deviantART: by:euphoria

Summer's Here!

°euphoria — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:28:23 PDT

I'm enjoying life in western Washington State, and I've taken up a new hobby. Watercolor painting is my newest love! It's so fun and therapeutic. I'm thinking about taking a class or something, but for now it's fun to plunk around with my paints and brushes.

My boyfriend is deploying to Iraq in a month or so, and so we've been spending every possible minute together. Things are good. We don't fight, argue, or even disagree, really. It's a very happy thing--for me and Alex.

Work is still work. Fixing planes is fun, rewarding, and still the dream job I always wanted.

Overall, things are good. How's YOUR world?

Stopping By For Some Coffee

°euphoria — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 03:38:51 PST

It's 0225 local. I work third shift, and so this is mid-morning for me. But I have a rare night off, and so here I am, tiptoeing through DA to see how much has fallen off the walls since I was here in September.

My life, for those of you who care to know, is pretty stable. I spend my nights in whatever weather is out there, working on planes so large that I can stand inside the engine intake and not touch the sides. There is a certain suckiness, if you will, to spending hours outside in 5-degree weather, being covered in jet fuel and grease and Skydrol and God knows what else. You're cold, you're tired, you're probably half angry at the plane for not doing whatever it is that you wanted it to do.

Then again, there's a certain pride to be had standing in front of it, marshalling it forward, making those final motions to send it on its way. Seeing the landing gear lift off the ground for the first time ever...that's a rush.

I spend my days sleeping. Or up in the mountains, taking pictures. Or down on the docks by the Sound, listening to the waves, watching the ferries, and eating fish and chips while the seagulls contemplate divebombing me for a piece of my food.

My son is learning violin, and we're having fun playing together. We did the family pic thing yesterday with each of us holding our violins. Corny, but when he's all grown up it'll mean something to me.

I also got a dog. He's a Pomerkie, Yorkiepom, whatever. One of those little designer dogs. I swore I'd never get a foofoo dog, and I doubly swore I'd never put my dog in clothes, but Howitzer (yes, I named my dog after a huge weapon LOL) gets COLD up here.

Life is good. Dream job, dream guy, dream location. Now if I could only get rid of the hobo population and the nutjob liberals I'd be stellar.

Coming to You Live from Big Sky Country

°euphoria — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:17:56 PDT

I'm currently in Great Falls, Montana working an aircraft contract for Aerojet Support on deHavilland -8 and Canadair Regional Jets.

While I am crazy homesick for Washington, the trip has given me an excellent opportunity to visit new places--and therefore get some new photos. Hope you enjoy the additions to the gallery.

Photos

°euphoria — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:37:25 PDT

I'm going back up to the North Cascades Highway this weekend. This time I plan to drive about another 50 miles past Diablo Lake, to the highest point of the mountains. Should get some great shots.

Today, however, I'm going to an ocean spot that a friend of mine says will blow me away. Will post those pics later as well.

In the meantime, I have a question for the photo gurus. I have a Canon Powershot. I want to upgrade the camera wang, but I don't know anything about lenses and such. I just know where to point it. Any help as to what I can get for a reasonable price?

Thanks! Stay tuned for more photos of Washington scenery. On the list to visit:

- San Juan Islands
- Vancouver
- Leavenworth, WA
- Winthrop, WA
- Alki Beach

Adventures in Liberal Land

°euphoria — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 11:53:14 PDT

Warning: Language alert ahead. Don't read it if you don't like the F word.

Last night when I was in Seattle, I was walking around looking at all these people laughing and drinking and having a great old time, and it occurred to me that right at that second, on the other side of the world, there is a Marine fighting for his life on a makeshift operating table while people he's never seen before do everything in their power to keep him alive. There are soldiers sleeping in mud and going without a hot meal or a shower for a month or more at a time. I just stopped right there and said a prayer for all of them.

And yetÂthese people, it's like it doesn't matter. Such selfishness and excess and shamefulness. I'm walking by these trash cans overfilled with garbage, trash on the ground, trash everywhereÂbut then I see that people are still taking the time to recycle their fucking cans and bottles. How ridiculous is that? They'll throw their trash on the ground in the park, and then they'll make sure to recycle because after all, we have to save the fucking earth. What the fuck is wrong with this world?

I see this 60-year-old guy standing there with a sign advertising Hempfest, totally stoned out of his gourd, and I wanted to go ask him what in his entire miserable piece of shit life has he ever done to contribute to the freedoms he pisses all over every day. What possible thing can he look back on and say "I did this to preserve what was purchased in blood." Not a fucking thing, that's what. His entire existence is based on "the exertions of better men than himself." And it sickens me. Does no one know what honor is anymore? Does NO ONE in this wretched fucking world give a fucking shit about what is right and true and what kind of conduct we are to aspire to as Americans..hell, as PEOPLE? This guy's talking to a bunch of young kids about how great pot is, and I wanted to walk up to them, smack the guy in the back of his bald, toothless head, and say "Hey kids! Smoke LOTS of pot. Hell, you might be able to end up like this guy! Missing your teeth, looking like a homeless bum, and straight stupid! Woooooo! Yessiree, here's your high point right here!"

I am so disgusted with it all. I'm sick of getting flipped off on the freeway because some liberal pansy took offense to my bumper stickers. Although cutting them off gives me a strange sense of satisfaction. Nothing better than forcing them to drive 35 on the highway while staring at the back of my truck, which loudly proclaims that "I support Waterboarding" and "Doing my best to piss off the heathen Left." I'm tired of watching all these assholes walk around with their $8 cup of coffee and pontificate about what they think the fucking meaning of life is. I've been here two months and already I've had enough of Seattle. I'm perfectly content to stay up here in Everett, near my mountains and the ocean.

Home.

°euphoria — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 01:54:08 PDT

I've arrived in Washington, and after only 48 hours here, I must admit that this place is more beautiful than almost anywhere else in the world I've been. For the first time, I moved somewhere that really feels like home.

Enjoy the photos...many more to come.

Just when you think you have it figured out...

°euphoria — Wed, 07 May 2008 20:11:45 PDT

...then life happens and throws you a curve you never saw coming.

Literally out of nowhere, I got an interview with Boeing in Everett, WA, just north of Seattle. I wasn't even trying, and somehow the biggest aircraft company in the world wanted to interview me. I never expected to get the job.

But I did, and for a lot more money than I ever dreamed. I have turned down so many jobs in the last year, all over the country, for reasons ranging from stupid to valid. I had my move to Denver all set. But this...I would be stupid to turn it down. I will be a flight line mechanic on the brand new 787 Dreamliner. It is, quite literally, my dream job.

I'll be in a union company, making more money than I ever have, with a list of benefits one can really only get with a huge company, working in the largest building by-volume in the entire world, on the most advanced airliner ever built. It doesn't GET any better.

And so, the fiesty little conservative is moving to one of the most liberal states in the country. Wish me luck. I have my new address, and should have my new phone number within a week or so. I'm also driving there instead of flying, so all of you who I know well in between Tulsa and Seattle, drop me a note. Maybe we can hook up on my way through town!

I'm also open to any suggestions about things to do in the Seattle/Everett area. You can leave out spoken word poetry night at Starbucks, or anything that screams hippie because it's really not my cup of tea. By the way...anyone know anything about the gun laws there? Concealed carry permits? Hunting?

I cannot stand it, I'm too excited.

Denver, Here I Come!

°euphoria — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 20:16:50 PDT

It's official. I'm moving to Denver, CO. June 15th is the tentative big day. I'm pretty crazy excited. I cannot wait to see the mountains.

New Albumness.

°euphoria — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 10:43:28 PDT

OMG two entries in a week. Holy balls.

I have a new CD out. Can't buy it yet (even if by some act of God you wanted to) but you can hear it on last.fm.

The CD is only 5 songs, and it's called Awakened because it's stuff I've written over the last year about people and things that have really changed my paradigm, so to speak. I'm not who I was a year ago, and that's not really a bad thing. Constantly learning and growing and all of that, certainly...but also letting go of some stuff that has been there for years and years. Change is good. Hope y'all like the music.

Poking Around

°euphoria — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:11:26 PDT

I happened to stumble across here earlier tonight and thought I would put in a journal to let those few people who still pay attention know that I'm around and whatnot.

Since I'm all about bullet updates, here you go.

- I'm the production manager at an FAA repair station. I am directly responsible for almost 100 employees and $70 million in government and commercial aircraft maintenance contracts. It's a good job with decent pay, but it's not what I want. It'll work until I finish this degree though.

- ...because I went back to school. I'm on degree #2, and should graduate next June. Next stop is hopefully Norwich University (birthplace of ROTC) for a Master's in Military History and Strategy.

- I'm still working on my writing career, which got a fairly huge boost this week. I released the first 5 parts of a story I've been working on for two years. If all goes well, this story could release a Marine unjustly imprisoned for "war crimes." Since working this story has really changed my view of my government, however, I'm not as optimistic as I'd like to be anymore. I am also co-writing a book set to be published next year on the case.

- My web design business is going splendidly. Who knew that jark's simple "hey you should try Wordpress" comment four years ago would lead to me having over 40 sites under my belt. I recently began work on my own Wordpress-as-CMS theme.

- I've lost an ungodly amount of weight in the last year, and am down to about 150. Considering I'm 5'11, I'm pretty proud of myself. I can wear short skirts again! Woo! Who knew I had legs?

- I've been writing a lot of new music lately, and my internet radio show broke 35,000 listeners recently.

- I'll be spending Memorial Day weekend in Washington, D.C. with my adopted mom, good friends, and lots of beer.

- Alex is about to make me crazy. But he's a good kid, who's being tested for the gifted/talented program at school.

- We have a dog! Bruiser is a 95-pound Akita/Husky mix who sheds a lot, takes ungodly huge dumps, and likes to lick feet.

That's about it for me. What's going on in YOUR life?

Veterans Day

°euphoria — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 11:49:40 PST

The Marines said, "No, Kit, you're too old."

On to the Army.

Thank you to everyone who has worn the uniform of the greatest nation on earth.

I am free because of you.

Duty, Honor, Country

°euphoria — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 15:52:12 PDT

I am trying to re-enlist. I have an appointment tomorrow with the Marine recruiter, and so cross your fingers.

I'll need an age waiver (I'm 5 years past their cutoff), and I'll need to train excessively hard to make it through my second boot camp, but it'll be worth it. If the Marines say no, it's off to the Army I go. I am bound and determined to be wearing the uniform of the United States Armed Services before the end of the year.

For those who would ask, "Why?" let me simply say this. There's a war on. That, and I firmly believe there is no higher calling for an American than to take part in the preservation of the safety and security that those who went before purchased in blood.

...and I make a horrible civilian.

That is all.

Stand.

°euphoria — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 13:42:30 PDT

Those who know me well know a few things about me. They know that I'm a serial monogamist (as our friend Jake always puts it). I'm always in a relationship out of fear for being alone. They know I am insecure, too trusting, and often overemotional.

They also know that politically I'm a die-hard conservative, and nothing means more to me than my work with the troops and their families. If the phone rings at 3 a.m. because one of the soldiers I help woke up after a combat-related nightmare and needs to talk about the blast that took his legs and killed his friend, I listen. I talk to families of the fallen, and write the stories of heroism and courage. I defend them and their mission. When I go to D.C., I visit Walter Reed and talk to the warriors there who are trying to put their lives back together after their bodies are shattered. I support them when they say they want to stay in and even go back to Iraq. I don't see them as broken shells, I see them as warriors and men who did something incredible and selfless, and have dedicated my life to supporting them and advocating for them.

My work fulfills me. It does not define me, but who I am defines that I must do this, if for no other reason than to vainly attempt to repay the freedom they have purchased with their blood, their limbs, and their lives. These are the men my son looks up to, and when he is older, he will understand the price of being American, the incredible gift and the terrible responsibility that entails.

He will remember the soldier who explained to him that the hook he wears in place of his right arm is because he was driving a explosive detection vehicle and the rocket that was fired at him found its mark. My son will remember the courage that kept that soldier not only alive, but mentally strong enough to fight to keep both his legs, and even to stay in the Army--and to tell my son that even now, it was the best thing he's ever done.

He will remember these men, and he will know that he has spent time in the company of heroes. Not the vain celebrities or the shallow sports stars who think the world revolves around them and their stupid, pointless escapades, but heroes. Ordinary men and women who did extraordinary things because they believed in something bigger than themselves.

So what does a person like me do, when the guy I'm dating, who loves me so much, who's perfect in every other respect, who adores my son and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, says, "I can't deal with you working with all those soldiers. I'm jealous. I've tried to get over it but I'm a man and I can't. I want all your attention, and it bothers me that they are around you, that you care so much about them. It makes me wonder if you'd love me more if I was a combat veteran. I mean, I'd take a bullet for you, but you need to choose them or me."

As I looked into his face and listened to his pleading, I realized something. I don't need a boyfriend. I don't need a husband. Who I am is enough for me to be. And the work I do is important--not because *I* do it, but because I see in the faces of those I help how much it means to them. Having a soldier with one arm hug you tightly and sob into your shoulder, saying "Thank you for showing us that our country doesn't all hate us, and thank you for still treating us like men," is something that stays with you for a long time to come.

I have lived my life for many years making sacrifices and giving up pieces of myself for the ones I love. It always seemed like a small thing at the time, just something you do when you love them "that much." But I don't have to do that. No one who loves me in the way that will last would ever even ask me to. And as much as I love the man who stood in front of me and asked me to give up a piece of who I am, I love those soldiers more.

So, when the sweet, attentive, loving boyfriend said with sad, begging eyes, "I would take a bullet for you," I really only had one answer.

"They already did."

End/Start.

°euphoria — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 20:08:42 PDT

So. Here I am, a month later. Life turns fast, doesn't it?

I broke up with the boyfriend. Oddly enough, I've finally come to a point in my life where I realized that I don't have to settle for "well, it's not really what I want, but it'll work for now." Nope. I'm 33. I'm not 16, I'm not even 22 or 26. I should be able to say, "Here is what I need. Can you do that? If not, let's not waste our time." So I did. He was honorable enough to say that he cared about me, but no, he wasn't suddenly going to churn out love letters or be comfortable with kissing me in public, or even call me to say he missed the sound of my voice. And you know...I need that stuff. So we're friends. It's all good.

The day we broke up, one of our mutual friends, a southern guy from rural Arkansas, stepped up and said basically, "Here's the deal. I'm loyal, I'm honorable, I've been your friend for a long time, and I want a chance to show you that I want more." Interesting. Okay, buddy, I'll give you a shot. My son already adored him because he talks to Alex like he's a person, not a kid. He spends time with him. Then I found out he asked my son for permission to date me.

Who does that?

In the last week, I've been treated like a freaking queen. It's almost uncomfortable he's so chivalrous. I don't pay for anything, I don't open my own doors, nothing. He calls me every day on his lunch break, he asks how my day is, if I need anything, and wants to know how Alex is. He takes me fishing, loves my music, and sings louder than I do in the car. He changed my oil, carries my groceries, fixed my dishwasher, and says things like, "Alex, you should open the door for your mama because she's your mama and you should always treat her with respect."

He also loves my cooking, appreciates that I do his laundry for him and make him lunch for work, and comes up to me in the shop to kiss the top of my head and tell me I look damn good with a wrench in my hand. lol And that's not counting the notes I get, EVERY DAY, about how awesome he thinks I am and what an "honor and privilege" he thinks it is to be with me.

So. Enjoying the idea of being treated like I should have ALWAYS been treated. No expectations, no craziness, nothing. Just being able to say, "I need X, Y, and Z, and I'm not wasting my time on someone who can't give me those things, because I will give them and then some. Can you handle that or no?" and having a guy look you in the eye and say, "You deserve nothing less."

Yeah, I'll be here for a bit, maybe.

Another Year

°euphoria — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 17:32:20 PDT

Yesterday was my 33rd birthday.

I feel 25.

I don't see too many signs of age, really. A few extra lines around my eyes when I laugh, and I can't drink until 3 am without feeling it the next day. But all in all, I'm not doing too badly.

It's been a crazy year, and it seems that every birthday I tend to look back at the year and wonder if I'd have been better or worse off if I made different choices. This year, I'm not looking back--I'm looking forward.

- I graduate college in less than 90 days. Do I get another degree, in Engineering? Go to work in my field of Aircraft Maintenance? Or keep working as a writer and webmaster?

- I get my name back in 5 weeks, and I will be completely free of the sociopath I spent the last 4 years of my life with. Thank God for small favors.

- I can go anywhere in the country--in the world, even--to do my job. Instead of being afraid, I'm looking at it like an adventure. How exciting to think that by this time next year I could be anywhere in the world, doing what I love to do.

- I am not in love, but I'm definitely "in content." That's enough. My getting-to-be-a-significant-other is extremely shy and reserved, not very emotional, smarter than I am, and is generally my polar opposite except in the politics arena--we're both rabid right-wingers. However, I'm finding it extremely refreshing to be with someone who doesn't engage in drama, is a hard worker, and believes the same things I do. Besides, he does the little things to let me know I'm in his thoughts, and that's all that's really needed. Slow is good. Very slow is even better.

- My son is doing much better, and starts 4th grade in a few weeks. Holy growing...he's almost 5 feet tall.

How are YOU doing?

Contentment

°euphoria — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 21:39:21 PDT

Today I came home from school, took care of some stuff on the way, and walked into an apartment that is decorated the way I like it. It smells like jasmine and vanilla, my favorite scent. It's small, but it's my home, and I love it. That made me smile.

I have enough done on my workload so that I can take a night off if I want to, for the first time in a while. I'm actually debating whether I want to read a book in the bathtub, play a video game, or just lay on the couch WITHOUT the laptop for once, and watch TV. I might even study a bit. The idea that I don't HAVE to work tonight fills me with such a sense of glee I may just have to put on some music and dance around the living room.

Tomorrow I have an interview for a job in New York. Because I associate music with life, I'm listening to "Weekend in New England" by Barry Manilow. ...and I'm loving it. Shush, you peasants. I miss living up there. Maine was so beautiful. Living on the coast, with the smell of the sea, the lighthouses, the brisk falls and perfect springs...I would like to live there again.

My son is the light of my life, my boyfriend makes me smile just by existing, my grades are currently back up to almost where they normally are, and basically, I am more content with my life at this moment than I've been in months--maybe even years. I really feel complete, and I am really excited to see where I'll be in a year. Graduating is kind of a sad thing because I will deeply miss some of the friends I've made here, but it's such an adventure.

So here's the question. Have you ever just sat down and taken stock of yourself and your life and realized that you've recently turned a corner for the better? Like there is no one else you'd rather be, and nowhere else than right there in your own life? That's where I am.

Oh, and if you don't think Barry Manilow is one of the greatest musicians of the last century, then I guess you just don't appreciate music.

Weekend in New England
Barry Manilow

Last night, I waved goodbye
Now, it seems years
I'm back in the city
Where nothing is clear
but thoughts of me, holding you
Bringing us near

And tell me
When will our eyes meet?
When can I touch you?
When will this strong yearning end?
And when
Will I hold you again?

Time in New England took me away
To long rocky beaches,
and you, by the bay
We started a story
whose end must not wait

And, tell me
When will our eyes meet?
When can I touch you?
When will this strong yearning end?
And when
Will I hold you again?

I feel the change comin'
--I feel the wind blow
I feel brave and daring!
I feel my blood flow!

With you
I can bring out
All the love that I have
With you there's a heaven
So earth ain't so bad

And tell me
When will our eyes meet
When can I touch you
When will this strong yearning end
And when
Will I hold you again?

Social Networking Sites are the Devil.

°euphoria — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 11:13:51 PDT

Judging by the amount of time I've spent lately on Facebook and MySpace, I'm possessed. Can I get an exorcism?

It's 4 am.

°euphoria — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 19:25:59 PDT

...or it will be, when I get my sleepy booty up to take my sweety to the airport. Our final was today and so now I'm free from school for two glorious weeks. It'll suck to have The Boy(tm) gone for that time, but 2 weeks is really nothing. Besides, it'll give me a chance to plan a really nice homecoming for him.

Which reminds me. Does anyone, anywhere in this God-forsaken state of Oklahoma sell Cabot cheese? Does anyone even know what it IS?

The End is Just a Beginning

°euphoria — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 08:35:29 PDT

Two weeks ago tomorrow Corey left, and while I really thought I'd be a mess, I'm finding that the opposite is true. I am actually happier right now than I've been in a long time. In an effort to "prove" to myself that I'd be just fine, I made a list of things that have changed for the better since he left.

1. The client who had me working on their websites and whatnot contracted me for 18 months at a rate that pays me enough so that I don't have to get a "real" job at all. In fact, when I graduate college in November, I still don't have to get a job until I really find one that makes me happy. This also frees me up to spend time with my son.

2. I can have friends over now. A few times a week, I have a bunch of close friends over and we cook or grill out something amazing. I still get to cook for people, and I can actually have friends over to the house. We stay up and talk about things that matter, and they sit on my back patio and tell me about places I've never been to...but now I can go.

3. My house is decorated the way I want it. No more crazy weapons all over the walls - now I have voodooprophet's print of a girl and her violin on center stage in my livingroom.

4. I am free to go out and do things, instead of being tied to the computer all the time. The other night I went to a Triple A baseball game for the first time. With a guy. It was the first date I've had in I don't know how long. It was nice, with no expectations and nothing but a low-key time shared with pleasant company.

5. I can go on vacation now. I don't answer to anyone, I don't have to ask or defend things I do.

6. The environment I raise my son in is now one of my choosing, with the morals and standards I hold instead of the begrudging compromises between two people who disagree on what's appropriate for children. My son and I talk a great deal now, and he is learning what is important in life--and that it's not video games and Warhammer 40K.

Perhaps the best thing about all of this is that my house is full of music and laughter and love and friends now, instead of tension and anger and mistrust and fear. My son laughs more now than I've seen in a while. So do I--a friend told me the other day that I glow.

So, it turns out that in the last four years, there actually was one thing Corey told me that wasn't a lie--I'm better off without him.

Stand
Rascal Flatts

You feel like a candle
in a hurricane
Just like a picture
with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
like you've lost your fight
But you'll be all right
You'll be all right

'Cuz when push comes to shove
you taste what you're made of
You might bend til you break
'cuz it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand.

Life's like a novel
with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
with only one way down
Take what you're given
before it's gone
Start holding on,
keep holding on

'Cuz when push comes to shove
you taste what you're made of
You might bend til you break
'cuz it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand.

Every time you get up
and get back in the race
one more small piece of you
starts to fall into place

'Cuz when push comes to shove
you taste what you're made of
You might bend til you break
'cuz it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand.

Life, Interrupted

°euphoria — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 21:55:53 PDT

Tomorrow, it'll be an adventure; a new beginning to be savored and cherished and looked forward to. It'll be fresh paint in the apartment and a makeover and maybe a no-pressure dinner date someday in another life with a nice guy who thinks I'm awesome.

Today, it's just a nearly-empty house and the sound of zippers on Samsonite.

You'll Think of Me

I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

Hey Peter, whaaat's haaapenin.

°euphoria — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 22:45:09 PDT

Lil' Office Space for ya.

Let's see. It's been about 5 months since I've been here. Again. It's amazing how you can have something be such a huge part of your life and then later realize that you don't even really miss it.

I take that back. I miss the people I met. I don't miss anything else.

What's happening? A lot. Let's see. Time for the biannual randomness.

1. I sang the national anthem at the Gathering of Eagles rally in Washington DC last month in front of 30,000 people. Sadly, someone filmed it and put it on YouTube. No, I will not link you. I'm also singing there in 6 weeks for the Memorial Day celebration, where about 50,000 are expected. This time I get to sing a song I wrote.

2. Just finished editing the book Faces of Freedom, which comes out in June and is a collection of profiles of soldiers and Marines killed in the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

3. Passed my first round of FAA exams last week! After 18 months of school, four days of oral, practical, and written exams, and several cases of Mountain Dew during exam week, I now am a certified aircraft engine mechanic. This means I can perform engine inspections and maintenance on any aircraft engine. I'm really just happy I can work on my own car now.

4. I am 6 months away from my Airframe license and a degree in Aircraft Maintenance Technology, and I am happy to say that my 4.0 is intact. I expect it to disappear after this class, Aircraft Fabrication and Design. It is killing me. So far, my job offers have come from North Carolina, Alaska, Arizona, and Washington, D.C.

5. I applied to KBR and requested a job in Baghdad, Iraq. For $100,000+, I can deal with a lot of things, including telling people that no, I'm not going to get mortared.

6. Unfortunately, my husband got called back to the Marines. I guess he's going to Iraq first. Won't know for sure until next week. Kind of scared, but will support him. Obviously, if he goes, I stay home. Someone needs to look after the little one. Who, by the way, is well over 4 feet tall. At 9 years old.

7. My radio show is up to 2000-3000 listeners. Crazy.

8. I joined a fighting gym and am learning to hit people in the face. I also kick them. Sometimes I jump on top of them and bend their limbs in weird ways. They taught me that the phrase "try to mount me" isn't always naughty.

9. However, I generally just get my butt kicked.

10. While I was in D.C. a few weeks ago I went to my first antiwar rally (it was going on down the street from our pro-troop rally). I stood 10 feet from Cindy Sheehan and got called names by some hippies. For being "peaceful," they sure are violent, angry people.

11. I just walked around their little flea market with a friend and helpfully told passersby to "Fight capitalism! Buy this stuff!" They were not amused.

12. A guy held up a sign that said, "Will suck cock for impeachment." He said he'd suck cock anyway, but the sign was a funny idea to him.

13. I used to wear patchouli oil. I wish someone would have told me how much it reeks.

14. Some anarchists (the kind that commit vandalism and other acts of "civil disobedience" while covering their faces with bandanas or masks) were standing by me before the march and I overheard the following conversation while one guy picked at his pimples and the other tossed his long black floppy mohawk out of his face:

"Dude. Did your mom give you money? I wanna get a hot dog or sumthin'."

"Yeah, after the march though."

"Okay cool, dude."

With that, they covered their faces and ran off to pick up their riot shields from the SDS.

How are YOU guys doing?

Look What the Cat Dragged In

°euphoria — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 17:18:08 PST

I found this place by accident again. Thought I'd take a minute to say that yes, I'm still alive. I just have a full plate. Time for the itemized update.

- School - One year left. I graduate in November of 2007, and hope to have a fantastic job afterwards. Looking for something in or near North Carolina/beach/ocean etc, but will go where the money is as long as I don't live in some choked-out blue state. I'm still at 3.9 for a GPA, due to the B that I had in my first class. Life goes on. I'm currently the tutor for my department, so that keeps me busy too.

- Work - I'm a full-time freelance writer/editor now. I'm currently co-editing a book called "Faces of Freedom" that profiles fallen soldiers and Marines from each of the fifty states and Puerto Rico. I'm also still writing at Euphoric Reality, which is doing a lot better than I expected to be doing after not quite 2 years. I've had articles published in Behind the Lines, Patrolling, and others, and I'm in the beginning stages of co-writing a book about the effect of war crime charges on the American ability to win in the Middle East. The publisher says it has to be done by March, but I don't see that happening. No way in hell.

I also recently was appointed to the Board of Directors for the Warrior Fund, which is an offshoot organization under United American Patriots. We assist troops accused in wartime and help with their defense.

- Radio - For those of you interested in politics and/or the military, I am the host of an internet radio show that began on July 4th. The station is Wide Awakes Radio (which is undergoing a serious makeover right now, thank God!), and the show is The Furious Truth. I have been lucky enough to interview some big names in politics, the military, and even former PLO terrorist Walid Shoebat. Anyway, my show is on Wednesday and Friday nights from 10-11 Central time.

- Music - Once upon a time, a few folks liked my music. Some of y'all asked me to let you know if I ever re-recorded it in a cleaner format. I've been doing a bit of it in the few spare moments I have, and I'm very pleased with how they've turned out so far. Not perfect, but about 1000% better than open microphones and old pianos. MIDI keyboards are now my friends. It's not as nice as playing the violins myself, but it works until I graduate from college and get a studio room in my new house. hehe. Now to mention, this lets me put in instruments other than the ones I actually play.

So, you can check out my stuff here.

I hope all of you are well, and enjoying life!

-Kit

Peeking In (and my thoughts on immigration)

°euphoria — Sun, 07 May 2006 09:02:24 PDT

Mood: USA!

I'm sticking my head in again to say hello, and trying to not be quite so GONE.

I'm still in the school/work, school/work cycle. I sat down to play Elder Scrolls 3 the other day and realized it had been over 2 weeks since I had last played, which means that it was 2 weeks without ANY time for myself. Ugh.

My trip to Washington DC was awesome. I've seen the Vietnam Wall and some of the others before, but the Korean War and WW2 memorials were new. I was speechless...they are so incredibly beautiful. I was truly awed by what they represented: the sacrifice of so many for the freedom of a nation. Yes, I'm nationalistic. Sue me.

I'm working in the library on campus, which is great because it gives me time to study (sometimes). Generally I just end up tutoring though. The school won't pay me extra to tutor since they already have a few paid tutors. It's easier for them to pay me to work in the library and tutor for free. It's alright though because I mostly just tutor people from my current class. The only bad thing about working there is that it's run by two little old ladies who frequently argue over the correct way to do things. One of them will tell me to do something and the other will jump in with all the force of orthopedic shoes.

I'm going to Branson, MO in a few weeks for Operation Homecoming, which will definitely be the highlight of the year for me. Spending a few days with some dear friends while paying tribute to veterans is going to be awesome. Plus, the concerts scheduled for this event are going to be KICKASS. A long list of big names in country music will be there, and I'm pretty stoked.

--------------------------------------

I've been reading over some the journals of my friends today, and it's obvious that the illegal immigration issue is important to many of them. It's extremely important to me, and I feel very strongly about it. I don't wish to debate my friends on it simply because I value their friendship too much to fight over it, but my views on the issue are directly opposed to theirs. I think the bottom line is that it's an issue of law and resources. Simply put, it's like this. The talking points expressed by pro-illegal groups are easy to disprove.

1. "They do the jobs Americans won't do." This is perhaps the most-often point mentioned. However, it's not that they do jobs we won't do. It's that they do jobs for a lot cheaper than Americans can do them while still supporting a family. The problem here is companies and their bottom line. Contractors and other trade craft companies all over who only hire Americans are going out of business, forced out by companies who hire all-illegal crews to save money.

2. "Illegal immigrants contribute to the system." Obviously there are exceptions to every rule, and I'm guessing that those of my friends who agree with the practice of immigration know one of these exceptional people. However, the overall picture is far more alarming.

I'll explain it this way: An illegal immigrant with a pregnant wife comes to the U.S. and gets a job making $7 an hour, under the table, at a construction company. Here's the first problem--he's now taken a job at $7 that the employer would have had to pay an American $12 or more. Now, this particular illegal is not having taxes taken out of his cash wages, so the economy is now missing one worker's tax contribution. He can't support his family on what he makes, so he goes down to the government services offices and get approved for programs like WIC and food stamps because his wife is pregnant with a baby that will be considered an American citizen (through a complete misinterpretation of the 14th Amendment, but that's another topic entirely). He may also get housing assistance and other programs. So now we have someone who is not only NOT contributing to the system, but they are TAKING from it on multiple fronts. They have no medical insurance so when the wife has the baby, that cost will be borne by--you guessed it--the American taxpayer. Add that to the total bill being charged to American generosity. Meanwhile, chances are overwhelming that this family will not learn English, will not make any effort to show any allegiance to the country that is supporting them. Let's fast-forward a few years, and now the baby is attending public schools. The cost for that is borne yet again by taxpayers--of which our illegal immigrant is still not a part of. The class that this child is in, is forced to learn at a slower pace while they first teach him English and then teach the other children Spanish. And on top of everything, this fami...

Has it really been three months?

°euphoria — Sat, 08 Apr 2006 18:37:51 PDT

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Secret Garden
Reading: FAA A&P Exams Prep

My last login, apparently, was in January or something. I think that's the longest in 5 years I've ever gone without coming here or something. Anyway.

Not much to report. Got my GPA up to 3.85, made Student of the Quarter for Q1 2006, and other than that I'm just studying my butt off. I'm finally out of the typical college courses and into my major, so I get to attend class at the airport campus in the huge aircraft maintenance hangar. I love being surrounded by planes and engines. Some of the engines we work on are literally taller than I am. Huge engines off huge planes. We do a lot of Cessna/Piper work as well. Right now I'm just in Fundamentals testing on regulations and protocols; it'll be about another month before I can really open the tool box and get into it. I also have a bunch of Electronics classes in there too. I only have a year or so left, though. I'm loving every minute of this - it's absolutely fantastic to be doing something I love. I'll have my FAA License with Airframe in about 9 months, and the Powerplant rating a few months later. Then it's on to the next degree, hopefully at Texas A&M's Engineering school.

On the writing front, things are kicking up as well. I'll be in Washington, DC in 2 weeks for the first-ever Milblog Conference, covering it live as a credentialed writer. The event will be covered on C-Span as far as I know, so that should be fun. I'm looking forward to getting some great interviews from the soldiers and pundits there, as well as doing a bit of sightseeing.

Last but not least, a song that I wrote is being featured at the Operation Homecoming in Branson. I'm DEFINITELY stoked about that, because as a result of me being asked to sing it there, I'm also finally getting to go into the studio and record my first Honest-to-God, mastered-by-an-engineer CD - for FREE. Those of you who have put up with listening to my home recordings for the last 3 years will get the first copies. Also, if you play acoustic guitar, pan flute, or cello very well, let me know. I might have some work for you.

That should do it. How are all of you? If you don't have my email, it's kit.jarrell@gmail.com. Feel free to drop me a line and let me know how you are.

Updiggitydates.

°euphoria — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 20:51:09 PST

Mood: USA!
Listening to: jars of clay - frail
Reading: My Year in Iraq

*insert random 'Kit sucks for never updating' statement*

1. School is hard, but good. I'm currently a 3.67 cumulative and 4.0 current. I'm in American Federal Government and Research Issues in the Discipline. Basically, politics and paper-writing. I'm 4 weeks ahead for homework, but that's only so I don't fall behind on the assigned reading. I'm still President of the Student Council, so that's added work too.

2. Have another job, on top of the freelancing I've been doing. I'm a research assistant. Lately I've been getting paid a good amount of money to experiment with the Google news algorithms for an aggregate site, as well as grantwriting research.

3. My co-writer and I have been asked to be speakers at one of the events at Operation Homecoming 2006 in June. I'm pretty pumped about it. I may also get to sing at this event, which scares the life out of me, since it'll be 80,000-100,000 veterans and their families.

4. I may be able to go into a studio in the next few months and record some of my music. For those of you who actually listen to my stuff, the idea that you could get a studio mixed version should be a happy thing. Also: I have new songs. Email me if you're interested. (Jason, can't find you in my contacts...?)

5. Trying to network my way into Lockheed Martin after school. I'd really like to work on the F-22 Raptor program, but it may not be in production when I finish school. In which case, I may try to go to Fort Worth and get into the JSF/F-35 program. Either way, I'm hoping to be on a development team for an advanced fighter in the next 2 years. Hence the drive to keep a 4.0 GPA.

6. My dad is, once again, not speaking to me. This time it's over the fact that I didn't pull my son out of school and home-school him on January 1st. While I had expected that sooner or later they'd go back to this, this cycle broke previous records. The total time they spent speaking after this last time blew over is 3 months. I figured I could last at least a year before they disowned me again.

Total number of times disowned since I left home 15 years ago: 7
Time since last disownment period ended: 3 months
Time of last disownment period: 1.5 years
Number of times I will be contacting them again in my lifetime: 0

At least this time if I feel weak and want to call them, my husband will keep me from being a weeniehead.

I may be really busy, but I still miss you guys. Please know that even if I can't call or email, I do think of you all often. Feel free to shoot me a quick email and I will try to get back to you as soon as I can.

Bad Little School Administrations

°euphoria — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 19:15:40 PST

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Steven Curtis Chapman
Reading: Physics
Watching: Law and Order, that ultra-liberalpropagandamachine

So I talked to my English professor, who I knew would tell me the honest truth.

She read this guy's essay, picked out 13 grammatical errors, pronounced it "utter shit," and said there was nothing she could do, even though some of the work was plagiarized. Apparently the President of the school was the judge, and didn't feel like taking the money from the guy because he "needed" it.

So, forgive me for being a callous prick, but if you have 6 children and no job, you need more than $500. You need a damn vasectomy.

At any rate, I was quite disillusioned to hear that. I would have expected better.

And for those of you who asked for my reasons, I'll be blunt.

1. I hate people who get their grades/money dishonestly.

2. I know my essay was grammatically perfect (this is not a subjective thing; there were no mechanical errors in it).

3. I hate poor winners.

4. I cannot stand people who do not understand the concept of personal space bubbles when they talk to you. Arm's length, people. It's not just a clever phrase.

There are more, but this is public, after all. With my luck, someone will point this out to him.

Rebecca! Email me. I think I met your friend Z.

Good Little Student

°euphoria — Sat, 17 Dec 2005 08:18:26 PST

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Steven Curtis Chapman
Reading: Physics
Watching: Law and Order, that ultra-liberalpropagandamachine

I have a 3.7 GPA. W00t.

Ethics Question:

My school had an essay contest. 5 people entered, only two were actually up for consideration: myself, and one of the math tutors. The tutor won, and made a point of giving me a copy of his essay to "show me how it's done."

I read his essay, and then a few moments later, found the website he stole some of his material from.

Do I turn him in?

The prize is $500, which he used for rent for his 6 children. (He's near 40.)

My personal belief is that I should turn him in, and I'm not going to lie - it'll give me great pleasure to do so. But I'm interested in what you think.

Stuff.

°euphoria — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 20:26:45 PST

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Third Day
Reading: Physics
Watching: The Terminal.

Do you have an appointment?

--------------------------------

Fix my Site and Get Paid Cash.

°euphoria — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 19:38:13 PST

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Casting Crowns - Voice of Truth
Reading: Algebra for College
Watching: Firefly

UPDATE:
I have filled the position. you're too slow!

Heres the deal.

I need someone to spend a few moments fixing two problems on my site. I am willing to pay, immediately, for someone to do this.

#1. The site displays incorrectly in IE. In Firefox it works great. However, most people use IE and so I need to fix this. Its only one column thats off it displays at the bottom of the main column.

#2. The ribbon in the corner of the site is underneath the site header instead of on top. I need that fixed too.

Im guessing it would only take someone with CSS knowledge about 5 minutes to fix these problems, and Im willing to pay $30 right up front via Paypal if you can do it. If it ends up being some huge deal, Ill pay accordingly. Just use the Honor system and dont rip me off.

Prepare to Die Laughing.

°euphoria — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 23:51:53 PDT

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Casting Crowns - Voice of Truth
Reading: Algebra for College
Watching: Firefly

[link]

That is all.

WOOOOOOT.

°euphoria — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 14:39:52 PDT

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Casting Crowns - Voice of Truth
Reading: Algebra for College
Watching: Firefly

Current GPA: 3.5

This is a big deal. Why? Because I pulled my Algebra grade out of the toilet up to a B through sheer force of will. (Actually the formula would be W = [S+3H+T]/P where W=will, S=1 hour of studying after homework, H=1 hour of homework per night, T=30 minutes of tutoring a day, and P= praying really freaking hard.)

Of course, once I'm done with this term at the beginning of next month, I get six weeks of Physics. Thank God I have English Comp with it. At least then I'll have an A to balance whatever I make in Physics.

Anyway...

I wrote an article on the Hamdan case, and the ramifications of the Geneva Convention. In short, there are no ramifications, because the Geneva Convention does not apply to al-Qaeda. There are several major criteria for being given protections under Geneva, and the terrorists fail almost all of them. blah blah read the article. [link]

Here's a question for you. Imagine you are on a jury, and you need to decide the following case. This case is currently about to go to trial in Georgia for the second time:

One girl gets incredibly drunk and ends up voluntarily in a group sex situation with 4 other men. She passes out in her room afterward, at which time two more guys go into the room. Guy A has sex with her while she's passed out, and Guy A claimed that Guy B also had sex with her. Guy B says he passed out on the roommate's bed and never touched the girl. The girl claims she doesn't remember any of it, including the 4 previous guys. The 4 guys claim that she was awake, coherent, and...responsive, so to speak.

Physical evidence shows Guy A did have sex with the girl. There is no physical evidence that Guy B did. The girl's roommate says her bed was made neatly, but after the incident the bed was all messed up, indicating someone perhaps slept there.

Both Guy A and B were convicted. Guy B was convicted solely on the testimony of Guy A, who says Guy B went first with the girl. Guy A got a deal in return for his testimony, and Guy B was convicted of rape, even though he swears he is innocent. On the way out of the courtroom, Guy A says publicly that "I know that what I said on the stand was f---d up because he never touched her, but I had to say it to get my deal."

Guy B now gets a new trial based on that statement. I'm curious what you think. Who's guilty? How much blame does the girl carry for the situation, if any? What punishments should be given to the convicted? Should the other four get in trouble? Does it change your opinion if the girl was an ex-stripper? Or if Guy B is a pot smoker?

Explain your answers.

Murder and Art, Part 2

°euphoria — Sun, 09 Oct 2005 23:51:21 PDT

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Sarah Brightman - Time to Say Goodbye
Reading: It Took Heroes
Watching: Law and Order SVU, 2nd Season DVD

[link]

Follow-up article.

DOH.

°euphoria — Sun, 09 Oct 2005 00:06:03 PDT

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Sarah Brightman - Time to Say Goodbye
Reading: It Took Heroes
Watching: Law and Order SVU, 2nd Season DVD

I '[link]">stabbed myself in the ass.

That is all.

Murder and Art

°euphoria — Fri, 07 Oct 2005 19:20:11 PDT

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Sarah Brightman - Time to Say Goodbye
Reading: It Took Heroes
Watching: Law and Order SVU, 2nd Season DVD

For those of you following Taylor Behl's case due to its connection with dA, you might find my editorial interesting. I think there's a distinct link between the crimes that have been committed by DA memebrs through the years and the level of violence-based "art" that is allowed and encouraged here. I don't hold anyone responsible for their crimes except them, but there's something to be said for a possible correlation. Anyway, read the article.

Moving On.

°euphoria — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 20:58:23 PDT

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Tori Amos - Precious Things
Reading: It Took Heroes
Watching: LOTR: Return of the King

It's been an introspective couple of days. °dygel has already addressed it, and so I won't dwell on the situation. Suffice it to say that it affected me. He was my friend. That's all that I can say at the moment. I will miss him.

It's sad, but regardless of my feelings or my wish to have certain times and places back, they won't. The only option for me at this point is to choose to remember the good and move on. What else can be done, really?

/end.
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Other News:

Registration for classes is tomorrow. I did well on my placement tests, but not as well as I wanted to. I did the first two 25-minute sections in 7:10 and 8:46 respectively (Yes, I time myself during tests), but took twice as long on the math, finishing in 14:20. Out of a top score of 50 I received a 47 - that math section was the only place I messed up. I hate math.

However, I somehow managed to score well enough to be put into Physics and Intermediate Algebra out of the gate. I would much prefer to take only one of them at a time coupled with a sleeper class like English Composition, but apparently that is not to be. Hopefully I'll at least have Government this term to keep myself entertained.

I have a new layout on the site. It's an adaptation of °jark's layout, called triSexuality. You can see the original on his site. It's quite clean and yummy. I've been having problems getting my site to display correctly in IE, but it's perfect in Firefox. More evidence that IE sucks desperately.

My son Alex turned 8 today. What a charmer he is. I'm very blessed to have such an adorable, intelligent, resourceful, and independent child.

Hot For Teacher

°euphoria — Sun, 18 Sep 2005 23:40:17 PDT

Mood: USA!
Listening to: Van Halen - Why Can't This Be Love
Reading: It Took Heroes

Okay, I lied about the title. The journal's about school, I was listening to Van Halen...well. You get the joke.

School starts in two weeks for me, and I'm excited. Trying to get last minute things in order and mentally prepare myself for going back to a classroom. I found out I have to take a government class out of the gate, and part of the grade are four papers. The subjects include:

Same-sex Marriage
Illegal Immigration
The Death Penalty for Minors

As a conservative (and a blogger), I'm guessing this class will be interesting. I'm looking forward to it. Those who know me (the former MN@ comes to mind) are probably laughing right now. God knows I never turn down a chance to rant.

Keep On Keepin' On

°euphoria — Thu, 08 Sep 2005 23:22:06 PDT

Mood: Saddened
Listening to: Anggun - D'ou L'on Vient
Reading: Dean Koontz - Life Expectancy

Not much to report. I've got too much going on to be here all the time, and to be honest, I don't really want to be. If you guys really want to talk to me, you can always come over to my site and say hello. Just keep in mind that I deal with trolls over there the same way I dealt with them here. In fact, I'm worse. That site is mine.

Not a Word

°euphoria — Thu, 01 Sep 2005 07:43:16 PDT

Am I missing something, or is there not a single mention of Hurricane Katrina on this site officially? Where are the news articles calling for people to help? It just surprises me is all. This event is America's tsunami - you'd think that dA would at least put something up offering people links if they want to volunteer time or donate money to the 1 million people affected by this. And yet, if you're looking on the front page, you wouldn't even know it happened - it's just business as usual. That's freaking sad.

Well, today is Hurricane Katrina Relief Day for blogs, and Euphoric Reality is supporting Soldiers Angels. Keesler Air Force Base was nearly wiped out. It's not bad enough that these military families have to deal with their husbands and fathers being gone, but now they've lost everything on top of it. It's terribly sad. At any rate, if you can spare a few bucks, please do so. There are many other charities out there, so if you don't like the idea of donating to help military families, then please choose another. But choose something.

I'll be liveblogging by proxy for my co-blogger, who is volunteering at the Astrodome in her home city of Houston. She'll be calling in updates and (hopefully) images, so stay tuned.

PS: Do NOT come on my journal and start whining about how it's America's fault, how it's because of global warming, etc. You're wrong, and I don't have the time or inclination to explain it to you. Besides - the 1 million people who have lost everything in the world but the shirt on their back don't give a rat's rectum whose fault it was. So save the armchair quarterbacking. if you don't feel inclined to help, then just pass rght on by.

Back

°euphoria — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 11:21:52 PDT

I'm settling into the new digs. It's awesome down here, but very hot. Will write more when I finish unpacking.

Moving.

°euphoria — Sat, 06 Aug 2005 00:31:27 PDT

The computer comes down in a few hours in preparation for my move.

Back in a week or so, perhaps.

Those of you who know how to find me can.

For God's sake, behave.

.

°euphoria — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 18:06:34 PDT

Classic.

°euphoria — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 17:48:57 PDT

There's enough truth out there to know the story. Read it.

And stop asking if the crap's real. It's real. How do I know? I saw it when he sent it. Any staff still able to defend this with a straight face...I respect the fact that THEY are trying to do a good thing. But damn. It almost seems like an animal activist working at a slaughterhouse. You keep telling people you can do more good from the "inside", but the fact remains you're adding to the problem simply by defending the crap that goes on. You still work there.

Does that make me better? Hell no. I stayed for a LONG time. Maybe they just haven't seen enough.

It's my opinion, nothing more.

---------------------------------------------

I was reminded of this today.

From April 7, 2002:

i don't like when i c more people when push print screen on more sketch and they usage this for a shit idea...CHECK THIS OUT....go to bed for sleep and tommorow you have a good stuff !!!!!! avail your mind and make a good shit no print screen!!!!!!!!!!!
¦¦pumpy¦¦

If you remember give a holla.

Thicker and Thicker: Updated.

°euphoria — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 10:20:01 PDT

From *skinsfactory:

In a show of solidarity, The Skins Factory has removed all creative works of art from DeviantART as a show of support for Jark's return.

Jark and DeviantART have always been a strong supporter of our small design studio and in our show of support of this unacceptable situation, we have removed all of our artwork from the site.

What the present owners would have you believe is that the site will run just fine without Jark. The truth is, he is the heart and soul of this community and his forced removal, is not acceptable by us. Until further notice The Skins Factory will boycott DeviantART.

We also not be renewing our subscription.

You can still find our work on our site.

Note: They may not care if a few artists leave or take their art with them but they sure as hell will care if you stop giving them money. Leave a message for Spyed on his comment section that you won't be renewing your subscription when it runs out until Jark is back.

---------------------------------

More random things:

[23:19] XXXXXX: as an aside, i like how angelo made the beta features public, like HERE ANGRY KIDS HAVE SOME CANDY.

---------------------------------

Updated

My favorite journals:

~maddmatt - Green without yellow is blue.
brihana25 - Certain people are hoping you haven't been here long enough to remember these news articles.
`brazensix - Matt calls a spade a spade.
`justthorne - Something the staff needs to read. We call it "fisking" over in the blogosphere.
°jark - He explains. For those of you who missed it, that email is real. I can personally vouch for it.
=yokom - Does the Administration care about the community?

Another staffer resigns, this time from the Artist Relations Department:

*twosilverstars

Take the time to do the research, people. The truth is right there in front of you. Hell, ~brihana25 already DID the research. Just read her damn journal.

Stay respectful, stay mature. But stay resolute. Find the information, and make a decision.

Resignation: Updated.

°euphoria — Mon, 01 Aug 2005 14:28:33 PDT

Update: `brazensix has resigned. Matt is one of the old-schoolers like me, and is one of the few who have been admins at this site as long as I have. I applaud his sense of integrity.

(For my watchers: I apologize for the possible spam in your message center. Apparently I don't know how to post a journal as well as I thought. )
--------------------------

I have been at this site for over 4 years, and Ive been an admin in various capacities for most of that time. There are few people still on staff that were there when I started. Sadly, today I will add my name to the list of those stepping down.

I am a firm believer in integrity. Ive made my share of mistakes; some publicly, some not. But I do believe in transparency: Be who you say you are, do what you say you plan to do, and if you screw up, have the maturity and honor to say it and apologize to those you hurt. For a long time, this site and its management have not been able to claim any of those qualities.

As someone who has a great deal of management experience, I can tell you that a good leader respects those who work for them. They understand the sentence A happy employee is a productive one. An environment where people are kept in the dark only breeds mistrust. Without mutual trust in a working relationship, success is simply not possible.

There are a lot of rumors and conjecture going around, and the truth is, very few people KNOW the entire truth. I can tell you in all honesty that I am one of those people. I have been watching this story unfold for a very long time, and those who were involved included me for the purpose of information consistency. I have seen the emails going back and forth, I have seen the documentation that exists.

Rather than make this journal a tell-all (and open myself up for possible legal action for violation of my non-disclosure agreement), I will simply say this:

It is my opinion that the management of this company, for the most part, lacks the most common qualities of integrity and honor. The focus of the CEOs vision is not one of community or art, but rather commerce and capital. While these are not in and of themselves bad things, when they take over what really matters it becomes a problem and corrupts everything in its path.

Unfortunately, I must also admit that in a sense, I have fallen victim to it as well. I have been appalled for months at the information that was made available to me through various channels, and yet I did nothing. Why? Because after 3 years, I was finally receiving a paycheck from DA. Not a large one, but money nonetheless. At the time, I was (and still am) planning a move across the country, and every dollar came in handy. It was wrong, and I believe I failed to do the right thing, way back when I first knew what the right thing was. I attempted to publicly stay out of the mess because I had a job to do.

Its been said that All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. While obviously this is on a much smaller scale, the saying holds true. By remaining a part of the staff, I am in essence saying I support what is happening. I can no longer sit by and watch the double standards, the misinformation, and the outright lies that are being told. The time has come for me to stand up and say This is wrong, and I will not be a part of it anymore.

And so, I will say goodbye. Thank you to those who have been friends to me over the last few years. You know who you are, and you are welcome to pop by and say hello. My email is kit.jarrell@gmail dot com. To the MN@, I know some of you will follow me, and for that I thank you. To those who stay, I respect your decision and apologize that I could not get a hold of you privately first.

I am sorry I didnt stand up sooner.

euphoria out.

PS: By the way - if in fact my journal disappears, you can find it on my blog, at euphoricreality.net.

Stand Up in the Storm. Just remember - Lightning usually hits the tallest thing out there.

The Message Network Administration, or MN@, was my department and my pride and joy. I am proud of each and every one of them, whether they resigned or not. That being said, visit the following former MN@ and give them your support for stepping down from their positions:

`omniomi<...

Goodbye, Yellow Alien

°euphoria — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 11:49:43 PDT

Note: It's my birthday today. I will be out having a life for once, and will not be available. The MN@ know how to get a hold of me by cell should the need arise. Back tomorrow.

Yes, it's true. The much-beloved °jark is no longer on staff. There's no point in speculating, although I'm sure many people by now know the story - or at least a good portion of it.

As a current staffer, I won't comment on the rumors swirling. I am not taking a side in any perceived disputes or imagined confrontations, but I will say this:

Scott, together with °matteo, was the father of deviantART. The vision that he and Matt had was something beautiful; something that was bigger than all of us. Because of his dream, we all have a bit more art in our lives. The living entity that is our community has become a way of life for some of us. We have met lifelong friends, made new contacts, and learned from each other.

In my opinion, the single most important thing to keep is your integrity. Without that, you have nothing. Have the integrity to believe in something, stay true to it, and stand up for it. We are all responsible for the integrity of this community, and we are all responsible for its well-being; from myself, Angelo, or Daniel all the way down to the newest user on the site. We all have a duty to make this place the absolute best place it can be. We all have a duty to give back at least as much as we take.

Scott may be gone, but his vision and his dream are still here, somewhere between the pages. I, for one, will miss him tremendously. He was one of the best bosses I ever worked for in my 31 years. He respected those who worked for him and gave them the freedom and support to do what he knew they could do. I consider him a close friend, and I support him in his future endeavors.

Scott wasn't perfect; indeed, who among us is? He has faults, he has shortcomings, and he had issues at times. But overall, for a very long time he was the backbone of what has become the largest group of artists in the world. That in and of itself is amazing. His loss is tremendous and I feel it deeply, just as I felt it when Eric, Matt, and many other staffers left. I am by default one of the few admins left from 4 years ago. That fact saddens me.

So, farewell, jark. I'm glad we are friends, and I look forward to knowing you as just Scott.

If you're looking for the desktop tutorial thingamabobber, go here.

Note: The opinions expressed on my personal website are my own and do not reflect upon deviantART, Blogcritics, or my freelance writing employers.

Currently Listening To:

dAmn We are the best!

Healing Kit +3

°euphoria — Tue, 28 Jun 2005 15:44:30 PDT

The deviousNEWS is simple. I was sick, and now I'm back. I had a nasty kidney infection, and required some quiet days and lots of meds. The meds aren't over with, but at least the pain and feeling like death is.

Anyway, I'm back and working on more great things for dAmn. Come chat! When you do stop by, make sure to give the MN@ some applause. They just kept right on trucking, and really picked up the slack while I was gone. They deserve some serious kudos.

If you're looking for the desktop tutorial thingamabobber, go here.

If you're looking for my website, Euphoric Reality, go here.

Eating: Pork chops in wine sauce and garlic mashed potatoes.
Reading: Six Silent Men, Book III: 101st LRP/Rangers

Currently Listening To:

dAmn We are the best!

Fallen

°euphoria — Thu, 09 Jun 2005 20:16:21 PDT

Big stuff coming down the pipe for the MN@. Just watch.

If you're looking for the desktop tutorial thingamabobber, go here.

If you're looking for my website, Euphoric Reality, go here.

Eating: Roast chicken, parmesan potatoes and just-baked french bread.
Reading: I Served: The Story of the F/51st LRP in Vietnam

Currently Listening To:

dAmn We are the best!

Sexy Desktop Secret

°euphoria — Mon, 30 May 2005 08:55:47 PDT

Work, work, work. Feels like I haven't left my computer in a week.

Okay for those of you who noted and commented on the desktop and want to know how I did it:

Components

Object Desktop ($49.95 for the suite), or the following components separately -
WindowBlinds
DesktopX
IconPackager
SkinStudio
DesktopX Builder

Pearlthane skin for WindowBlinds

Cryo-Levit skin for IconPackager

Still Waters for the wallpaper.

Once you have these parts installed, you need the following DesktopX objects and widgets:

The Glassy Series set (I only used two but you may like some of the others as well).

The Silica series widgets/objects for DesktopX. They are all included in the program. (Note: If you need them in Danish, you can go here. Also, they have some updates that make the default Silica objects do more for you.)

Okay! Now you have the pieces. Put it together! The Silica objects are blue and clear by default but I changed them to black to match my wallpaper. I also rightclicked them to set transparency to 60%. Then I changed the flashing taskbar button to red in SkinStudio to make it stand out more (having something flashing in just a different shade of gray is useless when you're across the room watching TV). Otherwise, it's just screwing around and getting it the way you want.

Have fun.

Update: You also need Samurize. Go get it.

Currently Listening To:

dAmn We are the best!

Long Titles Make CSS Cry

°euphoria — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:24:24 PDT

Lots of stuff coming down the pipe. I'll be in a Featured Chat with $ realitysquared this weekend to take your questions about Policy Enforcement and about dAmn.

Also, we're having a Trivia Contest next weekend. Can you beat me at trivia? If you can, there's double the prize for you!

2 Lt Ilario Pantano, the Marine LT up on murder charges, had his charges dismissed today. The best part is, I was able to contribute to his defense, and my blog, Euphoric Reality, was ultimately one of the reasons the charges were dismissed. I've been covering the case from the beginning, so feel free to stop by and read about it.

While you're there, check out the picture of the ugliest sex offender ever.

Also - what's the best software to tag MP3s? I'm backing up my CD collection.

Currently Listening To:

dAmn We are the best!

CrazySexyConservative.

°euphoria — Mon, 23 May 2005 21:41:06 PDT

We had our first Comments Night, and it went GREAT. We're still working on some other things, like live tutorials and games night. Stay tuned to my journal and the dAmn Forum for details.

Just got back from a great weekend at ° dygel and *galactose's place. Also in attendance were ^frail, `voodoo-prophet , *derektion, and others. Good times. There's just something to be said for sitting outside with friends all night, smoking and sipping a drink.

Corey had a good time too - got to meet everyone, hang out, etc. It's always so good to see them. I miss them a great deal. It was a LOT of fun to hang out again. They'll be up at my place in three weeks hopefully.

Still plugging away on the political blog. It's shaping up nicely. Feel free to visit.

Currently Listening To:

dAmn We are the best!

Ready, Set, Go.

°euphoria — Wed, 18 May 2005 19:43:38 PDT

deviousMN@

The Message Network Administration has been expanded! We now stand at 20 operators, and we're also expanding our list of events!

We've literally quadrupled the number of events we offer. Now you can choose from not just signature chats, but also live tutorials, comments night, and even games. Plus, we're offering our events at all hours, meaning that wherever you are in the world, you can catch one of our shows.

What does all this mean to you? Well, not only can you catch an event no matter where you live, but the expanded operator list also means that there's better admin coverage on dAmn. That means, when you need us, we're there. 24-7.

We're putting our policies in writing, and making our rules easier to understand. We've placed bots in the official channels to make it easier to track what's going on and cut down on the "he-said, she-said" that seems to happen so often.

________________________________________ _____

deviousLIFE

This weekend Corey and I are heading down to Illinois to visit °dygel and * galactose, and hang out with some of the other Midwest crew. Corey's never met them so it should be fun.

Getting ready for the move, and for school this fall. Pretty excited. CRAZY excited.

________________________________________ _____

The Trials of Having Two Loves

°euphoria — Sun, 08 May 2005 08:56:44 PDT

Alas.

My new computer is down. It hates me, and Windows. It swears at me every chance it gets, using filthy words like "corrupted or missing", and "ntoskrnl.exe". It's even moved to levels of verbal abuse I thought it too sweet and pure to utter. Horrible things; things like "cannot start Windows".

In an effort to cure its sudden onset of Tourette's, I've tried everything. Reinstall therapy was useless. I even used a revolutionary and dangerous technique called rebirthing; involving the complete erasing of all previous habits and behaviors in the hopes that I could perhaps "raise" my computer from infant status once more; thinking perhaps if I made it clean and new again, it would grow to love me. However, this was not to be. It spat on my wishes and dreams, and crushed my hopes as easily as it spat out the Windows CD I had unknowingly sacrificed forever upon its altar, screaming epithets like "Cannot find *insert filename here*." It taunts me, letting me see the file - the exact file - and yet telling me it cannot find it, cannot copy it. Lying, traitorous whore.

It hates everything around it with such a profound sense of malice that even touching the case somehow fills me with a feeling of murderous rage.

(The rage part could be me projecting, though.)

At any rate, I have returned like a faithless lover to my old system, groveling and begging for forgiveness for ever having tried to replace it. It has welcomed me with open arms, although I've noticed a certain chill in its movements; as though it were a wife subtly reminding me of my sin by leaving the chicken in the oven a bit too long, or perhaps putting an ink pen in my laundry. I am confident that I can overcome its hurt feelings and reclaim its full loyalty.

I wonder if it knows somehow that I will leave it again when the new package of Windows gets here from Newegg dot com.

Meet NS.

°euphoria — Sun, 01 May 2005 00:50:02 PDT

I finally, after 2 months of hell, have completed the building of my first system. But first, so you truly appreciate my former pain, I'll show you what I upgraded from:

Pentium 2, 333 mhz
128 MB RAM
3mb S3 Trident video card
Turtle Beach Montego Sound card
8x CD-R
8 GB hard drive
iOmega zip drive (don't laugh)
Screen Resolution of 1024x768 on a good day
2 USB ports, resulting in a constant "oh, I need to plug THIS in now and unplug THAT."

Limitations: Could not run Firefox. Photoshop took literally 7.5 minutes to start up, and I couldn't run anything else during that time - not even Winamp. Could not run any games better than original Unreal, and only in low texture settings, at 800x600.

Now, allow me to introduce "NS" - New System. (I'm original. Sue me.)

AMD 3000+ 64
Gigabyte K8 Triton Ultra 939 motherboard (nVidia nForce3 250 series)
1 gig of RAM
DVD-RW and 52x CD-RW
ATI Radeon Xtasy 9550 video card
95 GB total hard drive
Screen res of 1280x1024
More USB ports than I could ever use

Many, many, many thanks to the following people who provided their tech help, time, and even some of the parts. Special thanks to those people who didn't hang up on me after I called them multiple times to say "WHY DOES THIS THING HATE ME? WHY WON'T IT WORK?"

~rcybergeek It was all your idea, and you're just awesome. I owe you bigtime.
`ost2life Thanks for the headsup on changing the region code on the DVD player. Damn Brits. I'll never listen to your video card advice again.
^voodoo-prophet Matt, your calm tech help was awesome. And yes, even from a few hundred miles away, you know a fried motherboard when you see one.
$dygel Yeah, I know. If it COMES with a CD....
*runnerup Moral support for the angling-impaired.
+jasonvelocity You are just the man. That is all.

And of course, to my fantastic and incredibly sweet husband; who not only helped surprise me with a steady stream of parts being delivered to my door, but helped me put it all together even though he hates computers - just because he loves me.

Look out, Violations Desk. I have tabbed browsing now.

Scrub

°euphoria — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:50:17 PDT

I've scrubbed my DA page due to crazy events happening on the blog.

Check it out sometime.

Euphoric Reality