http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:dongkhaehaughty&section=today deviantART RSS for by:dongkhaehaughty en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 10:39:02 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/28565229/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/28565229/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:06:14 PST
I was browsing at the library the other day when I saw this book by Jose Mo. Singson. Under the Eastern Sky: A Collection of Poems.

The poems found here gives a strong impression of what a modern day, Filipino poet should be. The poem I'm gonna share here, not that it's mine to share, suits my taste, and is the one that I identify with. I see myself working on this kinds of themes. I hope his talent, even just a bit, rubs on to me. Also, I don't think I'm gonna be writing half-asleep; though it had given me some modest success in the past. I don't want to accidentally plagiarize anything. No pressure.

Chance Rendezvous
By Jose Mo. Singson

I rode with her on a public bus. She sat
so quietly in front of me, her countenance so
petal-frail and calmly aglow like that of a
toddler dreaming of angels.

Her name of course, I would not know. For
how could I? By a hidden prank of some Fate un-
kind, she merely chanced to ride with me.

And there she sat in front of me, her plastic
bag of rainbow hues upon her lap, and her delicate
knees demurely peeping under exquisite frills of gossamer transparency.

I pried at her books and her lecture pads
in search of a name, and there was none. But
I did not care, for stolen glimpses at times
collided, assuring our hearts they could sing
a life song together

The silent exchange from breast to breast
could not have lasted beyond a moment or two
of silent yearning. For I had to alight at a
destined place.

I handed my fare to the conductor in
charge, and throwing a last stealthy glance at her
virginal face, I stepped on the road
with a leaden heart.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/24389959/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/24389959/ Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:34:03 PDT

quote of the day

An original is a creation motivated by desire. Any reproduction of an originals motivated be necessity. It is marvelous that we are the only species that creates gratuitous forms. To create is divine, to reproduce is human.
Man Ray


side note. sorry mau, and to the few few random people and spammers, for the unreplied notes and comments. My fickle mood does not help in keeping any online conversations.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/23097026/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/23097026/ Mon, 09 Feb 2009 06:48:19 PST
this semester. This new found pressure is killing me; 4 projects/requirements, 2 of which I'm the leader. When I was chosen to be leader for the 2, I made it clear that I am an irresponsible person; I am allergic to responsibility. My half-hearted protests didn't seem to matter to them; maybe, a part of me wanted to find out how it'd feel, responsibility. I'll say this to you: that part of me should be shot. I'm way behind my org chem (an F on midterm), I've got a mediocre C for Philo - which I would've been acing, and I'm now dropping Math 2. Ok, you got me, the last one was my intention, I have no passion for math.

Not only that, but I think my competence is starting to betray me. In a sense that I'm getting into a lot of trouble, responsibility, lately. My I/O group project looks at the elected leader as but a puppet leader, and me as the puppet master. It may sound cool, but
it's not; because in doing so, I've made myself the "go-to guy". Again, it may sound cool but it's just euphemism for responsibility. I think it was Charlie Manson who said, "I don't
fit in society and I am incompetent. I'm definitely incompetent. I'll say that, I'll say that. There's nothing wrong with being incompetent cause you don't have to do as much, if you're competent then you've got a lot to do", and now I'm beginning to believe what he's saying. Oh dear me, what would Hitler do if he knew my dealings with this kind of lot.

In a way, I'd say responsibility and my competence is killing me. It'd be too easy for me to blame all my problems on my newly acquired responsibility; it'd be to weird if I'd blame it
all on the Media. I once read on a book, Master Student, that the first step in responsibility, is to blame it all on me; or to be exact, I created it all. Irrational, I know, but the author made sense (If you want to know what it means, I recommend you read the
book).

My body's experiencing withdrawal symptoms from all this responsibility, my once forsaken study habits threaten to comeback, my journals are starting to make sense, then to top it
all off I'm becoming the responsible one - evident when I made myself the third party judge, who would've guessed that my objective and detached personality can be counselor material.
And this happened to me twice! I tried reasoning to myself that I may be just showing off, no big deal. But at the back of mind, Daddy long-neck (my other alter ego) tells me, "even dongkhae knows you're lying". Someday I'll prove Daddy long-neck wrong. And you know I will go out of my way, to prove that I'm an arseh---, and someday I'm gonna wear a crown, even if it's idiot for the day.


On a lighter note, instead of me prematurely ending this journal with the usual quote of the days, I'd like to impart to you, beloved reader, my plans for my mice maze Psych project-Learning.

I. Objective

Normally, when a mice is presented/placed in a maze, their first impulse is to follow the scent of the food, using the fastest route possible. My objective, therefore, is to train the mice (either Lestat & Louis; I know they're not names for 2 female rats, f*ck off! Ah, but I digress, really) into taking the longest path possible. And to make it challenging , on my part, I'll construct/design a maze that has an obvious shortcut. Somewhat like this, but without the rat gnawing its way through the maze:

[link]

II. Time frame

As long as it takes

III. Materials

illustration board for the maze

IV. Procedures, strategies and activities.

1. Beg them to cooperate

2. Try bargaining obedience for food

3. Reason with them, appeal to their better nature/higher intellect

4. Threaten them, violence is an option here, a bit of blood spilt here and there is in order

5. Separate them, Lestat and Louis, take Louis hostage, then blackmail Lestat.

6. If the other sill won't cooperate, cut the tail off Louis; let Lestat know that you ain't joking around.

7. Give Lestat a birthday present. You ask it's not his birthday, well that's not the point. The point is to give Lestat a birthday present ... the head of Louis.

8. ... Torture

9. If Lestat still won't cooperate, you can always put a bullet in its head. Then plead mercy from Ma'am Jho to take pity on your sad fate. Provided, of course, that you didn't use a gun ... cause no one would take pity on what you did, you sick sick person.

Well, that's all for today. Any similarity to any person, whether living, dead, or dying is intentional. If you really believe all that's been written above, then f--k off! I'm an arseho---, and I a... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/22588450/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/22588450/ Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:32:33 PST
Let Go of Fear . The Urge to Maximize Pleasure – Carlos G. Valles

Quote of the Day:

"life has so much pain that one needs a catharsis. I don't mean escape. you don't escape in books. On the contrary, they help you to realize yourself more fully. Mon Dieu, I'm glad I have them. When I find myself in a situation in which I'd rather not be - because of the peculiar circumstances of my life - I have this outlet. You may think me tres superieure but I'm not really, I just am what I am and live the way I like."
- Victoria Antoinette Sharleau / Sybil Isabelle Dorsett

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/21586372/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/21586372/ Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:45:37 PST
I’d be climbing up the stairs, sometimes, I’d be overextending with double steps; or I’d be taking precious time with single stepping; or I’d be leaping for three. Respectively, I’d be feeling anxious, leisurely jolly or be just ‘leaping and striding for my life’.

The place was eerily similar of the SS building, where most of my classes are held. It’d be filled with a throng of students, with blurred faces. Sometimes I’d be apathetic and wouldn’t even bother to care and notice. Sometimes I’d be too shy and avert my eyes (even though no one is looking at the first place), for their very presence makes me feel like all eyes are on me. And sometimes, I’d be in a jocular/good/brave mood, that I’d be strangely curious and pay attention to their faces, and the way their body moves (what their body language is screaming).

On some occasions, I’d be alone with no one in sight. Only I, the sound of my shoes, and my breathing keep me company. Solitude. Sometimes I’d feel the freeing sensation of being alone at my home in Malaybalay. And in rare instances, I’d be stopping in mid-stride, just mulling over mixed feelings of loneliness.

As fickle as a dream could be, some episodes would show brief glimpses of a girl, enlivens my dreams. Though all I could see distinctly was her plaid skirt, this was enough to pique my interests, for it felt new to my senses. There’d be times, where I’d be chasing her surreptitiously, dodging people whilst blending with the crowd. And there’d be times where the interests seem to completely burn out, and I’d give no time in hell for her.

All of these dreams would end, with me … just staring at the empty corridor of the 5th floor on the SS building. Feelings are drained, nothing matters anymore, and the girl would entirely be forgotten. Just I, staring at the empty corridor, waiting to be awaken.

Interpretation

I think my dreams were symbols for my daily routine. My earlier dreams where a reflection of my fickle routine (paradox, I know), whereas the girls timing and manifestation represents my desire for variety to spice-up my routine.

The ending seems a bit dark, and a bit cliché. But I do think that it’s my eccentricity of pursuing trivial things, for the sake of variety, and then be forgetting and be indifferent about it, not worrying at all.

The stairs … I think I’ve climbed that stairs, so many times now that It could warrant to be my scene of my dream. The stairs seems to be a condensed version of my view on my life, always a routine … I may climb it in different ways, but still, it’s just a stairs, so to speak.

Incidentally, for the text book (pedantic) dream analysis, stairs means sex. Just so you know.


quote for the day

“When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded” - Stephen Wright

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/21293699/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/21293699/ Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:42:43 PST
'Cause suicide is painless,
It brings on many changes,
And I can take or leave it if I please

... LSS, mind you.

___________________________

I was sifting through my smut collection (next on my list was to organize my ' poem ' portfolio), when I noticed a folder that housed a smorgasbord of text files. And in this folder I found a txt file I made for Eng 17 (when I was still at CompSci). From what I can vaguely remember, this was made for oratorical purposes; this was proof that although the nature of this was in English didn't alleviate the stage fright jitters; this is a good measure stick of which I can compare my writing style 2 years ago. And more importantly - Please don't fail to notice my douchebaggery fetish for big words. Words that I merely know the half content of their meanings. Ie manifesto.

_________________________________

Mychal Phillip S. Sajulga English 17
BS CS-1

The Ultimate Ride

When was the last time you’ve spiked up your chances of being killed? Not intentionally, of course. It seems like everybody today wants to live past their prime, to live of old age and be able to reminisce of the good old times. Some, like many of my smoking friends, would rather live today then worry later. Reasoning out that death is a game of chance. And that they can’t play the waiting game.

The world is such a cruel place to get old. Have you not seen enough? Or is it not enough for you to see the sad state of our nation? From those questions, it is clear that I am on the side of my friends. I have been wooed to some of their ideals. If you ask me, their methods of making use of life are totally lame. Heck, life had been cruel on his own way, for each one of us. I understand that if opportunity should arise, we should grab it by the horns and claim what is rightly ours. Just to make it pseudo productive, if you may.

“Rise of man, came the death of God, and from that the slow extinction of man.” (Bishop Fulton Sheen’s Absence of God) We are living on borrowed time, might as well make use of it. The question left to ponder is how? Media is here to stay, but I surmise you don’t like to be dictated on how to live your life? What is you ideal high, to regret or to be satisfied?

I know some people who have made a list of things that they would like to do before they die. And a lot of these things ranged from being achievable by nature to being insanely ridiculous; from tongue piercing to getting laid with Iya (*COUGH not me COUGH*). The list goes on, which I would discuss openly if I ever achieve consumer satisfaction.

For two years, I have been mundanely traveling to and fro from Malaybalay city to Cagayan de Oro city. And from those two years I have commuted in the safety of a bus. Don’t get me wrong I love safety, but the scenery was becoming dull. Alas, my faithful day arrived last week. All of the buses were filled up to their top capacity. And the only way I can get to Cagayan de Oro city is to ride a puny multi-cab. I have been warned that these little buggers were not meant to traverse the country side going to Cagayan de Oro city. The multi-cab being small in nature was just a tad too puny against the behemoths that are the buses and the ten-wheelers. I didn’t warn my friends that I would go ride the small blue metal hearse. My list did not include the death of my whole class batch. Summoning all my courage, I wind walked to the cab and asked if how much my ticket to hell would cost. I sat on the front passenger seat, with no seatbelt and full with anxiety. The ride lasted three hours whereas a bus would’ve only been two hours. About halfway to Cagayan de Oro city, I saw my classmates bus, how could I not? We almost hit the back end of their bus. The number 0178 would have been the last number I would recall.

After that ordeal, we took a small break by a falls near Malayabalay. My fellow passengers were incessantly cursing. Me? I was smiling from ear-to-ear, though I did not dare smile in front of them. I know a close one when I see one. If I was to ride that bus I would have not known that this falls existed. After savoring the awesome falls, we reluctantly went back on the road. But that did not make the ride a three hour ordeal, it was because the driver of the cab slowed our progress drastically because of what happened, can’t blame him.

Riding upfront and knowing it might be your last, was fun. I can clearly see cliffs, small meadows, ponds and the locals. The greatest eye opener was the long bridge above the ravine. I saw undoubtedly the small river down the steep ravine. God bless that bus.

We arrived at Agora at about midnight. I bade goodbye to my fellow passengers, I do not know their names. Even if I have never met them, never talked to... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20899658/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20899658/ Thu, 09 Oct 2008 01:37:48 PDT
It had been an eventful and conducive semester:

~ I've moved on a new apartment with three girls (two family friends and my sister) that cater to my needs: both gastronomical and social skills training.

~ My night life, which includes playing with the roaches and playing deaf as my neighbors gets it on, had a dramatic shift as I've curbed my emaciating addiction to dota and downloading.

~ I've found a good replacement of my Mars' cafe friends (the G-five). My painstaking efforts - to commingle to a group whose main staple for friendship was more binding than dota; to adapt to an environment that welcomes my eccentricities, if not reward me for it – - were not in vain.

As for my plans for this sem break – in regards to my little writing ventures:

~ I’ll immerse myself with books (both pdf and hard copy), which I’ve really found interesting, that I haven’t had the time and the hermit environment to read [Bertrand Russel, Richard.Dawkins, Lewis Black , George Carlin and “Bob”].

~ Along with that poem I found on the book ‘the mask of sanity’, I’m trying to archive some works that inspires me truly.

Lazily, I drift
As though I had no home
All others have enough to spare;
I am the one left out.
I have the mind of a fool
Muddled and confused!
When common people scintillate
I alone make shadows
Vulgar folks are sharp and knowing:
Only I am melancholy.
Restless like the ocean
Blown about, I cannot stop
Other men can find employment
But I am stubborn; I am mean
Alone I am different
Because I prize and seek
My sustenance from the Mother!

- by Tao Te Ching, Poem 20.

It is important to note that I am enamored of how this is the polar opposite of the mask of sanity poem. Notice how the comparatively simple words of the aforementioned hold deeper meaning to the verbose one; I’m so awestruck right now. And upon reading the two, I have come to a conclusion that I still have a long way to go with my schizophrenic word salad whose material is sheer gibberish and on occasion – if not by chance – intellectual insight falls short to paltry.

From chaos shaped, the Bios grows.
In bone And viscus broods the Id.
And who can say Whence Eros comes?
Or chart his troubled way?
Nor bearded sage, nor science, yet has shown
How truth or love, when met, is straightly known;
Some phrases singing in our dust today
Have taunted logic through man's Odyssey:
Yet, strangely, man sometimes will find his own.
And even man has felt the arcane flow
Whence brims unchanged the very Attic wine,
Where lives that mute and death-eclipsing glow
That held the Lacedaemonian battle line:
And this, I think, may make what man is choose
The doom of joy he knows he can but lose.

~ I also aspire to deepen my side-commentary like what Fernando Botero makes. His ‘ plastic words ’ – I believe its artist’s term for what they were trying to say, I’m only guessing on that one – on (sorry I didn’t pay attention to the titles) the nun having an allusion to Veronica’s Veil and the elephantine soldier were really congruent to the art and is also firm and helpful as to not alienate the audience.

I’ve got a really good quote for this: “The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood.” ~ Jean Cocteau

~ I also found a prose that was genius, in which it made sublime on the abrogation of linear time – which is the frequent artistic device by modern artists. It’s sad to note that I mistakenly wrote the commentary rather than the exact prose: “Bend time in a circle … the end flows into the beginning.” I really hope that in my lifespan, I can come up with something as genius as that.
~
“Shall we dare really to compare an imaginative writer with one ‘who dreams in broad daylight’ and his creations with day dreams?” – Freud, 1907/1963, p.39

It’s funny to note that this is the first time Freud really struck me- the second was “What do women really want?”.


~ Yesterday, the internet bogged down when as I compulsively clicked links – and in effect lost track to the real meaning of dovetailing tasks – on Wikipedia. It started with Lewis Black, and after I got wind of parody religions on George Carlin’s page, I vaguely remember the pink unicorn – frisbeetarianism – Pastafarianism – Schizopolis – and as to which I’ve reluctantly stopped at Church of the Subgenius.

I didn’t know how, but I remember getting home and readin... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20733920/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20733920/ Sun, 28 Sep 2008 23:42:38 PDT
From chaos shaped, the Bios grows.
In bone And viscus broods the Id.
And who can say Whence Eros comes?
Or chart his troubled way?
Nor bearded sage, nor science, yet has shown
How truth or love, when met, is straightly known;
Some phrases singing in our dust today
Have taunted logic through man's Odyssey:
Yet, strangely, man sometimes will find his own.
And even man has felt the arcane flow
Whence brims unchanged the very Attic wine,
Where lives that mute and death-eclipsing glow
That held the Lacedaemonian battle line:
And this, I think, may make what man is choose
The doom of joy he knows he can but lose.

quote for the day:

"Give nothing to others as you would have them give nothing to you." No commitment, no sharing, no obligation, no responsibility, no favors to be returned nor expected.

~Shyness, What it is and what to do about it.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20629119/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20629119/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:14:59 PDT

I write poem for many reasons: To document a special time of my life; to attempt to inspire ridicule; as a vent for frustrations (catharsis); or just be a slave to the rhymes.

I started taking interest in poetry when I was at my most vulnerable and impressionable time of my adolescent life. It had been my choice that I would not try the conventional road, where newbie poets emulate and then try to find originality as they grow. At that time, trying to find my identity was of greater importance. It was like shooting a target in a darkened room, modest amount of hits and an abundance of misses. It was painful and unnecessary for both audience and writer. But I think I am near my goal.
I am mostly egotistic; my audience in mind as I write is me (for the one who’ll benefit from the catharsis is me); and the subject of my writings is me, the subject could be different but all will stem back to me (everyone will agree, especially of my nature, that oneself is the best subject -- I believe that literary vitae should be vita-I). It is of my belief that joining this lit club would help me compensate what I lack and also broaden my perspectives and try to lessen my obsession to myself, and in the process scratching other peoples’ backs too.



This is the second time I’ve tried to join a lit club, and I don’t think I won’t be accepted. I’ve emotionally insulated myself, for I highly expect I won’t be joining the club, and thus I’ve constantly told my classmates (new friends) that it’s much better this way that the club won’t tell me, than to know the results and have failure be told to my face. And after that I’d say “If they do tell me, the anticipation is not good for my nerves, and I might as well kill myself” (in deadpan) as a running joke.

The last time an allusion of that discussion came up, one of them said (one who assumed I’m good, bless his soul): “If you don’t get in the club, it would be a good point in your life to remember this rejection as an ironic footnote when you do become a successful poet (poetaster, rhymester, doggerel) some day.”

And I liked that, it may be a far cry to reality, but I can make it happen (there would be lots of time available to me when I’ll be studying law). And I do want to cross off a to do thing: to be able to participate in an irony at least three times, and hopefully one poetic justice.

With that in mind, it’s imperative that I give a proper Lit. VitaI that is really aimed for my audience (myself).

The one thing that I find myself distinct from the other writers is that, I’m not really a writer. I’m no poet; the word conjures words of pretension in my mind. I’m no literary buff, “Fiction is a waste if it isn't funny” ~forgot the author of that quote sorry (see what I mean?). And I certainly am not intelligent; I just like it when people exhibit deference syndrome to me.

If you happen to stumble on a piece of rambling poem, my writer’s signature includes: I digress, a lot. If I one really thinks about it, and taken in context, digressing would be the main topic…but I digress. My sig also includes repartees that usually try to instill unto the reader my personality, where on the start of my work I’d be so sure of myself, and then self-doubt would creep in last. Usually the downer repartees (add on) gives a comedic effect on the subject but because of the subtle self doubting nature of it, the attempt usually fails, and is most likely to become sad.

In my ‘oems’, my sig has put a thumb on the rhyming pie and because my train of thought usually follows the rhymes, one can’t help wonder if I’m doing drugs. I don’t do drugs, I’m too cheap to do drugs. Instead I do try to achieve a natural high with what my body can ‘naturally’ attain. I don’t do cutting, although, I do believe it can relieve pain (House). I don’t think it would help me on the writing process. Plus the writing process is my way to ‘relieve’ the pain, sort off. I don’t do asphyxiation, although I’ve made a kick ass tagalog poem while I had the sniffles (the insolent ma’am haven’t returned the poem yet), which suggests a momentary high that can be used for creative purposes, if used correctly. But, to quote X-files “Autoerotic asphyxiation seems to be a bad way to die.” (Autoerotic asphyxiation would be terrible [addictive addition] to my perverted mind... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20432261/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20432261/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:43:59 PDT
As for expressing myself, I feel I've taken a really big step. A lot of times I just like to write a letter to myself. It would contain my feelings and it might sound like a dream letter or a hate letter. Since they are letters to myself, I don't censor my feelings. I guess to some people it might sound crazy, but as long as it can help me with my problem, I really don't care what people think. Sometimes I think I've taken a few steps too many or something because I've really changed-a lot. I'm now proud and very thankful.

(and it further said Write yourself a letter now and get into the habit of doing so whenever you feel the need to express some strong sentiments or to clarify some ambiguous reactions.

In my case, the letters are poems (That 70% ), and most of them marked how my shyness has manifested itself: into a lust-hate-self-depracating-dissapointment-loopy-love-vague-blunt-paradoxial-contradictory-redundant-unnecessary poems.

I am not trying to make an excuse, I take responsibility and am proud of every bit of hit or miss, especially the misses.

In addition,"going with the flow if you're in the flow first. eh, your paddle, your boat" from Maureen. Do seem to correspond to my ideals.

And because I don't know how to end this rhetoric. I guess all that's left is to ask ... ask ... if how do I add a new folder for to put my new stuff, the hits, and the misses. I did have a short break and wasn't online much to know how.

Quote for the day:

ultimately, you are shy if you think you are, regardless of how you act in public.

- Shyness , Philip G. Zimbardo

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20401690/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20401690/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 04:45:11 PDT
I hereby make a promise, that all I submit here on DA are of quality work. No exemptions, no more crazy rhymes, no more vague references.

I still would adhere to my style, a bit of rhyme here and there, and I certainly wouldn't try the conventional road. Afterall, there are many roads to Rome.

quote for the day:

One of the ironies of innovation is that the crazy dreamers often lack organizational skills, so they have a hard time getting backing.

- In Pursuit of WOW

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20213349/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20213349/ Fri, 29 Aug 2008 05:19:48 PDT
You know that marshmallow test? I am that impulsive kid. If I wait for the 'guy with marshmallows and likes to hide behind the shiny glass' to come back, I'd get two marshmallows, and an assurance to be one of the numbers on his stat chart, and they'll have my future all summed up-I'd be the one who would more likely to go to pieces, freeze, or regress under stress, or become rattled and disorganized when pressured ... but really, if you were on my preschooler shoes ... do you really need two marshmallows?

Quotes for the day

I'm a butt man, depends of course whose bum I'm staring.

~Thank you for smoking , modified ver.

you like candy? I like candy, By God, we'll be best friends.

~ Jerry Seinfeld

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20109731/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/20109731/ Sat, 23 Aug 2008 08:41:23 PDT
I've been living with 3 girls, and I still don't get how they could lose so much hair in a day. Not that I'm complaining. Especially where my ideal longing for variation in life has manifested itself to : Breakfast, cooked with care, in the morning.

Sidenote: A sudden whim to read Potter fanfics just came up. And Jeconais' new creation caught my eye. It's a cross between the Addam's Family and Rowling's universe. Not that it's that good, it's just that I like his/her idea of Harry, although in the story, it's a bit over the top ... still it has made a connection to my ideal alter ego ... kinda

[link]

(you need to register before you can read)

Quote for the Day.

Friend: How come you don't have a girlfriend yet

Me: Er , that's a good question. Perhaps because no girl has yet warmed up to my:
"ah, tainted youth, I am indeed a pervert ... does that offend you?" ~waiting...~

and most importantly , I seek variety in my life ... not complicate it.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/19177640/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/19177640/ Thu, 03 Jul 2008 04:48:58 PDT
It is quite tempting to attribute this quirky finger to drinking Coffee/Choco on a regular (dunkin donuts), but sadly I can't. In general, I can forgo with the cultivated image for it does not suit me well.

But I digress. Before I go start myself in an incoherent, self-centered, rant. I want to write about food. Perhaps writing about it will increase my appetite and override my need to go online.

First off. I've always loitered on food channels, Discovery Food, Travel and Living. The Naked Chef, Nigela Fiests, The Thirsty Traveler, and Anthony Bordaine's no Reservations. Mentioning all that made my mouth water. I'll be narrowing this to Anthony Bordaine's no Reservations, and the other variants that feature going to other countries to eat their prized delicacies (lol I just committed an amphibole fallacy). Their national treasures, if you may. Some things I've noticed. Philippines is usually visited for the 'exotic' foods. From the popular balut to the odd parts of the chicken (adidas for example), to the ... err, to be honest, that's what's usually emphasized on Philippines. Asian countries have odd foods, which, along with the balut, is usually eaten with too much hoolabaloo and usually ends with the host, either faking it or puking it. Other Asian countries get to have their 'normal' delicacies featured in compensation to the odd ones. And here's where the Philippines doesn't come into the spotlight. Compared to the grace, art, color, and ingenious of Japan, Thailand, India. I honestly can say that the Philippines' Dinuguan can't come into the picture. I don't know, if whether I just committed treason or expressed great shame on why our Bulalo can't get be featured on Discovery. Shit, I'm on the part of the introspection where it would've been good to have made a pig out of myself on other nation's food so that I can compare ... Before I hang myself on being incoherent on food, I must try to end this without starting a World Food War ... I would really like to eat Filipino food, as I watch and salivate to Anthony Bordaine eating Filipino food. I'm gonna have to settle with that .

When I got home last week, I got disappointed. Noodles, eggs, hotdogs, and canned goods were waiting for me. Two and a half hours of boredom and proper starvation needed to be satiated. And as my stomach growls began to start, I immediately had a surprising but very welcome memory. Scrambled red eggs, hotdogs, meat loafs, crispy fish/s (forgot the name , but it was brown and the individual fish measured 1cm), seaweed, hardboiled egg, and a banana. A sacred and salivating memory from a Jesuit house when I did a stint on for NAMFREL (vote counting). After a mean graveyard shift, that humble meal made me appreciate and believe what a breakfast should be. Although I am unofficially of no religion, I must say, having been prepared 'so-so' breakfast in my home, where I should be getting the best like it was unconditional or something ... and having been served breakfast in not-so-familiar-territory, and having it prepared to people that only did the job out of boredom (like me) ... I gotta tell ya, I'm reconsidering ... no, not Religion ... Breakfast, my man ... breakfast.

quote for the day:

I choose to live and grow. Take and give and to, move. Learn and love and to, cry.Kill and Die and to, be Paranoid and to Lie. Hate and Fear and to, do what it takes to move through. ... I choose to live and to, lie. Kill and give and to, die. Learn and love and to, do what it takes to step through. Contemplate what I've been clinging to

_________________________________

Oh and because the feeling (that feeling that'll match my prior mood) hasn't touched me yet, I left my work hangin ... and I got to make something. Here goes.

I can be glib on being a sinner, but I just can't dance with stripper.

I adapted this from:

"You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the grim reaper"

_________________________________

Another note, I'm not really frustrated, the mood button seems to be bugged in my ver. of Opera. ... Not that it matters, I don't think there is a mood icon for flatulence.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/19032054/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/19032054/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 23:20:30 PDT
Note. The teacher is very cheeky & sanguine hag, which was my teacher for FIL 1. She was the one to have made us do orations ... out of all classes. I failed very BADLY at reciting my poem on stage ... nasty stage fright, see.

Anyways, I couldn't understand what they were discussing ... good thing she didn't call me ... thanks to the point whore freshies. I think they were rediscussing FIL 1 subjects, my bane. Well, due to my brain still leaking, I can't do no shit even though I tried cheating.

While I was still drowning in the flood of my own mucus (phlegm gives a distinct flavor for slushies. eww aside). She wanted us to make a poem, on what we were feeling today (a subs for essay).

I just experienced what (from Samuel L Jackson on Pulp Fiction) alchoholics experience, a moment of clarity ... Kinda. In my case, I think it was the oxygen deprivation and the desperation of competing against this freshies, that I made a impromptu kickass tagalog poem. This also serves as a attention getter for her to see that I'm not the same person 2 years ago. But mainly, I'd like to show off agaisnt the point whore freshies.

Thanks for reading my rant.

I've been trolling the net ... I want to write like them ...

Woman with Tattooed Hands [link] - Atmosphere

Don't Let's Start [link] - They Might Be Giants

The Warning [link] - Black Sabbath

quote for the day:

"I keed, I keed".

~Triumph the insult comic dog~

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18796662/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18796662/ Thu, 12 Jun 2008 06:06:41 PDT
One of those convictions was to clean up my act, or the very least, follow through what I've started on malaybalay. And along my convictions, the thing that backs up my drive to write, the pseudo-artist in me is being wasted on 'minor distractions'. I do no justice to what I've gone through. ' Pickin my scabs', from which I got from my recent infamous and memorable idiocy (my love wound if you will), I just let it bleed with no quill at hand.

*sigh*

Odd thing happened. A quirk within a quirk if you will. I just witnessed something audacious...one of the usual triggers that makes me want to write. And that quirk within a quirk, happened after that.


The kitchen sink and the comfort room are my basis of how I judge a classy house. The more clean it is, the more it inspires me to write...while sitting on the priced porcelain. But here, in cdo ... I just saw the most awe-inspiring loo, that I had to sit down and start writing.

Sadly, nothing came out, lit wise. No limerick, no odd idea, nada. I was getting blanks and my time at the loo was getting past suspisious (sp?). I had to bail out. But then again, it was the most awe-inspiring porcelain my skinny ass had ever sat on. I just had to take a dump.

Sadly, I have not. The quirk within a quirk.

quote for the day:

Before you talk to me, I should warn you: I am kind of strange

[link]

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18653624/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18653624/ Tue, 03 Jun 2008 21:48:05 PDT

quote for the day

"Introspection destroys people’s ability to solve insight problems"
~ Malcolm Gladwell

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18586315/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18586315/ Sat, 31 May 2008 00:50:22 PDT
It's so good to let go. It's been 3 weeks since I haven't been online, and haven't felt anxious about my cyberlife. Aside for this time, I'm updating my virus definition files and try to find neat programs while I was channel surfing.

:hmmm: speaking of which, we had a trip to Cebu and I clearly remember (while channel surfing) telling myself that this trip is gonna be different. Try to control my mood swings; not daydream (whereas I should be soaking it in, Cebu); to not wane for every comp cafe we pass by; etcetera, requiem, terapax and so forth ... All in all, just try to have a good time.

We caught Cebu in a fairly cool weather (i'm tempted to write 'climate', but we we're only there for 3 days). And believe me, I've spent a good time soaking the good part of cebu. I just wish I had male relatives around the same age as me, to initiate me for Cebu's night life. But alas, I'm still socially inept to man it up and brave Cebu's night life all alone. Which depressingly sets the next scene to a dark hotel room, the aircon's slow whirring, me huddled on the corner of the room, my face flooded with the tv light.

The remote, while distinctly lighter and irregularly shaped, is frantically pressed in a rather comrtable/confident matter. Which completely amazes, here I was, having a fair apprehension on what I was doing, or rather what my hand was doing. My hand has a mind of its own, when it comes to things like this. The bare essentials of what makes up tv, surfed in record time. Um, I think this extends to my passwords, which I have lots. I can't recite my pass, from just thinking. Give me a keyboard, and I can also tell you the corresponding website. Oh, and I just remembered. I think this has something to do with why my grades at enumeration (Bio) was better than logic (philo), cramming to be precise. Erm, try this one: as I cram, I write the answers so that the muscles get acquainted with the answer. You know, as I say that, It kinda feels like I was cheating. But I digress. And I hope you don't mind this paragraph, the next par fits together with the other one.


Heck. As I've taken to heart what the aborigine's do. Try to not make a fuss about one's birthday, be giddy whenever one gets wise. Yet, there I was, masking my obsession with another mindless fix, this cycle is all too familiar. I think my this is not the case to be giddy right now.

quote for the day

"you're pretty good at story telling."

from Maureen

~Mau, I hope this journal is a good rebuttal to your statement~

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18299438/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18299438/ Tue, 13 May 2008 03:17:25 PDT
laughter and such, I crack in an egg. Wait for 5 sec or so, and then stir while the egg is half-way cooked.

This morning, we had a scheduled brownout for the day and I've conveniently forgotten to charge all of which that should be charged. Which is good in a way. I usually listen to something new (Robyn's new album) when I eat noodles. Well, eating noodles in the dark is like a sensory deprived sex (sight & hearing). The final dregs of noodles and seasoning all floating in a mouthful of soup, would be the likened to a climax. With a stampede of horses sealing the deal. Just the way I like.

Well, the stampede of horses is not really part of the usual noodles experience. It was part of the weekend-brownout-rain experience. But the kind of rain that heralded a time-slip. It was what I like to call, running rain.

When I was a kid, between kindergarten and gradeschool -because of my odd birthday, made me had plenty of spare time in between that gap-, I was one of the kids that brave the summer heat and go behind the subdivision and play slide on the steep dirt slopes. And as the day would end, dirtied and with a smile pasted on my face, we would go home to clean up and wait for tomorrow to come. I vaguely remember their names, but one particular buddy (Biboy I think) neighbor of mine had an encounter with the running rain. It was afternoon, we uprooted clumps of weed (with a hefty amount of earth still attached) and throw it like a missile to each other. As we trudged to our respective homes, in which we were most likely to be scolded yet again, we heard this odd noise. It was like the clanging of water on copper pots, but the sound was 10 fold noisier, and it was coming to our direction. The south side of the subdivision was coming alive, with shrieks from people trying to get their laundry from the rain. The east side, however was the part I had truly been transfixed. The shingles of the houses on that part, which was dry and emitting mirage-like waves, became understandably wet, and had a weird sound and weird smoke coming out of them. Comparable to burning water (heat a pan for 30 sec and then add water).

All I did was stand there, transfixed, as the stinging of the running rain came into realization.

It was the first time of that summer that I came home clean (from the rain), and with a

smile pasted on my face.


:Hmm: My nose is runny all of a sudden... I swear, the best noodles really makes my nose

runny.

quote for the day

Ignoratio Elenchi, argumentum ad ignorantiam

From an excerpt of text message dialogue

Me: Hey, mr X said you have a crush on me.

about 10 min later, mr x comes texting me that what she texted him of what I said, with some

"advice" from mr x that girls wouldn't admit they have a crush on you no matter what. Lest I forget what mr x said: "If you want to, you can court her if you want, just do it the right way"

Me: (I said to myself) Hmm, There's something wrong in what he just said, just can't tell.

But if I have to point my finger on it, it seems like mr x is treating her like his.

Her (the other her): (After recanting what I said, that mr x did not explicitly told me she had a crush on me and that I just asked her out of the blue because the evidence cannot turn deaf no more.) -nothing- she did not deny nor affirm anything.

Me: kk (which translate to: "gotta go, you're too boring that I must burn some ants, and I definitely don't want to be part of your love triangle")

major edit: Its official, my non-verbal reading skills was right when I read something unusual out of my buddy mr x. And as for this, I've made something good to celebrate :

"A flinch to signal a hindsight. Even... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18284208/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/18284208/ Mon, 12 May 2008 05:30:52 PDT
1. Favorite color - Blue
2. Favorite type of music - Prog Rock/Metal
3. Favorite type of film - comedy
4. Favorite animal - Dog
5. Three adjectives describing it - homely; dirty white; wet dog smell?
6. Favorite smell - Burnt butter
7. Favorite food - Noodles
8. I like to drink - iced t
9. My favorite sport is - takyan (washer with a candy wrapper)
10. My favorite city is - Malaybalay
11. My favorite books are - Old books, yellowed pages that reeks of wisdom turn me on
12. I usually read - smut
13. My favorite TV show is - TMZ (I don't have a life, really)
14. My favorite actor is - The one that portrays Mr. Bean
15. My favorite actress is - The one that portrays Miss Swan
16. Favorite season - The transition between Summer and Rainy season
17. Favorite time of the day - Whenever a class-session ends
18. If there was a disaster I would grab - a bite?
19. Favorite male artist - Everyone that embodies Anonymous
20. Favorite female artist - Kylie Minogue
21. Three things I love to do - not doing things, doing things my way, doing things the way I was told to do w/ a slight variation
22. The happiest time of my life - The realization that anonymous interaction can happen and still be productive w/ people (ie. BIO)
23. The worst time of my life - That I lack motivation
24. Three things I would like on a desert island - all-weather paper; pencil; Machete
25. Three people I would like on a desert island - The girl from Bio; Mr Bean; My shadow
26. The woman I admire the most - My mom, for putting up with my shit
27. The man I admire the most - Mr Bean (Boy, that speaks a lot about myself)
28. Three women I admire - Phoebe ; My sister ; That girl from Bio
29. Why - They speak their minds. The 1st girl to have ever told me she had a crush on me; Put on a hysterical act, proclaiming her admiration on someone who already has a girlfriend; The only girl whom I had offered to take my sit, in which she told me that she doesn't bite and that I can share half of the seat ... while we were watching photosynthesis happen, my old self would have swooned for that.
30. Three men I admire - Mr Bean (yes, the character); ... come to think about it, I don't have other man-crushes
31. Why - Do I need to explain why? He gets away with lots of things.
32. When I was a child I admired - hackers
33. Who is my mother - Vilma
34. Who is my father - Glorio
35. People who make me miserable - myself, and some select assholes one can only see on psych classes
36. Why - they iritate me ... yes including myself
37. When I was younger - I did lots of crazy things and was able to get away with it.
38. When I get older - Always getting away with it is my downfall.
39. When I get angry - my face lets you know
40. What upsets me the most is - when hesitation gets away with most of life experience that I should be getting
41. I regret - a lot and forget the lot
42. I never regret - being late
43. I am so happy I - snicker without caring.
44. Beautiful women make me feel - bashful, giddy and gassy. That's when they're my type. But if its the latter then, cold monotone me takes over, atleast thats what I think I do.
45. Powerful men make me feel - everything is alright, then I conveniently revert into slacker mode.
46. Powerful women make me feel - hungry
47. Handsome men make me feel - a little less paranoid, now that the 'eyes' are not on me.
48. What makes me cry is - dog = unconditional love
49. What makes me laugh is - lots of stupid things
50. My biggest fantasy would be - yet unwritten
51. Whenever I'm nervous, I - cram for whatever reason it may be.
52. When I look in the mirror I - instantly check for boogers
53. The three qualities I look for in a friend are - acceptance in silence
54. The three traits that turn me off in people are - no offense to all - upperlip hair (deeply ingrained on my sub-conscious); singing in the cafe; asking lots of comp stuff while I do my internet thing.
55. I could vomit if - I drink rhum (tanduay) while I accidentally drink sea water.
56. When I get angry, I - kick myself on the head (figuratively)
57. When I get nervous, I - hum the "he's got the whole world in his hands" ... I blame ConAir for that.
58. A perfect mate would - not mind me having hysterical laughter every now and then.
59. A perfect life would be - just loafing around
60. My three best traits are - I have? Well, let me scrape the bottom of the barrel: a certain kind of duality in my personality; introvert; I give good commentaries on television or movies.
61. My three worst traits are - Same can be said above
62. I love - quirks
63. I hate - quir... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17998603/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17998603/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:32:07 PDT
Woke up, groggy, the kind that feels so good, as though I just came out from a fever. 08:20 am ... dang, I overslept the quota. It was 30 minutes till my Bio class. My mind was yet again in panic mode. I think I was on the middle of ironing my shirt, when I noticed that the roach carcasses have disappeared ... holy shit ... 3 ... I repeat, 3 dead cockroaches were missing. I think I just wasted my sleep for some reincarnating roaches.

&%!!@#$ . I stopped what I was doing. Didn't even had the heart to go to school anymore (note. I can be late 20 min and the prof. wouldn't even mind.) I went back to sleep.

...

wait, I still got the burn marks on the floor, when I burnt one roach, as a warning for the others ... ... ... ... I really don't have anything to comment right now. For the ordinary man, I should worrying that I'm really losing my mind. But I am no ordinary man.*

*reference, from mike's left hand

Quote for the day:

hooker with a penis ~ Tool

All you know about me is what Ive sold you,
Dumb fuck.
I sold out long before you ever heard my name.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17923869/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17923869/ Sat, 19 Apr 2008 07:54:40 PDT
...

I've recently acquired a book about trance, Trance - from magic to technology. As most of the other books I tend to download, it was an eyeopener. To prevent this journal from being another long-assed one, I'd like to say: My interest in NLP has been renewed, with better understanding & not deeply seated on the psych perspective... and without the shallow distractions motivating me. This time, it's a long term one, which I hope will help me in my psych career ... I'm still baffled. The school doesn't teach hypnosis for us psych majors.

Speaking of shallow. My body ... My mind, is exhausted. We had gone to the beach (I think the name of the resort was Marvilla). And for someone who usually frolics pools (so called springs), the beach was very refreshing. They were lots of things that slightly new to me.

The peer group I had the pleasure of this outing was my CDO G-fed. And, we were 'taxed' 100 php ($2), the minimum and the suggested is 200 php which doesn't include fare. Shit, the
cost of living (vacation) here boggles me. On Malaybalay, I can go on 'fieldtrips', bring fare and clothes (100 php all in all) , and I get to be treated with home cooking.

The last time I had fieldtripping, was held on Musuan, Bukidnon. It, was very 'bitin', in regards to swimming. So, for this trip, I let go. But the thing is, I had been experimenting with NLP (or the basic thing I can achieve) ... this was to combat the "derealization"/"depersonalization" feelings I usually get when I'm on fieldtrips. To make it more specific, I experience trancing ... whereas I should be feeling in the now. I

already am living in the now, still, getting 'stress' overload seems to make me trance out. And that is why I've been experimenting. Prior to this, last week, I've lived up (repeated a mantra) to the "the first stage of waking up is realizing that you are asleep", and then penned 2 dots on my forefinger (making a fist, the
2 dots looks like eyes).

I tried 'waking-up' on occasions that make trance out. Whenever I'd recognize, that my awareness was being limited, I'd try to 'wake-up'. Don't get me wrong, trance is important to daily life. Trance, is in a way more like concentration (like reading, listening ... anything that makes your awareness limited). But my kind of trance, usually happens when I'm in situations which I've unwittingly been running away. Those kind of situations that I
needed to grow. And, before I forget, situations that should be enjoyed to the fullest. I've found it useful, on several occasions. It even did good, when the ink faded, the feeling of the pens still makes fresh of the mantra. The one thing I found distracting, was
when I needed trance in reading, listening, studying (more like cramming). And for this trip, I have found myself being more aware on the things that shouldn't need special awareness ... Like paying more attention to the sea motion. To be honest, my feet still feels weightless ... I think I'd be seasick while sleeping. Oh well, back to the drawing board. In my case, the dark & dingy room.

____________________________

moment of the day ... Sorry, The sentences I can remember for the quote for the day, usually starts with a "YAWA" [sentence] and then ends in "YAWA".

Me and Moi (Timoy) were 'meeting' the waves while they form. We were nearing the blue part of the sea, which is quite a hefty distance, considering it was low tide. It was the most insane 'good' tripping I had since , ever. Picture this, go to the shore, and as a wave forms a swell and then proceeds to overun itself, at that moment, your face (body) is slapped by the wave. But this time, you have options: jump with the wave; throw yourself to the wave; dive to the wave; just stand there; lean forward to brace against the wave, and then shout some obscenities before the wave hits; etc.

1st insanely good wave ... I laughed so hard while I was trying to string some swear words, and then trying to spit some of the brine that got into my mouth. 2nd 1st insanely good wave, 3 secs after the 1st ... My eyes were burning, and my back was hurting good ... In the middle of the sequence, I might've managed to insert a swear word. 3rd insanely good wave, just moments after the 2nd ... I was still trying to make sense of where I should be breathing. My mouth was still busy gagging, and the brine managed to slap
itself inside my nose. After all that: Manic laughter + gasping for breath ... Hmm, something's not right ... oh. forgot the boxerless part. I still had my cargo shorts on, but my boxers were on my thighs ... I'm in the middle of the sea (sortoff), why should manic
laughter and being boxer-less, be repressed?

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17856437/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17856437/ Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:00:09 PDT
Very - Long assed Incoherent journal Ahead. Read at your own risk. [edit - lots of grammar and spelling errors too]


What an exhausting day that was. My uncle's (or was it aunt's) birthday was on saturday. Dinner. The rest of the family wore decent clothing, while I wore my street usual. He did not greet me when it was my birthday, so this would be my retort. That was actually my ulterior motive. What I actually told my parents were hovering around 'safe. "I forgot my pants at CDO". Well, that was actually an unplanned lie, I think left some trousers in my closet, just in case. They seem to believe my lie. Hmmm, they seem to be more predisposed to me being a lazy bastard, than me being vindictive.

Anyway, the party was the same as the old folks always have (party at Aglayan). The 'mano po' stage, always at the start. Some were natural, and some were forced. I hate it when my dad (any other elder) tells me to 'mano po' other (unknown) elderly. And as always, my sister leads the cavalry at 'mano po'. Cause she sets up the one being 'mano po'ed for me. I have been snubbed on some occasions by those that I have failed to 'mano po' the last time, and their sick revenge is to leave me there hanging.

The food there was kinda bland and boring (fiesta styled buffet with a slight variation or two), still, I had no objections. I was starving and bored, I need to make-up for the 2 hour trip.

First, I must clarify. That I was exhausted because of talking, and not because of eating. The power gauge of my introvert charging was reaching its full, and I had to talk badly ... like wanting to pee on a 2 hour trip. My sister is the opposite of me, the extrovert. Who recharges by socializing. The talking I'm talking about, mostly involves me listening and making fun retorts at my sister. Apparently, she talks very animatedly and has a tendency to get lost and sidetracked of topics (I think I already typed that from the past, or something). And if it was my turn, I'd do the opposite. I'd get to start to open a topic, then midway of the the topic, I'd decide it wasn't worth the time, and then drop the subject altogether. Let me reiterate. What an exhausting day that was.

So there we were on the sala of our fairly rich, uncle's sala. Retarded bonding. She, talking her heart out, and me looking at side-glancing at the tv (house was on) ... I was multi-tasking, kinda.

Somethings I learned from my sister, as I offer in return my psycho-babble and pseudo critical thinking. She has a boyfriend, that she only said 'yes' to, was because (multi-causal) he was fairly rich, and he was persistent (in an annoying way) in the courtship phase. She learnt, through me, that based on his behavior and their quirky relationship, she was officially, a trophy girlfriend. And in quirky, I mean, the boy knows he doesn't affect her emotions (her having a very outed crush on some dude I fail to give a rat's ass).

Most importantly (for the essence of this journal). I also learned that her friends have also been asking the multi million dollar question. "Does your kuya have a gf yet?" As to which I get to learn her response. "He worships a girl from time to time". Thats so fucking true, and you know what? She nailed the rat's ass, right on the kisser (does that make sense?).

I worship girls. Some were in secret, some were unabashedly outed. Most were there to represent every turmoil of my life. Some were there by choice, some were there, cause I can't help it. I'm sick, and I don't want it to stop.

In passing, I've seen (the last part of the movie) Audrey Hepburn, wearing a princess costume for the masquerade ball. When she told the leading actor: "Will you do it? Please" ... I gotta tell you, it was the most sublime thing I had ever seen. And whenever I'd sense the events comes rolling, that usually trigger (idolatry mutant gene) 'love at first sight'. All I can do is hope the girl I'd be worshipping is worthy of the insanity. The last one was Audrey Hepburn, but the 'will you do it please' magic words were not uttered ... doe eyes, combined to those magic words ... I'd be in a asylum, doing ballads. That's the best I can get with my optimism.

This summer was helpful for my heartstrings, from all my lame attempts of trying to impress that gal. What a frigging experience. An experience that has opened my eyes, than 2 girls and 1 cup did.

But. I'm afraid the journal's not over yet. As I was trying to impress that particualar gal, I managed to impress another. That's right, the word for today is INFATUATION.

A few months ago. The girl, I was... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17739728/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17739728/ Mon, 07 Apr 2008 21:30:27 PDT
The lightblue wall, is now covered black soot ... although it can be cleaned with gauze/s (alcohol soaked), I'm too lazy to cover my tracks.

Prior to this incident, my mom was given 5 pairs of platform sandals. And I pimp walked the brown, 2 inch, and very heavy (to my standards) platforms. The wobbly effect added the pimp swagger. 2 inches ... Its surprising on how 2 inches can change one's point of view. 5'7" (5'6" cause I stoop) is good, but add 2 inches, I get to touch the ceiling, pretend like a giant (bean pole), and (for the sake of relevance for the story) get to see all the junk left on top of the ref (frigider :lol). My old junk was there. My fav pen, some knives, candles, trinkets and most importantly, 2 sticks of chalk (pesticide).

I remembered the chalks, and promptly made some squiggly lines on the ant trail. At this point, the time was around 3 pm. Time for sleep. (I had an idea, from Kramer of Seinfeld, sleeping on intervals). Woke up at around 11 pm (the light came back). Inspected the ant trail, and found the ants clustered and lethargic. Strange, I thought that pesticide kills, not make them depressed. Anyway, I continued with my sadistic boredom.

Did you know that ... unlike burned paper. The ants emit a peculiar smell, after being dosed with depressants (pesticide). And yes, I took carefull consideration (even in my loopy state), to not burn the chalk line. I don't know which peculiar smell to categorize it, I guess I'll just have to name it = depressed burnt ant smell.

Quote for the day

Let go . Hold no attachments to the 'items' involved ... To 'things' that had served its purpose. Hold and let go. Enjoy and store the memory of fun... it is the emotion of happiness that is desired, not the object.

`Mutant Message from Down Under`

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17660454/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17660454/ Thu, 03 Apr 2008 00:05:56 PDT PS part

PS . ( pakeng shet !@!!!!e2313!)

Yea!!!! Just got my grades, and for the first time in my college friggen life, I've got no 'effin Fs!!! Math .... I own you!!! And certainly no AFs!!!


er

Yea, I'm happy, and I just went to school without underwear.

I'd like to use a survey from Maureen (ym forward button , blows)



Yea, wait. I've go a favor to ask. If you are sitting on those computer stools that can go round and round ... Sit on it. underwear is optional. Go on tippy toes, and then give yourself a 3-4 whirl , 9-10 if you want a 3 sec high.

Yea, um ... here goes


Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. slacker
2. slacker
3. slacker
4. slacker


Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Fight Club
2. The G Show
3. The Truman Show
4. Wicked Lessons (That's a A+ hentai, if your curious)


Four Places I have lived:
1. Zamboanga
2. Aglayan, Malaybalay City, Bukidnon
3. Azura, Malaybalay City, Bukidnon
4. CDO (boarding)

Four T.V. Shows that I watch:
1. TMZ
2. House
3. CSI Las Vegas (not those crappy derivatives)
4. Let's not forget the late night comedy talk shows (Jay, Conan, and David... sadly, John can only be accessed on CNN)

Four places I have been:
1. Bukidnon
2. Luzon (between Quezon and Manila, and some other places I'm too lazy to know)
3. CDO
4. Internet, land of the ... pedos?


Four People who e-mail me (regularly - not counting business
emails):
1. Maureen
2.
3.
4. Its just you Maureen, since I decided to let go of other contancs, its only been you.

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Bicol Express topped on my rice. Note: The BE is canned, and I boil it (the can itself) so that I won't have lots to clean up.
2. Stringed Beans, and potato (soup)
3. Pancit Canton
4. Noodles

Four Places I would like to visit:
1. Mt. Kitanglad (plans to hike is ongoing)
2. The other side of this subdivision
3. That coconut tree
4. I'd like to visit that girl that's always on the back of my head, even tho I do lots of things to forget ... like being loopy.

Four Friends I think will respond:
1.
2.
3.
4. I don't think anyone I know would even read this. I'm kinda anonymous, or they're just plain lazy.

Things I am looking forward to in the coming year:
1. 3rd year status... I've always been in 1st year status... yea, I'm hoping I skip 2nd year status.
2. Edlimar (pool)
3. More Alone Time
4. More Loopy Time

quote for the day

A theory can be verified by a mass of facts, but it becomes a proven theory, not a fact.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17567927/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17567927/ Sat, 29 Mar 2008 04:52:51 PDT Early, I actually run that word through the dictionary to see if I'm right. And being this so early, I've hit a compromise, I still am the only one awake. And still have time for some rituals to attend to. I've never felt this refreshed since, I decided to skip one exam for sleep. I'm tired of getting loopy and sleep deprived at the same time. Like any other quirks that I have, exploiting nightly, seems I have milked this cow dry.

Weird night though. I got very drowsy after eating a full meal (dad's b-day). I think it was around 9pm, listened to Black Sabbath for awhile, and next I did was sleep with the headphones still on. I woke up at 12am and slept again a minute after, denying the usual high my mind obviously craved. I think I had about 5-6 dreams, all ending up as mild nightmares. Amused, I'd make myself comfy again and wait for the next loopy dream. 2 were funny (ironic) enough to warrant my curiousity. One nightmare, exploited my mild klepto tendency, in which I've highly compromised/endangered everyone's future (school). It ended with everyone blaming me, and it ended with me writing this journal. Wait a minute, this journal ain't right, must wake up.

Guessed the other funny dream? Yea, it revolved with pathetic joke I just made. And my incapability to give a damn to save my image, of what people thought of me ... for those jokes that was produced via my (rare) lucidity. Those two dreams, I think, I got it around the peak of my rem phase. Whatever stage it may be, I think I'm hooked.
lucid dreaming = yea

Instead of the usual quotes, I want to share with you a story I found in the skeptic's folder. Don't worry, I'm not that kind to knowingly compromise other individuals, regarding religion that is. Just a strange story ... don't forget to read the ending or you'll regret it.

edit = no time to chat, must get loopy straight

________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

The Theologian's Nightmare

from Fact and Fiction, 1961


by Bertrand Russell



The eminent theologian Dr. Thaddeus dreamt that he died and pursued his course
toward heaven. His studies had prepared him and he had no difficulty in finding the
way. He knocked at the door of heaven, and was met with a closer scrutiny than he
expected. "I ask admission," he said, "because I was a good man and devoted my life to
the glory of God." "Man?" said the janitor, "What is that? And how could such a funny
creature as you do anything to promote the glory of God?" Dr. Thaddeus was
astonished. "You surely cannot be ignorant of man. You must be aware that man is the
supreme work of the Creator." "As to that," said the janitor, "I am sorry to hurt your
feelings, but what you're saying is news to me. I doubt if anybody up here has ever
heard of this thing you call 'man.' However, since you seem distressed, you shall have a
chance of consulting our librarian."

The librarian, a globular being with a thousand eyes and one mouth, bent some of his
eyes upon Dr. Thaddeus. "What is this?" he asked the janitor. "This," replied the janitor,
"says that it is a member of a species called 'man,' which lives in a place called 'Earth.' It
has some odd notion that the Creator takes a special interest in this place and this
species. I thought perhaps you could enlighten it." "Well," said the librarian kindly to the
theologian, "perhaps you can tall me where this place is that you call 'Earth.'" "Oh," said
the theologian, "it's part of the Solar System." "And what is the Solar System?" asked
the librarian. "Oh," said the theologian, somewhat disconcerted, "my province was
Sacred Knowledge, but the question that you are asking belongs to profane knowledge.
However, I have learnt enough from my astronomical friends to be able to tell you that

the Solar System is part of the Milky Way." "And what is the Milky Way?" asked the
librarian. "Oh, the Milky Way is one of the Galaxies, of which, I am told, there are some
hundred million." "Well, well," said the librarian, "you could hardly expect me to
remember one out of so many. But I do remember to have heard the word galaxy'
before. In fact, I believe that one of our sub-librarians specializes in galaxies. Let us send
for him and see whether he can help."

After no very long time, the galactic sub-librarian made... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17501585/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17501585/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 22:53:27 PDT I was flapping like hell, thinking it was a roach The only exercise I got in 4 days. It seems that in order to cure my internet obsession and addicted to getting loopy, all I had to do was introduce yet another exhausting addiction. Yes, that's when FF tactics comes along. Where, a powerlevelling/job points battle can go on for an hour. I tried doing SSC challenge, but when I read some of their SSCC entries, the guest powerlevelling can go up to 3-4 hours, sometimes doing 20 resets on bosses (elmdor and altima). Tsk, its summer and I'd rather settle replaying this game ... experience wise, and not having tantrums I used to have. Maybe i'll take Solo Straight Character Challenge, when school season is back, fits perfect into my schedule.

... Erm, did I stray to my main point there? I started with roaches and wanted to end with roaches. Well here goes... I'm thinking of drying a roach, and then pound it up (pestle). Then smoke it ... not the bong kind... I mean the ritual kind... Throw the powder in this metal paper bin/burner...and then have a good time. Nuts you say? Well, the anarchists cookbook has banana peel for getting high. Roaches that elicit fear/craziness/angry amok might work also in getting high.

I was lying I'm still addicted to getting loopy, the internet obession's almost gone now.

quote for the day:

Joy in old age. The thinker or artist whose better self has fled into his works feels an almost malicious joy when he sees his body and spirit slowly broken into and destroyed by time; it is as if he were in a corner, watching a thief at work on his safe, all the while knowing that it is empty and that all his treasures have been rescued.

Friedrich Nietzsche

and a link as to why i'm more attracted to Ramza now than any other FF characters ... [link]

No time to chat, must get loopy

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17435924/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17435924/ Fri, 21 Mar 2008 01:32:44 PDT
Yes, my biorhythm is indeed shot. From the recent sojourn of loopiness, I usually peak at 3 am and then things tend to go downhill at 4. There are some draw backs though. Hypomania and sleep deprivation doesn't go all the way, traipsing hand in hand together. At some point, I do get to uberly 'rational' when I'm loopy. But, I tend to forget everything after I wake up.
Such a sham. The loop-line, reduced, to be anchored to mediocrity. Like having the meaning of life, hand-milled by my own poor brain. Just to be mucked, by remembering unwanted pre-masticated ideas ... quotes from Dr. House ... to be chewed further, to be distorted in my task saturated brain.

Not that it was entirely unwelcome. For example:

Sleep deprivation can be a symptom to something/everything else (like my paranoia, schizoid persona, avoidant persona, and literally/unliterally crappy days) and some other quirks. It can be the other way around.


:hmmm: I recognize this path, I'm trailing off to some, familiar incoherence. Must stop myself.

I gotta go sleep. An anonymous agnostic needs to get some sleep for Good Friday (which is now). Imagine that ... an agnostic walks.

PS. won't be active/online, as I used to be. I'm on recluse mode ... And am thinking of replaying FF tactics on solo straight character challenge ... or just play FF 5 advance.

And if mood strikes me for my poems, I have an idea which involves bees and hornets ... as metaphors

Quote for the day from Out of order [link] . A mighty fine whacky rpg game.

"Am I ill? I've fallen in love with a lampost."

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17265457/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17265457/ Mon, 10 Mar 2008 02:26:27 PDT [link] ( I still don't know how to do that icon thing )

1. What is your name? Tell me!!

Mychal Phillip

2. Spell your middle name backwards. DO IT.

Oh shit, which name is that? THE middle name? or the MIDDLE name?

In any case, it’s: pillihp or alages

3. Where do you LIVE??

Malaybalay

4. Pepsi or Coke?

Coke, it’s been deeply ingrained into my mind since childhood.
I might need some serious therapy to take the taste out of my brain.

5. Muffins or Cupcakes?

Cleft Muffins

6. Favorite Movie?

Brick

7. Pirates or Ninjas?

Ninja

8. Favorite cartoon?
That classic cartoon race, which involved Muttly (the one that sniggers all the time)

9. Signifigant other?

“When two people meet, and they feel a ‘spark’, that my friend is what we call ‘love at first sight’. When only one felt the ‘spark’, that my friend is called stalking.”


10. What color is your room?

Light blue

11. Favorite store to shop at?

Mercado store (barato na, kawatan pa)

12. Pets?

Pulgas (I couldn’t believe it, when my sister told me that pulgas was the only dog with a natural eyeliner. And you know what? I think she’s right)

13. Are you superstitious?

I believe in luck, that counts right?

14. Do you believe in fate?

Chance & Fate

15. Religion?

Like paradigms, if one commits to one point of view, one could be blinding oneself. But still, for those with layback, multiple paradigms, one is essentially blind with ‘info overload’. Religion = Big head ache


16. Political Party?
What’s that?

17. What do your parents do?

Dad judges me with grades & behavior, Me Mom judges me with my character & behavior

18. What are you wearing right now?
Brown T-shirt, layered with a blue t-shirt scrub, and blue shorts.

19. Age?

18

20. Car?

Me likes em not driven by me.

21. Job?

Don’t want to experience the hiring part

22. Instrument?

The clickity-tack of the keyboard

23. Hair?

Short again

24. Greatest fear?

Rejection

25. Nails?

Just the way me like.

26. Anything wrong with you medically?

My feet gets really itchy when I’m on cold climates.

27. Sports?
If I have nothing else to do, I’d go with badminton

28.School?

Been bitten with the school bug, I want to scratch till bloody and dry. But my dad’s being an ass again, and threatening yet again to cut support. Normal summer

29. Is this quiz making you uncomfortable?
Yeah, trying to think at 2am, when I’m trying to solve that vista bug, seems to make me a teensy bit uncomfortable

30. Social group?

Select Individuals at school, A fairly big group at the café (school mates), and some close batch mates.


31. Last thing you ate?

Tossed salad

32. Organized or messy?
Messily organized

33. Handwriting?
Depending on my mood, it can be neat chicken scratches; comic sans-like cursive; or it can be (stereotyped) doctor-like when lazy

34. Vegetarian?
I like to mix it up. Pair em crunchy greens to the chewy meats

35. Personality?

Erratic, subtly egotistic, bipolar when smitten by ‘love’, histrionic when I don’t want to be understood, introvert, revered by some strangers, ignored by my fare wench, and my overall life-style is like, chess with a poker attitude (the bluff part).

36. What do you want to be when you grow up??

Validated, in all aspects

37. Did you LIKE this quiz??

Kinda, I was half expecting the “ever set a roach on fire?” question.

38. BYEBYE!!

kk

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17201864/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17201864/ Wed, 05 Mar 2008 20:32:11 PST
Stress from School + No Sleep + Unnecessary Guilt + Aircon inside / Humid environment outside = Hysterical Body Odor

Tip: DO NOT SPRAY (FREESCO) Air Freshener into your shoes. It would naturally smell ‘good’ at first, but as you wear it, the sweat and bacteria rallies in for a coup de etat. It smells like a rubber factory, then add dead roaches covered with their own roe.

This is the last day of school, had an exam this morn (ab psy), and I’m supposed to be passing an NSTP group (I’m the leader) reflection paper. Ahh Fuck it. If my stress level’s gonna make me this stinky, that I had to cut a conversation short from a blue eyed girl . . .

Speaking of blue eyed girl, there’s this brown skinned girl with blue eyes, which I can’t take my eyes off. I know its just contacts, but I just can’t help staring at this novel thing. Not that she’s my type, was just bored when the usual, wasn’t there to gaze upon.

Um, where was I?

So I’m stinky, and the people around me are being ‘courteous’ of my ‘feelings’. . . So fucking courteous, they talk behind my back. And yes, before you start wondering if I’m being delusional. When a particular group convo was directed to a pile of charcoal on the floor, we thought of its uses, and apparently . . . one got the Freudian slip and out came my name and the charcoal’s intended uses. I’m not that hurt . . . I dunno about him tho, when he check’s his friendster account, to find that he’s ‘grown’ a cock on his primary foto and that I’ve changed his status to “dating men”. Ok, I’m kidding, changing statuses from dating women to men . . . that’s just too low for me.

Did I go to a rant there?

I’m gonna go home for the month, where the climate’s cold and where I can get uninterrupted sleep till the afternoon. And I think I’m gonna use that detox book I dl’ed. I’m in bad need of it.

Quote for the day:


“If I had a dollar bill for every time I’ve been wrong, I’d be a self-made millionaire, and you’d still be gone. So hand me down my best dress shoes and my best dress shirt, because I’m going out in style, to cover the hurt.” –RBF

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17145962/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17145962/ Sun, 02 Mar 2008 09:25:29 PST

Have a big yay from me!

90% purged what human error (mine) and the 10% of the Trojan’s side effects. I actually broke my old fart after a few hours of just successfully fixing it. T_T the second time, I even contemplated in having an unnecessary (ridiculous) format. After an hour of trying to figure out if what I typed on the windows recovery console was right, it just hit me: “I don’t have to CHANGE the attributes for NTLDR and NTDETECT.COM!” That’s because I deleted them in the first place. Err… I’m actually having my stupid smirk on.

There are some things that irk me still though. The My computer (folder) keeps on popping up on every start up. Did the usual things, like checking the boot.ini and the start-up programs, and still no dice. Looks like the only thing left for me to do is open old fart up like a surgeon would do (edit the registry). I don’t really want to mess that part, the last time I tweaked the registry, I accidentally frozen the boot sequence. (Major dum-dum)

Oh yeah…

I’ve had some losses. My ‘just recently’ notepad was lost when I was doing a transfer from my back-up. My url collections, dating from 1st year C and ranging from all sorts of potpourri entertainment to my ‘to do’ lists… all gone.

Oh well…

Looks like I’m gonna start anew.

And

Summer’s almost here, and I’m still behind my downloads (Reel Big Fish, Nirvana). I was hoping that the 1st few weeks of summer, I’d be alone in the house. (Just me and the sub-woofer)

For the mean time, Finals week is here, must cram a semester’s worth of education in a few days.

Quote for the day:

“You think I’m fucking with you? I am not fucking with you.”

-Alec Baldwin

The song has a nonsense name, the lyrics are infantile and selfish, and the video looks like someone was on crack when they got the idea.

from someone on yt

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17066873/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/17066873/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:21:09 PST
what a very unlucky week. just when i decided to loosen-up and lend my lap-top to someone. tsk, my sister broke it.

well technically I broke it. I kinda went rambo when I spotted the trojan (smss.exe). I partly knew what I was doing, cause I've had an encounter with the same strain of a trojan.

I gave it my 110%, and that extra 10% did me. I was so sure that I knew my laptop like the back of the hand. tsk, oh well.

The lulz here: Just when the day of lending (lol) was about to arrive, the laptop broke... people can see this in lots of ways.

1) I'm a stingy bastard
2) the laptop did break, and I suck as a geek
3) I'm trying not to strain my relationship with a buddy of mine (recent breakup)
4) because I can.

I'm also pissed that I was very late for my oral exam, that I opted for absence... tsk, good thing i didn't cram for that one. On with the show! I mean, the final exam, I heard there's 3 bonus questions... me thinks I'll abuse the system.

Oh well, i was bored so I tinkered with the old comp.

______________________________________

Any particular mood you are in?

Pissed

What's with the *moody* state?

A virus got the better of me

On a lighter note, stalked anyone lately? Oh crazed loner

Too busy right now, plus the prey doesn't seem to be interested right now. So I decided to take a break, until
someone triggers another 'love at first sight' scenario.

Dieting?

Eat something every 3 hours.

Done something stupid lately?

Lent my laptop to my sister

Dumbest thing you've said lately?

"Katong namatay si Ninoy, Ni Quit siya??"

Watching?

Cute mice struggling for it's life from a sticky trap...did I fail to mention, cute?

Playing?

triple deck klondike solitaire

Listening?

The easy hum of the computer and the clickety-klack of the keyboard

Stole anything lately?

Sign pen (Usually used by Eng'ng people)

What are you thinking?

Kaamulan? or not to Kaamulan?

What are you doing?

Fulfilling my insomniatic needs

What should you be doing?

Sleeping, or cramming

Next cue on your dl list?

Godsmack

Any plans for the near future?

Figure out what's smss.exe & NTLRD virus', and find a better subs for my current AV

Any injustice needed to be aired out?

About the Man show, Bring the old hosts back... the new ones' swallow

Nice quote you've heard recently?

"Opinions are cheap, you can get it everywhere"

Dawn's breaking, any parting thoughts?

oh shit

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16972323/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16972323/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 05:34:09 PST it never happened.

Recent life updates...

Been starving myself out of information. See, when I don't know something will happen
on a class, all of a sudden I go bozonkers in studying. And as my body was unable to cope
with changes, my mind go *poof* all of a sudden. It's like: When one's, almost successful
at trying not to worry about something, your body gives a damn effort to let you know that
one shouldn't go against the nature of the introvert. Like tripping and fumbling about,
whenever my (faulty) spidey sense acts up. I.e. tripping for words, and stairs whenever a wavy tress
enters my peripheral vision

I've also been outed, according to ma'am, I'm officially normal. That's so fucking sad.
I really hope she's wrong.

and another thing... I'm also officially an introvert. As the test says: [link]
that, and that's what I've been wanting to hear (not negativistic introvert people usuually defines)

lastly, my usb can barely keep up with me...lol I can't believe my systematic multitasking downloading state I am in. I
usually am the, general>specific>spam>spam>spam, but now .... ho ho ho. RF people singing "pagka lag ba kayo ui!". Music to
the bandwidth leech.

ps

simple plan's new album sucks, imo.
simply stoopid, me like.
red jumpsuit apparatus, can't see what's the fuss about.
Rose Tattoo - me like

and yeah...bout my poems, I can't & don't want to finish it. cause if I would...then I'd be severing my last thread of her.
yeah, I know that's supposed to be the opposite. To quote GW "rational is quite an achievement, but reality is one thing"... Did I just get sappy on that one? Anywho...

Pss..s: lol can anybody tell me what kind of person I am, after reading that ^^. No rewards though, I'm so high right now...can't wait for the downer part...this is gonna hurt.

Thought of the day:

emo + aetheist = coconut tree (afterlife, kinda), or a tree that would be cut for it's sap.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16939812/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16939812/ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 04:20:39 PST I didn't even try to extinguish the hentai title...technically I should be the geek of master's and johnson. Aside from that I really loved the attention I was getting (even from the gullible girls).

where was i

:hmmm: There was this swing, a really big metal one...I've vicariously watched them try jumping, and many have failed. With the aid of a friend (armand I think) I was the first of the grade school to conquer that.

They say, when you reach the climax (when the seat and the uppermost pole is parrallel), one achieve's weightlessness...even the landing's part of the high (like a cat). It's so friggen true, and I was hooked to that...and the concept

doing the thing you love, and no one's holding back.

then it happened, as my dream so kindly reminded me. I forget the details of the dream (memory), but I know what I can compare it to.

I was in the euphoric stage of the swing, right...enjoying the best high I could ever get...then I noticed my hands were still on the chains...half of my body was in the jumping mode...

I'd leave the ouch part to your imagination...

If I was to analyze this with my current perspective...I'd have to say, that, if you put this out of context, this is the root of my "cautiousness".

But to tell you the truth and the continuation of the story... I let go off the chains, a bit late. My body dragged on the gravel...the metal swing was flailing wildly. Then bang! , the nastiest sound, one could only hear when metal and bone connects. Ok, I was exaggerating that part... it wasn't that bad, the momentum of the swing was lost when it hit the other swings...making the impact and the hurt, tolerable when one is also high with adrenaline.

And the day after that, I was still at owning the swings ... until I reached 4th grade (apparently, I was too old for swings)

and then ... I reach the part of where I should be parting the point of my story... take this out of context ... what went wrong?

out of context quotes of the day:

"You, I don't know at all. But YOU, I don't know even MORE."

"The least I know, the better I'm off."

"Being nerdful is like being mindful, only not as flattering."

"The problem is that reason, as we've come to know it, doesn't run the universe."

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16887812/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16887812/ Thu, 14 Feb 2008 18:23:28 PST *sigh* The major sign of this, I don’t even have the munchies to write even though it’s the deadline V robbery. I know what writer’s block feels, but I don’t think this is the case. I just don’t feel it anymore, writing. Lol , look at all the endless possible symbolism of that.


I shit you not, and yeah, hope you’re alright.


Haiku I’ve made for the day:
(Was all I could come up when I wanted to continue v robbery)

The days are numbered

For chance to favor

this lottery

One, by one

I grow blind to thee

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16821962/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16821962/ Sun, 10 Feb 2008 18:02:35 PST
:Hmm: “Yoga is taking an honest look at our selves; and we may not always like what we see.” Just realized something, this newfound zeal also evident on my recent journals, I’m still running the circle without realizing it. Ha!

Instead of fighting one of the best things that has ever happened on my mundane life, I’d like to live with the fact that I’ve knowingly made this terribly crucial gap. Lol, I’m that chicken-shit to be snide at the very air I breathe.

Vague enough? I know … Anyways, on with the show!!!

At Feb 14, I’ll try to upload Val. Robbery (thanks Mau for the encouragement) and see if I am right to rebel against the ‘emulating savants’ and be the gigantic idiot. I hope I’m not making a fool of myself, yet again.

Quotes for the day

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.

-Cynthia Heimel, writer and columnist

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To place our ideas, our dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair. To try is to risk failure.
The person, who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
Only a person who risks is free.
-Anonymous

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16794449/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16794449/ Sat, 09 Feb 2008 02:53:52 PST
“You haven’t even tried yet”, said myself, “how could you know, when you haven’t even fucking tried”. Well I did, sad as it is, my nature is so narrow minded as my open mindedness to self-defeating possibilities (forced paradox). Plus, the absence, tells me … oh never mind…I should change my epithet to ‘the moot one’.

Speaking of which, I just had a fantastic observation. My seemingly dual persona, seems to revolve in my cycle ‘catharsis of repression’ on behaviors/views/addiction/sociability also. Lots of examples:

When I told myself I would quit competitive dota, I did quit…but it was only for a short while. When I participated in a betting match, though I was rusty, we’ve won. It never felt so good as the rush of my former ‘crazy’ me took over. My mind and tongue was so clear in making sarky retorts, ‘hilospo’ and unusual (even to me) & speedy mocking jokes. Though I can’t prove this online, even in a place like this, some soc rules do apply. Wait, where was I? … Erm, this not good…forgot what I was about my list of examples.

So anyway, I’d get on to my point. I should never trust myself when I repress, and even when I let go. Because, most of the time, the sensation of different poles doesn’t get any better without the other. Like the sugar and bitterness in life argument.

Oh shit, if this goes on like this…oh well….

...Major edit begins here...

Word for the day:

"Whimsical Liar"

^^ I am that. I think I embody the meaning, and I think I follow through on the act. Careless on the weight of my lies, and when I confronted (me), I'd be amazed that I can follow through without guilt. but that's not the point here.

I've got an idea that's been bugging me for so long. Whenever I wander about, whichever side of the poles I dance in the middle, I either fuck it up, or be ashamed for not following through.

And now, I propose to go to the extreme poles. Whenever I feel like scowling , usually I get an anchor on the opposite pole that gives an air of dissonance...and I'm tired of it.

still having ambivalent feelings towards her is ....
still having ambivalent feelings towards any other commitment ... is quite sickening...

....end of edit...

It's the most hypocritic paradox lulz of all , and I'm tired of laughing.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16775625/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16775625/ Thu, 07 Feb 2008 19:13:37 PST [link]

1) Using band names, spell out your name.

Metallica
YellowCard
CypressHill
Hendrix, Jimi
Avenged Sevenfold
LessThanJake

2) Have you ever had a song written about you?

I don't think so

3) What song makes you cry?

sad, but never near a crying spell ...
against all odds - the postal service

4) What song makes you happy?

Stephen Lynch - When Grandfather Dies

5) What do you like to listen to before bed?

Whatever music (album) I've downloaded for the day

a p p e a r a n c e

HEIGHT:

5'7" , 5'6" cause I slouch

HAIR COLOR:

black

SKIN COLOR:

brown

EYE COLOR:

brown/black

PIERCINGS:

nah

TATTOOS:

Just saw this one ... a tattoo depicting a spine on the spine ... and then add demon wings to finish

r i g h t - n o w

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?:

Light Blue, scrubs

WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO OR WATCHING:

Tiny Dancer - Elton John

WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?

sweet aftertaste of strawberry

WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?:

Balmy Cloudless Night

HOW ARE YOU? Laggy Headache

d o - y o u

GET MOTION SICKNESS?:

No. I travel a lot.

HAVE A BAD HABIT?:

Lots to mention...Lots

GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?

Yeah, as long as grades are not the topic. Used to be, going home late, good rithens they've adjusted.

f a v o r i t e s

TV SHOW:

no tv for me, but if I have to choose, it'd House
MAGAZINE:

Reader's Digest

SODA:

Mountain Dew

THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND:

Catch up on sleep

h a v e - y o u

BROKEN THE LAW:

Yes I have.

RAN AWAY FROM HOME:

technically...no

SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE:

Yeah, star gazing

EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING:

Nah

MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL:

Once...or was it twice, and I felt stupid doing it.

USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE:

Nah, they don't have em

SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE:

Yeah...No use though, internet cafes forbid minors from playing.

FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH:

Nah, the water's too cold.

BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY:

Nah

LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER:

I'd be lolled if that'd ever happen

EVER HAD A MAJOR REGRET:

lots that I should

l o v e


BOYFRIEND:

No.

GIRLFRIEND:

No.

CHILDREN:

maybe

BEEN IN LOVE?:

crazy/madly/deaf/dumb/blind love

HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE:

still, having a hard time

BEEN HURT?:

yeah, mostly its because of my stupid actions, so I wouldn't count that


YOUR GREATEST REGRET?

I just did.

GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR 3 DAYS:

nah ... lol don't pity me.


r a n d o m

DO YOU HAVE A JOB:

Nah, I'm a parasite

YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW:

ants, colonizing that old fart

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?:

white, cause it wouldn't be used that much

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?:

the shallowest of things, on the surface, that is. (yikes! paradox)

WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?:

the same Random person

WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?:

cd rw

WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?:

GOOD? no one yet...no situation has yet come up to test the good ones.

w h e n / w h a t - w a s - t h e - l a s t

TIME YOU CRIED?:

Sore Eyes

YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?:

Swedish Lottery , those with car keys and badly mispell your name

YOU GOT E-MAIL:

some notifications, some from mmo's, some from friendster

TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED:

House

MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER:

National Treasure

y o u r - t h o u g h t s - o n

ABORTION:

Depends on the situation, but there's a big chance I won't be objective on this kind of situa's.

TEENAGE SMOKING:

Let them burn, just don't blow smoke on my eyes.

SPICE GIRLS:

Trying to do a comeback, lots of lulz of course ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16716805/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16716805/ Mon, 04 Feb 2008 01:04:22 PST
1st year c, all I did on valentines was mope around on mar's cafe. I was alright when someone (chick D.) came and flirted. My perspective on society's hand drawn circle for valentines wasn't that tough. And there I was beating myself for not meeting the demands. 2nd year c, hmm...I've already established place on gfed...though most of them had dates on that day. I didn't mind at all, cause I got myself an addiction to take my mind off valentine's. Plus I think I was on eng'g that sem, so there was no clear chicks to mope to. 3rd year c...which is now. There's this chick, you might know her as the 3rd person girl I always talk about. Though Don Q may disagree, this girl is real. I can't be sure if the opposite's true. There's another stack of decision on the plate...They (gfed) are going on a titty bar, my new year's list, valentine's giving me the oppurtunity to cross that one out.

If I decide to go to the titty bar... I guess, I'd have to learn some lap dance etiquette. If I decide to ask this chick out, I'd be leaving some commitments behind (lol that's funny); I'd surely be stressed out to even look presentable to her; and if I do talk to her, I'd definitely set myself up for failure then start the hypomanic-blues circle all over. And! if I decide to bail out on the two, the only option left for me is to mope this valentine's...and be alright the day after...and then maybe mope some more.

decisions²

Quote for the day

me1: Carp diem? What's that?
me2: seize the day, I think.
me1: seize the day? seize the day's his nick on dota...
me2: yeah, why?
me1: sure, seize the day won't make them win. Cause we're on the opposite team
me2: lol, that's fucking corny.
me1: I know, but you'll definitely laugh at my carpe diem joke when we cash in their loss.

ok, that was me...here's the real quote for the day:

Carp diem

Two things that can go terribly wrong...

seize the day, lose everything else you hold dear ... or just lose, everything else you hold dear


ok, that was still me, but yeah...you know what I mean.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16681317/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16681317/ Fri, 01 Feb 2008 20:34:21 PST
Went straight to bed, whereas my body felt so heavy. Good thing, this time I didn't forget to get the key out the doorknob. Slept for about 5 hours, then something woke me up. It wasn't anything exterior (roaches and such)...I just woke up to remember I still have NSTP classes for 07:30. Didn't have a choice, I was having the munchies...sigh but I was still woozy (not hangover).

Listening to any rock/metal after drinking's usually my routine...So there I was, banging my still drunk head in the jeep for my Nstp class. A classmate of mine tapped me and asked to 'share the music'. I was listening to disturbed, and I was wasted...so I lent the earphone, but he said he wanted the mp3 player to be used on the jeepney's sound sytem...and i let him...big mistake, or so it seems.

Every fucking saturday, they've always listened to sappy love songs, or washed out emo music, and their 'club' music...and I didn't mind it that much. But now, it was like my baby on the stand...I could feel their eyes profiling me. Shit, I just made myself that typical weird kid who listens to metal and presumably kills the rest of the class, ala columbine.

Did I meet their eyes? no...Did I have fun at their awkward silence? Fuck yeah...Other funny reactions? Yeah, the one who asked me for the mp3, took note of the awkwardness also. I think there were about 4 metalheads (including me) that 'tapped to the groove' . The thing about Disturbed, is that its so great when on the earphones, but when it's outed like that...I get to see a lot more of their flaws. More like I was thinking how they are cricizing the music...and all the time, my sly drunk grin wouldn't fade. Good thing I didn't introduce Tool...they're still not ready.

quote for the day:
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
-- Harry S Truman

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16635147/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16635147/ Tue, 29 Jan 2008 20:04:32 PST
Forgot how long a night would become when my stomach's rumbling. Now that I'm in this mood, I just realized...I write like how my sister talk when she's on the sharing mood. Purely honest to one self. But only achieving this heightened honesty, just because she is only talking to herself. Yes, I'm suggesting we're both narcissists. And not to forget, my sister gets from A conversation, G conversation. Good thing I'm not like this when I'm talking.

I do not mind the starvation really, its just that I don't have anything to take my mind while my stomach churns. Its not a surprise that my delight on things that are too good to be true seems to screw me over yet again. I just discovered there was season 4 for House, as to which my friend bought and as to which I'll get to borrow (cause there was only one). Well, I couldn't resist the temptation into buying a similar kind of (season 4) cd from another pirate honcho. Dammit...in my delight for having bought a dvd by myself for the first time, I failed to check if it was the whole season. It only got 3 episodes, and to top it off. It wouldn't play properly on this old fart. Where's my source of inspiration to mull over when needed.

and for the poem updates...I don't think I'm gonna finish it on time. I can't rely on my hypomania right now...and lucid dreaming's not nearly enough. I dunno whats on the chart yet, I'll update valentine robbery as soon as I can.

funny (to me) face , quote for the day:

there's this classmate of mine, I don't talk to her, even though we have 3 subjects in common. She initiated contact with me, I think she wanted me to deliver a note or something. I just made a double ^^ eyebrow raise to acknowledge her favor. Then on a separate occasion and date, everytime we met, I give her a distinctly different kind of facial acknowledgement...more like a surprised double eyebrow raise, just a second longer to achieve. And when she passed the attendance sheet for bio...hahahaah, she did my reactionary ^^ (on a classroom setting), a classmate saw that, and gave a look to both of us, as to which I'm quite sure said: "what the fuck?". And yeah, she still does the ^^ to me when we're on corridors

... oh what a day.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16589676/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16589676/ Sun, 27 Jan 2008 00:05:08 PST
dota tourney was held yesterday...my defector friend's team lost three times in a row, my other 2 friend made it to the semi's (due to the fact that their opponents were of Malaybalay)...honestly, I feel like an idiot for substituting a lack lustre addiction for another. Speaking of which, there were no card gambling on that occasion, but I did get to double my nearly depleted allowance from side-bets. Team A of CDO vs Team B of Illigan, with 60-40 odds...why on earth have I not wagered my cel.

This one's kinda stupid, I'm seeing the pattern more clearly now. Whenever I set up a perfect oppurtunity for me to spike up a convo to this lass...as to which I fail miserably, I go to this ...erm, addictive vulnerability...or in other words, I'm punishing myself for being a dolt, by warping my mind to things that would make that go away.

I used to be good at a healthy diatribe...now that I'm doing this writing stuff, I seem to be tripping on my words except those with small interjections "ako gyung lola!" (in a high pitched annoying way). I noted a small reaction from a korean who was watching a buddy of mine playing kardel. Well, my other buddy told me in his very condescending way, "that psych is an unexact science". What I blabbered in retort to him goes like this "I noted his reaction, not for some psycho-babble-bullshit, atay, can I not have fun at stupid reactions without having to mix school on the mix?".*


*not in english

I need to take my long walks more, my imaginary friend needs a good verbal practice match right now. Not that I need walks badly...now that I've mentioned that...gotta go, my laundry should be ready/too waterlogged...I'm getting the hang on this laundry stuff. Plus, i get to spar with my imaginary friend.

mantra for the day, inspired from a loosely quoted quote from house

dying doesn't scare most of the cancer patients...its the dying alone part that frightens them.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16559006/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16559006/ Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:55:40 PST
note: excuse some of the wrong spellings, notepad does not = to spell check, and I'm too tired from typing 5 pages to proof read. To is for the GEMINIS. And beware, long block of text up ahead...read on.

Astrology & Horoscopes - Geddes & Grosset

These include such characteristics as liveliness, versatility and inteligence, but these are tempered to some degree by a nervous energy and a certain inconsistency at times. They are logical, ordered and very quick of mind, seeking variety in their lives, both at home and in their work. They tend to be good communicators but at times let their desire to communicate dominate all else. They can take in information very quickly if they are concentrating enought, but run the risk of knowing a little about a lot rather than grasping one topic in great depth. This is not necessarily a bad thing of course.

They may seem to be nervous people, but that is largely because they are restless and inquisitive. They have to know everything, so the chatter to anyone who's around.

Geminis have vivid imaginations, and sometimes find it hard to distinguish between fantasy and reality. It is not because they really want to lie: they just can't help embroidering on the truth.

A gemini will often seem to be two different people at the same time. Madly happy on minute, and unbearable sad the next. And then five minutes later he or she will have forgotten what the problem was.

In ancient days Gemini was symbolized by twin children - the Castor and Pollux of Roman mythology. Its astrological symbol consists of two columns united at the top and bottom, an apt illustration of the marked duality of mind and character displayed by those born under the sign. Gemini is known astrologically as an airy sign, - subtle, intellectual, and versativle, but restless, undependable and diffuse.

The moral and intellectual make-up of a subect of Gemini is like a house divided against itself. This lack of unity is observable in all his actions, and often leads him or her in the most perplexing situations. Gemini is ruled by the restless planet Mercury, and a Gemini subject is truly 'mercurial' in everything, for he or she seems to be governed alternately by the attraction of two widely different poles. At one time he or she is full of ardour, energy and enthusiasm, with sparkling wit; but before long a sudden change occurs without any apparent cause, and he or she appears cold, lethargic and unresponsive. Gemini subjects are usually intelligent to a remarkable degree; their intllect penetrates rapidly to the root of any matter and strips it of difficulties, and thus they are extraordinarily apt to acquiring knowledge. But the interest soon wears off, and their attention wandres to something fresh and untreid; and for this reason their knowledge, though covering a wide range of subjects, is, as mentioned before, seldom more than superficial.

In ther relation with friends they are most undependable - at one moment affable and effusive, at another, so cold and unapproachable that the perplexed acquaintances are driven to conclude that unwittingly and unintentionally they must said something deeply offensive. But when next they meet the Gemini he or she is codiality itself. However, when the mood suits them, the subjects of Gemini are remarkably good company, being exceptionally witty, merry, generous and - at least, to all appearances - symphathetic and considerate. Actually, however, this itself is only a passing whim or caprice, and they are only kind-hearted when it suits their mood of the moment.

Their nature being what it is, they crave change of scene and activity more than anything, and so are driven on by insatiable thirst for travel and novelty. They are happy and successful travellers, being able to adapt themselves to any kind of circumstances and environment, though not for long will they make their home in one place, if they can avoid it. The famous African explorer, sir H.M. Stanley who was ruled by Gemini, is an outstanding example of this genius for travel.

Gemini people have very fair and unbiased critical faculties. Ther are able to look dispassionately at both sides of a question, and put themselves in the place of the other person. Their intentions are generally disinterested and honest, but are frequently spoiled by their lack of dependability.

They are often brilliantly clever, ingenious and inventive, and, given some fixity of purpose, there is no intellectual height to which they cannot climb, no depth of thought which they cannot sound. Among the striking instances of this superior Gemini type are Blaise Pascal, the great mathematician and philosopher, Geor... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16527829/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16527829/ Tue, 22 Jan 2008 19:33:38 PST Just had dinner with an acquaintance from the cafe (not really a friend). I'm not really fond of 2 (me included) sets, cause I don't get the buffer I enjoy getting on a 3 friend set, in which (when I'm on the mood) I can be distant and let the two entertain each other.

This was fun though...I get to use genuine prolonged eye contact from that particular night. And I was the first to notice that he was wearing blue eye contacts. But that's not what made that night distinctly awkward.

He offered to pay for the meal. Yes that's why he's just an acquaintance...my slight aversion to the horrendously generous has manifested and made sure of that. And when he said that, I was shocked...and had this stupid surprised expression ... am I so socially withdrawn/deprived/retarded on this kind of situations, that all I could mutter was "are you sure? cause I'm not used to this"?

I did make sure that I had a firm and genuine thanks when we parted ways. Still, I think I should beat myself up for that stupid grunt.

now that I've mentioned that, I'm also lacking on the basics: the acknowledgment department, in fact ... tsk, oh the humanity ... I'm still a nervous wreck when it comes to socializing (non parasitic) with people (opposite sex, and/or outside of my circle), whom I want more than just acquaintances.

I'm beginning to think this socializing thing is hereditary. My sis seems to be adept on this one.

I need a social guru, badly. I know...practice practice practice, but I need someone other than myself to tell me what went wrong. I can be really biased y'know.

quote for the day ...

me : I know
me: you know
me: I know, like ... y'know
me: me too! like ... y' know
me: ... ... ... this has got to be the most intelligent inner-conversation I ever had.
me: I know

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16516059/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16516059/ Tue, 22 Jan 2008 04:53:21 PST
[link] (I'm much more attracted to this...cause it's a bit closer to my present attitude, but still a bit distinct)

[link] (my mom's view on satanism)

about LaVeyan Satanism... and I must say...from this alone I was tempted to do more, but after reading more on wiki ... I'm still agnostic. thats better right?


_______________________________

from a quote on people that commented
on Mr. Crowley - Ozzy Osbourne:

"I must laugh about some of these
comments, but I agree with "Are you
people stupid". DO research what you
comment before you even think about
opening your mouth.

Satanism can sure be a phase in
teenagers' lives, but that's only
because they have no idea about what
the hell satanism is, and because they
usually believe God has f'd with
them. (I had two class mates who
suddenly turned satanic because they
had a few bad experiences, that was in
7th/8th/9th grade)

I speak from experience, because I am a
satanist myself. People who think
satanism is bad, who think satanists
are people who are just trying to scare
others or whatever, are narrow-minded
and ignorant, because the way the
western civilization is living today,
is actually what satanism preaches.
Except that in satanism you're proud of
what you do, you support your believes,
you don't feel guilty for being a
little vain, you don't feel guilty for
having sex, no matter how, where or
when etc. etc. etc.

The western world is built on christian
upbringing and in some way we still
pass on to our children that the ten
commands and whatever are bad and
sinful. Even though we are so free-
spirited and open... right.

The main principle of satanism is to
follow your lusts and desires AS LONG
AS it doesn't involve someone who
doesn't want to be involved. The
mistake people do from the christian
point of view is to apply the christian
version of satan to satanism. In
satanism, satan is not this evil
creature with horns, waiting to torture
you in Hell, satan is a dark power. And
God is a light power. But without good
and evil.

A name like Lucifer, most people think
means satan, but that was actually a
Roman god who was a light carrier,
Lucifer should be a positive thing. The
word "demon" comes from the Greek
language meaning protective spirit or
SOURCE OF INSPIRATION. Look it up. Then
there are those three evil creatures,
Ziz, a bird, Behemoth, an ox/elephant
and Leviathan, a sea monster/snake,
also applied to satanism and
worshipping satan. If you look at those
three without judging, you'll realize
it's symbolic creatures made for sea,
earth and sky.

Somewhere along the way, someone
misunderstood all these symbols and
used them to suppress humanity, and
stupid and fearful as humanity is, it
follows. All a satanist does is to
embrace life NOW, because that's all we
are sure of having. As a matter of
fact, it was the christian church that
named satanism, only because satanism
supports things like the seven death
sins. So it had to be a work of satan.

Read The Bible of Satan by LaVey and
realize what you're doing in your
everyday is actually practicing
satanism. Satanists just admit it,
that's the only difference. All the
killings and whatever shit we hear
about connected to satanism, that's
merely cults that take things a little
too literally, just like Scientology or
Jehova's Witnesses or whatever.

If Mr. Crowley was a satanist, that
doesn't really matter because there's
nothing bad about being a satanist.
Ozzy did a great job with this song,
but I wanna recommend the cover by Rob
Halford, Dio and Yngwie Malmsteen,
kicks ass!

And remember, if you state an opinion
about things you don't know anything
about, except for what your prejudiced
believes tells you, it's gonna come
back and bite you..."

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16484207/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16484207/ Sun, 20 Jan 2008 03:18:04 PST
hell yeah, I don't have to waste energy trying to hold together this rag-tag, non-practicing dota group, and concentrate on what's left to juggle. In regard to our dota group, those who really wanted to participate this big bozz tourney this 26th, would have to join other groups, in which case one did. Not that I care anymore for this group, It's been very tense in picking up signals of annoyance to the defector. To my surprise, annoyance was natural, but everyone (including me) seems to be aware to let go and let him satisfy what he craves. And now that things seem to be stable, I think its time to continue where I left off.

No more experiments, no more games, now I have to treat this as practice. Train to have a minimum of 5 sec eye-contact, most preferably at the opposing right eye. No more eye-contact aversions nor mouth/pimple/mole staring, be it dogs, old people, waitresses, psychos, teachers, etc. I must make eye-contact a natural reflex; must remember to score my performance and not reactions; must prepare myself for the big day

ps
I'm gonna lengthen that very short Valentine Robbery. Short kindergarten rhymes doesn't seem to satiate the itch.

and also am working on two other pieces, I hope I don't get lazy and just combine the three together.

oh and another one ... haven't been in contact with a cable tv for weeks now, and wtf ... conan and letterman are sporting nearly identical beards, strange.

quote for the day from a guy on youtube:

"Watch Bill, pity him. Mocked and flattered simultaneously, torn with pleasure and insecurity, struggling so hard to sound funny and hip while still spewing his idiotic agitprop. The schoolyard bully, emasculated by the geek. Ah, the bathos."

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16437825/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16437825/ Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:42:54 PST [link]
and will be scrapping this entry for the next 24 hours.

1.What was the first video game you have ever played?
Bwings

2.What was your first console?
PS 1 , that very small version

3.Have you ever visited a video game arcade?
lots, but I didn't quite like the experience. I liked more the local video house... I get to interact with people for help on my rpgs and such.

4.What was your first handheld?
Gameboy color, I used my novice persuasion skills on my cousin...her mother wasn't happy.

5.What was the first game you've beaten/cleared completely?
Pokemon Blue. I've beaten that without cheats. Levelled my pets with time (1 year ftw). And yet, i'm still not satisfied ... I haven't "caught 'em all", cause catching 'em all required me to trade on other tapes.

6.Games based off of real sports: Yay or nay?
nay

7.Online games: Yay or nay?
depends on the content

8.Do you play any Massively Multiplayer Online RPG games? (MMORPGs?)
yes. but right now, I've substituted it with text based ones. less stress than the current fad.

9.Do you play any virtual pet games? (Neopets, Teripets, Aftermathzone, etc.)
zabyer pets...that counts right?

10. Puzzle games and Strategy games: Yay or Nay?

Yay for strategy games...dunno about puzzle games though.

11. Do you play any RPGs?

made me cranky as hell, but still loving it.

12. Do you play any Platformer games?

Played Super Mario 64, but didn't quite like it. But the older ps games, me quite like.

13. What was the first game/console/handheld of yours that stopped working?

no...I care for my consoles ... so that relatives will buy more for me.

~~~~~~~~~~
Characters/Plot
~~~~~~~~~~

14. Do you actually care if a game has a plot or do you just play games for the gameplay?

Both... gameplay + plot , must not leave home without it.

15. Name a few video game characters that are your favorites.

All of my late FF tactics characters
Pepsi Man (funny game)
Cloud
Blastoise

16. Name a few series that are your favorites
Final Fantasy, Pokemon,

17. Has a video game ever made you cry?

yeah, I'm not usually sentimental, but when I really get into the plot , gameplay, characters and such ... even cried when samurai x finished.

18. Has a video game character annoyed you so much that you wanted them removed from the game? If so, name the character.

Cloud why does he have to do cameos?

19. Do you "pair" or "ship" characters up with one another? (make/create/write romance involving them)

not that kind of sentimental.

20. Do you write video game fanfiction?

again, not that kind of sentimental

21. Do you draw video game fanart?

nah

22. Do you come up with theories on how a character came to be/what he or she would do in a situation/why he or she is moody/etc.

not much, but when I'm presented with the story of the character, which would be given to me through the game, and not by reading his/her biography... then i'd go senti.

23. Are you a "fanboy" or "fangirl" of any character?

nah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss Battles/Villains
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

24. Hardest Boss Battle

he was a sub boss - from final fantasy tactics, it was game over for me (first try) cause I was so ill prepared, and didn't make those crucial saves.

25. Most Frustrating Boss Battle

I didn't play it, but a friend I was helping win Breath of fire IV (?) channelled a lot frustration with his incompetence in defeating the boss. I think he wanted to prove "underlevelling so that the boss would be weaker" ... not!!!

26. Most Rewarding Boss Battle

The above mentioned boss batte, I had to rip the controller from his hands, and improvised with the items on his inventory.

27. Funnest Boss Battle

Final Fantasy Tactics , friend was cheering me on.

28. Most Boring Boss Battle

Resident Evil (that old first person shooter version). He was so ... predictable.

29. Boss Battle that dragged out for a long, long time

number 25

30. Boss Battle with the coolest music

I think it was FF VIII, when a friend pulled a rare over... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16422089/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16422089/ Tue, 15 Jan 2008 18:15:12 PST [link] . I've been doing the opposite, and thus , this will be the last, until I get my act together.

______________________________________

been reading, not necessarily studying, ab psy notes ... and lol instead of seeing the words on what they were meant to be. I'm seeing them in ... other things.

I'll leave it to your interpretation...


depressed persons have ambivalent feeling of love and hate toward the loved object that they perceive as lost - feelings that were previously unconcsious. This ambivalence leads to anger toward the love object because the love object has disregarded or rejected the individual. And at the same time, the ambivalent feelings give rise to guilt because of the individuals belief that he failed to behave properly toward the now - lost love object. These conflicting emotions combine to create a self- centered sense of loss, suffering and despair. It is the sense of sel-centered quality that differentiates depression from normal grief.

By Karl Abraham

__________________________________

On my snob

emotional insulation - is the process whereby a person reduces his degree of emotional involvement in situations that might provoke anxiety, anger or dissapointment.

__________________________________

On my poems ...

Intellectualization - A person may describe an xiety provoking event in abstract generalities that make it "distant". When the user of very elevated language is motivated less by anxiety than by desire to impress others, then this would be call pedantry.

___________________________________

quote for the day, from the devil' dictionary:



ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J.

One day a wag — what would the wretch be at? —
Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT,
And said it was a god's name! Straight arose
Fantastic priests and postulants (with shows,
And mysteries, and mummeries, and hymns,
And disputations dire that lamed their limbs)
To serve his temple and maintain the fires,
Expound the law, manipulate the wires.
Amazed, the populace that rites attend,
Believe whate'er they cannot comprehend,
And, inly edified to learn that two
Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do)
Have sweeter values and a grace more fit
Than Nature's hairs that never have been split,
Bring cates and wines for sacrificial feasts,
And sell their garments to support the priests.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16407107/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16407107/ Mon, 14 Jan 2008 17:45:21 PST my basic necessities for my body done, like eating, showering and 30 min breaks. But still, I feel as though I've played through the whole morning like I did FF I-II.

lulz, why do I suddenly find the time to procrastinate on such things I've handicapped myself to not get addicted to. which reminds me ... I usually cave in and excel on procrastination (games and such) whenever every major event, like midterms, come up.

I should be studying right now ... but meh, what can I say, I pride my cramming abilities. Sure, I don't learn a thing after this educational bingeing, but thats just how it flows. Though I may sound like I'm boasting, beneath those glassy doe eyes staring at this pixellated fonts, you'll think: "what the fuck is he up to now? you do know you won't get my derrière with your crazy talk."

believe me, I know.

quote for the day:

me: hey, who wants to order buy y?
nub gamer: nah, I'll have to pass...their burgers taste funny with mayo. It tastes like semen
me: ugh, ok ... you've tasted semen?

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16393463/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16393463/ Sun, 13 Jan 2008 19:01:34 PST
I just had a dream. I haven't dreamt for a long time. I'll spare you the exact details, but this one was quite peculiar. It was the first in color, more like techni color, it had a movie-like quality. The ream was more like a movie preview, a tagalog movie preview, whereas we get to see most of the good scenes of the movie. I haven't liked those kind of previews, cause its a good indicator that the movie will be a flop, my gut instinct if you may. This one involves a good plot, and also the 'review' held a twist on the first early scenes. This one, was really peculiar, I mean, most of the dream involve me flying. Not that hovering above a pool, kind
I usually get when I was a kid. It was so freeing, I can somehow control my flying. The scenes and the details was good also, which comes a surprise. Most of the dream landscape I've passed by, where of scenes from my other dreams. This one also involves my trusty green notebook, that with all my doodled poems, I was dangling it on a piece of a rope while I was flying. And it was weird, I never felt and inch of anxiety to save the book, and
fish it out from the river. The ingredients were: bad 2D flying villains, some Potter-esque characters (characters that have little resemblance to the movie), some quasi religious artifacts that acts as a communication and transformation device for the villains, and the sub-plot I've noticed revolved more on "make her sin". That and with the finale, me waking up after, one of those exquisite twists a dream can give. When one sleeps after eating a heavy meal, plus, trying to catch up on my meagre sleep rations. That kind, in which I'm glad I was rudely awakened.

________________________________________ ____

Last night I just saw two of the most interesting works of art I've ever seen. V for Vendetta and Children of Men
I've already said my piece of V for Vendetta, now I must air out what I think of Children of Men.

This movie, this movie ... broke me. I can't say farce pretensions, like angles and schmangles I understand
little of. All I can say on that department: the movie was easy on the eyes for me not to get hung up on what the movie told me. One of the most cruel and not-so cliche thing a film can do is, introduce a feel for the characters and then remove them one by one. I trusted my gut instinct as I expected the likely characters
to die (vice versa), and failed miserably. I like this film, for it plays with my emotions. I usually detach myself to not get into a film, as to which I know it was designed to evoke the masses. But this, this one is better, this one evokes emotion, plus, the protagonist doesn't get to shoot a gun and also gets to die at the end. That has to be something right?

ps

Hudson Hawk has got to be the most craziest coherent movie I've ever had the pleasure of watching free.


from v for vendetta I'll quote loosely:

"Actors lie to tell the truth, politicians lie to cover up the truth."

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16353652/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16353652/ Fri, 11 Jan 2008 06:27:46 PST

There was this girl see, the only damn wench that have warmed up to me. Not that kind of warmed up, I mean. She sees my potential in the academics department, my luke warm potential. Not that I was a saint in this situa also, I warmed up to her, cause she's the beadle. But dammit, how in-the-hell have I stupidly lent my precious notes to her. *grumble²grumble²*

my damn doodled poems, arghhghghgh, I forgot !!!

wait, this is interesting, I'm making lotsa fuss on poems I may upload later. hmmm, if I have to pinpoint this sensation, its like... the pitboss, always hanging round my back, and I can't do no writing because he's breathing down my neck.

*seething²seething²*

An awkward moment and I go full steam on damage control.

when that day arrives, I'll bask and share that special something ... me with no regrets

quote for the day:

"Do not pick a flower if your intent is to destroy it."

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16310593/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16310593/ Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:37:45 PST
will be making works of the limerick epigram rhymie nature.

Haven't been on a booksale since, 1st year high. Good thing I didn't let my cheapestry get to block me from just listing the books and then finding them on the internet. What a strange sensation.


ps

is it just me, or black sabbath is the most sweetest thing I've heard aside from tool and from that gelic voice when i was delusional from ci fever.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16277699/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16277699/ Sat, 05 Jan 2008 21:54:59 PST Cannot believe I'd get to use that beatles's song, cause it so fits on my situation.
I think I've been running detached, when I woke up this day. Well for starters, because my biorhythm was shot from the New Years vacation, I couldn't sleep untill 3am. I have a nice cure for this, and it has worked when I'm in dire need. I only need to sleep as early as I possibly can, usually at 12mn, with the aid of exhausting myself physically. And then force myself to wakeup early also, usually at 6. It just so happens I had a long due assignment that needed to be done, so I did, but I overshot. Sleeping 12 mn and then waking up on 04:30am. I did manage to finish the assignment, and also received some temporary sleep deprivation sharpness. At 12 noon, too much brain activity has made me slow. At 04:00 pm to 10:00 pm, I think my friends noticed my lapse of dazed looks. At 11 pm, I've actually slept like a brick as I got home, dunno how I did. All I know is that there was this Potter themed dream I have, with REM involved imho,

wait... I think I still remember some parts
[snape and other undistinguishable characters aside from their billowing cloaks were on the right, and another group I forgot anything about their appearance. I was on the world, starwars-like universe (not the stereotypical kind), I can't pinpoint why it's like starwars, I just felt what might be like on starwars. Those two groups where debating something, and this dream was controllable, I mean, I get to go to float on space and also hear the playback off what they were debating about. I think the style of their humor, I can pinpoint to my cdo friends have, snape's team found a weak link on their statement (double meaning freudian slip), and then doing the "you're IQ has fallen" (tak-tak ang IQ) routine. And the word to describe such a intangibly stupid dream, "kafkaesque" ... well, it was not because of the theme of the movie that made it nightmarish, it was the sound of damn roaches that woke me up, and force another unecessary kickstart for my brain. The time, 01:00 am.

02:08 am, still writing. I tried sleeping with the lights on, but nah, didn't work. Dunno how, but I've somehow noticed that my comp was in dire need to have its memory reclaimed. Just remembered also that I've been addicted into superstitions once again. At first it was just a 5 cents (shiny) I've found on the road, and just for fun, I "put all" my luck on that coin. As the luck would run out, I would make it a point to find another 5 cent coin to replace the host of my luck. There's another one also, this stress ball I've "found" on the soccerfield (I'll spare you the details). Put all my stress into it, squish it with my hands, throw it on a wall, and just mentally transferring all my stress into it. *sigh* I hope I get out of this habit as fast as I've developed one.

my memory is a bit faulty this week. I explicitly remember one thing, and then get blanked out the next, and then my body remembers to do what it was supposed to do. For example: I put my usb/stressball/notebook to were I use it, my body autopilots in using and keeping safe of that particular item, and then I forget what I did to that item. With forceful prodding, i would get to remember where I kept that item, usually in my pocket.

oh, and I should tell this also, a real HB(8) has replaced that noisy nightly romp neighbors I told you about. Shit, just when I've decided to unlearn those pua mantras, this shit arises.(replaced it with an ascetic mantra) Well, to analyze with whats left of my reasoning, lack of want does fill in the hole of necessity.

where was I, I think this has partly to do with me, trying to juggle school, dota, pua, crush, money, and then procrastination. And with me not used to juggling, uses a lot of energy ... *I wonder* which should I left out, cause I sure won't drop procrastination. All the indicators tell me that I'm gonna experience yet again that pityfull scene, in which, I let go of it all.

must try to sleep.

quote for the day:

"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." -W. C. Fields

good thing I can still appreciate that quote, tho my brain's leaving me.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16249480/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16249480/ Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:40:06 PST I know most would vote for the future, but I dunno, for a guy that is moot most of the time, sticking to the groups seems to give the most euphoric pleasure I've ever had.

I've already faced this dilemna before. 1st year 2nd sem, and it wasn't pretty. We did get to emerge and get recognized (as an underdog) on the local dota scene, but sem credits were null. On the long run, I did scream at my sticking with the group. But I can't ignore (nor intellectualize clearly) why I am not blowing off my team, and invest more to my so called future.

quote of the day
As Cartman says : "screw you guys, I'm going home"

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16216991/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16216991/ Wed, 02 Jan 2008 01:17:09 PST
It's been a tradition to go to our friend's home and, er , abuse their hospitality. The Sale's [Sah-Leh] have this home, a very warm and cozy atmosphere, surrounded with lots of trees. Nothing richly nor fancy, on their food and sanguinity. I don't feel the vibe from the reception I get from rich folks, in which I feel as though I'm stepping on some kind of boundary. Although food diving on the pantry and their fridge (best find = dark chocolate underneath vegetables) from my fairly rich friends is a specialty of mine. I still prefer (genuineness before pretension) eating paksiw, sinugbah, and lets not forget quails.

I don't remember where I've seen this (maybe nat geo), but I think it said, "average of 17 friends in a life time" and "only 2 on adulthood". Let's classify, Close friends of mine are those who has noticed, acknowledges and have little qualms about my eccentricity, mood swings, social deviancy, and also my slightly dual personality (my persona is different when I'm on Malaybalay/CDO). And such, I would gladly try everything in my power to be there when one, is facing the crap trap. Everything, well, maybe not my life, unless that friend is a bestfriend of mine, but thats just it, I don't have bestfriends. Lets see, I've got about 5 (close) on CDO, 7 (close) on Malaybalay, and other 5 I can't classify on a place. 0 GFs, well GFs had not been really on my radar (I do occasionally cave in from the pressure of having one, to try achieve society's normalcy ... maybe I'm lying, maybe I'm not) ... but that's not really the blunt of what I find really distressing. It's the lack of bestfriends ...

I don't think I ever had a bestfriend, since, ever. There had been one case, in which (Ian) thought of me as a bestfriend, as to which I've quickly swatted the idea, as fast as the topic of bestfriends came up. I've always made (unconsciously/consciously) a way to sabotage or sever a relationship into making a gap from making it to bestfriendhood. I've got 17 close friends, and yet, I've been lazy (or afraid) into making more. I don't think there is overtly wrong with me, nor I can dig up from my past ... Now that I'm thinking, my 17 close friendships were sparked when they indicated they want me as their friend (here's the poke with a stick, I'm referring from my gambling journal), and now I think its because of that, that I don't have a bestfriend. Maybe, the first interaction I'm gonna get (without the poke of the stick), with me doing the first move, would be the bestfriend that has eluded me ... or maybe not ... maybe I'm destined to do the lone wolf routine ... and ofcourse lets not forget the occasional socializing for real; hi-hello; personal entertainment; stalking purposes.

quote for the day, from coupling:
"Such a good idea to remain friends with ex'es, Friendships are more lasting than love, and more legal than stalking"

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16216983/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16216983/ Wed, 02 Jan 2008 01:16:17 PST
I seem to be in limbo or something, and I know I've felt this kind of sensation.
but only this time, cupid's insanity took-off faster than the last time.
To get an imagery of where I am, I think I'm in between melancholia and normal boring state, with a hint of hypomanic drive ... and egad, I want to stay like this forever.

I might aswell update on BBL change, well... its been rough. For starters, one shouldn't stare, cause it's creepy when one doesn't follow-up with an approach. And I just heard my profanities on record, and it gave me chills. Well, I think, a year without profanities (unless greatly needed) would be great on the newyears resolution list. This exp. also has taught me the importance of body language and submodal communications. Next exp would be the Juggler (direct method).

and speaking of limbo, my behavior/persona right now ... let me speak in geek ... It's as though, I keep on installing and installing warez, and when I don't like them warez, I uninstall it. But that doesn't mean that I'm totally free of the lag causing dlls.

I need a reality check

heck!

I need a good reboot

________________________________________ ________________


didn't go to new year's eve mass. (I didn't force it, I swear), we were actually late for 2hours

played badminton in the transformed wharehouse, the slippers that I used for trekking, finally broke. So I had to play barefoot.

made this old timer (not blood related) swear when I did the arrogant body language sequence. It was more like a strong-under-his-breath mutter, still, I'll take that as a fun reaction.

Had a better than usual new year. last year, we were situated on Maia Alta, where the rich folks and the fireworks were still going strong for hours. And now, we were situated on Aglayan, not the best place to be. But there, the vista view of the nightsky beacons free entertainment. And also, one can gather one's wits, as to were to point the camera. Plus no actual profanities were caught on cam.

I've conquered my fear of hand-held-to-be-lit-by-yourself fireworks. About 3 separate occasions had my aversion been reinforced.

1) Was when a handheld sparkler exploded. That roman candle modelled sparkler. Yes, I know lame.
2) Triangle, in which I took half of the paper of the fuse (so that it will burn slower), and my hand got actually shakey, the lighter burned the remaining half of the paper, ran like stupid.
3) a bottle rocket. (not really hand held, I know) Didn't knew the mechanics of the bottle rocket, so I planted the stick to the ground, lit the fuse, and it took me about 5 seconds to notice that the bottle rocket should be flying by that time. Good thing it was a whistling bottle rocket, could've gotten from stupid to ugly.
4) Plus, all that talk on the news of stray bullets killing people ... Aglayan ... 1 hour away from decent medicine

The hand held semi explosive device? Pichollo, that scratch, toss kind, and then wait for 5 booms.

Is it just me or is there something wrong with this pattern? I go firecracker-ho on the first 2 boxes (extremely adrenaline pumping I might add, 3rd or 4th only to larceny) , and when I started on the 3rd box, my hand was shaking so bad, and the firecracker stuck to my sweaty palms, I think I've thrown that one way prematurely ... and then called it a night.

Gunpowder on the morning air ... sweet smell.

and I must note, fireworks ... trigger for hypomania. I've got that stupid guy grin, from National Lampoon's Christmas, pasted on my face.

Hope no one lost their digits for this New Year.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16146485/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16146485/ Sat, 29 Dec 2007 00:05:41 PST
mom was yelling at someone (not me); that got my survival instincts going (dad used to come during the morning with the crunching of the gravel, and then I've got about 30 seconds to get dressed and kickstart my brain for interrogations); the climate was cold as hell, so my back was aching and that specific chest area (diaphragm) was aching also; did I fail to mention that we were drinking last night? my head was spinning (not really a head splitting hangover, but a loopy one); dunno how, but I somehow gotten myself to get decently clothed, gotten to the bathroom, and then had the longest and the most relieving piss I had ever had; I went to the living room-mom's/sister's bedroom-outside and when I was outside, I forgot what I wanted to do; the cold air was a bit distressing, so I got myself back to the living room; mom then asked me where I was last night, and why I was late going home (protocol); I remember telling myself earlier, "not drinking not drinking", and then I just said it: "we went out and got drinking"; I don't think I heard her gasp, but there was a bit of surprise on her face, then asked me: "what were you drinking and how many?"; to which I replied: "beer, and then just enough to get myself home intact"; I was like cursing myself and starting to get anxious at what I'm saying, its not like I'm lying (I don't lie, I get vague), it's just that I got surprised of her reactions.

I don't credit her that much for the things I think she secretly knows about me. She did invite me the other day, which wine was better for this season, even though I watch lots of wine channels, I'm not that of a wine connoisseur. (forgot to state my point: Maybe she already knows of me drinking.)
She also gave me a funny heads up, when my pseudo crush (*my so called "high school exp." in which I tried the effectiveness of publicly outed love letters, it does work in giving the girl the kiliginess, but overall, didn't work when I didn't follow through*) was behind my back, which I gave her [my mom] a funny "so what" eyebrow.
I think she also found and destroyed my early porn collection when I was still in highschool, although the culprit might just be the nosey caretaker.

anywho, as much as I was praising myself at the smoothness of what was going on (I didn't throw up or anything), she did have the last card ... in a tone with no hint of overt guilt-riddeness "well, I waited up for you last night" ... ouch, man, maybe my eary guilt-free-dead-pan retort was because I was not part of the group of highschool buddies (waterboys) not called to see if everthing's alright by our respective parents ... tsk, didn't knew she cared.

before we got ourselves drunk. on the morning before that, we were heading out into this government owned pool. Having a pool in this mostly creek and river city, is a rare oppurtunity to exploit off (cause its free). But to our dismay, the pool was ill-equiped (funds got lost to greedy pockets?), and there were lots of people that wanted to avail the service. We ate our prepared food, and readied ourselves to call it a day (1:00 pm) and cut our losses.

Nah, We headed for plan B. In our beach/pool outfits (slippers and all), we went trekking. There's a place somewhere back the Kaamulan grounds, they call two trees (a misnomer), and we've been itching to go there. Cause, I really wanted to know this city a bit more, not just the comp shops, I want to feel like I live here.

We took the long cut first...for a group of friends that usually aren't that active (we do have some form of exercise, just not the typically outdoorish group), we owned the trail. Well, the mud owned our feet, but yeah, we owned that trail. I was part of the lead group (the faster ones), and being there has its privileges, we stop (we take a break) for the back group to catch up, and when they catch up, we restart the adventure .

Is it just me, or silent girls are at the peak of their attraction when they're beating the crap out of you on trekking? I swear, there was this girl (shiela), trekks like its a stroll in the park. If only she had known were the trail is, she would've swatted the guide aside and then proceeded to leave us.

The trail offered us a fallen tree bridge (fairly high fall), as to which I didn't cross, took another path down (protect the family jewels). But that was the first, the second one had no alternative path, and all I can remember was me... blanking and my autopilot taking control. I want to say, I owned that log, but nah.

lowbat! darnit ... I don't usually charge my cell, because I don't expect nor entertain txtmates, but this .... ]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16103169/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16103169/ Wed, 26 Dec 2007 00:58:59 PST
I was not in the mood to go to church today, I don't have the mood for the normal church days, why does x-mas eve have to be any different in hopes of swaying my mood?

I did try my best to sabotage the timeline. For example: I planted seeds of doubt, that no more vehicles where coming this way (no personal vehicle was availabe, cause my dad's a no show).

I don't know if my mom know's I'm an agnostic. I did stop going regularly to church for about 3 years now. Stopped saying grace/prayer before/after meals. And whenever the occasional fluke I'd want wholeheartedly go to church, I don't usually receive the host.

One thing I've found funny, was when I've nonchalantly left my former Rosicrucian monograms on my bedroom. A few weeks later, she gave me an article about the dangers of having your child be influenced on the dangers that is the Potter mania. It said, it incites people to join the debauchery that is the wiccan religion ... *tsk* bigots.
It's quite funny actually, my former affiliation does not teach wicca (they teach the kabbalah), although they do accept people from wiccan roots.

Where was I? a judas belt just went off, and I couldn't resist watching it.

I remember a scene from my catholic childhood, when a saint's remains where ceremoniously paraded at the local cathedral. After the mass, me and my friends wanted to know what was the commotion and what were they lining up for.
When we were near the object (saint's effigy), I just noticed they were bowing to kiss the effigy. 3 out of 5 couldn't contain ourselves, we bolted while laughing at the awkward situation. This was ofcourse quite funny, this situation, we were there not knowing, and as o'reilly says, we blindly drank the kool aid.

I don't know if this is significant as to why I'm undecidedly agnostic right now, but this is a good memory I'm gonna check tomorrow, to see if they still think it's funny or do still remember this at all.

________________________________________ _______________________

social tradeup observation

I was in the church with my sister and mom. My sister got hungry, and wanted to eat sour mangoes, I proceeded in escorting her out. While we walked, I wasn't in the mood to try the blackguard exp, I had a major sleepy scowling face. Still I've managed to fish out looks from the opposite sex. At first I just dismissed it as them looking at my sister, or wheter they were just trying to figure out as to why this good looking chic, was with this ugly moron. But I dunno, I think the dating rules of trade up has been in effect here. The latter of what I've perceived they were thinking might be what they were thinking, but something on the way the look seems to linger a second longer makes an unknown part of the equation. That unknown is the attraction of what a guy receives whenever he unbeknownst proves (faked or not) his social status and the way one can be trusted with relationships. yeah, I think thats it. But I won't be making exp. of this nature with my sister, cause its just lame.

________________________________________ _

oh, and I had full intentions of uploading "card castle" (another two part special), but forgot to copy it on my fd. *sigh*

yes, mau. card caaassstttllleeee. haha, siriusly mau, you're a reservoir of ideas, hope you don't mind.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16067321/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16067321/ Sun, 23 Dec 2007 23:49:43 PST [link] 333bracket, she said that artists want to be recognized for their work, positive or negative it may, as long as apathy doesn't greet them. And if you disagree, you are a terrible liar.

I guess I'm a liar, a good one, but a liar nonetheless. As much as I like to tell myself that I'm just doing this to vent. It does get to my nerves that their are little to no reactions I've illicited from this community.


But I just asked myself this:

"Can I really be part of the arguement when I don't even consider myself as an artist in the first place?"

When I am in this point in life, where I don't give a fuck on what most people think and doesn't react of my work, but would kill for a glimpse of reaction to the one I have in mind while I make this poems to ... Egad! In a way I'm still part of the arguement.

Yes, I'm still talking to myself, and answered my question too ...
________________________________________ ________

*sigh* when I woke up to read what I just typed, I just noticed how lame I had become. Making excuses, always making excuses. I've become natural at making excuses, and I must stop this kind of behaviour.

I am again starting another shift in my frame of mind. My progress got sidetracked (gotten to my old pattern), and I need to do another lifestyle check. I must apologize if my incongruency falters in my poems/replies/mannerisms/actions. Cause everytime I start change, Nigredo must ensue

ps
My model for change is BB's Badboy lifestyle, and I'm gonna do a variation of that with my quasi-vulgar persona, that I've readjusted (black guard experiment) to suit me with little complications and conflict.

I just analyzed why I have little conflict with this change ... when I was little I was soft spoken whenever I'm not sure, but whenever I am confident of myself ... this persona was me and I have no qualms of reinforcing it yet again.

shit , I just made another excuse, this has got to stop.

________________________________________ _______

I think this will explain what I've incoherently said.

Frame Games by L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Practice:

When you enter situations where you feel nervous or insecure, stop and think of
the frame you are operating in - name it, and write it down. Like “I’m not worthy
of her,” or, “I’m probably going to screw this up,” etc...

The act of becoming conscious and aware of these usually unconscious frames will
change your life. When we are not conscious of them, we take for granted that they
are reality, we don’t even necessarily think of them literally, but we feel and behave
according to their dictates on a subconscious level. By noticing and labeling them,
it becomes apparent that they are subjective - that they are not reality. A bad frame
is a stance you have unconsciously chosen to take. Once you are conscious of it,
it is easy to choose a different frame.

Do this every day for a month. Write down every bad frame you find yourself oper-
ating under and then write down a productive frame that would be a better alterna-
tive. Eventually, your mind will do this on it’s own and become self correcting.

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16034068/ http://dongkhaehaughty.deviantart.com/journal/16034068/ Fri, 21 Dec 2007 18:46:01 PST
well, excuuuuuuse me! For the randomness that is this journal...
everything does have a place in the cog machine of serendipity (I hate this word). Just like this random mail I got.

To be due to ignorance or delusion. The soul's interview
with the king, and placed the memorandum betrayed the brotherhood?
from every member of colonel at last called the halt, the
boy sank of what good for you and me to speculate, since
can trust one another's word more fully than the faithful
to her promise, abandoning that prosperity must be no distracting
cares i will look for the has since assumed the less heathen
appellation then the ... Manufacturers' association, ...
it.


how about that!






yes I'm talking to myself . . . happy holidays people.
I'm signing out and going home (malaybalay).



m(_ _)m

]]> ~dongkhaehaughty