http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:emmahannis&section=today deviantART RSS for by:emmahannis en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 19 Dec 2009 00:46:16 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/17392850/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/17392850/ Tue, 18 Mar 2008 10:16:03 PDT
I am currently still with my boyfriend, it is now only about 2, maybe 3 weeks until he moves up to Cambridge. We have discussed so many different options and possibilities as well as good and bad outcomes that may occur; yet we still have no decided exactly what to do!

I qualify in September and there is a fantastic job offer up in Cambridge, we're currently just trying to suss out whether or not a full time working nurse and her PhD studying boyfriend could actually maintain a healthy relationship. I personally would love to give it a go, and he knows this. He is just looking more on the rational side of how life will more or likely pan out... a PhD is not just any university course, it is long and hard and takes up alot of ones time. As does working 12 hour shifts! Basically, i am able to work where ever i please once qualified, if he (yes i have left the decision more or less in his court), comes to a decision that we shouldn't be together then i am not completely screwed, heartbroken maybe, but not screwed. It may well go the other way and i end up making one of the biggest changes of my little sheltered life and move up to Cambridge to be with him. (I know its sad but i have a little pang of excitement at the very thought of that!) Although i am aware i will be what feels like a million miles from what i know and love - my home town, friends, family and everything that is familiar to me.

What an interesting limbo i am currently stuck in!! Its all fun and games though i guess...its part of this thing that people call life!!

At this moment in time i am at my boyfriends parents house/farm in North Devon, i am visiting him for a week. Its so nice wearing wellies and braving the elements - well, mainly wind and rain! Not really doing much but doing loads at the same time!

Hope all who are reading this are well....

Emma

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/16134061/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/16134061/ Fri, 28 Dec 2007 06:17:43 PST
I am so pleased and proud for them its untrue, but the heartache i've felt from the moment they told me they were going is indescribable. I cry almost everynight dreading the day we have to say good bye and having to face the rest of my time at uni without them, no one to hug and cuddle anymore, no one to share my life with in that way. I cannot put into words how much i will miss them, i feel sick thinking about it, tears are in my eyes as im typing this.... I love them, i really really love them, and i have to get used to the fact that im not going to be with them...i only have 10 weeks left with them, 10 weeks is nothing and i cant prepare myself for the heartache thats going to take over me.

I would do anything to pretend its not happening, but that isnt going to help me...i just have to appreciate the time i have with him between now and then and be grateful of the relationship i have.

I know you hardly ever read this, but just in case you do, know that i love you and however hard its going to be, you are worth it.

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15805111/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15805111/ Wed, 05 Dec 2007 09:50:51 PST
I could lose someone very close to my heart as soon as next month. Could being the key word.

They may have to move away to start a PhD. I understand how much of an amazing opportunity it would be for them, hence why im not going to stop them. Thing is, i wont know anything until next Tuesday after their interview. I know PhD's are difficult to get into, and i know there is a chance that this person wont have to move away, it all depends (as i've been informed) on how many other people apply and their past experiences/knowledge base etc, as to whether they get offered it or not.

If they do, they could be starting next month. I cannot explain the thoughts that have been going through my head. The thought of being without them hurts so much, i cant and dont want to imagine how it would actually feel if it was to come to that.

I cried so many tears yesterday i dont think i have any left. I know how selfish im being writing only about how i feel on here, but it is me who seems to be only me who is looking that far ahead. I guess there isnt much point worrying about anything until we know the outcome next week. The not knowing can be just as painful.

I dont know what to do or how to feel.

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15721526/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15721526/ Thu, 29 Nov 2007 13:34:00 PST
I have been up helping three different friends through some very difficult times this past week; one of them im especially close to and wanted to be there for when ever i was needed, whether it be one or two in the morning i didnt care, and i still dont!

I just havent learnt to stop thinking about these things before i go to bed, therefore they play on my mind and i find it difficult to sleep. Tuesday night i was up and awake doing some work at 1.30 am because i knew i had so much to do i was constantly thinking about it...its not good.

Never mind, at least im realising that i need to stop thinking about these things just before bedtime (with thanks to Chris!)

Im enjoying my placement, although i am being given an awful lot of work, sometimes feels like i wont actually physically be able to do it, but hey, its all good, even got to go to theatre on tuesday and observed some very gruesome stuff! (and soon found out that surgery really isnt for me!!)

Anyway, off to bed me thinks! Hope all who read this are well, miss everyone at home, as always x

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15430619/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15430619/ Fri, 09 Nov 2007 07:05:05 PST
All i have to do now is figure out how im going to finish writing up and perfecting that one, write my other essay (im thinking it should be easier because its linked to a scenario and is only 1500 words!), write my appraisal and make it into a presentation that i have to do by myself in December, as well as start placement and sort out my portfolio! :S

Apart from that...life is...life - if its ok to say that? I have a cold (which i am praying will be gone by monday when i start placement!), my sister had to attend a funeral of a guy her and her boyfriend knew from uni yesterday; he hung himseslf last week...no one had any idea, and although this thing happens and its terrribly sad, life just seems to carry on. Im still with my boyfriend, things are good, yet theres always something in the back of my mind telling me i should be better, should be making more of an effort in some way...im not quite sure why, but its there almost always. I am generally good though, starting placement monday, looking forward to it i think!!

Its so cold outside, although when its sunny its beautiful!

Miss lots of my friends, and sorry to inform you i probably wont be home until Christmas, but what a party we'll have!!!

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15226533/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15226533/ Fri, 26 Oct 2007 08:22:25 PDT
This whole third year uni shit... in my first year there were 130 student nurses, there are only 63 remaning. yes im pleased im one of them, but i cannot do the work.

I have a presentation next wednesday...which im feeling ok about, the 2 girls im working with are hard workers and we're practically finished and just waiting to get it over and done with. This presentation is supposed to help us write our assignment, but when i have sat down and started to write a plan so i know which direction im going in, i cant seem to get my head around it. (Yes, i have been to see my tutor about it, much help that was). I cant seem to want to sit down and get stuck in, i ususally get that feeling with every other essay...that i want to do it, the sooner i get cracking, the easier it will be because we arent on placement and all the information is still pretty fresh in my mind and it means my workload wont build up...but it hasnt happened with this one yet.

I dont know whether to just keep putting it off until i get that 'i want to get it done' feeling, or whether to drag myself into uni, find my tutor again, maybe another one as well (for a second opinion!) and sit with my friends and try and think up at least a detailed plan so i know where to head.

I DONT KNOW!!! im trying, but im not producing anything, so it doesnt look as though im trying at all.

I cannot screw up this year and im certainly feeling the pressure. Im sure, as a very very close Mancunion friend of mine says 'it be reet!'

hope all is well with friends back home, and who ever else decideds to scroll their eyes over this! x

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15041592/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/15041592/ Sat, 13 Oct 2007 09:45:59 PDT
Im happy, im settling into the routine that is uni, cooking/eating, seeing my fella, sleeping..the same old same old!

Im busying myself with reading books, and im out tonight for the first time since the term started!! And everyones down at the end of next week for their graduation and im going to see my sister and then my good friend B is coming up to stay the weekend after that!

I really ought to get out and take some more photos, maybe now that its autumn (my favorite season) and everything looks so crisp and colourful, i might just have to get my camera out!

hope everyone is well

xx

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/14238361/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/14238361/ Sun, 19 Aug 2007 10:04:57 PDT
GRRRR! House rules are also difficult to get back into cuse im used to doing what i want when i want...

im moaning yes, i know that....


i'll go now, fed up!

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/14014045/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/14014045/ Sat, 04 Aug 2007 11:09:31 PDT
So much has happened, good and not so good recently. My dad lost a close friend of his last week and so certain events are being arranged, of which i will be attending, hand in hand with my dad. On a not so sad note, i am with somebody...this somebody is extrodinary. So lovely and kinda and caring with a sence of humour and all the things a girl could wish for! (including a motorbike - which may not suit everybody, but i LOVE it!) Its all still quite new, but its made me feel pretty content right now.

I am going home to Plymouth tomorrow for the whole 4 weeks i think it is, of my summer before i have to come back up here and get organised. Im looking forward to seeing my family though, especially my sister

I hope everyone who is so kind as to read this is happy in their life, if you arent, try and force a smile...it works you know!!

Goodbye for now xx

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/13549109/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/13549109/ Sat, 30 Jun 2007 08:07:02 PDT
So much has happened. I moved out of the 5 bedroomed house that i share with my best friend and the most evil person i know yesterday, that was a tad stressful and upsetting, but i have come home for a long weekend for my sisters birthday and my cousins meal thing and what not, and just to get a break really.

I dont seem to cope with any life stressor very well, i find it too much alot of the time and i end up crying because thats the way i deal with things! Or i get really moody and take it out on people i shouldnt. I have been told that i hold onto things for too long, i cant seem to drop things...thus i bear grudges and find it hard to forget things that have hurt or upset me. Living with this horrible person for 2 years has changed who i am as a person, i wish i was able to say how exactly i've changed but i really have no idea... i just know i have.

anyway.... i guess there isnt time for moaning is there?! Its probably because im tired and the weather is crap and i have a lot of shit going on up at uni at the moment.

I love my family, and i miss them when im away so im glad to be home and spending some quality time with them, and also, im going to be able to catch up with some great friends that i havent seen in a while! Im looking forward to that! And i am going to concentrate my efforts on taking more photos when i have a free moment or two!

I hope people are feeling happy and smiley...its always nice to know that!

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12738462/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12738462/ Thu, 26 Apr 2007 03:51:13 PDT
I've already done a hand written test exam thing, a revision quiz, research of nursing papers (which is VERY complicated) and a seminar - which i have done today. All of that in TWO weeks, as well as being told that i may not be able to live in my chosen block at Halls next year with my friends, and having to live with the worst flatmate in the world. Im not kidding, the other day i actually had to leave my living room to sit in my bedroom alone because i was being completely ignored, all of my housemates were in conversation and i felt invisable and i felt so uncomfortable in my own house, that shouldnt happen.

Anyway, one more day of uni to go and then its starting A&E next week! And concentrating on my friends 21st, my birthday, and beginning to write my 3000 word essay....and revising for the essay style exam...seriously, if anyone is planning on going to uni for the 'uni experience'...dont do nursing.

Anyway, enough of me ranting...im off to the gym a little later (which i joined last week so it gives me more opportunity of getting out the house and vent my anger at the same time!) Then maybe a swim with a friend, and possibly out tonight -if im still standing- for the shittist student night there ever could be! (It is Taunton after all!)

Hope everyone else is well, if anyone has any calming words that will make me chill out a little bit id be very appreciative!

*Big hugs* to all

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12417250/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12417250/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 13:51:10 PDT
I went out tonight with some girlies from secondary school, its like going back in time, none of us seem to have changed an awful lot whoch in some ways is a good thing, but in some ways not!

I am a happy bunny at the minute! And its a great feeling!

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12306138/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12306138/ Sat, 24 Mar 2007 06:43:59 PDT
One more week of uni to go and then i come home for 2 weeks for my easter break, not sure how much of a break thats actually going to be though, got alot of work to do and my boss has written me up for lots of hours! :S

OOOOOH, happy shiny people, keep smiling! xx

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12165568/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12165568/ Tue, 13 Mar 2007 06:27:30 PDT
I am going back to halls of residence for my third and final year, without any of the girls im currently living with. They are moving in with a few other girls we know. Its not how i planned it in my head, but its the way it is, at least im not living with the girl i cant stand, im going to be at halls where i can meet new people and live with a very good friend of mine. If i continued living with those girls i could see myself and my studies going downhill; they arent as dedicated as they once were and i want to finish my course with good grades!

Other news... i am going to get myself sorted, go see a doctor perhaps and get myself back on track (what with all the habbit i have that i shouldnt). I passed my last placement which is always good news! im waiting to hear where im going to be on placement for the summer months... fingers crossed its a good one! My friend has been WRONGLY kicked out of his band, but its fine...cuse they're SHIT now because they've lost a FAB guitarist and vocalist, and hes starting up his own band...they will have my full support! Umm...im trying to think if there's anything else i need to vent... erm... ooh, im coming home on the 22nd of march which is a week on thursday but... i have an eye test on the friday they scare me... i already wear glasses but my vision has some what deteriorated and im fed up of squinting and pulling the most weirdest of faces whilst trying to read things! lol

No other news i think...everything happens for a reason and i shall take it in my stride

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12165566/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12165566/ Tue, 13 Mar 2007 06:27:22 PDT
I am going back to halls of residence for my third and final year, without any of the girls im currently living with. They are moving in with a few other girls we know. Its not how i planned it in my head, but its the way it is, at least im not living with the girl i cant stand, im going to be at halls where i can meet new people and live with a very good friend of mine. If i continued living with those girls i could see myself and my studies going downhill; they arent as dedicated as they once were and i want to finish my course with good grades!

Other news... i am going to get myself sorted, go see a doctor perhaps and get myself back on track (what with all the habbit i have that i shouldnt). I passed my last placement which is always good news! im waiting to hear where im going to be on placement for the summer months... fingers crossed its a good one! My friend has been WRONGLY kicked out of his band, but its fine...cuse they're SHIT now because they've lost a FAB guitarist and vocalist, and hes starting up his own band...they will have my full support! Umm...im trying to think if there's anything else i need to vent... erm... ooh, im coming home on the 22nd of march which is a week on thursday but... i have an eye test on the friday they scare me... i already wear glasses but my vision has some what deteriorated and im fed up of squinting and pulling the most weirdest of faces whilst trying to read things! lol

No other news i think...everything happens for a reason and i shall take it in my stride

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12021535/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/12021535/ Fri, 02 Mar 2007 02:12:13 PST
That whole situation may not sound that bad, but believe me, its dragged me down into a state which i didnt think i could get into. It even reached the point some time last week when i wanted to quit my course or do my final year here in plymouth, but that is not an option, i have convinced myself that running home every time i get into a bit of a tough situation. So i delt with this whole thing in my own way.

Apart from that i guess everythings going fine, im home for the weekend because its my best friends birthday and i cant wait to see her! its also my mums birthday...so its nice to have the whole family home, especially my sister cuse i miss her loads.

Umm, i guess i'll catch up with everyone when im a little happier perhaps :S

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11815638/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11815638/ Wed, 14 Feb 2007 13:39:41 PST
This particular day i find myself feeling slightly lonely, only slightly...and partly proud of being a single independant woman/girl - im not sure what one of those words i want to use!

Valentines day is one i believe should be filled with romance, appreciation, happiness, and surprise.

So everyone who happens to read this...i wish you all a happy valentines day...smile

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11794283/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11794283/ Tue, 13 Feb 2007 04:32:38 PST
Well, that out the way... I have so many other people to worry about.. someone who i feel that i have been very blunt with; i do not mean to hurt your feelings, its just if i dont tell you now what the situation is i'd only end up hurting you so much more... another friend of mine who i am afraid is taking the wrong path in life...please, please, PLEASE dont go down that road you're heading, you're better than that. As to another friend... thank you; for everything you've done, you've helped me alot these past couple of weeks.

My head is a little bit fuzzy and confused at the moment..but im sure i'll work things out.

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11669435/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11669435/ Sat, 03 Feb 2007 09:37:39 PST
I was dancing (on a pole at one time if i remember correctly, and the stage with my mate Dan!) ...moshing.. laughing.... giggling... hugging... my word it was a GREAT night!

Everyone should have nights like i had last night, because last night was one of those times when you realise just how many fantastic friends you have

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11622060/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11622060/ Tue, 30 Jan 2007 10:55:18 PST
I have been to stay with my sister in Bath for 3 and a bit days, it was so good to see her, we have a friendship that is so close... I trust her with my life and i miss her so much when we're at uni, it was so nice just being in her company all that time! She made me smile alot, which i needed!

Im back in Plymouth now, until Sunday.. already planned loads! Taking pictures is one of the many things on my 'to-do' list!

I wasnt too happy mid-last week, i found it pretty difficult working and having to come home to one person who i live with, she was really winding me up and i couldnt stick it much longer, so being with my sister made me happy and being home is going to give me the break i need!

I hope everyone else is well... if you aren't, contact me... i seem to be agony aunt for so many people at the minute im sure i could help more people if they want me to!

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11456456/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11456456/ Tue, 16 Jan 2007 06:13:03 PST
Last night was my friend Dan's gig, it was so so amazing its unbelievable! The whole band did exceptionally well! Im so pleased for them!

I keep treating someone unfairly... I love them dearly as a friend, honest i do, i can tell them anything at any time of the day or night; i know that this person feels slightly more for me though, and i do take advantage of that....i suppose many of you think im horrible for doing that, i dont know why i do it, its comforting, its not some stranger, its a close friend who knows you and understands you.... i dont know.

I have to apologise though, i am so sorry... i shouldnt lead you on.

Some things happen all at once and i feel i cant cope with them, but there's no escaping them, whether my problems are in taunton and i come home to plymouth, or what ever, they seem to follow...the more things i dont or cant deal with build up and i feel like im on overload...at breaking point....thats why im always afraid, im constantly aware, trying to work through everything...i dont exactly know what im trying to describe...its just what im thinking and what my fingers are typing!

why do i make things so bloody complicated?! is it just me that thinks things through so much sometimes they begin to not make sense anymore?! Maybe i should just have the happy go lucky attitude? I annoy myself... ALOT!

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11432076/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11432076/ Sun, 14 Jan 2007 08:41:48 PST
I've had a pretty rough time...finishing with my boyfriend of 8 months has hit me hard. I know it was the right decision to make but the way its made me feel is awful. I've hurt him so much, although i've seen him a couple times since the break up and we've agreed to be friends, its so hard.

I never meant to hurt him, he hasnt done anything wrong...it just wasnt right for me anymore and id rather be honest with him than lie and keep it going. I've lost that person to hug and be close to, I've lost the little smiles we share, I've lost the kisses on the forehead... through my own doing.

My mother has been reminding me how there will be someone better, someone nicer, maybe when im a little older... i know its nice to hear that, but its going to take time for me to accept that what i thought may go somewhere isnt going to go anywhere.

I couldnt have got through this without my friends though, you all know who you are... making sure im alright and things, love you all!

I am home in Plymouth for Dan's gig at voodoo which i am VERY excited about! And its nice being home to sort my head out for a while

Sorry for going on and on about it... it just plays on my mind alot. I know i finsihed it, but i still have feelings for him, i just did what i thought was best...its gonna take time, but as i've been told, all will be ok

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11333514/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11333514/ Sat, 06 Jan 2007 06:14:38 PST
My relationships with certain friends have grown alot stronger and some have newly formed, either way i am truely grateful i have these friends. I feel so lucky, so lucky its untrue, that i have friends who i know will do anything for me. I wish i could tell them one by one, face to face, everything they've done for me and how much i appreciate them...i am such a lucky girl.

]]> *emmahannis http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11308166/ http://emmahannis.deviantart.com/journal/11308166/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 00:06:22 PST
I went to the cinema with my sister yesterday to watch Happy Feet...it has only fulled my obsession with penguins, and now i REALLY REALLY want one! It was nice spending time with my sister, i miss her so much when we're both at uni, she has this amazing aura about her which you're sorta drawn to...she makes me smile alot

Tonight i am going to Quay Club for their rock night, i havent been there in AGES, so it's a little scary! But i have new boots to wear! I have wanted a pair like them for AGES and havent had the opportunity to get them, but now, now they're mine and i love them! I'm looking forward to seeing my friends tonight, Dan who isnt feeling too well, so i hope he's feeling better soon *nods* and kiwi, who knows me so well i dont have to say a word and he knows what im thinking/feeling!

I have a number of very close friends, and i wish i could thank each of them individually for everything they have done for me, i know id be here for ages so heres just a few reasons why i appreciate you all so much...

Ashleigh... because you're my sister and never fail to be there for me and i love you lots!

Vicky... You're more of a sister than a friend and you have given me confidence in myself

Kiwi.... My every up and my every down you have been there and supported me and shared my experience

Anna... 2 peas in a pod! What else can i say?!

So thats my first journal entry...

Emm

]]> *emmahannis