http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:doomit&section=today deviantART RSS for by:doomit en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:37:29 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/27717029/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/27717029/ Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:44:56 PDT
Evil is seen as a murky, treacherous terrain and that is best described as Darkness. However, what if darkness is simply a shade upon which reality is presented in a different context that is not understood as evil, necessarily. Perhaps, darkness is a state of perception upon which one views the world in the night time rather than the daytime. And the absence of radiant light from the sun, street light, or other light source, creates darkness purely out of necessity. It is not necessary to assume "evil" when darkness covers the city after a certain hour has past. Despite the common saying that evil lurks in the dark places of this planet, only because of a common misconception that evil can only exist in darkness while the light holds witness to evils everyday and many that commit evil do exist as well in the night, as in the day time. It is ignorant to say that the daylight has any special power beyond the clarity of sight it grants the human race, most of them.

All for now.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/27487567/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/27487567/ Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:38:56 PDT
Now a question is... is it necessary to willingly seek out the questions of evil... or is it really a natural consequence of living that evil occurs? Or perhaps, it was never evil at all that I was searching for but simply a way to express the pain inside myself. I'd have to say that I have expressed and will continue to. But.. I consider this pain evil and I am willing to experiment with different forms of literature in order to get this pain out in a readable format for others to contemplate. Perhaps, my great experiment can continue in this way.

We will see. Also, I've found an insight into mercy. It is given because of Pity, because it is either useless to the extending of a curtain of power over one that is weak to one that is strong, physically or otherwise, and potentially gains not a noteworthy footnote in history, but merely that one is merciless and without the ability to feel compassion, or the fear that the darkness surrounding an act of evil does not compromise this individuals sense of justice. Thus, a person of this bleak character has no sense of justice, or perhaps perverted enough to find these acts acceptable. Where the notion of mercy either lets the victim get away with an injustice, or that through an act of mercy either a reputation is not held up. However, reputation does not entirely describe why an act of mercy is given or withheld.

Perhaps, the act of instilling fear gives one a rush of power over another, and to back out does not consummate the fantasy, or rush of power one feels when a life is in their hands.

Any thoughts?

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/25994834/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/25994834/ Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:22:48 PDT
Well, sometime ago I examined manipulation and control using relationships, sex, influence of family, power and position, and realized that manipulation occurs when you let it, and then your soul is given to your manipulator to do what they make you do, because you let them decide for you, or deciding "With" you. With, meaning that a decision is heavily influenced to the side of the manipulator rather than your own decision making process, eventually, every move is monitored for a bigger, grander cause, not your own. So, to protect against such a thing, this will not occur because I will not let it. Let's all hope I am successful in this.

Another problem arises with safeguards when there is something you want to learn, that you did not know you wanted to learn, and that stimulates your desire to learn. This is done because something amazing, flashy, and desirable is put before you and instantly, it is beyond your ability. Or, you believe it is beyond your ability, and as such, you are drawn to learn how it was done so wonderfully.

I use "You" to denote the person(s) in the current state of amazement, or are overcome with the desire to learn, and have been inundated with the experience that stimulates learning from a perceived state of ignorance into a believed state of enlightenment about any given subject.

I use Perceived and Believed to be that once a realization of a void is created, or found. There are those that would seek to fill this void, or belief of a void, with information the teachers, artists, or third parties believe will answer the question set forth by the performance, or media brought towards you. The answer, may or may not be what was originally sought after, and indeed, you might not even know the question in it's entirety because of the urge to leap before one has looked.

So, with that said, to understand the question before you seek to have it answered. You should always try to answer yourself, before consulting other forms of media, or information. There are very clear points which denote how one comes to realize they need to learn a given subject.

1.) They clearly do not understand a fact, or idea, or steps and instructions for a task are clearly misunderstood. And, instruction, orientation, and education is necessary because tasks are done inefficiently, ideas are presented unclearly, or facts are misrepresented. And someone could just say, I don't know because they believe in their heads they do not. However, one must always realize that the tools, steps and mindset is always at hand, it is just our understanding of how to put them together to achieve a task, a greater understanding, or knowledge of a fact is sometimes a void, in and of itself.

2.) When one believes outside sources of media that have fueled information to answer many questions inaccurately. Upon critical analysis the ideas, facts and instructions are misrepresented in such a manner that denotes clear misunderstanding of ideas glossed over by cliches and common assumptions given by media sources of the day. However, while the media gives a certain amount of correct information about ideas they speak about, it is never the whole truth of an idea. Merely, a beginning if one wishes to learn more and unravel the assumptions and what those assumptions are based on to begin to form a basis of foundation in which to build information that ultimately leads to a conclusion within the person's mind about the idea given by a form of media.

3.) An idea may be learnt to a greater degree than most, and may have a sound foundation upon which more accurate information is built. Thus, the seeker of knowledge may want another opinion, or perspective upon an idea to give unanswered questions a new light upon which to contemplate or to compare data already recovered from research.

Obviously, there are different levels of knowledge and thus, different levels of people out there. As there would be in any given discussion. While this side discussion may yield interesting ideas and further discussions. What are ideas? What is critical analysis? And how does one interpret media sources to be inaccurate or noteworthy? All worthy questions and how does this side discussion about the limits... ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/25227955/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/25227955/ Wed, 10 Jun 2009 01:01:48 PDT
But I've strayed from the subject at hand, digressed as it were. In the word friend, one has reliability, trust, companionship, understanding (and a willingness to further understand), sacrifice, and renewal. Here in this day and age, the component required for any friendship to blossom is being replaced by a digital media system that conquers the intolerably resistant human soul. One that we all use. Of all the things Throbbing gristle made me realize, it was that the internet is transparent. The rest of the death and decay of that sound has left me and it was for the better anyway. Suicide rested there and I'm not ready to die so young. 28 and I'm still young.

If friends, and the natural component to connect emotionally, realistically, is taken away and replaced with a cold unfeeling system like the internet, what will become of human relationships, conversations, morality and the justice we all share with each other when we meet? Will we forget how to understand and believe in our ability to handle these situations because we learn different rules in a computerized world? Will the rules change? Are we, in fact, honouring the decay of collective human understanding by connecting online and becoming numbers, reduced, reused and forgotten for who we really are?

We become reduced because while we were known for many different successful aspects of our lives, we lose this constant in our lives when our names are replaced by character names that have grandiose lives and amazing adventures, but none of it's real. As well, we are assaulted by many different ego's telling us we aren't nearly as cool, or as powerful as they are. So, while the mature folks know this is a pathetic cry to be heard, the less stable of us try as much as we can to be powerful, as if somehow were threatened by someone else. This goes both ways, whoever throws their awesomeness into a conversation and denies everyone elses ability to stand and shine, however transparent and intangible displays like this are, we are all dwarfed because one man has to be on top and nothing can be done to stop it. And everyone eventually views the individual with contempt... they no longer are a person, because of a huge tendency to see him as the character is portrayed. We lose ourselves in what others see in us. The mirror alters what we see in ourselves, and quite darkly.

We become different people, several personalities, to hide, run and become incognito. In a way, this is related to the discussion one paragraph up, but if we become too many people. Where are we?

Another thing is that... friends are constantly coming and going, and while something that you worked hard for stood for something some years ago. These same tangible values seem to be slipping when choices involving betrayal, love, and secrets becomes a question of how can I get away with it? When usually, there was an emotional connection holding the guilty face in our hands, there is nothing now. These simple facial twitches and tears, no longer are seen. We simply choose not to show them, and we censor ourselves to pull off a con, a lie, a white collar lie. The terrible bits of accidents and mistakes and I messed up, I apologize becomes how much truth do i need to tell them? The internet allows for lies to grow, culminate and increasingly demand of us the ability to selectively monitor each and every word, and its easier than it is in real life where our tone of voice could give us away. In this forum, there is no tone of voice.

How does this all relate to Friends? Well... the notion of real friends becomes lost if we immerse ourselves in the internet. However, there is hope. All we need is the choice to turn on, tune in and burn out. Or... we can all choose to invest in ourselves. Make plans to meet, make regular visits, put in some cash for book or poetry clubs. Talk with those that you live with, have a nice conversation after a fight in a silly online video game and the perspective changes. Friends give us the ability to discard that which does not matter, truly slide. And we grasp onto what truly does matter, loving our friends. Feeling again, becoming accountable to our feelings is what friends... ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/24230065/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/24230065/ Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:31:40 PDT
Some industrial music asks you to take yourself out of the picture, everything you know, and adopt something new and unexplored. One wonders what would happen if people actually took the plunge. I love industrial music because it challenges my mind, but at what cost? Will I start to hate my roomies because they're japanese? what kind of utter nonsense is that, but seriously, the distinct possibility exists that someone can be convinced of anything, despite how crazy it sounds. By the way, I love my roomies, I just have a hard time communicating with anyone right now.

Think on this.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/23873724/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/23873724/ Tue, 24 Mar 2009 20:04:14 PDT
my birthday is coming up soon. What to ask for?

I'll leave that up to you all to decide.

I'll be 28 years old soon and I'm looking to head home for it. Seeing as how I have little family, friends here. Spending my birthday here, amongst people that really don't know me, I'm not sure what I'll get. A joyous occasion perhaps, one only wonders.

So, I'm also looking for a new book to read through. Any recommendations, and don't be shy about the strange, unique authors out there. I read through everything from Koba the Dread to Salvatore(salvatore not so much anymore).

Here is a good question... for those that've given you everything, how do you ask for birthday presents when you've been given wonderful things all year long?

Anyway, this has all made me joyous in an otherwise dark time in my life.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/23637593/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/23637593/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 03:52:05 PDT
So the last time I made this public I wondered... did the message stick? Well, considering someone had a shower at 3:30am in fucking morning, I guess not. What was my message, I can't SLEEP!? that's my fucking message, heyh NO SLEEP makes luke very volatile, unpredictable and I don't enjoy all of the usual outlets I have. Eventually, everything tastes bad and I'm torn and manipulated. So! What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I don't quite know the answers, try and get some hours of sleep. But it's too late already. Try and get online and waste hours I could be doing something productive. Nah

Should I make another message? Well, the first wasn't received very well, and obviously, it did not stick and make an impact so... one has to wonder.

Anyway, I wonder where positive emotions are, I wonder if there are any in this world anymore. Perhaps, if I make an effort to go back to the gym instead of neglecting it, I'll make headway. Well, huns and buns... I'm also wondering.. if I catch them in the act again, perhaps I can make it perfectly clear to them? NOT AT THIS HOUR!?

But hey... fuck me right? I make a point clear and it's ignored, I make several requests and I'm ignored, I try and reach out and solve my mental issues and I'm listened to and then forgotten? HEY! Luke's still here and he needs help.

LUKE is tired as fuck and needs sleep. Luke can't sleep because some bitch is taking a shower and using a blow dryer to dry her hair. I SLEEP with wet hair and it's fine! When I do sleep that is.

Will I ever live a normal life again? A job, sleep at night, real food on the table... and friends?

Should I stop complaining? Well, I can't so no I won't. I can't because there's too much angst inside, far too much anger. And I am unsure where to put it.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/23531734/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/23531734/ Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:28:42 PST
Except there is a way to move forth and continue. Find a job, move ahead with reality, forget the virtual life I leave behind. All of the broken lies I've made, all of the falsities I let myself believe, and every bit of pain they create inside me and others, mean nothing if I let myself become destroyed as a result. I've realized over the last few days, that life is quite consuming and I can get back into it. Love the exercise, exertion, pain and joy, and realize I live again! I'm not some fucked up man that can't clean up his own room because he's having sex with some chick online. Life is more important, besides... I could be having sex on this bed. And that feels much better, DON'tCHA think!?

So, for those that read this, I know I've said it before. But it's because I was asking for help. As I always am.

Help I keep failing to find within myself. I need another, someone, anyone to pull me out.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/22700500/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/22700500/ Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:06:44 PST
However, there were two projects the United States were indirectly involved in that bother me.

1.) The infamous Unit 731 based in Manchuria. This was probably the best and most disturbing example of the old phrase, "if a person can do something, they will." It sounds simple, but it's true. A person's limitations aren't bound by morals as much as one might believe. I never considered how important they were, and how hard it is to maintain them in a situation like this. Anyway, for those who do not know what I'm talking about, here is an example.

The united states had prisoners that were experimented upon, as well as British Soldiers. A lot of their own countrymen were used as well. And, at the end of the war, the United States provided immunity to these top doctors(scientists?) for complete access to their findings. So much for morality, I suppose progress is more important. Their own countrymen suffer and they let these people go. Figure that one out.

Do not watch if you are squemish, or.. just plain don't watch, read about it if you so desire. I watched through the whole thing so I could write about it later, I need it, it's fuel. As shocking and depraved as this might be.

[link]

Again, I highly stress a warning. But, that aside, it provided a lot of the facts towards the surrender of Japan after WW2. Yes they had two bombs dropped on them that devastated the country, but there's always backdoor politics that everyone agrees they'd rather not know about. I suppose, I'm not different and yet when I find out about it, I feel happy. I mean, this is the world we live in now... and I don't think it's that different.

2.) MK Ultra in Montreal.

This was a strange one. To be put into a coma and then told horrific things like "You killed your mother" and thoughts of suicide, is quite telling of the way science has evolved. Perhaps that talk about how ethics can shape the world at the beginning of each term in school is more important than we'd all like to believe? Perhaps more of us will stay awake to hear it? I don't fully recognize how a person can slide so far, but since they are making a TV movie about it, I will be sure to watch.

The CIA was said to be funding these 'mind control' experiments in Montreal but never publicly admitted to it. There's a snippet that a piece of evidence was withheld, *shrugs*. And they did settle before trial for a huge sum of money. And hey, it's public knowledge now, and everyone is a little more afraid of the terms "Secret Police". There was a mother of five that had her memory erased and did not remember her own kids, her highschool years, her life before she went into the "sleep room". That's the kind of thing that would bother me for a lifetime. How does it shake with all of you?

Anyway, there are a few video's on Youtube about this, one of them is here:

[link]

mind you... the internet isn't the best source. And if you are interested, please take what I say with a grain or two of salt, pepper and cinnamon. I do. Search around, you'll find their version of the truth, and mine. Of course, that leaves you with yours however swayed it is from one person to the next.

A good question arises though... how much of the truth do we make? And how much of it do we let others make for us?

This is DoomiT signing off...

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/22621672/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/22621672/ Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:41:48 PST
Ok the bare facts...

1.) I cannot sleep with the television on anywhere in the house. Sometimes I get insomnia because I'm stressed out and I don't sleep. Sometimes someone has a movie on upstairs, their light is on, and I hear it all through the house. And Somehow, my landlord that comes down to get water DOES NOT! fuck...

2.) I have a lot of fear in my head that i'll end up on the street, scared, alone, drugged up and ready to take the ultimate high. And what does my landlord, my "Host" Dad, the guy who takes care of "us". Say to me? "Take care of it yourself, it's a personal issue." Well, yeah, thanks... and since "I'm the only one that has to suffer with it. No one else has to change." Well thank you, thank you, thank you and FUCK you. He also says, "Look this guy is in the army, if your confrontational, he'll hurt you." Of course.. he's already hurting me.. and I can't get my message across to anyone. Bah.. I might as well write myself into the annals of history as the man that died a silent death because no one heard him shriek in the night. On a brighter note, I'm going to the gym and working my body. It's relaxing, I think, and I sweat. I enjoy it.

3.) And three.. loneliness. I'm left without a soul in this house that will hear me. A soul that'll sit down and listen to what I have to say. Or even, in the slightest possible way, know how to do this. Or even want to.

4.) Failing. I suppose I have failed at living on my own in a big city. No job, little money, maybe 1 months rent left stored away. Interviews but no job offers. Support with no constance of understanding. My mother, five hours away, perhaps the only woman in the province that can help me. But I wanted to make it here, it's possible but why does have to be so hard?

That's me... yeah, in a few nutshells. So the hard work, how do I apologize to these people that should be apologizing to me?

I suppose reconciling this in my head isn't going too well, considering I'm still angry and expectant of something. I shouldn't expect anything really, it's foolish to.

treated with some respect instead of "Are you on medication?" NO, if I was, I wouldn't be having this particular conversation with you. I'd have another. Minutes later... "Are on medication?"....

So.. one asks... the destitute seek a stick ray of light to cling to, and in the essence of seeking this approval, one gets lost easily. I am not there yet, but i wonder what it will be like. I have and I always will have those friends I met here, and on the internet over the years that will listen and not judge me. Perhaps they can teach these people my perspective?.... perhaps they will listen?.... perhaps... I have a voice through them?...

If anyone wants to help in this way, send me suggestions.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/21904051/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/21904051/ Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:26:27 PST
Most writing, I do because my mind orders me to. I'm alright with living under the tyranny of my mind, It's been benefiscial for both sides so far. Except now, it's gotten a wee bit more extreme than it otherwise should be. I haven't yet found the root cause, depression? Anger, desperation? The manifestation of bile within my throat?

Do we really want to know what this is? Where it comes from? I would rather not, just fleeting images alone are enough to make my day feel terrible. I suppose if I write it down that it will go away, only to be replaced with what?... Something worse... better? I'm understanding that a tyranny is allowed to make it's own rules and you have to live with them or else...

Is a writer living under such a totalitarian regime? Do we stand for this? I have so far, I imagine the rest of us are in that boat as well.

No more of this... Please, my body shakes at night, I want to be happy. So, in light of my mental dismay I willl write it out. I just wonder what the injuries will be, and will I get out of this in one piece?

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/21088624/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/21088624/ Tue, 21 Oct 2008 00:33:37 PDT
I may get docked marks because I can't validate my HTML. But, if all goes well, I'll only need to show him work, get 50 or 60 percent, and pass. I learned something though, that's the important thing.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/20992836/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/20992836/ Tue, 14 Oct 2008 20:02:44 PDT
After numerous emails to my professor, no assistance, i'm considering going to him directly and asking for help. I'll probably get, look I said this blah blah, and he's right. thing is, i can't do any work until I get it resolved and I can't resolve it on my own. I've tried, numerous times and I haven't the money to pay for a hosting service at this time. And, I agree, it isn't the professor's job to handle technical issues his students are having with their accounts at BCIT. Unfortunately, he's the only one that can, thanks to the laziness of the IT staff that are on call to assist students with IT related issues, somehow not pertaining to the exact problem i have.

I can't login to my FTP server, I can't upload work, I can't get graded, I will fail. How did it get this far you ask... luke you idiot, yeah yeah...

he gave two classes to assist and I tried looking for my password before I went to him. Stupid of me, but there you go, and I didn't find it. So I called IT and had them reset my account password, which... is not my FTP password. However that works, or doesn't work. Anyway, IT won't support FTP because it's not reliable, that goes quite a ways when the software they do support deletes all of my uploaded work and did NOT have the work they said would be there in the first place. Some software they have.

So... where does this leave me?

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/20927098/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/20927098/ Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:53:38 PDT
]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/20642821/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/20642821/ Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:17:03 PDT
Do we become those that are stereotyped? And is our laziness to find, confirm and backup the truth the reason for the intellectual downfall? And, yes, i've committed this crime here, but it's for a reason. I do undertake the responsibility of understanding why Nazi Girlfriend is playing in my head and I will write something on it, albeit it might suck. But until I do, I'll end up singing it to myself over and over and it'll drive me up the wall.

On another related note... I am quite progressive and despite what the above statements indicate, I've been confused by racism and bigotry, after being a victim of it for so many years. It doesn't make sense to me to grab a sledgehammer and fight my way past twenty or thirty people because they speak differently than I do? Anyone else find that confusing? Is the Reductio Ad Absurdium argument too overused?

Anyway, sort of a disclaimer and a revelation type piece, I decided to let you all know. Currently, I've started listening to Bob Dylan again and very happy I did. I will let you all know what comes of this Iggy Pop song.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/20463814/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/20463814/ Fri, 12 Sep 2008 23:06:44 PDT
I think I'm going to tell her, somehow... in a poem maybe. Or straight out say, I really like you alot. What courage that'll take. I'm extremely easily embarassed. And my heart will beat loud, and I wish i was a bit tougher.

Any thoughts?

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/19742509/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/19742509/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 20:44:52 PDT
This is the sadness I have now. I suppose there's a little word I can say that'll make it better, like a pill, perhaps I write because it's my pill. I take it, and the story, however absurd or ridiculiously stupid, makes some sense and feels better than the contradiction I wake up to everyday. I'm entitled to this, and yet, it's as much a curse as anything else is. As debilitating as any real addiction can be.

So, what am I going to do? Nurture it? Perhaps, reject it? I need people, someone to pull me out. But it's all I know, it's the loneliness that does it and if, bah.. I'm only making excuses again. I'm good at that, see, all addicts are. Don't trust them, and yet, people trust me.

I need help, but scared to do it. Scared of the alternative, the realities that I know are always present in my life. And, deep down, I can't face them by myself, but I must...? I've not met anyone else willing to take this trip with me. And I'm not crying for help from all of you, whoever you are. I refuse to put the burden on you. I just need to write these words, get them out into the open, in hopes that someone that can make a difference, does. On my terms, with mutual understanding, trust and love. Three things lacking in my life, for a long long time.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/18634679/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/18634679/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:02:11 PDT
I have achieved this and I will be eternally skeptical about those that have not yet achieved it. This has happened due to many bad events, and some good ones. I've learned more about bad events however. I love the good ones, and manage to remain pacified, and my brain does not evolve as a result. My room mate however, does not fully appreciate the sincerity here, as it is the way the world is to everyone else. But not him? An example...

He refuses to pay rent... rent is pretty simple if you are living in a house you do not own, if you do own the house, you end up paying a lot more anyway. But... rent is pretty standard everywhere, I hope.

The reality that I was faced with this morning is that, this isn't quite the case, bringing the old maxim that if there is a standard and understood rule that someone, somewhere will break it and has broken it before, and breaks it here and now. I'm here to say that I've proven this rule by overhearing the mind numbing argument that occurred in my house this morning. It reminds me that I've my wits about me and that I've not completely gone over the hill. I am glad, and this gives me hope, as the behest of another. This is not so great, but if he refuses to pay rent and he refuses to hear about the simple logic behind it, there's not a whole heck of a lot I am willing to do. Especially if he's downright stupid about it.

I suppose that if this hadn't of happened that this comparison would never have taken place. That I would not talk with my landlord in the same level as he apologized to me and remember him explaining what the words "Kicked Out" was going to refer to and why "Having your friend say you do not pay rent" does not mean you should listen or do anything that ridiculous idiot has said thus far.

And yet I find myself lacking this and that... but I have a lot of things too. I am beyond waiting for him to "understand" as it does not seem possible in the near future. Will he be okay? I'm unsure.

I've come a long way and I am watching someone else go a long way in a dangerous direction. How do you explain to someone that won't listen? How do you hurt them to make them understand? Why must you hurt them? Where do they inevitably fall?

I come to these questions and I am forced to come back to my roleplaying character Sorn Duskryn. He would hurt those that fell in this way to make it a merciful end, and at times, he would teach this way by showing them the bottom of the barrel where they are headed, yes he assumed a lot. But... he rarely failed to get the point across. So... the trouble is, I'm nothing like this person and, thankfully, never will be. So I can't use these tactics, even if some part of me wants to in order to avoid more calamity. Decisions decisions.

I do understand it's not my responsibility to give a damn. But I can't help but wonder what this guy has previously done when others brushed him off and kicked him out, he couldn't of actually gained trust of the landlord being the way he is, so makes me wonder how he gets by.

Oh well, a mystery for another day.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/18456204/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/18456204/ Thu, 22 May 2008 23:50:25 PDT
Maybe I'm just in need some someone helpful, someone there and warm.. who'll put up with this crap!

God I'm sad... Anyway, I'm going to try my best. Because I haven't any choice really.

-Luke-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/18142164/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/18142164/ Sat, 03 May 2008 01:04:54 PDT
none of the usual emo ridden metaphors I'm usually making. I suppose it's Thomas D's Wish from Run Lola Run - (AWESOME MOVIE)

So... strength is improperly measured in my society in Canada. A lot of it is strength of endurance, and ability.. when there are a lot other factors that are lost. If one's depressed, that person has the strength to carry on.. if one's downtrodden, he has the strength to smile at the rainy weather and dance, and dance well!

A writer without any talent continues to write, whether it's to all our woe or not, there's a conviction there that's disregarded. I find all of this irrefutable proof that we're bound to our passions as much as we love them, even if we're terrible at them. So, do I say I'm terrible at writing? No, not at all, only that it has bound me to a contract, signed in blood, and no angels were present at the time, to my knowledge.

So, how does this figure into my current struggle against myself? Well, I need strength where I haven't found it before and I believe I can find it here. In the rotten depths of myself, it lies there, untapped and unbidden.

Consider all of this with the notion that your conventions, morals, and boundaries you make for yourself ultimately limit your true understanding of this idea. Break out of them
For I have to, and I want you all on this journey with me.

-Luke-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/17799744/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/17799744/ Fri, 11 Apr 2008 17:43:25 PDT
A hundred million days behind me and now I am faced with something cruel. Though, everyone heartily agrees that cruelty has a certain injustice about it, and it does. Life is cruel and beautiful in the same twisted rose. I'm fighting myself, a brutal man without any morals. I have morals, but this shadow of myself does not. Never will, and I suffer this shadow to exist. In the back of my head, in the mere distance of the sun over the horizon. Thank my lucky stars that depression, and that's his name by the way, hasn't completely struck on me. I guess I fair better than most... but how do you fight? What weapons do you bring? How do you ask for help? Where do you draw the bloody red line? I ask you this in light of an old revelation, calmly ignored however, but still old.

I hide it pretty well, but it's there on the surface for everyone to see as the best kept secrets are in plain sight. Remember that, especially with me. I hide everything, even from myself.

Depression, too many suffer from it, far too many more remain quiet ( I used to ) and not enough get real treatment. And it's such a slow vicious thing. Sometimes it kills. But it won't kill me, I refuse to die. I refuse period!

That said...

I'm asking for help, and the help may be to quit the internet thing entirely, I dunno...

I don't know myself much anymore.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/17566315/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/17566315/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 23:57:45 PDT
Strange thing is, despite what I say to many people I know, no one other than a select few I've never met actually read this. And if they did, jeez.. perhaps a lot more would change. for the better... that's the real question. Why aren't they? That's a another question.

Where the hell did they all go? That's the question I keep repeating to myself. Am i whining? So what if I am. I have a lot of questions that I can't answer and nothing seems to be popping up to answer any of them. so what... the... fuck...

So what now...

Make new ones... there's enough people left to like I suppose. I just wish some of them would give a damn. Fuck right? Aren't that what people do when they supposedly say their friends of yours? I'm losing patience and my sanity and my once firm grip on what friends meant to me. I guess it's all changing now and friends are as transparent as anything else in this world. But the sad and dangerous part is, I need them. So, there has to be a limit, a line... a destructive place no one can go, a place I refuse entry. A place a few select real people have ever ventured.

Ironically enough, a large part of it is on this website if you can sift through the ashes with a critical eye. No one has and I don't blame them. i'm almost comfortable that no one ever will either. They'd see the rotten shit I do and the crazy hack of a writer behind it realizing how messed up their perfect little pristine crystal ball of a world really is. And they'll get pissed at me saying, "WHAT THE FUCK" well I'm sorry kiddies. I'm not made to be mister politically correct and if you get scared and feel like ya wanna hide. Be my guest. To the rest of you. Happy hunting, bring a gun and some real luck, your going to need it.

As for me... I'm here, all over the page. That guy you see in the picture has a lot of dice that is rolling around on the board, and he needs a little help putting them in the right places. Do ya think the dice roll for you? your wrong and your fucked up on top of it. They roll for Fate and Fate alone. We just hope we survive the storm. Someone has to be tough enough for the storm, the hurricaine... the finger of god himself.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/17166544/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/17166544/ Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:09:06 PST Another call for a tech POS install tonight?

Will either work?

Will I be working part time smelling like gasoline all day?

Such fun!

After... such unforgivable time searching, pleading and coming up short... I get to have a spot?

We'll see.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/16675140/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/16675140/ Fri, 01 Feb 2008 13:39:15 PST
I've made a realization today, how different I am from other normal folks. This presumes I'm abnormal in some way, and I have to prove this if this post is going to be worth it's salt. I gather, deep down, everyone has the same cacophony of debates in their heads, everyone worries like I do, and that makes me similar and I gleefully ride in the same boat with them, does this make me normal?

I'm pondering what exactly a normal person is. A regular job, some normal habits, a drive to be perfect socially and personally... and yet, deep down, again everyone is deviant, strange and, often, obscure in their expressions of these unspoken arts. Does that make them abnormal?

One more thought: I'm being arrogent in saying that I'm abnormal in some way. I gather there's normality written all over me, deep down, inside me there's an odd mix of flavours no one in their right mind has the capacity to taste. And, I fear tasting yours as much as you fear tasting mine. Does that make me somewhere inbetween?

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/16345519/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/16345519/ Thu, 10 Jan 2008 15:13:36 PST
And I'm going to remember a line from Bukowski..

"Loneliness is not necessarily limited to when you are alone."

This has been a difficult thing to explain to others and... so I'm not obligated to anymore. It's the kind of pathos that relies on a disassociation between the relationships with people and the internal desires one has with themselves. How to reconnect this?

this is my question to you all.. what part of this is wrong, what part can be fixed, and where does it go from there? I'm finding myself a little lost on how it became disconnected in the first place. Perhaps I'm not open anymore because I'm vulnerable and naive? Always possible. It's a closed book.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/16083868/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/16083868/ Mon, 24 Dec 2007 20:26:06 PST I'm having a hard time realizing that through all that I've done, I've gotten somewhere that's better than before. That was the whole point see. University, high school, sorrow and pain in Montreal. And the thought comes to me, that.... the journey ain't over yet. There's more to come, "So much more you have to go through" -Johnny Cash. Yeah, he's right about that.

Anyways, I'm going on Welfare and life will be difficult for me. Harder than it already is. But, I'm going to find myself the job I want, Live a dream, perhaps along the way I'll live on my own two feet again. Throw out my doubts and move ahead. Now my head's full of doubts... Not that Welfare is bad, that the stigma is well earned. It's that, my life wasn't pictured to be like this. I suppose being pessimistic on christmas eve is a bad omen, but omen's aren't bad by nature. I expected to see family, a real.. real get together! But, I can't imagine them here now. I can't imagine their faces with they success and their careers in front of them, to see me.

But allow me to think out of the box for a moment. Perhaps, if life were never difficult and dreams were easy to live then they wouldn't be wished for. People are like that, they wouldn't wish for things that were easy. Would they? In any case, this could be taken as another step that I have to take down the road. Towards the goal that I set for myself. I just wonder, where all the encouragement has come from over the years.

Especially now... with my life on the line.

But, I'll keep on doing whatever it is that I've been doing. Do more of it, harder, faster and stronger, or so they say. Because I need to. I have to, don't I?

For everyone that's given me encouragement here, you all know who you are.
GothAngel, Nemoorange, Claire, Echo Si. A thousand others that have left wonderful critiques and beads of hope when I needed them. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for every one of them. Thanks. So, here's from me to you.



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/16029134/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/16029134/ Fri, 21 Dec 2007 12:51:22 PST
Well, what I'm trying to do with a blog I've created is to make a story that had several interesting characters, a villian, a cause and a message that ties it all together. I've had difficulty making each piece fit together, but I'm getting it onto the blog site at least. As well, during my time creating this blog, I've wondered if it's going to start something really big, or if it's going to remain really small. The difference is that, I'm making every inch of it, every last word. And, when I need guidance there are friends there to give me the best ideas. People are the best wealth of knowledge, even if they're sure they have none themselves.

So, if any of you want to read it, it's not everything I've compiled on this story so far, and some of it is on Deviantart.com as well. I am going to create this blog story not simply to finish, but to enjoy the meaningful journey that I am taken on when I create and write things of this nature. And, when I write I believe the real enjoyment is that I'm making everything. I'm not given a plan of action by anyone else and a deadline, I create all that too. It's the best freedom I can afford in my life, and so far, I've done it all for free.

The site is here: [link]

I'm pretty sure that it will become a great story and with time and patience we'll see it create itself after awhile. Who knows, In time the reality of the story will be both shocking, horrific and true to form (At least for me anyway). I'm intending to make everyone cringe, squel and have their jaws hit the floor with outrage. Those emotions I find are creative, motivational and energetic most of all. Those are the things I need most, energy, motivation and creativity. *Big smile* So! Anyone that feels they can contribute to this project please let me know and we can discuss what might happen with it once more of the story is complete. I'm not so much asking for help, just asking for feedback from others and ideas on the direction of the whole ball of wax. I can write, but when it comes to looking at the big picture, there's a lot of grey area that I'm unfamiliar with in terms of marketing, promotion, using the internet to the best of it's ability and so forth.

I want to create something wild, and I hope this is it. Oh, little warning, the story might be watered down so far, but it's not for any kids or teenagers of any kind. A lot of people will be turned off by the characters and ideas that are thrown out, generally because I don't believe in the same ideas most normal people do. That said, I do hope you enjoy it and I hope that it helps you understand people a lot better.

This is me signing off for now. My contact information is thus: Doomit2@hotmail.com MSN
Sornduskryn@Gmail.com
CordonRaast AOL
11811443 ICQ

Feel free to drop me a line here or there. Or just start spewing your thoughts onto the floor, I'll clean them up and sift through them.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/15917297/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/15917297/ Thu, 13 Dec 2007 12:43:12 PST The irony is this...

What we know about ourselves is truly separated from the view other people have.
Living with this realization requires a feat of excellence. First one has to have an out the box experience to how they view themselves and then, by sheer luck, they're able to recognize themselves from another person's perspective. It all sounds so simple, but when you get down to it. What exactly do you see? Do you see what you want to see?

I always do

Do I see what I have to see? Not much. But how could we live that way?

It comes to mind that while we rationalize how we appear to others in a positive light, or most (like me) don't give it a whole lot of thought, we truly don't know. And, deep down, we're not all that anxious to find out, are we? If you wanted the brutal truth. You'd break down and say to yourself... But but.... I'm not like that at all! Hey, wake up call, you probably are and it's usually the best time to get in touch with it right there and then. How is the obvious question

But more importantly is what strikes you the most? What shocks and scares you when you see yourself and think... "I'm not the person I thought I was... Not now and never again." Perhaps there's an aspect of myself that's truly hidden away and there's only others that see it everyday. All of this sounds pretty murky I know. The point is that we're locked into thinking about ourselves from our perspective, but occasionally, we're allowed to step outside of our skin, our farts, our mannerisms and gasp... But, afterwards we will keep on being that way. At least now, we're going to notice it, whatever IT happens to be. I've been considering this since I saw myself on Video Tape today. I've found there's not much I enjoy about myself as I did before. This proves another point, the less ignorant I am the more miserable I end up being. *sigh*

So... to leave on a good note, we're all able to say to ourselves that we're different than what we thought, but we are all able to recognize it and, hopefully, take the criticism like a real professional.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/15642634/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/15642634/ Fri, 23 Nov 2007 22:38:57 PST
So any help would be appreciated. I don't know what to do.

And before anyone says, "Your not a writer your a fucking coward!" I will first say, fuCK OFF. I write goddamnit, and I want you all to know the truth, I can't do without. I just want to do it better. And i'll be DAMNED if someone here has the nerve to be self-righteous crude and infuriating. That said, i want the truth. If I am a coward, say it nicely at least.

I love my characters, and I find I have to do all these things to them. And in turn, I find the same injuries in my own heart. Where it's already sustained far too much pain. I'm caught between healing what wounds I have, and making more only to cover up old ones. Both of these do not help writing in any real way. There's another way, I just don't know what it is. Or is that the curse of writing? That we inflict upon our characters, what we do to ourselves? Or do most of us avoid it? I'm so goddamned confused about it. And, again I'm sorry for all the language, I'm just not in a good place right now. All of it makes me angry.

I want .... I want to go the distance, I just fear what pain I'll inflict and awaken because of it.

Anyway educated responses only. I do not appreciate some of the worthlessness that is prevalent on the internet these days. But, I know some people here, Claire, Gothangel, and many, many others are prone to be thorough and logical about it all. So, I welcome logic and a thorough explanation. Or just memories would help.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/15423341/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/15423341/ Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:42:00 PST
If I'm down there, no one will see me through the waves, through a million broken mirrors, through the biggest mirror of all. And the saddest face of all walking away after seeing their own faces reflected back. I save a seat for that person beside me.

And silence. It's not the kind of thing anyone can divulge without a little bit of guilt. What manages to kindle it? Silence is a fire that breeds, and yet we're completely aware of it. It breeds in most situations, catches fire with the slightest of sentences, a mere glance, a breath with words unspoken in your mouth, conjured deep within recesses untapped and unknowable.

And somewhere, in this cesspool of uneasiness, I'm going to find a ladder to take me out? A place where this pain can cease? Or if I rise above it I live happily regardless, in ignorance maybe? Perhaps if I set myself up to be where I was some months ago, no job, no place to live?

Throughout it all, no place for me is ideal. I'm beset with this and that, I'm thrown around like a rotten piece of meat. And, in essence, the nature of fire is to consume. If silence is the fire, then I am also being consumed. Along with the house, along with my room mate, along with the real reasons behind it all. Along with solutions?

I'm scared about what to consider. Moving out is kinda hard for me. I have little money to begin with. And finding a new place without a job is harder still. But, I may have to do just that anyway.

Still, that's only the negative side. The positive side is that I'm going to a course that's helping me understand where I want to go in life. I'm able to truly understand the professions that interest me and the paths and careers that are involved with that profession. I'm doing my best with it in order to get on the right track for what I want to do with my life. It's all been very rewarding, and for the first time in Vancouver, ok perhaps second. I get real help with my questions, and... understanding.

Perhaps out of all of it, I'm getting what I need. When it's over, I'll have a great idea about what I want to do, and I will get there! I feel good about that.

So, I'm going to learn more about Tai Chi from books at the library. I'm also going to practice more, and impress my instructor. She's had it hard recently, seems to be losing focus. Or perhaps she's just angry. I'm happy that she's able to give me what she knows about Tai Chi. And I'm going to follow through and do it.

As well, I've been able to write and I've been able to get stuff down. I'm able to set time for myself and get it done. I really enjoy it. The only true passionate thing I have these days. And that's more than the five fingered widow can provide. Well, I'm off to go home and write, eat, sleep and sleep more.

I wish everyone the best of luck.

-DoomiT-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14788908/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14788908/ Tue, 25 Sep 2007 16:06:51 PDT
I've been searching for a job for far too long and I think my room mates beginning to doubt my ability to get what I need to get done. I'm not doubting myself, I'm just asking myself why I can't work at Safeway? Of all places, or IGA when people half my age, I'm 26, are?

Questions I can't answer without sounding like a prick so, I won't attempt. I'm here asking myself what is truly holding me back? Perhaps I'm not out there handing out resumes? Perhaps my smile, and it's an genuine expression of hope and confidence, isn't enough? Anyway, that's just one aspect, I did get an interview doing a job with outbound customer service. So I hope to hear back. But, in all honesty, it may be that my voice is holding me back and I'm presumed to be some kind of stupid simpleton when I've finished university with a bachelor of Arts. Figure that one out. Perhaps I'm unbelievably lucky that they pitied me so much as to give me a diploma. Right, that adds up, of course! THAT MUST BE IT!

Enough sarcasm. I'm just perplexed. So, I keep trucking along and I keep doing what I do. Which is writing on a short story that I will share here soon enough and doing Tai Chi that I should practice more. Reading a Clive Barker book and wondering if the mold in the basement suite is contributing to the way I'm feeling these days. I feel normal, which is to say that I don't feel overly depressed nor overly emotional with any great weight at all. There are moments of random sadness but I defeat them as best I can. Though the lady, Heather, is moving out if the landlord does nothing and paints over it. And my hopes aren't good. What strikes me is that my room mate decided to deny the existence of it entirely. Seemingly thinking that I'll just "believe?" Perhaps it's that simpleton theory working it's way to the surface once again!

I'm here in an Internet Cafe because my roomie, until today, has been quite tardy. Though he does work 6 days a week and goes to a class to learn Excel, though he also has little computer knowledge and is widely ignorant about the whole working of any computer. Luckily, he has me, who he doesn't trust at all to do anything correctly. perhaps another sign I'm not all that I think I am? I'm hoping, despite all of the empirical evidence supporting the idea that I'm just a fool with grand delusions of greatness of mind, that all of these signs are merely mistakes on their part? And yet, there are people who will swear that I'm some kind of brilliant thinker? And leave it at that.

Ok, this sounds like ranting and useless complaints, but it helps me cope to know that I've gotten it down somewhere, as a record maybe? It's beginning to become a habit to discard what thoughts I have here in hopes, that no one reads it, and that some sense will emerge to help me along the way. So this isn't so much for anyone else, but really for myself. I use too many commas.

Have I said everything? Yes, I think I have. I want anyone that does read this to know, while I don't expect people to care much at all, it'll be a serious surprise if I get any responses to this rant.

One last thing, I'm terrified that I'll become homeless if this job thing doesn't sort itself out. I don't want to live back at home. I guess it's preferable to herione and the street at night. Any smart man will instantly agree to that. I've never been one to take drugs like that, high octane narcotics don't bind well with me as I've found during my surgeries and heavy doses of Doromine and other drugs. I guess I need a hug. I need something to give me the idea that I'll pull through.

That's all I gotta say. Thanks for reading.

-Luke-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14729807/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14729807/ Fri, 21 Sep 2007 14:33:00 PDT
To establish the first assumption, strength from pain and endurance hardens and conditions the body to sustain and endure more of the same down the road from smaller amounts beforehand. Feel free to contest this.

Strength in turning away from a violent act, from anger and rage, from the lies that make pride seem so worth while, is hardly considered. More by women than men I think. So what is it that this strength allows for us? Do we say that because we turned away from the man that has slain our children that we are stronger for it? That he'll gain something and refuse to do that henious act once more? Or is there always the possibility that while he exists, the dreadful potential exists as well? Or, lets pick at the last question, and say that is there a potential in all of us for that? But, that's another argument.

To put these questions to rest, there are a great number of us that have the impulsive urge to carry out the deed for the sake of avenging wrongs. Granted, this is all decided in the moment and none can really say one or the other until it's upon them. You can say what you like. Still, to resist your instincts takes a certain strength and, is that not rising above them?

There was a time I couldn't do this and now I tend to do it more than I thought possible, in much different circumstances, of course. Then again, my instincts take over for this and that, they always do, don't they? What I'm really asking is, what collects in us from attaining of strength? Is it the ability to endure or to get a greater understanding of the pain that strikes at us? Or is it really the greater mystery that gets unraveled when our strength is put to the test?

I'm asking because I cannot answer myself. The questions are there and in thought the questions are always there. The answers are never truly found, it's the path that enlightens us and it's the realization that any method to traverse this path is no different than the other.

Do your best to traverse the path set forth here. And try not to waver too much.

-Luke-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14631327/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14631327/ Fri, 14 Sep 2007 13:47:53 PDT
Perhaps it's the sheltering I've always done. When I was hurt and shaking, shelter seemed like the answer. Now? the shelter has fallen apart and I'm... shaking my head thinking how weak I really am. Perhaps the saying, whatever kills you makes you stronger is some kind of pacifying statement. But that's an argument for another day.

I say I am weak because I could do a lot more, and stand up for myself a lot more, and perhaps through my catastrophies I'm injured rather than empowered. I cannot help but shudder and cry when they truly come to breathe fresh air. So, when someone can hold me and make the demons die with just a kiss. Perhaps all this may be better, or worse?

I'm pretty sure, it's better.

-Luke

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14545648/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14545648/ Sat, 08 Sep 2007 12:45:25 PDT
I suppose I am always considering what I can't do, though there are times when I consider what I can do and I apply myself thusly. The consideration is that my computer could lose power right now and I'd have to go home, recharge it and come back to this cafe. Another thing is that I could make the download in time and be able to play this game when I get home. It's not looking too good though. And therein lies the point. We expect and revolve around negativity until we're "Delivered". Of course, those who are delivered into the wonderful hands of productive nature, positivity, GOD, Scientology, whatever else... are looked at with scepticism.

There lies another confusing word, scepticism. Without it, so many bad things happen, and with it nothing gets done. So? What do we do?

I have a healthy dose of scepticism and being the Cartesian that I am, there's no helping it. I've grown to believe in very little, and since things are so... far away, or at least perceived to be, I'm left with my wits and very solid decisions. Do we have anything more? Do the married couples in the audience, squeezing their partners hand, have anything more to say?

If I look at the women in the room tonight, and ask you, do you have anything more...

Well?

Hell, I'm sure the little one on your chest in a harness could only make a strange babylike noise and you'd all say yes. Perhaps I'm being pessimistic? Ha, I've been accused and convicted of that before. I've even enjoyed the moment, but does it get the rent in? Does get the sweat onto the sheets? I'm here to tell you all, heck no it doesn't.

-Luke-

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14240795/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14240795/ Sun, 19 Aug 2007 13:08:12 PDT
Let's be critical about this. Everyone does have themselves in mind when they do business with others, as everyone does need to make it in this world financially, socially, or to build an enterprise in whatever interest they have. The confusion exists because there are a great number of people that have helped me selflessly in the past. Some give me money to buy food, others give me directions, others have meaningless conversations to pass the time (all of this has helped me immensely). If Hobbes is right then we're truly in it for our own gain and people are just tools. But this has very basic flaws within that reasoning.

The flaws exist because while that theory may suggest how human nature can be if the circumstances we're right to allow that to exist, there may also be the case that, the capacity for human nature to be compassionate and giving is evident in human relations as well. We naturally feel bad when things happen to others. And the feeling of Love, hope and sacrifice are given when things are at their worst. I do concede that a person can be made to do horrible things, become a cold heart of winter but there's the realization that if one we're to do horrible things they can be made to do wonderful things too. Plato once said, in summary, if one is made to do terrible acts then one can also be made to do good, what a great thing that must be. The question is, why does the existance of this wonderful aspect of ourselves exist when we are, as Hobbes suggests, Mechanistic machines motivated by self interest?

There's the consequence in this question to allow a terrible proposition. That both extreme's may be at work at once. While the goodness that is possible and that is occuring is good in all ways. The evil and destructive tendencies that are also possible and occuring are bad in all ways. They do much to harbour destruction for the doer most of all. This is because the doer of evil acts may benefit exclusively from them but through the hurting of others to do these acts damage is done on their reputation, their relations with others in the future and the knowledge that terrible grievances are done. Perhaps in this ultimatum there lies a cautious balance? I refuse to think so but it seems immutable to do otherwise.

Perhaps as well, this possibility allows for Hobbe's theory to work while maintaining that the nightmarish world he presents is not absolute in this world that is merely a perspective, and nothing more. Though, the perspective can be correctly applied, though a great flaw in most thinking is that if a theory can be correctly applied it applies throughout everything. This is wrong. It's a perspective and it can and does exist beside many other perspectives. While this may be hard to understand there's no reason to be stalwartly dedicated with one view. This limits and ultimately squanders great potential because of what can be learned if one broadens their mind regardless of background.

I encourage always to have responses to this and anything I post on here (unless otherwise noted) so please feel free.

Thanks for reading.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14090825/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/14090825/ Thu, 09 Aug 2007 13:18:30 PDT
What's not to like? But, regardless, I'm going to say to myself, I'm determined to be a writer for a living, as five years in University, has prepared me for it. Whether I did good in school or not, though the better you do the easier this whole process is. Why am I talking about this instead of doing it? Perhaps this is a method of letting me vent and through that I gain a sense of direction and purpose. People, especially teenagers (as I well remember) find it difficult to dig themselves out of these holes and realize how bright the sun really is.

I'm also going to study for my A+ Exam and take it. I've been neglecting that book lately and I'm letting myself down. So, I'm going to setup a schedule everyday so it feels like I'm accomplishing something. There's every reason to believe I am. But I want something to show for it.

As well, I've not been posting here because I'm in the works of a much larger story that I can't divulge anything about as of yet. Who am I speaking to? Myself really, I doubt people read this anymore. I'm here to vent to myself and get myself going. If anyone does read this, they'll just have to wait and read it once I've revised it completely after the first draft is done.

Fairwell.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/13107175/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/13107175/ Sat, 26 May 2007 23:11:32 PDT
Bjork was awesome, I love her and eventually, she'll be who my kids are forced to listen to. Haha! I'm so evil! Anyway, I intend to have kids and I intend to be completely devoted to someone. Anyone, someone special, specific and sensitive. I just, don't know.... who. I want a writer for a girlfriend, someone that understands writers at least. But what I want is rarely what I get. I get what I need and what I can do without.

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/12718384/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/12718384/ Tue, 24 Apr 2007 13:51:24 PDT
I'm in Vancouver now, what a big city... and apparently, an author I like Evelyn Lau lives here. I don't expect I'll ever meet her, it would be neat if I did. I liked her book so, naturally, I'm a fan. I rarely feel excited about this kinda thing.

-Luke

]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/9007403/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/9007403/ Thu, 08 Jun 2006 09:45:59 PDT While I believe it can prepare us for the real world it can also suspend us in a limbo like state without the possibility of escape. Maybe this is because I haven't had to get two part time jobs while working on three full time courses.

Perhaps I'm just overly lucky and it's going to run out and bring me to the ground. Perhaps a PH.D. is the minimum now. It kind of shocks me to think that is true. But, why not?

In a few months I'll leave university to be denied jobs, receive no phone calls back, and go on welfare. This is one possibility.

Another is that I'll find many minimum wage jobs and work that way for years. Either does not sound particularly good.

And this is what I spent twenty years of learning to achieve?

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/4958773/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/4958773/ Thu, 31 Mar 2005 07:03:29 PST
Goddamn.. i take the lords name in vain.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/4010511/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/4010511/ Tue, 07 Dec 2004 11:17:52 PST
perhaps somewhere I am screaming... but it isn't on this plane of existence.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/2703067/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/2703067/ Sun, 20 Jun 2004 10:03:52 PDT
I'm going to be adding stuff sometimes... once I get it polished enough. Once in awhile you might get a comment or two from me. So, i'll be keeping my face just beyond the door lets say. Kudos to anyone that watches me.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/1745230/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/1745230/ Mon, 26 Jan 2004 14:23:49 PST I've started to think about the possibility of making new regions of insanity for myself, self-centered yes, could be something I am working on also.

Anyhow, I am wondering, what is the scope of the human capacity to hold a grudge against another
is it boundless slaughter
or is there an end to it?

I'd like an opinion

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/1359158/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/1359158/ Tue, 04 Nov 2003 19:50:57 PST If i can have that... If i can even have

a moment, a smile,, damnit...

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/551101/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/551101/ Tue, 18 Mar 2003 12:02:19 PST with a strange pneumonia virus
an outragously irrelevant war
and a beautiful future, that could or could not be.
I want this world to answer maybe just a single day so I can receive the call of the world. I want to fall in love before the end of the world, have my beautiful wife in my arms and die happy. Die free. Maybe, in the night of the final day we could make love and our child could rule the world, because he or she would be the last one standing.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/493943/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/493943/ Fri, 14 Feb 2003 14:17:59 PST and for the billions that don't
won't and can't

I'm here to say a few things.

First of all, i'm crazy. not clinically. Just a perception.

Second of all


I'm in happiness over valentines day.

Third of
all
I like

to write poetry.
In closing I would like to say, that loving each other is the best thing you can do tonight. THe only thing today was meant to be.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/461418/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/461418/ Sun, 26 Jan 2003 11:34:17 PST do the two meet in splendid combination?

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/439177/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/439177/ Mon, 13 Jan 2003 03:13:40 PST
-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/395143/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/395143/ Mon, 16 Dec 2002 19:05:20 PST
-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/313929/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/313929/ Tue, 22 Oct 2002 12:49:28 PDT from the moment before this, that comment, the realization, the confrontation, it seemed somewhat elusive. elusive before it snatches at you. ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/288084/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/288084/ Mon, 30 Sep 2002 16:34:55 PDT
-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/287589/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/287589/ Mon, 30 Sep 2002 07:33:52 PDT
I hope you are ok. Don't know why I feel this way. I just do. Please go find help....

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/275814/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/275814/ Thu, 19 Sep 2002 13:31:13 PDT I hurt someone I really cared about, hurt her because I'm afraid of what could be. Maybe I protected her from a demon inside that could have swallowed us both up. It wasn't that I didn't care. I did. I do. Strangely, life does go on. But the anger, confusion, rage is still there. your a million miles ahead and i'm not angry at you in the least for it. You deserve it. Through it all, it's important to remember what it's like to laugh, smile, die and eventually come through the darkness. I expect flames and such, go ahead. You have every right to.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/265089/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/265089/ Mon, 09 Sep 2002 18:25:08 PDT it's the reality I live
I am free and yet still lingering thoughts

The song from trent reznor
All that could have been

"Run far away, far away from me, I am tainted."

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/261656/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/261656/ Fri, 06 Sep 2002 17:39:40 PDT
it's fragile, my heart, it was just broken.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/261654/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/261654/ Fri, 06 Sep 2002 17:38:22 PDT
it's fragile, my heart, it was just broken.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/261634/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/261634/ Fri, 06 Sep 2002 17:10:40 PDT
Anyway, I have fallen in love and then go to find that she's been promising things to other men and hoping I won't read her comments? Jeez. She believes I trust her and yet she never talks to me. I've not received much from her, not a picture, a phone call or anything, I don't know if she loves me. Or if she's just using me in a strange game.

This is to Dana, the mystical girl that stole my heart and forgot to give it back. I hurt, I'm sure you do to. You've been hurting too much for one person apparently. Are you weak? Do you need me there? I said I was coming soon and I'm making arrangments for that to happen. And yet I need to speak with you, it's imperative. I know I'm forcing things on you, and that's probably never happened before. I'm just worried and stuff. Not the usual worry, but lingering questions I need answers and the answers aren't coming. You probably won't read this. You will probably forget all about me with that "other" guy "[link] Tricache from australia.

That's ok, i'm hurt thats all. What you hoped I wouldn't read it? damn girl. Damn....

You know I wouldn't cheat, lie or steal. Hell, I'm a fucking saint. And it's harder to be me when this stuff happens.

Bah, I've ranted and raged and hurt. I'll shake tonight.
I'll shake hard.....
\
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~


-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/261632/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/261632/ Fri, 06 Sep 2002 17:10:09 PDT
Anyway, I have fallen in love and then go to find that she's been promising things to other men and hoping I won't read her comments? Jeez. She believes I trust her and yet she never talks to me. I've not received much from her, not a picture, a phone call or anything, I don't know if she loves me. Or if she's just using me in a strange game.

This is to Dana, the mystical girl that stole my heart and forgot to give it back. I hurt, I'm sure you do to. You've been hurting too much for one person apparently. Are you weak? Do you need me there? I said I was coming soon and I'm making arrangments for that to happen. And yet I need to speak with you, it's imperative. I know I'm forcing things on you, and that's probably never happened before. I'm just worried and stuff. Not the usual worry, but lingering questions I need answers and the answers aren't coming. You probably won't read this. You will probably forget all about me with that "other" guy "[link] Tricache from australia.

That's ok, i'm hurt thats all. What you hoped I wouldn't read it? damn girl. Damn....

You know I wouldn't cheat, lie or steal. Hell, I'm a fucking saint. And it's harder to be me when this stuff happens.

Bah, I've ranted and raged and hurt. I'll shake tonight.
I'll shake hard.....
\
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~


-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/258050/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/258050/ Tue, 03 Sep 2002 17:03:48 PDT
Anyway, the url is as follows:
"[link] Natie.

Farwell and may god be with you.

-doomit ]]> ~doomit http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/256721/ http://doomit.deviantart.com/journal/256721/ Mon, 02 Sep 2002 16:47:40 PDT

-doomit ]]> ~doomit