving" you need to read this essay. It deeply saddens me that this was part of the beginning of our "great" country. I am even more discontented by the mistreatment of Indians today. It is embarrassing. Thanksgiving Day will always be a day of remorse, pity, and anger to me. I don't know if all the facts in this are true, but it all seems more realistic than the shit I was fed in school. If you don't believe it, check the facts yourself.



"In mid-winter 1620 the English ship Mayflower landed on the North American coast(at Plymouth Rock) delivering 102 Puritan exiles. The original Native people "Indians") of this stretch of shoreline had already been killed off in great numbers. In 1614 a British expedition had landed there. When they left they took 24 Indians as slaves and left smallpox, syphilis and gonorrhea behind. That plague swept the so called "tribes of New England",destroyed some villages totally.


The Puritans landed and built their colony called "the Plymouth Plantation" near the desired ruins of the Indian village of Pawtuxet. They ate from abandoned cornfields grown wild.
Historical accounts tell us that
only one Pawtuxet named Squanto had survived. He had spent the last years as a slave to the English and Spanish in Europe. The Pilgrim crop failed miserably, but the agricultural expertise of Squanto produced 20 acres of corn, without which the Pilgrims would have surely perished.
Squanto spoke the colonists' language and taught them how to plant corn and how to catch
fish. Squanto also helped the colonists negotiate a peace treaty with the nearby Wampanoag tribe, led by the chief Massasoit.


These were very lucky breaks for the colonists.
Thanks to the good will of the Wampanoag, the Puritans not only survived their first year but had an alliance with the
Wampanoags that would give them almost two decades of peace. In celebration of their good fortune, the colony's governor, William Bradford, declared a three-day feast after the first harvest of 1621. It later became known as "Thanksgiving", but the Pilgrims never called it that.


The "Indians" who attended were not even invited.
The pilgrims only invited Chief Massasoit and it was Massasoit who then invited ninety or more of his "Indian"
brothers and sisters to the affair to the chagrin of the indignant Europeans. No turkey, cranberry sauce or pumpkin pie was served, no prayers were offered and the "Indians" were not invited back for any other such meals. The Pilgrims did however consume a good deal of brew on that day.
In
fact, each Pilgrim drank at least a half gallon of ale a day which they preferred even to water.


The peace that produced the Thanksgiving Feast of 1621 meant that the Puritans would have fifteen years to established a firm foothold on the coast.
Until 1629 there were no more than 300 Puritans in New England,
scattered in small and isolated settlements. But their survival inspired a wave of Puritan invasion that soon established growing Massachusetts towns north of Plymouth; Boston and Salem. For ten years, boat loads of new settlers came.


As the Europeans' numbers increased, they proved not nearly as generous as the Wampanoags.
On arrival, the Puritans discussed "who legally owns all this land? "Massachusetts Governor Wintrop declared the "Indians" had not "subdued" the land, and therefore all uncultivated lands
should, according to English Common Law, be considered "public domain." This meant they belonged to the king. In short, colonists decided they did not need to consult the "Indians". When they seized the new lands, they only had to consult the representative of the crown (meaning the local governor).


The Puritans embraced a line from Psalms 2:8, "Ask of me, and I shall give thee,
the heather for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of he earth for thy possession.
"

Contrary to popular mythology the Pilgrims were no friends to the local Indigenous People ("Indians"). A company... ]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21430575/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21430575/ Mon, 10 Nov 2008 23:19:22 PST needed to take the time to say what I had to say.

I feel so tired all of the time. I constantly feel out of place, like I'm not really wanted. A feeling I've had my whole life.

I just kind of wander in and out of focus. I catch glimpses of enticing images quite consistantly.

And even as I type this I feel like I have nothing to say....I'm stuck on repeat and GOOD GRIEF is it becoming redundant! (ha .. ..ha) REPEAT...REDUNDANT THE CONSTANT REDUNDANCY IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE
I am SO bored with myself! REINVENT YOURSELF, GIRL!

I'm slowly becoming a woman, yet I feel so much like a little girl. I do things that are considered "adult", but I loathe each bill and additional "responsibility" that chases my tail. My hair flutters in the wind of my speedy retreat. I must keep running; I don't want to be caught. For then I fear I will be just another suit marching redundantly around the streets of America.

I'm beginning to think that I'm not that special. I used to think I was really something, but I don't feel that I've earned the title of extraordinary.

I have my own boy of venus, as bjork might say. It's hard sometimes. I'm mostly inward when I should be flourishing or wilting right out in the open. I keep growing inwardly. It isn't just the ingrown hairs. I keep a lot nestled inside and wait for it to do something with itself.
I just kind of sigh and switch views until another part of me takes over. I tell myself I'm just growing up and one day everything inside of me won't feel so heavy. I want to do so many things ..... so many things that I want to do are so far out of reach.


Will I ever capture all that I want?

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21380737/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21380737/ Fri, 07 Nov 2008 22:48:03 PST
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21208593/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/21208593/ Tue, 28 Oct 2008 19:58:52 PDT Yeah, I know, I'm going to be rejected a lot before I'm accepted. I learned that at an early age.

Fuck it.

I want you lovely people to tell me of some good online and print literary mags. Hell, they don't even have to be good!

PLEASE!

Annnndddd.....I want an awesome CSS.....

Any takers? Suggestions?
is working on a new AV for me.....I'm really excited to see how it turns out! THANK YOUUUUU!







How is everyone?






And I'm not mortified...I just really liked the little death man.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/20864803/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/20864803/ Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:20:44 PDT
I am tired of this life I have come to know and I seek much more.
Is there anyone else out there?





P.S
On a completely different note, I am in desperate need of a new avatar. I have had the same one since I joined DA and I feel it does not represent me any longer. If anyone can help me out or point me in the right direction I would be SUPER happy!

PLEAAAAAASEEE

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/20638940/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/20638940/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 16:25:03 PDT




____________________________________

With a palm full of stars
I throw them like dice
(repeatedly)

On the table
(repeat - repeatedly)
I shake them like dice
and throw them on the table
repeatedly
(repeatedly)
until the desired constellation appears

How am I going to make it right?

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/20526384/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/20526384/ Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:53:13 PDT The next day I wrote another.
Today I am the story and
tomorrow I'll throw it all away.


When we blend our souls and tie inside, my self fades and melts into yours - I've found true bliss.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19976254/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19976254/ Fri, 15 Aug 2008 19:07:09 PDT



It feels as though I've been playing a game of musical chairs and wasn't aware of it until I was the only person standing. I'm not sure if this is a pleasant feeling or not as of yet; at times I feel comfortable and others I do not. Being comfortable emotionally is something that is a constant challenge. I wish I were not this way.

My schooling is coming along at the pace of a sickly snail. I know now why my parents told me to not fuck around. I am trying desperately to keep a positive attitude. My mood changes so many times throughout each day that it is more than difficult to stay POSITIVE. Perhaps if I were not so easily influenced this would not be so. Shifting from the inside out and twisting left to right are difficult tasks to achieve.

There is much more that I have to say, but I'm being shooed along. Perhaps I'll make use of my spare time.







______Worthy reading material______


Expect Resistance --> [link]

Days of War, Nights of Love --> [link]

The End of America --> [link]


I'm hoping to buy this and distribute its pieces around my new dwelling area. I imagine it leading the people I'm searching for to me.

[link]



[link]



GO HERE. IT'LL DO YA GOOD!!! :arrowup:

I want to live here ---->



My two favorite writers on DA. They say more than I can most of the time.










These people inspire me. Even though some of them don't come back anymore...
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19435322/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19435322/ Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:36:54 PDT



I began reading an old online journal of mine from years ago. It's funny how so many things change, yet so much stays the same. In my childhood desperation I had found the beginnings of what would shape and mold my adult desperations.




If you read, you should take the time to read this.
I'm halfway through the book and it is absolutely amazing. Talk about some great fucking ideas! I enjoy every page that I read, for there are all the thoughts that I have ever thunk in all the ways I wish I could explain them. There is a huge part of me in this book and I want to share it with the world. I wish I could give a copy to everyone I know. Everyone I don't know. If you don't do anything with this, at least spread the word.

[link]


The actual site that the writers of the book have....it isn't working currently, but hopefully it will begin working again sometime soon... [link]


AND
I found this awesome book in a bookstore the other day called Post Secret. It's filled with postcards that have secrets on them from people all over the place. It was really inspiring to read a lot of them, not to mention entertaining. I sat in the bookstore floor for an hour and a half reading two of the books.
[link]


Reading not your thing?
Then watch this movie.

[link]


Maybe some of these things will inspire someone. They sure have done it for me.






Farewell?

I'm going to live here ---->



My two favorite writers on DA. They say more than I can most of the time.










These people inspire me. Even though some of them don't come back anymore...
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19341956/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19341956/ Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:10:31 PDT




















Get up and free yourself from yourself.

Locked up inside you,
like the calm beneath castles,
is a cavern of treasures that
noone has been to.
Let's go digging.

I'm going to live here ---->



My two favorite writers on DA. They say more than I can most of the time.










These people inspire me. Even though some of them don't come back anymore...
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19297571/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19297571/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 18:16:40 PDT
I have always felt that I will never be enough to suffice. There is always something better.

Let me have my rollercoaster, please. When do I let my hair flutter behind me as my body gets slammed and slung by the impact of what is inside? Not outside. INSIDE.

NO one inhabits my skin except myself. Do you know how it feels to be me? There are some days when I see this wretched movie playing in my head....repeating...repeating....but each time it's a different scenerio. Same gist, different setting. And I shall never speak the words again. Yet I see it everyday.

I think of my feelings in the past two years and I wonder if the people that have had the most pull even know.

Look how vulnerable I am. If this doesn't work I'm fucked. I'm wide open for pain and disappointment.

Fuck everyone who has the nerve to judge me.
Fuck me for having the nerve to judge others.

I can't believe how much time I've wasted, how much energy I've let go.

NO WONDER I'M JUST A FILLER!

There will be better. I'm just waiting on it to happen.






P.S.

I AM NOT FEELING EGGHEAD.

I'm going to live here ---->



My two favorite writers on DA. They say more than I can most of the time.










These people inspire me. Even though some of them don't come back anymore...
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19112265/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19112265/ Sun, 29 Jun 2008 15:36:11 PDT




I wish I could pick a different mood.....I'm over the whole egghead deal.




I can't wait to say goodbye to this soul-sucking, waste of a town. Onward to the next soul-sucking wasteful town!

We'll see how the next phase in my life turns out. I'm trying to not put all my eggs in one basket.





My two favorite writers on DA. They say more than I can most of the time.










These people inspire me. Even though some of them don't come back anymore...
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19061108/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/19061108/ Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:25:36 PDT


My heart is in my stomach and my stomach is stuck in my throat. My bowls are in my bed and my bed is in the middle of the frozen ocean.

I'd use my arms to paddle, but I can't figure out which direction to go. I could always go back, I feel like I'm back anyway, though. No point in going much further backwards. Been there, done that.

To the left is uncharted territory by physical attributes; my mind has been there more than many times. The same goes for the right.

And forward, forward there are all the things I've seen in my mind, but pushed away for fear of them never happening. Who wants to want something that they are afraid of being an illusion? It's a beautiful sequence of images, I love seeing the stunning things the mind can produce from a few simple emotions. Why must I be so hopeful? Am I at a stop sign? Will I collect 200 dollars after I pass GO or will my hopefully little body get stepped on again?
Let it go........................................
Seems like such an easy thing to say. I opened that little box now someone please tell me how the fuck do I close it and feel peacefull and safe again?
How does one move on completely? With no other thought of the past? NO OTHER THOUGHT!>!>?!?!?!?! I want no more of these thoughts.



CONQUER AND DEVOUR.
It's time to bring the fire down.


My hollow has been filled, for sure. Now give me a needle and thread and I'll patch the remnants up as best as I can.



Where to go.....where to go......

Wear it and go? Is the patch ugly or is the filling ugly? I can't determine yet. I can only hope that the wound will scar and fade. My coverings are strong. Much stronger than I.



When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be...

AND...

I'm supposed to remember who I wanted to be.

My two favorite writers on DA. They say more than I can most of the time.










These people inspire me. Even though some of them don't come back anymore...
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/18711378/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/18711378/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 09:34:20 PDT

More than half of you!!!!!






What's the problem?

My two favorite writers on DA. They say more than I can most of the time.





These people inspire me. Even though some of them don't come back anymore...
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/18571902/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/18571902/ Fri, 30 May 2008 06:12:53 PDT Hey! I know! I'll show some titty and maybe that'll work! Haha, it did just a little, but not really enough to count. It made me feel special there for a bit, but then I realized that those aren't the people who are going to read my writing, nor do I feel they will have anything worth saying about it. If nothing else, my self-esteem went up a notch for a few days.
And yet, I'm still left wondering what should I do next? There are so many things that I have not done and I want to do. I feel like I'm holding myself back....like I've been saving it all up for the right moment.

Well, that moment is coming. I cannot let the things inside of me fade away any longer. . .. I think of all the beautiful things I've thought and concocted and I feel ashamed for letting it go.

What do you people do when you want to be more motivated and inspired? I need to do something about my lack of motivation.....



1. WRITE EVERYDAY




_______________________________________________________________

My two favorite writers on DA. They say more than I can most of the time.





These people inspire me. Even though a lot of them don't come back anymore...
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/18444695/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/18444695/ Thu, 22 May 2008 09:35:28 PDT
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/18299639/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/18299639/ Tue, 13 May 2008 03:50:06 PDT


DAMMIT!



READ MY FUCKING WRITING! LEAVE A COMMENT, EVEN IF YOU HATED IT.....ESPECIALLY IF YOU HATED IT.
I've been writing more and I need some feedback. A little love wouldn't be so hard to share. I want to know what peoples thoughts are when they read my writing and what emotions it summons.
My goal is to write things so powerful that the reaction is jumbled brain waves and jello knees. POW!
Anyone here even read this fucking thing? Other than the people that I know? My account is going stagnat and I feel like there isn't much else I can do to save it.
(maybe if you write something REALLY GOOD)
I'm tired of letting my brain flop like a suffocating fish. WHERE ARE MY PEOPLE? The people that are supposed to make me think and not look like obnoxious attention feeding bigheads.
Boy, it sure is going to be hard for me to keep my cool.
I really can't wait to lock my new door and let it all hang out. I want to see how long I can seclude myself. I wonder what will come out?




]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/17932710/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/17932710/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 18:54:26 PDT Enjoy.



____

"change and motion are illusions and that there is only one being, continuous, material, and motionless." Zeno! you were blinD!!!! THey all had such in depth ideas and they all believed them to be the Truth. They were all so unshakable. Did they ever question themselves or their theorys? If they never truly answered life's questions then how is anyone else suposed to? they thought they were right, their conclusions set in stone....but what has come from that? Who in this era has thought of anything so astounding, even if it is incorrect? WHo in this time has thought of something truly spectacular? i can think of no one. ive always felt this strong urge to do something. to be someone of intense knowledge. I NEED A TEACHER. no one impresses me. i cant just think of seomthing and deem it correct. always questions, always other thigns to determine. ntohing is ever just right. nothig ever IS. the only thing i believe in is love. who needs all of these answerless questions if you have love. define love! give me some time and i will tell you what it is and you will fall down, bewildered! i feel it and i will explain it. everything else means nthoing to me. nothing! i dotn need desk and questions and class and house and monies and car and gas and clothes and apple to feel that. its intense ad n whehter or not it will get me through life i dont kow. but i will trudge on.............intoxicated and bewlidered. the end is near, me dearlies. it is very near. first, castrophy.....then panic....looters! then they will strike...and we will all be left in a state of confusion. who will be left/. will anyone be left? i hope love will be.
pay mind! silly heads! i just know i have what i need. regardless of these meaningless earthbound factores. . i have all i need. i really dont see anthing else that is even close to being as important. waking up, covered in kisses is all i need. comfort, beingneeded, needing.....everying else is VOID. configuring the problems of the world and the country are stupid. those prombles will never be solved and i WILL NOT waste my precious time trying to sort them out. we are doomed. dont waste your time on trying to find a way out. accept it and feel comfort in knowing that its better for everyone if it is ended. poof!

______


...i dont really wan t to watch my head roll down the stair or some random college building....that wouldnt do me any good.


_____

dammit im going to go outside and listen to the wind blow while my little cyclopse eye follows me around to inspect me! i shouldn't have tried to cut the damn thing up....or it wouldn't have bit me. fucking hell!

____

Time to let time keep ticking....violently, randomly, happily, dishonestly, metaphorically, literally. I'll never win, I'll always be stick in some hole with some disease clawing at the side of the brick trying to get in. It won't work and I'll keep thrashing my body and mind against every barrier. After so long, you become numb and each shove against whatever barrier/wall is no big deal. You can laugh about it. It's not what you may have expected, but nothing ever is. and it's alright, I don't mind. He puts the weights into my little heart.


____

i see through four eyes instead of two. its all so strange, but darling, we must compromise. the letters blur and dance and the screen prances around the library, but i am still here in my po0fy prom dress- dehydrated and whimsical. im trying to determine whether or not its okay to break the rules, because i have been doing so so far. la dee daaaa, where will the white spider crawl? i wanted to finish that story today, but i dont believe i can. spouting is much more effective.

____

but im not the only one to receive those glorious, breathtaking glances that penetrate my soul.


no one ever is, doll. you have to realize that you'll never be the only one. you have to realize you will never be enough to conqure even the tamest of creatures. there will always be something better.
[i know, that's why i want to go heaven. i can be happy there and nothing can hurt my heart.


_____


When I look back, I laugh at that girl. She didn't know anything, but thought she knew everything.

___

Too bad I can't round up my deep-thinking friends and trek to Mars. Let's have tea and discuss the war!

___

What is this>! Crazy new life I've stumbled upon...insane adventures every day, cruisin with my two crazy bffs, singing about being high...I should have been in class, but I just couldn't resist going out and LIVING my life. Sorry. Fuck that expensive peice of paper....I don't want that shit anyway,. can i please just grab some shit and go on an excursion. 3 weeks, maybe 4 or 2 months, I'll just g... ]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/17325144/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/17325144/ Fri, 14 Mar 2008 01:49:47 PDT


















it won't be pretty.....




















but


















i promise. it'll come soon.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/17292617/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/17292617/ Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:43:41 PDT
Pretty please?





P.S.

I FUCKING WANT TO






ASKDJFHASLKDJFHIWPUEHIAUWHEIAWUHEKJDSFHLAKJSDNFKJSDNKJASHDF!!! ALL ON SOMEONES SHIT.




I'm not sorry for being the way I am.
I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm not where I want to be with myself at this point in my life. No one understands. Honestly, no one really bothers. There are so many things I could portray, but I'm saving it.

It'll come soon.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/17184118/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/17184118/ Tue, 04 Mar 2008 17:35:38 PST
I'm so tired of everything.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/16760477/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/16760477/ Wed, 06 Feb 2008 19:28:10 PST that make contact with road
the car is the thing on the road
that takes you back to your abode

the tires are the thing on your car
that make contact with the road
bummed is what you are
when you go out to your car and it's been towed

I woke up one morning in November
and I realized I love you
It's not your headlights above you
it's the way you cling to the road
when the wind tries to shove you
I'd never go riding away
and come back home without you



]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/16116173/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/16116173/ Wed, 26 Dec 2007 21:56:00 PST hot and lake and I converge into a consciousness of consciousness - in an instant, in between launch and landing, even before I canonball into the lake, shattering both my reflection and my old notion of myself.

That was what was once believed. Now, it seems hardly to matter when and how we become ourselves - or even what we become. Theory chases theory about how we are composed. The only constant: the abjuration of personal responsibility.

We are the next thing the Time Dragon is dreaming, and nothing to be done about it.

We are the fanciful sketch of wry Lurline, we are droll and ornamental, and no more culpable than a sprig of lavender or a sprig of lightning, and nothing to be done about it.

We are an experiment in situation ethics set by the Unnamed God, which in keeping its identity secret also cloaks the scope of the experiment and our chances of success or failure at it - and nothing to be done about it.

We are loping sequences of chemical conversions, acting ourselves converted. We are twists of genes acting ourselves twisted; we are wicks of burning neuroses acting ourselves wicked. And nothing to be done about it. And nothing to be done about it.

Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out.

The governesses of the monied classes often held that a child ought to be kept from witnessing cruelty and ugliness, the better to preserve some ounce of innocence. Rural grannies and spinster aunts - like the Nanny who had helped raise Elphaba - neither mollied or coddled. They believed it was better for a child to know what befalls a chicken when the feast of Lurlinemass rolls around. Better to learn - from a distance- the tricks perpetrated on the weak, the distractible, the unlucky.

Both pedagogical stances, however, relied on a common assumption. Growth and change were viewed as a reaction to conditions met. One might as easily argue, however, that it is the world's obligation to respond to children. By force of personality, by dint of their vicious beauty and untamed ways, children tromp into the world ready to disfigure it. Children surrender nothing when faced with the world: it is the world that gives up, over and over again. By so giving up, of course, it renews itself - that is the secret. Dying in order to live, that sort of thing.

You could catalog the thousands ways people shrink from life, as if chance and change are by their nature toxic, disfiguring. Elphaba, with her sympathies far more substantial than her luck, had at least wrestled with the questions. She'd shoved, and barked, and made herself at right nuisance.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/15911083/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/15911083/ Wed, 12 Dec 2007 23:20:53 PST Cigarette.
Ciggy.

I love you, ciggy. But you do me wrong. My life will be better without you, even if I want you most when I write.

Oh! How I'm tempted by your saucy stares!


NO!



I need you not! I shall triumph without you however difficult it will be. I know you won 't miss me... you have plenty of other lovers. You aren't even thinking of me right now, I know it. So, goodbye, sweet cig, I'll miss you forever!






















ahahahaahahaha

fucking cig.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/15786266/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/15786266/ Mon, 03 Dec 2007 21:35:34 PST
January 20th, 2008 - Goodbye George Dubya!

Who thinks someone less efficient will take his place?

*raises hand*

PLEASE check out Danny's gallery. It will be worth your time.

[link]



This link contains one of my favorites from his gallery....it says a great deal....and with that you should read the letter too, which is the following link.
[link]


[link]

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/15657346/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/15657346/ Sat, 24 Nov 2007 23:09:02 PST
I've always known that, but I do my best to ignore it. It's sad to know deep down that I yearn for so much and I'll never have it. I've done so much to make what I have work for the moment and knowing that it won't always be makes me more than melancholy. I don't want to lose what keeps me going. It had been so long since I'd felt truly worthwhile....it's hard to tell if I'll ever feel accomplished again. I know what I have to do, I've known what I've had to do for so long and every day that I continue breathing I continue to hide from what is to come. I'm terrified. I can count on one hand how many people I can rely on and without my safety net I crash. I grow stronger and more aware everyday, but the deeper I fall the further away I am. I honestly think I'll crumble without my makeshift backbone. It is horrible of me to rely on other people to keep me going... I'm just so scared. To be alone and unsuccessful all at once is my Hell. I cried a little as I typed this. Oh, how desolate it is to be vulnerable. I'll be here awhile.

I can only grow from this.


p.s.
I have sap for blood. Sap is my outlet.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/15405305/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/15405305/ Wed, 07 Nov 2007 11:57:15 PST
When will I move foreward?

Starting to not feel so content....I think it has something to do with MYSELF.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/14051231/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/14051231/ Mon, 06 Aug 2007 21:58:50 PDT As I drove down that curvy slice of road all I could see was glass shattering and tree bark...metal shards scraping my skin and a skid mark blacker than hells' night. Good thing I asked my passanger if he was ready to die. I'm ready to trudge a snowcovered mountain and stare into the deep abyss above. I'll walk the the lonley road.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13844760/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13844760/ Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:17:51 PDT

EVVERRRY TIIIIME, as my long lost wingman, Beth, would say.



ahhh I just wanna dance all day every day...a constant escape ....




too bad things aren't that easy.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13635163/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13635163/ Fri, 06 Jul 2007 14:06:12 PDT
]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13523876/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13523876/ Thu, 28 Jun 2007 10:22:51 PDT not an on-going thing.
More like a stone
skipping across the surface
only to sink.

My life is a never-ending rollercoaster of wild emotion, rash decisions, and consistant fickle pickleness. *sigh*

And what do I do? I go bacck and forth......I want to be here...but I liked that place.



I will forever be an example of what it is like to not know what you want.





]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13119484/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13119484/ Mon, 28 May 2007 00:13:49 PDT


I'm certaintly not a constant,
not an on-going thing.
More like a stone
skipping across the surface
only to sink.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13031609/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/13031609/ Sun, 20 May 2007 21:57:58 PDT
It might be a little horrible of me to think that, especially to wish it; i have a lot to come my way. But that is justice and justice should be rightfully served. Little things add up- heaps upon heaps atop the BIG things that are already enormous mountains. That is a lot of karma to come back around. No, I always tried my best to do my best. So happy fucking birthday.






---

I have 6 days until I leave this place. Two and a half weeks of not being here will be wonderful. Each setting will be different, some probably not so pleasant, but dammit I am ready for it. I am picturing myself lying on the beach at night - a slight breeze and a thousand stars overhead. I will be at peace. I pray that peacfullness can find its way into me ....if only for a little while.
You'd better be there. It wouldn't be fitting otherwise.


]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12978527/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12978527/ Wed, 16 May 2007 14:31:03 PDT [link]


^^ read that journal. It fuels my fire, let me tell you.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12926787/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12926787/ Sat, 12 May 2007 08:37:04 PDT
I won't leave anymore bread crumbs.


----

My Tool ticket is in the fourth row. I'm hoping there will be chairs set up in general admissions like there was at the show in DC. That's still a bit away, but I'm thrilled.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12916072/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12916072/ Thu, 10 May 2007 20:46:20 PDT


i'm going to see tool in huntington. i will be ultra close! maynard here i come!

. .
.

.


















there is something in the air[ has been]........i wont embarass myself anymore though.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12682334/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12682334/ Sat, 21 Apr 2007 15:50:52 PDT

I typed one of these the other night....

I wish it would have worked, cause it was good.


It was something like

"
just like last time, i mostly just had to get rid of the old and go with the new.


"

it seems to be a good philosophy so far.


The more and more I dance the more I realize how fucking much I love it. I honestly wish I could do that every day of my life. Not only would I get a fabulous workout, I'd be so much more happy.

I think I'm working on that anyway.



]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12626878/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12626878/ Tue, 17 Apr 2007 01:04:06 PDT i wish more than anything that i could go back in time , a time before any of this or THAT...and i would simply end my life.
i would not have to make such a decision right now. i would not have had my heart shattered and i would not be shattering a heart. a heart that i dearly care about and wish nothing but the best for ....one that i could see myself with possibly again. after all that talk of life together and what furniture we'd make out of beer caps....i still see it. i dont know if that is because it is embedded into my skull or if it is because it could still happen. in the future.

i know you dont want to hear that. you're going to have to. im going to have to say a lot of things out loud that i can barely think about and it is going to hurt. i am vulnerable. i am confused. i am heartbroken. ...i am complete. i have been connected to a soul for a long time and it is still there. it takes more and more out of me each time i turn away, i die each time i turn away. i bleed and bleed and lay in the floor only to bleed more.

and then
for some fucking reason i look at you and it's all okay.
i hate you for that. for making it that easy. i feel so guilty. i feel like such a traitor. i am.

but
i adore you for that as well. i am horrible at explaining myself...this is the only way i can do it and have it make sense. i am horrible at looking people in the eyes and just...letting go. you helped do that to me, you know. ive been here before. i remember how it ended.

even though it never did.


- did you know that no quarter is 11 mintues and 11 seconds long? -

*makes a wish*

im sorry that i am typing this. i dont really want you to have to read it. but you need to.
better yet,
i need to say some things. and i think you do too.

this is going to take a long time for me to get over.
ill tell you this tomorrow.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12524660/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12524660/ Mon, 09 Apr 2007 12:35:09 PDT




I wish I could go ahead and explode.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12477121/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12477121/ Thu, 05 Apr 2007 22:34:09 PDT
I can remember what a big fucking deal it was while it was happening. Everyone had to get their piddely word in. Like it really mattered. It did at the time. I really wish I could hug Michael right now. I would thank him for that, I would thank him for telling me what he thought of me. Then I'd tell him that crack fucks and geniouses are just the same in the end. There are days I wish I could go back to that little jail cell of a room and relive all of the intense, heartfelt, crazy conversations I had with him. Michael, if you ever read this...I fucking love your stupid, cracker fuck ass. It's crazy to think I've known some of these people I see so often for such a long fucking time. There is so much history....I have to wonder where it all went. I wish I could just sit down and relive every moment I've ever cherished. It would take weeks, but it would be worth it. It's just so amazing how things change and how some things stay the same.

I tried to solve some of my puzzle today....I think I got a good start, but it will be awhile before things are set in stone. I hate to rush them.....but I cannot take this anymore. It is either this or that and I don't want that anymore. All things must come to an end. It's so hard to look into those eyes and not wonder "what if?". I am tired of living on cloud nine where everyone is happy and everything seems perfect. It's not. This chapter of my life is finished.

Begin Chapter 20.

After all that has happened in my life in the past seven years I can't help but wonder what the fuck is going to happen next. Worse? Better? Am I ever going to do anything with myself and my writing? I should be a junior in college next year. AHAHA. Should. No. I might have enough credits to be a sophomore. Let's cross our fingers.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12457716/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12457716/ Wed, 04 Apr 2007 14:15:34 PDT


I think if I could say anything right at this moment to the entire world, it would be "FUCK!" Just for the simple fact that about 30 mintues ago some lady yelled at me for saying it to someone that was about to sexually harrass me. This would not be the first time that this stupid motherfucker has bothered me during a nice day on campus...or anywhere for that matter. Not only has he decided to grope me whenever he feels necessary on mulitiple occassions, but he constantly likes to talk about "hooking up" with me. No matter who's around, where I am, or what is going on, he always has to fucking say something. Today I got lectured on proper lanugage use because of this douchebag. Anyway, the whole point is, if I could tell the WHOLE world ONE thing today it would definintely be "FUCK!" Apparently saying fuck isn't a nice thing to do in a public place EVEN if you are being harrassed. Does, "Go away and do not talk to me" have a different meaning than I thought? Because after saying it 6+ times I would think that one would get the FUCKing picture. And then the motherfucker had enough nerve to say, "Maybe you should have found a better way to pay for Russia."


WHAT THE FUCK?????


Why is it that people see it necessary to bring up things into arguments or conversations that have nothing to do with what you're actually talking about?! WHY do people do that? I don't understand it and it makes me want to smash things.


God, I need a cigerette. I really need to write something other than a journal entry. I've been tempted a few times in the past week or two, but I have yet to do so. I feel really disappointed in myself.
I'm keep getting older and I still have nothing really to show for it. A broken heart and a few measley college credits. I'm hopeful that things are changing though. I feel change. Kind of like the midnight breeze in the spring.

You can always feel that.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12369428/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12369428/ Wed, 28 Mar 2007 22:25:17 PDT your stupid heart? I am so fucking vulnerable, in more than one aspect of my ..uhh...romantic life and I am stupified. How the fuck can someone just pretend like telling a lie is no big deal? Everytime I turn around it's a different story, but always the same old feeling. I thought I was a stupid little bitch and then -BAM-suddenly I am a goddess again. And I was just really beginning to let myself feel good. There can be no "mending" right now. I keep telling myself that if it's supposed to happen, it will. I have mended until my hands were raw and bleeding. All I got in return was this used, pathetic excuse for a major organ. Nothing will ever be the same. And now after I find out about SOMEONE ELSE being there, you want to just fix everthing with a stitch and a thread. ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... I can't let myself feel bad for feeling good. I can't let myself feel bad for feelling good. I can't let myself feel bad for feeling good.

You make me feel good. And quite frankly, I don't give a damn who knows it. I've always tried to be subtle about it, I think I've done a decent job, but it always comes back around. This is such a confusing time in my life. I don't know what to do with it... . It = whatever you want to classify these crazy, ridiculous emotions as. I'm not very good at saying things. I'm not very good at looking people in the eye. I feel awkward being so vulnerable. I'm shy. I'm scared. Oh, and I'm also a quivering mess inside. I guess you knew that though. I usually have trouble letting tears stream down my face, but I just can't take it anymore. I am so sad. I am so torn. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life or myself...all I can do is wonder about it day and night, "What the fuck are you doing with yourself? Who are you living for? Yourself or someone else?"
I don't know how to live for myself. Everyday I live for someone else, someone else's gain, someone else's pleasure, someone ELSE tells me what to do and when to do it. Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. I think it might benefit other people as well.
What am I supposed to do? I would give anything to go back to my first semester at Concord. Those were the best days of my pathetic life. I was so full of hope and energy. I am so good at pretending to be happy. I can be anyone you want me to be. I can accept any role. Only I don't know my own. All of my life I've relied on love to conquer all and for love to mend any wound. And every time I'm destroyed. I wish I could forget all of that bullshit and find something else to make me happy. It's all temporary.

Maybe I really am fake. I've been hiding from myself or something ...something....no one fucking understands what I have to say or what I mean. I don't care about hearing anyone else try to make sense of things, but when I have something to say, dammit, I want the world to hear me say it. I want them to feel it, to understand it, and be it. I can't help but feel puny compared to all of the other great minds I'm surrounded by...I don't have anything important to say. Except, "YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!" or "DON"T DIVE IN HEAD FIRST"

funny, how I always dive in head first. It's not a good idea. I'd avoid it at all costs, if possible. But I can't avoid it. It's my nature.


I don't know what any of this banter means. Something like, I'm not over the past and I'm especially not over the OLD past/ NEW present. I'm pretty tired of worrying what people will think when and if they see my journal. I'll just dive in head first and say whatever the fuck comes to mind.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12239460/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12239460/ Sun, 18 Mar 2007 23:34:57 PDT old entries then decided otherwise. I was thinking about deleting the old. I cannot decide. Sometimes I feel better when I look back and sometimes I feel worse.

My birthday is Friday!

FUUCK. I just accidentially deleted everything I typed. It wasn't a WHOLE lot, but it was a bit. Anyfackinway, it's going to be one night I will never forget! I'm concerned about space, I've told a lot of people to bring whoever. And then informing them about the "drama free zone" sign that will be on the door. Just a forewarning. It's hard to tell how people will react and I will not tolerate anyone or thing ruining my good time! Disco ball?!? I can't even think of words to describe just how ecstatic I am. It is going to be a fucking blast.

I'd say things are pretty well as of late. School is stressing me out, but I think I'll be okay. I just have to remember not to let it get to me. I'd really like to take a break from school and travel. I keep coming back to that thought. I don't know how I'd afford it and I despise the fact that green paper stands in my way of doing what I truly want to do at this point in my life. Seeing the world for all it's beauty is much more worthy to me than a piece of paper. Sure, that paper might help me out in life, but not in an aspect of life I want to worry about. I do not want to become another mindless suit sleepwalking through life. I do not want to be normal or contemporary, I want to fucking break all boundries and make my own rules. Learn rules. If only there were a way around. I understand there are things in life I will have to do that I don't want to, but I don't understand why. Why are things like that? Why should I have to even worry about it. I might just give anything to be able to just...........go. What is a girl to do? I feel so conflicted here, there is always so much going on emotionally - I feel drained. But not always.
It's almost like I'm thawing. There were times I thought I might actually hyperventilate, but in a non-life threatening way. There was a tiny shiver that started in the center of my head and made it's way all the way down to my big, disgusting toe.

"I feel like more."

I keep telling myself to forget myself, to let that little butter... fly. Let that shit pass on! But, wait! Hadn't it already? I was easily fooled. So, uhhhh....where is Miranda the boundary queen when ya need her? These people should be real so I can get some damn advice. The tv doesn't answer my frantic inquiries.

Damn.



]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12100597/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12100597/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 00:50:37 PST well they're all gone now,
cause I'm awake. ................

I dig 3am conversations with old girlfriends.
Ashleigh, you never get on here anymore!
Where have all my old intellectual connections gone?! What is this>! Crazy new life I've stumbled upon...insane adventures every day, cruisin with my two crazy bffs, singing about being high...I should have been in class, but I just couldn't resist going out and LIVING my life. Sorry. Fuck that expensive peice of paper....I don't want that shit anyway,. can i please just grab some shit and go on an excursion. 3 weeks, maybe 4 or 2 months, I'll just go around the country making pit stops to LIVE some more of my LIFE>.....but no, too many people would be disappointed if I just picked up and left. "What about school? You need an education!" Skeet on your education, I can education my own self. I want to live at the beach and work at a pizza shop. I'll lay on the beach and smoke a doobie, chill out and get a tan. I can put beads in my hair and dance until the sun comes up every other day and every single night I'll be LIVING my LIFE like I WANT to. What if I die next week? Then what would I have to show for myself? A log of hopeful journal entries and a few measely COLLEGE CREDITS.

I need to find my path.....there are so many, I'm being pulled in several different directions... my heart is this way, my leg is that way, my arm is 50 feet ahead of everything else and my fucking brain is in 1995. WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DOOO. It's 3.40 in the a.m. and what am i doing?! LIVING MY LIFE! Smoking a cig, thanks by the way- I forgot I smoked, wishing I had more to show for myself. Some fucking witty words or something. MUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE



I NEED MY MUSE

KITTY KAT?!?!?

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12060332/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/12060332/ Sun, 04 Mar 2007 21:15:10 PST I still hear the beat; I slept all evening and heard that shit in my dreams. It won't go away and I hope it never does. I'ma dance everywhere I go! I danced all through my kitchen, down the stairs, up the stairs, in the living room, down the hall, and all over my damn room. "I LOVE COLORS!"
I think that's the phrase of the week, along with, "OH MY GOD...." and "I NEED MY SAMPLER!" Maybe the phrase of the millenium. God, I sure hope it is.

I keep giggling to myself like a damn little school girl. I wish like hell I would have taken some fucking pictures, they would have been amazing. I'm counting on my birthday to be just as intense, hopefully way more intense and wilder. I'm a sucker for fun, especially since things have been so shitty lately. I hate that I've been dragged along through someone else's hell, only to be pissed on in return. I'm over it now, what a surprise, I thought I'd be stuck in a deeper level of hell for months at the least, but nah, timing is everything.

I'm sticking to my phrase- your trash is someone else's treasure.

....and that is a whole different world in its self.
I dig.

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11993411/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11993411/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 20:24:10 PST
i really just wanted to put these lyrics on here.....


Rehab - Lawnchair High Lyrics
Well it's just another lawn chair high It's just
another lawn chair high And I'm sittin' in the
carport Lookin' down the driveway Watchin'
all the cars go by And it's alright...it's
alright And it's alright...it's alright Hey Reese, check this out And while the world
trippin' I'm sippin' I really
don't give a flyin' parapalegic chicken watchin' the cars we don't need bars we
got a garage a cooler full of beers fuck an
entourrage my life is one big funny mirage I slept
all day and I'm a sit and let the cd play my
wife is a thousand miles away and I've got Xanax all
the way no work, all play my attitude is go away I'm talkin' to people I'm through with
this episode I'm workin' on a sequel I
take my iced coffee with 2 Equal I'm too evil at least that's what people think you wonder why I
drink 'cause I've done it all, seen it all and it don't really matter I might as well sit in
the carport talk shit and get fatter It's just
another lawnchair high people rollin' by, "Hi" look here, don't die' Well it's just another
lawn chair high It's just another lawn chair high And I'm sittin' in the carport Lookin'
down the driveway Watchin' all the cars go by And it's alright...it's alright And it's
alright...it's alright Hell yeah, got my boombox this tune rocks the boondocks back as well packin' the bag of the wacky tobacco pack a bowl up
you can stack or fold up the lawnchair I don't
care got a brew in the Igloo cooler, too plus a
barrage of puzzlein' thoughts in my garage,
guzzelin' Heinekin my mind I cannot focus 'cause I'm blind again so find a friend to
tell it to I'm tryin' to relax, dawg I
ain't tryin' to hear about the guns, loot and
cars or one silicone titty, pity done tootin',
bars I'm tryin' to catch the escalator to
the sun, moon and stars, bra you gotta love it, whoo like Jimmy Buffet, yeah give me some stuff that I can
handle and fuck it and please hold my calls 'cause I'm out for the night mosquito bites
and lightnin' bugs got neon bars you better
recamuthafuckinize give me that funnel and run along youngins Well it's just another lawn chair high It's just another lawn chair high And I'm
sittin' in the carport Lookin' down the driveway
Watchin' all the cars go by And it's
alright...it's alright And it's
alright...it's alright Hell Yeah I got it all
goin', I know'n and there ain't
nothin' that you can tell me in this moment and
I'm hopin' this evening I'm leaving all my
troubles inside while I sit and get by with what I
really do best and if I may suggest you do the same which is nothing and that ain't frontin' I'm steady comin' with it talkin' to
myself and all else it's gettin' figured out as'n I gets further along turn the right into wrong
change the words to this song I know I ain't
singin' along but deep inside it feels on so
I'm a carry on sippin', skippin' every other idea that that runs up in here 'cause it's clear, they multiply fly back
between both of my ears and who cares? I've got
a minute if you're with it we can get it set it
in the chair somewhere in the front, out there holler in the air "WE THE SHIT OVER HERE!" Well
it's just another lawn chair high It's just
another lawn chair high And I'm sittin' in the
carport Lookin' down the driveway Watchin'
all the cars go by And it's alright...it's
alright And it's alright...it's alright

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11934547/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11934547/ Fri, 23 Feb 2007 12:51:39 PST
After all of these damn years waiting...hoping! I"M GOING!!!!

Tool, Ween, The White Stripes, The Police, Ziggy Marley, Dj Sasha, Lewis Black, David Cross!

Oh my!


I'm so fucking excited.


]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11867877/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11867877/ Sun, 18 Feb 2007 12:33:38 PST
I feel good today. It's a waning feeling, I'm sure. Everything is okay. I've reached my limit. I've reached my peak. This is not tolerable any longer. I refuse to be belittled by someone so hypocritical. Do you honestly think I don't know my flaws? Surely not! Contrary to popular belief, I am not so naïve. Just like you, I recognize my faults and embrace them. Who ever said being egotisical was a good thing? You sure seem to think that that is part of your charm and wit. Always being right in every situation is not something that anyone can do. You say I don't listen to your "constructive criticisms" and I don't want to hear the truth. Excuse me, but since when did constructive criticism become obnoxious accusations? This is all I heard - I am fake. I am a superficial bitch. I am a calloused bitched. I am materialistic. I am unwilling to listen to anyone. Everyone sees how fake I am. Everyone knows how I really am, even though I don't. I'm just another sheep in the herd! Turn off your phone you fucking insecure bitch! Slit your wrists! Shoot yourself in the head! Whatever it takes to make someone feel bad for you! BAAAAAAA!

Yes, I have faults. I'm a fucking human being. Take it or leave it. But there is no option. I refuse to listen to your "constructive criticism" any longer. I cannot be fixed by being broken down like this. I'm not sorry for who I am. I know I must change things, I must GROW. I can't grow in the dark.


My writers block is gone. I can't help but wonder why it was there in the first place.
Oh, the possibilities.



Bjork again,




Where is the line with you
where is the -- line - with you
where is the line with you
where is the -- line - with you

My purse wide open
you ask again
I see the crime and
cash into
accounts
everywhere

Where is the line with you
where is the line -- with you
where is the -- line - with you
where is the -- line with you

I want to be flexible
I want to go out of my way for you
but enough is enough

Where is the line with you
where is the -- line with you
where is the line with you
where is the -- line - with you

I am elastic
I want to
go out of my way for you
I want to
help
help you

Where is the line with you
where is the line - with you
where is the -- line - with you
where is the -- line - with you

I want to
have
capacity
for you and be elastic
love
to be elastic
e-la-stic for

Where is the line with you
where is the -- line with you
where is the line with you
where is the line with you
where is the line - with you
where -- is the line with you

I'm elastic for you
but enough is enough

Where is the line with you
where -- is the line with you
where is the -- line with you
oh

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11799824/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11799824/ Tue, 13 Feb 2007 14:16:58 PST

Needless to say, fuck a bunch of Vday. I'm weighing my options. Get wasted? Stay in bed all day? Eat excessively? I'd prefer to not be alone. Yeah, I have my cats, but they don't like me smothering them all day. Smother, indeed.

sky of blue! see of green! in our yellow! submarine!

]]> ~discontentbeauty http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11757976/ http://discontentbeauty.deviantart.com/journal/11757976/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 09:31:07 PST


Suck and suck. Suckin up all you can suckin up all you can suck.
Workin up under my patience like a little tick.
Fat little parasite. Suck me dry.
My blood is bruised and borrowed. You thieving bastards.
You have turned my blood cold and bitter,
beat my compassion black and blue.

Hope this is what you wanted.
Hope this is what you had in mind.
Cuz this is what you're getting.
I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this.
I hope you're choking. I hope you choke on this.

Taken all I can taken all I can, we can take. Taken all you can taken you can, we can take.
Got nothing left to give to you.
Blood suckin parasitic little blood suckin parasitic little
blood suckin parasitic little tick
Take what you want and then go.

Suck me dry.

Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you had in mind?
Is this what you wanted?
Cuz this this is what you're getting.
I hope, I hope, I hope you choke.

]]> ~discontentbeauty