http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:eponine10&section=today deviantART RSS for by:eponine10 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:44:10 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/28685783/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/28685783/ Tue, 01 Dec 2009 06:54:04 PST
I'm going to start writing again. I haven't tried at all since I threw down my pen (metaphorically) and decided that if I couldn't write about things beyond teenage angst, I wouldn't write at all.

So now, I'm in search of subject matter.

As soon as I find some, I'm going to pick my pen back up.

Be prepared.

=]

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/24883186/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/24883186/ Thu, 21 May 2009 23:38:07 PDT
Yay?

Also: I've realized that for the past year or so I've used DeviantArt as a place to vent about personal crap.
I'm sorry.
It won't happen anymore.
K?



]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/24040311/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/24040311/ Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:51:32 PDT
I always know exactly how much time as passed since a certain event.

And I'd just like to say that today marks the end of the sixth month of my single streak.

Yep yep.

That's all.

Bye!

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/23883835/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/23883835/ Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:04:21 PDT
Damnblast.

No more pictures for awhile... not until I can afford a new one.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/23634805/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/23634805/ Tue, 10 Mar 2009 21:01:01 PDT
I'm having an uneventful night, so I decided, hey, why not go back and read all of my old deviations?

/facepalm

Half of them need to be taken down... was I really that stupid? The guy I was writing poetry about knew it was about him as well as I knew there could be nothing between us... and yet I continued to post this stuff? I'm surprised we're still friends... if I were him, I'd feel really awkward and probably be a little creeped out. So, thanks. Thanks for putting up with me for all of last year. I owe you one.

Anyway, I have WWIMBOLC to thank for the return of my sanity... WWIMBOLC and another guy, that is... but I've ranted about that enough on here.

I just thought I'd post a journal commemorating WWIMBOLC in the prime of its existance.

I miss you, WWIMBOLC.

Jennifer... I LOVE YOU!

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/22989871/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/22989871/ Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:08:42 PST
]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/22461743/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/22461743/ Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:06:34 PST
And ohhh Britney Spears... what would the world do without you?

Haha.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/22080996/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/22080996/ Sat, 20 Dec 2008 08:13:01 PST
"Elle, do you know the number one reason behind all bad hair decisions? Love!"...

...the reason my hair is so damn short to begin with...

...but the color has got to go. This period of craziness is over.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/22048152/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/22048152/ Thu, 18 Dec 2008 11:53:44 PST
This break is exactly what I need.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/21872388/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/21872388/ Sun, 07 Dec 2008 19:59:52 PST
I'm not going to do that anymore. I've given my life a makeover, figured out which parts trigger my depression, and now avoid those parts. I'm getting out of this downward spiral before it consumes me completely.

No more sadness.

=]

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20837366/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20837366/ Sun, 05 Oct 2008 07:23:56 PDT
Your eyes, as we said our goodbyes,
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find I can't hide...
From your eyes, the ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight, I see your eyes

How'd I let you slip away, when I'm longing so to hold you?
Now I'd die for one more day,
Cause there's something I should have told you
Yes, there's something I should have told you
When I looked into your eyes...
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before the song dies...

I should tell you,
I should tell you
I have always loved you...

You can see it in my eyes...


Dedication: A.D.
If you ever came on DevArt, believe me, there wouldn't be a dedication. Because you would say that was lame. But guess what, I'm lame.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20737479/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20737479/ Mon, 29 Sep 2008 08:12:51 PDT
If someone died in the '50s, and we're talking about it NOW, wouldn't they be talking about it in the '60s?

My conclusion: Most likely, no one died. Most likely "Alice" does not exist. She's a fiction of someone's imagination, someone who decided one day, "Hey, let's scare everyone in Grier!"

So yeah. No ghost. Not that I believe in them anyway, but I'm going to sleep better at night now.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20676778/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20676778/ Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:18:41 PDT
I called my mom tonight and talked to her about this, and she said that if you get enough people together and they all believe in crazy things like a ghost girl who supposedly hung herself in the elevator shaft in the '50s, then the collective brain waves can cause things to happen, like malfunctioning computers and such. She said that if there really was a presence, or leftover energy, it was probably harmless.

Then I was talking about evil presence in general, and I said something about the smalltown Catholic church that my grandparents attend. The last time I entered that building, I was quite aware of a very evil presence. When I told my mom about this, she promptly told me that there was a priest there a few years ago who was very abusive. She said that maybe some of the negative energy was still around.

For some reason, that made a lot of sense...

I'm strange.

But you know... if there is a spirit in Grier Hall, I want to be her friend.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20469630/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20469630/ Sat, 13 Sep 2008 10:13:17 PDT
]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20430757/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20430757/ Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:17:24 PDT
Eeeeek!

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20376309/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20376309/ Sun, 07 Sep 2008 13:54:58 PDT
I think I need to go somewhere bigger. Because this is just not working. For reasons I should not post on here for fear of karma hitting me in the face, I feel like absolute crap. Like I'm worthless. I've realized that now that I'm not surrounded by my Theatre friends, my confidence is gone. Well, not totally gone, but considerably less.

I've realized that in real life, avoiding problems isn't simply a matter of taking a different hallway, or signing off facebook or chatzy or whatever. In real life, problems have to be met head on. Because they're not escapable. They live with you 24/7.

I miss Kansas... :'(

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20322652/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20322652/ Thu, 04 Sep 2008 11:26:49 PDT
One of the many good things about this place: The coffee in the cafeteria is REALLY strong. That's how I like it. When I still lived at home I used to double the amount of coffee grounds you were supposed to put in with the amount of water... then my mom told me to stop because it wasted coffee.

Well, other updates. Classes are going well. My roommate and I are getting along, and I think we're finally finding separate groups, which is good. Its not healthy to always be with someone every second of the day. She and I don't seem to have a lot in common, but that's ok. Its working.

I'm missing Kansas but finally feeling like I belong here... here in this small town. I've never lived in a small town before and always wondered what it would be like. I guess I'll become very familiar with that over the next four years...

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20193256/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20193256/ Wed, 27 Aug 2008 22:18:16 PDT
I have friends. I miss my old friends. I have PAPERS and READING in huge quantities... but it's a great luxury to be able to do nothing but study, and have your meals cooked for you. I'm trying to make the best of it.

I have to go to bed before it gets any later. I have an 8:00 class in the morning... English 110. -_-

<3

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20130104/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/20130104/ Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:30:47 PDT
So as of right now, I've lived on my own for a little less than 24 hours. I can't tell if I like it so far.... This college in particular has three days of freshman orientation before classes actually start, as in "getting to know everyone" games and such. I don't want to come off with a bad attitude but... I don't get into that sort of thing. After about the fifth time of sitting in a circle and having an orientation leader say "Now that I've told you about me, I want to know about you. So lets go around the circle, say your name, and then..." you fill in the blank. It differs. Usually its something dull like where you're from, what your major is, etc. etc. I know it's a good way to meet people and everything but... I'm a nerd. I want to start classes. I want my adult life to start, not sit in a circle like a Kindergartener.

Well, there I've complained enough. Now I must head down to the quad for yet another freshman event. This one is called the "playfair." I wonder what that involves...

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/19997674/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/19997674/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 01:48:06 PDT
Right now my eyes are red and puffy from crying. For no reason. I was just sitting here listening to my music and all of a sudden tears started streaming down my face.

I'm just so freaking confused... I'm moving out of my parents' house in four days, and I don't know whether to feel optimistic or scared about this. I keep going between the two.

And on top of that I just lost my kitty... she died two days ago of a stroke... she was nineteen. You know how I make symbols out of EVERYTHING? Well, I decided that she is a symbol of my childhood. My mom was three months pregnant with me when my parents got the cat, and now the cat dies just as I'm moving out.

I feel like I'm going to lose everything in a matter of days. I know that's silly, but I can't make that feeling go away. Once a feeling grabs hold of you, it's so hard to get rid of it.

So that's why, a few minutes ago, I was sitting here crying my eyes out.

Because I'm confused... and I'm tired.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/19780410/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/19780410/ Mon, 04 Aug 2008 22:05:11 PDT
What if I totally dropped my English major, transferred to art school, and seriously studied photography?

I mean, its something I've discovered that I'm passionate about. And I feel that everyone should at least attempt to pursue something they feel passionate about, no matter how crazy the idea may seem.

I have all these ideas about I want for my future... I've even thought about law school, something I could go into with a degree in English but not in photography. I'm just so confused right now...

What do I really want....?

Happiness... whatever that is...

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/19320285/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/19320285/ Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:09:05 PDT
I need new subject matter for poetry. All my poems are starting to sound the same, and I need to branch out and try some new topics. I've moved beyond writing about nothing but teenage angst.

With that said... I think I'll go to bed now. Maybe something will inspire me in my sleep... you never know! =]

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/19029076/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/19029076/ Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:56:02 PDT
I'm always finding symbolism in random places, and sitting around thinking about the meaning of life. Seriously. It must get annoying.

I'll try to tone it down a little, ok?

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18818980/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18818980/ Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:15:26 PDT
I wonder... is the meaning in the search itself?

What if said "meaning" was found? What would happen then? What would life be worth if there was no "meaning" left to search for?

Then I wonder, does meaning even exist? Or is it a fiction of the human imagination? "Meaning" gives people a reason to believe that their existence is worth something greater than just survival and reproduction. But is that all it is? A reason invented to make human existence seem to have more of a point?

I wonder... if we as people invented meaning... is life actually meaningless...?

These are hard questions.
Am I wasting my time trying to answer them?

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18585900/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18585900/ Fri, 30 May 2008 23:50:11 PDT
It now officially exists.



]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18486410/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18486410/ Sat, 24 May 2008 22:03:28 PDT I've decided to try my hand at photography. So expect some photos up here soon!
Haha, my mom, who has no artistic sense whatsoever, wants to randomly drive around Kansas and take landscapes of wheat fields so she can put one on our living room wall. ??? I asked if I could take one for her, and she was like "No but you can come with me!" I might actually go. She'll probably need all the help she can get.

I thought I would miss school after I graduated. But I don't miss it at all. Granted, I only graduated three days ago, but still... it was kind of sad while it was actually happening, but now... I'm FREE!!

"Bittersweet memories, that's all I'm taking with me. So goodbye, please don't cry, 'cause we both know I'm not what you need."

And you, my dear East High, are not what I need any longer.

Ha. I was talking to a friend last night, and he told me that the real world would pretty much cure me of my cluelessness. I hope he's right... I have a long journey ahead of me....

This is going to be a long summer... I suddenly can't wait to get out of here and go to college. It will be beyond amazing.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18423320/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18423320/ Tue, 20 May 2008 21:49:36 PDT
I've been out of school for... lets see... five days now, going on six. Since then I feel like either everyone from school has disappeared, or else I have. I have this feeling that I am going to get busier and busier, and people who I promised to stay in touch with will fade away forever. Lets be realistic here: Drifting is a part of life. It's meant to happen. But... what if you cause the drifting...?

Some things never fully recover....

Some people never fully let you gain back their trust...

Some remember forever the STUPID mistakes you have made...

Some things will never be the same.

I'm thinking of one friend in particular, one who is not on deviant art. I love her. She sticks by you no matter what. But I pushed her away, and while we are rebuilding now, I have a feeling that, what with me moving away in three months, we will never fully recover simply because we don't have time. We'll never be as close as we were....

I need something to make me happy. Writing depressing journals on deviant art is no fun.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18350391/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18350391/ Fri, 16 May 2008 11:14:27 PDT I was talking to a friend last night, and he said something along the lines of "You're so naive!"
He meant it in a good way, I'm sure. He thought my cluelessness was cute. But still....

I am 18. I don't need this. I don't need anyone, especially people younger than me, reminding me of how clueless I am about some things. It makes me feel more immature than I already feel.

Yes, I had feelings for someone who was quite a bit younger than me. Okay? It happens, and I don't regret it at all. This doesn't make me immature... does it? And that's just one factor... my friends are mostly underclassmen as well. I love them, but I wonder why I seem to get along more with them than people my own age.

I'm being paranoid now, afraid that I will be remembered as a totally clueless, immature senior who didn't really hang out with seniors. So what if that's how people remember me? I'm moving on. I'm moving to Illinois in three months, starting my life as an independent person.

I can't wait.

Remember me how you want. In a few years, it won't matter.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18296826/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18296826/ Mon, 12 May 2008 20:51:01 PDT
Well, Mary Poppins has an easy answer for that: "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"
Haha I have no idea if I spelled that right. Anyway...

I have plenty to say. I don't know how to say it, that's the problem.

I need... I don't know. I need to get out of here. People are driving me crazy, complaining about things that don't even matter. Seriously, WHO CARES? I don't. I don't care who told who what about whom. I really don't. And I don't care that something happened yesterday and may have been hilarious but you had to be there. I was not there. And after hearing the story for the fifth time, I feel like throwing my shoe.

These things don't MATTER. They're not REAL. They don't IMPACT YOUR LIFE.

I want meaning. That's what I want, that's what I'm looking for. And I guess that's what I wanted to say.

]]> ~eponine10 http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18155946/ http://eponine10.deviantart.com/journal/18155946/ Sat, 03 May 2008 21:39:22 PDT

You don't have to be a bitch to be strong. The trick is to mix the perfect amount of nice girl with the perfect amount of bitch (just the strength from the bitch, not the horrible personality traits that go along with it), and then you get someone who is able to stand up for herself, but does not throw people around like they mean nothing. Its a recipe, a perfect balance. And I have yet to find it.
I had a good talk with one of my best friends today. I told her I was surprised she had stuck with me through all this, but that I truly admired her for it. I wish I remembered exactly what she said to that, so I could quote it. It was something along the lines of "I don't leave you when the going gets rough."

I love her. I love her beyond words. We are two very different people, but the fact alone that she has ALWAYS been there... its just amazing. I owe her so much.

You're not on Deviant Art so you'll never read this, but I seriously want to thank you.

]]> ~eponine10