http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:ducksXsayXmoo&section=today deviantART RSS for by:ducksXsayXmoo en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 27 Dec 2009 00:32:45 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/22568298/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/22568298/ Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:25:57 PST
[link]

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/18165567/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/18165567/ Sun, 04 May 2008 13:36:43 PDT
i started drawing a "thank you" picture when I saw it was at 3,999; I'll have it up soon.

...Yes, that feels mildly pretentious, but wow. Almost three years to the day I've been here too. Thanks anyone who actually looks at my gallery and stuff

<3

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/18045956/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/18045956/ Sat, 26 Apr 2008 22:10:01 PDT
I recorded it using my laptop's built-in speaker and with just one take for vocals and two for guitar (only used the second take, anyway.) No production, etc. It's a cover of "The Navesink Banks" by the Gaslight Anthem.

[link]

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/17335410/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/17335410/ Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:34:30 PDT
This is going to last six months, from March 13--September 13. I'm also using a borrowed camera, so I will try to cut myself some slack and maybe upload an old photo if there's a day or two when I really can't access a camera all day. I'll probably upload the photos here too at some point but the project will be here: [link] .

P.S. after I finish the project I will probably start a new livejournal because I hate the one I have now. You should be stoked.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/17126604/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/17126604/ Sat, 01 Mar 2008 00:55:07 PST
]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/17013469/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/17013469/ Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:30:51 PST 2) Name Backwards: !Niltiac
3) Were you named after anyone?: not that I'm aware of
4) Does your name mean anything?: my first name means pure
5) Nick Name(s): Breener, Breeninator, Crackmuffin
6) Screen Name(s): shotgunintheblue
7) Date Of Birth: December 19th
8) Place of Birth: hartford i think
9) Nationality: Irish Irish and possibly Scottish
10) Current Location: under your bed =0
11) Religion: agnostic theist
12) Height: 5’ 7"
13) Shoe Size: 9.5
14) Hair colour: natural it's red
15) Eye colour: green
16) What do you look like?: um...slouched over and kind of annoyed all the time. with too much eye makeup.
17) Innie or Outie?: Innie.
18) Righty, Lefty, Ambidextrous: lefty!
19) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?: straight
20) Best friends: honestly? Shelly probly.
21) Best friend you trust the most: I don't really trust anybody.
22) Best friends {your sex}: .see aboveee
23) Best friends of the opposite sex: um...I don't even know.
24) Best Bud(s): What the fuck.
25) Boyfriend / Girlfriend: nope
26) Crush: GRRR.
27) Parent(s): i haz them.
28) Worst Enemy: probably my aunt or this one lady i know.
29) Funniest friend: umm matt makes me lulz basically every time i see him, which isn't often.
31) Advice Friend: i'm too stubborn to ask for advice.
32) Loudest Friend: i donno
33) Person you cry with: no one.
34) Any sisters: 0
35) Any brothers: Patrick and Conor
36) Any pets: Dolly!!
37) A Disease: my stomach hates me [aka i get heartburn a lot.]
38) A Pager: haha no.
39) A mp3 player/ipod: yeah.
40) A laptop: indeed!
41) Gaming platform ie nintendo/xbox: my brothers and i have a ps2 but i almost never use it.
42) Surround sound: is hawt.
43) A Personal phone line: nope. i don't really care for phones.
44) A Cell phone: yup
45) A Lava lamp: nope.
46) A Pool or hot tub: nope.
47) A Car: nope.

Describe Your...

48) Personality: vury strange.
49) Driving: meh.
50) Car or one you want: delorean fully equipped with flux capacitor.
51) Room: cold
52) What’s missing?: anything interesting tbh.
54) Bed: in my room.
55) Relationship with your parent(s): meh.

Do You...

56) Believe in yourself: i donno [harr harr]
57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: i do not.
58) Consider yourself a good listener: sometimes.
60) Get along with your parents: sort of.
61) Save your e-mail conversations: well i never delete them, so yeah.
62) Pray: sometimes
63) Believe in reincarnation: sometimes
64) Like to make fun of people: usually only as a joke.
65) Like to talk on the phone: NO.
66) Like to eat?: depends on my mood.
67) Like to drive: i'm not too good at it, but sort of.
68) Get motion sickness: rarely.
69) Eat the stems of broccoli: it's better without but i don't mind them.
70) Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: veganlol. but even if i weren't, no.
71) Dream in color: alwaysalwaysalways.
72) Type with your fingers on home row: i dooooooo
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: many of them.

What Is...

74) Right next to you: empty coffee cup [i ought to remedy that] on one side and an empty water glass on the other.
75) On the walls of your room: a couple posters, some collage-y things from magazines, some drawings, and some words painted on the wall.
76) On your mouse pad: i doesn't have one.
77) Your dream car: something that runs.
78) Your dream date: not a disaster.
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: not the beach. not even near a beach, even.
80) Your dream husband/wife: not an asshole [i have high standards]
81) Your bedtime: anywhere from 3-5 am.
82) Under your bed: nothing actually
83) The single most important answer: I don't know.
84) Your bad time of the day: around 8.
85) Your worst fear(s): being alone forever because of the way i act.
86) The weather like: cold
87) The time?: 8:19
88) The date?: uhhh 02/22
89) The best trick you ever played on someone: I don't know. I'm not very clever.
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: oh jeezum. is falafel considered weird? i know i get a lot of "......ewwwww" every time i mention it.
91) Your Theme Song: "I'm A Panic Bomb, Baby!"--BtMI!
92) The hardest thing about growing up: realizing how much time you wasted waiting around, and that it's your job to make your life worth something, not anyone else's.
93) Your funniest experience: oh dear. singing along to queen with brandy and shelly in the back of nick's dad's truck while nick and his dad listened with horror/amusement comes to mind.
94) Your scariest moment: panic attacks.
95) The silliest thing you've eve... ]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16793692/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/16793692/ Sat, 09 Feb 2008 00:37:33 PST

P.S. the main purpose of this journal entry is so I don't have to look at that one from back in October anymore.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/14995287/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/14995287/ Wed, 10 Oct 2007 05:02:35 PDT
I have been doing art, I have three or four pieces that are either complete/almost complete that I'll post as soon as I get batteries for my brother's camera--they're too big for the scanner, you see. At least one of them is a really fun Halloween-y thing.

Thing is, I'm going to have to start doing a buttload of still lifes, because for some reason I'm still intent on going to art school. Probable AINE because they have recording and audio engineering programs, which means I can do some of that stuff in the way of electives.

Off to class now. Hopefully I'll update in the next couple of days with new art...

"Laughing and crying are almost the same
They just show everyone how much attention you're paying"
--The Lawrence Arms

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/14482745/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/14482745/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 06:10:21 PDT
Schoolwise I've already dropped Desktop Publishing and it looks like I'll be dropping World Civ in order to take Portfolio Development. This is all unofficial as of yet, I have to hand in the paperwork tomorrow after I talk to the Portfolio Development teacher and see if she'll let me take the class.

Needless to say, I'm nervous as fuck about it. I have to show her as much recent work as possible, but the thing is I mostly only kept the things that were of sentimental value to me, figuring I'd be able to build a better portfolio while at three rivers than I had at high school. So I have just about nothing that looks realistic, it's mostly wierd abstract and cartoons. Wierd abstract and cartoons don't really get you into drawing classes.

I'm just hoping against hope that she's used to other fuckups like me and will see enough potential in my work to let me in on the class.

All that being said, this means I get to voyage to an art store between classes and get new charcoal and pencils and pens and suchlike, which makes me far too happy for my own good.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/14194586/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/14194586/ Thu, 16 Aug 2007 11:06:54 PDT
About to head out to hand in my registration form for college. At the moment my schedule looks like:

Mondays:
9 am: English
2 pm: World Civ II
6:30 pm: Desktop Publishing

Tuesdays:
11am: Algebra
2pm: Political Science

Wednesdays:
9 am: English
2 pm: World Civ II

Thursdays:
11am: Algebra
2pm: Political Science

and nothing on Fridays.

I'm probably going to change this though. Firstly I should be taking Portfolio Development, which means I'll be dropping Desktop Publishing...I also have to talk to an adviser about switching classes so I can transfer more smoothly to an art school after this year.


Oh yeah. Portfolio Development=drawing nakey people. Greeeat. I mean obviously I knew I'd have to at some point and I know it's important, but that doesn't mean I'm not apprehensive.

I also put in an application to Staples last night, hopefully they'll get back to me.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/13925088/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/13925088/ Sun, 29 Jul 2007 09:30:15 PDT
Soooo I guess now the thing to do is go for a run and then draw and write for the rest of the day. Yay.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/13893754/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/13893754/ Thu, 26 Jul 2007 22:43:51 PDT
I realized last night, as I was lying in bed staring absently at the ancient posters on my wall, that I hate Good Charlotte. I know, I know. I'm too old for that shit...but until a year ago, I'd convinced myself that they're still my favorite band. And I realized, I might listen to one or two of their songs just as a throwback to my childhood, as a nostalgic salute to the kid I used to be, but really...I might enjoy some of their older stuff, but I fucking hate them.

I'm just so sick of the music industry. Why should it be a toss-up between "music business" and "music fuck-around?" Why can't it be just "music?"

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/13755942/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/13755942/ Mon, 16 Jul 2007 11:00:45 PDT
Don’t get me wrong. I love science fiction, I love fantasy books. I love writing and I’d love to have a novel some day—heh—and I do rather like Star Wars. I’ll defend to the death your right to say whatever you want about whatever books you choose. But really now, what’s the point in some of your arguments? Many writers in this genre write for children, despite your claims otherwise. And really, it’s like my brother says about film critics—they failed at what they wanted to do with their lives and now they’re bitter.

What’s wrong with naming a character Richard? I think it’s a rather nice name, much better than something that sounds more like an artificial sweetener than a person’s name. I’m all for originality, but trying to be “different” for its own sake is quite impossible and useless.

What’s wrong with using an every day vocabulary? Walt Whitman, Charles Bukowski, CS Lewis.... Writing is not an opportunity to showcase and brag about your extensive vocabulary, it’s about creating a coherent piece of work using words—the frequency with which these words are used on a daily basis is not the issue.

For God’s sake, I get it, you’re a snob and it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside when you pick apart someone else’s work. But in the words of Chuck Palahniuk:

"Please send me a copy of your latest book. I'd love to read it.
Until you can create something that captivates people, I'd invite you to just shut up. It's easy to attack and destroy an act of creation. It's a lot more difficult to perform one. I'd also invite you to read the reviews Fitzgerald got for 'Gatsby' from dull, sad, bitter people -- like yourself.”

Edit: yeah I know, rather hypocritical. I just want to point out, I don't mind people pointing out why they dislike X Y or Z piece of literature or film and why, it just pisses me off when the criteria are the stupidest, most nit-picky things ever. Saying it didn't do anything for you for these reasons, fine. But saying that a work of creation is utter bullshit just because the author's style favors simpler phrasing? Fuckin' lame.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/13475204/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/13475204/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 17:46:26 PDT
I'm going to miss her, though. I know she gets annoying for a lot of the students, but she and Berglund have really helped me a lot in many ways, despite their skepticism about my ideas. Sometimes adversity is constructive, you know? And I'm definitely going to miss Mr. A, my English teacher. He--and even our student teacher--did help with this whole writing thing quite a bit.

What else is going on in my world...I have some sort of infection on the side of my face, the doctors seem to think it's either cellulitis or lyme disease...currently the latter seems more likely. In any case, the antibiotics are working, I'm not running a fever and I'm gonna go get bloodwork done to see what it is in a few days. I wonder if they allow photography in the exam room...my brother just got a new camera that takes amazing macro shots, I could start a series on hypochondria maybe.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/12660186/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/12660186/ Thu, 19 Apr 2007 20:03:32 PDT that happen?!

well, thanks to anyone who commented or fav'd, especially those who gave feedback, and thanks to anyone who looked at this page... i know 2,000 isn't really that big a deal but considering that i really don't do that much art/writing wise, it seems like a lot to me.

folks who watch me and thusly win at life:













]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/12484941/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/12484941/ Fri, 06 Apr 2007 14:57:14 PDT One night we lay beside each other
So close to a sweat
With two fans circling overhead
We sleep on borrowed time
And the traffic lights direct empty roads
The stars can't break the city sky
But they still try despite what they know is already true
And tomorrow we'll take aim
Just like a storm waiting for a calm
I can feel everything coming in my chest
My heart's already pounding
My head's on far-off highways
Sixteen years old
On a road that never ends
Might drive into something that looks like a sunset
And it lasts forever
And I never look back

From hoboken to l.a.
From portland to gainesville
From the great plains to niagara
Route 66 straight to california
Electric lights carry the night
We move in 4/4 time
Our feet on wheels and in the sky
Yes we're going, cause we'd die if we stayed here
And those dying dreams will carry what's good and real and pure
And the rest can burn in hell

And for the four-year-old girl found dead in a dumpster
Shot by her mother
Her eulogys the sound of construction through head-to-head traffic
Today is just another day

And me and my friends are just growing into the drunks and the liars that we've always hated
Every shortcoming has trapped us
Every mistake is now our own infinite failure
So we steal every chance we get
Every advantage is taken when no one's looking
We hide behind closed doors
And we don't stop until
We are the people we've decided we should be
I wanna be a shot heard round the world,
fucking unstoppable
This distance is not something we'll regret
From here, and now, and today, and forever
And days after that till the very end

From hoboken to l.a.
From portland to gainesville
From the great plains to niagara
Route 66 straight to california
Electric lights carry the night
We move in 4/4 time
Our feet on wheels and in the sky
Yes we're going, cause we'd die if we stayed here
And those dying dreams will carry what's good and real and pure
And the rest can burn in hell
And the rest can burn in hell

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/12030992/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/12030992/ Fri, 02 Mar 2007 18:45:05 PST
"Mascara (Original Sin)"--The Killing Tree
"i found out what you did today, so run
i know where you live and i'm on my way, so run
i'll waste my life on death, so run
i want to taste your final breath, so run
go your own way
(the city grieves in unison)
but she loves him more than anything
crawling home on hands and knees
one day i pray that time licks these wounds clean

so smile away the last five years
and smear cascade of mascara tears
black, red eyes bled
forever

i want you to see what i've become
a hurt i would not wish on anyone
you taught us to trust noone
we are your fucked up creation
white picket fences line these
dreams they keep us out
never...
or do we keep them in
....leave you
her eyes scream pain that noone ever sees
deaf ears put this dull ache to sleep
as she braces herself for the final blow
remembering tear of not so long ago
everything that once fell into place
is falling apart

and you're all i have...you've given me nothing
and you're all i can see...you've left me blind
so lets stay here forever
let's rot here together
six feet under over love"

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/11972780/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/11972780/ Mon, 26 Feb 2007 10:23:14 PST a lot lately, but none of it's been in my gallery cause my scanner has decided to either crap out, work rediculously slowly, or give me a bazillion error messages. and i just got a box of prismacolor colored pencils [i've been using the stray ones floating around in the art room for ages] so i've really really been drawing a lot this week. sooooooooooooooooo no i'm not dead.


p.s. if anyone wants to do an art trade and for whatever reason likes my style, gimme a note or a comment or something. cause i can use the scanner at school once i go back.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/11615119/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/11615119/ Mon, 29 Jan 2007 18:01:26 PST
like, seriously.

um...i'm kind of in shock about this. i've always been a writer but have considered graphic arts the occupation i'd be pursuing. honestly i've never really thought about supporting myself or even making any money off of my writing, unless i used the lyrics in a band and made a few bucks playing shows.

crazy.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/11529889/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/11529889/ Mon, 22 Jan 2007 12:54:19 PST
anyone--i don't care if you're watching me or lurking on my page or just randomly came across it--who wants to do an art trade with any of my characters leave a comment on this journal or send me a note or a devious comment or throw a rock at me.... just a forewarning i suck at drawing nudity so if your character is nekkid it might look bad. other than that i'll try to draw just about anyone's characters.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/11033406/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/11033406/ Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:20:51 PST
uh....in other news, my puppy is sick =[

i have a shitload of art i have to do for people for christmas, because as i'm sure you could all guess, i am BROKE. which reminds me, if anyone wants any wallpapers or shit, gimme a note/comment/IM/letter via carrier pigeon...i've been somewhat uninspired as of late. actually i'm drawing kitty girls/faeries out of anyone who asks and several people who don't.

...no, i'm not a stalker.

uh.... oh yeah.


* The first ten people who reply to this journal get put up here, along with three of my favorite deviations by them.
* You have to put this in your journal as well, so share the love!
* You must also be watching me.

all three of you who will read this, reply.

and in other news...i watched the emoticon for "insecure" with absolute fascination before i selected it. isn't it cuuuuuute?

~PrimeTimePoetry
[link]
[link]
[link]

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10956740/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10956740/ Tue, 05 Dec 2006 05:43:24 PST
looks like i'm never getting my graphics work done again, this is where i get my stock from...fuck.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10807883/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10807883/ Wed, 22 Nov 2006 05:44:32 PST
Just answer the following questions.

1) What is your deviant-name and what does it mean?
ducksXsayXmoo. I could go on a rant about how it represents the paradox of human existence…only it doesn’t. I just thought it sounded silly and liked it.

2) Why did you join this site?
to force myself to keep writing/ doing digital/traditional art. I really like feedback, and I think I try a little harder to make lines clean and spelling correct if someone’s actually gonna read it.

3) What fandom were you obsessed with when you joined?
uhhhhhhhhhh idk

4) Were any of the fandoms you have currently brought about by this site?
I don’t get ittttttttt

5) Look into your stats. What is your:
- Most Favorited Deviation: [link]

- Most Viewed Deviation: [link]

- Most Commented Deviation: [link]

6) How many watchers do you have at this moment?
9 =/

7) First ever watcher?
uhhhhhhhhh I don’t remember.

8) How many pageviews do you have at this moment?
1,244

9) What is your artist's title shown beneath your "status"?
deviously annoying

10) What is your most "meaningful" work?
uhhhhh off the top of my head I’d say “What’s Your Excuse?” I don’t know, I guess it’s because I spent a lot of time on it and [gasp] actually used my own words.

11) Best COMPLETED piece you ever did?
um I don’t know. I do visual art and writing, so…hmm. It’s not actually on here, but there’s a piece I did in art class last year- the only one I actually finished, heh- called Corporate that I put a lot of time and effort into. I actually redid it three times.
12) Work that took the longest?
ummm like I said, Corporate took a while, but the thing that took the longest on here would probably be “Awkward Silence”, it took me about a month to figure out exactly how I wanted the words to be.

13) DA artist who has influenced you the most?
~lug0si. She was in my western civ class last year, and she was always drawing-her stuff’s amazing.

14) What is currently the funnest thing to draw?
ummm probably kitty girls

Easiest thing to draw?
hahaha. At the moment, the bouncing souls logo- the one I turned into a tattoo design/calendar, I mean. I drew it about a gazillion times over within a week.

15) Your first ever giftart was to:
idk

First ever giftart received was from:
never received any. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulence.

16) How many clubs are you in?
um I don’t think I’m in any.

17) How long have you been here?
1 year, 8 months, 9 days, 20 hours, 8 minutes. Give or take a few seconds.

18) Are you on any other art sites?
nope

19) Can you remember the old DA layout?
yep

20) Are you still as passionate about art/poetry/prose as when you joined this site?
yes, all three. In fact, maybe even more so.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10719864/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10719864/ Tue, 14 Nov 2006 05:52:42 PST
it's not that i don't want to go, it's not that i don't think i have it in me...somewhere. it's just that...i have a gazillion ideas floating around in my head for pieces, but i never get around to doing them.

i thought i wanted to go to the art institute of new england but i went there...it seems more like a school for people who want art as an easy out. it's all about money, careers, blah blah blah. and while i care about that, i want to really do art, not just pretty pictures for advertisements or whatever.

and i can't go to the art teachers for help because i know they think i don't have it in me. skill wise and temperment wise. they've seen me break down because i couldn't do a piece...in retrospect there was a lot of other stuff going on that caused it, but it seriously broke me down for a while. anyway, they have their portfolio kids, who are all absolutely amazing artists, and i can't measure up to them. i'm not being bitter or jealous, it's just a fact. they have to invest their time in the people who actually have a really good chance.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10430722/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10430722/ Wed, 18 Oct 2006 05:10:21 PDT no, i do not care.
[link]

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10339486/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10339486/ Mon, 09 Oct 2006 17:19:26 PDT so now.... i copied the lyrics of Picket Fence II- one of the songs i wrote for him- out of my journal, and put said copied lyrics in his room.

i am...so scared.

i have never shown my writing to anyone in my family, and NEVER to anyone that they're actually about.

is this normal, or am i just freaking out? because i'm terrified right now. i'm baring my soul and i never do that, ever, especially to people i know. this is making me so vulnerable and there's a huge chance he'll throw it back in my face, because that's what i deserve.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10295229/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/10295229/ Thu, 05 Oct 2006 16:12:46 PDT [and i meant that in a totally non-bokononist way.]
i'm looking into colleges. i do want to go to school, i really do. hopefully an art school, for graphic design. just two problems:

a. i seriously doubt i have enough talent
b. i seriously know i can't pay for it

seriously, even if my parents did have the money, what about my brothers? they have to go to college too. my brother wants to go to film school. what if he can't because my parents put all kinds of money into a graphics career that might go down in flames before you can say "i told you so you slacker mother fucker."

i don't know. if it's not art school, it's gonna be community college. and that would kill me. i can't stay here, i just can't. i'm scared to leave but if i stay any longer than i have to, i may never leave at all. and i can't fucking stand that thought.

]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/9679004/ http://ducksXsayXmoo.deviantart.com/journal/9679004/ Thu, 10 Aug 2006 14:14:24 PDT
i know this just means that as an artist i'm progressing, i'm picking out flaws in my own work and that's a good thing. all it does is improve things.

however i've had a huge case of writers block in regards to all creativity lately. so all this is doing is adding to my general restlessness and discontent.

damnittohell.andback.twice. ]]> ~ducksXsayXmoo