http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:imacloud728&section=today deviantART RSS for by:imacloud728 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:11:43 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/24841474/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/24841474/ Tue, 19 May 2009 15:07:38 PDT
I'm pooped. I feel so out of it, and i have so much crap to do. I'm missing things, too. I just wanna back track. That nostalgia thing bothers me all the time.

I started writing a lot again. I don't what that means, but yeah. I'm gunna miss ceramics when this semester is over. Next semester is going to be a whirlwind, to say the least. I went to Sana, my ceramics professor's house sunday. It was so fun, and she is an incredible woman with so many stories to tell.

I will be taking A LOT of pictures this summer, working on a project i have in mind...

ugh that's it. i gotta build some crap on my website.. which btw is:
[link]

GO! LOOK!

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/23721411/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/23721411/ Sun, 15 Mar 2009 22:42:40 PDT
It's 1:30 in the morning I just finished watching instructional videos on how to create some CSS crap. I get it.. its actually very easy. Soooo i'll be doing that tomorrow, instead of copying and pasteing tons of code into like 50 different pages just so all the headers and shit match. duh. lol. My website should be up and running within a couple months... once it is, I may consider taking some of my stuff down from here... but I havnt decided how necessary that is yet. We shall see. I feel like sites like this that i've been a part of for so long, hold a certain nostalgia of comments, favorites, journals, friends i don't talk to anymore.. etc.. sorta like xanga. only xanga is even more so. Nonetheless, im still attachted to DA (and xanga).. although I really rarely go on myspace anymore. I'm more a facebook person.

anywho. i'm collecting crayons.. you're welcome to mail them, throw them at me or what have you... as long as I get them. They can be broken.. i'm just melting them down. (pref: blue, purple, red, black, white and pink)... yeahhh so.. that's the weird art project of the month that i'm completely wayy too excited about.

As for life.. it's swell. There's a large pile of crayons on my floor, a lot of un-did laundry, an extreemly high stack of flash cards for my art history midterm tomorrow, some unused clay and a hungry hungry turtle in my room at the moment. I'm busy, tired, usually can't sleep.. work sucks.. school is stressfull... yepp.

Spring break? gotta wait till april unlike the rest of the world.

anywho... i'm exaughsted even with my three hour nap earlier.. time to sleep even though im sure im forgetting to do somthing.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/22097271/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/22097271/ Sun, 21 Dec 2008 06:27:30 PST
soon my life will be much less chaotic. im excited for calmness. lol.

i like exisiting..... with her. lol.

yep.

oh and i got a flash for xmas from jesss!!!! soooooo ill be shootingggg a lot.

hehehehehe.

i an A- in Italian, an A in drawing and an A in photo ... so0ooo ridiculously happy about all that. goodness.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/21105986/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/21105986/ Wed, 22 Oct 2008 06:31:56 PDT
and my drawing class is slowly getting better, or atleast tolerable... i'm yet to come to a week where i actually want to go to that class, though. lol...

I had a tough week last week. My Aunt Suzanne passed away after being sick for a really long time... it's scary, and I will miss thanksgiving dinner, her cranberry muffins and all the other memories i have with her.

I feel better, though... and some how writing for two hours after the show last night, definitely helped.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/20907085/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/20907085/ Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:33:21 PDT
Went to the zoo yesterday with Jessica... omg so much fun. lol. i love animals. We love animals. Snakes, bats and fishies... o my!... Seriously this bat.. omg.. HUGE. It was tiring, though, the bronx zoo is rather large, and we got cranky and tired... but we ate, recooperated, and had a good night. looove her. loooove. mmmhm. loooooooove. It's been sooo long since I felt so much for someone. It feels really good... this whole to love and be loved in return thing.

tired. dun wanna do homework... lol.

no sleep till christmas (is over)...

I am going to have the most photographed children that have ever lived... lolll. It's gunna be good times. Today at work, the first thing this little 5 year old said to me was, "Are you a girl?! you look like a boy!!!" ... lol... but he was hilarious... he kept wrestling with me and laughing his buttt off.. but he really only laughed when i told him not to smile and when i told him he was a booger head and said daddy had stinky feet.... but he was adorable and gave me a huge hug..his pictures came out great.. (i work at a photography studio in case none of that made sense lol)... i just can't wait to have kids lol. Some other boy today only laughed when you said "POOPIE!" ... lol.. and i had a girl today who was particularly attatched to the "im a little tea pot" song which worked really well to get her to pose with her hands on her hips. It'll be a new trick. Then i took pictures of these four kids who were just .. insane... lol and i got a picture of them knocking each other over and the one girl is just staring at the camera while all these boys all like pushing her over. lmao. As tired as I am, i have to admit, this is why I havn't quit yet.. i literally get tears in my eyes when i think about these kids, these families, and all the little memories. From the kids who throw blocks in my face, to the kids who kiss me and sit on my lap... its just worth the effort, and the exaughstion somtimes... i guess that's a tiny bit of what being a parent feels like. Just when you're a parent, you can't go home and sit in silence lol. Well, christmas season is quickly approaching and all the fun will be temporarilly be drained out of me.... butttt... yeah.

ok.. im done procrasinating my italian homework lol.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/20532919/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/20532919/ Wed, 17 Sep 2008 06:37:24 PDT
I've been trying to do my italian homeowrk all morning but hoenstly, i'm lost. I do't know whats going on. I have thursday off from work this week, which is amazing and i'm going to spend a good portion of the day studying my italian because she speaks reeally quickly and expects us to be pretty much completely conversational. It's scary, and it's really difficult.

I've been rather busy, as expected... and keepingmy head on thus far. It's just hard when in every semester in every class, every professor expects you to pour your heart and soul into everything you put your mind to. That's a hard way to live, a hard way to think. I know that if my heartisnt behind the cmaera, the pencil, the social movements i'm writing on, then all will come out is bullshit that deserves a C... sooo.. i try. I try to think carefully about everything, but it makes me a little head achey. really. Plus, somtimes, i'm not always successfull, and the little peices of me scattered across the academic universe don't even seem like they are the best peices I could give, which is also head achey...

I was asked hwat i thought art was, yesterday and i thought about it for a second and decided that everything i do feels like art, lately... from the way i plan out my days, to the way i look into someone's eyes, to the way i take pictures and draw and paint.. and so forth ... so i todl him art is anything that i do that projects who i am to the world. I carry these images in my head, and spew them out in many different ways. Craftyyyy,


ok im tired. time for breakfast.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/20415026/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/20415026/ Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:46:27 PDT
School is going pretty good. I'm still trying to get into the swing of things and build new routines based around the new schedule... the usual. My photo class is pretty cool. My professor has us themeing our work and stuff, which is kinda hard but I have this thing going with time, and it seems to be going pretty okay.. time is what I obsess over anyway. lol. Gunna spend most of tomorrow in the darkroom soo that should be awesome. He's a funny guy, and he made this whole speech about the paradox of images and the relationship between text and images that blew me away a little. I live to create and it fascinates me to learn about how and why others create... looove it.

Been busy, but i'm the happiest i've been in a very, very, very long time. It feels so good to feel so close to someone, to really care and be cared about in return. Keeping my nose in various books and have to study italian slightly more often... lol. si. My italian professor is a little... crazy. My literature professor really likes to talk about the social constructs of race and at times gets slightly too passionate, but he does truly make me think.. and i love that. Had a lot of great conversations today, and it's nice to always have the wheels turning. It feels like I can never stop learing and like every year, I learn more and more and I grow more and more. I really love to learn about people, about art, about my own mind... just completely immerse myself in moment after moment and really start to enjoy life and what it has.

Slowly, the past dosn't seem so bad anymore and some things still scare me a lot, and some things will always bring me down but for the most part I really feel at peace...

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/20091521/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/20091521/ Fri, 22 Aug 2008 07:44:12 PDT
I'm actually excited for school. I can't wait to just get back in the swing of things, keep myself ridiculously busy, and be me... running back and forth, sleeping very little, and working my ass off for somthing i care about. yep. I can't wait to be locked in the darkroom for hours at a time, to sit and draw untill i fall asleep on the sketchpad and then party every once in a while with the room peopless.

I have a lot on my mind. I feel myself growing up. I'm going into my junior year of college, i can now offically say i've known someone for 12 years, my brother shaves his face, suddenly the worldjust seems smaller, time feels shorter and i'm thinking about my future even more than i used to, and ... honestly all i want for my future is a way to have steady job where i can maintain my love for art and support myself, while having someone to just live life alongside me and trust that they will never leave.. through good and bad... whether i smell bad before a shower, or put on some weight when im 45.. i want to be able to look in that person's eyes when i'm 70 and say i love them and mean it as if i were 17 and dreaming of romance. If i never find that person, i'll just have to get a dog and volunteir at an orphanage or somthing so i can hold babies and the sort. As long as there is kids some how in my life, i'm sure i'll be okay.

jessica keeps me smiling. lol .. a lottt.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/19886125/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/19886125/ Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:39:12 PDT
awful day, really. church sucked, yelled at carl, work was weird, anna showed up at my store, i didn't get whatever my surprise was supposed to be, missed chris' phone call, wish i could text jess, and apparently pam no longer likes disney world?...

did laundry.

im not feeling well. I keep typing things and then erasing paragraph after paragraph.

i dont think i understand how i feel well enough to write it down right now.. but at the same time, i really want to express it, let it out.

i hate the person i'm becoming.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/19811978/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/19811978/ Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:55:44 PDT

Gunna paint tonight, i think.

summer is like more than half way over. once school starts.. it's once again no breathing till the day after xmas. in a way i look forward to being that busy, but in a way i really, really don't. I am excited about the classes im taking, though. I just hate christmas season at my job, mostly. Every year things change so much. This time last year, i didn't even know tricia.. which blows my mind.. and now who knows what this year will make of me and all the crazy shit i'll learn.

All the pictures i'll take.

My real new years happens around august somthing, because of school. I'm gunna start making new years resoultions the first day of school, because the ones in jeanuary don't feel as necesary to follow, usually. lol.

Seeing chris was nice.. his mom drove me a little insane, but other than that.... yeah, it was nice to see him. six flags and little sailor outfits. ha. He was allowed online last night! on his way to conneticut today. i should see him at the end of this month.

hanging out with jessica a lottt. .. missed her like crazy and i LOVE having her back in my life... we still thumb wrestle, she still has that dimple, i still mess up her ear jewelery, and she still makes me laugh my ass off constantly. loll. I like the things that never change. I like people who feel like time machines. and i like really really big hugs.

<3

and i dont feel so lonely anymore...

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/19549198/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/19549198/ Wed, 23 Jul 2008 04:56:36 PDT
I'm excited, nervous. Not a the biggest fan of planes.

I really had the most amazing day yesterday. I went to Snug Harbour with my friends who have cameras and spent the whole day shooting. Those pictures will be up soon. I love burying myself in my art.

It's been a weird couple weeks.. realizing who in my past means the most to me. I'm realizing how I honestly never forget those who i truly care about. Never. All the inside jokes, all the same little quirks, voices, and faces still mak me feel the exact same way. It's like that laughter is my time machine.

But i'm off to work now...

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/19112393/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/19112393/ Sun, 29 Jun 2008 15:46:51 PDT -Clarissa Dalloway
-Francie Nolan
-Georgia O'Keeffe

These women are my heros. Even if they are mostly fictional. i'm currently doing a paper on O'keeffe.. and i love her. lol.

I'm feeling awful, i won't lie. Like I live in six different worlds filled with six different sets of people, casts, scenery, scripts, etc. I have so much guilt. Maybe I am a liar. Maybe I lie to myself, mostly. Maybe I didn't mean to lie to myself and maybe it's just because I wish so badly that the past didn't go the way it did and I want somehow to stick my had n in the future and maniulate the fuck out of it. And that's what I get for playing god with my own brain.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/18789751/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/18789751/ Wed, 11 Jun 2008 18:20:21 PDT
I'm... ok.

Everything changes from year to year, and i'm not really sure why it always surprises me. If I look back on last summer... wow. Things were different. It's amazing how one or two people can change your whole life. And they don't even know it. Prob never will.

If chris was here, i'd prob be at his dad's house swimming right now. In my new bathing suit.

I wish I knew how I felt.. lately, I want things i won't let myself have and most of the time, I just need someone to hold me at night...

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/18379098/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/18379098/ Sun, 18 May 2008 08:26:59 PDT
I've been writing a lot.

I'm listening to the same song over and over.

I have work at 2. it's not 12 yet. but my anxiety is just making me crazy. I'm only sittign on the computer to stop myself from pacing through my house like a maniac.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/18141443/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/18141443/ Fri, 02 May 2008 23:20:30 PDT
i'm doing alright. burying it all in artwork, in poetry. reading like crazy. some bad old habits are coming back but hye, im doing pretty well for my current situations. I miss Chris crazily. Really... i can't rele take in how long im going to have to feel like this. o well, i guess.

eh.

life.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/17917913/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/17917913/ Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:50:27 PDT
Things in my mind have been doing that swirling, awful punching thing lately. i dont know.. i miss chris.. i miss a lot of things. time is an ass kicker, always.

I'm kind of wearing down, but trying not to. so idk.

I'm getting much better at the potter's wheel despite the dry skin, muddy everything, and real hard work. practice is paying off. spring break won't be much of a break, but thats okay.

what i need is a serious break from life. but it dosnt quite work that way.

im just a little tired of being heart broken.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/17837034/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/17837034/ Sun, 13 Apr 2008 17:54:29 PDT
but yeah, chris is gone. im a little miserable.. but i guess ill have to be okay.

and the rangers lost tonight.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/17476018/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/17476018/ Sun, 23 Mar 2008 13:58:13 PDT
I just want to go through the motions.. elt life fold away.. stick behind my camera.. paint prush, my whatever.

he leaves sooner and sooner. and everyone else wil lfind a way to leave too. I'm the one who si always aafraid to leave and be left.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/17311763/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/17311763/ Thu, 13 Mar 2008 06:08:42 PDT
my art is the only thing keeping me going.. so i really need to get a new lens. yeeeea. thats a large understatement.

April is getting to god damn close and i am just one mess of confusion and dread. i'm slacking a little bit in some of my classes and i'm just afriad of close friend ships and heartbreak more than ever.

i want to move out. i want a new job.. wish i was actually going to italy. but it never works out.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/16909514/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/16909514/ Sat, 16 Feb 2008 06:09:38 PST
I have a lot of school work to do.. and just a lot to do in general. I havnt done laundry in a while.. i need to go and get my passport... i gotta go to work and shit...

ok.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/16687243/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/16687243/ Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:43:28 PST
School has begun, yes. My professors seem pretty cool. I'm only really worried about my photography professor. It should be interesting.

i'm trying despretely to finish my coffee... but my throat hurts sooo bad. I even went to the doctor. It's been like three years since i went to the doctor. ugh.

My creative writing class is gunna be awesoe this semester. My professor is so cool ... i went to see her in her office hours, and turns out she has her undergrad in paiting, we have the same first name and .. well, i'm just exctied about it. My ceramics professor is cool .. very hippie earth water fire and air kinda lady.. and italian is fine.

I just need my throat back.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/16470849/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/16470849/ Sat, 19 Jan 2008 07:30:36 PST
I took this picture of carl overlooking the beach. It was realyl important to him because it reminded him of all the things that went down a couple years ago.. .for those who know... and so i developed the picture, framedit and gave it to him for his birthday. He practically almost cried.

Chris and i giggled untill like three in the morning last night. April is getting closer.

tattoo soon. before he leaves.

Hoping for italy this summer!

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/16277359/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/16277359/ Sat, 05 Jan 2008 21:26:47 PST
and it's a new year.

which is starting to mean very little.

I have piles of negatives all over the place... some are from highschool ... and the others are from now. I shot soo many rolls of film, and it's like every single frame is important to me. Even the overexosed, underexposed, blurry, grainy, over fixed, under developed, over agitated little strips of film. I have piles of faces that forgot i existed sitting there smiling at me. faces that forgot i existed. forgot about time.

I know, i hope, everyone feels like that sometimes. like time is just ... inevitable. it's okay.

I've been reading a lot again. Hours and hours and hours.. my nose just in a book. Diary by chuck palniuck or however you spell it... is an amazing book. Especially for an artist. I thought fight club was good.. this is better. He's an amazing author. I just want to read, honestly. But my eyes are starting to get teary.. and my body feels like it needed a break. .even though my brain is running like a million miles a minute. Maybe I should paint. or sleep.

Went to a wedding shower today. interesting. learned a little about heterosexuality that i seriously never knew before... lol. good times. i'll skip that long paragraph... for the sake of more important things.

Going skiing with andre and them this week. three day trip. should be fun.

i don't know.

I got all A's and A-'s this semester.. if you count an A- still as an A, you can say i got all A's. I worked really hard. I really did. I'm just trying to live... i need a new job. but i'm not really ready for one yet. I want to go to italy. .but i'm kind of scared of going by myself. So I just have to force myself i guess. like the haircut. close my eyes, and forget about time.

Love life. lol. well life takes strange turns. and i usually find myself in love with who i didnt want to be in love with or who i couldnt have.. or somthing of some kind of inconvient nature...... or someone who is leaving, and could possibly never come back. but that's okay, i guess. i'll enjoy it while it lasts. deal the with the broken heart later.

done. tired. work tomorrow.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15831589/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15831589/ Fri, 07 Dec 2007 08:21:40 PST i think i can...
i think i can...

mmm ... im exaughsted and i have a really bad cold. my job is becoming a really big pain in the ass and i have a shit load of work.

mynose really feels like it may fall off, and i just need to sleep.. which i really don't have time for. Plus, my friends kinda suck. I'm sick of "friends" who sleep with each other to stab others in the back. It's really annoying, and kind of the story of my life.

but yes. just gotta make it to Christmas...

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15516562/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15516562/ Thu, 15 Nov 2007 05:47:59 PST
I've been spending lots and lot sof time in the darkroom and i like it that way.. starting to do art for me a lot more as opposed to doing it so other people like it .. and i'm learning that when i do it for me, people do actually like it more. So it's a win, win. Photography continues to teach me how to see beauty in everything. All I have to do is put something in perspective, composition is everything, and suddenly it's beautiful.

My painting class has really taught me not to care what people think And it's funny, because it's pretty much teaching me a lot more about life than i ever thought painting could. I was forced to use my left hand, paint in the dark and do things that felt extremely uncomfortable and made me nervous that the painting would not come out well and represent my best abilities and so on and so forth ... then all the sudden it stopped mattering to me as much and i felt really free... and my professor was right.. there really is a difference when you paint from your heart and not only worry about those perfectionist instincts. People have been trying to tell me this for years but it took just a little more force to dirll it in there. It's funny because painting with my left hand really reminded me of how i felt when i cut my hair off: "this is for me, for no one else, and i don't care how it looks or what people think, it'll make me feel better.

That's what art is about.

I'll be putting up more photos and some paintings eventually. Be aware, the paintings are much much different than anything iv'e done before.

The semester is almost over and i'm gunna make it through.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15352592/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15352592/ Sat, 03 Nov 2007 21:23:42 PDT
When he leaves, i'm going to go insane. That would be april, so mark it on your calendars and be ready.

I've gained all my weight back. Well, i havn't weighed myself in a while, but it feels like i have.

I partied entirely too much this week. Recovering slowly.

My homework is hard, the internet on my laptop isnt working for whatever reason, work is tiring... and my love life is ridiculous like always.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15222302/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15222302/ Thu, 25 Oct 2007 21:23:22 PDT - The rangers won tonight
- I had thee hottest drunken hookup last night.
- Hoping last night's hookup eventually goes somewhere.
- I have off from work on saturday.
- I'm a little mad at one of my best friends.
- I havn't seen or spoken to carl in far too long.
- School is stressfull.
- I need a better paying job.
- I need to move out.
- I still wanna go to italy badly.
- My love life makes little sense.
- I don't knwo what to be for halloween.
- I want to carve a pumpkin.
- My camera battery died again.
- I want to be truly loved for a true forever.
- I miss her and i'm afraid that'll never go away.
- I'm gunna miss him and i'm afriad he'll never come back alive.
- The rain gets more beautiful everytime.
- Food will forever be my drug.
- My memory is slipping.
- My hearing is fading.
- But i'm madly in love with my ipod.
- My obsession with routine has gotten severely worse.
- My women's studies class is interesting but heavily depressing.
- I want to spend the rest of my life behind a camera.
- I'm glad that she's happy without me.
- I wish I was happy without her.
- I actually like painting with my non-dominant hand.
- I wish i could get all A's.
- I hate astronomy class.
- My paitning class has gotten much better.
- I am no longer completely terrified of abstract art.
- But i miss realistic painting.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15134510/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/15134510/ Fri, 19 Oct 2007 20:00:15 PDT
and i smell like developer.

Andre is on his way to take me to a house party.

But i just want to sleep.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/14866516/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/14866516/ Mon, 01 Oct 2007 06:27:13 PDT
I think my camera is becoming an extension of my body... i rarely leave the house anymore without my 35mm and/or my digital. Usually i carry around both. For class, iv'e been shooting two 36 rolls a weeks. sooo thats a lot. It's crazy fun tho.. and seriously the only reason i'm still at this job is so that i have more time behind the camera. It's funny when you become obsessed with freezing time to the point where you don't even care which moments you're freezing.. just the pure fact that it's possible is awesome. it's pretty much all i think about lately... i need to transfer, probablly, but i also probablly won't. I was really close to going to italy this winter break but i think i'm just gunna wait to till summer, when i have someone to go with and noone left in new york to rele care about. By then he'll be gone.

Chris leaves in april. Officially. I hate war.

My ex, jess, decided to be a bitch again... idk what her problem is but she loves to try and sabotage my friendship with carl and i have no idea why.

well hopefully i'll snap out of mopey dopey mood and get back to normal... feels like i'll never be comfortably in love again and that kind of sucks.

Time to reglue my eye to the veiwfinder, freeze some time and go to classs.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/14607142/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/14607142/ Wed, 12 Sep 2007 17:33:39 PDT Swings
Water Gun Fights
Snow angels
Snow ball fights
Scarves
Frogs and Turtles
Snakes and Lizards
Newborn babies
Rolling in grass
Cameras
Tiny kisses
Old Friends
Big Hugs
Old Jeans
Big Sweaters
Strong Coffee
Italian Voices
Painting for hours
Singing badly...

things that really make me happy. I spent the ladt hour studying italian by listening to my favorite disney songs translated into italian. that works well. had a weird day, that just kept getting weirder and will continue to do so before i go to sleep.

To a sweet new year, shana tova, i guess.... apples and hunny just don't do it for people like me lol.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/14484981/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/14484981/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 09:53:55 PDT
Chris enlists in two weeks. After that, he can leave at any time. I'm going to miss him too much. He's been a great freind for the last year.... keeping me from getting too lonely.

Disney world was awesome btw... finally got to meet mickey and such. It was very hot, tho.

Oh and, i think i'm going to be single for the rest of my life. I can only have sex with someone so many times before I realize it's just sex and nothing all that special. I get irritable too easily. I'm sick of trying to figure out how to make a relationship work, anyway. I'm too proud to let someone control me but at the same time I don't like someone who makes me do everything. I just want a normal person.. where we can be at the same level.. people who live side by side and love each other. Who pay for their own meals, have sex regularly, laugh, run, and never get sick of each other. *shrug*

Till then, it's all work and school...

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13929544/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13929544/ Sun, 29 Jul 2007 15:54:59 PDT
This is the first weekend i've had off in a very long time.

I need to sleep.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13861261/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13861261/ Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:25:56 PDT
I've been just trying to smile, be the best person I can be.. giving advice to everyone that I would probablly never follow, and tiring myself out a little bit. I have one person that dosnt tire me out completely, and shows me a pretty good time, but isn't trustable, steady, or going to stick around long.

that's life i guess.

Birthday saturday, disney in august, and then school soon after.

whatever... my next paycheck is gunna be awesome.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13692432/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13692432/ Wed, 11 Jul 2007 07:31:22 PDT . I'll probablly get rid of a lot more. I've beenon this site so long, that you can really see the evolution of my artwork and quite frankly, i'd rather just have the stuff i'm atleast a little bit proud of.

It's hot outside, and im not the biggest fan of that. My class ends on monday. werd. Life is moving right along.

Had lunch with an ex girlfriend of mine yesterday. It was interesting. I like that things between her and I are peaceful and there's a sort of understanding that makes me feel like, through everyting she said to me and everything I said to her, what we actually did have wasn't bullshit. It makes me feel good knowing that the kisses weren't lies and our fun times wasn't just wasted tiem... it just didn't work out and that's fine with me.

I have a really good idea for a paitning but it's going to take a lot of planning and such. I'm gunna finish up my portfoilio and i'm thinking of doing osme weird mural thing in my room so i can practice mural painting some more. tis a possibility...

coffee coffee.... mom said i need to cut down on coffee. um right. i've become friends with everyone who works at the starbucks by my job. lol.

alrightyy.. im out.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13589313/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13589313/ Tue, 03 Jul 2007 07:32:06 PDT
I'm enjoying my class a lot more now. By a lot more, I mean that drawing for four hours without stopping puts me in a sort of trance that makes me feel high lol. And I love it. My professor told me im doing very well. Made me very happy. I'll post all these sketches when I get them back.. prolly in scraps but idk.

I keep seeing my friends move in with their girlfriends they've been with for 2, 3 years... and everyone's got their highschool sweethearts somehow, even though that's supposed to be impossible or somthing.

I'll be 19 soon. weird.

I've been passing up parties lately which is quite unlike me. Mostly because I feel like i'll be dissapointed. I'm sick of the old, go to a party, make out with a couple of drunk people, spend way too much money, take some ridiculous pictures of other people having fun, leave early because i live so damn far away, get home at 4 in the morning, wake up early for work .. thing.. I feel more like a photo journalist than anything else. lol.

There's a huge ass party in brooklyn I kkinda want to go to but my entire family is going to the bronx zoo tomorrow and I dont know.. somthing in me can't pass up snakes and tigers for drunk people on roof tops and fireworks. Growing up. ]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13505045/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13505045/ Tue, 26 Jun 2007 22:30:36 PDT
commuting home late at night by myself is proving to be eventful as well. Always an adventure, for sure.

and.. things are all in all getting better but i just have to make a lot of changes and that's fine, i suppose. i started feeling happier when i realized how i have never ever in my entire life just let somthing go. I dont like to run or even walk away from things or people. I got so much happier when i realized that i can run away from certain things right now. I can just run, and run... and just let it go, let it be part of the past... and i've been much happier since that revelation. we'll see what comes of that, though.

I missed pride because i was working but that's fine because I wasn't really in the mood anway. and i'm slightly low on money.

It's been a year since i've graduated highschool.. crazy. I run into people from highschool a lot now htat it's summer... everyone says the same thing "i love your hair! are you still with that girl..?" everyone. Makes me realize that as long as this year felt, it was really only one year. Three more to go.. maybe more. lol.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13353201/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13353201/ Fri, 15 Jun 2007 08:19:29 PDT
I lost two pounds and I don't know how... I think it's from working so much, actually. I don't stay still at that place.

I need to be held and i'm developing a tiny crush on someoneee lol. But eh, I know that can't happen so it's okay. I always fall for what I can't have.

My summer class is quite annoying.

I want to go to the park an d sit on the swings. I hate growing up.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13353197/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13353197/ Fri, 15 Jun 2007 08:19:20 PDT
I lost two pounds and I don't know how... I think it's from working so much, actually. I don't stay still at that place.

I need to be held and i'm developing a tiny crush on someoneee lol. But eh, I know that can't happen so it's okay. I always fall for what I can't have.

My summer class is quite annoying.

I want to go to the park an d sit on the swings. I hate growing up.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13353196/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13353196/ Fri, 15 Jun 2007 08:19:18 PDT
I lost two pounds and I don't know how... I think it's from working so much, actually. I don't stay still at that place.

I need to be held and i'm developing a tiny crush on someoneee lol. But eh, I know that can't happen so it's okay. I always fall for what I can't have.

My summer class is quite annoying.

I want to go to the park an d sit on the swings. I hate growing up.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13229633/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13229633/ Tue, 05 Jun 2007 15:30:34 PDT . 3.75!! That's right... for once I worked my ass off and did very well. It feels amazing because I really had a lot of trouble getting through everything.

I did good at work today too. Who knows what the hell i'm majoring in, but atleast I know I can do this whole school thing, afterall.

caddie shack thursday. excited.

My summer class stareted yesterday. Then roxy and I ate coldstone downtown. lol. good stuff. I left peanut butter and bread in the queer student union room i hang out in so now whenever i'm there I can eat peanut butter. haha.

i love peanut butter.

Life is a little confusing... but I guess I just want to focus on things that I can control.. if somthing else happens I won't stop it.. but i'm not going to look for it anymore.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13097923/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/13097923/ Sat, 26 May 2007 07:35:54 PDT
I'm just so happy i can breathe a little bit better. It feels nice to sit on the computer without knowing i'm sacrificing precious minutes of textbook reading and so forth.

haha.. summer class starts in a week.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12994373/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12994373/ Thu, 17 May 2007 20:41:25 PDT
Whatever. I wish I could just have someoneto count on like i used to. I miss you so much, and i wish you understood what you meant to me.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12915604/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12915604/ Thu, 10 May 2007 19:59:52 PDT
I have two beautiful turtles, btw, and they are adirablly tiny. Pollock and Picasso... lots of points for anyone who gets the joke. They've started eating better.. and i love em, obviously.

two more weeks. i can do this.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12800779/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12800779/ Tue, 01 May 2007 08:44:53 PDT
I crashed at Vanessa's dorm because it was late... and i was a really big bitch, but i was in a bad mood and didn't really realize how i was acting. In the morning, she was pissed off and barely said goodbye to me. Antonio came in and was surprised to see me. lol.

Whateverrr i have like 3 billion pictures.

I also went to central park with adrienne and scott...

I can't wait for the art show tonight.. and i can't wait to see carl who is the person i basically live for lately. Real friends are the ones who go through good times and bad times over and over and still love each other in the end. Fake friends are the ones who are only in it for the good times and the good feelings and the happyness.... so yeah. love my karl.

life is so ridiculous lol... like nothing matters. at all.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12771634/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12771634/ Sat, 28 Apr 2007 21:12:59 PDT
the thing is, is i don't even want to try... i just wish i could settle and not worry about being alone anymore. i feel like trying to get someone is this huge ass burden i don't feel like carrying for no reason over and over again for the rest of my life. fuck commitment problems, i just need security. and i'm sure as hell not gunna get it from this girl... even though she's quite amazing.

It's either we're together forever, or we're really good friends with non-exclusive benefits.. no half ass relationships anymore because... it's seriously a waste of time and energy.

Someone, really, tell me what is the point of going into a relationship knowing it's going to end? Why do people do that? Why would someone waste so much time with me when i'm not what they want? Make up your damn mind, and if you whisper in my year that you're going to be with me forever, then you better fucking be with me forever. And if you tell me you're afriad to lose me, and you throw me out of your life, don't wonder why i call u a liar. If you beg me to come back, tell me you've changed, and throw me into months of confusion and quilt just to lie to me all over again don't expect me to be persuaded. yes i hold grudges, because somehow it seems like i can never have enough protection.

ok, i guess the reason i won't go after her is because i'm bitter and still heartbroken...

o well.

homework. ah.

missed the cherry blossoms cuz of work and shit.

i have a new camera tho, which is the happiest thing i've got.. oh and lesbian t-shirts i designed for the club. members dinner monday night. thankgod.. i need some fun.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12723828/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12723828/ Tue, 24 Apr 2007 21:29:20 PDT
i've been listening to cheesy music because it beings me back and a lot of the good music i like is hard for me to lsiten to because it also brigns me back.. but not to things i want to remember.

i can't wait to take pictures of everything i see.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12660781/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12660781/ Thu, 19 Apr 2007 21:03:43 PDT
There's a lot of death and sickness all around and it's... making me numb.

Everyday this girl in my italian class turns to sometime during class, looks me straight in the eye and says, "i don't feel like i exist today." or "I dont feel real" or somthing of the sort. Everyday without fail.

I keep wanting a friend, and i keep realizing that love dosnt exist and i need to stop trying.

I keep wondering what my life is going to continue to be like, and I realize how much of my life i waste trying to get somewhere where i can live my life. I'm not really good at anything, even thouhg i've tried to so hard to be the best at somthing, every single thing iv'e worked all this time for is gone now.

I need someone who won't leave.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12531628/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12531628/ Mon, 09 Apr 2007 21:03:40 PDT
I filled out the application instead of doing my political science reading.

I wish I had time to paint. So yeah. I just hate change. I hate risks like this one.

In lighter news: there's a good chance i'lla ctually go to dinsey world this year. I'm slmost 19 and i've never been and anyone who knows me, knows how im world's biggest kid and how much of a blast I will have. Mickey, and pooh, and cinderella.... and star wars .... ooo...

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12463845/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12463845/ Wed, 04 Apr 2007 23:03:39 PDT
So yeah guys, I don't know what to do with my life. I have some pretty hysterical ideas regarding clock shops or being a bum.. but nothing particularly fitting. It sucks because it just brings in the notion that I will always have to stuggle because i made a mistake i thought i was avoiding. Tis why i hate decisions so much. Tis why i was so scared then and im so scared now to change again. I feel stuck. I feel stuck like can move, but shouldnt kind of stuck. Like at a long red light in a rush with noone around kind of stuck. Like I can't chase children screaming peek-a-boo on 8 or even $10 an hour for the rest of my life, kind of stuck.

Ridiculous amounts of mac and cheese at some place my friends i found near union square last night on our way out of the hookah bar is still sitting in my stomach, or atleast in my head. But, boy, was it delicious. Amanda walked in because it was bright orange. Vanessa just likes mac and cheese. I'll eat anything. Ray and elvin? um.. they were with us.

I love karl. Because there's nothing that makes me happier than a friend that sticks with me through thick and thin. Yosef, I love you too.

i think i'll go write more poetry instead of doing my paper.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12435858/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12435858/ Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:13:37 PDT
Work was tough today. Screaming children, broken camera.. i dont get paid enough. And really, who the hell gets easter pictures taken?

I've learned a lot about disposable incomes at this job. Seriously.. people have nothing better to spend their money on so they go and buy and expensive outfit for their one year old and take a picture of them with an easter basket and some giant eggs? whattt.

Maybe i'll make my way to the whitney tomorrow. i want to see the installation there. I'm getting rele interested in installation and enviromental sculpture lately.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12423377/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12423377/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 21:47:29 PDT
I half filled out transfer applications but its scaring the shit out of me. I have no idea what i want to do about anything anymore.

Abosultely everything feels unsure, unstable and liable to change. I don't like that. I like plans, sure things, and certainty. I can't take chaos. I'm sick of risks and descisions. I'm sick of being scared of somthing or someone breaking my heart. I'm sick of people i cant have or cant have anymore. I'm sick of having to look what i want in the eye and say "sorry" and "goodbye" and "never again" when it hurts so bad. I'm sick of trying not to do art... and running away forme verything iv'e been telling myself i wanted for the last 10 years.

The thing i always wanted most, though, was friends who would never go.

I feel like i'm not capable of holding on to somthing. I feel like i should never give up on things i can control because there will alays be people wlaking in and out of my life in which i have no control over.

Some girl called me fat the other day. My god. She wasnt even joking. And then she didnt even apologize, she said "i was just being honest." thanks a lot.

It's spring break, but not rele. Ive got papers to write and entire books to read. Projects to create and ideas to come up with.. and so on and so forth. and im working a lot.

ROAR

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12340684/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12340684/ Mon, 26 Mar 2007 18:19:25 PDT
]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12215747/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12215747/ Sat, 17 Mar 2007 06:44:19 PDT
i need to read sooooo much.

fuckk.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12111170/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/12111170/ Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:15:32 PST
Went to see my friend do a drag performance today. It was interesting. I also saw the Vagina Monolouges yesterday. It was pretty good.. lol.. and funny. Some girl in the play has been hitting on me from facebook which is weird. But i've been spending a lot of time with this girl i met not too long ago and she's ... well, i like her a lot. lol. a lottt. AH. ... and she's actually,b eleive it or not, not completely unavailable like everyone else iv'e been even semi attracted to lately. lol. We'll see.

Roxy and i saw some arrests last week. it was awesome. Joy and i had a great conversation today. Seeing aubrie practically naked in her performance, and seeing her binding just screamed "i'm fucking proud and i don't care that most people will never understand what it's like to transition." I love my new friends. I love finally feeling like it's okay to be gay... really feeling it. One day i'll also figure out more about myself. But i'm working up the bravery to stop things with a certain someone, and realize it's really okay if i never get married to a man or have kids with a man. I cant be afriad that someone will perceive me a certain way, because if im being myself, then they will perceive me correctly, and they will give what i put out, and the cycle will just breed what makes me happy.

I signed up for classes this summer os i can catch up and offically be an art major

thats all i got.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11988762/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11988762/ Tue, 27 Feb 2007 14:36:04 PST
life is hard. im not so good at it. I want to just be loved and love but uh.... not so easy. Even if I just had a friend I could count on to always be there, care about me, and so forth ...that'd be fine..

movie night in the gay room tomorrow.

i have a mjassive amount of hw to accomplish somehow while my head feels as though it may explode.

I never feel comfortable nemore... i miss feeling like i could let myself go. And I only felt that way for about 3 months. Not even.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11915017/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11915017/ Wed, 21 Feb 2007 22:01:27 PST
Friday night is josh and casey's going away fund raising party at the school because they leave for equality ride next week. Then right after that is the switch and play drag party in brooklyn. I just wanna have fun lol. I'll be working my asss off the rest of the weekend and all the time up till then.

Valentine's day was honestly really good all things considering. I really can operate on a broken heart if I let myself. I had a great time just messing around. Yeah I hurt a lot somtimes but i'm growing up, partially against my will, but i'll get there.

Florence in the winter. I spoke to my professor and if i can come up with the money, which is suprisingly cheap, then i'll be taking italian 102 in florence, italy and being the little arthistory nerd that i am. Andiamo Italia perche' c'e' molte arte. yayyyy.

I may burn a lot of things on the beach as soon as the weather gets warmer and take a shit load of pictures. my digital camera has ocne again disappeared and i really fucking hope i find it.. but i guess i can use my film camera. i love that thing, i just wish i had a dark room to go with it. i miss the darkroom too much. there's nothing like smelly fixer and messy developer all over you. Everything at work is digital.. we use the canon d20.. it's beautiful.

anywho.. vanessa tried to make me baked ziti today at her dorm. i told her how to make it. it's not hard. at all. she fucked it up badly. it was gross. everyone else seemed to like it, but im assumign theyve never had baked ziti before. Next time, i'll make it.

I went to the american folk art museum today, and im about to write a paper on it before i go to bed. It was okay.. i only saw the martin ramirez exhibit because that's what i needed and i didnt have time for anything else... i didnt like it so much but there seemed to beinteresting stuff elsewhere in the musuem that i'll look at some other time. I like that he drew on paper bags with crayons, though... things like that amuse the shit out of me. It was also curated really well... there was commentary on his life and the meaning behind his peices all over.. ive never rele seen somthing quite like that before.

If the art thing dosnt work out, ill be a teacher. Those advertisements in the subway about becoming a teacher rele get me. However, me and my father came up with a genius marketing plan formy future art business pre coffee at 6:45 this morning. Ha. Daddy.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11790793/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11790793/ Mon, 12 Feb 2007 19:26:00 PST
Busy busy.. once again. Soo much school work but I must do wellll this semster, so I shall do so.

I've got a hell of a lot going on somehow in my personal life despite my efforts to ignore certain people. I can't stand church anymore. Some guy who came for the first time sunday got me confused for a guy, and i was wearing a low shirt and tight jeans. fucking moron. And the whole service was themed around the impotance of marriage and I swear I shouldv'e counted how many times they said "between a man and a woman.." It put me ina weird mood for the rest of yesterday, to say the very least. Things bewteen me and somebody just keep getting more and more awkward.. and I need to cut it off before it gets..... uncontrollable. Somtimes, tho... I just like feeling loved and I stop giving a shit if about what else I feel.

Valentine's day... ha. Well, i'm contemplating making cookies. Perhaps I will. I don't have anyone to give em too, well i guess i do... but i'd prolly just give them to the gay room party i'm going to on wendsday after class. lol. Maybe i'll bring twsiter.. joy was trying to conjure up a clean enough party game for new comers. lol.

I've been collaging for my art class for quite some hours now.. and my hands are gluey.

I'm completely afriad of falling in love...again.. I watched the devil wears prada last night with chris and his mother.. and i realized I would totally choose the job over the relationship. Chris' mom actually told me to never choose the relationship. lol.. she's awesome. And feeds me wayy too much. But yeah i really don't want to be alone... but i'd rather be alone than have to worry about suddenly becoming alone....

Truth is... I still want my fairy tale. I still want my corey and topanga perfectness. I want someone to hold me, someone to hold down, someone to kiss hardd, someone to call in the middle of the night, someone to hold me while i sleep somtimes, someone to tell my secrets to, someone who won't stab me in the back.... someone who makes life a little bit smoother. But yeah... read above. lol.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11639218/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11639218/ Wed, 31 Jan 2007 18:19:18 PST
I'm gunna major in art. I have to.

Soo... I got an email from my art history lady from last semester. She basically offered me this intership at the Guggenheim museum. Which is fuckinggg amazing. It's shit work and unpaid, but i'd meet everyone there and whatnot. It be awesome to know the curator of the Guggenheim. However, I just quit my internship at the National Academy which is RIGHT next door because im too busy. I am too busy and i'm not so sure I can handle it.... AH... it's awesome tho.

I need to think about it I guess.

I had to take 5 shapes and make 20 compositions out of em for my art class. It's kind of fun but after the 10th one my brain has been hurting. I'm gettin there.

*sigh* It's gunna be an interesting semester.

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11547573/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11547573/ Tue, 23 Jan 2007 22:14:08 PST
Museum..ing tomorrow again. Whitney. yayy. And some other stuff. With vanessa. Then ill prolly meet up with andre...

I can't seem to pick myself completely up, tho.. o well.

I need to stop gaining weight haha... ugh. lol. yeahh...

]]> ~imacloud728 http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11464861/ http://imacloud728.deviantart.com/journal/11464861/ Tue, 16 Jan 2007 19:19:51 PST
UGH. I hate how it feels in my head. I feel like I may explode from caring so much and not beign able to act on it. A long time ago karl told me i have so much lvoe in my heart i dont know what to do with it. And yesterday we spoke about love again and he said that im one of the few people who seem to actually know what lvoe is. "Love is work" he says.. it dosnt feel good and it isnt comfortable... And it really feels that way. School starts soon and I just feel like I dont know what else could possibly happen to me.

I saw kenny sat. This whole getting over the past is very hard. Trying to stay strong... trying not to let things get to me. Nothing. My mom has gotten weird again lately... i feel like i need to just scream "IM A LESBIAN, IN CASE YOU FORGOT!!!!" it's just getting stupid.. she knows and she jsut cant get over it. I wish... i wish.. i dotn know what i wish.

The one girl who likes me im not rele interested in ... and thats the way life flowss...

I had an okay day doing arts and crafts, watchign weird television, and hanging out with jessie.

]]> ~imacloud728