deviantART: by:hereticschizoid

deviantART: by:hereticschizoid http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:hereticschizoid&section=today deviantART RSS for by:hereticschizoid en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 06:13:00 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png Adowable Kitty Cam! http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/23684847/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/23684847/ Fri, 13 Mar 2009 21:20:57 PDT

A "friend" ditched Ginger at Nick's house (despite his dire financial situation) claiming it was only for a couple weeks and she'd pay for food. Then the previous owner disappeared and Gingie got knocked up. Ginger popped out the kittens on March 8th.

Nick is streaming live kitten cam of the 5 cuties and their mom. The kittens will go to a good home in another 7-8 weeks or so (they're only 5 or 6 days old right now).

Go and watch and donate if you can! Or just watch and spread the word so Nick can get enough donations to spay Ginger and take care of the kitties. Please post a link in your journal or whatever other sites you use if you can... it is much appreciated by myself, Nick, and Ginger!

[link]

It's adorable and there's a chatroom that is usually fairly entertaining

Nick is warlok on the chat and I am shere khan after my precious kitty cat

See you there!

<3

]]> ~hereticschizoid Living on Cat Food http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/23352359/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/23352359/ Sun, 22 Feb 2009 20:30:51 PST
So a line of 7 people accumulated (it was the only lane open), waiting and watching as I tried it again, tried paying for part with the $15 cash that I had, tried my card again, gave some items back (had to call customer service for that), tried it again, still declined even though it was like $13, gave the rest of the items back (had to call customer service back again) and ended up going home with 5 cans of cat food, a cat toy, a gallon of milk, and a gallon of water that I think I accidentally stole.

Then I called Nick bawling my eyes out in the parking lot sitting in my car. This was after I teared up in the store and said 'fuck' a lot so all the people in line would know I was more upset than they were.

Then I got home and had a personal tantrum that scared my cat off so she wouldn't play with her new toy. She did eat her kitty food though. In a few days I may be eating it too.

I have a roommate supposed to move in tomorrow in which case I'll get about $1100 which would be really nice. Rent is due in a week though. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I need $1400. Putting up fliers tomorrow around campus.

Fuck my life.

]]> ~hereticschizoid Fuck My Life http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/23155489/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/23155489/ Thu, 12 Feb 2009 12:33:41 PST
I have spent hours on here today...

[link]

Today, I gave my girlfriend non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech she tells me I have the body of a monk seal. She then takes my keys, staggers to my car, and drives away. She crashed into a tree 2 blocks later. She's fine. FML

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

Today, I bought a jacket with real fur on it. Turns out, i'm allergic and now my ears look like they have herpes on them. FML

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

In other news, my gorgeous Seagate Free Agent external terabyte hard drive has arrived. I now have over 110 GB of music. Yay... but now Utorrent keeps shitting itself for no apparent reason. Fuck.

I'm currently waiting to hear back from a job application to a bakery (I have great references from the owner and from the manager of a bakery I just worked at.) I'm worried about how I'm going to cover rent next month if I don't find roommates and a job. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I've done what I can though so now I'm going to get stoned and try not to stress.

Ugh.

]]> ~hereticschizoid All moved in http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/23058163/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/23058163/ Sat, 07 Feb 2009 10:14:31 PST
I bought a lot of new things that I needed, including an orgasmic queen size mattress. Indulgence by Kingsdown... it's latex foam, pillow top, individually coiled springs. I have never slept so well in my entire life. It is by far the most comfortable bed I've been in. And it's all mine.

I also went to Ross to bargain shop for sheets, pillowcases, and a comforter. So now I've got 600 thread count sheets and lots of extra pillows and a down alternative comforter that I love. And I got all of them for good deals too.

I'm just about out of money unfortunately... I kind of forgot that's what happens when you have to buy everything from bath mats to can openers, scissors to sponges. It all adds up very fast when you move into an empty house.

My closet is big enough to live in so now my room is actually clean and I can keep the mess confined to my closet, easily hidden by closing the door and turning off the light switch.

I just got on a new anti-depressant... Pristiq. Supposedly a lot like Lexapro which is what I used to take that worked well for a long while. I have my computer desk and chair set up thanks to my wonderful friends who have helped me all week in exchange for sex toys (for Susan) and a terabyte hard drive (for Nick).

I have an external terabyte hard drive coming to me as well. Both of them are Seagate but apparently my interface is old so I have to get the external one. Which is fine because I'd like to be able to bring my music and porn with me everywhere.

I also paid my $20 library fines and ordered 4 new books from my favorite authors to be delivered to my house (I love Orange County Library System and their enabling of lazy readers). Oh and obviously I have internet set up... I got the highest high speed they offer. And cable which I'm paying for but currently not using due to my lack of television. I watch all my shows on Hulu anyway but my future roomies may want cable.

Speaking of which, I've got a nice 18 year old student named Alberto moving in on Sunday. We had a pleasant conversation last week when he stopped by to look at the house. I think he'll be cool to live with. Now I just need to find 2 more roomies and I'll break even.

Hope everyone is doing well... <3

]]> ~hereticschizoid My First House (+pics) http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/22852275/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/22852275/ Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:48:25 PST I have a house! I just signed a 1 year lease with my new landlord. I move on Sunday.

It rocks. 4/2, almost 2,000 sq. ft., and a huge master bedroom/bathroom. Which will be mine.

I have never had my own house before. I have rented two different shitty apartments, one room in some lady's shitty townhouse, and a room at my friend Nick's house (whose futon I am currently living on after returning from a few months at my mom's). I have never had my pick of rooms, I have never had my name alone on the lease, and I have never had the privilege of kicking out bothersome and/or psychotic roommates.

Now I shall have all of this and more

I will post some pictures in my scrapbook when I furnish the house.

Oh and I'm getting some shrooms tonight

<3

EDIT: Pics of the house, courtesy of the landlord's craigslist ad:

[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]

]]> ~hereticschizoid Still here... kinda http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/22704460/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/22704460/ Tue, 20 Jan 2009 21:47:41 PST
I've moved around a bit but ultimately I'm still in Orlando... I'm currently living on a friend's futon. I moved back home to Stuart to find a job for a few months and save up money. And then I ended up getting an $11,800 settlement last week from my car crash case (wasn't my fault and the kid tried to blame me so I got an attorney). So... now I can afford to move back, which I have.

I'm currently hunting for a house to rent between $1100 and $1500. I'm going to get some roommates, save $5000 in a money market account and use the rest on home furnishings, a bed, and some recreational experiences. Oh and of course I'll be paying off my debts first. I owe my mom, my brother, my old roommate, the University of Central Florida, and *wazzdakka money.

Anyway, I've been looking at a few places near UCF (I'll be going back to school in a semester or two) that I'll be viewing this week. Hopefully I'll find something awesome fast because I'm tired of living on a futon in a house with my former roommate. I love Nick to death but his girl problems are astronomical. Fuckin' crazies.

Also bored as shit because my computer is in my car (along with all my earthly belongings) and all I have is a couple books I've already read, a bunch of movies I've already seen or am not thrilled about watching, and a shitload of porn that I can't watch because I lack the privacy to do so.

Plus Nick's new roomie is a bit of a jackass. He's okay and all but he makes me uncomfortable... tries to be funny but it comes across as crude. Nick manages the same thing but it's just funny... the new roomie can't pull it off.

Good news is that I can now afford a queen size bed, my own kick ass place, and all the shit I've ever wanted. Okay maybe not everything... nobody knows better than me how fast large sums of money go. But I can at least get a lot of the basic things I've been wanting... I'm 20 now and would really like to stop sleeping in a twin size bed with a pink quilt. And I'm tired of living with my mom or my friends. I was renting from Nick for a year before I moved home for a couple months but even then I wasn't doing so well.

Now's my second chance. And miraculously we also have a new president who is actually eloquent, intelligent, practical, and all around awesomeness. So I'm pretty psyched about that.

Hope everyone is doing well

(Also, damn it's great to be back in Orlando... with shit to do, phenomenal crippie, fun people, and 24 hour pharmacies.)

]]> ~hereticschizoid Some kick ass stuff you should check out http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/19531224/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/19531224/ Tue, 22 Jul 2008 05:45:33 PDT
Flobots. If you haven't heard them you need to. They're like... motivational rap with some amazing rhymes. I don't even like most rap. But they do a great job... very politically/socially charged in most of their songs.

Songs to listen to: 'Handlebars', 'The Rhythm Method', 'Stand Up', 'Fight With Tools'.

I'm going to try to go see them live in St. Petersburg, FL next Thursday for $12 before they go on tour internationally.

An awesome movie: Charlie Bartlett. Very funny... sort of the same tone as Ferris Bueller's Day Off but I liked it even better.

Awesome pharmaceuticals: Xanax, Seroquel, and Buspirone. Especially good while drinking and smoking.

In other news... my desktop computer is now up and running with hardwired ethernet and all that good stuff. I've been downloading lots of music and movies and porn.

]]> ~hereticschizoid A Question for everyone... reply dammit. http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/19197732/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/19197732/ Fri, 04 Jul 2008 07:42:02 PDT
So my question to you all...

What's your sign?

Also www.oboedrew.com

`lady-blue's talented and uber hot boyfriend has some really nice music on his site along with a mailing list for future tracks. Even if you're not into classical at all, it's some really good stuff. Absolutely beautiful.

So go show your support... doesn't take long and I'm sure Drew would love to hear your comments. It'll be good for your karma

]]> ~hereticschizoid Thenonartist FOUND! =P http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/18825044/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/18825044/ Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:17:21 PDT

Annnyway. I've been eating right lately. Been doing pretty good with it. Lost 6 lbs. thus far

Which is huge for me 'cause I've never really lost weight before. Also went to a new therapist today for the first time. She seems nice enough... next appointment is on Wednesday.

Algebra starts on the 23rd

]]> ~hereticschizoid Deleted! Phew http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/18520108/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/18520108/ Tue, 27 May 2008 00:20:59 PDT Unfortunately I've also missed all the interesting journal entries. But since I'm not on here enough for people to notice anyway, I'm not too worried about it.

I got a new car... pretty much the same as my last one except a little shittier (no cruise control or steering wheel tilt which I didn't realize when I bought it... annoying as hell but I'm getting used to it). It was only $8300 (about a thousand more when you add on all the other random fees and expenses) so I can't complain. The extra couple thousand I had from the insurance check have saved my life the past several weeks.

I've met a lovely subbie girl on collarme.com and have been emailing back and forth with her for a few weeks or months... I've lost track of time. I think this could actually amount to something... (a non-romantic, probably sexual D/s S/m relationship). Wish me lots of luck, I'll need it. This is probably my most serious and likely attempt at a D/s relationship, and my first attempt at being the Dominant half of that combo. Thus far it's going well and I'm learning how to be Dominant while still being myself and having a down-to-earth, realistic friendship.

I've been doing a lot of spiritual stuff lately. I won't go into it all here because unless I go into the details of my beliefs it won't make much sense and you'll probably get the wrong idea. I'm still a strong believer and science, psychology, evolution and other things that some of the lunatics are convinced are completely inaccurate. But all the spiritual stuff has helped give me some clarity, peace of mind, and a deeper meaning to life than agnosticism gave me. I'm sure my life is still a blip in the universe but if I can convince myself otherwise isn't that just as good as it really being otherwise? Believing is seeing

]]> ~hereticschizoid Car crash... http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/17758893/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/17758893/ Wed, 09 Apr 2008 05:37:33 PDT
Someone on the interstate tried to merge on top of me rather quickly. I swerved to the side, swerved back, got his tail end, and flipped my car over three times. I started out going west on the 408 and when I finished I was in the east bound lanes.

Ambulance came and put me in a neck brace and got me on a stretcher. The paramedic stabbed both arms with needles trying to find my veins but couldn't. Which is double the fun in a moving vehicle on a bumpy road. I currently look like I've been shooting up.

At the scene of the accident a bunch of witnesses stopped to see if I was okay. Some guy in an army uniform asked me all the right questions and made sure I didn't hyperventilate. A bunch of other people helped pick my stuff up off the highway while the police directed traffic.

The hood flew up, trunk flew open, windshield cracked all over, and passenger side window gone entirely. Airbag didn't deploy. I had my seatbelt on which is the only thing that kept me inside the vehicle. My laptop, Ipod, book bag, notes, journal, etc. were all over the road. Hopefully most of it was recovered.

I only have one flip flop. I can't find the other. I think it's somewhere on the highway.

Anyway... at the hospital, I laid on a hard straight board with a neck brace for a while, then they stuck both arms with needles again with no success. They wheeled me to go get a cat scan and they finally managed to thread an IV into me, injected some contrast material and did the scan.

My head was killing me but it turns out it was mostly from the neck brace and the hard board. Once they got the scan results back and found out that I was completely and entirely fine, they took the brace off and rolled me onto a comfy bed. I felt much better. They sat me up a little so I could actually see around me. I had a lot of aches and dizziness and nausea.

All took a long time. But eventually they stood me up, gave me some awesome socks, and I walked to the bathroom. I felt a lot more human after that and all was better. My awesome roommate Nick and our friend Susan came to the hospital to pick me up. And Nick thought to bring my favorite security pillow which was awesome.

The doctor gave me a percoset and a prescription for more. I drank a bottle of gatorade and was on my way after a fun wheelchair ride out of the hospital by a cute nurse. We proceeded to get Wendy's and then fill my prescription before heading home. Nick stayed up late with me watching tv shows on dvd.

The percosets have made me really queasy. I slept through most of Tuesday but woke up long enough to visit with a couple friends. Then Susan came over and was thoughtful enough to bring some food for me. I ate and then threw it up after which sucked. Went back to sleep.

Anyway, all is going pretty well. I've got a cut on the arm (that the hospital never found... it's on the back of my upper arm), a few bruises, a couple lumps on my head, and bruising from the IV and needle punctures, and other than that I'm fine... except the severe whiplash of my neck and shoulders.

Trying to arrange for a rental car so I can actually get to school today. Been haggling with insurance stuff since the accident. The other guy got charged with the accident, so I'm hoping I can get him and his insurance company to cover the damages to my personal items.

And to think I had just replaced my hard drive in my laptop.

But yeah, I'm very thankful and lucky to be alive and unharmed. I could have easily died or been in much worse shape.

]]> ~hereticschizoid Seatbelts for laptops? yesplz http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/17439435/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/17439435/ Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:03:31 PDT
This is why I would make a bad parent. Especially considering I love my laptop more than under-evolved parasitic midgets.

Anyway, just spent $130 on a new hard drive... 250gb instead of 120. And if any of you know of a cheaper hard drive then just don't tell me. Honestly. Nothing more annoying then people telling you something that could have helped you a week ago and is of absolutely no use now.

My new spiffy hard drive came in on Wednesday and I've been frantically downloading everything I had before. It's been a pain in the ass. Kind of fun starting on a blank page though. I just wish I hadn't lost all my music, porn, word documents, and pictures. Though I have a friend who thinks she can help me recover some of my old hard drive.

School is going pretty well. Spring break sucked because I was too broke to do anything and I was bleeding out of my vagina, a phenomenon I find completely useless since I don't want kids. It only serves as a monthly notifier that I'm not preggers.

My new favorite stand up comedian: Daniel Tosh. Fucking hilarious. Total asshole, but in an awesome way.

]]> ~hereticschizoid Wow time for an update http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/16948682/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/16948682/ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:38:01 PST
Much news...

I am finally back in Orlando and settled in with a friend of mine, Nick, who I met on craigslist when looking for apartments or rooms for rent. I'm currently living in a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house with Nick and our other roommate who we call Mr. West because his first name is Norris and that's just depressing.

I've known Nick for 4 or 5 months now and we've had some very good times. He makes for a great roommate and we have lots of fun

I've never had such an awesome roommate situation. Only thing I don't like is that some of his friends can be very dramatic and it's difficult to separate myself from it. I manage okay, but every now and then it gets to me.

School is going excellent. I got a 96 on my first Anthropology exam, 98 on my first US Gov exam, and an 88 on my first Art History exam (which was lower than I thought it should be... going to meet with the teacher on Wednesday). I'm also taking Western Civ but we only have two exams: midterm and final, so I haven't been tested yet.

Just got back from visiting my brother and his girlfriend in Gainesville (my mom came up from Stuart and picked me and Nick up in Orlando and we all went up to Gainesville). We had a great time. Nick and I had several beers Saturday night and actually got up and did karaoke. Swear to god. Neither of us have ever done anything like that in our lives. But we rapped 'Without Me' by Eminem

It was hilarious. And we convinced about 5 other people who were there to come up and dance and act ghetto in the background... they were awesome... they did a couple songs by the Beastie Boys throughout the night and sounded great.

Anyway, it was very fun and I wanna do it again

Haven't been spending as much time online though I'm still attached at the hip with my laptop. I check my messages and email often though. So I'm more of just a lurker now. I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with friends lately so that's one of the reasons I'm not as active.

I guess that's about it for now. Nobody wants to read anymore anyway

]]> ~hereticschizoid Want you bigger penis? News good for you! http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/15179609/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/15179609/ Mon, 22 Oct 2007 20:03:59 PDT
So i'm going to be changing my email address and therefore msn messenger soon. Which is just a pain in the ass because i have to sort through and send an email out to everyone which means talking to people i've managed to avoid for some time. Thus ruining the natural progression of dying relationships. i could just not let them know i'm changing my email and msn but then it's more like murdering the relationship than letting it die a natural death over time.

In other irritable news... i hate it when i have friends who i genuinely like but they always seem to be in a silly mood and when i'm mildly annoyed or slightly depressed or just not feeling particularly chipper and cheerful, their silliness just seems stupid and aggravating.

Anyway...

i got laid on Wednesday by some guy i met on collarme.com, a BDSM profile site. i didn't have high hopes but he took me out for dinner and opened the car door for me and all that unnecessary but very sweet gentlemanly stuff. And then we were going to go out dancing but i realized that wasn't going to happen somewhere after the first screwdriver when i was leaning against his refrigerator with my leg wrapped around his shoulder while he was kneeling in front of me doing dirty things.

This was the first time since last December that i'd gotten some so that was nice. It was decent sex though my cervix could have gone without the bruising.

Had some vanilla sex on Saturday at a party i was invited to by my friend karen at her brother-in-law's brother-in-law's house. A bunch of us tried ecstasy, many of them had already done it before but a few of us hadn't. Did something for most of them but some of us weren't affected at all. Which was kinda depressing. So after a few hours i gave up and hit the tequila with the guy who owned the house.

We started having quite a nice time and he was massaging my shoulders and kept getting dangerously close to other parts... and once there was no doubt that it wasn't an innocent friendly massage, i said 'you're married aren't you?' in a drunken slur and he laughed and said they're swingers. So there was much groping throughout the night and then we had boring vanilla sex beside the pool table once everyone had gone to bed for the most part. Though the plus side of the vanilla sex was that my cervix was much happier with me. And it was still fun. We got some water and chatted briefly before he went to go to bed with his wife and i passed out on the couch with 2 other people (it was a really big couch).

So after a 10 month dry spell i managed to have sex twice in one week with different guys and totally different situations. And i must say, i'm more likely to screw more often if i have variety. i'm like a guy trapped in a girl's body. Well... a sexy gay guy at least.

Speaking of gay guys, J. K. Rowling announced that Albus Dumbledore was gay and that part of the series was a message of tolerance. i'm not sure how i feel about all that. Seems odd that you can just make stuff up like that... when there really isn't any evidence of it in the books. i mean there were comments about how Dumbledore never had a partner/wife whatever, but neither did any other teacher in the books. Snape and Hagrid were the only teachers who had mention of possible romance, Snape's crush on Lily and Hagrid's thing for the giantess.

So really it just seems odd, as if it was made up after the fact or something. If there was a little bit more ambiguity about it, i can see where 'clearing it up' by announcing her intent for his preference would make sense. But this is like announcing that Flitwick was gay or Ron's brothers or any other people who remained "suspiciously" single through most of the books.

i'm all for putting a message into one's writing, but this just seems stupid really. If you're going to make a statement, make it a little bigger than that. He doesn't have to be a flaming homosexual or anything, but there should at least be some sort of question there. i never ever stopped to consider Dumbledore's romance or sexual preference. In any event, books like these seem not to be the best platform for stuff like this. i think it takes away from more prevalent themes in the book that were actually obvious, like courage, conviction, friendship, and the traditional 'good vs. evil' b... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Birthday http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/14992289/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/14992289/ Tue, 09 Oct 2007 21:30:29 PDT

Had an awesome time. Some of the timing didn't work out very well so i didn't get a long scene with whips and floggers and all my favorite stuff, but we did have time to do the piercing scene we had planned and Sir and Ma'am gave me the locket Sir had bought for me a while ago. It's gorgeous and i love it and i had so much fun.

There were a ton of people there and there was much cross dressing and cage dancing and screaming and laughter

Good times.

There was also a shitload of cleaning house, setting up, taking down, and cleaning house again... so in retrospect i would have invited just a couple people even though i had fun with everyone. We just spent more time working than we did having the party.

It's been a full year since i first tossed myself into the BDSM lifestyle now. It's been eye-opening. There have been lots of ups and downs and people i love and people i can't stand. i've changed so much in the past year i don't recognize myself from when i was first excitedly preparing for my first munch and play party. It's amazing how my interests and tastes have changed. i've had some incredible experiences this past year and made some phenomenal friends.

Birthdays used to just be a fun time to get lots of presents, now they're a fun time plus i sit there and think about the last year of my life and where i've been and the things i've done... lots of good things and bad things but all of it has gotten me to this point and i feel like i've learned so much that if i keep learning this much every year i'm not going to have room for it all in my head by the time i'm 30.

Anyway... hoping this next year i'll learn from some of my mistakes and make a few new ones. And it would be nice to get a few things right the first time as well.

]]> ~hereticschizoid Overdue update http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/14703769/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/14703769/ Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:19:25 PDT
I moved home to stay with my mom for 4 months until school starts up again in January. Taking the semester off because i'm on medical hold. And i realized i can't live on my friend's couch for the semester. So i've revamped my brother's old room (my old room is home to the cat litter and junk that nobody wants) and i've actually managed to keep it nice and clean for the past few weeks.

Looking for a job though to be honest i've slacked off the past week or so. Went up to Orlando last weekend to visit Paul and dade and my other friends. i really miss my friends. But least it's only 2 hours away.

my friend Karen's brother died last night around 11.30pm. He needed a liver transplant and She was all happy that he got bumped to the top of the list and was set for his transplant last night. But then he wouldn't stop bleeding during surgery and eventually bled out. She got the call last night while i was visiting with dade and our close friend Dan. And Karen's best friend from college, Sondra, came over as well and she and i spent the night with Karen.

It's an hour and a half drive but i'm going back tomorrow. She doesn't want to be alone. Her brother was only 32. She's 35. Apparently they were really close. We spent last night looking through scrapbooks of Her family. She cried and screamed and cried some more and all we could do was sit there and be with Her.

Most of the time She's doing okay and then She starts crying again because some memory comes back to Her. But She's being fairly productive and using healthy coping mechanisms. She is much stronger than i would be... i'd be curled up in bed with a box of tissues, a box of donuts, and a bottle of Kahlua. But this morning She and Sondra sorted through scrap booking stuff for Her god children (Sondra's kids) and then went out to lunch. And when Sondra and i had to go, Dan and dade traveled back over... i talked to dade briefly and he said She and Dan were organizing Her office and chitchatting, and dade was helping fix a few things around the house.

So i'm really happy about that.

Oh and to put it in context, She also has a really bad cold (that's why we were all over last night to take care of Her and i made Her homemade chicken noodle soup) and Her boyfriend just broke up with Her when She thought he was 'the one'. Add all that onto the death of Her only sibling and She's having an extremely shitty time.

i think that's about all i have to say. i've had 3 hours of sleep and just got to take a shower a couple hours ago and changed into clean clothes (slept in the same clothes i wore yesterday and had to wear them most of today) and i feel a lot better. i think i might just go to sleep even though it's only 6.30pm.

Went to pick up my Lexapro from the pharmacy today. Have started seeing my mom's therapist while i'm staying here... he's totally awesome and i'd seen him a couple times before with my mom. He's really funny and genuine and extremely easy to talk to. i was worried that i wouldn't be able to talk about the Lifestyle with him but the first session we had together we spent the whole time talking about BDSM. And today we spent the whole time talking about BDSM and my sex life and porn and so forth lol And no not in a creepy way lol he does add some good insight into it. So it's fun and productive and he's very non-judgmental. Looking forward to seeing him more.

Just talked with my other friend karen for a while. her boyfriend just asked her father for her hand in marriage. So they're not quite engaged yet but i imagine they will be soon. Apparently they've talked about it a lot. And she wants me to walk in the wedding

Anyway... hope everyone else is doing well.

]]> ~hereticschizoid Productive human beings http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/14402359/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/14402359/ Wed, 29 Aug 2007 21:22:56 PDT
my medical withdrawal for depression and family issues was approved, but i'm on medical hold until spring semester which means i can't take classes right now. And because i'm not taking classes, i can't get financial aid. And because i can't get financial aid, my mom won't sign for an apartment for me and i haven't been financially independent and stable enough to sign for it by myself.

So i'm living with my friends Lili (pronounced Lee-lee... nickname for Lisa) and Brandon and their roommate Sean on their comfy futon. Which sounds shittier than it is. i was depressed about it at first, but Lili and Brandon are really cool and they leave me alone enough that they're not annoying or anything. Yeah i'd love to have my own room but anything is better than moving back home where i stagnate and fight with my mom (we get along much better from afar).

i have a job. It's glorified telemarketing. It sucks but it could be worse. We don't have a quota and we don't have a list of rebuttals... if people want it, great, if they don't that's fine too. Basically we take a short survey and then tell them we're going to send them out 7 popular magazine subscriptions for 60 issues. And then after assuring them that there's no catch we tell them that they have to pay $3 a week for the shipping and handling.

It's not so bad though. Least it's easy. And least we're calling business instead of people's homes... i always feel particularly bad interrupting people's leisure time. Anyway i work 1-4:30pm (short hours because that's about all you can stomach before you want to shoot everyone) Monday through Friday and make somewhere between 8 and 10 dollars an hour depending on sales. And i don't have to work Saturdays which is nice. But they do allow us to pick up extra shifts when we want them. Right now this is all i want though... i'm working on getting used to leading a normal schedule.

It's weird having a routine. Yet awesome. For the past several weeks i've been holding normal hours. Lately i've been going to bed around 1am, waking up at 10am, chatting online for a bit, then eating and reading for a while, getting ready for work, going to work, reading and relaxing for a while, doing some chores around the house for Lili and Brandon, hanging out and doing whatever until i go to bed.

So yeah... i'm now a normal human being. i get my first paycheck a week from tomorrow (Thursday). Unfortunately most of that is going to pay back all the friends who have helped me out lately. i also need to spend some of it on Lexapro which i've run out of. i'm living on sample packs at the moment. my mom won't help me out at all which has annoyed me. i have a job now, would be nice if she'd help me during this one majorly broke week. i literally have no money of my own right now. i'm down to pennies in my car. And i haven't been buying shit i shouldn't buy either. So least i'm broke responsibly.

Lili and Brandon have been amazing to me. They're basically feeding me, providing their home for me, and paying for my gas money now that i used my last 2 dollars on gas today. Takes me 30-40 minutes to get to work because of traffic. It's 20 minutes by mapquest. But anyway, once i start getting money i'm going to help contribute to food and stuff. Might pay a bit of rent though they may just have me do chores and stuff instead.

my depression is a lot better lately. The Lexapro helps, and having good friends helps a lot too.

i'm also in some sort of D/s relationship at the moment. It's hard to explain. It's not a romantic or sexual relationship at all seeing as Paul is very gay. But He's my self-appointed gay Leather uncle

He's absolutely amazing, has like 12 years formal experience in the Lifestyle, extremely skilled with whips and floggers and lots of other stuff, and is a wonderful friend. In the past i've had a D/s connection with someone but nothing else... with Paul it's like having an extremely close friend who i play with regularly and who i get to serve and fulfill my subbie side with. He's also been formally trained as a boy... He's technically a switch. So it's cool having someone who knows both sides so well and who can admit as a Dominant to enjoying and regularly participating in the other side.

Last week He got me a silver locket and had it inscribed 'girl' in lowercase cursive and He said He wants to put a picture of Him and a picture of me inside it so the two of us will be face to face locked inside a heart. Doesn't get much sweeter than... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Roadtrip, Bitches! http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/14012285/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/14012285/ Sat, 04 Aug 2007 08:17:53 PDT
i dropped the rest of the crap off from my move, and now i'm preparing for the 12 hour car ride up to Knoxville, TN. i'm not too psyched about the car ride itself but part of it should be fun, and i'm looking forward to seeing Meg again after so long.

So if anyone wants to call me and entertain me from 12pm to 12am EST give me a ring. (772) 214-2882. If i don't pick up it's because too many people called before you did and my phone died

i still don't have a charger for my car

Oh well, someday.

i'm going to be out of the loop starting in a few days when Meg and her niece and i drive up north to CT, MA, and ME. But feel free to call me, and i'll be doing my best to get my dose of the Intrawebs while i'm on the road. Not sure where we'll be staying though. So for all i know i won't be able to access internet at all. But i can always check my email poeticalquandary@hotmail.com with my phone. Not sure if i can write emails back though. Would prolly take ages anyway since i'm not big on doing that sorta thing with my piece of crap phone.

Also, i've sort of found religion. Okay not really. More like i'm seriously exploring spirituality for the first time. i've always been a devout agnostic and i've never found anything worth believing in. When it comes to religion i'm very skeptical. Never been a fan of most organized religion. i looked into Buddhism and similar philosophies a while ago but even those don't seem to embrace sexuality not to mention my violent (yet consensual) sex habits

Paul is Wiccan. And the first person i've met who actively practices a spirituality and isn't at least a little bit of a fruitcake. So i've read up more about it and i've found that a lot of it really fits me. They seem to encourage independent thought and styles and beliefs. They're also all about the balance of energy in the universe and all that good stuff. i like that a lot. Keep in mind that i am totally not talking about the 13 year old version of Wicca lyk omg i r a witch and i can curse u with my Hary Poter powrs of d00m!!!!!11OnEoNe

Anyway. It's all quite new to me. And i feel a little weird seriously exploring stuff like this after i've always been so skeptical. i also feel weird telling people about my new interest when i have previously shared eye rolls and jokes about it all. But i'm still the same person, i just think i may be developing new beliefs.

i'm going to go finish getting ready so i can go drive for 12 hours!

Call me if you need me or want to chitchat.

]]> ~hereticschizoid Moving again http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/13903419/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/13903419/ Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:45:25 PDT
1. my subscription ran out.

who loves me? lawlz j/k.... kinda

2. my lease ends on July 31st... Tuesday. i can't get a new place until i find out about financial aid. i can't do that until i find out if my medical withdrawal from last semester went through. Which won't happen until a few days before classes begin on the 20th. So basically the next month is totally up in the air.

i would be stressed and freaked out... but i'm on Lexapro

And things that i can't do anything about don't bother me so much anymore.

3. i'm going to be staying with other people for 5 days and then next Sunday, the 5th, i'm driving up to TN to visit my friend Meg and a couple days later she and i are going to roadtrip up north to CT, MA, and Maine. We'll be back around the 14th. And then i'll be living with friends for a few more days and then i'll find out about the medical withdrawal and financial aid and will hopefully be able to get a new place.

4. i have met an awesome Dom named Paul. He's gay and married to his partner which means it's all about friendship and the D/s dynamic rather than sexual tension and anxious excitement. It's a nice change from the typical nervousness that i usually get around a Dom i'm interested in.

Anyway, he Tops women, so we've played once and spent lots of time together hanging out and playing video games. And i get to be his housegirl on Tuesday and Wednesday night when i move out of my apartment. Which means i get to cook and clean for him. Which is strangely appealing even though i'm normally horribly lazy.

So yeah, i'm really excited about getting to know him better. i feel like there's so much i can learn from him and he makes me feel good about myself. i love spending time with him. And he might come to the Orlando munch with me tomorrow, which will be fantastic.

5. my Lexapro is fantastic. It makes the highs higher, the lows less low, and the stress less stressful. i am so much happier. It's wonderful. Also, i've realized that i have some really great friends. Online and off. You guys are awesome. And i love having people in person who i actually really like and trust. For the first time i feel like i have a best friend. my friend karen is wonderful and we can talk for hours and it's just fantastic. We have so much in common and she totally understands me and i can be a bit crazy around her and she gets it and doesn't think i'm weird.

God the world is so much brighter when your medicated

Alright i think i'm done rambling. i'm going to get ready to go get coffee with karen for a few hours.

<3.

]]> ~hereticschizoid zomg i'm back http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/13623757/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/13623757/ Thu, 05 Jul 2007 16:44:20 PDT

i have my beloved laptop back!!! How exciting.

i was going to celebrate by getting drunk and doing dirty things on webcam but my usual cam site isn't working and hasn't for the past few days

And screwing around on cam just isn't as fun with only a couple people.

But i might get drunk anyway, so if you're online later tonight come keep me company.

Also, my brother and his awesome girlfriend Cydney seem to have broken up again because my brother is a dick and repeatedly gets drunk and says mean nasty things to her. This time he called her a bitch for no reason and said he doesn't love her and stuff. So... i dunno if they're going to get back together this time. But she and i talked for a long while and we're still going to keep in touch and hang out and stuff. Because she's awesome and my mom and i love her.

Anyway... <3 come entertain me online later tonight when i get drunk and celebrate the return of my cherished laptop. i was so happy to have my laptop back i actually petted it the whole way home and talked to it...

seriously.

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses

A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm

More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's definitely worth your time, whether you're a survivor or just a caring friend to people in need of one.

]]> ~hereticschizoid STDs, laptops, and absinthe http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/13344377/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/13344377/ Thu, 14 Jun 2007 15:10:45 PDT

my laptop fell off the bed and my warranty ran out one month ago (great timing) and so it cost me $50 to find out that it will cost me $512 to fix it. It needs a new LCD screen thingy. Otherwise it works fine, just the color in the screen is all screwy.

Anyway... i don't have that kinda money. So it might be a while before i can fix it. Trying to get my mom to lend it to me but right now i'm basically living off my mom's money so... we'll see.

i'm really depressed about all of that. my laptop is everything to me... all my coping mechanisms revolve around my laptop. Now how will i talk to people at 4am when i have insomnia and feel like shit?

On to other stuff...

i just got the first shot of the HPV vaccine. So no genital warts and cervical cancer for me

Going to the Bahamas with my mom for a week on Saturday. Not looking forward to it now that i won't have my laptop with me

We'll be going with a family friend and staying at her timeshare. my brother and his girlfriend might come along but they just spent 3 weeks in Europe...

i'm horribly jealous. They said they had the best time in Amsterdam, Munich, and Budapest. And they said London and Paris sucked because everything was ridiculously expensive

Cydney got high for the first time in Amsterdam. Lucky bastards.

Anyway, they brought back two bottles of absinthe which i believe is illegal here. We opened them last night with my brother's friend Ronnie and we were extremely disappointed. The label said it was like twice as strong as vodka or rum or whatever, but it didn't seem to be any stronger. And the wormwood did nothing. They barely got drunk let alone hallucinated. They took 7 shots each and were just mildly buzzed. i have a lower tolerance so i took 5 shots and i was a bit drunk. But not any more so than i would have been after 5 shots of vodka. Lame.

i think that's about it. Oh, i saw Knocked Up a couple days ago. Awesome movie, very funny. It exceeded my expectations.

Oh and i just got prescribed Lexapro for my depression.

<3.

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses

A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm

More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Tue, 22 May 2007 03:58:45 PDT

Oh my god: Xena. i just watched "Xena: Warrior Princess" (most original title EVAR) yesterday morning and today i find myself awake at the same time... and i have 15 minutes before i get to catch another episode

shitty acting, hot clothes, and lesbians in denial!

Not to mention lots of awesome fake ass-kicking.

Also, no wonder i'm a kinky pervert... i spent my childhood watching half-naked leather clad women rid the world of evil.

Oh! and yesterday i found out totally on accident that i have HBO. Channel 48... on the tv guide channel, 48 is like some sort of shopping network type thing so i've never actually switched to it. But last night i did on accident and landed on some sort of sex show

i was trying to switch to VH1 music videos and instead i found some guy screwing a chick dressed as little red riding hood. Hell yes. And then after that was over i got to watch an hour of Lewis Black stand up sans commercials.

i <3 Xena and HBO.

And regarding the anti-depressants... i left a message for my doctor with my pharmacy number because the doctor had said he would call in my prescription... called the pharmacy last night and of course the fucking idiot doctor didn't call in a damn thing and didn't bother to call me at all. And now he's going out of town for a week

FUCK IT... Xena's on

So that last journal was rather depressing.

!toffee convinced me to get Skype again... so my username on there is poetical7. You all should get Skype... fast, easy, free, sounds great... yeah, that's all i've got. It's highly entertaining and stuff.

Doctor's appt. today went terribly and my therapist's receptionist never faxed over the letter that my doctor needed to prescribe me anti-depressants. And my doctor is an asshole and never answers my questions and always talks about me to the nurse as if i'm not in the room (going to get a new doctor soon) and so i got frustrated and hadn't slept all night and was confused about everything and upset and none of my friends would talk to me.

So i ended up having a mental breakdown for about an hour in my therapist's office hallway while i waited for people to show up and unlock the door to the waiting room. Then i continued my mental breakdown on a comfy leather couch while i waited for my therapist to show up so she could tell me how to proceed with all the confusing doctor stuff.

At one point i called my doctor's office close to hysterics saying nobody will talk to me or answer my questions and i don't know what to do because no one will talk to me... and the receptionist put me through to a voice mailbox. i <3 irony.

Felt like total shit till !toffee cheered me up

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses

A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/13014083/ Sat, 19 May 2007 13:58:11 PDT

Where to start...

Well i'm getting kicked out of school for a year for a low GPA unless i can get a medical withdrawal... which means i have to withdraw from the whole semester. my therapist and a regular doctor both have to fill out some paperwork.

i've been diagnosed with 'major depressive disorder, moderately severe, recurrent'. Monday at 9am my doctor will probably be prescribing an anti-depressant for me. my therapist is hoping that will help my 'severe sleep impairment' as well, so we're putting off sleeping pills until we see how the anti-depressant does.

Was going to take summer classes but all of this has sort of screwed that up so i'll be getting a job instead. A friend said i can probably get a job where her boyfriend used to work answering phones and doing a bit of computer stuff. Apparently they have a really high turn over rate but it pays like 9.50 or 10 dollars an hour. i imagine i would be able to handle it for the summer while i look for something more permanent. Unless of course i like it in which case i'd stay.

my brother and his awesome girlfriend Cydney (who is now part of the family) are having some problems... mostly because my brother is an aspiring alcoholic. Recently they split up and got back together and then split up again and got back together... again. Because he keeps getting drunk and saying/doing hurtful things to her. i'm hoping he's got the picture by now. The two of them are leaving on Monday to go to Europe for 3 weeks. Cydney's sister lives in Hungary so they're going to visit her and go sightseeing and stuff. Lucky bastards.

i need to go shopping. i've been living off tuna and oatmeal. my mom gave me 60 bucks so i'm going to go buy food and water today. Once i motivate myself to get out of bed and take a shower. The shitty thing about depression is not being depressed, it's the complete lack of motivation. i need to clean my room, do some laundry, go shopping, keep in touch with people, do my resume, and god knows what else... oh yeah, lose weight, get good grades, steady employment, and become the female equivalent of a Buddhist monk. i made up a to do list but gave up on it. Maybe it'll be more useful when i have happy pills.

i think i'll call people and make them go out with me tonight. i need to get out of my apartment. Maybe i can do that and then go shopping afterwards.

So anyway... i think that's about it. Oh wait... not quite.

i met up with some guy from a BDSM profile site... we talked for about a month probably, and he's one of the very few people on there who i thought i'd match up with. He came to visit from Pittsburgh a couple weekends ago. He was an annoying idiot and drove me absolutely crazy. And he neglected to tell me until the night before that he had never picked up a flogger before. Which to you guys prolly doesn't mean much, but to me it means he has shit for experience as a Dom. 'i' can use a flogger better than he can.

i'm actually getting pretty good at the Top side. Started practicing because i fell in love with florentine... two floggers at the same time. Sounds a hell of a lot easier than it really is. But i wanted to know how to do it and so i've gotten really good at it and after that the rest of it comes fairly easy. Anyway the point is that i want a Dom who is better and more experienced than i am (which shouldn't be asking for too much considering i'm an 18 year old submissive) but noooo. Can't find anyone from 20-35 who knows what they're doing when it comes to the physical or mental side of things.

The moron guy from Pittsburgh kept ordering me around even though i never agreed listen to him. So he brought out the rebellious teen in me. One morning he knocked on the door of the room i was sleeping in (we stayed at my friend's house in Tampa) and said 'Get up please, your presence is requested'. i promptly went back to sleep. Pretentious dick.

Okay a lot of it is that he's into the 1950s type of lifestyle rather than a D/s lifestyle. Very similar, but just different enough to annoy the hell out of me. The 1950s style feels more nonconsensual (it's not discussed really) and almost degrading (the man makes the decisions because he's better able... rather than the Dominant making the decisions because the submissive enjoys giving up a bit of control to someone she trusts). Similar but not quite the same. The guy from Pittsburgh said that he had tons of experience but that was basically with just ordering his girlfriends around. No formal ownership and service or formal play experience beyond some spanking and light bondage. He was less than candid about that though and i didn't really figure it all out till the weekend he was in town.

Alright now i think i'm done rambling. Going to go call... ]]> ~hereticschizoid i fail at life http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/12743023/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/12743023/ Thu, 26 Apr 2007 13:46:27 PDT

i studied all day for my Personality Theory final exam. Knew the material pretty well. Was pretty confident going into everything. Felt pretty good. Missed the test by 2 hours

i thought it was the regular class time. But no... 2 hours earlier.

So now i have a solid 39% F in the class. Called the teacher, there's nothing i can do.

If i don't get above a 2.0 GPA this semester i get kicked out of school. And i don't know how well i can do in my other classes. So i may have to take a bunch of summer courses to boost my GPA.

i used to be the smart kid with good grades, all advanced classes, etc. Now i'm the retard kid trying to find easy classes so i don't get kicked out of college. Great.

Most of it is my sleep schedule. If i sleep through class i miss quizzes and tests and assignments and important info. But i'm working on that in therapy. Shame it doesn't work faster.

i've made an appointment with my academic adviser... earliest i could get was a week from tomorrow. i'm not looking forward to it. He has a habit of making me feel worse about things i already feel terrible about.

i'm going to go shoot myself <3.

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses
A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm
More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's definitely worth your time, whether you're a survivor or just a caring friend to people in need of one.
]]> ~hereticschizoid Got a sub and a Dom back! http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/12682869/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/12682869/ Sun, 22 Apr 2007 21:39:59 PDT

i heard from my disappeared friend just now i just got a quick email saying he's working his way through his inbox (i sort of filled it up ) So he hasn't had a chance to say why he disappeared. But he's back, and he's alive...

i'm so fucking relieved, it's wonderful. i'm so glad he's alright.

Soooo happy.

Also, `VernonX9000 bought me a sub! much love. And much love for `summaro for keeping me sane and reminding me not to worry so much.

i'm going to go dance around in circles

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses
A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm
More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's definitely worth your time, whether you're a survivor or just a caring friend to people in need of one.
]]> ~hereticschizoid Sleepy pills http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/12575061/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/12575061/ Fri, 13 Apr 2007 01:32:46 PDT

i'm visiting home for the next day or two.

i was feeling depressed. i was sitting in bed crying and being generally emo and hating myself and thinking about how much i suck at life and hate not being able to get to sleep. i was listening to Our Lady Peace and contemplating angsty existential stuff.

Now i'm listening to Barenaked Ladies and i've just washed down a couple sleeping pills with a screwdriver with 3 shots of Stoli. And damn do i feel better. i'm not even sure it's kicked in yet but screwdrivers just make me happy inside.

i suspect shortly i will collapse on my keyboard unconscious.

Yknow when they say on the back of sleeping pills and nyquil that you're not supposed to take it with alcohol? They're so wrong... because when you take it with alcohol it works better. Better and faster.

i took these over the counter sleeping pills the other night and they did literally nothing for me. Now i've taken them with 3 shots of vodka. And you just wait... i will pass out. i'm already starting to feel sleepy.

i tried Lunesta once... they made it so it's a more 'natural' sleep so you don't notice it working. When i take sleeping pills, i want to feel it work. i want it to hit me like a sledgehammer between the eyes and i want to be dead to the world for 8 hours. But apparently i'm a minority. Hence the whole 'avoid alcoholic beverages when taking this product' bull.

i'm surprised i'm not unconscious yet. Contemplating another dosage. Nah i'll be patient. It'll work. my fingers are going numb and i just had like extreme deja vu.

i love Barenaked Ladies. Okay not really i just love the 3 songs that i have by them that i've been listening to over and over again.

i've forgotten how nice it feels to be buzzed... i don't drink often. But my brain is all fuzzy and nice

Also this weekend i'm going to my friend's housewarming party. It will involve her new house, 5 friends, and a pan of special brownies.

lol my face is numb. loovvvve vodkaaaa

i'm going to go laugh at the ceiling.

ravyinazn is a bad influence. a couple more screwdrivers later.... sleeping pills are worthless. waste of money. least these over the counter ones. no effect whatsoever even after 6 shots. psh.

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses
A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm
More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/12410865/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 22:08:42 PDT

Edit:

i want to write something. But i don't know what... it should be prose, fiction or fantasy... and yeah that's all i've got. So someone help me pick something to write about. Realistic suggestions would be nice i've been wanting to write something for a while now but i suck at thinking up a premise for a story.

Make a suggestion about some main characters, rough plot, narrative (3rd or 1st person?) and setting (time, place, etc.) Ready annnnd GO!

And now back to your scheduled program:

So apparently $spyed is shit (the shit? 5h1+? shithead?) and he has turned deviantART into a very big fan.

And now on to more important things...

i'm still here. Yep. i check my messages a billion times a day still. Bad habit... thanks to Firefox, i have 7 tabs up at all times and my message centre is one of them. Let's hear it for the refresh button.

i've been reading a lot more lately. It's actually a nice change. I've been devouring Laurell K Hamilton's trashy vampire novels And Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. Awesome books. Anne Bishop is still my favorite author though. Has been since i was like 13. But it's nice to have other books to get addicted to.

i'm generally happy... sometimes lol but i'm back in therapy again to work through a bit of depression, lack of motivation, low self-esteem, stress, etc. i'm pretty sure i have insomnia of some sort. i find it impossible to keep a regular sleep schedule. And it seems like the depression ties in with it. When i'm tossing and turning for a couple hours in bed i have nothing to distract me from shitty thoughts.

But overall i'm doing okay.

Also, i've moved into a better apartment. 4 bedroom 4 bathroom, and my roommates are quiet and therefore i like them. i never thought i would appreciate silence so much. But it's absolutely wonderful.

i now have too many friends and not enough time or money. It's nice always having someone to hang out with though. i never thought i'd have a social life of my very own. i imagine that's why i have less use for devArt. i can't bring myself to stress over all the bull online. There's enough of it in person and it's easier to deal with or ignore usually.

i've been living off ramen noodles and similar fare lately. Trying to get temporary work. One of the many things that's stressing me out. i can't seem to get motivated. Can't seem to get my shit together. i have a hard enough time getting my homework done. i'm hoping the counseling will help.

Well it's 6.35am and i haven't slept yet. So i'm going to go work on that.

<3 to all.

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses
A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm
More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that i... ]]>
~hereticschizoid

deviantART
http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/11636315/
http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/11636315/
Wed, 31 Jan 2007 14:33:26 PST}

i guess this is long overdue.

i spent a couple years thinking there was no way i'd ever gravitate away from this community. i used to spend hours, lots of them, online everyday posting in the forums, commenting, and chatting on dAmn. i never understood the people who were posting journals about how they just don't feel like being on dA anymore.

And yet now i find myself gravitating away. It's no big deal. i'm not going anywhere. i'm still logged in 24/7 and i still check my messages often throughout the day. i reply to notes and comments and read most of the journals. i just don't feel the urge to hang out in dAmn, post in the forums, or participate in all the stuff i used to live for. It's been this way for several months now so nothing is changing... i'm just sort of reminiscing.

Part of it is that i'm busy. What you may wonder, could i be so busy doing that i don't have time for the place that was my world for years?

Getting a life

When i started on deviantArt it was an escape from my shitty social life (i didn't relate with any of my peers and there were few people who i called friends in person and pretty much no one that i went to hang out with) and my shitty family life.

It served it's purpose. It kept me going for a long time. i felt like i had friends even if most of them were nameless faceless people from the internet who i would easily lose contact with over the months. i felt popular in the forums, which was my first taste of that strange feeling. And it was a place to vent and to get away from things i didn't like.

Now that i've gotten into college and found different passions, i have different things to focus my life on.

my typical week consists of homework, evening classes (though i get up in the morning because i've adjusted my sleep schedule), watching tv, reading, chatting on yahoo and msn to some friends, sending out a few long emails to a close friend of mine, and checking up on my plentiful yahoo groups and email accounts and dA and such.

On Friday nights i usually go hang out with a friend, and then over the weekend i usually go out of town for Scene events. i'd like to point out to those who said it was just for attention that obviously it's not, and obviously it is a lifestyle choice. There's meetings and social events and BDSM play parties practically every weekend in different locations. 1st Saturday is a bunch of Clearwater events (where i'm going this weekend, staying the night at a friend's house as usual), 2nd Sunday is an activity organized for the Orlando crowd where we all go to hang out and do 'normal' stuff, 3rd Sunday is a single tail whip class in Clearawater that i usually try to attend, and i go on Saturday so i can catch a play party at the club i go to, and i stay the night. And 4th Saturday is Orlando's events... i help run their newbie group. And often i'll go to Clearwater afterwards to attend the club.

So. That's my weekends all mapped out. Not really much time for anything else. You may also have noticed the usage of the word 'friend' throughout that... i have actual real life friends now. And not just the kind of people you hang out with in highschool... these are real friends, the kind i'll have for years. The kind who really understand you and like to be in your company and go out of their way to help you out if you need it. i've made lots of those in the past few months since i've started getting active in the BDSM Scene.

So yeah... i've changed a lot, learned a lot, grown up a lot... and deviantArt doesn't really hold the same appeal it used to. When i was in highschool i didn't relate with the people i was around, so i needed an outlet. Now i do relate with the people i'm around (not college kids, but the people who i choose to be around by getting involved in the BDSM Community) so i don't really need an outlet... people on here aren't the ones who understand me anymore.

It's been fun. It's been a life saver. i'm really not sure i would have gotten through some of my shittiest years without dA to come home to. i've met some great people and made some good friends, most of whom have come and gone, a few who i still talk to as friendly acquaintances on messenger or in passing on dA, and a couple who i still consider very good friends.

i still always have my laptop with me so if you want to send me a note or an email or an IM, go for it. i'm not 'leaving' anymore than i've already left. i'm just not as involved in the dA community as i once was and i wanted to elaborate on that.

It's kind of depressing because i never saw myself doing anything but spending hours everyday... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Shit. http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/11026261/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/11026261/ Mon, 11 Dec 2006 09:06:00 PST

For like two weeks, life was perfect and awesome. Then i was thinking to myself, things are too good... something has to go wrong...

And then i totaled my car two days later

That was a week and a half ago on Wednesday. Some lady pulled out across 6 lanes of traffic and by the time i saw that she wasn't going to stop in the median, i didn't have time to brake before t-boning her at 50 mph.

Anyway, there was no debate that it was her fault... but that doesn't make my honda civic any less totaled. And i didn't have transportation to get to work (i had been on my way to my second day of telemarketing when it happened).

Might i add, that the next two days after the accident i had final exams Add onto that a 5 hour trip to the emergency room the Friday after the accident because the clinic on campus told me i might have had internal bleeding and a cracked rib. And then add on all the phone tag and stress with the insurance companies and the fact that i couldn't get to my new job which made me look bad.

i felt weird all week, and then on Wednesday i got sick with a fever, a headache, a sore throat, and congestion. Which persisted until Saturday when i felt mostly better... until Sunday when i felt like total shit. Until my friend fed me Nyquil and brandy and i felt awesome in 15 minutes and passed out.

i'm still a bit sick, but i have a rental car that the insurance is paying for and i'm going to work tonight.

Haven't forgotten you *wazzdakka. Just a shitty shitty shitty few weeks. Soon...

Also, i finally found a job and i'm making 8 bucks an hour (or commission, whichever is higher) at 'DialAmerica Marketing'. Haven't really started the job yet, but i had a bit of training and it seems pretty cool. Very relaxed and upbeat work environment.

Hopefully life will be 'back to normal' soon.

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses
A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm
More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand ~hereticschizoid I'm home and there's kitty litter in my bed http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10816986/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10816986/ Wed, 22 Nov 2006 22:06:38 PST

Woohoo i'm home until Sunday for the holidays.

It's so good to be away from my shitty apartment with my shitty roommates (except for the one i like) and shitty college kids and shitty everything.

i'm back home with my brother, and his girlfriend Cydney, and my mom, and our 3 cats. In my absence my mother moved the cat litter into my bedroom. And since i don't have a bed here and didn't want to sleep on the couch, i spread out a fluffy blanket on the floor to sleep on. And then i left my bedroom to socialize with everyone... and now i'm back in my bedroom.

And the cats kicked litter all over my blanket Ah it's so good to be home. my room smells like cat litter and i love it

my family slowly gets more and more broken apart but somehow we start liking each other more and more. Now that my mom's divorce is finalized and everyone's moved out, when we come back together we have a great time. We're cooking a bunch of food tomorrow and my mom's invited a bunch of friends over and we're going to have a wonderful day. There's enough bottles of wine to keep an AA meeting happy, and we have expensive cheese and food and yummy stuff everywhere

It's so freaking good to be home. i get all nostalgic every time. i can't wait to curl up on the floor and get annoyed at the kitty litter between my toes that i am going to miss by accident when i try to brush it all off after i write this. Happiness is the little things like being reminded in the middle of the night that you have 3 fluffy bundles of fur that love you enough to coat your bedding with the granules from their favorite sandbox.

Plus i'm rereading a trilogy that i love dearly. They've been my favorite books since i was like 13. You know they're good when, after 5 years, you still can't find anything that comes close.

Everything just seems lovely. i love how life always seems to balance out eventually. If you get through the shitty times when you think things will never get better, they almost always 'do' get better and you're pleasantly surprised at how much your strength and hope paid off.

i've grown up hating holidays all my life, and now i'm so damn happy to be home and surrounded by people who drive me crazy in a good way. Everything is far from perfect and that's what makes it so wonderful... my household has quirkiness, personality, character.... and kitty litter.

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses
A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm
More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some peopl... ]]>
~hereticschizoid

Emoemoemoemo
http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10665297/
http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10665297/
Thu, 09 Nov 2006 01:37:11 PST}

Well it's 3:36am and there's nobody online to talk to. Well... there's actually several people online, none of whom are replying to me. my usual mode of venting (compulsive emailing) is currently unsatisfying as i've already sent out extensive email rants in the past couple of hours. And i always feel a bit weird when i write to one person, and within a couple hours they see a range of emotions that all seem to point towards the conclusion that i've stayed up too late. Ergo, i'm writing this. And by writing i mean blathering by means of keyboard.

It's not pure insomnia or lack of a proper sleep schedule that's keeping me up at the moment however. i've been studying for my sexual behavior test tomorrow at 4:30pm. i'm not actually stressed out about the exam really... i'm stressed out about the material 'on' the exam. Most of you know that my sexual behavior class is something that i'm actually... y'know... interested in. And because of my interest, i tend to actually interpret and infer and generally learn from what i read in my textbook.

Pornography is a very interesting subject to read about, but it's also something that i actually have opinions about. Please hold all retarded jokes about 'ha at least you get to read about porn'. i'm also chronically and simultaneously irritated and intrigued by statistics. i can't seem to 'not' be skeptical and analytical when it comes to statistics and related statements in my textbook, and i tend to give myself a headache trying to ponder all the possible faults in the conclusions that the text draws from the data.

Is this journal better or worse for the use of big words? i'm feeling eloquent. Deal with it.

Anyway. After reading about pornography and its supposed effects, i moved on to the chapter about sexual coercion.

And that's where the shit hit the fan. i had already gotten on my soap box once because of the previous chapter, but with all the statistics about sexual assault i was really getting pissed off. In a representative sample of U. S. citizens, 2/3 of men and women said that female victims are 'asking for it' with their appearance or behavior. So if you wear a low cut blouse and flutter your eyelashes at someone, you basically deserve to get raped and it's all your fault.

Ignorant shit like that pisses me off. Along with the related notion that 'men cant help themselves' when they get beyond a certain point of arousal or aggression. Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. And yet so many people believe it. Add all of that plus a dose of whiny over dramatic victims who need to get over it and a dose of selfish twisted perpetrators and a dose of bystanders who do nothing or make it worse... annnnd you have me writing an angry email to a friend at 3 in the morning.

So one second i was going on about how pissed off i was about over dramatic victims who had one traumatic night and let it fuck up their entire lives for 2 years afterwards... and the next second i was feeling like shit myself. So i ended the email and i was going to write that part in my actual physical journal but i couldn't find a pen. i searched for 5-10 minutes for a pen and IM'd everyone who was online and contemplated sending another email out to my friend and really started feeling like shit before i decided to rant here.

i'm not even sure what i feel like shit about. i guess every now and then, usually when i'm tired and stressed (like now), i feel a little bit sorry for myself. i'm not sure if that's the right phrase though... it's not that i feel sorry for myself necessarily... it's that i get annoyed that i've been through so much and i'm still holding it together but 'because' i'm still holding it together, nobody ever realizes how amazing it is that i am holding it together.

See, it's a conscious effort for me. i don't get up and go to class because my life is peaches and cream and i can't wait to see sunshine every morning. i get up because i have to, because that's what you have to do until things really are peaches and cream. And they're getting better... right now i've probably got like those canned peaches that are in thick disgusting syrup that nobody really likes, and skim milk. So i'm getting there.

But i feel like a freak of nature. According to my textbook i'm one of the few people who can be strongly attracted to violent pornography with prolonged exposure and still understand and agree that rape is heinous and victims are not at fault. i'm one of the few people who can be molested half their life and still be doing really well. i'm one of the few people who is in touch with their sexuality at such a young age. i'm one of the few people who is deeply introspective at such a young age. i'm one of the few people who knows with confidence what they want... ]]> ~hereticschizoid A long overdue journal http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10310966/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10310966/ Tue, 17 Oct 2006 20:47:06 PDT

i'm legal

More on this later... like... tomorrow. When i get back from my crazy birthday plans.

__________________________

Well i wrote that over a week ago.

Anyway. i'm debating how much detail about my birthday to go into. There's a couple people on here who prolly don't need to know about exactly what i did. Well... too bad. i have to pretend that i'm vanilla in person, i don't feel like doing it online.

my birthday was as follows.

i woke up early, and spent a while talking with a close friend of mine. Which was a much better conversation what with me being legal and everything. Anyway, it was a charming way to start the morning.

i took a shower, got dressed up in what is known here as "Florida casual" and got all made up. And then i drove by the shoe store to pick up the boots i had put on hold the day before. Yes, i am now the proud new owner of some shiny black knee high 4 inch heel boots. Rawr.

From there, i drove 2 hours to Clearwater/Largo, to attend the Clearwater munch. i was the first one there, and met up with EJ, a friend of mine and the person who organizes the munch and runs the Master's Quest club where many people go after the munch. The munch was held at a gay bar, but it was opened just for the munch so there wasn't anyone there. i got introduced to people one by one as they arrived, and then ended up talking with some guy who turned out to be a total bullshitter, but i extricated myself from the conversation and sat with a bunch of other people for a while.

Everyone was very friendly and accepting. i met a young couple, karen and Brian who had also driven from Orlando, and were also novices. We hit it off and plan to carpool in the future. Anyway after meeting a bunch of people and talking a lot, the couple (Richard and jeni) who runs the discussion group got a microphone and started us off with a topic before passing around the microphone to people who had something to say. Ironically the topic was one that i had just written a long email about a few days before. So even though i was horribly nervous, i got up there and said a few words after a disclaimer about me being new and prolly not knowing what i'm talking about.

So after the discussion group, everyone went to the Master's Quest club and we split up into two groups. The Doms went to the DAMM meeting (i don't remember what it stands for) and the subs went to the SUN meeting (sub unity network). Richard runs the Dom meeting and jeni runs the SUN meeting. Anyway, the SUN meeting was really cool. we talked about what books fiction and non-fiction that we've read and like/dislike, and then we talked about favorite methods of service (which i didn't really have much to add to the discussion since i have no experience there).

Anyway after the meetings let out, i changed into my outfit for the play party with jeni's help. i wore my fishnet stockings and a skirt that i pulled up under my corset so it was really short (i took pics of the outfit when i was trying it on a couple days before my bday, so if you want a better idea lol, let me know). But there were people (of all shapes and sizes) walking around naked so i felt i was being modest i got a lot of compliments and i was like... one of the skinniest people there. Everyone was so accepting that i just felt really good about myself and everyone around me.

i sat and talked with jeni and Richard and karen and Brian for a while, with a couple other people. Watched the occasional couple playing. And then Richard got up there with jeni... He's a single tail whip expert and definitely on the Sadistic side. So they match up really well... watching them together was amazing. It was like an intricate dance. He's really incredible with the single tail. Apparently they do demonstrations for vanillas and stuff too. He can even do two at the same time which is extremely difficult.

Anyway, while i was watching that, someone i had been talking with convinced me/dragged me up to get my bday spankings. i requested that everyone use a different toy so i could experience what they felt like. 18+1 from every Dom in the club It was quite an experience. i had a great time. Then i was standing there waiting f... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Ranting http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10292790/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10292790/ Thu, 05 Oct 2006 12:14:54 PDT

i just saw a commercial for the "Black Movie Awards" of 2006.

i know it's old news... but if there was a White Movie Awards it would be racist. But the Black Movie Awards is an ethnic celebration. Just like the Black Entertainment Television channel. And the Voices of Color film series from Wal-Mart. And Black History month.

Affirmative action is one thing, but reverse racism is just damn annoying. We make such a big deal out of race by creating things like BET and Black Movie Awards that it becomes difficult bordering on impossible to ignore race which is what we're supposed to do.

Next rant.

People who IM me on yahoo when my status is set to invisible. Constantly. When i'm invisible it's because i don't feel like talking or i'm busy or i'm asleep. So don't fucking message me. If i want to talk, i'll IM whomever i want to talk with. And then block you for being an annoying douche.

Next rant.

Mark Foley, republican congressman from Florida who was caught exchanging dirty IMs with a 16 year old page. Apparently the one thing this scandal HASN'T taught people is how common inappropriate sexual behavior is for people of ALL social classes and degrees of success and respect. Why are people so shocked? Child molesters and internet pervs and rapists? They're all just the guy next door who has a wife and kids. They're all "normal". They're fathers, sons, brothers, and husbands. And in some cases mothers, daughters, sisters, and wives.

So why are people so surprised over and over when the pedophiles and statutory rapists turn out to be respected members of society? This should not be a surprise anymore. Unless you live under a rock, you've met a rapist or a child molester or some variation thereof without knowing it. So don't act shocked when some perfectly respectable citizen turns out to be a disgusting slug.

Next rant.

People who use 'gay' as a synonym for 'stupid' around people who they barely know. If you're around friends and you all know each other that's one thing... but if you're talking to someone (someone being me) who you don't even know, don't start saying things are 'gay' or someone's a 'fag'. Because that requires me to delve into whether you actually have something against gays or you're just a retard with a poor vocabulary.

i used to call people fags all the time. In 9th grade So when a 29 year old starts using it in the same manner, i have to question their maturity level. Joking around with friends is one thing. Acting like 14 year old is another. It doesn't sound intelligent, funny, or mature. Saying "my best friend is a gay" doesn't make it any more intelligent, funny, or mature. It doesn't excuse you. If your best friend is fine with you calling people fags as an insult, that's fine, do it around him. Not me.

Next rant.

Flavored water. Ew. Why does nobody notice this? It's the same thing as watered down juice. Nobody drinks watered down juice. So why do they drink flavored water? If i wanted water with a hint of strawberry kiwi, i'd buy a one dollar carton of strawberry kiwi juice, mix it with like 10 gallons of water, and create flavored water that's a hell of a lot cheaper. But i don't want to do that because it's disgusting.

Next rant.

The guys next door always come outside to talk while they smoke. They sit right underneath my 2nd story window. So i can hear them word for word. Last week i woke up to their charming conversation... "Dude, have you ever licked a girl's ass?" and then "Have you ever blown all over a girl's face? She loved it didn't she." i'm pretty open about sex but i do NOT want to hear shit like that from the skanky guys next door.

i've listened to so much of their views on sex that it makes me want to go date a 35 year old just to find someone remotely mature. These guys are like 20 years old. They're 20 and they're still saying shit like "Dude, did she let you fuck her in the ass?" and "Ha you DP'd her didn't you?" Come on. Grow the fuck up. Jesus. If you're going to talk about that shit, at least do it in a somewhat respectful way. i don't feel like listening to 3 losers objectifying the few girls they do manage to get.

Which segues nicely into my next rant...

This is why i don't date. Why would i want to have to deal with all of that? i don't want some fucktards talking with their fr... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Death. http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10278219/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10278219/ Wed, 04 Oct 2006 03:43:46 PDT

i'm sick and dying Okay not really but it sure feels like it. Sunday night i woke up (yes i woke up at night) with a sore throat and within a couple days it has escalated to a cough, sneezing, congestion, runny nose, etc.

i'm hoping it will be over by Saturday (my birthday).

i can't think of anything else to talk about...

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

Leather 'n' Roses
A reliable site for curious people, full of information and articles about BDSM as an alternative lifestyle.

Castle Realm
More reliable resources for those who are interested in or curious about the BDSM lifestyle.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's definitely worth your time, whether you're a survivor or just a caring friend to people in need of one.
]]> ~hereticschizoid Sexy stuff and... well... just sexy stuff. http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10148864/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10148864/ Fri, 22 Sep 2006 02:52:22 PDT

There is a new group on dA worthy of your attention

*toodamnsexy is a group that showcases art that makes you get all warm and tingly inside Go check it out. They have a couple journals up, a lot of unique and exciting art, and an article you should read... so go give a little bit of love... or lust... or something

In other sexy news... in 16 days i'll be legal Yeah yeah i know what you're thinking, it's more fun when it's forbidden. But it'll be nice to not be jailbait anymore

So what am i doing for my birthday?

a) getting wasted
b) visiting intraweb frendz
c) crying in my room by myself
d) going to do kinky things literally all day long...

Okay if you didn't pick (d) then you suck because you obviously didn't read the title about this journal being about sexy things and sexy things only. And what could be sexier than a kink club full of fun and openminded people?

Alright all joking aside.

i'm going to a BDSM munch (an informal get-together for the BDSM/fetish world where people can get into the Scene in a relaxed, public, and non-intimidating environment), a Submissive Unity Network (SUN) meeting, a single tail whip class/demo, and then a play party at The Master's Quest club in Largo.

i'm really looking forward to it. Those of you who know me prolly know how long i've been avidly reading up about the lifestyle, and now i'll finally have a chance to truly get involved. And really it's a privilege, because most Scene organizations/events in my area seem to be 21+ for some reason. But Master EJ (the owner of the Quest) has been talking with me for about 7 months online and decided that i'm mature enough to attend his club (dunno how he came to that conclusion ). i got to meet him in person for dinner and a tour of the club a few weeks back, and it is really an amazing place. There's some pictures on the site i linked above, but they don't do it justice at all.

Anyway, October 7th isn't too far off i guess... but it feels like forever. i've been waiting for over a year for this. And with my birthday comes other privileges and good things that i can't begin to describe. Plus i'll be able to get into dance clubs with my friends so that'll be a nice change. No more sneaking in with other people's IDs. Not that i'm big on that kind of clubbing anyway. Too many drunk frat boys for my liking. And one bad drunken experience with a football player named Mike.

*cough*

i think that's about it for updates. Now go visit *toodamnsexy

For art that makes you feel deliciously dirty

_______________________

http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/10027017/ Sun, 10 Sep 2006 10:35:27 PDT

Mood: dripping enthusiasm
Listening to: Our Lady Peace- 'In Repair'
Reading: Trouble is my Master by Darwin Teilhet

A very original and challenging lit contest brought to you by *pickledeer. It's an ongoing thing so go check it out and win a subscription. And stuff.

Alright all the whoring aside...

College life.

Is good. i seem to have magically found a social life, so i'm not online quite as much as i used to be, but i'm still lurking and i check my messages frequently.

Getting used to homework and studying again. i have a test Thursday in Sexual Behavior, a speech i have to give tomorrow (lol maybe i should start working on that ) and some online homework due on either Monday night or Tuesday night (gotta check that).

On Friday i went up to Gainesville to party before the UF vs. UCF game with my brother and his girlfriend. Spent most of Friday in front of my brother's fraternity house (Delta Upsilon) and then Saturday morning was spent recovering from inebriation, and then Saturday afternoon was spent also partying in front of the DU house. i was representing UCF, but unfortunately the blue and orange Gators were there in force.

Anddd UF won the game because they suck

Anyway, i drove back home right before the game started so i could wake up and do homework today. Which apparently i'm procrastinating right now.

On Thursday night i went to go meet the owner of the BDSM club who i've been talking to for about 7 months. We had dinner and then he showed me around the club. It was awesome. For like 10 minutes after the tour i just stood there looking at it with my mouth open saying 'wow' over and over.

27 days till i turn 18.

Also, i'm horribly broke, keep procrastinating getting a job even though i know where i'm going to get it and i'm relatively sure i'll get the job, andddd my mom is sending me 70 dollars in the mail so i can like... live.

And my room is a total mess and i want to clean it but if i clean it right now it will just be so i can procrastinate my homework which is bad. Must go work on that speech.

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.

~TheDungeon for more information.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it'... ]]>
~hereticschizoid

Sexual Behavior... class.
http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9882090/
http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9882090/
Mon, 28 Aug 2006 08:11:59 PDT}

Mood: dripping enthusiasm
Listening to: Our Lady Peace- 'Sorry'
Reading: Different Loving by Gloria Brame
Watching: Snakes on a Plane!

Before i go into my rant about my classes, i want to say that i saw Snakes on a Plane on Saturday with *pickledeer... and it was fucking awesome. It was somewhere between hilarious and horrifying. And Samuel L. Jackson... there are no words to describe. It was everything i hoped it would be, and so much more. And that's my expert movie review.

NEXT.

1) Fundamentals of Oral Communication (speech class for those of us who are too busy to say fundamentals of oral communication all the time)

Not cool. i have it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 9.30am (which means i have to wake up at 8am to get there on time with the shuttle to campus and all). It's an okay class i guess. But the actual class time seems ultimately pointless. Like today she wasted the whole class going over the course packet when she could have just said "hey guys read the course packet it's full of really important information that will help your speeches." But nooo i have to get up at 8am to learn something i could read before i go to bed. But it seems easy enough and the teacher is young and not bad to look at

2) Humanistic Traditions

Effing AWESOME. my professor sounds like John Malkovich (and looks like him a little). He goes by 'Trig', and he's really philosophical. He really focuses on relating the information to us. Our class discussions really make me think. He studied at Oxford too which i find pretty neat. He comes to class wearing ripped jeans This week we were told to read the Epic of Gilgamesh on our own, and we're going to discuss it today (i have that class next). Gilgamesh was actually pretty good... when i read the sparknotes version so i could actually understand it

i have this class Monday, Wednesday, and Friday an hour after Speech. Yay for lengthy breaks between all my classes.

3) College Algebra

Ew. i'm only taking it because i have to have it for statistics next semester (gotta take statistics for my psych major). It's only the first week and i'm already lost. i need tutoring. i got a B in Trigonometry, and B's in both my highschool algebra classes and an A in geometry. So even though i hate math i've always squeaked by. But she just goes so fast and it's a giant lecture hall i have this Monday, Wednesday and Friday an hour after Humanistic Traditions, and then i'm done for the day (i finish at 2.20pm). i have to go to algebra discussions every Tuesday morning at 8.30am though. Required.
________________________

And now the one you've all been waiting for

Sexual Behavior.

Is awesome. So awesome. First day i walked into class, i was 5 minutes late, and the first thing i heard the professor say is "I love porn, I've loved porn ever since I found the stuff. I was recently reviewing some porn sites, like milfhunter.com" (the class broke into applause). This is my kind of teacher and my kind of class

We had to sign a consent form to take the class saying that we wouldn't be offended by his Rated R language, or the NC-17 movies he'll be showing us. He said he's fascinated with female ejaculation so we're going to watch a video of it Yeah...... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Damn you, Sara! http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9854298/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9854298/ Fri, 25 Aug 2006 18:53:17 PDT

i blame *baby221 for this. i hath been tagged

1) Full Name: Danielle Marie Adams
2) Name Backwards: smada eiram elleinad
3) Were you named after anyone? nope
4) Does your name mean anything? 'god is my judge' or something. Screw that.
5) Nick Name(s): i don't think i have any really
6) Screen Name(s): hereticschizoid and poeticalquandary
7) Date of Birth: Oct. 7th 1988
8) Place of Birth: Waldorf, MD
9) Nationality: uh American
10) Current Location: Orlando, FL
11) Sign: Libra
12) Religion: agnostic
13) Height: 5'5 or 5'6
14) Weight: fuck you.
15) Shoe Size: 9 or 10
16) Hair Colour: Naturally brown, but i currently have blonde highlights.
17) Eye Colour: Brown
18) What do you look like? A female i hope. i'm what they call voluptuous... aka squidgy around the edges.
19) Innie or Outie? Innie
20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous? Righty
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other? Bismeckshual.
22) Best friend(s): uhh i dunno. i don't really have 'best friends'... just generally good friends who are mostly equal in awesomeness.
23) Best friends that you trust the most: see above
24) Best friends {your sex}: Nobody you know.
25) Best friends of the opposite sex: Jesus stop asking! Now i feel like a loser.
26) Best Bud(s): How is that in any way different from 'best friend'?
27) Boyfriend/Girlfriend: No. Most guys (or girls) my age wouldn't know what to do with me.
28) Crush: Not really.
29) Parent(s): my father's in jail and my mom's pretty cool.
30) Worst Enemy: Don't really have one. Unless 'stupid people' count.
31) Favourite on-line Guy(s): If you need me to answer this, then i obviously haven't talked about him enough.
32) Favourite on-line Girl(s): Lots?
33) Funniest friend: All of them.
34) Craziest friend: STOP ASKING ME TO PICK APART MY FRIENDS. Jesus. What a shitty quiz.
35) Advice friend: All of them. Though one or two in particular.
36) Loudest friend: Meg. Shame she won't read this.
37) Person you cry with: i cry by myself (lawlz sa-emo)

Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: no thank god
39) Any brothers: One. He's 19 and a sophomore in college at Univ. of Florida. We don't talk much. Like... i learned more about him from his facebook account than i ever knew from talking about him. Seriously.
40) Any pets: had to leave them at home with mom. 3 kitties. i miss my Moxie-cat.
41) A Disease: Not yet.
42) A Pager: Pagers are SO 80s.
43) A Personal phone line: no
44) A Cell phone: yep. Cingular.
45) A Lava lamp: No
46) A Pool or hot tub: Technically i have two... my apartment complex has them. Best time to swim is at night though, and i wouldn't want to go swimming alone. But then again if anybody sees me in my bathing suit i'll have to kill them.
47) A car: silver Honda Civic '97. my civic can beat up your piece of crap

Describe Your...
48) Personality: usually reserved, talkative when you get to know me... i dunno. my personality changes depending on who i'm with.
49) Driving: got a 100% on my driver's test and i've never been in an accident. Yet.
50) Car or one you want: Cars are for getting from point A to point B. If it looks tolerable, is comfy enough, and works, i'll take it.
51) Room: A total mess
52) What's missing: my cats, my bed, and my detachable shower head
53) School: UCF '10
54) B... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Lack of Laptop and starting Uni http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9825801/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9825801/ Wed, 23 Aug 2006 09:45:45 PDT

Woke up one morning and my laptop was off and wouldn't start. At all. Removed the battery pack, changed outlets, etc. Still nothing. Not even a light or a whirring noise Called tech support, they told me to take it to a shop. Which is where my precious notebook is at the moment. For the next 2 days or so.

i have access to school computers and my roomie's computer, so i'll be able to check notes, but i can't really spend time on the rest of my messages, so note me if you need me.

Started at UCF on Monday. Everything is going pretty well. my Sexual Behavior class is fucking AWESOME. i love it so much. i don't love speech and algebra but they're gen. ed. and must get done. my humanistic traditions class is pretty cool. The teacher sounds like John Malkovich.

More about Sexual Behavior later. It deserves a journal entry all to itself

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.

~TheDungeon for more information.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's definitely worth your time, whether you're a survivor or just a caring friend to people in need of one.
]]> ~hereticschizoid Cheap booze http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9707099/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9707099/ Sat, 12 Aug 2006 21:25:10 PDT

i am back from my week long cruise. i went to St. Thomas and St. Maarten. Had a pretty good time, but paying 35 cents a minute for internet was a bitch, and lack of privacy was torture. my mom snores like the wood chipper from Fargo. Plus i haven't masturbated in over a week and that always sucks

i am currently at home, and within the next few days i'll probably be going back up to Orlando, though i imagine i'll be travelling back and forth between home and my apartment quite a bit over the next week.

College starts soon. Within a week or two i guess. Lawlz maybe i should look into that i think i have orientation this weekend or something like that.

Anyway, i have pictures from my vacation, so i'll prolly post them in my scraps or on photobucket and then just put links in my journal. i also have pictures of my new hair cut from last week. Unfortunately all of these pictures are on my camera... and i left the USB cable in Orlando. So it looks like everyone's going to have to wait. Though actually, i can probably upload them through my photo printer. i think i'll go try that when i'm done with this.

i'm glad to be home, glad to have my own room back, etc. i'm also glad to have a 10 dollar bottle of vanilla Absolut. i wanted to stock up since liquor is disgustingly cheap on the islands, but we were only allowed 5 liters per person... and the only person who was over 21 was my mom. So my brother, his girlfriend, my mom, and i all had to share the same 5 liters and being the young'un i only got to buy one bottle.

What kinda pissed me off though is that i could have filled my fucking suitcase with alcohol and US Customs wouldn't have cared. It's a bit scary... they didn't scan any of our luggage or anything. Yeah they scanned it when we got on the ship... but i could have taken a lot more than that 5 liter limit. i wish i had.

But yeah... i'm going to make =thenonartist drink with me because drinking by myself is depressing (except when i'm online talking to *rayvinazn while running into walls and trying very hard to enunciate).

Speaking of which, i did get pretty trashed on St. Maarten. i think it was mostly the heat though. Got pretty giggly and dehydrated. Felt a lot better when i drank some water and swam around in the ocean a bit.

Oh i got a bit of a tan. Well... you'd never notice it by looking at me, but my shoulders don't glow in the dark anymore so that's a plus. i guess i'm still relatively pale though. Oh well.

One last thing... Apparently with v5 my poetry previews are worthless/nonexistant which is the only thing about v5 that i'm really pissed about (because i really liked my freaking previews). The lit previews that i have up now are just something i did in MS paint when i was bored... so now i'm looking for someone who can make me some lit previews that will match my avatar/journal image theme. Please please please help a poor poet who sucks at visual art i'll pimp you out in my journal a lot. Or send you sexy pictures. Or something like that.

i think that's about it for now...

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.
~hereticschizoid A much needed hiatus http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9599404/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9599404/ Fri, 04 Aug 2006 15:13:57 PDT

i'm going on a week-long cruise tomorrow

my mom, my brother, and his wonderful girlfriend Cydney are coming with on the cruise. We're going to the Caribbean. Free room service for a week

i stayed most of the week at home, and then Cydney and i drove up to Orlando where i am now. Spent some time with ~thenonartist and his friends, and then today Cydney drove up to Gainesville to move into her apartment. Now she's back in Orlando, and i'm all packed up for the cruise so we're going to drive back home and then tomorrow we're leaving for the cruise.

i've had a great time hanging out with Cydney lately. She's like part of the family. Very smart too... she's only 20 and she's graduating from college after another semester. She's going to be a doctor

Anyway, i'm going to be out of contact for a week, so if anyone needs me you'll have to send me a note and wait till i get back a week from tomorrow.

Oh and i got my hair done. It's very short and i have blonde highlights my mom wanted to see what it would look like. It's actually pretty nice. It's shorter in the back and a little longer in the front. Looks cute with clips in it. i'll try to take pictures tonight. For now i've gotta run. Cydney's ready to go and i have to get my suitcase into her car.

i don't know if i can use my cell phone on the cruise but my number is (772) 214-2882 if you want to try it.

<3

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.

~TheDungeon for more information.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's definitely worth your time, whether you're a survivor or just a caring friend to people in need of one.
]]> ~hereticschizoid Survival of the Fittest http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9423209/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9423209/ Wed, 19 Jul 2006 05:45:21 PDT

It's been a while before i've shared much emotion in my journals. For a long while i've kept them almost entirely focused on events in my life rather than anything with much depth. But i feel like writing right now, and i've already written too much to individual friends, so i'll vent here instead of dumping more on them.

When i moved out of the house, i left a letter for my mother and one for my brother. my brother won't talk to me about anything relating to our father. i don't even know if he read the letter. i don't know him. At all. Lately there have been tiny little things though that have warmed my heart. Like he had a little 'going away' party for me, he checked up on me once and asked "is everything okay, kiddo?" and he said he'd take me out to some clubs in Gainesville if i'm interested in going clubbing. All of that probably sounds like nothing, but it's much more than i've ever gotten from him. i always wanted a big brother who would protect me and all that crap. Didn't get that. i guess it would be nice to have something resembling a relationship with him in the future.

i also sent a letter to my grandmother (my father's mother). i just got a reply back. It depressed me for some reason, and then as i was writing about it to a friend, i realized that i really have a bit of a void where a loving father should be. Every now and then i forget all the things that made me dislike my father so much. Then i try hard to remember them again. And when i do, i just start looking towards other older male authority figures in my life and daydreaming about what life would have been like and what life would be like now, if any of them was my father. All of which is pointless. Even if they are guiding figures in my life, they'll never be 'dad', and i'll never have that type of relationship.

i feel isolated from my family. For the most part, i'm doing great. But i have times like this one where i feel shitty... but i can't tell that to my mom or any other relatives because they'll worry. i've worked very hard to get rid of the 'fragile little girl' person that they viewed me as.

Fortunately, i do have two really good friends who are very understanding about this situation. Both of them know that i'm not looking for empty words or condolences. They've really kept me going for the past few months. And any time i feel like crap, i know it'll be over in a day or two because i'll have a chance to talk to them.

As for regular journal stuff... my apartment is peachy, i've been out to a few clubs and had a good time, made some new friends, haven't looked for a job even though i should, anddd i'm probably gaining weight from eating junk. Oh and my mom came to visit over the weekend and bought me 220 dollars worth of awesome clothes. We had a great time when she came to visit, and she cooked for my roomies and i. It was fun. We saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (totally awesome <3) and went out to lunch. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Current love going out to:
=aforb-anduforme for enabling my nocturnal lifestyle habits.

Oh shit.

Orlando devMeet.

Forgot about that. ~pickledeer helppp meee well... more will come about the possibly Orlando devMeet that may or may not be happening in the near future. And stuff.

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Independence Day http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9234571/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9234571/ Fri, 30 Jun 2006 17:20:51 PDT

i'm out of the house.

i'm living in a 4 bedroom townhouse style apartment with 2 and a half bathrooms. my roommates are awesome. The girl downstairs is alright... she's mostly living with her boyfriend though. Phaedra lives here, and her friend Astrid is staying here until her lease starts at another complex in August. There's a room in our apartment that is supposed to be locked, but it's not, so Phaedra is staying in there while Astrid lives in her room.

They're both a lot of fun. Phaedra had to work today, but i spent all day with Astrid shopping with her friends. And then we cooked dinner together Had a great time, and i got a denim mini skirt and two shirts all of the clearance racks

Last night i went out with =thenonartist and a couple of his friends. If i was 18 i'd be going out with them again tonight, but unfortunately my age keeps me out of clubs and bars and such. i'm kinda tired tonight though so it's all good.

my room is small but big enough for me. i bought a papasan chair yesterday for like 65 dollars... normally it's 100 but it was on sale i have an air mattress set up, but it looks just like a bed... it's raised, so the whole thing is air but it's the height of a regular bed. And i set up my night table myself. Anyway, once i decorate a bit it'll look nice. This chair is so comfy.

i'm having so much fun

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.

~TheDungeon for more information.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's defini... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Moving Day and a new number http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9179604/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9179604/ Sun, 25 Jun 2006 14:25:22 PDT

i am moving out on Wednesday

i got an apartment in the same complex as =thenonartist so he'll have to put up with me all the time. i will be living in an unfurnished apartment, with 3 strangers... mmm college life.

i have no idea what furnishings my roommates will already have supplied. i really hope they have stuff because... well... i don't. i'm only living in unfurnished because that's all they had left. In August i may be able to switch into =thenonartist's furnished apartment if a room becomes available.

Today i went on a shopping spree at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and got pretty much everything i will need for my new bedroom. Except the papasan chair i'll be getting eventually.

i wasted my money on:

Raised air mattress (it came with a dust ruffle for the lower part. i feel so sophisticated now )
goose feather down mattress pad
a little side table that will go next to my makeshift bed (very practical with a little cabinet and a shelf underneath for storage)
an ottoman for the chair i haven't bought yet, which was cheap and also practical (it opens up for storage)
a tall lamp that has 5 flexible goose neck extensions with lamps on the ends... it makes more sense when you see it.
an almost-oriental style wall tapestry
a full length mirror that goes over my door

And i think that's it. i have no idea how i will fit that, and the rest of my shit, into my honda civic. i guess i'll find out in a few days though

i also joined the masses and got a cell phone my number is (772) 214-2882 so feel free to call and harrass me. So long as you tell me who you are. Oh and call me after 9pm or on weekends, because it's free then. Unless you have Cingular in which case it's always free.

devMeet in Orlando is still on for late July. More on that later Or note me if you want to come.

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =sum... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Two Weeks http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9059331/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/9059331/ Tue, 13 Jun 2006 18:15:32 PDT

i'll put the Orlando devMeet journal back up in a while when things are more set in stone.

I HAVE FOUND AN APARTMENT.

Things got complicated and i waited till the last minute, so i won't be getting a place with =thenonartist, at least not yet. We can always change that around later if we decide we want to get an apartment together. But for now, i need a place for the summer and they only had 2 unfurnished rooms yet.

SO.

i'm going to be matched up with 3 strangers in a 4-bedroom town house style apartment in the same complex as =thenonartist. i'm putting my name on their list or whatever to get the next furnished apartment available if i want it in a couple months. For now, i plan to go buy a futon mattress and camp out

The guy on the phone said that my roommates will probably already have living room furnishings, so i just have to worry about my bedroom. If i decide that i like these people or the room or something like that, i can always bring 'real' bedroom furnishings later. But for now i'll just make do with less till i see if i like the complex, etc.

As for the devMeet... i'll need to consult my hypothetical roommates before making solid plans. If it doesn't work out at my place, we can always see if Tyler's roommates are cool with it. Which is actually better than the original plan because no matter where we hold the 'party' there will be two different apartments in the same complex where people can crash. And we can always party at one apartment one night and then bring it over to the other apartment the next night.

i will be moving out in around TWO WEEKS. How fucking AWESOME is that.

Only problem might be trying to find a job. Tyler has 3 jobs therefore singlehandedly forcing everyone else into unemployment.

i am really looking forward to this. They're giving me all the details next week after they process my application.

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.

~TheDungeon for more information.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8980782/ Mon, 05 Jun 2006 17:29:02 PDT

As many of you know i will be moving to Orlando soon. IF everything works out... i will be moving into an apartment with =thenonartist. As of right now (or the last time i talked to him), he is living in a 4 bedroom apartment with 2 other people. Meaning there is one available bedroom. It's mine dammit. BUT i still need to call them and work it all out (i've called them a couple times but they're asses so i need to call back tomorrow or Wednesday).

Okay, so ASSUMING that (a) i get into the apartment, (b) thenonartist is okay with this little scheme and (c) the other two guys are okay with it (i'm confident i can bribe them all with money, booze, and sex, so it should be fine)... i want to hold a devMeet in Orlando. If all of this doesn't work out in Orlando, we'll probably be able to arrange something in Atlanta with ~tehkao and *eskirinabsolute.

But for now let's assume that the shit will remain distanced from the fan and an Orlando devMeet will happen.
____________________________________

Where: my hypothetical apartment in Orlando. We should be able to provide space for you to crash there if needed. Though keep in mind we won't be able to provide bedding for everyone, so you'll need to bring your own blankets, pillows, etc. and find a piece of floor to sleep on. Unless you cuddle up real nice with those of us who live there and have beds

When: Dates are currently rather flexible, but we're looking at July 21st-23rd (Friday through Sunday). If you want to come a day or two early and/or leave a day or two late that should be okay depending on the opinions of my roommates.

Who: The guest list is currently fairly open, but we don't want just anyone showing up at the door so you need to talk to me first before declaring yourself invited As of right now, the tentative list is as follows. As of right now, most of these people are probably 'maybes' so i'll just leave that bit off.
=thenonartist
*wazzdakka
=pickledeer (who is helping me organize)
~shazzathegreat
=ashwynmayr
=roypaladin
~tehkao
*eskirinabsolute

People i'll be inviting and don't know if they'll be able to attend or not...
~Bluecatdemoness
Anyone who was at the Atlanta devMeats
Basically anyone who is vouched for by the people above.

If you're attending or know someone who would like to attend, please spread the word.

More updates will come... Please note me if you want (and think you may be able) to attend.

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8955494/ Sat, 03 Jun 2006 07:11:13 PDT

Igm goin bed nosw cuz i took an ambein and it's crazygbs shit. Fun except it butchders myspellinng

oi so wantde to mayk it as thred not jounrla too. owlel

Edit:

Note to self... when it doesn't seem like the ambien is working, just lay down and let it work... don't post on the forums until you can't spell anymore and start hallucinating, however amusing that may be.

i slept well

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.

~TheDungeon for more information.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's definitely worth your time, whether you're a survivor or just a caring friend to people in need of one.
]]> ~hereticschizoid Wisdom teeth, graduation, etc. http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8869232/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8869232/ Wed, 24 May 2006 23:40:08 PDT

Well i graduated. i imagine i'll put some pictures up eventually since ~Dark-Druid took a bunch of them. It feels good to finally be done with high school. Feels very good.

i'm a bit out of it at the moment if you couldn't tell, because i just got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. It wasn't particularly fun, and the percosets they gave me are far from 'heavy duty painkillers' like they described. The dull the pain a bit and they make me really nauseous and headachey. So i feel like total shit basically, and i've been living off soup, mashed potatoes, apple sauce, and pudding. All i really want is a sandwich or something i can bite into.

Graduation stuff went well. Got together with some friends afterwards and had a good time. Unfortunately four of my friends couldn't come which i was really bummed out about. Two had to work, and two got stuck with car trouble. Long story, and i'd tell it if i wasn't so out of whack at the moment.

i got my iPod thingy. i couldn't get `amolerouth's because my mom didn't want me mailing cash, so i bought one instead. It's black, 30GB, and i think it's supposed to have video playback but i haven't figured that out yet. It's pretty nifty overall.

i also bought season one of House on dvd which is an awesome buy. i've watched every episode already (what else can i do while i'm putting up with swollen holes in the back of my mouth). i think this is a show that i'd like to keep up with, which i don't normally do with tv shows.

What else...

A family friend i haven't seen in about 3 years is coming to visit for 4-5 days June 1st. i'm really looking forward to it. Beth is always loads of fun to be around. She's outgoing and she always makes me laugh.

my mom wants to go on a cruise in late July/early August. i've agreed to go with her even though i'll have to give up internet for a full week. my brother will probably go as well, and possibly his charming girlfriend Cydnee. The lack of internet and lack of privacy will be made up for by constant 24/7 entertainment, free 24/7 food, and free room service. i really will miss having privacy and internet though. i'll have to share a room with my mom at least, and possibly my brother as well if his girlfriend doesn't come along (if she does come they'll prolly end up in a separate room).

i still have plans to move in with =thenonartist soon. Hopefully around mid-June. i need to call the apartment complex that he's currently living in to see if i can get a room in his apartment (separate leases and such. Tyler said there's currently a room available where he's at though so it shouldn't be difficult to get in so long as i find their number and call asap).

i haven't been on dA much the past two weeks, but i WILL be getting back into action more soon. Hopefully whenever i start feeling better from this surgery. For some reason forumwhoring and chatting on dAmn doesn't do a good job of distracting me from the pain like watching a movie or tv show does. Plus it's not helpful for my nausea and headache. i feel shitty knowing that i've left #TheDungeon on it's own for so many days. It's prolly dead now, though hopefully my few faithful members have been keeping it in bearable condition. So i'll work on reviving that when i feel better. Hmm maybe i'll pay it a visit right now.

i think that's all for now.

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.

~TheDungeon for more information.
___... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Upgrade!! http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8725020/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8725020/ Tue, 09 May 2006 21:07:45 PDT

Finally, i have shit to talk about

1) New Laptop

i have to give my laptop back to school next week, so i bought a brand new one. It's my first brand new computer that's all mine. Yes. This is a good thing. i can now proudly put my porn in a folder labeled PORN!! rather than putting it in with my kitten photos.

i got a Toshiba Satellite... Intel Pentium M processor, 1.86 GHz, 1GB RAM .

2) dA skins

i have discovered dA skins so i'm now sporting a gothy black version of dA thanks to the wonderful `mp3chuck It's actually really cool. After three years of dA's usual vomit green, it's kind of nice to have a change. i also got a few other nifty little things thanks to =hereditarynarcissism's helpful links in #Catacombs.

3) Social life off of deviantArt? Wtf?

i met two awesome guys over the weekend And no, they're not on deviantArt. It has to be the first time in a year that i've enjoyed myself with people who don't live on devArt or tkastnd.org. We went shopping today and they convinced me into some scanty clothing They also tried to teach me some dance steps. We'll see on Friday if i learned anything.

4) University of Central Florida

i got in i'm going to move to Orlando with =thenonartist and possibly ~Dark-Druid in June most likely. i'll be studying something relating to psychology. i'm still not positive exactly what i want to do, but i know i want to counsel people... just not sure what kind of people .

5) Graduation

i graduate May 20th at 10am. That's next Saturday. This Friday is my last real day of school and i have all my exams that day. i really need to keep up for the rest of this week... you'd think it would be easy, but still senioritis plagues me. But i'm going to graduate. Not graduating isn't exactly an option.

Who's coming to my graduation...
my mom, my brother, maybe his girlfriend, my counselor, my friend Meg from tkastnd.org, ~Dark-Druid, =thenonartist if he can get off work, maybe the lady i used to babysit for Angela, and a couple of my mom's friends who i like. Also, my mom told me to 'reserve' a ticket for a surprise person i hate surprises. Okay i secretly love it, but it would be kinda nice to know who's coming. i think it might be a family friend from Maryland which would fucking rock.

After graduation, i'm having everyone over for a little party type of thing at my house. And when i say "party" i mean as much of a party as one can have with their mom and no alcohol It'll be nice having so many friends in one place though.

6) The Dark Side

i've been lured over to the dark side by `am... ]]> ~hereticschizoid Damn these things http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8694507/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8694507/ Sat, 06 May 2006 19:49:03 PDT

Sorry.

1. What kind of first impression do you think people say when they first see you?
i dunno... i've never really been told by anyone. And it really depends how i'm acting that day and what i'm wearing and how i'm feeling.

2. What's one thing you like to do alone?
Talk on the phone, read, etc. i dunno... basically everything i am perfectly capable of enjoying on my own. Except going to the beach alone. That's kind of depressing sometimes.

3. What is your favorite line to say when you're drunk?
"omigod i'm drunk"

4. How many drinks do you need before you get tipsy?
About 4 shots.

6. What kind of books do you like to read?
Fantasy mostly.

7. Do you think you're cute?
Eh i dunno. Maybe a little if i'm in a 'coy' mood.

8. Do you have a problem changing clothes in front of your friends?
Actually yes. i've gotten better about it, but i am pretty self conscious.

9. What do you eat/drink when you raid the fridge at night?
Leftovers from dinner i guess. Whatever's in the house to eat.

10. Describe your bed?
twin size mattress/boxspring on a gorgeous solid oak frame with vertical slats at the head and foot. It was made by one of my mom's friends. i paid her 500 dollars which is a good deal for something this well nice.

11. Spontaneous or planned?
Depends. If it's something important, planned, if it's something fun, spontaneous.

12. Do you know how to play poker?
i used to be really good at it. i haven't played for a while though. i'm better at Spades.

13. What do you carry with you at all times?
money, car keys and that's about it. Sometimes not even that. i don't like having things to watch after and i don't like having to carry a purse.

14. What do you miss most about being a kid?
the house i grew up in, and not having as much stress about homework and career and all that.

15. Are you happy with your given name?
i suppose so. i never really liked 'Danielle' as a kid and was much more fond of my middle name 'Marie', but i've come to terms with 'Danielle' and it's not so bad. i hate being called Dani though. Too boyish.

16. What color is your bedroom?
very light yellow. but i have so much stuff on my walls that you don't really notice.

17. Have you ever been in a play?
If second grade counts.

18. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
i don't always like myself, but i believe in myself.

19. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
Yes. Not always friendly per se, but i'm nice and i'm polite.

20. Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
If i had a boyfriend i'd prolly spend more time with him.

21. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
Speak a bunch of other languages, play guitar, travel all over the world.

22. What is your ideal wedding location?
A BDSM club

23. Whats one instrument you wish you could play?
guitar and/or piano.

24. Whats one language you want to learn?
Spanish

25. Have you ever pierced your body parts?
Had my ears pierced when i was 10 but they never healed so i let them close up. i have a needle phobia so piercing isn't my thing. Though eventually i might try to get over it so i can get an eyebrow piercing because i find those really attractive.

26. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope. Again, needle phobia. But i do think that i will also try to get over that eventually as well because i like tattoos and i have something in mind that i'd like to get. But that will probably be a couple years yet.

27. What's one trait you hate in a person?
indirectness? insincerity? something like that. When people won't just outright say what they want and/or they purposefully hide/sugarcoat what they want.

28. Do you consider yourself materialistic?
Not really. i mean... i like having things, but i like having practical and useful things, not just superfluous junk that i can use to climb up the social ladder.

29. What do you cook best?
Something from a box. i'm a shitty cook. Though according to =zephyrkinetic i make good bacon ~hereticschizoid Rant. http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8677949/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8677949/ Fri, 05 May 2006 02:18:40 PDT

Alright. First off, anyone who 1) disagrees with me, 2) dislikes me, and/or 3) wants to leave snide comments, can do so IN A NOTE. This journal is going to be a rant. This means i'm going to interject my opinions, possibly in an obnoxious fashion. Because it's MY journal, i ask that you kindly refrain from interjecting YOUR opinions unless they coincide with mine. That way we prevent an argument.

1. Hypocrites.

Don't bother berating me about the way i handle things if you can't handle them any better. We all have different opinions on the proper way to handle a situation, and we all react differently. It's bullshit to make judgments on a person just because you think you know how to handle a situation better... even though there are plenty who would disagree with you.

You have NO RIGHT to bitch about the way someone does something unless YOU are perfect at it. Well actually you do have a right... the right to sound like a ridiculous, holier-than-thou jackass. Have fun with that.

2. Pity

i have NEVER asked for someone's pity. It is INSULTING to tell someone you feel sorry for them. i don't want "special treatment" just because my daddy touched me when i was little If i can handle that i think i can handle the rest of my life just fine.

There's a difference between sympathy, empathy, and admiration. Sympathy is useless and insulting. You can empathize with me and admire what i've overcome but don't sit there and tell me you feel sorry for me. i don't feel sorry for myself, neither should you.

i talk about my past a lot because it helps it become more real to me and therefore easier to come to terms with. Plus, you never know when someone will hear about it and be inspired by it. i also talk about it a lot because it's easier to have it all out in the open. That way i don't have to worry about when's the best time to tell my friends about it. They just know from the beginning. i don't have to worry about 'breaking it to them' and forcing them to think of something suitable to say in response even though they really have no idea how to react. Those of you who think i do it for attention can go to hell.

3. Disagreements

We all have a right to express our opinions, but please THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY... if you disagree with someone enough to do it frequently or without concern for the way it sounds or may make the person feel, THEY PROBABLY DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR OPINION ANYWAY. In which case it sort of defeats the purpose of saying it.

You attract more flies with honey than vinegar... if you're trying to actually make a point that someone will listen to, be nice about it. Be tactful, crack a joke, be amiable... It's really not that hard.

4. Self-deprecation

i am SICK of people cutting themselves down. i am fully aware of what it is like to have low self-esteem. But please... stop dissing your own appearance, art, etc. Being realistic is fine, but if you spend a paragraph of your art description saying 'this poem sucks and i'm really not a good writer' then DON'T BOTHER SUBMITTING IT IN YOUR GALLERY. If it sucks so god damn much why is it not in scraps?

i couldn't care less if you're ugly or not. Judging yourself based on your appearance is just as shallow as judging someone else on theirs. So stop. You BECOME physically attracted to a person when you're attracted to their mind. But it's kind of hard to be attracted to your mind if you're negative all the time.

5. People who dislike me

Please get it through your head that i dislike you too and therefore anything you say to me has absolutely no value. You think i'm immature? i think the same thing of you. You think i complain too much? cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it. Nobody said you have to listen. You think i have ? Well i think you have . Let's not argue about who sucks more http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8616243/ Fri, 28 Apr 2006 22:02:02 PDT

Nobody ever clicks on journals that say some variation of "i've been tagged."

But anyway. i've been tagged. This is a much awaited tag seeing as i've been tagged by like three people in the past several weeks. `amolerouth, :devsomebodywhoiforgot: and most recently, =ShadowGamers.

So. 6 things about myself...

1) i watch porn more than girls are supposed to.

2) i sometimes grow mold in my room by leaving dishes around too long.

3) i see nothing wrong with consenting casual sex.

4) Sometimes i care about what people think of me... unless you're a douche.

5) In person, i'm not as sarcastic, bitchy, and cynical as i am online. i'm also occasionally a bit shy/quiet, and more easy-going.

6) i spend an average of 10 hours a day online. The rest of the time is spent watching tv, eating, reading, doing homework, going to school, procrastinating, masturbating, showering, dressing, undressing, and sleeping. Don't ask me how i fit it all in.

And because i waited so long and i have three tags, i'll throw in three bonus items.

7) i have a habit of waiting months to turn in my library books.

8) i still suck my fingers... Tried to stop but it's an addictive relaxing habit. Freud would have a lot to say about it. Amongst which would be 'mmm oral fixation'.

9) i hate shopping, make-up, spending long hours getting dressed and fixing my hair, and gossiping, thus alienating myself from the vast majority of my female peers.

Are you all happy now? i'd tag people but i'm not that mean.

A community project worthy of your participation

_______________________

#TheDungeon

A chatroom founded by myself and =summaro, focused around the BDSM lifestyle. Anyone over 16 years of age is more than welcome to join us. Sate your curiosity, meet like-minded people, or support risk-aware consensual kink.

~TheDungeon for more information.
_______________________

This is my story

_{Some people asked me why i have it in my journal and suggested that it's for attention... It's here because it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should tell a friend about something like this, so it's easier if it's out in the open from the beginning. i'm trying to prevent having 'serious dramatic discussions' with every new friend i make.}

Before, and after the trial.

Take a Stand

A support site for victims of sexual abuse, or for anyone who wants to lend a few kind words to people who are going through rough times. my friend Meg is the creator. It's definitely worth your time, whether you're a survivor or just a caring friend to people in need of one. ]]> ~hereticschizoid deviant dickSHUNARY you say? http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8466060/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8466060/ Fri, 14 Apr 2006 05:45:33 PDT

i don't know if any of you kiddies remember the project that *Agonhotep organized forever and a day ago before he left us for good for no good reason...

deviant dickSHUNARY is being resurrected! by our very own =thenonartist

Please go here for MORE DETAILS

Basically what you do for this project is create a definition for your username. Include username, pronunciation, part of speech, and alternate definitions.

my entry:

hereticschitzoid (`hair-uh-tik `skitz-oyd) noun 1. Emotional poet without the angst 2. Almost-oldschool forumwhore known for sarcasm, wit, and four weeks worth of bans 3. Co-founder of #TheDungeon for kinky pervs 4. Creator of the much-needed Guide to dA. 5. Accepts sexual favors as monetary equivalents.

i've bullied =summaro into creating one:
summaro (sum-ahr-roe) verb, adj. 1. To mercilessly pwn, 2. Totally awesome. n. 1. Digital painter who emerged in 2002, 2. Harsh and unforgiving forumer with a heart of gold. 3. Creator of the AgeMonitor, dAmns first autoage checking bot, 4. Co-Founder of TheDungeon after sleeping his way to the top.

Send your entries by note to =thenonartist and GO SPAM HIS JOURNAL DAMMIT.

_{Also, i've been tagged... TWICE... by `amolerouth and =hereditarynarcissism... i'm not going to do it though and you should all go harrass them mercilessly for trying to make me >.>}

=summaro and I have managed to produce #TheDungeon, a chatroom for people interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Even if you know nothing about it, are interested in learning more, or just want to support other people's differences, you are more than welcome to join us. We'd love to have you.

We're still rather new so the more participants we get, the better. If you'll just linger around for a while that'd be great. And if you put us in your journal and/or signature, I'll love you forever.

~TheDungeon
_______________________

Why am I embittered against emokids and whiny people? Because I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. ]]> ~hereticschizoid devMeat results and PHOTOS http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8303989/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8303989/ Sat, 01 Apr 2006 20:17:40 PST

The devMeat is officially and completely over. i was planning to leave Monday like everyone else, but i stayed till Tuesday instead and left around 5pm. i miss everyone already.

Edit: Scroll the fuck down for pickshurs!!!

First off, some quotes from the Meat:

`amolerouth- "Was I dreaming or did I wake up to someone dangling bacon over my head..." (=hereticschizoid- "That was me.")

Also `amolerouth- "I've heard that one before."

Snowflake- "Did I... get whipped with my own belt last night?"

me- "I'm fucking eloquent, god dammit! I'm a poet, bitch!"

Also me- "I'm really hungry..."

=akanah- "I'm fucking observant okay!"

`amolerouth- "Spagack!"

Also =akanah (really really loudly)- "You puked!??"

*cheshirekazz- "The ice cream truck is back!"

Also *cheshirekazz- "Bacon and ice cream!! Hey this is really good."

*tehkao- (insert Not Pope festivities here)

me to `amolerouth who was leaning against the window sill upon which was an open thing of cocoa butter which is white...
me- "Kat! Watch out, you're going to get white cream all over your ass!"
`amolerouth "I've heard that one before."

`amolerouth- "American beer is like sex in a canoe... they're both fucking close to water."

me to `amolerouth online across the apartment-
"i can hear you walking from a mile away with those pants on... oh wait... you can't read this because you're in the kitchen."

For *tehkao, *eskirinabsolute, Snowflake, and whomever else... "Teats." Yes... i quoted you saying 'teats'.

i'm sure i've forgotten some, so everyone who was there needs to rack their brains for amusing quotes.
______________________

Atlanta devMeat: Now with more photos

=summaro and I have managed to produce #TheDungeon, a chatroom for people interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Even if you know nothing about it, are interested in learning more, or just want to support other people's differences, you are more than welcome to join us. We'd love to have you.

We're still rather new so the more participants we get, the better. If you'll just linger around for a while that'd be great. And if you put us in your journal and/or signature, I'll love you forever.

~TheDungeon
_______________________

Why am I embittered against emokids and whiny people? Because I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. ]]> ~hereticschizoid devMeat in progress http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8254986/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8254986/ Fri, 24 Mar 2006 11:44:49 PST

The devMeat is in progress

Who's here right now?
`amolerouth
=akanah
*pickledeer
*tehkao
*eskirinabsolute
~WellCookedJesus
~shazzathegreat
and the artist formerly known as Snowflake.

*kivienkathairon and his beautiful fiancee are coming tomorrow. =zephyrkinetic and *cheshirekazz will be here tonight i think (or was it tomorrow?) and uh i think that's it.

=thenonartist couldn't come because of his job

We're all hanging out, watching movies, talking, etc. Later on today a bunch of us will probably go to the arcade (i think *tehkao and *eskirinabsolute are there already) to play DDR.

Anyway, everything is awesome and if you couldn't come you should feel very emo and you should continue feeling very emo for another month or so.

=summaro and I have managed to produce #TheDungeon, a chatroom for people interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Even if you know nothing about it, are interested in learning more, or just want to support other people's differences, you are more than welcome to join us. We'd love to have you.

We're still rather new so the more participants we get, the better. If you'll just linger around for a while that'd be great. And if you put us in your journal and/or signature, I'll love you forever.

~TheDungeon
_______________________

Why am I embittered against emokids and whiny people? Because I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. ]]> ~hereticschizoid Atlanta devMeat http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8175914/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8175914/ Thu, 16 Mar 2006 07:41:07 PST

OMFG If U R going 2 the Atlanta devM3at ComMent 0n ThIS.

K. C. and Will need a head count for the meat thing. So everyone go comment on that if you're planning on attending. Also, let him know all your other information about whether you'll need transportation and when you plan to arrive.

If you need me to bring anything that you won't be able to fit in your suitcase, let me know since i'll be driving and will have extra space to pack things. i'll already be bringing extra blankets and pillows most likely.

`amolerouth is coming Once i get off my lazy ass and mail that damn money out Don't worry, Kat, i haven't forgotten and i have plenty of money to go around. It'll get there.

Anyway, about one week till the devMeat i can't wait. Well... i can and i will, but i don't wanna

=summaro and I have managed to produce #TheDungeon, a chatroom for people interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Even if you know nothing about it, are interested in learning more, or just want to support other people's differences, you are more than welcome to join us. We'd love to have you.

We're still rather new so the more participants we get, the better. If you'll just linger around for a while that'd be great. And if you put us in your journal and/or signature, I'll love you forever.

~TheDungeon
_______________________

Interested in the Atlanta devMeat or want more information about it? Already know you're coming but want to know the details? Curious about who else is on the guest list?
Here is all the information you need to know about the Atlanta devMeat. Yes, I know I spelt it 'meat'.
_______________________

Why am I embittered against emokids and whiny people? Because I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. ]]> ~hereticschizoid FINE I'll do the damn tag thing. And other stuff. http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8118622/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8118622/ Fri, 10 Mar 2006 05:45:50 PST

I figure it's about time I get this survey over with. I tag any poor deviants who haven't been tagged yet and are trying so hard to avoid doing this survey. Yes, that means you.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
In quoting verse, it is extremely important to preserve the line arrangement of the original because the verse line is a rhythmical unit and thus affects meaning.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
My hand would be in the aisle?

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Stand up comedy yesterday during lunch.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
8:15

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
8:17

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My marketing teacher talking.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
20 minutes ago, walking from my car to class.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
`disintegration's journal

9. What are you wearing?
Blue jeans and a black hoodie over top of a white tshirt.

10. Did you dream last night?
Not that I remember

11. When did you last laugh?
Probably last night at something someone said online.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Whiteboard, hall pass, clock, American flag, cabinets, bulletin board.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Not especially.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
A mildly entertaining way to pass the time.

15. What is the last film you saw?
Mystery, Alaska. It was cute.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
University tuition/housing and a trip around the world.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I spend more time online everyday than you do.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would it be?
I'd eliminate fanaticism.

19. Do you like to dance?
Very much so.

20. George Bush:
I seriously hope he dies. If he choked on more snack food and died tomorrow I would actually be extremely happy. Like actually happy. Joyous. The world would be a better place.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Catherine, Cat for short.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Daemon or Adam

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Definitely... anywhere but here

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Those crazy religious fanatics went to hell. Congratulations for being agnostic."

_________________________

In other news...

I've been rather depressed and unmotivated lately just in general. Waking up in the morning has been one of those internal debates where I spend 15 minutes in bed trying really hard to get myself to wake up. So far I've succeeded, but just barely.

I got a raise at work (Subway). I don't know how much I got, but this is definitely the best job I've had so far. I have a key to the store, they're having me train another girl to close, and they gave me a raise... I must be doing something right. I haven't missed a day of work which is good. I'm much more dedicated to this job than any others I've had. I'm hoping that when I leave to go to UCF, I'll be able to relocate easily to one of the Subways in Orlando. It'll be nice because I already know the job and all that.

This weekend I may go to the Renaissance Festival with my mom and my brother and possibly his girlfriend. Should be fun. That'll be on Sunday if we go, because Saturday I work from 11-4 with two of my favorite coworkers, Teresa and Valencia, both of whom are freaking hilarious.

Atlanta devMeat is in less than two weeks. If you don't have your ticket, GO GET IT. Prices go up overnight and you don't want to dish out extra money just because you slacked off. http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/8046711/ Thu, 02 Mar 2006 12:45:37 PST

#lair is now #TheDungeon. So go visit us

In other news:

My laptop is currently making funny noises. Whatever.

Within two weeks of working at Subway, the owner/manager deemed me capable of closing the store by myself. So I'll be doing that from now on. Yay? I guess. I dunno. It's nice that they trust me that much, even though closing can be a pain in the ass. I'm going to ask them if I'll get a raise.

School is bring generally annoying but I'm still trudging along.

Atlanta devMeat is in 21 days. Yay! If you haven't bought your plane ticket, you need to do so NOW. And inform *tehkao and me of the details. Also, *Hexglitter can't come and that makes me very sad

I have a mic headset thing and two webcams. Yes I finally got the old one back plus the new one that =summaro sent me.

*Raven596 is going to send me sex toys let's hope my mom doesn't find those too

As you all probably know, I'm starting to record my poetry and post the recordings online so you all can listen and read along. So far, the only one that I've updated is Softer Light, but I'm planning on doing Given sometime soon. And my latest poem was submitted with the recording as well; I think most of you already got that. But if not... go listen. <3

The past week has been kinda shitty compared to other weeks. I feel a bit unmotivated (though still better than usual I guess). Blah. Still alive... I guess that's a plus.

=summaro and I have managed to produce #TheDungeon, a chatroom for people interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Even if you know nothing about it, are interested in learning more, or just want to support other people's differences, you are more than welcome to join us. We'd love to have you.

We're still rather new so the more participants we get, the better. If you'll just linger around for a while that'd be great. And if you put us in your journal and/or signature, I'll love you forever.

~TheDungeon
_______________________

Interested in the Atlanta devMeat or want more information about it? Already know you're coming but want to know the details? Curious about who else is on the guest list?
Here is all the information you need to know about the Atlanta devMeat. Yes, I know I spelt it 'meat'.
_______________________

Why am I embittered against emokids and whiny people? Because I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. ]]> ~hereticschizoid #Lair Feature BDSM Chat results/log http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/7994540/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/7994540/ Sun, 26 Feb 2006 18:45:21 PST

Wow.

That was incredibly successful. I am impressed with the level of discussion we had going on there. We talked about many BDSM myths, and everyone brought up excellent points. We got some really good ideas that I never could have come up with on my own. We had disagreements and debated them amiably and worked through them to a conclusion we all agreed upon. We even managed to stay reasonable and cool when someone came in with the intent of telling us that BDSM is horrible and abusive, etc. We discussed the point with him and we discussed it amongst ourselves when he was uh... removed from the conversation.

I am so very pleased with this. It went far beyond what I hoped it would be, and even farther than what I expected it to be. Wow. Just.... damn. That was great.

TWO HOURS of real discussion. Thoughts, ideas, exchange of well-said dialogue. At our peak, we had 32 members in #Lair. 32 people came to learn and discuss and trade concepts. I am surprised and delighted that we generated such a crowd.

As I said in the original journal, there are prizes to be handed out

=alexfw is amazing. He didn't just donate 1 one-year sub. He donated FOUR of them. FOUR ONE YEAR SUBSCRIPTIONS.
The recipients of these one year subs are *baby221, =LadyRhianna, and *drownedkytten. And me. Thank you so much =alexfw! Everyone go give him lots and lots and lots of love.

=thenonartist, =summaro, and =hereditarynarcissism also donated subscriptions! (I am so overwhelmed that so many people are so generous.)

~Raven596 will be getting a 1 month sub.
=quietchildae will be getting a 3 month sub.
=disavian will be getting a 3 month sub.
~elrond401 will be getting a 3 month sub.

Thank you to those people who are getting subbed. You all participated above and beyond what I expected of people. I am very happy with the level of discussion you all conducted. Thank you for making this feature chat a success. I set the discussion, but you MADE the discussion. I can't thank you enough.

I am DEFINITELY doing this again sometime.

EDIT

=summaro has gotten the logs together. Our discussion can be found here: [link] (word document) and [link] (pdf format)

=Chuckskull and I have managed to produce #Lair, a new chatroom for people interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Even if you know nothing about it, are interested in learning more, or just want to support other people's differences, you are more than welcome to join us. We'd love to have you.

We're very new so the more participants we get, the better. If you'll just linger around for a while that'd be great. And if you put us in your journal and/or signature, I'll love you forever.

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Interested in the Atlanta devMeat or want more information about it? Already know you're coming but want to know the details? Curious about who else is on the guest list?
Here is all the information you need to know about the Atlanta devMeat. Yes, I know I spelt it 'meat'.
_____________... ]]> ~hereticschizoid #Lair Feature BDSM Chat!! http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/7975285/ http://hereticschizoid.deviantart.com/journal/7975285/ Wed, 22 Feb 2006 19:50:22 PST

Feature BDSM Chat

Where: #Lair

When: This Friday at 10pm EST

_{If you're not sure what time this will be in your time zone, go here to find out.

Some time zones:

California: 7pm Friday

Perth, Australia: 11am Saturday

England: 3am Saturday}

What: A structured chat about BDSM myths and basic information. Interaction, discussion, debate, and questions are all HIGHLY encouraged.

Who: ANYONE. Normally #Lair only allows people 16 years of age and older, but on this night everyone will be welcome.
This includes:
a) people who have no clue about BDSM but find it interesting,
b) people who don't know what BDSM is,
c) people who are experienced in the lifestyle, and
d) people who think BDSM is a crock of shit and would like to amiably and openly debate it.

How: I will be selecting an article and planning discussion based on this article. I will try to organize it so it involves as little reading as possible, and as much interaction as possible.

Why: So we can gather people together and have an intelligent discussion about an interesting subculture. We can all learn from one another and exchange ideas and thoughts and questions.

We will be giving out subscriptions for those who participate the most.
=summaro has donated a 3-month sub, =hereditarynarcissism has donated a 1-month sub and a 3-month sub, =thenonartist has donated a 3-month sub, and =alexfw has donated a 1-Year sub.

The more you interact and the debate and bring up interesting points or good questions, the more likely you are to get a subscription.

Also, PLEASE if you are interested, tell your friends! To get a good discussion going on, we need people! They don't have to be into BDSM. Write about this in your journal, signature, etc. I only ask that you don't spam it in random chatrooms or we'll get a bad reputation. Nobody appreciates a spammer.

If you can show up, please do so, even if you don't think you'll be that interested in the topic. You may find it much more interesting than you think, and I need all the support I can get. I want this to be successful.

=Chuckskull and I have managed to produce #Lair, a new chatroom for people interested in the BDSM lifestyle. Even if you know nothing about it, are interested in learning more, or just want to support other people's differences, you are more than welcome to join us. We'd love to have you.

We're very new so the more participants we get, the better. If you'll just linger around for a while that'd be great. And if you put us in your journal and/or signature, I'll love you forever.