http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:eightofhearts&section=today deviantART RSS for by:eightofhearts en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:38:39 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/4380525/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/4380525/ Fri, 21 Jan 2005 20:51:49 PST Background Noise: What's Up Guys? -Bakuretsu Hunters opening
Thought Pattern: Bloody Roar/Cowboy BeBop
Mood: AHAHAHAHA~!
Desire: Some company, but not where you think.

What's up? -you've got to start from zero as if the vivid days were fading.- Make up! -it's really real! The sleepless city reflected in the mirror.-

First matter of business- I am very sad with my DA account. I've been thinking of deleting everything in it, or maybe moving it all to scraps or something. It just... depresses me. The level of the work in here just isn't up to any kind of par. I've tried to make myself only submit finished pieces, but I rarely finish things, so that's a moot point. This issue will probably resolve itself shortly, but it's just getting to me, and Id like to hear opinions. Do you think Clean Slate-ing my gallery will boost the inspiration?

And Onward...


Two things now:

1.) Unless something AWESOME happens that must be noted, probably pertaining directly to my DA account, this will be my last entry here.
Before you eat me, that's because my journal entries are moving mostly to my (not exactly new) LJ. You can find that up at the top of the page, in the "Webpage" spot.
It's about damn time I started using that thing.

2.) This new icon, (Holy CRAP, two changes in as many weeks??!!!one!?) was made by the uber-talented ~meigu!
Check out her art. NOW damn you!


And that is all. *takes a bow and skitters off stage*


"You know what always got me about Indiana Jones?
"Okay, so the penitant man kneels before God, right? But apparently the penitnant man also does this nifty little penitant roll, or else he gets sliced into penitant salami." -Kami

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/4322282/ Fri, 14 Jan 2005 21:01:50 PST
I wrote you a story in my mind last week. I wrote it nicely, with just the right dialogue, and the characters dead on.

I made you shiver. I touched that place with no name, and no sticky feelings, where it's calm and clear and smooth as a water chestnut. Where the only word is 'elegant.'

Yes. I touched you there.

But now it's morning for me again, after the sun has set and my eyes are awake. I lost that place I can only find in someone's poetry you don't know. I hit Nirvana and missed by an inch- where my thoughts are simple and my dictation without excess. But now it's morning, and the sun has set and I'm not dreaming, anymore.

I stare at the less simple things, wondering where my letter went. Wondering if when I die, I can find the place where I composed it, take it from the file, and read it over as though it had never been misplaced.

Where do my improvisations go?

Where is the folder, the library, the music hall, where they read the lyrics I don't remember, and play the songs I never wrote?

And where do they paint the landscapes I see when I dream about half completed stories?

I am so tired of the betrayed and the betrayal. Of the muck and the glue and all the people who point the fingers of their right hands at a thousand bystanders, while the left hand keeps it's index finger trained on their own chests.

I am so tired of being blamed, of being shouted at, of being told I don't understand. Of course I don't. How could I? I am not you, am not 'them,' am not 'us' or 'we' or even 'you all.' I am only me, and the sum of my experience will never match that of those around me.

The best you can hope for is empathy, an attempt to relate, based off of what I am told, what I can discern.

And lying while expecting me to mind read doesn't help.

I am tired of being logical, of not shifting blame. I am tired of smiling, nodding, listening, and being bitchslapped in return. I am tired. I'm just tired, in general. My emotional printing press has gone very nearly dry, and the more talking that happens the more it slowly fades into a low, aching buzz.

I can't be angry anymore. Only confused, bemused, and slightly hysterical. Because it is hysterical.

I love how it's all cryptic. I love how they're so enraged. I love the righteous indignation, and how much they know they're right. How can you know you're right?

I love how you stand beside me, behind me, before me, and laugh every time I don't, until I'm laughing too.

I wrote you a letter in my sleep last night. I wrote it perfect, in my head. All the words were pretty, and the imagery unsticky, and you knew what it really meant. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/4057996/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/4057996/ Mon, 13 Dec 2004 13:23:12 PST
Background Noise: Hysteria -Muse
Thought Pattern: Okage:Shadow King
Mood: A little offish, but happy.
Desire: Company! I'm all ALONE! o.o

I'm not breaking down, I'm breaking out.


So he did, kidlets. So he did.

The lil dollie in my new av is a gift from the wonderfully talented, and completely awesome Geryon. (I'd link her if I could, but she hates DA, ; ) Anyway, his name is Emmy and if you can guess where he's from, you get a cookie. (But not if you know because you've met him, that's cheating! X3)

I don't expect it to last very long, I'm already sort of missing my Vinnie-Chaos-Baby, so order should return to the universe soon.

Christmas is kicking my ass, in both the good and the bad ways. My uncle just brought over a huge old table to adorn the living room for the season, and my favorite people will be headed home for the holidays. There's nothing quite like our all nighters. The packages are wrapped and mailed and too many people know exactly what they're getting from me. But that's okay. It makes them happy, and it makes me happy too.

I remember sitting here, and not here, in front of a different computer screen in a different home, on a different night and worrying that too many things would change. And they have changed. And I have survived.

Here's to hoping I survive again, with a smile. Here's to each one of my friends that makes surviving worth the while. And if my lazy self doesn't get around to writing again before the day, happy holidays, my dears. May it be joyful for you all, and herald in the best year yet.

, you still get a cookie. Tell me what you'd like. =3

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3908980/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3908980/ Wed, 24 Nov 2004 12:53:07 PST I have let my DA account go to hell more than once.
I have not been prompt with my commissions.
I have not been prompt with my comments.
I have not been on IM.
I have not been anywhere.

I have been in my bed. Propped against the wall with the new arrangement of my room. I have been writing in my mind and on paper. I have been playing WindWaker like there's no other game in the multiverse. I have been job searching and college writing and wondering where in the world I belong when I'm not connected to a screen.

I have been listening to music I'd forgotten I liked. I have been playing it much too loudly when I'm home by myself. I have been singing it, even though my voice is only a common kind of thing that would embarrass me if anyone heard. I have been sick as a dog, and high as a kite and the medication makes me a little woozy.

I have been happy, and I have been frustrated, and I have been remembering entirely too many of my strange dreams.

The strings keep making me think. I'm thinking of all the things that make me cry in my more private moments. Of dusk and dawn when seagulls salt the skies light bright confetti and the world is silent even though I'm on main street. Of walking the canopy when it's pouring and freezing with the rain keeping me warm and your banter to make me smile. Of sitting on the bench under the awning and listening to the sound of the night and the thunder and your heart beat beside me in a house I'll never see again. Of being sprawled on the giant pillow that's gone somewhere now, with my snuffling, dusty, sleepy puppies laying all on top of me, and watching the way the flames dance, trying not to because you frightened me with your scary stories. Of watching her try to scare me while you sit outside with her mother, laughing at how silly we are while she waves her flashlight in her face, and hopes three years younger is enough that I'm still gullible. And I am.

I have been thinking about you again. I have been writing about you, and missing you and loving you, even though I'm too chicken to pick up a phone and see how much you've changed since I made all my memories out of construction paper and macaroni and glitter stick glue.

I have been playing with my Butterfly. I have cut myself unintentionally. Because I am stupid, but I want to get as good at it as you are.

I have been eating a lot more ramen lately.

That's how I have been. How about you?

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3840746/ Mon, 15 Nov 2004 11:41:58 PST
This has been a public service announcement. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3801636/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3801636/ Wed, 10 Nov 2004 13:15:11 PST Background Noise: After An Afternoon -Jason Mraz
Thought Pattern: Some original work
Mood: Mellow and Sleepy
Desire: A little company would be nice.

Face to palm, Tear to tear, and Mouth to tongue. Heart to ground, Heart, Heart to ground. Ohh, say, "I am in love." Say, "Heart to ground." Say... everything. Oh, Heart. Oh, Heart!
Oh, Heart to ground, life, I am in love.

Back from visiting the And BOY did it rock. =3 I definately do not tell you, Floofy, how much you mean to me. And I'm sorry when I'm a bitch. Or, when I drool on you. X3 Although that was somewhat intentional. Goose me, will you!?

We got to see President Clinton speak, and let me tell you, as many times as he would have run, I would have elected him. Damn 10 year law. *Sigh* He gave his opinion without being judgemental, and made good sense without bending the truth to avoid offending anyone.

It seems like I had more to write, but as long as it doesn't want to come, I won't push it. I whine in this thing too much already.

gets the cookie from the previous journal. ^^ Tell me what you want, hun, and I'll get on it before the alzhiemers takes over.

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3752922/ Thu, 04 Nov 2004 14:17:20 PST Hope is boundless.

I wish.

Hello! Wake up angel.
The angel in my heart wake up

I wish!

Hello! I still love you.
I like you most

I wish.

Hello! Merci, ciao I love you!

Hey look back...

I wish!

Hello! Wake up angel.
The angel in my heart wake up

I wish!

Hello! I still need you.
I like you most

I wish.

Hello! I still love you.
I like you most.

I wish.
Hello! Won't you- Nihao! I miss you.

Hey, look back...

Who would have ever thought such a happy song could word my sadness so well.

Cookie for anyone who knows where the song is from. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3544009/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3544009/ Fri, 08 Oct 2004 16:54:53 PDT My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
--Walt Whitman


Okay, so it doesn't really apply. It just happens to share the title that I call you by.

I miss you. I miss you like CRAZY. It's funny because I've never even seen you face to face, but I love talking to you almost more than ANYone I know. And I haven't done it since the end of June.

Okay, so it's not poignant. It's not pretty. It's not emotional or meaningful, or whatever else it's supposed to be.

I just wanted you to know.

I haven't been good about replying to your sporadic notes, I haven't put up any art only you'd really appriciate, I haven't wailed the way you do when I'm MIA to show me that you care. And I should have. It's just that I've been online, been really motivated, so much less in your absence.

I've forgotten how hard you make me laugh. I've forgotten how dissapointed I am on school days because of school day curfew. I've forgotten how much your art makes me grin.

I know I do them. I've just forgotten how they feel.

It's been a few months and I'm not really different, and so little so much has happened that I've forgotten all the things I wanted to tell you. All the nothings that were so important, so irrelevant, so funny.

I think of you at the strangest times, as well as the most ordinary. I'm glad to hear from mutual friendship that you think of me at strange times too,

I'm sitting here, thinking of restarting an art shop and thinking, suddenly, I know how to make a joint artshop between us work! Better than the last one did.

VS 2.0

I wonder what I'll think of next.

I hope you'll be there to hear my hairbrained idea about it.

I just want you to know I miss you. And I do it greatly. I'm selfish, and I want to take some of your time for myself.

I finally, FINALLY have heard Into The West.

It makes me cry.

Come back to me soon. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3377177/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3377177/ Thu, 16 Sep 2004 13:02:13 PDT Background Noise: I want it that way -Backstreet Boys (THERE IS A REASON FOR THIS, FOLKS.)
Thought Pattern: JakII
Mood: A little like I want to kill myself.
Desire: That Torn would STOP giving me crappy missions.

Okay, first of all. I had forgotten that this existed. I used to have the mp3 on my old OLD computer at my Da's. The subtitling is actually a little wrong in it, but hey.

Seriously. Click it. I DLed on my dail-up connection.

Further, I'd like to take this moment to RANT MY PANTS OFF about JakII.

Damnit, I LOVED Jak and Daxter. I bolted out to get JakII, and unfortunately, didn't get to play it until recently for IRL reasons. I was initially a little thrown off by the change in character design (And yes, there is a change. It's really more in the way they appear than a change in costume) and the whole set up of the game.

I've fallen in love with JakII too, the more I play it, the more I find the things I loved about it's precursor in it. But DAMNIT! It's got a serious GTA theme in it that I hate. That stupid zoomer drives me absolutely crazy!!! And I swear, if Torn or Krew gives me one more timed zoomer mission I will have a nervous breakdown. *Flails*

Okay, done with that.

SECOND on my Rant-my-proverbial-pants-off list!

(And I'd really like a response to this one.)

Does anyone find that spiderman dance link in my journal offensive? I mean, really? Am -I- generally offensive?

I sent it to one of my friends, thinking it might make her giggle, and she was absolutely horrified with me. Her response was:

"Dude. You didn't strike me as someone who would make fun of gay-ness."

oO

I was under the impression that that flash vid was complete... I don't know. Stupidity. It made -me- laugh, and no one I know of is a bigger advocate of "Love is Love."

Am I insensitive?

And I don't mean just about this. I mean, in general. Am I really obtuse to the feelings of others? oO This makes me worry.

Maybe I'm just over-reacting. Today has kind of sucked because of some of my Random Acts of Stupidity to the Max. Guh. I'm torn between knowing it'll be fine and wanting to punch myself in the face.

I'm gonna go lay down. ><;

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3317245/ Wed, 08 Sep 2004 11:56:45 PDT
You bring out the beauty in me. You make me want to rise above my capabilities. Make me want to create something worth the more than passing glance you give me. Your expressions, your turn of phrase, the way you stare up at the sky when it rains at night. It moves me in ways I don't understand. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces, and puts it back together in a completely new shape.

I think of you during the more poignant songs. I remember the way you looked when you were smiling. You did it just little enough that I felt pride when I managed to break your lips apart. I remember the things you said that were poetry. Rare moments when my breath slipped as you made a more elegant point in six words than I could have in an hour of debate. I think of you when the music makes tears well up in my eyes. When I want to sob because it's beautiful. Because it makes me feel that aching, addicting want.

I think of you when I remember the summers of my childhood. Laying on my back and noticing how endless the sky is when there isn't a streetlight for miles.

I wonder where you've gone now. Who you're awing now with your perfect simplicity. How you've grown into the tangles of whatever life found you. If I could still outrun you from one end of the tennis courts to the other. If you'd still share all your secrets with me, like I had ever deserved them at all.

The past rolls over my skin like a thousand promises and winces and pretty paper cuts. I remember all the stupid things I've said, all the stupid fights we had. The hours of hiding from everyone else. The fascinations we shared. The future opens her hands to me, offering comfort from the longing in the form of other thoughts.

How do you remember me? During the more poignant songs? The times when the sitcoms aren't quite as funny? When you take a moment to stare up at the sky?

It doesn't matter. I love you.

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3294463/ Mon, 06 Sep 2004 08:29:33 PDT
As stolen from a random journal, to alleviate my boredom.

I INFLICT IT ON YOU ALL! >3

1. Your name spelled backwards? All of it? o-O uhm. you can have the first couple parts:Yrucrem Llednir

2. Where were your parents born? Mum, New York. Da somewhere in England. (He'd be so wanked I don't know where exactly...)

4. What's your Favorite restaurant? Bugaboo Creek Steak House. X3 You get teh CRAP scared out of you the first time you go. It's awesome!

5. Is your bed a Twin, Full, Queen or King? Twin? Is that what they call singles?

6. What's your favorite sport to play? BADMINTON!!! Ph3r3 mj 1337 8!rd!3 5k!11z!!!

7. How many kids do you want? Three. Two boys and a girl, I hope.

8. Type of music you dislike most? Rap, no, country, no....it's mostly on a song to song basis....

9. Color of your school bag or purse? Black denim. With gold embroidery on it. *eyes it*

10. Do you have cable? Next door I do!

11. Favorite 80's song? Oh, GOD I love 80s music!!! Which to choose?! ...hm... Video killed the Radio Star. *nods* Or anything by The Cure.

12. Ever prank call anybody? Yes. Oooooooh yes. X3 I was a stupid kid.

13. Ever get a parking ticket? A-nope.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? If I willingly, and otherwise pointlessly jump out of a plane and my parachute doesn't open and I die, is it funny? --Both.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled? Cali?

16. Ever bowl a 300? HELL no! My best game is a 100 on the dot! X3 Whoowhoo!

17. What's your favorite comic strip? Online or in paper? Uhm, Dominic Deegan: oracle for hire and The Boondocks.

18. Do you really know all the words to the national anthem? Why, yes. I'm not sure how, but I do. Wanna hear?


19. Bath or shower? Shower. Mmmmm, shower.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? For the first time? Napolean Dynamite. In general, MasterMinds!

21. Favorite pizza topping? ....Mushrooms. Or pineapple. Not both at once though! o_O

22. Chips or popcorn? O___O Popcorn. I loves me some popcorn.

23. Is there a question for number 23? Besides this one?

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? Ew.

25. Do you eat skin on chicken? Used to. Loved it. Then one day it dawned on me just what it was.... o_O

26. Apple juice or Orange? ORANGE JUICE!!!! =3 =3 =3 *Spazz*

27. Could you be expelled from your school? In general? I think anyone can. For stuff I did? ....Only if they'd found out.

28. Favorite type of chocolate bar? KitKat. Whoowhoo!

29. Your favorite fruit? Jake. No! Kidding! *hides* Bananas.

30. Your favorite vegetable? Carrots. O_O

31. Have you ever won a trophy? Oddly, yes.

32. Are you a good cook? Yes! I just... tend to hurt myself sometimes doing it... o_O Or fail to time the meal right.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? o_O Some people don't?

34. Bought an article from an infomercial? Bahaha! Bought something 'just like on TV' once. Does that count?

35. Is Oprah annoying or great? Annoying.(EDIT: I thought this question said OPERA. >_<

38. Ever throw up in public? *Wince* I do my best to avoid that, but occasionally.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? What a silly question. I don't know. Probably true love, because I'm a sap like that. But it's really a philosophical question, I think.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. But I do believe in lust at first sight and instant connections of the soul.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number? Yes. Don't ask.

42. Ever been stood up for a date? Yes.

43. Biggest turn off of the opposite? Boobies? Kidding. Probably the whole 'expectation' thing. THough you can find that anywhere. >__>

45. Ever been cheated on? *Glower* Why yes. Yes I have.

47. What are the names of all your pets dead and alive? Holy shit! Are you kidding? We'll be here all day!! *thinks* Jellybean, Daphne,... ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3251793/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/3251793/ Tue, 31 Aug 2004 00:31:10 PDT Background Noise: This Love -Maroon5
Thought Pattern: Gaia
Mood: Cheery to the max.
Desire: Sleep

This love has taken it's toll on me, she said 'goodbye' too many times before. Her heart is breakin' in front of me, but I have no choice, cuz I won't say goodbye anymore.

Guess who has a new computer?! Is it me?! With a new computer comes a scanner all my own, with which comes teh desire to draw until my fingers fall off. I shall try not to flood this account, since I suck at returning comments (which is amazing, since it's not like I have a squillion, or anything.....)

The cousins have come and gone and I am a happy little muffin. My life may not be exactly on track righ' now, but it's abotu as sunshiny as can be. Thank you everyone who bore with me hiatus and will return to visit me still. =3 You make life great, guys.


My Clubs



Clubs I'm Partly To Blame For

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2577338/ Thu, 03 Jun 2004 20:07:46 PDT Current Music:The Man You Wanted-- Lyle Lovette

And if the stars didn't shine on the water,
Then the sun, it couldn't burn on the sand,
And if I were the man, you wanted,
I would not be, the man that I am.

Well, I think you all may have noticed. I've been lazier than usual. Or more distracted. Or more lost.

In any case, none of it is good.

My beautiful, dear friends. I love each one of you for a different reason. I wish each one of you all the best of the world, and all my most wonderful dreams. May you each find something great in your life-- and hold on to it just tight enough.

I have not been close enough, kind enough, or good enough to my word. I have not responded to your comments even though each one touched me, uplifted me, made me think, or just brightened my day.

You have made me speachless. You have made me happy. You have made me glow.

I owe you each so much. (And some I still owe art to. x-X)

But even the best thing comes to an end. And as much as I have loved this one, it does not get the attention it deserves. I said once before I was going on hiatus. I lied that time. This time, I'm not so sure.

This page, the comments I recieve, deserve more of me than they are getting, so it's time to stop the show.

I will always draw, and even though I do it less now, the writing pokes it head above water sometimes. And who knows, I may show up again.

I'll still lurk here, I love the art and I love the people. But the submission I make next will be my very last. I am moving on towards other projects. Hopefully some where the people will be good. No one can top the friends I have made here.

I am always available. Please don't hesitate to IM, email, or even devinote me. I'll still check back. I can hardly help it.
I will be on gaia. Find me there as Emmery, Jun Eshi, or Aoyn.

Keep creating.

You never know when your words, your art, your feeling will truely touch someone.

And as always, dream on.

-Eight

They all sat around in a circle.
They were laughin', and all tellin' lies.
Then the tall one, he put in a dollar.
He said, "Boys, I got nothin' t'hide."

"Now if the King and the Queen stood together,
Then the Ace, he could not be to blame.
And if the cards were all laid on the table,
Then love could be more than a game."

And if the stars didn't shine on the water,
Then the sun, it couldn't burn on the sand,
And if I were the man, you wanted,
I would not be, the man that I am. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2504398/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2504398/ Wed, 26 May 2004 06:13:18 PDT Waning darkness
In the tide
That ebbs with dawn.
In the mind,
The soul that
Splinters.
Here my faith
Has been and gone.

In the shadows
Of the places
Where we've been,
Now,
There we go.
In the empty
Heedless spaces
Here we wander
Heel to toe.
In the quiet
Waiting places,
There we're shrouded
From the light.
In that gently
Rambling darkness
Here we're waiting
For the night.

In the incandescent
Evening
Where we're sheltered
Where I hide
Stirs the hot
And lonely wanting
That I'm trapping
Deep inside.

With the shame
That's born from hating
’Hind the fires
That burn too bright.
Now you see me
Hesitating,
Desperate to
Defeat my fright.

‘In the open
Place before us
Who can lead
With bloody hands?’

And though I
Secretly abhor us
I, alone,
Am one who stands. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2475595/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2475595/ Fri, 21 May 2004 08:27:32 PDT Background Noise: I'm So Happy -Sting
Thought Pattern: Blank
Mood: Somewhere between chipper and ready to die.
Desire: To be out of this school and far away from most people I know.

I'm so happy that I, can't stop cryin'. I'm so happy, that I'm laughin', through my tears.

Okay, I'm torn on how to feel here. My computer was finally put back into working order last night sometime around midnight,- liberated from 28 Trojan Horse Back Door/Dowloader viruses with the help of !!!!! O_O Friggin A, you rule me!

I have also been sick since friday. Badly. o_O The kind of sick where you're puking your brains out in betwen coughing them out.

This means of course, no school, no art, no HOMEWORK. So I am now officially failing 3 classes, and have not done my part in the 2 group projects I'm in.

I'm not sure whether to be extactic or frantic. o_O Probably both.

ANYWAY, I'm back now. And I love you all madly.

And see you tonight, , I do hope.

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2358331/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2358331/ Tue, 04 May 2004 12:49:37 PDT

I you, Wenchan.


My Clubs



Clubs I'm Partly To Blame For

]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2322465/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2322465/ Thu, 29 Apr 2004 08:12:43 PDT in between
my clenched fingers and
My sorrows well
To fill my aching heart and spine
the sickness ebbs
The tides repel.

I miss you and I
Never knew you,
Lovely watcher
Here but gone,
your visits touch but I
See through you,
As my life rolls
On and on.

Here's my tribute
To your beauty,
and the lessons
you have lent
Slight the offering,
But my duty
Makes a joy
The will I've spent.

Hope is all I have to offer,
Sweet assuarance
That you're fine.
White the light that will
Surround you,
And you'll cut
Your mortal line.

In the place where you
are going,
There is reason to be glad,
know that love is
Overflowing,
And it's natural,
To be sad.

Cut short on all your
Life's endevors,
Still there is
No call to fret,
Time is endless, and
It's fluid,
Your lessons
are not
Over yet.

I'll miss you though I
Never knew you.
Lovely watcher,
gone but here.
Your visits touch,
Your eyes see through you,
Feel at peace,
The time is near.

Accidents
Are prone to happen,
There's no fault in
What's been done,
The world still turns, and
you'll return here
As life's tide rolls
On and on.

My Clubs



http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2300226/ Mon, 26 Apr 2004 09:19:57 PDT Background Noise: Wonderwall -Oasis
Thought Pattern: Gaia/Kingusari/That new Vampire RP with Les. (I think we should call it "Sin City" *chuckles*)
Mood: Tired..... VERY tired.
Desire: My computer back...*whimper*

I don't believe that anybody, feels the way I do, about you now...

I love Khaz, do you know? My Ice Lord and Lord-General. He's a bastard and he's not sorry for it, and I think he may have just toppled his way up to the top of my top ten list of my own fictives.

I thought I'd share that, though it's onl pertinant to one of you.

SO! Been a long time since I played about in my journal. I've been neglectful of both gaia and DA in favor of the loads of school work and trips I've had. You may have noticed a few scraps of new art. New policy there- no new art until I answer all the comments from te last piece. W0o for self-decipline. (...We'll see how long that lasts.)

Figures, don't it, that as soon as I decide to get back to it, my computer takes a nose dive into a gasoline storage facility.

Hopefully we'll have that online again soon. Until then, I'm sorry to say I'll still be scarce.

Went to 42nd street yesterday, my first honest to god broadway- LORD it was amazing. o-O

The costumes and the scene changes were incredable! O_O and that's not even touching the dance- or, (and I know how awful this sounds, but really!) the bodies of the dancers! They were flawless! o_O It's beyond modeling because they've got talent, and they're real. No airbrushing there.

There was this one kid who I fell in love with, he was thrid from the end most of the time in the lines, and he looked like he could hardly contain himself he so loved what he was doing! It was painfully cute. And he was a steller dancer too, >_>

On another note, I'm compling a list of amusing internet sites, like my spider man dance and "The End of the World." So if anyone has a good one for me, please send me the link. Preferably here or via PM or Devinote so I'll actually FIND it.

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2107600/ Mon, 29 Mar 2004 09:29:25 PST Background Noise: Dancing in the Dark -Bruce Springsteen
Thought Pattern: Gaia/Kingdom Hearts
Mood: Hyperstressed
Desire: FREEDOM!!!! FREEDOM!!!!! O__O

you can't start a fire without a spark. This gun's for hire- even if we're just dancing in the dark.

Well, awesome things abound today- mixed in with all hte snarky ones.

My buddy joined up with Dev today! She's freakin' awesome! Go drop in on her and give 'er a hello! --Please? For me? *Puppy eyes*

The worship/bow section hasn't even been looked at yet, it'll require some heavy-duty reworking, and frankly kids, Ol' Eight hasn't got the time right now. I still love you all.

Finally finally began that RP with last night. That was fun. =3 It's given me a lot of inspiration, even though it's still all in it's fledglingly stages.

Gah. Too bad I have so much backlogged art.

Okay, as far as that goes, 6 projects= a very panicked Eight. AND I have all five of my Go-Gaia commision spots filled. So I'm a little panicky right now. You'll have to forgive me. I know it's been dead around here.

WHA-HA! I have till the 7th to turn in my paper- I thought I only had till the 2nd. This lifts a little weight from my quickly buckling shoulders.

AND- I get to go spend days with during break!!! WHEE~! Draw together time!!!

Many happinesses to Just because she rocks so hard.

And happy happiness for the triumphant return of --Even though this means I have to deal with her again. I you, Kami.

Not a really deep entry today, just some updatiness and rambling. I guess I can't always have more depth than a mud puddle- only when I'm not trying.

My father and I are still having our little tiffs, so I've been at my mums all the past few weeks. Little weird, seeing teh world move without me in that respect- and not having my CrAp (heh) text book. You'd think someone could return that to me....

I'm just a high school boy at heart.

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2035506/ Thu, 18 Mar 2004 08:21:30 PST Background Noise: Only the good die young -Billy Joel
Thought Pattern: Kabuki/Volleyball
Mood: Cheery
Desire: More time!

Rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints- the sinners are much more fun. Only the good die young!

Okay, the worship/bpow to section vanished.

I realized I had been a slacker about it and that it was really really out of date. --I also realized I had no idea who was on it and who wasn't. So down it goes, until I sort it out and update it. Then it'll be back.

As for the rest of the world, I get to play the wife in the american adaptation of "UnderCover Lover" a rather famous Kabuki comedy. w0o. This is for my project on oriental theater and the renissance, my particular section covering Onnagatta.

....God I hope I can figure out how this kimono goes on.

FACULTY VOLLEYBALL GAME TONIGHT!!!! xD!!!! Verses the sister school to our's faculty. Our 8th Sci teacher abandoned us for them and he's playing tonight, so he's going DOWN. *Evil chuckle*

AND, I get to go with who went to the girl's school before college. E-heh, how do you think I met her?

Much with the good mood today, even though I hurt all from my back down my right thigh. o_O I have no idea what I did, but maybe this has something to do with the in class badminton tournament that Jeera and I are KICKING ASS AT.

Found a couple comics I'll die without reading. I'll link 'em up as soon as I re-locate them at my home computer.

At some point I'll have to give my da the heads up that I'm staying with mum this week.

....blee.

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2015914/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2015914/ Mon, 15 Mar 2004 08:26:21 PST Background Noise: Dream On -Depeche Mode
Thought Pattern: FF7/FF8/Dark Cloud/KH
Mood: A bated neutral
Desire: More time and peace of mind

Hey you pale and sickly child, you're death and living reconciled-

Well, I can now brace a pencil with my index finger if I'm careful. Kudos to me for crushing the damn thing in the first place.

I am tense. This comes from my experiences with my father this weekend in addition to a series of other rather unfortunate circumstances. It's all cleared up now, but the guilt remains- and the poor humor with it.

Thank you everyone who lent me your support in some way concerning my last journal entry. I have rather lost the heart for comment reply- but the gratitude is there all the same.

Still cleaning out deviations. It's too mind numbing to check for comments and favorites. I have good intentions but I think I'm just going to clear out the last couple groups of 24, unless there's something really exceptional in there.

I've been a slacker here as I've gotten into Gaia since my finger has been on the heal. So if I'm not here, that's why. I'm Emmery -drop me a visit some time. I'd love t'see ya!

Anyway, there should be some new art up soon now. Love you all madly.


My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/2000179/ Fri, 12 Mar 2004 16:39:45 PST
I went to see The Last Samurai with Jeera today, and it was a lot of fun. A wonderful movie. Really well done and moving. If you haven't seen it, you should. I cried towards the end. I wonder how strong that makes me.

The movie kept my mind off of the current happenings, and I didn't even realize I was depressed and guilty until a few minutes ago, when the pain finally stopped flurrie-ing and settled onto my heart. It's a good analogy really, like wrathful little snowflakes that dull my ache until you can't really call it anything but suffering. The kind without so much dimension as length.

My father loves me so much. I realized that this weekend in a way I never had before. He loves me so much it tears him up inside. The way I love him. Thorny and deep and always rewarded with a seeming slap in the face. He can't realte to me at all anymore though, and after all I've whined and all I've wished he would try to spend time with me, or to understand me- when he does, I run away.

I fled back to my mum's house because his attempts are just driving me farther and farther away from him. He's trying so hard to do right by me, but he's only damaging our relationship more. I can see it, and I still can't make myself stay with him. It feels like a prison there- not a home anymore.

I guess it hasn't been a home in a long time.

God damn me. I wish I wasn't such a freak. Or so weak. Or so intolerant, or even so insightful. How is it poossible to love someone as much as I do and still hate being near them- to want to run from their presence in any form.

I'm so afraid he's gonna come to pick me up. Jesus, I hope he doesn't.

I feel so miserable. Like a horrible son, and a horrible person. And at the same time I feel so betrayed, because no matter how many times I explain it, or myself, or the things about me he wants to hear about, he never understands. He only hears what he wants to hear-

This isn't one of those teenage 'nobody understands me' laments. This is his inability to see past his own predgiduce, or to believe his child's word against his own pre-concieved conceptions.

I shouldn't have to defend my existance, or my right to persue what I want to persue, or even the right to love whatever gender I want to love. But I do.

And I fail every time.

I'm feeling very frail right now. I think I might lay down- but I don't want to fall asleep.

Goodnight, everyone.

I am Broken,
Broken hearted.

Break me.

Bend me.

Make me~ bleed.

The time to hate,
That time has started.
Here.
In.
Me~.

Here, in
Me~.

I am bleeding.
From the spirit.

Smash me.

Snap me.

End my pain.

The fear I hold,
I know you hear it.

Rush
Like
Rain~.

Scream, I'm
Slain.

I am Broken,
Broken hearted.

Break me.

Bend me.

Make me~ bleed.

The time to hate,
That time has started.
Here.
In.
Me~.

Here, in
Me~.

Here, in, me.

In me~. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1974951/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1974951/ Tue, 09 Mar 2004 05:51:04 PST !

Dream On -Depeche Mode

As your bony fingers close around me
Long and spindly
Death becomes me
Heaven can you see what I see

Hey you pale and sickly child
You're death and living reconciled
Been walking home a crooked mile

Paying debt to karma
You party for a living
What you take won't kill you
But careful what you're giving

There's no time for hesitating
Pain is ready, pain is waiting
Primed to do it's educating

Unwanted, uninvited kin
It creeps beneath your crawling skin
It lives without it lives within you

Feel the fever coming
You're shaking and twitching
You can scratch all over
But that won't stop you itching

Can you feel a little love
Can you feel a little love

Dream on dream on

Blame it on your karmic curse
Oh shame upon the universe
It knows its lines
It's well rehearsed

It sucked you in, it dragged you down
To where there is no hallowed ground
Where holiness is never found

Paying debt to karma
You party for a living
What you take won't kill you
But careful what you're giving

Can you feel a little love
Can you feel a little love

Dream on dream on ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1955577/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1955577/ Fri, 05 Mar 2004 10:19:19 PST Background Noise: Cellblock Tango -Cicago
Thought Pattern: Gaia
Mood: Bubbly, but tired.
Desire: Still... the finger.

He had it commin'. He had it commin'. He had it commin' all along! I didn't do it, but if I'd done it- how could you tell me that I was wrong?

First of all, I am SO sorry. I hit the clear all button, but I meant to do it for journals- and I did it for deviations. =__=;;; I'm a dunce. Yes.

Secondly, no skin grafts- yay! But I did "crack the growth plate" which, as far as I can underdstand means as soon as the swelling goes down a bit, I'll be able to sketch again, but won't have the grip to write or hold an inking pen for a while.

More later, mebbee. But that's the news.

: Beginning to ever so slowly clean out the deviation gallery. I'm trying not to get rid of stuff with favorites, but still... if one vanishes, that's why. Hopefully I can get all the old crap that makes me shudder to look at it off by this weekend.

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1943965/ Wed, 03 Mar 2004 08:15:32 PST Background Noise: On a High -Duncan Sheik
Thought Pattern:Eerie Queerie (*Snrk*)
Mood: Oddly Cheerful
Desire: My finger back!

It's a lie, it's a lie, don't you believe it. If you're fine then you're fine; it's all how you see it.

First of all, does someone wanna explain to me why no matter what computer I acess go-gaia and DA's images totally refuse to load for me? This is teh second day now~!

In other news, no new art for a while- and probably very few comments, even when I CAN see the images again. Yesterday I crush and pretty much mutilated my right index finger in the sliding glass door in my foyer. Yes, I am stupid. =__=;;

Yesterday I thought it would only be a layup of a few days, no I don't know. It's looking pretty sick, and it's the oppinion of the nurses in the near family that I'll probably need a little reconstructive surgery.

*Sighs* This journal entry is being typed all with one hand. >__>;; I can't really hold a pencil properly, and I'm being told it's not even a good idea. Damnit all- I have an essay test next period. *Dies*

Anyway, that's the headsup on the probable lack of update-age. We'll just have to see how it goes.

Quote for today:

"Purple." -Kef from and my as yet unnamed RP. =3

Random Artist Spotlight:

A very talented artist, she is. =3 Her soft style with CG is really something cool to behold. Very fun art, and a great sense of style! Go check her out! Shoo!

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The (still very unattended to) list of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Random Link of the Moment:

[link]

Amazing, really.

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1938078/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1938078/ Tue, 02 Mar 2004 09:15:30 PST That coils and cries and waits to rear,
And in this sleep there stands a man,
Who smiles and waits, his drink in hand.
Recurring thoughts that plague my mind.
That tease and kiss and fade with time.
The break of dawn, thh stars' soft sigh,
Intrude on sleep and push and pry.
A gentle touch that mewls it's plea
Where fact tangles with fantasy.
Just once I wish to reach the end,
of dreams I just half comprehend. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1932056/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1932056/ Mon, 01 Mar 2004 08:24:11 PST Background Noise: On a High-Duncan Sheik
Thought Pattern: Wistful
Desire: More time, more patience, more love and less fear.

Oh, there never will be no conspiracy of happiness.

I am bleeding from a pefectly round puncture wound on my neck. It's ruining my white oxford. I thought I should share that with you, mostly because I have no idea where the injury came from. --A sure sign that it will, indeed, become "one of those days" very very quickly.

I've gotten lazy about my journal.--and about my DA account in general. I've got no excuse for myself, really. But I do apologise.

Some quick news before I'm off at the next bell- I joined [link] -My name's Emmery, for any who wish to PM me and give me some friends in this strange place.

I'm a homework slacker, so everything will be a little delayed.-- more sorries, folks.

And the Spotlight has made a cautious return as Random Artist of the Moment --we'll see how long that sucker lasts.

Joined another new club, (It's a fever) *points* support it, you know you want to.
Quote for today:

"Is he always like this?"

"No! Only when I'm being attacked by small plastic penises!!!" *flail*-
--Char and me, when O'keefe was chasing me with the new pencil topper. >__>

Random Artist Spotlight:

A very talented artist, she is. =3 Her soft style with CG is really something cool to behold. Very fun art, and a great sense of style! Go check her out! Shoo!

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The (still very unattended to) list of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Random Link of the Moment:

[link]

Amazing, really.

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1899099/ Tue, 24 Feb 2004 14:57:13 PST Background Noise: That new song by John Meyer.
Thought Pattern: "...Ow."
Desire: For the hurting to stop, really.

I just consumed about an entire quart of chocolate milk in an attempt to ward of this nasty nasty headache that's been only increasing all day. Linny told me chocolate was good for that. however, now I am sloshy AND my head hurts, so so much for that idea.

Incidentally, one of my all time favorite songs, by the journal's name was bastardized in front of me today by a member of my drama group. I will never be able to rid myself of the stigma. o_O *Brrrr*

Argued politics to myself all teh way home today, and had a breif but intense debate with the resident females over morals in the political ring. It went more strangely than expected, sonsidering we were all miffed at the end, but we seemed to agree.

More scanner trouble, and as I mentioned to the Kami, I totally destroyed both a gift for and a contest entry for among a number of others, due to severe lack of artistic talent today and an untimely attack of OCD. I'm sorry guys, they will be fixed and uploaded tonight if possible.

It's nice that you're all so pacient with me.

As another note, this year's birthday was the best yet. Thank you all who wished me well, and those who drew me gifts. ^___^ You have no idea what it meant to me. Thank you.

Joined two new clubs, *points* You should all check out It's a truely awesome idea. I'm the first member of the blue squad! =3

Quote for today:

"Hey, how do you say 'camel' in spanish? --TU MADRE! OOOH!"
--Friends of the Deb.

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The (still very unattended to) list of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Random Link of the Moment:

[link]

Just keep poking. =3 (Courtesy of O'Keefe!)

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1879723/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1879723/ Fri, 20 Feb 2004 21:07:23 PST Background Noise: Sucks to be You -Prozzak
Thought Pattern: Fruits Basket/LoZ/Clamp Campus Detectives
Desire: Scanner.

I need to tell you I finally understand and I wanna get in touch with you now but I can't. I wish I could have made you happy- but I'm a bastard.

Well, for starters, my last entry was on the 11th, but I spaced. Bad, Bad me. The 11th is a special day.

Happy belated b-day to One of the coolest people I've had the pleasure of meeting, ever. Even if only by sdome fluke in the multiverse~ =3

My birthday itself is this sunday. W0o! And for it, I've recieved my christmas present from Kami-san. ^^ A tablet!!! *Squee!!!!!*

As soon as I figure out how to plug it in, I'm gonna start practicing! =3 Thankyouthankyouthankyou, Kami-san!

Also, I missed Valentine's day, y'all. But I wanted to write about it anyway.

Saint Valentine was a man who preformed marriages when it was forbidden for one reason or another by the Roman government. (I don't recall the full story.) Mostly soldiers going off to war, if I'm right.

Even after his arrest, he continued to do this service to the best of his ability right up until his death. One which was met unnaturally.

His courage and persistance in the name of love is what is to be honored on this Hallmark holiday. And as much as we are, the ones without sweethearts, I still think the endevor was worth celebrating.

In the spirit of that, or my passage into official adulthood, or maybe in the spirit of spirits, I want to thank each one of you. Every person who keeps comming back to this page, acknowledged by me or not. Every person who just breezes by by accident, every wayward soul whose left a comment, and every friend I've made or had.

You are what make me special. As antisocial as I am, humans are pack-ish creatures by nature, and I would be lost without you. Thank you for encouraging me in the endevor of something I love. Every hit counts to me more than you know.

And now the sap: [link]

And, as for the title? There are some things that you just shouldn't ask a boy. Like if they'll wear a skirt while you hem it.

Let's leave the story there, shall we? ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1879670/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1879670/ Fri, 20 Feb 2004 19:22:43 PST You are awesome. What can I say? You inspire me, and frighten me (kidding), and can always always make me laugh. And damn if our RPs aren't just the most fun of all. =3 Where would I be without you, Coz?

You are so amazing, you know that? My no touchie buddy! You are one of the most fun people around, if only because of your sense of humor. I love your art, I love your mind, and I even love the way you tell me I'm an idiot, xD Nothing like a blonde calling you blonde, eh? I'm less attentive than I should be, but you're always my buddy. Long live CLAMP and the Wish Bunnies. *evil smirk*

What can I say to you my friend? You are the best of the best. You lift my sinking spirits without fail, make me think and drive me crazy all at once. You are so dear to me. I would be utterly lost without you. You're the best person I know, and my incredable big sister. Even when my teasing gets at it's worst, I still look up to you. I always will.

Now YOU, you drive me absolutely crazy. There are some days when I positively hate you. But you are still one of the best, my love. You amaze me with your talent, your wit, and your sense of humor. And you're bizzare little kinks. Every time we talk I find another reason to like you. I am happy, in every end, just to be near you, my friend. You are that great.

One of the adoptees! A little sister ^^ You're another one whose talent floors me. Your stories are intricate and your work is marvalous. You're so generous and sweet. I always feel glad to know you.

There is so much to say about you, you know. You are brilliant and talented. Your sense of humor is amazing, and your stories are facinating. I envy you, you know. Your abilities outshine mine at every turn. We have had a rough road, you and I, and I miss trusting and loving you like I used to. But I am always honored to have known you. That will never change.

How did you get so close to me so fast? You're brilliance and ingenuity amaze me. Over and over you surprise me and make me smile. You're hysterical and helpful and just too amazing. You shine, put simply. and No matter how hard they fight, they will never dim your vast light.

Teh evil genius. I praise you again. You're funny and sweet. I love your style, in art and in general. A surprise gift from you (which I have recieved more of than I possibly deserve) always makes whtever the crap I went through that day seem like nothing at all. Thanks for brightening my spirits and giving me someone to have generaly insane chatter with. No one has conversations quite like ours, I wager. =3

There are not enough sweet words in the world for you, my friend. There aren't enough good intentions or gestures of affection. Your way with words never fails to leave me speachless and smiling, even when I'm worried sick about your well being. You are a truely rare person. I am so greatful to know you, even just a bit. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Even just making me feel singled out, in the best way possible.

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1829226/ Wed, 11 Feb 2004 16:22:52 PST Background Noise: Ghost Story -Slayers
Thought Pattern: Some original work.
Desire: More TIME.

The moon's a fingernail, and slowly sinking. Another day begins, and now I'm thinking...

Wow. Sad, involved, time consuming, and ultimately very embarrassing. But I am proud.

I spent a few hours tonihgt memorizing a 3 minute set of actions to the song " Ghost Story." For the purpose of the assignment it has become the lyrical monologue of a man who reflects on a year of mourning his death, interrogating himself every night. At it's end he comes to the half relieved conclusion that he loved him, and leaves the cabin. Presumably freezing to death at the dawn of a winter morning. It's rather good for one with no talent for the dramatic. (No, J. A love of the dramaic is NOT the same as a talent.)

In other news, I had nearly forgotten that people used to call me the Prince of Darkness. Until a friend brought it up, and decided to shorten it to Dark or Darky for conveinience's sake. =3 It does amuse me so.

Busy bee. I am SO CLOSE to finishing all the things I owe. You just have no idea. It took me THREE MONTHS but here we are. I'm less than 7 away. *Dies*

In OTHER other news, agreed to go in with Katu on and am still pimping out I've sort of given up hope on But I'm not beaten yet!

and, finally, HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
If you have ever even looked at a Harry Potter book in passing, Lordy Lord, go to my link of the moment. I laughed until I CRIED. That damn thing is GOLD!


Quote for today:

"Bother."
--"Bothering Snape"

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Random Link of the Moment:

[link]

w0o!

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1802311/ Fri, 06 Feb 2004 06:32:23 PST Background Noise: Brave Souls -L-sama (Slayers)
Thought Pattern: Interestingly, given the circumstances, none.
Desire: My bed.

Bleh~

My eyes hurt, my throat hurts, and I had a panic attack in response to it closing up that left me pretty unable to stand. I wanna go home, and I could, but there's no one to bring me home, as my mum's an hour away and if I called my Da, he'd have to take me to the ER just to make sure I wouldn't die.

What a hassle.

On a brighter note, a new club was started up. (I'm some kind of massochist, I swear. I keep lending a hand in starting these things and no one ever joins.)

Anyway, it's for the interested. (Please be interested. )

Very little new art. I do most of it in school, you see, and now my scedual has changed and I haven't the time to draw in class before that I used to. Rather sucks, that. But we should be coming along. I'm almost out from under the things I owed people forever. Maybe I can finish this weekend.

Quote for today:

"Remember, Shark attacks are free. That's why they're rare."
--Ms. C

Spotlights! God I'm lazy.


The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Random Link of the Moment:

[link]

Muffiny goodness.

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1791907/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1791907/ Wed, 04 Feb 2004 07:36:57 PST Background Noise: Clocks -Coldplay
Thought Pattern: I wish I had one.
Desire: To go home, curl up in my bed, and pretend like tomorrow won't be comming.

I'm yawny.

Very sleepy and very ill-contented. My gramma called last night in the middle of the ungodly hours, after I got off the phone with Kami at 2 in the AM. She wasn't well. And now I'm yawny and worry-y.

Public apology to both for the original thing and for blowing you off last night when I could have said I was sorry. I was pressed for space and time and sanity. It was not the best of nights.

I could explain myself, if poorly to the outside observer. But I'll just tell you I'm sorry. Because I am. It wasn't personal, I did the same to many others too. (About 53 of them.) But I'm still sorry, even though I stand by my reasons, and that it wasn't done to hurt your feelings.

Beyond that, I don't want o discuss it in the open, as it is a private affair. But everyone can read that I apologise.


Link of the Moment

[link] Muffin-y goodness!

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1789482/ Tue, 03 Feb 2004 18:01:58 PST Background Noise: 1/3 Pure Emotion -Ruroni Kenshin
Thought Pattern: I hate Neopets...
Desire: I donno... I sorta wish Katu was still online. Missed her by like, 2 minutes. ;___;

Ol' Eight has a serious case of apathy. ...a really serious case.

I wanted to freak out on this girl today who ride the 24 with me. She's really very nice, but I rarely understand what she's saying. It's a bizzarre phenomenon, and I think it happens because she's high most of the time, (I mean this litterally, now.) and she doesn't really know what she's saying herself. --That and she has no sense of continuity in a conversation. All I wanted was to sit and listen to me CD player, but she just. kept. talking. And I was too polite to tell her to leave me ALONE! ...gah.

It's one of those things. I have no urge to do much of anything. It's bad, because I always have so much I wanna do and so little time to do it, and I know I haven't accomplished it or anything between now and 4 hours ago.

Amazing how these things strike without warning, yes?

Anyway, I think I'mma gonna go to bed. Sleep it off.

Nights, everyone. *Yawn* ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1767327/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1767327/ Fri, 30 Jan 2004 15:14:36 PST Background Noise: Follow Me -Uncle Kraker
Thought Pattern: Neopets
Desire: That my pets would listen to me...

Well, I was sitting here, being bored and fooling around, when I accidently hit the buttons of the scanner that's still been hooked up but hasn't worked since before I joined DA. Really, it's been actingas an exceptionally large paper weight because my Da keeps saying he'll get it fixed but never does-- and it worked!!! BOOYAH! =3

Who knows for how long, but at the least, I got two scans outta the sucker.

1 update to the list of people to check out-- mrr, Hiiragi, will you tell me which of your charas you want?

: My Da has photos of the beatles. Who would have thought? Very cool, Da. Very, very cool.

DA is being super-wonky. AND, my home-scanner quality is sucky- which I had forgotten. Damnit.

Link of the Moment

[link] Muffin-y goodness!

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

My Clubs



... ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1740242/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1740242/ Sun, 25 Jan 2004 16:17:44 PST 's Journal, because I'm bored, as she is not online. (I hope you feel better soon, m'dear.)

last person kissed: If we're not talking about family kisses- Jeera
last good cry: Last month.
last cuss word uttered: Ah- God, fuckit!
last beverage drank: Pepsie
last food consumed: Boston Cream Pie
last crush: Will. Or that guy who works at the Walden's.
last phone call: Kami-chan
last tv show watched: Courage the Cowardly Dog
last time showered: : Last night
last shoes worn: Big silver boots
last cd listened to: Dark Cloud Original Sound Track
last item bought: Uh. Pet Shop of Horrors 4, I think.
last disappointment: In my friends, and in my grades.
last soda drank: Teh Pepsie
last thing written: "Defining Lilith" a short essay, thing.
last key used: House Key
last word spoken: "Whoo." Is that a word?
last sleep: Last night
last im: WenChan, Rinzable, Carrie-san, and Kamichan
last sexual fantasy: *BLUSH* Uhm. That's a little personal. But, it, ah-- personal.
last weird encounter: With an old friend, last week.
last ice cream eaten: Eddy's Chocolate brownie from the carton. =3
last time amused: A few minutes ago during a conversation about canadian coins.
Aunt Gloria: They don't take canadian knickles down south, either.
Uncle Rob: That's mostly because they don't know where Canada -is-.
last time wanting to die: Seriously? Sophomore year. Less seriously? Yesterday.
last time in love: I don't know if I ever have been, really. But I thought I was not that long ago.
last time hugged: about 15 minutes ago, from my mum.
last time scolded: Yesterday by my Da. I "never listen."
last lipstick used: Purple shiny stuff for my Count D costume.
last shirt worn: The Halloween Town Kingdom Hearts T from Derr.
last time dancing: Seriously? At Medieval Times. Rocking out? This mornning.

Have you ever
01. fallen for your best friend?: Unfortunately yes.
02. made out with JUST a friend?: Unfortunately yes.
03. been rejected?: Yes.
04. been in love?: I would hazard a yes.
05. been in lust?: Definately.
06. used someone?: Honestly, no.
07. been used?: Yes.
10. been kissed?: God, yes.
11. done something you regret?: More than once. And muchly.

Last Person You...
12. you touched? My Uncle Rob, saying goodbye.
13. you talked to? Brian's Girlfriend, whose name I forget.
17. you yelled at? My Da. It was a mutual shouting fit.

ARE YOU
- Understanding: I try to be. Let's hope I succeed.
- Open-minded: For the most part.
- Arrogant: Occasionally.
- Insecure: Always.
- Interesting: Hopefully.
- Hungry: Rarely.
- Friendly: Online, always. IRL, sometimes.
- Smart: So they tell me.
- Moody: Painfully.
- Childish: Only sometimes. For the most part, no.
- Independent: Somewhat.
- Hard working: If it's important to me.
- Organized: Fuck no.
- Healthy: *Laughs* Fuck no.
- Emotionally Stable: Uhm. No, not really at this point.
- Shy: Painfully.
- Difficult: If I disagree.
- Attractive: No. But I know someone who would hit me if he heard me say that.
- Bored Easily: yes.
- Messy: Exceptionally.
- Thirsty: Yes.
- Responsible: Yes.
- Obsessed: Yes. With several things.
- Angry: Not right now.
- Sad: A little.
- Happy: Contentably.
- Trusting: No.
- Talkative: All or none. Either I'm a mute, or I won't shut up.
- Legal: For sex? Yes. To vote? Wait a month. To drink? No.
- Unique: I'd like to think so.
- Ignored: Rarely.
- Reliable: Unfortunately no.
- Optimistic: Not really. I'm more a realist.
- Deep thinker: Yes. It's a side effect of spending a lot of time alone.
- Self-disciplined: Poorly, but passably.
- Sleepy: Often.
- Lonely: More than I'd like to admit.

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1716585/ Wed, 21 Jan 2004 06:37:02 PST Background Noise: A lullabye I can't seem to remember the origin of.

Hush now, the dawn is crying. Sweet lullabyes. It's time now, to close your eyes.

I'm sad again. Just for this morning, I know I'll be better after I eat some lunch and get past all the classes that make me feel guilty.

All I really want is to go home and curl up in bed.

I guess I don't really want to go into it. Better not to delve back and justify my poor humor.

So I'm sitting here thinking about everything else instead. Where is that place from which random thoughts come? Like the line of a lullabye I haven't heard since I was eight? That place somewhere behind the ribcage where your heart should be, but isn't. The niche where hatred burns and butterflies flutter and that warms before you blush and aches before you cry. That place things come from that we will always know and do not remember.

I'm not going to reread this entry, like I usually do before I post. I think I'll disgust myself. Like I'm trying too hard. But there are so many things that I can't describe, no matter how much effort I put behind my attempts. Like why I keep re-breaking my heart.

Last night was a bad night, and it shouldn't have been. It broke to dawn on a bad day. I got to thinking of all the things that have happened between my friends and I. And I realized how embittered I really am. It's not a good thing to realize.

I'm amazed at the emotion I can still drum up over things so dead. It's amazing how a look, a touch, a word can slam me back into the memories, into the very thrall of evderything I fight to shove somewhere deep, where I won't think of it. It's very difficult to contain a monster with a wall of thread- something I am just beginning to learn.

I am still so angry, at least, when I stop to think about it. And I try not to. And the ones I love the best, are the ones that hurt me the most, of course. I am not the strongest man, but I am loyal. I will never betray. If I did, there would be no merit in me, and it's hard for me to accept that that isn't the case with others.

And I don't know why I thought of it. Nothing has been done that should have taken me back here. I hate it here. It's cold and I feel more alone that I have ever been.

Thank god for you, Kami. Thank god. It was sappy last night, but I mean it. I'm feeling really alone right now, and I'm so glad you've got my back.

Friends just don't do this to each other.

If I'm guilty of anything, besides temper, and density, it's only that I can't help but forgive. Can't help but come back. Can't help but miss and want and love. I wish I could hold grudges the way that my characters do.

I was laughing, thinking how much Weiland is my avatar.

I miss my ignorance.

I want to go home.

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1710943/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1710943/ Tue, 20 Jan 2004 12:07:01 PST Background Noise: Basket Case -Greenday
Thought Pattern: DK/Pet Shop/YuGiOh
Desire: A little peace of mind.

I am SO behind. I think I'm going to die of the panic attack that's building up over a single, very important thing I've yet to do. But it will be alright, as long as I do it tonight, no exceptions.

The end of BMB has been up for over a week, and I'vce still no desire to go and read it. I think I'm well beyond it. Someday though, I know I'll head back to see.

As for my own comic, screw it. I can't get a single strip to look passable. I'm doomed to fret over this until kingdom come, I can tell.

Back into DC2. Heavily. It's the only way I seem able to seperate myself from my issues is to deal in someone else's. And the save and quite aspect of a video game is giving me a littler relief over real-life games, like relationships.

I'm readin old journals, and realizing what a pitiful dork I was, and am amused, inexplicably. I wonder where to put my efforts seeing as I can't seem to get anything out on paper. Maybe I'll slide back into poetry, but I can't see myself doing it. Hopefully I can give Torv-o a drop kick and he'll get back to work.

Quote for today:

"And you thought I wouldn't chuck you in the pier!"

"I know better now."
--Kaiun and Tore,

Spotlights! God I'm lazy.


The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Random Link of the Moment:

[link]

Dominic Deegan: Oracle for Hire

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1696567/ Sat, 17 Jan 2004 17:43:41 PST Background Noise:Cruel- Tori Amos

I'm feeling destructive. Dark and amused and waiting for something fragile to break- preffereably one that's not a thing.

It's a difficult position to find myself in. That isn't my typical nature, bloodthirsty, of sorts. To feel deeply fulfilled by the pain of another.

That, I think, is the appeal of characters like my Kaiun and his darker side, Scion. Donovon had that appeal for me once, and there are those that carry it still. Their apathy, immorality. Their ability to make blood something aesthetic.

I don't have very many evil chracters, per se. But I have those that dance along much darker edges, and I always love them best. Their visciousness is their appeal. Their predisposition to break, and to gleen enjoyment from the fragments of what they've shattered. I love them for that. For giving my blacker side some sort of out.

I won't apologise for this aspect of myself. Because I know it's there in others, too. People who like angst in stories, who prefer the bad guy to the hero, any one who's ever applauded someone on screen for the moment they snap.

These things appeal to us because we can not express them ourselves. At least not to their full potential. We seek a refuge for our destructive sides. The desires and ambitions that society would frown upon.

And each of us has it. That black spark. It is part of being mortal. We harbor the brilliant flame of creation and divinity, and so conversly carry within the same breast the power and the desire to consume utterly. It's that duality that has facinated poets and philosophers for centuries. In every heart is contained, neatly and without exception, the ability to outshine every angel in heaven, or to damn the devil himself.

Maybe I'm waxing too poetic.

I'm frustrated, sitting here, without a vent for that hostility. For that umber-brown desire. I'm itching to create and I have no where to do it.

I suppose I should start by breaking the walls.

My Clubs

]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1667488/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1667488/ Mon, 12 Jan 2004 08:23:56 PST The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: Into the West -dunno
Current Mood: Dead.
Current Thing: DK/Pet Shop/YuGiOh
Currently: Comforting K, who sits on my other side.

Well, the new PSoH is out. ....And if I don't get it soon, I'll lose my sad little mind.

Began the fanfic (finally) I have for PSoH, but I doubt anyone here's really interested. Well, I'm invested now, so it's probably going to be taking up alot of my time. W0o.

Been working on my final SJ project of late, illustrating a children's book. I might have my rough sketches up, when I finish them all. But really, I want to gouge out my eyes with a fork over this assignment I'm so sick of it, so that might be a huge 'maybe not.'

Rah, , The RP is eating my brain in half. AND that goes for you too, . Good lord in heaven.

On another note. There is NO GOD. And I'll give you three reasons why: 1. I hate this project and i have 3 essays to write and a PE project to BS before tomorrow. 2. All I can think about is stuff htat will not greatly affect my grade. 3. Go read Kami-chan's journal.

Discovered the wonder that is MacHall and Altermeta yesterday, and pomptly wasted most of the evening I should have been doing homework. Damn me.

Missing you all that aren't around so often anymore. Maybe I'll see more of you when the summer's out for you. In the mean time, thinking of you, my dears. And you know who you are, don't you, ^__~

Quote for today:

"Ruth says it's all in my head, but the voice is real, I swear!!"
--Sasha, Altermedia

Spotlights! God I'm lazy.

(uhm. soon.)

Random Link of the Moment:

[link]
(yes. My sense of humor is twisted.)

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1632427/ Mon, 05 Jan 2004 08:22:08 PST Kiriban 3K

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: Hey Micky (Laugh, and I *will* kill you...)
Current Mood: Harried
Current Thing: KH/DK/Pet Shop
Currently: Knowing my leg will fall asleep andthat there's nothing I can do about it.

Well, first entry of the new year!

First off,I'd like to apologise for the general crappiness of the pics. I am very behind due to the lack of pens, and will have more art up tomorrow that's hopefully a bit more worthy of their recipiants.

Second, I'd like to apologise to all three of you who read my comic for the fact that there's exactly one strip up. I'll be posting more of those very very soon, as soon as I have enough scanner time.

Third, ...uh. ....Third.... Hm.

Been a long time since I updated my journal, huh?

I was a complete slacker over vaction about EVERYTHING and thus, I have several projects due that I haven yet to start and a WHOLE LOT of anxiety. ...College is going to be a BAD time for me... x_X

Quote for today:

"Yep. And now there's a tension betwen them and Take feels like there's an elephant in the room there with them with 'Take is a dick' painted on it's side..."
--

Spotlights! God I'm lazy.

To be done next period

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1579742/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1579742/ Wed, 24 Dec 2003 21:44:28 PST
And I'm smiling, a silly half-there smile. I could laugh if I didn't want so badly not to wake my sleeping half-family. I'm thinking of how I would be so wired when I was small, waiting for christmas to come. Not Santa, but christmas. Like the day itself was a treasure. How I'd fall asleep propped up on my elbows with my head on my own shoulder, waking up uncomfortable from trying to watch the clock. Waking up and being too excited to notice that my neck was sore. Dashing down the stairs before anybody else.

Now it's past midnight. It's Christmas, and I'm as terrified as I am extatic. Because my mother never called us back so I'm not sure how I'm getting home. Because part two applications are long past due. Because so many christmas gifts are yet unfinished. Because next year I won't be in this house on Christmas eve, waiting to usher in the birthday of our best known savior.

And it's good.

I've been thinking alot about the differences. About Then and Now and everything I've lost in between. And it's so easy to get lost yourself.

I miss my love of Inu-Yasha. It's odd to bring up, but I started collecting the comic when only 3 issues were out in the states. Andy slipped it in with my monthlies because he knew I liked Rumiko Takahashi-Dono's works. I read it religiously. I loved every moment. I read each issue a hundred times.

And then it changed, like all things do. Now I still buy the mangas every month, but I haven't read it in over a year. I keep telling myself that I'll get around to it, but the truth is that just looking at the books makes my heart twinge painfully.

Maybe someday I'll get over it.

I'm thinking about that now because I just saw it on TV, and that's what drove me back to the computer.

So here I am, typing a sappy holiday message to all my devi-stalkers and all my closer friends.

I love you guys. You make things worth doing. Thank you for all your support and all your love and all the weird sorts of pain and elation my interactions with you bring.

No ecstacy is worth having without agony too.

I hope you are all blessed. I hope you are all warm. I hope more than you are happy, you are content and you are satiated, because perhaps it's just my odd-ball nature, but those things are much more dear. I hope each of you has someone you can reach to when you are lonely, who you can just let touch you when you cry. I hope you can laugh when things are funny and when they aren't. I hope you each get what you wanted slipped in among your presents. I hope the meaning of the season isn't lost for you between the mountains of wrapping paper and the stress of keeping up appearences. I hope you enjoy your family, at least during those moments when they're not riving you absolutely crazy. I hope you're loved, and I hope you hope.

No matter what your religion, or lack of it, I hope you have a little faith in something. Even if it's only your old pick-up truck. I hope you have a winter filled with joy and that wonderful kind of heartache.

Good Night, all my dear ones. All my fondest thoughts are with you. May the day be a grand one for you all. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1561174/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1561174/ Sat, 20 Dec 2003 17:37:57 PST Kiriban 3K

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: Hikari --KH original theme
Current Mood: Content
Current Thing: Neopets/DK/LoZ/KH
Currently: Roleplaying with Katu/Chatting with Carrie-san

Whoo. Some people have too much time on their hands. *looks around* Well, it ISN'T me, heaven's knows! *Runs off to work on all the pictures he owes.*

I think I'm gonna be very ill from staying up 'till 620 in the AM last night and getting up at 100PM. Wow. I'm a genius.

In other news, I won the Dice-a-roo jackpot at Neopets. Yes. I will tell the world this. I'm excited, damnit it! xD!!!

Now my conversation with has gotten me all worked up over the LoZ:WW world. So if anyone wants to RP that, dear god, please IM/Devinote me.

Missing . The girl's gone to NYC, and I'm taking care of her petsez 'till she comes home. I won tambola for you, kami-chan!

Shameless Pimping
PLEASE join ^___^

Quote for today:

"::would always get beat up by tidus and his posse::
Sora: 3 ON 1 ISN'T FAIR
Tidus: ... ... ::doesn't understand the concept of fair,obviously::
Wakka: :oesn't understand the concept of the number 3. poor stupid wakka::"-

Spotlights! God I'm lazy.

A somewhat newer artist to DA with a ton of talent! Brought to my attention by Katu, ^__^ *points down* She's a great CGer and has such a neat style!

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1546665/ Wed, 17 Dec 2003 07:07:30 PST ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1533768/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1533768/ Sun, 14 Dec 2003 13:08:18 PST
And the color that we both call green, what if what you see is my red? We couldn't ever even know. The world is full of mysteries and tragedies and compromises that leave everyone mad. And Miracles and simple gifts and sensations that are so so sweet and every pair of eyes is beautiful and can only ever ever guess why, because only our hearts can know.

New York is beautiful. I forget that sometimes because I don't see much of it much, but it's beautiful. Breathtaking. And there's nothing to explain the way the sunset looks in a december sky when it's only half full of clouds and liquid light like neon blood bleeds through it like my paints do in water.
There are no names for the colors it turns the world, if only for a moment.

My mother is beautiful. I had forgotten that too, because I never really look at her any more. The face is so farmiliar, but she's beautiful. Her eyes are dark and warm and tired, and I feel like there a thousand things she knows, that only she and the universe can understand. Her hair's turned sliver and dove grey and black, and I can almost pick out the tufts that I caused with all the stress I give her. And I bet I caused more of them than my sister ever did.

It was just the two of us in the car, and we talked like we never do, and we picked out perfect houses and she sang with tapes I hadn't heard since I was small enough to fit in her lap, and I sang too, because it was only us in the car and she doesn't care what my voice sounds like or how silly I am.

I thought too many things on that trip that I'll never remember, and wrote too many songs that I'll never write again. I probably ate too many chicken McNuggets, too. Why on earth are McDonalds' the only resturants on the interstate? Even a Burger King would have provided a little variety.

I miss Matt and Bill and the KeyStone State already. I miss the glass cubes we kept building things out of and Tabby and the way she would run off with a green one and hide it as though it were as precious to her as that catnip mouse on a string. I miss listening to the murmur of deep voices outside my door, punctuated by my mother's higher, mellow voice. Laughing. I never hear her laugh enough.

I'm glad to be home, but I didn't miss it. And then, I would have if I had been gone long enough. Maybe. Who knows. I'm glad to be in my bed, in my home, with my sister. I'm glad to see my foxy staring back a me from the top of my computer screen.

I don't much want to go to school tomorrow. The end of a long thing is waiting for me there, and as much as I need to cut the red ribbon off my wings, I'll miss you. I don't know how to tell you goodbye.

I love the delicate lace outside that keeps falling and falling, like someone shook up the earth like a snowglobe and the world's not in a hurry. I love the way light bounces around outside the shadows and they look this wonderful shade of bluepurple, and how my sister is sitting on my bed reading and even though she never says a word, I'm never, ever alone. I love the security here. I love knowing how terrified i'll be in a few months when I go away to college. How terrified I'll be starting my job as a waiter in just a few weeks. How terrified I'll be waiting for the acceptance or rejection from my first choice college. I love knowing that, and not being afraid.

I love my uncles with their soft words and loud oppinions and rough faces. I love their gentle hugs despite their leather jackets and dry humor and macho detachment. I love my aunts and their loud voices, their boistrous attitudes and bright lipstick. I love their welcoming arms and pretty smiles and demanding kisses. I love my cousins that come in every variety, everything and nothing like their parents. I love my parents that love me and hate me and wish I would love myself sometimes.

I love the christmas season with it's mixed messages and high-consuption appeal. I love the holiday with a deeper meaning and the way we always gather aroud gramma's artificial little tree. I love the eve before it when we sit in the cold front room, and open presents as though it were christmas day. I love the way my father cries like a greek and hugs like a bear so that I might just never breath again, but that's okay, because we're happy.

I'm happy.

It's new and it's good and I love it and I'm happy.

Merry Christmas to every one of you. Even the atheist, and you know who you are. Because the holiday isn't about god, or presents or what you're greatful for. It's about that little spark of good that must still be in people everywhere, somewhere. And it's about believing in that, when you thought yo... ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1515306/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1515306/ Wed, 10 Dec 2003 08:04:56 PST Kiriban 3K

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: Malichik Gei --Tatu
Current Mood: Happy.
Current Thing: Still Neopets
Currently: Answering messages.

Deviant ~eightofhearts has 325 new messages ( 1H | 1M | 73C | 228D | 21J | 1N ) | Notes | Journal | Settings | Help | Logout <----THIS is not making progress against all my messages. x_X Please pity me and don't be mad that it takes time to get to your comment or deviation.

I'm slightl disheartened that I'll be going out of town and computerless until saturday. Oh well, I'll be back soon. ^__^

On another note, I'd also like you to check out my pathetic little comic, if you could spare the moment. ^__^ It's down there. *points*

Shameless Pimping
PLEASE join ^___^

Quote for today:

"Do you have an... Issue?"-Trent

Spotlights! God I'm lazy.

My little adopted sister, whom I love. ^__^ ...even if she does call me her 'sister.' =__=;; Her art is wonderful! go look! Look now!

Up here a second day because...well, because. ^___^ I'm meeting so many artists much younger than me with miles more talent! Go look at her art. You should, *nods* It's loverly.

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1510560/ Tue, 09 Dec 2003 08:15:22 PST Kiriban 3K

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: None.
Current Mood: Mrr...
Current Thing: Neopets
Currently: Yawning

Well, we all had a good laugh then. I ahven't much to say, but I wanted to clear off my old journal entry. *shoos it off*

I missed a few birthdays, and I've been playing more neopets than checking my mail. So sorry about that. I'm feeling good about myself because I just got an Anubis for 400 np. Whee. ^__^ They're cute. I need toget back on the ball, but it can be terribly off putting. ...So can this:

Deviant ~eightofhearts has 292 new messages ( 1H | 2M | 65C | 214D | 27J | 1N ) | Notes | Journal | Settings | Help | Logout

..And that's after I answered alot of comments. o-O I'm too damn social for my own good. ^___^;;;

If anyone wants to talk to me on neopets, I'll be glad to hear from you. Just ask me for the sn, or look up my pet's names. *points at gallery* ^__^ Anway, off I go. Ja. ^__^

Shameless Pimping
PLEASE join ^___^

Quote for today:

"Well I don't like-!....you.-Shannon

Spotlights! God I'm lazy.

A godess. That simple.

Wha! I'm meeting so many artists much younger than me with miles more talent! Go look at her art. You should, *nods* It's loverly.

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1494442/ Fri, 05 Dec 2003 14:05:37 PST
Boy meets boy is ending.

Don't laugh. It's a big deal to me. I began reading theat comic so far back as the borders were still yellow, and no one knew what Skids was really like. I started reading it when I was just beginning to consider that I might be attracted to my own gender in addition to the opposite one. I started reading it when I had a school full of friends that hadn't graduated yet.

It was before my fall out with several friends, and before all the space between Luke and I had tunred to awkwardness that can't be taken back. It was when I still passed a notebook religiously between classes, and had a twin sister that had nothing to do with bloodlines. It was before I lived almost alone and before I had that friend move in, it was before all the jaded feelings, before sophmore year, before I ever thought about applying to a college of my own.

It was when Becky wrote the artist and when Drea was still close enough to hug. It was when things made sense, and I couldn't draw. It was during my delusions of grandure. It was before My Da and I couldn't understand each other any more, before my first boyfriend, first girlfriend, and before my first kiss. It was before I called my cousin every night that I could, or even thought of her often between her rigourus visits. It was before I had any sense at all.

And I'll miss all of that.

I've kept reading that comic every day for that many years now, and now it's almost over. It's funny, isn't it? The way something so small can represent all that much. I doubt she ever thought it would make so much difference to somebody.

The end of the comic means the end of something greater to me. It's funny the way Drea and I can get nostaligic over old strips and old ideas and it almost means the same thing. It's a tangible symbol that you can never go back, and I'll miss it. But change always happens, doesn't it?

And I'm happy.

It's a good kind of meloncholy. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1488655/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1488655/ Thu, 04 Dec 2003 08:08:58 PST Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Might and Dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet can'st thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die!

-Holy Sonnet 10, by John Donne

Take it as you will.

Posted one new art, my last for a while I think, but maybe not. Yesterday I was going to leave DA. I'm pretty disgusted with some of the people in my life, and as much as I love DA it was getting soured for me, and I didn't want that.

Now I can't, of course, because of who has impecable timing, ;;; She surprised me last night with an absolutely wonderful Kaiun moving gif she made me. And it pretty much tripped my whole bad mood upsidedown. Sank yew, Carrie! *Lubs*

My cat is starting to get demanding of my attention, which I will consider a gift, since she's so shy.

I've a nasty head ache, so off I go to lay down for a while, but that's the news from my corner of the globe. What's yours? ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1485377/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1485377/ Wed, 03 Dec 2003 13:53:18 PST Kiriban 3K

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: Jimmy Olsen's Lament -Spin Doctors
Current Mood: Mrr...
Current Thing: Dragon Knights
Currently: Doodling Rath though I shouldn't be, and waiting for katu to come and talk to me.

Lois Lane, put me in you plan. No, Lois, you don't need no superman. Come downtown and stay with me tonight? I got a pocket full of...Kryptonite.

I was just gonna update it, but it so little applied to my day so late in it, I figured what the hell. Sorry everyone, cluttering up your message inbox.

I love you all, you know. ^__^ Every one. And thanks to everyone that cheered on my girliness yesterday.

And I don't think much could stop me from hugging my foxy, (I regret to say i've never seen the remake... Hm. *scribbles it on "to-do" list.)

I'm feeling less cranky, but not quite so much less irrateable eith it's cause. The final straw int he whole thing is not standing up for me. It's a pity I have no stamina for grudges, but reguardless, I wish I was still mad.

Has anyone else noticed the complete inanity of the sonnet? I hate the rhyme scheme and the rules. >__> I think I'll go write one.

The art teacher who hates me and everything I stand for crucified me today for being exactly a minute and a half late for class, then was nice to me after she realized my best friend from 7th to 11th grade were no longer on speaking terms. She kept saying, " now, isn't that sad. That's too bad. You poor, poor boy." Not that it bothers me so much these days, but hey, it got me out of dention.

I miss having something to look forward to going to school for, but at least these days I looks foreward to coming home.

Everyone should listen to They Might Be Giants every once in a while. It's just one of those things that's good for the soul. My personal vote would be for "Blue Canary."

Make a little Birdhouse in your soul.

Shameless Pimping
PLEASE join ^___^

Quote for today:

"...Don't work too hard, dear. You'll fry your last brain c... ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1483940/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1483940/ Wed, 03 Dec 2003 08:10:42 PST
I wonder why some people feel the need to stir up trouble? I'm sensative person, much to my chagrin, and knowing that someone doesn't like m just bothers me, fundamentally. A friend of mine just leaned over my shoulder and informed me that a person he talks to frequently doesn't like me.

Why?

Not why doesn't she like me. I feel badly about it, but frankly, I don't like her either, so it's fair. Nono, the question is, why the fuck did he feel the need to inform me? Just in case I wondered? In case it was tearing me up inside just assuming she hated me? Or maybe it was because I wasn't sparing a thought for her and he just wanted to set the record strait. I look at all the people who -do- like me and leave me nice comments and yes, and know one person doesn't make all that much difference to me, you can't win them all, yaknow? But Geez. Do you have to bring it up? =_____=;;; people are so twisted.

I was in an obscenely good mood before, and now I'm not. Good thing I was, because now I'm just feeling sort of... bleh. And that'll dissapate soon enough.

I watched Quest for Camelot last night. Damn I love that movie. Odd though, I had forgotten just how much singing was in it. It was starting to get a little irritating, =__=;;; Guess that sort of thing doesn't bother you when you're 8.

Meyh. Turns out it was based on a book, which I must now read, because I bet it was a ton anda half better than the movie. (Like I have the time to read a book, but hey.)

My new pens are god, and I wish I had more of an excuse to use them. Time to go back and ink some old sketches then. And finish the art trades owe. ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1479791/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1479791/ Tue, 02 Dec 2003 08:12:43 PST Kiriban 3K

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: Good Luck and Goodbye-Duo image song (Op.2)
Current Mood: Slightly relieved
Current Thing: Legend Of Zelda
Currently: Starting Pyrogina's trade AGAIN for the tenth time.

Shameless Pimping
PLEASE join ^___^

Ai! you're next, I promise. You've been so nice and pacient and I'm so so sorry that it's taken me so long.

I took down my gender off the info thing today. I've decided I don't really care if people know or not, seeing as someone yet again wrote "she" when speaking about me. I guess people can just think what they want. ...am I really that girly?

Also took down my geoURL. The thing was kinda creeping me out, since it has my address listed there and all. But I did find the page of a guy who takes pictures of the graveyard by my house. He even has one up of my favorite gravestone. (That's not as weird as it sounds, I swear. It's a statue of an angel.) I'm not gonna pimp him, because that being said, it sort of defeas the entire point of me taking hte geoURL down in the first place. x_X

I lst my inking pens and drawing pencils yesterday. The fell out of my pocket on the way home. And I was deprssed about it. But my mom told me she'd let me have a (really really good and expensive) set of new ones early for chistmas.

Got a kiriban from . Lordy LORD her art is gorgeous. O_O Lookie, it's Kaiun! *points to faves*

Seems like there's something else...but... uh...

*Dies* lots of school work to do. God help me. So if I seem jumpy, thats why. Sweet lord I hope I get into college. o_O

Quote for today:

When Life gives you lemons...squirt the juice into the eyes of your enemies!

Spotlights!Er..later. That's it...

My Clubshttp://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1474619/ Mon, 01 Dec 2003 07:22:26 PST Kiriban 3K

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: A Wu-fei image song off the Operation 4 CD
Current Mood: Anxious
Current Thing: Anubis ((c)DemonLordFlak)
Currently: staring at the picture I can soon upload...

DAH! A THREE DAY WEEKEND AND ONLY ONE ARTTRADE FINISHED???? @_@

Oh well. The apology goes here, I tried so hard to do this thing with it on photoshop, but it came out looking like crap, so I just colored the thing in with colored pencil like I always do. It looks okay, but I was trying to do this neat Ghost thing....

Mrah. At some point, I might take another crack at it, after I get my christmas gift from !

The woman is my GOD!!!!!!! *Tacklehugs* Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!!

Hee.

Went christmas shopping yesterday, hoo-boy, are you in trouble, Ph373 m33.

And she promsied to draw me Ten! *___* I can never draw him! I'd love you so much if you would!

In other news, I trashed "Graceful." It was pissing me off. I whine too freakin' much. Bleh. No more poetry for me for a good long time. Ew. Not unless it's happy, damn it.

I haven't gotten anything finished for TMF yet, that's because I keep trashing my first page. O_o I need to stop doing that. Panaling is hard, damnit. Maybe I'll have some char sketches up soon though... or... maybe not. I can't seem to finalize Toan's character design, which could be a problem, seeing as he's the pseudo-main character. x-X

I Love you, Please don't hurt me, I fell asleep. I caught your headache, don't ask me how, but took some pain killers with milk and passed out around 1220. Ack.

On a final note! This CANNOT happen again. I will, after I finally get all this finished up, only be accepting 4 art trades at a time from now on, god help me, because I need to be far more pun... ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1466016/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1466016/ Sat, 29 Nov 2003 14:31:25 PST Kiriban ?

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: None, oddly.
Current Mood: Sleepy/sad
Current Thing: None
Currently: Nothing, really.

Ai. How long has it been since I haven't had a song in my head? Even something simple like the Marian "Rhuna, Daimhi."

I'm not in a bad mood, really. Just not in a good one. My mind is caught up in a lot of pretty, unpleasent thoughts, like blood and tears and death as a release from a kind of mental prison.

I don't really want to go back to my mom's today. Even though we're going late. That rarely happens, and I find it weird. Oh well. Can't understand 'em all.

I'm probably going to mess about today, and end up working on the comic like I have been. So lazy. Forgive me guys. ^___^;;;

Rhuna Daimhi (English version)

My mother earth no comfort offers,
The birds keep singing in clear blue skies,
I'm waiting here, but he's not coming.
Can't someone pity me?

Luna,
I need your silver light.
Luna,
It reminds me that I'm warm inside.
Like a spider's delicate silk
That drifts in an intangible wind
Your icey light is my only sanctuary.

My family smiles, Their songs are bright,
My own song struggles to rise.
With a light that the lonliness wrestles about
Can't somebody cradle me?

Luna,
I need your silver light,
Luna,
It tells me I'm warm inside.
Night birds keep singing, grandmother's song
And I've been alone too long.

Luna,
I need your silver light,
Luna,
I want to be warm inside.
I'm lonely without you in ways I can't bare
I wish that he'd hurry and be born again.
I'm waiting and I know I won't love again.
Luna,
I need your silver light,
I need to know I'm warm inside.
I need to love like I've never been hurt.

Can't you teach me the song of the night birds?

Shameless Pimping
PLEASE join ^___^


Quote for today:

So what if I'm a sadistic bitch? --Les

Spotlights!

Pimped him a bit yesterday, but honestly, he is the most fantastic poet I have ever read. Amazing work. I'm just in awe. O_O (Heh. ^__^;;; too in awe to even leave a comment. *runs and hides*)

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1464153/ Fri, 28 Nov 2003 20:34:12 PST Kiriban 2,222

Total number of people I devistalk faithfully: 63.

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: That freakin' swan princess song, "This is my idea."
Current Mood: Happyish. ^__^
Current Thing: Still Samurai Deeper Kyo
Currently: RPing Dragon Knights with Katu-chan. (Yes. More.)

You are my,
You are my
(Help me,)
You are my Disease.
You make me,
You make me
All tangled.
Bringin me to my knees.

If I could,
If I could
Hate you.
How easy life would be.
But I can't,
How could I
Hate you?
When you beg me 'Please'?

More bad lyrical poetry in the journal. Sue me.

I think we should post that RP up on DA or FF.Net when we're done, what do you think, Katu-chan? ^__^ I think it's pretty good!

I found the original reason I had ever come to DA again today. His name is Ryou, co-owner of the web comic "Dirty Socks." I don't know if he's been on in forever or what, but the comic isn't really around anymore. But damn, it was funny. You should all go check him out, I fell absolutely in love with his poetry the first time I read it, though I've been to chicken to ever leave a comment.



I've been watching old movies with my sis all day. Not old old, but old as in, we were like 6 the last time we saw them. W0o.

Nightmare Before Christmas ROCKS!

Shameless Pimping
PLEASE join ^___^


Quote for today:

Now you can blow stuff up! What a lucky guy! When you get the bomb bag, OoT

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1459250/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1459250/ Thu, 27 Nov 2003 16:07:08 PST Kiriban ...?

Total number of people I devistalk faithfully: 62.

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: Gesseki-NightWalker theme
Current Mood: Content
Current Thing: Samurai Deeper Kyo
Currently: Recovering from the sheer amount of food/Rping Dragon Knights with Katu-chan.

I am in love with Yukimura Sanada. Anyone who wants to take it up with me can go right ahead. He is almost as cool as Kyo and definately cuter.

You know the bizzarre thing? The last two deviations I've put up I've disliked/been unsatified with. But Shane got 7 favorites! O_O I think that's the most favorites I've -ever- had on a picture! What is popular is very odd to me.

Began a page specifically for The Mighty Five, it can be found here: though there isn't anything on there yet. Keep checking back! There should be some stuff up after the break!

Seems like I had more to say. I'll add it in when I remember.

Hang in there, ! You've got a thousand people in your corner!

Shameless Pimping
PLEASE join ^___^


Quote for today:

Now you can blow stuff up! What a lucky guy! When you get the bomb bag, OoT

My Clubs

~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1453974/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1453974/ Wed, 26 Nov 2003 11:41:44 PST Total number of people I devistalk faithfully: 62.

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Heresy, fallicy.
You never knew
The need to dream.
I find no way to find release.
I pray the play we play would cease.
That's all theres left to do these days.
You wander on your way,
Listening to what No One says,
And in the end you pray.

What are you praying for?
The angel's gone
That you adore.

The walks along the path we know,
Ideallic and obsence,
reality is killing me,
and you know what I mean.
Forget that wind
That whips so cold
Across your plains
And through your folds.
the sun's blood drips,
the water flows.
And in the end we know.

There's still no where to go.
Unless we start to grow.

Sorry, I felt the need for that. it's crap filled with typos, I know. Hey, what do you want out of ten minutes of effort?

Despite the stunningly low amount of people who responded to my inquiry yesterday, I'm gonna do TMF anyway, because I don't honestly think I could help meself. Expect that soon, so.

MYAH! drew me a wonderful, wonderful illustration for my short story Wednesday! *Points to favs* Isn't it gorgeous?? ^______^ Makes me all tittery inside. Thank you so, Tica-chan!!!

I need to update the icon list, but I'mnot up to it atm. w0o, the lazy. I'm off to ink and call a couple people, (like, my dad. x_X barrels-a-laughs.) And then see my Ane-chan. LOAVE YOU!!!

Mrah. You rule. Muchly. Ebil. *nods*

My Clubs

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1444684/ Mon, 24 Nov 2003 14:14:02 PST Total number of people I devistalk faithfully: 60.

The friends and admired are now here--> [link]

The lists of that which I should be doing is now here--> [link]

Song of the moment: I Want You to Want Me
Current Mood: Bored x_X
Currently: Waiting to be home, where life is worth living.

WHHHHHHAAAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!!!!!

Awesome news today folks. Awesome news.

FIRST! Oberlin is a nice college, I'm still applying there, oh yes. BUT! I have found my DREAM COLLEGE! *____* This lifts a lot of stress and helps Ol' Eight to concentrate on the hoard of pictures he owes people. Yey!

SECOND! Has now officially been listend at !!!!! Fricken A! Some publicity!!!! WOO~~~~!!!

If you haven't checked out The Legion, please do. We're pretty easy going, and would love to know ya.

Devinote me, kay? We need to decide on something to put at the end of the 'all around DA' notes. I wanna start doing that over break! =3

THIRD! ...okay. There really is no third.

No one claimed the 2k kiriban, just like the 1k. Damn people. ;__;

Started a DK rp with . Damn that girl can write! Rawr... if I don't find out what's happening with Rune I'm going to have to chew my own leg off, x_X Just to alliviate some frustration.

Doesn't it look neater around here? Spiffied it up wiuth those two entries.

Righto... no new art. No hurty please. X_X Soon! Soon soon! No scanners today, so.. blar.

Oh! Wait-- Righto!

THIRD! I'm thinking of undertaking a new/old project in the form of a manga. That would probably mean I'd begin an account just for it, so it wouldn't be confusing. It's called The Mighty Five And is... better than it sounds, I swear.

Please gimmee some feedback about whether or not you would read it if I went to all the trouble. 'F I get a lack of response, I won't bother. Comic pages are a bitch to ink and color, so I'd really like to know I'd have an audience.

TMF was a collab between and I several years ago. Pretty insane stuff, but worth a read, I should think.

And there's the news. =3

http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1437960/ Thu, 12 Feb 2004 07:57:58 PST
I am, as always, very slow at these things. For that I'm so sorry guys. thank you for being pacient with me, x_X

Anyway, this entry should make everything run a little smoother, and help me keep my small brain organised. I'll update it when ever it needs updating, no worries, ^___~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Art Trades

1.
Giving: Paige & Santiago
Recieving: Dunno!
2.
Giving: Chrys in a Vash coat. (On it's way.)
Recieving: Gil!

Gifts and Kiriban

-:-Kiriban 100
What: Us being our crazie selves
-:-Gifts for
What: Anything and everything I can think of until I break even,
-:-Kiriban 888
What: Dyne, her OC
-:-Kiriban 100 Deviantcommets
What: Saiyuki Yaoi-- her fav couple. ^__^
-:-Gift for
What: Inspector Lestrade
-:-2K Kiriban
What: Elf.
-:-Gift for
What: Her elf. =3

Contests!
-:-Entry for contest! ]]> ~eightofhearts http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1437869/ http://eightofhearts.deviantart.com/journal/1437869/ Tue, 06 Apr 2004 18:18:10 PDT imagined I'd have that many friends and people to admire here! =3)

SO! This entry is just for them to speed everything up a bit. I'll update it when ever it needs updating, no worries, ^___~

For now, Clubs will still be on the main page, I think that's part of the joining deal, yah? Pimping them out to others and all. ^___^;; If I join many more, that might change, but for now, it's all good.

Meh. It's all good anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My Favorite Fan


People I can actually tackle


People I can't tackle, but would if I could
~eightofhearts