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my website

[link]
my livejournal

that's where I'm at now. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/2661902/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/2661902/ Mon, 14 Jun 2004 20:27:37 PDT Some baby barbarella, with the stars as her umbrella... - Jamiroquai

Mood: Frustrated
Listening to: Matt Good - Everything is Automatic
Reading: The Taming of the Shrew
Watching: Run Lola Run

Standard Abnormality.
Standard Devation...that one is actually a math term.


kooky.

Keep your Eye on the Fruit. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1901595/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1901595/ Tue, 24 Feb 2004 22:58:50 PST Here We are again, no where to go, no one to turn to. - On My Own, Les Miserables

Mood: Frustrated
Listening to: Matt Good - Everything is Automatic
Reading: The Taming of the Shrew
Watching: Run Lola Run

I wonder if I'm destined to repeat the same mistakes, feel the same moods and continue on this everlasting hamster wheel of futility. Each day, I wake up and I repeat that which I have done for many years now. My days are like seconds, my sleep, seems like an eye-blink. I am here in time, but have I ever left this moment? I am here, wondering who I am now, but have I ever really known?

I am tired, and I feel that not only is there not alot to live for, there is not alot to die for either. Existance is a perpetual motion machine of questions and dissapointments.

Love is just an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt.
Do you like to hurt?
Then hurt me.
- Lover I don't have to love, Bright Eyes ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1531768/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1531768/ Sun, 14 Dec 2003 01:16:39 PST Our unripe desires
Meet in bittersweet whispers
The vitriolic taste of our defeat
Mocks the flavor of our rapture closeness
The sugar that I greedily drank of us
Courses poison through my veins. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1520548/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1520548/ Thu, 11 Dec 2003 12:04:34 PST ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1434715/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1434715/ Fri, 21 Nov 2003 22:58:12 PST
I dream of a hallway, that stretches into the distance, beyond my sight. Open doors and windows slam shut all around me, their noise a cacophony of frightening bangs. As I continue forward, searching desperately for a way out, the only door left is marked " Defeat" and through its open frame, there is a world without you, too sad and too terrible to bear. In this cold and darkly lit tunnel of time, I see only a future of endings and despair. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1405551/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1405551/ Sat, 15 Nov 2003 16:33:27 PST I don't want to think, talk or do anything responsible. I should be doing homework, applying for university, getting my driver's license, getting a part time job.
Why can't I be as good at life as I am at yearbook? There I'm like a deity, I'm all knowing, all-powerful. I'm a shining beacon of success and fluid control. But in all other aspects of life I just want to collapse in my room and watch cartoons forever.
It makes me furious that I am more than capable of taking a hold on my world with a fist of iron and molding it to my liking. I have in me overwhelming potential for success and accomplishment, but each day I squander it. Somehow the enormity of reality and the future renders me a sniveling coward, and I loathe it. That's not to say I'm unhappy, hell, I'm doing excellently in all my classes, better in yearbook, and at home and school things are looking up, Socially.
…How frustrating. In any case, I think too much. That’s why I identify so strongly with Hamlet. I’m going to attempt to do something productive now, and by productive I mean read this month’s GMR. Mmm- Video games…. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1352263/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1352263/ Sun, 02 Nov 2003 23:58:12 PST People who love me.
I hate them for loving me and making me love them in the first place. I hate using the word love, but nothing else seems to fit.
I hate people for not hating me, and not stopping me from missing them as terribly as I do.
I hate people for their geographic location.
Today I am selfish.
And girly.
Today I wish that I could never have met people, so as to have never been hurt by their leaving.
Life shouldn't change.
I hate fall. Because it represents change, and distance, distance from better times. Distance from you. The distance of time and the ocean.
I want to drown in my meloncholy.
I want to sleep forever and dream that you're beside me.
And then when I awake, my dreams will have come true.
I'll sleep forever, never say never, you wait and see.
Someday, I'll wake up and my eyes will open to you. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1290318/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1290318/ Fri, 17 Oct 2003 19:46:16 PDT Maybe it's Hamlet, somehow the corruption of society is hard to ignore when it's spoken of so eloquently.
I guess we don't read comedies in high school because they're harder to relate to.

I went to Hawksley Workman today and they were amazing, I got a chance to talk to Tony and then get to know Aleric a little better.
It was a good time, but Parania is really starting to get me.
Thank goodness for the people who really matter.
Thank goodness for the people who really care. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1244473/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1244473/ Mon, 06 Oct 2003 20:23:38 PDT In anycase all I have to say today is this:

Someone shake me like and etcha-sketch
I wanna rattle till there's nothing left. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1117274/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1117274/ Mon, 01 Sep 2003 03:02:54 PDT Sometimes I disgust myself.
I'm talking about rainbows...This summer wasn't good but it was real, and it was very deserved. These really do seem like the best days of my life.
"If I could change the world, I would be sunlight in your universe."

PS. SOMEBOY STOP ME. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1091833/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1091833/ Sat, 23 Aug 2003 13:04:22 PDT Download Cake's cover of "I will survive"
Watch the Kubrick film fest on the space channel tonight at nine. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1065289/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1065289/ Wed, 13 Aug 2003 22:46:36 PDT
I wish summer would never end. I keep thinking about how magical this is. How totally marketable I am. I feel like I don't really exist and instead I'm on one of the commercials for some pill or another. You know, those ones that paint a perfect picture of life and say that, "You could have all of this an more if you took Prozac." lol...and I'm not even on Prozac. HOW COOL IS THAT?!

For example this week alone, I've been to the beach, eaten pancakes and seen a Miazaki flick. I love the summer. Endless days and longer nights, If I could only make this wondrous summer last. Although I suppose that’s really all you can expect from perfection. Just one moment. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1018898/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/1018898/ Fri, 01 Aug 2003 13:20:06 PDT
I feel happy. ALL THE TIME.
My life is just one neverending adventure.
Don't get me wrong, I feel like I deserve this incesant, if sudden, ephoria, but it's wierding me out. I wake up with a smile on my face, even after I have done nothing but watch late night tv. I constantly am over come with the need to dance...It's the best.
Now, I only wish to include everyone I know in my world of sunshine, and rainbows. But alas, this is not so.

Today, I will attempt to bring joy to my bestist best friend Jenna as we watch countless hours of Johnny Depp.

Putting the Manic, in Manic-Depressive.
^_^ Song2 - Blur - "WAHOO!" ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/998744/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/998744/ Mon, 28 Jul 2003 03:15:11 PDT
Panacea
“Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.” - Oscar Wilde The Picture of Dorian Gray

I don't know why I'm writing this here but I'm really quite happy. I've decided to date this guy, Sebastian, he's really quite interesting, and I think that writers should have experiences (like underpasses, and only Christina will get that) in order to better themselves and their work. In any case I have a few additional things to mention.

1.) Elvis Costello's album "My Aim is True" is utterly fantastic, and everyone should listen to, if not purchase it. As it began my favorite was "Watching the Detectives”, and then "Sneaky Feelings" but now I relate to and am wildly stuck on "Cheap Reward"

"Oh, well, I feel so loose tonight I might fall to pieces
So be prepared to sweep me out the door
And I might be horizontal by the time the music ceases
So I think I’ll get acquainted with the floor

Oh, I was trying to get away from the things that I always do
Hello, floorboards once again--how are you?"

It's really quite incredible how ironic life can become, given the chance. (Only Jenna will understand the true irony, I apologize to those of you to which this means nothing.)

2.) Oscar Wilde is my savior. "The Picture of Dorian Gray”, although I am only on the third chapter, has moved me in ways I thought mere words could never do. It is deep, witty and possesses unequaled amazing-ness. I suggest that everyone read it, and love it. I don't expect anyone to even remotely relate to the excessive amount of joy that I derive from reading this, but please, try.

"You have a wonderfully beautiful face, Mr. Gray. Don’t frown. You have. And Beauty is a form of Genius--is higher, indeed, than Genius, as it needs no explanation. It is of the great facts of the world, like sunlight, or spring-time, or the reflection in dark waters of that silver shell we call the moon. It cannot be questioned. It has its divine right of sovereignty. It makes princes of those who have it."

In conclusion, "I think you met me at a very weird time in my life" This summer, chalk filled with Johnny Depp, The Ataris, Thetis lake, and altogether cryptic exploits impresses upon me a sense of the evanesce, the fleeting and the altogether frighteningly short manner of life. Additionally, It makes me feel as if I am merely on the threshold of an ever-widening world that had only recently become apparent to me.

"Oh Brave New World, that has such people in it."
]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/940607/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/940607/ Sun, 13 Jul 2003 14:07:45 PDT
"White Rock, Fish and Chips and Hiding from the Law"

Ah... Summertime.
Here it is at almost 2:00 on a Sunday afternoon, and I don't have to DO anything. I'm actually wearing my pj's, a cute pink pair (You know it's summer, and I'm mellow, if I actually LIKE the colour pink), with donuts and ice cream and pie on them. I'd like to refer to them from now on and my tasty pants. lol...Anyways, I don't have to DO anything. No homework, no work, no nothing. Summer is the single greatest time, ever. And you know what else? It's cloudy. That's right, I don't even have to feel bad about playing video games all day, because, IT's CLOUDY outside, how great is that?

Anyways, on to my point, you my reader(s) may or may not know that I have recently returned from my family vacation in Alberta, where I: Attended stampede, saw the rodeo, saw the chuck wagon races, saw the parade, had my picture taken with Mounties, rode the lrt, got kicked off the lrt, rode the rides at the fair, gambled against carneys, ate fries at the fair, went horse back riding, ate $100 worth of sushi, got caught in two different freak hail storms, saw my family, hung out with my family, watched movies with my cousins, saw GOB, saw Alberta (which is beautiful, if somewhat flat and filled with cowboys and country music.), bought a cowboy hat, ate at Smitty's....Basically, I did a lot in Alberta, but the focus of this journal entry is not Alberta. (I know, I'm not even at the focus yet, please stay with me.)

The focus is White Rock.
Upon returning from Alberta, my family, driving our Buick roadmaster with an all leather interior, state of the art TAPE player, and air conditioning, drove through White Rock. Previous to this point, I had not actually been to White Rock.
The day we drove through White Rock, it was a sweltering 33 degrees outside. With the vast and sparkling ocean on out left, and the quaint, colourful town of White Rock on our right, we drove along the shore to the ferries.

We passed maybe 12 fish and chips joints and possibly 20 ice cream stores and a good 7 surf wear stores. Delightful smells, cool treats and colourful sarongs blessed our short ride through white rock and triggered a brilliant plan in my head.

Someday, if I decide to become a criminal, I will take my ill-begotten money and hide from the law in white rock. There I will become a retired outlaw. I will buy a peach-coloured beach house with a garden of big yellow sunflowers. It is in the quaint town of White Rock where I will know the shop keepers and each morning, dressed in my orange Hawaiian print bathing suit and an old pair of cut off shorts I will roller blade with my envirosafe mesh bag and tattered book to town. Along the seaside I will blade to buy lemons and sip a fruit smoothie. I will stop buy “Patrick’s Fish and Chips” where I will kiss Patrick, my fish and chips boyfriend, before continuing to shop until lunch time where I will return to Patrick and we will happily eat greasy food and gossip about music and the locals. Then, after a little surfing we will drink lime margaritas and read our books on the patio of my mansion, enjoying the rest of our peaceful, rich, lives.

There you have it, oh my brothers, only, don’t tell the cops where I am if I disappear into the sunset with lots and lots of ill-begotten cash.
]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/874142/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/874142/ Wed, 25 Jun 2003 00:34:54 PDT
Anyways, so far my summer has been successful, I have only two months to rest my brain, and so far, In the spirit of this "resting" (Or killing?) of brain cells, I have gone to see a josh hotnett movie, and have watched an whole hour of America's top model, a reality TV show that pits wannabe models against each other for a top prize of a contract and some other stuff, It's really exciting. I think everyone has his or her own guilty, shallow pleasures like that. My other vice of the summer would be baked goods. I have eaten the better part of a cheesecake and more brownies than an average human should be capable of consuming in one day. In any case, summer has been full of indulgence, and I don't see this sinful behavior of mine improving, not with “Pirates of the Caribbean” so close at hand. Let's just say this: Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom can swash my buckle, ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. My friend Fletch remarked that I was acting awfully shallow, with the gossip and the eating of various baked goods and especially the incessant ogling of the aforemented celebrities. I simply replied that although I am worshiped by many for my winning personality, sparkling beauty and astounding intelligence, however nerdy and tomboyish, I too am only human and must, at times indulge myself in such fun, shallow things.

In other news I've been watching all of the bonus features on the extended version of lord of the rings, the fellowship, and I have to say, after watching the movie about a dozen times, and all of this extra documentary stuff, plus the countless extras I will surely watch of the other two films, I am left to wonder how many hours of my life have been spent on lord of the rings, reading, watching, learning, it must be close to 36 hours, and the second movie isn’t even out on video, and the third one isn’t out at all… Also I've been cleaning and reading brave new world.

The most distressing is that some social disputes have arisen this summer. To put things lightly...Well, on the bright side, nothing involves me directly, but I still worry that there isn't something more I could be doing.

I love summer time. Mostly. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/855239/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/855239/ Thu, 19 Jun 2003 22:47:11 PDT
There is this boy, who's real name is Mark, but I call him Charlie, this happened for a variety of reasons.

1.) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, amazing books and AWSOME movie, Charlie (Mark) has a similar hair cut to the main character of this BRILLIANT film and some of the same sort of looks. So, due to my love of this movie, and Charlie's (Mark's) faint similarities Mark became Charlie!

2.) Stephen Chbosky's book "The perks of being a wallflower" the main character's name is Charlie, and from the moment I saw Charlie (Mark) I was struck that the character from this book was real, and an my English class. Clealy, this is not true, but Charlie (Mark) looks precisly as I had always pictured Charlie (The Character) to look. And that is reason number two.

3.) My harvest moon character's name was Charlie, due to the book, and movie, and all of my other reasons, but it contributed to Charlie (Mark) being named Charlie, because harvest mooon for the playstation is the single most entertaining game ever created. Who would have thought that farming would be so much fun? Oh, and harvest moon allowed me to start naming things nouns, for example. "Spank" the monkey, "Free" the horse, "Brush" the dog, ect...

4.) I just plain wanted to know someone named Charlie, how could I continue to live my life without ever having known a boy named Charlie?! So in an effort to know a Charlie, I named Charlie (Mark) Charlie, so as not to waste anymore time not knowing anyone named Charlie.

Therefore, there is a boy, at my school, who likes the Beatles, who's real name is Mark, Who conserves paper, who I call Charlie...

My point is, today I had two exams, Spanish at 9:00 and Math at 1:00, thankfully, Charlie (Mark) was there and he helped me (And himself) and withstanded my nervous pre-math insanity, so that I COULD PASS MATH 11!!!

I know! It's a miracle....although you think I could have gotten a better mark for my soul, hum?
44 out of 80, a pass by 4 points. I am SO exstatic... ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/770412/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/770412/ Wed, 28 May 2003 17:01:42 PDT
Hey Babe, take a walk on the wild side...
Hey Pretty, don't you want to take a ride, through my world...

I got my L and the new dresses I bought off ebay arrived. I still feel as stressed as ever. Schools almost fecking over and I can't seem to get myself off my back. If I fail math I swear I'll die.

I don't know whats the matter with me, you know?
I'm gorgeous, and healthy, and I have a roof over my head and all the modern conviniences, I have the best family, and really stellar friends.

Who really cares if I pass math 11 principals anyways.
I do.
And that's the trouble.

I'm out of two bite brownies. Dear lord, I swear those things are filled with crack. All I have is this empty paper bag for comfort.

There was a hypnotist at our school today, it was tottally possum awsome. Jenna went up, and they made everyone do crazy things and be fools... It was tottally eerie, and fun.

I wish I could have been in lord of the flies. I think maybe it's like in fight club, so much stress is put on things tottally inconciquential to our immediate survival. I think I might end up as piggy. Or Ralph or Simon. I think with my mad out door ed skills I would have survived. Although, I am a leader, but I sometimes don't get along with others. I think if it were an Island of girls, either they would have stuck together alot longer, or fallen apart alot faster. I also stand by the fact that Ralph should have died. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/758656/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/758656/ Sun, 25 May 2003 14:15:38 PDT
Jenna seems to think that the planets are aligning and I should prepare to meet my destiny. My desitny, according to her, is her ex-boyfriend, Scott.

Scott works as a movie projectionist down town, wears a leather trench coat and is up on the comic book scene, all of which lead me to belive he's a great guy, or at least that we'd have alot in common. Jenna seems to think that we do, and I belive her. Additionally, there is a very high chance that Scott is really Tyler Durden, in which case, I would date him in a heart beat.

In anycase, today is Sunday, and tommorow we have no school. So Jenna and myself are going to try to meet Scott down town, so I can realise how much I like Scott, and come to terms with the fact he's perfect for me. Right.

I can picture our first date now, eating pie at a 24 hour resturant, discussing who was the hottest in X2. mmmm mmmm...Shawn Ashmore. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/715628/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/715628/ Mon, 12 May 2003 17:45:23 PDT
Town Pantry to Town Pantry, with only one slurpee casualty.

Jenna, Dan and myself walk home sometimes, Jenna doesn't live anywhere near me. In fact she lives up my the Wilkonson rd. jail, which is very far away from me. However, it gives her a chance to hang out with Dan. Don't ask me why they insist upon dragging me along on their pointless half-assed dates. I wonder what Dan's problem is. Honestly, he ought to ask her out. Get some balls man, seriously.

I was wearing a plaid kilt to school today, and as usual, I tripped on my shoe laces and fell flat on my face. I took the skin off my left knee and hand, and my slurpee lept from me hand like a captin abandoning a ship, only captins don't abandon their ship, and I can't really see how a slurpee would be my captin.

Being bad at metaphors isn't a crime.

I don't have much else to say other than Dan and Jenna and their issues are starting to irritate me, and I sometimes think I don't have a lead role in my own life. ]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/595216/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/595216/ Sat, 05 Apr 2003 09:38:48 PST
No, no, I'm not going to break out into fastball or anything... This journal entry will be rather short, but expect another one soon, regarding minimum wage and novelty light switch plates.

See, what happened was this: *cue flash back music and fuzzy lights* Due to lack of sleep, and food, Matt Good, and general stress... maybe the war on Iraq even had something to do with it. I had a wee bit of a nervous break down. The whole pathetic bit too. Weeping uncontrollably, claiming there was no reason to live. Hating myself for crying, hating myself in general. Hating the fact that things never change, not you, not the world, not the infected, stinking people who litter our earth like diseased maggots.

Fight Club describes losing all hope as freedom. They lied. I hate to say it, but they did. I felt trapped. Like I could never leave the safety of my house...The world is an ugly, ugly place and I wanted nothing to do with its grotesque, morally inept people or its' stinking, polluted existence.

Of course... I crawled up stairs...one foot in front of the other...Every step heavy, weighted by the poisonous loathing for life. I took a peanut butter sandwich. I took some pills. I took some vitamins. I took myself back to bed.

The next morning the sun came up. And I was still alive, and I was, unfortunately, conscious.

Sometimes you appear to be at a turning point in your life. Though, I seem to think that as much as you try to escape the fate, the highway your personality has chosen for you. Either by taking side roads or alleyways, you will always end up on the same street again. Here's to the u-turns of our lives. Try to remain hopeful that our destination is a place where we can be happy, finally.

]]> ~frostedmango http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/555390/ http://frostedmango.deviantart.com/journal/555390/ Thu, 20 Mar 2003 11:46:48 PST
Spring Break. A time of joy. Happyness. Freedom. I looked forward to spring break. I set goals for myself. I thought that it would be the break from hellish school that I so rightly deserved.

My spring break has been spent at school. I have been miserable, because a certin hurtful relationship has been dragged up from the depths. I have been held captive at school and to make matters worse: The whole damn world is going to shit and my family is watching via high colour, digitally enhanced cable television.

Now, aside from all that I feel riddled with dissapointment that my dreams of hope have turned out to be pathetic delusions.

Keep your eye on the fruit.

- Kieran Elise O'Brien

]]> ~frostedmango