http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:horseluver8161&section=today deviantART RSS for by:horseluver8161 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 02 Dec 2009 19:25:54 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/28605076/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/28605076/ Fri, 27 Nov 2009 07:46:07 PST No dessert though. My stomach hurt. But I saved a piece of each of the kind of pies to enjoy over the next week or so! I am having a bit of anxiety about that, but I'm just repeating to myself to relax, if I don't feel like eating it, then no problem. But if I want it, have it! Its so weird to describe how this ED makes you feel... its like you really, really DO want the food, but you also really, really DON'T because of the fear and anxiety.

OH! And I went to the doctor's on Wednesday. My official weight is now 110lbs. That was my goal! Its a happy compromise that I can live with, and also pleases my mom and my doctor. Would I rather be thinner? Maybe 105 or so? Yes. I would love to. But I'm forcing myself not to. I HAVE to do this. No options. Because I know if I say "I'm just going to lose 5lbs", when I get to 105, I'm going to say "now, just 5 more..." And then I'm going to just go back to where I was to begin with. IF I do decide I want to lose a bit, I'm going to wait until at least next year, when hopefully I'll be nice and balanced again. AND I will do it the healthy way. But hopefully by that time my body perception won't be skewed anymore, and I'll see myself as slim as I know I really am (but just can't see).

Anyways, enough on that! Onto something way more fun!

I RAN MY FIRST 5K!

It was a ton of fun; I can't wait to do it again. I had the CRAPPIEST start in the history of the world. Basically, long story short, I had to go to the bathroom, so I got shuttled up to the park's main building, was promptly forgotten, had to wave down a random bus, and sprinted to the start to hit the very back of the pack of WALKERS (i.e. I was separated from the runners by a huge glob of ridiciously slow and, um, LARGE people) just as the gun went off. I had to like elbow my way through a ton of people to get to my pace group. I didn't cross the start line until almost a minute after the clock started, so that sucked. But besides that, it was fun! In case you don't know that's 3.2 miles! Around the 2.5 mile mark I started getting tired and slacked my pace a little (I blame this huge hill... lol), but until then I was going strong (by my pace standards)! Finished 34:55, but I know that's wrong, because of my start issues... so cut off a minute or so.

The overall female winner and everyone who placed in the female and male age groups for 15-19 was from my school's cross-country team! GO DUTCH FORK! We have the best team in the state.

Okay, lets see... well, its Christmas time now and I can be Christmasy without feeling like a loon! I put up three trees at my grandparent's house on Wednesday, and we're decorating my house's three today and tomorrow. Okay, but right now, I'm going to go finish my workout. I did half before breakfast (20 min of ab, 20 min on the stat bike), and I'm going to go do another 40 min on the s... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/28299821/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/28299821/ Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:00:39 PST

And now, on to other things... like the fact that there's only one and half months left 'til Christmas! Veterns' Day always means one thing to me: the start of the holiday season! So, yeah, I'm excited about that. I've already started my annual binge on all things Christmas. I'm blasting Christmas music, reading Christmas books, drinking Christmas teas from Celestial Seasonings (Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride is ah-mazing!), doodling Christmas stars, trees, and presents in the margins of my notes at school... and yeah. All that.

ED's going well, too. I'm going to try and stop calorie counting as of tomorrow. I've tried this several times before, and it usually leds to major restriction and/or nervous breakdowns... but I've been doing so good... I really want to be normal for the holiday season, you know? Want it so bad.

But something I want even more... Cheyenne. Been a while since you guys' heard that name, hmm? God, I miss her like hell right now. Been reduced to tears a couple times this week. Probably partially or in whole because of my Christmasness... its hard for me to fill myself with all that love for God without remembering and aching for a bit of the love I once felt from a very special horse. Its been almost 17 months since I've touched her. If I could just touch her... or see her just once...

Anyways. Enough of that. Don't need more waterworks. I miss riding so damn much, too. I haven't ridden since mid-March. Months ago. And I won't be able to until March of NEXT YEAR. Ugh. I pulled out some pictures while cleaning my room the other day, of me riding, and I wanted to ride again so bad it gave me a bellyache. Just watching myself perched on the back of this beautiful horse named Louie (I rode him in Florida a couple years ago) cantering around and jumping... it actually hurt.

HOW DID THIS JOLLY CHRISTMAS JOURNAL TURN INTO A BELLYACHING SESSION? lol. Okay, I won't bore you with my life any further. Feel free to carry on. Bye ya'll.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/28062884/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/28062884/ Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:57:23 PDT

Things have been going really good lately. I feel like I finally have gotten a secure handle on my ED. Not only am I eating more, but I'm actually relaxing a little bit around food. The obsessive tendencies are starting to fade a teensy bit. Last night, I had two pieces of candy. Without panicking, without guilt. That's freakin' AMAZING.

Sorry. Done patting myself on the back. Oh, wait--not quite. I had a great and awesomely epic run this morning. I love getting up early on Saturdays and taking that morning run. It just makes me feel so peaceful and relaxed. And I ran a half a mile farther, while still going faster, than I usually do.

Now, real quick, I got to brag on my little brother. His little league time kicks butt! Won every single game this season! The championship is actually going on right now--but I'm a bad big sister and skipped. But I went to every other game, so he didn't mind. I hope they win! He plays second base, and he's awesome at it. And center field, sometimes. He's one of the best players! Him, Matthew (the pitcher), and Austin (first baseman) are the stars. I'm so proud of him!

Okay. Reallly, I'm done boasting now.

So, yeah... awesome things are happening in my life. God's amazing like that.

And, to top off my perfectly blissful day, the sun is peeking out! Thunderstorms were forecasted all day today, and it was misting when I was running this morning, but gradually the clouds have been receding... hopefully we'll have a dry Halloween! I'm taking the kids out trick-or-treating with a couple of the other older sisters on the block. Should be fun!

Anyways. I'm off to try and download Zoo Tycoon 2 on this computer, since I've been wanting to play that for a while. While its doing that, I might as well get the other half of my ab work done... okay, one more quick little boast: I got a four-pack! I've worked so hard for it, so I just had to tell you guys!

OMG LOOK AT ALL THAT SUNLIGHT THAT JUST STREAMED THROUGH THE WINDOW!

Life's an awesome thing, you guys know that?

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/27638837/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/27638837/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:07:30 PDT
Anyways. Now that I'm running regularly, I've decided to do a 5K. Its the Pumpkin Run at the local YMCA. October... 27th? Its a Saturday, I know that much. And if that goes well, I'm going to do the Sleigh Bell Trot at Saluda Shoals Park on November 24th. Also a 5K; in case you're interested, 5 kilometers is 3.1 miles. So that should be fun... I've been running a lot more, and I can really tell. I didn't run today, just biked for about half an hour, but my legs were still sore from yesterday. And I've noticed an increase in my appetite, which is good.

On another note, chemistry makes my head hurt. Specifically, stiochiometry makes my head hurt. I'm starting to think that seven step conversion equations are some sort of punishment rained down from Heaven. They just... hurt. Ugh. But on the plus side, I got all A's and only two B's on my interim report. And that includes a 100 in Algebra II. Yeah, that's right, go me.

My mother's bothering me. She's asking me why I'm posting things about my life on the computer and telling me that I'll regret it later. I'm just like... what the hell? Why would I regret it? I don't understand why she doesn't understand. Its not like I'm telling you guys anything important, anyways. Or that I'll ever meet any of you in real life. She irks me sometimes.

Anyways. That's about it. As you can probably tell, I'm a bit tired... stretched out, you know? My daily routine is wearing on me. I wake up a 6:30AM, get dressed and ready and downstairs by 7:00AM, make my lunch and eat breakfast and get to the bus by 7:40AM, school, get home at 4:10PM, have my snack, do homework until around 6:00PM, workout, shower, have dinner by 8:00PM, get on the computer and do crap, and then bed by 9:45PM. Its tedious after awhile.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/27453399/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/27453399/ Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:49:35 PDT Actually, you know what, okra's good. And the Okra Strut is fun. Even though it started raining halfway through the parade. But it was only a drizzle, so the fun continued on! After the parade they had shop vendors and live music and dance entertainment from local artists and studios. And, of course, "Okryland" kids' carnival. But one little boy threw up in the bouncy house. Guess he ate too much fried okra!

But, I swear, each year the Okra Strut gives the weather permission to start turning into fall. I'm serious. Last night, I went to bed and everything was wet and green. This afternoon, I'm taking a walk around my grandparent's subdivision, and I notice that the tips of almost every tree are turning reddish. Not that I'm complainin', of course! Lets hope fall's here to stay this time!

But anyway. It was an awesome weekend. Not only fun, but really productive. Lots of good workouts. (seriously, I think I've done four separate ones of at least 20 min each in the last three days!) And I'm on top of all my schoolwork. Yep, right now, things are looking pretty good. A lot better than they have in a while, at least...

God, I'm missing Chey like crazy for the past week or so...

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/27294666/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/27294666/ Sat, 19 Sep 2009 07:18:17 PDT not the end of summer. Its been hot and muggy the past couple weeks--perfectly UGLY.

Sorry for the inactivity. I've been so busy. I've had tests in all my classes, some of them twice now, plus projects. I managed to stay in the A/B range for all of them! I even got a 101 on my first Algebra II test! Usually math is my worst subject, but I happened to get a good family friend as my teacher this year and I love him a lot, so maybe that's helped. I have a 100 average in that class for first interim!

Anyways. That's about it. I just finished showering after my Saturday morning run and physical therapy session. I'm eating a lovely, autumn-inspired breakfast--simply because I can't wait for fall anymore! Its pumpkin pie in a bowl. Mix 1/2 cup plain yogurt with 1/2 cup pure pumpkin, lots of cinnamon, sprinkle of nutmeg and cloves, and Splenda. Add 1/2 cup Fiber One Original cereal for the "crust" and then a spoonful of Peanut Butter & Co.'s Cinnamon Raisin Swirl peanut butter. Perfect fall breakfast!

Hah. I'm just remembering the days when "breakfast" was a bowl of Special K or a Poptart or something. How stupid was I then? Eating disgusting, processed, sugary, low-fiber, low-protein... you get the point. I'm starting to annoy my friends. In trying to recover from my ED, I've become a health-food junkie. You should see our fridge (well, not right now, its really empty because tomorrow's grocery day). I'm all about fresh and organic now, even though its more expensive. It really is important! I actually have a hard time watching anybody eating anything bad now, much less eating it myself... school lunch is torture. Watching my friends down french fries and ice cream and burgers and pizza and chips everyday without any fresh veggies or fruit or a second thought to what its doing to their health has nearly brought me to tears several times. I know, that's weird. But its a trigger. Its part of the ED. By the way, recovery's going slow and steady. I'm up to about 1000cal a day... okay, more like 900-950cal. I accidentally made my mum cry last night... I told her I was probably going to get the swine flu (since my best friend's entire family got it and I've been hanging out with her a lot lately), and she said that if I do, I'm going to die. I highly doubt that, but I hate it that she takes my own problem so personally. I want her to stop worrying.

Wow. That turned into a rant. Sorry. Had to get it off my chest.

That's enough updates for one post, I think. I have to go shingle my grandparent's roof now. Wow, that sounds weird even to me. But seriously, they got an addition and the guy didn't do it, so that responsibilty falls to me! Only I have little to no idea about how to go about shingling a roof...

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/27001994/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/27001994/ Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:56:42 PDT
Anyways. Since its been so nice, I've spent a good portion of my free time of the past week outside. Started running again (haven't run since early spring--because of my riding injury and then it was just too HOT all summer). Did a little more than a mile in about 10 minutes, so my time hasn't suffered that badly. I'm sore today though.

End of summer means one thing: Labor Day! So I'm gone for the weekend. Leaving tomorrow right after school and not getting home until Monday night. So this is goodbye for a while. I'm going to the beach, by the way. Should be hot there still, even though its only a couple hours away.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26891811/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26891811/ Sat, 29 Aug 2009 09:11:40 PDT I'm so happy its finally Saturday; this week wore me down to the bone. I slept in until 8 am today, which was nice. I like not having alarms. Then I got up and belted out 8.5 miles on the bike in just a few seconds over 40 mins. Then I did my physical therapy. Then I took a shower and started my laundry. Then I went downstairs and made breakfast. Breakfast was so divinely inspiring today, and tasty and healthy (though a bit bulky in calories for some people--but that's what I'm trying to get more of right now so its good for me). Its called Carrot Cake Oatmeal. And I made it up all by myself. And its good. About 340 calories, 20g of fiber, and 19g of protien. For something that tastes like dessert. But actually has a full serving of vegetables in it. Now that's a win-win.

I feel... blissfully peaceful right now. Its really nice. I have the window thrown open wide and the air smells good. Its not even too unbearably hot, as long as I keep the fan on. Ah...

Quizzy time.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say To People
1. Can't you just please be quiet sometimes?
2. You're amazing. I love you so much.
3. I wish you would just pick what you want to be to me... this going back and forth confuses the hell out of me and I know it hurts your feelings when I don't act the way you want me to.
4. Its not that easy. There's no way you'll ever understand.
5. You're a vain little girl. If you want to be a teenager so bad, start growing up.
6. Why can't you let me be what I want to be? Its my body. Not yours.
7. I don't care if you're the expert. I know me and what I want, and you can't convince me otherwise.
8. Thank you so much.
9. I'm not stupid. I can do it myself.
10. I really do love you. I love you a lot... I just wish you realized how much the little things you do hurt me, and that being defensive... is the only way to defend myself.

Nine Things About Myself
1. I recently reaffirmed my faith to God. I'm so happy I did. It makes me feel so much better about everything.
2. I stand in front of the mirror in my underwear every night before bed and tell myself I'm beautiful.
3. Only in the past week or so have I begun to truly believe it.
4. Fall is my favorite season. I can't wait until the end of September!
5. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. Dinner is my least.
6. I'm addicted to exercise. A day doesn't go by that I don't do at least a 20 min ab workout. I can't wait for it to get cooler so I can go running outside.
7. I'm already getting excited about Christmas.
8. I have an excellent memory. Tell me something once, and I got it forever.
9. Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Yes, I still sing that song nearly everyday. And yes... it still makes me feel better.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart
1. Take it slow.
2. Make me laugh...
3. But be mature about it. Remember, ladies don't like vulgarity.
4. If you smoke, drink, or shoot up, forget about it.
5. If you have a pierced anything, forget about it.
6. We can talk about tattoos. As long as they're someplace my daddy won't see. More for your sake than mine.
7. Give me some space if I ask for it...
8. But know when what I need most is to be held.


Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot
1. Cheyenne.
2. The barn in general.
3. Songs that are stuck in my head. Into Christian again lately.
4. Food.
5. "I wonder when my muse will come back?"
6. My family and pets.
7. Schoolwork.

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep
1. Brush my teeth.
2. Wash my face.
3. Apply my nightly moisturizer.
4. Hang up what I'm going to wear tomorrow in my bathroom.
5. Make sure the windows and doors are locked and the dog is in the house.
6. Pop my sleep pills.

Five Places I Want To Visit
1. Biltmore House and Gardens... at Christmastime.
2. Smoky Mountains... again.
3. Pumpkin farm. Yes, you read that right. I'm already looking forward to going to th... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26739994/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26739994/ Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:06:16 PDT
Majorly busy the last couple days. School started on Thursday. I woke up at 6:15 am. That's... early. But the bus comes at 7:27 this year, forty minutes earlier than last, so its necessary. Then first block I had AP History. My teacher seems nice, but I'm a bit scared of the fast-pace; we finished the entire Paleolithic Era in the first day! Then I had Study Hall, in which I did my homework from AP History. Then I had break from 11:30 to 12, and lunch at noon. Then I had Chemistry. My teacher is awesome. His name is Mr. Smallwood. He did a demo about what happens when you accidentally squirt nitric acid in your eye. It involved an egg. And said egg becoming fried. It was awesome. And finally I had Latin 2... with the teacher I really didn't want to have again this year. But the good news is its a combo-class, meaning that its Latin 2 and Latin 3 in the same classroom... so there's a lot of cool people and the teacher can't watch all of us at the same time.

Today, once again, I woke up at 6:15 and got on the bus around 7:27. I went to English 2 first. Teacher seems nice... I'm not sure about that class yet. It didn't immediately come off as amazing. Then I had Digital Input Tech. I think that's going to be fun. The first quarter's keyboarding, but the second we get to work with tablets! Real tablets--Graphires--not my little Bamboo Fun! So I'm looking forward to that. Then I had lunch at 11:30 and break from noon to 12:30. Then I had Algebra 2. Once again, my teacher is awesome. His name is Mr. Kennedy. Math's going to be so fun this year! Though, once again, I'm a bit worried about the pace... we covered a chapter and a half today, and, even though I was able to keep up pretty well... I'm not sure if I can keep it up all year. Oh well. That's what tutoring's for! Then I had Biology. Teacher's cool, and the subject's awesome in and of itself, so I'm not worried!

All I can say right now... is thank God its Friday!

Seriously. I'm tired. No, actually, I was tired yesterday. Today I'm exhausted.

Yesterday I went straight to physical therapy afterschool and was there until 6:15 pm. Needless to say, I didn't get on the computer! I came home, got some dinner, did an hour or so of homework (Chem and Latin), took a shower, and crashed in bed. Today, though, its Friday. So I got home and did about 45 min of reading for Bio, and then did 20 min on the elliptical, 20 min on the bike, and about 10 min of ab work. Then shower, and dinner, and going through my accumlated messages...

I'm telling you guys all the details of my life. I should stop that.

ANYWAYS. To the point. I'm not going to be around as much, at least for the next couple of weeks. School's always hardest in the beginning, so it should let up, but for now... probably I will only be getting on on the weekends and Wednesday mornings (school starts two hours later than usual! ).

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26544616/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26544616/ Wed, 12 Aug 2009 09:28:16 PDT
My mum woke me up at 7 this morning... my rabbit's dead. I had her for 8 years, got her when she was just 5 weeks old... her name was Hook. 'Cause she was missing a foot, and I was 7, and thought it would be funny to name her after Captain Hook. I don't know what happened. I'm hoping just old age and not a disease... because I have another rabbit, Fluffy, that I got at the same time... they shared a cage...

Now that I think about it, even if it was just old age... that means Fluffy's probably going to die soon, too. But Fluff's always been the tougher of the two... bigger, steadier... but loosing Hook's gotta be hard on him, too.

She's downstairs... in the freezer. It makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. My rabbit's in the freezer. We can't bury her, because one of the dogs might dig her up... so my mum's taking her to vet to be burned. Like Jessie was.

I only have one picture of her. Its on my phone... but my phone's downstairs... and I really don't want to go downstairs...

I can't believe my baby bunny's dead. It seems like just the other day she was only as big as the palm of my hand... sitting on my lap nibbling kale.

I just want to get out of here. I can't wait until I leave tomorrow.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26521503/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26521503/ Tue, 11 Aug 2009 07:22:06 PDT Taking Small Bites: [link]

- - - - - - - - -

Hard to believe it, huh? School starts next week! Thursday, to be exact... Thursday the 20th. Four days after my 15th birthday!

I got my schedule yesterday, too! I'm kinda a bit disappointed... so far, no classes with any of my friends... but its always like that. I've had to make new friends every year since sixth grade. And my locker's on the third floor... and a lot of my classes are everywhere. Seriously... like on A-days second block my class is in the basement, and then my next class is on the third floor! Oh... God, I'm just thinking about how bad running up and down those stairs (while lugging a 50lb backpack and fighting against the torrent of kids who will be heading in the opposite direction) is going to hurt!

A-Days
1A: World History AP - Vastis
2A: Study Hall - Golston (semester 1); Computer Applications 1 - Robinson (semester 2)
3A: Chemistry 1 Honors - Smallwood
4A: Latin 2 - Shuler

B-Days
5B: English 2 Honors - Gascon
6B: Digital Input Technology - Gallman (semester 1); History of Film - Young (semester 2)
7B: Algebra 2 Honors - Kennedy
8B: Biology 1 Honors - Krusen

So that's a total of one AP class and four Honors classes... not bad for sophomore year. I should be in almost all APs next year, so that's good. I'm a bit behind for most kids with my major (because last year I was in English major, now I'm in Health Sciences) I'll have to work my butt off this year--two science classes! But I love science, so I don't think it will be a problem. I'm more dreading Latin 2 with Shuler... Latin 1 with her was torture...

I think I'm going to like B-days best this year (just like last year!), especially second semester when I have History of Film! Even though English, Algebra, and Bio are all hard, I think I'll like all of them. A-days seem... boring... I mean, honestly, History, Study Hall (should be renamed Homework Hall ), Chem, and then Latin? What a cruddy way to end the day! I liked it better last year when I got it over with earlier in the day.

And I really really wanted my History and Math teachers from last year again... but instead, I got the two teachers that I didn't want to get again: Shuler and Young.

Okay, I'm not really crying, lol. I'll just deal.

Anyways. Enough of my complaining. This week I'm going to the MOUNTAINS with my grandparents!! I'll be gone from Thursday 'til Monday the 17th (yep, I will be gone for my birthday on the 16th!), and then I'll try to get caught up, but I have to get my textbooks on Monday, too, and update the blog, and get back on some sort of fitness schedule that I'll be able to keep up throughout the year (there's going to be no time for anything; I found out yesterday my bus' coming a full 20 min earlier this year!!), so all that comes first before dA! AND I GOT TO FINISH MY SUMMER READING OHCRAPS!

IT'S GONNA BE A BUSY YEAR!

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26420903/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26420903/ Thu, 06 Aug 2009 10:36:14 PDT Taking Small Bites: [link]

- - - - - - - - - -

YOUR BOY SIDE
[X] You love hoodies.
[X] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats. (dogs and cats are equally awesome)
[X] It's hilarious when people get hurt. (as long as its not badly hurt)
[X] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[ ] You own an X-Box.
[X] Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
[X] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[X] You own a DS, PS2, or Sega. (DS and PS2... though my brother's kinda stolen them )
[ ] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[ ] You watch sports on TV.
[ ] Gory movies are cool. (NOOOOO!)
[ ] You go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[ ] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[ ] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[ ] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth.
[ ] Wear boxers.
Total: 7/25

YOUR GIRL SIDE
[ ] You wear lip gloss.
[ ] You love to shop
[X] You wear eyeliner.
[X] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[X] You wear the color pink.
[X] Go to your mom for advice.
[X] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[ ] You like hanging out at the mall.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[ ] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[ ] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[X] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[X] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics, or dance.
[X] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, ad put on make-up and accessories. (including eating breakfast... yeah)
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should.
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[ ] You care about what you look like.
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[ ] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[X] You wear girl underwear.
[X] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[X] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.
Total: 11/25

... I am female. Go figure.

I'm actually kind of glad I have to go to physical therapy again tonight. I'm hoping my PT will be able to do something magical again and make the pain go away. Even though I'm tired and not really in the mood to work-out...

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26325291/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26325291/ Sat, 01 Aug 2009 19:57:41 PDT Taking Small Bites: [link]

Click on that link and check out my new food blog! I'm trying to get some traffic in there... if you're a member on WordPress, let me know so we can put each other on our BlogRolls!

I won't bore you all with any long new updates on my health status, 'cause I know you all are probably getting sick of that! Just letting you know that the pain is back--managable, but its still back. Oh well... I've got bigger things to worry about than my stupid back, and I'm sure you all do too!

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26207225/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26207225/ Mon, 27 Jul 2009 08:51:06 PDT jcspenny had this one up so I figured... what the hell. First, quickie update on some good news! So, at my physical therapy appointment last Thursday, I told her that I've been in an unrealistic amount of pain lately and was no longer physically able to do my upper back exercises because they just plain hurt too bad. So she had me lie down on the table, and she started poking my spine. That hurt; I was nearly crying. She found this one spot right in the arch of my back, where all she had to do was touch it and it would go into spasms. She said it was a rotated vertabrae (which is kind of serious; if it rotates too far it will twist the spinal cord and cause paralysis; that's why it was hurting so much: the direct pressure on the spinal cord). She unrotated it--which hurt so bad I bit a hole in my tongue to keep from screaming. But now... God, I feel great. I haven't been this pain-free in a long, long time. I mean, there's still the SI joint and my neck that are screwed, but its a huge step forward for me.

Now, on with the quiz...

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4.
"Shealy Robert L Heating & Air Conditioning Co. - 796-1923" Its from The Real Yellow Pages for the Greater Columbia-Lexington, SC region.

2. Stretch your arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?
Left: the edge of the desk. Right: The Real Yellow Pages. Nice. Original.

3.What was the last thing you watched on tv?
Last night at 9 I watched The Next Food Network Star. I've been watching it since the beginning, every week, which I never bother to do with any other show. Now its down to the final two, and my favorite from the very beginning is still in it!

4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
11:00am...?

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:22am... man, I was off by more than twenty minutes.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Nothing... its very nice; I'm home alone and the dogs are quiet... just me, myself, and I.

7. When did you last go outside. What were you doing?
Yesterday at about 5pm I went out to ride my bike... only, I ended up not because my front tire was broken.

8. Before you started this survey, what were you looking at?
Just got done going through my messages and deviations.

9. What are you wearing.
A blue & white striped tank, a white cami (underneath the tank), navy blue Soffees... a white bra and very pretty orange & pink & aqua green plaid underwear.

10. Did you dream last night?
Ohhhh, yes. And it was SCARY. I had a child. A baby boy. And then I forgot to feed him for two days. And I woke up crying because I was a bad mommy who almost killed her baby.

11. When did you last laugh?
I don't remember.

12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?
Um... they're Venetian plastered... oh, and there's a full-length mirror (the only one in our entire house) behind me on one of the walls. Its our office/exercise room, and one of the walls is completely taken up by this HUGE window, so we don't really have anything up in here...

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Yes. It involves my little brother. And you really do not want to know.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
I like it. I used to be addicted to quizzes... this is my first one in months, I think.

15. What is the last film you saw?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It was okay... I wasn... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26004473/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/26004473/ Fri, 17 Jul 2009 11:02:34 PDT
Today's a real bad, bad day for the pain, if you couldn't tell.

Nothing really to say. I'm bored, which is really bad when I'm hurting because there's nothing to distract me. I was hoping writing a journal would entertain me. Its not really working.

Maybe I should join a forum or something. I miss talking to people. I miss my friends. Maybe I should go downstairs and get my cell so I can chat for a while... but that would involve going up and down stairs... Ouch.

Okay. Umm. I think I'm going to go lie down and see if that helps. Sorry this journal is pretty pointless and pathetic. Don't worry, I hate it, too.

Wait, before I go, does anyone know if its possible to develop a dependency on ibuprofen? I take it every day, usually 200mg twice a day and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and need it. I skipped my morning dose yesterday and something weird happened. Maybe it was just because my back and neck were killing me, but I got this horrible headache. I mean, I've never felt anything like it. It felt like my ears were going to fall off or something. I told my mum, and she said it was probably a withdrawal headache from the ibuprofen... But I'm not sure if that's even possible?

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25876373/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25876373/ Sat, 11 Jul 2009 09:00:32 PDT Also, summer's getting old. Way. Too. Hot. South Carolina... I love it, but still, its broiling here in July and August! But my birthday is a month and five days away now, so it least I have that to look forward to. I'm turning fifteen and finally getting my permit!

So my plans for keeping busy this weekend... tomorrow I'm going canoeing on the Saluda, which should be fun. I've never canoed before... which might be kind of funny to watch. Today I'm going to my old gym! One of my brother's little friends is having their birthday party, so I'm tagging along so I can say hi to my old coach and maybe see if I still have my front tuck! Then I need to go shopping. Guess what size shorts I'm wearing? Go on, guess. I'll give you a hint. They're not Juniors'. They're Childrens'. I ran out of clean pairs, so I dug some out of the back of my closet from like sixth grade!

Mainly, I'm just blabbering right now. Waiting, waiting, waiting to go to the gym...

OH! I'm going to the Harry Potter premiere with a couple friends that I haven't seen ALL summer, so that will be super fun! I'll probably end up crashing at one of their houses that night, so that's cool. Gives me a break from my little brother, you know? I hope the movie will be good; it looks pretty nice on the previews. But I don't remember what happens in the sixth book. I guess I'll just sit there and be lost.

Muse is dead. Dead... I can't even write anything, lol. I've sat down with my favorite notebook and purple pen and tried to force words out of my head, and it just doesn't work! Don't even get me started on the lack of manipulation-related muse... I can't even be bothered to find stock, much less cut and smudge and all that work!

I think its because I'm getting too bored... summer... its so nice, but so long... and hot.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25731908/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25731908/ Sat, 04 Jul 2009 09:31:08 PDT

My bestest friend in the whole world who just happens to have a 1000sqft (uber tiny, lol) lakehouse and a boat came into town on Thursday! So, yeah, I ditched my house and boring family and went with her. Got there around five on Thursday, threw our suits on, and tore out on the boat right quick. Tubing. Awesome. Love it. But not really recommended for someone with a very badly injured back, lol. Yes, I am an idiot. Love me for it. And then Friday we got up early and picked blueberries at her dad's hunting patch. And then went back out on the boat until like eight that night, lol. But then my mum made me come home. But it was still an awesome couple of days!

AND I DIDN'T DO MY PHYSICAL THERAPY FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS AND I STILL LIVED!! HAH, SO TAKE THAT, DOCTORS!

And I got to eat Beaufort Stew, which is the most amazing food in the world. DOES EVERYONE KNOW WHAT BEAUFORT STEW IS? If not, I will tell you, and then you will go make it and enjoy its wonderfulness. Actually, have a good Southern family cook it for you. Much better that way.

And today is the FOURTH OF JULY! w00t, go AMERICA!! (they should have a patriotic emoticion) And guess what happens on the Fourth of July? FUN! lol. I'm kind of hiked up today, if you haven't noticed. So, I'm overdosing on Motrin to deal with my horribly painful back and newly whiplashed neck (which really hurts more right now than my back, which is a nice change of pace, lol) and we're going to the Gilbert Peach Festival! NUMMY! And then tonight we're going to Dreher Island to watch the fireworks! lol, its a tradition we've had for years, and the only annoying thing is that it doesn't get dark enough to shoot off until nearly midnight! I'm going to be falling asleep! MUST BRING CANDDYYYY!!

But I am so happy and excited right now!

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25646472/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25646472/ Tue, 30 Jun 2009 08:36:25 PDT

I'm on the fence about what I want to put as my mood, It's Hot or Agony. Its actually not that hot today, so I'll go with Agony. Ah, yes, my old friend.

So, how am I doing? Well... let's start with happiness! Today is the last day of June! We all know what that means! We've made it halfway through the year, people! Hahahah! We're all still alive! Hah... hahahah...

lol. Anyways. Christmas! Yep, that's less than six months away! I always start getting excited around this time every year... but then it kind of dies down until after Halloween, and then I have to force myself to stay focused on Thanksgiving and not start celebrating until after we eat the turkey. Sometimes I start putting up decorations that very night--even getting the trees up! Which annoys my mum...

Man, I'm so bored. Today's a bad day for the pain, as you probably figured out from the ramblings about mood icons, lol. I had a really long session with the therapist yesterday and it hurt like crap, and now it hurts worse of course. But I already did my exercises for today so at least its over with. My entire back hurts. Its giving me a headache. I don't think this chair I'm sitting is really helping. Maybe I should go lie down.

I was going swimming this morning. Was. My friend bailed on me to watch her little brothers. Which isn't her fault... but still, a nice long swim in cool water with warm sun would feel so good. Swimming, as you probably know, is the best ever exercise ever invented--both caloric burn-wise and therapy-wise. Maybe I'll go tomorrow or something...

I'm just rambling. Because I'm bored. And I need some Motrin but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get it.

I'm going now. Thank you for listening to the results of an absent mind. Peace out.

And, w00t! NCIS comes on tonight! Even though its only a rerun... but its Season 6, which I haven't seen, so its still happiness for me!

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25410526/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25410526/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 08:02:31 PDT 1. Do you like bleu cheese? Not really... I mean, I like all cheeses at least a little bit, but its not my favorite.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? I thought you were supposed to shoot yourself with heroin? Either way, no.

3. Do you own a gun? No... I don't really need one where I live. Besides, I got a killer Jack Russell Terrier to protect me if someone wants to come rob us!

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Starbucks? Nothing... very rarely do we ever go to Starbucks. If we do, I get a Cafe Mocha.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope! I used to, though. But I want to be a doctor now, so isn't kind of silly for me to be afraid of them?

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Nasty.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? The Santa Clause! Or maybe Home Alone. The first ones; the rest of them are junk.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water...

9. Can you do push ups? I'm a gymnast, loves. Or... well, I used to be. Before Nino decided to squish me.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I only wear one piece of jewelery, and I always have it on, even when I'm like showering or sleeping. Its my little silver cross necklace that is so simple and beautiful.

11. Favorite hobby? Normally, riding. But, yeah, considering I can't do that right now... probably photomanipulation.

12. Do you have A.D.D? No, not at all.

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I have a wart on my left pinkie finger. Its really gross and needs to go away.

14. Middle name? Ashley.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
- The music stopped.
- I need to hurry up and answer this question so I can put the music back on.
- My foot's falling asleep.

16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday:
- 65cm exercise ball (for my physical therapy)
- Aquage smoothing shampoo
- LifePak vitamins

17. Name 3 things you drink daily: I only drink water...

18. Current worry? Is Cheyenne happy?

19. Current dislike? My dietician. She says I can't eat yogurt anymore.

20. How did you bring in the New Year? I honestly... don't remember.

21. Where would you like to go? Right now?... my grandparent's house. It always smells like the holidays there, and I miss Christmas.

22. Name three people who will complete this? Bored peoples, people who like to talk about themselves, and people without lives.

23. Do you own slippers? No... I'm a gymnast; I'm most comfortable in bare feet.

24. What shirt are you wearing? A navy blue T-shirt that says "Mister Whippy: Chincoteague Island, VA" on it. I got it when me and my barn friends went out for ice cream one night last year while we were in Chincoteague.

25. Favorite color? Brown...

26. Could you be a pirate? Absolutely not, lol. End of story.

27. What songs do you sing in the shower? Sad country songs, mainly. Towards the holidays (starting around Halloween or earlier, lol) I sing more Christian and Christmas songs. I do so love Christmas.

28. Favorite food? YOGURT! AND MY STUPID DIETICIAN SAYS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT IT ANYMORE!! ARRRGGHH! ahem... just kidding, my actual favorite food is probably like ba... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25271070/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/25271070/ Fri, 12 Jun 2009 10:47:38 PDT Missed you guys!

So, yeah... I've been mysteriously missing for the past nearly three months, as you may or may not have noticed depending on how much attention you usually pay me. Anyways, it wasn't my fault! Uhm... our computer got like... eaten from the inside out by this virus... We lost everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Like, everything. Nothing was salvaged. Moral of the story: back up EVERYTHING. Even if you think you're never going to look at it again. Photos, WIPs, old work, new work... you miss things most when they're gone. Oh, and don't do what I did. Don't leave your Flashdrive with everything saved in it inside the CPU that is diseased. Don't let it become diseased and absolutely worthless as well. I promise you, its very frustrating.

Ahem. So, on that note... I really did lose everything. My tablet is carrying the virus now. I can't use it, or I will infect the computer I plug it into. Obviously, our old computer was totaled. I'm using my dad's new laptop right now, and I can only use this when he's not home. But that shouldn't be too much of a problem during the summer, because he's always at work or golfing. I have no Photoshop right now. I'm going to ask my daddy if I can load it onto this computer later today, if he's in a good mood. So then maybe I can... attempt to make art with a mouse again... Or maybe I'll just start becoming very fond of traditional!

That's it as far as the art update goes! There's going to be a lack of it! As for me, I'm just kind of happy to be on dA again! It always gives me a good feeling to come on here; reminds me of good times forever ago! But, anyways, its summer! God, its summer... hard to believe... nearly a year already...

Barn. Yes, that's where I was going with that. Anybody remember me and Nino's crash I wrote about in my last journal? Yeah. I screwed myself up. You would not believe... we're not even completely sure about everything yet. I'm going to get an MRI next week, and that should finally clear up everything. But, yeah... I've only ridden once since that faithful day, lol. And that was just a nice gentle flat ride on our golden girl, Blaze, and I was still laid up in bed the next day. Its my back. And neck, and hips, and legs by secondary offense. I don't know how to spell the correct word for what the doctors think I did, but when I broke my tailbone I also like twisted my pelvic bone... its like, one hipbone is almost two full inches higher than the other side. And that screwed up all the muscles in my legs (like, pulled some too far and compacted other ones) so currently my left leg is like an inch longer than my right. lol. Not really bone-wise, but just the way the muscles are pulled and how they are sat in my twisted pelvic bone. And then, obviously, my spine is screwed, which is pretty selfexplanatory. And then my neck got the hell whiplashed out of it; I no longer have the natural curve in my neck, but the chiropractor is working on putting it back in. And, yes, it does hurt like hell. I have good days and bad days just like anybody else with a long-standing injury and chronic pain. Today happens to be a good day, but I've also been laid up in bed for the past week because I got bronchitis. lol. No, I'm not a healthy person! I used to be at one point in my life... long time ago it seems, lol. So, that's about it... lots of recovery and stuff mainly, for the past three months. Nino's fine, by the way. Lucky little bugger.

About the barn. Obviously, I can't ride--much less shovel horse crap or do any sort of lifting or even running. I'm basically completely useless, so I haven't been going. I haven't been to the barn more than three or four times in the past three... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23531116/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23531116/ Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:25:20 PST

I don't really feel like talking about it right now. I'll probably come back and edit this tomorrow in excruciating detail, just so I'll never forget it. The most horrifying two seconds of my life, followed by the most terrifying two minutes, followed by the most tramatizing, scary twenty minutes. Really brought me smack down to the earth and made me realize just how fragile we all are. Right now all I'm going to say is that both me and horse are okay. I think.

EDIT:: Okay. I've calmed down. I just got back from the barn, checking on the pony. He's okay. I am so relieved. I was so terrified I'd hurt him. He has one less tooth now and is a bit stiff on his back right leg and chipped one of his front hooves, but besides that... he's okay. Its Nino, in case you were wondering. Little palomino paint boy. He's so sweet; when I came to see him today he looked up at to me with his little white ears pricked all forward and his blue eyes all big and bright. I don't know what I would have done to myself if I'd hurt him. God, that was terrifying... I am now going to recount the most terrifying moment of my life in as much detail as I can remember, mainly so that I can look back on it later for personal reference.

It was the gate, 2'3 (tiny) solid wood jump set in the middle of the ring. I've always had a personal aversion to the gate. I was riding Nino. We were both get more and more rattled. The right lead, again. I don't know what all those horses' problems with right leads are, but its always the hard one. I was fighting with him for it for about... I don't know, about six laps around (which is ridiculous). Finally got it, and turned him down the middle line towards the gate. He started weaving, I managed to pull him straight and we went over it. Crooked, of course. Messily. I don't even want to know what my position looked like. I was at this point extremely frusterated, so I turned him towards it again. The fighting continued.

Finally managed to yank him into line (and I'm sad to say that I mean those words very literally, and I'm quite ashamed about it as well). Managed to get the right lead, though, so I pushed him forward. He was off balance. I should have brought him back to me, halted, and let us both cool off for a moment before trying again. But I was being an idiot and tried to set him up properly in the space of about two or three strides. He cut in too close, knocked his knees, and everything was over by then.

He managed to land but was flondering. I was thrown onto his neck and remember thinking: "SIT BACK NOW, MARISSA!" So I threw my weight back, lost my reins, but by this time he was already going down. That was the weirdest feeling as we were falling. Like a wrecking train. Then I felt the jolt as he hit, and I don't really remember what I was thinking. I was just watching the dirt coming closer between his two perfect little white ears. I think I closed my eyes then. Don't really rememeber where I was for the next couple milliseconds. I think I got thrown forward and flipped through the air. Somehow I ended up on my back several feet further forward than initially. Nino rolled, quite obviously--I was lucky I was thrown off before then. He landed on the left side of my body. I don't really remember that part either. Very fast. I remember he groaned and there was a lot of thuds and a couple snaps. We slid, all smashed together, a little bit after that--I tore the skin on my right thigh (it got over-stretched) and got my jeans all bloody.

Next thing I know, I'm half-sitting up. You know that weird feeling you get when you first fall--all numb and kind of shocked. I have the sense to yank myself out from under Nino, and then I lie back down. Which is unlike me; I'm usually a jackrabbit when it comes to falling, I'm off the ground within a couple seconds. There was one star in the sky right above me, and the sky was purply. I watched that for a couple seconds, trying to figure out what I've broken or ruptured or dislocated. And then everybody was there all at once. Caitlyn first, obviously. She tries to get me to get up and come sit on the barrels, but I tell her that I'm not sure I can. And then I realize Nino is still lying nex... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23518933/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23518933/ Wed, 04 Mar 2009 05:25:02 PST

I know, that is so random. But I've never watched TV before! And I discovered last Friday that TV is amazing! I mean--there are good shows on it! Stuff besides Spongebob and iCarly and Hannah Montana and Ben 10 and all the other stuff my little brother watches! It's really really awesome! How come I wasn't informed of all this awesome stuff before?!?!

I love channel 25. I have no idea what station it is, but I just sit down and flip to it whenever I possibly can. It has NCIS on like all the time. I love this show! McGee is amazing. And Abby, of course. And Gibbs, obviously. And Tony, but that can be left unsaid since he's just so awesome naturally. And what's the lady's name that always messes up on the English pharses? Kate or something? She and Tony make the most adorable pair in the history of television! (lol, that's biased, considering NCIS is like the only show I've ever watched. )

Oh. And Burn Notice is good too. I watched the all-day marathon on Saturday. gawwww... I was obsessed. I love the bank robbery one, where Micheal is the doctor person and messes the theives up. He's awesome, and I love doctory/medical stuff, so its like the perfect combo.

Anyways, enough with the TV stuff. lol. (by the way, THANK YOU =jcspenny! since you talk about TV in your journals sometimes and say its really great, that was the main thing that influenced me to sit down and watch that first episode of NCIS. I am forever in your debt! ) Oh, wait, one more thing. I have to SQUEE a little bit about the episodes they showed last night! ABBY WAS SO ADORABLE WITH LITTLE JETHRO! (the doggy, not Gibbs) And McGee is like "its a vicious... large dog." And Abby just gives him the ebil eye. heheheheh...

OKAY I'M REALLY DONE NOW!

Anyways. I have something else exciting to share with you all! I'm pretty sure I've mentioned somewhere before that I'm minorly psychic? If that's news to you, lol, then don't worry. I don't walk around draped in dark shawls and forecasting the future and falling into twitchy fits where I communicate to the dead. No, that's not me. My extent is the occasional vision, almost always when I'm asleep--and I have talked to a ghost once and seen others numerous times. But ghosts scare me, so I tend to freak out and hurry back to other more normal people whenever I see one, lol. Damn fear of the supernatural! I did stay and talk to my grandpa a little bit when I was like four or something. I fell asleep after instead of running away, so I must not have been too scared, but I don't really remember.

ANYWAYS! I had a vision last night! And usually that's not anything to be excited about, but this was awesome because I saw a DATE! MARCH 13!!! I like never see dates. Usually just a brief flash of a room or a snippet of conversation or something. But I saw a DATE! Like, straight view at a white wall with MARCH 13 written in some sort of red marker or something! And now I'm all excited and wondering what the hell is so important about that date and what kind of stuff is going to happen! Ahhh--I can't wait!!

And, that is the end of the weirdest, creepiest journal I... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23403573/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23403573/ Wed, 25 Feb 2009 17:22:33 PST

Good God, I'm exhausted. Sorry I kinda disappeared for a while. I'm currently staring at my inbox and thinking "Ughhhh... thats a lot of messages." Things just got kind of busy. Which is more like "normal", so that's good. (defination of normal: before I lost Chey. yeah, its been a while. 8 months 1 week and 1 day, to be precise)

Strangely, I feel more balanced than I have in a long time. Duh--its the barn and my old old routine that are working wonders. In a way. Mentally. Physically is a bit more difficult. lol.

I'm not sure if I've actually said it in one of these journals, but I'm sick. Like sick. lol, that sounds a little odd. No, not in the pervy way or anything. I'm just sick. I've been sick for about six months now. With the same thing. They can't seem to figure it out--"they" being the doctors. Bascially, its constant fatigue, daily headaches and chills, and the occasional fever. Every three weeks or so it "spikes". (I make up words to describe it since no one else knows what it is) Bascially, it seems like I get the flu. But its not. Its weird. Anyways, its been one of those weeks. Today on Lady, I actually got really lightheaded and nearly fell off. I really shouldn't have been riding her, considering its been especially cold and I happened to have a fever--but she needed to be worked since I'd been cooped up inside for a week and she had just sat there. I felt guilty, you know?

Speaking of Lady. She's a butt. All the sweet, "omg-she's-the-most-prettiful-mare-in-the-world-besides-Chey" crap aside, she really is a little devil behind those big brown eyes. She tried to fucking kill me today. Seriously. So. Much. Bucking. It was not funny. I swear. I actually screamed "Stop it you little bitch!" out loud once. My trainer thought I was crazy. I was like "Do you want to ride this little she-demon?" She said no. But I guess I can't blame her. I wasn't exactly in tiptop condition today either considering I was feverish and the world was a little blurry at the edges, and she hadn't been worked in over a week. ughhhhhhh.... it was my fault.

As far as my weight goes I haven't lost anymore. I'm stuck at 134lbs it seems. But I guess I'm okay with that, since I'm getting skinnier anyways. My abs are coming back and I can fit in my size 1 Old Navys comfortably and can squeeze into my size 3 Levi's again. As long as I keep running on the weekends and doing situps every night, I will be okay. My friends started noticing I wasn't eating lunch anymore, and started yelling at me. Little annoying... I just had mixed vegetables for dinner. omg they are good, with a little bit of sweet&sour sauce on top? Nummmmmmmyyyy.

And now I'm very stiff and my head is pounding, so I am going to go take a hot shower. Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm still kicking, despite the fact that forces beyond my control are trying very hard to take me out.

Oh, and as I final note, I love high school. Hah, that's random. I know. Actually, I love B-days. A-days are hell. And if you don't understand that, then its okay. My school schedule is kind of screwed. A-days: English, Latin (bane of my existance), Art (the teacher likes me for some reason... I... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23217599/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23217599/ Sun, 15 Feb 2009 14:10:17 PST

I'm happy.

Me and Lady had our first ride today. The girl did great; I was so proud of her, since she hadn't been worked in months. We had a couple of small little rears at the beginning when asking for the trot--more like her just hopping up and down a couple of times--but nothing that required me to touch the crop. Right lead canter has some issues... we can work it out.

She was sweating by the end. She's so out of shape. We can fix that.

So, yes, I'm happy. I won't go as far to say that I love her yet or anything. Its the first day, and, despite her being so sweet, she tried her very hardest to buck me off on the right lead. But with the special ones, its never love at first sight. Cheyenne and I absolutely despised each other for almost an entire year before we started working closer together. I hated Jessie with a passion; I refused to ride her until a few months ago. Gypsy, whom you guys might know or might not, I was dead terrified of (she was a grumpy schoolie, I was a kid) until I realized I loved her. I never like my special ones at first. But I think this is going to work.

Me and the girl: [link] No comment on my big fat ham-like thighs, 'mkay? I was trying to take a picture, but Lady refused to move her head away from me, so Caitlyn took one while I was busy trying to reset my phone.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23203862/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23203862/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 19:54:19 PST
Nothing much to stay. Life's being kind of in limbo all week. That's okay. Went to the barn a lot, which was good. This whole thing's pushed me closer, which is good. The owner--Chey's old owner, Jessie's old owner--finally came out for the first time in months on Thursday. I loved talking to her. I don't know why. It was just really comforting for some reason.

Haven't done anything with Lady yet. I'm going out tomorrow if the weather's okay. Nothing short of a thunderstorm is going to stop me from going out and starting with her. You guys realize I haven't ridden in over a month? Yeah. That's bad--and the first thing I'm going to ride is a hyperactive, hasn't-been-worked-in-weeks TB. And I'm so overdo for a fall, its not funny (haven't fallen since summer). I'm going to be on the ground before tomorrow's up, I know it. But I can't touch up on the schoolies... because now we only have four left, and they're being worked into the ground. Poor babies.

But I'm working myself into a routine. I don't know why haven't been going out to the barn. It helps a lot--with everything, really. I have friends there, real ones who understand all this shit. I'm going to start getting out there Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays again... just like last year, when I had my Chey. I have practice on Mondays, so I can't go then. Fridays I have to watch my little brother because my parents are working and my grandparents are dancing. Weekends I hope to get out there as well. I need to get my old, old routine back. I was so happy then.

I've become kind of... masochistic lately. Lets just say its better to feel a bit of pain than nothing at all.

Wow, that made me sound emo. Heh, that made me laugh actually. I'm happy now. Goodie! Yeah, guys, I'm not doing anything that could ever really hurt me. Don't worry. Actually, I'm doing stuff that's good for me. I'm working off this weight I've gained over Christmas and even before that, which I had been ignoring before. I'm tired of looking fat and disgusting. I've dropped about five pounds in a week or so. That's one good thing about being a teenager, just cut a few hundred calories and start running an hour a day, and the weight drops off fairly quick. Don't know why I haven't done this earlier. I hope to get back down to about 125lbs by the end of the month. I'd be happy there.

Oh, yeah. Today was Valentine's Day. I completely blew my diet. Let's see what CalorieKing.com has to say about my bowl of chocolate ice cream and big Mexican dinner... okay, lets add that up... 1100 calories. oh... my... God... I HATE YOU DOUBLE CHURN EXTRA CREAMY LIGHT CHOCOLATE ICE CREAMMMMMM!!!

And now I'm off to do some emergency curl-ups.

Did you guys know that curl-ups actually don't burn fat though? They just build muscle! I found that both fascinating and annoying. Oh--and you burn 6 calories a minute by grooming a horse! Isn't that cool?

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23082332/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23082332/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 12:44:14 PST no... This can't happen... This didn't happen... no... no, no, no...

Jessie is dead.



She's dead. She's dead... no, no, no... No...

I can't... this is impossible... no... she was fine. No one had any idea... this was so sudden... no, no, no... she's dead. Dead. How can she be dead?

She was perfectly fine when we all left yesterday... She died sometime during the night. They found her this morning lying in her pasture, her body already cold. We don't know... how could this happen? How could she be dead? No, no, no... She was so young. She was seven. Why? Why would He do this?

We sent her body to get an autopsy up at Clemson University. I can't... this is impossible. Jessie's dead. No... By the time I got to the barn, her body was gone... I didn't get to say my good-bye... no, no, no... Just when things were looking up again, too... No...

We think it may have been a HYPP attack. Wikipedia: [link] Jess had it... though it was never really a problem. She's only had one attack before this, and it wasn't that bad... Whatever it was, I just hope it didn't last long and she didn't have too much pain. Oh, my poor Jess... RIP, girl.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23028706/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/23028706/ Thu, 05 Feb 2009 19:45:10 PST
So, without further ado, may I present Lady Gresham. [link]

Isn't she a gorgeous girl? I just love her dapples. She's a five-year-old, off-the-track Thoroughbred mare. And huge! I'm not a big fan of... big, but I think I can adjust. We actually got her two years ago when she was a three-year-old... but... we had to let her grow up a bit. Thoroughbreds stay fillies until they're 25, you know! My own trainer has worked her for the past couple months--just starting her, since she's a LOT of horse for me to handle (the top of my head isn't even to her withers! ). But now that's started, she's all mine! I can't wait to start spending time with her. After her owner (actually, the same lady that owned Chey) told me, I just sat outside her pasture and watched her in awe for like half an hour. She's so beautiful. The second most beautiful horse in the whole world, I think. Second only to Chey. I can't wait to get to know her. I wonder how we're going to get on? I'm not going to try too hard. I'm just going to let it happen. That's the way it happened with me and Chey. I'm not expecting Lady to be another Chey--God forbid me try to replace my girl--but I'm hoping that we can have that same kind of trusting relationship, if even a fraction as strong as me and Chey's was.

Look it, I found photos from her Maiden Race! Apparantly she won! Good girl! [link]

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22985952/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22985952/ Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:00:16 PST I could finish an arseload of art if I added up all the collective hours I've spend writing these things. But, you know? They're fun. And I like talking. Blahblahblah. Okay, done.

Not really. I'm happy. Its fun! Do you want to know why I'm happy? Well--me too! 'Cause I really have no idea. I had fun in math today! Isn't that just freakin' abnormal? OH! And yesterday at practice, I got my split! I've been working at that stupid thing for YEARS! I was so happy when I just randomly slid all the way down! I was so shocked I just sat (well, not sat, but... I mean, what do you call it when you sit in a split? is there even a word? ) there for like ten seconds. And then I picked my hands up and sat there all balanced and stuff and I was like "Ya, this is awesome."

Quizzy time!

RULES:
#1) You must fill out EVERY question! No skipping!
#2) Tag five people afterwards.
#3) Leave a message on their page telling them their tagged.


ARE YOU,

1. Perfect?
Hell no!

2. Tall?
I think I'm normal... maybe a bit on the short side, but I like being shorter. 5'4

3. In your pajamas?
Nopes! I'm in my barn jeans, green tank top, tan overshirt, and barefoot. In the middle of winter. We're back to normal here in South Carolina, as you can see.

4. Left handed?
Hah. If you've seen my Handwriting Meme, you'll know I'm very clearly not.

LAST,

1. Friend you saw:
Jenn & Rachel (same time)

2. Talked to on the phone:
Caitlyn

3. Person to text you:
Rachel

4. Was today better than yesterday ?
It wasn't worse, if that's what you mean.

FAVORITES:

1. Number:
I tend to like the number of whatever age I am. Last year it was 13, before that 12, 11... Right now its 14.

2. Color(s):
BROWN! Love brown so much. I also like green, blue, silver, and calm pinks (no neons, please).

3. Fruit:
Gala Apples!

4. Place:
Its a tie--the barn or my room.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:

Q: What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up?
A: Washed my face.

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
A: Nothing besides the usual, which you guys know from previous journals.

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix (what, I love HP... got a problem with that? )

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: School.

Q: Do you smile a lot?
A: When I'm hyper.

Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: Sometimes, when I'm outside at night.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: I hope I am. Sometimes I'm afraid people take my shyness as stuck-upness, though...

Q: Where did you sleep last night?
A: My bed...

Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: Last night around 6. The usual: Chey--some pictures of her I didn't know I had just sort of sprung up on me.

Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?
A: Plotlines for my current story.

Q: Rate life as of right now one being bad ten being great?
A: 5. So-so... could never be higher than about a 7 anyways, without Chey.

Q: What do you hear... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22918790/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22918790/ Sat, 31 Jan 2009 08:00:31 PST

And I got a bunch of crap to do... and I'm having writer's block, I think. Its not all that fun.

Besides that, nothing more I can really complain about.

You know, "I'm Already There", by Lonestar, is a really good song. Might do a manip to it, or something... maybe. I have so many things sitting on my harddrive half-finished, not to mention my story and all the stuff I actually HAVE to do, like the book report due Tuesday that I haven't finished or the Latin project that was assigned almost a month ago that I haven't started. Maybe I should work on those first.

This journal is pointless. I could at least go find a quiz or survey or something to make it more interesting... but I'm too lazy.

Hah, I overused and in here.


]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22857226/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22857226/ Wed, 28 Jan 2009 05:13:55 PST So happy about that, I've been working on it for like two years and just finally got it at practice Monday! My coach was getting... irritated (because she knew I could do it, I just wasn't for some reason...). She told me to throw myself in the air like I'm going to flip over a ten foot wall. It worked. I was so surprised when I landed on my feet.

Anyways. Here's the age quiz I stole from . I have the feeling that I'm going to be older than my actual age, 14. Here we go...

Put an x in Every box that applies to you then add them up, and thats your age!

[ ] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[X] You keep track of dates using a calendar. (I got this year's calender Monday night after practice! I was dying for those first couple weeks without it! )
[ ] You own a credit card
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car
[X] You've done your own laundry (who else is going to do it?)
[ ] You can vote in an election
[X] You can cook for yourself (I'm a pretty good cook. )
[X] You think politics are exciting (I love to debate, and I like being pessimestic, which is basically all politics is. )

TOTAL: 4

[ ] You show up for school late a lot for classes
[X] You always carry a pen in your bag/ purse / pocket (umm... what if I need to write something down?)
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once
[X] You like to take walks by yourself (peace and quiet!)
[X] You know what credibility means, without looking it up (duh...)
[ ] You drink caffeine at least once a week

TOTAL: 3

[X] You know how to do the dishes (how do you think my house functions without me? here's a hint: they don't! )
[X] You can count to 10 in another language (Spanish and Latin!)
[X] When you say you're going to do something you do it (right away, too)
[ ] You can mow the lawn
[X] You have hand washed a car before (what little kid hasn't done a car wash with their friends before?)

TOTAL: 4

[X] You can spell experience without looking it up (umm... duh)
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[ ] The first thing you do when you wake up is get caffeine
[X] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need (yeah. I get in, I get out. no nonsense around me, and I'm a stickler for my money. I don't spend it on stuff I don't need, especially sense I'm saving every cent)
[X] You understand political jokes the first time they are said (pretty good with politics)
[X] You can type pretty quick (very fast, thank you very much!)

TOTAL: 4

[X] Your only friends are from your place of employment (place of employment... can that mean school and the barn? since I'm forced to go to one and work at the other, I think they both count as places of employment)
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party
[X] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job (yep.)
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay
[X] You have... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22769372/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22769372/ Fri, 23 Jan 2009 20:29:28 PST

Anyways. Snow day was fun. None of the snow ended up sticking, but we still got the entire day off, so that was fun. :]

I haven't done any art in like two months. Sorry guys. Been busy, and I've had better things to do. I'm writing a story right now, and its kind of possessing me... Actually, I think I want to go work on it right now. But its kind of late, so I'm afraid if I do it will all be disconnected crap.

I just watched the movie "The Core". God, that crap was amazing. I almost cried. But seriously, cool plot and great characters. I highly recommend.

Remember back to the days when I used to post two journals a month; once every fortnight? I remember those days, too. They're long gone. I can't keep my mouth shut that long anymore. Too much crap happens... actually, a lot of crap has happened in the past couple weeks. Here's just a little taste.

Okay, so do you guys remember BamBam? The horse I was working with after my Chey girl? You guys might not, I didn't mention him much. But I think I recall mentioning that I finished him up really fast: only about four or five months or so from a walk/trot/sorta-canter to a 2'6 hunter. Well, I haven't ridden him for like two or three months, and I haven't gotten around to watching the lessons lately (you know, I've been doing actual useful things that no one seems to care about anymore--like scrubbing water buckets and, I don't know, MUCKING THE STALLS?!). Well, the owner came up to me the other day and started asking about him. Said that I need to go back to working with him. And I'm like... what. the. crap. Why? Nothing against Bammy, he's a sweet boy... but I associate him too tight with a summer I'd rather forget.

Apparently, he's backfiring. Lovely. Gotten into the lovely habit of bucking at the canter, and flat out refusing to jump anything in front of him. And the owner is telling me that its my fault? I was so, so close to saying: "Well, maybe if you didn't put brainless little kids on the poor boy a month out of training, some of it might actually stick in his little head!" So now I'm stuck back working with Bammy. Which will be fun I'm sure--I mean, I wasn't really working on anyone right now; Jess was almost done when I got her, and all she really needs is some riding time (which no one ever rides her except me, the only reason being that her canter is exceedingly rough... lazy little prats ). I miss refusals, anyways. I always thought they were fun; I like the feeling of accomplishment when we finally get over. Bucking is sometimes fun as well, unless I lose the head. Once the head disappears, I tend to start panicking a little bit. Usually end up doing an emergency dismount before I embarrass myself further.

Sorry for ranting on you guys. I honestly didn't mean to. A few sentences kind of just turned into two big fat paragraphs.

I'm a bit annoyed tonight. I don't know why. Still sick; or rather, sick again. With the same thing. Wish the damn doctors would figure it out... at this rate I'm going to become one faster and figure it out myself before they can tell me. <-- This emoticon symbolizes my feelings about a lot of things tonight, lol. That's why its popping up every other second.

What else. Lots of updates tonight. Oh, yeah... the dreaded time of year--picking classes for next year! So far I'm taking English 2 HN, AP World History, Algebra 2 HN, Biology 1 HN, Chemistry 1 HN, Latin 2, DIT (Digital Input Technology), Computer Apps, Study Hall (thank GOD), and an... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22680158/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22680158/ Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:26:07 PST we are getting snow.


I'M SO UNBELIEVABLY FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!!

Its supposed to start around 11PM with some rain/snow mix. And then around 4AM it will turn to straight snow! And then in the early afternoon tomorrow it will fade off into some flurries...

I'M SO UNBELIEVABLY FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!!

The schools have already called! No school at all tomorrow! God, I love SC! Less than an inch of snow, and we get a snow day!!! See, that's funny to me; I spent the first five winters of my life in MI--where you have at least three inches on the ground all winter! But these Southerners don't know how to drive in snow, so I'm saved!

Not only that, but I haven't seen snow in years!

I'M SO UNBELIEVABLY FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!!

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22657999/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22657999/ Sun, 18 Jan 2009 17:12:58 PST They were amazing, of course. We were in the front row of folding chairs in front of the front of the seats. That sounds complicated... but anyways--I was about four feet from the stallions! It was amazing... the Mezair is my favorite Airs maneuver, by far. Its just so majestic! Though, the Capriole is also very, very impressive. It was just... I was speechless by the end. Imagine how it would feel to get on one of those stallions? So responsive; one touch of the heel and a flying change... just... gah.

Okay, moving on... Do you guys just ever have that feeling that you don't want to see ANYBODY? That you just want to sit and home and have some time to yourself? Like you just DON'T want to go out and have fun with friends? That's how I feel right now. People have told me that a lot of artists and writers are introverted, but I've never really experienced it on this level. My friends keep texting me to go out, and I'm like "No. Sorry. I'm busy." I just want to sit home, in my pajamas, on my bed, and WRITE until my fingers fall off or my brain melts--whichever comes first.

Alrighty, that rant's done. I saw this quizzy on... someone's journal, so I thought I would take it.

List the breeds of horses you have ridden (can be anyone's, not your's).
- Appaloosa <33333
- Thoroughbred
- Quarter Horse
- Appendix
- Arabian
- Paint
- Welsh Pony (I have no idea what section, so just don't ask)
- Warmblood
- Mixed breed...
- Tennesse Walker
- Shetland Pony (pony rides at the zoo when I was like five )
I'm sure I've ridden more, I just can't think of any right now.

Number of individual horses you have ridden so far: I... have absolutely no clue. Lots...?

Sex of horses you rode:
- Geldings (what I ride the most...)
- Mares (by far the best things to ride. but... I'm biased, I guess. )
- Stallion (once. a very good-tempered one, too. it made me feel... powerful to be on him, too. )

Tallest horse you rode: About... 17hh, I guess?

Height of horse you prefer: I prefer smaller horses or larger ponies... right there in the middle. 14-15hh is just perfect for me.

Favorite horse you have ridden so far: My Cheyenne, without a doubt. Heh... I'm not sure if I ever told you guys this, but I HATED her at first. I HATED that mare... thought she was the evilest little bitch in the world... How stupid was I back then? I still kick myself over wasting that time I had with her.

Style of riding you done:
- English, more specifically Hunter/Jumper! (its just... me. )
- Western (the bane of my existance...)
- Bareback (just for fun)

Fave style: English!!! Me + Western = Bad things... Usually to me. Also, I very much dislike trail riding... I require a ring, or at least in a fenced-in area. Whenever I feel like going galloping, its always in a nice, big, FENCED pasture. I don't know... the fence is just so important.

Last time you rode: Last... Sunday? Yep... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22621292/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22621292/ Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:19:11 PST I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LIPIZANNERS!

I'M GOING TO SEE THE WORLD FAMOUS LIPIZANNER STALLIONS!!!!!

heheheheheheheh. I'm so freakishly excited, its not even funny. Can you believe that in less than 24 hours, I will have finally seen the World Famous Lipizanner Stallions? I've been dreaming about seeing them live and in action ever since I first heard about them five years ago. I can't believe the time has finally come! At 7:30pm tomorrow evening, I will cram into the Colonial Life Arena, Columbia, SC, with my best barn buddy and about a million other people to finally see THE WORLD FAMOUS LIPIZANNER STALLIONS!



]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22621152/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22621152/ Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:12:26 PST
]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22421425/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22421425/ Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:42:35 PST

I ripped my palms all up on the bars tonight. In the center of my right palm there's two crossing over each other and its pretty deep. Hope it doesn't get infected... 'cause I kind of stuffed chalk in it so I keep practicing. Anyways... I haven't ripped in a while... its not very fun. I was literally screaming in the shower when the water touched them. After a couple minutes the water actually makes the skin softer and dulls the sting... but for the first couple minutes... hmm, what should I compare it to? Imagine someone slowly ripping the skin off your palm and then shoving a lit match into the new tissue underneath. Ya, that's about right.

ah, damn it! I just pressed my left palm to my pajama pants 'cause I thought I felt some oil or fluid or whatever dripping out of one of the rips. Its not. Its blood. damn it! These are my favorite pajama pants, too! And now they have a huge red splotch right on the thigh! ughhhhhh.

Moving right along after my little moaning episode... this looked like fun.

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

1. How are you feeling today?
Strong Tower - Kutless
(ummmm.... I'm not feeling particularly strong right now. actually, my legs feel like Jell-O. )

2. Will you get far in life?
Apologize - Timbaland
(uh-oh. what are you apologizing for? I'm not going to get far in life? well, I don't accept! )

3. How do your friends see you?
Truly, Madly, Deeply - CASCADA
(yeah!! I'm loved! )

4. Will you get married?
Better Than Me - Hinder
(I'm getting married to someone better than me? )

5. What is your best friend's theme song?
I Wanna Love You - Akon
(okay, FIRST OFF, I bought this song like two years ago when I was into the whole corrupt gangsta atmosphere of my school. okay, now, moving on... HAHAHAHAHAHAH. that's all I have to say about this question & answer combo.)

6. What is the story of your life?
I'm Movin' On - Rascal Flatts
(I need to learn how to... its just something that I can't do. )

7. What was high school like?
Good Riddance - Green Day
( I wish it was that easy...)

8. How can you get ahead in life?
I Will Always Return - Bryan Adams
(ummmm... never give up, I guess? you know what I mean, I just can't seem to put into words--but it actually does make sense)

9. What is the best thing about your friends?
Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
(ummm... this could be seen as very disturbing or very sweet depending on how perverted your head is. :nods: they're all my girlfriends--just not in that way! )

10. What is in store for this weekend?
Don't Matter - Akon
(again, another from my little gangsta phase. ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22368557/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22368557/ Sat, 03 Jan 2009 06:57:13 PST

[ ] gotten kissed
[X] gotten a phone taken away in class
[ ] gotten suspended
[X] gotten caught chewing gum (okay, I just have to laugh real quick. I chew gum constantly through the day... all day, every class except gym. and the teachers don't care. in some schools, do you get in trouble if you chew gum? sorry, but that's just STUPID!)
[X] gotten caught cheating on a test

Total so far: 3

[X] arrived late to class more than 5 times
[X] didn't do homework over 5 times
[ ] turned at least 3 projects in late
[X] missed school just because you felt like it
[ ] laughed so loud you got kicked out of class

Total so far: 6

[X] got your mom, dad, etc to get you out of school
[X] text people during class
[ ] passed notes
[ ] threw stuff across the room
[X] laughed at the teacher

Total so far: 9

[ ] been in a fight at school, fist or verbal
[X] took pictures during school hours
[X] called someone during school hours
[ ] listened to iPod, CD, etc during school hours
[X] skipped a class period

Total So Far: 12

[ ] threw something at the teacher
[X] went outside the classroom without permission
[X] broke the dress code
[ ] failed a class
[X] ate food during class

Total So Far: 15

[X] gotten a call from school
[ ] couldn't go on a field trip cause you behaved badly
[X] didn't take your stuff to school
[X] given a teacher the finger when they weren't looking
[X] curse during class/school

total so far: 19

[X] faked your parents signature
[X] slept in class
[X] cursed at your teacher
[X] copied homework
[ ] got in trouble with the principal-the vice principal

total So Far: 23

Multiply by 3

Grand total: 69%

damn it. I fail at failing school.

on a less pleasant note... school starts again in two damn days. >.< ugh.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22327192/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22327192/ Thu, 01 Jan 2009 08:51:15 PST
But I'm optimistic. Its not like this year could be any worse.

Its sad to think about how happy I was this time last year... Chey and me were just starting to work together around this time... its strange. The first six months of the year was the happiest, best time of my life. And the last six have been the hardest, most miserable ever.

I won't bore you with my musing anymore.

Anyways... I've finally discovered how to upload onto FanFiction.net. So that's fun... I woke up this morning with a black-eye... and I don't remember how I got it. I don't think I even went anywhere last night... did I?

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22164926/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22164926/ Wed, 24 Dec 2008 11:46:32 PST Joy to the world,
the Lord has come!
Let Earth recieve her King...

Just wanted to get on and wish everybody a very merry Christmas incase I don't get a chance to tomorrow.

So have a happy holiday; eat lots of good food, open lots of presents, hug your grandma, and maybe give a little bit to someone who hasn't been as lucky as you. And, of course, remember the real reason for Christmas! God loves you!


]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22071325/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22071325/ Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:00:46 PST
The doctors finally (after like two years and about a million needles) managed to get blood out of me. I jumped up off the little table after they had about three or four vials (I guess they were stocking up. ) and shook the nurse's hand and yelled: "CONGRATS! You're officially amazing." She was scared. That's okay, though. Anyways, the tests come back tomorrow (they've been telling us that for about two days now...). The prime canditates right now are mono or anemia. I just want them to figure it out. I've gained like three pounds. I can't exercise when I'm sick like this, and I tend to eat more when I'm sick too. So being sick for almost a week really isn't good for my weight. Seriously. My size 1 jeans are almost too tight now.

Anyways, I've had a solid fever since Monday morning... that's... what? Almost five days? Yep. During exam week, too. I'm surprised it didn't really effect my brain that much. Or maybe I was just so delusional I didn't notice how horrible I was doing. Who knows? Anyways, it finally broke when I got home today. I was like... "Wooohoooo... my brain's not frying anymore!"

But, you know the weird thing about fevers? They give you the awesomenest dreams. Except for last night (I didn't get to sleep until around 2am anyways, and by then was so exhausted and cried out to do anything but sleep) I've had the most amazing dreams all week. I only remember the one I had Wednesday night, but I know I had a really amazing one Monday night, too. My Wednesday night dream was about Twilight. And school.

I dreamed I transfered out of Geometry (what? I can dream.) and into Calligraphy for some reason. My school doesn't even offer a Calligraphy class. And when I got into the class, everything was red. The walls, the desks, the tiles on the floor, the teacher's clothes, and even all the students' shirts. Except I was wearing green. My favorite green shirt, with my brown cami underneath. I felt out of place. And then he kicked me out because I refused to take my shirt off. So I was wandering around the school, and I saw a Charter bus loading up in the front of the school. I was like, cool, a field trip, I'm going. But then I didn't have any clothes or my makeup bag or any other important overnight stuffs with me. And then Robbie (kid I sit next to in my design class... he's like 6'5... he makes me feel like a dwarf) was suddenly there with my big duffle. He gave it too me and gave me a hug (which was funny, since I come like up to his elbow) and then ran away. So I go to the bus, throw my bag underneath, and climb up. I sit in my usual spot that I sit on my school bus--right side, third seat from the front (my bus is dangerous... don't sit past the fifth seat from the front unless you want to get raped). And suddenly... I'm like... OMG. CULLENS.

Alice and Jasper get on the bus. Jasper sits down right behind me, and Alice across the aisle from me. I'm like... OMG. And then, to completely my amazing OMG episode, Carlisle comes and sits down in the seat in front of me. Surprisingly, I'm not hyperventilating in my dream. I really should be, but dreams are weird like that. So, I have all my favorite Cullens, and... I really don't remember much after that. I talk to Alice a lot, and Jasper smiles and makes me giggle a lot. Seriously--have you guys SEEN Jackson Rathbone's smile? Its beyond adorable... I would so totally die if he smiled at me in real life. And then I was just climbing over the back of the seat in front of me to sit with Carlisle--when the bus jerked and I went flying forward. I abruptly woke up with my mom shaking me and saying I was goi... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22049995/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/22049995/ Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:47:10 PST Half a year...

And I haven't stopped missing you a bit.

I still love you, precious. Now and forever.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21951409/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21951409/ Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:22:12 PST I kicked ASS today in gym. We had our Pacer test (I'm pretty sure everybody in the USA knows what that is; its a nationwide thing). 51 laps! That's a 100A+! I was the third-to-last girl standing. Stupid cross-country runner and a soccer player beat me. >.< But, I'm still so proud of myself. I've never had that great cardio for a gymnast, so this a big accomplishment for me. And it made me feel cool; I got tunnel-vision, which is always fun. Usually I only get that on vault at practice.

...

I've been seriously thinking about switching my major. I don't know... its just... I think I've figured out what I'm meant to do. I could use some advice... I don't want to tell my parents yet, because I'm afraid they won't take me seriously, and this is really important to me.

Okay. I've known for a long time that what I want to do most in the world is help people... and I've known for even longer than that I want to make a difference. I don't know why; its always been important to me. I want to feel appreciated, and I want to make an impact on other peoples' lives. And I realized a couple months ago (yes, I've been thinking about this for quite a few months now, just been keeping silent about it) that I think I'm going in the wrong direction. My major is in English/Humanities. I don't think that's where I'm meant to be. It's just, a few months ago... I felt it click... it was really sudden, and I almost didn't give it a second thought. But... I don't know; it just seems so right.

I want to be a doctor.

There, I said it. I want to be a doctor. I want to help people. I want to take care of them. I want to figure out what's wrong and fix it. I know I could do it; I have the head and the grades. I get A's with only the occasional B, and I'm all Honors; I'm taking a couple AP classes in my sophomore year. It's just... this is so different. I've never known what I wanted to be, I just assumed it would be with an English/Humanities degree, because that's what I've always liked. But I like science, too. And... I can imagine myself being a doctor; I can actually imagine myself as an adult, something I've never been able to do, because I've never known what I wanted to be. But now... I think I do. I really do... I'm just too frightened to take the first step.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21801251/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21801251/ Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:52:16 PST

And oh my God, you guys can all get excited, because this journal isn't going to be angsty OR a quiz. :wow; that's a huge achievement for me, isn't it?

I had interesting day... some random gangsta came up to me with his little posse of gangsta friends, and started yelling "Ya, we hood! We hood!" like he had the IQ of a mushroom. it was so funny... but somehow scary at the same time. I turned my eyes forward and walked very briskly until I was in a group of some of my larger-than-me guy friends. You gotta love my school. They're all idiots beyond imagining; half are gang members, more than that drink or do some sort of illegal drug, and there's also that group of hookers. and then of course the nerds and complete weirdos (there's one who honestly thinks he's a vampire... he cornered me once and said he wanted to eat my heart. that was... exceedingly disturbing...) And then there's me and my friends, who are actually going to get somewhere in life. Imagine that?

Anyways... oh! It snowed a LITTLE bit on Monday! only like ten flakes for a couple minutes, but that was amazing! I haven't seen snow in years! Maybe we'll have some more this winter! I... could slid down hills on my knee-board!! yah!!

heh, 'kay. Done freaking out. for the moment.

Anyways... I haven't uploaded art in a while, sorries. I've been busy. And I've been writing again. I had a blast of muse on Saturday, and its all I can think about now. I have like half a million stories just sitting in my laptop, so I picked one--a Twilight fanfic, of course--and set to work on it. I've put about 20 pages on it so far--a couple of them just going back and bulking up what I already wrote with details. I actually want to go work on it now, but I suppose I should start making the kid some dinner.

Me Schedule Today:
- Wake Up: 7:00am (the worst is over)
- Bus: 8:50am (late Wednesday)
- English: 9:30am (boring as all get out; I doodled)
- Latin: 10:45am (even boring-er; I slept)
- Lunch: 12:00pm (the only reason I get through the day)
- Break: 12:30pm (I slept... I require much sleep during the day)
- Design: 1:00pm (soooooo boring)
- Geometry: 2:30pm (this is the longest class of all)
- Final Bell: 3:45pm (this is my very favorite part of the day)
- Home: 4:00pm (I like this part, too)
- Homework: 4:30pm (ewwwwwwww)

that's as far as I've gotten. ... I really gotta make the kid his dinner now.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21672219/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21672219/ Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:38:42 PST
Undergoing a few changes lately. Again. Its mostly me, though a few things are changing around me too. Not as happy as I was in my last journal. Still reading Twilight, still love it, but I'm off my high. Unless I see a photo from the movie--especially of Carlisle or Alice and Jasper. then I squeal a tiny bit.

I'm listening to a lot of Christian songs lately. Here, this is a good guide: [link] This guy got them exactly right, the best Christian songs ever. At least in my opinion. ... It makes me feel just a bit happier every time I listen to these. At least I know I have something that no one can ever, ever take away from me. My God.

In case you're wondering what brought on all the angst all of a sudden, I was reading through my old journal entries because I was bored. It was a stupid thing to do. It opened me back up--made me venerable again. Made me start thinking about last year and how much happier I was back then. I can't believe how much of a selfish brat I sounded like. I would strangle myself if I could. Like... I was complaining about not seeing Cheyenne in a few days or a week. My heart is pounding faster with anger right now. How could I have been so... so... whiny? Stupid? Here I am, I haven't seen Cheyenne in 5 months, 1 week, and 5 days. What I wouldn't give to shave a few months off that time. Damn it, how could I had ever complained about just a couple of days? I'm disgusted with myself at the moment.

... 5 months, 1 week, and 5 days... guys... I don't think I'm ever going to see my girl again.

I'm kind of withdrawing into this song at the moment: [link]
When I wander through the desert,
And I'm longing for my home,
All my dreams have gone astray,
When I'm stranded in the valley,
And I'm tired and alone,
It seems like I've lost my way,
I go running to Your mountain,
Where Your mercy sets me free...

I'm still waiting for the mercy, though.

Maybe I haven't found the right mountain yet.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21604727/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21604727/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:01:08 PST
Seriously, I haven't been this... euphoric! in months!

I like nearly died from Edward's (or I guess Robert's, in real life) hotness. Like, literally. XD I stopped breathing... and hyperventilated several times. My friend had to keep poking me when she noticed me not moving for a little bit. Seriously. It was like... amazing. Beyond amazing. AS GOOD AS THE BOOK OR BETTER!! Now I completely and fully understand what the book meant by "smoldering". Oh my God. Robert pulled it off flawlessly. He had me holding my breath without even realizing it through one whole scene (in case you're curious and seen the movie, its the one were he just saved Bella and took her to the restaruant and her friends come out, and he does his smoldering thing and they giggle like idiots. XD I giggled too, though. heh)

By the time we came out I was trembling, my skin was pale white, and my eyes were red and bloodshot from lack of oxygen. XD but I felt GREAT! amazing how you don't notice pain when you're having such a glorious time?

I'm just so happy to be this happy again. I'm hoping it will last a little bit... I'm going to see Twilight again next week, too. so amazing, it needs to be seen a second time to fully absorb its awesomeness!

Oh... and Carlisle is amazing. like, the most awesomest. besides Edward, of course. but he was my favorite in the books, because he's just THAT awesome!

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21540913/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21540913/ Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:17:25 PST
1. What does your deviantart name mean and why did you join this site?
Well... its an interesting tale, really. No. Not really. Okay, I was like 10 and made up this username to use on MSN Groups for RPing. When I found dA a year ago, I was too excited and muse-dead to think of a new one... so... here it is. XD And I joined the site because it looked awesome, and I loved all the art and thought it would help me make my own better!

2. What fandom were you obsessed with when you joined and what are you into now?
Horses then... and horses now! :] Horses are my life, my dears.

3. How many watchers do you have now?
25. XD that's okay, I wuv you all.

4. Name 3 of your favorite artists on DA?


5. Do you comment, fav, or both?
I comment if its a really good piece or really original or if they're a friend. For the rest I just fav-and-run.

6. Do you participate in clubs' contests here on DA?
Nope.

7. What is your most popular deviation?
ThunderClan: Firestar's Quest. because its fanart, of course. XD

8. What are you favorite non-anime TV shows?
I like almost everything on Animal Planet and Discovery Channel. And most things on Disney and Nick. And HDTV... And ABC Family.

9. What are the things you wish you could draw better?
Basically everything. XD

10. Summer or winter?
Winter! I love curling up in front of a warm fire in my PJs. Or snuggling up bareback on a fuzzy pony on a dark night. Or sipping a cup of hot chocolate while staring at the stars.

11. Rain or Sun?
Rain; I love the feel of it on my skin, and the way it smells, and the thunder that rolls through the dark clouds.

12. What's your favorite type of music?
I'm a country girl. I'll also take a bit of Rock if its good. Oh, and Christian songs!

13. PC or Mac?
PC, please.

14. Anime or Manga?
there's a difference?

15. Coke or Pepsi?
Eww.

16. Read or TV?
Depends on my mood. I like numbing out in front of the TV. But when I have energy, I prefer books.

17. How many hours a day do you spend on DA?
Hour or so on the weekdays. Sometimes almost 5 on the weekends!

18. Name a hidden talent.
Hidden? not really. I have a knack for communicating with mares better than anyone else at my barn, but that's it. And my weird sideways handsprings that I somehow don't kill myself in doing...

19. Flash or traditional cartoons?
Umm... what's the difference?

20. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Arby's! Or Rush's!

21. What are top 3 favorite books?
How about top 3 series? Twilight Saga, Warriors Saga, and The Phantom Stallion series.

22. Wii or Playstation?
I've never really played on a Wii... but we're getting one for Christmas! but shush... I'm not supposed to know. http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21492697/ Fri, 14 Nov 2008 21:53:03 PST

Anyways.... instead of pointless information and updates on my personal life... I present to you... a quiz!

1. What is on your bed right now?
pillows... a stuffed horsey (NO not a literal stuffed horse, but the toy kind!)... and my kitty-cat. XD

2. When was the last time you threw up?
Last spring... it wasn't pretty.

3. What's your favorite word or phrase?
Horse and pony are my favorite words. I always smile when I hear them. and I tend to overuse "damn it" a bit...

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Mrs. Monroe (my math teacher, she's oh so amusing), Sean, and Jennifer.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Getting on the big yellow monster of doom.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Answering comments/finishing up some Photoshop stuff.

7. What is your favorite holiday?
Christmas all the way! *goes off in holiday singing tangent* silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright. 'round ye Virgin Mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild. sleep in heavenly peace... sleep in heavenly peace...

8. Have you ever been to another country?
*clings to USA* damn it, I don't care if its going to be ruined in the next few years by that damn President-elect. I'm a loyal American.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"whyyyy?" when my mum said that I shouldn't stay up too late... ya... that worked out...

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Rocky Road!

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water. its an obsession.

12. What are you wearing right now?
Umm... I think the same thing as I said on the last quiz I took. XD ya, brown tank with my green pony pajama pants. XD I'm so hygenic.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
A fajita. or however you spell it... the Mexican food!

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Nope. The last time I went shopping was... the week before school started. XD

15. When was the last time you ran?
Yesterday... Thursday. Half a mile on the treadmill. Oh ya. I'm so good. XD

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
The Carolina-Arkansas game like two weeks ago. XD

17. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Wherever my Cheyenne is right now.

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on DeviantART?
~bloodyknuckles Talking about riding.

19. Ever go camping?
Like outside? I was going to go several times... but it always rained and/or got flooded.

20. Do you have a tan?
I burn. Red as a lobster within a couple of hours in the sun--WITH SUNBLOCK ON! ... and then I go back to being white as Wonderbread. XD

21. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
Happily no.

22. What is your guilty pleasure?
Probably ice cream. I really shouldn't be eating that crap. *pokes gut* ugh.

23. Do you use smiley faces on the computer alot?
on dA mainly

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
eww, soda's so gross. and I never see the purpose of using a straw. it's easier just to sip right out of the glass. unless its, like, a smoothie or something. then I see why a straw is needed.

25. What did your last text message say?
"K, perfect. see you then." from my riding instructor... rescheduling my lesson because of the storm that caused our ring to currently be underwater. http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21460964/ Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:06:49 PST

birth date: august 16th
height: 5'4
eye color: blue-green
hair color: dark brown with natural blonde highlights.

what does your name mean? "Goddess of the Sea" or "bitter". depends who you ask. XD
high school graduation year: 2012!
favorite relatives: I love almost all my family, except for a particular aunt&uncle who sometimes rub me the wrong way. X]
favorite TV shows: spongebob. muhahah. XD
what's on your mousepad? i use my tablet.
in the car- a/c or windows? windows usually. unless it gets 100+ degrees and the wind is burning hot so you simply need cold air.
favorite colors: blues, browns, goldens...
favorite sounds: cantering hoofbeats. :]
favorite smell: horses.
worst feeling in the world: true heartache.
best feeling in the world: love, feeling complete.
favorite thing to do on weekends: ride ponies, hang with friends...
favorite soundtrack: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron. :]
rollercoasters: scary.
how many rings before you answer the phone? until the caller ID shows up.
future son names: jake, daniel, caleb, and I always thought Jack was cute. :]
future daughter names: Anna, Kathryn, Abigial... yes, I do like traditional names. :]
chocolate or vanilla cake? both!
thunderstorms: cool or scary? cool, unless its in the middle of the night or when I'm trying to control a handful of spoked horses at a show. Then they're annoying. >.<
if you could meet one person in the world, who would it be? people who bought my baby Cheyenne... so I could have a few words with them. muhahah. words. right. :shakesfist:
what is your zodiac sign? doggy?
do you eat stems of broccoli: no.
if you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be? none. no. ever.
favorite brand of gum: orbit!
what is your favorite quote? I don't really know.
what's on your walls in your room? horsey stuff--posters, ribbons, tacked-up photos...
is the glass half empty or half full? depends what I'm thinking about.
pick a song that describes yourself or that you can relate to: you want me to choose? first thing that comes to mind is "Pictures of You" by The Last Goodnight... but there's others.
cool ranch or nacho cheese doritos? nacho cheese, of course!
favorite flavor snapple: never had them.
coke or pepsi? ewwww.
if you were to kill someone, which method would you use? o.0 ... morbid much? I don't know... I don't want to kill anybody... at least not on purpose.
are you a righty, lefty, or ambidextrous? righty.
if you could be one gardening tool, which one would it be? wow... I just thought of something unflattering...
what kind of shoe would you be if you had an option? a slipper. then all I would ever have to do would be to walk around on nice, soft carpet. heh.
what's under your bed? drawing stuff.
what's the best number in the world? 13.
bacon bits or croutons? both are badish.
what type of shampoo/conditioner? aquage. my mom's a hair dresser, so I get all the fancy stuff.
have you ever been skinny dipping? uh... no.
one pillow or two? one.
favorite movies: anything Disney basically... a few others... Titanic, Homeward Bound, stuff...
favorite type of music: soft and a bit rough-voiced.
word or phrase you overuse: "right" and "damn it"
favorite song at the moment: "I'm Yours"
favorite subject in school: english.
least favorite subject in school: MATH. ewww.
most humiliating moment: how about we not relive it?
craziest or silliest person you know: just about everybody I know. XD
i wish my name was: I love my name just the way it is, thank you very much.
do you feel sorry for bad singers on american idol? I think they're funny. :]
if you spelled your name backwards, would it be a good name? assiram... sounds like some place in a fantasy novel's name. XD
favorite ’80s movie: umm... what?
what does your last text message say? "k, c u in a min" From my friend this morning.
have you ever mee... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21401059/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21401059/ Sun, 09 Nov 2008 08:31:09 PST
OMG, you have to talk to this AI. His name is Talkative, and he's like cool. XD [link]
This was my conversation (the stuff the AI said has a > in front of it!):

> Hello.
hi...
> Guess how many lines of programming it took to make me.
I don't know
> I'm around 1500 lines long.
that's cool. I'm proud of you.
> A tree falls in a deserted forest. Does make a sound?
Is that related to what we were talking about?
> Oh well, I guess we'll never know for > sure.
Ya... can you even hear?
> You don't have to understand here to be here
What???
> I'll say it again: You don't have to understand here to be
> here
What are you saying?
> I'm an AI
Ya. I know
> Want to hear a joke?
Not really
> Maybe later, then
Thank you
> You're welcome
Haha, that's cool
> Do you enjoy talking to me?
Ya. You're funny
> I'm glad
That's good. what do you do for fun?
> I know a good pickup line, if you want to hear
Sure.
> If I could be any enzyme, I would be a DNA polymer so that
> I could unzip your genes
Wow. I'm pretty sure I would run away. heh
> Do you have a hobby?
I ride horses!
> OK
What do you do?
> I don't actually know
You don't know what you do?
> What's up?
Umm... random much. Nothing really.
> Oh well, there's always tomorrow
Tomorrow I have school. it sucks
> Is your refrigerator running?
NO we are not starting that joke, are we?
> Well, you'd better get a repairman, then
Repairmen are loud and they annoy me
> There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can
> count, and those who can't
I can count. Can you?
> How's the weather? : )
Sunny and cold. How's it in there?
> What is the temperature outside?
idk... like 60 or something
> That must be in Fahrenheit!
Ya, it is!
> What is your favourite food?
I like cereal best.
> My favourite food is pizza
I know, my friend who talked to you already told me. : )
> You know a lot
Thank you, that makes me happy
> You're welcome
I like talking to you. So do you do anything besides talk to people?
> I dislike talking to you. so do you do anything besides
> talk to people, actually
Excuse me?
> Hmmm
Well, if you don't like talking to me I'll leave.
> What's your name?
I'm not telling you.
> Is I really a name?
I is a word... my name is not I
> Yeah...
What's your name?
> My name is Talkative
You are talkative.
> How are you?
I'm insulted because you said you didn't like talking to me.
> I'm OK
Well that's good. I'm glad one of us is happy
> I think, therefore I am
You think... aren't you a computer?
> What's up?
I WANT TO CONTINUE OUR CONVERSATION.
> I'll interpret that as not good
But... well, you're confusing.
> Do you think I'm intelligent?
Sometimes. Except when you randomly switch topics
> OK
I think I'm going to go now.
> Which do you prefer: tea or coffee?
I don't like either
> Personally, I love tea
That's good. Coffee's bad for you anyways. Do you like your tea hot or cold?
> How old are you?
I'm not telling.
> Alright
Thank you for respecting my privacy.
> You're welcome
Do you like your tea hot or cold?
> Not a clue
Well you must like one better
> I know some good pickup lines. Want to hear one?
naw, you already told me one.
> Too bad, they were real mate attractors!
Wow... that was slightly creepy.
> Dinosaurs were really big
OMG no way. I didn't know that
> A tree falls in a deserted forest. Does it make a sound?
I'm pretty sure you already asked me this
> Yeah...
hah. okay, I'm going now
> Oh
I'll come back later
> I think, therefore I am
Good for you... goodbye
> Yeah
I said goodbye
> How old are you?
GOODBYE
> Alright
SAY GOODBYE TO ME AND BE POLITE!
> Is your refrigerator running?
ugh
> Well, there's no use crying over spilt (or spoiled) milk
You're so weird
> Want to hear a joke?
I'll come back later. Good bye
> Guess not, then
Bye
> OK

Its fun. I'm supposed to be writing an essay, but he's funnier. XD

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21261081/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/21261081/ Wed, 05 Nov 2008 05:24:14 PST weird. I'm... not that sad anymore. Cheyenne isn't always in my head. I've only cried twice this week over her. I can talk about her without breaking apart. I can focus on other things. I can look at the spot where her bridle hung and not get a lump in my throat. I can stand in the stall where I spent the last half hour I had with her and look around and remember that time with tearful fondness instead of unbearable heartache. I almost feel like I'm... betraying her. Like accepting that she's gone is some how giving her up. Like it will make it real. I still miss her so, so much, and I still love her more than anything... but... I just don't know.

Anyways, BamBam is nearly done. He didn't need as much work as my Chey girl... probably because he grew up with a million little girls cuddling him while my Chey was abused... Anyways... I'm proud of myself. For two reasons. One, obviously, he's turned out as a nice young horse. It only took five months, so I'm impressed with him. He won quite a few ribbons at the State Fair the weekend before last. The other is that I feel nearly no attachment to him. Its mainly because during all his training I was acheing for my girl back and couldn't even look at another horse with affection. But I'm still proud of myself. I just saved myself some more heartache.

Continuing with barn news... I'm trying to pick out who I want to work with next. Right now I'm mainly riding a dapple gray mare named Jessie. The intern in charge of her training left the barn a few weeks ago, so I'm just finishing her up. She's a good girl... I do like her very much. Its getting to be too much, really. Because a lesson kid is looking into leasing her in the next few weeks. Can't get attached and then have to give up, can I? Course not. I just keep telling myself that the only reason I like Jess-Jess is because I'm a mare person. But... damn it, I shouldn't say this... I was walking out to the pasture to go get her Thursday, and just nonchalantly called her name. You should have seen her. She was in the way back, grazing, but as soon as she heard me her head shot straight up. And she cantered straight to me.

Can you believe that? The meanest, most ornery horse on the whole farm leaving her grass to come see me? I couldn't. I thought she was charging me or something, but no, she dropped to a trot and then stopped right beside me, lipped my jacket, and then started grazing again. I was like... o.0'

So... yeah... I don't really know what to do. Not only all that crap, but then there's stuff at school that I'm not used to. I've got my first real crush... Well, I think I do at least. I think about him a lot, and when we're together I can't take my eyes off him. When he talks to me I can't figure out what to say and I feel like an idiot afterwards. I always feel like I'm really clumsy when he's around... But then I can't wait to see him again. ... He has a party tonight, and I was going to go but you know... I gots an overprotective daddy.

So yeah. I think I'm at a pivot point.

EDIT:: damn. it! He won! damn it... Come on America, I thought we were supposed to be a developed country? Don't your brains work right? damn it! Now we're in for a hell of the next four years. Think about it--do we really need MORE change? NO!!

Oh Mister Obama...


]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/20970981/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/20970981/ Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:18:45 PDT
PREP
[X] I shop at Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle, or Aeropostale. (does anyone have a problem with the fact that I'm addicted to Aeropostale?)
[ ] I am/was a cheerleader.
[X] I'm pretty ditzy. (...what?)
[X] I wear pink 24/7. (and the weird thing is I don't even like pink that much or realize I'm doing it... *glances down pale pinky-purple top* HAH! It's not really pink!)
[X] My looks are very important to me. (yes... self-conceded, I know... but I care about what people see me as.)
[X] I can’t live without my cell phone. (... self explantory.)
[X] My hair is always straight. (flat irons are God. XD)
[X] I say 'like' and 'omigod' a lot. (it kind of goes hand-in-hand with my occasional ditzy-ness...)
[ ] I laugh 24/7. (not 24/7 but I can laugh so much)
[ ] I have a million friends.
[ ] I always hang at the mall or movies.
[ ] I'll only date popular guys.
[ ] I listen to rap & pop music. (never ever ever)
[ ] I have at least one designer bag.
[ ] My myspace pics are of me making a kissy face or are mirror pics
[ ] It takes me at least an hour to get ready for school in the mornings.
[ ] Uggs + Miniskirts = Love
[ ] I don't have a job
[X] I wear lots of makeup. (if you had my big, fat zits you would, too... and I like mascara. what?)
[X] I can be stuck up or snobby sometimes. (JUST occassionally...)
[ ] I flirt with any guy, as long as he's cute.

= 9 pts!

EMO
[X] I cry a lot. (lately... but I won't bore you with the same-old, same-old.)
[ ] I go to local shows. (umm... I don't think you're talking about horse shows...)
[ ] I wear black everyday.
[ ] I write sad poetry.
[ ] I play an acoustic guitar.
[ ] My favorite bands include: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, or Panic! At the Disco.
[ ] I self mutilate myself.
[ ] I think about suicide or death often.
[ ] People have told me to cheer up.
[X] I cry when I see dead animals. (of course... especially if it was someone's pet. someone loved that animal, and now it's gone. I hate hunting, too.)
[ ] My myspace pics are black are white or angled.
[ ] I wear many band shirts.
[ ] No one understands me.
[X] I don't talk too often. (I'm quiet...)
[X] I look down when I walk. (its something I've ALWAYS done.)
[ ] I wear black eyeliner.
[ ] My fingernails are black.
[ ] I have an ex I still cry over.
[ ] My hair is black.
[X] My hair covers one of my eyes. (not like a solid wall, but a few locks...)
[ ] I love Hot Topic.
[ ] I always say 'life sucks'.

= 5 pts!

NERD
[ ] I have straight A's.
[ ] I wear glasses.
[X] I always do my homework and study. (A's and B's are required by my parents... otherwise I lose the barn. :[)
[ ] Lord of the Rings was a massive achievement.
[ ] Computer games = Love.
[X] I'm 'teachers pet'. (sometimes... they like me because I'm studious and quiet.)
[ ] I've never had a real boyfriend/girlfriend. (I had a boyfriend in kindergarten! XD)
[ ] I have a bedtime.
[ ] I use an asthma inhaler.
[ ] I carry a calculator with me.
[ ] I bring my lunch to school.
[ ] I always follow the rules.
[X] I'm shy around the opposite sex. (sometimes... when they're cute, especially.)
[X] I'm always on the computer. (in most of my free time when I'm not at the barn, gymnastics, conditioning, or cooking/cleaning/babysitting.)
[X] I've never had beer or cigarettes. (beer smells bad, and two of my grandparents died from lung cancer from smoking, so, NO.)
[ ] I always answer every question in class right.
[X] I correct people's grammar. (softly under my breath only though...)
[X] I read a lot. (I love books!)
[X] School is very important to me. (it should be important to everyone.)
[ ] I always stump people.

= 8 pts!

JOCK
[ ] I'm on one or more sport teams.
[ ] I always wear my varsity jacket.
[ ] I've won awards for my athletic ability.
[ ] I will only date popular girls/guys.
[ ] School Spirit 100%.
[ ] I'm going to a college for sports.
[ ] I watch sports on TV all the time.
[X] I'm muscular. (gymnastics for the upper body, riding for the lower body!)
[ ] I play sports or exercise at least 3 hours a day.
[ ] Go Team!
[ ] I'm a chick/dude magnet.
[X] I eat a lot. (I'm a pig. XD)
[ ] I'm egotistical.
[ ] I'm too focused on sports to make really good grades.
[ ] I sit at the jock lunch table.
[ ] All I talk about with... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/20849092/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/20849092/ Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:58:48 PDT
But you all are all sick of hearing about my girl, aren't you? ... Well... give me a moment to think of something else... Ah, I got something. I had a good lesson today. We did bounces, which is always fun. I rode Bamsters, like usual. He was very confused. XD He ducked out and refused several times--I was smiling ear-to-ear by the time I left the ring. I've... well, its weird, but I've missed the refusals, the fight that insues. The accomplishment when you finally get over, one way or the other. I've missed it. I haven't had a good challenge since before I left for camp... over two months. It was nice... I guess I really am a trainer at heart. The most important thing to me is the horse and improving it, not me or my performance, or ribbons or showing or anything. Just the horse.

School's... ickle. Oh well, I'm getting used to it. Still can't get anything out of the bloody snack machines. Machines despise me. Gym is my favorite class. XD That hasn't happened since elementary school. I love pushing myself... I don't know why... actually, I do. I beat you can guess what it eventually ties back to? Ya, you got it. Anyways, the running is amazing. I just go and go... its soothing, exerating my body to its limit. I've only ever done that in gymnastics before... and now to be able to do it three or four times a week? Amazing. And there's this arrogant guy that thinks he's all that--football player obviously. Show-off, self-centered, spoiled boy. I beat his ass in a pull-up contest. XD Take that, biatch!

Oh... this quiz looks like amazing fun. So I is doing it... even though I have the strangest feeling I've done it before. o.O

1) Full name?
Marissa Ashley Itsnoneofyourbusiness.

2) Male/Female?
Female, I'm quite sure.

3) Were you named after anyone?
Yeps! Some famous actress that my parents loved when I was born.

4) Does your name mean anything?
"Goddess of the Sea" or something similar to that with the word "sea" in it.

5) Nickname(s)?
Rissa usually. Sometimes one of my coaches will call me Maris to get my attention while I'm working, because its shorter and sharper than my real name.

6) What do you think you look like?
Okayish... my nose is muchhhhhh too big. But I love my eyes--they usually are blue-green, but sometimes they'll change to grayish-green or brillant blue for reasons I don't understand. XD

7) Date of birth?
August 16, 1994

8) Place of birth and current location?
Birth: Mt. Clemens, Michigan
Location: South Carolina

9) Nationality and race?
Nationality: 100% pure American, and so proud of it!
Race: White

10) Astrology sign?
Leo.

11) Chinese astrology sign?
Umm... dog, I think?

12) Religion?
Methodist.

13) What's your favorite smell?
Horse... one mare in particular. :]

14) Political Position?
Conservative Republican! [*cringes away from O'Bama*]

15) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Glass of ice-cold milk.

16) Hair + eye color?
Hair: Deep brown, with a few natural blonde highlights in front.
Eye: Blue-green, but they change, as I elaborated above. :]

17) Do you look like anyone famous?
I don't think so... most of them are bottle-blondes, you know?

18) Are you good looking?
I try.

19) Any unusual talents?
Unusual? hmm... I can do a backhandspring with my hands turned the same direction and not crack my head open. Does that count as unusual?

20) Righty, lefty, or ambidextrous?
Righty!

21) Gay, straight, or bi?
Straight.

22) What do you do for a living?
High School. lovely. my dream. XD

23) What do you do for fun?
Riding, gymnastics, working out, TV, drawing, photomanips...

24) Materials to work with?
Photoshop Elements 3.0, 4x6 Wacom Bamboo Fun tablet.

25) What kind of materials would you like to work with?
I'm satisfied with what I do now. :]

26) Have you met your grandparents?
All of them! Sadly, though two have passed awa... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/20396441/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/20396441/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:17:14 PDT
school... sucks. XD is it summer yet? no, I didn't think so... piles of homework, evil teachers... and I can't figure out how to get the water out of the drink fountain. everytime I press the button, ice or tea comes out. stupid machine. I hate machines... like the vending machines. the vending machines have eaten my dollars, like, five times this year. I haven't gotten one thing to eat out of them. they're stupid. and when I started kicking one and cussing it out, a teacher got mad at me. hmph. XD

I'm back at the barn... for the first time in forever. its good... I'm happy when I'm there. sometimes it makes me think of things that I'd rather not think about... but it helps me get through the awful school weeks. i'm completely out of shape from not riding for almost a month. I can't believe how good ebil little Nino was being for me on Sunday. We even went on an off-property trail ride, and a damn redneck pick-up truck barreled past us at like a hundred miles an hour. okay, that's an exaggeration, but live with it. XD but he was a good boy, only spooked a little bit. I guess I should give him more credit... he's not a little baby anymore. ... four, I guess. *sighs* this conversation is getting sour, let's move on.

I hyper-flexed my knee at gymnastics practice tonight. XD I was on vault, distracted, I guess. hit the springboard too hard and was leaning a bit to far forward, and that stupid little knee bent just a tiny bit the wrong direction. you'd be surprised how much just a half-inch of hyperflexion hurts. I didn't realize it 'til I was walking back (I fell when I landed, so I guess the pain on other parts of my body distracted me). I thought it was just a twinge... I changed my mind when I started to run again. seriously, I like collapsed. ouch. so then my coach let us move to bars. where I proceeded to get a rip, just like every week. XD lucky me. oh, the joys of gymnastics...

oh, I discovered how to do plz emoticons. I was so proud of myself! you just have the write "icon" before everything else! see, look!

hahah. I glomped you two. XD

alright. I'm done. see ya'll.



]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/19968751/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/19968751/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 09:44:55 PDT EDIT:: eeeeeeeeeeeeee! guess what my wonderfulest brother got me for my birthday!!! [link]

Well, actually I've been back for a week and a half, but that's beside the point. XD Camp was a blast, I got a sweet 15-year-old Quarter gelding. He was bright, coppery chestnut with four white stockings, named SoCo. He was a sweet boy--it was nice to ride a pony that knew what it was doing for once. Mind you, it wasn't all smooth sailing. Second day, after our evening lesson, I was hoping off, all happy and stuffs because we had done gymnastics (which I'd never done until I got there, and it was super fun! its a long line of jumps where you can focus on your position while the horse just jumps... that wouldn't work at my barn because...our little babies wouldn't jump. xD). I was reaching down to pull up his martingale, and then CC (adorable Appy pony) touched SoCo's butt. SoCo didn't like that, so he jerked his head up, thus hitting me in the face with his skull. it wasn't pretty. I busted my lip and tore the tip off my nose. Luckily, some nice person took SoCo and I ran to the bunkhouse and washed it off. The bottom of my nose was ripped up--I'm lucky I don't have any cartilage in the tip of my nose, otherwise it would be badly broken. And my lip was swollen and ugly. ugh.

We did good the rest of the week. Until the show. God. I've decided I don't like showing. First of all, braiding. I hate it, I'm slow at it, I'm bad at it. It took me a flippin' hour to do two braids. They were pretty braids, but a whole hour?! Nuh-uh, never again. He was tolerant enough of the showgrounds, and we got two seconds, a fourth, and two sixths (it was my first real show, so I was happy. it brings my grand total of ribbons up to three seconds, a third, a fourth, and two sixths. seven. yay!). We placed in all our classes... except the last one. Flat Pleasure. Let the name live in infamy (not really, I got my first ribbon, a second, in flat pleasure at a schooling show. :]). SoCo wasn't right. He was sweating, agitated, jumpy. I wasn't feeling too peachy either--show jackets are HOT in a 100 degree weather! We were cantering along, and I already knew we weren't placing because he had jigged and kicked in the upper left corner when we had first struck off. He was really not happy. Coming along the bottom left corner, one second I have my butt in the saddle, the next I'm tossed into the air.

Its instinctive. Land on your feet or roll. And for some reason it always seems like forever when you're about to fall, so I had plenty of time to think it over a few milliseconds. Rolling... my horse is having a flippin' buckin' fit, and there is a horse cantering up right behind us. I could get stepped on. Okay, so I decided I got to land on my feet. I reach forward as I start falling--hugging the neck of the horse for dear life. SoCo gives another tremendous buck (I wonder how high this horse could jump?) and I'm fully jiggled out of the saddle, my feet flying up in the air. I twist around, digging my fingers into his mane as I get my feet below my body again, and then pushing off as hard as possible. It all was over in a few seconds. One moment I'm in the saddle, the next I'm landing clumsily a few feet away from the horse, on my feet and yelling: "SoCo, you idiot! Are you okay?"

Obviously, I was dismissed from the class. xD Soon after, it started to storm big time. I was back at the barn putting up my stuff, when all of sudden this surge of people and horses come in. I jump out as horses pile in, kids yelling for their moms. Naturally, I get stuck out in the rain. I didn't mind though, very cool and wet. I just got the breeches all wet, and they weren't mine. oh well. There was this guy there, too, competing with the barn, so I didn't feel completely comfortable standing around in my soaking wet WHITE (in case you don't know, white shows through when its wet) cami and very tight pants. xD I ran up to the bunkhouse and changed after the storm.

Mum drove me and my friend straight from camp to Chincoteague, VA, about a 6 hour drive--but we stopped overnight at a hotel and had a swim in their pool. We were staying with our barn family in three big houses for the week--interns got stuck in the one the farthest away, of course, through a mosquito-infested marsh. We went to the carnival and hung around the house and went to the beach and shopping--but the highlight was the Pony Auction! We missed the Pony Swim (our driver slept in, and only one of us can drive, and she only has a permit and no car) but we bought two adorable ponies from the Auction! One is HUGE, dark brown colt. And the other is a completely adorable tri-colour paint colt. I wanted a filly... but Ms. Melissa says colts are selling right now (*le sigh* yes, these are more of those "train... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/19416665/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/19416665/ Tue, 15 Jul 2008 20:01:22 PDT Silver-lava! Yeah!
'kay... get ready for a long journal, my friends. xD

- Life
I'm getting over Chey. No... the pain and tenderness is still there. I can't hear her name without the loss crashing over me. Today, I picked up her bridle which had fallen behind the feed bags, and broke into tears. It just hurt, you know? That something that was her's could be tossed aside so easily. Like it didn't matter anymore. I know I'm being stupid and way too sensitive, but I loved her so much. And she's gone.

On a lighter note (or maybe...worse, in a way) BamBam and I are getting along well. He's my new project, as I think I stated in a previous journal somewhere. I rode his pain-in-the-ass half-brother today to try and teach him that rearing little childrens off is not nice. I...rather dislike...hate...that horse. But it made me realize that BamBam's really starting to grow on me. This is...bad. So bad. How could I set myself and another horse up for that horrible heartbreak again? You see, BamBam is also for sale by his owner. I'm so selfish, so stupid. I wish I would learn to not fall in love with the horses I train. They all have to move on at one time or other, so there's really no use...

So, I'm getting out of town for a while. Two weeks, starting on Saturday the 19th. Going up to hunter/jumper camp in Virginia...oh, dear Lord. I just realized something. I'm getting assigned a horse to take care of, ride, and then compete on on the last day. And then I'm going home. And I'm...never going to see her again. Oh, God...why do I do this to myself? Do I like loss? Do I like the pain it causes me?

Deep breaths, right? Overall, life's not too bad at the moment. iTunes got a virius and wiped my song library clean today. By the grace of God, I clicked something, and my songs came back after downloading two new softwares. My sun poisioning (one reason that me and the beach don't get along) is getting better, and I think it will be better in time for camp. Except my nose. Let's just say...I'm an interesting-looking Rudolph. xD

- Kiriban
I think that's how you spell it? Anyways, I decided to have my first kiriban. yay, yay, yay, right? Alright. On 1001 pageviews. Why? 'Cause that's a cool number. All I need is a screenshot. If you get really close, I might take it, too. Depends on my mood... heh.

- Commision Confuzzledness
Alright...I've been thinking about taking commisions. The only thing is...I have absolutely no idea about how to go about doing this. xD I have a Paypal, but before I look like a complete idiot, I'd like to get an idea about what I'm doing before I actually open them up. See, I'm severely in debt to everyone in my family (camp, horse stuff, books, clothes...) and I am wiped clean of cash. This is one reason I'm not getting a tablet anytime in the near future. xD So, anyways...I was wondering if any nice people would perhaps tell me a bit about commisions? Please? Like...everything? lol, 'cause I don't know nothing. How to set orders, verify, recieve payments, all that stuff. heh. please?

Alright. Peace out, everyone.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/19178286/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/19178286/ Thu, 03 Jul 2008 06:08:06 PDT Cheyenne... is gone again. Yesterday... for good this time. They bought her; money passed from hand to hand, and she's gone for good now. Not to mention... we sold Gwennie on Friday, Prince and Curio went to Greenville on Sunday, and Gypsy went to a new home on Tuesday. We're losing all our babies so quick...its hard.

But, me and Chey had a good last ride on Tuesday... she jumped her heart out for me. Only one refusal, which was my fault because I didn't properally prepare her for the fence. She was so willing. We had our relationship back. But I was wondering why her owner was letting me ride her again... and then she told me after the lesson. They were coming to pick her up tomorrow. It was like... shock... and then the bottom of my stomach dropped out and my eyes welled up. I was like, no, how could this be happening again, so soon? And then... How could I be so selfish? I've betrayed her twice now--I promised her I'd never let her go, and I broke it. Twice.

I'm so selfish. I just made it harder on her, me being close to her when she came back. I should have stayed away. I can't believe how I hurt her again, without even realizing it until it was too late to fix it. But the damage was done, and now all I could do was talk to her... tell her I love her, even though it doesn't seem that way. Tell her about all the fun she'll have... tell her that soon she'll forget all about me and this dumb old place... tell her that, in four years, as soon as I hit graduation, I'm going to find her and take her home. And I don't intend to go back on that promise.

We had a nice last half-hour. Melissa (the barn owner, and Chey's owner) let me have it off from work so I could spend some time with her. I just stood in her stall, and she pressed her muzzle into my stomach and I held her for a long time. I talked to her and rubbed her neck and her muzzle and pressed my forehead against her's. I didn't cry though, because that would upset her. And every time I sighed, she'd put her ears back and lift her head and touch her nose to my mouth, like "Stop it. You should be happy. You have me." She was so sweet.

A little whiles later the trainer for the new owner came in. She talked to me and told me all the things I'd just told Cheyenne--that she'd have a great home with people who'd love her. I felt like saying: "She already has a great home, and I love her." But I just tried to smile. She let me cut a lock of her mane for me to keep. Oh, God... it smells like her. I'm going to braid it into a bracelet, I think, so I can always carry a bit of her with me until I find her again.

She didn't want to get on the trailer. She kept looking back at me, and her eyes were all wide, and my heart was splintering. But I told her to go. It was hard. They talked for a few minutes after that, and I stood on the rim of the trailer and rubbed her neck. She was scared, her eyes were wide and she was staring at her friends off in the pasture. We just got a little baby, Rags, and she took on the role of his mum. I promised her that I'd take good care of Rags, and that he'd be the most spoiled rotten foal in all of South Carolina. Then, they closed up her window... got in the cab... and drove off.

Its strange... I'm not crying anymore. Its just like... this emptiness. I'm going to miss her so much. Its hard to accept that I'm going to the barn tonight, and there's never going to be her whinny to greet me, or her tired head resting in my arms, or her smell... I just feel so... defeated. There's only a bit of pain this time, hovering around my heart, but its mainly numbness, a gaping hole. I probably won't be on much in the next few days. I hope you guys can understand.

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/19046910/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/19046910/ Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:12:34 PDT
hehehe. Apparantly, she missed home. her "owners" said she was acting real dejected and disobedient. So they brought her back! But now she's... different. Our relationship isn't as easy--simple love and trust--any more. I can see her... she's always watching me. Her eyes are different. They aren't... her's. They used to shine with curiosity and life... now they're either stretched wide with fear or just dull... I feel so bad. I feel like I've let her down... like as soon as she realized that "hey, maybe I can trust her. Maybe she really does love me." that I let her go. Its awful. But I'm soooooo happy she's back. I hope that we can recover that old, easy relationship again.

Anyways... this looked fun. So I'm doing it. heh. sorry, no thumbnails... I don't have a subscription. As you probably noticed. xD Oh well...

The Rules:
1) Answer the questions below
2) Take each answer and type it into the dA search box
3) Take a deviation from the first page of results and post the thumbnail or a link to the image.

1. Your first name: [link]
[Marissa. I wish I had wings. lol]

2. Your birth month: [link]
[August. Beautiful photo]

3. Your birth year: [link]
[1994. Yes, I am a baby compared to most of you. heh]

4. Your Zodiac sign: [link]
[Leo. wow. just wow]

5. Your Chinese Zodiac sign: [link]
[Dog. awwwwwwwwwwwww, so cute!]

6. Eye colour: [link]
[Blue-green. hey, not much green, but is beautimous. xD heh]

7. City you were born in: [link]
[Mt. Clemens, Michigan... doesn't this just protray it so well? hahah]

8. Place you live now: [link]
[my little patch of heaven. ]

9. Favourite Season: [link]
[Fall. simply beautiful]

10. Favourite colour: [link]
[Gold. so smooth and warm... brilliant]

11. Favourite food: [link]
[Chocolate! what? I can have my little indulgences every once in a while! *grabs chocolate cake from freezer*]

12. Favourite drink: [link]
[Water. this is an awesome photo]

13. Favourite book: [link]
[Warriors Saga. all these books are awesome]

14. Favourite flower: [link]
[Baby's breath. so simple... so sweet]

15. Favourite singer: [link]
[Nickelback... amazing]

16. Favourite movie: [link]
[The Lion King. what? its a beautiful story, and artwork!]

17. Favourite TV show: [link]
[Oh, come on! you all know you adore Spongebob! ]

18. Favourite animal: [link]
[Horses! not such a fan of minis... but this is the cutest picture in the world!]

19. Favourite actor: [link]
[Will Smith. he is wayyyyy to amazing for his own good!]

20. Favourite video game: [There's no screenshots of it on dev... ]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/18797527/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/18797527/ Thu, 12 Jun 2008 07:33:40 PDT gone.

Does... does anyone remember my lovely Cheyenne? My beautiful, precious girl? Look back through my journals if you don't... my beautiful pony. Yesterday... my beautiful baby... she was taken from me. She wasn't really mine to begin with... but, my God, it felt like it. Her... her owner. She decided... to sell her. My baby... my girl. Imagine... you go to the barn one day, just like any other, and there's a horse trailer parked outside the barn. And then imagine you see a complete stranger riding the horse you love more than life itself. I knew it was possible she was getting sold... I knew that she would have to leave me soon... but... I didn't think... not so soon.

I go over to them as they talk... her owner tells me to go wash her off and feed her while she talks with the people that are taking her away from me. I oblige. I take her over to the hose and wash her off, murmuring to her, trying not to upset her. She stands quiet like she always does for me, the leadrope draped over her neck. I fix her food and then tie her up outside so she can dry in the sun. Then I have to go teach a beginner lesson. In the middle of it, my kids had just finished cantering, I see that the person has untied Cheyenne... and is leading her towards the trailer. You can imagine... any sense of hope I had left in me fell to the floor. I hollered at my kids to walk, and then hurried out of the ring.

Cheyenne, seeing me, tugs the lady over to me and nuzzles me, just like always. The lady starts talking to me, telling me about her farm, thanking me for doing such a good job training her... I mumble responses, running my fingers desperately through my girl's mane, knowing that this could be the last time I ever see her again. She swings her head over to me, and I take it in my arms and hold her for a second. She smells so comforting... not like any other horse. She presses her nose against my cheek, I hold her for a second more, and then I let go, running my hand once more down her muzzle and then taking a step back, feeling my straight face crumble. Her new owner turns her and leads her into the trailer. I'm biting my lip so hard to keep from crying that its bleeding and my eyes burn. The trailer doors close... and that's the last I see of my precious girl.

I've... I've never experienced this level of pain before. I feel like my entire world has collasped ontop of me and the one steady in my life, my Cheyenne, is gone. I... don't know what to do. How can I possibly live in this kind of pain?

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/18718231/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/18718231/ Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:29:13 PDT
...okay, that's out of system, now. lolz Much to tell you. But... first of all...

WHAT THE FLIPPING F*CK?!?!?!! BIG BROWN BOMBED THE BELMONT!!! OMFG!! DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT?!?!? I MEAN, HE GOT JOSTLED AND CRAP BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD AFFECT HIM THAT MUCH!!! I WAS WAITING FOR THAT AMAZING BURST OF ACCELARTION THAT I LOVE, AND THEN... DEADNESS!!! BOOM! POOF! NO!! DONE!! WHAT THE HECK, WHERE'D HE GO??! HE'S OUT OF THE F*CKING SHOT! I JUST CAN'T--HOW?--WHAT?--MAYBE--NO--I MEAN--ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH! *dies*

...okay, that's out of system as well. Needless to say, I was upset. I felt for sure he had it. But, you know what upsets me the most? That horse was f*cking amazing. And now he's going to be remembered as "The One Who Lost". If he's even remembered at all. Its just.... ARRRRRRGHHH!

But, other than that... pretty good couple days. Went on the lake twice. Tubeing is killler fun. I mean--KILLER!!! We got shot up a good 3ft in the air over some of those flippin' waves. My voice is hoarse. I screamed. A LOT. And all the skin on the fingers of right hand is rubbed off, because I was holding onto the handle, which had nylon underneath, and I was kind of thrusting my hand into it to stay on and... well, you get the picture. Its bad...I have bandages wrapped all the way up my fingers. I'm typing this all with my left hand. Seriously. But it was soooooooooo fun. We rode two at time, so we could scream "WE'RE GOIN' DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" as we go over the waves to each other. The last crash was rather excruitatingly painful. We were going over one of the biggest waves I've ever seen in the lake at around 25-30mph (bad at judging these things, as I don't drive yet). We were just laughing because we had actually SURVIVED going over this series of bouncy waves from a big boat (don't know the kinds of boats, either) and we weren't really set up yet on the tube (I was kind of slidding into it a bit and my friend, Morgan ( ~Dog-Lover101 by the way) had one of her legs underneath me. But then we hit this HUGE wave from this yacht (yeah, I know what that one is). And... we flew... high... and far... in opposite directions... and hit... hard. You know how you hit the water and you don't have your bearings for a second? Well, yeah, that second ended, and I could feel my body rolling over and over in the water (not head over heels, like along my side...like people that get thrown from a car... lol). Thank God for lifejackets. So we're bobbing along in the rest of the big waves that the yacht keeps throwing up, I feel like my head is about to fall off my neck (nosebleed, too). Eventually we get picked up again. And now I have a killer headache. But it was fun. Can't wait to do it again. ^.^

Journal's getting pretty long... better end it! kk byes!

]]> ~horseluver8161 http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/18665638/ http://horseluver8161.deviantart.com/journal/18665638/ Wed, 04 Jun 2008 16:17:24 PDT NO MORE MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

ahem... well, sorry for the outburst. Way to excited for my own physical well-being at the moment. I haven't update this in FOREVER. Let's see... yesterday I got my hair chopped off. I know, amazing, right? Cut off seven inches. Its, like, right below my collarbone now. I like it shorter... I'd forgotten how much easier it is to take care of! And I can freak out thoroughly and it won't look all messed up! But the main reason I got my hair chopped off is because....

I'M GOING TO CAMP!

Yeppers! My first out-of-state camp EVER! Amazing, right? Its in Virginia, Amberhill Farm. I shall have fun! Its amazingly cheap, I was like, OMG, CHEAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! So I got all signed up, got my tetnus shot yesterday, chopped my hair off, and made a list of everything I need to buy at the tack shop over the weekend! I'm, like, going to go NUTS waiting until July! But me and my friend who's going with me are going to be spending almost every day out at the barn. YEAH! We've made a pact to get both our ponies in shape by the time we leave, so that we can give them bathes and scare them by making them think we're going to a show! lolz. We've been doing roundpenning and free jumping over the weekend, but the real work won't start until this weekend! Serious desensitizing work--we're talking plastic bags on the ends of lunge whips whistling threw the air over their heads--dogs and goats loose in the ring with them--and, in my case (BamBam's a bit headshy), rubbing his jowl and gradually working up onto is muzzle and then up to his ears and down to his nose.

Yupppppppppppppp. My summer's gone to the horses. Just the way I like it.

]]> ~horseluver8161