http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:heartacheishard&section=today deviantART RSS for by:heartacheishard en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 02 Dec 2009 23:54:17 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/17110759/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/17110759/ Thu, 28 Feb 2008 23:05:04 PST
Well.. first off. I moved to Berkeley, CA in August of last year. And it has been all sorts of keen. I definitely like living in a college town verses living in a suburb. I am hopefully going to be going to take some college courses next fall and I already know my decided major.. Pre-veterinary Medicine.

I am working kinda sorta as a waitress. It is complicated to explain what I truly do. I just got a promotion.. so yeah woot woot.

Trent and I are also no longer together as of last month. I was the one who broke it off so no boohoos about it. I have someone else in my life.. who is amazing.

But yeah. I don't have a camera anymore. My mother wouldn't let me take my camera when I moved out in August. So I don't take pictures anymore. It saddens me a lot. But at least I don't have to figure out a good program that will work with my iMac. (Yeah.. I suckered down and bought an iMac)

But I just wanted to say hi. But also as a sort of good bye at the same time. I am not going to update this account anymore.

]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/13107769/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/13107769/ Sun, 27 May 2007 00:44:54 PDT
I've had a headache that seriously won't go away. And it has been almost a week and a half now. So I finally suckered down and went to the hospital because I couldn't take the pain anymore.

Waited in the emergency room for over 6 hours. You gotta love County Hospitals. I saw a doctor for all of 5 minutes.. and he told me to try taking prescription strength pain killers.. (i.e Vicadin)

And the second time that I was in the hospital is because it seems that I am allergic to Vicadin. It kicked in whole I was at work, didn't get rid of my headache, made my whole body spaz, impaired my vision, wouldn't let me put any food down, and made me collaspe. Soo yeah, I was rushed to the hospital again after like 10 phone calls to get out of work. And completely freaking out all the people at the carts around me. The doctor basically told me I wasn't dying.. and to go sleep off the reaction.

Since then.. I slept from 12 pm - 12 am.. and I am still exhausted. The reaction has gone.. but my headache is back.

]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/12952611/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/12952611/ Mon, 14 May 2007 11:56:02 PDT
The funeral is this Saturday coming up. And I am absolutely terrified of going to the funeral. I have a complete phobia of Cemetaries. So it shall be interesting. But I have to go.

On some happier notes-

Trent and I have been together for 4 months as of next friday. woot. He truely makes me happy.

I graduate finally on June 12th. So I will be very busy until then.

I actually have 2 jobs now that add in on the business of my life. I work at the Movie Theatre in Fremont, and I still work at Proactiv in the mall.

And prom was last Saturday. I don't have my memory card because it is at my friend Kyle's house. But I do have one picture that I just added to my pictures.

]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/12363777/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/12363777/ Wed, 28 Mar 2007 14:26:50 PDT
Fucking Paypal charged me an extra $184. That then sent a chain reaction through my bank account that added another charge of a total of $175 in overdraft fees. And then I called paypal to get it fixed.. and it supposively isn't their problem at all. Even though they had taken out the extra $184 and put it in my paypal account. So I followed their advice.. and sent it back to my bank account.. but that doesn't cover the $175 in overdraft fees. So.. I went to the bank.. explained my situation to the bank manager.. She was shocked and appalled at the situation. Sent me to talk to a customer service rep to file the offical claim. I should get the offical claim in the mail soon.. and they'll investigate it. And hopefully I won't be so in debt after that. But currently because paypal is fucking retarded I am $374.98 in debt.

Not to mention my Ipod died.. like completely.. dead. Its frozen on.. and I tried all the troubleshooting and blah blah blah.. and it still isn't working. It freezes my computer everytime I plug it in so I can't restore it. So yay.. Apple is going to replace my ipod or do something.. luckily it is still under the warrenty. Otherwise I'd be screwed!

So yeah.. I had a complete break down today.. a few actually. But I'm less stressed out now.

And I <3 Trent. Just thought I'd say that.

]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/12320892/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/12320892/ Sun, 25 Mar 2007 09:45:20 PDT
But needless to say.. that damn teapot project that I have been working on in my spare time since I transfered schools is FINALLY almost done. It went into the kiln on Friday.. and should be done being fired tomorrow. Which means Thursday I glaze and it shall be done after that!

Gah, I am so tired I almost fell asleep in the shower. I went to go see TMNT last night, and honestly don't waste your money on it. It sucks. Thank god my friend Ryan is the manager of the theater so I no longer have to pay for any movies, popcorn or games. <3 Trent's friends are cool! It was more fun beating the snot out of Trent on one of those racing games then the movie actually was. *A little note.. I know how to drive and he doesn't.. so he doesn't know how to control a car or go into turns.. or shift gears.* Muwhaha.. and he had it easier too.. my game was hella dark and I could barely see anything.

]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/12080388/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/12080388/ Tue, 06 Mar 2007 12:37:52 PST
I'm also proud to say that I've broken the addiction, and haven't even remotely -wanted- to go on in over a month and a half! Woooot! I finally got my life back.

My 3rd and final article is due today.. ACK! My mother needs to proof read it for me still. I'll be glad when I don't have to be forced to write on a deadline again.

Trent and I are still together. Going strong still.. and his mother actually likes me! WOOT! That alone is a miracle.. she hates all his friends.. but me and Ryan supposively. I guess the fact that we both support ourselves and have jobs makes her like us.

Hurm.. I'm no longer a red head! I dyed my hair brunette last Friday night. And for the first time ever dyeing my hair.. it came out awesome.

School is good.. I am good.. My mother is okish.. and my grandpa seems to be adjusting to life.

I went to go visit him on Sunday, and he can no longer talk, walk, eat on his own, go pee on his own, sit up on his own.. or anything along those lines.. but he finally stopped sitting around just waiting to die. The promise of finally being able to go outside for the first time since November gave him a new will to live. I don't think I've ever seen my grandma attack a person until last Sunday.. she was very unhappy that the nurses were saying that he wouldn't have enough energy to go outside.. while my grandpa was INSISTING that he wanted to go outside.

Well.. an hour later.. three nurses.. and a special wheelchair later.. my grandpa got to see the flowers blooming and the contruction of a building next door to him. And he was smiling and finally just being happy.

It kinda makes me cry thinking about what he said (through a special board that take like 10 minutes per sentence.. paitence is definately something I am learning from him) to me.. He asked me about my life.. about my job.. and if I had a boyfriend.. And when I told him that I did have a boyfriend and that he was one of my closest friends before we dated.. he got a HUGE smile on his face and spelled out. "That is the best kind." And fell asleep.

I am finally secure knowing that my grandma will be ok when my grandpa passes. She has a full community of people who are there to support her. Even the staff of their community go above and beyond. One of the servers in the dining room even goes down to make sure that my grandpa is doing well and has someone to talk to.

Well.. I have a doctor's appointment to head off to.. then class.

]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/11584589/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/11584589/ Sat, 27 Jan 2007 06:54:32 PST
But yeah. Alot has been going on since I last updated.

My mother has ovarian, cervical, skin and breast cancer. Wow.. I know. So its been tough.

My grandfather has ALS.. also known as Lou Garrets. And he is dying very slowly and painfully.

I finally quit the kennel in late December after 6 months of complaining. BUT I have a new job that I actually just started last week. I like it so far, but it has long hours and can get a little boring when there are no customers. But yeah.. I work at Proactiv in the mall now. 8 an hour.. plus commission and a killer discount.

I left Irvington finally.. and now go to Vista. And it is going well so far.

I also have a new boyfriend.. haha. I'm dating a friend of mine by the name of Trent.. And I am happy about that. He is a really sweet guy compared to the last couple of boyfriends that I have had. But I don't get to see him alot.. and that makes me a little sad.. but that is how life is sometimes.

But yeah.. its early due to passing out on the couch earlier..

<3 Sharon

]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/10654232/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/10654232/ Wed, 08 Nov 2006 01:24:03 PST
I'm absolutely beyond busy.. which hasn't been helped by this strange mysterious fever I've had since last Friday. So I haven't been to school since last Thursday. So now I am just behind on everything even more then I was before.

Work.. eh sucks. I'm working all of Thanksgiving Break. So I won't be around.. plus I have family coming up from So Cal who expect my brother and I to take time from our super busy schedules to come and see them. Ugh! Family Time! WOOOPIE!

I finally got my driving permit about 2 weeks ago. WOOT! My test is on November 13th. Yeah yeah I know it seems too soon.. and the whole "But don't you have to wait 6 months?" is the most common one.. and No I don't if I take it after November 13th.

Why? well.. November 13th will mark my 18th birthday. woot woot. 5 days and counting.

School.. Ugh I hate it. I actually do not talk to pretty much anyone anymore. I am beyond the drama. I just might test out at this point so I don't have to deal with it anymore. But then again.. I want to walk more then anything.

I have a college interview on the 25th for my #1 school.. which everyone is trying to talk me out of. They want me to go to a less exspensive school.

And I am still single. I wasn't single for the whole time I have been off in space.. I tried dating a Junior at my school.. and he was more into my body then he was actually into me. Boys.. UGH.

Also.. I kinda uhhh.. lost my camera.. so until I get a new one or find the old one.. there will be no submissions.

I'm also moving at the end of the month.. so yeah.. I'll be gone for awhile. I was suppose to move at the beginning of November.. but it didn't happen.

]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/10011538/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/10011538/ Fri, 08 Sep 2006 17:15:08 PDT
I seriously have stuff to do every single day of the week till about 6:30. But today.. but my brother is coming over. And from now on I will be going to Senior Bench Building.

Gah! ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9843206/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9843206/ Thu, 24 Aug 2006 19:15:32 PDT
1st: Eng 12 -212- Rockdocker, M.
2nd: Weight Training -Weight Room- Strout, S.
3rd: Government -202- Canavero, G.
4th: Culinary Arts 1 -14- Hashimoto, J.
5th: Intro to Stat -207- Sardana, M.
6th: Journalism -35- Pike, A.
Advisory: Advisory -105- Siddiqqi, I.

Looks pretty good even though I am pretty sure that I am going to change my 2nd period because I won't be able to do anything due to my back. And I can't pronounce my advisor's name. xD

But fun fun!

QUEST IS GOING TO SUCK. ok I'm done ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9491132/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9491132/ Tue, 25 Jul 2006 14:41:11 PDT
Well yesterday I got the WONDERFUL news that I will be writting the Diary of a Senior article for 06-07 for Northern California. Amazing huh!?

I have an article due next Tuesday. ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9234837/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9234837/ Fri, 30 Jun 2006 17:54:15 PDT
They have alots of dogs of all shapes, sizes, and breeds. Cats.. ducks.. and even a guard LLAMA. Yes, I said Llama.

So yeah.. I'll be really really busy from now on. With Summer School and now the new job.

Also, I found out today that if I go to Contract Summer School and get my I in American Studies made up I can go back to Irvington in the fall instead of the spring because all my credits will be made up.

Sooooooooo happy! ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9224926/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9224926/ Thu, 29 Jun 2006 19:33:42 PDT
I'm getting a job at the local Kennal here. So I pretty much get to look after a bunch of animals and help out around the Kennal. So if I get this job.. I'll be around EVEN less than I already am now. But atleast I'll have money! haha!

Its kinda funny.. I already have ways that I am going to spend my first couple paychecks.. sad eh? I am going to get my own cell so I no longer have to share with my mother. Which is probably one of the most annoying things EVER! So yeah. I'll be calling everyone once I get it and tell them my new number if I have your number. I'll probably be getting Metro PCS's unlimited plan once I get it, because I want Local, Long Distance.. and Text xD.. and Thats only like 60 a month <3

And I owe a few people money that I'll finally pay them back <3 Oh and P.S I know who I owe money.. so don't try and trick me xD

Love,
Sharon ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9132389/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9132389/ Wed, 21 Jun 2006 00:19:05 PDT
and I am not going to even bother to explain.. its too complicated. ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9063774/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/9063774/ Wed, 14 Jun 2006 06:52:42 PDT ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8981641/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8981641/ Mon, 05 Jun 2006 19:01:30 PDT ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8945471/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8945471/ Thu, 01 Jun 2006 22:28:52 PDT
And yeah.. I have alot of work to do this weekend.. So I doubt I'll be around much.

GREAT AMERICA IS TOMORROW!

AND NO ADULT SCHOOL FOR 19 DAYS! ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8898206/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8898206/ Sun, 28 May 2006 02:12:18 PDT
So, I got my paper in on time on Friday. To my lovely surprise my American Studies teachers had a surprise for the people who actually got off their lazy asses and wrote their paper. (15 out of 60 people didn't write their paper) Basically everyone who wrote their paper, now offically doesn't have to take the final from hell. So yay! NO FINAL! Oh and get this.. to everyone who had a paper to turn in on friday.. we now all have till Tuesday to write the paper. Monday is Memorial Day so no school..
Diarama is due on Wednesday..
Geometry Test/Final on Tuesday
Adult School History final on Tuesday
Diarama is due on Wednesday
Adult School English final on Thursday

LAST FEW DAYS!
Friday.. woot woot! Instead of sitting in my classes on Friday I'll be enjoying the end of the year field trip to Great America. Which makes me really happy. This will be the first year that I'll be allowed to go because I will actually be passing the class. (Freshman year I wasn't allowed to go because I wasn't in CCA.. (Center for Creative Arts) and Sophomore year I had the teachers from hell for CCA)

So... today.. well yesterday.. I was hella tired. But I had a busy day.. after pulling an all nighter on Thursday.. I finally got to sleep on Friday.. and flipping Greg texted me at about 1:30ish.. and I hadn't put my phone on silent.. so I almost had a heart attack.

so.. Early afternoon.. I had a photoshoot with me as the model. Yes I'm cool like that. In all actuality.. I don't think I'm all that pretty.. but Greg insisted because he liked all the pictures of me that I took of myself. So I kinda gave him a challenge to be able to take a picture of me that I actually like.. I dunno if he succeeded yet.. I'll hopefully get to see them soon.
The Photoshoot was fun. I got to hang out with Olya and Lysa. We took pictures at Lake Elizabeth. For all of you who don't know of Lake Elizabeth because you don't live in Fremont.. It's one of the most beautiful places in Fremont. And thats saying something. But we took pictures by the dock.. by the creek.. in the creek.. and at the large playground. omg.. there was a poor duck with only one foot.. the other leg just had a stump.
After the photoshoot we hung out for a bit.. played tag on the playground.. which we really aren't spose to do because Olya has Epilepsy (sp?) She was resently diagnosed with it.. so yeah. But it was fun to be able to play tag.. hell a 19 year old, 2 16 year olds and a 17 year old.. playing tag.. it was a sight to see.. although.. Lysa flipping kicked me in the head.. it was fun. Went to Taco Bell.. had that Grande Meal thingie.. was interesting... haha. We barely had enough for it ;.;.. oh well

At about 2:30, they dropped me off because I had to get to Lauren's for her 18th birthday party, and I promised her that I'd be there by 3. Got there at about 3:05.. oh well.. that was alot.. earlier than I thought I'd get there.
Lauren's party was fun. Double Dare themed! Got soaking wet, covered in whipped cream, egg in my face and hair.. and my shorts.. and all down my leg.. covered in slime. And dude.. it was for Lauren's 18th birthday! All though I was the girly girl one.. I originally didn't want egg in my hair at all.. (of course it ended up in my hair thanks to Sarah..)
Oh.. and hehe.. the guy I had a crush on all sophomore year was there. Turns out he is Lauren's cousin. Along with Shanna and Ryan Sare who are in my 6th period class. And Sarah was there.
The party was fun.. although I learned a few hour afterwards.. that well.. I was allergic to something.. and broke out in hives. BAH! ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8858837/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8858837/ Tue, 23 May 2006 21:54:42 PDT
I have a 6 page paper due on Friday..

one of the days in the next 2 weeks I have a Psych presentation..

but I have minium days for the next 2 days.

Going to see Da Vinci Code with Luke tomorrow, going to see X-Men III on Friday.

Saturday, 11-2.. I have a photoshoot with Greg with me as the model.

Saturday, 3-5.. My friend Lauren from Psych's 18th birthday party! DUDE ITS A DOUBLE DARE THEME PARTY!!! haha! Ok so.. yeah. I loved that show when I was little. Still do actually.

Sometime next week I have to get my Diarama for AS done.

Geometry Final on Tuesday?

+Adult School, +and extra hour of adult school because I missed an hour too many when I was late one day

Adult School English Final on Thursday
Adult School History Final on Tuesday


+I'm job hunting! already turned one application in

Adult School is out June 2nd.. and School is out June 16th, and then a week later Summer School starts till August. Then a month free.. then I go back in September for my... DUN DUN DUN!! SENIOR YEAR ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8722337/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8722337/ Tue, 09 May 2006 15:46:56 PDT
My foot has been feeling better, although my allergies have kicked up a notch and so my glands are starting to swell up.. i.e my eye.. it hurts to even blink at the moment.

and added on to that, it kinda sucks because I've been crying. Ricky found someone else.. and is or is going to date her.. sucks ass.. oh well. But I couldn't be happier for him. I've also found someone else.. so yay! lol.. It helps with the pain.. though I'm not going to tell ya'll who he is yet. Don't want to jinx myself

Love,
Me ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8680469/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8680469/ Fri, 05 May 2006 10:09:23 PDT
GOD DAMN IT!

So, I'll be in the Emergency Room for the rest of the day.. wooopie!! I swear.. I'll come home with every disese known to man.. ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8657019/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8657019/ Tue, 02 May 2006 21:41:44 PDT
I'm stuck on crutches till my foot either gets better or I find a better alternative.. For those who don't know.. haha.. I kinda tripped over a vacume cleaner into a steam cleaner then tripped over that.. at like 2 am on Saturday.. And I've been just walking around on my hurt foot because I didn't want to admit anything was wrong.. but yeah.. its now Tuesday.. and my foot is still swollen.. and now I can't put any weight on it. Worst case senario.. I accidently fractured it.. other than that its a sprain..

And its kinda funny how a 5 minute walk.. now takes like.. 20-30 minutes.. and omg.. the bruise under my arms almost hurts worse than my foot.

I tried going to Starbucks because I was DESPRATE for anything caffienated.. and it took forever.. plus the whole crutch thing.. is bad for my back..

So ouch.. I'm in pain.. and uber bitchy ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8636483/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8636483/ Sun, 30 Apr 2006 23:51:24 PDT

Name 3 schools you went to:
1. Warm Springs Elementary
2. Horner Jr. High
3. Irvington High School

Name 3 things in your wallet:
1. I don't have a wallet.. but I have a purse.. so Keys
2. Change to call home (I don't own a cell)
3. ID

Name 3 things you always wear:
1. My Italian Charm Bracelet Watch Thingie
2. Hairband.. damn Emm has my current favorite one..
3. Some sorta of necklace

Name 3 things you do when you are really stressed:
1. Watch TV
2. Talk to a Friend/Family Member
3. Listen to Music

Name 3 favourite songs right now:
1. Fort Minor - Where Are You Now
2. Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
3. Queen - I Need Somebody to Love

Name 3 favorite places to shop:
1. Thrift Stores
2. Target!
3. Random CHEAP stores

Name 3 places you go to on a daily basis:
1. My Room
2. Adult School
3. School

Name 3 things you like to do:
1. Hang with Emms and Luke and other cool peeps
2. Listen to Music
3. Surf the internet

Name 3 most valuable possessions:
1. My Computer
2. My iPod
3. My Italian Charm Bracelet/Watch

Name 3 favorite fruits:
1. Apples
2. Watermelon
3. Strawberries

Name 3 things you are addicted to:
1. Furcadia
2. Myspace
3. Starbucks Java Chip Fraps

Name 3 favorite hobbies:
1. Photography
2. Writting Poetry
3. Listening to Music

Name 3 career choices:
1. Bakery Owner
2. Chef
3. Forensic Scientist

Name 3 goals in 2006:
1. Have Fun
2. Find someone to Treat me right
3.

Name 3 plans for next week:
1. Go to School
2. Hang out with Emms
3. Sleep

Three Names You Go By:
1. Sharon
2. Copper
3. Froggie

Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. European Mutt.. thank you very much
2.
3.

Three Things That Scare You:
1. Cemetaries
2. Clowns
3. Spiders

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Caffiene
2. Internet
3. My friends

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Pajama pants
2. Cami
3. Necklace that Emm and I bought at TACO BELL

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists:
1. Queen
2. Adema
3. Chevelle

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (OTHER THAN Love):
1. Humor
2. Intelligence
3. Combatiblity

Two Truths and a Lie (in no particular order):
1. I am furious with Shawn right now
2. I'm not Pregnant
3. I'm over Ricky

Three PHYSICAL Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You:
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Hair

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Bahamas
3. Ireland

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Find true love
2. Get Married
3. Own my own Bakery ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8565642/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8565642/ Mon, 24 Apr 2006 03:24:25 PDT
I've made some pretty big mistakes in the past month and now I am really starting to pay for them. Well.. the one major one atleast. In the last month I had a moments laspe of judgment.. and well. I had a fling with Shawn. And well... I'm pregnant. Its been a hard week coming to this realization that I am actually pregnant.. plus the hormones.. wow.. yeah. I've been an emotional wreak.

I'm still debating whether or not I want to keep the child and put it up for adoption, or if I am going to have an abortion all together. Of course Shawn isn't exactly being helpful at this moment. And we've been fighting for awhile now.. He refuses to let me give the child up for adoption if I was to opt for that, and he says he would sue for custody and ruin his own life.. just so that no flesh and blood of his would ever have to go through that. And of course, understandbly he got a little scared that I might actually keep the baby.. so he took back on his promise that my mother was to not know till I had made a decision.. and that she wouldn't have known if I had decided to get the abortion. And last night in a fit of anger he showed up at my apartment and told my mother everything. So now my mother knows. Which is probably the worse thing possible.. saying she hasn't spoken more than 3 or 4 words to me since she found out at like 9 o'clock last night.. and its now been 24 hours.. I'm angry at him.. but I'm not going to do something extreme and not have the abortion just because Shawn wants me to. I'm not that type of person, I'm actually listening to everyone's opinions.. but when it all comes down to it.

I am going to make the decision on my own without anyone's help. But I am still open to advice..

So yeah.. emotional wreak.. and I should be getting homework done.. but I can't. Plus tomorrow morning I am going to have to go in and talk to Officer Sanders because of the mugging the week before last. I have alot on my plate lately.. so I'm sorry if I'm not exactly the best person to be around.



WELL! Guess what everyone! This is a update! AND WELL!

I'm not pregnant!! It was a false alarm! ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8537679/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8537679/ Fri, 21 Apr 2006 08:01:04 PDT
And thank you to those who have stood by me through the thick and the thin. It means alot.

And grr! My attempt on sleeping was yet again foiled. I fell asleep earlier.. and when I actually finally thought I'd get a wink of sleep I get a phone call from my neighbor saying a darn pidgeon had flown into my little backyard thingie.. and was caught in the spokes of my bicycle. And I'm EXTREMELY surprised Romeo didn't attempt to eat the poor thing. I guess Romeo was even afraid of it. Oh, its it is still alive. Very much disoriented.. but alive nether the less. Thanks to my neighbor I didn't have to touch the thing.. woot... haha

Oh and the whole not sleeping thing has NOTHING to do with said personal crisis.. I just didn't want to make a new journal! ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8359495/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8359495/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 00:30:38 PDT
[link] <--- Link to Photo Album ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8319531/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8319531/ Fri, 31 Mar 2006 01:12:49 PST And Sharon has no dress because she wasn't planning on going to prom.. and because men are stupid.. and do EVERYTHING last minute.. her "date" (as in a friend who just happened to ask her to Prom.. and is only a friend and nothing more.. and will never be more than a friend..) asked her on the THURSDAY BEFORE PROM to go with him.

Ack! You know.. I'm not stressed at all.. no.. saying I wasn't stressed would be a lie.. then again.. I JUST LIED. *breathes*

So I am going dress shopping tomorrow.. and Saturday morning.. and HOPEFULLY I'll find something worthy.. ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8082161/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8082161/ Mon, 06 Mar 2006 09:19:47 PST
Yesterday was the Anniversary of my Father's Arrest. Blah. No Panic Attacks, no nothing.

I spent the day with my brother in Oakland and Berkeley. In Oakland we went to this White Elephant Sale at the Oakland Museum.. where they had KILLER deals on everything... like all it required was a little cleaning on alot of things.. and it was like brand new.. Hell my brother got a Cuisen (Sp?) Art for $25.. and they are normally like.. $150.. An ice cream maker for get this $2.50! AND IT WORKS.. all it needs is a good cleaning.. This pot warmer thingie for the table.. for $4.. and it was the most exspensive thing.. cuse it was a Vintage thing.. I got a Sweater for $1.50.. and a pair of Target Jeans.. that normally sell at like $30 for get this.. $1!! 1 dollar!! I was soo happy haha. Sadly this sale happens like.. only one a year.. next year my brother has to tell me in advance so that I can save up.

Once we got out of the White Elephant Sale.. that was the last time my feet were dry till I got home. And that was at 2 pm.. I didn't get home till 1:30 am.. We went back to Berkeley.. and just hung out till like 5.. then I left.. and went back to Fremont. Dude.. the 3 blocks from his Apartment to the North Berkeley station.. I got brenched.. AND I had an umbrella! The problem wasn't the rain.. it was the flooding in the streets.. there were puddles that were.. a good 2 feet deep.. that I had to attempt to dump over while not trying to get hit by the on coming traffic.. and holding an umbrella and all my stuff from the White Elephant Sale.

I finally got picked up from BART by my mother at like 7.. and we went over to Chasity's for Kaloa Pork.. and gah.. I can't even spell the rest of the stuff.. all Phille(whatever) food.. it was yummy.. and we ended up talking till like 1.. and went CRAP! And I went home..

Planning on crashing.. but NOOOO I had to check my messages before I turned off my computer.. and guess who had IMed me.. Shawn! He found my new aim.. and IMed me.. and at first I was like wtf.. how did you find? And found out he stalked my myspace again.. bah! So.. I ended up talking to him till about 4.. when I passed out.. And I dunno.. he annoys me now. More than normal.. haha.. he wanted to know if he was the reason for Ricky and I breaking up.. and he wasn't so.. no big deal.. The one that really got me was the "Do you hate me?" I'm sorry but hating requires effort. He doesn't even deserve that effort into hating him.. hell I hadn't thought about him in awhile.. Besides when he came up at Dinner.. and thats only cuse we were talking about how most men were dogs.. and blah blah.. and we had the proof too haha! But we got into our normal thing and were laughing about how we really do not ever want to be together again.. like I can't even say that enough times. I'm repulsed by him. And we kinda named the flaws.. and he was actually shocked by a few of the flaws that I thought about him.. and I totally forgot to mention that he was an annoying little twit. Its funny.. he really likes Ricky.. even though that Ricky dated one of his ex's.. and I'm not going to use his exact words because well.. my personal life isn't your life. But it was funny as hell. He knows that he got replaced by Ricky.. by far.. and the last thing.. he asked me was.. Are we on talking terms now? um.. if you call not wanting to kill him talking terms.. and not being a bitch to him if I accidently saw him.. but I am in no way going to go out of my way to talk to him or see him. Its not worth my effort.

So yeah.. I'm tired.. I'm late for school whatever.. ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8061797/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8061797/ Sat, 04 Mar 2006 03:06:49 PST
Option #1:
I could go to Ohlone for 2 years.. get all my undergrad crap out of the way.. then pack my bags.. and move all the way across the country and up a country into Canada.. and go to the University of Winnipeg in Winnipeg, Canada. Study Forensics.. and become a famous Forensic Scientist and put assholes like my father behind bars.

Option #2:
I could go to Ohlone for 2 years.. and find some state college here and become an under paid Social Worker.. but helping children never go through what my brother and I had to go through.

Option #3:
Go to Culinary School.. and become a Chef.. and do something that I am really good at and really enjoy.. And maybe someday open my own Restraunt... or even my Own Bakery.

And while I do any of the above 3 options.. I plan to always be doing Freelance Photography.. because thats another thing that I love..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enough of that.. well thanks to my mother my plan on forgetting the anniversary of my father's arrest.. was completely foiled. Its this Sunday.. for all of you who don't know.. and if I seem a bit distance for the next few days.. don't mind me.. I have a lot on my mind. And thats not even all thats on my mind... I just really miss Ricky.. I wish he was able to be around me during this time.. the one time that I actually need to be around people.. and no one is around.. ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8052086/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/8052086/ Thu, 02 Mar 2006 23:58:56 PST
I've started to go to church again, I dunno.. its nice.. I didn't realize how much I missed it till I had a ball last night.. I got to hang out with Devlyn and Olya for the first time.. in hella days. And I had a blast... and I saw a really cute guy.. and sadly he left before I could get his name.. but I couldn't help but keep on looking over at him all night.. he kept catching my attention over and over and over... tall and blonde.. and did I mention... CUTE! We also had a Guest Speaker last night, Bryant Young from the 49ers.. I could care less about the 49ers.. cuse I'm a Steelers Fan (Have been since BEFORE they won the Superbowl this year) but.. he actually had alot of interesting things to say. I was also truely touched by how happy everyone was to see me..

I've been feeling kinda down and out lately... Feeling really alone.. it kinda sucks when alot of your friends don't even notice you anymore. So I tend to spend my lunch period in Mr. Norton's room talking to him about random stuff.. because I have no life.. I've kinda lost my will to be happy lately. I may seem it.. but I'm not.. I haven't been in awhile.. I've comtemplated sucide a few times.. but I dunno.. I just couldn't follow through with it. Some people may think that what they are saying doesn't effect me because I may play it off as it doesn't get under my skin at times.. but some people have been saying some truely hurtful things to me lately. People who wouldn't even understand it if it hit them with a fucking metal bat. They don't notice how I'll get silent and just fad out of the conversation.. just silently crying to myself.. making sure that no one notices that I am really hurt. I may make stupid commits to my friends about me being a bitch.. I'm just playing around.. but when people make those same comments.. I'm sorry.. but its not funny.. I'm allowed to call myself a slut or a bitch.. you're not. Some people just need to learn to watch what they say.. because I am starting to not respect they as people. I'm not going to name names.. but if they are reading this.. they probably know who they are.

I'm not trying to sound bitchy at all.. but I know you have relationship problems.. and I know alot of you run to me for advice.. but I just can't take it anymore.. its wearing down on me.. I have enough of a heavy burden on my sholders as is.. and then many of you add on the added stress of trying to help you with your relationship problems.. like what to say.. what to do.. blah blah blah.. Ask Sharon is now closed. I really need to focus on fixing my life.. not yours. I know that may sound stuck up or whatever.. I just need the time to be able to fix myself.. be happy with the true me.

EDIT: 11:52 3/2/06

My heart is even heavier.. I'm crying.. I'm shaking.. I can't imagine my life without him in this world.. I care too much.. I love too much.. I say I've moved on but thats for show. A mask that I wear to get people to stop talking about him. Everytime he is brought up a part of me dies inside.. little bit by little bit each day. I'm scared.. I'm never been so scared in my life


Currently listening:
I Write Sins Not Tragedies
By Panic at the Disco
Release date: By 02 March, 2006 ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7996172/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7996172/ Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:49:33 PST
Are you a 90's Child?:
Anybody under the age of 16 should not repost this. ;D Just 'cuz you were born in '92 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons.

You know you're a 90's kid if...

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
^ Hahaha, yes I did... PSYCHE!

You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air"
^ I can't actually sing the rap from off my head.. but if I was to hear it I could sing along!

You've worn skorts and felt stylish
^ Um.. I still own them xD

You yearned to be part of the Baby-Sitters club.
^ Yes! I loved the books. STILL DO

You use to love playing with your MY Little Pet Shop
^ Omg, I loved that. <3

You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"
^ WHOA! Hells yes!

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
^ Oooh man.. the good ol' days of being sleep deprived on Saturdays.. just to watch Cartoons!

You wore a ponytail on the side of your head and had fluffed bangs.
^ I had the fluffed bangs but no side ponytail.. my hair was too short back then

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
^ OMG, YES! I remember that game... And Dinosaur Tycoon.. and Museum Madness!!

You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten
^ Haha.. no..

You remember reading "Goosebumps"
^ I still own them! haha

You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"
^ Omg, yes xD *wax on, wax off's while beating up a bunch of bad guys!*

You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
^ Yes. Why was she the only female smurf?.. And now I am just a perverted teenager.. and go.. haha she must have had alot of fun xD

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
^ Oh yeah. I had a Care Bears one!

You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
^ HAHAHA!! Oooooooh yeah..

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...
^ Haha. Yeah... We were so cool. NOT.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.
^ Oooh yeah

remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
^ Yes, I definitely remember that.

You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
^ Yeah.. I still have scars somewhere..

ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide
^ THOSE THINGS WERE DANGEROUS!!

You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
^ EW YES XD

Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE"
he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stumbed he's toe oe oe and thats the end end end of the elephants show ow ow
^ I remember that one.

Crocadillie oh my! Croc croc croc! Hey chiko chiko, chiko chiko chock! Follow, follow... follow follow follow follow ONE TWO THREE!
^ Don't remember this one

Miss Susie had a tug boat, the tug boat had a bell (ding ding), Miss Susie went to heaven her tug boat went to HELL...o operator give me number nine, and if you disconnect me I'll kick you from behind the refridgerator
there lay a piece of glass, Miss Susie fell upon it and cut her little ASS...k me no more questions, tell me no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their flys..are in the city, the bees are in the park, Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the d-a-r-k, d-a-r-k, dark, dark, darker than the ocean, darker than the sea, darker than the fat lady chasing after me, me, me!
^ I remember this one

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
^ Haha still have a boom box..

You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare"
^Hell yeah.

You remember Alf, the little brown alien from Melmac and Vicki the Robot from "MY Little Wonder"
^ Haha, Alf rocked.

You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool
^ Gah.. yes

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"
^ Yep.

You played and or collected "Pogs" I also remember the metal 8 slammers
^ Never collected them.. but I had friends who did ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7926759/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7926759/ Fri, 17 Feb 2006 15:20:43 PST ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7909877/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7909877/ Wed, 15 Feb 2006 18:49:57 PST ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7861223/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7861223/ Sat, 11 Feb 2006 01:22:13 PST ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7689597/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7689597/ Mon, 23 Jan 2006 20:35:04 PST ]]> ~heartacheishard http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7614330/ http://heartacheishard.deviantart.com/journal/7614330/ Sun, 15 Jan 2006 19:56:28 PST ~heartacheishard