http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:fidget&section=today deviantART RSS for by:fidget en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 27 Nov 2009 00:09:54 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/11504128/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/11504128/ Sat, 20 Jan 2007 10:00:52 PST
It was a wonderful place to start and grow as an artist, but its no longer what it used to be and I will be having this particular account closed.

Thank you for those of you that have supported me so graciously over the years!!!!

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/5365104/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/5365104/ Sun, 15 May 2005 14:03:30 PDT ... böse Mädchen kommen überall hin !



News from Germany: I have been accepted to the program, and have been awarded a stipend (amount unknown)...will be studying at LMU in Muenchen!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!

I will likely be doing my brushup courses at Freiburg (4 weeks) and Dresden (8 weeks).

Of course, if there are models or photographers in the area who would like to collaborate with me on a project, I would love to continue with my photography while I am abroad. While in Dresden I will be close to friends in Prague and a bit further away in Slovakia- trips will be made!

Not much school left to plow through, but still enough to be daunting- four weeks...and most of my friends are already happily at home for the summer and employed (or relaxing...I am so envious...)

Every week seems like a midterm week. My Bio/art class is by far the most difficult class I have had to tackle her at the U, and I wouldn't be surprised if it stays a top runner. I have made so much progress, however, and have retained so much. My drawing skills are improving, as well as my lab-writing techniques - my general knowledge of certain areas of evolution, on which the class is based (trees, flowers, skulls, flight)- and my observation skills are being honed. It will feel like a huge acoomplishment to make it out of this class with a strong grade- which at this point I still think is attainable if I keep up the pace I've been setting for myself.


Appreciating the support that seems overflowing from you all...

big hugs from my end.

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/5090385/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/5090385/ Thu, 14 Apr 2005 19:52:20 PDT

Feeling better. Thank you.

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/5077270/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/5077270/ Wed, 13 Apr 2005 10:22:28 PDT Mood: sometimes...
Listening to: Wallflowers

I hate the anticipation of a brief relief of stress being met simply by another brick wall. I hate outside pressures. I hate mascara smeared by tears, and tears when they linger on the outside of a nostril. I hate the unmistakeable high-pitched tone in my voice that signals when I'm about to lose it. Blotchy red.

I also hate the inability to move foward, to get past something- to "let something go". And I hate it when you don't have anyone near that can empathise with your need to keep ahold of that something.

My parents are in Alaska now, and mom just packed up my room. She said they didn't know which crap I'd want to keep and which to throw away, so they packed it all. They found my "outdoor survival kit" (garbage bag, fishingline, pocketknife, magnifying glass, waterproof matches, flint) stuffed in a bandaide container. They went through the papers and assignments I kept from gradeschool, and the open journals I kept. I wonder if they found the silly notes I kept from Trent, or the paper I folded up to remind me why suicide is selfish.
I know they probably went through my trinket collection (dried starfish, shells, seaurchins, dragonflies, fish earbones and small abilone and feathers). They packed up my letters, my old tapered, too-light, too-big in the butt jeans that I hated and my tee-shirts with paint on them from that summer. They probably went through my photoalbum- another summer.

Home won't ever be a home again. Even though my friends all moved away after I went to school- this time its different. Camp won't exist at all. Its not the same for someone who's lived a "normal" life, a "normal" childhood. Not that many people I knew grew up on a floating town. Whenever I moved as a child, my home went with me. Whenever I moved as a teenager, (boarding school, Austria), I could always go home. Now home will have to be sold. Oregon is home to, but not like Alaska is to me. I knew it had to happen, but I wish I was ready.

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/5023215/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/5023215/ Thu, 07 Apr 2005 07:38:11 PDT Mood: kiiiiiiiiiiisses!
Listening to: Missy Elliot & Timbaland

NO waY!


DD??? TOTAL Surprise- thank you Cathrine and Mike!!!!! And to all of you who have left me such great comments- thank you!!!






The latest:

Juggling many things and my prioritizing leaves something to be desired at the moment-

My classes are: Number Theory (*wimper*), The Illustrated Organism (A combined Bio/Arts class that satisfies a lab requirement, studio arts credit and writing credit in one....what does this mean? The end of my social life as I know it....), and Study of German Cinema (whew?).

I am still working at the coffee kiosk, and the rugby season is off to a BEAUTIFUL start. Our rookies are pumped, I am pumped, and have been working out like a mad woman to make up for my loafing around over winter break. I feel myself getting toned and tougher. First test will be this weekend, as we are having a tourney against RPI, SUNY Albany, and (Naskau?).

Wish me luck and no broken bones (or torn ligaments)!!!

Still waiting on response from Germany... god this sucks to be in limbo... I had to put in my $150 dollar housing deposit here just in case.... but I will think positively!!!!

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4946632/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4946632/ Tue, 29 Mar 2005 19:38:07 PST Mood: uh ohhh...
Listening to: Keb Mo

I'm back and already intimidated by the work load my new classes will be dealing me...

Anxiously awaiting a reply from the German/American Exchange program and hoping for something positive.



Thinking more and more (as I day dream about photography, fashion, media, and sift through other photographers works while I should be doing my other homework) about pursuing this art thing and taking it a step further.


Work that is so hot it makes me cry: BRUNO BISANG

Also love: Ellen Von Unwerth, Jeanloup Sieff, Mona Kuhn, Flor Garduno, Dianora Niccolini, Anton Corbijn, David Bailey and Greg Gorman. Check them out NOW!




My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4830139/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4830139/ Wed, 16 Mar 2005 16:06:36 PST
"You can't say that! That's like saying 'I'm not a killer- Charles Manson says so!'"
-Jon

Mood: all smiles
Listening to: Kraftwerk

SO RELIEVED!

Finals are over, portfolio is turned in, and final essay as well. My room is cleaned up (a miracle), my bag is packed, and I am ready to head home. I feel festive. I feel sexah. I feel GREAT!

I love the end of a term and new beginnings. What will Spring bring?

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4681288/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4681288/ Sat, 26 Feb 2005 21:23:50 PST Mood: Bleeeeck!
Listening to: Radiohead & Damien Rice here and there

This is one of those nights.
Those nights were you really want to be at the party
with your boyfriend and your (his...) friends,
having fun-
but a number of factors lead you to believe
that going back to your room to call it an early night is a "good idea".
None of these "reasons" seem like good reasons
at the point on "those nights" before you go to bed,
as you are thinking about being alone
in your vacant double dorm room on a Saturday night...
wondering if you made the wrong decision.
I decided to have fun with the rugby girls last night-
something I hadn't done in a long time.
Powerhour- blacklabel fourty for me,
plus whatever else I decided to consume in my state of stupidness.
I don't weigh very much, just in case you haven't guessed.
I usually have a decent record, but
lastnight overestimated myself -
my cold was not a positive addition either.
I feel like I've been puking the whole day. Couldn't study for my econ exam that is looming up on Monday.
Tired as hell, and still not feeling hot.
So I decided to stay home, to get a good nights rest
and its become one of "those nights".
Don't you hate it when
you don't mean to hold someone back at all
but they think that you do?
Fuck. I think I could go to sleep now.

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4644074/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4644074/ Tue, 22 Feb 2005 08:28:00 PST Mood: smoochy smoochy
Listening to: the Gods of Rock

Ridin' down the highway!
going to a show!
stopping on the byways!
Playing rock in roll!

Its a long way - to the top, if you want to rock'n'roll-
its a long way ! to the top- if you want to rock'n'roll-

If you think its easy doin' one night stands- try playin in a rock'n'roll band-
its a long way to the top if you wanna rock'n'roll!






My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4620661/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4620661/ Sat, 19 Feb 2005 08:51:14 PST Mood: a bit out of it
Listening to: Smashing Pumpkins - Zero

So, its on- the show I mean. So far I have heard no feedback from Science & Engineering professors who might recognize certain locations... I think this is good. But I would love a little controversy. I think it has stirred things up to a considerable degree already- but I have heard some very positive things- even from my professors whom I sent invitations to. I am incredibly pleased to have it finished- and the presentation is just beautiful. My parents, being in the NW and all, could not come to the opening, but they had a bouquet delivered for me and it really makes the presentation. I should go and water it today...

Anyway- I have grown SO MUCH from this- and have had the opportunity to work with two great mentors and some faaabulous models- two of them my own friends who I would have never thought to ask...but I put up flyers and sent emails and what do you know?

I am so thankful to them.

Hope you enjoy my show! I will post the ones I have up in my exhibit and probably a few more. It should take me a while though- at my pace And there are twenty two of them!

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4489411/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4489411/ Thu, 03 Feb 2005 15:10:55 PST
My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4478741/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4478741/ Wed, 02 Feb 2005 10:36:56 PST

Other than that, I have a working title: Seeing in a New Light- A Spectrum of Artistic Nudes...which I will need to solidify within the next two weeks because, guess what folks??? I AM GOING TO HAVE AN EXHIBITION!!!! Yes indeedy, yours truly is going to have a solo exhibition in the student gallery!

Disapointment: I will not be receiving IEF Grant reimbursement for modeling fees for my project, which last term alone amounted to $200 dollars out of my pocket. I understand their reasoning - a student should not be expecting to work with "professional" models, and SHOULD be able to find friends and peers to take their clothes off for them...but let me ask you- what student in conservative upstate NY is going to take their clothes off at ANY other occasion than a drunken frat party orgy?????????? Yeah. That's what I thought! JUST ME!

I spent for EVerrrrr doing a model search and found two awesome gals, oh, wait "professional models" from NYC willing to work with my "budget"- still I will (meaning though I did not get funding, I'm going to continue- this is important to me) be dropping near $250. I wish I had made a bit more over the break with those 40+ hours of retail sales...

Its crunch time. Midterms, my last one of which was Monday, are out of the way, and now everything ELSE is back IN my way!!!! My year abroad application is due Monday, and I STILL haven't received my transcripts! *TWEAK* Projects, Shoots, Homework, Quizes, Club preparation, work, exhibition prep- *tweak* GAWD.

AND TO TOP IT OFF I HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY DEPRIVED FOR A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!


My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4340776/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4340776/ Mon, 17 Jan 2005 07:13:15 PST
I am in need of your help! I am looking for outgoing, artistically-bent individuals that are in (or as far as three hrs. away from) the ALBANY, NEW YORK area to participate (at this time, TFP only) in my Visual Arts Soph. Honors Project (an artistic nude study). Samples from this project have been recently posted to DA. Please note me if you are interested!!!

Mood: Ugh

Ever have one of those "Fuck- I'm stupid" realizations...except that it lasts for a whole day?

Yeah. This is one of those.

Put on a happy face and try to deal with it an in the end, you're still a hypocritical, ass-kissing poser - like me! Atleast I feel like one...

This is a "should I change my major" day...Poly Sci is kicking my ass. Political science doesn't seem to be the profession suited for knee-jerks, and I feel (sadly) that I am becoming one- that is when I get back a reading reaction from my professor that says I haven't substantiated my argument/make unclear points I feel like I have somehow let myself down in the wake of becoming passionate about the reading...I guess its that I don't quite know how to read her. Or maybe I'm just as dumb as I feel. No, I'm not fishing for compliments, just wallowing in self pity is enough for me today.


On another note, I've narrowed down my choice of German University cities for next year to these: Bonn, Bremen, Freiburg, Dresden, Tuebingen. My application is due at the end of the month. If anyone has things to note about any of these universites or their location, let me know!! I am at a bit of a stand-still.

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4230576/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4230576/ Mon, 03 Jan 2005 15:41:53 PST
I am in need of your help! I am looking for outgoing, artistically-bent individuals that are in (or as far as three hrs. away from) the ALBANY, NEW YORK area to participate (at this time, TFP only) in my Visual Arts Soph. Honors Project (an artistic nude study). Samples from this project have been recently posted to DA. Please note me if you are interested!!!

Mood: Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Whew. So I'm back at school after a month of working retail at home on my winter break... another thing to cross off my list of future "careers". My parents seem to be heaving sighs of relief- glad, I am sure, that my whorishly expensive education will not be "wasted"... We'll see. I hope I don't let them down...

Spent my birthday (Dec. 31st) here with my boyfriend and our buddies at their apartment- it was a whole hell of a lot of fun. My birthday is becoming almost like every other day though. Truth: I am a selfish individual and crave attention and presents and all that stupid stuff on my birthday...being so close to christmas, I often miss out. Its so hard being me.

Anyway- the second term of my Visual Arts Soph. Honors project is in full swing- I am applying currently for a grant (that will, hopefully cover modeling expenses!!) I would like to exhibit my work somewhere on campus- but if I was even granted the honour- I am nervous about how it would be received- the majority of students on this campus aren't what I would consider "artistically informed". I think many would scream pornography- and I would get so frusterated I would want to take it down. I think maybe I am getting the cart before the horse... I don't even know if they will let me put them up...maybe too big of a step for the administration to take.

I still have not thought of a title/running theme for it. The photos, aside from being some sort of artistic nude or other- are sometimes quite different from one another in "Theme"/look/content/lighting- I feel like I'm breaking rules- or just not following any... wondering what to do, as it has not turned out to be an Edward Weston-style (traditional) artisitic nude study. Ideas?




PS- my DA subscription recently expired...I thought senior members got free subscriptions, but I was wrong (stupid)- anyway, this means that I am going to be even more laxadasical in my DA presence... all appologies.

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4139302/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4139302/ Thu, 23 Dec 2004 19:05:12 PST
-Debbie Harry

Mood: Cozily optimistic
Listening to: Ray Charles

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4080003/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/4080003/ Thu, 16 Dec 2004 10:56:11 PST
-Ellen Cleghorn

Mood: Cozily optimistic
Listening to: Jeff Buckley- Grace
Reading: a little bit of everything
Watching: I love the 80's/90's Strikes back on VH1- So Cool!

I stick to the sentiments of one reader of the Oregonian who wrote to the Editor:

"when I get on the big, yellow school bus that I ride every morning, I hear Christmas music. My bus driver has been playing a radio station that only plays Christmas music, every morning since before Thanksgiving.

When I go to Starbucks for a latte, I hear Christmas music. Cold Stone Creamery workers sing Christmas music as thank you's for tips they receive.

Christmas came too early this year, and now I'm sick of it before Christmas is even here."

- Emily Ritchie Sunset Hi student




I am a seasonal full-time sales-associate of Meier and Frank
(Accessories/Handbags/Hosery, at your slave-driving service!). Beginning with my training day I noticed what I hoped to GOD would not become a trend in my work day...the god-aweful excuse for Christmas music that they broadcast. All hopes were in vain. I mean, I used to LIKE that Grease song...you know the one..."I'm the one that you want! OOooOOoo OOo!" everytime that song comes on (I still haven't mastered the art of "tuning out" the music) I feel like strangling myself with the closest pair of hose.

Michael Bolton, Amy Grant, and some sad excuse for a baratone-voiced guy (among other examples of jazz-like-Xmas elevator music) plague my every sale, mark-down, - and even GET THIS: LUNCH BREAK. I bring a book every day (yeah, I'm the "non-sociable" one who crams herself in the chair next to the humming buzz of the vending machine)- but with good purpose! It seems the majority of M&F employees are zombie-cult followers of shows like: Judge Joe Brown, that other chic judge who I am relieved not to be able to name, "Life Councilors", Texas Justice and Divorce Court (for crying out loud!).

SOMETIMES I find myself alone in the lunch room- in such heavenly instances I tune the TV to a non-service channel...thinking "oh sweet silence, thank you" - but shattered dreams only follow...the damn music strikes again!!

Everyday/late night after work, I save my sanity by tuning into 94.7 or KROC and blasting the hell out them, just to remind myself that there IS life after Christmas music.

So, other than that one grievance, I really like my job. That said, I hope my 'not-too-cheap' college education is going to amount to something because a future in retail doesn't look like my cup of tea.

Lee just came home for the break, I think he's somewhat relieved to be done with school for a while- although I don't know how anyone could get sick of going to school in Florida...

My second thanksgiving away from home was great. (I spent my first iin Austria, where they don't know how to make pumpkin pie...such a shame...) Jon's family is a kick. I didn't know it was possible to have a family any "crazier" than mine, but I was proven wrong. His folks are originally from Virginia (his mom born in the bronx) and for me that meant a southern twist on Thanksgiving. SOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo gooooOOooood. And you know I love my food. I helped out in the kitchen (see mom- I'm full of surprises!) and the rest of the time enjoyed an informal dinner buffet style- and football. I got a kick out of this knowing that back at home there would be constant "conversation" before, during, and after dinner. Anyway, point being, they made me feel comfortable and I enjoyed being there.

I have been quite productive since I've been home- before I came back, I did my first shoot with a paid model, Renee- for the purpose of my Vis. Arts. Sophomore honors project- the focus of which is Artistic Nude. Coming home, I worked it out with a photographer friend of mine in Portland that I borrow his studio (lighting equipment, backdrop, props and all) and that he help me hire a model. I finally arranged a shoot with Leona, who was quite easy to work with. I was pretty nervous about it all at first- not having any formal studio-lighting training (J. Cohen gave me a helpful quick tutorial which helped emensely though), but it all panned out pretty well and I am ha... ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3893193/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3893193/ Mon, 22 Nov 2004 13:24:42 PST Mood: Ridiculously excited
Listening to: Paul van Dyke

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

My first time ever LEGIT photoshoot with a hired model was just two days ago and it was a FAN-FUCKING-TABULOUS experience!!! I am still so thrilled about it- we just clicked! I was her first female photographer and I think that she opened up to me extremely well. She was so easy to work with- needed little direction and seemed to feel instinctively what I was looking for. I am so excited about the results and can't wait to share them with you- so many things were working right I took nearly two-hundred shots- and unlike most shoots, nearly 50 of them are what I would consider "good, great, etc."-

I am simply beside myself. This nude study is a segment of my sophomore honors project and my desire is to exhibit them in the college gallery, and even at home if I can find a curator who is interested in student work.


I'm off to do some selective deleting of shots, sizing and so forth- submissions from the shoot coming soon!!! Thank you everyone for the "crossed fingers"

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3871802/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3871802/ Fri, 19 Nov 2004 14:35:38 PST Mood: Thankful
Listening to: Radiohead

Took my last two finals today, turned in my photo portfolio on Wednesday- cross your fingers for me. I atleast, am simply relieved to be done for the term. A bit of fun for a few days and then its back home to do the "job search"- hopefully it will be short, relatively painless and successful (of course).

I am excited like a kid at 6AM christmas morning...tomorrow I am working with my first non-friend (aka- professional!) model tomorrow; PAYING HER for christ's sake- a nude study (I hope you wouldn't expect less!) Its going to be fabulous. I want to utilize natural light and so hope to god that the sun will be shining through atleast a thin layer of clouds tomorrow- if not showing its pretty face the whole day.

I am off... 'til sooner than later.

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3481570/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3481570/ Thu, 30 Sep 2004 15:34:17 PDT Mood: Thankful
Listening to: Coldplay- Sparks
Reading: Draussen vor der Tuer

Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.



-Lao Tzu

My heartfelt thanks for your incredible support...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3419128/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3419128/ Wed, 22 Sep 2004 05:11:36 PDT




Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3384333/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3384333/ Fri, 17 Sep 2004 12:37:25 PDT
"There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who know binary, and those who don't."

Har har har. Needless to say, I laughed very hard- not because it was funny, but because he thought it was hilarious.



I quit rugby this term.


It was one of the more difficult things that I've ever done- I felt like a quitter- I still do, in a way. Our first game is this Sunday- in fact, Vanessa just called and asked me "how busy I really was" because they have a lack of players for this weekend- and they need another in the line. I have a hard time saying no ,because I know they need me- but I really need to be focusing on my classes more.

I am taking an extra class this term- and was recently told by my sophomore project advisor that I should get going on my project before winter and the cold set in...my photography project will probably have elements of outdoors and models- which don't mix well in -degree weather... still, that would be even ANOTHER credit to add, when the normal load per trimester is three... Outside of my four classes I am already working 8 hours a week for pocket money, and then (but no longer) there was rugby...

My head is spinning, and its hard to put things in to perspective- to prioritize.

I am loving my photography class, and my new camera- the feel of it, and getting aquainted with manual; but I feel so inadequate.




Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3356694/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3356694/ Mon, 13 Sep 2004 17:27:41 PDT

Even Socrates couldn't decide on an answer.


What is it to you?

Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3268458/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3268458/ Thu, 02 Sep 2004 06:55:28 PDT Mood: thoughtful
Listening to: Nirvana - Dive

A new twist to the phrase "food for thought":

"This nation can't afford presidential leadership that comes in 57 varieties," Romney said about Kerry. "We need a decisive president who stands his ground. We need George W. Bush."

- Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney

I would be pleasantly surprised to hear some original thoughts on why our current president is not fit for office, and what makes Kerry suited for the position. There are many reasons for which neither canidate appeals to me. Personally, I would rather have a gun-slinging Texan for a president than an indecisive butt-kisser who, when interviewed on an Oregon radio show, can't decide which he likes better- the Beatles, or the Stones, and for all of his infamous vietnam anti-american antics, can't name a single Bob Dylan song.

Uhhhh.... douchebag!

Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3159280/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3159280/ Wed, 18 Aug 2004 19:47:51 PDT `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3115377/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3115377/ Fri, 13 Aug 2004 10:51:41 PDT
-Rumi

Mood: inspired
Listening to: Bush- Sixteen Stone
Reading: Kafka- Der Prozess

I'm back!

My Limmony Snicket wall calendar consults me that "summer is a good time to go on vacation, but its best to tell someone where you are going". On that note, it wasn't reeeeeally a vacation- but all of my journals are randomly timed anyway so I figured you wouldn't have known the difference.

My brother is going to an internship program in Melbourne (about an hour to the east of Orlando), Florida this year, and so the whole fam-damnily flew over there with him to get set up in his KICK ASS (if I do say so myself) apartment before classes started. We stayed a couple of extra days to make the use of my A.A. miles worthwhile- and boy, was it!! I had a FAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous time, as my mom would say.

It seems we picked just the right evening to get the hell out of there- they closed flights from Orlando to Seattle right after ours. I think its ridiculous that they're making such a commotion out of this hurricane. "May gust to 95" OOOOoooooooo.

We commonly had storms at home in Alaska where the winds were a sustained 75. But its almost as if Alaska is another country- we are NEVER mentioned in the news- even when ours is more remarkable than that in the lower 48. What gets me is that some morons still think Alaska isn't a state. ("Oh, really? I thought you guys were like Peurto Rico, or like, something...") Nothing was said when the windows on the countol tower at the Juneau airport were blown out in a storm with sustained winds of 80 and gusts over 100 mph. *rolls her eyes*

Yeah, stock up Floridians, you're in for a BIG ONE.


I won't elaborate as I'm not in the mood, but there's a lil' update for you.



I am very happy that I FINALLY have some flight time scheduled for the upcoming week- I will need to study up on manuvers and airport proceedures so I don't make a complete fool of myself in front of my ex-instructor who will get me "current". Hope to go on Fire Watch with her sometime this week too- that's always a good way to get hours in free of charge, and see some beautiful country. In the past she has let me sit in the left seat and fly, so I could get hours as PIC. I guess there's a forest-service guy going with her, in which case HE will be banished to the back seat Haha.


I've probably left something out, but if so will write another update.

Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3002378/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/3002378/ Fri, 30 Jul 2004 08:45:47 PDT
-Rumi

Mood: inspired
Listening to: INXS
Reading: 100 Years of Solitude

I am so very much cheered by the insightful and, one of my favorite words (thoughtful), commentary on False Awakening. I was very touched, and I will try to get back to you all.

"Some silken moment goes on forever, and we're leavin' broken hearts behind."

We're heading off to a family reunion on the coast. We will be sinning heritics among god-fearing vegetarians; for low and behold- we are bringing BEER and our own sausages for the weenie roast. This part of my family is Seventh Day Adventist, and they will be eating veggielinks and drinking Crystalight. Can you say yummy yummy?





Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2965730/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2965730/ Sun, 25 Jul 2004 16:36:01 PDT
-Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

Mood: sleepy with sun
Listening to: "Sink, Flordia, Sink" by Against Me!
Reading: The Red Tent
Watching: Paycheck

I am feeling a bit faint for lolling around outside during the hottest part of the day- this is the first day I have loved Sundays in a long time; the first this summer anyway. I had a good book which I have still to finish, a snapple beside me, and a pillow under my head, but not much else. There is a certain glory to soaking in the sun without a swimsuit to be a bother. And I love the way skin smells after you steep yourself in the sun for a time, and then step out of it. It is like pulling warm sheets out of the dryer, but with its own comfort. Your skin is all aglow with sweat and and cheeks flushed and more often than not, you haven't hydrated enough. Well, I usually do not.

I quit my job which I held for three days, and JEsUS CHRIST did it feel GREAT!!! I have never quit a job, certainly one that I didn't like- because as we all know, holding "those ones" can..."build character". Well, I figured at the end of last week that I had collected enough god-damned character wasting my life doing things I hated and didn't have to do- chiefly, sitting at the front desk of the Travel Lodge with that old witch hanging over my shoulder not to train me how to do things the first time, but to scowl and scold me when I did them out of exasperatin for lack of help for doing it "wrong". My boss was nice enough, but he was not there often enough (nor when he said he would be) to take her place. I have never worked for someone more unreliable than myself. Not to say that I am unreliable- but you would think that it should be the employer who sets the example, no?? Well anyway, to finish making a short story long I called in and quit. I don't even care that I won't be payed for the hours I spent wasting my life building "character" behind their counter last week. FUCK 'EM.

Mom is getting a colonoscopy tomorrow and has been on a liquid diet since this morning. I feign sympathy, but am tee-hee-heeing inside

We went to the beach yesterday for the first time this summer, and it was FABULOUS. The 105 degree weather certainly warranted a getaway, and it was a family record to get away from the house before eleven. We joined the mass exodus streaming out of the city when we neared the Seaside/Cannon Beach split- and first made the mistake of turning south to Sea Side, where we normally go. We found out pretty quickly that we weren't alone in heading in a southerly direction, because EVERYONE ELSE was too. We also noted the dark, heavy clouds lurking ahead as we inched by in the car train. After some family discussion, we pulled a U turn and were one of the only vehicles to be heading north. We thumbed our noses at the "suckers" and took off for Cannon Beach. We made the right decision it seems, because the weather was great, and there were "few" people there.

The tractors have finally come and bailed up all of the hay- some 300+ bails at 1.5 tons EACH. Needless to say, I think my summer sneezing fits are finally over.

Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...




LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2870934/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2870934/ Tue, 13 Jul 2004 09:25:48 PDT
Mick Jagger

Listening to: "Kiss" by Prince
Watching: Monster

Woooo boy. Its been a little over a month since I last posted or uploaded- far too long I say. There is always activity around here that curtails the length of my time spent not just on DA, but on the computer. The sound of feet on the stairs or a car rolling in the driveway usually will reveal one of my parents, which will enevitably lead to either of them telling me to get my butt off the computer and "get busy". Man, I must be psychic because here comes mom up from working up a sweat down stairs on her stair-climber..."why don't you get dressed and see what's going on outside?" Well, mom, because I KNOW exactly what's going on outisde, and for once I would like to be content on my VACATION to sit a bit with my coffee in front of my computer (its the equivalent to her "morning newspaper" I'd say) at NINE AM and FREAKING RELAX!!!!!!! Little does she know that most college kids who work part time, or in the afternoons are sleeping half the day away in other parts of the country, and probably even *gasp!* in THIS VERY TOWN! What a novel idea, sleeping past seven-thirty...

Unfortunately, if you sleep past seven-thirty in this house, you are thought to have contracted some kind of fatal sleeping disease and are often presumed "dead". My parents have found, however, through careful study and scientific parental observation, that a simple grinding of the coffee, blaring of the tv, or starting of the lawn mower directly outside of my window, or the occasional bursting into my room, turning on the light with an all too exuberant and demanding "RISE AND SHIIIIIINE!" usually does the trick.

I get to go up to the barn and spray weeds today. What a joy. You see, its not only that I want to get a job to make MONEY- its simply that I want to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, so my parents can't entrap me into doing some sort of busy work that could just as easily be done by the landscaper guy they already over-pay. Its simple logic.

Yes, so, did I already mention that I'm spraying weeds today?

The Travel Lodge called last night (way past mom's bedtime) to reschedule my training for TOMORROW at five, instead of today. I wouldn't be surprised if they called again to say that they'll train me on Thursday and I can start work then too. IF I eventually get trained, I'll be working at the front desk Thursday, Friday and Saturday late afternoons and evenings for minimum wage. Unfortunately, its exactly the wrong time to be working, because mom will have plenty of time to corral me up during the day and assign me something to "do".

Havent' done any flying yet- that will get me out of the house for a while, and the weather has been beautiful for it. I'm pretty rusty, I guess it will take a while to get back into the swing of things. Maybe I can ride along with Corinne (my past instructor) when she goes on Fire Watch.

Lets see, what have I been up to? The fam and I spent ten days at home in Alaska before the fourth, it was unusually hot and very uneventful and relaxing- came back, not much to say about the fourth of July- saw Jonny Lang in concert with Mike at the Waterfront Blues Festival and thoroughly enjoyed myself (he's great in concert, I can't wait to get his new CD)- dragged my mom along to the Country Fair in Veneta, OR- man what a sight...she didn't know where to look first!!!! She was very amazed. As my dad says, "I've been to two state fairs and a goat fuck, but I've never seen anything like this!!!!!!" Anyway, there were more naked people than last year. Doubtless, I had a high ol' time.

Random: I regret that I feel I have to put watermarks on my work from now on - I have had several incidents of deviants using my work without my permission- and to curtail it, this is the only thing I can think of. I wish people were more considerate. It really pisses me off, to tell you the truth.




Enjoy my new stuff!





X's and O's and soap bubbles blown in your face.

Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...


LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2585540/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2585540/ Fri, 04 Jun 2004 21:24:46 PDT
Mood: Heavy and yet Empty
Listening to: Sound Garden

It seems that the last month has been simply a series of highs and coming's downs, and little more. Everything could be tossed in a catagory of "good time, good memory, swell this, fun that", and "feelings out of control, nothing to feel, boring time, bad time, fuck this, fuck that"... I am ready for classes to be over, and yet I don't want to see my friends graduate and not return. I want summer to begin, but I don't- because I know the second I am home, I will open my eyes and that will be over too. I am happy, I am sad- and can't explain any of it, I don't know how to share it- who would want to anyway? It matters, but I can't express myself anymore.

I know tomorrow anything could happen. I sit here in my chair at this moment and contemplate the possibilities, but mostly only the bad. Its nearly summer for christ's sake. Girls are wearing tiniminis and the ass is scattering, but the only thing I do is make fun of them. Why am I turning sour when I want to be relaxed, happy, living-fully?




I appologize for my lack of presence here on DA of late, and hope you understand. I have a few submissions to make up, so here we go...

Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...


LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2329568/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2329568/ Fri, 30 Apr 2004 08:50:57 PDT
-Dad

Mood: Rawr!!
Listening to: Throwing Copper
Reading: naughty magazines

Well sportsfans, life is good. Lil' rugby update for ya'll-

We came away with a third-place D1 victory at upstates- well deserved, but I think we all felt if we had tried a bit harder we could have had the first place trophy. Next year I wish I could say its in the bag, but with the veteran seniors- most of which pack the punch on our team- heading out, that leaves us with a few upper-classman and many unexperienced rookies. I'm a bit nervous about next season.

Our last game is tomorrow against SUNY Albany- our sister team; we're going to kick their asses of course, and then celebrate with them with a barbeque and drink our selves silly afterwards.

I have so much shit to do this weekend... don't know where I'll fit it all in. Somewhere I suppose.

Wishing time would slow down a bit...its so hard to enjoy the moment when it is gone so quickly...


*sigh*


Ruck over.

Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...


LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2266728/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2266728/ Wed, 21 Apr 2004 09:18:55 PDT
KISS A RUGBY PLAYER!




Mood: Rawr!!
Listening to: George Thoroughgood & the Destroyers
Reading: Jakob der Luegner

Boom boom boom boom- bang bang bang bang...
howhowhowhow....

Ladies and Gentlemen, these next couple weeks are going to be hell. Rugby is full tilt-midterms are comin', work is always there- chaos is in the air, but I like the general feeling of ultimate disaster.

Two weekends ago, on Friday, April 9, we played RPI on our home field and beat them like red-headed step-children, 15-0.

This last Friday, we drove two vans (the guys had to drive in cars- HA!) to Beast of the East in Rhode Island, and we held our own against UConn, Sacred Heart, and Boston College.

We should have one all three, but we'll make up for it this weekend at Upstates- where we will make them forget their names, what day it is, and how many fingers the EMT is holding up. UNION RUGGERS EAT THEIR DEAD!

I have some great shots from the different games (guys and girls), which I will upload for kicks. Unsure as of yet if I will leave them up or take them down later, but I feel the need to deversify my gallery, so I think I'll leave 'em. Hope you all enjoy- I am glad that I can somehow share with you the enthusiasm I have for the game.

PS - I am still looking to share an appartment (or floor) with someone during the month of August- Have not followed up on anything so I appologize to those of you who have already mentioned possibilities. Check out my last journal for details!

Thank you all so much for your incredible support always...


LOVE!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2144273/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2144273/ Sat, 03 Apr 2004 13:09:12 PST
-Ambrose Bierce



Listening to: The Pretenders

!!!!!!!!!!!CALLING ALL DEVIANTS FROM NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lonely? Bored? Interested in modeling (ack, that just came out, sorry)- or wanting someone to help you out with rent for your appartment? I know SOMEONE IS!

I have been offered a summer job (the month of August) as a part-time assistent for Cecilia De Bucourt, an out-of-this world-talented, up-and-coming Argentinian ex-model turned designer who bases her production in the city.

:[link]

It would be the opportunity of a life-time for me- but I have run into several roadblocks... first, as I will be working part time, there is no way I could pay for my own appartment, food, and other necessities; hostels are too expensive, and Ceciila can not put me up. I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!

I am looking to share space with someone for the month of August (even if it means sleeping on your floor), and would be willing to pay for my stay- I'm estimating that I could afford 300-400 dollars- I know that its nothing compared to half for most apartments in the city, but its what I can offer. I'd help you with the normal routine- cleaning, cooking, etc.

Interested? Know someone who would be? Please let me know!!! I would be incredibly greatful.

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2123423/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2123423/ Wed, 31 Mar 2004 14:48:25 PST



Listening to: "The Pussy Song" Lords of Acid
Reading: "Understanding Ethnic Conflict-"

Okay. I'm back at school... who knew the break would have flown by so quickly? It was beautiful though I tell you- beautiful.

Got there on Tuesday night the 16th and could only look outside my mom's "office" window and gawk at the gorgeous weather, chirpy birds and green fields 'n' flowering trees because I had one last final paper to type up... Thursday afternoon I was free.

The weather stayed luscious 'til Friday, and by that point it almost didn't matter, because I had to fly back to school this past Sunday, as it were. I just feel so good about this last break- spent a lot of time with my family, and I think we both appreciated it- spent a day with Mike (artistic, dorky and self-confident budunkadunk-bootyliscious ex-7elven manager extrordinairre), and an afternoon/evening with my friend James (can sometimes be found running around at parties in his underpants brandishing a leather belt for the unsuspecting, prostrate friends), and going to the culinary-school (Seattle Art Institute) graduation of my buddy since childhood Jordan (flambouyant, witty, bitingly-sarcastic, future deliverer of my breakfast-in-bed... yeah, I haven't told him yet...)

WENT FLYING.

MISSED A JOAN JETT CONCERT *pounds head against desk*

Ate to my little hearts delight.


Yeah. It was good.

Now I'm back at school- and its good too. Classes (fourth day starts tomorrow!) are goin' swell so far, and so is work at the Starbucks kiosk- and of course, RUBGY ROCKS MY SOCKS!!

They're training me to be scrum-half- started out first term learning that position, but we all know what happened THEN.
FIRST GAME IS AGAINST RPI ON HOME TURF ON GOOD FRIDAY!! YEEEEHAW.




Have a crap-load more deviations to upload and am looking forward to your ever-enthusiastic and helpful feedback.

Much love and all that schmooze!!!!

Oh yeah- York peppermint patties are the SHIT!


]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2072703/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2072703/ Tue, 23 Mar 2004 22:01:16 PST



God I love the Chapelle Show.

Mood: better? what's that?
Listening to: "Sultans of Swing" Dire Straits
Reading: FHM (almost as good as playboy articles...)

I could die now, and I would kick and scream, and yeah, it would be untimely...but. this is one of those few times where I feel like saying to myself rather sillily, because it seems like I would be: "I could die right now and I would be perfectly happy".

Well, I nearly am- and its the little imperfections that make it so fitting.


I spent the day with Mike yesterday, walking in downtown PDX, draggin' him around shopping, etc. We talked and oogled at girls in their short shorts and tight little skirts. I hate spring weather I felt a sense of contentment when I drove home, and it wasn't just the 7 shirts I bought at Red Light that made me feel that way. Yep, that's what friends are for. (I know what some of you are thinking, so you can stop thinking it )

I FLEW TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

Yes...I DID!!! I got off my ass, called up Corinne, and said...hey....remember me? And is the 150 available for rental? I dragged her along with me, letting her know ahead of time that after five months of not being PIC (well, even flying), I had "forgotten EVERYTHING". Well, I wasn't exaggerating!! But it all came back very quickly- we did a brush up emergency landing procedure and I did about 6 touch and go's to get my landings feeling more comfortable. It was just great to get back up in the air... the weather better start shapin' up over there in NY so I don't have another excuse to go without flying. A big weight has been lifted from my shoulders.




And its my mom's birthday tomorrow. She's forgotten, but I haven't. Mwhahahaha.




Oh, by the way- hugs and kisses to all.

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2039966/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/2039966/ Thu, 18 Mar 2004 21:42:34 PST



God I love the Chapelle Show.

Mood: Feeling like Feeling
Listening to: "Iris" by Live

I'm done, I'm done I'm doooOOOOOoooOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO One.

(How agonizing was that last key? I know I know, I am worse than an American Idol contestant...I'll spare you the rest...)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am OFFICIALLY "home free" for the remainder of spring break- I emailed my last final paper to my prof this afternoon after two agonzing days of structuring the damn thing (AT HOME no less...I feel so acoomplished after being able to finish it amongst the comfortable distractions of home that I KNEW would be a problem).

I flew out of a blizzard in NY to green fields and blossoming willow and cherry trees in Oregon...a welcome and warm tradeoff I say.

I was stunned and amazed by everything- I couldn't help thinking how freaking cool the pond is and how I am going to TERRORIZE the fish when they are introduced, and how much I will love zipping around on the jetski if dad can send it down from Alaska, and swimming and getting gooey mud between my toes when I walk along the edge... and sunbathing nude on the island- and taking "Lady of the Lake"esque photographs...

AND THE BARN!!! The restorations of my grandmother's old barn have come so far... I miss its old self, but the inside is so neat now- NEW SHOTS DEFINATELY FORTHCOMING while I am here!!!

I just... I dont' know...when all is said and done- as much as I get under the weather and pissy under pressure... I LOVE LIFE.

And Mike and I are getting tattoos. (Yes, Mike, we are!)



Amen and amen again!


xoxo to you all!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT and LOVE!!!!!

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1999696/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1999696/ Fri, 12 Mar 2004 15:04:02 PST



Mood: 3 days behind sleep
Listening to: "Djobi Djoba" Gypsy Kings

Yes, the subject of this journal is totally random- just like my day. (and yesterday, and the day before that).

*dancing*

*dancing*

*dancing*


THANK YOU!!!!! guys for your incredible support- warm welcome would be an understatement- I can't thank you enough for all of your kind (for the most part! lol) comments and constructive suggestions. I'm sorry I can't get back to you all personally!

VIELEN DANK!


*kisseskisseskisses*


*dancedancedance*

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1988055/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1988055/ Wed, 10 Mar 2004 15:58:58 PST

SLAP BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Mood: 3 days behind sleep
Listening to: "Take the Money and Run" Steve Miller Band
Reading: NOTHING...and THANK GOD FOR THAT!

Ugh.

Naja...der Ferien kommt bald...trotzdem nicht bald genug. 'sgibt schon zu viel zu tun um mich drauf zu freuen.

Ich hab' Karnival verpasst...und sehr vermisst. Ich hab ueber alles von meiner freundinen Anne gehoert- ich haette so viel Spass gehabt, wenn ich dabei waere!! Schade.

Trying to kick a cold while I write my final papers- will not be going out this weekend, except perhaps to catch a movie as a break. Got my classes set up for next term (second tri of Euro history, Independent Study in German, and "Comparative Ethnic and Racial Politics". OHhhh boy. Count me excited . I've put the dining hall job aside for a while (maybe forever- GOD I hated working on the weekends)- and will be trained next term to work at the Starbucks kiosk- FREE COFFEE BABY!!!!

RUGBY SEASON STARTS ON MY RETURN!!!

I am so stoked. God damn.

Am going to try to find time for flying- and photographing. This summer is looking really promising for both- as well as work. Will be spending at least a week at home in Alaska and am planning to do another fine art nude series in the woods/rocky islands there. May drag my best friend Beth along (whom I have not seen for a year)- and make her my model. We'll see, we'll see.

I want to appologize to you all - I haven't been commenting on anyone's work in my watchlist lately, as none of the photos are showing up!!!! Its really sparadic- sometimes they do, but only as thumbnails or such... Its got to be my comp- I don't know what the deal is. Anyway, I really appreciate your continued support.

Submissions forthcoming!!!!!!

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1862237/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1862237/ Tue, 17 Feb 2004 16:26:37 PST
Love has almost completely faded away.

Listening to: "Gambler's Blues" Lightnin' Hopkins
Reading: "The Manhattan Project" Jeff Hughes

I have developed a twitch in my right eyelid...and my cold is hanging on, kicking and hollering like a whiny, screaming three-year old in the candyisle.

I thought some tea with honey and a shot of brandy would do the trick, but I was wrong. Seeing as sleep is out for the next for years, I will probably be one big epeliptic seizure by the time I graduate from college....

I can't believe that we're seven weeks into the term... I realized the other day that I am no longer the eager-to-please, anxious tenth grader who used to sit in class and ask what font the teacher wanted us to print our papers in, who used to nearly hyperventalate about research papers and big projects. My academic advisor and I had a chat yesterday- about how the choices we make mold the path of the future, and define who we will become, as well as close off certain paths and determine what we will not be...

he noted that I was becoming too "laid back" this term. Indeed, I've changed a lot since the beginning of highschool. It makes me wonder what I'll be like my senior year of college- although I entertain the idea of being a dead-beat college dropout, I know that realistically this doesn't lie ahead for me.

I went bowling on Valentine's Night with my rugby buddies and Krissy- hadn't been since I was maybe nine...forgot how horrible I was!! It was great fun- they turned the lights off and everything glowed, and they played some great tunes. I did more dancing than making strikes. Hopin' we make a bi-weekly thing out of it.

Excited to be home for Spring break at the end of March; trying to think of meaningful ways to spend my time and stick to them- I know its several months away already, but am playing with several ideas (that I need to follow up on)- getting a job, or staying in NY for an internship, traveling in Europe with my mom for a month and then returning, visiting my Tacoma buddies, visiting Beth and my buds in Cali- or spending the entire summer at the Middleberry language school learning Arabic? (Still have to figure out if this is something I really want, or if its just a fleeting interest)...

I've always had a bit of a hard time deciding.

And I need to fly again!!


So much to do in only one life...







]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1800697/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1800697/ Thu, 05 Feb 2004 20:06:36 PST
Listening to: "Before you Accuse Me" Eric Clapton
Reading: Das Marmorbild von J. Eichendorff

Last night was a sad slap in the face...I discovered that I am REALLY horrible at XXX Beuruit. (Gotta love Wednesday nights...) Nearly sleeping through my first class this morning- I woke up and ran my ass to class- where I proceeded to dominate in the in-class discussion. Slam-dunk JESS!

I guess things DO work out sometimes. Agenda this weekend: german essay re-write, precep essay, Hoyt's "Inferno", History reading, precept. films- work, work... and of course. Hard-core play time (but I am resolved to get my work done first this time...)

Thank you all so much for your support!!!

xo

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1788068/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1788068/ Tue, 03 Feb 2004 13:38:41 PST
Listening to: "You Know You're Right" Nirvana
Reading: Tim Cole's VERY repetitive "Selling the Holocaust"

In other words, I don't know what the fuck has been wrong with me lately. All I want to do is all the things I " shouldn't" (and am certainly aware of it), and I haven't been doing the things I "should"... and now, come Mid-terms, its all coming back to bite me in the ass.

Oh- by the way... words of widsom- don't bleach your hair when you're drunk. It's REALLY not a good idea.

I'm catching a cold too- but go figure, the LAST thing I've been doing is sleeping and eating right.

My Lemonny Snicket calendar says that " February is the shortest month of the year. So, if you are having a miserable month, try to schedule it for Febraury." Well, Lemonny - I'll have to take you up on that.



Much love to you all, and I appologize for not being around more- things just haven't been quite right lately.

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1695675/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1695675/ Sat, 17 Jan 2004 13:45:05 PST
Listening to: Bad Boy Bill "Techno Hardcore Mix"

Its Saturday.

On Saturdays and Sundays I have two shifts at West (college cafeteria), and it becomes abundantly clear every time how careless and disgusting people can be. The old "Oh, woops- I just spilled hot chocolate mix all over the floor, but instead of cleaning up my own mess, I'm just going to walk all over it and then let one of the dining services low-lifes clean it up" attitude is all too prevailent. Little pampered bastards.

But yeah. I love my job Its seven more dollars per hour than I had before- and it keeps me away from studying and other more devious activities on the weekend for a few hours.

Of note... I am enjoying the company of my buddies here. People are amazing. Registered to model in NY (previously Oregon), and have gotten a couple promising offers - but the more I think about it, the more it seems that I won't be able to make it down to the city as often as I would need to/like to. *shrugs* May have to call that off for now, but it was sure fun over the break .

My classes are going pretty well this term- finally a german class that I like- getting to read literature and watch classic films- the course is taught in german, the kids are engaged- hot diggidy. There are still the two kids in my precep class that need to be gagged- but other than that, my in-class participation has not been detoured- and my history class is a lecture class- so Justin doesn't have the opportunity to open his presumptuous trap.

I haven't flown since mid novemer... certainly had the opportunity over winter break, but never took it. I don't know what it was that kept me from it...felt guilty in a way- apprehensive. Like I had maybe forgotten the WX service procedures- or how to file a flight plan.... radio calls, etc. Now I'll be screwed for a while...seeing as its been -15 below here the past two weeks... No ice in the carborator for me, THANK YOU!

Have contacted an aquaintence about Air Force ROTC...we'll see...

I've been lifting a lot lately- feel better every day, more capable, more fit- my wrist feels 100 percent better and I can do pushups again without too much pain. I'm going to be a BEAST come spring season- no shitting!

Yeah. So that's the scoop. Over and out-

PS-

Frats with stripper poles= good.

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1661002/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1661002/ Sat, 10 Jan 2004 22:50:54 PST
Listening to: "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star

I wanna hold the hand inside you
I wanna take the breath thats true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life, you go in shadow
Youll come upon and youll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Close your eyes with whats not there

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew

The strange light comes on slowly
A strangers heart is out of home
You put your hands into your head
And your smiles cover your heart

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1635166/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1635166/ Mon, 05 Jan 2004 19:28:39 PST
-Lemony Snicket






]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1613524/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1613524/ Thu, 01 Jan 2004 11:07:05 PST

IF YOU SURVIVE THIS YEAR, YOU WILL LIKELY BE ONE YEAR OLDER.

(Lemony Snicket)






I'm one year older anyway- my birthday was yesterday- the big 19. I'd say anti-climatic, but that would be a big lie. My birthday/New Years was VERY climatic. *grins smugly* Yay for youth. But anyway, it was very nice- my first one (lordy) away from my family and from watching the ball drop on TV having no one else to kiss but my 50-year old cousins sitting next to me. Instead, after working at my neighbors helping them paint their rental house- I spent the afternoon and evening with my boyfriend- dinner, stuffed-animal buying, movie-watching, photo-shoot- it was a wonderful way to spend my birthday. Unfortunately, my parents had to pick me up...

I failed to mention that I am at their mercy because I got in an accident with my car the other day- not totalled, but considerably damaged. The roads can be a lot worse when you don't have all-wheel drive and tires that would hydroplane on a dry summer day. Oh well. Maybe the roads are safer without me.


We're doing a primerib for dinner tonight. I think its from a Washington beef house, and I think my parents bought it on purpose. It smells DAMN GOOD.

Reading the newspaper the other day we got the lowdown on the symptoms of the disease. We were skeptical of mom's situation for a while- but when we read that it is characterized by a "SUDDEN onslaught of violent demensia", we figured we could rest easy knowing that she wasn't infected. No, indeed... Mom's violent demensia has been gradual.


Happy New Year to you all from one who doesn't make New Year's Resolutions.





]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1581503/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1581503/ Thu, 25 Dec 2003 10:11:59 PST
Beware of burglars entering via chimney.












]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1454800/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1454800/ Wed, 26 Nov 2003 15:04:34 PST

]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1427659/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1427659/ Thu, 20 Nov 2003 12:01:20 PST
Colt 45 and Dom. Republic stogi that I've been hording forever HERE I COME!!!!!!

Right after I sleep for the next hundred years... I've probably logged what... nine hours? In the past three days- didn't sleep monday night...didn't sleep last night...will I sleep tonight?? NO! ITS DRINKIn' NIGHT BABY!!! YEAAHHHHH!!! ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1385223/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1385223/ Tue, 11 Nov 2003 06:04:10 PST






Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.


-Snatch









]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1385218/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1385218/ Tue, 11 Nov 2003 06:02:22 PST








Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.

-Snatch













]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1357604/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1357604/ Tue, 04 Nov 2003 12:55:00 PST `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1325563/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1325563/ Sun, 26 Oct 2003 14:38:04 PST
-Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Notes from the Underground) ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1318653/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1318653/ Fri, 24 Oct 2003 18:44:36 PDT

...



in bed.









]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1302554/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1302554/ Mon, 20 Oct 2003 16:43:33 PDT
WE ARE GOING. (correction, THEY are going, my gimpy self will stay back and root for them from here...).

UPSTATES HERE WE COME (GOOOOOOooooo UNION RUGGERS!)

and Cornell, you sorry sack of scrummies, PREPARE TO BOW DOWN!!



WE ARE THE SCRUM!
WE ARE THE LINE!
WE'LL DRINK YOUR BEER AND ALL YOUR WINE
ALL OUR FOES HAD BETTER RUN
BECAUSE WE YIELD A SAWED OFF GUN.
WE GO TO BED
WE GIVE GOOD HEAD
UNION RUGGERS EAT THEIR DEAD!

REUGBY GODS, WE PRAY TO THEE,
HELP US THROUGH MISERY, SO WE CAN DRINK.
WE'LL SLEEP WITH ALL THE GUYS
FROM EVERY MOUNTAINSIDE
IF WE DON'T GET BLACK EYES
WE PRAY TO THEE!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!GO U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




wooOOOOOOHOOO.









]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1287785/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1287785/ Fri, 17 Oct 2003 06:25:19 PDT
The sad thing is, I almost have been dreading the weekends as much as one could a normal weekday, as they seem to go by more quickly and fleetingly. I went out Wednesday night to the guys rugby drinkup, thinking I would just have a couple of beers and come back to the room and call it an early night as I had classes in the morning and shit to do. HA. Riiiiight.
Got sick for the first (and last - knock on wood) time I've been here- felt okay in the morning, but was damn tired...spaced out in classes on Thursday and didn't accomplish a thing afterwards. Come eight o'clock, I decide to hold to what I've been looking forward to for two weeks- a show at Valentines with my new friend Leah. So, yet again- in non-Jessica fashion, I blew off my responsibilities and went to have fun (on a Weekday!!) It was a great show, this band from Bawwwwston called Dogfight came all the way here to play (poor guys). They played an awesome set and I sat down with them to watch the end of the game...to my glee and their dismay . It was a great time.

STILL.

I don't feel good- there's something nagging at me, and I can't put my finger on it. Maybe its lack of sleep, I don't know :S. I guess I just have to get with it.

PS. I got my cast removed Wednesday- it hurt when they took it off, my arm was bruised still, scrawny and stiff. I have a splint on it now (black, just in case you were wondering ) and can take it off to shower... ahhhh... this is supposed to be on for three weeks, and I can't work out or lift yet he said. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuggghh h!!!


O.O



*sigh*



Love.




]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1275031/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1275031/ Tue, 14 Oct 2003 06:36:20 PDT
-Goethe-










]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1259573/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1259573/ Fri, 10 Oct 2003 13:26:29 PDT
The weekend is here and GOD DAMN am I relieved.

Tonight a rugby dinner and movie with the girls to chill and take it easy before their big game tomorrow- then its off to South for some fun; they have some big DJ from the city coming up to play at a party. I might hit the sack "early".
Tomorrow: DEATH TO CORNELL. Pick up my bro- haul him off to the rugby drink up, and then to Jenny's hockeygame- then maybe dinner (?) or back to the Holiday Inn, where I'm stayin' over night with him so we can catch up; then yeah. Sunday is study day. He goes back Monday- I hope I'll be able to get things done so we can hang out- gah.

Maybe I can catch up on my sleep? ]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1251317/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1251317/ Wed, 08 Oct 2003 14:24:46 PDT
Go Yankees! Go Yankees! Go Yankees, yeah!






*laughs at the thought of the Cubs vs. the Red Sox at the World Series*


This is why I'm a college football fan.






]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1246355/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1246355/ Tue, 07 Oct 2003 10:19:40 PDT
Boese Maedchen kommen ueberall hin!!!





(Good Girls go to heaven, Bad Girls go Everywhere)








]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1240179/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1240179/ Sun, 05 Oct 2003 17:17:44 PDT
1.) Legal to support hookers.

2.) Socially acceptable to strip in public.

3.) You can always pump a rugby ball.

4.) A rugby game never comes too soon.

5.) You aren't considered a tease if you play hard to get.

6.) Rugby stains wash out.

7.) You can always play more than once a day and no one thinks you're easy.

8.) 15 new and exciting positions all at once.

9.) A rugby game is guaraneteed to go 2 rounds.

10.) You haven't done it right if you go home without bruises.









]]> `fidget http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1228720/ http://fidget.deviantart.com/journal/1228720/ Thu, 02 Oct 2003 16:00:31 PDT
My poly sci paper is going to kick my ass!!! A quarter of my grade based on a paper that is impossible to prove because we have been in class for four weeks and still don't know what the difference between liberalism and realism is, let alone the differences between historical, structural (human nature AND business structural), and neo-realism! (Okay, a little bit of an exageration, but its still confusing).


In this paper a question about the future of state sovereignty- (will it survive globalization?). We are presented with a Yes, and a No argument- and then are asked to prove whether the authors disagree because they hold different theoretical views, or whether they disagree because although they have the same theoretical perspective, they emphasize different causal forces. And this in UNDER 1000 words!

As my dad would say- "Jesus jesus Jesus!!!!!!" ]]> `fidget