http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:eevaya&section=today deviantART RSS for by:eevaya en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 09:55:38 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/26766854/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/26766854/ Sun, 23 Aug 2009 02:19:59 PDT
]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/21681090/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/21681090/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:55:23 PST
]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/21681065/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/21681065/ Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:53:43 PST
]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/20108310/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/20108310/ Sat, 23 Aug 2008 06:30:58 PDT am so happyyyyy..took ages for me to decide but we went there with a friend of ours who knew the owner, we even had a discount hehe just came back from trying it out (in a blistering hot sun). The gears feel so different from the normal gearless bike.. it took some practice but i got the hang of it in a minute. just need to fine tune some skills with it now. The bike has a different feel and I need to be able to manouvre it more confidently before I go for a ride in the streets. I also need to buy a bell and front and back lights. Eventually I'll also get a water bottle carrier and mudguards.

Let me fill you in:
size 41cm
21 speed
shamano v-brakes
26" wheels
double walled rims
front suspension
heavily padded ladies seat with suspensions
Brand: Ideal
Model: "Strike"
metallic blue colour

The only 2 things that are bothering me are:
- the brakes, they're squeaking. But I had a look on yahoo answers and many people encounter this problem on new bikes. The rubber in the brake pads probably needs to be worn down slightly before it stops sqeaking.

- my arms seem to be tiring quickly..are the handlebars too far away? I tried them in the shop, they seemed ok.. Maybe until I get used to them? Hope so :S well let's face it, I haven't been riding that much lately so maybe its until my arms get used to this..




]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/20005110/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/20005110/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 13:27:02 PDT
well I suppose today is the case. A very depressed mood and loneliness gave rise to seven haiku in the space of an hour. As soon as I composed them and checked them, they were published here. I might come back tomorrow morning, re-read them and decide they're crap and remove them. But I *do* feel slightly better now.




Create your own visitor map!





]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/19292608/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/19292608/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:07:15 PDT
Am currently enjoying holidays as much as I can before the results come out. That's why I haven't posted another journal entry in ages.

Today I tried to paint using acrylics (for the first time) on canvas (also for the first time). Jesus christ it's bloody different!! what a totally different feel. Up to now I'm not liking it at all. Maybe it's until I get used to it? It doesn't produce that clean edge that I sometimes want..and acrylics dry too fast to be able to produce a sfumato, the way I sometimes do in pencils or watercolours. Maybe oils are the right choice for me? I don't know, I will try to finish what I had planned and then will try acrylics on paper, maybe they're not that bad.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18996832/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18996832/ Mon, 23 Jun 2008 07:53:22 PDT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hi

this weekend i invited my friends over to our summer flat at Mellieha. After much planning and effort to prepare the place (it requires rigorous cleaning after an entire winter)I can say that I would have been better off not doing anything at all. It wasn't a totla disaster but it didn't quite pay off all the effort it took me to travel about three times from gzira to mellieha and back on my own by bus and spending a whole day there just to clean.

At 8.30pm just the night before we were to meet there, one of my friends decided that a short-notice meeting was much more important than my weekend break, so she didn't come. I did however charge her all the same for the food, since when I went shopping I catered for her too. I was disappointed.

On Friday we met at my flat. Another one of us couldn't make it too because she was attending a course in scuba diving and they decided to cram all the lessons in one weekend. She only came on Saturday morning and left in the afternoon. That was also very disapoointing. Thus, there was a lot of surplus food, a lot of waste.

On Friday it was not so bad. We had a BBQ at night and we really enjoyed ourselves. In the morning the scuba diving friend came along and we enjoyed ourselves although I noticed that one of my other freinds was behaving strangely. She seemed to be a lot more quiet than usual. She ramined like this even after the scuba diving friend went back home, she remained like that all throughout the evening and the next day (i.e. the day we left). It has to be said that she had an argument with her a few days before, but I don't know why she didn't "recover" even the day after. Actually she was even worse when she gave me and another friend a lift to Qawra (I went to Robert afterwards). She was extremely cold with me. She is a very different person than I thought. There were many small things that happened during this weekend that completely changed by point of view about her. I will never trust her again.

I went to Robert's house and we went for a walk. We started discussing finding a summer job. Now I know I have this "phobia" of not having enough time to dedicate to him, and I believe that one of the things a good relationship is built on is meeting frequently to talk to each other and get to know each other well, and to bond with your partner. So as soon as he mentioned work, I (being still a bit perturbed about the coldness of my friend) immediately feared the worst and pictured a situation where my boyfriend, in a sudden urge to earn money, would start working overtime, thus during the summer no time would be left for us to meet. Yes I know it sounds ridiculous. Yes I know it sounds bloody paranoid. I *was* paranoid at that moment. My boyfriend, already quite jumpy becuase of his exams, erupted in frustration. We had a horrible evening of fights. Explosions ammunition and insults were plentiful.

Today I am alone at home. He is studying for his final, most painstaking exam. It is crucial for his career. A six-hour exam, it is a tough one, with an examiner constantly by your side, asking about everything you've ever learnt. We're ok again but I'm still hurt after yesterday. I was talking to one of my friends who came to my flat, and she thinks the same about the "cold" friend..in fact we pretty much have the same opinion of her. This cheered me up because I thought I was imagining things, or that somehow it was my fault. There just won't be a next time. It was too much hassle.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18803099/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18803099/ Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:31:19 PDT

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18786653/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18786653/ Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:01:46 PDT
I can't bear the thought of repeating the whole year...It gets me so depressed, I can't stop crying. A wasted year in my life. A wasted year of pay. My life gets delayed by a year. I lose all my friends. I disappoint my family. I humiliate myself..

Can't take it any more

Tomorrow will be the final exam, then i can face a whole new (old) year ahead of me. I'm so tired..

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18537343/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18537343/ Wed, 28 May 2008 02:37:49 PDT

Fed up of current life. Fed up of fat, eternally-tired self, of the michelin tyres around my waist and thighs, and of the uncontrollable urge to eat eat eat. Fed up of seeing an ugly lump in the mirror. Fed up of having to spend days inside staring at this bloody goddamned desk, rather than out exercising/having fun/enjoying life. Fed up of being an antisocial asshole. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

News #1. I think I've effectively fucked myself up again and failed the year. Its a long story and complicated, and I don't feel like explaining it. But to cut a long story short, I failed statistics and if i fail two particularly terrible exams, I've had it. I'lll have to repeat the year.

News #2. the little time me and my guy spend together, is being spent as study time. We sit next to each other for hours and barely say a word. It's depressing having someone you love so much sitting next to you, and knowing that you cannot enjoy yourself and love them properly because exams are keeping you apart. The worst thing about this is that it numbs you, it numbs your heart and you are no longer capable of loving properly. It makes you robot-like. Only when he goes away, do I realise that another day has passed, another day of sitting next to each other miles apart.

I wonder whether exams affect other people so badly??

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18416263/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18416263/ Tue, 20 May 2008 14:09:52 PDT
i have no idea how i'm going to cope.

If I was a spaceshuttle, my fire rockets are almost dead by now, and in a stroke of (bad) luck my radar has gone haywire too. So no-one can even know I'm in trouble. No communication. They still think I won't fail. They'll be so disappointed.



p.s. this is my first deviant birthday I've been here on deviant for a year now!

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18381231/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18381231/ Sun, 18 May 2008 10:58:18 PDT
If i repeat second year, I lose all my friends. I can't bear the thought of it. I would have wasted a year of my life. A year is a lot. I just can't concentrate on what I'm doing. I'm trying, I'm trying, but I can't!

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18346714/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18346714/ Fri, 16 May 2008 05:01:15 PDT
i hate my birthday.

The day started off fine, ironically. Very early this morning, I was awake (for once) during the hour when I was actually born (1am) due to an assignment that took me till 2.30 to do. At Uni, me friends were very nice to me, and when I stopped by for a chat I enjoyed it. At home things went awry.

My darling darling boyfriend, has not bought me anything yet, and still does not know what to buy. He wanted to go to the blood bank and then take me with him to Sliema so we can buy somthing together. I'm waiting for him to come from the bloodbank right now.

My mother made me a cake which was exactly contrary to what I told her I'd like. I told her not to put melted chocolate on top (her melted chocolate tastes really bad, she's never mastered doing it) and yes she did put melted chocolate, her excuse being that she only put one small dollop so that the candles can stay upright (they're pretty big candles.) She and my brother also bought me a present; a pair of gold earrings, but they don't look nice, and even though i tried, I couldn't smile and fake it, so I just stared at them and said "So what else did the store have?"

Can I just say it again? I hate my birthday.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18329728/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18329728/ Thu, 15 May 2008 00:27:50 PDT
tomorrow's my birthday and there is still no birthday-feeling. I'm too caught up in exams to be happy about my birthday. Everything's looking like a waste of time. All I can think about is school, yet still I can't get enough done on time. I am very very behind in my studies and I am starting to doubt whether I can make it to third year. This is scaring me very much, since I already did badly in the first semester, and if I do badly in these exams too, there's a *very* big chance that I've had it.

Another present that i recieved was one from dad. Let me repeat the message that I recieved at 7:41am this morning:

"Check your account. Happy birthday. Dad"

Warm and festive cheer, anyone? No, I don't think so. This message might have been from the Operator telling me I have no credit in my mobile phone account, it's so cold and hard. So I checked my account, and indeed I found a new entry, which, if only he had given it to me in a more humane way, I would have been very grateful. I don't want to sound like a selfish bitch, but I really don't care about it now. There's nothing special anymore. Nothing that he can give me can be special now.

These past two weeks, he hasn't been talking to me or even looking at me, and suddenly (just because it's my birthday) he's all friendly (?) and is giving me this "present". Even written here, it sounds so bloody lame!! And you know why he wasn't talking to me? Well, you know a few journals ago I said I got a new pc and the internet wasn't working properly so I had to make do with the modem (i.e. without router)...this meant that I had internet and he didn't. I offered to lend him my pc if he ever needed it, until the problem was solved. But No! He was already too offended to accept! You know why? Because before the internet problem had even started, I had set a password to my account (I use Vista), i.e. to access the normal desktop and everything, you have to type in a password... and for some reason he thought this was insulting to him becuase it was as if I barred my pc from him. I cannot grasp his logic. If, before the internet problem, we both had pc's... then what was the whole point of being offended that the other pc was not for his use, if he already had his own?? Anyway, I offered my pc and internet to him about three times, and he barely looked up to acknowledge that I had talked to him. The only response I got was "Hmm".

This went on for two whole weeks. I was not too disturbed about this. Last year, we spent two months not talking to each other, and again it was his fault. I was still using his pc at the time. The printer stuck as it was printing. I swore (who wouldn't?). He heard me. He thought it was my fault that the printer stuck (i must have magicked the printing heads to go haywire ofcourse!!) and accused me of being a blasphemer and some species of occultist (?!?!...yeah right!!) followed by a series of slaps on the face. I very truthfully told him that I hated him and that I was looking forward to the day when I could leave this house. We then didn't speak all through October and November, until one night he realised that it was his fault and meekly came to apologize. I told him exactly what I thought about him and strangely enough, he accepted without a word. But that doesn't take away the bad memory, does it?

~~~~~~

Mood: Luv

On a brighter note, I would like to say that my boyfriend is really making an effort to find me a nice present and I really and truly appreciate this. Its a positive thing to know that someone is really trying his best to make you happy and to make your birthday special. Two days ago, he got me this really cute card and a packet of sugar-free lemon sweets. Yesterday he got me a bronze candle-holder decorated with enamel (I collect bronze urns with enamel, and he thought I might like this) and another trinket to keep jewelery in. Today he promised me he'll get something else he's been a really wonderful guy these days. He keeps asking me what I want, and i wish I could help him but I really don't know!! and there's no use in telling him to get the first thing that comes to mind, it will just end up not being used (like the tripod). Ahh i luv him

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18298812/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18298812/ Tue, 13 May 2008 01:14:37 PDT Today has been a horrible day. Horrible days seem to precede my birthday, don't they? My day at uni was very busy (exhausting) and after much worry about exams and study, I go home to a nasty surprise thanks to my dearest better (?) half. Exactly what I needed. So I am now extremely depressed and lost, not to mention the immense loneliness that surrounds me.

Why is it that something so bad had to crop right now? During exams? During a fragile time that brings back a particularly painful memory? I'm sick and tired of my life, and I wish I could change. It gets me down too often. I feel like hiding all the time. As weeks pass, I have become more and more introverted...until one day I guess I'll start bordering on the antisocial. I wish I could hide in the dark and just cry, then wake up in the morning and it's all over, gone, and the sun is shining and there's nothing else in the world but me and my happiness. But good dreams don't come true. They never do.

He may try to persuade me. He may try to be nice, and maybe he *is* nice... But for how much longer can I take this? If only my birthday present was something a bit more meaningful than a bloody cutlery set and a tripod... If only it was something like a promise never to deviate again. If only. But promises come and go... There have been so many promises that I lost track a long time ago. I wonder where I have been all this time. I feel lost.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18228320/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/18228320/ Thu, 08 May 2008 14:38:19 PDT
I am still not drinking tea or coffee and on 10th May it will be a month without caffeine (unless you count some caffeine intake from chocolate). Which is a good thing or I'd probably be hyperactive by now.

i am so busy right now that i can barely be happy that it's soon my birthday. There's no birthday feeling in the air. Too concerned with getting assignments done on time and studying to even care. I don't want another birthday like last year's. It was the worst ever ever. It came unconveniently during a (very) bad patch with the boyf, so for my birthday we had to suddenly pretend that everything was alright, but it wasn't, it was horrible. We went out buying clothes and in the end i felt so bloody fat and everything that i just got a couple of tops to get it over and done with. My family had no clue what to get me, so they got the most useless thing they could find... a camera tripod. Just because once, a long long time ago, i had said that if i had one maybe photos wouldn't come out so bad. Ofcourse i DIDN'T need one. I mean, who's going to carry around a half-metre-long tripod (note: half-metre when folded..)

I gave up on birthdays last year, after my 19th birthday. It was so bad that this year i'm hoping it passes quickly so that I don't have to withstand much humiliation and disappointment. It's funny how disappointing birthdays seem to become once you grow older. It used to be so much nicer when i was young. In May, the sun shines directly through a particular window, and sunlight passes through a crystal chandelier...and the hall is fillled with hundreds of small rainbows. I'd gaze at them fascinated, as i'd wait for my cousins to come to my birthday party. As i'd wait, the smell of cakes, small pizzas, sausage rolls, sweets, twistees and Fanta would waft out of the kitchen and into the hall, promising a very nice birthday party.

Every birthday now, I see the sun shine through the chandelier, and the hall filled with sparkling colours of the rainbow, and it's as if i can smell the pizza and sausage rolls and twistees all over again...

geez i miss that a lot. Wish i could get my cousins to come over for some cake and some games. time passes so damn quickly. I was a child once, now I'm turining 20 and it's as if an age has passed, and yet...it's only 9 years ago that i was an 11 year old kid. Sometimes i think it's impossible to enjoy myself as i used to in those days. They're just gone now. I'll never be like that again. I wasn't guilty of eating chocolate, I wasn't too concerned with having to be calm and composed all the time, and all my presents used to be nice (except for the odd boring t-shirt but anyway). Mum's already asked me what I'd like and so has Robert, but...i really don't know. Truth is, I haven't got the time for myself anymore so I don't really know what I'd like to indulge in. Seriously!

And then if i tell them I don't want anything, they'll just scoff and go like "Yeah right" ... but look, ok i *KNOW* it's a flippin' lie, OFCOURSE i want something, who am i kidding! But God knows what that is. And i tell them that because I don't want them to give me something I don't want, its the worst thing ever to happen to you on your birthday!! I'd rather not get anything at all than pretend to love the tripod to bits.

I think you'll find it amusing to know that my grandmother, who has been the first to give me a present this year, has continued with her collection of Dota presents and has given me a full set of cutlery. The previous item in the Dota collection was an Iron (like the kind you use to remove wrinkles from washed clothes) and that was for christmas. What inspiring gifts.

(for those of you know don't know what Dota is, the word "Dota" in Maltese refers to a set of marriage gifts that the bride's family use to give to the newly wedded bride, since in olden times the man was the sole breadwinner, so it was only fair that the bride contributed to the furnishing of the new home. When my mother got married (23 years ago) this custom was still quite common (infact she had her own Dota), and I don't know for how long this went on...but as you can imagine nowadays it is seen by most people as pretty obsolete. Unlike what my grandmother thinks).

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17937807/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17937807/ Sun, 20 Apr 2008 04:00:42 PDT
PC came, all was joyful. Until i connected to the internet, that is. Either the router is fucked up or else there is some setting that fucking up everything else. Anyway, if left idle for more than 15 minutes the internet gets disconnected, on both my pc and on dad's pc. It also gets disconnected when it decides that you've had enough internet for one day. In other words, it's very random...and very, but very irritating.

Yesterday i spent a whole day trying to figure out loads of problems. Many of them are now solved, except for this internet issue, and also my dad's external harddisk which seems to be incompatible with my pc system.

This week i'll try to fix any problems cause I can't afford to lose any more time now. Exams are looming in the not-so-distant near-future.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17874155/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17874155/ Wed, 16 Apr 2008 01:26:18 PDT

on the bright side, pc coming in 3 days' time!!!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i started a diet. again. lol i spent a whole summer and the first semester of this year on diet, the christmas came and you know what happens next...addio diets! Then last sunday i dared myself to get on the scales, and i got a rather nasty shock. lol

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17778236/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17778236/ Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:17:56 PDT
new pc coming in 9 days!! me excited can't wait to FINALLY have my own system. have been waiting for ages. i'll keep you posted on its arrival

this week i decided to not have any tea or coffee or any drink that contains caffeine. I succeeded for the most part but couldn't resist the occasional cup of cocoa...however i don't make a concentrated cup, just enough to taste the chocolate. I haven't really really been caffeine-free cos i still ate chocolate...but at least i feel a lot better. I had come to a point where i could only drink decaffinated tea, and still i'd get heart palpitations. So i said OK let's try one week without caffeine and see how it goes. And it went well, but i do miss a hot cup of something to drink. I think i'll buy some sort of herbal tea but I'm not sure yet.

Exams are coming up soon and I have a lot to do, but this hasn't really sunken in and so I haven't really started anything. I can smell the first signs of panic on their way. I have to start NOW if I intend to catch up.

Another fish died - of what, I really don't know and although i ask, i get no answers. There is nothing that seems to be the problem and yet it's already the second fish that died for no apparent reason. Both fish came from the same fish-shop. As you can imagine, I'm not buying any more fish from him now.

Anyways, i'll keep you posted. Tc my lovelies xx

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17572579/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17572579/ Sat, 29 Mar 2008 11:48:19 PDT
]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17363851/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17363851/ Sun, 16 Mar 2008 13:39:32 PDT
Things seem to be getting slightly better now, but there are still miles to go before my life goes back to normal. I think I'm always sounding pretty dramatic in these journals, no? That's rather funny, I don't want to sound dramatic at all. Only stupid people want to overblow things. But what i said was quite true... Actually I'm playing it down a little, so as not to bore your socks off

Artwise, I did a few rushed-up things lately which were very ambitious in principle but I could not concentrate so they were not in the least successful. The only stuff worthy of DA was Nymph and another little sketch that in reality I drew 2 weeks ago in the lab. I'll be uploading the latter soon, unless I change my mind.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17075449/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/17075449/ Tue, 26 Feb 2008 15:06:39 PST - set up my aquarium
- cleaned gravel and put it in place.
- bought plastic plants and put them in place, only to realise that I didn't have enough gravel
- bought gravel and resumed putting plants in place
-scrubbed and soaked bogwood
-worried and fretted about the bogwood
- filled aquarium with water, conditioned the water and let it run until it cleared out
- put shelves into the aquarium cupboard
- tested the water
- put in the bogwood
- worried and fretted about the bacterial population within the filter
- and.....got my first fish yesterday!
- p.s. and worried some more that the fish will fight over territory. But anyways.

They're red honey gouramies and they're still rather small. Unfortunately they're both males since they don't send females to Malta (in case we start producing red honey gouramies and start competing with them....wtf?!) however I'm not really EXPECTING them to fight since the aquarium is fairly large with ample hiding spaces... and if they do decide to fight then i'll get them a couple of females from the normal honey gourami variant to keep them occupied

anyways its been a busy week Things are going for the better, overall. Although there is one catch that is making me feel rather nervous and unsettled. The general elections are taking place next week and everyone is in a frenzy of political arguments. I have had ENOUGH of listening to every possible excuse for political parties under the sun, scaremongering, sugarcoating the truth, excusing certain people for the inconsistencies of their arguments.... I hate it! and its getting me into trouble too! Oh for the day when we can say the election is over!! And i hope that day will be a happy one... only time can tell.

anyways, i'll see you folks!

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16954761/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16954761/ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 23:41:17 PST
[link]

only it's beech coloured, and complete with the cupboard. [Disclaimer: I am not making intentional promotion of any company and am not making any profit whatsoever by just showing the link (Although I do wish making profit was as easy as providing a link lol)].

It will contain around 160 Litres of water, which is pretty good too!!! This means I'll be able to get a lot of the fish I want, especially pearl gouramies as those are my favourites

It's been a tough job deciding which to get, where to put it etc etc, but you know what? I rather liked it. I made friends at malta aquarist society, I made friends with other people interested in the hobby, and its rather a relief from stress to search info about different fish, and try to think of the best combinations etc etc. Me and my guy have really searched for the best we could get, and now we can enjoy it together. We've both become quite interested in this new and exciting hobby, so that's one more thing we have in common He's already got his aquarium, and is thinking of getting another one!

I'll post pictures as soon as I complete the aquarium!! Can't wait for tonight!

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16928037/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16928037/ Sun, 17 Feb 2008 11:03:39 PST
On a positive note, I have finally decided which aquarium I am getting, and hopefully Tuesday night I'll be getting it! I've been mulling and pro-ing and con-ing about it for the past month. I'll be getting a variety of tropical freshwater fish... pearl gouramies, dwarf gouramies, corydoras catfish, plecostomus, neon tetra, and harlequin rasboras. believe me its been a chore finding the most worth it aquarium on the island. Its been at least three weeks of plans, redesigns, estimates, re-estimates, problem solving, compromise, consulting with malta aquarist... At last I cna relax and sit back, and watch them go.. I'll definately try to post pictures once it's set up.

I must say something else though, despite the mobile and aquarium. I am becoming really touchy and nervous and short tempered about everything. AGAIN. I am especially concerned about my relationship because it is being affected by my behaviour! I cannot seem to control myself. I become a monster sometimes. Today is such an example. Even in the most intimate of moments, I manage to spoil the fun and the relaxed atmosphere for some stupid reason. I am so scared that I'll fail that in the end i DO fail. I never trust anyone either, no-one. I can't, i just find it difficult to believe that there could be someone who was so concerned about you. I feel so fucking lonely even when I'm surrounded by people that I know...well, that I know from the outside, because I never give them a hint of my true self. I wish I could just take out my brain and fix the wire that's causing all this trouble. Is it PMS? Maybe, but still it seems to be too frequent to be PMS every time it occurs. I wish i know what the hell is wrong with me. I feel so lonely, I can't trust anyone, and I'm angry and I'm hurt and vengeful, irritated...and fragile and volatile.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16818070/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16818070/ Sun, 10 Feb 2008 13:52:59 PST
]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16740495/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16740495/ Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:51:45 PST
I have FINALLY finished my exams and the clouds are clearing a bit now, although a distant storm is already at hand to make me worry again. And that storm is made up of quite a lot of things.

To begin with, there's the elections issue - the general elections are due in a month. Being a small country where democracy is just a mask to hide corruption and fanaticism, the Maltese Islands witness quite a few antics during these times. People who used to be politically neutral become fervent supporters once again, like their fathers, and their forefathers... And people who already were quite fervent become dictators/parrots/worshippers of their respective preferred political opinions. And me? well, I don't know what to think. It's going to be my first time. I have a fair idea whom I'll be voting, but its still rather vague. In the meantime, I must withstand the hints and the pressures and the awkwardness from people around me, who know my political inclinations and try to get me to change sides. As if I would.

Another cloud in my sky, which has been there for quite some time now, concerns my collegues at university. Mostly sociable and overall quite helpful, they are, nevertheless, possibly amongst the most narrow-minded of our generation, within this society. I would like to start by clarifying that this holds for only 2 or 3 of them who are exceptionally conservative. The others are somewhat conservative but to a much lesser degree. In fact these are the people I feel more comfortable with.

The problem with such conservative people is that they think they cannot ever be wrong since the Divine is backing them continuously, and nothing we could say would make them change their mind. I am not saying they should change their religion or beliefs (not at all in fact, why should I impose on them what to belive? I'd hate it if someone did that to me...) but some issues make it crystal clear that these people are still living in my grandma's day. They are also your classical nerd who wouldn't dream of staying out more than 12a.m. (or their dad would kill them...i remind you that they'll be 20 or 21 this year...yes that's right, 21 not 12...), and who would prefer studying to going out with friends (even if going out to perfectly innocent places like a walk near the sea).

Compared to them, I have different beliefs about almost everything, so imagine having a conversation with them...you have to censor pretty much half your arguments, otherwise a disagreement would lead to strange looks and perhaps they would no longer trust me as their friend...I think differently about matters of religion, love and sex, I have a different attitude towards my independence which they don't, I look at life differently, i think differently..

I was amazed lately that despite being so fervently roman catholic and supposedly just and kind, they refuse to accept a homosexual person simply because he/she is homosexual. And once there was this guy in our class who wore a gothic t-shirt with pentagram printed on the back and one of these people went and asked him "why are you wearing that t-shirt?!?!". She later declared that this person is a satanist!!! WTF??? he's just a goth and in reality he's a nice person anyway, cos I spoke to him once and he's really quite nice...I just hate the way they're so judgemental about everything! And they probably judge me behind my back too, cos even if I do try to tame myself I still come out at being too open-minded for their liking lol...

Well, if i hate them so much, why do I even bother staying with them? ...i have no choice. My class is made up either of people who are so snobbish you want to slap them in the face with a trout (or a piranha...), or else made up of these Jesus-people that I'm obliged to stay with. And I'm sooo not into Jesus-people. What a paradox. There are only two persons who seem to understand this situation, which are my boyfriend and another girl in our group who thankfully is also not as conservative, although we don't agree on everything so I still have to hold my tongue sometimes; but at least only one fifth of what I say has to be censored.

Then there’s another issue that bothers me. I think I am growing too jealous with my boyfriend, but I can’t seem to help it very much because I only realise after the argument that I went overboard. It is leading to a lot of unnecessary stress and upheaval for our relationship, and I really don’t need that at the moment. Sometimes I think “well I used to say there are people who are conservative, what if I’m worse than they are?” cos I get jealous over loads of things...I’m just not sure whether its normal to be jealous a... ]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16503644/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16503644/ Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:45:45 PST
My heart is aching and i feel like crying.. I'm just so tired now.

I feel like just giving up, and throw everything away..and go to rest somewhere quiet....(i must be sounding like an emo!)... I wonder whether this frequency of depressed entries is normal here on deviantart. I just noticed that I have more sad-ish entries than anything else..even though i've sometimes deleted entries here that were way darker than usual.

Sometimes I wish I could tell somebody else to see my profile, maybe friends of mine..They'd get to see my paintings, if i did. But they'd also get to see the "bad" journals, and a lot of what i write here is just not the Eevaya my friends know. Who knows what their reaction to me might be? They might think I'm some really depressed kind of person, or that i'm sick or something....

ehh...

~~~*change subject*~~~

On the brighter side of life, I took the risk and hinted heavily (to my parents) that I might be getting an aquarium, and the feedback was pretty ok actually. They didn't engulf me in Reasons For Not Getting An Aquarium. So after my exams (which are probably the cause of the above doom and gloom) I'm getting to work on building an aquarium from scratch. Hopefully I won't be spending too much since i'm pretty broke right now.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16471082/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/16471082/ Sat, 19 Jan 2008 07:52:27 PST And i can't do any of them because i have exams in the coming two weeks, so i obviously can't afford to waste time, else i'd fail.

But it's really terrible to feel so caged up about blossoming projects in my head, and not being able to carry them out. But the worst thing of all is that i can't tell anyone (except my boyf, who won't tell anyone else), but my parents know nothing about it.

So what is this big plan?

many actually. I plan to renovate my entire bedroom, starting from adding a cupboard to changing the curtains, adding some paintings, to repainting the room into a new colour scheme. This takes time. But this is the part that i've let on to my parents, and they're ok with that, cos anybody would agree my bedroom's too dull and forlorn to take it any longer.

the part i'm leaving out of the story, however, is that on top of the new cupboard i'm getting (which incidentally, I shall design), i plan to place an aquarium made to measure, fairly big, for tropical species (which will also be of my design...i.e.the aquarium, not the fish ^^). It will be gorgeous!! I think i'll get guppies, dwarf gouramis and neon tetra. But imagine if i'd tell my parents!! then they wouldn't even want to cooperate in renovating my room! they never wanted me to get an aquarium, but what is it to them if i get one anyway? i love the idea of keeping a community of freshwater tropicals! And it would make my room a thousand times more interesting and welcoming.

well, there. I've said it. That's what's bothering me, and that's the big secret. Rant over. Amen.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/15743358/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/15743358/ Sat, 01 Dec 2007 01:31:29 PST
its saturday morning and i am being exceptionally lazy despite being very busy, but I've decided that I'll be a bit relaxed today.

today's busy in another sense, cos i'll be crossing the island like I do every saturday, to go to my boyf's place; although today I'll be staying for longer cos we'll be going out tonight as well. Paceville is pretty much the only place to hang out on a saturday night if you're the type to party and get drunk (hara mejta). I don't like that place too much, but after so many saturdays not going there it seems a bit more attractive than usual to pop down to Paceville for a drink.

Geez i miss my guy, haven't seen him in ages... 1 whole day..lol

On the devious side of things, I've been fooling about with my pencils for some time now (during lectures, as the source of inspiration during that time is boundless), and i came up with something new.. (see "nice makeup"...btw what a corny title. I might change it, but no new ideas right now).

I'd like to post a few other things if I have the time to, but that depends on the workload, really. Anyways, cya ciccini xx

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/15649267/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/15649267/ Sat, 24 Nov 2007 11:58:43 PST
]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/15591693/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/15591693/ Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:44:48 PST
why is it that the harder I try, the more likely I am of messing everthing up?

why is it that I feel overwhelmed by life? why am i disappointed with myself? are my expectations too high?

What would life be without you, Robert? You help me rise again when I fall into the darkness. Imnalla iltqajt mieghek qalbi...

How can i heal this heart of darkness?

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/15572290/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/15572290/ Mon, 19 Nov 2007 05:35:56 PST
haven't written for a v.long time. Have not produced anything in a VERY long time, and am yearning for some art...However v.busy right now at uni and can't seem to cope v.well with it. Realised that I'm becoming increasingly antisocial, there must be something wrong. Hope these times pass really quickly so I can go back to being my old me (i.e. more relaxed, more creative and a bit more socially acceptable).

On the plus side, I am dieting and have lost 13.5kg to date. started 17th september 2007. Hope I survive christmas ^_^! all the chocs and nibbles...this has to be a different christmas, can't afford to regain weight! Hopefully by spring I'll have reached my goal.

I'll write again as soon as I'm less busy. Til then tc all xxx

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/14485887/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/14485887/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 11:13:20 PDT

Today I had my first resit exam, and although I didn't exactly do myself justice with that question about IR and Raman Spectroscopy, I still think I passed. Right now, passing is the priority, rather than getting good grades. If I fail, they kick me out.

I have another exam coming next week and it is twice as hard to pass through that. God help us, there are 22 of us that must sit for it. The failure-rate for THAT one is very high indeed. I am very panicked about it, but hopefully I scrape my way through to 2nd year...

Right now, what with resits and ALCM exams, I've barely had time to draw or paint anything in particular. However between the last resit and the start of the new semester there is a space of about 2 weeks, which I am depending on to continue many of my unfinished projects. Hopfully you'll be seeing some new stuff here in a fortnight or so!

Until then, cya!

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/14150990/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/14150990/ Mon, 13 Aug 2007 14:42:54 PDT
Demons from the past keep resurfacing, and pulling me down. I tried to forget but I cannot. Sometimes they take over, and i find myself in a sea of darkness, where no matter how hard i try, i just can't see anything good in life.

Perhaps everyone goes through bad times in life. Maybe just like a storm, there is always sunshine afterwards. Maybe I'll be happy yet.

I try.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13847771/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13847771/ Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:42:05 PDT
~~~HP SPOLIERS ALERT~~~

Harry Potter 7 is out and I read the book within 36 hours. I wonder why Rowling said that only two principle characters will die, when there were at least six (if not more) important characters that died. I am particularly sorry that Remus Lupin died. I loved that guy, plus I'm partial to anything that has to do with wolves

I was also a bit sorry about the way Snape died, although he *was* a greasy git...but no one deserves to die like that.

I coud go on forever discussing the book at length..but really, who cares as long as Voldemort is dead and Harry lives to a ripe old age?

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13440081/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13440081/ Thu, 21 Jun 2007 23:38:33 PDT woke up motivated to scan and post a lot more art, which is what i'll be doing in a minute.

Holidays so far are very relaxing...I'm just having a break from it all, although i cannot remain like this for long. The resits must be studied for

Had so many projects in mind, but now that I've started the holidays I've either forgotten half of them, or else they are just to "big" to get down to doing them! It's just until I get started though...then its only a matter of time until they're completed

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13391044/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13391044/ Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:15:11 PDT
For some reason, I'm a little pissed off about something...I just don't know what. Its a feeling in my stomach, resurfacing after a few minutes only to be pushed down again by my reasoning that there is nothing to be pissed off about. I really can't figure myself out.

I don't like the colours of this website. They're dull and gloomy. I wonder if I can change them.

I've started a diet. I wonder how long it will last... Last time I tried, it lasted 6 hours. I'd like to exercise more too.

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13343429/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13343429/ Thu, 14 Jun 2007 13:45:12 PDT
Although i'll have a maths exam on saturday, i still feel calm, as though nothing in the world can stop me. Wow I actually am feeling calm and in control..and I haven't felt like this for ages. Its not cos of the piano exam. I just woke up this morning feeling like this. I'd forgotten just how good life is when you're not under stress ^_^

Although i DO have occasional worries about certain issues that i'll probably never find a way out of, or that take lots of time to heal.

but for the moment nothing can take my happiness away

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13297361/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13297361/ Mon, 11 Jun 2007 00:14:00 PDT
I asked people on Yahoo Answers to see this gallery, and I still cannot believe how positive most people's answers were!! I probably got more positive answers about my art from Yahoo than I ever got elsewhere from the people I know!

In a matter of hours the number of pageviews soared from 20 to 88, although to date there are 23 answers on Yahoo. And before that, I used to be happy if I'd find just one other pageview...

This has really motivated me to post some more art. I'll be posting much more in these coming days, so if you've liked the previous stuff, come have a look to see the new ones

A huge thanks for everyone who visited this page and an even bigger thanks to anyone who left an answer on Yahoo. I feel really happy...thanks xxx

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13187734/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13187734/ Sat, 02 Jun 2007 10:07:25 PDT

Please leave any comments, I'd love to know what people think about my stuff!
Thanks all, cya xxx

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13148112/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13148112/ Wed, 30 May 2007 07:25:16 PDT what a load off my shoulders!

In my zest however, I forgot that i have more than 100 names to remember for tomorrow's exam. But nothing can take away my glee. No piano. Oh JoY!!

...happyyyy....

]]> ~eevaya http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13025479/ http://eevaya.deviantart.com/journal/13025479/ Sun, 20 May 2007 12:21:03 PDT
I'm a student from Malta, studying science and bored to tears in doing so. The artist in me has never been fully unleashed but recently it has been struggling more than ever to come out. Then I heard about deviantART. Seems like the place to be if u'r someone like me: wannabe artist that needs people's (hopefully constructive) criticism to make a large step ahead.

My profile is still very blank and boring, but its only until i get the hang of this thing. I have exams right now so have little time to fiddle about with settings, but as soon as they're over...I'll be updating as much stuff as i have made.

So have a look, leave any comments that you deem necessary...and cu round,

Eevaya

P.s. sry about the shitty mood thing....but honestly, I really feel like this right now...exams and stuff..oh the stress lol...

]]> ~eevaya