http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:displayyourlove&section=today deviantART RSS for by:displayyourlove en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:57:55 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/16491745/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/16491745/ Sun, 20 Jan 2008 14:30:36 PST

bye bye

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13834351/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13834351/ Sun, 22 Jul 2007 14:42:46 PDT
]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13810862/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13810862/ Fri, 20 Jul 2007 16:02:11 PDT
it's not a beautiful song to me anymore. it is more amazing. not beautiful. not to me.
man i hate it when i know too much.
and backward voices are weird.


oh shit man, now i dont know anymore

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13783232/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13783232/ Wed, 18 Jul 2007 14:45:27 PDT who knows for how long.


take away the sunrise
and take away your pretty eyes
tell me i won't feel a thing
and it'll be ok.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13735657/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13735657/ Sat, 14 Jul 2007 17:57:30 PDT
i have my own place and it's ok. it's working. but i miss people. i'm there alone. and i don't like the walk back from school.

i don't like school.

guitar solo's used to make me smile and forget the awful things.

one day, i didnt even care i was walking on lady birds.

i have my own place but i dont have a home.



darren shan number 4....

"life is a challenge. Only those who rise to this challenge truly mean what it is to be alive"

now i've had plenty of challenges, failed, won, drawn and....not even tried. and the outcomes are never good. so piss off. just because we believe and try our fucking hardest at something or to get something DOES NOT MEAN WE WILL GET IT. it's just easier to say, well man at least i tried.

true but your gonna die before you get anywhere close to being happy. i think i am one of those people who just can't be happy for long. i don't know what other people think about that but should i care. i have spent way to much time in pubs listening to people who have lost their games.

fuck it.

i'm fucking pissed again.

stupid fucking alcafuckinghol.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13579802/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13579802/ Mon, 02 Jul 2007 15:01:03 PDT
--------

maybe i'm thinking too much about the shining. it keeps cropping up. i dont know its confusing. and no, i dont see dead people OR read peoples minds. wel close enough but no. im on about jack. alcoholic right. needs drinks..no drinks= bad things.
i hit my dog today, it was shitty of me i know, i said sorry and hugged and kissed but it doesnt make it ok. i lost it, my anger was too much. i needed a drink.
i am not an alcaholic. i cant be. not yet anyway.
i drink everything i own when i know i shouldnt, i hate myself when im drunk but jesus at least i dont hate myself for letting shit happen to me, for being a shit to everone i know and for not being who i wanna be, i hate myself for knocking over my drink or for not being able to stand up and think straight or for losing a fucking game. smaller things, things i should be thinking about.
at least i smile willingly when im pissed. usually i dont know what at but...

too much stuff.



im living to die and dieing to live.

-----

i need help, will somebody please please talk to me.

-----

i cried hard.

-----

lynne.. "break my face". ]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13550914/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13550914/ Sat, 30 Jun 2007 11:14:44 PDT
alcohol.

fat.

school.

mum.

lynne.

america.


when the fuck did this turn into, "im fine".

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13228148/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/13228148/ Tue, 05 Jun 2007 13:22:24 PDT
moved twice in one and a half weeks. thought i was insane for a while, had a mild panic attack, got pissed off, had a midnight drink. sleep sleep sleep.

at mikes now. he fuuunny.

got a new dress. boots soon.

i dont like condoms.


but on the upside i've just been playing guitar for three hours and i have the intro, bridge and verse one nailed and timed. awesome, i was so happy.

and i should be putting some more stuff on here shortly when I GET THE INTERNET AGAIN!

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12963282/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12963282/ Tue, 15 May 2007 09:01:47 PDT
]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12872717/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12872717/ Mon, 07 May 2007 06:52:54 PDT

cool it man, we're not implying that you wander around with straggly hair wishing peace on everyone, but we can detect a strong element of a free spirit in you. We can see you relishing the chance to escape the modern pressures of life for a laid-back trip of a life time. A VW Beetle or CamperVan might be too much of a cliché for you, but perhaps one of the sporty SMART cars might be your perfect escape vehicle? Of course, the ultimate hippy Roadtrip has to be Goa in India, a Mecca for free spirits everywhere. We can see you watching a beautiful sunset with sand between your toes and a blissful smile on your face. The best things in life are sometimes the simplest, just as long as the sun keeps shining and you have more new interesting people to meet and places to explore!

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12860308/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12860308/ Sun, 06 May 2007 05:18:03 PDT
~ the life and death of jim morrison - break on through
james riordan and jerry prochnicky

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12859517/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12859517/ Sun, 06 May 2007 03:04:55 PDT
~ me .


i have exams soon so im mostly gonna be revising cos il be pissed if steph beats me at psych. sociology is gonna suck though. geology i dont give a shit and media will be..interesting. so anyway probably no artwork for a while.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12825969/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12825969/ Thu, 03 May 2007 09:24:24 PDT
~walking contradiction, greenday

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12801860/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12801860/ Tue, 01 May 2007 10:41:27 PDT ~ greenday

the world is so confusing


Insecure. Seeks roots, stability, emotional security, and an environment providing greater ease and fewer problems, but is either unwilling or unable to exert the effort.

Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which she imposes of herself or by her own choice and decision.

Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
Feels that she is receiving less than her share and that there is no one on whom she can rely for sympathy and understanding. Pent-up emotions and a certain egocentricity make her quick to take offense, but she realizes that she has to make the best of things as they are.
Wants to swipe aside the things that stand in her way, to follow her impulses, and be involved in special or exciting happenings. In this way she hopes to deaden the intensity of her conflicts, but her impulsive behavior leads her to take risks.

Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts


i dont even know if this is me man.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12778564/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12778564/ Sun, 29 Apr 2007 12:58:22 PDT
i feel stupid. i need him. i feel so stupid.
why am i me? i dont like the way i act r the way i am. ever.

when i am hppy, you know, when everything works and is so so pretty and you love everything. i never think of me, i think about how i look (and like it) but i dont think of me. thge personality me.

i dont know anything anymore.
school tomorow.



would rather sleep with a mask.
















actually... not true.
but id rather sleep

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12729407/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12729407/ Wed, 25 Apr 2007 11:34:21 PDT love it so much.



it's so great how you can just...fly away in songs. freedom. you know, you have a shit day, your hearts al twisted in rejection and worry, you put a song on and its just...redemption, a wash of salvation, your saved.

hence the name...

stairway to heaven.

ten years gone...my god. those memories, that soft light, the mesh of posters on my walls, the tears.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12688361/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12688361/ Sun, 22 Apr 2007 07:47:58 PDT then everything changes.




are my life dreams worth passing my psychology exam?

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12670110/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12670110/ Fri, 20 Apr 2007 16:36:33 PDT Don't you cry
Baby, please don't cry
And don't look at me
With your eyes
I can't seem to find the right lie

~ the doors.

im so damn tired. and i think my msn has broken...gaaaah... theres so much shite i neeeeeeeeeeeeeed to srt out. still tomorow i guess.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12652448/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12652448/ Thu, 19 Apr 2007 08:40:54 PDT I hate a lot of people that are lame
I like to hate stuff
Cause then I don't have to try and make
A change
I hate teachers
I hate school
I hate the cheerleaders
And anyone who's cool
I hate the office
I hate the Quad
Don't wanna learn nothing
I want to be a slob


It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate
I don't like nothing and I like that fine
(Liking something's just a waste of time)
It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate
I don't like nothing and I like that fine
(Liking something's just a waste of time)
I don't like nothing and like that fine
(Liking something's just a waste of time)
Yeah I hate everything
I even hate you too
So fuck you


I'm always thinking bad
I never have nothing good to say
I'd rather tear things down
Than build them up
It's easier that way
I hate the jocks
And I hate the geeks
I hate the trendies
But I also hate the freaks
I hate Dr. Martens
And Muscle T's
I'm only happy when I'm in my misery

It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate
I don't like nothing and I like that fine
(Liking something's just a waste of time)
It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate
I don't like nothing and I like that fine
(Liking something's just a waste of time)
I don't like nothing and like that fine
(Liking something's just a waste of time)
Yeah I hate everything
I even hate you too
So fuck you

It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate

I'll cut you down and give you lip
Being positive's so unhip
I'll cut you down cause I'm a fool
Being positive's so uncool
Being positive's so uncool
Being positive's so uncool

I hate the jocks
Annd I hate the geeks
I hate the trendies
But I also hate the freaks
I hate your band
And I hate TV
I'm only happy when I'm in my misery

It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate
I don't like nothing and I like that fine
It's cool to hate
It's cool to hate
I don't like nothing and I like that fine
(Liking something's just a waste of time)
Yeah I hate everything
I even hate you too
So fuck you

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12630698/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12630698/ Tue, 17 Apr 2007 10:34:06 PDT
]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12595091/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12595091/ Sat, 14 Apr 2007 16:36:28 PDT
i dont know, is this even normal?

haha, i mean you know i dont wanna become someone scary.


-----------------------------
the colour test
-----------------------------

Unwilling to extend herself or exert undue effort (with the possible exception of sexual activity). Feels that further progress requires more from her than she is willing or able to give. Would prefer reasonable comfort and security rather than the rewards of greater ambition.

The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground. She feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to her and from which she wants to escape, but she feels unable to make the necessary decision.

Willing to become emotionally involved, but demanding and particular in her choice of a partner and in her relations with those close to her. Needs reassurance and is careful to avoid open conflict since this might reduce her prospects of realizing her hopes.
Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.
Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which she can blend. Responsive to anything esthetic and tasteful.

Tensions and stresses induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities or reserves of strength have led to considerable anxiety, and a sense of personal (but admitted) inadequacy. She seeks to escape into a more peaceful and problem-free situation, in which she will no longer have to assert herself or contend with so much pressure.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12576031/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12576031/ Fri, 13 Apr 2007 04:36:21 PDT
its pissing me off now rawr.



ive done half my homework and its only, what, 12:33. not bad going really. im still fucked though because i havent got a camera for media. so. yeah. pissed off.

bass is so much easier . why didnt i pick that one huh?

slash can kiss my ass.
angus can kiss my ass.

lets kill every simgle guitar player in the world so i am the best.

shitoki mushroooms


when you here a ten year old kid (max) playing a bitchin solo on stairway to heaven, you know you messed up and should just quite.

i was born to rent a flat, smoke till my lungs collapse and waitress in some fucking diner.

i will never go to america.


mushrooosbkndgfdopsih

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12569077/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12569077/ Thu, 12 Apr 2007 15:49:46 PDT lol.

im trying to learn stairway to heaven and its coming on pretty cool i can do the first bar and i only started like HALF AN HOUR ago. i like that i have to spend ages on it cos it takes me away from everything else thats happening. like i get swallowed up by it, its so fucking awesome.

its late, my fingers kill, im tired and im running out of cigs... plu i think im working all tomorow pfft. i really really should do something!!! arghhh.

nevermind, i think il play guitar and do it all on sunday. jeez thats gonna suck, but hey. theres some bits i cant do anyway till i get back, my fault tho, lost the text book XD. nevermind.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12549282/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12549282/ Wed, 11 Apr 2007 05:45:12 PDT
my mum wont be home until about 9. i need some fags. i have some money. only. she locked the door. and my keys are in the car.

ksojdoipghoifh.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12526482/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12526482/ Mon, 09 Apr 2007 14:49:46 PDT
so basically a brand new epiphone, white is...£160.
marshall amp 15 watt is £64.
guitar cable (useful) is £7.

total: £231.

and so now the saving bit...

i get £60 from chris, £60 from school EMA whci is on the 20th cos i missed last week of school but i can get it back now..then sell my acoustic (realistic option wait another week) which will be £30, then wait another 3 weeks which is £90. then buy the stuff and have £9 spare.

this obviously is a rough guide as the prices may vary somewhat and timing is also an issue and smoking will have to stop for a while. and the issue about not doing anything from now until the 18th of may. however this will help with my revision some what.

so yeah pretty cool.

the guitar may vary some too, depending on the price but i can get a les paul lol. only not a gibson. funny how poinions change due to situations... urgh. but i really want a guitar and this is the closest i can get to a gibson..its still made by gibson, well same company type thing so... what the hell.

oh yeah and possibly be getting a job but its a looong shot lol. fingers crossed however.


------------------

its weird how i dont journal like i used to. it was all like..boo hoo im insane and truth coming out an stuff but.. now its different, i can feel myself gettnig swallowed up by life and not feeling the same anymore, changing and shit.. like the lynne thing.

hehe. thingy. hehe.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12484881/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12484881/ Fri, 06 Apr 2007 14:52:07 PDT
i was pretty.. i dont know, kinda overwhelmed or something. i dont think there is word for what i felt, which is why i didnt say much. i think on the same lines as jim when he said "it's not the truth that matters it's what you believe in" because without belief there would be no truth but you can still believe even if there is no truth.

i find it pretty annoying when people are "all for other religeons" but then they say that they are bad because of what they believe in. like with the suicide bombers, they did it because they believed it was the right thing to do but everyone (obviously) got pissed at that, but it was their religeon. people are only ok with other peoples beliefs if they can co exist with theirs own. so, say a satanist and a catholic meet up some day. the catholic will be totaly fine with the satanist UNTIL he voices his opinion on things..then wars start.

anyway, i'd like to think that i am totaly ok with other peoples beliefs HOWEVER i havent yet come into contact much with those whose beliefs i do not agree with. its a tricky subject and i dont think im wise enough to give my full opinion to matters such as these. but i do think im open monded enough and i can see things, you know?
unlike my grandma. i dont want to insult her because i dont really know her, well i dont think i know HER exactly, its more of..i know who she wants/acts/thinks she is. and also i think is more of her age, she is wise but not our wise.. not that wise. shes been brought up in a certain time and..thats who she is.

anyway. i just think im using the journal now to get to grips with a lot of stuff. some stuff i really really dont want to talk about and some stuff thats always been there, back of the mind and stuff. i find im thinking a lot these days, and smoking a lot, but i think its stress and boredom to be honest. im thinking in jim morrison style again. i dont suppose thats a normal thing to say.

i got three new books on him and its brought stuff back to the surface again, like underneath theres a little hippy in me XD. laughable but i think its true. i just think its getting kicked around by my punk self and being a hippy it just screams for peace and then takes it. i dont get me sometimes. i have alter egos, and not in a serious sense, in a mild sense. then when im left with these other people, i dont know which to be. and i get confused. but i guess if i wait long enough it just gonna sort itself out, it usually works for me..except things like nature and karma. but i have a good run usually.

anyway another piercing tomorow maybe

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12479548/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12479548/ Fri, 06 Apr 2007 05:49:11 PDT
Delights in the tasteful, the gracious, and the sensitive, but maintains her attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off her feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on her emotional relationships as she must know exactly where she stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against her own tendency to be too trusting.

Trying to calm down and unwind after a period of over-agitation which has left her listless and devoid of energy. In need of peace and quiet; becomes irritable if this is denied.

Willing to become emotionally involved, but demanding and particular in her choice of a partner and in her relations with those close to her. Needs reassurance and is careful to avoid open conflict since this might reduce her prospects of realizing her hopes.

Needs a peaceful environment. Wants release from stress, and freedom from conflicts or disagreement. Takes pains to control the situation and its problems by proceeding cautiously. Has sensitivity of feeling and a fine eye for detail.

Needs to protect herself against her tendency to be too trusting, as she finds it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. Is therefore seeking a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12446629/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12446629/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 16:41:42 PDT
blaaahsof thought it was peter online then.
jesus im sad.


why do people do this? my mum does it with kev it pisses me off, no one enjoys it and.. its just doesnt help. i am totally against it but i can understand why they do it.. like you love them/think you love them so you want them back but you dont like them/think you dont like them so they piss you off and you get fed up/angry/upset and then do it. cycles. circles. im sick of them. i want black and white. straight lines. whatever its not my life..why should i care. but i do.

grr.

talk talk talk. ive forgotten what the hell i was meant to be talking about. waterfalls of speach. verbal puking.
urgh. ew.

wojbv

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12440489/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12440489/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 05:59:18 PDT my hands are shaking, im in my underpants and a tshirt, i can hardly write. my eyes are tired.

i watched the butterfly effect.

im closed in again. no one can talk to me. a distorted version of reality.

and all from staying up until half 4 watching a really sad and interesting film falling asleep and being woken up at half 5. i moved my stuff to my room (my duvet and pillows) and it was lighter, i can imagine a scene from the moth diaries, when the moths are fluttering around her window. anyway the birds were singing really loud. it reminded me of those early dark morning when peter stayed over, when my mind was tired anf cuked up about everything. i closed the window, it was not going to happen again.

i woke up again at half 10 exactly, refused to get up and had a dream with peter and dave and me, some flying suits and wasp sounds and a strange little fury creature who i picked up because it was drinking frmo a shower.. and i lost my other animal (???) in the wall because we all left them there and the wall got built up by the school.

i dont know.
i just want to go back to bed.
i want to see lynne.
i need her back.
shes so lovely.

i want wales to be non existant. or for peters grandma to live round the corner...or for him to be back.
i feel bored and empty without them both. i feel tired. i want to go back to bed, the time goes faster when im asleep. i was counting down the days last night...

why si this so bad after just two days..is it the fact that i know he wont be back and i cant have a hug from him when im down, is the lack of security i know im gonna feel.

i want to see lynne.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12433003/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12433003/ Mon, 02 Apr 2007 15:52:27 PDT
1) after the previous phone call to my great aunt i have decided that i like her, she is currently my fave relative. her advice to me was "you are never to young or to old to do something, they all tell you what to do but you go out and do what you want to do, go and live your life"

2) i am still angry with myself and still have little tantrums that lead into circles of emotional turmoil but i have gone through worse times than this and i'm still standing, well mainly sitting, but this time it's going to be ok. i have someone i am madly in love with and in return loves me and now i know what to expect. i have grown up now so i think il be ok.

3) i have some main phobia type fears.. gask masks and the open sea and as the chance of my encountering these fears is very slim (discounting of course peters gas mask wearing incident) i should stop being scared of them lurking around corners..the gask masks not the sea.

4) i have a few fears. im not going to explain them because they are pretty well known in my long tedious explanations to basically all of my friends and peter. i declare that i am now getting over those, as anne said, i shall live my life and not get tied down by fears and worries and other peoples opinions. what will be will be and if i dont like it i can always fix it. in one way or another.

5) i have goals to achieve in my life. yes this means i dont have to go into suicide warning for a while.. ok.. firstly my main goals. i want to live in america and visit LA. i want to write a book (see below). i want to own a mustang. i want to be a photographer and a psychologist and a media sort of person. i could not decide on which to do so i thought i should do all of them and go for the one i like best.

my medium sized goals are such...

i want to go to plymouth university to study photography/media/psychology (as i will do all three in my lifetime hopefully its not a question of wasting three years doing the wrong course, its using three years to go into my first job).
i want to get good grades in the upcoming exams, people are certain i will get them and some part of me wants to prove that i can do it.

my small goals are such..

buy some more of my jeans, size 10, new look, £15. they have reduced in price, i need them now before they go!
apply for my job, i doubt i will get it now as it has taken two weeks to hand in my application form however they are still looking as there is still a notice in the window.
i want to write the first chapter at least of my book. i have more faith in myself now and think i can pull it off soon. however the plot has changed and i have incorperated my prose in there, i also have a new plan of how i can write it as i hate blank pages.
i want to find the website that can give me an online AS level in philosophy which starts in september. i can fit it around my other A levels, i've wanted to do it since i uncovered jim morrison and it would be an extra show off point to the uni. however im a little worried it will be like history, essay based, times and places rather than theories. but i guess im not doing history of philosophy, lol.

5) i like coffee now. but only milky ans sugary with chicolate on top. very nice.

6) i am enjoying the guitar playing so far but i get frustrated quickly as i have a short attention span and being impatient really does not help but im getting there, slowly.
peter~ bass is easy compared to this my friend, dont laugh at me because i cant do it yet.



so there you go.
im going to watch blak books now.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12429465/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12429465/ Mon, 02 Apr 2007 11:01:24 PDT A p FUqIF0PDHIH.

they call that expression. this is what i call expression...

I AM PISSED OFF.

i mean why am i destined to be just like everyone else huh? what the fuck did i do wrong and why the fuck can i not even begin to be that little bit different?? why?

i have skills sure, i have an ok mind.. but its not different to anyone elses is it? im like..not gifted at anything im just medium at everything and i fucking hate it, i dont stand out, i have nothing to stand out for.

thats why i'm pissed off.

It's just one of those days
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked, everybody sucks.
You don't really know why
But you wanna justify rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away mother fucker!
It's just one of those days!

It's all about the he said she said bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
It's all about the he said she said bullshit
I think you better quit talkin' that shit.

~Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit

rawr.
i feel like wasting all my energy, till im so tired and worn out, till my voice aches and my head feels like its gonna explode, till my adrenalin kicks in, till it hurts. weve all felt like shit but i aim for it.

RAWR.

boxing, fighting, bloody. yeah something bloody. fight club.individual wars, sensative issues sprayed across the floor.
skinny guys fight till they burn.

pwdiohwg.

tastes like battery acid i want it so much.

--------------

my mum came up to me today and told me i should get outside, really nice day. so me being a rude fuck turned up the volume and pissed her off. sport. i've been having really sweet ideas for my book but they never fucking connect, scenes are cool, writing is good, no fucking connection.
and now its gonna suck and then il commit suicide over tha bath. bloody suicide though.

i hate everything right now. everything sucks.
pasdjog RAWR.

frustration. sick of me, my writing, my place, my family, my fucking friends. lynne doesnt even...i dont know...not the fucking same anymore. haha i think my mums talking to me. i see moving lips no words.

im sick of people telling me what to do all the fucking time, and why are fucking baths too short to stretch your legs out. [link].right??

i wear a sneer to everything.
why is he so much better than me?
why am i always competing when i always say i dont give a shit???

FUCK.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12417645/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12417645/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 14:20:47 PDT
[link]

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12373875/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12373875/ Thu, 29 Mar 2007 10:10:04 PDT
so yeah. pissed off.

really nice book though, nice feel to it.



some of them were not even in focus!!! grrr

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12364846/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12364846/ Wed, 28 Mar 2007 15:51:47 PDT
Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which she imposes of herself or by her own choice and decision.

Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.
Wants to broaden her fields of activity and insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that she may be prevented from doing what she wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore her confidence.
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Sensitive and sentimental, but conceals this from all except those very close to him.
Needs a peaceful environment. Wants release from stress, and freedom from conflicts or disagreement. Takes pains to control the situation and its problems by proceeding cautiously. Has sensitivity of feeling and a fine eye for detail.

Does not wish to be involved in differences of opinion, contention or argument, preferring to be left in peace.








-------------


"are we ok?"

he didnt sound so convinced to be honest. i don't know if i'm looking into this way too much and should just leave alone, but hey attention to detail right?.. i dunno. was he thinking something else? maybe we both were, i dont know.

im left so confused.

he was pretty stressed out when he left.

have we lost it?
shit.

scares me to even think that. im glad it was dark.
we should talk more.

argh. i. dont. know.

i dont want him to leave next week, i feel lost without him. maybe when he gets back well have that...thing back, whatevers changed/missing.

i blame everything else of course. safety in blame right? im totaly stressed out at school..so is he. were both stressed out at home.
argh.. it doesnt help.

------------

guitars going ok. im frustrated with it but its fucking great. it's like, i get lost in it. btw i suck at the moment (getting better though).
i try man. im doing ok, it helps to forget about everything else, i get so focused on the strings, tabs, frets etc. fucking awesome.
only the D string goes out of tune everytime i play it. humph. apart from that my intro sounds pretty sweet, when i do it.
i should learn a different tune really.
when i can play a bit better it would be nice to go to school with it and chill out under some trees in the field and play.
rather bob marley lol.

check out the hippyness of dylan and my shorts!

today was nice. except the steph losing money thing.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12351060/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12351060/ Tue, 27 Mar 2007 14:25:04 PDT
i'm doing it again.
i just..get sick of stuff. you know when you get tired of pain, like you keep hitting a bruise or something and your just sick tired of it..its kinda like that.

and i'm taking it out on people i shouldnt do.
the thing yesterday made me be ok again, i just kinda let out a lot of shit thats been building up and stuff..so i can work now.

still cant sleep really.

i had two really bad dreams last night. and i dont usually get scared that fucking easy. something happnin upstairs dude im tellin you.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12337849/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12337849/ Mon, 26 Mar 2007 14:49:47 PDT i cant sleep again.
im stressed again.
peters going to wales again.
i feel crap again.


my jesus fucking god i cried in the fucking street. i was real lucky no one else got to see it.
i was so so tired this morning, i went through first lesson (sociology - education) and i fell asleep for just a little while... i asked my friend to hand in my essay to the next lesson, went to find peter in the library and told him i was going home. he said he walk me, we walked. i nearly collapsed on the way there, you can make this stuff up...
got back home..went back to get fags cos i found some money.
as we were walking down, i kinda started doing a weird breathing thing, i couldnt do it properly, i was kinda choking up and i was upset and blah..
got to the place with the fags and peter went in to get some. everything around me felt like it wasnt real and i was like, detached from it all, freaked me out. questions, questions, questions.
we sat down like some hobos and i couldnt hold it in anymore, just kinda lost it..completely.

i still feel bad. went back home..shit..must remember to forge note from mum.

anyway, yeah. my mini breakdown.

went back to peters after school listened to some decent music.


i still have worries about us, questions and stuff. but nevermind. i usually wait these things out and..it usually sorts itself out somehow.



outside the shop..i really wanted to talk about it but i couldnt. for one it would make things a whole lot more real.. and it felt like if i talked..the stuff that had built up would escape and i was scared of that happning.

so yeah..blah.

i think i should probably calm down a little in this holiday, too stressed out to do anything else i guess.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12282487/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12282487/ Thu, 22 Mar 2007 10:33:46 PDT
too much work.

tiiired.

i like pillow talk, its fun AND honest lol. i hope.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12256658/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12256658/ Tue, 20 Mar 2007 10:20:37 PDT

he never wanted the doors, never wanted the music.

perfection and time,
wanted stolen,
basking in the moonlight she stares,
in a seat bleeding and woven.


wtf?

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12229319/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12229319/ Sun, 18 Mar 2007 07:55:51 PDT That I can’t make you stay
But where’s your heart
But where’s your heart
But where’s your...

And I know
There’s nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change.......

So many bright lights that cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
Im incomplete
A life that’s so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I get weak!

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Can you say
My eyes are shining bright
Cause I’m out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I’m so weak
Is it hard understanding
I’m incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
[ Lyrics found on [link] ]

I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me
I say...

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

(Repeated in background x6)
Or, dead i see you lying next to me .

(foreground)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay
I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.



done. finished.

fuck you then.



-------------------------

yeah, if you fave my stuff can you please leave a comment about why?

thanks.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12222096/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12222096/ Sat, 17 Mar 2007 16:31:18 PDT difficult choices,
reversed opinions.
tea.
filthy ceilings.


springer deutsch - left brain right brain
e.r frank - america is me
aiden chambers - break time (and dance on my grave, good book)
sara manning - guitar girl (good easy read)



botanical gardens
the old man and the window.




----

by the way, as youll read this before i talk to you...
im sorry i freaked out today.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12208331/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12208331/ Fri, 16 Mar 2007 15:39:38 PDT blah anyway..

i got, the life of pi and lord of the flies. a book ive been meaning to read for a looong time. life of pi looks really interesting.

invisible pictures.
self contradicting philosophy.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12192850/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12192850/ Thu, 15 Mar 2007 11:50:09 PDT they're so haunting, raw and so so powerfull.

get's me every time, just. perfect.
perfect.




---------

a belief system is a very well packaged idea.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12191712/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12191712/ Thu, 15 Mar 2007 09:41:17 PDT
just wrote one of my best things ever, remembered i didnt spell check, deleted the file and now ive fucking lost it.

first verse...

transparent envelopes
mapping reality
wax seals melting and dripping
waiting for human brutality.

fuck o\iafhe\abtsdu

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12179332/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12179332/ Wed, 14 Mar 2007 10:19:04 PDT took my camera but not many good shots..just normal shots. went through the woods, preeeetty.

got to peters house. gas mask horror.
im narrowing down my fear now, it has to be black/white (latter is way more scary) body is more scary if covered with something eg. frog men thionhadof. usually only has to have one nose thingy. fucking freaky maaan.

i asked peter what he prayed for in the church and actually got an answer, well guessed it, pretty fast too.

reminded me of a lot of things...


mass destruction.
faithless.

Whether long range weapon or suicide bomber
Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether you're Soaraway Sun or BBC 1
Misinformation is a weapon of mass destruct
You coulda Caucasian or a poor Asian
Racism is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether inflation or globalization
Fear is a weapon of mass destruction

My dad came into my room holding his hat
I knew he was leaving,
He sat on my bed told me some facts.
Son, I have the duty, calling on me
You and your sister be brave my little soldier
And don't forget all I told ya
Your the mister of the house now remember this
And when you wake up in the morning give ya momma a kiss
Then I had to say goodbye
In the morning woke momma with a kiss on each eyelid,
Even though I'm only a kid
Certain things can't be hid
Momma grabbed me
Held me like I was made of gold
But left her inner stories untold
I said, momma it will be alright
When daddy comes home, tonight

Whether long range weapon or suicide bomber
Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether you're Soaraway Sun or BBC 1
Misinformation is a weapon of mass destruct
You coulda Caucasian or a poor Asian
Racism is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether inflation or globalization
Fear is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether Halliburton, Enron or anyone
Greed is a weapon of mass destruction
We need to find courage, overcome

Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction (x3)


My story stops here, lets be clear.
This scenario is happening everywhere.
And you ain't going to nirvana or far-vana,
you're coming right back here to live out your karma.
With even more drama than previously, seriously.
Just how many centuries have we been
waiting for someone else to make us free?
And we refuse to see
that people overseas suffer just like we
Bad leadership and ego's unfettered and free
Who feed on the people they're supposed to lead
I don't need good people to pray and wait
For the lord to make it all straight.
There's only now, do it right.
'Cos I don't want your daddy, leaving home tonight

Whether long range weapon or suicide bomber
Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether you're Soaraway Sun or BBC 1
Misinformation is a weapon of mass destruct
You coulda Caucasian or a poor Asian
Racism is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether inflation or globalization
Fear is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether Halliburton, Enron or anyone
Greed is a weapon of mass destruction
We need to find courage, overcome

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12158351/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12158351/ Mon, 12 Mar 2007 15:27:33 PDT
i texted him back,
im burning with envy over stu,
i take out my anger on you,
i cant see a bright point at the moment,
i cant work,
i broke our pact (peter),
im pretending as much as i can to be happy,
im in two minds about everything,
i have no time for anything else except dreams, photos and music,
im lost,
i drag you into things,
im such a bitch,
i always get my own way,
for not talking,
being down,
being moved by music,
being selfish for the last few weeks (probably more),
for giving up.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12144804/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12144804/ Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:10:34 PDT I'm willing to take my chances on
the hope i forget,
that you hate him more than you notice
I wrote this for you"

fall out boy.

this song doesnt really have any meaning to me. but then again it does now.


"Woke up this morning, what did I see
A big black cloud hanging over me
I switched on the radio and nearly dropped dead
The news was so bad that I fell out of bed
There was a gas strike, oil strike, lorry strike, bread strike
Got to be a Superman to survive
Gas bills, rent bills, tax bills, phone bills
I'm such a wreck but I'm staying alive"

the kinks.

a new song for me. explains how i feel some mornings.

"I've been waiting a long time
for this moment to come
I'm destined for anything at all
Downtown lights will be shining
On me like a new diamond
Ring out under the midnight hour
No one can touch me now
And I can't turn my back
It's too late ready or not at all"

greenday.

felt like everything hit me at once, i cant take it anymore.

"I am a dull and simple lad
Cannot tell water from champagne
and I have never met the Queen
And I wish I could have all he has got -
I wish I could be like David Watts
And when I lie on my pillow at night
I dream I could fight like David Watts
And lead the school team to victory
Take my exams and pass the lot"

the jam.

this is how i feel at school, always wishing i could be someone else.

"She was a princess,
Queen of the highway.
Sign on the road said,
"Take us to Madre.""

the doors.

a friend.

"Thinkin' 'bout the times you drove in my car.
Thinkin' that I might have drove you too far.
And I'm thinkin' 'bout the love that you laid on my table."

cream.

about a boy.

"I won't take all that they hand me down,
And make out a smile, though I wear a frown,
And I won't take it all lying down,
'Cause once I get started I go to town.
'Cause I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else,
I'm not like everybody else."

the kinks.

when i get angry i get fucking angry.

"I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority"

greenday.

this is what i think. not what i do. or am.
i dont know who i am anymore.


"It's why we sing for these kids that don't have a thing
Except for a dream and a fucking rap magazine
Who post pinup pictures on their walls all day long
Idolize their favorite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in they lives
So they sit and they cry at night, wishing they die
Till they throw on a rap record, and they sit and they vibe
We're nothing to you, but we're the fuckin' shit in their eyes"

eminem.

no one knows how many times this song has saved my life. literally.
and thats why [link].eminem. nomatter how far i have to travel. thats why it hurts when people take the piss.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12140037/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12140037/ Sun, 11 Mar 2007 06:45:07 PDT
just a thing i did.

bit disappointed that i didnt have time to finish it and its really rough but would be nice to hear from you.

------------------------

Unfulfilled hopes have lead to uncertainty and a tense watchfulness. Insists on freedom of action and resents any form of control other than which is self-imposed. Unwilling to go without or to relinquish anything and demands security as a protection against any further setback or loss of position or prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads her to exaggerate her claims and to refuse reasonable compromises.

Fascinated by the idea of an idealized association of tenderness and mutual enchantment. Embarrassed by the thought of allowing this to appear openly, and so employs cautious exploratory tactics in the pursuit of this objective, making sure that she is neither irrevocably committed nor found out.

Fears that her independence will be threatened or severely restricted unless she protects herself from outside influence. Does not want to be bothered

Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of her hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. She tries to escape from this by withdrawing and protecting herself with an attitude of cautious reserve. Moody and depressed.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12131084/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12131084/ Sat, 10 Mar 2007 12:39:42 PST eg.


today i was all set for town, bag packed, body washed, jeans on. got to the bus and found out that the price had gone up so it was pretty down hill then. was bitching to myself until peter got on the bus. i really shouldnt be mean to him, all day it was just getting at him and he doesnt deserve that. no way. i just couldnt get the day to work, you know when you wear something new and cant be comfortable in it? well it was like that.

so im sorry. thats why i was sorry.

i tried to get me back by taking him home but in the end we couldnt do anything.

so guess what... i become a stupid moody git.
i just couldnt move. it was like lynnes birthday again, only less awful. slightly.


------

my life at the moment has become a ruitine. cycles in a cycle in a cycle.

a copy of a copy of a copy.

i think thats why im so down all the time. i dont want to be but hey, i cant really do much about it. im just trying to stay with peter as much as possible, he makes me happy when im at my darkest stage. actually it depends on what you class as happy. he makes it so i can get up in the morning. when im in good moods he makes me laugh the hardest.

i dont know how he can cope with me all the time.
well....thank god hes pretty XD

naah, hes pretty damn smart too.


i like the way he knows what i want to say by me signing everything to him and not talking. its great. even my phrases he uses.

public affection could cause embarrassment but what the hell..

i love him.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12118909/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12118909/ Fri, 09 Mar 2007 13:46:59 PST . im sick of people saying i did really well and im sick of those people who are angry at me cos i got a higher grade than them and im sick of people who didnt take any exams and are all like "jesus why is everyone stressy!" fuck you.

im just sick of people.


my dreams are in total danger and all they can do is whine and moan and bitch. im pissed off and full of fucking fucked up anger.

im best at media, or at least i thought i was. and getting a c got me down cos if i was predicted a b in that and i failed then im gonna fail my other exams too, predicted grades suck. they raise hope. fucktards. so yeah i was so down, down in that messed up black hole of my mind again. i dont like that place. but its dark and small. its hard to climb back out.

right now i know what i need...

i need someone who knows me, knows me so well i dont have to talk. they know what i would say. i want to be close, soft and silent with this person, i dont want to laugh and i dont want to smile. its not what i need right now. i want to be completely honest with this person and them in return. i want to feel them, to be hugged by them for as long as it takes for me to be ok, i want them to hold me and tell me everythings going to be ok from now on. and i want to believe them. i want to be comfortable and safe. i want soft lighting. i want cream. i want to not feel like i have to answer them, or talk to them. i want peace. i want silence. if i cry i want them to let me, i need to get this out of me, like a demon in the blood, black hole in my heart. i want to wash it all away.

and thats all i want. all i need.
its kind of like i dont want anything, like i dont want to be left alone but have company. its why i wasnt talking today.

i just cant talk to anyone. right now my whole world is crashing down on me and i dont want to know it, dont want to feel it it would be too real.

i want to get away from all of this.


----------

today i had a teeny break down. i went crazy in my head but nowhere else. i was so confused and so freaked out. you know when an animal is about to get run over and they just stand there? i bet their mind is going crazy, so fast they cant keep any of their thoughts and are confused andokahgioaeio. well thats how i felt, only it wasnt getting run over, my whole life was and what am i supposed to do? its like breaking something inside and letting it all gush out. all that panic and stress and.. everything.

so i stopped talking. i dont know why but it just felt a lot safer as peter said i cut myself off from anyone. he was right. ive just had enough of everything.

why cant i just be in America, Venice. tasting that salt breeze, feeling that soft breeze, watching those beautiful people?

why was i born at the wrong time?

why dont i just fit anywhere?

why am i like this?

why do i use sex as a distraction? a space in time to be silent and close. together but not.

why am typing this shit?


-----------

im sick of all these restrictions and barriers i have to constantly push through to stay alive. not to live, to stay alive.
why cant i live the life i want to live. i just want a hassle free life. why do these shirt and tie people tease me with bargain holidays in heaven and over expensive clothes? why do i have to get these things to be a person? why do i have to have money to be a respected happy person?

----------

theres an illigal immigrant in our school. apparently hes 19 but lied so has been put in year 11. everyone basically knew he was a lot older. apparently his dad was shot and if he gets forced to go back he will get shot too.
the government are deciding whether to send him back or not, hes currently under arrest in Liverpool or somewhere equally as shitty.

i dont want anyone to die.

---------

school inspections were on a couple days ago and finished yesterday. what a load of SHIT. the school practically changes its whole being to be ok'd by these fucking cunts with clipboards.

---------







i know by the time anyone i know reads this i might not need all those things i said i needed. so i know no one is there for me right now. im too tired to say how sad and lame this is. more to the point, i dont even care what you think. im just too burnt out.
this is more of a cry sad than a lame sad anyway.


school is taking a lot out of me.
school crushes indipendant learning and the ability to be that childishly honest with people.
we are all the combined effort or... ]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12011012/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/12011012/ Thu, 01 Mar 2007 09:07:35 PST
]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11989590/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11989590/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 15:35:13 PST
1. sneak in someones window/someone sneaks in through mine
2. have someone wake me up for a midnight ride
3. shout at a teacher and be right XD
4. start a fight
5. skinny dip

7. get arrested??
8. write a book (doing)
9. wear something i wouldnt usually to school



next on the list is.. fight? or i could skinny dip in corfu which is in 5 months so dont need to worry about that one...

i think fight and the school thing.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11989522/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11989522/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 15:30:30 PST it's gonna be one of those things aint it, you just know. il never be happy with it, i just have to get over that and see what other people think, yeaaaah, other people. i have to do it.

school is still shite.
no job.
no money.
a week of rock looking soon so no DA . no lynne, no peter, no mike, no.. meh i cant be assed.


thats it.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11958475/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11958475/ Sun, 25 Feb 2007 08:37:17 PST
They hear a door open. They don’t move, they don’t speak. They hear heavy footsteps on the stairs, they echo louder and louder and stop. The only light on is in this room, a battered little lamp on the floor illuminating both bodies curled and creased on the bed, naked. The door creaks open. He feels her whole body tense against his so he holds her tighter. She opens her eyes. She sees two brown leather boots, black jeans, black leather jacket and stops. The tears come freely now. She sees him eyes looking at her, she sees pain, she sees his whole world falling apart in his eyes. The shame overwhelms her, with tears streaming down her hot cheeks she frantically sits up and covers herself with the sheet and stands up. Her head feels hazy and dizzy; she steps towards the door stretching her hand out. He’s shaking his head, he steps back, his shock turning into sadness, his eyes well up as he stares at her.


----------------------------

this was the other ending to the lace thing (a note to say i love you) and as you can see it doesnt work. thought i should put it up for some mad reason.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11950782/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11950782/ Sat, 24 Feb 2007 17:11:58 PST

-------------------------------------------





The lace rips so you can see her, all of her. He tips her onto the bed and she pulls him down with her. His tight muscles working under his skin as he slips the rest of the black lace over her head. She moves her hair from her eyes and presses up to him, kissing him. He can’t keep his hands from touching her, lust or love it doesn’t matter, she has the softest skin, think of silk and your nearly half way there.

He strokes her lips; she looks at him and puts his fingers in her mouth, licking them. She takes his hand out and slides it down her middle, all the way down. Her back arches, her muscles tense up and she grabs at him, her eyes closed.
He moves both hands to her face and kisses her on the forehead, cheeks and lips. She runs her hands down his ribs and peels off his tight t-shirt, revealing cut marks and old scars. She strokes them all. He glances down at himself and looks back up at her, pain in his eyes.

They stop smiling and look at each other. She’s never been one to question and he’s never been one to answer. They stare, willing something to break this up.
The moment has gone, that feeling that makes your heart race, that feeling that makes your mind go crazy, your body ache with anticipation. It’s all gone, replaced with a silence, a mutual understanding.

He looks at her hurt. It’s our last night together, please don’t hate me for this.
She looks back at him, I hope one day I can help you.

She turns over and curls herself up, hugging herself she closes her eyes to stop the tears making little pools on the sheets. In the darkness she feels two hands slide over hers, two arms wrap around her and then a whole body push against her back. He grips her and he shakes, too thin to be this cold. Her thoughts become hazy in his warm hug.

It was one night for him, he only wanted one night of her all to himself and he had ruined it. His own body giving away his minds secrets. He was shivering because he was scared, terrified that someone had found out his little games. Not just anyone either, the only person he felt close to.
He felt her body relax and peered over her shoulder, her eyes are closed and her breathing is steady. He slips his arms from around her and puts on his t-shirt and cons. He opens the door and looks behind him. She’s still sleeping. He walks back and puts the sheet over her. He kisses her on the forehead. She looks so sweet, so soft when she sleeps. Her hand touches his, he looks down and realises he’s crying, his tears fall onto her hand. He just sits there next to her and the tears don’t stop running down his hot cheeks, he sits there for hours not daring to move in case he wakes her.

In the morning she wakes up to find him gone. The bed is still warm.
There is a flower on the pillow next to her and a note.






Three weeks later two policemen knock on her door. Her eyes red from crying she looks at them, worry spreading on her face and through her heart.
The neighbours say they saw her collapse into the policeman’s arms, crying and wailing until she had no energy left in her.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11942827/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11942827/ Sat, 24 Feb 2007 03:46:10 PST i just have to wait for my time thats all.

i got my predicted kinda grade things. theyre not bad, i thought i was doing worse but i now want better.

geology C
psychology A
sociology B
media B

i dont really care about geology, so you know fuck that. psychology is awesome, sociology i should be able to get an A seen as i got it GCSE, and media i should get an A.

i just have to try real hard from now on i guess. you know, actually do my work. if i actually get the predicted grades though im on my way to york uni. which is cool. but il follow peter, even if psych rocks at york, il follow. i cant just leave him to fend for himself, i would be miserable. lol.

anyway.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11833401/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11833401/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 18:02:20 PST

physical 99%

emotional 99%

intellectual 42%

total 80%


XDDDD seriously people go on bored.com
i love the bloody site, its really dumb but ive been on it for a couple of hours now.... hey its only 2, cool.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11828547/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11828547/ Thu, 15 Feb 2007 11:31:32 PST
spray paint
books.

thats all i wanna spend my money on.



saw towers last night at fibbers, they fucking rocked. i think ive pulled a muscle and i have a bruise but its alllllll gooood.
saw re in his tight leathers, donny kojsdhfkljsdhngishf


keyboards fucked.
bye

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11774587/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11774587/ Sun, 11 Feb 2007 14:23:40 PST
im looking through the michael ochs archive. bob marley is wearing jeans, a tshirt and a loose shirt which i think makes him look really cool. BUT i see people everyday who wear the same things and i dont think wooow they look awesome! i think...pfft, hi.

some people have trademark clothes, billie has his drains shirt and tie combo, jimi had that cool jacket and hair, jim has his tight ass leather and loose shirt, angus has his shorts, ramones... king of tightness and cons right? famous people who look really cool. i bet youve seen someone with this stuff on, i know i have.

so status or personality?
cred or threads?


what is it??!?!

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11762926/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11762926/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 16:41:26 PST
FUCK EVERYONE. FUCK EVERYTHING.

]]> ~displayyourlove http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11762654/ http://displayyourlove.deviantart.com/journal/11762654/ Sat, 10 Feb 2007 16:15:04 PST Left me here to sing his song
Pretty little girl with the red dress on
Poor Otis dead and gone.


hmmm.

ok so i have a week of no school. gotta do some homework, 3 psychology c+r's, psych coursework, 2 sociology essays, media coursework and a media presentation...im gonna have a streeeessy sunday XD.

i need some new cons.
i get £100 soon.

i need:

a sharpener, lullaby, banksy book, some films, spray paint, card.

(£40)

think thats it. oh wait and some jeans and a new journal/diary thang. hehe, and if i can something for the holiday/wedding thing.

going to ikea this weekend to get me some drawers, yaaay. secret places for secret things. that should be pretty fun, havnt been in aaaages.

---------------------------

i know they dont like me. its pretty obvious.

---------------------------

neither do they

---------------------------

or me.



i could do some of the "things to do before im 18".

-----------------------------


HOLY CRAP I FORGOT!!!

I GOT TICKETS FOR TOWERS OF LONDON MWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHA REV *DROOL* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

bye bye.

]]> ~displayyourlove