http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:gutterfly13&section=today deviantART RSS for by:gutterfly13 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 05 Dec 2009 07:44:35 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/26845245/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/26845245/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 20:24:36 PDT
but, along with the lack of "ations", i'm also lacking funds, and a place of residence... so, i'm back with my mom in michigan.. huzzah, right?

wrong...

but, shit happens, so, whatever will be, will be...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/25018734/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/25018734/ Fri, 29 May 2009 16:41:01 PDT blah.

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/24231309/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/24231309/ Tue, 14 Apr 2009 01:13:11 PDT
maybe i should?

i hadn't had much energy to create anything as of late. I've pretty much been living inside my head. i know i sound a bit like I'm daft when i say that, but alas, its truth. after a year and a half of torture and pain, I've finally found the guts to move on from a "relationship" that i never necessarily had... i cut all ties with him, and that's that. I'm more than likely planning on summering in Montana, with my sister, and my new guy. and no, its a different one from my last entry... yes, I've sorta gone thru 'em quickly, i suppose, but, hopefully this time it works out. romance is such a pain in the ass...

uh, hopefully, i can take some interesting pictures while in Montana.. i'd love to use my sisters Canon out there. plus, I'll be spending time with my bf, Bryan, so that'll be exceptionally cool.

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/22284886/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/22284886/ Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:17:56 PST
okay, so, this christmas was pretty good, i got some gifts, despite the fact that i wasnt really expecting any, and i get to stay with my bf for 2 weeks, and its gonna make me sad to have to leave him, soon..

funny thing is, my mom misses me... lol

its weird, cuz i'm not used to her wanting me around, she always wanted to get rid of me, and wanted me to leave her alone, and not bother her, and all that shit... but now, she wants me to come home soon...

it kinda proves that she might actually love me???

*shrug* who knows, it might be just because she's lonely, or whatever, maybe she needs help of some sort...

but, yeah, i dont really wanna leave here... i like being with chris, i like waking up to his snoring, and i like being with him, i like having his arms around me, and i like being able to just walk right up to him and kiss him whenever i want...

and of course, the sex!!! lol

(COMMENCE THE WOOTING, lol)

oh, and uh...

i'm going to make dinner for chris and his family on thursday, which will prove to be an interesting task.

it'll be fun, to say the least.. i just have to remember not to go overboard with everything.

but, alas, i best be leaving now, cuz i have to take the browns to the superbowl. and i'm using my bf's brothers computer, so, i shall be off...

PEACE!!!!

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/20879717/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/20879717/ Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:47:39 PDT
i'm pretty excited, cuz i actually have a boyfriend on my birthday...

i cant wait to spend some time with my baby, he's gonna finally meet the rest of my family.. (except for my sister Jessie, but its okay, he'll end up meeting her sometime, soon..)

chris wants to know what i want for my birthday.. but i honestly dont know.. just him being here with me is good enough... ya know?

chyeah, i dont know, tho... i just want to have a good time.. a good day, a good night.. i just want to NOT have a shitty birthday, like usual.

i just hope things go smoothly.

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/19062129/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/19062129/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:44:44 PDT
but for those who are interested in my personal life as well.. i'm newly single, for the most part, not that it matters, tho..

uh.. for my emotional state... i'm always confused with that, lol

uh, i'ma leave it at that... for the time being, i've kinda lost where i was going with this, and so, i'm kind of at a loss with this, lol.

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/17993370/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/17993370/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 15:09:50 PDT we're SO much alike... and he's just like me...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/16982827/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/16982827/ Wed, 20 Feb 2008 18:39:54 PST

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/16682740/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/16682740/ Fri, 01 Feb 2008 22:39:52 PST
so, anyways...

things have been going okay for me.. not GREAT, but not TERRIBLE.. ya know?

i havent been doing much creatively lately... i havent even been writing... which is like, a shock to most people... cuz i used to spend like, all day every day writing... and all night... but whatever... if i get inspired, i'll do something... but until then, i'll just be sitting here, not being creative... lol

and yeah.. i've been talking to a whole ton of different guys online.. many potential relationships... but who knows... lol

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/16551008/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/16551008/ Thu, 24 Jan 2008 12:38:03 PST
you can probably assume what we did.. lol! but its more than just sex, to me, which i completely dread... i always dread having feelings for someone...

*heavy sigh* i like him...

and i told him... and he says he likes me.. and he treats me like he likes me,

but.............

i dont know....

i have feelings for him...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/16226956/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/16226956/ Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:51:18 PST like building a blanket fort in the cafeteria...

or bugging and bugging and bugging them for things to do...

or dancing with a girl through the hallways of the psych unit...

i even made an older woman pee in her pants a little because of how hard i made her laugh...

i made other people really happy. i've met some people there that i'll never forget (in a good way) and i realized that its not my life that i wanted to end... i just wanted to end how its been going...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15754980/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15754980/ Sat, 01 Dec 2007 19:36:35 PST
i feel sick.. with myself... with people... with life.. bleh.


its so friggin cold... sometimes, i dont even want to exist, let alone do i want to find the reason why i do... god...


so... i'm feeling miserable... i feel like i'm always being used... from every corner...


my family, people who i thought were my friends, people who make it seem like they care, when in reality, they only want something from me... whether it be to help them somehow... to make them feel better about themselves, or even to use for sex....

am i not worthy of care and consideration??????? it seems to be so...

*sad sigh*

i dont know...


i feel broken... for the millionth time... it seems that happiness is only fleeting in my world...

i hate that every time things start going good, or seem to be getting better, something comes along and screws it all up... something comes along to hinder any attempt at me living happily...

i'm so tired of living, but i cant just give up... not yet...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15656729/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15656729/ Sat, 24 Nov 2007 22:01:15 PST
**um, theres a guy, i'm into... who's also into me... but i dont know what we're gonna do about it, cuz he doesnt live close enough for us to be involved with each other... and then again, we're not even sure if we WANT to be together.... but, see, thats just my luck... something good starts happening, then, something always seems to prevent the good from happening...

**i swear, i'm the most optimistic pessimist to ever exist...

**but anywho, i dont know what to say...

**um... last friday was my orientation and assessment at MMCC, i did pretty good on the assessment, except for on the math, but thats because i've always done terrible with math... lol i cant wait to find out if i got the financial aid, so i CAN actually register for classes... so i can start in January... cuz i cant wait!!!

**so.... lately, i've been so.... back and forth, that its almost scary... seriously... like.... one day, i was sooo depressed and upset that i was thinking about cutting again... which i havent done in probably... 5 months... (i actually earned back my razors... for shaving... ) then the very next day... i'm all... weird happy hyper and crap... its annoying...

** so... yeah... romance is a novelty... and life is a confusing super massive black hole that devours all hope, and happiness...
*****example of pessimism****

**but anyways... for those who pay attention, i added a new picture, probably one that i'm most proud of...

**i'm thinking about deleting some of my ID's (i'll keep maybe 2) and some pictures of me... because there really isnt much of a reason for me to even have them here... its not like this is myspace lol ... I'll only keep them if they have some sort of artistic relevance, or some sort of meaning, at least more than just me trying to look pretty....

**i've been listening to a lot of sad music, lately... not really trying to get into the sad mood, but its just been whats been alluring my ears lately...

**yeah, i've been listening to Chiodos, Alexisonfire, A Static Lullaby.. i dunno...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15596113/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15596113/ Tue, 20 Nov 2007 19:52:10 PST
**but lately, i've been getting better... more in control.. more the way things should be when your 20, single, and a free spirit...

**I feel a slight devastation that I haven't been focused on myself... i've pretty much given up the possibility of having a future, for my sister... but now, i'm not doing that anymore....

**i had a great time on sunday... i went out dancing, and i met a guy, who wanted my number... but he was one of those drunken frat guys, so its like, i'm not counting on anything... lol

**i signed up for college... and i already got my student ID, i just need to try and get my financial aid... till then, i'm pretty screwed...

**i'm going out with a wonderful guy on friday... i'm excited about him... and YAY! i'm usually pessimistic about people... and i usually dread liking people, or people liking me, but i'm giddy about this one... there was only one other guy i've ever been giddy for... and it was embarrassing... cuz he was my GED prep instructor... but i liked him far too much...

**theres a terrible song on TV right now... its some annoying hip hop song... *shudders*

**OOHhh now, its REM!!!

**time to go back and forthe between bleak and brooding, to happy and hopeful.... LOL!

**so, yeah.. the other day, shit erupted... now my sister hates me for *gasp* feeling USED..... hmmmm....??? *anger*

**and yeah... i'm still really excited about
*gasp* Awww!!! REM "this one goes out to the one i love"...

**anywho... i'm really excited about going to hang with my walmart guy!! we get to cuddle and watch movies and fool around... and get to know each other!!! and i'm sooo happy about that!!!

**but i'm always all over the place... so, forgive me....

**MOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'M A GHOST COW!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! lol!!!
*dont ask*


um... i cant think of anything else to say...

PEACE AND SWISS CHEESE

~JACLYN~

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15382056/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15382056/ Mon, 05 Nov 2007 18:36:37 PST
i'm sick at the moment... which sucks.. cuz i'm always friggin sick arent i?

so, yeah... i had kind of a hook up, on friday... shhhh... its a secret... so yeah... it was great, tho... so yeah...

um....

more ramblings...

did you ever notice how funny those japanese game shows are? i saw this Japanese human tetris thing... it made me laugh sooo hard... LOL!

and uh... i ran into my friend who had just recently had her baby, and i was like "awwww how cute, a baby i can stuff into my microwave!" LOL!!

i'm a weird person... but i love kids...


and yeah... i'm not feeling very well....
i've been like, feeling like i'm gonna throw up...


i've also been thinking about joining or starting a band... well, see, i've got all this musical fuckin potential and talent... the only thing that gets me kinda fucked, is my throat is always fuckin sore....

i've been going thru lots and lots of youtube vids... lol!!!
too bad i'm sick... i hate being sick.... i swear to god.. or whatever power higher than myself... that i need to friggin get my tonsils taken out....

blah.

blah.blah.

i like AFI a lot... but i've been getting into more techno/electro/industrial kinda music... similar to Davey's side project Blaqk Audio... i adore the song Stiff Kittens... but yeah... anywho..

i've been getting into a lot of weird music lately... anyone got any good music to tell me about???


please!?!?!?!?!?

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15130434/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/15130434/ Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:37:47 PDT ..............................................................................................
Kathy:jaclyn call aunt tutti, if you want to hear from your dad, he is staying with us.

Jaclyn:I'd rather not keep in touch with him. I love you guys, but I have nothing to say to him. If he wants to know how I am, tell him I'm doing good, despite him.

Anyway, I got my GED in April, and I'll be going to college soon, taking writing classes.

If he wants to keep updated on my life, you can just show him my page here. I'll update it more now, because I actually forgot I had this page until now.

So, how are things going with you, and everything?

Sincerely,
Jaclyn

Kathy:jaclyn, Please call, dont give up yet there is still hope...
love aunt tutti

Jaclyn:there's no hope for him...

Kathy:there is hope for everyone, even you , dont give up on yourself, do something to change your life, we are working on your dad he has a few months more of sobriety, then i will let him know if you want to see him, first get some professional help for your anger. you are to young to be so angry,get some help for your weight, i did I went to an endocrinologist and lost 50lbs and i am keeping it off, i am an diabetic also, so there is help for you.. If you need to talk or some advice call us we are in the phone book...
love tutti

Jaclyn: wow...
If that wasn't a passive aggressive verbal assault, then I don't know what is...

And so, I'm fat. Oh well! I'm learning to like myself the way I am. Sorry if thats too much for some people.

And honestly, I'm not so angry anymore, sure there's a little resentment still in me, but its normal. I'm sorry I can't paint on the facade of happiness just to console and satiate everyone around me.

I know theres hope for me. There was never any doubt in that. I'm doing a LOT better than I honestly ever thought I would, coming from the family that I do.

So, how long as Keith been sober? Did you make sure he's not hiding any pints of liquor around the house? Do you honestly think he's going to stay sober for long?

I, on the other hand, have no substance abuse problems, I will be going to college soon, and I will make more of myself than what you all think I'm capable of.

I'm sorry if you find this a bit alarming, being that I've found a backbone, but there was absolutely no reason to blindly attack me like that. Sure, it wasn't said in a mean way, but nonetheless, its not your place to say what I should and shouldn't do with my life.

And if this was your way of trying to make me WANT to talk to you guys, then its a bit disheartening.

And you wonder why I'm "angry"?

Sincerely,
Jaclyn

you were the one who brought up the subject of your weight and how unhappy you are ,sorry for misinterpating your message...yes your dad is an alcoholic..hope is all we have...you have a right to be angry..nobody is perfect..life is what you make it...didnt mean to judge..you do have anger issues and rightfully so... love tutti..wont bother you again ..

So, when did I bring up my weight as an "issue" to you, or anyone?? seriously...

Thats all you guys ever saw in me was my weight... you didnt see that I'm talented, creative, smart, funny, and an all around nice person..

I started out being friendly, if you can remember, but what you had to say felt like you were just trying to hurt me...

And yes, I have anger issues, you pointed that out last time.. And I've been to MANY different psychologists, therapists, counselors, and so on, and they all said the same thing; they'd be angry too... So, do you even know what we had to go through? I'm terribly sorry that I want nothing to do with my child raping, physically, verbally and mentally abusive "father".

But, I'm actually doing WELL for myself. I'm growing wiser. I believe my wisest decision was to have nothing to do with Keith.

So, gee, great. Thanks for the early birthday present...

everyone cared. tried talking to your mom and dad like talking to the wall...never to late take your own life back...nt trying to be sarcastic, move out and on you will stagnate in pinconning...
....... ]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14826421/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14826421/ Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:03:49 PDT
the DR put me on this medication thats supposed to help with my ADHD... but yeah... i feel just as scatterbrained as before... only now, i can focus better on... being... scatter... brained.. ... .. yeah, i kinda lost momentum, there.. um... i've bleached my hair.. its really fuckin strawberry-ish. i've never had my hair as light as it is now... its funny, cuz my natural color is somewhat of a auburn reddish brownish kind of color.. not really very dark... and the hair dye i bought, said lightens "even the darkest hair colors" to almost a platinum blond "in just one application"... but in my hair, it turned it a light red, the first time, so i did it again... and it turned it to this strawberry blond color... LOL!!!

not that i really want my hair platinum blond, but... its the point.. i shouldnt have to do TWO applications of hair bleach, when it says it lightens pitch black hair to a light blond... SHEESH! right, i mean.. my scalp got a chemical burn... for christ sakes...

HEY! instead of cutting myself... maybe i should just dye my hair when i'm upset... cuz that really fuckin hurt.. seriously...

i need a new hair cut... lol... i seem so appearance-obsessed..

yeah, sometimes i am... but i'm confident in how i look... even when i look all... skuzzy, and everything...

plus, my personality OVERSHADOWS any physical "quality" i may be "lacking" or any that i may have in abundance...


Wow... i ramble... a lot....!!! lol, i think something may be wrong with me.. MWAHAHAHA!

oh, and theres a cute virgin guy i like... i dunno if he likes me.. we flirt a lot, but thats just his thing... and you can tell he's a good guy..

it seems that all the assholes get laid sooner, and more often....
and all the nice guys get left in the dust... having to pick up the pieces that the assholes left behind....

anyways... he's a friend of a friend... and yeah... the guy is a friend of a friend, so i dont wanna like, bother him about it... we get along really well, and i dont wanna like, make our friendship all awkward, just because i kinda like him... .... ... .... ... ...---... ...---... ...---...

yeah, anywho... thats whats going on inside JackieLand...

i post another journal when i have something to say, or when i cant get something off my mind...

or when i've updated my gallery... which may prove more difficult, because our scanner is being a bitch!!!!

anyways.... lol

Peace..
-Jaclyn (jackie)

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14596463/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14596463/ Tue, 11 Sep 2007 21:02:22 PDT
look and love them!!!!!

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14491700/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14491700/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 17:29:49 PDT
i tried a bleach blonde.. but ha!

a natural red head trying to get blonde hair... its pretty hard for me... cuz i've no money... and um.... yeah...


so.. its more of a reddish firey blonde kind of color... its unsual.. but i like it.. if you dont.. go die...

um.. i still havent uploaded my drawings yet.... GERRR... my scanner has been a bitch... lol

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14393650/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14393650/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:31:24 PDT
i have ONE drawing, but its one i'm proud of... a little on the messy side, but if you like my art, then you'd like that... and i'm not even sure i'll be able to get that up today... may not have the time... gerr snarl growl!!
um... some are really pretty, and some are the random shots that i'm known for... so, yeah...

um, on a personal note... i need a man. lol, but who doesnt sometimes?? lol!

i got a cute new hat... seriously!
and i've been thinking about going to college... like, next fall.. or even in the summer... i heard summer classes are less filled....

i just havent figured what i should focus on... i might as well start out in general classes, and figure out later what i want to do... or whatever... i need to see a career counselor or something...

yeah....
anywho... um, Ta-Da!!
hehe.. ok bye yall..

~jaclyn~

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14209279/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/14209279/ Fri, 17 Aug 2007 10:04:50 PDT
she doesnt know how to email pictures, and i dont have the paitence to explain everything to her, so it would be easier if i could just go to her house, get the photos on my memory card, and bring them back here.... edit what needs to be edited, and then, put them up here... YAY!

soon.. i promise... but my drawings should be up soon, i'll be scanning them in a sec and TA-DA!

MWahahahahaha!!!

ok,
love ya all, if anyone really pays any attention to this.. lol!

Jaclyn....

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/13732424/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/13732424/ Sat, 14 Jul 2007 12:15:04 PDT
the guy i lost my virginity to is out of our house...

he's pretty much homeless... but see... the bastard deserved it... talking so much shit about me... how he doesnt like fat girls...

alright, mister 330 lbs.. tell me you dont like fat girls, but your no prize pig yourself???

ah whatever, i'm venting a bit... plus the dog fucker didnt pitch in on any bills, he only gave my sister gas money to take him to flint to shows... cuz he's such a dick sucking groupie....

not that i have any problem with guys that do enjoy the occasional sucking cock, but he's a piece of shit, so that doesnt matter...

the waste of human flesh may have taken off with our digital cameras...

i cant be too sure, but he's just such a cunt that i would put it past the mother fucker...

he needs the life choked out of him.... and junk..............

the fucker took my virginity, even tho i was telling him "no, no no no... wait wait.... just wait..."

it wasnt exactly rape.... i just kinda gave up... and i was really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really
...
DRUNK....

sadly, i gave him something i cant ever get back, and it was only to shut him the fuck up... it was like "ok, douche, you might as well stick ur 2.5 inch weiner in my junk... make me bleed, and pass out... then wake up the next day and start treating me like shit for almost 2 months..."

yeah, its almost crazy how i put up with it, especially for so long... well, i figure... i lost my virginity... at least thats over and done with... and i've still got my innocent viewpoint on life... i'm still a good person, and literally, as soon as he left, i felt 100 times better...

my entire being was lifted... you know? like, i felt physically and emotionally lighter... just within the few hours he's been gone...

i feel better about myself, and i feel like, since we werent together anyways, it doesnt matter... i wanted to be with him... but i didnt see how hard he was dragging everything down...

me..
my sister...
the kids...
even the cat seems happier since he's been gone... its strange...

but yeah, he's gone...
the opressors gone!

and tonight, if i can get ahold of my brother... my girlie and i may be going to a PIRATE PARTY!!!!

YES!!!

so alls gravey in the navy....

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/13527875/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/13527875/ Thu, 28 Jun 2007 16:12:34 PDT
i've also got some pictures too, that i should put here..

i just havent gotten around to it yet, cuz i have somewhat more important things to tend to... like my niece and nephew, and laundry... house stuff....

hehe.. i'm the bitch of the house...

but yeah... soon i'll have some new stuff up here, so dont fret...

unless you play guitar, then fret all you want! ROCK OUT!!!!

(wow that was retarded)

onto more serious junk...
you ever feel like... like you dont want to talk about something, but it needs to be talked about... or like, you dont want to care about someone's opinions, or actions, or whatever... and you feel like you've gotten quite close to them, no matter what, things still get to you??

eh, its weird... i

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/13267780/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/13267780/ Fri, 08 Jun 2007 16:23:53 PDT
what i'm wondering is, why cant chubby women, (you know women who dont look like pre-pubescent boys,) get their glory???

it seems to me that if you find them attractive, then why not become a pedophile, and chase after 12 year old boys???

its just as disgusting, to me anyways..

So, what, are we as larger women supposed to apologize for being naturally big, or chubby or dare i say it... FAT???

I would rather spend my time apologizing in court for choking down a bitch who insults me than apologize for my nature... cuz i've always been a big lady...

i had fuckin candy thrown at me from people who i thought were my friends... but when image becomes more important than character, thats what happens...

especially since i wasn't wearing the "popular" style of clothing at the time... in all honesty, tho.. i was quite fashion forward, i got made fun of for wearing fingerless gloves one day, then the very next month, people were wearing them...

Whatever, society today seems like it has a mental disease... i mean, you've seen who "we the people" elected as our president.. the American representative to the entire world... my god.. it just confirms the stereotype that all americans are just gun toting money hungry hillbillies... its sad really...

You know, for a while, i used to wish i could wake up skinny... just to know what it felt like to be "pretty" and "beautiful" but you know... now that i'm older, i'm not that ugly, fat or not...

i'm getting to the point where i'm more annoyed at the social obsession towards skinny women, than i am at my own overweight-ness...

shit, man... everyone has their imperfections, just some are better at concealing them than others...

which would you rather have, a deceitful "beautiful" thin as a rail woman posing for you... being afraid that if you catch her at a wrong angle, she'll disappear..??

or a healthy, chubby, truly gorgeous woman whose all natural, and wont fly away if the window is cracked open a bit...

all i'm askin for is a little appreciation for the big girls... RIGHT???

i am beautiful, Fat, and all around awesome! so if you dont like it, then i guess your "part of the crowd"... and who wants to be that?? Lord knows i dont...

So, love me, or hate me... i'm still here...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/13080852/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/13080852/ Thu, 24 May 2007 19:45:02 PDT
its ucky.

i'm chewing old gum..

the flavor hasnt lasted as long as i'd like it to...

i've got a few new drawings that are done... i just need to scan them to put them on here...

mwahahaha!!!

man, i'm kinda hungry...

and i have a new person living with me...

its a guy, but thats all i'm going to say, cuz thats all there is to say...

i like talking about random bullshit...

i'm not with the guy i've been talking about, because that totally tanked out... because i'm an ugly beast and no one would ever want me...
lol

so, in the mean time, i'll just go about my business as a homly fat little girl, that has not low self esteem, but none whatsoever...

wow... i'm a sad miserable mistake... even when things are going good, or getting better, i always seem to see the bad parts in life...

i need a sedative... lol

just put me to sleep, and never let me wake up...



that sounds better...

i'm still hungry... and kinda bitter...

but theres always a bitter taste in my mouth... thats from living the life that i do...

damn it.. quit being an ass jaclyn... just chill... "This, too, shall pass.."

ARGH! ok whatever.

in closing, i'm a complete mess, but thats why you all love me, right?

it better be!

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12874526/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12874526/ Mon, 07 May 2007 10:22:26 PDT

WHOOOOOOOOO!!!

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12861434/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12861434/ Sun, 06 May 2007 07:53:37 PDT
and my Tonsilitis is healing... yeah, i went to the doctors, he looked down my throat, sucked in a hiss of pain, contorted his face along with it, and said "ooh! i'm surprised you can even talk... your tonsils are touching. they're the size of golfballs... do you ever play golf..?"

yeah, just my luck to get a doctor with A.D.D. heh. but they shoved a big Q tip down my throat, and Ta-Da!! Tonsilitis!! now i can sleep at night, knowing my tonsils are swelling up enough to give me trouble breathing...

but yeah, they looked at my chart, in '05 i was in the Dr.'s for a sore throat, same thing, first week of May... in '06... sore throat..tonsilitis...first week of May... now '07, first week of May, right on schedule..

they figure its seasonal allergies causing the tonsilitis.. i'm like "huh? ok, whatever, your the doctor, pal..."

So, tomorrow's the Big Day... the day i find out whether i'm an utter failure to "the system" or if i barely skimmed along on the skin of my ass...

i have to call to find out whether i passed my GED test tomorrow... which i'm excited about, but scared as well. More nervous, because even though i'm confident, i still could be wrong... cuz i've been confident before with things, and they've turned out to be completely different from what i thought...

i think tomorrow i'll stop up at my school, and give my teacher his book back, and tell them whether i passed or not...

so, yeah... i think i'm like... losing my bubblyness... its scarey.. if this wasnt the real deal, i dont think i want it when it does come along... if it ever does... because, its not like everythings all puppies and rainbows, for crying out loud. maybe not everyone gets a "love of their life" or whatever.. not everyone gets a "soul mate" or "kindrid spirit" or whatever... the ground isnt made of chocolate, the sky isnt filled with marshmallows... and nothing ever ends up how you want it...

wow... i'm so... pessimistic... lol...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12818610/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12818610/ Wed, 02 May 2007 16:57:17 PDT
i wont find out if i passed my tests till may 7th, but i'm pretty confident that i did.

i'm also still sore in the chestial region... from a nice piercing blow to the heart... i've been trying to get over this quickly...

but just about everything reminds me of him... funny things, things that we both found interesting... jeeze.. honestly, i could go on and on about him. almost everything i talk about is him...

i never wanted to become one of these girls.. that get all "head over feet" in love with someone.. AH no, strike that... not love... i cant be in love with the guy, because i've only known him since January... spending 4 hours a night with him 3 to 4 nights a week isnt really enough time to truely get to know someone, right?

its like, i've met people, tons of people, and i've never felt such a strong connection with anyone before... like, seriouisly... i've liked people, but i never felt like we got each other... even my weird silly habits, he made me feel like, even tho i'm weird, i'm not a total freak.. like i usually feel like...

he made me feel confident, like i could take on the world. he made me WANT to take on the world...

i've never been this heartbroken over anyone before... its like, i've been crying on and off for the past week... and its like... he was nice about it, even tho it was obvious he was going to reject me from the start... usually, i'm a little hurt, but it never bothered me this badly before... i usually take rejection as a given... like its supposed to happen...

i felt like i could really connect with him... and being this upset, makes me feel retarded...

i've been so tired, like my entire "bubble" gene drained from me...

everyones been asking "Whats wrong, Jaclyn?" "Are you okay?" "Is everything alright?"

i hate pretending like everything is ok... i hate putting on a smile, when i feel like i'm ready to fall to pieces...

i'm kinda devistated...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12777584/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12777584/ Sun, 29 Apr 2007 11:20:41 PDT
]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12723982/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12723982/ Tue, 24 Apr 2007 21:45:53 PDT i was pacing in front of him all evening, prepping myself to tell him, and my sister showed up to pick me up, and as i was putting my bag in the trunk of the car, i called him over, because he was getting into his car, so walks over to me... i say to him:

"ok, i've gotta say this before i lose my nerve, i've got a crush on you.. as if you couldnt tell" and he gives me this, look... like a half assed semi uncomfortable smile... i dont know how to describe it... but anywho...
then his fuckin lover boy, butt buddy, always having to be up his ass best friend comes up, tells me i'll do fine, before he gets to respond, and then they leave...

AHHH!!
no, i shouldnt say that bad stuff about his best friend, because he's a totally bad ass dude... you know? its just, when i wanna talk to him, HE's always there... right up his ass...

maybe i could talk to him thru myspace.. keep in contact thru there...
he's on my faves... he's on here, too... just not very often... lol...
if only he knew how much i really felt for him...
lol... i'm about retarded...

i wanna cry...
OH!!
i took 2 of the 5 GED tests today... i'm pretty confident, because of the fact that i finished an hour early...

and tomorrow, i shall finish the tests, and get my GED and then party my ass off, because how mutha fucking smart i am... mwahahahaaaa!

ok, i'm a total ass.. but you get the idea...

i bussa cap on that test.. lol, but i've gotta get to sleep, its late.. i've gotta wake up early for the tests.... peace...



]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12629375/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12629375/ Tue, 17 Apr 2007 08:03:16 PDT
but i kinda told the guy i like, that i like him... in my own weird little way... lol...
i'm a confusing little beast... am i not? i dont think he quite gets what i meant, because what i literally said was

"I can't look at you"
he asks "why?"
i reply back with "because you make me feel all... flingy"
he contorts his face in that cute way of his, and gives me that smile... and ask me "is flingy a word?"
i say back to him "I dont know, its my word, cuz i dont know what this feeling is..."

then his buddy walks up and starts talking about the murders in Virginia, which is very sad, and sucks completely.. but i was talking to him... he just waltzes up, "So, 33 dead. Man..." then they start talking about it... argh.. well, maybe it saved me from embarrassment? prolly... because why would such a great, amazing guy like him like such a downer like me? lol...

i know i'm a great person, you just need to look under the layer of fat to see that...


so, yeah... i know i'm smart, and creative, and nice, and talented, and all these great personality qualities...
but see, i had to develope a good personality because i'm fat... lol.

if i was pretty and skinny, i could be a bitch, and it wouldnt make a difference... because people would still want to be around me... prolly even more so...
its the "fat girl" syndrome...
i think big girls are very sexy, and gorgeous... OTHER big girls... but me, i wish i werent so big... i sure as hell dont wanna be skinny, tho... i just wish people wouldnt look at me as how big i am, but look at me for how awesome and bad ass i am!!!

cuz anyone who knows me personally, knows i'm great. a little immature, and annoying at times, but there are times when i can be very insightful, indepth, and so on... great sense of humor, sensative, loyal, i am intellegent, at times... so yeah... i am a great person, so if he doesnt like me, then... i dont know, his loss, right???

cuz the only thing that isnt great about me is my body... my face is kinda pretty... i guess. i dunno...

i have reason to be judgemental about my body... i've been fat all my life... i cant stand it when skinnier girls are all "oh, i'm so fat and ugly" i'm like "then what the FUCK AM I??" then they're all "Oh, you're not fat..."
ahhhaaaahhaahaa BULLSHIT!!!
its nonderragitory. i'm tired of people trying to hide the fact that i'm fat to my face, when i cant even hide it... why should i have to hide it in the first place, right????

its nothing to be ashamed of. i could see if i was fat and slovenly, and wore trashy clothes, and whatever... but i take good care of myself, and i look nice... so why does it matter???

anywho.. i've gotta go...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12535794/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12535794/ Tue, 10 Apr 2007 07:06:37 PDT
]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12497261/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12497261/ Sat, 07 Apr 2007 13:51:32 PDT
My vision blacked out for at least a second, i could barely see straight for about a couple minutes... i was dizzy, my pupils were dilated, and i felt like i was going to pass out, or fall asleep...

so, yep.. HAPPY EASTER!! lol!

and tom waits. lol. no, but seriously, i still want to pass out, my whole body feels heavy... well, heavier than it usually is.. lol.

oh, yeah, and my eyes were watering so badly, it was like i was cryng... seriously, i wasnt tho... at least, i wasnt feeling like i was... it was like, tears were streaming down my face like a freakin storm...

and i was like, "Why are my eyes watering so badly?" and jessie was like "I thought you were crying" i was like "No, i cant keep my eyes from watering... its like, they're watering so bad, i'm crying"

it was messed up.. but dont worry, i'm not going to be like Karl, and use my concussion as an excuse... for the most part... lol..

ok peace...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12451110/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12451110/ Tue, 03 Apr 2007 23:36:16 PDT
i'm getting prepared for the GED test for i believe its the 24th and 25th of this very month...

Meaning, i will be out of the class by the end of this month... and i'm kinda sad about that...

i actually like the class... for more than one obvious reason... lol...

ok... is there really much of an age difference from 19 to 26?? i dont think so... lol...

i just dont know... he's amazing... i'm terrified... god, how low does my self esteem have to be, to be completely terrified to talk to this guy?? lol... AHHH!!

i must have a negative amount of self esteem... lol.

yeah... sometimes i just wish i could be better looking, so ppl could really see how awesome of a person i am...

i know i'm not what most people would consider "sexy" or "pretty" or "hot" or whatever... but i'm a pretty bad ass person...

look at me, i'm acting as if i've already been rejected... but i might as well prepare for it, right? i mean, considering that i'm not in his "league" so to speak... *tear* lol...

so... theres more to the situation, actually, than i'm letting on.. this guy i like, is somewhat of an authority figure, for the time being...

man... i'm a douche bag... "jeeze jaclyn, quit with the douche baggery!!!"

i need some courage, like the fuckin cowardly lion...

i've written letter after letter, and went over so many things to say to him, that any normal person would've came to a conclusion of what to say, or how to talk to him... you know... something like that...

gerr snarl growl...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12390997/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12390997/ Fri, 30 Mar 2007 15:49:21 PDT
"ok, as if you really couldnt tell, i like you. i'm not used to liking people the way i like you... i mean, yeah, i make friends easily, but anything more is a little frightening... anyways, i've no expectations... i just felt the need, for some ungodly reason, to tell you that i like you. a lot. like, if feelings were money, i'd have won the lottery when i met you... but yeah, now you're like 'oh wow, what a freak..' but its been eating away at me for a while... you make me feel all... weird."

and yeah.. i bought black hair dye... now i'll have black hair, instead of my trademark ginger kid head... which, by the way, i'm a natural red head... so... yeah... anywho...

i think i'm gonna buy a new outfit, and save it for if he likes me, and if we go out on some sort of date kind of thingy... but i'm sure he doesnt like me... its just how i am...

cuz he's so amazing, why would he like me??? he's everything i never knew i wanted...

and i joined curves... i'm on a diet, and i lost 3 lbs already in the 1st week... so i'm gettin down, smaller in the weight...

i'm all confuzzled aboot him... he makes me feel like i'm riding a roller coaster... you know? like, when you're heart is pounding so loudly in your ears, and your stomache is in your throat... and you're nervous, and excited all at once???

that whole thing is completely new to me... i dont think i've ever felt like this before... i mean, yeah, i've had crushes, but this feels crazy.. i'm scared of these feelings... they be freakin me out!!

everyone says i should ask him out... i do, but i dont wanna like, freak him out...

he's just awesome.. i never get nervous about telling people i like them... i've straight out hit on and have been all over any guy or girl i've liked... i'm not shy about that, usually... but with him... its scarey, and new... and AHHH.. i'm so confuzzled...

GERR... lol

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12163438/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/12163438/ Mon, 12 Mar 2007 23:10:39 PDT
um. theres a guy.

a special guy.

the kinda guy i'd give up my dream of traveling around the world, seeing what all i'm missing, for ... because i wouldnt need to search for what i'm missing, cuz its wherever he is...

ok, i know i've liked guys before, and it ended badly... i'm gonna do things differently with him... i dont exactly know how to do things differently, because i didnt even ever "do" things to begin with...

argh... did u ever feel like you were meant for someone and youre not even dating them? gah! i feel like a dork!

this guy makes me all... giddy-excited-girly-lame-cheesey-stupid-weirdo-happy-A.D.D. thingy... its all messed up...

i've never been happy about having feelings for anyone before... feelings just made things more complicated... as i always thought...

i was never a fan of lovey feelings, never trusted love... or the like, as i've always been hurt and mistreated by loved ones...

but how in the hell do you know if its love or just a dumb infatuation? i mean, honestly, can one know for sure? or is it only true love if its reciprocated?

DAMN IT!!!

i've never asked these questions before... but see, before, i didnt care enough to ask... that should say something... it says they were mere crushes... admiration from afar. never getting to know the real person dwelling inside what i thought was beauty...

but with age comes wisdom... and i look back, and see, their beauty was only skin deep... what i felt for them cant compare to how i feel now...

and my immature, naivete state of being gets frightened of such feelings... and says "nuh-unh!" and goes all... 3rd grader. wanting to tease him, and make fun of him, and hang around him. it makes me say random things to get a reaction out of him... its weird...

i'm so conflicted... because i know i'm probably not going to say anything to him... but... i've hinted pretty damn well tho... lol..

its like, i dont know how to act around him... cuz like... i flirt, but i dont exactly know how to "flirt" flirt... i'm pretty much just myself, but a little more hyper and happier... argh...

i fluster myself... i confuzzle myself to the point where i just wanna cut my fingers off, and go to sleep... argh.. guys. what the hell...

i cant say who this guy is, certain people may or may not know who i'm talking about... well, actually, if the guy reads this, he'll know EXACTLY who he is... so, yeah... it probably doesnt matter whether i say who he is or not...

and if ur my friend, and u wanna know who... cuz this guys so amazing, i really dont get why he's single... email, or im me... goobers!!!

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11859050/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11859050/ Sat, 17 Feb 2007 18:53:12 PST
]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11583248/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11583248/ Sat, 27 Jan 2007 02:38:47 PST
at least i admit i'm lowly... and that i'm a scum.... i dont try and act any better than i am... i was born into a shitty home, a shitty life, and a shitty routine, but other people arent... and it doesnt give them the right to be shitty towards anyone else...

and i've never done shit to anyone... u know? what? is it because i would rather let things go, than stay and fight with people, that they think they can just treat me like utter waste?

why am i the doormat? why am i the one everyone feels they can use, or whatever... its stupid...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11423139/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11423139/ Sat, 13 Jan 2007 14:12:05 PST
i really like the class! its awesome! they're all, impressed by me and junk... its cool!

so YAY!!!!!!!

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11351470/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11351470/ Sun, 07 Jan 2007 14:46:56 PST
oh and i just finished "The Skin Gods"
wow...

that book was hard to follow...
it went into details that was just unimportant to the story... but the plot was just fuckin incredible!!!

and i've done nothing special lately... went to the dr... wanted to strangle the nurse... shes a stupid little cunt... god, what the hell is wrong with people?

anywho i took a few pix of my nephew thats really cute! he's really photogenic. its adorable!

yup, anyway... the kids are being annoying, needing to be strangled... especially my neice, tho... she's especially awful...

so that just means i have to be annoying to bother her.

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11206369/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11206369/ Tue, 26 Dec 2006 22:32:23 PST
but yeah...

but if you say anything about me not having christmas spirit, you dont see me freak out about christmas lights, and those weird claymation specials, and junk... and every weird lame christmas song on the radio this time of year... you dont see that.

but anywho...

i get jealous... of people who arent even my family being treated better than i am, from my family.... it sucks, and it just hurts....

so, am i wrong to have slit her throat? j/k

thats terrible... cuz she's nice, and cool.

no, am i wrong to get jealous? or annoyed, and things...

my ears hurt

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11096327/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11096327/ Sun, 17 Dec 2006 15:55:16 PST
ok...it was sooooooo fuckin awesome!!! i got a picture with jeffrey nothing strangling me!!!

and i hugged the lead vocalist for another band from Clio.... called I Decay
...

and oh my god... i was like 3 or 4 people away from the stage....

it was awesome....


jesus!!!

i swear to god, i've got whiplash... cuz my neck and upper back hurts from headbanging and being knocked around...

i was standing there, belly-to-back, shoulder-to-shoulder then when mushroomhead came on... it went almost riotous....

i was all contorted... my left arm was twisted up under me, i am really surprised at how good the pictures turned out, being that i was being knocked around, pushed down, contorted, headbanging and jumping around... shit like that...

maybe if i have the time... i'll put some up... sometime soon...

not today tho... cuz i've gotta go back home... my neck n back hurts...

i havent been able to get much work done with anything, and i dont have much computer access anymore, so even if i did get some good pics or a cool project, it'll be forever to get it on here....

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11039257/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/11039257/ Tue, 12 Dec 2006 11:50:50 PST
then another dream... ewww.... there were bees everywhere... and i kept getting stung by them... they were swarming to my chest... and i peeled one of the stingers out of my chest, and it was like as big as a freakin pencil!!!!

argh!

then just last night i had a dream that there was a huge tornado... and yeah... we just moved into a trailor park... so thats really something i wanna be dreaming.... *can you sense the sarcasm?* HA!

so yeah....

but anywho....

its uh... time for me to go... i gotta go help with junk and do some stuff... my moms singing the theme for Gilligan Island... so its time for me to go.... save her from herself... hehehe... no seriously... its obnoxious.. so yup... have a good one yall...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10970632/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10970632/ Wed, 06 Dec 2006 10:21:44 PST ok, if you havent heard the song... go fucken listen to it... i'm not a Tom Waits fan... nor do i think i ever will be... but i think this song is funny... its almost creepy.. ok ok... not almost... but totally creepy...

and me and my sis are almost moved out of the mothers house... we had to wait for the douche baggery of the banks to get done with, for our loan to "process" lol...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10826513/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10826513/ Thu, 23 Nov 2006 18:22:31 PST
always has to make it seem like i'm the bad guy... i spent about an hour an a half elbow deep in turkey slop, just trying to clean off the meat from the bones... so... i'm a little annoyed when they belittle the work i do for them, and say i spend "all afternoon" on the computer, when NO i did NOT! gerr snarl growl! ah well! they're my family... i love them, without them, i wouldnt be who i am, and that would suck, cuz i like me...

and i like them too... when they dont belittle what i do, or judge me for what i like to do, and when they just let me be...

for god sakes...

but i'm torn between loving them for them always helping me, and being angry with them for always talking shit and treating me like caca.

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10804669/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10804669/ Tue, 21 Nov 2006 20:11:06 PST
ok, today my counsiler and i were discussing art, and i was telling her i honestly dont know much about it... i just knew what i found interesting, and i do what i like, and feel. i understand i need to learn about artists before me, and everything, i'm just an early artist. i guess. barely tapping into whatever i can do. i just started getting into it. i've always been into it, but never taken initiative, nor did i have the encouragement that i have from certain people to do anything about it.

End of Transmission,
Jaclyn. ]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10745396/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10745396/ Thu, 16 Nov 2006 13:33:03 PST
ok, i'm really kinda confused as to what i want to do with my life. some people said photojournalism, but i really honestly dont see that. i want a career, not just a job... but i want to make a career out of something i really love. something i can be myself. something i can be creative and expressive and put myself into... and something where i can make my own decisions.. i just havent figured out what the heck that is yet... but anyway... since i can never do anything without being obsessively monitered, its time for me to get off...

Goodbye for now,
Jaclyn. ]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10671260/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10671260/ Thu, 09 Nov 2006 17:04:12 PST
lol

i just saw a commercial for that guitar hero game... that just makes me wanna punch someone in the eye...
sheesh...

anyways... i saw the movie Audition, which everyone said was just sick and grotesque and whatnot...

it really wasnt as bad as people mad it out to be...

i was a little dissappointed, as was i with Hostel... there hasnt been many movies that have been impressive to me lately...

i think Hostel could've been better if it had less pointless sex in it... not that thats a bad thing, but when i wanna see a good gorey flick, i dont wanna see more nipples than blood, ya know?

and i love the more creative ways people die now... mostly in the Saw movies... i really cant wait to see the newest SAW 3... omg!!! those movies are just sweet!!!

i usually relate to the killer, only if the killer has more than just killing on his/her mind... if they kill with purpose... like in Se7en, thats an awesome movie... kevin spacey was gold!!! he made the movie!

Copycat was the first movie i can remember that made me fall in love with the serial killer movies... especially since i thought the killer was hot, really helped... i might have just thought he was hot just cuz he was killing people tho... wow... i'm morbid... but i'm a bright shiney rainbow of morbidity... happy fun time of scarey things!!!

so anyways...

bacon! peace!

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10641531/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10641531/ Mon, 06 Nov 2006 20:18:01 PST

so yeah... i'm a weird drunk..

oh.. and i bit my bros gf... lol a couple times... *singsong* awkward!

and i am thinking i really need to get laid, or something... lol... naw.

i'm just feeling really fucking weirdly good lately...

and i've got a question for yall.... wilford brimley: does he really got the beadus?

ok naw, thats a rhetorical query... as in plz dont answer that... lol...

poor wilford... he gets teased because of his pronounciation of diabetes... he says "die-uh-beet-us" lol

god damn it, rod stewart...
and journey
rush...
"Dont stop, believin' "
steve perry.

oh no! theres a jesus fish on my leg... i couldnt have been that drunk... oh good... it wipes off... thats good!

do you like pickles?
yes, i like pickles...

Fucking pickle dick!
Whoop whoop!
whoopi goldberg... dressed as santa... lol

wow...

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10609308/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10609308/ Fri, 03 Nov 2006 22:58:47 PST I never thought I’d meet a girl like you;
Meet a girl like you.
With auburn hair and tawny eyes;
The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through;
Hypnotize me through.

And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day.
I couldn’t get away.

A cloud appears above your head;
A beam of light comes shining down on you,
Shining down on you.
The cloud is moving nearer still.
Aurora borealis comes in view;
Aurora comes in view.

And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day.
I couldn’t get away.

Reached out a hand to touch your face;
You’re slowly disappearing from my view;
Disappearing from my view.
Reached out a hand to try again;
I’m floating in a beam of light with you;
A beam of light with you.

And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day.
I couldn’t get away.
...............................................

such an 80's day... lol

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10561784/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10561784/ Mon, 30 Oct 2006 16:37:00 PST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and yeah, sometimes i do feel like shit and wanna die... but i dont... cuz talking and/or writing about it gets me thru it... ya know... helps me deal better... of course i'm not all fuckin doom and gloom... cuz if you ever really met me, you'd know i'm more like bubble gum and rainbows... puppies and ooh ooh!!! kitties!! YAY!!! AWWW!!!
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ahem... anyways...
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i'm bouncy and fun, and energetic, and very quirky... and everything...
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meow meow....
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heh...
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anywho diddlyoo....
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um...
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yeah... i'm going to a costume party tomorrow night... i'm gonna be a witch... not much of a stretch there, huh?
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ok. ok... ok.. ok... uh.. yep... so... yeah...
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oh and i just heard the cheesiest joke... but it was cute...
"Women with big boobs work at Hooters, right?"
"yeah"
"well where do women with one leg work"
"i dunno"
"IHOP"
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lol.. its cute! but cheesy! i love it!

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10456713/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10456713/ Fri, 20 Oct 2006 14:25:48 PDT
]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10391361/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10391361/ Sat, 14 Oct 2006 14:06:06 PDT
i'm on some new medication... for seizures? yeah..

i'm watching ac/dc's "back in black" it sounds like he says "let loose, mother goose" i mean, thats great!

um... omg! i forgot... i'm gonna be 19 soon... 6 fuckin days... holy majoly... its scarey...

i'm getting a better but still not very good camera for my b-day... i know, cuz i'm not retarded, lol!! mom was all like "i'm paying good money for your present" and the only expensive thing i asked for was a camera... but i still aint got any good editing stuff... well, i got something, but it's not too great. and the camera comes with some software, i believe... but whatever...

i kinda want a tattoo for my b-day too... but i'm still unsure of what and where... ya know?

um... nothing else much is going on with me... i took some new pictures of myself, and i will be editing them shortly... maybe make a new id for here.

um.... pirate?

]]> ~gutterfly13 http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10316764/ http://gutterfly13.deviantart.com/journal/10316764/ Sat, 07 Oct 2006 17:00:36 PDT
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