http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:elizaraya&section=today deviantART RSS for by:elizaraya en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:29:21 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/18931744/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/18931744/ Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:14:28 PDT So, the details of Governor's Honors are as follows:
The first day, move in is hell, followed by the second worse thing in your/my/anyone's GHP experience, das fire drill. Fire drill usually wakes you up in the middle of the night and it's horrible. This year it woke us up at midnight (big whoop, people still complained). The third worse thing is finding your way around the first day. And the fourth worse thing is ..."Who do I eat dinner with..?" In the case of those of us who were the sole GHP finalists from our schools. I am no social butterfly, but GHP is one of the few places where it's perfectly acceptable to sit with total strangers. "Hi, my name is Liz; I'm a visual arts major. What's your name and can I sit here?"
I've already said that about...130 times, roughly and realistically (except the can I sit here part). You meet a lot of people. The best feeling so far in GHP has been meeting that first person that seems to completely "get you". For me that person was my roommate, because I was really lucky. The second person was a German major named Thomas who DOES NOT HAVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT. XD I love the teachers here, as would anyone who meets them. There are three art teachers and roughly 1:15 teacher to student ration. Chris, Andy, and Clyde are the art teachers for GHP 2008.

My bed was lofted. Now it's not. That makes me EXTREMELY happy. You all have no idea.
My favorite thing about GHP so far, aside for the huge amounts of art I'm going to be doing is my minor. I'm a comm arts minor and took my first class with Stephanie. She's awesome and gave me the nickname Bobbette. XD I'm a psychopath and she can deal with that. We had the UNDEAD class this week which was about zombies and vampires. HELL YES! GO BEN AND NOSFERATU! XD (look up Nosferatu, it's on google video). XD 84 minutes of pure slightly effiminate bliss. There are tons of seminars and fun things to do here aside from class (which is hella fun). Palms isn't the best food, but they serve us 2100 meals a day...so..
we don't expect Wolfgang Puck from them.
I don't have much more to say for now. I'm sick of sitting in the lab chair. ARGH!

]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/18689755/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/18689755/ Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:49:55 PDT Fish are jumping
And the cotton is high
AND THEY'RE EATING MY FLEEESH.

okay..so my ichthyphobia is acting up again, but!
Other than that, things are swell. Tomorrow is my last day in Snellville, GA! I'll be at GHP for 6 weeks and that means LOTS OF ART WILL BE CREATED. I am excited enough to...well..
post a journal XD

I feel really good about GHP. Like..awesome...
But I am a schizophrenic who lies pathologically or something and I hate most people...
And that kind of has me down I know a lot of things; most people don't know a lot of things. I get bored talking about shoes and nailpolish, so I'm a jerk to a lot of people who think they like me. Girls (and one guy) I grew up with annoy me a lot now. I love my family. My mom, dad, and sister are awesome, even when they annoy me. They understand me, and even though my sister doesn't care that encaustic was used by the egyptians and greeks, she'll tell me she doesn't care, and move on to common grounds:
Humor. The best kind. The kind that would be ideal blackmail material if she were really the kind of girl that...talks only of nailpolish and shoes. My dad ...well..he's just funny and really talented. He can teach me a lot artistically, and he listens to my rants about encaustic He likes to learn from me, because I think learning from his kids brings him a huge sense of pride. THE FRUIT OF MY LOINS IS SOO SMART! or something like that...
My mom, I like cheering her up. I think, though, that she rather I don't rant about encaustic. We both like to read, so we have that in common. One thing I want to copy from my mom is, I want to tell my kids (if for some reason these people are ever conceived) lots of stories. It doesn't matter how stupid or insignificant they may seem...
My mom told me a straw could kill me in a tornado and that I should respect drinking straws...it was a beautiful moment. We still make fun of her for that. Also, if I didn't know her stories, she'd still be my hero...just it wouldn't be justified. My mom ran in front of a car to save her sister, was dragged for I don't know how long...she was left an invalid until she pushed herself to recovery. She was only a teenager; the woman who hit her escaped, and my mom still has pain from the accident that should have shattered her spine. She raised four kids, her brothers and sisters and she beat her evil cousin miriam into a bloody pulp because my mom has an aggressive sense of justice XD (don't worry, Miriam deserved it)

Anywho, my family isn't the problem. I just...don't like having these weird peripherals of my family think they're my friends. I don't care if they get married; I don't care if someone I don't know died (well, i can't! i don't know them!); I don't care if their baby said their first word...
Example..my parents have been Jehovah's Witnesses all my life..and most of theirs.
They were at the first Spanish congregation in GA. So the chances are, in every spanish congregation in GA, my parents know someone. OR they know someone who knows someone who knows them.
Point is...no matter where I go in the spanish circuit, people will go up to them and say stuff like...Ohhhh, is this your daughter? Then, they'll turn to me and say...I've known your parents for yearrs!
I always feel like saying.."oh yeah? what's my mom's favorite color? what perfume does she wear? Who's dad's favorite actress? You should know..you've known them for yeeears...longer than me!"
But..I don't cuz that would be verging on rude (more like skydiving off Rude and venturing into the realm of psychotic)..
They're just people who don't think, and more importantly don't really know my parents.
And that's my point. (or is it another point...i dunno) I don't know them, they don't know me (or even who they claim to know) ...so since neither of us know each other..
Don't we typically call that "strangers"
Yep..they're strangers. And...most of the time they're strangers I don't like.
The people who "know" us, like the Pinedas ...they're like family to me and of course I love them. They saw ME grow up..not just saw me be born and then recognized my parents 18 years later.

Wait..was that a rant?! OMG! YES! i'm capable of rantage!

wow...has it really been two years since "the omen" came out...
I never saw it..but i remember they used the biggest ploy in their reach. THE RELEASE DATE!
6-6-06
Well...i guess it's been two years. Time flies and I think it should stop...I don't feel like getting old. I feel like turning 21 and staying there forever ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/18262368/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/18262368/ Sat, 10 May 2008 19:03:36 PDT Well, I'll tell you.
Yep...feelings. I feel too much! I am used to have numb jabs of this or that,..I'm not completely inhuman. But! I have wanted to cry lately. I actually....was on the verge of tears today. I don't know what that was about. Money problems, health problems, life problems, school problems, etc, etc. But, I've always had all those problems! I never FELT before! WTF! It's not like anyone died. Wait...someone did die. Todd died, but that wouldn't make me cry.

I want time to myself. Right now I am "to myself" but I'm waiting on not being to myself. My baby is about to have me call him back. I had my alone time for today, so it's a good thing I'll be talking to him later, but...I am trying to decide if I want time alone because I have so many art ideas...or if I'm looking for time alone, because I miss myself.
I hope it's the first one, because I'm going to be living with a bunch of people over the summer at GHP, and I can't have a fit of hermitosis over there. I am really excited about the experience, so I hope my brain doesn't ruin it for me

There are a few friends, in particular, that I can be around even when I want to be "alone" and I feel awesome. I told Derek that I can be around them all the time, and I think he took offense to it...
But, well...that's exactly why he's not included among the elite i can always be around...
He gets offended
Everyone knows I love him. I just hate drama, and he likes it or something. I don't know. I'll shut up about that.

I love the smell of spring. The plants get hot and open up their stomata, letting out the smell of spring. It's delicious. It makes me feel awesome..like GET A LOAD OF THOSE OPEN STOMATA!

So, if there are plants where you live, and a reasonably low pollen count, take a big wiff of spring. It's like flying. That's actually how I kept myself from crying today. I remembered that smell. Why that worked...well, no clue. But it did

]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/18168057/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/18168057/ Sun, 04 May 2008 16:15:42 PDT
]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/15429184/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/15429184/ Fri, 09 Nov 2007 03:39:11 PST Thanks to and her maahhvalous camera of dooom, I now have my ginormous art on the INTERWEB> ^_^. Of course now comes the fun part..
people seeing it! Go..and do that. Please! *is needy*

]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/15356870/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/15356870/ Sun, 04 Nov 2007 06:13:20 PST Amongst them is AP art. Unlucky for yous guyses, all my stuff is huge this year, and I cant scan it! WAHHH I have no camera. OMG. I need a camera! Indeed. I was nominated for GHP along with ! Obviously spending an art week in Valdosta with some of the best artists and some of the BEST ART TEACHERS EVAR appeals to me. Just a tad (jumps for joy at the mention of GHP). However, my ulcer (that I don't have) is very upset! County interviews are next Saturday. As in 6 days from today. I have to have about 7 pieces completed for that interview, one of which is a sculpture. I have to do a sculpture in 6 days? WTF?! *cries* Well, I have confidence that my mexican ability to overwork myself will come in handy. Too bad my other AP classes and my math class won't just ...hold on for a week. I really need every second of time for art. As I am typing this I'm also printing out my Day in the Office photomanip. I'm going to do a 17X22'' rendition of it in graphite today. Yesterday I did a portrait of my sister-in-law, ALL IN ONE DAY. About 8 consecutive hours of labor and 30 minutes or so choosing mediums and stuff. I went with a regular mechanical pencil( .07mm HB ) on Strathmore coldpress watercolor paper. I find that paper with more tooth produces a darker line in pencil! HOORAH! Also, graphite seems to be less "shiny" on this paper, really eliminating my use of charcoal...even though charcoal is still blacker than graphite. Let's see....OH! I am looking for quick inspiration! If you guys have any ideas you've been dying to see on paper but you're too busy to do it yourself, or something, I would love some ideas to brainstorm with. I need to do two color projects...and I don't know what to do for them. AHHHHHHH! Help my po' po' brain!

Stay Cerebral. Just strooke it.
Liz

]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/13474608/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/13474608/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 16:49:18 PDT my dad has a dA account now.
He hasn't really..gotten much up.
But YEAH!


]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/13474535/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/13474535/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 16:42:40 PDT
]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/13042152/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/13042152/ Mon, 21 May 2007 18:12:59 PDT Soooooo...I'm aiming towards having...100 deviations..before the summer comes to an end..
That means..making at least one piece per day...
I don't plan on reaching it because I don't want to post crap that ...looks..like...crap...BUT...I want to make sure I don't toss my doodles anymore. I miss a lot of them. ALSO if I have a super goal like that..I may make something to inspire pieces for my AP portfolio..and after seeing what my brain will spit out under pressure..perhaps I can decide on a focus for my portfolio..see..it's a carefully crafted psychological scheme to keep me on top of things..
I love art ..sooo much.
So, yeah. 100 by next school year. *will explode*

]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/13016345/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/13016345/ Sat, 19 May 2007 17:44:15 PDT Of course that may also be a consequence of excessive inhalation of spray paint fumes..which brings me to why i'm happy..
D DD DD
Mr. Leslie Howard Mosley of the Magical land of OZSOME..(hah) gave us the BEST art final ever.

It involves...GRAFFITI!
Now..I am an admirer of Graffiti Writers WORLDWIDE..
but I have never really been very good (or really tried) to do graffiti writing..
And..I still didn't for the project..BUT..
that's okay.
I attempted what I theorize is the Graffiti Adrenaline Effect...
I'll call it G.A.E. for time and comedic purposes. *teehee*
Well, "stream of consciousness" type art combined with G.A.E. is something quite magical.
The mistakes made only add to the perfection of G.A.E.
The concept in aesthetic of perfection is based on the image's (or figure's) ability to improve..therefore, the perfection lies in the imperfection...both perfection and imperfection taking arbitrary definitions..
^.^
I love how the accidental smudge makes it loook prettier!
XDDD
I need to take a picture of my FINISHED project..
Except..I need more gum on it.
I just disinfected the gum...
it bubbled..XDD
Well, yeah, this journal entry took me three hours to finish because my mom is super pissed and making a mess she wants me to clean up...???...
okie..byebye! ^.^

]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/12883624/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/12883624/ Tue, 08 May 2007 03:53:10 PDT Hauck – 4th period
8 May 2007
High Museum of Art m
February 28, 2007
“Art and history” could almost in entirety sum up the focus of my interests. Consequently, the visit to the Atlanta High Museum of Art during the first year of the Louvre-Atlanta exhibition was one of the most enjoyable of this project. Mr. Mosley’s art club group was an ideal group to go with. Even if they did not understand the history of the Kings’ art collections as well as I felt I did, they still had an appreciation of the techniques, and mastery thereof, apparent throughout the exhibition.
I was honored to see many legendary masterpieces. The works of greats such as Velasquez and Rembrandt were featured in the exhibition. Velasquez’s “Portrait of the Infanta Margarita” was there as well as Rembrandt’s “St. Matthew and the Angel.” Both of these masterpieces were ideal representations of the techniques that emerged during the time. The painters lived during a Baroque era of the arts, the 17th century. Many of the characteristics of Baroque art were apparent throughout the exhibition especially in the Rembrandt piece. This piece has real drama, both in the chiaroscuro (light contrasts) and the feeling of movement and plot. We are witnessing a frozen moment in time, rather than a portrait. It’s theatrical, and the body language is symbolic of an angel’s typical role as “guardian” and helper and man’s unaware state when it comes to the divine. We are witnesses to the act of divine inspiration. I could go on for several more pages on that painting alone, but for the sake of variety, I will not.
An interesting piece that was located in the King’s exhibit was a piece by American inventor Samuel Morse. It is an intriguing piece, truly. It is a collection of paintings from the Louvre, placed in a single room, covering the walls with their intoxicating beauty. Greats such as “The Beggar Boy” by Murillo, “Landscape with Diogenes” by Poussin, “The Union of Design and Color” by Reni, and “The Mona Lisa” as well as some more 30-odd pieces. The Murillo and Reni were actually on display at the High when I went. I learned a bit of the history behind Morse’s beautifully detailed painting. After staring astounded and awestruck at the artists mastery of perspective, I listened to what the audio tour had to say about this painting. It was part of a money-making endeavor that Morse embarked upon right before the time he was inventing his famous code. He planned to finish it and it’d be a bridge between America and the Great Art of the gallery at the Louvre. It wasn’t received as enthusiastically as expected, and Morse ended up putting his brush and palette away and concentrating on his code. This was near the end of the gallery age, when the mass production of images contributed to by Talbot and Daguerre killed a little of the magic of the Grand age of painting, and brought with it the new and exciting art of photography. I was extremely impressed with this painting and it will be one of the things I remember for the rest of my life. I felt as though I was reading an anthology, and could go interact with the authors of several of the works. Truly a valuable experience.
The other exhibit, the permanent modern art exhibit was also interesting in that it taught me a bit about myself. I do not always understand the appeal of modern art.
It’s particularly difficult to feel the same thing when you go from the greatest masterpieces of the world, to solid color shaped canvases. Of course, art shouldn’t all evoke the same emotion, but this was an extreme. There were many pieces that left me amazed through innovative technique. Plastering excessive amounts of gesso and created grainy, cracked, texturized murals really appeals to me. The 3D arrangements were sometimes sources of humor; some quotes were born such as:
“Is this art, or can we sit on it?”
~Elizabeth Lara, 2\28\07
I believe that a lot of the difference did lie in my greater understanding of the history of the art in the Louvre exhibit. I can’t emphasize enough how much knowledge can affect your reactions to anything. It terrifies me that I could sit before a masterpiece and not know/care. It only makes me all the more anxious to get to art history.
Overall it was a fun excursion that I plan to repeat in the very near future.

~pictures were not allowed in the exhibits~


Michael C. Carlos Museum
May 5, 2007
The Carlos Museum at Emory offers many different artifacts that reflect the history of humanity, by region and period.
The first exhibit I visited was the Ancient American art exhibits. The emphasis on spirituality over the physical world was apparent in the art of the ancients in that physical forms weren’t recreated. Rather, they were used as representations of a power or aspect of spirituality. One of the most widely-viewed piec... ]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/12823710/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/12823710/ Thu, 03 May 2007 03:41:41 PDT SONNET
MASCULINE RHYME SONNET- TO SCIENCE
by Edgar Allan Poe

Science! true daughter of Old Time thou art!
Who alterest all things with thy peering eyes.
Why preyest thou thus upon the poet's heart,
Vulture, whose wings are dull realities?
How should he love thee? or how deem thee wise,
Who wouldst not leave him in his wandering
To seek for treasure in the jewelled skies,
Albeit he soared with an undaunted wing?
Hast thou not dragged Diana from her car?
And driven the Hamadryad from the wood
To seek a shelter in some happier star?
Hast thou not torn the Naiad from her flood,
The Elfin from the green grass, and from me
The summer dream beneath the tamarind tree?

ASSONANCE
FEMININE RHYME

THE BELLS
The Bells
Poem lyrics of The Bells by Edgar Allan Poe.

I

Hear the sledges with the bells
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens, seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.

II

Hear the mellow wedding bells,
Golden bells!
What a world of happiness their harmony foretells!
Through the balmy air of night
How they ring out their delight!
From the molten-golden notes,
And an in tune,
What a liquid ditty floats
To the turtle-dove that listens, while she gloats
On the moon!
Oh, from out the sounding cells,
What a gush of euphony voluminously wells!
How it swells!
How it dwells
On the Future! how it tells
Of the rapture that impels
To the swinging and the ringing
Of the bells, bells, bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells,bells,
Bells, bells, bells
To the rhyming and the chiming of the bells!

III

Hear the loud alarum bells
Brazen bells!
What a tale of terror, now, their turbulency tells!
In the startled ear of night
How they scream out their affright!
Too much horrified to speak,
They can only shriek, shriek,
Out of tune,
In a clamorous appealing to the mercy of the fire,
In a mad expostulation with the deaf and frantic fire,
Leaping higher, higher, higher,
With a desperate desire,
And a resolute endeavor,
Now - now to sit or never,
By the side of the pale-faced moon.
Oh, the bells, bells, bells!
What a tale their terror tells
Of Despair!
How they clang, and clash, and roar!
What a horror they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear it fully knows,
By the twanging,
And the clanging,
How the danger ebbs and flows:
Yet the ear distinctly tells,
In the jangling,
And the wrangling,
How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells
Of the bells
Of the bells, bells, bells,bells,
Bells, bells, bells
In the clamor and the clangor of the bells!

IV

Hear the tolling of the bells
Iron Bells!
What a world of solemn thought their monody compels!
In the silence of the night,
How we shiver with affright
At the melancholy menace of their tone!
For every sound that floats
From the rust within their throats
Is a groan.
And the people - ah, the people
They that dwell up in the steeple,
All Alone
And who, tolling, tolling, tolling,
In that muffled monotone,
Feel a glory in so rolling
On the human heart a stone
They are neither man nor woman
They are neither brute nor human
They are Ghouls:
And their king it is who tolls;
And he rolls, rolls, rolls,
Rolls
A paean from the bells!
And his merry bosom swells
With the paean of the bells!
And he dances, and he yells;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the paean of the bells
Of the bells:
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the throbbing of the bells
Of the bells, bells, bells
To the sobbing of the bells;
Keeping time, time, time,
As he knells, knells, knells,
In a happy Runic rhyme,
To the rolling of the bells
Of the bells, bells, bells:
To the tolling of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells
Bells, bells, bells
To the moaning and the groaning of the bells.
... ]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/12657323/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/12657323/ Thu, 19 Apr 2007 16:13:33 PDT I GOT MY MARKERS BACK!!!!!!
BUT!..I haven't got the time to USE them now ><
I have soo much work to do in school that..if I didn't have art class..I wouldn't be doing any art at all..which for me..is like NOT BREATHING!!
I am kinda bummed over the VA Tech thing. Cho seemed pretty awesomely loony..yet..overlooked. In fact...being overlooked caused his demented asian self to shoot up a crowd of "innocent" people. HE had been declared mentally unstable in december of 2005..how long ago...Over a year and a half ago. 0..0. That upsets me. No one reached out to him? How much is he really at fault here...is it society that drove him to this. Actually, it makes me angry to sound like i'm excusing him...but..
He was a weak link. Just like I am a weak link. The way a society treats their weakest, most vulnerable..is a reflection of what their real character is. When things like this happen..it's time to take a step back..and look...what have WE done...and what can WE change. It doesn't help anyone to curse the memory of a man who's already where the dead lie for the things he already did..especially when the man was a derranged young "boy" who was obviously... longing for affection. He hated people he felt hated him..or at least those that seemed to represent what he hated about other people. "Snobs"..
I guess we could all put our own definitions on these...
but..yeah. I feel this...should push us towards change, not fear.
I am afraid of losing my mind..especially knowing that...no one in this world would lend me a hand when I needed it.
Awww..that was emo .
SO..in other news. WOOZ comes out..TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd
and..i'll hopefully be passing chemistry TOMORROW!!!!!
yay. i'm eating the most delicious sauteed veggies right now..
i'm happy. ish. sorta.

]]> ~elizaraya http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/12441045/ http://elizaraya.deviantart.com/journal/12441045/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 07:10:59 PDT
Nope, not the case. It's the second time my dreams have screwed me over. About a week ago I lost (got them stolen DDX) my Prismacolor Markers at school. They weren't conspicuous, so whoever took them didn't know what they were taking or went through my stuff, or WORSE, knew me and recognized the bag. Yes, yes, quite tragic. But, they're only marker (Sarasvati forgive me for such SACRILEDGE!). Anywho, this is about my dream and not my beloved marker *tear, sniff*

My dreams are as realistic as possible and typically uneventful, except for the occasional, talking to animals and kitchen appliances. I went to school as usual. I sat in the van my mother drives me to school in every morning. I listened to the regular music my mother has soothe her sometimes agitated state EVERY MORNING. I looked at the street signs that we pass, and all seemed in order.

I got to school and visited my art teacher as is the norm (except he was there when I got there which is NOT the norm XDDD). After a bit of chit chat with my favorite people (BECCA, JESSICA, that girl, what's her name..it sounds like a poodle...uh..OH YEAH, BRIDGETTE MARIE, and of course no one but Elmo) I went to 1st period. Chorus, where the heinous crimed had occured. I was signing a beautiful piece by John Rutter called "For the Beauty of the Earth" but again, that's a bit irrelevant XD. I look up and "OMG! THERE THEY ARE" On top of a big black thing of DOOM were my markers In their original casing and beautiful and glorious as EVER. XDDDD Imagine my overwhelming JOY! (For in this bag, were not only markers, but watercolor paint set, brush sets, ink pens, my prismacolor sharpener of which i am quite fond, and the bag itself had accompanied me since the tender age of 8) I go around informing everyone of how fortunate I was. In my dream, I had a perfectly logical explanation for its sudden reappearance. The place where I found it wasn't the first place to look, and I figured a janitor might have moved it when my chorus room was empty. But, WOE!
I woke up. And neither markers, nor paints, nor brushes, nor pens were to be found in any corner of my humble domicile.
I almost cried, not so much out of the disappointment, but this particular dream reminded me of one I had in November of 2005.

November 15, 2005 was the date on which my mentor and beloved friend Jose Ramon Pineda was taken off life support. I don't think I'd ever felt such loss. I don't think there was anything I wouldn't have given for him to still be here. He was a second father to me.

A similar dream gave it's false hope to me then. I dreamt that he'd come home from the hospital untouched by the cold hand of Death. I'd dreamt he was singing and joking again. I saw in my mind's treacherous eye him looking at his wife and children and grandchildren with that all so familiar loving look. I even spoke to him and expressed to him my fear of losing him. The only lie he ever told me was after he was gone. He said, "As long as you need me, I'll be around, except in Spanish" "por el tiempo que me necesites, yo estare"

When I woke up, I cried. That was all that was left to do. The word "disappointment" doesn't begin to cover it. My mind had made me lose him twice.
Then, a phonecall came. It was my eponym, Pineda's wife and companion for over thirty years. She too was in tears. She'd had a similar dream. It was the cruelest joke I could ever imagine. She too had to let go of him again.

Now, the worst part is, there is nothing I can do to stop these dreams. Haha, but I get so mad at myself for having them. Could it be that my mind's way of coping is making me go through everything that sucks TWICE?
Gees, I must be a masochist at heart. Denial is not something I practice in reality, so I just have one thing to say to Dream self...DEAL WITH THINGS IN A LESS DESTRUCTIVE WAY!! YOU MAY ENJOY YOURSELF FOR A NIGHT, BUT I CAN'T HANDLE GRIEVING TWICE WHEN I GRIEVED ENOUGH THE FIRST TIME.

*breathes*
okay, I'm done venting on you guys
I hope you all aren't depressed now, because that'd be exactly what Dream Liz would want, she's a lame-o.

Now the effects this will have on my art will obviously be, no more marker art, at least for a while. Most of it will either be pastel, graphite, or digital. I need to get a hold of a camera to take pictures of my larger pieces, such as my All Dressed up and No Where watercolor (which I LOOOOVE). I am thinking of doing a portraiture focus on my AP porfolio since it IS where my ro... ]]> ~elizaraya