http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:fellcoda&section=today deviantART RSS for by:fellcoda en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 27 Dec 2009 11:49:13 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/11968440/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/11968440/ Sun, 25 Feb 2007 23:29:28 PST
]]> ~fellcoda http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/11968435/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/11968435/ Sun, 25 Feb 2007 23:28:56 PST
]]> ~fellcoda http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/6060156/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/6060156/ Thu, 28 Jul 2005 17:16:19 PDT ~fellcoda http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/5125244/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/5125244/ Mon, 18 Apr 2005 21:27:32 PDT
its been a long time since you died. there are so many things that never happened. life is more and more dim. like twilight. you explained those kind of things to me. i still remember them. one hundred eighty-six thousand miles a second. special relativity. black holes. i miss those conversations. i check a dictionary every time im unsure on the spelling of a word. you stressed the importance of a diverse lexicon. it was never my strong suit. a reporter complimented my writing. they read my words on a website i made for katie after her accident. youd be sad to learn of your daughter nearly dying from an intoxicated boyfriend. she was sober dad. after all this fucking time she was sober. that kills me. it is so sad. katie is straight edge now. she said she looks up to me. after you died, she was crying on me and said that i could be her father from then on. she was the katie you remember when she said that. our lives are different now. i dont know how, but mom still has the house elkwood. i drive by your old house sometimes. you know grandma died so after you did.. technically cancer.. but she never stopped crying after you left. "how can i bury two sons?" ..after she died, murray went insane. uncle berry introduced himself to the family and became the sole heir to everything that mightve made things easier. whatever. i can stand on my own. its strange being the man of the house when youre fifteen.

there are so many things that i wish i couldve asked you. told you. shown you. i learned to shave on my own. and i am still straight edge. i think to lose my self in drugs.. to get away from all this.. but you told me that you were proud of me in the last thing you ever wrote to me. you also told me that it was important to be healthy. and i realized that i was way too fat and ate terribly. so ive been vegan for a long while now. my boss pays for me to go to the gym. so im doing well with that. i run a lot. ..ive been working at an insurance agency for a number of years now. i do computer stuff. ive gotten a lot better with all of that. youd be proud. i make art things on the computer. lately, ive put a lot of time into a website for the band im in right now, sixdifferentways. terry started it, youd remember him. and andrew too. ive never been so proud of anything ive made so much as this site i put together. thanks for getting me into computers. and im happy with the way things are going for the band. ..remember doom? theres a new doom game that came out. youd be so impressed. . . .dad. you didnt get to see a few new star trek movies. and im sure youdve enjoyed the xmen movies. captain pickard played professor xavier. ..i remember my room at your house. the art in the hallway. playing castlevania all day. dubbing movies. making dinner. waking up for school to you shouting "tiny toons!!" ..dad, thinking back to all of this.. feels like being dead and looking back on a life that is only a memory.

i live in an apartment with terry. its nice to be on my own. you know, i moved in here with kirsten. she was my girlfriend for three and a half years. you never met her. i wish you couldve. we were in love. it was amazing. she would be the woman id marry and provide for.. but things are all fucked up now. i wont get into that.. it would flood me. what advice would youve given me? i am alone dad.. i am so goddamn sad. i have a lot of scars on my arms and hands now. after you died.. i started cutting my arms. it got really bad. like blood on the floor. police. paramedics. the other day i realized that i cant really write notes on my hands anymore. i wonder if my scars are blatant. what would youve told me about depression? ..this gravity wont give. its only a matter of time. i know how it will end. i wish i could start my life over. i live a nightmare. if this is sleep, then ill wake. could i find you in some infinite sleep? i miss love. you died young and i think i have your spirit.

goodnight,
your son. ]]> ~fellcoda http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/5017267/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/5017267/ Wed, 06 Apr 2005 14:54:11 PDT ~fellcoda http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/5017262/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/5017262/ Wed, 06 Apr 2005 14:53:40 PDT ~fellcoda http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/5017259/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/5017259/ Wed, 06 Apr 2005 14:53:23 PDT ~fellcoda http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/3424391/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/3424391/ Wed, 22 Sep 2004 19:25:07 PDT
:: jacob bannon ]]> ~fellcoda http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/3118257/ http://fellcoda.deviantart.com/journal/3118257/ Fri, 13 Aug 2004 17:51:33 PDT
:: patrick bateman ]]> ~fellcoda