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]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/21224349/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/21224349/ Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:49:01 PDT
Moving on, I am not going to let my self slip into another expressionless state of suffering. I plan to use these new found feelings of angst as reason to write. From the ashes, rose the phoenix...

]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/20751576/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/20751576/ Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:39:46 PDT
With that said, I look forward to checking out the archives of old deviant watches, as well as adding more to my watch list.

]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/17969070/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/17969070/ Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:17:07 PDT
I have been in... what I can best describe as, a prison of consciousness until recent bouts with depression have forced the need for an outlet to return. I'm hoping to aid in the process of dealing with my angst the same way i did so long ago, but with a different outlook and perspective.

With that said, go read the latest poem I wrote. It's free verse, something i rarely ever endorsed in the past, but now I see the appeal of just letting words flow, weather or not the rhyme.

]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/6693302/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/6693302/ Thu, 06 Oct 2005 08:06:12 PDT
Who knows, I might write something soon, but I'm not too sure. My mind is else where, since I'm going to Denver soon for a bitchin rave. We'll see what results in my waiting. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/6496098/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/6496098/ Tue, 13 Sep 2005 16:22:45 PDT
I'm in limbo, and I can't find my suit case. Everything that is me, that makes me me, and that was me, is gone. Lost in transition, I find my self broke, mentally and financially, slightly depressed due to isolation, and overall, just, plain, bored! Where's the insanity up here? Where's the extreamists? Where's THE FUCKING GONZONESS OF IT ALL?! I'm left, unanswered.

So at this fork in the road of butt-fuck-no where, I can either be greatly upset, which I've tried, and doesn't seem to get me very far, or just, totally uncarring, which involves a great deal of monotony. Neither are ideal situations, but I have to go somewhere.

To have your life kicked out from underneath you is something that will just cause you to loose balance, and I can't get back up. Not yet anyway. At times like these, I turned to others for the answer. But, I'm not up here in college to have others answer my questions anymore. I'm here to find, and conclude my own answers/solutions. But, in my search for inner peace, I've found nothing. Even getting high up here doesn't have the same sense of satisfaction as it once did in D-Town.

I've left my comfort zone, and entered a mine field. And to top it off, I'm wearing, very, very big shoes. Explosions are immenent, unless I tip toe around everything and everyone. The problem with this is, I FUCKING HATE IT!! Tip toeing isn't my style. I'm more like the, come marching in type, kick down the motha fuckin door, and open fire. However, such tactics up here would result in a shunning worse than that woman from The Scarlet Letter. Again, I'm lost as to what to do.

I'm an entity at this point. The Andrew you all know, versus the one that goes to school at Colorado Mountain College, is different in the sense that, one is alive, the other is a hard drive, absorbing specific information. I've become nothing more than a college sponge, sitting in the front of every class, paying attention, and not giving a moments consideration to those around me. Up here, I silence the world with hardcore, and concentrate immensly on getting the fuck out of the place that I was tricked into choosing to come to.

I have only my self to blame, and the responsibility is suffocating me. No matter how hard I try to fall into the darkness, the piercing beams of light pull me back, and resesotate me to a miserable existence, that is heaven on Earth to some other person in existence. Round, round, round we go, I've become someone I don't know. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/6281116/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/6281116/ Sat, 20 Aug 2005 16:44:41 PDT
School starts on the 26th, and I'm less than thrilled to be going. But, my family will be infinetly relieved to be rid of me, so what ever. Up at school, I'm hopping to get into better physical shape, and get my grades up. That's it. I don't care about making friends up there, I don't care about being social, I don't care about any thing or any one, but me. I'll be doin the hermit thing, the monk thing, the what ever thing.

I also found out today, that my Mom wont let me goto Naropa because it's a private school. Bummer there, but what ever. At this point, I don't give a rats ass.

I feel like starting my life all over, but certainly not up in glenwood springs.

I wanna go fight a bear. It'd be a decent challenge, I'd relieve some stress, and I don't feel bad about hitting a bear, because that fucker can kill me if he wants to. Fortunetly, I'll have a back up katana.

::sigh:: LEGALIZE POT, AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT....................................for me anyways.

Also, if you could, blow something up for me? It would really satisfy a certain urge of mine. You know, the one for mass destruction? Thanks. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/5848769/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/5848769/ Tue, 05 Jul 2005 15:51:09 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/5726726/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/5726726/ Wed, 22 Jun 2005 19:10:26 PDT
My love life, is non existant right now. I've made a concious effort to ward off girls as far as relationships are concerned. I don't want to find a girl in Denver, and then have to move to Glenwood with that sort of thing hanging over my shoulder. I'm confident that I'll find someone up at CMC, but I'm hating the fact that I can't fall for a particular girl... One who I feel needs my help, needs me in her life, but at the same time, shuts me out with her independence, kicks me in the ribs with her whorish actions, and leaves me wanting more with her smile. What does this have to do with poetry? If you even ask that, then you don't belong on this website. Fuck women...

Mean while, blank pages, and word documents mock me face to face any time I try to write. Never did paper seem so intimidating. All of my close friends have taken their art, and elevated it to a higher plateau, and left me feeling insignificant. I feel like if I write something, show it to say, Max or David, they'll immedietly look at it and go, "Wow, he's lost his touch." Which in every shape, way, or form, it feels like I have. I have NO confidence in my self, no belief in my abilities, and no skill to write. I just, plain, SUCK.

Drugs. If there's a subject that never leaves my head, it's drugs. Drugs, drugs, drugs, plagueing my thoughts like..... the fucking plague. Ever since the ganja flow increased, as well as the pill flow, I feel the creative side of me dying. Weed used to inspire me, now it fatigues me. Too many pills has left me semi depressed, and seriously re-evaluating going to dances on drugs. I've got no time for writing, no desire, no.... ENERGY, for the god damn thing that used to make me feel alive.

Heh, feel alive. Haven't done that in quite some time. I've felt more.... sedated than anything. Like, living in a haze, not able to hear people very well, or able to see the world. And to be honest, my hearing's been a bit fucked, and my vision has been known to get blurry even with glasses. GOD DAMNIT I HATE MY SCTRATCHED LENSES. I hate seeing tiny little blurs cm away from my face.

Overall, shit sucks. The realization I've come to is, it's all my doing. I'm physically out of shape, my brain's a bit fried, and sitting in dirty water, my relationships are in disaray, and it's all my damn fault. Where the fuck is the god damn reset button.... ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/5448388/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/5448388/ Tue, 24 May 2005 13:23:54 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/5277417/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/5277417/ Thu, 05 May 2005 17:26:19 PDT Upon which I live, I am content.

Woa, to who ever bought me a deviant art subscription, much thanks!!! This makes me wanna actually go and write for a change...

And the portal closed, leaving Earth behind forever. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4937013/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4937013/ Mon, 28 Mar 2005 18:37:06 PST
The night before the 25th, we all had a meeting at my friend Max's house to decide how things were to go down the night of the rave. Morgan, Jeremy, David, and I were to leave for Colorado Springs right when Morgan got off from work at 4. Well, when I went home from the meeting at, oh, 1ish, my Mom was up reading her book, and was well aware that I had gone out. It was shitty...

I wake up day of at 5:30AM, and shower, shave, get my shit ready for school. I make sure everything is in order as far as possesions, money, and paraphenelia. I didn't end up going to 1st hour, and for 2nd and 3rd, I went and played cards with some friends up at Village Inn. I went to 4th, and took my math test. After this, I decided that time was running out to pick up the nessesary drugs, so I skipped the rest of the day to venture for hallucinogens and MDMA.

I got the run around from every person that had previously said they'd be there for me. Jeremy picked me up from school and we went to Max's and awaited several phone calls. Plans changed as a result of bullshitting, and we wouldn't be leaving for the Springs untill much later. We went to Jeremy's, rondevuing with David along the way, got the call from Sam that he could do it with the help of Eddie, and we awaited further directions. We headed towards Aurora, as was Eddie's client's destination. We sat around my work for a good hour or 2 before I said "fuck Sam" and decided to go with my friend Stevie. She ended up getting us what we needed in the course of an hour or so, and finally, around 7:45-8:15ish, we headed to CO Springs for the rave.

We were to locate a maroon buick in a walgreens parking lot, and retrieve a map from the driver. But when we got there, several other candy kids were waiting as well. I talked to a pack of them, and was crushed to hear that the party was busted up by the cops. There was word of a rejoining, so we followed a line of cars about the springs from Walgreens, to King Soopers, to a car wash, and back to a different King Soopers. After talking with another raver, we were told the plan was to wait till the cops leave, break back in, and then party. We all agreed that'd be a horrible idea, and headed back to Max's for a mini rave in his basement.

The night was fun, and I enjoyed being with my friends all night. However, I'm still, very torn and pissed off that on a night that had 2 MONTHS of prior planning, everything that could have possibly gone wrong, TOTALLY DID. I ENJOYED going to Max's and chilling all night. It was indeed fun. But, I didn't WANT that. I WANTED to goto a rave, listen to REALLY loud techno (happy hardcore at that), do drugs, meet with some cool people from some message boards, and dance my ass off. This is what I worked so hard to preserve and achieve, and it fell to shit in the course of a day. I wanted to raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave, and I sorta did, so it wasn't a total lost, but it wasn't what I had been craving and dreaming about for the past 2 months. Next time, I will succeed... but for now, GOD DAMNIT!!!

OK, I've vented. Time to get back to work. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4861315/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4861315/ Sun, 20 Mar 2005 09:01:03 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4752731/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4752731/ Mon, 07 Mar 2005 15:29:57 PST
And I was totally not going to ride the bus today! I got up and got ready in 10 minnets so I could ride the school bus. LOOK AT WHERE BEING A GOOD STUDENT GOT ME!!!

I need pot.... ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4669263/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4669263/ Fri, 25 Feb 2005 10:36:08 PST
It's still kinda weird to be stoned again. I can't do it at school, cause I'll sometimes get the fear. It's a lot more under controll than it was, but I just need to stop doin it at school. Any ways...

The new dev's just keep flowwing. Keep checkin out the stuff, and commenting, cause you know you wanna. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4591931/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4591931/ Tue, 15 Feb 2005 17:59:14 PST
Few new things up, comments appreciated, perhaps another tonight. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4578429/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4578429/ Mon, 14 Feb 2005 10:27:32 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4545383/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4545383/ Thu, 10 Feb 2005 11:01:09 PST
The question of ethics, is, do I, as an intellect, understand his ignorance and that he doesn't know any better? Or do I give into desire and split him right down the middle with a sword?

Why not both... ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4461590/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4461590/ Mon, 31 Jan 2005 11:52:56 PST
This weekend was pretty fun. Went to 2 party's on Friday, one that sucked, and one that was pretty awsome. The second one we went to had DJ's spinning DnB and some House shit i think. I remember chilling out in this dudes garage for a bit, on his couch, and in the basement. Between 1 and 3, I passed out drunk on this fools couch, after taking fierce bong hits. But overall, it was a good night.

Saturday was good/bad. I went to a psy-trance rave with Graeme and Jeremy. On friday I bought a pink dolphin from a friend, and it didn't really work. I got Jeremy one as well, and he seemed to enjoy it more than I did. Next time I'm getting XTC from someone else. Any ways, the rave was awsome aside from the dud pill and my obliviousness to what psytrance was (trance without the melody.) It was... aight.

Anyways, remember, a shark on whiskey is mighty risky. But a shark on beer, is a beer engineer. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4215744/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4215744/ Sat, 01 Jan 2005 20:28:23 PST
Oh, and I thought I should just point out, aside from my 1 scrap, I reached 100 deviations as of the submition of Multiple I. w00t. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4172552/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4172552/ Mon, 27 Dec 2004 20:11:20 PST
For the first time in my life, when I told her how I felt, there wasn't a single ounce of fear or regret. This has never occured, but when I told her I loved her, I not only meant it, but it flowed out like water in a trickle.

My writing blockade was destroyed in the process of all my heartache, and I am eternally greatful for this. I've had motivation to write, to read, and to express my self artisticly, which is a feeling that has been absent for a while. This means more to me, than any relation ship. Which brings me to my next point, and the title of this entry.

I've always been so focused on having a relationship, that I've done things that I didn't nesessarily want to do. I forced my self to like one girl, and then in a night of drunken non-fun (she was, not I), I realized the error of my ways. With Lisa, I rushed into the relationship. Perhaps if I had waited longer, gotten to know her, and vise versa, we'd still be together. I'm totally fine with being friends with her, but I think that I could have saved myself a great deal of mental agrivation if I had not jumped the gun. The thing out of all this, that I never looked at, or at times just glimpsed at, was the relation ship with my self.

The self is the most personal relationship. If your relationship with the self is fucked up, then how can you have one with someone else. I realized this after a hard core session of reading "Zen Mind, Beginners Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki. It really made me aware of the neglagence that I've placed on my self. For a while, I said, "I'm happy with who I am, I know Andrew." But in all actuallity, I don't. After all, I'm on wellbutrin now, which has definetly helped fix a lot of problems, and I must say, not smoking has been quite enjoyable. I sometimes question weather or not I want to start back up. After all, my parents trust is back, my mind is definetly sharper, and I don't feel like I'm in this "haze" so to speak. The sad thing is, I think people respect me more now. Which sucks because they shouldn't judge me based on my recreational activities. But going back to the previous subject, (I'm horrible at side stepping), after doing some serious thinking, I need to focus on my self, get my own shit together, then persue another relation ship.

Overall, the experience has been painful, but insightful. I can now truthfully say I'm comfortable with being friends with Heather, and even her boyfriend Tommy. He's a very friendly guy, has a good sense of humor, and is just as much fun to talk to as Heather herself. Perhaps we can be better friends than mere aqaintences.

So lets see how the new year goes about. As each year passes, I see changes in me, usually for the better, and upon reflecting over 2004, I can definetly see a different Andrew. Lets hope I can fix my shit, and then possibly get a girlfriend at CMC. Untill then, may your memories of '04 be like petals in the wind, flying away into the abbys, but still beautiful.

Thank you... for everything... ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4132644/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4132644/ Thu, 23 Dec 2004 01:07:47 PST
Yes, I've had new deviations up, some old that I've been meaning to post, some new, written within days past. The time off has been usefull in getting some stuff accomplished, and for contemplating. Some of the deviations are a bit... how should I put this... not happy. Others are neutral, or just surreal. I did my first visual poem in a LONG time, which I'm quite proud of. Any who, more to come, as I have lots of time to do stuff. Untill then, take it one day at a time, and don't slip. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4103250/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/4103250/ Sun, 19 Dec 2004 13:54:21 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3467682/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3467682/ Tue, 28 Sep 2004 17:19:07 PDT
"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find
Till then I'll walk away! ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3373230/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3373230/ Wed, 15 Sep 2004 20:32:31 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3325873/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3325873/ Thu, 09 Sep 2004 15:17:14 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3204502/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3204502/ Tue, 24 Aug 2004 16:43:15 PDT
Graeme, nothing personal, I just dont wanna flip out on you again like I did last time, so untill I'm calmed the fuck down, I'll be un-reachable. There's been some bad shit going on that I can't tell you cause the person asked me not to, but you didn't do anything. I'm not mad at you at all, I just dont wanna take my anger out on the wrong person. I'll call you when I'm feeling more like talking. Sorry to seem rude, I just don't wanna have another fight where I am an ass to you, and then we don't talk for weeks. Just give me some time to work this shit out.

This goes for the whole bunch of you as well. I'll be back when I'm ready... ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3139165/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3139165/ Mon, 16 Aug 2004 13:20:07 PDT
This weekend is one I'll remember forever. So many things happened, it was ridiculus. I'll start with Friday, and end at today.

Friday: I woke up hella early to go down to king soopers and get paid/buy sure gel for my test. While I was there I got some apples, and tried to relax about my test. The difference between this one and the last is that I took creatine suplements through out the previous night and day. I also took 3 vitamin B 1 hour before, hoping it would add some yellow to the test, which has yet to occur in any of my older tests. Well, I got read the riot act, claiming that if I don't start passing my tests, I may be faced with jail time in county jail. So, that pretty much ruined my day. I got home, and made plans to go see Alien Vs. Predator with Graeme and Stephanie, and thus did so. It was a decent movie, not the greatest, but still coo. Afterwards, I went to Jeremy's. Morgan and Kayla left to go babysit and get drunk, so me and jeremy chilled. We decided to get an 1/8th of chronic from Cody because this would be the last weekend I could smoke. So, we had cody, kyle, bart, and some other kid over to chill and smoke with. This entire week Jeremy's parents have been in Florida, so we've just been chillin in his house, and smoking where and when we please. So, after they left, we chilled, fell asleep, and so ended Friday.

Saturday: I woke up early as usual and sat around doing nothing. Morgan and Kayla stopped by real early, and we had a bowl with them. Morgan registered for college, and we just sat around. After they left, me and Jeremy went to soopers, got donuts, and came back to do kind bud gravity. Then, as I'm taking my second hit, this girl from my work calls me up, and asks me to cover for her. Since she covered for me on Thursday, I owed it to her, and left for work. I basicly worked from 1:30 till 9:30.

Amongst all this, I had tracked down a rave in Colorado Springs for Saturday. I asked Jeremy a few times through the week if he wanted to go, and he usually gave me some idication that he was intrested, and a while earlier he had said, "We should goto more raves." So while I worked on Saturday, I made plans with Graeme to goto the rave. When I called Jeremy at work, he said Max had returned from Florida, and that he didn't want to goto the rave. This pissed me off, because he was doing 2 things. 1: he was blowing me and graeme off, and 2: all he was doing was smoking and playing video games ALL WEEK. That's fine and dandy, but jesus fuck man, why not go out and do something different, despite the fact that your parents are gone. Well, Graeme picked me up and we debated on what to do. We ended up deciding, fuck Jeremy, we're going to this rave. So thus, we did leave from work to the Springs. Along the way, still angry and full of anxiety, I called Lauren up. I inquired as to weather or not she could help me obtain a "party favor". She glady agreed, and told me to track her down when I got there.

So we arived at the rave, paid, got in, and looked around for Lauren. We checked out the House room, and it was alright, much larger than the DnB room, which was waaaaaaaaaaaay better IMO. Well, I guess we got there quicker than her, cause she wasn't there. So we waited, and she got in. After she went around and said hi to all her friends, she brought me over to her friend. I slipped her the 20 and she dropped the small orange pill into my hand. I took that pill not knowing that it would change my outlook on things.

I sat around, waiting for it to kick in, and I didn't want to use up all my energy when water was $2 a bottle, and there were no sinks to refill them up. Lauren came by and asked me why I was just sitting there. She explained how dancing made it kick in faster. So I danced around both of the rooms, and after a while, I was still feelin nothing, but I was a bit more energetic. I walked up to her to say good bye, and she told me to wait a minnet. She walked to like, 3 different people and came back with a tube of Vicks. I took to breaths in each nostril of it, and just kinda sat back like, woaaaaaaaaaa.

I wanted to stay a little longer because the vicks made me feel a lot better. So, we stayed for a little longer, but after a while, I was still just kinda like, "fuck this." so Graeme and I left. We started heading home, and listened to Mr. C on the way back. My legs started to get all tingly, and I started noticing how pretty all the lights were. That's when it started kicking in. I sat there, just staring off into the night, speech less at it's beauty. Graeme and I talked about existance, and I was just, feeling sooooooooooooooooooooooo good.

Well, I had t... ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3122293/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3122293/ Sat, 14 Aug 2004 07:33:49 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3090422/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3090422/ Tue, 10 Aug 2004 11:06:51 PDT
The title speaks for itself. In order to pass my UA's, I'm gonna have to stop smokin for a while, and just drink a lot more to substitute for reefer. Quitting cold turkey is impossible when all of your friends smoke every day, so every time they bust out the pipe, i'll bust out the shot glass and a waterbottle of the captain. I figure I can probably last on mabey 2-3 bottles a pay check. I'll try 2 this week and see how long those last me. I just need to put this shit behind me. I will beat bishop, if it's the last god damn thing I fucking do. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3050472/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/3050472/ Thu, 05 Aug 2004 15:15:33 PDT
I might post these 2 drawing/hand written... things. They're both scraps, so mabey I'll try out the scrap system and see if scrap is crap.

So, appearantly at my school, photography class is reserved for some sort of media program kids, so thus I can't take it. So instead I've got psychology with one of the administrators. Right after lunch no less. I also have Creative Writing 1st period, so I'll probably start writing when school starts, if not sooner.

I swear to shit, I can't decide on which girls I like. Too many. I wish I could just mush them into one ultimate girl friend. Oh well, what'll happen will happen. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2997067/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2997067/ Thu, 29 Jul 2004 15:08:58 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2938347/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2938347/ Thu, 22 Jul 2004 00:37:14 PDT
I might write some prose or something tomarrow morning/afternoon when I goto the park, smoke my last bowl of KB, and read "Life Without Stress", some zen book i'm reading now. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2930544/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2930544/ Wed, 21 Jul 2004 00:50:06 PDT
So like, I talked to this girl I like all drunk, and it's been the easiest conversation I've ever had. This girl is hella chill, and uber hot. The problem is when I"m sober I have a weird feeling of inadequacy around her when I'm sober. Then there's this chick whom I've asked out before and was told to ask out again at a later date. I wanna ask her out again, and I think I will the next time I see her. Aqua has this tight song called Roses are Red. Download it. It's awsome. What ever, I need sleep or to puke. either or.... ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2872101/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2872101/ Tue, 13 Jul 2004 12:17:18 PDT
Man, relegion is FUCKED UP!!!!! ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2864115/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2864115/ Mon, 12 Jul 2004 12:07:20 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2748673/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2748673/ Sun, 27 Jun 2004 15:40:53 PDT
Once I get home, so will be begin a steady flow of uploads, provided deviant stays active. It's bout time I started really writing. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2686686/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2686686/ Thu, 17 Jun 2004 23:46:54 PDT
So Saturday I'm going to my first ever concert, and it'll be THE STREETS!!!! I'm totally excited, but I have no idea how to sneak in all the nessesary illegal materials. I mean, it wouldn't be the streets without ganja. "No hydro? It's nice and ripe."

On the 31st of June, I'll embark on an epic journey into the wilderness of Montana with my best friend Jeremy. He's departing the 24th of June, and I'll rondevu with him when I arrive via greyhound bus. Most people would not wanna take a charter bus, but I'm looking quite forward to the solitude of cutting through the wilderness of Wyoming and southern Montana. It'll be nice, because then I'll be able to add Wyoming and Montana to my "state's i've smoked in" list. So far it's Colorado and Arizona. Any who, once I get back, I'll have photography, LOTS of writing, and hopefully some delecious rainbow or brown trout. I'm totally gonna go fishing, as evident of my latest deviation.

Lastly, I think I've started to fall in love with this girl. I've always respected her wisdom, and treasured her friend ship, but I feel the feelings are too strong, and now that she's single again, I feel destiney calling me out to try to get with this amazing, and unspeakably beautiful woman, whom I could share my life with forever. This isn't just, "I wanna girl friend", this is, "I'm consumed with your being and I want to be with you for eternity". I just gotta make the move. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2594052/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2594052/ Sun, 06 Jun 2004 02:44:46 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2532560/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2532560/ Fri, 28 May 2004 22:38:53 PDT
5-21-04

Well, I got to goto my first rave today. We picked Jeremy up around... I don't remember, but then we headed on down to this place called Amsterdam. It wasn't a club, because they let me in with a school ID and Jeremy with no ID. So we go in, and we're checkin the place out. It was small and there weren't many people there, which may not constitute as a rave, but it wasn't no club. There were all kinds of ravers everywhere. After a while, Lauren showed up and told me to go introduce myself to her friends. I went over and introduced my self to these 2 girls who were really nice. They both gave me big hugs, and asked me if it was my first rave. Since it was, they each gave me a piece of candy (beaded jewlery). So Graeme, Jeremy, and I danced a lot, smoked a lot, and what not. Around 12:30 ish, we left, but we came back around 2. I wasn't feeling so good. Appearently 4 caffine pills and THC don't mix, because I wasn't feelin too good.

Overall though, the rave was an ASS load of fun. The only draw back to the positive enviornment, good music, free pie, and hot girls was that on Sunday, my friend Robert got put into the hospital for asthma. What the details were exactly I'm not sure. I heard this from his g/f Stevie, but she was suffering from e-tard syndrome.

So, last night I tried to goto club Dream because DJ Forest Green from Groove was there, and it was only 5 bucks. Well, appearantly my school ID wasn't good enough for them, and we ended up just going to Kyles house and smoking lots of weed out of his bong and playing Capcom vs. SNK 2. So I'd say we salvaged the night decently.

School's finally out!! Finals sucked, and I ended up failing Botany. It just goes to show you, even when you try to pull your shit out of the water at the end of the year, it never works. Sadly, I start summer school on June 8th and get out July 2nd. American Lit. whoooooooooooohooo.

Anyway, I've got the work schedule from hell this week, but i'll have a fat ass pay check, so it's all good. I got friday and saturday off for the rave i'm going to in Boulder on the fourth. My desire to try extasy has dropped considerably, but there's still a small intrest. As of now i'm still undecided. I've got a few new deviations up, so check em out. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2471891/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2471891/ Thu, 20 May 2004 17:53:56 PDT
The previous girl I was kinda feelin out got old and annoying really fast. Thus far, this new girl has been on my mind constantly, and I've chilled with her once already. Tomarrow (Friday) I'm going to a rave with her. It'll be my first but I doubt I'll take any ex this time. I'll save that experience for the fourth. I also get paid tomarrow, which though materialistic, is totally awsome. I'm bringing my camera to the rave tomarrow so I'll probably have some new photography up (it's been so long), and I'm about to submit something after I finish this.

Today was totally awsome. I went to 1 class, hung out with the girl I like first and second, and then got smoked up repeatedly today. Good karma man. I spent all day outside and got to hang out with my old friends Kyle, Andy, and Robert. It was just a laid back, beautiful, warm Thursday. Also, this girl Kayla said somethin pretty clever today. "I only smoke on days that end with a Y". Simple, but I had to chuckle. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2444332/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2444332/ Sun, 16 May 2004 21:39:50 PDT
Killing someone is something that happens all the time. Weather it be an accident or on purpose, there's no sentiment behind it. It's simply, boom, chop, stab, gag, what ever, you're dead.

Taking someone's life is different. When I picture taking someone's life, I picture the scene in Kill Bill Vol. 1 where Oren is killing boss Matsumoto. She's inches away from his face, staring into his yes, speaking quietly, watching with a satisfaction no orgasm can fulfill. When you know, that people around this person will be affected, that you're ending all that they hold dear to them, and that they're dying with regret, sorrow, and utter pain, that's TAKING their LIFE. That's making all their life time accomplishment wasted. And they die knowing that it was YOU, and that you enjoyed their misery.

God that felt good to visualize.

Now, if every person on earth could just not be completly retarded, life would be good.

I'll post somethin soon. Something.... ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2424341/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2424341/ Thu, 13 May 2004 21:29:16 PDT

Well, I totally ownzored at the poetry reading at school today. I was probably the only one aside from David who had poems that rhymed, which the audience seemed to respond to better than the free verse. Still, everyone did a kick ass job.

Saturday, I'm totally gonna be having an awsome time playing bass at this talent show. I'm playing Tsunami Bomb - Say It If You Mean It with Jeremy, Lisa, and Rachael. Then we're also playing this song Lisa wrote about her ex-boyfriend Jeremy (not the same one) and suprisingly, me as well. It's really mellow, and Lisa sings it beautifully. In addition to that, Morgan, Jeremy and I will be playing the ever entertaining Group X - Schfifty Five. And I don't know if I'm playing Smashing Pumpkins - Zero with some other band.


Ok, question of the day. Is there a subtle difference in "killing" someone and "taking someone's life"? I wanna hear your views before I say mine. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2400248/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2400248/ Mon, 10 May 2004 15:21:17 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2308291/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2308291/ Tue, 27 Apr 2004 07:21:01 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2278491/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2278491/ Thu, 22 Apr 2004 21:24:24 PDT

There, I said it. Now I feel better.









FUCKING COMMENT PEOPLE!! ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2100242/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2100242/ Sun, 28 Mar 2004 08:02:57 PST
I'm begining to wonder if we poets are stereotyping our own poetry. Think about it. If you go up to any non literary person and ask them to write a poem, odds are it'll be freeverse, and odds are it'll be sad/depressing. What I don't get is what happened to poets like ME? People who rhyme, people who write about just everyday shit, and not all these "emotional problems" or unpleasantness. Why don't we write about happy things (excluding love)? Why don't we write a poem about the new video game we get? Or about some guy tripping on a sidewalk of ice? Quirky little things that I write about are scarcer and scarcer on this site. Just, what's up with that? ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2076830/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2076830/ Wed, 24 Mar 2004 15:41:17 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2033888/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/2033888/ Wed, 17 Mar 2004 22:54:12 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1937729/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1937729/ Tue, 02 Mar 2004 06:39:15 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1742019/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1742019/ Sun, 25 Jan 2004 21:58:31 PST

New things soon, lots of good shit, hopefully some visuals! ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1742017/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1742017/ Sun, 25 Jan 2004 21:58:25 PST

New things soon, lots of good shit, hopefully some visuals! ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1496296/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1496296/ Fri, 05 Dec 2003 21:26:55 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1444962/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1444962/ Mon, 24 Nov 2003 10:07:25 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1425019/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1425019/ Wed, 19 Nov 2003 19:13:33 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1326758/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1326758/ Sun, 26 Oct 2003 20:20:45 PST ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1269024/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1269024/ Sun, 12 Oct 2003 20:17:43 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1160533/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1160533/ Sun, 14 Sep 2003 08:52:50 PDT ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1104735/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1104735/ Wed, 27 Aug 2003 18:25:14 PDT
I've had to stop smoking again for a few reasons.

1. I have a UA coming up in about a month. I'm going to get clean and take all my parents UA's clean so I can spend the night again at my friends houses.

2. I've got a bit of a tolerence built up, so I'll let that drop.

3. I promised someone dear to me that I wouldn't. She said she didn't care, but I know she does. She's had several bad expieriences with friends who she's lost due to carelessness on their part and I'm sure she's equally as concerned for me. I know she's meerly concerned, but I wish she could understand. But right now, I'm keeping my promise to her because she's goin through some crap with her EX, and she needs someone who will listen and care for her. I'm trying my hardest to be that person.

So, for a while, I'm assuming I'll be having a dry spell. But hey, sometimes you gotta take a break and catch your breath. I'll try to better my self and write some more Zen/Spiritual poetry. ]]> ~edgeofwrath http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1068490/ http://edgeofwrath.deviantart.com/journal/1068490/ Fri, 15 Aug 2003 06:33:00 PDT
No one has commented on any of my new things latley. Sometimes I wonder if those who are devWatching me (with the exception of Max and David) are even sincere about my work. Dagnabit has posted a couple of times, but the comments I'm getting suck. "That's cool" is not a comment. My friend Max has the same problem. When we want comments, we want to know what you LIKED, what you DIDN'T like, what parts you liked, what it means in your own perspective. I try to always do this with other peoples in hopes of them returning the favor. Doesn't seem to be working latley.

I'll try to do a new visual soon. But first I may post some new photography up. I know it isn't great, I've never had lessons or what not and I've only talked to 2 real photographers. But I think I have a few things worth posting. I really need to get some more green tea.

Why do I get the feeling I'm being watched? ]]> ~edgeofwrath